Javid 32!
32 - “I think I’m in love with you and I’m terrified.”
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ok this was a little longer than i anticipated!! and also @thefactsofthematter sent this exact prompt in as well lol, so: here ya go!
this will definitely be posted to ao3 also
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As soon as he opens the front door to his apartment, Jack is hit by the distant smell of weed.
Nothing out of the ordinary. About twice a week, Jack will come home to the smell. It doesn’t bother him— he’ll, he used to live with Race and Albert, and they smoked like they needed it to breathe— but the apartment looks empty right now. Usually he’ll come home to David smoking in the living room, but the living room looks untouched.
He pauses after locking the door. Looking around, he doesn’t see anything weird; the living room is clean, there aren’t any dishes in the kitchen sink, the lights are all off except for the lamp in the corner, but Jack sees evidence of David on the dining room table. A iPad, left open, and a textbook next to it. An apple pencil lying next to it.
He moves closer to the table, dropping his jacket off on one of the chairs, and just as he does so, he hears a soft cough from outside the window. Looking up, he doesn’t see anyone, but he notices the smoke fliltering past.
“David?” Jack calls out, walking to the open window.
Just as he reaches it, David’s voice says, “Out here.”
Jack nods to himself, pulling himself through the window. He looks to his left, and David is there, on the fire escape with a joint between his fingers. He’s wearing a black tank top and gray sweatpants, so he probably went to the gym earlier, and if Jack concentrated hard enough on ignoring the smell of the joint, he’d be able to pick up on David’s shampoo from his still-damp hair.
“Hey, man,” Jack murmurs, nudging David’s knee with his foot as he leans against the window frame. “Rough day?”
David shrugs, not looking Jack in the eye. “Yeah, you could say that,” He says after a moment, holding his hand out. “You want a hit?”
Jack considers, but after a moment, he shakes his head. “Not tonight,” He responds. He climbs down off of the window, sitting crosslegged in front of David. “You okay? You look like hell.”
Despite his freshly showered (and extremely attractive, but Jack would never say that out loud) appearance, David has dark circles under his eyes, and he looks exhausted. It’s been a busy week for him, Jack knows. He’s barely seen David since last Thursday, and it’s nearly the weekend again.
“I feel like it,” David says with a nod of his head. “But I’ll be fine. No worries.”
He meets Jack’s gaze then, and Jack feels it again- that familiar tug in his chest, the rush of heat rising on his cheeks, and with David looking like this, Jack doesn’t know what to do. It’s a bad idea, he tells himself. David is just his roommate. Some random gorgeous genius he found on Craigslist when his last roommate left without telling him. Being attracted to David Jacobs is bad news.
But he wishes it wasn’t.
“You can talk to me, ya know,” Jack says with a soft frown. “You’ve been actin’ weird lately. You sure there’s nothing’ goin’ on?”
David takes another hit, leaning his head back against the brownstone behind him, and Jack watches his shoulders drop as he exhales the smoke. “You’re not gonna drop it, are you?”
“Nah,” Jack answers immediately. “You know me better than that, Jacobs.”
A hint of a smile on David’s face, but it vanishes as soon as David opens his eyes again. “You really wanna know?”
“Yeah.”
“I think I’m in love with you,” he stares with a shrug, as easily as breathing, “and I’m terrified.”
And all of the thoughts running around in Jack’s mind suddenly come to a stuttering stop.
His chest tightens, and for a moment, all he can do is stare at the wall just above David’s head. He thinks back to the past few weeks— David grabbing his waist while they were cooking last Friday and how he couldn’t look Jack in the eye after that, David being in a sour mood whenever Jack would come home from a date and-slash-or walk of shame, David staring at Jack constantly and denying it all— and it makes sense.
It makes sense.
“Oh,” Jack says finally, mouth opening and closing a few times like he’s trying to form the words. “You— Okay, wait, you—“
“Don’t do that,” David says with a roll of his eyes, shifting, bringing his knees to his chest. “Don’t act like you’re surprised, Jack.”
Jack furrows his brows. “The hell do you mean, don’t act surprised? I am surprised, Davey, you don’t just— you don’t just drop that on a fella.”
“You wanted to know, so I told you,” he mutters. “Look, just— just forget about it.”
“What? No,” Jack starts. “I can’t just— forget about it, David, I— I… I have feelings for you too, I’m not going to just ignore this,” he says with a nervous laugh, but David doesn’t seem to be amused.
David doesn’t seem to be happy about it, either.
His hands, usually so steady and calm, are shaking like a leaf. He won’t even look at Jack, instead studying the street below them, snuffing out what remains of the joint still in his fingers. His face is red.
Jack takes in a deep breath, and slowly crawls closer, placing a hand on David’s knee. “Hey, look at me,” he murmurs, waiting until David slowly turns, facing him. He doesn’t make direct eye contact, but Jack doesn’t force it. “You… You said you’re terrified? Of loving me? Why is it… terrifying?”
“Because,” David says immediately, jerking his shoulders. “Because you’re- you’re you, Jack. You’re terrifying enough as is, but you’re my roommate, and you— I don’t know, you know what you’re doing and I have no fucking idea how to navigate this, okay?”
“Woah, Davey, what?” Jack asks, tilting his head. “I don’t— okay, you need to just tell me what’s goin’ on, so I can understand. Okay? What do you mean?”
David takes in a frantic breath. Jack almost feels bad— according to David, he smokes to lower his anxiety, but right now Jack can see him working himself up. “I don’t know, Jack, I— I’ve never even had a crush on anyone. I wasn’t… I don’t know how— how this works, okay? I’ve never had a boyfriend, I’ve never been interested in romance, I… I thought it just wasn’t really for me, and then you… just kind of happened. And I don’t know how to feel about it,” David says finally, covering his eyes with the palms of his hands. “Fuck. Fuck, okay, just… I shouldn’t have told you.”
“But I’m glad you did,” Jack says instantly, and gently- gently- pulls David’s hands away from his eyes. For a moment, David refuses to open them, refuses to look at Jack, but then Jack carefully cups his cheek and runs the pad of his thumb over David’s cheekbone, and after a few deep breaths, David slowly looks up into Jack’s eyes. “Davey,” Jack murmurs, “it’s okay not to know. But if you… If you have feelings for me, and I have feelings for you, then this isn’t somethin’ we can just… pretend didn’t happen.”
“I know,” David says softly, sounding defeated. “Fuck. I know. It’s just…”
“…Scary?”
“Scary. Yeah.”
They sit in heavy silence for a few moments. Silence that feels suffocating, staring into each others eyes. Silence that feels like home in the best and worst ways.
Finally, David speaks. “You really feel the same?”
“Why wouldn’t I?” Jack asks, then gently runs a hand through David’s hair. David pulls Jack forward until he’s tracking his lap, and as Jack relaxes into the touch, he smiles. “You’re everything, Dave.”
And there it is: that reluctant Davey smile, the one where he doesn’t show teeth but his eyes scrunch up and he tilts his head to the side. “What does this mean for us?”
Jack shrugs. “What do you want it to mean?” He asks, looking down into David’s eyes. “You’re the one callin’ the shots here, Dave.”
David takes this in for a moment. He nods, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself down. Jack feels his hands spasm where they’re seated on his waist, and watches as David gnaws on his bottom lip for a moment.
“I think…” He gulps, and meets Jack’s eyes. “I think it means that I want you to kiss me. Right now.”
“You sure?”
“Please.”
Jack leans forward, rubbing David’s cheek. He can feel how fast David’s heart is beating, watching as his eyes flutter shut and his lips part ever so slightly.
And Jack kisses him, and David kisses back, desperate, floaty, following Jack’s lead, and nerves be damned, it feels right.
It feels right.
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