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anonymus7277272626672 · 10 months

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the falling part of the rollercoaster

A year ago i was miserable, completely and utterly miserable and i had planned my suicide for years i was self harming every day and i hated myself more than any other emotion, i wasnt myself anymore i was a rotting peel of what i couldve been. i was doing so bad and every day i encountered a new low. But then i found a friend, i found love and i truly truly foudn love in her, she has been a beacon of hope ever since she truly saved my life but not only that but she planted hope in my again, she quite literally saved me from my depression just from existing. Then the first tragedy struck, i was down 40 kgs (i was 140 before and after getting out of my depression i focused on that a lot), i was taking a gap semester before going to college and i was cured of my depression and was on my journey, my dog died and it felt like a punch to the stomach, like if mmike tyson went berserk and hit me with all his power. for almost a month i cried and i little by little started to realize i could deal with it i could learn from it and take it as a jumping pad to grow to be a better person. Then my dad died, november 24 2022, everything i had worked so hard to build was destroyed, at 19 and very unexperienced and with a very incomplete relationship with my dad and at the most unexpected moment and time with no warning my father died, a few months prior i had decided to keep distance from him cause i was scared of whatever ive always been afraid of, i miss him so much and even after all these months and trying so hard i always get back to step one ¨hes not proud of me and he wasnt and i have completely let him down¨ and ¨its all my fault¨ i hate how i feel about this and i hate he died and no one can understand the pain and the emotions i feel, no one not even therapists or friends whove lost parents no one understands it and i hate it so much. Then my other dog died and i just couldnt, i had one of the worst anxiety attacks ive ever had and i was with my girlfriend of 5 years at the time i was told and she didnt seem like she cared about that or anything else that was going on with me and i had never felt so alone, my two dogs had been with me for 14 years and i loved them so much and now i lost them both. Then a bit later my girlfriend of 5 years left me, plain and simple didnt love me anymore, she didnt really care for me anymore i could tell and she broke me truly, cause her goodbye kind of signified a true change in my life because now i would truly realize i was alone, she had someone else already and i was the luckiest motherfucker to have her and i never did deserve her but yeah she left me alone and i begged her to stay at first then garnered all my strength and said ¨if that is truly how you feel then i wont ask you to stay, i just hope you have the best life¨, lifes been hard all by myself. She left me on the first week or so of my first semester in university and through the first six months i was truly alone, i made no friends and lost most of them so i was genuienly deeply lonely with no one to care about me or for me so i just suffered and cried alone mostly. Then i was shot at twice (they didnt hit me but it hit me very deep cause it was clsoe to my home and i almost died right outside my house if not for a bush i hid in) and the next day i was sexually harassed and that traumatized me horribly to the point i almost panic everytime a man of similar age speaks to me or when someone wears a red jacket and some words are also pretty big triggers. Then i lost my tortoise jojo (she died because of a parasite) who had been one of my closest beings since the pandemic started and she accompanied me through everything and she died as well. It is now summer and im holding on but i feel myself falling over and over again and standing back up if anything seems harder and harder with every time. i wish i could write more in depth about eveyrhting and i might but not at this hour. if you read this thank you for it i appreciate it and i hope you have a wonderful life.

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letstalkaboutshtufff · 4 years

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Burning Secrets Obi wan x padawan reader pt 2

Pairing: Obi Wan x Padawan reader

Warning: mild language, mentions of injury

A.n here's part 2! Thanks for reading😚

***************************************************

For the first time in his life Obi wan felt completely useless. Battling

Sith? Childsplay. Waiting for the doctors? Literal hell...

He paced outside where the doctors were treating you. A million thoughts ran through his mind. Why hadn't you told him you were injured? Didn't you trust him? Were you afraid of him?? He sighed for the millionth time running his hand through his disheveled hair.

"General kenobi" a feminine robotic voice called his attention.

He immediately walked over to the driod and asked a barrage of questions,

"The patient will be alright, she is under strict orders to rest for the next few days until doctor Ryylis clears her. You may wait quietly inside until she wakes." With that the driod left promptly.

Obi wan felt slightly relieved however he was still very uneasy. He walked through the white doors and spotted you laying soundly asleep under crisp white covers. He plopped down into the chair beside you watching the slow rise and fall of your chest. Suddenly his worry started to be replaced by anger. What had you been thinking? You could have been seriously impaired or worse! He furrowed his brow for a whole nother reason and suddenly felt the urge to grab you by the shoulders and knock some sense into you. He decided against it however and opted to wait patiently while you slept.

He may or may not have angrily pushed a tendril away from your face when he noticed it bothered your nose unconsciously. And he definitely did not (absolutely did) adjust your blanket everytime you moved and it slipped.

And that time he heard you coughing? He absolutely 100 percent did not lift your head like a delicate rose so you wouldn't choke (100 percent did) and slowly guide it back down while fluffing the pillow.

He glared at you as you slept peacefully. How dare you look so calm when he was feeling like this. Stupid reckless padawans...

*****************************

For the first time in a while you woke up feeling fresh and rested. You slowly opened your eyes and panicked slightly when you didnt see the familiar grey ceiling of your room. Instead bright snowwhite walls filled your vision.

Then like a bolt of lightning the memories came flooding back to you. We were training and then....oh no!

You ever so slightly tilted your head to the right and internally gasped when you saw your master. This was a med bay room, he had found out. Shit

He sensed you and you quickly snapped your eyes shut very nervous. Shit shit shit.

You felt him shift positions and held your breath.

If you couldve seen his expression you would've fainted all over again.

"Are you seriously pretending to be asleep right now?!?!" He practically shouted in disbelief and anger.

You opened your eyes once more and smiled nervously, "O-of course not master haha I was just....adjusting to the light.." you pulled the blanket higher attempting to shield away from his harsh gaze. A mixture of emotion you couldn't quite place yet. Definitely anger tho. Yup that one was clear...

"Well now that you're awake and well adjusted, I believe you have some explaining to do" he said non humorously, and half glaring.

He stood intimidatingly over you with his arms crossed. "You can start with that" he pointed abruptly at your bandaged midsection that you just now took note of.

How were you going to get out of this one?!?

"Well what can I say...those new training sabers sure pack a wallo-" you abruptly shut up with a gasp when he practically growled and slammed his hands down on the bed on either side of you. Ok joking was a horrible terrible idea you noted.

You gulped in fear as you watched him try to calm himself down. "Enough! Tell me the truth." His eyes bore into yours and you hesitated suddenly speechless.

"Now." He added sternly. You swallowed and took a shakey breathe.

"It happened when I was fighting Tane..." you looked away, not being able to bear his penetrating gaze any longer.

"Why didn't you say anything?!" His voice was dark, something you had honestly only heard when he had interegattoed this horrible slave trader before.

"I-I.." you found yourself at another loss for words. How could you tell him? How could you tell him you only wanted to prove yourself? That you secretly felt inferior to the other padawans. Being master kenobi padawan was an honor and many were jealous when you were selected by the council. They made sure to let you know how they felt. It's why you tried extra hard on missions, why you were reckless and why you hid your injury...you didn't want them to be right and the worst thing..you didnt want Obi wan to be disappointed. You would rather take a hundred sabers to the stomach before letting that happen..

Y/n..

Obi wan's eyes softened slightly as he entered your thoughts without permission

You gasped realizing he had heard everything. You suddenly felt very vulnerable.

He sighed letting out some of his anger, "y/n.." he said in a much calmer voice, " I have never been disappointed in you, angry? Yes, annoyed? Almost daily, irritated?-" you felt a rush of shame pass over you before you felt a soft hand on your shoulder,

"what I'm saying is, you've never disappointed me" "I am your master, you dont need to prove yourself to me because I know what your truly capable of. I know you better than anyone. Which is why you have to trust me no matter what... especially when things like this happen .." his eyes shifted over the bandages with worry again. "Its my job to look out for you.."

"Promise me you'll never hide things like this from me again" he looked up into your eyes more vulnerable than you had even seen him.

"I promise" You nodded sincerely. "Good because I'm not quite sure what I'd do if anything ever-" he cut himself off when he realized what he had began to say. An unusual dust of pink on his cheeks. He coughed awkwardly and stood up. "Yes well, I better be going, I have a council meeting" he turned around rigidly while a large smile graced your cheeks.

"Obi wan!" He paused and turned halfway to you from the doorway.

"You sure you wanna attend a meeting dressed like that?" You smirked pointing at his mismatched boots.

He became slightly flustered, mumbling something incoherent under his breathe. He would never in a million years tell you it was because he took a total of 30 seconds to change his clothes and freshen up before returning to you unconscious form.

You couldn't help but smile wider, the mighty obi wan was actually embarrassed "I wouldnt be so smug if I were you, as soon as you're recovered your training will be doubled!"

Oh great

You laughed lightly, "You're on old man"

He turned before you could see the blossoming grin on his face.

Stupid padawans...

A.n thanks for reading! Lemme know what you thought!!

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ghoestys · 3 years

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i’m literally pulling this out of my ass so if there are errors and stuff doesnt make sense then please myob and pretend like u understand what im saying im trying to do this before i get caught not doing hw he comes at 6 n its 5:43 rn

statistics

full name: suzy nora yoon nickname(s): su, suz (pronounced like snooze without the n) age: twenty three date of birth: tba! hometown: tba! gender: cis female religion: athiest sexuality: bisexual hair colour: black/dark brown eye colour: brown height: 5'5″ tattoos: tba! piercings: tba!

prompt + blackmail

a member of the yale's elite, they're twenty-three and a senior undergrad student majoring in aviation engineering. they are as gregarious as they are aimless.

TW DRUGS! 1. to pay for yale's very expensive tuitition, suzy sells weed that's both fake and real, depending on who is buying and if she likes them. she's not a good seller, though, so this hasn't been the best form of income for her. 2. got accepted into the aviation engineering program, but suzy can't complete her homework without the help of drugs to keep her mind focused and creative enough to understand the problems

about

family/upbringing/childhood/wtvr

so! literally pulling this out of my ass and making things up as i go! suzy was born in a family with her parents (mom & dad), her older sister, and her older brother. the family was strictly middle class and her parents and siblings were very hardworking. her siblings were good at what they did and they excelled in their academics because they tried hard and all that stuff!

growing up, suzy followed her siblings and her parents and was basically a gifted child from the very start. elementary and middle school was not hard for her and she was in all the advanced and gifted programs. the family was calm and there wasn’t anything drastic that removed the peace or caused any disruption at all. like. they were just chillin.

i think suzy had an average relationship with her parents. they were still asian, so like... it’s as good as it was going to get. she was somewhat close to her siblings, but seeing as they were 5/8 years older than her, the age gap wasn’t that welcoming to the baby of the family. she was kinda just.. having fun on her own being smart n shit.

anyways! high school! where all gifted kids literally come to die! due to her shit from elem & middle school, she was offered a full ride scholarship to some prestigious school and as asian parents, they were NOT going to reject that free ride to a school that would help ensure suzy’s success in the future. she went from being one of the smartest kids to being another burnt out gift child and high school was fucking ROUGH!

bitch really had a fucking crisis and burned the fuck out. her not being the smartest bitch anymore literally killed everything in her and she just stopped being that. she met people and what do u know! got into the wrong crowd where drugs and alcohol was everyones bff!

she got into that pretty heavily by sophomore year i would say. she was just. yea.

i mean. she was burnt out but her grades were still fine if u saw them. studying isnt hard for suzy and shes pretty smart, but she wasn’t at the very top of her class anymore and thats what killed her. instead of having straight a’s, suzy was getting b’s and a few c’s. in a family where anything other than an a was acceptable it really just killed suzy some more

anyways! drugs and alcohol! made her feel good so she did it. she found that weed was the best thing as well as some tranquilizers/anything that relaxed her essentially. she just liked the feeling of floating n not caring or feeling any pressure like. she wanted to b in her own world n shit.

college/the elites

after graduating high school, she didnt apply to college right away because honestly? drugs and alcohol and a bitch didnt care by her senior year. her grades were not the best and while she couldve gotten into college, she literally had no interest for college and her parents at this point baiscally disowned her so like? who the fuck is gonna pay for her college??

her work ethic is the worst bc shes so careless like. bitch had a shift from 1-7pm and showed up at 5 because she literally didnt feel bothered enough to show up.

anyways a year or so after graduating high school (idk the math rn) she got really high off something and just. did a whole ass application to yale bc she decided to apply for the shits n giggles. wrote a fake letter of recommendation, wrote killer essay and personal reflection shit or wtvr, and even submitted the application with an attached document of her outlining an entire airplane that wouldve been fully functional except for a few tweaks n shit that was needed

she some how got in from that (this is fake this would probs not b real <3 teehee) and bc she was now accepted and going to yale (she accepted high aha a theme for her), she had to think about how to fund for this shit so she decided to get into drug dealing!

which is honestly. not going good like a bitch again has poor work ethics so her as a drug dealer is so.... she literally got into it bc of euphoria bc it looked easy but doing it... is not easy at all but its her only form of funding so she’s doing it. kinda. loosely. please fire her.

idk where to put this but. suzy is kinda like that girl from the queens gambit where she feels like she needs drugs to function so like she ditches class but she’ll do all her assignments nicely bc she thinks the drugs give her superpowers to b smart n at the top of her academic class again

when shes under the influence of anything she feels like she can function more or like her life is just... better when shes not sober and ull rarely really see her sober like shes usually just on something

idk where the post is rn bc im too lazy to look for it bc i jsut got a text that he was coming now but!!! its the tweet where a guy was drunk n drew up an entire blue print of an airplane and that is literally fucking suzy i swear to god

when shes high she’s like the smartest bitch around (shes smart without drugs but doesnt believe that) and can build airplanes n blueprints n solve maths n wtvrs

suzy is truly an asian stem bitch and the sciences and math is where she excels the most!!!! probs won awards n competitions for math and science but doesnt really acknowledge that much becase like... its just not something shes focused on

got into the elites by just making a blueprint of a plane from scratch infront of the twins like. legit just went infront of them, started making the blueprint from scratch to finish n gave it to them saying here is a blueprint for a new private plane u guys can build for urselves

personality

personality wise she is very friendly n goofy n chill n chaotic

literally a dumbass n honestly really annoying just ask orion

shes just a stoner having fun doing her life n not really caring about anything like. how she made it to senior year who the fuck knows i really dont honestly

i think the main way to describe her is bimbo like thats it

not really into sharing her life and is more of a listener than a talker when it comes to conversations that are genuinely deep and personal. she will not talk to u about her problems and insecurities seriously (maybe she’ll do it in a self deprecating way) unless she trusts u w her life. otherwsie she will keep it to herself n prays that her stoner part will make people believe shes just chillin w no problems

when it comes to conversations about nonsense n fake deep shit like what is air then suzy will not shut the fuck up like if u wanna talk to someone about nonsense then suzy is truly ur bitch like. a bitch can fucking talk

doesnt mind being alone bc she has fun on her own but she prefers company more bc she likes having fun and having someone to accompany wtvr she does. whether its for smoking/drinking or hanging out but also just for like... going to class if she chooses to attend and doing everyday errands like groceries or wtvr. she doesnt really do groceries tho bc she just steals orions fodo but when she does choose to go she likes having people with her :)

she doesnt have a passion for anything bc she doesnt dream of labor but the closest thing about b making airplanes or helicopters like. blueprints come easy to her n she enjoys making them bc she feels like shes actually capable of something bc shes aware that making them isnt something everyone can do

u can treat her like a dumbass n she wont call u on it even tho shes kinda smart bc she feels like shes a dumbass

most likely has bad self esteem and feels like a failure but uses drugs n alcohol to ignore that feeling :)

probs the least judgemental person ull ever meet bc she really doesnt care about what u do like. she hears the secrets getting outted n she doesnt care there r high chances that she’ll still look at u the same way

#intro #i am rushing im so sorry i jsut wanted this out while i was thinking about her

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patchofsunlight · 4 years

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Hii 🥰❤️

sooo I didn’t see that you responded yesterday 😗👉👈 I’m so sorry lmfao

Lmaooo that’s so true though!! Like so far everything he’s done has worked out in his favour and I’m just like 🤔 “aaaa go crazy aaaa go stupid” 😂😂 I’m actually really enjoying the series I’m on ep 8 now. Kinda went crazy and watched a ton of eps td instead of working on my assingment.. 😗✌️Is there gonna be a backstory or something as to why Bakugou is the way that he is? Cause right now he’s like not my fav but I don’t hate him cause I feel like there’s more to his story.

He literally was. I specifically told him I’ve been out driving a couple of times, but only to practice parking and that the first time I was on the road was 10 minutes prior to meeting up with him and he expected me to be able to perfectly stay in my lane 🥴 but it’s all good now lmao. Even tho I lowkey felt like Cher from clueless when she was driving (I wasn’t that bad but like still lmao) it’s not like I’m still secretly cheesed abt that experience at all or anything..

Exactly! Like a lot of my friends are extroverts but I’m not and sometimes I just wanna listen and not talk 😂 or just stay home and chill by myself cause I’m a homebody lmao. I was trying to explain this to my manager once and now I think she thinks I’m anti social 💀 but yeah I just wish ppl would leave me alone sometimes. I mean wtf can I live? Can I live? Anywho

Oop-there’s an anti character community? What’s that like? Damn the show must be pretty bad then huh? 😂

Go with what your heart is telling you to do! Lmao I know that sounds cheesy but if you feel like you wanna see him again then go for it. And if not then don’t go for it! And you could always make a pros and cons list or smt lol. But take the time to sort out thoughts before making any decisions

AWW I LOVE YOU TOO 🥺❤️❤️

Hehe tyy! I played a game with wave and some other ppl td and I accidentally made myself seem sus cause I said I found someone’s body in the wrong room 💀 aw best ghost buddies 🥰❤️

Aw no you’re amazing!! I love you too!! 🥺❤️❤️

OMG WOW!! FOUR?? You’re on a roll td!! Omg I saw the Sokka imagine I’m gonna read it later 😉 yess you should feel accomplished!! Im very happy that you’re feeling happy

Aw thank you!! I hope you sleep well too!! Omg for the past 4 days I’ve been having the most odd and specific dreams ever lmaoo -🌙

hey cmwkxowksk im sorry for not answering before i was (still am but this is FINE i can ignore this it’s okay) sad and all cmwkxowksk

that’s fine! i dont really expect anyone to want to talk to me 😎😎😎 you don’t have to feel pressured to talk to me yk it’s fine if you don’t want to!!!

AND YEAH LMAOOOO i love izuku but oh god he stresses me out so much!!! i’m glad you’re liking it, tell me more about it if you want!!! i’d love to hear!!! and uhhh like....... there IS more to bakugou’s story........ but there’s not much he’s just. he’s just a piece of shit he’s terrible but i love him SO MUCH i think his character construction is amazing and so so interesting i would GLADLY talk about it for HOURS he’s such an incredibly built character i love him

that guy is a dick i’m glad you have a new instructor

AND LMAOOO CHER FROM CLUELESS FMEKXOKWZKWOAJNA OMG

yeah!!! i mean i am a extrovert but literally 2 out of my 3 best friends are introverts so i understand that!!! it’s not a bad thing!!! please let moonie live 2k20

MFKWOZKAOA YES a lot of people love her but i just think she sucks ❤️ and gladly many other people do too so we talk about that a lot it’s really fun i love doing character studies and i have done many on her just to prove WHY she’s the WORST i am driven by spite and spite only

yeah idk? i mean i’m not AGAINST seeing him again but i don’t really. i don’t really need to either, yk??? i’ll figure it out eventually it’s fine

that sounds really fun!! i wish i couldve played!!

yeah, i hope you liked that!!! i’m doing my best even if it’s not much smskwizoqoakw how does it feel to be talented and organized? i wish i knew

cmwkxowksk you can tell me about your dreams later if you want!!!

but uh i haven’t been sleeping well at all tbh vmekciwkzkwkkzkwkzkwks yeah but it’s fine it’s okay i can ignore that

#nina answers #🌙 anon #i’m doing my best to not sound sad i’m sorry if i do #i’m #trying

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mestos · 6 years

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oof.

last of my spoiler rambles, cont from here

the last part needed its own post because what the fuck.

alright, so we’ve established cricket is at the lightborn altar, they’re force to be there but then just as when you decide to enter the altar yura locks you out???? the FUCK you asked me to be here why are you out here locking me out?!

so as a result, fiends start rising and cricket has to go clear some out. it ends with another frog thing showing up

and it almost kills you but thankfully the new eight masters show up and save your but. chundoon appears and says that he can open up the barrier for a short amount of time for cricket to enter and then thats when things get really hairy.

it’s all one long cutscene after you talk to mushin.

because WELL by natural hero standards, when mushin makes you work for him, cricket refuses right?

to break it down, as usual, the divine mandate requires a sacrifice of a royal blood. in this case, its soyoo. but as a price for disobeying mushin, he almost kills yunma fei, which is HOLY SHIT because cricket obviously cannot have yunma fei die no matter what, not just because she is the empress of the talus dominion, but also because she is their friend.

thankfully SJDKGSHD I DIDNT FUCKING SCREENSHOT IT BUT JUNG HADO SHOWS UP IN HIS PEAK SEXY FORM (THE LONG HAIR AND SKIN TIGHT OUTFIT) AND SAVES HER WHICH IS THANK GOD

briefly, things start to look good. this looks like cricket is going to have a chance! wowee!!

but of course. things always go from bad to worse in blade and soul because!

bunah...sweet lovely bunah...thinks this is an opportunity and...takes soyun’s hand and makes a run for it.

but she was up against the divine fist.

there was...

no way she could have survived.

holy shit.

at that point, cricket is absolutely broken. they can’t do anything anymore. not one student died, but two-- both of their twins. both. they can’t do anything anymore because they have two students left, and they cant-- so with the lives of a princess, an empress, and a student weighing on them, they pick up the twilight’s edge and shut their eyes, pain etched all over them

AND YOU KNOW AS IF TO MAKE MATTERS ABSOLUTELY EVEN MORE WORSE!!!!

JINBIN INTERVENES, SAVES SOYOO’S LIFE AND SCARS MUSHIN.

MUSHIN IS ABSOLUTELY FURIOUS AND

jinbin dies, the divine mandate ritual is complete because mushin’s blood suffices instead of the soyoo’s. as cricket tries to chase after mushin, ryu fucking!! intervenes!!! and fights their master before jumping after mushin himself leaving cricket absolutely shattered beyond repair

everyone tries to console you. general hondu says that the only good thing is that they avoided a major catastrophe...something you can’t quite take pride in because well ALL YOUR FUCKING KIDS JUST DIED!!!! HA!!! HOW CAN YOU EVEN THINK YOU CAN FIND PRIDE BECAUSE YOUR KIDS ALL OF THEM!! EXCEPT FOR ONE. YOU HAD. 5 CHILDREN, ONE OF THEM BETRAYED YOU, THE OTHER 3 DIED AND YOU HAVE ONE LEFT!!!!!

yunma fei offers for you to stay in zaiwei for a while because going home would be...really hard. but cricket bites their lip, declines the offer, and says they have to go home. even if it’s just the two of them. yunma fei’s words are so sweet and gentle..

like. cricket really needs that rn. this is the worst thing that has happened to them. the absolute worst. as if losing their family for the first time wasn’t rough, but again? that isn’t fair. no matter what they do they just can’t win.

chundoon, through his tears, opens a dragon pulse for jinsoyun and cricket to go home. it’s raining in heaven’s reach, and it’s probably going to rain for a while.

cricket and jinsoyun prepare a memorial and it’s the most heartbreaking thing ever. they read a letter that bunyang was writing to grandpa cho, and it’s all about how they felt like a family at the hongmoon school, and in kr, they actually say they love master a lot.

cricket can’t take it anymore and breaks down. they sob under the rain, over the funeral shroud, and the spirits of the fallen come over and console them but they can’t see. it’s so depressing i swear.

and ykno, to make all of this worse, i read the completed quest scenarios and

cricket’s thoughts are also just so heartbreaking to read...the next act is also called this and literally, how can you live? you can’t. not after all of this...

anyway, my thoughts throughout this whole thing are: couldve been written a lot better but i found it alright in the end. can’t expect much from an mmo story lets be real here LMAO but i really do want to know what happens next... gonna have to wait a long ass time for that though

#neesan texto #neesans mindless text #bns spoilers #act 9 spoilers #blade and mesos

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beebosbitchh · 7 years

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1-65 ;)

holy heck ! thank you sophiw i lov u 🍒

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

i dont understand this question?? like sometimes i doubt my own existence and other times i doubt that i exist to certain ppl? ya?

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

2,, normal amount? like good for sleep but pitch black is scaryy but not to the point i need the escape ?? if that makes sense??

3. The person you would never want to meet?

guy fieri, i dont think i need to know if hes actually real ? like is he real and from this dimension or from flavortown (which he has a very scarily detailed description of)?? thats not something i need to know

4. What is your favorite word?

hmm, probably ‘fam’ obviously

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

a willow tree !!!!!!!!!! i just talked to my mom about this :-0

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

ngl but i dont look in the mirror anymore unless its lip syncing along to a song sung by a guy/someone w a deeper voice bc i feel like it suits me better! gotta love coping w dysphoria!

7. What shirt are you wearing?

baseball tee, gay

8. What do you label yourself as?

nb, lesbian, fool

9. Bright room or dark room?

dark room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

slepe

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

10-11 when i was in 5th grade. i still only had two friends but i was way more extroverted and everything was so carefree and i was very invested in adventure time and art. i think that was the most of a childhood i got? i honestly did not do much as a kid and i wish i had..

12. Who told you they loved you last?

sophiw ! tumblr user almightyportraits ! the loml !

13. Your worst enemy?

14. What is your current desktop picture?

one from apple called ‘abstract shapes’ its very orange but also blue which is my fave color pairing atm so its perfect

15. Do you like someone?

tumblr user vahilla

16. The last song you listened to?

megan played ‘marceline’ by willow in her car ! a song i suggested to her a few months ago and it makes me very happy that she likes it especially bc we bonded over adventure time in 6th grade :-)

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

mmyy seelfff ??

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

mmmyseyyffelllff ??

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

eh whats the point

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

n o ne ?

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

what is the opposite of nb,, i feel like if i was opposite of how i present id be a girl, which is a verryyy weird thought for me, pass

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

no :-/

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

uh first of all blood, like, ill pass out,, second of all,, literally everything worries me

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

jimmy johns #16, turkey, bacon, lettuce, tomato, NO MAYO

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

im a very practical person so the least boring answer i can come up w is more art supplies

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

denmark

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

fukcing , acetoNe

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

i think a FIRST rule would have to be pretty IMPORTANT so probably smt like how ~WE THE PEOPLE~ are all EQUAL would be a pretty good start and pretty UNDENIABLE and STRAIGHT FORWARD especially if it was the FIRST thing in this,, hmm lets call it the CONSTITUTION, in the completely hypothetical society

29. What is your favorite expletive?

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuk cufck ufc kfuck

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

sunglasses??!!! that shit gotta be bright huh>?? gotta protect my retinas

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

i wanna say my first relationship made me a better person but that shit was rreeeaaallyyyy fucking awful and 4 months (+recovery months) that i will never get back and i think ? maybe ?? i wouldve been ok without it ? idk just a thought

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

spain ?!?!? why not + i sorta know the language? thatd b cool

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

zoey my dog :-( i miss her a lot, this month it will have been two years oh my god i miss her so much

34. What was your last dream about?

the last one i remember was a nightmare about someone tryna murder me i was very scared

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

i think so , when i was two i got really really sick and couldve died ?

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

ahh yes ! we gave hhimm,, fruit snack nipples, please forgive me fathr

38. What is the color of your socks?

grey w blue n orange stripes ( again i lov blue n orange together, my shirt is teal and i have an orange hat on wow)

39. What type of music do you like?

all! i had to train this new guy at work and im sooo awkward but once why started talking about music it was easy for me to talk bc it was smt we both really like !!! i felt like i could actually communicate w feeling a disconnect it was nice ! we talked mostly about rap which was cool and unexpected but i could do it ? i really love music and i love being able to know enough to talk about it ,, isk

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises, ive been pushing myself to wake up unreasonably early to have more time to myself and i get to watch the sunrise most days which is nice

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

chocolate

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

whom?

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

college? god i dont even know… smt w art.. by an illustrator or art teacher or freelance artist or graphic designer ,, i really dont know

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

one thing ?!!?!? i wish i was neurotypical

46. Are you reliable?

yes? i try hard to be? i hope so ?

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

u still a lil bitch ?

48. Do you hold grudges?

nope i try not to, ive had too many toxic petty people in my life that i dont need to be one myself.. now this is grudges w/o reason, but if ive given people several ‘second chances’ and theyre still (thumbs down) then ill avoid them but w/i reason?

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

DOG HORSES BIG DOGs

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

mm probably smt w my lab partner from last year. she always sends me weird quotes from a fanfiction shes reading and its weird but i really appreciate that she still talks to me or talks to me at all tbh

51. Are you a good liar?

nooo ?? i try not to lie? mb not tell the full truth but idk , i feel like id feel too guilty

52. How long could you go without talking?

uhh literally days like i already fucking do.. i m taking this as verbally but i dont get texts so like, it would not be hard

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

before i went to short hair i used to alllwaayyys wear a tight ponytail every single day bc i wasnt girly enough to do anything w it and it was really really gross like thank god i cut it all off

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

heck yeah

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

*clears throat*

hewwo?

56. What do you like on your toast?

butter and jam

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

58. What would be you dream car?

razor scooter

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

sometimes im just too physically or emotionally exhausted to stand so ill just,, lay down? ive fallen asleep in the shower before ha

60. Do you believe in aliens?

yup

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

whenever it comes up but i dont ,, seek it out

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

dragons tf

64. What do you think about babies?

evil, ugly, dont see the appeal. open ur eyes ppl !!!! bbs are n Ot cute !!

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

#long post /#mention of dysphoria /#ask #thenk yoy sophiw #this took 4ever but worth it bc it got me to calm down?? coolc ool cool

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survivor-kuwait · 5 years

Text

Episode 14 - “Maybe i should be careful what I wish for nxt time” - Owen

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What the motherfucking ass shit was that. Who in their right mind would let it slip so that Ian/Devon would play an idol. And then Matt playing the idol, first of all wtf I didn't know he had an idol. But god damn that was messy. I'm shook that Maynor and I didn't get any votes in the revote, but wow that paints a target on our backs which is the last thing I want. It makes me feel great about where I'm at with the people I've been talking to and even those outside the alliance. So this is both good and bad but wow messy. Ahhhh I still don't know how to feel, but if that revote tied then maynor and i would've gone to rocks and been out since it would only be us and yeet there I go.

I feel super shitty for doing that to Corey. I don't even know if it was the right thing to do, but I didn't want to have to use my tiebreaker yet and if it had tied I was not about to let Timmy/Maynor go home. I never wanted to turn on Corey in this game but the way this merge has turned out ugh idk. I had to make a choice and I had to choose the group of people I feel comfortable with over the group of people I'm only tied to because of Corey. It was shitty all around. I'm sorry Corey, I know you're going to be mad at me but asdfkjhf fuck i love u :((( god im shit. okaythat was actually kind of crazy tho and I'm honestly a little happy it went down like that? two idols OUT OF HERE! and that ian idol couldve been so fucked up later on. matt's idol gone got me happy af too. I feel closer with timmy and maynor after this round and hopefully matt knows he cann trust me for not blowin up on him about his HIDDEN IDOL!!!! madison and I got closer a little this vote too. I'm glad she was on the same page as me. It's a little awkward to deal with the aftermath of devon and ian. especially with corey or cullan coming back.... cullan I can deal with but corey not so much. thats gonna suck. i still got my idol i still got my tiebreaker and a threat is still leaving either way. but now when the pieces rearrange next vote I gotta work hard to pull them together in my favor. kjDFHSKJSF goooooooooooooooooooooooood idk. that wa swild. i said at tribal that the game was gonna blow up soon. maybe i should be careful what I wish for nxt time lmao

Oh... WIG guess this tribal popped the hell awf. At the time of my last confessional I had no intention of playing my idol, but things were just so tense and quiet that I knew it should be done, but boy did I not know how badly it needed to be. Now I’m more scared than ever with like 3 pissed off people and all the eyes on me for having a secret idol. Guess it’s time for everyone to stop playing quiet, easy games, and time to go the heck crazy.

Annnnnd that was the worst possible outcome from that round. I inadvertently idol'd out my closest ally. My game could potentially be over, this very well be my first ever double digit placement in the 9 orgs I have played, but if I'm going out then it's not before I do the only move I got left. I've shared all my information I have been sitting on about Owen/Kait and by extension Matt, how they are aligned with Thomas and Madison. All I can do is let the others make informed decisions on how they think this game can be played best for them. If they choose to let the power team continue to run it for them then that's their prerogative. It's all I have left. At the very least I didn't go home with an idol in my pocket and I didn't burn it without needing to use it.

So last night, I wanted to die after the votes became 0-0. Me and Timmy had a 1/3 shot of going home but we some how managed to get zero votes against us. I felt really bad about voting for Corey. He was someone i really liked and was working with but we got to different sides. Now ian has some interesting info that Owen and Kait are part of an alliance with Thomas & Madison and also had devon and corey. Idk which side they are most loyal to because they sided with us this time but they could easily flip to other side if they wanted to. I need to keep an eye on them thats for sure.

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What the hell, 11 idols in play!? Like this twist is crazy. I want and need to find my idol. There is no excuse. I really need it to make sure im here after tribal. Like idk care who its getting votes as long as im safe.

I have so many feelings on this immunity challenge. Mainly I'm pissed because I don't have an idol clue because I got second so technically I didn't bite Chips so he didn't get a clue for me which sucks because like people like me I guess so I'm pretty much punished for that. As a result it could be easy to vote for me since I have a disadvantage in finding my idol since I don't have the clue. I'm scared because of that since what I learned after last tribal is spicy (and i'll make another confessional about that tomorrow) so I don't even know what to do at tribal and I'm just hoping it's not me. But I didn't give Thomas his clue so hopefully that will help me since he won't know where to look either so that's an advantage for me because I have absolutely no reason to give him his clue, we don't talk. I'm not going to help someone else while subsequently actively hurting myself. At times I also want to try looking at spots for other people to try and get their idol so I know that they won't have it...but that's just a maybe.

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I’m heated and I can’t even do much about it because of the nature of this round. Kait, Owen, and Matt think their sitting so pretty and I’m fucking sick of it. Here I thought I was doing well and hearing shit about them and now seeing it first hand is ridiculous. Owen is kind of slipping up with that trio and here’s why. Owen told me that kait and Matt found their idols, so I messaged both of them asking how their hunt is going. Kait hasn’t answered yet but Matt says “If I get up at 9am and guess every hour I’ll find it” because he’s “figured out the math”. Bitch i already know you have it and now you’re just lying to my face. Like we’re in an alliance together but I guess that doesn’t mean shit to you. I’m assuming Owen even probably has his idol and is lying to me. I feel so stuck because i can’t make a move this round due to the idols, but I’m probably going this round due to not having a fucking idol clue because of the bullshit this challenge was.

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OH OH KAIT JUST ANSWERED “no luck lol I suck” WOWOWOW AND SHE HAD EVEN SAID SHE WOULD HELP ME FIND MINE. Fucking fake people i can’t stand them.

THIS WHOLE IDOL THING GOT ME CRACKT OUT MY MIND LMAOOOOOO HSKSHDJDJDHD FORST OF ALL!!!!!!! I hate that tommy gave immunity to chips and not Timmy. Why wouldn’t tommy pick someone more likely to give him his clue????? Ugh. SECOND OF ALL. Literally fuck madison and Maynor for giving Devon and Ian their clues. What the fuck were they actually thinking !?!?!?!? Everyone with a clue is gonna find their idol unless they’re stupid or someone else finds it first so like.... idk I genuinely don’t get it. I think Maynor just wasn’t thinking and madison was tryna be social with Devon idek. I’m mad about it and it makes me want madison outta here. Not Maynor tho bc he’s precious and I luv him. Third thing why does Devon think I’m going to believe any guess he sends me nnnnnnn like he sent me matt and Kait random coordaintes that apparently weren’t it. I replied to Devon being like ‘e9 is miss too hehe’ and then realized I shouldn’t tell him where I’m searching and panicked and sent ‘omg typo meant r9 oops!’ Hskshdjdjdh Fourth KAIT FOUND MT IDOL SHSHDHD AND THEN WOULDNT GIVE UT TO ME AND I ACCIDENTSLLTNPOSTED ABOUT IT IN THE TEIBE CHAG AND KEPT IT THERE FOR A MINUTE IM SO STUPID. Literally started crying after. I’m like I can’t velieve I did that but if only my roommate hadn’t woken me up singing I’d still be ASLEEO RN AND NOT FUCKING UP. Or if Kait had just Given ME!!!! Oh my god like I’m rlly embarrassed and if they didn’t know Kait and I were tight before they sure do now! Tommy and Timmy are the only ones without clues. It’s kinda fucked that chips didn’t get a clue for Timmy grrrr. I rlly don’t want either of them to go but if I gotta I guess it needs to be Thomas. But I can tell Kait wants thomasnto stay....

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God I love when the dumb bitch disease flares up

Having idol make me happy, but I’m probably gonna end up losing a number, that being either Thomas or Timmy. I can’t even figure out who I want to go out of those two and I hope maybe Ian doesn’t have his? It’s very strange trying to come down from the last vote without really having the chance to vote anyone besides who’s available.

Honestly this challenge probably could not have come at a better time, just about everyone has their idol so people feel more free to talk since we're all "safe" but if Timmy goes instead of Thomas my game could still be in trouble. The beauty of this round for me is that I planted the seeds about Owen/Kait/Madison/Thomas alliance before the challenge even began, then they played it out exactly how they would and Timmy at least took notice. Timmy has become woke, that's why I absolutely need him to stay, I can't say for sure if Chips is on the wavelength but Maynor seems to be since he shared my clue, albeit late, but he did. I could still end up tenth but if that alliance burns to the ground then I have done what I needed to in this game. I also talked things over with Mateo, we might work together down the line, we might not. At the very least I expressed why I felt we had beef at the beginning of merge and that I was willing to turn a new leaf with him.

So this is a crazy round obviously. I really think the trio approach really helped but finding all those idols myself was crazy. Still don’t feel safe in this game for now, going to be a crazy night.

I’m so stressed!!! Like I don’t want to go home on a twist round, that already happened in Virgin Islands, like been there done that already. I have Thomas’ idol so I know he doesn’t have it, thank god. People are saying their voting Thomas, but I have no reason to believe them bc they have been lying to me so much. I only trust maynor so if I see after the season that he was lying to me...I’m going to be hurt, like genuinely hurt for a while because he knows how much I trust him. These past 2 rounds have been taxing on my stability and I want to make a move but with the nature of this round, i can’t.

There were barely any vote talk this round. I found my idol and Im playing it on myself. Im trying to find Timmy’s we only have 2 more guesses. Thomas is the target this round which okay with me because he hasnt been talking to me all that much so dont think he’ll be a good ally moving forward. This round has been not chaptic like last round.

So this vote has a lot for me to cover. Last time, I was voted out alongside Corey. However, after a 3 1/2 hour endurance challenge, I fought my way back into the game with an idol and a legacy only the jury know about! Coming back into the game there was a challenge which chips won immunity. There was also a twist where everyone had to search the grid for their own idols where I found mine and will be immune at tonight’s vote. From what I know, Thomas does not have his idol therefore will be the person I am voting for and hopefully he goes home and I don’t get blindsided again

in a shocking turn of events...... i love tommy so much i'm so sad at the prospect of him leaving.

Well I am very fucking pissed at the moment. Timmy wanted to keep the fucking idol clue away from me and I wasn't able to find a fucking idol. Now I am going to be going home because of it. I just got to get this off my chest, THIS SEASON HAS BEEN SHITTY! I love traditional Survivor gameplay and stuff like the warzone and the everyone gets an idol twist like Oprah gives everyone a car twist is unnecessary. Like what the fuck! I've been in several ORGs but, no offense to Alyssa, Johnny, and Monty, this has been the worse ORG I have been apart of. I was able to meet Kait, Maynor and Chloe but those were the only posituve things from this ORG aside from a few challenge ideas I got for my ORG. That is it. Peace y'all.

#survivorstarzone #episodes

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