#like oh is someone feeling left out?????

[whiskeyswifty]

Nothing like being a swiftie for 15 years to make me immune to the frequent compulsion miserable people seem to have where they see girls enjoying something and, despite not being involved in the conversation at all, HAVE to insert themselves and immediately tell those girls how much they hate that something and think it’s stupid and anyone who likes it is a culturally anemic idiot. Truly insane behavior like girls enjoying things, literally anything at all but especially things that center women, really makes certain people aggressively angry and well, we all know why! I survived the Red Era (2012) so you can’t hurt me anymore. Thank you miss swift for preparing me for the rest of my life as a woman, good fucking grief.

#like oh is someone feeling left out????? #is someone mad it’s not about them???? for five minutes??? #oh 🥺🥺 how hard it must be for you to be SOOOOOO smart and clearly anything you don’t like is stupid #must be so difficult for you to see women happy when you don’t get why they like it so much #must be SO HARDDDDDD to have something just not be for you!!! I totally understand why you have to smash it to smithereens!!! makes sense! #Get a LIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFEEEEEEEEEE #and ALL genders are guilty of this btw!!!! #their reasons are different but they’re all throwing tantrums just the same!! #the amount of times this happens like #if I hadn’t been desensitized to this during the red era #id go insane #just ugh needed to blow off some steam

[tubbytarchia]

I don't know what this is all I know is that LimL Joel makes me really emotional

#I know he has a tendency to go deranged on his red lives but idk something about him beginning to lose it after Jimmy died and killing Grian #joel smallishbeans #smallishbeans fanart #trafficblr #Again its his red life shenanigans but... If only Jimmy had known how affected someone was by his death. I'm choosing to believe this #and him then going out like a sad pathetic wet cat even with Grian's sacrifice... He really deserves a win one of these days lmao please #Also I cant stop thinking about how Jimmy wouldn't have left him. Grian was sensible to and most players probs would have #Joel really does become a lost cause so its fair and Grian did still care (and went to say goodbye as well as sacrifice his time for him) #But Jimmy would have stuck by even if Joel were in this state (and they'd both get themselves killed pathetically but) #And Joel having shown such genuine care for Jimmy and concern over his limited time... man anything w Jimmy makes me so emotional lol #I love them so #oh Ig about the art itself. I dont like it but hey thats how it tends to go when you try smth new. And no shame in trying #but if one person likes this then yayy I will still feel accomplished and happy #Im looking at this again and hey its not that bad actually yay I love to approve of my own art. self love hell yea #tubby art

[eyes-of-nine]

they're so childhood friends to lovers bodyguard au coded to me 😌✨ (they have killed so so many people)

#oh how i missed doing a good ol fashioned leyendecker study #and hey look IT'S THE SILLIES<3 #<- tho my lore knowledge has not improved since last time I posted about them I have in fact gotten slightly better at russian #anyways someone plss appreciate the fact that I edited all the serifs to make the font fit nicer ywy #why are cyrillic fonts so ...ehhh #and if anyone feels like summarising over 100 comic issues in my dms i would sell my soul and left kidney to you🥺👉👈 #I wanna talk about them sm but also I genuinely don't really know shit #it's actually super fun highly recommend #sergey razumovsky #oleg volkov #....do they have a ship name??? I'm sure they do???? oh well #plss let's appreciate oleg for being very fun to draw too #major grom #major grom plague doctor #bubble comics #Сергей Разумовский #look look I figured out how to get cyrillic symbols on mobile easily :DD #Олег Волков #майор гром #fanart #my art #mgpd

[ch1zzie]

Forgot to post this here butttt

Working on a welcome home animation and mighttttt take me a while

#the idea is just wally getting the barnaby plush and thats kinda it #i did plan this before when i ordered the wally plush (sep 8 2023) but didnt have the motivation and stuff for it #its inspired by the image of wally peaking out of homes side window with the text below “there he is!” not sure if its wally saying it #either wally noticed someone or someone noticed him but anyway #i saw that image and was thinking to make an animation of it instead of the “there he is!” text its going to say “he's here.” #i also realized i might need to voice that only line or even make sounds for the background😭 #i already was close to finishing background 2 (where eddie will be seen walking to wallys house) but my tablet died #grrrrrr #also unrelated but i wrote in my book todayyy (i never write at all) but hey its kinda fun to write my ideas huahahahaah #i plan on doing some research on welcome home and write it down (maybe even some theories hmm??) also doing research on the characters #just to try to get to know them more (cuz i have been crazy for them for AGES and still feel like i haven't done enough) #oh yeah CALL ME CRAZYYY butttt since the irl world sucks i plan on making little writings like im IN welcome home just because idk #more explaining and better ones on my tiktok vid description (user in my bio) #also i feel like things might be getting better for me cuz wowie i never thought id be animating again #but now all this motivation...so many ideas appearing...need to focus on one at a time...darn #HEY! 12 days till a break from the evil cell of educational purposes??? (school) FINALLY PURE HEAVEN I CAN BE FREE WITHOUT SUFFERING #welcome home #partycoffin #wally darling #welcome home arg #welcome home fanart #welcome home wally #7 backgrounds left to do...then ill have to animate...oh evilllll so evillll

[longsleevelaceration]

#star trek ds9 #elim garak #julian bashir #today she told me she was texting someone #and she wanted to write “are you still good for tonight?” but left out a space #autocorrect changed “goodfor” to “gorgeous” #“are you still gorgeous tonight?” #she laughed and didn't send it #but oh #i liked the way she said gorgeous #feelings #star trek gif

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

I just had a whole actual married, mother of two adult woman be the first person older than about 21 to actually accept the fact that I don't want to get married and be willing to talk through what that means for me, instead of trying to convince me that I'll change my mind as I get older. I'm going to fucking cry

#I told her I'm lonely and why. and I told her that part of it is because I never want to get married #and so as the people I love move on to new seasons in their life I will always be left behind. because I don't ever want marriage #and she was just like ''okay. that just means you have to figure out what YOUR milestones are going to be #because that's going to look different than most of the people around you.'' #I've never had an adult woman. especially not a church one. just accept it before #it's always been ''ok but everyone feels that way at your age [a blatant lie. most of the people I knew in high school #got married RIGHT out of high school] you'll feel differently in a few years'' #or ''well don't shut yourself off from the possibilities!'' or ''oh but you'll meet The One'' #so it's like. earthshattering for someone like this to just accept that I know my own heart in it and help me figure out what that means #for the future #like. I'm going to cry. I'm literally in tears. #Lu rambles #sorry for swearing. it's for emphasis. I'm very emotional rn

[bookwyrminspiration]

sometimes I remember how the magisterium series ended and get so angry i can't even think straight

#the magisterium #i was just reminded of it and. oh my god what the fuck was that #it was going SO strong up to like book 4 #and then??? SO many things out of left field #and undid one of the most important lessons of the book. in my opinion #which is that you can't bring someone back from the dead even if you can bring someone back from the dead #and that taking other peoples bodies to live on is actually not a great idea #fucking. what. #oh my god loathe the golden tower (final book) loathe loathe loathe loathe loathe #it just feels like there wasn't nearly enough time or effort put into it #it's just. HUH #pissed about it now #the thing where basically every evil person in the world was actually this one guy? moving between bodies? #fucking. so ridiculous #the one redeeming point of the book for me was aaron in calls head. even though I think aaron should've stayed dead #i can acknowledge the internal commentary and conversations were quite funny at times #but grrr grrr

[good-beanswrites]

Just wanted to plant an idea if you wanted a bit of fuel: Mahiru asking Yuno to come to her cell before everything goes down.

Edit: I forgot the ask didn't say it but this is part of Kyanako's incredible Order Of Attack AU!

Didn't mean for this to become a mini Mappi study but here we are ✨ Thank you for the request! I fully intended to write them hanging out, but it's more right before they hang out lol. Went a bit on-the-nose with foreshadowing, but isn't that the fun part? It has become Emotional Over Mahiru Hour...

I kept things vague, but TW for mentioning her boyfriend's state of potential self-harm

Mahiru tried not to act superstitious, she really did. As much as she loved the idea of little luck charms, or avoided easy signs of misfortune, it was easier to keep quiet about such ridiculous things.

Maybe catching a bride’s bouquet meant no guarantees; maybe there was no real harm in stepping underneath ladders, maybe a coin tossed into a fountain had no real magic to its wish. However, the one thing she knew for sure held power was a lucky presence. Being in the right place at the right time could alter everything. And today was the right time for something. There was this waiting in the air. The prison had been holding its breath. Mahiru knew it was time to release it all.

“You must be so lonely, why don’t you let big sis Mahiru keep you company?” She beamed at Amane.

She often recalled the good fortune that she and a certain young man had crossed paths on the university terrace. She used to laugh with him about the wonderful coincidence of bumping into each other outside of the bakery, then the convenience store. 

Though she’d never spoken about it to him, she was also grateful for many occasions where she walked in on him at the precise moment to talk him out of something reckless. She always told him that they’d do everything together. He didn’t need to be alone anymore. 

“I wish to be alone. I need peace of mind to think.” Amane turned away from the cell door.

It was a good thing, too. Mahiru’s smile wasn’t as convincing as she said, “o-oh. Of course.”

She made her way around the panopticon, hearing Fuuta pace his cell in anticipation. He must have felt it too, this holding of breath. 

Or perhaps not. He turned down her offer for a bit of company, including a few more colorful words than Amane had. Mahiru just apologized for bothering him and headed back to her cell. She wasn’t sure where Mikoto was at this hour, but she didn’t feel like smiling through a third rejection.

She shook her head back and forth. She wished the motion could rattle the voices inside, she wished she could shake them all away. With her arms secured in place she could no longer cover her ears. She used to hum to keep them at bay, but lately they’d been too loud to stifle. They just kept on talking.

Their words told her the two were right. Nobody needed her company. No – nobody wanted it. Being together hadn’t helped her boyfriend. In fact, being together had been the very thing that got him killed. No wonder Amane and Fuuta wanted to avoid her. 

So then, this was for the best. She would rather deal with the brief sting of refusal than stumble in one day to find them hurt… or worse. As much as she tried to avoid the superstition of it all, the voices reminded her that her very presence could mean life or death. 

“Mappi, are you alright?” Mahiru hadn’t realized a tear had slipped down her cheek until she hurried to swipe it away in front of Yuno. 

“Hah, I’m fine! Just fine.” It was impossible to fool her, Mahiru had learned, but that never stopped her from trying. 

At least she always spoke tactfully. “Rough morning?”

Mahiru shifted her arms in her uniform, making a small sound of agreement.

“Can I do anything to help? What if I stay with you for a bit? I can do your hair, and…”

The voices were right. Amane and Fuuta knew it, too. Presences did hold power, and Mahiru’s was cursed.

But she would sound foolish admitting such a fear to Yuno. She'd heard plenty from the voices about how stupid and airheaded she was, there was no use in getting the same lecture from someone as grounded as her.

Mahiru managed a weak protest, unable to explain her real reasoning. Yuno was insistent. She didn’t give much of a choice. Could she feel the strangeness of the prison, as well? 

At last, Mahiru allowed her shoulders to sag. Yuno was lucky. And kind. Having her nearby would do her good. Amane and Fuuta would be alright. Mahiru had tried spending more time with them after verdicts were announced. Now, she made a mental note to pull back. If her love couldn’t save anyone, at least she could spare them from her curse. They would be safe. 

“Yes. Please stay. The truth is... I don't want to be alone.”

#milgram #mahiru shiina #yuno kashiki #amane and fuuta mentioned #i dont know how well this all fits in with your vision of the au but i had a ton of fun with this lmao sorry 😂 #oh hey if anyone knows any japanese superstitions like those in the beginning lmk #i was trying to research them but i kept getting lucky symbols/words - not necessarily actions like that #anyway thank you so much for this!! it was a really interesting moment to capture >:0 #drabbles that take me way too long to combine my three brain cells but im really pleased with the end result #i had a lot of Mahiru Thoughts but it took a bit of fiddling to make them fit together #the superstitiousness - the focus on one's presence - the parallels with his bf - what she's dealing with from the voices #im glad it came together semi-smoothly in the end asdfsd #i didnt mean for mahiru t break the fourth wall or anything -- #i always saw her as a master at picking up on social changes/cues so she can tell when things are most tense/kotoko is fully prepared #but she doesnt consciously know it -- she just knows that things feel Off #not only do the attacks confirm mahirus fear that shes cursed - but yunos involvement confirms her belief that shes extra lucky #i wonder if shed still end up spending all her time with yuno now that she thought she was such a protective person... #i couldnt articulate it right since the end was wrapping up so nicely - but mahiru starts to wonder if most people are fine being left alon #and *shes* the odd one out for craving company #then she feels isolated because by getting what she wants shes dooming someone else #i mean... if everyone you try to get close to starts getting hurt... wouldnt you worry about the same...? #AHAHAHAHA hope you enjoyed 🙃 #*posts this then retreats back into the void for a bit* #drabbles

[sugarcarnation]

skk plus kouyou trio has taken over my brain

#thought about how if the sskk plus kyoka trio is a thing that totally implies the existence of a skk plus kouyou trio #they’d be so funny #kouyou just awkwardly hanging out with these two teenage boys #who unfortunately happen to be the only people who are in a somewhat similar age range than hers #i feel like they’d truly be such disasters together #chuuya knows nothing about formal life. ​i imagine kouyou has never interacted with anyone outside of the mafia circles #dazai is dazai. he’s just a menace in general and im not trusting him to be normal in any kind of social interaction #also. yeah chuuya being angsty after dazai leaves is neat but what about kouyou being left behind by someone she’s grown close to once agai #how could dazai escape and not her #this all has reminded me that dazai also calls her ane-san #which makes me very emo but is also very funny to me #i just know he adopted that from chuuya in an attempt to annoy kouyou #but idk maybe he had to eventually realize oh no maybe it’s not a joke anymore #anyways. i’m having thoughts lmao

[lordsardine]

.

#okay like sue me. sometimes i google 'neioo' just because im a nosey bitch and want to see if anyone is talking about my fics #(i just got a comment on awh and like it makes me nostalgic etc. whatever. wanted to see if anything posted somewhere prompted it) #and i havent done this in a while #so please tell me why. WHY am i cited in someone's fucking PhD dissertation #yes the paper overall is about fandom and examining hetalia in particular so it's not like out of left field #but there are two fics total cited and mine is one. AND also there is a post from my fucking neioo blog cited??? #like my book announcement one?? #and neither of these are cited directly in the dissertation just at the end #so now i feel like im going a bit insane but like okay #i have work i need to be doing and i was reading this fucking dissertation instead #wish i could turn to 15 year old me and be like 'hey there champ. you know that fic series youre day dreaming in your head #that you don't want to write down because you think no one will read it #good stuff. anyway. one day it'll be cited in a dissertation #oh and your grandmother will have read it. have a good day' #...............well. now i need to focus back on work

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

#oh wow... #i just had an oh shit fuck moment #wow #i usually complain about the one therapist i had in my entire life and how she wouldn't just listen to what i was saying #if it didn't fit her textbook definition of whatever she was thinking at the time #and how i talked to her about my anxiety and how that made me feel and she would only focus on how i acted #so the example i gave her was the one time i went into a shop to buy something by myself #because my mom didn't want to go in for me and arguing with my mom in front of the shop in public and then inevitably have to #go in myself either way was way worse to me #because of the embarrassement of arguing in public. the fact that my mom was gonna spend the entire walk home telling me how i have to #''just suck it up and learn and just overcome my anxiety because i don't have a problem'' or whatever #and then having to go into the shop where the lady had been watching me from inside the entire time how i clearly didn't want to go in #and possibly be even more awkward with teary eyes because of the anxiety and awkwardness i already bring to the table any day... #all of those things that were going inside my head were trumped by the fact that i did go in and did buy what i needed #although my heart was coming out of my chest the entire time... all that didn't matter to my therapist because in her words: #''if you had anxiety. you simply wouldn't have gone in'' #which is ridiculous #but anyways... i just had an epiphany... that was masking wasn't it? #forcing myself to do something that brings me major discomfort to make my mother and the shop lady not judge me? #pretend i'm a normal human being just doing normal things instead of someone who's about to have a heart attack buying embroidery thread? #panicking the entire time because i wasn't prepeared and hadn't scripted the entire transaction in my head? #yet still going in and putting on my ''normal person'' mask to try to seem like i wasn't just dying seconds ago (and still was)? #isn't that literally what masking is?! #and the ''autism specialist'' ass therapist was like ''if you did it then you don't have a problem'' #when i'm literally telling her how much of a problem it actually WAS?! #you know what's the best part about all this #that when i told my mom after i left that therapist that she didn't listen to me because [insert everything above] #my mom's response was ''well sometimes therapist will say things that you don't want to hear but you have to accept them''.... #same woman who's always saying how much she hates therapists because they ''will say whatever and pretend they know shit'' #ok so it's only The Truth when I tell you it isn't...

[miodiodavinci]

there’s a more correct way of saying it though

#which is to say that one #i am mandated by my university to take on a certain number of tasks each week #all of which require extensive documentation both before and after they take place #but my supervisor is so fucking. disorganized that i can’t plan more than a day ahead #and even then they have been. repeatedly brushing off the tasks We Agreed I Would Do #in favor of them just taking the lead and making all of my planning documentation. redundant. #and then at the end of the week they’re like ‘oh what was if you needed to do #and i end up having to cram all these stupid redundant tasks into one day. #and Two. #because of this ongoing issue of them kind of just. agreeing on something one day and then changing the story on me the very next day #i am Horribly behind on my portfolio project #and having to do Very stupid and difficult things to make it seem like i’m Not horribly behind #and in both cases i just feel like screaming and crying and weeping #but i aldo feel like i have expended the emotionsl good graces of everyone around me #so all that’s left to do is suffer. #(but my brain is so fucking burned out that it feels like i’m just) #(repeatedly jabbing electrodes into a piece of shoe leather meat and begging for it to work again) #oughhhhh i just want to collapse already #someone let me………

[prototypelq]

DMC Questions Anon here!

Take every character you wish to and tell me what you think is the most emotionally devastating situation they could be put in and how they would react to it.

Hi, Ember! You just had to do the ask around the DMC1 anniversary and the twins' very bad absolutely no good horrible terrible birthday huh) lol we love angst in dmc everything is completely fine

To be perfectly honest with you I am surprised the twins are... somewhat functioning persons after all the shit they went through. I mean, they are barely functional, and 5 was just one massive mental breakdown for both of them but still! They remain Somewhat sane which is very hard to believe to tell the truth, and they really need years of extensive therapy (...also any therapist they go to will need therapy themselves after a session with the twins, I feel sorry for the poor soul).

All of this is to say that this is my ask and I don't want the twins to suffer too much)

this is also the reason I side with the 'twins have normal human lifespan' answer in Raven's poll, because Sparda Luck has had nothing good in store for them ever, and prolonging their years means risking their fragile mental health even more. they just really need a leave/retire at this point and my wish for them is to live their years in relative peace

I'l go over the twins briefly as I don't want them to go through shit again, the canon was cruel enough towards them. Nero is their weak spot. Nero is extremely important to the twins, because he is the physical manifestation of hope for their future. Before 5 the answer to this question would have been each other, as the pain of being the lone brother has been familiar for each of them and has been festering for decades at this point, but it all changed in 5. The ending of 5 shows rekindling of their brotherhood, it it was only possible thanks to Nero, as in 5 both of them were so exhausted they wanted just to end everything*

*I've discussed this with Raven, and we bounced around the idea that the circumstances of twins 'mutual agreement for the end' was not so mutual in details. Vergil was exhausted and had no idea what to do next, except have one last great stand with his brother, and to force Dante's hand to end him. But to bait Dante into doing that, he had to go all out during their battle, so Dante kind of rightfully assumed Vergil was out for his blood. Again. DMC3 tragic parallels my beloved.

I doubt Vergil realised how badly this was all going for Dante, or the consequences of such action on his twin. Though Dante absolutely knew he could not live with himself after ending Vergil again, and that's exactly why he left the deed (= inheritance for Nero) behind before going on this hunt. He thought it would be his last.

It would be curious to see Vergil's reaction to that information, I think if he learns of the deed he'll piece the puzzle himself, and then there is going to be an Interesting conversation between the twins. I doubt Vergil would have gone through with his plan if he knew the toll it would take on Dante, and Vergil never wanted his brother dead.

Nero is the twins future. He gave them a deserved slap as a wake up call, he reminded them of the possibilities the future could hold, while twins only ever look to the past. They found kinship in their shared respect and fondness of Nero, this is their starting point to heal.

Loosing another after 5 would be, of course, extremely painful for either of them (arguably worse for Dante, as his mental state is pretty much in shambles in 5, and Vergil was the same before that, literally in his case, but he has new page now, he just has trouble figuring out what to do with it), but with Nero's help they just might be able to pull through.

But if anything happened to Nero himself? I don't think twins, even with their bond rekindled would be truly able to come back from that. So yeah, the twins' weak spot is Nero.

Nero`s weakspot is obviously family, however much has been much kinder to him in that aspect than the twins. He grew up loved and cared for in his adopted family, but with his own isues of course. While Nero had not knew Dante&Vergil for very long, he certainly does take after his uncle&father (must be the Sparda heritage) in term of issues, because Nero combines the twins' together! Nero struggles simultaniously with self-worth and the need for recognition, which I reckon, will give him A Time while the twins are gone, and if anything they will only worsen after their return too. Nero has already unlocked two power-ups, yet he is abandonned by the twins (for reasons he will have to come to terms with) And he is not even close to their power levels (Vergil only lost to Nero because he did not want to fight in the first place and was exhausted). Nero has been trying to establish himself... for his entire life, but every major demonic outbreak had Required a Dante call, Nero had not been able to handle it on his own. And after twins return this issue will only persist, because he means so much to the twins, he now basically has a very agressive safety net, which all the spardas will have to work together to solve.

Also I could have just said family. Nero will be worrying over twins the entire time of their absence, no doubt about it. Hopefully, in the meantime of awaiting their return, he will look into whatever he can find of their history, and he will get at least a rough picture of what the hell the brothers have been through and why they had to go together.

Other weakpoint of Nero's is, of course, Kyrie. I actually have no idea how he leaves their home, knowing his blood attracts demons, which are already plenty in Fortuna, and with canon suggesting no special abilities to defend herself with. If something happens to her it will be devastating for him, but Nero has grew up with good support system around him, he has another adopted sibling in Nico, and now even his blood relatives are close. It will be hard, but I believe he could pull through with all of their help. (but I want nothing bad to happen to Kyrie)

Same applies for Kyrie - she will be tortured by the loss of nero if it came to that, but hopefully she will be able to work through that loss.

#why did this post turn out so long and a kind-of character opinion post I literally started on it immedeately after receiving the ask #oh well what can you do except read it I guess #i thought about adding others but to be honest the answers after nero will be pretty much the same #patty will have a terrible time if she lost nina or dante both obviously mean a lot of her #they are also her only line of defense against demons otherwise its life on the run #i feel like trish will have an easier time if she were left alone actually because she will always have History with the twins and will #never be able to fully move on from that while they remain in contact sorry for saying this but this is the only take i have on a character #forced to traumatise her friends with just her appearance alone this is a solvable issue untill someone leaves the equasion #lucia will have a bad time when matier passes as she is her only family and friend as far as we know #dmc3 cerberus won't have anymore traumatising situations because he was broken) sorry still not over my fuming over cerberus disrespect #dmc questions anon #dmc #dante sparda #vergil sparda #the sparda loser twins #nero sparda #dmc kyrie

[protect-namine]

I was thinking the other day that man, kokuto neji is such a character and I haven't liked a writer character like this since... shang qinghua?

which naturally led me to this thought: jj fic with svsss-style au where neji transmigrates/gets isekai'd into the world of havenna. as domina, of course.

it's extra fucked up imo because at least when sqh transmigrated in his book, he made up all of those characters and they mostly stayed in the realm of fantasy. like, sure, lbh was kinda based on himself in some ways and mbj was his ideal fantasy, but they still mostly stayed fictional, you know? sqq (sy) had to fix his plots because the characters sqh wrote strayed too far from their original plotlines

but theater makes a fictional world a bit too real and personal, especially when you use real people as inspirations for your writing. with neji, he'd be looking at rukiora and see three different people (mitsuki acting as rukiora; rukiora who was written based on a younger version of neji; rukiora who is her own person in this weirdly real world of havenna). neji would see fugio and to him that is both sou acting as fugio and the fugio who grew up with poison flowers. miguel is both fumi and the guy who ran away from his neshiromi fields. the only constant would probably be chicchi. she is too much like kisa in that... well. neji didn't really have a backstory for chicchi. chicchi is a blank canvas just like kisa is as an actor.

anyway. yeah, very sv-style character arc where neji, much like shen yuan in sv, is forced to humanize the villain. except this villain was his creation and is also tied to a bunch of personal issues for neji that he Doesn't Want To Think About and also he doesn't? really understand the character he wrote tbh?

isn't art supposed to process your emotions for you!! why must he process these himself!!

can you imagine neji, who always casts himself as a seer of some sort (fortune teller, ushinoko) or someone who generally has some control over his future or his "creation" (who is mary if not just another side of neji anyway; she's takihime redux, and takihime is also. neji). imagine this dude being transported inside the play he wrote but he doesn't understand it and he has no control over it and everyone's acting both in character and out of character. he both knows and doesn't know these people. they're fictional but also... real? does he treat them as real people? is domina real? he wanted his actors to imbue parts of themselves into his characters. are these people really just characters from a script? are they his quartz classmates? is he allowed to even hope that that's the case?

it's both THE improv exercise of his dreams and also. a nightmare

#mine musings #liveblogging jj #jack jeanne #i do kinda want to write this eventually. like separate from a njmtsks fic #oh god. not me wanting to write a fic about a story within another story. oh rama havenna... #we can even throw in the whole prayer theme. like yes the priest preaches in a godless town and he carries a bible but hear me out #what if the god he's preaching about is himehiko instead #like. prayers and confession as offerings to a theater god. said theater god put you in your own play to “help” you fix it bc you #as the scriptwriter don't even understand anything about your own play #i kinda envision this as a neji & kai fic #though neji mostly struggles with rukiora and chicchi and the way domina prevents him from reacting authentically #neji knows everyone's backstories and inspiration but them BAM he has to face chicchi and he doesn't know anything about her #bc he was banking on kisa making chicchi her own character and being the 'transparent vessel' that helps everyone improve #and also he just had zero notes about chicchi lmao #neji every night at pontartia: is she being ooc right now or is this how chicchi was supposed to be all this time #like remember that time when he said to sou that he only realized what mukai's character was about after kisa got her act together #it's happening agaaainnnnn with chicchi #meanwhile rukiora hates him soooo much and neji is sad that he can't even confess about this to the priest bc it would be ooc for domina #mikki hates him!! except that's not mikki. but she looks and sounds and acts like mikki!! and also like a younger version of neji!! #he'll look to jire and he's all sad and mopey and neji is like. suzu having nuance is GREAT but also suzu not being cheery feels so bad man #where's my moodmaker? hachipochi missing hours :( #he tries to talk to sou but that's not sou that's fugio and also. fugio only cares about chicchi #domina barely even interacts with miguel so neji has to devise ways for domina to talk to him while being in character #but the minute he gets close rukiora is there and miguel would never talk to someone that makes rukiora upset. go away madame!! #neji is left to commiserate with otori/facchio and himehiko is laughing in the background

[buppypuppy]

.

#vent post essay ahead lol #having complexes about talking about your emotions is literally the fucking devil . its miserable. it sucks so bad. #the aamount of damage that is caused to someone by like #i mean im talking abou t me here obviously. #being the person whose like. overall ultimately tends not to feel horrible as often is like. #it's nice not feeling bad emotionally all the time but also it's like. i develop this complex about being like able to help. #i don't feel bad anywhere near as often as my friends so i can help them out and listen to them vent i can have the mental room to #like listen to them talk about their problems. yeah. but it makes me feel like. well this is my job now so i shouldn't fucking talk about m #i shouldnt vent when i feel bad because that's not what i'm known for. plus my friends already all feel worse than me more often than me. s #i don't want to dump any more on their plate than they have to deal with. i don't want to burden them anymore than i have to. and like it's #it's hard. i hate fucking talking about it and it's made so much worse when its like people i love . always been a fucking problem becaus #i just feel fucking horrible admitting that i feel bad i hate that so much. i don't want to like turn away people who care about me but li #i feel like if i tell them what's wrong with me i'll like do it anyways. i feel like i come off as super normal and happy go lucky and like #ostensibly fine. so when i admit this shit its like. oops the facade is cracking!!!!!! uh oh uh oh you can't help people so you feel bad!!! #because your fucking npd has made you feel self centered in a way that means you want to help people or some shit i dont fucking know #and so when i feel bad or get mad over something unreasonable it's like. well i hope i fucking keel over and die or something i dont like . #i don't want people seeing me like this or whatever. and my stupid fucking personality disorder just ruins every god damn thing its so bad. #my past experiences giving me complexes that lead to me feeling fucking left out over like small stupid stuff but god the worst part is lik #my brain categorizing something as being ''My Thing'' so somebody else talks about liking my thing AFTER my brain has designated it mine #makes alarm bells go off and feel like theyre fucking. i don't know encroaaching on my turf or what the fuck ever? it SUCKS ASS #it makes me feel HORRIBLE . and it's like i'm not gonna fucking bring it up because i don't wnt to be like a dick but also it's like well. #i feel fucking miserable about this but it's just like mean and unnecessary and cruel to like stifle people's fucking fun because of my dum #fuckin complexes. it's fucking constant. like oh look at you girl you feel fucking left out because you never get characters who really gri #you mentally and so now you have one but oops! someone else talked about them and now you're seeing red! you like this person though #so you're gonna feel fucking MISERABLE about this . you're gonna feel HORRIBLE because of this. and there's nothing you can fucking do #and it controls my goddamn life and i HATE IT i fucking HATE IT i wish i knew how to fix it. ghghrgurghrughruhg i want to fucking explode #and then you feel bad about feeling bad because you are fucking sisyphus. you're sisyphus. and your own anger is your boulder. you ingrate. #i hate this. i just wanted to have a good day. #jane mary cry one tear

[heavenlydreamangelflyhigh]

moms getting competitive w her eating disorder again

#she keeps mimicking how ive been living and now that ive been sliding back and restricting again due to stress #she's been body checking around me more talking about how much she works out how 'toned' she looks #and dishing up smaller portions than me only eating half and then saying 'oh i'm so full...marie #if you can't finish yours just throw the rest out...' #she had her friend over yesterday and the poor woman made the mistake of confiding in my mother and i about her ed #and i gave her some advice for recovery & let her know that anorexia is hard to tackle esp when you're taking care of someone else at the #same time but its doable..and she was asking about what i do when i relapse #and obv i didnt go into detail so as not to like. give any ideas. but it was nice to have someone Nice to relate to on that front #immediately my mom jumps in with 'oh i restrict too! thats what i do! i go days without eating and count my calories. #marie doesnt work out like i do because their therapist said not to..but i work out so i can stay toned and confident.' like no you dont #it hurts me that shes doing this shit to herself but i know shes doing it in front of me to feel superior because she Always Has #its CYCLICAL with her. as soon as my gf left the mask came back off and she was right back to the mama i know #using MY CLOTHES to body check using MY MIRROR infront of me i feel insane. #like i told her i feel disgusting because i gained two pounds and im at 114 now and she immediately started talking about her weight and #that we need to stop buying 'junk food' #MOMM....OH MY GOOOD... #whatever whatever . i'll get over it in a few mins im just pissy in general and i feel like i live with a 15 yr old sometimes. #ed ment #i will say it uswd to be worse when she wasnt in therapy n shit but hhghhthtnf even my dad who is Never Home has picked up pn it and has #started checking her and telling her to keep it between yhem bc i dont. i canr handle that rn dude