#like I could just say ‘yeah I think this evil horrible person is autistic’

[fagbearentertainment]

People will call headcanoning a villain as autistic “woobifying them” and if you do this I have to ask

Why do you think headcanoning an evil character as autistic is woobifying them? Quickly

#like it don’t even have to be about people actually using autism to woobify a character #bc people do I’m not denying that but #like I could just say ‘yeah I think this evil horrible person is autistic’ #and it’s all ‘STOP MAKING THEM CUTESIE THEYRE EVIL AND KILL PEOPLE!!!1!1!1!!’ #and it’s like #that’s a whole new sentence I did not do that

[kitkatopinions]

I’m probably over thinking/over complicating things but Ironwood and Penny have been really bothering me. It because prior to the moment that destroyed Penny’s arc the show and Ruby were really pushing that Penny not matter her body was human and that’s a very positive I like that especially when it comes to characters of Penny’s nature.

So my problem kicks in when I think of Ironwood. Namely this part in his song:

“What if it's true as they say

That I don't have a heart

That I'm more a machine than a man?”

Like wtf. I mean I “get it” especially with that dumbass line of Winter. But when it’s talked about Ironwood it was always in reference to the fact that his body is half robotic and there for we are meant to see the correlation between his body and his character.?

Put next to Penny’s message that really bothers me. Even more so since Penny gets a “reward” of becoming human, but the writers push that Ironwood sacrificing his arm to stop Watts and replacing it (a medical decision that could be debated given that he wanted to be up and able immediately to handle things not to mention that fact that nerves and muscle are severely fucked up) with a new (uncharacteristically uncovered) prosthetic means that he’s moving away from humanity. This thought has been driving nuts for a week.

I don’t think you’re overthinking at all. The writers have been pretty blatant about what they think of disabled people.

On the topic of James, 1. They wrote their triple amputee character to be coded as losing his humanity. This is suspect from the get go, but writers imo need to be especially careful and sensitive when they display things like villains with prosthetics. CRWBY is not careful and sensitive. 2. They specifically connected the loss of his limb to the loss of his humanity outside of the show, and as you said, his new prosthetic is uncharacteristically uncovered as well, and there were some pointed shots showcasing his arm and emphasizing it before showing Ironwood doing something wrong as well as a shot that particularly bothered me of them having James fall to Winter when his aura broke and then them immediately flashing to a fallen, broken robotic soldier. Tying the loss of someone’s humanity to them losing a limb / gaining a prosthetic in any way is wrong imo. There are better ways to display someone’s loss of humanity than villainizing the loss of his arm, and I don’t care what justifications people have for ‘they just meant to say that he was too impatient to-’ Idc. Tying the loss of humanity to the gaining of a prosthetic is wrong. 3. They never once treated Ironwood’s clear PTSD, history of mental health problems, and trauma with any sympathy, instead spending their time ragging on him for not wanting to feel his pain anymore and condemning him for... Trying to control his emotions. 4. CRWBY also gave him a semblance and explained how it worked by saying he hyper focused, talking about how James’ passive semblance that he can’t control forces him to focus on one single goal and fixate. I’m not disabled, but I do hyper fixate. It’s not something I can control, and to see it used as a justification for evil (in one of my favorite characters in the series who reminded me of my father lol) and being treated as something bad... It doesn’t feel good. I can’t imagine how other people must feel who are much more affected by this than I am. 5. As you say, the writers go out of their way to reference his metal body as being more ‘machine than man’ and make lines about him being heartless. And yeah, I get that he’s an allegory for the ‘Tin Man’ from Wizard of Oz but ffs the Tin Man had always had a heart and I honestly thought that was what they were going for in V3 with Qrow commenting that sometimes he thought James didn’t have a heart and the audience seeing Ironwood’s actions as questionable, only for the entire show to tell us repeatedly that he actually is a caring and good person who’s willing to destroy all the forces he was proud to show off if it means saving lives and was actually pretty freaking blameless in the Fall of Beacon and was super kind to the kids and when the chips were down, Qrow and Glynda both absolutely knew without even questioning that James would never ever willingly hurt the world or fully betray them and had absolutely no hand in the Beacon attack. Like, I’m sorry, but between Penny and Ironwood, season eight is the season of taking well done character allusions and throwing them out the window for the exact opposite moral done incredibly poorly. And anyway, getting off of that rant, making a ‘more machine than man’ sentiment tied around a triple amputee character is incredibly harmful and hurtful to people with disabilities and only propagates the real world stereotypes against people like James.

So, yes, their treatment of Ironwood, his mental health, and specifically his disabilities was so badly done, harmful, incredibly insensitive, and frankly, appalling that it came from grown adult writers in 2019-2021! But, as you point out, it’s not just Ironwood. And here’s where things really get bad for CRWBY. Because Ironwood alone is enough for me to say they were ableist - unintentionally or otherwise - and ought to apologize for the hurt they’ve caused their fans. But when you get into the rest of their treatment of characters with metal prosthetics or non-flesh elements to their body, it becomes a pattern.

Penny’s entire body is removed from her on threat of death, with the justification that it’s hurting her and that her body is just a machine and not part of who she is, contradicting Penny’s earlier themes of self-acceptance and validating her humanity in the body she already had. She then dies by assisted suicide in a way that feels unneeded, after having asked to be killed earlier in the narrative. So many people have talked about how destructive her story became in V8 and how it personally hurt them, especially non-binary people, trans people, autistic people, or disabled people who saw themselves in Penny or saw in her arc something that they could relate to, only to have Penny’s differences stripped away from her, having her conform to normal body standards and have her previous body type invalidated by her friends, and then they had her killed via assisted suicide in an unbelievable way, insisting as well that she never made a choice before she was a flesh-person and couldn’t feel things right. It’s all horribly done, but it’s important to remember that while Ironwood is accused of losing his humanity as he loses a third limb and gets a third prosthetic, Penny’s earlier validation is taken away and is instead only granted and she is only justified as a person when she loses all her ‘nuts and bolts’ and becomes a flesh person. And then she’s killed anyway.

Yang’s prosthetic is the least ill handled, but it is still dismissed as ‘just extra’ despite her former fairly strong arc of coming to terms with her disability and making it a part of her. She casually justifies what’s happening with Penny despite Penny not being in a position of adequate consent. Yang’s trauma and PTSD also vanished when Adam died at the end of season six and in my opinion, that situation was handled very badly.

Maria and Pietro, two other disabled characters, disappeared, left when Amity fell and were not even mentioned iirc since. Not even when Penny is awake, not even when they’re evacuating, not even when Penny is choosing to die. She never brings up her father. And Ruby’s supposed ‘mentor’ who never had an actual narrative role that couldn’t have been filled by Qrow and has had nothing to do since season six even past that is also forgotten out in the tundra and not mentioned again.

The writers go out of their way to have Winter say that because she was just following orders (a statement that contradicts her previous character imo) and pushing down her emotions, she was the real machine, whereas Penny had been human underneath her apparently easily tossed aside and destructive previous metal body.  And I don’t know if this means anything, but in that scene where she and Penny meet when Penny is dying and transferring the maiden powers to Winter, Winter is in her V7 character design, instead of wearing her assistive brace. Like I said, I don’t know if I’m reading into that, but with everything else, it feels like an iffy choice.

So yeah. In the past season CRWBY specifically cultivated a pattern of disrespect, dismissal, and villainization of any non-flesh attributes in my opinion. It seems pretty intentional and clear to me, but I’m willing to accept that maybe this was just a wildly bad uneducated mistake. Here’s the thing about that, though, after the Faunus/Racism allegory, the CRWBY writers should’ve learned their lesson and not touched on any real world topics that they weren’t willing to do the research on and treat with the sensitivity and care and respect the topics needed. Their Faunus/Racism allegory was harmful and hurtful and frankly could’ve sunk them in the water, they should’ve learned to put much more care and effort into their work or stayed the hell away from anything that could further spread the negative stereotypes surrounding real world people. But they didn’t learn their lesson and they’ve continued to push harmful narratives with no awareness or sensitivity. I don’t think you’re over-reacting at all, I think this is something that - intentionally written or otherwise - the writers should be called out on, or they’re just going to continue writing harmful narratives.

Also, I am not disabled, many of my opinions on the treatment of these characters comes from posts I’ve seen from many disabled or neurodivergent RWBY fans (or former RWBY fans,) or other people more affected by these narratives - minus the thing I said about Winter appearing without her brace when she talks to Penny, as it was something I just noticed while typing out this post. Since I’m not disabled, I’m not the best person to talk about these things, so if I got anything wrong in this, anyone more affected, please know you can let me know and I can edit and fix.

#rwde #rwby bashing #anti rwby #anti crwby #anti MKEK #rwby hate #if anyone comes in the comments invalidating or justifying I'll block #pro james ironwood #pro Ironwood #ironwood defense

[andersunmenschlich]

"Was I Abused" game

Copied and pasted from this post by @furiousgoldfish (to save space since you can't reformat anything in posts you reblog).

Is it accurate? Who knows! My memories of childhood are incomplete! Besides, a lot of these things seem frankly normal to me and not abusive at all... which, if they are abusive, is probably an especially bad sign. Hm. Anyway, on to the game!

Reblog and bold the things your parents have done to you! Italicize if you're not sure. (copy paste it all and then bold)

Physical abuse

parent slapped me to prove their point / teach me a lesson (I don't remember. It would have been loss of temper anyhow, not point-proving or lesson-teaching.)

parent spanked me as a “punishment” saying it was for my own good (Hey, I was raised full-on Michael Pearl TTUAC-style. This is foundational.)

parent pulled on my hair to force me to move

parent threw things at me while angry, things heavy enough to hurt me (Kind of? She and my sister were on my bed, top bunk. I was cowering on the floor. But I dunno if she was angry.)

parent trapped me in a room/corner so I couldn’t escape them (I don't remember. But I do know, in my very bones, that there was no escape from them. You couldn't run. You couldn't hide. And trying would only make things worse.)

parent hit me when I wouldn’t obey them / tried to confront them (To Train Up A Child, people.)

parent used a twig / stick / belt to lash at my body (Again—this is the Pearl technique. My parents broke a lot of wooden paint mixing sticks on me before discovering this whippy plastic rod about the thickness of a pencil! You could sharpen the end in a pencil sharpener, too. They had a ton of those, it seemed like. And a short one for trips outside the house; it fit in Mom's purse.)

parent grabbed me to force me to pay attention to them

parent pinned me down and physically prevented me from escaping (...Yeah. Again, this is the Pearl technique.)

parent brought me into situations where I feared for my life (I—look, it's not like the fears were rational or anything. It's just that the world is terrifying when you're autistic and so much hurts. And have been taught your whole life that "the world" is a terrible, dangerous place that can kill you both physically and spiritually. Yeah.)

parent made it painfully obvious for me that I’ll obey them or suffer injuries (I mean. TTUAC.)

parent threatened to beat me if I wouldn’t do as they say (This was the most basic part of my childhood. Like air. Under what circumstances would this not be the case? Unimaginable.)

parent forcefully fed me something I refused to eat (Does not letting you eat between meals, and putting the same food in front of you at each meal—over and over again until you either eat it or it grows mold—count?)

parent made an attempt at strangling / drowning / burning me

parent banged my head / body into the wall / furniture (To be fair, I hit him first. And it's not like I broke the table when his punch sent me across the room: I didn't hit it that hard. Just busted open the back of my head a bit.)

parent forced me into sexual activities

Emotional abuse

parent called me derogatory names and slurs more than once (Frankly, I'm still reasonably convinced that I am a monster. And evil. And I am definitely a fool, at least biblically speaking. "The fool says in his heart, 'There is no god,'" indeed.)

parent said my name mostly with hatred and scorn in their voice (To be fair, it was my name.)

parent degraded and humiliated me in front of others for fun

parent insulted and devalued something really important to me (I mean, in retrospect, it was dumb. Just a worthless paper model of a house, that's all. It wasn't even that great. I was a little kid, after all. So what if I'd spent all day on it? It was still garbage, really.)

parent deprived me of something that meant the world to me (I don't remember. I genuinely don't remember, but I still have trouble admitting that I care about anything because part of me is terrified that if anyone knows I like a thing they'll have a way to hurt me, and that fear has to have come from somewhere, right?)

parent yelled and swore at me in anger more than once

parent blamed me for things that were out of my control/not my fault (And they do feel bad about this now.)

parent shamed me for my physical appearance

parent guilt-tripped me for not pleasing them well enough (I mean, they tried. But good luck; I have no idea what guilt feels like. I bought a book about it because I was curious.)

parent regarded me as a burden, and shamed me for needing them at all (Hmm. I don't really do shame either. I was a burden, though.)

parent insisted I couldn’t take a joke after I was hurt by their insults

parent never comforted me / got angry if I reached for comfort (Again, to be fair: I'm autistic. I'm pretty sure they were just having trouble with my body language and facial expressions. Why else would they punish me for bad attitude when all I wanted was to be cooed at and fluttered over with the same concern they showed my siblings when they cried about their wounded knees?)

parent punished me for crying / showing fear / showing trauma symptoms

parent humiliated me for showing excitement and happiness

parent subtly let me know that my feelings and my problems don’t matter (They, uh. They don't. My feelings and problems are mine. Why should anyone else care? It's genuinely not their problem.)

parent got angry at me for feeling depressed / angry / tired / suicidal

parent blamed me for feeling depressed / angry / tired / suicidal (Who else's fault would it be? They're my feelings, produced by my body and brain, experienced only by me, in my own head. Dang if I see how anybody else could be to blame.)

parent compared me to cousins / other children to prove how I’m the worst (Dang you, Perfect Second Child. ... Although... in retrospect... that set-up wasn't great for you either, was it. Hm.)

parent decided for me how I feel when it was convenient for them

parent told me that I was crazy / delusional / need to be locked away (I don't remember. It sounds familiar. But I don't. I don't remember.)

parent threatened me with kicking me out / sending me away if I don’t change (Kind of? Does it count if you overhear your parents talking about it in their locked bedroom? Not their fault I was listening at the door, surely. They were genuinely considering it. I can't blame them. I was a terrible child.)

parent refused to accept my sexuality gender / tried to force it to change

parent required me to act normal to protect family’s reputation

parent isolated me from family activities they all enjoy (Nooo, haha, I did that all on my own.)

parent assured me that nobody will ever want me (I mean... "only a mother could love" is a saying for a reason. And if even my own mother couldn't love me, well! I don't remember whether anyone told me this outright. It just seemed... obvious.)

parent insisted that I was lucky and that I could have had it much worse (I could have!)

parent made me responsible for their well-being and made me the caretaker

parent insisted that their harmful acts were all done “out of love” (The subject of love was confusing. "I don't love you," "I hate you," "I have to love you because you're my child, so I love you—but I don't have to like you, and I don't, I don't like you at all" ...it was all very confusing.)

parent demanded I be available for their requests at any time (Well, yes, obviously. To Train Up A Child was very clear about this.)

parent punished me for trying to establish boundaries (Boundaries, boundaries. Hmm. Interesting concept....)

parent destroyed my belongings as a form of revenge (Revenge? I don't know. Consequences, I think it was. For keeping all my favorite toys on my bed, and nesting in them. So obviously they had to be thrown onto the floor. And at my head. Ahaha.)

parent made inappropriate sex jokes and comments in my presence

parent denied doing any of this and insists that all the blame is on me (I'm not sure they aren't right, honestly. As previously noted, I am a horrible person, and I was even more horrible as a child.)

Psychological Abuse

parent kept pointing out my flaws as proofs that I won't achieve anything (Mmm... was it them, or was it me doing this? Seems like they were always telling me how intelligent I was, how talented, how much promise I had. The voices asking why wasn't I doing anything, why couldn't I use the gifts God had given me correctly, why was I wasting it all, I'm the stupidest smart person ever, garbage, can't do anything right, etc., seem to have always come from my own mind.)

parent called me stupid, incompetent, ignorant, while withholding information that I needed to know in order to complete tasks

parent would change their side of the agreement at a crucial moment and then pretend it was obvious from the start

parent stalked me / distrusted me without any reason / invaded my privacy (I'm really not sure. What privacy? A four-bedroom house with twelve people in it has very little room for privacy. And if you have nothing to hide....)

parent attacked my insecurities and vulnerabilities in any argument (Dad's always been very good at this. It's his emotional intelligence, I think. Never been much of a cryer, but he can do it to me every time!)

parent forced me into degrading actions while they watched

parent threatened to leave me

parent regularly accused me of behaving the way they did

parent never acknowledged, praised or approved of my actions

parent always demanded they be acknowledged as right without any proof / explanation (Sort of? They had explanations. It's just that those explanations were often terrible. Not that my parents were aware of that.)

parent insisted that they’re a great parent using financial support as proof

parent insisted that I should be grateful for how good they are to me (Keeping me safe from the world! The evil, dirty, disgusting world, full of immoral monsters! Oh, the horrible things that could happen to me without their protection! ...Which is not entirely untrue, I guess. But... I dunno....)

parent gaslit me and tried to make me believe my memories weren’t real if I confronted them with what they did

Neglect

parent didn’t notice I haven’t been eating properly (Frankly, I preferred that. I never much cared for being forced to eat things that made me feel sick.)

parent didn’t notice I was sick / didn’t care for me while I was sick

parent didn’t notice I was injured (Eh. After the first few years of my life, that suited me just fine.)

parent didn’t notice I didn’t have clothes / shoes I needed for school (I didn't go to school.)

parent didn’t notice I suffered from trauma (Look, it's—it's the autism again, okay? Living in a world that hurts you horribly at unpredictable moments is traumatic. I didn't know it was trauma. I just thought it was life. So how could they have known?)

parent didn’t notice I was anxious and stressed (Oh, they noticed that.)

parent didn’t notice I was depressed (Once again—I didn't realize. So how could they? I'm really not sure this counts.)

parent didn’t notice I was cutting myself (Whipping myself, actually. With tree branches. Until the skin broke. Hmm, that was when I was in my early teens, though—as a kid I used to turn a little wooden rocking chair upside down and throw myself into the sharp ends of the rockers. To be fair, they might have noticed. Just... who really cares? I was a rough and tumble kid. Scrapes and bruises and cuts and what-have-you were to be expected. Anyway, there was no cutting; I never cut myself.)

parent didn’t notice I was suicidal (I wasn't. I'm not. I won't be. Mind over matter. Ha.)

parent didn’t notice I was being sexually abused

parent didn’t notice I was being bullied

parent failed to get me medical attention when it was needed

parent failed to teach me the very basics of self care

parent didn’t seem to notice any of my needs and feelings except the absolute minimum I required to survive (Uh. Anything more than the absolute minimum you require to survive isn't a need. You need to survive. Do you really need anything else? I mean, it's nice, a definite plus, but....)

when I notified them of these things, they denied it, accused me of lying, decided it wasn’t happening and/or blamed me for it

Financial Abuse

parent made me feel ashamed for needing money

parent made me feel like I was a financial burden to them (But I was. Come on, now. There's no way honesty counts as abuse. ...Is there?)

parent only gave me minimal money to survive (I don't—there were kids out there getting money from their parents? I mean, they're giving you clothes, food, and shelter already. What for would you need money? I must be missing something.)

parent made sure I never have a decent amount of money on me (Again—I never had that much money. Quarters from the Tooth Fairy: that was it. Money from birthday cards or whatever went in the college fund under their bed. "For your future." And I raided that stash later to buy books anyhow.)

parent took the money I earned from me

parent used the money to blackmail me (if you continue this way let’s see who will pay for your bus ticket!)

parent insisted since they “pay for my stuff” they have the right to control my behaviour and actions (and attitudes. Is this, um. Is this not true?)

parent had enough money for luxury but kept me without anything

parent refused to get my medicine / get me medical attention because it’s too expensive while they got everything for themselves (Nah, they didn't visit the doctor either.)

parent would keep me anxious over if they would pay my expenses or not

parent would make me do as much work for them as possible before they would pay for a necessity

parent kept me in the dark over family finances even when I was of age (Was that them, though? Or was that me? It's difficult to know what's going on with your money when you can't go outside during the day—so no bank visits—and you don't have the password to your bank account because you never asked for it, so you can't do anything online. Which was just as well, because my laptop was... not great. Almost certainly terribly insecure.)

parent would make sure I never have enough money to escape them

If you bold more than 5 things, you have been through abuse. For some particular ones, even one true thing on this list means you’ve been badly harmed by your parents. Also this list is not complete, there are many more abusive behaviours not listed here, feel free to add!

#furiousgoldfish #'Was I Abused' game #child abuse #? #memories #Isaiah muses

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #449-450

(both from yesterday)

What do you dislike about the house you live in? It's in the suburbs. Have you thought more about your funeral, or your wedding? My hypothetical wedding. Dinosaurs or unicorns? DINO BOIZ. What do you think of Maroon 5? I like some of their old stuff, and one or two of their newer songs, like "Payphone." What about Coldplay? I enjoy them. Fall Out Boy? Love 'em. Katy Perry? She's okay, I guess. There are a few songs I enjoy. Have you ever snuck into an R-rated movie when you weren’t old enough to see it without parents? No. What is your favorite Disney show? I don't have the slightest clue what's on Disney nowadays. What do you miss most about elementary school? Digging tunnels in the sandbox during recess with my friends. :'( When was the last time you saw the person you had your first kiss with? The start of February 2017. Hard to believe it's been four whole years... Is there anything hanging from the doorknob in your room? Ha, yes. Mom got me a little sign that says, "If I can't wear my flipflops, I'm not going," lmfao. All I wear are flipflops. What's your opinion on wearing pajamas in public? Do you yourself do that? I LITERALLY couldn't care less. I wear pjs in public sometimes; it really depends on where I'm going. What was the most severe punishment your parents gave you when you were growing up? Taking away technology was the worst. Do you usually fill up at the same gas station? Mom goes to a few different ones, depending on proximity and price. Have you ever owned any pet birds? What kinds/colours? I have not. I used to want a cockatiel for a long time, though. Do you pay much attention to your YouTube recommendations? If so, what was the last video that caught your attention? Kinda, I guess. I'm not sure what was the last recommended video I clicked. What has been the happiest time of your life so far? It's complicated. Most of my best memories are from high school with Jason, yet at the same time I was HORRIBLY depressed. I think my most pure happiness when I was really progressing with recovery. Moving on from him, losing tons of weight, feeling motivated... Have you ever had a crush on a celebrity? Who? My two biggest celebrity crushes ever have been/is Link Neal and Mark Fischbach. Do you have any fears you would rarely admit to anyone? Nah. Admitting fears isn't a big deal to me at all. What website do you spend most of your time on? YouTube. What did you have for dinner last night? A chicken sandwich. What could you talk about for hours? Meerkats, Silent Hill, Mark... Do you have a lamp beside your bed? Yes. What's your favorite ice cream topping? Chocolate syrup. What was the last TV show you binge watched? Avatar: The Last Airbender. Would you rather eat burgers or tacos? Oh, burgers for sure. I don't likes tacos. Did your mother change her maiden name when/if she got marred? Yes. Do you use TikTok? Nope. Are you closer to your mother or father? Mom. Do you own any costumes? No. Would you care if your SO went to a strip club? Hm. So long as they're not laying hands on any of the strippers and they ASKED me first, I don't think I'd care? I'm pretty sure I'd also only be okay with that if we were a long-term couple where very strong trust has been built. How helpful are your parents to you? Would they help you to pay for your first apartment? College? Where does the line end? They are so, so very helpful and I'm pretty sure would go to the ends of the earth to help me in any way they could. I know they WOULD help pay for the things you mentioned, but it's not something I want them to do. I want to be able to financially provide for myself, one day... Have you ever had to evacuate due to natural disaster? No. What video games did you have when you were growing up? LOADS. I looooooooved video games. What was the first election you ever voted in? This last one, actually. Can you hear anything right now? Yeah. I'm watching Gab play the Resident Evil 3 remake on hardcore mode. What's the coolest, most unusual pet you can think of? I've always thought sugar gliders were quite interesting as pets. I wanted one for a looong time, but I am not informed on how well they do in captivity and if it should even be legal for me to truly want one anymore. Have you ever seen a UFO or other weird object in the sky? By definition, it was a UFO. Sometimes I do even wonder if it was an alien spacecraft, given JUST how strange that shit was. I won't explain it again, just 'cuz I've done it in many surveys before. Are there any albums you know every single lyric to? I could probably nail Ozzy's Black Rain. What's your go-to painkiller? Advil. Does your mom have a celebrity look-alike? No, but there's a celebrity with her exact name. Do you think it’s pretty when 100s of balloons are let loose into the sky? NO NO NO NO NO that shit is SO upsetting. Where do you think they end up??? It's littering. Animals get choked and tangled by them all the time. What do you draw more than anything else? Definitely meerkats. Have you ever visited someone in a psychiatric home or ward? No, but people have visited me in one. Have you ever received a parking fine? No. Are you in any group chats? Who's in them? No. Do you have a lisp? No. Do you have an Instagram account? Do you use it often? I have three, but one's pretty much dead. I don't post stuff regularly on my other two either, really... Can you parallel park? I would absolutely hit another car. Have you ever played paintball? Did you get hit? No, that shit's dumb. You can get really hurt. What was your favorite fairy tale when you were a kid? Maybe Little Red Riding Hood? Are your parents still together? If not, do you know why? No. Mostly financial disagreements, but I know there's stuff I don't know. Have you ever been evicted? Why? Yes, because we couldn't keep up with rent. Have you ever worked as a manager or supervisor? Noooo. What was the last thing you voted for? So Snake Discovery (a reptile channel I love) hosted an enclosure build-off recently, and the winners were selected by fans via voting. The guy I voted for got 3rd. What's the most amazing animal you've ever seen in captivity? I've been very close to an elephant at a zoo once. They're magnificent. Having been to Sea World as a kid (I would NEVER go now), I also saw the killer whale show. As much of a spectacle as it was, it was animal abuse regardless. Do you like white chocolate? It's okay in small doses. Have you ever eaten snow? Yeah. Do you talk to your pets? Um, duh. Have you ever adopted a stray? (Cat or dog?) Cats, yes. Do you read about any mythology? (Greek, Roman, Norse, Egyptian, etc) No, not by my own will. I DO love mythology, I just... don't read it. Do you ever use bath bombs? No. Have you ever gotten angry at an employee and complained to the manager? No. Have you ever sent your food back at a restaurant? Yes, because they got my meal wrong. I was REALLY shy to do it, but I made sure to do it politely and apologetically. Do you sleep in a bra? What mad lad sleeps in a bra???????????? Has your ex ever gone out with someone close to you? No. Can you suggest someone funny on YouTube? I'll go for someone what isn't my obvious vote, ha ha. There are truly so many, but Garrett Watts is high on the list. Elena Bateman, too. Can you do a handstand? No. Has anyone close to you ever been suicidal? Yes. Have you ever broken someone's heart and didn't care? Tyler sure acted like I did, and to be entirely frank, I didn't care very much, but only because it was a HUGE overreaction and I knew he'd be fine quick. What color is your hairbrush? It's just a white comb. Who was your most recent call from? My psychiatrist. Have you ever watched someone die? Only animals... It's the absolute worst. Are you currently "seeing" someone? No. Are you friends with someone who's autistic? I might be, but I know my niece is on the spectrum. Do you like humans? To be entirely transparent... I think I wish humans were never a thing. We've done so, so much harm to the planet, some things irrevocable. Earth would be a much healthier, far more peaceful place if we'd never existed. Do you like pandas? I love pandas. P.S., fuck outta here if you're one of the people who don't support conservation efforts for them. That shit blows my mind. What do you think of Evanescence? They're great. Amy's voice is absolutely incredible. I don't even think that's an opinion, but global fact, ha ha. What do you think of Avenged Sevenfold? I like some of their stuff. I haven't heard a whole lot though, honestly. What do you think of Halestorm? ^ Do you think you are attractive? God no. I don't see me as an attractive person at all. Do you like dinosaurs? I love 'em; I was OBSESSED as a kid, and my first aspired job was a paleontologist. Do you like lasagna? No. Do you share a room? No. When was the last time you climbed a tree? Never, actually. Have you ever been hospitalized for more than 2 weeks? I think my longest was three. What can you do that none of your friends can do? I dunno. Why did you last go to the airport? Mom and I were dropping Sara off so she could go home. Who was the last person to see you in your underwear? My mom. Who’s the most attractive female you’ve ever seen? Maybe Alissa White-Gluz from Arch Enemy? Or my friend Alon. I'm certain there's more, because women are just so fuckin beautiful asdkfajlwejkrjqwe Red, white, yellow, or pink roses? I actually like the original, rich red. Do you think someone would ever want to marry you? Well, two people have, but one absolutely doesn't anymore and the other knows that it's not healthy or emotionally safe for either of us to imagine that at this time. I don't know if anyone ever will again. Do you like Thanksgiving? No. Like I enjoy the focus on thankfulness, but the history isn't right and I don't enjoy the food. Do you ever wear colored eye liner? No. Have you ever used a darkroom? No. Have you ever been "popular"? No. Has someone ever tried to convert you? Yes. Have you ever been told that you dress like a slut? No, not that how someone dresses has any relevance to their sexual activity. What’s your most recent obsession? Final Fantasy X jfccccccc. Video games or board games? The former. Are you scared of tarantulas? As much as I talk about them... you can probably tell I have a massive interest in them, ha ha. However, even though I love them, they're still sorta scary. Like, threat poses are no joke. And it's terrifying on the very rare occasion they hiss. During Covid, do you wear a mask or no mask? I'm fully vaccinated, and yet I still wear a mask because I'm a considerate human fucking being. Do you have a PlayStation 4? No, but I reeeeaaally want one. :/ Have you ever played Fortnite? Nah, not my type of game. Do you like anime? Yeah. Have you ever been on a boat? Yeah. I was always SO excited as a kid when Dad would take the boat out for a fishing trip. Have you ever played Kingdom Hearts? I've played some of it with Jason. I wasn't a fan of it. Have you ever built a snowman? Yes. DC or Marvel? I don't really have a preference.

----------

Do you prefer your nails long or short? Why? Short, because I can't keep my nails long for the life of me. I pick/peel my nails badly. Do you have any vinyl records? No. Are you still in touch with your best friend from high school? No. Have you ever visited any celebrity gravesites? No. How do you feel about archaeology? It's extremely fascinating. Would you have a big cat (like a tiger) for a pet if you could? No. I could never provide the environment they need, and it's simply not safe. They are not domestic animals, and even the ones that seem most tame can surprise you. What are your favorite smells? Cinnamon rolls, coffee, lilac, fresh baked bread, barbecue, etc. Have you ever had to block people online for harassing you? I'm not sure, actually... What is your favorite thing to do on The Sims? Surveys have a lot of questions about those games... I only ever played the ones that focused on animals, and I think I most enjoyed breeding them and naming the bbz. :^) And watching their behavior. Which hair color you've had has been your favorite? Red. If you were stupid-rich, would you ever actually want a mansion? No. I do not need all that room, nor am I wasting my money on such excessive space. What drinking games have you played? None. Do you take lessons for anything? No. Has something really heavy ever fallen on you? No. If you wear makeup, what colors do you usually wear? Only black. Does your shower have curtains or a glass door/wall? Curtains. If you have more than one pet, do they ever get jealous of each other? One is a snake and the other is a cat, so. Is there a room in your house that you don’t like going in? No. Besides salt and butter, do you put anything on your popcorn? Nothing besides what you mentioned. Are you lonely? I'm way too lonely for it to be healthy. Do you like pineapple? Yep. Have you ever seen fireflies? Yes; they're endemic to here. Have you ever trespassed? As a kid, yes. Do you raise your hand or participate in class? I did sometimes. Are you afraid of heights? Yes. Are you afraid of the dark? No. Would you ever be your school’s mascot who wears that costume? No. Have you ever written a poem? I've written a lot. Would you ever be a tornado chaser? FUCK TO THE HELL NO. What is your favorite thing to eat with bbq sauce, if you even like that stuff? I hate bbq sauce. Have you ever had to do a class in summer school? No. Have you ever been to the rainforest? No. Ever thought about writing a book? Yes. Have you ever had a dream where you killed someone? Yes. Have you ever solved a Rubik’s Cube? Nope. Have you seen all of the Jaws movies? No, only the first one with Tyler. It was aight. Have you ever had a black eye? No. Is your ex sexually attractive to you still? I haven't seen a picture of Jason in years, and I don't want to. Not because I care about how he looks now, it'd just be extremely triggering to see his face. I still find Sara gorgeous. Have you ever been to couple’s counseling? No. How often does your employer ask you to work overtime? N/A When was the last time you were scared? Ummmm I really can't say I know. What’s your favorite song by Rihanna? "Disturbia" is where it's AT. There's this synthwave edit of it that I positively adore. Can you speak binary? No. Have you ever had a pet that you disliked? A family pet, yes. Do you like boys with long hair? UGH yes. Do you like root beer? Not really, no. Do you like ice cream cake? Not really. Do you ever dream of yourself dying? That's not all that rare in my nightmares. What song always makes you sad? I think two songs are tied for what makes me most sad: "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin and "Eternally Yours" by Motionless In White. Were you mean as a little kid? No; I was a sweet kid. Have you ever tried spam? No, it looks SO gross to me. How fast can you run? This is pathetic, but I don't think I CAN run. My knees are too weak. I think my weight coming down on them would just make me crumple over. Have you ever bought something from Spencer's? Yeah. Have you ever been on a diet? I've tried diets many times. Do you prefer light or dark jeans? Dark. When you listen to music, do you generally sing along, or just listen? I almost always just listen. Do you have any of your exes as friends on Facebook? Yeah. Who was your first love? Do you ever miss that person? Jason. I miss his memory every day. I say "memory" because it's been years, and I have no way of knowing who he is today. How many cars are parked at your house right now? One. Has anyone ever told you you’re a control freak? No. Do you know anyone who has gone missing? If so, were they ever found? Not personally. What was the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten? Some wings with extremely hot sauce at Buffalo Wild Wings. Have you ever deliberately tried to get someone drunk? Um yeah, no. Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? No. I don't like sprinkles in general. Do you know how to do the moon walk? No. Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice? Yes, somehow. Onion rings or french fries? French fries, for sure. Who is the best cook that you know? Dunno. If you have your ears pierced, when did you get them pierced? When I was a kid. I don't remember the age, but I was old enough to decide myself that I wanted them pierced. If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? They have their own places now. Do you like fried rice? Yessss. Are there any animals you refuse to touch? Some bugs. Have you ever intentionally fed a house spider? I don't believe so, no. What makes you feel lucky? That I have the family I do. What is something nice going on in your life right now? Just the gym-going, really... Who’s the worst person you’ve encountered on the Internet? An old friend I just knew as Shakes. If death wasn’t a consequence, what would you try? Maybe sky-diving, idk. Has a teacher ever told you off? No. Have you ever told off a teacher? No. Do/did you take school seriously or not? I certainly did. How do you usually cope with breakups? Not well. I obsess over how something's wrong with me and I'm not good enough for anyone. Disney princess or Disney animal movies? Animals, for sure. What's your favorite Katy Perry song? It's evading me right now... Have you ever made/tried friendship bread!? Omg, I forgot that was a thing! I actually have. I've completely forgotten the gist of it or even how it tastes, but I remember I loved it. What do you want to know about the future? If I'll ever be content and happy. What's your biggest insecurity? My weight. Ever found something disgusting in your food while eating out? No, thank god. Does the area where you live have a good or bad reputation? A very bad one. Are there any holidays that you don't celebrate? Yeah, like St. Patrick's Day, among some others. If you could find out who you're gonna marry right now, would you? Yes. Save myself time and heartbreak. How important is it to you that your partner has the same religious views? I wouldn't date someone very religious. If they're more tame about it, that's fine, but I'd prefer to not date a religious individual. Do you own a Wii? Yeah. I've kinda been wanting to play Guitar Hero or Rock Band lately on it... Do you like a lot of cheese on your pizza? "A regular, reasonable amount of cheese." <<<< This. I really don't like when things are so cheesy that it leaves a ridiculous trail when you try to separate pieces. Have you ever been made fun of because of your sexuality? Not directly to my face, but I can guarantee people I know had certain ~opinions~ on it when I came out. I also like just came out as pansexual versus bi, and I'm not even telling a lot of people in my personal life because I know they'll find the concept absolutely ridiculous. What would you do if you found an abandoned animal? "Depends on what type of an animal it was, and whether it was friendly or skittish." <<<< This. I'm obviously not going to try to usher a rabid dog over to me (I'd call a rescue or something if the animal appeared potentially dangerous), but if the animal appeared safe, my heart would absolutely lead me to try and get the animal to come to me so I could take it home and try to find the owner. Have you ever kissed someone who had a tongue piercing? No. What singer/band do you think deserves to be more famous than they are? Jonathan Young from YouTube. He is INCREDIBLE. He deserves to be picked up by a label so badly. What is your favorite PlayStation 1 game? The original Silent Hill, no competition. Do you think objectum sexuals are real, or attention seekers? I really can't imagine someone pretending to want to fuck their car for attention. I don't get it AT ALL, and it's weird as shit to me, but I mean, I don't think people can control what they're attracted to. How far out of your age bracket would you date? 21-early 30s, probs. Have you ever had an STD? No. Have you ever tried pho? No. Pick one: Crash Bandicoot or Spyro? Spyro!!!! I have the original trilogies of both series, but Spyro is where it's AT. Does your job allow piercings or tattoos? I'm unemployed, but I wouldn't work at a job that didn't, honestly. If you could dye your hair any color right now with absolutely no restrictions, what color would you dye it? Maybe like a galaxy-esque mixture of layered colors. I've wanted that for YEARS. Have you ever known a white supremacist? This region is swimming in them. Have you ever spoken to a detective before? No. Do ladders scare you? Climbing them does, yes. Do you have any tattoos on your arms? Yeah. Have you ever thrown up on anybody? Unless I did unknowingly as a baby, no. How many people have you turned down when they asked you out? Uhhh two or three, maybe? What is your favourite kind of fruit cobbler? I actually haven't tried enough to have an educated favorite, but I can say I love peach. Do you hear any other people talking right now? I'm watching a let's player play Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice, so I hear her, obviously. When was the last time you started a new medication? It's been a while, idk. What is your favourite type of nut? Cashews, I guess. I don't really like nuts, but I definitely like cashew bars. Where did you eat the best pizza you’ve ever eaten in your life? ... Domino's lmaoooo. Did you ever watch The Rugrats when you were a kid? Yeah, I loved that show. I even had two video games. Do you know anyone who was adopted? Yes. Can you name all 50 US state capital cities? No. Can you tie balloons? I can't, actually. Have you had a deep conversation with anyone today? Yeah. I wanted Sara's advice on something I'm dealing with. On your Facebook friends list, who was the last person to have their b-day? One of my sisters' was yesterday, actually. What did you/are you having for dinner tonight? I had Special K cereal. Name some healthy foods that you enjoy eating. Strawberries, apples, bananas, (sometimes) broccoli, other things that aren't coming to me. Who was the last person you Facebook messaged? My friend Girt. What flavor was the last cupcake you ate? The cupcake itself was chocolate, and the icing was uhhhh... blue? Apart from sleeping, what do you plan to do tonight? I haven't done anything of note. I'm probably going to bed soon. What’s the age difference between your parents? Two years, I think. When was the last time you ate an apple? Today. I have been on a big sliced apples w/ peanut butter kick lately. Have you had any caffeinated beverages today? I have soda every day. :x Have you eaten any chocolate today? What kind? Mom brought me a Reese's home today when she went out with a friend. How many different towns/cities have you lived in? Three. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone special? Poems, yes. Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? Not very much physically. Emotionally... I don't know. Do you have any ice cream in your freezer? What flavor is it? No. Ice cream is my #1 comfort food, so that's a big "keep out of the house."

#survey #surveys #random questions

[vendeavendea]

How Entrapta Has Become My All Time Favourite Autistic Representation in Media: Long Version

Just so you know what to expect, this is more of a very long and boring personal post and less of a character analysis. By "very long", I mean "very long". Also, half of it was written at night when I was supposed to be sleeping (like, right now), so some parts might not even make sense. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Just days before I started to watch She-Ra, I answered a question in a writer group where someone asked what are the do's and don'ts of writing an autistic character. I've been told a couple of times in my life that I can’t be autistic based on the fact that I'm not really interested in or good at science, so I think special interests of autistic people are something that definitely has to be presented better in media. So I advised this person to make their character have a special interest that's NOT related to science, technology, space or computers, because it's a very common misconception that people on the autism spectrum are always into these stuff, and there are so many autistic fictional characters based on this stereotype that I feel like we absolutely don't need any more.

And then I saw Entrapta.

I didn't know she's canonically autistic until a much later episode, but it didn't surprise me when I was told she is, because my autism radar went off like a hundred times while watching System Failure and all her other season 1 appearances (so did my ADHD radar, by the way, but as far as I know, this hasn't been confirmed by the creators, so it's just my headcanon). And she looked like the purple ponytails princess version of the autism stereotype that I didn’t want to see any more of. The genius who is into space and robots, knows nothing about human relationships and keeps driving everyone nuts with her long and impossible-to-follow scientific monologues. Also cute and funny, yeah, but still, as someone on the spectrum who is super artistic and has nothing to do with science stuff, my first reaction was "dang, not this shit again." Just for once in my life, I wanted to see an autistic representation that's not just that typical weird tech-lover but a character that's at least a tiny bit more like me. Seeing her only in her first episode, little did I know that Entrapta's character has an incredible depth and her whole arc was going to be hair-raisingly personal to me (I know I'm not funny, but pun intended).

First, let’s talk about robots, because we can't talk about Entrapta without talking about robots. Entrapta builds robots just for fun, because technology is her thing, but there's actually a lot more behind this. Starting from as early as her debute episode, we see through the whole series that she creates robots with different designs, abilities, personalities, very similar to real people, as a sort of substitute for the human (or whatever species) company she'd wish to have. She even gives them names. She programs them to like being around her, to understand her, something that she hasn't really experienced from real people, which is sad enough on its own, but even sadder if we consider that she actually has human staff working at her fortress. She pretty literally makes friends, and she does it with the help of her special interest. And this totally reminds me of my primary school years when I had zero real friends and used my special interest, which was writing fictional stories and creating worlds/universes/languages in my head, to make up imaginary characters that could be my "friends" so that I wouldn't be that lonely.

Then, her interactions with other characters, especially with Hordak. Entrapta consoling Hordak in Huntara is a very powerful scene to me, not only what she says, but also how she says it. When Hordak starts venting about how he is a failure and all, Entrapta's first immediate response is to provide a practical solution, to design an armor for him, and comforting him with words is only a secondary action. She's helping in her own way, with technology, because that's what she's the best at, but she also wants to make sure he understands that fixing imperfections isn't always the solution, embracing them is. I also love how it's hinted with the "loved" crystal that Entrapta's love language may be acts of service (and probably quality time as well), which is another thing we have in common. And there's another thing in that scene I found very relatable: that part when she stops consoling him and starts to talk about herself being a failure instead. In real life, most people would read that in a negative way. I've been in many situations where I've tried doing something similar to people who were venting to me, and normally, they're like "ew, I'm the one complaining now, stop making it about you." But Hordak's reaction is different, all he does is try to tell her she's not a failure before she shushes him, then he just listens. He understands what Entrapta means by saying all those things about herself isn't "hey, look, my life is also horrible, so I get to complain, too" but rather "I feel you, we're the same". For a person who thinks and acts as differently from average people as Entrapta does, connecting with someone through similar experiences and feelings is a huge thing, and this is so relatable to me that I cried like a baby while watching that scene. Also, kudos to Christine Woods for making Entrapta's monologue sound so factual and casual. It really gives the impression of someone who is fully aware of her own strengths and weaknesses and accepts herself as a whole with all her flaws. The way she lists all the things that make her feel like a failure right after saying "imperfection is beautiful" is just... wow. But seriously, this whole "imperfection is beautiful" thing in general is such a cliché that it's not even supposed to work on me, but hell it does, because it's so well-presented that it's actually one of the most powerful moments of the whole series. Entrapta giving me self-acceptance lessons is all I've ever needed in my life (Hordak probably agrees, lol).

Speaking of self-acceptance, I also love how Beast Island shows that it's a long and difficult process with its ups and downs instead of just a door you walk through once in your life and then stay on the other side forever. Even if I accept and love myself the way I am, it's still totally normal to have low points with thoughts like "I'm not suited for friendship" or "everyone leaves me behind". And it's very nice and uplifting to have someone's love and support when I'm in a bad mood with stuff like this on my mind, but personally, I often find it easier to deal with if I have something related to any of my special interests around that I can focus my thoughts on. My "we flew here on an ancient First Ones ship, do you wanna see it?" would be something like "do you wanna create some characters and then write the shit out of them?" and before this show I've never actually realised how neurodiverse it is to use a hobby or interest for self-care like this. The "definitely the ship" part called me out so hard, and I just adore how the writers were able put so much meaning into a single joke line.

Back to interactions, there's also something painfully relatable in the way the other princesses treat Entrapta. Even in the beginning in No Princess Left Behind, but mostly in season 4 and 5. In most cases, Entrapta is only considered to be worthy enough to not be left behind in situations when her skills are useful. Other characters "liking" her isn't really about herself as a person but her tech knowledge. Just like when you go to school and the only reason your classmates want to make friends with you is because you always do your homework and let others copy it, or you're good at explaining stuff and are willing to help people getting prepared for tests/exams. When I was in grammar school, my classmates ignored me or mocked me for liking animation and comics, but every now and then they did the bare minimum of treating me like a human being and expected me to do their arts homework in return, because I was the only one in my class who was good at arts. When I studied linguistics at the uni, I was really into phonology and historical linguistics, and those were the compulsory subjects most of the other students were struggling with, so many people wanted to hang out with me just to make sure they could get my notes before the exams. The same people kept calling me nerd and making fun of me behind my back. I also had a few genuine friends, which I'm grateful for, but I still know what it feels like to be needed only for a specific skill while not being noticed and respected as a person, and Launch portraits this experience in a very clever way. It's so amazing to see how the princesses realise who Entrapta really is and start to treat her as someone who just thinks differently instead of someone who's a deliberate bad person. They finally get to see that she's not just an unwary tech nerd, but also a determined, caring and loyal friend who gives others so much love in her own geeky way and deserves love, too. But I shouldn't even be surprised, I mean, we're talking about a show that teaches us "you worth more than what you can give to other people," and it's great how this message applies to other characters as well, not only to Adora. And the best part is that this whole conflict is not presented as something black and white, it's not like Entrapta is the poor misunderstood autistic person and the princesses are the evil allistic bad guys who mistreat her. It's simply a miscommunication between neurotypical and neurodivergent individuals, and while the other princesses get to understand that they hurt Entrapta by their actions and that they should be more respectful of her, Entrapta also realises that she's made mistakes and hurt people, becomes aware of her own bad habits and makes efforts to get rid of them in order to save Glimmer. Plus I also love the faint implication that most of the princesses never really, genuinely, 100% make friends with Entrapta even after this scene, because sometimes people just don't resonate with each other enough to become close friends, but they learn to accept her differences and treat her with respect, nonetheless. This episode is so full of realistic interactions and character development it blows my mind every time I rewatch it.

I could just go on and on about all those tiny relatable details such as "I've waited years for someone to ask me about my theories!" I think this was the line that first made me fall in love with Entrapta's character. I mean, if someone from the crew wrote this line, that means they might know the feeling, too, so I'm not the only dork who feels this way every time someone asks me a question about my hyperfixations. And it's just so reassuring. Entrapta has many lines of the kind, they're not even important plotwise, but still super relatable and validating.

Now that we're here, and I know that I probably should have said this at the beginning of the post, but I'm too lazy to rewrite the first paragraph accordingly, I'd like to note that these are all my own interpretations and reflections on Entrapta's character based on my own experiences. This whole thing is totally personal, and I don't want anyone to think that this is how Entrapta is supposed to be seen by the whole fandom. So yeah, that's pretty much it for now.

#She-Ra #She-Ra Reboot #SPOP #entrapta #autism #personal

[fierceawakening]

I think sometimes the way you switch between talking about your personal feelings and general principles is hard to follow. I've had a generally good impression of you, but I've had posts where I've had to read things repeatedly. Plus, this seems to step on some trauma triggers for you. (FYI, I don't feel other people are required to pretend to not notice my mental health issues, just respect my boundaries about discussing them. And people can decide if they want to be close to me or not.)

Yeah, I kind of think it does. I'm also kind of wondering if maybe part of it has to do with demographics. I'm in my 40s and while I don't leave home for work lately due to the pandemic, there is a delineation between when I'm working and when I'm talking to people. I don't mind conflict and confrontation on social media because I often like discussing controversial topics, but I don't like the idea that I should have to take care of people with the same intensity and focus when I'm not working as when I'm supposed to be. And a whole lot of the stuff about how much I'm supposed to educate myself about autism feels like work, and feels like work I'm not sure I should have to be doing.

I feel like I’m being SJed at, very loudly. And like a lot of people in my social circle get why that doesn’t always yield the results SJers want, but as soon as I’m figured as “the NT” all the “wait, let’s not be mean to privileged people” goes out the window, because white people aren’t evil, men aren’t evil, hets aren’t evil, but NTs? Hateful horrible humans who go around traumatizing autistic people and nothing else, or at least so it seems from the way people talk about them. (And I’m not actually NT!)

Because I don't think I'm entirely ignorant, and I do think part of what's going on is less about me educating myself and more about me having strong opinions about how people aren't obligated to form friendships or connections if they don't want to. I'm a very strong believer in consent culture, so when somebody says "but nobody will be friends with me because I'm different," I feel bad for that person but I don't really have a way to solve their problem. And I feel a little put upon that they're talking about the problem as if it has something to do with me. So part of what I'm wondering is if the people I'm talking to are young people at school or used to school, who are often in close quarters with people who don't share much in common with them besides age. That's not an experience I've had in a very long time. Really the only people I have to interact with without having some internal desire of my own to do so are my coworkers. I could see how someone could feel more like it's an affront from society at large that people don't hang out with them or pay attention to them enough for them to be more mentally healthy. I kind of felt that way myself when I was in school. But I feel strongly about that now because I think the people who did hang out with me when I was like that didn't really like me very much. They thought that I was clingy and needed to much attention and often wanted me to go away. Because they weren’t looking to solve someone's depression and anxiety, they were looking for a friend. And because of the depression and anxiety, it was harder for me to pay attention to their needs and take care of them since everything was so... immediate and pressing. Which I think is why the idea that some mental illnesses make empathizing difficult made sense to me in the first place.

Because it's very hard for you to focus more on another person's emotions and feelings than your own if your own are really intense or upsetting or overwhelming. And that sucks, and it's not really fair, but that is a reason people might like you less. Which is why I was trying to argue against what I thought was the idea that some people should just... be accepted because society tends to be shitty to low empathy people. 

People don’t like feeling forced into interactions out of pity, and they’re likely to eventually show it.

#the empathy discussion #Anonymous

[notlikelyneurotypical-blog]

I am so upset over the Gaud "discourse" (bullying) I can't sleep, so here is me running through the "reciepts" because every time Gaud talks someone jumps on and attacks..

A little perspective, I had never heard of @biggest-gaudiest-patronuses until last month. So I'm not an avid follower, I didnt participate in Gaudapocolpyse, or watch any of the livestreams- I just hate bullying and railroading. I am a female Autistic Jew who has survived childhood sexual abuse (and I'm adding that because of some of the stuff people are accusing Gaud of).

I went through the "reciepts" you can find on biggest-gaudiest-callout the updated version as of January 27, 2019 and I made notes. So buckle up cause this is going to be a long post. Bear with me I am on a cell phone so there will probably be a plethora of grammar and spelling errors. Here goes:

-the callout starts by stating that Guad is 27 and has a mostly minor fanbase this statement is made on the assumption that tumblr is 13+ and Guad makes "teenage humor" whatever that means, I'm a legal adult and I like the jokes, and one anon stating that they and their friends are 13/14. So it is just flat out assuming and you know what they say about assuming.

-next it states that Gaudpocalypse was a protest for the NSFW ban, which isn't true. It actually started because a person commented about an actual holiday (I believe in Catholasism) that had to do with pink that fell on the day. It was in the works before tumblr announced the change, so this was flat out bad fact checking.

-Gaud also commented that the "sexy" fan art they were expecting was Patrick Star in fishnets type stuff. They used NSFW, because as a fellow autistic they were taking it literally to mean Not Safe For Work, so not something you'd want to explain to a boss or co-worker- not porn.

-They have already addressed the Tuba fanfic, which is also not porn.

-Taking "age is just a number. a number estimating your proximity to death." to be pedophile related are purposely ignoring Guad's morbid death humor that they are known for.

-If we are vilifying people for reading yaoi, add me to the list. I went through a hard SasuNaru phase and not even 5% of it was G rated. (and you know what, I was a minor when I got into it and now that I've aged out of minorhood doesnt mean that I instantly stop liking what I liked).

-Shota: I went through a phase where I read rape, pedophilia, and even incest fanfics. And you know what, it was actually encouraged by my therapist. Sometimes people look at dark things because they are trying to work through their trauma. Now I don't know Guad's past, I don't know if there was abuse or anything, but either way: reading a manga, a fanfic, or even watching anime does not make you an abuser or pedophile. Sometimes it is a person the pedophile left behind trying to take control or figure things out. (The comparison is like saying that people that read James Patterson are serial killers or that only perverts watch Law and Order SVU).

-P.S. stop calling manga child porn. It cheapens what child porn actually is and the victims of it.

-"Recommending" Big Mouth on Netflix, personally I haven't watched a single episode, but it seems about the same level as South Park. It isnt meant for kids. And it obviously got approved by Netflix, so take it up with them if you don't like it.

-Okay hot take, apparently saying you don't want MAPs interacting with you coupled with wanting to know if someone is over 18 before you find them attractive makes you a pedophile- makes sense /sarcasm

-As a Jew, the whole sumptuary laws post was witty word play not antisemitism that Gaud wasnt even the OP for. (although the laws themselves are hella antisemitic, or at least were used for that purpose.) ((still doesnt make the two equal)).

-Wearing a kimono is not racist- I think you need a dictionary and a lesson on racism.

-Autism and Asexuality; Guad's post was about figuring yourself out and said "people on the autism spectrum are significantly more likely than general populace to identify as asexual or aromantic" - this is statistically accurate, there is no ableist statement here. They did not say all Autistics are asexual or that Autistics can't have romantic or sexual relationships, Gaud simply stated a fact and it was said in a post about themselves ans trying to figure out what they are.

-Reblogging a 12 year olds address for furbies, yeah not a good or smart decision and Gaud deleted the post. Nothing else can be done about it now and this happened over a year ago and as far as I've seen Gaud learned for the mistake ans hasn't done anything like that again.

-The Discord Server. Gaud asked for the server to be taken down. People are blaming Guad because they created the server and when they left things went south. The users were breaking Discord ToS and doing horrible things. However l, blaming Guad because they created the server is like blaming Ford for drunk drivers because they made the car.

-Canabalism- this is laughable. 98% of the time Gaud is posting as an incorpreal eldritch being...just really look at the blog as a whole and ask yourself if you're making smart conclusions.

-The "crayon fiasco": Guad raised money to eat a crayon on livestream. People have taken issue with this for a variety of reasons. 1) "Gaud said the money was for rent and bought champagne" no, no they didnt, that was a joke. The money was indeed for rent, the cheap champagne was bought with a gift card. 2) "The money could have gone to medical expenses or someone in need." People are allowed to give and not give however they see fit. This arguement is about as strong as standing in front of a movie theater and shouting that the patrons should donate their money to food banks instead of watching a show and when they still go watch the movie calling the movie evil forexisting. 3) "Gaud is manipulating minors into giving them money" first of all most minors don't have that much money and I see it no more manipulative (actually I see it way less manipulative) than my sister asking my mom for money for Club Penguin. It is paying for entertainment which we do all the time and I still have yet to see the stats that it is "mostly minors".

I'm just over everyone railroading and bullying Gaud. When Guad does apologize for something people start screaming that the apology is manipulation. You have made a situation where there is no winning. Gaud ignores the callouts and you don't like. Gaud asks for information on some of the accusations and they get called names. Gaud apologizes ans gets accused of manipulating. What do you honestly want? You have built an argument on stunted facts, and just scream loud enough and long enough trying to get Guad to break. People have already started blocking Guad based on the telephone game of rumors and "reciepts" that I just went through. Enough is enough. If you don't want to follow Gaud or read their posts that is up to you, but just be quiet already. In the words of Frozen "Let It Go".

@biggest-gaudiest-patronuses if you want me to take this down I will, it is your business after all. I just couldn't stand idly by and watch what these people are doing.

#gaud discourse #gaud callout #fact checking #tw

[rabm]

Shigeo “Mob” Kageyama is Autistic

... Whether you like it or not.

This sort of post has been made many times but I wanted to make my own. I myself am autistic and coming from a place of experience.

The reason this is important to me is because he is a very tasteful and positive media representation of an autistic person, which is horribly rare.

1. Flat affect

Shigeo has very subtle expressions. His facial expression and tone of voice remain pretty monotone. This leads to other people making assumptions that he does not have emotions, or opinions, which is untrue. he just doesn’t express himself the same as everyone else.

Shigeo describes himself as having been like this since he was born. Big expressions are unnatural to him. That feeling of failure, of being left out for it, is very, very relatable for me. Dimple’s words to Shigeo in their initial encounter perfectly describe my fears...

But after this arc, when Reigen says the cult’s happiness was simply a fake trick of psychic powers, and Shigeo saved a group of people only he could save... Beyond cathartic. Delicious, finally some positivity.

2. Firm adherence to rules

Some Autistic people stick firmly to rules, not necessarily out of a sense of justice, but because they are part of the routine. Disobeying rules can feel like you’ve fallen off your guide rail. I myself am known as a backseat driver because I point out when people disobey traffic laws. Oops.

You can see this in Shigeo with his initial conviction to never use psychic powers against a person, even if he is being physically threatened. (Though the trauma of having accidentally hurt his brother definitely contributed to this too)

3. Can’t “read the mood”

Shigeo cannot tell when people are lying to him. He isn’t naive, he just takes things at face value. The fake love letter, the cult invitation, the whole concept of Reigen, the whole concept of Ritsu, a fake confession... yeah. I can relate to this, it doesn’t really occur to me that people lie, and it doesn’t occur to me to intentionally fool anyone else.

He did not even slightly comprehend anything when he was taken hostage at black vinegar mid. He really did just get up and walk out. and ask why teru was attacking him.

Flat Affect also factors into this. He basically gets called a killjoy for not laughing along with other people. Many times.

People often misunderstand his words. What he says and does is also often contrary to people’s expectations, like him joining the body improvement club, and little things like this:

4. 100% Meltdowns

Meltdowns are fundamentally different from a tantrum. A meltdown happens when someone is too overwhelmed by their surroundings and temporarily loses control of their behavior. They are extremely stressful and exhausting. Tantrums however are just a means to an end.

Shigeo’s emotions build up in him before releasing at once as a “100% explosion” Where he loses control of his psychic powers. These explosions frighten him more than anything. This is either directly a meltdown, or a very good metaphor for them. 

You could further extend the metaphor to say ???% is a shutdown, but even though i experience them, i do not know how to describe an autistic shutdown. apologies.

His troubles are lessened by accepting his emotions and powers, and thus expressing them more regularly. I think it’s a bit comparable to stimming, like how learning to stim and cope more has helped me keep calm in stressful situations. Autistic meltdowns are a reaction to extreme stress, and are preventable with proper coping strategies and a good environment. 

5. Hyper empathy

Autistic people are strereotyped as having no empathy as an attempt to villainize us. and while that can be true, it is by no means universal. (and low empathy does NOT mean evil anyway!) The opposite can be true as well, feeling so much empathy that it becomes overwhelming.

Empathy isn’t restricted to people. You can feel empathy towards plants, animals, objects, and spirits. Humans are just full of love!

Empathy in autistic people is much stronger if they have also experienced what someone else is going through. They literally understand the emotions. The people who Shigeo empathizes with are having similar troubles as him.

There are a lot of examples of hyper empathy with Shigeo, so i will only list a few.

Ex1: Him deconstructing Teruki’s reason for attacking him. This was an attempt at emotional connection on his part, but teru initially took it as further provocation. Oops!

Ex2: Him understanding why Emi was willing to go along with cruelty, doing things simply because you are told to, because you don’t want to make people mad.

Ex3: His entire initial fight with Serizawa:

Ex4: Crying about loneliness while in a huge fight with a world ending villain:

6. Dyspraxia

Dyspraxia is a developmental disorder affecting coordination that is often comorbid with autism. Shigeo is pretty clumsy and has a lot of trouble playing sports.

Ex1: Yeah.

Ex2: Him struggling to play volleyball and being berated by his classmates in this section of the mogami arc that didnt make it to the anime:

Ex3: Anime-only detail of him running into this doorway while hurrying out:

7. Nonverbal

Autistic people have varying levels of speech ability. The psychological experience of not being able to talk is called being nonverbal. Autistic people can be nonverbal all of the time, nonverbal only some of the time, or always verbal.

Shigeo is usually able to speak, but there are are a few instances where he cannot: 

He goes silent for 5 minutes when he is supposed to be giving his student council speech

He doesn’t say anything at all when asked about the incident at black vinegar middle school, not even an “I don’t want to talk about it”

and of course, he does not speak during ???%

#mob psycho 100

[paragonrobits]

in this liveblog i did while reading Vast Error, we shall see more of Albion, the gal who is all the Lantern Corps at once... kinda!

also i initially wrote this by copy-pasting pictures from the actual site into the google doc but it didn’t paste over, and some of my writing was, at the time, based on the assumption you could see that too, im sorry

Let’s see, last time i was reading Vast Error, I met this olive gal called Albion! Let’s check up what’s with her, yeah?

What the heck that’s a green lantern ring, its even the right shape and stuff? Also that is a very pretty sweater, looks like a christmas sweater almost

You are completely green and stable! Hooray! You already knew this, because your ring is always completely green and stable as that is your WILL.

Um that sounds a bit worrying, Albion, are you okay?? But stability = green/Will sounds about right! It looks like her ring is….. A literal mood ring. I love and hate this pun, it is my new kismesis.

Reading further along, I get the impression that her moods strongly dictate her personality and she won’t let herself feel anger at all, nor fear or greed. While that’s a laudable goal, I feel that this is not at all healthy for her state of mind, especially not anger. Also, pity instead of love! CONSISTENCY WITH TROLL ALIEN-NESS.

I got a bit of a smile on the white = life thing, ahhh now the Blackest Night returns to me. The connoitions of the Black Lanterns corps as blank is an interesting one, too.

Star Childre reminds me of both a play on the whole Lantern Corps thing, and back when you have New Age philosophies that referred to themselves or their kids like that? That whole Indigo Children thing. I know they had specific terms for autistic people that was probably meant to be nice but even then came off as condescending at best.

Albion im probably going to gently mock u a little bit at some point but in all honesty your room sense is very well together. Look at this excellent lay out! IS THAT A FROG POND IN THE CORNER OR JUST A LOTUS. EITHER WAY IS SIGNIFICANT. That’s almost definitely a bonsai tree on your desk, in any case.

Now you have to do a quest to find a scholar in Daedric languages, stay away from the Stalwards of Stendar, they are mean. Plus you literally look like a daedra and someone with the right mods could easily play as you, so…… be careful plz

You're taking the time to properly translate it to CURRENT TEXT first, which has been taking longer than you expected. Your language as of now is structured very differently than that of anything before THE RENIASSANCE, in both phrase and symbol. You've been staying away from digging deep into this scroll until you've gotten that done, you like to be surprised when you read tales of the past. You really have your priorities straight!

Though, from what you've seen just at this quick glance, it seems to talk about some sort of CURSE THROUGH BLOOD.

Curse through blood?? I iniitally would assume that this would have something to do with a Karkat analogue but I know there’s nothing like that going on here. I therefore assume that it is an ancestral issue that will come into play later, maybe?

Doing this task was for once not for your personal enjoyment, but at the request of your MATESPRIT, who you have been slowly teaching PLANETARY CUSTOMS as they are rather BEHIND.

Your ring begins to turn PINK.

You slap it.

It goes back to green.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAASP I DONT KNOW WHO IT IS BUT IM ALREADY SHIPPING IT. A lesson to other writers; if you want someone to ship the relationship you’re planning, a good idea might be to emulate that kind of writing. THAT is what they mean by ‘show, dont tell’

I wont lie, that looks disgusting as hell but it also looks genuinely relaxing. One time when i was living with my dad back when he was living with, and I’m not kidding here, an actual evil step-mother out for his money that abandoned him the second she cleaned him out, i took a mud bath in a giant hole we dug for…. Some reason. I don’t remember why. It was very nice, it was at a point of my life where ‘idk why the hell not’ is a legit excuse and i have recursed back to that era. The world may never know why this happens

You use GLOP ENHANCERS to make each experience slightly different, though you've been set on MIRACULOUS VIEW lately. The colors really permeate in both size and smell.

HMMMMMM. It’s just me remembering Gamzee, sweet as he was without Caliborn fucking him up, but ‘miraculous view’ has me deeply concerned and a bit suspicious here.

‘Recieve message from Taz’ AWWWW HELL YEAH, OUR GIRL IS BACK IN THE HOUSE, WHOOT WHOOT

You could feel the hot passions of her overblown conundrums coming from miles away.

I was already shipping this before i even know it was my fav purple wrestler gal coming back in to hug my brain in an angry fashion.

Its likely not deliberate but ‘hot passions of overblown conundrums’ makes Taz sound exactly like what would happen if Karkat and Gamzee fused into a troll gal or had a daughter. IDEA FOR AN AU, KARKAT AND GAMZEE HAVE A DAUGHTER, WITH TEREZI AS SURROGATE MOTHER GRUB, AND TAZ IS THAT CHILD. FILM IT AND I PROMISE YOU ALL THE MONIES WILL FLOW.

However, you'll need your ASTRAL PROJECTOR in order to use SKORPE and speak with her, a device which has been placed in your SPIROGRAPH MODUS.

I assume that astral projector is a very literal thing here, and a spirograph modus sounds HORRIBLY inefficient

Your modus is currently rigged to an eleven card system on a ten point graph.

The ASTRAL PROJECTOR holds a spot in the middle, which will always be a WHITE card. It is also surrounded by five currently inaccessible BLACK cards and five accessible GREEN cards.

The center card can be accessed and can have something new put in it at any time. Doing either of these actions will alter the arrangement of the spirograph.

There’s more but i didnt wanna copy the whole page and really i was not wrong when i said this was inefficient, but it IS very interesting!

Like i honestly LOVE, LOVE TO PIECES the more in-depth and weird sylladexes that primiered with the trolls coming into the scene. Fandom never employs sylladexes and this is a travesty, bring them back, do it now, with GUSTO.

New challenge: take a fantroll and give them a sylladex that’s weird and cool. Not a joke, DO IT NOW PLEASE

Luckily, you've rigged your modus with some of your less appealing sounding candles to have your item just where you need it.

The SPIROGRAPH now allocates one of your TRANSLATED SCROLLS into the center card, allowing your POTENT GLOP ENHANCERS, SPARE INCENSE, SEXTANT and GRUBBY JUICE SCENTED CANDLE around it as the INACCESS cards. Not that you'll be needing them anytime soon.

Aren't things much better when you plan ahead?

I have to admit, if Karkat or literally any of the other trolls with ill-timed inventories had thoguht ahead like you, a lot of messes would have been avoided. You’d make a FANTASTIC life coach to the canon trolls, someone get albion a machine to travel into other universes so she can do just that.

Taz comes along and winds up seducing equius just by flexing in aggressive ways, their children are lovely

You place the ASTRAL PROJECTOR in front of you, using your SPIRIT POWER in order to activate it.

You will now have electronic access in THE CELL.

Aw, nice-

WAIT A MINUTE

Did she say what i think she did

THE CELL.

Holy fuck

Is she in some kind of prison!?

If she is i assume she put herself in there on purpose

-----------

Is, is that a fucking sniper rifle aimed right at her head!?!?!?!

NO NO NO NO DO NOT FUCKING FADE TO BLACK ON ME, YOU HEAR ME!? YOU SCOUNDREL, YOU CADS, YOU ABSOLUTE FIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ohhhhh oh okay wait a minute:

I may have been misinformed about this, it looks like this is something similar to a chakra point being opend, perhaps? A sign of enlightenment tied to her meditating? AND WHAT IS UP WITH HER EYES IN THAT PAGE

MIRACULOUS INDEED. Seriously it looks like Gamzee-tier colorfulness

No wait!

Rainbow eyes

Eyes the color of all the shades in the spectrum

That is goddamn cool i want that to be a thing for trolls in general that are transcending the limits of the hemospectrum: AU where terezi’s eyes do that when she does the mind-y thing?

Ooooh pretty even the background takes on thel ight of the hemospectrum and, if im not wrong, the colors are grouped in a similar fashion but a bit more chaotically arranged. That might just be color blurring into another in the normal way, though

Tranquility is an asset harshly under utilized in the minds of others.

That is why yours acts as a personal safe haven.

Well i mean you’re not wrong

That’s pretty dang sensible, i like this way of doing it

Letting your mind be a safe haven is just…. Common sense, really, we sohuld all strive to be like her

#/ #// #/// #//// #///// #vast error #liveblog #johnny reads vast error

[lupinepariah]

Why I’m Otherkin

This is going to be very trigger-y so... to be forewarned is to have four arms, yeah? Wonderful. So, let’s rap.

My mother died last week.

Amongst most of my family I’m the “know-it-all ass-burgers r-word.” I object to this as I really don’t know a lot and I don’t know how I’d weigh my intelligence. If pressed, I’d likely say that I’m not very smart as admitting to intellect makes me feel guilty. I don’t know why. Why do they do it, then? It’s because I have a strong propensity for being right.

You see, I have a strong propensity for doing something they never do. Thinking.

My mother is the only one in my family I’ve ever cared about. I admit, we’re a little distant but I did love her and I cared for her, I never wanted her to suffer. A friend of the family had a mother die not long before my mother died and they wouldn’t listen to me for the aforementioned reason, I wanted to tell their mother about an experimental treatment that was at least worth trying. No no, I’m just talking out of my arse.

That’s how it often is. I don’t think it’s especially difficult to not be stupid? You just have to think first. Is there really so much difficulty in that? I mean... I recall not so long ago when I was screaming at “medical professionals” to stop faecal transplant tests. There’s so much stuff we can’t screen for well and all you’d need is the combination of a superbug and a compromised immune system for people to start dying. It had to happen for them to stop, of course. They did it until people died for exactly that reason.

No one wants to listen to an r-word with ass-burgers.

What frustrates me with my mother though is that the solution to keeping her alive was so simple.

She started new medication recently. It turns out everyone in my family was told about this except for myself, which is dandy. The first thing I advise anyone to do is to check the side effects to make sure that there aren’t any co-morbid effects with any other drugs they might be on, or any instigators of underlying health problems they might have. Fat chance. My family got my mother popping meds without even bothering to read the documentation that came with them.

The first thing I do with anyone is tell them to check the side effects. Always check the side effects. Always check the side effects.

The truth is? I have loads of life experiences like this. I’ve been abused in every way you can imagine. I’ve been through the ringer. Physical, mental, sexual, emotional, and everything else. No matter what could happen to me these days, I’ve felt worse. That’s why the situation with my mother just leaves me feeling cold and angry, and little else.

The truth is is that my experiences with human beings that actually want to be human beings is that they can be monsters. I admit that this isn’t all of them, I’m sure it can’t be, but it is true for the vast, vast, vast, vast, vast, vast, vast, vast... you get the point, the vast majority. They’re monsters.

I was raised by dogs due to parents that were either neglectful or abusive. The dogs died because of abuse, missed vaccines, or other reasons... they were replaced with other dogs because it was the only thing that kept me sane. After all, you have to keep up appearances and make it look like it’s the problmeatic child’s fault rather than the alcoholic, violent, dysfunctional parents. Isn’t that always the way of it? Very relateable, yes?

The truth is is that I’ve had so many bad experiences that I... I don’t feel like I’m a good fit with this species. I’m too kind. I’m too considerate. I think before I act. I actually care. I help people even if they’ve hurt me so, so badly that all I feel for them is hatred. All I want for anyone is to not have to suffer as I do. So while most humans look like monsters to me, I don’t want them to suffer.

This gives one a... unique outlook on life.

As a coping mechanism I started thinking of myself as, well, not human. It helped. It helped so much. And over time I became mentally healthy, even well-adjusted, I’m certainly a lot less angry these days. I even have a partner! They’re non-binary and they’re absolutely lovely, I couldn’t ask for a better partner, so very supportive, creative, and clever. And then my mother died.

It��s hard not to feel set back by it. I feel like I’m teetering on a razor’s edge. I feel that the only way I can cling to my sanity is by more deeply embracing these very strong feelings I have of not being human. The human species—so overly obsessed with itself—brings me great shame. I feel shame and pain that I’m to share this species until the day I die, in body if not in heart and mind.

There’s an autistic community called Wrong Planet because it’s not unusual for autistic people to feel this way. It’s just that for some of us the alienation is so much more profound and extreme than it is for others. We feel it so deeply that we could never be “human,” not in the sense that most would understand that word. I mean, we could certainly never be normal and we’d never want to. It’s a horrible word, isn’t it? Normal. It suggests a binary state where one is the innate default and correct, whereas the other isn’t. How could that be anything other than pathological by design?

Being Otherkin is my coping mechanism.

It isn’t spiritual. I’m not an animal. I don’t have an animal living inside of me. I don’t have an animal spirit. I just really want to be something other than human, thanks.

So I think of myself as a lycanthrope. I’ve an imaginary support dragon who’s there when I’m alone and I have to handle things myself. It’s only by the merit of these two factors that I stay sane. If I had to think of myself as human, if I lost my support dragon, I’d be bouncing off the walls and chewing the furniture to pieces because I’d have no means to handle all of the unimaginably awful things that had been done to me, all of the suffering I’d endured.

No matter how bad something makes me feel, I’ve felt worse. I could only really go up and Otherkin was my way up. It’s a comfort, a small one in a world so bent on destroying itself as this one is. I mean, depletion of the rainforests and a huge hole in the ozone layer and people are still breeding like bunny rabbits. This is what scientists refer to as The Great Filter. Frankly, if not for SARS-CoV-2, humanity likely would’ve gone extinct within the next century.

I feel that SARS-CoV-2 has given the human species a chance to pull back from the brink.

It’s funny because I’ll never know anything other than hatred. I know that. It’s almost impossible for an Otherkin like myself to find any allies other than fellow Otherkin. I mean, I tried to reach out to trans people and they thought I was a meme created to hurt them because that’s what the Alt-Right very successfully brainwashed them into believing. So much for that, right?

I don’t hate trans people for this. That’d be stupid. They’re suffering too. No, I get that they were hacked and it’s not their fault. If you aren’t acting with full agency then you can’t really be blamed.

Every time something happens though that keys into my personal support mechanism I can’t help but latch onto it. I feel included, for once. It’s actually really nice to feel included. This is why I’ve been fixated upon Guild Wars 2 and why it’s been so important to me. I’ve been getting very clingy with it since my mother died because I love being charr and there may just be a good therapy dragon in the latest content. I’d love that.

If ArenaNet wants to do something for one person who’s suffered way too much? Don’t make Jormag evil. I’d really appreciate that. It’s going to hurt like hell if they are. I hate it when dragons always have to be evil because I’m Otherkin. I love dragons.

It’s a perspective thing, yeah?

I don’t really know how to explain it. I don’t think you’d really be able to understand without having gone through decades of torture and abuse. It just shifts your perspective. If I were to show you a picture of five scantily clad humans facing off against a dragon, you’d know for certain that it’s a depiction of heroes versus an evil draconic beast. What I see, however, is a bunch of thieves, burglars, and freebooters looking to slaughter an innocent dragon so they can steal the poor thing’s belongings. The dragon? They’re a mother protecting a clutch of newborn children.

Dragons don’t look like monsters to me. Humans do, though.

That’s unlikely to ever change. I hurt too much for it to.

Of course, that doesn’t mean I hate humans or anything. I don’t really have it in me to hate anyone as that would mean I’d have to want someone to suffer and enjoy it, which I couldn’t. I’d vomit. I’m as diametrically opposed to suffering as anyone could be. I’m really sick of how forced to suffer so many of us are already. It’s just that I can’t look at a human now and not at first see a monster because I have so much trauma to deal with and work through.

So, yeah. I’m Otherkin. It helps. It helps a lot. I love werewolves, dragons, robots, aliens, sapient fungi, and lots of other non-human stuff. It’s great. Sadly, humans being innately narcissistic tend to demonise anything unfamiliar to them, the human species has been doing that since the dawn of time with factors as trivial as skin colour or the shape of one’s nose. It’s tiresome. That’s why whenever something is special enough to have truly non-human entities as forces of genuine kindness opposed to suffering? It wins my heart.

I feel in love with Aurene in Guild Wars 2 for that reason. I feel that that game has been part of my ongoing therapy. I... do worry about being hurt by how they handle Jormag but I do hope. I really do.

So, yeah. That’s why I’m Otherkin. That’s the long and short of it. if you aren’t? I don’t hate you. It’s just that if we met, you’d probably want to hurt me. That tends to be how it goes. I don’t find comfort in the presence of humans. I do find much comfort though in the dreams of being a werewolf protected within a dragon’s shadow. That’s about the only way I can be healthy.

#otherkin #feelings #trigger warning

[evilelitest2]

So lets talk about Autism for a moment

Rare personal post for a moment.  Now I don’t tend to talk about my personal life on tumblr very much, because it is my personal life and it is tumblr.  But yes, I am autistic, and no, I don’t talk about it very much, and yes, I do have something to say about it for once.  

A little while ago, a chap known as @leepacey had a post where they had a list of characters who they believed were Autistic.  Most were characters who I didn’t know or I agreed with, but some on the list were characters like Zuko from Avatar, Flynn from The Force Awakens, Elphaba from Wicked, Hermione from Harry Potter, and Lilo from Lilo and Stich.  All of whom are characters who I don’t think are autistic, just socially awkward.  In fact I really think there is a problem with the way autism is understood in popular media where anybody who is uncomfortable socially is labelled autistic. This makes talking about the condition on its own terms rather difficult.  And I said as much. But then @leepacey here PMed me this: "hi are you autistic? also did u read that screenshotted post at the top of my post before running your mouth? also why do you not want autistic people to have happiness” and then this: “also before you respond saying anything, please know: i don't care about literally anything you could say to me unless it's an apology for interacting with my post.” I said that yes, I was autistic and they responded with this:

“i get it, you're pathetic and miserable so you want all other autistics to be too”

Later on they made more than a few mean remarks about my dyslexia

Oh did I forget to mention? I am dyslexic, which should come as absolutely no surprise at all to anybody who follows me. Anyways.

I was surprised to find that I felt legitimately. Long time followers know that I don’t get hurt very often by internet drama, but there is something uniquely upsetting when somebody who claims to represent my interests spits in my face.  Having your experience invalidated is never fun, and so you can consider this post the closest I get to an emotional outburst on the internet. But since it’s me, I want to re-frame this whole thing in terms of politics because...of course I do.  

So....couple of problems here.  The blog is decently popular and far more importantly, seems to be about autistic rights.  It is claiming to represent autisic people, but has this really nebulous way of using a legitimate issue as a cudgel. And I see this behavior with a lot of people in a lot of different movements.

And no, this isn’t a “SJW are terrible” post because I’m pretty sure I’m an SJW, if that term means “somebody who acknowledges that social inequality exists.” One of the difficulties of social justice is that it is very difficult to talk critically about it without inviting alt right GamerGate reactionary trump voting assholes to leap in and declare the entire notion of social justice fundamentally wrong. So let me just say: Anita Sarkeesian is not a conman.

There is no White Genocide.

Autism isn’t abnormal.

But I can’t help but notice people use issues as way to abuse power, and so here is a helpful list of tips of how to identify those who co-opt causes for their own benefit. ‘Cause you find these people in every movement, and they are always toxic.

Since I am as always, horrible with technology, I still haven’t figured out how to screenshot personal chats, so I am posting the transcripts at the bottom here for those who want to see the details. A few things that keep happening:

1) There’s no possibility of reasonable, non-bigoted disagreement.

My original post was ‘I don’t think these characters are autistic because X” That was about the sum of it.  Now, maybe I was wrong, maybe I am completely and utterly wrong, but this person didn’t really allow for there to be any way I could disagree with their conclusions without being somebody who wants to make autistic people miserable.  I have to have an ulterior motive, I need to be motivated by something other than “I disagree with the actual content here,” because then they would have to respond to my arguments. It’s not as if addressing my arguments here was particularly difficult or upsetting--the only thing at issue is whether a fictional character is autistic or not. 

And It’s not as if I wasn’t open to being wrong. For example, upon reflection, Lilo being autistic actually does make a good deal of sense, @chaotic-good-milk-hotel made a good argument for why it makes sense to read Lilo as autistic.  We can talk, disagree, have a conversation about this without anybody having an ulterior motive or ill intention because you know...its just people’s head cannons.

2) They immediately go for the throat.  

Again, this is a conversation about somebody’s headcanon that Zuko from Avatar is Autistic.  This is the definition of a conversation that doesn’t need to get mean spirited in the least.  But right off the bat I am hit by “also why do you not want autistic people to have happiness.” Because there is a certain type of person who really conflates any disagreement with the worse levels of disagreement.  At the risk of going armchair psychology, I imagine that they want me to be the type of person who thinks Autism Speaks is legitimate, so they can feel more justified by lashing out at me cause you know....anger is addictive.  

3) Massive hypocrisy:

Am I the only one who notices that they are like “I fight against ableism” but continued to mock my spelling after I told them I was dyslexic?  Cause it isn’t really about the issue, the issue is just a way to put somebody else down.  

4) Strawmaning

Here is my original response.  Nowhere in this did I say I wanted to hurt autistics, nowhere did I support Autism Speaks, nowhere did I say that I wanted there to be less autistic representation, yet I am evidently dismissing the entire notion of autistic people being acceptable.  Again: “i get it, you're pathetic and miserable so you want all other autistics to be too” 

5) Conflating what is good for you with what is good for the larger movement.

This is the big one I really want to talk about. The rest are more personal gripes, but this is the biggest danger you find in communities for the marginalized: people who take their own personalities and make them into the supposed personality of the community. Throughout the chat leepacey continues to refer to any disagreement with themselves as a disagreement with the movement as a whole.  So if you think “That character is not autistic” by extension you are saying “I think that autistics have no value whatsoever”. In essence “I speak for the autistics, if you speak against me, you speak against autistics.” Hmm, that sounds familiar. Speak. Autism. Autism. Speak. No, it’s not coming to me.

And you can find this kind of really dangerous attitude all the time in marginalized communities, because when you are legitimately oppressed by society, it is really really easy to rationalize all your behavior as just a response to oppression.  When you do good work fighting against obviously evil people, it is easy to see anybody who opposes you as part of that same evil.  And that’s how you end up attacking members of the group you’re supposed to be fighting for.

Criticism does not equal persecution.  There is real legitimate persecution out there, you don’t need to elevate normal criticism to the level of oppression. And once you get into the realm of reading all criticism as persecution, then your movement has begun to attack itself.  

This is the reason I rarely talk about my autism: because this is not the first time something like this has happened to me. The autism “community” which always winds up hurting me more than it ever helps. This person claims to represent autistic people, but they sure as hell didn’t represent me.

Happy April Everyone. 

Chat logs are below, if any of you know how I can screenshot them and post them to confirm them as legit, please let me know because I don’t really like asking people just to take me for my word.

Today at 6:22 PMleepacey sent a photoset ✨ happy autism acceptance mo...hi are you autistic? also did u read that screenshotted post at the top of my post before running your mouth? also why do you not want autistic people to have happiness

leepacey: also before you respond saying anything, please know: i don't care about literally anything you could say to me unless it's an apology for interacting with my post

dicecast: I love this "Are you autistic""Before you answer, I am just going to go run on a a ton of preemptive defensive assumptions"But the answer is yes and you're post is just...wrong

leepacey: i get it, you're pathetic and miserable so you want all other autistics to be toohow dare other autistic people make positivity posts

dicecast: or.....ori disagree with the content of you're post  like it is entirely possible that I don't think those characters are autistic without wishing hatred on autistic

leepacey: so just don't reblog it? magical i know

dicecast:atustics*

leepaceyso keep your garbage off my post

dicecast: I didn't want to not reblog it

leepacey*atustics 😂😂😂

dicecast: I thhink people mistake social discomfort with autism

leepacey: nice okay

dicecast: which I think marginalizes autism more.  i'm dylexic dude but kudos for like immediately going for the throat

that level of defensiveness and hyperbolic ad hominem really is a testament to how much you care about people 

because you know...it isn't remotely possible I might....disagree with those characters

being labeled as autistic

leepacey: i am autistic and am getting a masters in nonfiction creative writing, writing about myself and my autism. it's literally my life's work, writing about autism positivity as a way of helping the mental health of other autistic people and educating allistics about the traits of autism. but yeah; i'm spreading misinformation about autistic traits because god forbid people don't see us all as nonverval five year olds

dicecast: I wasn't aware that assuming i hate autistic people is spreading the message positively

Also, and this might be a bit difficult so I"ll go slowely but it is possible that I don't want autistics to be depicted as only non verbal 5 years olds

AND...

wait for it

I still disagree with some of you're choices on the list

leepacey: this post is made to help the mental health of autistic people. it's not meant as a definitive guide to autistic traits. i went through tags finding the most popular autistic headcanons, and compiled them on one post, because the beginning of april can be a very negative and triggering time for people because of autism speaks.

dicecast: like those don't contracit each other

leepaceyshut up for five seconds god you talk too much

dicecast: oh no....i write fast, how bloody terrible

now i actually agree that april can be triggering time for autistics and I hate autism speaks because they are awful

leepacey: yeah, hence the existence of my *positivity* post

dicecast: but again....i disagreed with you're choice of character

I don't think some of those characters autistic...and you're solution is to basically say i'm a self loathing autistic person....

leepacey: and you're still under the assumption anyone cares ?

dicecast: because I disagreed with you're choicesleepaceyokaydicecastwell I clearly got under you're skin...again, this is a major overreaction

because disagreeing with you

you specifically

isn't hating autistic peple

unless you are the autism pope I suppose

leepacey: my post has like 11k notes of autistic people saying how much this post means to them, and then a couple people like you (usually allistics) being like no!!! these characters aren't autistic!!!!! wah wah!!!! like how dare a post make autistic people happy, right? you're the one who decides if headcanons are okay or not

dicecast: The fact that you can't distinguish between "I don't think these characters are autistic" and "I don't think autistic people should be happy" says a lot more about you than 11k responses

cause you know...I didn't say autistic shouldn't be happy

Now we can have a reasonable conversation about if Zuko is autistic or notread into various scenes and talk about autistic representation

leepacey: that's the thing i keep trying to repeat to you: the post exists to make autistic people happy. you think that i'm so wrong to say these characters are autistic, as if it's some crime to humanity that i say "hey maybe prince zuko is autistic :D" like that's some crime against humanity

dicecast: Disagreeing with you is a crime against humanity?

leepacey: sarcasm, sweetheartnice reading skillzi'm done hear. go back to reddit, troll  {and then they blocked me} -------

Note: I think it is pretty obvious that they thought I wasn’t autistic and were totally prepped to go into a whole “You aren’t autistic you can’t speak” spiel and then just got all huffy and ran off when they realized they didn’t actually have that particular gun in their arsenal.

And I want this duly noted...they messaged me. I didn’t go to them. Opening up with “Fuck you and I don’t care what you have to say” and then blocking me. Classy. 

[Post edited by randomshoes, who is very angry because someone was very very nasty to her friend and he’s upset and she can’t do anything about it other than pick for typos. What you say to people matters.]

#@leepacey #Autism #Autism Speaks #Social Justice #Leftist Auto-cannialism #THi

[dicecast]

Lets Talk about Autism

Rare personal post for a moment.  Now I don’t tend to talk about my personal life on tumblr very much, because it is my personal life and it is tumblr.  But yes, I am autistic, and no, I don’t talk about it very much, and yes, I do have something to say about it for once.  

A little while ago, a chap known as @leepacey had a post where they had a list of characters who they believed were Autistic.  Most were characters who I didn’t know or I agreed with, but some on the list were characters like Zuko from Avatar, Flynn from The Force Awakens, Elphaba from Wicked, Hermione from Harry Potter, and Lilo from Lilo and Stich.  All of whom are characters who I don’t think are autistic, just socially awkward.  In fact I really think there is a problem with the way autism is understood in popular media where anybody who is uncomfortable socially is labelled autistic. This makes talking about the condition on its own terms rather difficult.  And I said as much. But then @leepacey here PMed me this: "hi are you autistic? also did u read that screenshotted post at the top of my post before running your mouth? also why do you not want autistic people to have happiness” and then this: “also before you respond saying anything, please know: i don't care about literally anything you could say to me unless it's an apology for interacting with my post.” I said that yes, I was autistic and they responded with this:

“i get it, you're pathetic and miserable so you want all other autistics to be too”

Later on they made more than a few mean remarks about my dyslexia

Oh did I forget to mention? I am dyslexic, which should come as absolutely no surprise at all to anybody who follows me. Anyways.

I was surprised to find that I felt legitimately. Long time followers know that I don’t get hurt very often by internet drama, but there is something uniquely upsetting when somebody who claims to represent my interests spits in my face.  Having your experience invalidated is never fun, and so you can consider this post the closest I get to an emotional outburst on the internet. But since it’s me, I want to re-frame this whole thing in terms of politics because...of course I do.  

So....couple of problems here.  The blog is decently popular and far more importantly, seems to be about autistic rights.  It is claiming to represent autisic people, but has this really nebulous way of using a legitimate issue as a cudgel. And I see this behavior with a lot of people in a lot of different movements.

And no, this isn’t a “SJW are terrible” post because I’m pretty sure I’m an SJW, if that term means “somebody who acknowledges that social inequality exists.” One of the difficulties of social justice is that it is very difficult to talk critically about it without inviting alt right GamerGate reactionary trump voting assholes to leap in and declare the entire notion of social justice fundamentally wrong. So let me just say: Anita Sarkeesian is not a conman.

There is no White Genocide.

Autism isn’t abnormal.

But I can’t help but notice people use issues as way to abuse power, and so here is a helpful list of tips of how to identify those who co-opt causes for their own benefit. ‘Cause you find these people in every movement, and they are always toxic.

Since I am as always, horrible with technology, I still haven’t figured out how to screenshot personal chats, so I am posting the transcripts at the bottom here for those who want to see the details. A few things that keep happening:

1) There’s no possibility of reasonable, non-bigoted disagreement.

My original post was ‘I don’t think these characters are autistic because X” That was about the sum of it.  Now, maybe I was wrong, maybe I am completely and utterly wrong, but this person didn’t really allow for there to be any way I could disagree with their conclusions without being somebody who wants to make autistic people miserable.  I have to have an ulterior motive, I need to be motivated by something other than “I disagree with the actual content here,” because then they would have to respond to my arguments. It’s not as if addressing my arguments here was particularly difficult or upsetting--the only thing at issue is whether a fictional character is autistic or not.

And It’s not as if I wasn’t open to being wrong. For example, upon reflection, Lilo being autistic actually does make a good deal of sense, @chaotic-good-milk-hotel made a good argument for why it makes sense to read Lilo as autistic.  We can talk, disagree, have a conversation about this without anybody having an ulterior motive or ill intention because you know...its just people’s head cannons.

2) They immediately go for the throat.  

Again, this is a conversation about somebody’s headcanon that Zuko from Avatar is Autistic.  This is the definition of a conversation that doesn’t need to get mean spirited in the least.  But right off the bat I am hit by “also why do you not want autistic people to have happiness.” Because there is a certain type of person who really conflates any disagreement with the worse levels of disagreement.  At the risk of going armchair psychology, I imagine that they want me to be the type of person who thinks Autism Speaks is legitimate, so they can feel more justified by lashing out at me cause you know....anger is addictive.  

3) Massive hypocrisy:

Am I the only one who notices that they are like “I fight against ableism” but continued to mock my spelling after I told them I was dyslexic?  Cause it isn’t really about the issue, the issue is just a way to put somebody else down.  

4) Strawmaning

Here is my original response.  Nowhere in this did I say I wanted to hurt autistics, nowhere did I support Autism Speaks, nowhere did I say that I wanted there to be less autistic representation, yet I am evidently dismissing the entire notion of autistic people being acceptable.  Again: “i get it, you're pathetic and miserable so you want all other autistics to be too”

5) Conflating what is good for you with what is good for the larger movement.

This is the big one I really want to talk about. The rest are more personal gripes, but this is the biggest danger you find in communities for the marginalized: people who take their own personalities and make them into the supposed personality of the community. Throughout the chat leepacey continues to refer to any disagreement with themselves as a disagreement with the movement as a whole.  So if you think “That character is not autistic” by extension you are saying “I think that autistics have no value whatsoever”. In essence “I speak for the autistics, if you speak against me, you speak against autistics.” Hmm, that sounds familiar. Speak. Autism. Autism. Speak. No, it’s not coming to me.

And you can find this kind of really dangerous attitude all the time in marginalized communities, because when you are legitimately oppressed by society, it is really really easy to rationalize all your behavior as just a response to oppression.  When you do good work fighting against obviously evil people, it is easy to see anybody who opposes you as part of that same evil.  And that’s how you end up attacking members of the group you’re supposed to be fighting for.

Criticism does not equal persecution.  There is real legitimate persecution out there, you don’t need to elevate normal criticism to the level of oppression. And once you get into the realm of reading all criticism as persecution, then your movement has begun to attack itself.  

This is the reason I rarely talk about my autism: because this is not the first time something like this has happened to me. The autism “community” which always winds up hurting me more than it ever helps. This person claims to represent autistic people, but they sure as hell didn’t represent me.

Happy April Everyone.

Chat logs are below, if any of you know how I can screenshot them and post them to confirm them as legit, please let me know because I don’t really like asking people just to take me for my word.

Today at 6:22 PMleepacey sent a photoset ✨ happy autism acceptance mo...hi are you autistic? also did u read that screenshotted post at the top of my post before running your mouth? also why do you not want autistic people to have happiness

leepacey: also before you respond saying anything, please know: i don't care about literally anything you could say to me unless it's an apology for interacting with my post

dicecast: I love this "Are you autistic""Before you answer, I am just going to go run on a a ton of preemptive defensive assumptions"But the answer is yes and you're post is just...wrong

leepacey: i get it, you're pathetic and miserable so you want all other autistics to be toohow dare other autistic people make positivity posts

dicecast: or.....ori disagree with the content of you're post  like it is entirely possible that I don't think those characters are autistic without wishing hatred on autistic

leepacey: so just don't reblog it? magical i know

dicecast:atustics*

leepaceyso keep your garbage off my post

dicecast: I didn't want to not reblog it

leepacey*atustics 😂😂😂

dicecast: I thhink people mistake social discomfort with autism

leepacey: nice okay

dicecast: which I think marginalizes autism more.  i'm dylexic dude but kudos for like immediately going for the throat

that level of defensiveness and hyperbolic ad hominem really is a testament to how much you care about people

because you know...it isn't remotely possible I might....disagree with those characters

being labeled as autistic

leepacey: i am autistic and am getting a masters in nonfiction creative writing, writing about myself and my autism. it's literally my life's work, writing about autism positivity as a way of helping the mental health of other autistic people and educating allistics about the traits of autism. but yeah; i'm spreading misinformation about autistic traits because god forbid people don't see us all as nonverval five year olds

dicecast: I wasn't aware that assuming i hate autistic people is spreading the message positively

Also, and this might be a bit difficult so I"ll go slowely but it is possible that I don't want autistics to be depicted as only non verbal 5 years olds

AND...

wait for it

I still disagree with some of you're choices on the list

leepacey: this post is made to help the mental health of autistic people. it's not meant as a definitive guide to autistic traits. i went through tags finding the most popular autistic headcanons, and compiled them on one post, because the beginning of april can be a very negative and triggering time for people because of autism speaks.

dicecast: like those don't contracit each other

leepaceyshut up for five seconds god you talk too much

dicecast: oh no....i write fast, how bloody terrible

now i actually agree that april can be triggering time for autistics and I hate autism speaks because they are awful

leepacey: yeah, hence the existence of my *positivity* post

dicecast: but again....i disagreed with you're choice of character

I don't think some of those characters autistic...and you're solution is to basically say i'm a self loathing autistic person....

leepacey: and you're still under the assumption anyone cares ?

dicecast: because I disagreed with you're choicesleepaceyokaydicecastwell I clearly got under you're skin...again, this is a major overreaction

because disagreeing with you

you specifically

isn't hating autistic peple

unless you are the autism pope I suppose

leepacey: my post has like 11k notes of autistic people saying how much this post means to them, and then a couple people like you (usually allistics) being like no!!! these characters aren't autistic!!!!! wah wah!!!! like how dare a post make autistic people happy, right? you're the one who decides if headcanons are okay or not

dicecast: The fact that you can't distinguish between "I don't think these characters are autistic" and "I don't think autistic people should be happy" says a lot more about you than 11k responses

cause you know...I didn't say autistic shouldn't be happy

Now we can have a reasonable conversation about if Zuko is autistic or notread into various scenes and talk about autistic representation

leepacey: that's the thing i keep trying to repeat to you: the post exists to make autistic people happy. you think that i'm so wrong to say these characters are autistic, as if it's some crime to humanity that i say "hey maybe prince zuko is autistic :D" like that's some crime against humanity

dicecast: Disagreeing with you is a crime against humanity?

leepacey: sarcasm, sweetheartnice reading skillzi'm done hear. go back to reddit, troll {and then they blocked me} -------

Note: I think it is pretty obvious that they thought I wasn’t autistic and were totally prepped to go into a whole “You aren’t autistic you can’t speak” spiel and then just got all huffy and ran off when they realized they didn’t actually have that particular gun in their arsenal.

And I want this duly noted...they messaged me. I didn’t go to them. Opening up with “Fuck you and I don’t care what you have to say” and then blocking me. Classy.

[Post edited by randomshoes, who is very angry because someone was very very nasty to her friend and he’s upset and she can’t do anything about it other than pick for typos. What you say to people matters.]

#leepacey #Autism #Personal note #Social Justice Auto-Cannibalism #Abelism'

[noidsome]

Digimon tri: Loss rant aka butthurt

So there are things that bothers me a lot about these Digimon tri movies and this movie, well lets just say its teh drop that tipped the glass. I dont really like rewieving things..but i am very passionate for digimon, so i suppose this will do.

So what is there to say about Digimon tri? or spesifically... loss? hehe loss..more like loss of my intrest in these movies..

TLDR; the movie is long, boring, little action, meiko is shit as always, the conflict with sora, tai and matt doesnt exist, some scenes go nowhere and are more filler then plot, still questions left unanswered, 02 kids are dead and gone and nobody cares at this point, and shitty, limited, boring, bland and dissapoiunting animation. 

Anyhow where do i even start? first i suppose i should start off by saying the things i DO like about this movie. I did enjoy seeing tai more in the spotlight, and it was nice seeing tai, matt and sora talk again. And not to mention, digivolutions! Where most of the digis became ultimate! hell yeah! and my boi machinedramon, i always loved that fella. And more digi kaiser?? YES PLS FUEL MY NEEDS FOR FOOTAGE!! and of course, the animation was well done with the fight scenes and the action was really neat! My favorite part of the movie was the last part.

and now, onto the... MANY many problems these movies had, with none other then shitty animation, awkward scenes, bad art styles, scenes that go nowhere, meiko, and FILLER!! clench your asshole because this is going to be a long one...

Ok so we start off the movie strong. This flashback goes well with me because its this old timey wimey film effect, and we get to see the backstory of himekawa and black hair teacher typography mcgee, i forgot his name..anyway thats cool, we get plot! and then cuts to meiko being left out with her dark evil special digital device. GOOD. she has no way to enter now. she should be left out like the shitty written character she is. im glad shes out.. but would i be like this for long?? NOPE, NOT HERE IN DISSAPOINTMENT LAND I WONT!!

So then we get tehse cute bonding scenes, which are just very nice. its good they take their time with these, and boy....do they take their time :))))) the shitty happy music desu comes so abruplty that you just sit back and say “nice here it is.” so the rest of the digimon get along just fine with the kids again, which is nice i guess....except for pyokomon or whatever. For some reason she is the ONLY CONVENIENT one that wont like her. now, im fine with this, because things never happen the same way twice. however, she is THE ONLY ONE, and the others open very fast, so why?? eh whatever wont bother explaining too much about that ;))

so after this kawaii desuka moment, after toei “””””””””””””””animation”””””””””””””””” show us a slideshow of their best drawings of the kids just sitting there, with no movement, we get on with it. 

There is one thing i learned in animation class, and that is that YOU NEVER HAVE ONE STILL FRAME in animation, and these movies have a lot of them, and so fucking shittly placed as well. Just sometimes to save time, or just because lazyness, the animators just pan a akward still filler frame. i know things are hard, and horrible in NEY-HON, especially with animation, but for gods sake i cant help but go “animation is hard XDDdDdDD” whenever watching these movies....because sometimes....SOMETIMES.......

anyway so onto the story, “special super powerful” meikoomon appears, crying because she is adult and remembers meiko. why, you ask?? WHY??????? WELL who cares stfu. so she runs away and jumps into a distortion. did she make it? did the digital world provide her with some? will we get answers??

so then, PTaiSD starts doubhting if we can save the special boy cat, and Yamaha has to of course get angry about every single little thing tai does, and walks off in a huff. Was this scene forced like all hell?? is yamiffedo being a bitch for no reason?? Yes. yes he was. at this point, it feels like they just put this here to give matt a reason to be angry because they have nothing left to bitch about to eachother, or yashitto just wont let up. either way, it is so frustrating..but i digress. 

we also cut to black haired crocks wearing mcgee again, in and out, of him saying “i cant figure this out” and we get told this 2 times. ... ANYYYWAYYYY then the kids remember their personalities again and tai suggests we do something now, and the digimon digivolved. HURRAH!”

byomon is still not trusting sora, which is fine i guess bonds take time, and they did take their time, which was fine. so they keep cutting to this trolly, the one they slept in in digimon adventure. HEY GUYS, REMEMBER THE TROLLY???? REMEMBER DIGIMON 01?? WASNT THAT SERIES COOL??? 

special OP baby cat meikomon just sits and laments because she cant find meiko, so she gets all infected and fucks up everything again, making the reboot for NUFFIN if she keeps this up. BUTT WAIT, why does she still have this infection?????? OH NO SHE TURNED EVIL AGAIN!!!! but does the movie explain??

so here we are with the blank kids club as izzy expositions the shit out of the other kids, which is nice. its nice to get plot... BUT ITS NOT THE PLOT WE ACTUALLY NEED, just...just a little bit of it. just a little bit.......... anyway everyone cuberbullies meiko and basically says that she is a shit and wont fit in here because all she would do is cry or fuck up something beyond repair. that is what she would do.

so then sora walks off and sits by a trunk and is sad because her tamagotchi doesnt like her anymore. BUT.......and this is a big but...Taishit and Yaman come to the rescue. BUT...they are both stupidly blank and doesnt know waht the fuck to do or say, but they try. how will they tackle this point??

So basically sora is suprised to figure out that tai and matt cant read her mind, and just runs off and is understandably angry about the situation. so as tai and matt is visibly upset they cant fix this, which you couldnt tell because their expressions are about as vibrant as a piece of wood, Taichi basically says something good for once. Sora spends her times worrying about other people and doesnt say anything about her own worries. which is....good??????

im sorry but to me thats not good at all. if you fix everyone elses problem, and you shut your own problems inside, you are going to suffer. THIS IS NOT A GOOD THING HOLY FUCK WHAT KIND OF MESSAGE IS THAT??!?!?!?!? unless i am completly misunderstanding this kind of behaviour but to me, this is not good. fuck that shit. so that scene ends. nothing gets resolved.  then finally, after fucking FOREVER with filler scenes and awkward crappy animation, machinedramon finally appears and is here to fucking kill this second hand emberassment. they run from him, and the others see whats going on. so then they try to do something and fails, and then meikoomon isnt evil anymore...........????? and then something which i think is one of the biggest, STUPIDEST cop puts of all time happens. 

macinedramon shoots them at point blank, and really hard and long too, like so long the camera makes sure to show ALL of their faces as they slowly burn to death by the giant super death cannon...and so they all get fucking obliterated and die... EXCEPT THEY DONT!!!!!!!!!! A DISTORTION PORTAL APPEARS AND JUST... TROWS THEM ACROSS THE ENTIRE ISLAND!!!! AND THE KIDS ARE ALSO UNHARMED!?”!?”?!?

WHAT THE FUYCK IS THAT SHIT?!?!??! WHY DID THE DISTORITON APPEAR??? WHO MADE IT?? WAS IT MEIKOOMON??? EXPLAIN!!! EXPLAIN FOR FUCKS SAKE IM TOO AUTISTIC TO UNDERSTAND THIS DEEP LEVEL OF STORY TELLING!!!

oh and we get a cute flashback to actually knowing what himekawa wanted. she just wanter he digimon back.......which is why she acted this way all along? so she could get her stupid digimon back=??? thats why she had to act like she was secretly the one fucking everything up?? ....eh idk ANYWAY

byomon sees sora cry and decides wew lad....that changes everything.,..so that scene ends, and what does byomon find?????? WELL WOW ITS MEIKO WHO JUST FELL INTO THE DIGITAL WORLD JUST BECAUSE!!!!!!!!!!!! 

it was at this point i got really upset with this crappy movie. The scenes drag on for too long, scenes just end and go nowhere, and GOD DAMN IT IM SORRY FOR SAYING THIS BUT MEIKO IS A FUCKING MARY SUE. she is such a classic example of shittily written self insert characters that it fucking hurts. if i wanted to read your shitty digimon fanfiction from 2008 then i would of done that. Its fucking insane to see this level of writing from a professional writing team, holy fuck. 

and then........this.......this takes the cake.... fucking tai and kari are together. finally, they get to talk a little about things, like for example bringing up whats bothering tai all this time, or why he has to be such a tittybaby with yamato, or maybe have a little chat about character development. but no we dont get none of that. shitty sad music plays and....no tai just says “oh man im so angry i didnt make it” and kari says “its ok” and then tai just looks down.... AND THEN THATS IT!!! ....OK??

so then a whole lot of fucking nothing happens for a while, and i mean, they just.....dont say ANYTHING worthwhile. tai goes all “man i wish tai would read my mind and not be an asshole. my name IS MATT AND I JUST CANT TALK TO MY FRIENDS SO I WALK AROUND LIKE AN ANGRY PISSY BABY BECAUSE THATS MY TRAIT, WHICH IS NOT FRUSTRATING AND TIRED AT ALL” 

and byomon being a little warmer, going to meiko just because shes a cunt at this point, like now shes just being a dick, and generally everyone just walking around having a grand ol time. i guess its nice, and cool and all...but it drags ON FOR TOO LONG WE DONT NEED THIS LEVEL OF CALM WHEN YOU HAD ONE ACTION SCENE TROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE MOVIE!!!!! and just generally....just stuff that goes NOWHERE!! like that train scene???? literally filler. was it a trowback to 02 where agumon came back on the train after being with the dark master?? i dont know!! fuck!!

then expositionmon comes, and its vague, and leaves. and then whatever anyway

meikomon cries and when she gets back to meiko again she tries to slit her troat, and meiko supringly tells her that she isnt good.....wow..thats nice. but they reuine and FINALLY gennai arrives again. in his kaiser disguise. why does he have that avatar to go back and forth troughout the world? why did he chose to use kaiser?? my guess is just to be a dick to the others, because thats the only good explanation at this point. 

and sora does say “oh hi ken please dont” but thats it. im sorry but at this point, the 02 kids are oficcially dead and gone. there is no logical explanation to why they act like this anymore. none that are actually good. forget about them, the others have. just....forget about it.

so distortions appear again and everyone reunites again, because hell we needed SOME explanation to them meeting again. so action happens, and everything is nice and fine and then gennai just

hes so insane im kind of liking it..... ANYWAY stuff happens and so they run away while gennai talks to them about some answers to our questions, which they might not hear because of the BIG HEAVY  STOMPS AND ROARS from the digimons but whatever... yuggrasil i dont remember who is and at this point i just wanted the movie to be over, so this last part, there isnt much to say because i liked it.

however sora getting BTFO by a giant mountain and machinedramons claw should have killed her, but nah whatever. and the scene with tai and matt drowning??? i jsut... dont understand it. what the fuck happened??? why did they just not drown anymore?? what?????? did the power of magic save them or somethin? I DONT GET IT!! and i mean...they should have drowned at that point jfc 

then half the movie is the digimon digivolving and now im so god damn sick of writing, but meikomon fucks everything up again and NOW IT ENDS ON A CLIFFHANGER!! REEEEEEEEEEEEE

SOOOO yeah thats it...the movie was slow, boring, fun, and overall awkwards. the kids had ALMOST no personality, and the scenes that the movie advertized, like the conflict with sora, tai and matt was nonexistant, and just....i myself, and a lot of people, are fucking dissapointed.

if you read this far, thank you. but i have no big hypes for the rest of the movies anymore because the shitty animation, no facial expressions, crappy storytelling, boring character interactions, and MEIKO makes me hate these movies more and more...........and that makes me sad.

#digimon tri #digimon adventure tri #digimon adventure tri loss #review

[crazy8man-blog]

Crazy 8 (chapter 13)

He wasn't what I had expected a foreign dignitary to appear as. But then again I never expected to  find myself slamming the bitch, Tina with him, nor did could I have conceived that I would spend the next 3 days getting absolutely pounded by the Bolivian Consulate to Florida, a total pig who will only refer to as Wilbur.

He billed himself a well seasoned partier. But he had no fucking clue how to slam and knew I was way too crazy fucking 8ed  to find a vein. Shit! I had done a fucking Boxcar! I could barely find my fucking dick!

I ended up trying to Chard him and fuck! This son of a bitch  lost it and ended up taking a crap on my comforter, a commonality in people that are new to the world of my beloved bitch, Tina.  You know that fucking comforter went right in the fucking garbage!  Then I called my dealer, Philip to come admin.

So, Wilbur and I went at it for 3 days and he's going through allot of the bitch, Tina. So I remind him he's gonna have to come down sooner or later. And what does he do? He calls his dealer who delivers this pathetic fucking 8ball. I almost had to fucking laugh.

So I pull out a needle, a point, and I go to load like a polite point, a .9 and the guy starts making a face which pisses me the fuck off. So I let him inject and I tell him to leave, the absolutely worst fucking thing you can do to someone who uses, letf alone a newbie that's tweaking the holy fuck out

Throwing someone out while they're tweaking, well I have to tell you, it's pretty fucking horrible on both sides of the issue. The guy you're putting out is pretty  fucking much imperiled! Everyone, everywhere he goes is looking at him, the cops start chasing them. It's a real fucking horror.. But it's not real, but then it is and that's when you're fucked!

They've drawn allot of attention to themselves and quite possibly they've crossed paths with some good fucking samaritan who's called the fucking cops or an ambulance.

Let me ask you, tweaking the fuck out can you be sure they're not gonna wig the fuck out and send them back to your place to find out what the fuck happened?

Later, when someone told him that I kept pounds of It in my closet he was like no fucking way! He buys from a dealer named Philip.

Yeah! Philip was my dealer, the fucking guy I hired to sell my shit?

It was late afternoon when I arrived that mild autumn day in New York City. I didn't know what to think when I saw it. I mean it wasn't much to look at, and a far cry from the Hotel Pennsylvania. In fact by far, it was much more  to run away from and I probably should have, the Saint Nicholas hotel in Harlem. It was where I landed in New York. It was there that I was going to get clean that I might spend the remainder of my days as Philip.

I have to say it wasn't too fucking bad, wasn't bad if you're looking to fucking slam like a mother fucker! I mean my first night there I slammed a complimentary crazy 8 just to prove I could. Yeah, the bitch, Tina she had followed me to New York.

And after that the lurid  drug crazed encounters that went on in that place were like one of those  sex dream you have during puberty just can't awaken from. But why the fuck would you want to?

I lasted a month.

In that months time I was almost dead, and maybe was. And while I met a man of elegance that I will tell you of later I missed my Philip, the dealer one,  painfully and couldn't take it any longer. So I gave up the fight and decided to make my way  back to Florida. My quest to become clean had come to a horrible end.

There will be no death party at the Hotel Pennsylvania, and no I haven't decided to move it to the Saint Nicholas hotel either!  There will beno Tina no show, I will no longer  put on quite the show, no suicide. But yet there will be in a metaphorical sense. This life must end and I must find the strength to find love for myself and be born away from my pain of losing Sally Pickles, who I will never stop searching for, away from my first true love, Philip, away from the man who twice bought me to the end of my life in his own sexual greed, my beloved Ivan that I may renew my life.

After all is said and done that fucking doctor was right. The one who revived me when I had been dead for 2 minutes and 11 seconds? That mother fucker was absolutely right! And now, at least for this moment, a pin hole in time, I have.

Seeing my husband that day was too much. He looks fucking AMAZING! But I am the bigger person in that I can admit that it bothered me to see that he has moved on without me so well. And who was this old bastard he was with who became so emotionally unnerved at my being there? I have seen him someplace before with Ivan.

Anyways, I know now that we were the worst thing to ever come into each others lives, worse than the bitch, Tina, worse than anything or one you could ever fucking imagine. Simply put, I married the fucking anti christ!

Thus, I'm not going to kill myself!

Why should I give that mother fucker the satisfaction! I am a Gueci, like my father. I am a Gueci!

Dear Ivan,

I cherished you more than I have ever loved any other human being. I tried so hard to make you happy but nothing  that I ever did, no matter how hard I tried was ever good enough for you and it kills me! On the night that you walked out on our marriage, the vile slut you were and remain, It actually did kill me. I was dead Ivan! For 2 minutes and 11 seconds you had your wish of being the happy widower!

I'm a good person Ivan. I  know I am. I have spent my entire life trying to help people. I taught autistic children Sunday school. For 10 years I risked my life ensuring public safety. For 18 years I was entrusted with the we'll being and care of the mentally ill.

Now let me ask you, what have you ever done except feed your own sexual greed?

I have to look at myself in the mirror every single day. I do so with a clear conscience. And yet I always ask myself what I could have done better to make the world I live in a better place.

In the few terrible weeks we spent living with each other I learned that you are vain to the point that you consider yourself to be amazing. But you're not!

More than the bitch, Tina, you ruined my life. You sucked me dry of all my resources without ever loving or even caring about me!  And then you walked away.

Ivan, you were never faithful to me. I mean the night before our wedding where were you? You were in a sex club, Paddles!

It begs the question, and I'm sure your boyfriend, the social worker asks you this referring to me, why did you marry me?

The answer is very simple. Think of the day the cut really happened on your hand. You remember? July 4th? You were upset because I didn't want you, my husband, to meet that guy from Grindr to have sex in the woods. You became aggressive and grabbed at Sally Pickles front paw. I got afraid and pushed you away. You fell into a scrub pine. I ran away and you met the guy and had intercourse with him as people watched.

Now Ivan, what did you say when you found me hysterically crying back at the hotel? You said, pointing at your hand, "Look! If we go to police and say you beat me it will be good for my case!" To that I replied, "Ivan that would be filing a false deport and we could both end up getting arrested!"

Then we got first aid for your hand at the front desk at the hotel. Ivan it's in the hotel log and they documented that you were intoxicated.

Ivan, you married me so that you could accuse me of domestic violence. You calculated every single move you made.

You are simply a blood sucking user who prays on the lonely. And yes Ivan, I was very lonely when I met you! But I'm not anymore!

I'm sure you'll be elated to know that   because of your false accusations I lost  my dog Sally Pickles! I will never forgive you for that in this life and the next!

I'm fucking filling for an annulment! I have also contacted a congressman in regards to your application for asylum. You are not going to get away with what you did to me.

Ivan, you are going back to Russia.

And Ivan, my story actually has a happy ending, unlike yours, you meth head! Yes, I found out.

I finally realized I don't know you. But I know the bitch, Tina and I'm going to tell you something that someone told me a very long time ago. "Look around you. Everything you  own and everyone that you love, they're gonna go away. You are gonna lose everything including America!"

Now I take my leave of you Ivan. I've found someone I love more than you, more than Philip and even more than I love that fucking bitch, Tina,  me, myself, the man you used, the man that you walked away from to become a whoring drug addict.

I want you to know something else Ivan. I have met an amazing guy, a man of incredible elegance, an actual matador!  You know, the one you harassed on the subway last night..

Thus I'm moving on. And unlike you and I, what he and I have will stand the test of time! So whatever your intention was, you failed!

So remember, while you're losing everything to the bitch, Tina, I will be busy reclaiming my life and climbing the ladder of success with a man of substance and character.

I will always remember you for the special moments we shared together. I will remember them for being nothing more than a facade to the evil intent you had in your empty soul and It no longer pains me to finally accept that you're never coming back. It's for the best,  am eternally grateful to you for walking out and saving me from an eternity of anguish.

Remember me Ivan. I am the one who probably couldn't have given you the world. But I would have worked like a slave to have given you every single thing I possibly could have.

But that's not what you were looking for. You were looking for a victim you could accuse!

The Rose.!

And  as this this part of my story ends. I will love myself, I will continue to see my very special man of elegance.. I will continue to search for Sally Pickles and I will live life to the fullest. I owe that to the greatest mother a man could ever have and because I love her so much I owe it to myself.

I love you mom and dedicate this book to you.

With love, The Rose

As we sat in the diner I struggled to find a a way, the words to tell him. Then finally I spoke.

Kenny, we need to talk. It's about Steven. "I don't need to talk to you about Steven. He knows what he needs to do." Kenny , he's dead. "What do mean he's fucking dead! You don't even know Steven!" We were boyfriends. "No! Give me his number!" And after he had heard the recording he flew into a rage.

Kenny, he told me. You have to stop or I'm gonna expose you. You're hurting people.

"You're not a rose you're death! What did you have to offer him? I offered him cash.! Everyone you come in contact with dies! Philip, Steven, Sally! Look at your poor husband Ivan! He has needle marks up and down his arms!'

I couldn't fucking speak. We offered each other our hearts. "Oh bullshit! C'mon. You've got nothing to offer! You're death!" Peering down at the knife on the table, I fucking knew I was about to gouge his fucking eye out. , instead I ran out of the diner in tears.

[anautisticdragon-blog]

Atypical

Sigh.

Where do I even begin with this? So, Netflix wants everyone to believe that all autistic people are these violent monsters, prone to rape, stalking, physical abuse, and worse. That might be true of manipulative sociopaths, but usually autistic people just mind their own business and don't make a habit of punching women. I want to just point out that from the autistic people I've spoken with who've been involved in long-term, loving relationships versus the neurotypicals I know who break up every three months or so? Yeah. And is it autistic people who're the people you usually find involved in domestic abuse statistics? No.

This is the kind of thing that plays on my mind's desire to be tribalistic. I have to take a very, very deep breath and remind myself that whilst it's true that some neurotypicals can be vapid, hollow-minded, manipulative, borderline, and nauseatingly parasitic, that's not really true of the majority.

I want to think that. I have to. I can't keep falling prey to the kind of tribalism that results in these smears being used against us. It's the golden rule. So, do the sordid examples of humanity responsible for Atypical fit the descriptors above? Yeah. I'd say that's true of the actors, too, for going along with it. Is this true of most people? Nah. And yes, there are autistic people who can be like that too. The problem is is that reality can be twisted by the 'default state.'

This is something I've talked about at length. At length. And I'm going to again. I'll do it until I'm blue in the face. I'll do it until I die. I'm sick of it. It's such an innate flaw with teh human condition. I actually think we need an AI to conquer and nanny us because we can't get over something so easily conquered. If I can be aware of it and fight it, why can't others? Why would a show like this ever make it to Netflix? I'm not being unfair, I don't think. Do you remember the premiere of 'Neurotypicals,s' a series about the self-proclaimed "beautiful" zombie-vampires who prey on the unwitting by being degenerate manipulators? I didn't think so. That's because that never happened, of course.

And yet here we are, Atypical. A show that's doing basically that with autistic people, putting every horrible autistic stereotype front and centre. And why aren't we getting 'Neurotypicals?' That's because neurotypicals are the 'default state,' the correct way of being. That's how they view themselves, because they're taught to think that way, and they don't realise why it's wrong. That's why we have entitled white men who think that prejudice is 'those filthy plebeians who talk about me behind my back.'

This reminds me of Dreamfall Chapters.

I had a lot of faith in Ragnar before this happened. I still remember just how disappointed I felt in him. I wasn't angry. It was just sad. What did he do, what did Dreamfall do? It had a scene where someone was verbally stripped down and abused for being autistic. Ragnar's excuse? "If people in the real world can be so terrible, so can people in believable stories. Grow a spine!"

Lovely fellow. I really had more faith in him than that. You see, the problem was actually not that the prejudice was there in the first place, but the self-congratulatory air with which it happened.

No one called it out, there was no one to chide the abuser and speak up against a rather obvious social faux pas and taboo. It normalised ableism and made it appear okay, normal, and acceptable. It no doubt made ableists happy, to feel normalised by this game. That's just sick. What was Ragnar's response? He knew that this was the reason that people were objecting, but he stuck to his original argument and spammed it across the Internet in the hopes it would just go away. Eventually, of course, it did. Mostly because Dreamfall Chapters was a massive disappointment in and of itself, as a package, going far beyond just the autistic slight. It was forgettable, so I suppose that's a small blessing.

The thing is? This kind of thing keeps happening. Now it's happening with Atypical, which Netflix thinks is okay. Would Netflix have greenlit 'Neurotypicals,' do you think? I don't think so.

No, autistic people have to deal with this shit all the time. Frankly, looking at the current climate, things haven't improved much since I was young. And when I was young I was physically abused beyond measure just for being autistic. I think that things for autistic people right now are worse even than for people of colour and women. It's unfortunate that I have to say that, but look up the Judge Rotenberg Center and tell me I'm entirely off the mark. In fact, have a read of this letter.

When was the last time this happened to a neurotypical? And this is what fires my brain to get tribal about it, to despise neurotypicals. Because NTs are blind to this, because they never take notice, because they think it's funny and cute to take the piss out of autistic people? It creates this division, this tribalism, and it's really difficult to fight it. It feels like a one-sided fight. I feel that, as an autistic person, I am fighting my own mind -- day in, day out -- to not despise neurotypicals. And every day I see new examples of neurotypicals abusing us, treating us like shit, or just having a 'good old laugh' at our expense.

It's really tiring, you know?

The whole 'default state' thing sickens me. If you're white, healthy, cishet, privileged, good for you! You're the 'default state,' you're neurotypical, you're 'normal!' That's great! Now look around you and see how many people are weaponising that to make the lives of others miserable. I'm so detached from humanity that I've even become sensitive to the prejudices in fantasy settings, which I've discussed in prior posts. Often I feel more sympathy for and open empathy towards non-humans than humans.

The humans in fantasy settings just always come across as the abusive, nasty examples I've had to deal with all my life. The non-humans feel like autistic people, persons of colour, and those others who're outside of the 'default state.' I mean, when a neuronormative person who's a part of the 'default state' and not aware of it, when they look at a picture of a bunch of 'heroes' ganging up on a dragon, it comes across as 'epic,' to them, it's 'heroic.'

I see a bunch of looters and bandits, who've burst into someone's home with murder in their eyes. I see the dragon as someone who's found themselves in a position where they have to defend themself against invaders, against people who'd kill them for no reason other than that they're a dragon. That makes me feel a little ill. This is the world I live in, where even fantasy prejudice affects me. I can't help it. When I live in this reality, one where Atypical is a thing, can you blame me?

I'm going to end this on a more positive note and give a shout out to my favourite boys, the McElroys. They've been making strides in trying to be inclusive. What I will say is that if you really want to do that, one thing I'd love to see in The Adventure Zone is a believable autistic character. One that isn't just all about the stereotypes. I'd really love to see that. One that isn't portrayed as sociopathic (which is wrong) just because they have so much empathy it short circuits them sometimes and they have to withdraw, and so on. I'd really, really appreciate that.

This is why I'm glad I don't watch 'normal' TV any more. Fuck 'normal' TV. Fuck Netflix, frankly. I'd prefer something that's inclusive and doesn't make money off of ruining the lives of others. So, yeah. Fuck Netflix. I'd prefer to give my money to people who choose to be inclusive and permissive. That's something I truly value about the McElroys, and they're a constant example to me that neurotypicals aren't all terrible, awful, parasitic, exploitative people. Whenever my mind wants to fall into that pit trap, I remind myself that they exist.

Could be that they're all as autistic as fuck, of course. Heh. But I doubt it. I'll just take them as examples of good neurotypicals, proof that they can exist.

I know this has become a bit of a thing to say about them by this point but... They're good boys. I wish that more people could create entertainment founded on the truly inclusive ideals that they have instead of othering people for entertainment. That shit is harmful. It's going to just reinforce negative stereotypes of autistic people, and autistic kids are going to grow up to another generation of people who aren't self-aware enough to realise that Atypical and shows like it aren't accurate depictions of autism.

At the end of the day, though, I don't hate neurotypicals. I won't. In fact, I categorically refuse to let tribalism win. I want to reach them rather than just turning this hate back on them. So I'll just say that I wish that more of them were aware of this 'default state' is really toxic, and how miserable it makes the lives of others when it's weaponised for their entertainment. It's really not cool.

Not cool at all.

Edit: So, I've done some more reading about this and the autistic community at large seems to be in consensus about Atypical. It's generally just neurotypical writers creating a 'ha ha, look at the idiot' show for other neurotypicals. It's quite painfully obvious in how they did their best to avoid casting autistic actors for the main role, as that may have -- oh no -- resulted in someone calling them on their evil BS.

It gets even better. Check out this review from TV Line. The excuse this reviewer gives is golden. Apparently, for not being the default state -- O Glorious Superiority -- autistic people are unfit for television. We need neurotypical actors to humanise us. What the actual fuck? This is precisely the kind of ableism shows like Atypical promote. It's pure exploitation.

It really is just exploiting us for NT yuks, pure and simple. It's awful, honestly. I watched bits of it here and there and I couldn't stand it.

I saw one post on Twitter that had the following exchange:

"So, you're going to marry your best friend..." "Edison?" "No, not your turtle!" "But you said my best friend!"

And this was followed with 'Atypical is my new, favourite show.' Why? Because it's funny to laugh at the poor, sub-human, troglodytic autistic retards? Oh, poor little hobgoblins.

Sigh.

My brain wants to give into the hate so badly, I can't convey to you how difficult this fight is when all I see are neurotypicals talking about how fantastic Atypical is.

It fucking hurts. It just makes it all the more difficult to not just blanket hate neurotypicals. I am trying, believe me.

I am trying. But Atypical is also trying, it's fraying my last nerve.

That TV Line interview, god. Why do neurotypicals hate us this much? I can't get over it. I try not to make blanket statements but I don't exactly see neurotypicals talking about how bad Atypical is for us. Like I said, generally they're just being vapid all over Twitter and Facebook about how much they love it.

I'm trying so god damned hard to not blanket hate neurotypicals, then something like Atypical has to come along and make the fight against my own darker urges all the more difficult. I don't want to be responsible for that kind of prejudice. It's just so difficult.

I don't even hate them, I guess. I just... I hate them in a way for what I have to be, and the kind of fight I have to fight against myself to not hate them. Which may sound illogical, I know. I admit to having hated neurotypicals for the longest time for precisely this sort of thing. It hurts. It hurts a fucking lot.

I just feel that as much as I try to not hate neurotypicals, they want to hurt me back for trying to hate them twice as bad.

Why? Why is that?

I'm just going to leave this as another shout out to the McElroys, I'd love to see them talk about this. I think it'd do me good to hear neurotypicals actually decry this kind of thing. I just hope they happen to see this, I really do.

That TV Line interview... FML. I'll just leave this at that.

#atypical #netflix #autism #the mcelroy brothers #travis mcelroy

[anautisticdragon-blog]

I Love The McElroy Bros

I'd like to launch off of my last post by talking about men who occupy both ends of the sociopathic spectrum. Those who embrace the virtues of toxic masculinity and all those iconic ideas of maleness, and those who just eschew them in favour of something better, all the while giving absolutely no damns what others think.

This harks back to one of those hallmark periods of my life which serve to remind me of why I'm so jaded today, why I've such a very low opinion of humanity in general (though that's mostly focused at both extraverts and straight men, if I'm honest). It was a time when I was struggling with my autism, due to my identity, trying to figure everything out and looking for support.

I was part of a community called Rock, Paper, Shotgun. It's a British gaming site devoted to video games journalizm (yes, that kind). I didn't know any better than to not be there at the time, I didn't know why I should avoid places like that in favour of more inviting locales like Polygon. It was very much a British boys gaming club, for boys, with very few gurls allowed. I remember how they even had to bring on a handful of women due to rumblings about how the site was a cavalcade of never-ending sausages.

A sausage fest, you might say.

Of course, they didn't do that until much later. And one of the first women they brought on board was incredibly masculine and all about that toxic masculinity anyway, so... Not a great change for them.

I'll stop ragging on them for their maleness and get to the meat of this.

I'm sorry. I'll also stop with the sausage jokes.

As an autistic person who's experienced a hell of a lot of prejudice, I bond easily with creatures that don't share a human appearance, who will often be the target of human hatred, violence, and atrocity. Orcs, gnolls, werewolves, dragons, et cetera. What I find interesting is that amongst my gal pals, this love of 'friendly creatures that toxic males perceive to be monsters' is absurdly common???

My lady friends love talking deathclaws almost as much as I do. They love Beast, of both Grant Morrison's X-Men and the original Disney animated film, they're fond of dragons and they'll note that it's unilaterally always going to be sausage fest of 'heroes' they're being assaulted by. Heroes who're just there for the loot, really, who'd certainly never -- not under any circumstances -- ever investigate to discover a "vile dragon's" supposed guilt.

Or lack thereof.

And whilst that sounds sarcastic, I mean it unironically. How often do heroes actually do detective work to find out if that dragon they slew was actually responsible for the atrocities blamed upon them. Do they have evidence? Or is this just toxic masculinity's Vigilante Justice 101? And that's not everyday vigilanteism, mind you. No, not at all. Even Batman is a detective!

But then, hilariously, Batman doesn't buy into toxic masculinity so much. Anyone who's ever seen the DCAU version of him knows exactly where I'm coming from with this. He can actually be quite sensitive, understanding, and perceptive. Not exactly the hard-nosed, right wing conservative that the right wing proponents of toxic masculinity seem to need him to be, eh?

Anyway, the point is is that as an autistic person I could easily see unfounded prejudices. Against gender, colour, or even fantastic racism in video game settings. It all got under my skin a little since it all normalised prejudices, and as a mentally disabled person who's often shunned for 'behaving differently than the norm,' I'm all too familiar with how much of a living taboo a person can be.

So, at this boy's clubhouse of toxic masculinity known as Rock, Paper, Shotgun, I'd ask the simple question, plaintively "Why can't we try just attempting to communicate with them first, just to see if we can find out their side of the story?"

And here I was. The sensitive, mentally disabled gay boy ruining the manly men's toxic little clubhouse with a spash of reason. Unthinkable! I'd ask this every now and then, whenever I saw a game whose focus was purely beautiful, extraverted, sociopathic humans slaying creatures I guess we were supposed to assume were "evil monsters" despite a lack of evidence. I just wanted to try talking, is that so completely wrong of me?

They thought so.

I was harshly mocked for over a year (I'm not kidding) about this, until the joke got old. When it finally did, when my amusement value to them had passed, I was banned. It just sort of came out of the blue. What really stung was that Alec Meer, the self-designed autocrat of RPS who banned me, actually saw fit to make fun of my autism publically.

That post is long gone, sadly. I didn't think to make an archive of it at the time because I was so upset. I couldn't understand why they hated me so much for simply wanting to try communicating. I do now, of course. It's all down to toxic masculinity and I was 'taking the fun of their mindless slaughter away with my pansy, sissy-minded, gay empathy.' Which is why RPS Is still mostly a sausage fest.

It was worse for me, too, as someone with bodily dysmorphia. I've been so scarred by humanity that I've been at odds with my outward human appearance for what feels like decades now. Unless a piece of entertainment manages to connect with me emotionally, I'll only enjoy stuff with non-human characters in it. And if there are humans it'll mostly be cartoons just so it's detached enough from what -- to me -- is the monstrous aesthetic that's hurt me so much over the years. The RPS thing is a minor blip in comparison to most of the things I've endured, but I mention it because of what this is all about.

You see, I'm probably what most people would consider the bad kind of "furry" for this reason. Even though I'm not sure if I identify as furry, as much for their sake as my own. I'm just a guy with bodily dysmorphia who'd rather be a shapeshifting robot. Admittedly one who'd often take on the appearance of a werewolf, but still.

So this year of being made fun of -- and I don't know why I stuck around, really, other than hoping they'd actually see that they were being genuinely horrible people -- cut me a little. I became a running joke, a meme. The autistic guy that everyone laughs at for being... hm, how would they always put it? Wrong-faced? Yes. Absolutely lovely turn of phrase to use on someone who's also physically disfigured.

Yeah, my life has sucked. Sorry. I'm a bit of a quasimodo, it's why I don't really go outdoors.

All this because I wanted to communicate. I saw prejudice, I couldn't not. I realised it, I called it, and I questioned it. I asked whether the game might be more fun if we could talk instead.

Apparently most people just want to run around gutting things. It explains the popularity of Fallout 4 over Fallout New Vegas to some crowds, I suppose. One game is one where you can talk yourself out of damn nearly every situation without any violent confrontations, and the other being one where you're given one shopping list of targets to murder after another. Those who've played both will know which is which. Or even those who've played one of them.

I'm just a talker. I'm the kind of person who realises that if we ever met aliens, we wouldn't want to send the extraverted sociopaths who'd try to manipulate them by shaking their hands and putting their backs without realising that they don't have hands to shake, or backs to pat. That this effort might even be seen as hugely offensive.I've always found that when it comes to extraverts -- especially those who're weighed own by toxic masculinity -- their strong suit isn't ever really introspection, is it?

So, the McElroys, then.

I think most people might think that the reason I'm saying this is because of their stance on furries. Oh, sure, that's a part of it. Perhaps it's due to their view that being inclusive and permissive is better (and funnier, due to those who it offends)? And that's part of it, too. Once again, though, it's not why I was inspired to write this thing up.

I listen to The Adventure Zone.

Justin tried talking to the giant crystalline creature. It might've been a joke, but he tried.

More impressively, and the part that really hit home with me, Travis wanted to try talking with the voidfish. Travis has always struck me as a giant baby who'd rather talk, given the opportunity. It's funny that he's playing some kind of beefcake warrior (perhaps somewhat ironically) in The Adventure Zone because of how feminine and sensitive he is. Which I very, very much support. Oh how much I do.

He wanted to try talking with the voidfish. He was excited by the prospect of talking with such an inhuman entity and I'm actually trying not to cry, now. I don't know why this is all making me so emotional but god damn it Travis...

And then Griffin, god fucking damn it, had to actually go and include the rest of it. I actually had to mute while I was listening to this with my partner because I started crying, I'm a huge baby. I know it was as much for the humour as anything, but it still really got to me. The hand on the glass, the jamming session that followed, it was all really powerful stuff for me.

And you know roughly where I am in listening to The Adventure Zone right now, eh?

I need to stop crying.

Anyway... I've always been ousted and shunned because of my disability. Mental disability is a weird thing. It's an invisible prejudice, in a way. I should be in a position where I'm privileged, probably. Except due to how I behave, how I talk, how I hold myself, my body language, and everything else? I'm shunned, I'm often ostracised. People find me strange and undesirable. I'm a living taboo.

I think a lot of very autistic people feel this way. As I said, due to this along with my physical disfigurement? It's why I haven't left my house in decades. The biggest event in my life has been trying to get my partner a fiance visa lately so that we can be together in the UK, we spent five months together and those were the most amazing I'd experienced.

The only memories I have that can match those are the times I've enjoyed spending with dogs. Dogs are a bit too physical for me a lot of the time, their games and ways are very overloading, but I still love them and I enjoy being around them.

I don't know where this is going any more.

Anyway, Travis? Love ya, man. You too, Justin. And Griffin. Even you, Clint. Sorry. That's probably weird.

The thing is? I'm just that sensitive to prejudice. So even obvious fantasy prejudice gets to me and gets me down, I can easily see when it's just a stand-in for the real thing in a fantasy world, it's there to normalise prejudices and give people with a prejudicial mindset a very safe, happy place to be where they can be bile-filled sacks of sheer hatred and never, ever be challenged.

That's what RPS wanted, until I ruined their little boy's clubhouse. With my undesirable empathy. What a shitbag I am. A waster, an intolerable douchefuck of a loser who wants to talk to non-human fantasy creatures. Who wants to do that when we could jam our phalluses in them and make them dead with our magnificent maleness?

It was just... It was so cathartic that Travis unironically wanted to try and communicate with the voidfish. That and the wonderful way they handled Klarg the bugbear, their 'hugbear.'

I just love you guys. It felt oddly vindicating that a group so popular doesn't go for the whole toxic masculinity thing. It's nice.

Thank you.

I'm a neurotic fucker and most of my memories are of hurt, betrayal, pain, and suffering. It's sucked. Like I said, being mentally disabled is one of the worst things you can be because no one seems to recognise the prejudice you have to endure. And I've had to endure some fairly terrible shit. To the point where it's genuinely, desperately difficult to have any faith in humanity in general. I'm not a misanthrope, as I'd never want to see my worst enemy suffer. I'm just...

I'm tired of our species' crap. Frankly. We always think we're so great but we should be judged on how we treat those who aren't like us. Which is probably why we haven't been visited by more advanced life, eh? Anyway, I won't get maudlin on you, the melon collies can back right up a bit...

Thing is? You guys managed to touch me with your shenanigans. So I really do mean it when I say thank you. Sometimes, people like you are a bit of a beacon of light in what, for me, is a very dark, hopeless world.

Now if I could just stop bloody crying.

Why am I like this on Tumblr?

Regardless, thank you.

#the mcelroy brothers #the mcelroys #thezonecast #the adventure zone