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thatsdemko · 10 months

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just an incident - m.verstappen

masterlist

requested: n

pairings: max verstappen x leclerc!fem!reader

warnings: hints of some friends to lovers trope + google translated French and Dutch + wrote this BEFORE the Monaco 2023 gp!

a/n: I cannot remember who it was that said most Dutch don’t use nicknames like “angel” or “baby” but I didn’t feel like changing the pet names so my apologies 😬 had a lil dream about this so enjoy xx

it really wasn’t supposed to happen. at least you didn’t want it to happen, but he most certainly did.

growing up he was your brothers biggest competitor and challenge. race tracks weren’t the same when max verstappen was on the circuit, and that was still true to this day. max became a menace and impossible to beat in that Red Bull, it made loving him in secret and supporting your brother in public harder.

because every race meant listening to that Dutch national anthem while your brother told off his team for the shit race. it meant spending long nights in the Ferrari garage rather than the ones in his hotel room celebrating his victory. loving max verstappen was not easy.

“mijn engel wat zit je dwars?” he asks, fingers gently brushing down the skin of your back. you’re sitting upright in his bed, pillow covering your chest as you scroll through the chain of text messages from your brothers. you could never have a peaceful evening alone without one of them calling or texting. my angel what's bothering you?

“mes frères.” you grumble tossing your phone into the pile of clothes on the ground before relaxing against his chest, “but I’m all yours now.” you press a kiss to his jawline, watching those beautiful green eyes close in contentment.

“why don’t you tell them about us? are you that worried?” his arm wraps around your shoulders allowing you to sink further against him. he knows Charles would have heart failure hearing his baby sister was more than just a friend with max, and it would give him all more of a reason to push him off the track or do risky overtakes. racing wouldn’t be the same for Charles or max, and maybe he hadn’t thought of that, but you certainly did.

“I’m more worried that I’d be stealing his boyfriend from him.” you joke watching the lines around his eyes crinkle, smile forming on his lips. you loved that smile dearly.

“we broke up a long time ago.”

—

“you go missing? been trying to call you for hours.” Lorenzo doesn’t even need to look up from his computer to know it’s you entering the house. just by the sound of your silent footsteps and nails tapping against your phone, he knew it couldn’t be anybody else.

especially since he began to pick up you were beginning to be late or no shows recently. you would push off family dinner for said alone time or show up to family game night a half an hour late. he wasn’t one to budge into your life and ask the questions, but seeing as things were drastically shifting he felt he needed in.

“what? no, just needed some extra sleep.” your lies weren’t getting any better, he knew the high pitch tone and small stutters were nothing but false words.

“you think to run a brush through your hair?” he scoffs seeing the snarls and tiny mats that you didn’t notice. you’re lucky your mother wasn’t home or else she’d have fainted at the sight.

“why are you in my business?” you ask making him finally look up from his laptop to see the purple faint bruises against your collarbone. there was no sleeping in for you, and he couldn’t help not fighting the smirk against his lips as he pulls the cup of coffee up to try and mask it.

“just go take a shower before Charles and Arthur come home, please?”

you listen to his request and find the warm water against your aching body and sensitive skin comforting. his nail marks at your hips were fresh, the pull in your groins were painful in the steam, and the purple bruises at your collarbone weren’t going to be easy to cover up. it was evident max wanted your family to know about him, whether you would actually drop his name was up to you.

the thick sweatshirt of Arthur’s that you stole covers what you wanted, and the baggy sweatpants you borrowed from max masked your shaking quads with each step. maybe you did miss being home, but you were missing that Dutch accent and being under the gaze is his big green eyes.

“when did you get back?” Arthur asks, head peaking into your room where he sees you tapping away on your phone, a little smile evident against your lips.

“this morning. how was work with Charles?” you turn around to see him moving in your room. Arthur was like your best friend, growing up one year apart, he was the closest thing you had sometimes, and lying to him about your relationship wasn’t easy.

“good, we ran into max.” even his name made your heart skip beats, you shifted uncomfortably against your bed trying to not make it obvious you were eager to hear how he was— despite having seen him only hours ago— or if he mentioned you.

“and?” you ask swallowing nervously, Arthur shifts against the doorframe with a shrug, “he’s alright, just prepping for Monaco.”

you let out a tiny sigh of relief nodding, “good for him I guess, I kind of hope he loses.” you lie biting your tongue and hear a laugh from Charles across the hall, “me too!” he calls out.

—

“you hope I lose? I heard that rumor by the way.” his voice startled you making you turn around to face him. he’s in his suit and tie, dressed his finest just like yourself. the expensive gala you were in was packed to the brim and you had lost all of your family members minutes ago when you spotted the Red Bull drivers appearance.

“you know I want you to win.” you move a little closer to him, his hand discreetly rests against your hip and he presses a friendly kiss to your cheek that you wish could be a little more than that in public.

“hoe gaat het met mijn meisje?” he leans into your ear, the soft whisper leaves a tingling sensation down your spine making your body curl closer to him. how’s my girl?

“il manque juste ta touche.” you reply, hand resting against his chest, nervously adjusting his crooked tie. you know people are staring and cameras are recording, but under his gaze you feel protected. those big hands and aggressive demeanor would go to war for you against anyone here. just missing your touch

he chuckles under his breath, “you have all of me, my love.” his lips press your temple quickly, before excusing himself to shake hands with Sergio Perez, his teammate.

you move out of the way when the cameras begin to flash and interviewers move in to ask questions to the Red Bull drivers. you find yourself watching from the sidelines beside Daniel, but his eyes always find you. a wink in your direction let’s you know he hasn’t lost sight.

“flirty with my man?” Daniel nudges your elbow gently, making you break your stare at the lady who’s getting to close to max for a picture.

“flirty? no, he was winking at you.” you laugh watching max pull Charles in for a photo with the two drivers. three of them smiling proudly for the cameras before Charles pulls away, a little dizzy from all the flashing.

“hm, I don’t recall him making sexy eyes at me in our contract.” daniel pushes you in the direction of max. now that the photos were done, you could tell he was looking for you, but of course Charles whisks him away before you both can close the gaps between each other.

“you think you’ll win in my circuit?” charles jokingly asks. pulling max out from the mass crowds of people, you were trailing behind the two of them pushing through bodies to join them.

max scoffs, “I can’t predict the outcome of this race, mate. we’ll just have to wait and see.” the Dutchman sees you push through a few people and he extends his hand to help you before you stumble into Carlos.

“yeah, well with my luck I’ll be last.”

“no Oscar and lando will make sure you aren’t.” max chuckles, the two make faces at each other before the tipsy giggles escape their lips. you wish all nights were like this, the two of them happy and not pinning each others successes for their failures.

“what will you do if you win?” you ask Charles stepping a little closer to their conversation watching him think. you look up at max who’s thinking through if he should put his hand against your back, maybe pull you closer to him.

“I don’t know yet. maybe take maman out to dinner? this is all hypothetical.”

max nods, hand finally resting against your lower back, “well if I win I think I’ll take a special someone out for dinner.” he pulls you closer to his chest, your arms unconsciously wrapping around his torso.

“oh? who is that?” charles asks, and it has yet to hit him. he’s clueless to Max’s hand resting on your ass, your arms around his torso, and his lips pressing into your hair. charles was clearly oblivious.

“me, idiot.” you scoff finally getting his attention, his eyes scan each part of your bodies and how close you were together. he looks lost, like a puppy trying to find home as the dogs finally connect with what’s in front of him.

“no! when did this happen?!”

“it was just an incident.” max shrugs, there was no other way to describe it. the pieces just fell into place and max verstappen somehow became the man you loved more than just in the dark, he was someone you were beginning to love in public.

“don’t use my words against me.”

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plantboiart · 2 months

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Hello. List of what animals I believe each just roll with it pc I know would be. I am objectively correct but if you disagree please tell me anyways I crave other people’s opinions to steal.

Riptide

Jay: a bird, obviously. Saying she’s a jaybird is easy and low hanging fruit and extremely valid. Personally I think she’s maybe a corvid since very smart but also absolute fucking menace. Honestly? Could be a seagull. Loud and lives near water and also smart but also? Absolutely insane. Yeah sure I could say she’s something cool like an eagle or whatever but I think in our hearts we all know she’s a seagull.

Gillion: of course he is a sea creature! But what kind? Fish. More specifically? Swordfish. Of course. What else could he be (he could be a shark but shhhh im saving that one for later)

Chip: the bastard man himself! Which animals are the biggest bastards? Raccoons. Yes I am basic. He’s either a raccoon or a little dog. I am specifically thinking my mom’s 11 year old small dog who yells at men and tries to pick a fight with every single dog that is larger than her. That’s some Chip energy right there.

Goobleck: bro who knows like what the hell is that thing i do not. Hes whatever he ate most recently. Bros fursona is just straight up slime. He is an enigma.

Prime defenders (+Ashe I don’t care that technically he was just a guest he deserves to be here)

William: ravens, black cats, bats, butterflies, snakes, crows. All associated with death which makes sense for our little ghost guy! But of course we can’t forget wolves! He has two wolves inside of him after all. But also? He is not cool enough to be a wolf. That man is a black cat with a dream and sharp sharp claws.

Vyncent: I think it would be funny to call him a rat. Since he eats them. And also he just kinda is a rat. But no, I believe he is a deer. Don’t really know why, just….. vibes.

Dakota: my beloved son. He’s a yappy little dog. Bouncing all over the place and screaming at evil-doers. I believe in him.

Ashe: strong cat energy. Is william already a cat? Yes. But so is ashe. He’s like a fully gray cat with short hair :)

Apotheosis

Rumi/Elena: fox! Because Sunny :) also because I can’t really think of an animal that would be a good representation for an identity crisis

Peter: “lizard” no. Peter Sqloint is a mouse. Just a lil guy. I’m right fuck you he. Is. A. Mouse.

Thanatos: spider! Kinda scary and lots of people dont like but in reality just an awesome dude. Shoutout to my friend’s pet spider Mörkö I love them

Blood in the bayou

Rolan: shark!!!! Im right and i need to say it. That man is a fucking shark. I love sharks. Sharks are generally misunderstood as violent and evil but they are just lil guys. Fits Rolan being an evil alien monster but just also a lawyer. (Also i just really like sharks)

Rand: y’all ever cry about pigeons? How we domesticated them and then abandoned them when we didnt need them anymore? How they dont even know how to make proper nests because they didnt need to for so long? Yeah. Im normal about this campaign.

Kian: he’s so hard to figure out because like…….. honestly? In canon? Weve got no fucking clue what his personality is actually like. We dont get a single moment with all the masks off and just the person underneath. The closest we get is him admitting that hes not really a rockstar and even that is so short and just. Auehgeh. This is why im obsessed with him btw i love a mystery i know will never be solved. Also so much room for headcanons. Is he a cat? A butterfly? A dog? A snake? A songbird? A dove? Something else? I dont know!! Lets go with a moth

The suckening

They are all cats. I mean c’mon. Emizel is a feral street cat that hisses at everyone who gets too close. Shilo is an indoor cat with an anxiety disorder. Arthur is their mother. Im correct.

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elvain · 11 months

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21 19 (bonus pick a color) and 46

19. imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

if we have nail polish and you want that, yes! if you are sleeping and it's some sort of weird prank, no. colour would be something bright and annoying af bc im not enough of a menace to prank you, but i am still a menace

21. something you’ve kept since childhood?

an INSANE number of things but the one lil thing that has travelled with me everywhere in the world is my little stuffed mouse elizabeth. she's a mess and has many stitches but she :)

46. favorite holiday film?

miser brother's christmas for christmas movies but other than that i dont rlly fuck w holiday movies. honourable mention arthur christmas.

weird asks but they r not weird i promise

#asks

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moral-turpitudes · 4 years

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Golden Ring:

Trigger Warnings: Angst, Swearing, Lil bit of Fluff.

Word Count: 821

Characters: Thomas Shelby x Reader

Request: “Hi, I just wanted to say that I adore your work! Could you maybe do 11. “You’re my good luck charm” & 9. “You think you’re fucking invincible but you’re not!” With Tommy? :)”

Requested by: Anon

Summary: Thomas gets called late at night to help his brothers take care of a gang that has been giving them trouble. But due to past incidents, Y/N grows frustrated with watching him leave all the time, especially in the middle of the night, knowing he’s not up to anything good.

Part 1 | Part 2

“Hello? John what is it?” Thomas said with a deep groggy voice. The shrill ringing of the telephone having jolted him out of bed right in the midst of a nightmarish crescendo of shovels scraping away at his brain. The nights still haunted him after the war, the only solace being the daylight that would eventually come streaming in, and you laying by his side.

“There’s been some trouble by the cut. You need to get here before it turns into a blood bath.” He said urgently.

“It’ll be a blood bath regardless brother. Did you keep an eye out for me at least?” He asked, knowing full-well John may have slept on the job.

“After a nap, yeah. That gang from over in London are here, same ones causing trouble earlier. They’re out to get our supplies again.” He said.

“Alright, do me a favor a stay awake or else I’ll cut your eyelids off myself. I’ll be there soon.” Thomas said.

“Alright Tom. Hurry though, or Arthur’s gonna go feral.” He said before hanging up.

Thomas sighed, and ran his hand over his hair and down his face, exhausted from the week already. It was 3 in the morning and all he wanted was one nights rest. He looked up at the intricate wallpaper, fearing the scraping would break through the thin walls and he’d be surrounded by the dirt in the tunnels again. But the sound of you waking up pulled him out of his trance.

“Tom? What’s wrong? You okay?” You asked gently, scooting up behind him and wrapping your arms around his waist.

You could hear him sigh deeply as he put his hand over yours.

“I have to go take care of some peaky business.” He said, not wanting to get into details if he could help it.

You sighed and let go of him and laid back down, causing him to slowly turn to look at you.

“You know I’d stay if I could. A gang we had trouble with is trying to get into our supplies and my brothers are about to stain the cut red with their blood if I’m not there soon. I have to go. You can trust me, Y/N.” He said.

“Trust you to come back alive? I highly doubt it.” You said angrily, getting up and quickly wrapping yourself in one of Thomas’ jackets.

“I’ve faced worse Y/N, I swear I’ll be fine.” He said, getting up and putting on his pants and shirt, the buckling of his belt clinking as he fastened it.

You walked over to his whiskey stash, taking a glass and pouring yourself some before knocking it back and setting the glass down harshly.

“What?” He asked, an annoyed tone hinting at his voice as he gathered his things. He could see you were mad, the candlelight flickering near you only further highlighting the menacing curve of your brows.

“You think you’re fucking invincible but you’re not!” you said loudly, just enough to get him to stop moving around the room to look at you.

You were met with silence so you continued, finally letting your pent-up feelings out.

“It’s just hard seeing you go because you always say that. You always say you’re fine and you’re not. Fuck, you said that last year and you almost died Tommy! If Arthur hadn’t been there you’d be in the ground right now and I’d be widowed...” You said, a tear slipping down your face as you remembered a deal they had that went wrong one night.

He silently walked over to his desk and grabbed a gold ring, placing it on his index finger, and then walked over to you, putting his hands in yours.

“I know, but this isn’t like last time love. This is just some gang out there sticking their noses where they don’t belong. I’ll be fine...see?” He said pointing to the gold ring.

You calmed down a bit and looked at it, smiling slightly at the memory. You’d given him that before he got sent off to France all those years ago.

“I wore this the whole time. I thought of ya the whole time I was in the tunnels Y/N. You got me through that, and you’ll get me through everything else. You’re my good luck charm, remember?” He said, leaning in to kiss you quickly. You kissed back, desperately wanting to hold on to him, to force him to stay, but you knew you couldn’t. This was his job now, his company, his “business” he had to take care of.

You sighed as he stepped away from you, putting on his cap and lighting a cigarette before gently closing the door. You watched out the window as his car pulled away from the house and into the night, as your once peaceful sleep eluded you until the sun came up, anxiously waiting for him to come home again.

Tag List:

(If you’d like to be added/removed just send me an ask!) :)

@msbzowy, @nofckingfighting, @aranoburns, @sighonahurricane, @ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes, @gaytommyshelby, @wowjeena, @fifty-shadesof-tommyshelby, @inglourious-imagines, @thebloodyshelbys, @tsolomons, @blinder-secrets, @reveparade, @shelby-fanatic, @ta-ka-shi-ma, @cai-neki, @peakyxtommy

#katiesanons #peakyprompts #peakypromptslist #peaky blinders #peaky blinders imagines #peaky blinders oneshots #katiesWIPlist #thomas shelby #thomas shelby x reader #thomas shelby x y/n #john shelby #arthur shelby #x reader

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engagedlesbiansblog · 4 years

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Hey Lola part 1

Joker/Arthur x Reader

Authors note: I'm so sorry you but if you go any further there is cringe cause I'm a horrid writer lol.

Warnings: Murder, mentions of murder, mention of mental illnesses, horrid writing, just absolute cringe.

Loaded gun, that's how she feels

Hard as stone, she aims to kill

She hides her fears and burns it all

You can't get even, you'd be lost

"Jennifer, shut up" (Y/n) laughed loudly as she walked down the street as if she didn't just kill a man in the alleyway

"Its true, you are so cold." Jennifer said as they walked down the busy streets of Gotham.

"I am not, I just can't let my emotions blind me from reality" (Y/n) said as she lights a cigarette dragging a large puff huffing as the two walked down an alleyway. The two pause too look at the silhouette standing at the other side. (Y/n) smirked as she flicked her knife open

"Chill (Y/n)" Jennifer said placing her hand on (Y/n)'s arm. As the two walked towards said silhouette the colorfully three piece suit the silhouette wore became more clear

"Arthur" (Y/n) said immediately. Everyone knew about Gotham's Prince of Crime. Even in the Asylum they shared together everyone knew who he was. He sure made a name for himself in Asylum.

"You mean the one who caused the poor and the rich to go against each other" Jennifer asked shocked as (Y/n) stalked closer

"The one and only" (Y/n) said happily as the two made it face to face with the Prince of Crime himself.

"Never thought" Jennifer said as she circled around the taller man before them. Jessica cackled as she admired the way older man

"Are you the reason for the murder a few Alley's down?" Joker asked. His 'war paint' was on and he looked menacing in the dim light of the street lights and the lights of the city.

"And if I was" (Y/n) asked smirking as she looked him directly in his glazed over green eyes that made her want to melt on the spot. She hated this feeling.

"Why'd you do it?" Joker asked as he stared into (Y/n)'s eyes like he was staring into her soul. (Y/n) growled as the blade in her hand was handled rougher.

"Cause I can. Jennifer, hold him down. I'd like to claim what's mine" (Y/n) said with a crazed smile.

I'm saying, "Hey, Lola!"

She can get a little jealous

Oh, loca

She can be a drama

"Who the fuck is this" (Y/n) asked smirking as she wrapped her arm around the Joker. Joker looked down at the much smaller woman raising a brow. (Y/n) didnt notice though cause she more occupied eyeing the woman dressed in combat clothing.

"A threat" A voice said that only (Y/n) seemed to hear

"A person who knows something. Why do you need to know?" Joker asked as he brushed her off causing (Y/n) to growl as she tried to hide her anger "Now how'd you find me?" Joker asked another question

"Filled with so many questions I see" (Y/n) said as she flicked her signature switch blade open and placed it against his throat "Your mine, why do you think you have MY name on your back" (Y/n) cackled happily as she kissed his cheek.

"Because your friend forced me down while you carved it into my back" Joker growled. He wanted to choke her till she couldn't breathe, but something about this woman before him made him want to do nothing but show her who she was talking too at the same time.

"Well I mean you stayed down like a good little puppy" (Y/n) laughed

"Fighting against the two of you would have been inevitable. I heard about the two of you. Killing others just for the fun of it, took down most of the task force that surprisingly managed to get you into custody" Joker growled

"The only reason they got us was because they cheated" (Y/n) laughed as she stepped onto the ledge of the roof. She spun around to face him recklessly getting really close to the ledge. Joker stepped forward but paused when something flew past his head. He turned to look only to see (Y/n)'s knife deep in the other lady's forehead. (Y/n) squealed "i obviously won" (Y/n) cackled bending over like she had just told the most hilarious joke ever "That's how the cards fold after all" she said proudly as she saluted to him "Au Revoir Arthur" she said winking as she jumped of the side of the roof laughing happily but any sign of her was gone when he looked over the ledge.

But her soul is pure

Drowns in tears but keeps on shining

Just keep on shining

Oh, Lola, Lola, hey

Arthur did not expect to see the woman who has been popping up at random moments of the day while he was out, but he didn't expect to come home and see her sitting there on the couch in his living room. Crying.

"Why are you here (Y/n)" Arthur asked shocked.

"Arthur, I'm sorry" (Y/n) said "The first two times we met was horrid and I apologise. I suffer from Dissociative Identity Disorder" (Y/n) explained crying as she stood up. Arthur froze. He was expecting something completely different

"Why are you here?" Arthur asked once again

"To apologize" (Y/n) said sadly

"Well I don't need it" Arthur said a little colder

"I'll make you need it then" (Y/n) growled as she walked up to him the once apologetic look in her eye now had a predator like look as she kissed him. Arthur's eyes widened. He never expected his first kiss to be like this. But before he could even think about kissing back she had already pulled away and left.

I love drama and rumors

I like talking my shit

Can't stop cuttin' people off

Get my scissors, lil' bitch

I just keep laughin' at your pain, no novacane

Need a padded room and chains, i'm out my brain

Might need a straight jacket

(Y/n)'s laughs filled the once quiet Alleyway. It's been a few weeks since she saw Arthur and needed a stress relief which brought her to this point. In the alleyway, laughing, and watching as the man before her tried to crawl away. He had a knife in his leg so deep the point protruded through the other side.

"Look at you. Yes, let me hear you beg" (Y/n) said as she grabbed the knife from the hilt and twisted as she cracked her neck. The man cried and screamed in anguish as the wound in his leg got bigger.

"Please have mercy" the man said. He was clearly from a higher up class. And that angered (Y/n) too no end. The audacity this man had

"Mercy? Where was the mercy when those three men in the subway that got murder bullied such an innocent man" (Y/n) growled bringing up a little snippet of what happened to Arthur as she crawled over the man and started choking him. The man clawed at her hands and arms trying to get her to stop but slowly his struggles came to a halt.

"So you completely avoid me for weeks and then bring up a part of my past to get through to someone?" A voice said causing (Y/n) to laugh

"How'd you know I was here Arthur?" (Y/n) asked

"All I had to do was follow the anguish screams and joyous laughter." Joker as he pulled (Y/n) by the hair tilting her head back. (Y/n) growled causing Joker to chuckle darkly as he kissed her neck inhaling her scent "My you smell lovely" Joker said as he bit into her neck marking her in a less harsh way than what she did to him

"You're mine" He growled. In the last few weeks he hasn't seen her he realized he really need her in his life and he wasn't gonna let her go this time.

#arthur fleck x reader #arthur fleck #arthur fleck x female reader #arthur fleck x y/n #arthur fleck x you #joaquin pheonix x reader #joker joaquin phoenix #joker x you #joker 2019 #joker x reader #joaquin phoenix joker #joaquin phoenix joker x reader #joaquin phoenix

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rcris123 · 5 years

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“Go to sleep.” Sebastian caught him awake again; man said he’d keep watch.

But things just ain’t sitting right by him. Arthur gets up with a heave.

“Get back to sleep. It ain’t even been two hours-”

“I know.” Arthur finds his way to sit by Sebastian. A sigh. “But there ain’t no rest for the wicked.” A faint smile as he leans against the post on the porch.

A glance at the man: he looked clouded by thoughts, by the way his brows were knit together and eyes were lost somewhere in the distance those thoughts ain’t nothing nice. Part of him’s meaning to ask what that’s all about; what’s the story behind them undead and how it all came- It’s why man ended up a dandy in the first place. A scratch of the beard before he speaks:

“Watchu thinking about?”

Sebastian sighed, a long drawn out sigh: “I think you already know.”

“The goddamn walking swamp corpses?” A huff. “Me too...”

That got his attention.

“Was thinking what the hell’s up with them. I mean I’ve seen some odd stuff ‘round, but-” Arthur sighs. “I’m getting worried there ain’t no more hiding.”

“They’re not invincible, thou.”

They did burn the corpses...

“And purely strategically this is a good hiding place. It’s inconvenient for the law and with the undead walkin’ around it’ll scare off those curious.” Sebastian continues. And then another long drawn out sigh. “I know how to fight these, but the memories ain’t nice.” Teeth bare in a snarl at the end.

“Sebastian-”

“A man came to Rhodes once, said he was a lawman from Saint Denis, barely got away with his life after going to investigate some murders up in the swamp.” Man looks at him then as if he was to confess some great sin. “Me and my wife took him in. I was a Sheriff.” His gaze returns to the fire. “His name was Joseph. Handsome, determined, intelligent. Wanted to get his hands on whatever was out there in those swamps. And we went out together, saw the things we saw, had an...” Air is sucked in between teeth. “Had an affair...” Man falls silent then.

“I get that.” Arthur says, as a means of comfort.

“Things got complicated... Joseph got shot-” Words came hard. “I was still a Sheriff then... They... Well Myra did. But they found out. I wasn’t allowed in the house no more.”

“And you put ye’rself out there like there ain’t nothing more than that you fucked a feller...” Arthur’s heartbroken, but he quite sure how else to offer comfort.

“Yeah...”

“I’m sorry, Sebastian. Real sorry.” He tries to close the gap somehow.

And it’s Sebastian that lets his head fall on Arthur’s shoulder. Cheek leans against it.

“It’s been 5 years since...”

A hand runs down the man’s back for support and relief; Sebastian seems to lean into the touch.

“Ya’know, I always thought there ain’t nothin’ more to me than a killer.” Arthur says after a while; a lil something to show he ain’t alone.

“And are you?”

“Don’t know...”

Sebastian laughs, grimly: “A prostitute and an outlaw.”

“I’d say that’s a fine couple.”

And Sebastian snorts again, leaning further up against him, now both o’them got one arm’s round the other back. Fingers draw faint lines above fabric, barely moving, then picking up more courage. It’s almost comforting.

“Arthur, I...” He stops midway, the strokes above his spine become firmer before ceasing. “You should get some sleep.”

“You need sleep more than I do.”

Another snort.

“Then stay with me.” Sebastian says after the quiet’s settled again.

“Will do.” A smile on his lips as Arthur looks down at him however he can. Fingers ghost above the shirt’s collar, feeling skin and hair. And the warm sensation nestles back within his chest like a bird in spring.

It’s May after all...

And he fears he’s already too far gone.

They didn’t close an eye all night. It was quiet at first, then they started talking, lil’ things, like hunting, different stories of all types of animals and whatever other monstrosities they ended up encountering, like goddamn giant remains he and Isaac found up by mount Shan, then Sebastian mentioned the deal with the gunsmith in Rhodes where the owner chained someone in the basement pretending to be his child, chain ganged and all. After that discussion slipped to children. He found out his daughter’s name was Lily, a beautiful name, and ‘bout how vivacious she was, found her Daddy reading and asked him to teach her, writing too. And how all that happened just short before the entire Joseph thing. She loved stories and he’s sure she’d be writing some of her own if she was given the chance. Arthur taught Isaac as best he could, but the boy had Dutch and Hosea as back-up in case Arthur ended up a failure o’a father, which he ain’t too sure he wasn’t. Sebastian on the other hand sounded like the parent everyone could be hoping to have, and he knew that, by the way he was around Isaac, Jack and the other youngest in the camp. And a great husband to boot- why’s his chest this tight thinking about that. If anything this fool ain’t deserving Sebastian.

The fire was long quenched to simmering charcoal when the sun starts rising and Charles wakes up as if on cue. The man looks at these two idiots leaned in on each other as if he’d stumbled upon some teenagers kissing somewhere: compassion and an urge to look away.

Sebastian straightens up with a groan.

“I don’t judge.” Charles lifted up his arms defensively and Sebastian pins him with a look of mild suspicion before relaxing. “You two should be resting. Weren’t you injured?”

“Yes...” Sebastian says through gritted teeth, Arthur guessed just ‘cause the evidence for exhaustion and pain were undeniable.

“So what’re we plannin’ on tellin’ Dutch about this lil’ endeavor of ours?” Arthur changes the subject.

Charles thinks for a moment: “I’ll go tell him of this place, see what the situation’s like back at Shady Belle, and I think you three should keep on looking.”

Sebastian squints as if he caught onto something, Arthur scratches his beard.

“I’ll look for you if anything goes wrong.”

Realization strikes: “You lettin’ us run away...”

“I said I would.”

“Why?” Sebastian is stern and Charles frowns but still continues:

“Because he has a life outside the gang-”

“I still got people I need to take care of back there, Charles.” Arthur cuts in. “And don’t you fool yourself, you’re among them.”

“The weight of our lives shouldn’t be on your shoulders.” Charles speaks with stinging honesty and quite some concern.

And Arthur remains silent, so it’s Sebastian that speaks up, without looking at any of ‘em:

“There’s still the question of money. I’ve barely got enough.”

And there comes his resolution. Arthur searches through his satchel and hands Sebastian no less than 1500 dollars:

“You get this. And you take Isaac with you-” He said he’ll get him and the kid out, not himself.

Sebastian catches his hand and refuses to let go: “I won’t-”

“Watchu want me doing then?” His voice ain’t as scolding as the words imply, it’s low, above a whisper, meant to be private.

“Keep the money for when you get out yourself.”

His lips purse: “Sebastian-”

“I’m still going off alone.” Charles insisted.

“Why-”

“Don’t play fool, Arthur.” Charles became stern; Sebastian squeezed his hand as if Arthur’s the only one of ‘em that didn’t understand what that meant. “They ain’t kind.”

Now it made sense... And it makes him clutches Sebastian’s palm tighter into his own, as if he’s clinging. It feels somewhat like his actions took decisions for him long before his brain could make up its mind on what it wanted.

To take some time for himself... That’s a foreign concept, and he ain’t deserving it either way-

But maybe they do. Isaac, Sebastian. They deserved the levity, and he can’t be selfish now. Not for them, ‘cause he’s been allowed that. Mind goes back to that pen, the necklace that he mindlessly touches. He’s been allowed, gifted those things, and it ain’t been ‘cause he earned any of it. It’s for them, they earned it, Arthur just somehow managed to be that idiot in their lives, so he better make the best of it.

Charles takes off shortly after; simply gets up on Taima and sets off.

And Arthur’s left there to mull over his thoughts and maybe stare at the man next to him. He’s thinkin’ he’ll do the latter first, leaning into him with a drawn-out sigh.

“What’re thoughts on this, Sebastian?...” he looks up at him, gaining quite the appreciation for this low angle, the way the jaw made a sharp line, jutting forward in a chin, then slim lips and a strong nose.

And he has brown doe eyes glancing down at him now.

“Well Charles ain’t too bad-”

Arthur scoffs: “Ain’t meant that-”

“I’m just needling you, Arthur.”

“I know...” A sigh, another absentminded stroke of the necklace; it’s quite heavy, hard to forget it’s there. A groan and Arthur’s up, face turned towards Sebastian; there’s half baked sarcastic lines sitting on his tongue but he better keep his mouth shut ‘bout those if he ain’t wanting to be slapped ‘cross the face. He knows he ain’t romantic.

“You got anything you want to do?” Sebastian asks.

“Was gonna ask the same thing-”

“Hm.” Man ponders. “Well yesterday’s got my fishing appetite back up and I know there’s a monster sturgeon just at the mouth of the Lanahachee by Saint Denis. And there was also that bounty hunt you was talking about...”

“A fishin’ contest?” Arthur chuckles. “Sure.”

“And while we’re at it we’ll be able to scout Saint Denis, see how the city feels in the absence of Valentini. Maybe there ain’t no need to move.”

Another laugh bubbles in his throat: “Ye’r a better outlaw than me.”

“Or maybe you’re just particularly bad at being one. Though I heard you were pretty good- 5000 dollars...”

“You flirting with me?”

“I’m letting you decide on that-” One of Sebastian’s fingers tugs at the collar of his shirt, unbuttoning it-

“Did I hear anything ‘bout fishing?” when heads turn realization strikes that the kid’s been wide awake for half the conversation. “Or do you want me to turn away and-”

“You’re a goddamn menace, Isaac.” Arthur shakes his head with a smile and a chuckle. “Not letting ye’r ol’ man get some lil’ bit of peace and quiet.” He tries to stand up

“No, I think we better keep the smooching for private.”

“I said I can turn away, if you want-”

How’d he, Arthur moron Morgan, got himself to be father to this treasure of a child; boy ain’t ever judged anyone and to think somehow this... this whole thing is comin’ so easy to Isaac as if it’s second nature has him at ease. Somehow... somehow he’s thinkin’ they ain’t ever really been a family, that they ain’t ever really been whole. Boy’s been missing a mother all his life. Can he even remember her? His Pa surely doesn’t... They don’t really talk of her... And now Sebastian. Is Isaac simply that desperate for a real parent that he’ll cling on to anyone.

“Pa?...” He noticed the silence, ‘course he did, that smart kid.

“Is nothin’. Was just thinkin’ of things and I-” a sigh. “Sorry.”

Sebastian stood now too, puts a hand on his shoulder.

Isaac got up from the bed:

“If there’s something I can help you with, ever, you know I will.” Boy rolls up his sleeping bag. “Just tell me, please...”

Heart bursts a lil’, feeling leak into his expression; Sebastian’s grip tightens on him.

“Isaac, com’ere.” Boy looks at him for a second before Arthur opens up his arms wide, catching the kid when he comes running. He clutches the boy tight against his chest: “I love you, Isaac, ya’ hear. I love you, son.”

And Isaac muffles a response against his shirt.

And maybe he didn’t need to speak, but Sebastian did: “You deserve the world, kid.” And Isaac sneaks a hand and pulls on Sebastian’s vest to drag him closer, pressing him up against Arthur who ended up sandwiched between.

“I like you too, Sebastian.”

Maybe this a bit too sweet for a bunch o’ wayward outlaws, but it ain’t too bad. No, it ain’t bad at all...

Moment lasts a lil’ while longer, a pile of awkward limbs and awkward feelings, as if he should stop fighting all that this is and just let it happen. There’s been plenty other things that just happened to him, and there were few that were this happy.

“Now about that monster fish Sebastian was talkin’ about?”

“C’mon I’ll show you.”

The day was bright, and whatever cool air there was in the morning, not even an hour later was gone; the muggy soupyness of the swamp made itself at home again. The insects came again, roaring loud, felt like summer and quite some. It was past midday when they got there, got themselves some bread, cheese and salted beef to munch on just by the rail tracks, Isaac deciding it’s a good idea to have his feet dangling off the side.

They found themselves a boat just a bit downstream from the bridge and ‘cause Sebastian was as he was it was up to Arthur to row the boat.

“So which one o’ you will be usin’ as bait for this monster fish?” Arthur jokes.

“Isaac looks more bite-sized.”

“M~aybe, but you won’t struggle so much so we might just get a chance at catching the bastard.” Isaac smiles, cocky, full of himself as if he just murdered his biggest enemy.

Arthur can’t help but giggle.

“Touché.” Sebastian says; Isaac’s nose crinkles.

“What does that even mean?”

“It’s when your opponent makes a good point.” Sebastian explains. “Some years in Saint Denis and you start learning French.”

Arthur stops next to where the water’s rippling, sin of fish coming out for a breath; he gets up and takes out his rod, there’s a funky, odd lure attached and he ain’t bothering changing it.

“But you also know Spanish.” Arthur beckons back to Sebastian as man threw the line out.

“My Daddy was a foreigner, came all the way from Spain. He and Momma moved around a lot until we settled somewhere near Rhodes. He became a bounty hunter, then got deputized by the Grays. Was a teenager back then, and after he passed, a drunken accident, they made me a Sheriff. Momma got to see me married with a kid until fever got her.”

“Sounds like a happy life.” Isaac interrupted, carefully reeling in his line. “Did Pa ever tell you what happened to Ma?”

“Yeah...” Sebastian replies.

“Oh...”

“Do you remember anything of that time?”

There was something nibbling on the line; Arthur carefully keeps going slow and steady maybe it bites.

“I remember I cried.” Isaac replies back to Sebastian. “Some men shot her for money; I hid under some crates, then I ran away.”

“You’re a really brave kid, I hope you know that.” Sebastian continued and the two of ‘em shared a smile while Arthur stopped for barely a moment to watch. Felt a bit like things were mending-

“Shit!” Line is yanked with force, such force that he’s afraid he’ll fall off the boat. Sebastian catches him before that’s the case.

Teeth clench and he tries to hold the wire from unspooling but that ain’t possible.

“Think I found him!” Arthur yells when the bastard’s calmed down and he can try to reel him in.

Another struggle. Isaac lets out an awed sound when he sees the tail of the fish splash the surface.

“Did you see how big that was!?” Isaac was all excited.

“Yeah.” Sebastian chaffs in. “I bet that thing eats human.”

“AH, heard that Isaac-” Arthur struggles against the beast. “You better start praying ye’r Pa ain’t ending up fish food!”

Boy scowls then keeps on watching.

He fears his arms might just give in from all the strain they’re under, but there’s Sebastian holding him so he don’t fall over. Heart thumps madly in his chest: effort, heat and the firm grip the man had on him. And the tug o’ war between him and Devil’s fishy spawn goes on for a while, quite a while.

But it’s getting closer, inch by inch closer- There’s the head of that monstrosity! Sebastian leans over the side of the boat and grabs the fish by the gills, heaving to bring it inside the boat. Arthur bends next to him, helping the behemoth onboard.

It fills the entire goddamn boat.

And it struggles some more, slaps Isaac in the face, before boy, pissed as hell, climbs on top of the fish’s spine and sits as if he’s ready to ride it to battle. Then a look up: the kid’s beaming.

At last, with a groan Arthur falls down into the boat: “Gotcha, you hell fish.” He ends up poking the snout of the monster with his boot: those round expressionless eyes almost looked at him with anger.

“Now what we gonna do with him?” asks Isaac.

“I think...” Sebastian intervened. “We can get quite the money off this beast. Say we take it in Saint Denis, at the market.”

“And how the hell we do that-” Arthur laughs.

“I think Sir Lancelot’s big enough to carry him.”

“I meant myself, Isaac.” Arthur’s exhausted and all a sweat. He lets the coat off of him, unbuttons his shirt.

Sebastian looks at him. A smirk forms on Arthur’s half parted lips and he opens up another button; half is chest is visible through the crack of the collar. And he can’t say he ain’t enjoying that half frustrated look Sebastian gave him. He can only wonder now how a cock feels up his ass- Jesus Christ!

Fish. Saint Denis.

He wanted to get up to row, but Sebastian’s faster, takes the task from him and it’s clear on his sweaty face how much it hurts to move that shoulder. He’s groaning all the way through, louder the more he strains. And he’s knowin’ that; his shot left shoulder’s still as stiff as ever, movement came with a pop of joints and a feeling of numbness; in all honesty after this goddamn fish he’s barely feelin’ his left arm at all: it tickles and crinkles as if he fell asleep on in.

Through a collective 3 man effort they manage to get the beast sturgeon up on Big Sir, trying it down with some ropes. Isaac hops on, while Arthur helps Sebastian into the saddle; he ain’t asked, but that’s what a good pardner does.

The market ain’t all that far and by now he’s feelin’ like he knows these places all too well, just a bit ahead the saloon and the Molly House, then across from the market, a bit away, by the Church was the Doctor. He bled on these streets. And he thinks he might have found, above love, salvation on these cobbled streets that he’d otherwise not stand. He hated big cities; and yet forgiveness came from the gutters of a stinking big city, with all it’s fumes and reptiles.

“Please, sir, will you help the poor?” A monk begged by the wall, with pleading eyes.

Arthur gets down from the saddle, again on impulse rather than actual rational thought, and tosses 3 dollars in the man’s platter; a dollar each.

“Bless you, sir!”

He turns away, to get on with selling that monstrosity of a fish, but not without wishing the priest a good day in his own way:

“Well good luck to you, Father. Hope you getting on quite well-”

The monk continues the conversation however:

“It’s quite the apathetic lot I’m afraid, kind sir. And I am just a humble Brother, not a priest.”

It’s a gut reaction when he says: “I ain’t kind.” Forgetting almost that both Sebastian and Isaac are with him, thou it feels like at least his son’s forgiving him all too easy for all the wrongs he’s done.

“You just gave money for the poor, sir, I beg to differ.”

He’s still up on his mare: “I’m a nasty bit of work, Brother.”

“You may have made some poor choices, but which of us hasn’t?” the man’s insisting, and it’s Sebastian that catches on to something that’s amiss.

“You needing help with something, Brother?” Sebastian asks, inching forward with his horse.

“Well, thing is...” the monk’s voice lowers. “Poverty will always be with us, but slavery, I thought we abolished that.”

“I don’t believe you- It’s 1899.” Arthur scoffs.

Sebastian on the other hand: “How?”

“Seems Saint Denis is acting like a staging post for shipping slaves to the islands.” Says the Brother. “Maybe you should see for yourself. I heard the pawnbroker down the block, ’round the corner, the one with the green door, sales more than forlorn trinkets.”

Sebastian jumps down the saddle. Arthur purses his lips, turns to Isaac:

“Son, go see if you find a buyer for that fish. We go take a look.”

He dismounts himself and follows a limping Sebastian, a hand on the back as he reaches him for support.

“Slavery.” Sebastian’s livid, and he looks absolutely convinced it was true. Arthur ain’t that certain, but he ain’t been the one living in Saint Denis for the past couple o’ years.

But all doubt washed away once they got inside. There was scratch marks on the floor, under a bookshelf. A trap door. He keeps silent but looks at Sebastian, nose crinkled. And if that wasn’t a dead giveaway the way the shopkeeper told ‘em that there ain’t nothing there to see sets it in stone. There’s prisoners behind that case. And Sebastian loses no time pawing at the side of the cupboard, searching how and where it comes undone.

“Help me out here-” Sebastian asks and no second doubts Arthur swoops in, jabbing his fingers in the crack at the back.

Heaving, they both yank while the shopkeeper was losing his mind over it. With a bit of effort, the door unlocks.

There’s voices from downstairs; Spanish he reckons and Sebastian quickens the pace.

“Se's bien.” He calls out reaching downstairs. “Yo'm aquí para ayudar.”

Arthur ain’t understanding a single thing, but the cheery gasps from those people are all he needed. Poor bastards are chained to the walls like goddamn animals. Sebastian was already helping one of them and Arthur goes to free the other:

“Please, I’m on your side.” Arthur tries, hoping they understand.

“Él's conmigo. Nos'vamos a sacar.” Sebastian says and the fear in the other’s eyes seems to have dimmed a lil’.

They’re both free now.

“Arthur, lead the way-”

And that he does, gets upstairs first, looks for that shopkeeper to make sure he ain’t up to any funny business, while Sebastian sneaks out with the now freed people, speaking to them softly in their language.

Soon enough they’re outta the shop and back to the Brother who was looking concerned and rejoiced all at once.

“We found these two imprisoned in that shop.” Sebastian says.

“Oh my...” the monk says. “Thank you. Both of you. They’re blessed to have found you.” And the man’s gaze falls on Arthur’s neckline all of a sudden; the necklace glinting in the midday sun.

He ignored that: “I don’t think they speak much English, thou.”

“Ah,” Brother looks at them, then at those poor souls, gesticulating wildly: “Let’s get something to eat.” And that sounds like a really bad French accent. “Manger?”

Sebastian intervenes like the savior he was: “Él's van a conseguir algo de comer. Vamos.” They trust him and they follow behind the monk.

A look at the pavement, at his feet. The platter. He left it behind. Arthur bends down to pick it up and hand it over: “Brother, you forgot this.”

“Oh. Thank you, I-” he takes it, then hesitates and pushes it back: “Here. Payment. For your services.”

“Give it to the poor, Brother.” Arthur says in a heartbeat.

“I couldn’t thank you enough! ... and urhm it’s Brother Dorkins.”

“Arthur Morgan. Sebastian Castellanos.” Arthur introduces them both.

The man’s gaze falls once again on the necklace: “Come see me again sometimes. I often work at the old church on Gaspar street.��

“I know the place.” Sebastian says, the monk smiles as he departs, and only then Sebastian lets out a sigh that feels like it’s been held in for far too long. “Motherfuckers.”

“Whoever said you ain’t a do-gooder was lying.” Arthur rubs a hand on the man’s back.

“Then you’re a liar yourself.”

Arthur lets out a noise, bobs his head around, then lets his eyes fall back on Sebastian’s face. “You did good, Sebastian.”

“You did too.” A smile; for themselves, a lil’ thing.

They should be going to look for the kid. And they find him soon enough, waving at them no more, no less than 40 dollars.

“A few more of those and we’ll be richmen.” Isaac sings.

“If only it’d be that easy.” His father chimes in.

“Ain’t you a sour ol’ man.” Isaac might have been more well mannered than your usual outlaw but he was still an outlaw, and a 16 year old boy at that.

“Let the kid dream.” Sebastian mocks him and Arthur can’t help but scoff: two against one it ain’t a fair fight!

“Ah! Maybe you’re right.” He gives in.

“Thank you, Seb.”

“Seb?!” He’s thrown in on a loop, where that come from? Isaac? And the man in question laughs, loudly. He feels like he’s missing something. “You gonna start calling him Daddy soon?” Sebastian can’t handle it, he’s bent over the neck of the stallion he just got back on, laughing hysterically:

“I ain’t no Daddy-” Sebastian wheezes through tears.

“Yeah, well the kid’s clearly adopted you as a parent.” And with those words from his father Isaac nods, entirely proud of the mess he’s put both of ‘em in. Boy’s becoming a conman like his Uncle Hosea and Arthur ain’t sure if he should be proud or terrified.

“Holy shit-” he’s still chuckling. “I sure am glad I met the both of you.” But it dies down soon enough and tone becomes almost melancholic. “I haven’t laughed like that in a long time.”

The shift’s so sudden that his stomach ends up dropping and a urge to go up and meet that sadness with some physical comfort takes over him:

“Sebastian-” A hand on the man’s knee.

“Now let’s see if how the police’ll be seeing us when we walk in.” the man continues, pulling on the reins.

Just a little bit left behind, Arthur’s last to get back into saddle and spur Ghost to follow suit.

He’s paying attention to everything, especially the lawmen; he bids them good day and they ain’t lookin’ like they recognize him, or Sebastian for that matter. So, Mister Valentini was keeping his lil’ dirty secrets hidden well. At one point against his better judgement he asks one if he’s seen any Pinkertons around. Surprisingly he said he hasn’t. He’s gaining confidence.

And he’d strut into that police station of it wouldn’t fill him with some form of bitter taste; that’s where Abigail told him Jack was taken, and now looking at that poster: Lemoyne Raider Commander, Lindsey Wofford. Bounty 100$. It ain’t no easy task... He shoots a glance back at Isaac; the kid takes the poster and the lawman that was watching almost let out an audible gasp:

“You going after Lindsey Wofford?”

“Might be.” Arthur replies.

“With a kid? You know he’s-”

“Mind your own business, mister.” Isaac’s voice cuts like a knife.

He understands; a hand presses on the boy’s shoulder. He’s smart, real smart and that makes him angry now, but for all that’s good in this world-

“You don’t have to do this.” Sebastian says not even one step outside.

“I want to.” Isaac intervenes.

Arthur holds him back with a firm hand: “Then you better keep your wits about ye’rself, boy.”

And the kid lets his head fall forward with a sigh: “Of course, Pa.”

With a breath sucked in between teeth Arthur climbs back into saddle: “Now it says the bastard’s up by the Mossy Flats.”

“It’s up past BlueWater Marsh.” Sebastian spoke, while at the same time pinning him with a concerned look.

And maybe this ain’t the best judgement or even the best Arthur’s capable of, but he’s thinkin’ it’d be a good lesson for the kid. Revenge is a fool’s game and Isaac must learn that; the sooner the better.

“Isaac.” He speaks up. “Listen here, this ain’t about revenge.”

“We’re in for the money?” Isaac, while sounding absolutely livid, was uncertain.

“Yeah, but that ain’t it, kid.”

“I don’t get it...”

“You might end up workin’ as a bounty hunter so don’t you get ye’r head wrapped up in ye’r work.” Boy doesn’t reply. “Isaac, I know they hurt you-”

“They shot you!” Isaac completely loses his temper there. “You almost died- I’d kill Colm O’Driscoll myself for what’s-”

“Isaac.” The name falls stern, yet not uncaringly from his lips.

“Take a deep breath.” Sebastian chimes in; boy nods, listens.

“Revenge ain’t worth the price.” Arthur continues.

Isaac sniffs in a sob; he rode just a bit ahead so they can’t see his face: “They can’t take you from me... They took Momma away-Who am I gonna have then...”

“You got the gang-”

“The gang ain’t been there!” Another fierce burst. Then silence. “Remember that time I caught fever while out in the desert, Pa? In new Austin?”

“Yeah, I remember...” It was about two years ago, kid got bitten by something and went down with shivers and fever.

“You collected those herbs, ginseng was it, and brought me into that town, Armadillo. You were there. I thought-” Boy’s clearly crying at this point. “Thought I’d die.”

It lasted 2 whole days, and Arthur’s been scared the whole entire time, holding the boy’s hand through it all, wet compresses on the forehead and all that.

“I ain’t letting you die, Isaac.” He says then.

“Neither am I.” cuts the boy with absolute resolution.

Sebastian was quiet throughout all of this, but Arthur had a hunch that if he was to say something it’d be about not letting either of ‘em die, and that’s just ‘cause he did it multiple times already. And if they weren’t at a gallop he’d stretch out his hand to the man.

Instead: “And I guess Sebastian ain’t gonna wanna see you gone either kid.”

“And don’t forget yourself, Arthur.”

“That’s a work in progress.” He tries a chuckle, to lift up the gloom over the boy’s shoulders. It ain’t working.

A song it be; Arthur starts: “I left my home to seek my fame, I traveled in a wagon train... Gold, gold, gotta have gold.”

Sebastian chimes into the chorus soon after, and he’s got quite the singing voice that man:

“Gold, gold, gotta have gold. Gold, gold, gotta have gold. Gold, gold, gotta have gold.”

They paused to let the kid have the next verse; a sigh, then: “So many joined this gold rush craze and hundreds came here everyday...”

And then together again: “Gold, gold, gotta have gold. Gold, gold, gotta have gold. Gold, gold, gotta have gold.”

The road ain’t as dreary then, so they keep up with the singing for a while. It started smelling like rain, skies grew darker and there’s thunder up ahead as they cross to Roanoke Ridge. They follow the road nearing the Kamassa River until they come across a fort. And that’s certainly looking like the place a rogue private militia’d be hiding into.

Here goes nothing.

Arthur takes out the rolling block riffle, checks for bullets: 16 left. The repeater’s out as well in case they need more bullets, that’s got roughly 50, but that he hands Isaac. Pistol and revolver ammo checked:

“Before we head in, everyone’s got enough bullets?” Arthur calls out.

“Got some to spare for the revolver?” Sebastian asks and Arthur hands him a full cartridge. A nod as acceptance.

“Isaac, you cover us from behind.”

It’s the Lemoyne Raiders, there’s gonna be plenty of them. An absent minded touch of the necklace. And in they went.

He almost instantly stops to turn back to Isaac: they got a gatling gun-

“Shit they’re here for Wofford!” People already gather, race to the gun.

Sebastian takes care that the first one that tries to man it falls down from the palisade onto the ground. Another one makes an attempt and that’s Arthur’s to dispose of. Still all three of them are ducked behind a bag-wall, only dipping up when aiming.

Isaac was getting good at this; saw the ones hiding in the ground-level cabin, shot the first one right in the chest, the other he didn’t get to, hid back inside. But that man’s head still peeked up. With a well placed shot he could get him- He did. Isaac moved to the other side: to the people that dared climb downstairs. Sebastian was mowing down those still on the palisades. 3 more left. Consecutive headshots.

Another reload, but the air turned quiet.

“That all of ‘em?” Isaac asked.

“Keep your guard up; there might be more out and about.” Sebastian warns, getting up, cautious at first. “Can I have the poster?”

“Sure,” they gotta find that Lindsey bastard among all these corpses; first he stares at the printed mug for a bit before handing the paper over. “I’ll go check upstairs.” After all Sebastian still had his leg wounded. He should maybe have a look at that after all this is over. But first, smile and praise for Isaac: “Good job, kid. You were real calm, real collected.”

Isaac’s face splits with a smile: “I did it for you, Pa!” Boy jumps up: “Ya’ hear that bastards! That was for my Pa!”

Arthur can’t help the chuckle: boy took revenge and made into an homage. Boy’s real smart. So exceptionally smart and a father’s heart swells inside his chest: he ain’t deserving such a good kid, but now that he’s got him it’s making him real proud.

Okay, but they still need to find the Lindey feller- was that him? He turns the bearded corpse over; it’s looking like him. Up on his shoulder the body goes with a huff, and Arthur makes his sluggish descent.

“Think I found him-” A thud as the corpse’s thrown to the ground.

“Looks like him.” Sebastian said.

“Then let’s get the bastard back to Saint Denis-”

His voice is covered up by the roar of thunder. Downpour comes not even a moment later. They gotta take cover but there ain’t no way they’re gonna sit here just in case the Raiders get back to find their beloved Commander’s met his maker.

It takes ‘em about 10 minutes to get to a small disheveled house right on the shore of the Kamassa River. They’re all soaked to the bone so the first thing they do is to get a fire going inside and take their clothes off and hang ‘em up to dry. The bounty’s hidden behind some crates, covered so it doesn’t rot

It’s got something about it; the way all three of ‘em are bare-chested ‘round a fire, sharing some dry meat and crackers. It’s got something that reminds of family.

“Maybe we should’o’ kept the sturgeon.” Sebastian chaffs, barely averting is gaze from slipping towards Arthur; and he can’t say he ain’t in the same situation. It’s both lust and worry, ‘cause the man still had deep running cuts along his entire body.

Lips purse and he sits with a biscuit in his hand, not replying, ending up thinking of it all. Today felt good. The fishing, even the whole bounty hunt, and now this moment, that’s feeling too tender to be all real, yet somehow, here they are two men and a boy, ‘round the fire with rain still pouring on outside like it ain’t ever rained. Kinda like the situation they were in: the camp was a mess... That whole thing was a mess...

“I think he fell asleep, Seb.” Isaac whispers to the man.

Arthur blinks a few times, pops the biscuit in his mouth, but one look at Sebastian and the man was pretending to be asleep in solidarity. He winked and Isaac shoved him. Both of them laughed, but the boy just pouted with raised eyebrows.

He’s handsome like this. He’s handsome anyhow, but with a smile on his face and flames dancing on his skin, he’s making that poor foolish heart of his thump against his ribs and breath rise shallow from his chest.

Isaac looks at both of them: “Well since you’re both already fast asleep I guess I’m gonna join.” He sits up and goes to look for a blanket or something that’s dry. Thankfully whoever died in this house decided it ain’t worth taking the blankets with them so the boy wraps himself up in them. “Goodnight!”

Arthur scoffs: “Goodnight, kid.” He rubs the boy’s back leaning over to him. “You did real good today. I’m proud of you.”

Isaac hums, sinking deeper in the blanket.

And when he swings his body back into a sitting position he discovers Sebastian looking at him like he’s the whole entire world, chin resting in one hand and eyes soft as ever, dripping with tenderness - and a pinch of lust. And he lunges like a cat towards Arthur, hands pawing at him, luring him in and dragging him closer. He soon finds himself on top of Sebastian, almost fearing he’s crushing him.

It’s a strange feeling, sweaty, drenched skin sticking to each other, chests rhythmically rising and falling together, seemingly faster and faster. A moments silence where all there is was that look Sebastian gave him with breath hitched, before he runs fingers through the other’s hair. And he leans into the touch ever so slightly.

“Arthur-” it’s so soft; he’s a sinner to this saint and yet that’s how he calls out his name. It makes him grind his hips upwards: “Umgh--”

Arthur promptly covers his mouth.

And Sebastian, spins him ‘round, to then straddle him underneath him.

“Se-” He don’t get to finish; the rest of the name in a breath given to the man’s mouth when it falls onto his own. Breath fastens; kiss deepens. Sebastian pins his arms above his head and Arthur’s feeling tight at the navel-

“Outside...” Sebastian whispers against his lips. Promise and incentive.

Then he’s up.

Rain is still pouring outside, but it ain’t like it’s gonna matter, Sebastian spins him round, lifts his arms against his head again and mouth’s on his mouth again, rough and hungry:

“You’ve been teasing me all fucking day-” Sebastian grunts against his beard; man’s hands cup the sides of his body, running up, stopping on his chest with thumbs on the nipples.

He ain’t known those could go hard as well, or feel so pleasant under touch like that. He bites his lips as not to moan. Rain soaks them through once again while the kissing and the fondling continues, with only pants to give away what’s been doing to them. That and the legs that part beneath Sebastian and arms that pull him closer in by the waist and have him grind up against him.

“You want that-” Sebastian coos by his ear, voice heavy, husky, a rumble tumbling out like the thunder outside

“Thought you was curious to find out.” He can’t handle what this feeling’s doing to him; teeth graze along the man’s bearded jaw.

A groan; he unbuckles Arthur’s belt and shoves a hand right between his thighs, cupping his cock into his palm. And Arthur has to throw his head back with a grunt at the sensation, it itches between his legs and up his navel. With thumb still coiled ‘round his now throbbing erection, fingers slip up, searching for the crack. He involuntarily bucks his hips forward, letting man access it. The one digit’s button presses against his hole and moves in a circle. Eyes are closed; Sebastian’s panting against his neck. Muscles contract and relax and that’s all he’s focusing on before the hand retracts to get lubricated by spit.

It’s promptly back, but this time Sebastian’s down on his knees: one hand teasing his ass, the other his cock, thin, wet lips fawning over the tip of his cock. Arthur’s knees are weak, trembling already and the knot that’s nested in his guts begs for touch. His own palm sneaks into Sebastian’s hair, grips, coaxes the head to move forward, put that damn mouth round his cock.

“Oh-” it’s soft, not loud and still that one free hand he has goes to cover his mouth. ‘cause he moans into it, muffled, when finger shoves up his anus, mouth working his length like it’s candy, tongue on the underside, firm against the ridge, making pleasure crawl up sweet.

A second finger slips in; the pain makes him bite his lips hard and fast, mid moan, and that sound escapes shamefully; the hand meant to muffle it swats to the side, grabbing onto the wooden paneling. There’s so much going on between his goddamn legs he ain’t ever felt as weak, or good. And it builds and builds. Hand grips the wall tighter, teeth keep biting down.

And Sebastian finds a spot within him, rubbing fingers firm against him in such a manner that he can’t help it:

“There- AUGH-” Mouth’s covered, shots fired. “Shit!” Hands rush to cup Sebastian’s face. Man swallows and looks up at him with a crooked expression of satisfaction: “You goddamn-” His fingers are still deep inside Arthur, and when he moves them the other arm reaches up to cover the man’s mouth before the boy realizes what was going on.

And he’s pinned there until Sebastian has his way with him: pace quick and rough and despite flacid the knot builds up again just as fast, in ever higher, waves. He can barely hold himself up at this point. There-There-There!...

This time it shakes his body from his core. Sebastian ends up holding him within his arms, against the wall. Christ what’s he done to him. Arthur can’t even catch his breath.

“I made sure you’ll be sore tomorrow.” A kiss on his cheek.

Arthur chuckles; he’s already kinda feeling it: “Bastard.”

Sebastian just smirks; and he’s still hard.

A few more pants till he gets his strength back up before it’s his time to straddle the man against paneling. He ain’t quite as delicate or as skilled, but Christ A’mighty he’s trying his best: a few rough strokes down the length of the man’s cock, before he bends down and swaddles the tip with his lips. Tongue rolls ‘round it and over, then head dips down the shaft, gaining himself a big gasp form Sebastian. And he likes hearing that. He reckons he found the rarest of sounds: the moan of a man in that lolls his head backwards, lips half open, hand to cover them. And he feels like he learned a thing or two, tries to replicate the motions Sebastian practiced on him just earlier and man exercises the same control over his skull, bobbing it up and down with on hand clenched into his hair. And he’s barely got the motions proper when he feels cum fill up his mouth: sticky, salty, tasting more or less like roe. It’s hard to swallow, takes a few tries ‘cause it stuck to the roof of his mouth, but when he’s done he finds himself roaming Sebastian’s body with his hands. From the hips up, lulling the man around, as close as possible, letting his breath roll heavy on the side of his neck.

Sebastian’s arms are wrapped around his wet back. It’s still pouring. Hair is sticking to skin, that’s threatening to get cold any minute now. But they don’t let go of each other. Almost naked, pants hanging low between their legs, they’re pressed against the wall, panting and not speaking one more word; Sebastian’s simply drawing circles on his back.

Exhaustion gets to him soon as he stands there; the cold too, and still he finds himself cupping Sebastian’s face, running thumbs down his cheeks, head still pressed to his forehead. And only after he’s done feeling the realness of this, the realness of him, that he’s there and that he’s Arthur’s to have as company does he whisper:

“Let’s get ourselves warm.”

#red dead redemption 2 #arthur morgan #rdr2 #rdr2 fanfic #sebastian castellanos #isaac morgan #nsft #ANYBODY UP FOR 7400 WORDS!?#yeah this is a lengthy chapter and it's very self indulgent BUT WHATEVER #;w; please enjoy until it all goes to shit

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datauthorress · 5 years

Text

;And the moon rose again;

Pairing: Arthur Morgan x Female! Reader

Summary: A deadly shootout leaves you wounded, and captured by people you never wanted to see again. They tell you the van der Linde gang has left you for dead, but you know, that you are family, no matter what happens.

Warnings: graphic depictions of violence, threaten of sexual violence and physical violence, strong language and blood

Notes: I know this may seem similar to a few other reader stories out there, but I promise this was all done on my own.

“Stay down, kid!”

You ducked down quickly, just as a gunshot pierced the tree right behind you. You held your own revolver in your hand, quickly leaning up to shoot in the direction of the shooters. One of them fell to the ground, bleeding profusely from a shot in his neck. You ducked down again, wiping away blood from your split lip, flicking the blood away from you in disdain.

“We're like a couple of sitting ducks here, Arthur!” you called to him, flinching as a bullet hit the rock right above your head.

Said outlaw was not too far from you, using a large boulder as protection. “Goddamn bastards...” he growled, reaching around and firing a few shots.

Both of you heard the pained yells of the men firing at the two of you, and you sighed in relief when the shots paused.

This wasn't even yours, or Arthur's fault. Well, it was your fault actually. A gang of men, you forgot their name, who worked under your father years ago had spotted you and Arthur in Valentine when you both left the store. This instigated the men exclaiming that they found you and that “Oh, yer father is goin' to be mighty happy when he sees you, princess!”.

Arthur, of course, protected you from the men and this began the start of the shootout. Now the shots have ended, and it seemed they were all dead, or too wounded to fight back. Arthur peered his head up and looked around for a moment before he nodded, standing up. “It's clear.”

You stood up as well and Arthur made his way to the other side of the road, where one of the men was clutching a wound in his arm, groaning in agony. “Well well, looks like we got a 'live one here.” Arthur mocked, using his foot to push the man onto his back. “Who sent ya?”

“Go to hell, you son of a bitch.” the man hissed, then babbled as Arthur aimed his revolver at the man's head. “W-wait! We....we were sent by the little lady's father....he wants her back.”

“What the hell for?” Arthur demanded, his finger on the trigger. Arthur knew your past, he knew you ran away after a violent incident that got your mother killed. You blamed yourself for it, even though it wasn't your fault.

“Oh, didn't she tell ya?” the man chuckled, spitting up blood. “The little lady beside ya killed her own mother in cold blood. Now her father wants revenge.”

“You're a goddamn lying son of a bitch.” Arthur snarled, and didn't hesitate to pull the trigger.

You let out the breath you were holding, shakiness with it. You holstered your weapon and ran a hand through your hair, turning and whistling for your horse. The large animal came trotting to your call, nickering softly.

“(Name),” Arthur's voice caught your attention and you turned towards him. “I know you ain't lying. We're gonna protect ya, don't worry.”

“I had a hunch he would eventually find me, Arthur. It was only a matter of time before I slipped up.” you sighed once more, shaking your head.

“Look at me, darlin'.” Arthur's rough, calloused hand cupped your chin, tilting your head up to meet his gaze. “They're not takin' ya. Not even over my own dead body.”

You smiled softly and opened your mouth to speak, but a gunshot rang out and white-hot pain laced through your thigh. Your scream startled Arthur into ultra-protective mode and he got out his revolver, shooting in the direction. Tears stung the corners of your eyes and you caught a glimpse of someone running towards you, and you called out Arthur's name.

He only got a few mere seconds to turn to you before he was smacked across the back of the head with the butt of a rifle, and he collapsed to the ground with a thud. The hit had been hard enough to knock him out. You cried out in fear and knelt beside his side.

“Arthur?! Arthur!”

“Well well,”

The man's voice was so familiar to you, even if you hadn't heard it in fifteen years. Fear chilled you to the very core and you slowly looked up, seeing a middle-aged man on his large horse, hard green eyes staring into your very soul.

“Hello, princess.” your father smiled. “It's been the better of fifteen years, ain't it?”

You couldn't move as he got off, and you barely breathed as he approached you, his gait menacing. It always had been. You didn't know what your mother had seen in your father, and he was a cold-hearted bastard who would do anything to get what he wanted, including murder and other horrible things. The man reached out and grabbed the side of your neck rather harshly, pulling you towards him. He observed your features, a thumb pressing against your bruised cheek.

“You're very beautiful, just like yer mother. It's too bad she isn't here.....we could've had the family reunion of the century.” he said softly.

“Mom's dead because of you.” you snapped.

“No, princess. Your mother's dead because of you.” he said.

You glared at him and spat right in his face. He didn't react at first, merely reaching up with his free hand to wipe at the spit on his cheek. He released your neck, and without warning, back-handed you hard across the face. You collapsed to the ground, pain blooming in your cheek. It had made you dizzy. Your father reached down and grabbed the chain around your neck, snapping it off your neck with just mere strength. That necklace was a simple chain, but it belonged to your mother. He looked at the chain, and threw it onto the ground.

“Knock her out and hogtie her. We've got shit to do.”

You looked up as a boot came into your vision, and then a fist.

Then darkness.

Everything hurt.

You didn't know how long you had been here, hours, days, weeks? You were held up in a room with no bed, no light unless someone brought a lantern in. There was an old blanket, but it smelled of moths and god, you hated the smell. It reminded you too much of your father.

There hadn't been much done. Some beatings, name-calling. You were absolutely starving. They had given you water, but no food.

You looked up as the door was unlocked from the outside and light filled the room, blinding you. Footsteps approached you and you were hauled up by your arms, being forcefully dragged out of the room. You could barely get your feet under you, and just stumbled along. You recognized the area you were brought into; the kitchen. Your mother loved to cook. Absolutely loved it.

You were shoved into a chair, your arms pulled forcefully behind your back and rope wrapped around your wrists too tightly. Your wrists were already raw and sore from earlier abuse. You flinched when a hand smacked you across the cheek, and another gripped your jaw too tightly, forcing you to look up.

Your father stood there, staring down at you.

“Go to hell.” you spat.

Your statement was met with a smack across your cheek and you winced. Your face was so bruised and raw, that it hurt to do anything, even talk. You spat blood onto the floor, breathing hard. “You know why mom was going to leave you?” you asked, looking back to him.

“Quiet.”

“Because yer a goddamn psychopath, and I don't know what she saw in you.” you said, gritting your teeth. “You killed mom because you're a murderer.”

“I said, quiet.”

“And mom hated you-”

The next smack was hard enough to send you toppling to the floor, and you coughed up a bit of blood, feeling it dribble down the side of your mouth. Your vision swam, the side of your face aching horribly.

“No matter what, there's no givin' up, darlin'.”

Arthur's voice echoed through your mind and you spat out blood, your body being thrashed around as you were sat upright. Your bindings were cut and you were roughly lifted out of the chair, your arms held in two of the mens' vice grips.

“That man ya were with, princess,” your father spoke, fixing his hat. “Who was he?”

“None of yer goddamn business.” you snapped.

His fist smashed into your stomach and you doubled over, your knees buckling underneath you. Your father grabbed the front of your shirt, forcing you back up into a standing position. “Ya care 'bout 'im, don't ya? Seems t' me like he's a lil' old for you, ain't he?”

You glared at him harshly, knowing that the eye on the left side of your face was bruising horribly. You spat into the man's face, refusing to speak. He responded by smacking you hard once again, gripping your chin hard enough to leave bruises. “Ya spreading yer legs for that man, princess? I wouldn't doubt.....yer momma was a whore. Like mother, like daughter, eh?”

You coughed, more blood dribbling down your chin. “Momma wasn't a whore....she jus' hated yer guts because you hurt us.”

“Obviously, this lil' lesson ain't doin' much for ya.” he chuckled. “Perhaps we should go find that man....slaughter 'im.”

Fear coarse through your veins, and you felt your stomach churn at the thought of the gang being hurt because of you. They took you in when nobody else would, they made you family. Arthur was one of the ones you grew close to, despite his cold personality. But around you, he showed you kindness, something that you hadn't known before.

And it wasn't long before you realized you had fallen for him.

“I'll tell ya what, princess. Tell me where yer camp is, and I promise, I'll let ya walk away alive.”

It only took you a few moments to answer. “Eat shit.”

He frowned, standing back up to his full height. He waved his hand and something hit the back of your neck, sending you into the everlasting darkness once more.

A weight came down on your neck and you could feel the bones breaking underneath. A hoarse scream left your lungs, and you thrashed on the cold, unforgiving floor. Tears streamed down your cheeks, and you sobbed quietly, the weight lifting from your leg.

“This all woulda been easy if ya jus' told me where yer camp was. Sure, ya don't want t' give up yer family, but they aren't yer family. I am yer family, princess.”

Your father's harsh words echoed in your mind and you bit back your tears, glancing up at the man with hateful eyes. “Y....you were....never family. And I'll never be your daughter.” you choked.

Something passed through your father's eyes and he grinned sickly. “Then I guess I'll just have t' make ya family.”

He knelt down, pressing down on your broken leg and you winced. His hands tugged on the overalls you wore, and your blood ran cold. “Now, here's what's gonna happen, princess. I'm gonna keep ya. I'm gonna fuck ya, and I'm gonna put a child in ya. And if it doesn't work the first time, then I'll keep doin' it again....and again....until ya learn to respect me.”

You thrashed and his palm pressed down against your stomach, sending a fresh rush of hot, disgusting bile up your throat.

He tugged on your overalls once more, and that's when you heard the sound of gunshots coming from outside. He quickly stood up, gave you a glare and left the room quickly, leaving you in the room. You could hear shouts and pained yells from men, and the thundering of hooves on the ground. You swallowed down the bile in your throat, groaning as you made your way towards the door. It was hard to move with a broken leg.

“Where is she?!”

You were almost startled by the familiar voice, and your eyes watered. Was it really....?

“The lil' bitch ran off!” your father's voice echoed. There was a cry of pain, and what sounded like a bone breaking. “Argh! S-she ran off!”

“I don't believe ya for a second.” Arthur's voice snarled. “Where is she?!”

Your throat worked, coughing as bile came up your throat again. “A.....Arthur....” you croaked, trying to speak louder.

“You 'ave five goddamn seconds. 1.....”

“Arthur.....!” you said louder, but knew you had to call louder.

“2......3.......4....”

“ARTHUR!!”

“Arthur, hold on! I jus' heard something come from the cabin!” Lenny's voice echoed.

“Watch 'his piece of shit fer me.” Arthur spoke, and you could feel tears running down your cheeks. He heard you. He heard you. The sound of loud footsteps came into the cabin, as you heard the outlaw's voice call out your name.

Your vision blurred, and you coughed harshly, bile coming out from your mouth as you retched. God, there was blood in it....

“(Name)!”

The footsteps quickened towards you and you felt large hands on your shoulders and back, cautiously sitting you up. Hands cupped your bruised face, and you opened your eyes, blinking sluggishly. Arthur's facial features came into focus, and you almost began to cry. “Oh Christ....what did they do t' ya, (Name)?”

His hands left you for a moment and he grabbed out his knife, slicing your bindings. Your wrists were so raw and bloody. “Hang on, (Name)....” he said, slipping an arm underneath your back and another underneath your knees. He gathered you in his strong arms, and you clutched at his blue shirt, pressing your bruised face into the fabric, tears running down your cheeks. You couldn't believe he was actually here. He looked out for you, even taught you new things and shared stories with you, but not for one second, did you ever think that he would actually come for you when you were in need.

It was almost like a dream.

You cried out hoarsely and Arthur shushed you gently, the hand on your back situating you so he was holding onto your good shoulder, keeping you against his chest. His heart was pounding and he was warm, so warm. You didn't mind dying if it had meant you would've gotten to see his face one last time.

“Hang on, darlin'. Yer goin' home.” he said quietly, his voice laced with tenseness and worry.

Arthur carried you out of the cabin and Lenny's voice caught your attention.

“Oh my Lord.....is she alright?!”

“We ain't got time for questions, Lenny.” Arthur said sternly and he turned a bit. “Now listen ya son of a bitch....did ya touch her?”

“That's none of yer goddamn business-”

“Did ya touch her?!”

Arthur's voice made you cringe. You had never heard him so angry.

Your father's reply made you want to scream.

“I woulda fucked 'er bloody if ya hadn't come.”

Arthur snarled quietly, hoping you didn't hear him. But you did, and you could feel his chest tighten up, his nostrils flaring. It happened so quickly. Arthur aimed his revolver and shot three times, each bullet piercing your father's head and chest.

You choked back a sob, your tears staining his shirt. He said something to Lenny, which you didn't catch and you were suddenly shifted up, a groan of agony leaving your lungs as you were placed on his horse. You slumped forward a bit, until he climbed on behind you and you whimpered as his arms came around you, a hand holding onto the reins.

“We're goin' home, darlin'.” he said, before shouting at his horse.

The large animal went into a full gallop. Every bounce of your body made your body hurt even more and you opened your watery eyes, blinking back your tears. The dark skies of night were pulling back as the sun came up from over the horizon.

“A....Arthur....” you wheezed, your vision blackening a bit.

You lifted your arm a bit, wanting to touch him, his hand, his arm, anything that you could get a grip on. His arm shifted a bit, before his large hand wrapped around yours, warmth seeping into your veins. “Jus' hang on, sweetheart.” he ushered, pushing his horse to go faster, desperation in his voice. “Ya gotta stay awake for me, okay?”

“Arthur, I....” you swallowed down bile, vision going black slightly. You had to tell him. You would regret it if you died here and he never knew. “I-I lo......”

Your body slumped to the side and Arthur called out your name, trying to get you to stay awake. The last thing you heard was his plea before darkness greeted you like an old friend.

You scrunched your eyes, letting out a quiet breath. You felt exhausted. Everything hurt. It hurt to move. Your throat moved and you coughed quietly. You heard a deep voice, but it was soft as it brought you into the waking world. You scrunched your eyes once more, and finally opened them, the ache of your muscles protesting.

Your vision was blurry, and you saw a bunch of colored blurs, blues, greens....even some browns. You were aware that somebody was right there, sitting with you.

“Arthur...?” you said quietly.

“I'm right 'ere, darlin'.”

You nearly burst into tears at the sound of his voice. Your vision focused and you saw the man sitting beside your cot, looking quite disheveled. His hair was a mess, and he was wearing the same shirt you saw him in when he rescued you. He had dark circles underneath his eyes, which meant he hadn't slept. You tried to move, to sit up, but your muscles protested so you just didn't bother trying again.

“H....how long....was I...?”

“Ya were out for two days....gone for four.” Arthur replied softly, scooting closer to your cot. “(Name)....I'm so sorry-”

“Please...don't.” you shook your head, your hand releasing the grip it had on your blanket. You wanted to touch him; tell him that it wasn't his fault. “I....I knew it would happen eventually....but I didn't think....it would be like this....”

Arthur sighed quietly, his jaw clenched. He glanced down at your hand and paused for a moment, before he took your smaller hand in his, gently squeezing. His blue eyes observed over your bruised features and you squeezed his hand back.

“I look horrible, don't I?” you asked quietly.

“I've seen worse.” he gave a small shrug. “Darlin'.....”

“You came for me.” you whispered at the realization.

“Of course I did, darlin'.” Arthur said. “I wouldn't....ever, leave ya. Yer family. We protect our own.”

You wondered if he had heard what you were going to confess. You doubted he did, and that was alright. It wasn't the right time, and even if there was a right time, you wouldn't have his heart. You weren't even sure if he even felt any sort of deep, romantic feelings towards you. You weren't good with your emotions either.

You coughed again, and Arthur reached over to the little stand next to your cot, holding a cup of water to your mouth. You gladly gulped down the cold water, which tasted heavenly. Your throat was sore and ached from screaming, so you didn't push yourself. He set the cup down on the stand once you were done.

“Arthur...” you said softly.

He looked to you, and you went quiet, not sure of what you wanted to say. You wanted to say thank you, I love you. There were so many things you wanted to tell him, but you couldn't bring yourself to say them. You felt a tear run down your cheek, and Arthur reached forward with his free hand, thumb gently wiping away the stray tear.

“Stay, please.” you pleaded.

His expression softened and he stood up, leaning over you. His hand released yours for a moment, bracing itself on the cot while his other hand cupped your bruised face, gently stroking your cheek. You watched with exhausted eyes as he got closer to you, then his lips brushed ever so softly against your forehead.

“I'm not goin' anywhere, sweetheart.” he whispered.

And for the first time in days, you felt safe and secure.

#arthur morgan x reader #red dead redemption 2 #arthur morgan #I actually really like how this came out

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grmrper-a · 5 years

Photo

Brother

/ ˈbrʌðər / noun. a bastion of calm, a best friend of your kin, eternal promise of camaraderie you’ll never laugh alone, you’ll never grief alone

What has become of us?

There is a monster up in the mountains, mother. I don’t know what happened, but I think my brother went there too. After 20 days, you hold a scrap of cloth between your fingers. You pick out the crimson, the dry blood. It belongs to him. You bought this shirt when he turned 17.

What have I ever taught him about older brothers?

You’ve never seen my tongue cleaning my hands of his blood. I rise, I persevere. The monster in the mountains carries my name in his mouth and my blood in his veins. If you had known, maybe you would have stopped me. But I’m your brother too. And once I was a hungry God.

Was it him that killed me, or did I kill him?

How cruel it is to be born together and die apart. He’s a bruise still bleeding under healed skin, a bloodline drained with a shroud, a shadow that clings to my old clothes.

introducing the brothers, the central characters of our heart-wrenching tragedy:

1. charles kangmae hayes

oldest, 27 y.o., 25 at the time of the murder

only goes by his English name

ambitious, competitive, stubborn, calculated, easily irritated, cynical, occasional smoker, sex addict

most handsome, most vain, most involved with his father’s fame

private international business laws

after agnus’ and arthur’s deaths, charles returns to London with their father where he first gets involved with █ █ █ █ █, a big international business group whose legal team he eventually becomes part of

charles would much rather pretend the deaths never happened, which is the reason why he hardly ever talks to duncan anymore

2. arthur byungho hayes

second oldest, 24 y.o., 22 at the time of the murder

introverted, romantic, easily enamored, idealistic, optimistic, hypochondriac, at the verge of alcoholism, chain smoker, bookworm

impulsive & explosive

coward, coward, coward!

enamored by a british columnist, jasper o’brien

absolutely dies for ancient classics, speaks Latin fluently, knows some old Greek

jasper & arthur engage in a bacchanal, they sacrifice a deer & accidentally murder a man

supposedly dies by drowning, suicide

leaves Hong Kong for Seoul, lives by the name Kang Haru

hosts a podcast & a blog, publishes under the name jasper o’brien who vanished after agnus’ death

loves poems & his own pleasure more than his brother

3. duncan junghwa hayes

second youngest, 21 y.o., 19 at the time of the murder

only goes by his korean name, kim junghwa, kim being his mother’s maiden name

has left their home at the age of 16 when their famous movie director father was involved in a sex scandal with under-aged actresses

has lived with his grandparents in seoul ever since

never enjoyed his father’s riches due to their falling off

morally sound, occasionally goofy, not the brightest, kind-hearted, extroverted, do-good-er, unemployed, family-oriented

after his brothers’ deaths, he returns to hong kong to take care of their mother who isput into a mental institution due to being unable to cope with the loss of her two children and her husband and charles leaving her, he stays two years in hong kong

becomes obsessed with the idea that agnus and arthur both were murdered and makes it his mission to undo the wrongs done to his family

before the deaths, he had a promising future as a professional swimmer and even a chance at a scholarship

4. agnus youngsoon hayes †

youngest of the brothers, 17 y.o. at the time of his death

most intelligent of the bunch

intuitive, attentive, innocent, carefree, loud, with a heart in the right spot

super-glue of the family, protected, sheltered, loved

has a habit of always being too early, even in death

finds out about arthur’s and jasper’s murderous deeds, and about the nature of their relationship

tries to convince arthur to right his wrongs and becomes a menace to jasper which proved to be fatal

a lil prankster

too pure for this world

used to like girl groups a lot

very logical minded and prone to science, used to want to become a researcher

#it's just hair under the hat: headcanon.#there is no middle: story.#the brother.#I spent too much time on this

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haycsqve · 5 years

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Brother

/ ˈbrʌðər / noun. a bastion of calm, a best friend of your kin, eternal promise of camaraderie you’ll never laugh alone, you’ll never grief alone

What has become of us?

What have I ever taught him about older brothers?

Was it him that killed me, or did I kill him?

How cruel it is to be born together and die apart. He’s a bruise still bleeding under healed skin, a bloodline drained with a shroud, a shadow that clings to my old clothes.

introducing the brothers, the central characters of our heart-wrenching tragedy:

1. charles kangmae hayes

oldest, 27 y.o., 25 at the time of the murder

only goes by his English name

ambitious, competitive, stubborn, calculated, easily irritated, cynical, occasional smoker, sex addict

most handsome, most vain, most involved with his father’s fame

private international business laws

charles would much rather pretend the deaths never happened, which is the reason why he hardly ever talks to duncan anymore

2. arthur byungho hayes

second oldest, 24 y.o., 22 at the time of the murder

introverted, romantic, easily enamored, idealistic, optimistic, hypochondriac, at the verge of alcoholism, chain smoker, bookworm

impulsive & explosive

coward, coward, coward!

enamored by a british columnist, jasper o’brien

absolutely dies for ancient classics, speaks Latin fluently, knows some old Greek

jasper & arthur engage in a bacchanal, they sacrifice a deer & accidentally murder a man

supposedly dies by drowning, suicide

leaves Hong Kong for Seoul, lives by the name Kang Haru

hosts a podcast & a blog, publishes under the name jasper o’brien who vanished after agnus’ death

loves poems & his own pleasure more than his brother

3. duncan junghwa hayes

second youngest, 21 y.o., 19 at the time of the murder

only goes by his korean name, kim junghwa, kim being his mother’s maiden name

has left their home at the age of 16 when their famous movie director father was involved in a sex scandal with under-aged actresses

has lived with his grandparents in seoul ever since

never enjoyed his father’s riches due to their falling off

morally sound, occasionally goofy, not the brightest, kind-hearted, extroverted, do-good-er, unemployed, family-oriented

becomes obsessed with the idea that agnus and arthur both were murdered and makes it his mission to undo the wrongs done to his family

before the deaths, he had a promising future as a professional swimmer and even a chance at a scholarship

4. agnus youngsoon hayes †

youngest of the brothers, 17 y.o. at the time of his death

most intelligent of the bunch

intuitive, attentive, innocent, carefree, loud, with a heart in the right spot

super-glue of the family, protected, sheltered, loved

has a habit of always being too early, even in death

finds out about arthur’s and jasper’s murderous deeds, and about the nature of their relationship

tries to convince arthur to right his wrongs and becomes a menace to jasper which proved to be fatal

a lil prankster

too pure for this world

used to like girl groups a lot

very logical minded and prone to science, used to want to become a researcher

#there is no middle: story.#the brothers.#krp oc

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deadcactuswalking · 3 years

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 20/02/2021 (Lil Tjay & 6LACK, Taylor Swift, slowthai)

Okay, so we’ve got a busy week ahead of us, actually a pretty massive one to deep-dive through – and it’s immediately obvious from the second song on the chart, but for now, “drivers license” by Olivia Rodrigo hangs on for what I believe is its sixth week at #1, and we’ve got a lot to cover.

Rundown

First of all, why’s this a big week? Well, there is an album bomb – or at least all that the UK Singles Chart allows for album bombs – and everything that could have debuted... debuted high. So in the UK Top 75, which is what I cover, we’ve got an awful lot to discuss. First of all, our drop-outs, other than debuts from last week, include “Baby Shark” by Pinkfong, “Train Wreck” by James Arthur, “Golden” by Harry Styles, “SO DONE” by The Kid LAROI, “Therefore I Am” by Billie Eilish, “All Girls are the Same” by the late Juice WRLD, “All I Want” by Olivia Rodrigo and fittingly, “Skin” by Sabrina Carpenter. We also have a fair few losers, like “Bringing it Back” by Digga D and AJ Tracey down to #16 off of the top 5 debut and all of Fredo’s tracks skidding down off of the album bomb two weeks ago, like “Money Talks” with Dave at #19, “Ready” featuring Summer Walker at #37 and “Burner on Deck” with Young Adz and the late Pop Smoke at #51. We also have “34+35” by Ariana Grande not getting a remix boost at #30 (though it can get the album boost next week), “Love Not War (The Tampa Beat)” by Jason Derulo and Nuka collapsing at #39, “Regardless” by RAYE and Rudimental at #48, “willow” by Taylor Swift at #49, “Lemonade” by Internet Money and Gunna featuring Don Toliver and NAV at #50, “positions” by Ariana Grande at #52, “i miss u” by Jax Jones and Au/Ra at #55, “Midnight Sky” by Miley Cyrus at #56, “Be the One” by Rudimental featuring MORGAN, Digga D and TIKE at #58, “Martin & Gina” by Polo G at #59 (I’m surprised we didn’t get “GNF (OKOKOK)” debut, by the way), “What You Know Bout Love” by the late Pop Smoke at #61, “Watermelon Sugar” by Harry Styles at #62, “Loading” by Central Cee collapsing at #63, ��No Time for Tears” by Nathan Dawe and Little Mix doing the same at #65 (probably both victims of streaming cuts), “Apricots” by Bicep at #68, “Really Love” by KSI featuring Craig David and Digital Farm Animals at #69, “Looking for Me” by Paul Woodford, Diplo and Kareen Lomax at #70 and “See Nobody” by Wes Nelson and Hardy Caprio at #73. What may be more interesting than our notable fallers are our notable gains and returning entries, however, as whilst only “Shallow” by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper returned to #64, we also have some inexplicable or just plain bad gains. “Roses” by SAINt JHN and remixed by Imanbek seemingly has a second wind at #67, along with “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran at #57 and “Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi at #42, but our other gains are mostly recent debuts, like “Little Bit of Love” by Tom Grennan at #45, “Astronaut in the Ocean” by Maxed Wolf at #44, “Believe Me” by Navos at #43, “Arcade” by Duncan Laurence at #33 and finally, “Friday”, Riton’s ugly Nightcrawlers remix featuring Musafa & Hypeman dopamine re-editing itself into the top 10 at #10, becoming everyone’s first in that category, except the Nightcrawlers themselves getting their first top 10 since 1995, even if it’s just “Push the Feeling On” getting into the top 10 a second, separate time 26 years later... and it’s scary to think 1995 is indeed 26 years ago. Anyway, let’s start to make sense of these new arrivals.

NEW ARRIVALS

#72 – “MAZZA” – slowthai featuring A$AP Rocky

Produced by SAMO, slowthai and Kwes Darko

Now, the charts may be chaotic because of the general weakness of it all but it also allows for artists you wouldn’t really expect to do that well get #1 albums, and slowthai’s riding the waves of controversy, his well-received debut album and, you know, a genuinely very good quality of work, as his sophomore effort, TYRON, debuts at #1 on the UK Albums Chart, and we’ve got three songs from Ty on this singles chart, which is the highest amount the chart actually allows, meaning this is an album bomb. Yeah, an album bomb from slowthai – that’s the one thing you can guarantee ONLY ever happens on the UK charts... well, okay, there are many things, but we’ll get to those later. I’m surprised “MAZZA” didn’t debut higher given the music video, big-name feature, being one of the catchiest on the record and the fact that it’s getting radio play, but it’s still here, so who’s to complain? This track, from the emptier A-side of “bangers” in the first half of the album, relies on a quirky synth loop and a bouncy trap beat for slowthai and Rocky to individually prove themselves on and, yeah, the song is pretty great, with a really infectious hook and mostly really smooth flows, propelled by the charisma that just so easily spreads out of every word Ty raps. The title itself is slang that basically something is “mad” – that in, crazy and fun – and that is fitting for the song, which seems to be at a disconnect between the content, beat and feature. Ty flip-flops between flexing, depression and drug addiction, whilst A$AP Rocky just delivers some flexing... but when it’s one of Rocky’s best verses in years, I’m just glad to have him spitting here finally. This is far from the most interesting track on the record but it’s definitely an empty banger cruising on energy more than anything, which is good because it has that in spades. I’d like to point out though that much like the rest of the first half of this album, it is derivative: this is a beat you could see either Rocky or Playboi Carti on, and Ty seems to be doing mostly Rocky-esque flows with a definite attempt at doing the same ad-lib-focal song structure as Carti would. This is unfortunate by now but I can see him growing out of his influence as time comes, although it is a concern when it’s clearer on your bangers than it is your retrospective tunes, which are also pretty clearly Kanye- and BROCKHAMPTON-inspired. Speaking of...

#72 – “terms” – slowthai featuring Dominic Fike and Denzel Curry

Produced by Mount Kimbie, JD. Reid and Kenny Beats

It’s crazy to see production credits from Mount Kimbie and Kenny Beats on the UK Singles Chart... but with that said, you’d expect that to end up as one of the best songs on the chart, especially with this trio of artists. Sadly, the tracks that debuted this week are not close to my favourites off of the project, but if songs like “45 SMOKE”, “push”, “nhs”, “focus”, “PLAY WITH FIRE” and my personal favourite, “i tried”, aren’t going to chart, then I guess we can deal with this to show the more introspective side of the record and slowthai as a whole... except this song is exceptionally shallow in that lane, discussing the downsides of fame in a way that feels tired and done before, even on the same album – and we’ll get to that in a bit. Dominic Fike discusses his words being “jumbled” when in reality I don’t think anything Ty has said has been confused or taken out of context. It doesn’t help that this beat has a drowned-out guitar sample that just sounds ugly below a dark, menacing 808 and trap percussion that take Dominic Fike out of his element so much that he just sounds awful on the hook. Slowthai may have a faster flow here but he’s remarkably unfocused content-wise, and Denzel Curry doesn’t deliver more than a badly-mixed Memphis rap interlude that you can barely tell is him. This is far from bad, I do like the subtle vocal samples in the chorus and slowthai’s second verse about his daily schedule is genuinely really great, but it feels like wasted potential. Fun fact: This is actually Denzel’s first ever song to chart in the UK... if you can even call it his song. We’ll see Ty more later as we get higher on the chart.

#60 – “Cover Me in Sunshine” – P!nk and Willow Sage Heart

Produced by the Struts

Okay, so this is a song by P!nk with her young child daughter... Hmm, okay, so this is a ballad relying on acoustic guitar picking and some really ugly echoed percussion as well as two voices that go from meshing not at all to meshing too well together for voices 30 years apart. I’d like to end it here because this song really isn’t interesting past the novelty factor and some strange mixing in the first verse especially but as a bland uplifting “Fight Song”-type song, I guess it works though I don’t know about you but if I were going through a global pandemic right now with no real source of income, no end in sight and constant governmental error that’s killing thousands of people nationwide, I wouldn’t want a child who was born into millionaires telling me that it’s all going to be okay... oh, yeah, we are in that situation and I don’t want to hear this at any point, especially because this is generic and frankly, not worth anyone’s time.

#54 – “Mixed Emotions” – Abra Cadabra

Produced by TR the Producer

Okay, so when I said this would be a big week I did not mean or expect that it would be a good week, as we can tell already, but Abra Cadabra is here with a “thugs-need-love-too” track to drive that point home. Apparently a snippet of this went viral before its official release in a Valentine’s Day EP I didn’t know existed, which I honestly don’t get because there’s nothing stand-out about this song, like, at all. It’s got a guitar-based trap beat as Abra Cadabra croons in his admittedly pretty interesting, rich voice but he’s not saying anything interesting and this beat is just incompetent, with those badly-mixed swooshing sound effects that come in way too many times, and the fact that half the song is lacking percussion for no reason other than to make the beat sound busier than it is, even when it already has that ugly acoustic guitar lick playing through the whole thing in the front of the mix and... yeah, what’s the point in really critiquing this? Abra can’t even really hold much of a flow, especially in the meandering second verse, so not much of value is lost when this inevitably drops out next week.

#53 – “Big” – Rita Ora, Imanbek and David Guetta featuring Gunna

Produced by Mike Hawkins, Toby Green, Spenser, Sam Martin, David Guetta and Imanbek

This is the lead single – if you can call it that – from a trainwreck of a collaborative EP by COVID-19 super-spreader Rita Ora and everyone’s favourite Kazakh DJ, Imanbek, who seems to be chasing hits here with no real gain. You can already tell this is going to be hilariously bad, right? There are four primary artists seemingly picked out of a hat who had never collaborated prior to this EP, with two vocalists that would not mesh at all, and two producers... as well as four others to engineer this mix out so that the actual DJs and producers here become pretty much in name only. So, this is an already pointless song in all capacities, but then we find out that Ed Sheeran had a hand in writing this... this is just prepped for disaster. Fittingly, the song’s bad in a hilariously boring way. It starts with a bassy synth lead and some generic house production before Rita Ora comes in with a really unconvincing delivery that does not help to propel some genuinely bad singing in the pre-chorus and awkward songwriting. “Blame it on the city how I’m ballin’”? “Big tanks looking like Transformers”? It’s even funnier when you note that that line is where the beat cuts out (kind of) and it doesn’t rhyme with the rest of the verse at all. There’s some really bad vocal processing that makes Rita Ora sound overly digitised, much like a lot of Imanbek’s production, but also emphasises her in the mix along with the vocal mixing being generally overly loud compared to the rest of the production, which doesn’t really have a proper drop so it just goes nowhere other than a brief drum fill that comes out of nowhere and serves no real purpose. Rita Ora delivers rap clichés or at least lines I’ve heard before in the most generic possible way in the second verse, with as much charisma as Gunna’s literally phoned-in verse, mixed awfully, where the beat doesn’t even dignify his existence by just staying on the build-up and not even properly giving him the trap breakdown that it’s clearly going for. There’s this one stray kick or 808 note in that verse that goes nowhere. It’s honestly hilarious how dreadful this song is, lacking any groove or punch that it would need to become even a guilty pleasure... if you still use that term, anyway. Just fascinating. Anyway, let’s get to the top 40.

#39 – “CANCELLED” – slowthai featuring Skepta

Produced by SAMO, Kelvin Krash and Kwes Darko

Yeah, okay, so this song isn’t great either. Although I’m glad slowthai is in the top 40, it won’t be for long and it’s not because of Ty. It’s because this is a Skepta song through and through. He does the hook, has a verse and a presence on the intro and post-chorus. It’s probably good that it is as well because Skepta does the best he can with his menacing delivery over a pretty weak flute-trap beat that sounds as sleepy as Skepta’s flow on the chorus, which is even more awkward when it takes a left turn for an unnecessary post-chorus. Ty brings energy here and some pretty funny lines but is overall a non-presence on his own song, being over-shadowed by the bass knock and interrupted by Skepta’s hook at the end of his verse. Skepta brings a better verse, with some genuinely really fun flow switches but nothing content wise to make this song that’s already barely two minutes feel like it adds anything to... well, anything. The song itself is trying to prove a heavy-handed yet misguided point about cancel culture, which I don’t think even exists, and how it “kills art” when in reality anything further than stans or trolls on Twitter is probably deserved. When a book shop stops selling J.K. Rowling books, it’s not because they’re silencing or censoring art as much as they are not giving profits to a terrible person with too much time and money on their hands. Thankfully, neither of these guys are terrible people but what backlash they have had has been either from a deserved place or not from the left. There was an incident at an awards show with Katherine Ryan that didn’t get him cancelled but got Ty some brief backlash. Everybody swiftly moved on, and nothing changed except I think he delivered some kind of apology, not that I would remember because this song retcons whatever regret he has for it. He also got some backlash from the British news media – see: the right-wing – from displaying a severed head of Boris Johnson on stage, but again, if backlash “killed art”, you wouldn’t have a #1 album. As much as it wants to be a middle-finger to cancel culture, it ends up as a worthless flex track from rappers who’ve done much better. It’s not bad at all – and I’m glad the guy’s having success (I mean, after all, the album is overall good and he’s a fellow Northamptonshire resident). I just don’t think this song really works at all for what it’s trying to do.

#35 – “Siberia” – Headie One featuring Burna Boy

Produced by TheElements and AoD

This is an awfully rap-centric episode, huh? Well, this is from the deluxe edition of Headie’s album Edna, because that trend’s not going away any time soon... and I think Abra Cadabra could learn from this because this is how you do a low-key guitar trap single, with those watery, almost Blink-182-esque acoustic loops under a somewhat off-kilter trap beat as Headie mumbles in his smoother voice and faster, fun flows that do remind me too much of Gunna but overall sound pretty great. The cadences, especially in the chorus, are pretty infectious, and honestly the song could just use with some refinement in the mixing category and with Burna Boy’s verse, as whilst the singer definitely delivers the energy here, his voice is particularly muddy in this mix and his flow is more janky. With some multi-tracking or backing ad-libs, this could have definitely sounded better. The strings and electric guitar that come in at the final chorus were a welcome surprise though, and Burna Boy’s soulful delivery on the final outro verse sounds better than his actual verse, so I don’t really know what went wrong here. The content isn’t all too interesting, but I’m a sucker for geography references so the hook would have always made me chuckle and that’s before the shallow but deserved political commentary in Headie’s verse as well as Burna Boy making... perhaps insensitive references to infections in his more Young Thug-like inflections that do sound fun and more out-there as a contrast to Headie keeping it a bit tighter. Yeah, this isn’t perfect but it’s a pretty good trap banger so check it out.

#27 – “UK Hun?” – United Kingdolls

Produced by Freddy Scott and Leland

And now in stark contrast, drag queens. I don’t follow RuPaul’s Drag Race at all but I very much understand its appeal, especially now that it’s come to the UK on BBC Three, with I believe Graham Norton at the helm. This is a song from its second season that apparently takes homage from Eurovision for a song which has a title that is literally a pun. “You okay, hun?” but because it’s Britain, it’s UK. Very, very clever. At least it’s up-front right out of the gate so you can expect what will end up as pretty dumb fun... and this is immediately obvious from the intro which introduces you to the chorus: “bing, bang, bong, sing, sang, song, ding, dang, dong, UK, hun”. Okay, so this wasn’t ever going to be a prowess in songwriting, although you’d think there’d be something more here given MNEK’s involvement. Each contestant in the race gets a rap verse here over a pretty rote late 2000s dance-pop beat, with varying levels of charisma but ultimately a lot of energy from people who pretty clearly can’t sing, not that it matters when there’s the Auto-Tune slathered on top of the pre-chorus and chorus. I do feel like I’m separated from the show enough to be completely mystified by this, but really, the song’s not bad, and I can dig the upbeat synths in the chorus, even if the childlike novelty of it makes it a lot less enjoyable to me, personally. At the end of the day, it’s a sugary pop song about confidence with a pretty great fourth verse about loving yourself for who you are, so I can’t hate that. Also “gender-bender, cis-tem offender” is kind of a bar.

#25 – “We’re Good” – Dua Lipa

Produced by Scott Harris, Emily Warren and SLY

Future Nostalgia is a great album, and like all great albums, it needs a mediocre deluxe edition with snippets of leftover, unfinished tracks and remixes... no, wait, no album ever needs that. Sadly, life doesn’t go my way all of the time, so Dua released a “Moonlight Edition”, the fifth version of the album to be released as far as I know, and other than a hilarious JID collaboration in the form of “Not My Problem”, it’s not worth listening to past the first 11 tracks that were already on the standard edition. This track is the worst of them all, stripping away any of the disco groove and grandiose strings that defined the vibe of the album for a really bland, vaguely tropical trap-pop tune. The only remnant of the disco theme is the chorus referencing cocaine, which seems bizarrely out of character if anything, although it doesn’t help that Dua sounds checked-out, especially on the verses but also on the chorus which definitely takes some inspiration from emo-pop in those guitar tones but not in those awkward, first-take vocal deliveries that make the chorus flow pretty awfully. This songwriting is consistently janky too, with the overly short bridge serving no real purpose and the song itself feeling like an under-written, over-produced waste of everyone’s time. I’m surprised Dua couldn’t debut higher than #25, but at the same time I understand why people aren’t enjoying this as much as the prior singles, because this is bad.

#23 – “Commitment Issues” – Central Cee

Produced by mokuba

This guy is just releasing a bunch of singles and squandering any potential I saw in him, huh? Well, okay, this is from an upcoming album but that doesn’t make its acoustic guitar loops any more interesting or the content any more dissonant from its hard-hitting UK drill beat and his aggressive delivery. Like, there’s nothing about his flow or the instrumental that makes sense for a song where he’s apologising to his ex and trying to convince her to come back to him... at all. I’d get annoyed by a song that’s not cohesive in its content, but this one is annoyingly so, with the content never giving a reason for the dark, menacing 808 slides other than the... arguments with the woman he describes in the hook? It does kind of work with the flow there, but, like... why? Why does this exist? This isn’t convincing, it can’t be a banger because of its overly-specific break-up themes and it’s just a mess of a song, not helped by the fact he goes off trailing in the second verse about how many “hoes” he has, which is honestly kind of funny given in the first verse, he acknowledges that his ex hates those types of lyrics. Man, Central Cee was onto something with the jazz-drill on “Loading”, where did any of that go?

#12 – “Love Story (Taylor’s Version)” – Taylor Swift

Produced by Taylor Swift and Christopher Rowe

The original “Love Story” is one of my favourite Taylor Swift songs. There’s something so sweet and Mew Mew Power about it. I don’t know if that’ll work as an adjective for anyone else but what I’m saying is it really emphasises the inner “white teenage girl in the 2000s” that many have hidden in them, with its cute banjo intro and honestly kind of funny misinterpretation of the original Romeo & Juliet text, none of which has been fixed in this new version. Out of the stuff I’ve heard from the country-pop era of Taylor’s work, it’s definitely one of the catchiest, most melodramatic choruses, probably second to my favourite from this era, “Mine”. Well, this new version has to be made so that Taylor Swift can own the rights again to her music that Scooter Braun sold after she left the Big Machine label. Honestly, I think I prefer a younger Taylor Swift in the context of such a cutesy, pretty song with all its childlike novelties – I mean, a 30-year-old Taylor Swift won’t misremember details from Shakespearean texts. Not to say that she sounds bad here because she sounds great, especially over the more refined, modern production and the incredible strings in the chorus that are emphasised in this mix. I can’t say that much of a cover that takes the original and does exactly the same thing with it, just with a more modern instrumental that honestly has a pretty epic instrumental bridge. Ultimately, this is taking a great song and making it sound better and more accessible for an audience a decade or so detached from the original “Love Story” and it sounds pretty great doing it.

#2 – “Calling My Phone” – Lil Tjay and 6LACK

Produced by Non Native, Bordeaux and G. Ry

This chart week ended up being less of a beast to tackle than I thought it was, mostly because there are a couple good fun songs sprinkled in the range of mediocrity here. Now this is the final song to discuss and... this is just as inexplicable as “drivers license”. If it weren’t for the streaming numbers, I’d be convinced this is an error and this should have been switched with the second-highest debut, as it makes no sense for Lil Tjay and 6LACK to debut at the #2 spot in the UK. For context, Lil Tjay is an Auto-Tune crooner from the Bronx, in a similar vein to a Lil Tecca or A Boogie wit da Hoodie, who I thought would completely disappear post-“Pop Out” given he seemed to be on the Lil Tecca route as most of his other singles just couldn’t stick the landing other than I guess “F.N.”. Admittedly, that might be because they were pretty bad, and I think he actually kind of ruined “Pop Out” by killing its momentum with his non-existent presence and gross Auto-Tune whine, but he seems to have gotten a lot of traction since then from a posthumous Pop Smoke record as he wastes time on “Mood Swings”, which became a pretty massive hit for Tjay and the late Pop Smoke, with a lot more longevity than I expected, even though it was my personal least favourite on that posthumous album. 6LACK is more for the alternative and hip-hop head crowd, known less for his street bangers than he is for his smooth alternative R&B collaborations with guys like J. Cole. He has mainstream attention and has tried to cross over before, but ultimately he’s probably better guest-starring on robotic Gorillaz singles with Elton John of all people... or at least that’s what I thought, because they seem to have just released a single with no real promo other than TikTok previews and a music video, and it blew up immensely almost immediately. Maybe it’s good timing given Valentine’s Day but this seems like a combination of weak charts and a genuinely organic sudden hit, pushed by a label of course but not without word of mouth and... I don’t know, I’m kind of clueless on why this is so big here, and seemingly everywhere, but I’m not complaining. Wait, no, I am complaining because I’m not a fan at all. I can go for smoother, more soulful R&B but something about this is way too jagged for it to work for me, with Tjay delivering some pretty bored, mumbled crooning over melancholy pianos and an infectious but off-beat chipmunk vocal sample that acts a refrain because nothing Lil Tjay does is catchy enough. His verse is really sloppy, as is the piano, and the percussion is kind of just gross in how it’s mixed. Thankfully, 6LACK is here for some brief relief on the second verse, as he actually has a presence with his cruising, subtle multi-tracked delivery that sounds genuinely pretty great and would be at better use with bass that isn’t mastered like this and maybe an actual chorus. In fact, I think this would work as a UK garage song with that vocal sample if you speed up the whole track and add some actual groove to it, so someone please get on that because otherwise I don’t see any reason why this is so high. It’s just lethargic R&B, really just basic and tired.

Conclusion

Yeah, this was a big week but sadly I think it is shrouded in a lot of mediocrity that I think will be gone by next week, so whilst the UK chart chaos can be fun, especially when I’ve got nothing else to do, I’m not sure if any of these songs really stick. Best of the Week goes to Taylor Swift’s re-recorded “Love Story” with a really close Honourable Mention in slowthai’s “MAZZA” featuring A$AP Rocky, just hedging out Headie One. With the worst, we have a lot to choose from but because of its high debut and hence the expected hype, I’ll give Worst of the Week to “Calling My Phone” by Lil Tjay and 6LACK, with tied Dishonourable Mentions to “Big” by Rita Ora, Imanbek and David Guetta featuring Gunna, and honestly Central Cee’s “Commitment Issues” for not working on any level, though it really easily could have gone to Dua Lipa, P!nk or Abra Cadabra. Here’s this week’s top 10:

Honestly, I have no idea what’s coming for next week other than Ariana Grande’s deluxe edition. Maybe Trippie Redd’s pop-punk album can make somewhat of a splash? I don’t know, I don’t think anything too big is coming but I’m probably wrong. I just know that a lot of this’ll be gone by next week. Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank if you feel the need to do so and I’ll see you next week.

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deadcactuswalking · 5 years

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 30th June 2019

The reason there wasn’t a top 20 ranking today is I have an unwritten rule that if there’s more than three debuts in the top 20, I’ll keep a surprise until I release the chart episode, and, yeah, it’s one of those weeks and I am more tired than I think I’ve ever been writing one of these episodes so if I make mistakes or don’t seem passionate, I’m sorry, I’m just trying to get through this as quick as possible, and this episode might even end up a bit late, so I apologise if so.

Top 10

For the seventh week since its debut, Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber are still at the top spot with their drowsy hit “I Don’t Care”, which I still don’t see the appeal in other than starpower.

At number-two, we have our highest of eight overall Top 40 debuts and two top five debuts, “Senorita” by Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello, assumingly from Mendes’ newest upcoming third album. It’s also debuted at #2 in the US, blocked by “Old Town Road”, because of course it is. This is his ninth UK Top 40 hit, and his seventh top 10, as well as Cabello’s ninth UK Top 40 hit, and her third Top 10.

At number-three, we have “Vossi Bop” by Stormzy, a spot down from last week.

At number-four, however, up four full spaces from last week, we have Ed Sheeran once again, this time with Chance the Rapper and PNB Rock, for “Cross Me”.

Stormzy has also launched two songs in the top five as his new arrival “Crown” debuts at number-five, becoming his sixteenth UK Top 40 hit and seventh Top 10. We’ll talk more about this song and “Senorita” later.

“Hold Me While You Wait” by Lewis Capaldi is thankfully down two spaces to number-six since last week.

Surprisingly, “Old Town Road” by Lil Nas X didn’t rebound as successfully as I figured it would because of the EP release, instead it stays still at number-seven.

“No Guidance” by Chris Brown featuring Drake is down two spaces to number-eight.

The late Avicii’s “SOS” featuring Aloe Blacc is not moving at number-nine.

Finally, Taylor Swift’s debut from last week barely clings onto the top 10 as “You Need to Calm Down” falls five spaces already to #10, but I suppose it’s not as bad as the 11-space loss to #13 in the US.

Climbers

There’s none to speak of, and that’s not even an over-exaggeration really, since there is not a single boost bigger than three spaces up for a song in the top 40, but I guess it’s good to see “Mad Love” by Mabel in the top 15, so that’s something, although it should probably be in the top 10.

Fallers

Well, damn near everything. Let’s sort by genre.

Fallers for pop and “rock” outside of the top 10 with a fall down three spots or more included “Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi down three to #14, “Bounce Back” by Little Mix collapsing down seven to #17, “bad guy” by Billie Eilish having a streaming cut down 15 spaces to #19, “Grace” by Lewis Capaldi down five to #22, “3 Nights” by Dominic Fike unfortunately down five to #26, “ME!” by Taylor Swift featuring Brendon Urie of Panic! at the Disco also in freefall down 12 to #30 and “Mother’s Daughter” by Miley Cyrus down four to #40.

Fallers for EDM under the same criteria include “One Touch” by Jax Jones and Jess Glynne down four to #23, “Piece of Your Heart” by MEDUZA and Goodboys down four to #24 and “Heaven” by the late Avicii featuring Chris Martin down 10 to #38.

Fallers for hip-hop and R&B also under the same criteria include “The London” by Young Thug featuring J. Cole and Travis Scott down five to #29, “OT Bop” by NSG down five to #35, “Shine Girl” by MoStack featuring Stormzy completely disbanding 14 spaces down to #36 and “Location” by Dave featuring Burna Boy down seven to #39, and that’s all.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

The biggest story here is the one I expected the most. “Omerta” by Drake is completely out of the UK Singles Chart from #33, mostly because it’s inaccessible and only got big briefly because of Drake’s existence and starpower. Other than Drake, our top 40 dropouts are plenty. We have “All Day and Night” by Jax Jones and Martin Solveig presenting EUROPA featuring Madison Beer out from #34, “Giant” by Calvin Harris and Rag’n’Bone Man out from #40, “Late Night Feelings” by Mark Ronson featuring Lykke Li is out from #35, “Falling Like the Stars” by James Arthur out from #38, and “Sixteen” by Ellie Goulding out from #27, sadly never reaching a peak of #16. Oh, and Skepta’s two hits are gone, with “Greaze Mode” featuring Nafe Smallz and “What Do You Mean?” featuring Skepta out from #37 and #39 respectively, and because it’s a very busy week, there’s pretty obviously no returning entries, so now it’s time to face the beast.

NEW ARRIVALS

#37 – “Find U Again” – Mark Ronson featuring Camila Cabello

Produced by Mark Ronson and Tame Impala – Peaked at #24 in Ireland

I’m going to be doing this in a slightly different but not optimal setting. I’ll listen to the new arrivals in a room without being chained up to my headphones on a chair but instead draining my thoughts on here with the song out loud. Sorry if I don’t notice any little details because of that but I think I’ll be able to make up what I think of a song with that and I’m boiling so we’ll have a little shake-up of the formula for once, and I’m boiling and exhausted so let’s get through it. Anyway, this is our first of two Cabello features this week, and this one is from the recently-released Late Night Feelings album by Mark Ronson, with this song debuting in the top 40, becoming Ronson’s twelth UK Top 40 and Cabello’s eighth, and well, it’s pretty okay. I’ve never liked Camila’s voice but she’s tamed down here and sounds pretty great in this multi-tracked falsetto, especially over a VERY 90s R&B instrumental (Which by the way is beautiful). The instrumental is very twinkly and incredibly synth-heavy, with a lot of fun groove in the verses, where Camila goes for a pretty quirky delivery that works very well, despite an abrupt and pretty janky drop. The lyrical content is nonexistent, really, but the 808s in the bridge especially deliver that emotion of never being able to cling onto something you previously had, in this case an ex, and while this can be repetitive, and perhaps somewhat undercooked in terms of songwriting, this instrumental is perfectly crafted and Camila stays in her comfort zone, thankfully, so I can forgive a couple lyrical issues. This is pretty damn good, and I’m suddenly much more excited to check out that album – this is much less spacey and actually delivers the mood it intends to, which is the problem I had with the title track weeks before.

#34 – “MEGATRON” – Nicki Minaj

Produced by Pop Wansel – Peaked at #9 in Hungary and #20 in the US

For Nicki Minaj’s damage-control lead single produced by a generic pop executive with no signature style and her 39th(!) UK Top 40 single, I’m expecting a complete trainwreck with no redeemable qualities.

Yup. This is terrible, so much that I almost felt embarrassed listening to it that I had to put Private Session on. The worst thing about this is that it had potential, I do like that pumping sampled guitar riff, but I can’t forgive the badly-mixed snares and incessant nonsense words yelled and stuttering effects that got old in 2010, as well as pretty aggravating and cheap Auto-Tune in the janky pre-chorus, not forgetting the chorus which is not only just “when I’m drinkin’” rhymed several times without an internal rhyme, but it only stops when she decides not to finish her line and awfully segue by a few “brat-dat-dat”s over to the next section of the song. The lyrical content in the miniscule verses that are here, is pretty standard Nicki fare about “clapping on the D”, but watered-down to fit for a radio that will definitely not put this mess in rotation. It doesn’t have a climax, or a bridge other than... a minimal instrumental forcing you to listen to Nicki and it’s just one corny bar repeated with pointless vocal effects filling time. Mrs. Minaj, do you know how a bridge or middle-eight works? The outro is maddening and honestly this whole track is an absolute disasterpiece. I would call it a stretch for it to be encapsulated madness but this really is a ridiculous listen. PNTHN did it better.

#28 – “Mr Sheeen” – Digga D and Russ splash

Produced by Gotcha Bxtch

Digga D, we’ve seen twice before, Russ splash (No, not Russ from the US as someone on Twitter suspected), we’ve seen twice before, and this song title intrigues me. I suspect it’s about Charlie Sheen, and I damn well hope it is, he’s an intriguing man, we need a Charlie Sheen concept album. Somehow I doubt it, and I’m right, it’s about using a gun as a cleaning product.. or a cleaning product as a gun. Probably both, but they’re also cleverly using an extra “E” to avoid copyright infringement. Subtle. Is the song any good? Well, the menacing synth reminds me of more EDM-influenced trap and while monotonous and repetitive, it is intimidating and this instrumental does build up as it goes. Something isn’t clicking, and I think it’s Russ. Digga D has some decent wordplay and provides most of the content here, handling half the hook and two full verses, which are both pretty good although his flow is often a bit janky to co-operate with the beat, and does sound offbeat at times when the beat’s still developing in the first verse. I feel like it should have been one verse between two choruses instead, then Russ comes in, so structure’s a bit off there. The chorus is also pretty iffy, with a lot of blank space on the beat between Russ’ nasal flows snabbed from his OTHER hits “Gun Lean” and “Keisha & Becky”, and the transition between his verse and his chorus is non-existent and lazy, much like Russ’ second verse which didn’t need to happen. The beat is pretty okay but they have no idea how to approach it. Ideally, I would have no chorus on this song, as it just seems to have screwed up their plans a bit, since the hook is especially rushed. Russ brings nothing to the song at all, so I’d cut him off in an ideal world, but how about make the chorus the intro while the beat’s still building up into the drop, then have Digga D and Russ deliver back-to-back verses, with the hook MAYBE coming back for an outro? That just seems to be a better way to approach it in my opinion, but the song’s not bad on its own and I commend it for that to an extent, it just needs a bit of reworking.

#25 – “Panini” – Lil Nas X

Produced by Take a Daytrip – Peaked at #12 in Canada and Slovakia, and #16 in the US

This is Lil Nas X’s second Top 40 hit since “Old Town Road” in the UK and I’m just going to copy-paste what I said in my review of his (Expectedly) mediocre yet somewhat impressively versatile EP 7 (a light 5/10) and while I have warmed up to it now because of how infectious and short it is, these words still hold up pretty well in terms of my opinion on the song, which is it’s a lazy label-manufactured follow-up.

So, “Old Town Road” is genius because it’s not even two minutes and has so much energy and charisma, as well as being a massive smash hit and also kind of a bop. It worked, so he deleted all of his older music and paid rent off of “Road” and “Road” alone. It’s captivating because of its brevity. How, then, do you ask, is he going to make a song more than two and a half minutes captivating, intriguing, interesting? Answer is, he doesn't. “Panini”, two seconds longer than the original “Old Town Road”, has some pretty bland sloshy trap production, where Lil Nas X, previously seemingly rejecting Auto-Tune on OTR, croons catchy pop-rap choruses that just drones on, with miniscule verses that lead into odd, abrupt emo-rap breakdowns including an unrecognisable interpolation of Nirvana's "In Bloom"? Oh, yeah, and whistling worked the first time, but when it's not Billy Ray, it's not working, and the song ends up not feeling unfinished but definitely missing a third verse or bridge because it is short as all hell, and adds up to nothing without having that same punch as “Old Town Road”. In conclusion, it’s probably the best Travis Scott reference track I’ve ever heard.

#20 – “Kilos” – Bugzy Malone featuring Aitch

Produced by Swifta Beater and B. Somebody

Bugzy Malone is a pretty respected British rapper out of Manchester, and he’s been bubbling and buzzing on the scene for a while now but he’s just started recently to have all that much chart success, specifically in the Top 40. So, he teams up with newcomer Aitch for a second Top 40 hit for the both of them (Bugzy only having leads, Aitch only having features, coincidentally), a first top 20 hit for the both of them, and both Bugzy and Aitch’s highest-charting song, so it’s clearly one the public has latched onto if the other songs didn’t have enough of it to chart this high. When first putting it on, I knew exactly why, it’s that Latin trap instrumentation, with some pretty plastic brass and surprisingly bouncy Latin guitar that isn’t as stiff as you’d expect, Bugzy Malone delivering an insane verse, with a couple flow switches and story-telling that is unseen from most mainstream rappers, despite an offbeat chorus, detailing his story with a somewhat generic trail but a powerful convincing delivery. Aitch tries to do the same but he’s way too generic with no quirks at all that make him interesting. He’s just listing off typical British hip hop subjects and lines I swear I’ve heard before in one flow and one flow only, and it gets pretty boring, despite his charisma. Thankfully, Bugzy comes back with a short third verse book-ending the story and the beat is incredible, so without Aitch, I’m pretty sure this would have been near-perfect. I like how the chorus and first verse focuses on what they were getting themselves into before the come-up as a hip-hop artist, specifically drug trafficking, Aitch’s is how people react to the come-up, and the final verse is Bugzy celebrating fame by mentioning three-piece suits and such. There’s a nice scale there and I think this is actually pretty good, despite Aitch wasting a lot of time, so it’s a shame he’s on here, it feels like wasted potential, although I understand the purpose of his performance here, it doesn’t come close to Bugzy’s bars and feels a bit lacklustre. Congratulations on your hit though, guys, especially Swifta Beater and B. Somebody because this slaps hard.

#19 – “Mocking It” – JAY1

Produced by Nastylgia

Now for this dude again. God, I hated that last Top 20 hit he had, “Your Mrs”, and I haven’t heard anything since, so I was dreading this, and yeah, it’s pretty bad. If you can even dignify the instrumental as a “beat”, then the beat is pretty awful. It’s an off-beat synth bleep sound and a sub-bass, except this time it’s distorted and there’s some badly-mixed percussion, much like a DJ Mustard beat with all of the charm cut out. This sounds just like “Your Mrs”... except it’s good. See, Nastylgia knows how to sound intimidating with minimalist beats, and how to elevate a song’s energy, while the producer for “Your Mrs”, Coolie was a bit of a hack, so no matter what JAY1 says, this song will be better because it has the basics on how to make an interesting beat, which his last hit lacks. The beat here is actually pretty good because of its minimalism which is intimidating yet bouncy because of the 808s having so much fun in the background. However, once that gets boring, there’s a rapid-fire 808 jab until the beat suddenly picks up some pace, with Jay here switching up his flow for the third time in the first 30 minutes for the chorus, in a more melodic flow without autotune and instead sounding pretty mocking as the percussion just goes at it, but then the climax isn’t there yet? Maybe the basics aren’t here, because immediately after there isn’t a big climax, instead a post-chorus without percussion the beat cuts off and then returns in normal form, with odd 808-jab transitions excusing making the beat sound smoothly cobbled together. Then an incredibly repetitive bridge initiates with dumb chipmunk vocals, and there’s a final post-chorus with some female moaning, but then a fourth (or fifth?) freaking verse, where a cheap flute comes in and everyone’s confused. Yeah, I overestimated this guy because this still kind of sucks, I can see improvement though, but the beat work (Yes, I am nitpicking this a lot) really bothers me, especially since nothing Jay says warrants the experimentation or menace this beat tries to give him

#5 – “Crown” – Stormzy

Produced by Jimmy Napes and MJ Cole

Now it’s time for what are supposed to be the “big” debuts this week, but honestly I don’t see much in these two songs that require this much attention and success other than starpower. First, we have a non-explicit song from rapper Stormzy, and since I’m quite a fan I checked this out when it was first released a week or two ago, and while some may see the all-singing route as new ground for Stormz, this should have been pretty evident from the gospel-tinged tracks on Gang Signs & Prayer, and this has of course an influence from that genre but this is mostly reminiscent of a lot of British pop and soft rock from people like Ed Sheeran and... Lewis Capaldi. In fact, it sounds like one of Tinie Tempah’s pop crossover singles from back in 2010, like that one with Eric Turner, but this rendition is so much better and more genuine, with the gentle vintage lo-fi piano loop providing Stormzy’s surpisingly good singing voice (Of course it’s not amazing but it’s not supposed to be incredible, and it fulfils its purpose). The piano loop is used in a completely different way when it’s flipped to a hip-hop beat, which hilariously is just a clean brag-rap for the kiddies, but it works well, as he acknowledges “heavy is the head that wears the crown” and how hypocritical this verse is in comparison to the soulful chorus. I’d love to see this in an album context, as I’m curious to who is being honest here, the hardcore rapper or the gospel (Children’s?) choir. The lyrics are also pretty funny, the line ending off the first verse in particular. The climax of strings and vocal samples and an 808 are a great way of ending the chorus, and the elevation of the verses with gospel vocalising is pretty great. This is excellent, I’m excited to see where this goes, success-wise and in the album, and I’m happy this is here.

#2 – “Senorita” – Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello

Produced by watt, benny blanco and Cashmere Cat – Peaked at #1 in Greece, Hungary, Ireland, Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway and Slovakia, and #2 in the US

Okay, this is kind of disappointing. I hated the last Mendes single, which I thought was overproduced trite without any sense of passion, so surely a stripped-back seductive Latin song would be up my street and what I would want out of Mendes’ upcoming album, but no, this really is undercooked. I don’t have much to say, but the slick guitar here, despite somewhat bouncy with the finger-snaps, really doesn’t work as a backing against Camila’s squealing, and Mendes’ falsetto doesn’t sound great here either, with a surprising lack of chemistry between them. The chorus is undercooked in that it’s filled to the brim with “la, la, la” repetitions that get on my nerves instead of all that much interesting lyrical content and substance. I mean, I should look at the verses for that and I shouldn’t care about the poetic structure of a pop song, but I can’t help but feel this chorus, although incredibly catchy, is a very rushed part of the song. I don’t mind this, but it does feel very lightweight, especially for Camila, both of whose vocals sound great on the outro when it’s just subtly Auto-Tuned riffing. The song itself is just about an obsessive, sensual love, that they can’t take themselves away from. Apart from seemingly being released in pretty rushed form to fend off “Does Shawn Mendes is gay?” rumours, I can’t really get too mad at this, but I feel it could have been a lot better.

Conclusion

Best of the Week goes to Stormzy, no question, for “Crown”, with Honourable Mention going to Camila Cabello and Mark Ronson for “Find U Again”. Worst of the Week, I’m left with a lot of options, but there’s no way in hell it’s going to anyone but Nicki Minaj for “MEGATRON”, God, that’s a trashy song. Dishonourable Mention goes to JAY1 for “Mocking It”, but that’s all I have to say really about this week. Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank for more musical ramblings and I’ll see you next week!

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deadcactuswalking · 5 years

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 9th June 2019

Okay so full disclosure; I haven’t been enjoying writing this show for a while, mostly because of how I’ve been barely been able to keep up with life yet alone new music as it comes out each week... but let’s not get into detail. This isn’t what I’m here for, I’m here to ramble about pop music that probably isn’t all that interesting anyway, in this case a lot of British hip hop.

Top 10

“I Don’t Care” by Ed Sheeran featuring Justin Bieber is unsurprisingly still at the top after being at first place running on the chart ever since its debut four weeks ago.

Lil Nas X’s “Old Town Road” featuring Billy Ray Cyrus hasn’t moved since last week either, still at number-two.

In fact, the whole top 10 is stable and kind of stale. To exemplify that, only number-five has moved from last week. Hence, “Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi is at number-three.

“Vossi Bop” by Stormzy holds on at number-four.

Billie Eilish’s “bad guy” actually moves a singular space up to number-five.

“Piece of Your Heart” by MEDUZA and Goodboys, however, has not at number-six.

“Hold Me While You Wait” by Lewis Capaldi is at number-seven.

The late Avicii’s “SOS” featuring Aloe Blacc is at number-eight. I’ll be up next week thanks to the album’s release.

To my surprise, Ed Sheeran’s “Cross Me” featuring Chance the Rapper and PNB Rock is still at number-nine off of the debut last week. I’d like to add that this is an Ed Sheeran song with a producer tag. Huh.

Shawn Mendes’ “If I Can’t Have You” rounds off the top 10 by not moving at #10.

Climbers

Well, there aren’t many climbers this week, especially since it’s busy in terms of new arrivals, but there are some increases here. “Wish You Well” by Sigala and Becky Hill zooms up 15 spaces to #24 (Methinks it didn’t have a full tracking week last week as this sudden increase seems odd), whilst “Falling Like the Stars” by James Arthur continues an unfortunate gain up the charts as it’s moving up 10 spaces to #25. Other than that, we have nothing. However, it’s a different story with our Fallers.

Fallers

We’ll have to do what we usually don’t have enough fallers to do anymore and split it into genre categories, especially as pretty much everything in the second half of the Top 40 is in freefall.

In terms of pop, rock and EDM, “Summer Days” by Martin Garrix, Patrick Stump of Fall Out Boy and Macklemore is down six spaces to #40 off of the debut, “Giant” by Calvin Harris and Rag’n’Bone Man continues its fall down six to #39, “3 Nights” by Dominic Fike is sadly down five to #38, “Late Night Feelings” by Mark Ronson featuring Lykke Li is down six to #36, “So Am I” by Ava Max collapses down 10 spaces to #35, “Easier” by 5 Seconds of Summer (Featuring Nine Inch Nails, simply because it’s funnier this way) is down five off of the debut to #34, “Talk” by Khalid is down six to #28, “Here with Me” by Marshmello and CHRVCHES is down four to #20, and that’s about it.

For hip-hop and R&B, we have slightly less notable hits, with “EARFQUAKE” by Tyler, the Creator featuring Playboi Carti and Charlie Wilson continuing its unfortunate fall down 13 spaces to #37, “Fashion Week” by Steel Banglez, AJ Tracey and MoStack falling down five spaces to #33, “Guten Tag” by Hardy Caprio and Digdat dropping down four to #27, right next to “OT Bop” by NSG collapsing down nine spaces to #26 off of the debut. We also have “The London” by Young Thug, J. Cole and Travis Scott down four to #22, “Keisha & Becky” by Russ and Tion Wayne down four to #19, and that’s all.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

Well, streaming cuts have snabbed “Grace” by Lewis Capaldi of its longevity as it drops out from #14 – no, I’m not complaining – and the same could be said for “Your Mrs” but JAY1 out from #37 but I’d argue that’s just because people are starting to realise the song is awful. Otherwise, well, streaming cuts have hurt “Sucker” by Jonas Brothers as well out from #20 and “Just You and I” by Tom Walker is out from #36 (There will be a rebound), but it’s not like I didn’t expect the Skepta album bomb of sorts to get rid of competition, as “Motorola” by DaBeatfreakz featuring Swarmz, Deno and Dappy is out from #38, “No Diet” by Digga D is out from #32 and... “Earth” by Lil Dicky and Friends, which isn’t competition for Skepta but would have been out from #40 anyway. There is one returning entry but we won’t be covering it in this section, because it’s time for the new arr—

ALBUM BOMB

Skepta – Ignorance is Bliss

New section time, I suppose, even though there won’t be any new content for the most part. This is just a separated space for me to talk about mini-album bombs as they don’t really exist in the UK, but they allow three songs from an artist at once. Hence, Skepta is currently charting three songs from his highly-anticipated album Ignorance is Bliss (Which I haven’t had the time or motivation to listen to, as with most recently-released albums), two of which are completely new and will be at both ends of the chart. There is one returning entry however, as “Greaze Mode” featuring Nafe Smallz, despite being pretty awful, reaches a new peak at #18 after dropping off last week.

#32 – “Bullet from a Gun” – Skepta

Produced by Skepta and Ragz Originale

Now, the BBC usually censors any objectionable material on the album covers and replaces them with a picture of the artist, but Skepta flipping the bird and holding a gun was fine here, I suppose. This song was actually part of the double A-side single Skepta released to promote the album before its release, but it never charted in the top 40 until it ended up as the opening song on the tracklist, as well as having a video pushed. Now, I hated “Greaze Mode” so hopefully its less accessible counterpart will be better, and, well, it is, but not because this is of insane levels of quality. The instrumental’s eerie synths here are hypnotic like most of Skepta’s self-produced synth loops but the infectiousness of the beat doesn’t translate to the vocals and content here, as his oddly low-mixed vocals under the trap percussion don’t go into any detail until the verse where he talks about how he can’t make any sorrowful songs mourning his father because he’s only thankful for him and how he has rubbed off on Skeppy himself, and then he actually goes into a pretty emotional verse about facing demons and considering seeing his daughter’s face every day as a blessing, with a rapid and blunt flow, because he can’t be sure every day that he’ll be alive to see the next morning, not because he’s still involved in gang violence as he’s matured from that experience but because he’s paranoid of those we are supposed to place our trust in most, the police. That’s only a few bars though, and while they connect and they are pretty powerful lines, it has to be book-ended with Skepta taking your girl because it was just your turn and not learning his lesson by shooting you as that’s just how the world works. I mean, this isn’t bad by any means, but staying on topic would be appreciated when you emphasise such heavy subject matter for as many bars as you do but completely abandon it by the end of that one extended verse. The beat’s great, though, and Skepta’s delivery has always been pretty aggressive on these types of beats, so for what it is, it’s decent and it works fine for Skepta’s 13th Top 40 hit. Next.

#14 – “What Do You Mean?” – Skepta featuring J Hus

Produced by Skepta and iO

Now this is Skepta’s 14th Top 40 hit over here in the UK and J Hus’ sixth (In terms of top 20 hits, it’s Hus’ third and Skepta’s fourth). J Hus, recently released out of prison, delivered a consistently fire and really impressive feature verse on Dave’s “Disaster” last time we had a British hip-hop album bomb onto the charts, and has performed with Drake hours after he was released, but honestly a lot of the time I find J Hus to be uninteresting in his solo work, and his last album was droning and honestly pretty dull. This, on the other hand, is a complete banger. Skepta’s self-produced beat is equally as menacing and eerie as “Bullet with a Gun” but I see it takes some steps from ‘90s G-funk with that synth line, backed up by strings and plunging 808s. J Hus’ Auto-Tuned chorus is really slick, and he shows a lot of swagger in his funky yet relatively mellow hook, before Skepta comes in bouncing with a pretty intense verse. Is the content anything interesting? No, but it’s not trying to, and when the beat is this interesting of an amalgamation of trap, G-funk and freaking banjos in the second chorus, as well as smooth as hell flows delivered by Skepta, you don’t need insane lyricism. I love how the multi-tracked vocals from J Hus transition perfectly into Skeppy’s verses as well, and both ride the beat fantastically. Not much to say about this one but I’m glad to see some trap with an actual groove to it that doesn’t overstay its welcome, as well as performers who know what they’re doing spitting on it. Oh, and the vocals are actually mixed decently this time. Seems like Skeppy’s mixing may be a bit inconsistent especially on the vocal side, as the bass and kick here are much louder than they need to be. I love this, though, so check it out.

Oh, yeah and J Hus crooning “North Korea” is hilarious to me.

NEW ARRIVALS

#31 – “Mother’s Daughter” – Miley Cyrus

Produced by Andrew Wyatt – Peaked at #10 in Hungary and Slovakia, #54 in the US

Miley Cyrus has released another absolute trainwreck of an album a la Dead Petz, but this time it’s harder to swallow as it’s just an EP and all tracks take on a different style of music, despite being primarily trap-influenced. That sounds like it’d be an interesting venture into the Cyrus psyche but nope, SHE IS COMING is just as awful as I and many others expected, but the breakout single, her 16th UK Top 40 hit, doesn’t exactly make that evident, because instead it’s just mediocre, almost painfully so. This starts with a scratchy guitar mumble before exploding into a synth-lead trap beat, complete with high-pitched vocal samples, but it seems really lightweight, mostly because all these pop princesses that try their hand on trap beats can’t pick a beat with any bass or intensity, especially when this song is about playing up a archetypal villain role for the media, I assume, and despite the distortion on her vocals she still has the country twang, can’t flow for the like of her and belts a post-chorus that is pitchy and hard to listen to. Really, the whole song is just one big mess, not even mixing wise as it’s completely fine on a technical level (Although the lack of much noticeable sub-bass to speak of concerns me), but the messiness of the songwriting really shows in the bridge, which essentially takes away the gliding synths and places the scratchy guitar groaning in its place, whilst Miley rapid-fire spits an incredibly janky flow. The final chorus also has these “Oh, my God” lines as filler to replace the lines in the chorus, which doesn’t break up the monotony of this song at all. The cringeworthy outro aside, this is just boring – and it looks like I won’t get a break from dullness anytime soon.

#16 – “Bruises” – Lewis Capaldi

Produced by Lewis Capaldi and James Earp – Peaked at #19 in Scotland

When I said that Capaldi had streaming cuts, that may not have been entirely accurate as Capaldi has debuted his fourth UK hit in the top 20 to replace “Grace”, so seemingly the three song per artist rule has kicked out the lowest performing song. Now Capaldi’s success doesn’t surprise me, because there’s no one making breathy, low-key ballads that Sheeran specialised in – well, there are, they’re just not gaining real traction – so we need to fill a hole while Sheeran’s off partying at a party he doesn’t want to be at with Justin Bieber and PNB Rock. I am, however, incredibly disappointed by his success, because he and James Arthur make me want to throw bricks at squirrels. Now this is actually his first official single as it was released independently (And on his label) back in early 2017, but thanks to inclusion on his newest album, has had a boost two and a half years late, and we weren’t really missing anything. I’ve heard this before reviewing the charts this week, I feel it was an advert, and it really does seem like a song for melodramatic commercials. I’ll give it to him, Capaldi has strength and he has a lot of power in his young voice, with a rock edge I appreciate that Arthur doesn’t have, but this instrumental is painfully simple, to the point where it’s so minimal that it can’t work, especially with Capaldi’s multi-tracked falsetto nonsense crooning, as that would make much more sense with an actual drum beat instead of just soul-less piano notes being looped under Capaldi essentially vocally riffing. By the final chorus and bridge, you’d expect some strings or something, surely, but, no, it stays as it was until the last second, where a secondary piano line plays... and it just plays the vocal melody from the chorus, once. It’s not worth it at that point, and there’s not even a stylish finish to the whole thing. To be fair, it’s the only Capaldi song I’ve heard that isn’t excruciating. Doesn’t mean it’s any good though.

#15 – “Shine Girl” – MoStack featuring Stormzy

Produced by Ill Blu, TSB and Levi Lennox

God, I really don’t like MoStack. I’ve never heard a chorus or verse from him that’s compelling in his five Top 40 hits (and three Top 20 hits) since “No Words”, and most of his singles are Auto-Tuned faux-dancehall faux-grime nonsense, but he’s just released a 40-minute album (Delightful) with features from J Hus, Dave, Fredo and of course Stormzy, who has propelled one of the STACKO tracks to the top 20, becoming his 14th Top 40 hit and his seventh Top 20. Is it any good? Well, actually, it’s much better than most of MoStack’s stuff, mostly because the twinkling synths in this Afrobeats track are actually fitting as instead of attempting to be threatening, menacing or intimidating, it’s a love song. Stormzy’s hook, despite being somewhat overly possessive, is somewhat cute and the multi-tracked harmony backing vocals are really nice... MoStack exists though, and the content here pretty much chalks up to having sex with other girls despite the fact that both Stormzy and MoStack are always talking about how they love the sex from this girl in particular. MoStack is nasal and irritating as usual, although I do like the completely irrelevant line where he asks why Stormzy’s high

Wait, Stormzy, why you look so damn high?

It’s offbeat, drenched in Auto-Tune and reverb, and mixed below both the instrumental and Stormzy, but overall, MoStack is mostly a non-presence, so that’s cool. I like Stormzy’s hook well enough, and the piano dwindling at the tail-end is pretty excellent, so, you know what, Stacko, you get a pass for now.

#13 – “Never Really Over” – Katy Perry

Produced by Zedd and Dreamlab – Peaked at #4 in Scotland and #15 in the US

So, she’s back. Katy Perry has been existent for a while now but she hasn’t released that big comeback single since her waning success with the Witness era, so she’s come back with a bang... except it’s a Zedd production and it’s only in the top 20. To be fair, I’d accept anything if I had just experienced that trainwreck of an album cycle. Did you guys hear about how Zedd doesn’t actually produce or compose his own beats, though? Yeah, that’s pretty dreadful, apparently he can’t play piano in a note other than C. I don’t believe that for a second personally, but the dude absolutely tears into Zedd, it’s hilarious. Anyway, is this Katy Perry song any good? Well, it does take me back to the days where Katy Perry was massive, with the cute yet simplistic synth line and finger-snaps making up a vibe similar to the introductions to a lot of her earlier hits. It is familiar overall actually, I swear I’ve heard that vocal melody in the pre-chorus before. The rattling percussion adds some bounce but may be a bit too stiff and unnatural, as a lot of Zedd’s production is. The snares and even Perry’s vocals are clipping over the cloudy synth mix in the chorus, however, and the lyrics are repetitious and somewhat meaningless... but who cares? That drop is incredible. The song could be a Chris Brown song featuring posthumous vocals from XXXTENTACION produced by Tay Keith if it had that fun, 80s-reminiscent drop which Katy Perry essentially triplet-flows over. The way it carries into the bridge as well makes it very manic and it works as a damn good post-chorus. Oh, yeah, and that ticking clock is annoying, and only made sense in “Stay” and “The Middle”. I’d say stop using it, but Zedd doesn’t exactly have much control over his compositions so I’m gonna say it’s Dreamlab’s fault for implementing it if anyone. It’s really jankily pushed into this song and doesn’t make for a good outro at all, there’s literally a clock solo. Oh, yeah, and this is Katy Perry’s 28th UK Top 40 hit. That’s insane.

Conclusion

There’s not much really to go home about here, although Best of the Week is probably going to Skepta and J Hus for “What Do You Mean?”, with the Honourable Mention going to both Skepta and Katy Perry – yep, it’s a tie – for “Bullet with a Gun” and “Never Really Over”, while Worst of the Week is easily going to Miley Cyrus for “Mother’s Daughter”. In fact, I’d be hesitant to give ANYONE, even Reviewing the Charts nemesis Lewis Capaldi (and MoStack for that matter), a Dishonourable Mention of any sort. Hence, follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank for more musical ramblings, sarcastically quote-tweeting Piers Morgan and I’ll see you next week.

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deadcactuswalking · 5 years

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 6th January 2019

The twelve pop songs that weren’t Christmas are all in the top 13 along with a new arrival, so, yeah, essentially this week is the same as last week without a holiday. Everything that was below the top 40 just came back in spades, hence...

Returning Entries

There’s a ton. Let’s get all of the returning entries and drop-outs in our first, very busy week of 2019, done first. Let’s go, starting from what’s at the top to what’s at the bottom. “Hold My Girl” by George Ezra is back at #14, “Baby” by Clean Bandit, Marina and Luis Fonsi is back at #15, “This is Me” by Keala Settle and The Greatest Showman Ensemble is back at #16, “A Million Dreams” by P!nk is back at #17, “Woman Like Me” by Little Mix featuring Nicki Minaj is back at #18, “imagine” by Ariana Grande is back at #20, “Promises” by Calvin Harris and Sam Smith is back at #21, “Going Bad” by Meek Mill and Drake is back at #22, “Let You Love Me” by Rita Ora is back at #23, “Shallow” by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper is at #24, “The Greatest Show” by Hugh Jackman, Keala Settle, Zac Efron, Zendaya and the Greatest Showman Ensemble returns to #25 (this was the first song I ever reviewed on this series so it’s crazy to see it back pretty much exactly a year later), “Happier” by Marshmello and Bastille is back to #26, “Advice” by Cadet and Deno Driz is at #27, “Mo Bamba” by Sheck Wes is at #28 (and while I’m at it, “SICKO MODE” by Travis Scott featuring Drake, Swae Lee and Big Hawk is back at #33), “Eastside” by benny blanco, Halsey and Khalid is at #29, “A Million Dreams” by Ziv Zaifman, Hugh Jackman and Michelle Williams comes back to #30, “Leave a Light On” by Tom Walker lights up at #31, “KIKA” by 6ix9ine featuring Tory Lanez jumps back to #32, “Girls Like You” by Maroon 5 featuring Cardi B rears its ugly head at #34, “One Kiss” by Calvin Harris and Dua Lipa, the biggest song of the year in the UK (yes, the year-end has been released, and I’ll rank it on my Twitter), “Funky Friday” by Dave and Fredo is at #38 (that one’s growing on me too...), “Body” by Loud Luxury and brando is at #39, and “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran rounds off the Top 40. Well, since all of these have had their own reviews on this series before, I might leave links on each song to where they’ve been reviewed or something, although my opinions have already changed. Oh, “Perfect” and “Mo Bamba” don’t have proper reviews yet but it’ll be redundant doing it now because I’ll just be covering them more in-depth on my best list anyway (sorry, spoilers). Now...

Dropouts

Oh, my goodness. Okay, so, every single Christmas song is out. “All I Want for Christmas for You” by Mariah Carey from #2, “Last Christmas” by WHAM! from #3, “Fairytale of New York” by the Pogues featuring Kirsty MacColl from #4, “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” by Band Aid from #6, “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot like Christmas” by Michael Bublé from #7, “One More Sleep” by Leona Lewis from #8, “Merry Christmas Everyone” by Shakin’ Stevens from #9, “Step into Christmas” by Elton John from #10, and the episode’s already half of a 1,000 words. Listen, sorry about all the changes in structure with the series, especially in this episode, but I asked on Twitter if you would rather have me review more songs and not bother with anything else, and no, it was decided by 80% to continue with the standard format in the poll, so, yeah, I guess I’ll have to do it like this for another year. Anyways, back to this nonsense. “Driving Home for Christmas” by Chris Rea is out from #11, “I Wish it Could be Christmas Everyday” by Wizzard from #12, “Santa Tell Me” by Ariana Grande from #13, “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” by Brenda Lee from #16, “Merry Xmas Everybody” by Slade from #17, “Happy Xmas (War is Over)” by John Lennon, Yoko Ono and the Plastic Ono Band featuring the Harlem Community Choir from #18 (God, that is a chore to type every week), “Wonderful Christmastime” by Paul McCartney from #20 – may you rest in peace, you gorgeous novelty – “We Built this City on Sausage Rolls” by LadBaby from #21, “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” by Darlene Love from #22, “Cozy Little Christmas” by Katy Perry from #23, “Santa’s Coming for Us” by Sia from #24, “Mary’s Boy Child / Oh My Lord” by Boney M. from #26, “Mistletoe” by Justin Bieber from #28, “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” by Andy Williams from #29, “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” by Jackson 5 from #30, “White Christmas” by Bing Crosby from #31, “Stay Another Day” by East 17 from #36 – still not a Christmas song – “Underneath the Tree” by Kelly Clarkson from #37, “Lonely this Christmas” by Mud from #38, and finally, “Baby it’s Cold Outside” by Idina Menzel and Michael Bublé is out from #39. That felt oddly therapeutic.

Now, there’s not a single song that fell this week, obviously, but there are a few that climbed outside of the Top 10, and they’re all rebounds from the avalanche.

Climbers

“Without Me” by Halsey is up three spots to #11, “Lost Without You” by Freya Ridings is up 20 spaces to #12, and finally, “Thursday” by Jess Glynne is up a whopping 27 positions to #13. Now, with the chart finally rid of those pesky Christmas songs, welcome to 2019, everyone, and this is the state of British pop as the year turns around.

Top 10

“Sweet but Psycho” by Ava Max is spending its second week at #1 today, which is cool, I guess, but i don’t imagine it holding on for that long.

Ariana Grande’s “thank u, next” is up three spaces from last week to number-two, but now we’ve got some massive jumps from scattered within the top 40 straight to the top 10.

“Sunflower” by Post Malone and Swae Lee from Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse is up 16 positions to number-three.

At number-four, we have an 11-space increase for Mark Ronson and Miley Cyrus’ “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart”.

Finally, in what feels like ages, we have a top 5 debut, with Post Malone having his ninth top 40 hit and sixth top 10 hit this week, as his new song “Wow.” enters at #5. We’ll talk about it at length later on.

At number-six, Lord help us, we have “Baby Shark” by Pinkfong up 21 spaces from last week. This is the best proof we’ve had since Mr. Blobby that the charts are ran by children.

“Shotgun” by George Ezra rebounds by 26 spots to number-seven for no good reason. Go away, please, for my own sanity.

Oh, joy, James Arthur too, with Anne-Marie for “Rewrite the Stars” up 17 spaces to number-eight.

Zara Larsson creeps her head into the top 10 as well after a 26-spot boost up to number-nine, making “Ruin My Life” her sixth top 10 hit in the UK.

Finally, Kodak Black’s “ZEZE” featuring Travis Scott and Offset is up an undeservedly high 24 places up to #10, rounding off our top 10 at way too many words for an episode that has yet to have any song reviews. I’ll try to keep them brief.

NEW ARRIVALS

#36 – “Gun Lean” – Russ

R-R-Russ? Huh... Never expected that name to ever pop up on here, to be honest. Russ seems to only be kind of big in the US but he’s never hit the top 40, and he’s pretty much just a running joke or meme in the hip hop community so I honestly never expected any Brits to take him seriously either but this is his new single, I guess, and it’s not great. It starts with a menacing piano line that could be kind of interesting but then Russ comes in with a British accent and—oh.

#36 – “Gun Lean” – Russ splash

BBC has called new UK rapper Russ splash “Russ” instead, but who really cares? He might as well be Russ because he doesn’t say anything of substance either, with a painfully simplistic hook and chorus that doesn’t really help his lyrical ability shine (if it exists). The heavy bass is obviously trying to be have that energetic old Lil Pump energy, but it doesn’t work when your song is three and a half minutes because this song is tiring as all hell. This is generic British rap that follows the formula to a T, and I hope it doesn’t rise. Speaking of following a formula...

#35 – “Money” – Cardi B

Sigh, I do like Cardi B, but she seems to have stopped bothering and that’s a big issue because that’s the main reason anyone liked her. It’s definitely not the lyrics and while it may be the beat, she always rides it with that loud, straightforward and powerful delivery she is known for, and when you stop trying in the booth, I feel like that appeal is going to squander, and this is her ninth top 40 hit in less than two years, so the fact that it’s going quick is an issue. Anyways, this is absolute garbage. The beats is literally like two piano notes just being violently played under trap percussion and bass, with a recurring high-pitched “Money” ad-lib that is trying to break up the monotony but, no, it’s just annoying. Cardi B sounds more ruthless on the verses, which may actually be kind of unfitting, but it works, although then she gets bored on the chorus. In fact, the transition is actually pretty abrupt and forced here. At least it’s shorter and has a few good flow switches, so it’s definitely better than “Gun Lean” in that respect, but that doesn’t mean it’s good.

#19 – “Play” – Jax Jones featuring Years & Years

This is listed as a returning entry on BBC’s UK Top 40 page but this came out last year and I never reviewed so it’s safe to assume it’s new; I apologise if it isn’t, but I mean, would you care? The lead singer from Years & Years keeps up with a tiring atmospheric house beat, with meaningless lyrics and weak, radio-friendly drops that kind of take away its EDM properties immediately, I mean, the hook here isn’t that crazy of a vocal manipulation either like “One Kiss” or “Solo”, it’s just a pretty comprehensible phrase repeated and edited to sound a tad more distant. It’s so weak and pathetic, although the dude from Years & Years is trying so hard to fit on this beat, it’s kind of funny in that regard. Otherwise, yeah, who cares?

#5 – “Wow.” – Post Malone

Let me put it this way: my sister loves Post Malone for many reasons, one of which being his music, and she’s consistently loved a lot of what I’ve hated from Post like “I Fall Apart” (which is still a gruelling and confusing song to this day, read my worst list if you want to see me go into depth), but not even she could dig this, but I think I know why – she took it seriously. The tuneless keys is the only real build-up we get until Post comes in and there’s a cool noisy melody that ends with a high-pitched screech, and yeah, it’s a pretty awesomely minimal and menacing beat, so surely Post should add a lot to this... well, he literally has a whole line that is just “G-Wagon, G-Wagon, G-Wagon, G-Wagon”, but otherwise his delivery is on-point (I love his voice right at the end at the second verse), his flows are catchy, his lyrics are serviceable and sometimes pretty funny, and every single beat drop here is beautiful, seriously, that’s some perfect production from Frank Dukes and Louis Bell. After Post stops rapping, there’s a period of time where it’s just the distorted melody over some reverb-drowned drums with a chipmunk vocal coming in and him just ad-libbing “wow”, and it’s stunning. It’s not going to replace Beck’s song of the same title and in the same vein (seriously, it’s a trap-rap song too), but this is cool.

Conclusion

This week was mostly trap, huh? Well, Post Malone gets Best of the Week for “Wow.” but Russ splash is definitely bagging Worst of the Week for the dreadful “Gun Lean”. Dishonourable Mention is tied, and goes to Jax Jones, Years & Years and Cardi B for “Play” and “Money”, respectively. Not a great start, guys. See you next week!

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