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futurewriter2000 · 3 years

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Dysfunctional - pt.2

A/N: I forced myself to write and I actually wrote and now I feel accomplished! YAY! Can't wait to write some more.

You had disappeared.

Or that's how James Potter could have seen it like. It was off for him because he had many things on his mind, many people, many stupid ideas but the one thing that constantly popped into his mind was you.

He had never felt more alive just by somebody's presence. He had never felt so much joy, not even by Sirius or Lily or whenever he was in his stag form.

You. You. You. You.

"Potts!" he shot his head to the person who was calling his name.

Oh, my God. YOU!

You had a bright smile plastered on, the one that made his heart jump too many times too much. You swung your arms goofy-like, your legs in those oversized sweatpants stepping large steps until you jumped to sit next to him and grabbed a few toasts in front of him.

"Where had you gone lost?" he asked, smiling at her- not even feeling the need to eat as his stomach was taking turns and somersaults.

"Narnia."

"Narnia?" he quirked an eyebrow.

"No! JAMES!" you gasped, letting the toast fall on your plate. "Don't tell me you don't know what Narnia is?!"

"I don't know, actually."

"Oh- we're totally slamming Narnia book this week. No, not just the book. The whole series."

"I had never heard of it."

"Every Muggle child has been read Narnia at least ONCE in their whole life."

"Oh!" he let out a laugh. "I'm not a Muggle, darling."

"Clearly." you rolled your eyes. "Wouldn't really be in Hogwarts if you were."

He started to laugh again. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm a pureblood."

"OH!" you started to get playfully annoyed. "My apologies, king Arthur. Shall I bow to your toes and polish your boots, you Narnianless wizard."

"Yes." he puffed out his chest and put his foot on your lap. "I expect not a spot on my shoe, if there is, I shall have you beheaded."

The two of you bursted out laughing- loud and constantly shoving each other playfully.

"Oh, mate. I love your energy." you said as the laughter calmed down and you slightly punched his shoulder.

He felt something buzz through his whole body, looking at you with eyes he knew were dangerous to look at somebody.

"Okay- so here's the plan." you leaned forward, watching deeply into his eyes- the ones that made his heart jump to his throat and his head sick from how everything around him blurred out and all he could see was the colour of your eyes; drown in them when you spoke with a voice that was like a melody to him.

"Tell me the master plan."

"You, me..." you bit your lower lip and looked around. "Some weed, some sunset... maybe some chips."

"Alright. Cool." James tried to play it off cooly, though his insides were sweating from anxiety.

"Alright. Meet you in-" you checked your watch and smiled. "Three hours in front of the courtyard?"

"Meet you there."

---

He was there early. Quite early. Thirty minutes early and he doesn't know why but he has been sitting on the stone wall and stargazing, thinking about nobody else but you.

"When it's through! It's through! Fate will twist the both of you!" you started to sing with your entrance. "SO COME ON BABY! COME ON OVER! LET ME BE THE ONE TO SHOW YOU!!" you sang from the top of your lungs, causing him to laugh and jump from the wall.

"SHHHHH!"

"Wait- here comes the best part!" you giggled. "I'm the one who wants to be with youuuuu!" you started to move your body left and right. "Deeep inside I KNOW YOU FEEL IT TOOO!"

"You done?" he laughed.

You pressed yourself against him and dramatically took a hold of yourself, hugging your chest. "Waited on the lines of greens and blues!! Waiiiiited on the liine!" you added the background in a high pitched completely off tone voice. "JUST! TO! BE! THE! NEXT! TO! BE! WITH! YOU!" you pressed your finger at his chest during those pauses.

"Auch!"

"Okay, I'm done now." you laughed, backing away and looking around if anybody was coming. "Bloody hell, that song has been stuck in my head all day long." you smiled mischievously and winked at him.

"Glad you could get it out now."

"Love that song." you laughed again. It was like a breath for you- laughing. Especially when you were with him, everything else seemed so easy. You could let go of all worries around him. You could be yourself around him with no masks worn but at times as this current moment, you remembered that you shouldn't let go of your mask completely. Not yet... maybe not ever. "Come on. Let's go. I know a special place."

---

The two of you had been walking up hill, behind the bleacher of the Quidditch field, going so far that you could almost cross the border. James warned you about it but you only winked back and reassured him that the two of you are staying inside the castle borders.

"You're really fun." he said, almost out of breath.

"Oh." you smiled, looking back at the breathless Gryffindor. "More than a Slytherin should be, right?" you grinned and he let out half-groan, half-laugh.

"I was thinking that, yes." he said breathlessly. "But tell me why are we taking a hike to Merlin-knows-where?"

"Just a little bit." you smiled, finally reaching the top that was surrounded by rubble, fragments of shattered stone; sharp and mysterious. "HERE WE ARE!" you threw your hands in the air as he threw himself on the ground, breathing heavily.

"Fuuuuck!" he groaned. "I think my lungs gave out."

"Aren't you supposed to be a Quidditch player or something?" you sat down next to him and leaned forward.

He looked up at you, observing your eyes, your nose, your eyebrows- every inch of your face.

'So beautiful.' - he thought to himself, smiling gently and wanting to touch your face. So beautiful he could look at you forever and never get tired of it. He knew, he wanted to see this face for the rest of his life- every day- every second, he could watch you and never, not once think anything bad of you.

Before he could move his hand to touch you or his lips to speak to you, you had already moved away, sitting on your bum and pulling out a small container. Not much of a container either. It was a cream box and when you opened it, there was bits of green chunks inside of it. You pulled out rizla paper and started rolling it.

He started to get a bit nervous but he saw how fast you managed to roll it up. "I-" he let out a nervous laugh, scratching the back of his neck. "I had never done it- I mean... I don't know how to- you know..." he started to look at you as you smiled back, knowing exactly what he wanted to say. "Inhale it..."

You giggled a bit and scooted next to him. "It has to be a bit fast... like faster than you would if you'd smoke a cigarette- or something." you started to awkwardly laugh as well. "Just watch me and try to do it."

You inhaled it first, one for the taste and the second for the effect. When it comes to any unhealthy habits, you knew that you had to consume way more than most people to take effect. Strong genetics. Great immune system.

He on the other side had been quite a light-weight but quite a funny one. All he did was talk- talk extremely fast.

"Wonder what happened to these rocks- reckon it could be a giant? Or! OR!" he went on his knees and put his hands on your shoulders. "Or a mammut!"

"A mammut?"you laughed.

"A giant elephant if you want me to simplify."

"I know what a mammut is."

"Your mum. HA!" he joked and then widened his eyes. "Oh, shit- sorry!"

You started to laugh a bit louder. "It's fine." you continued to laugh.

"Oh, thank Merlin, you're not over-sensitive."

"I see a joke when I hear one."

"No but really. Reckon it could be war? Or some famous aurors playing heroes and vilians? Very pretty rocks though- I'd take one rock home- have a boulder in my room- OH! I can totally do it, just let me get my wand." he started to tap his pockets. "Oh, shoot." he started to pout. "I left it at my dorm. Hell." he started to look around until you grabbed his head and held it still.

"Get yourself together, Potts."

"I hate when you call me that." he narrowed his eyes at you.

"We're still house rivals after all."

"No lies spoken." he moved his head from your hold and laid back down, looking at the stars.

You laid right next to him and focused your eyes on the sky as well. "You were stargazing before I came."

"I was... yeah." he smiled. "I was thinking about Sirius."

"The star or the mop hair?" you joked and he laughed.

"The mop hair." his laugh started to fade. "He's like a brother to me, you know?"

"I know."

"But he pisses me off sometimes." he added and you let out a soft laugh.

"Siblings tend to do that."

"I know. I love him still... it's just he's been acting so odd lately." he started to open up and he didn't even realise it yet. "I know he ran away. I know his family was shit and all but since he left- I mean, yeah it's so fun having him around all the time but lately he's just been keeping to himself. When we met on the train-" he started to smile again. "-we talked about how we would both be sorted into Gryffindor and how we would both become Prefects and have the most perfect grades and join Quidditch together and then compete for Head Boy and go for the Auror's job..." he drifted off. "And now he just disappears and he doesn't show up for classes- he's failing Arithmancy and he needs Arithmancy if he ever wants to become an Auror."

"Why? I mean it doesn't even make sense how could Arithmancy be all connected to an Auror's job?"

"I know. We've been wondering about that as well but still. He's smart. He knows all of this... he just gave up on everything..." he finished and continued to look at the stars.

"You know, James." you started, letting him know that this time you were more serious than your usual self. "If I'm frank with you... thinking that he doesn't have ambitions and goals because he's failing classes and not showing up for class, doesn't mean he wants his future to be homeless on the street or something."

"I know and I'm not saying that- or that I'd ever let him go on the street."

"It just means that he is so preoccupied by his own demons, his problems to the point where Arithmancy seems like the least of his problems."

"He tells me everything, (y/n)." he pulled himself up on his elbows.

"I don't doubt but... how do I say this?"

"English."

You smiled and rolled your eyes at him. "I left my family too." you spoke, trying to smile through it. "Because I didn't feel welcomed by them. Because they didn't like having a witch in the family."

"Wait?" he shook his head. "You're a Muggle-born? But you're a Slytherin?"

"I'm a Slytherin because of who I am, not because of my blood status." you scooted a bit away from him. "Anyways... when you leave a household where you don't feel welcomed, you can feel liberated and free... independent and strong for finally doing it but there's also the part of them inside of you, whether you like it or not. When you leave your family, you leave your friends and your cousins that you adored. And you don't know how your parents will explain to your grandparents that you had decided to leave and then there's the part of where to live when school is over? To work, to pay bills,... to do things your family should help you go through. And maybe... just maybe Arithmancy is such a small problem out of many big ones but it's a small one and it makes you think that it's irrelevant."

"I didn't know... about..."

"Oh, nobody does really." you smiled. "I have a friend who's dad own a cafe and I work there through the summer and live on the apartment above. And my mum sometimes comes and visits- rarely though. Once a month or two."

"Shit... I'm sorry."

"I don't want you to be. It's not easy but it's free and I wouldn't change it for the world. My dad and me aren't really on good terms but who doesn't have daddy issues?" you let out a laugh but he only looked at you with eyes that didn't really speak pity to you but something else... something that you weren't quite familiar with.

- Strength. That's what James saw in you this moment. Somebody gone through shit but still standing. Strong. You're strong.

#james potter #james potter imagine #james potter x reader #sirius black imagine #sirius black x reader #sirius black #remus lupin #remus lupin imagine #remus lupin x reader #marauders #marauders imagine #marauders imagines #maruaders x reader

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kinnoth · 2 years

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THEY DUBBED THE FUCKING THOR MOVIES INTO CHINESE

there goes my weekend

- you can just fit more information per syllable in chinese than you can in english and sometimes that's nice

in english: is that how i'm mean to spend the rest of eternity? reading?

in chinese: so that's why you sent those to me? you want me to be a bookworm, buried in books for all of eternity?

in english "always so perceptive of everyone but yourself"

in chinese "oh loki you have always been able to see straight through everybody's intentions except your own"

like nice right??

- ok but sometimes these lines lean toward the very fucking literal which is....a weird choice

like they just called odin "my majesty" because the english said "my king" and the chinese translation for king is just "majesty" so they just....stuck them together bc the english had a "my" in it

i think maybe they had different translators for different scenes maybe?

- the voices are nice. i like thor's voice. he sounds like a young man, which is not something i can say for the japanese dub

- DAMN. THE CHINESE GOT IT RIGHT

"i come here to offer you a much richer sacrament" became "i'm here to offer you a much more valuable opportunity" LIKE DAMN OK, LOOK WHAT YOU CAN DO WHEN YOU'RE NOT STUCK UP YOUR OWN DICTION'S ASS

-oh no thor calls frigga mama and not mother when he's talking about her personally :( oh im sad now.

- i don't think the chinese dub knows which one of these two are older so they just translate "brother" as "brother" instead of "older/younger brother" which is usually what one refers to one's brother as, and like you know what good for this dub for not making assumptions

- oh i like this line

"if it were easy everyone would do it" became "if anyone could do it, you wouldn't have to ask me"

- ok i think loki's lines might be the only ones that are translated with the amount of love and care that i'm admiring. even some of thor's liines are kind of stilted and weird, but never loki's

like thor says "i hope i can trust you" instead of "i wish i could trust you" like BRO THAT'S A CRITICAL LINE AND YOU FLUBBED IT??

but loki gets "well she would've found it typical for our behaviour" for "well she wouldn't exactly have been shocked"

found the fangirl i guess, whoops.

- oh no :( loki's dying and the diction level just jumped from super formal to "this is how you talk to close family members and kids" :( :( :(

- THEY CONTINUOUSLY CALL ODIN "OUR LORD FATHER" AND FRIGGA "MAMA" FUCK ME UP GOD. DAMN. WHY DOESN'T ENGLISH HAVE BUILT IN FORMALITY DICTION

- this is no fault of the translation i just think it's so funny that we still haven't figured out a way to translate "nooooo" other than having people scream "negating prefixxxxxxxx" like lol just have them scream the dead person's name like they do in all the cdramas guys, it doesn't have to be a perfectly faithful translation. i don't understand why this is the convention

- CHINESE JUST HAS A BETTER PATTER FOR COMEDIC TIMING THAN ENGLISH DOES I'M SORRY I DON'T MAKE THE RULES

- ok so in thor3 they do refer to each other as older/younger brother and i don't know this is also giving me feelings i guess. ugh.

- omfg so odin is explicitly like YOU TWO TOGETHER must face hela in the chinese, whereas the english it can be interpreted as YOU THOR must face hela

aw fuck i dunno man why is odin's death partially sad in chinese and not at all sad in english

- i have complicated relationship with my mother tongue and i think it might have access to parts of me that my other languages don't so

- ok thor3 translation: IMPECCABLE

-OH THAT'S SO GOOD. THEY MADE THE THING WITH THE GRANDMASTER AND TOPAZ TALKING ABOUT THE VALKYRIE INTO A PUN THAT DOESN'T WORK IN OTHER LANGUAGES

- oh they made asgard vs ass-guard into a pun too omfg

- "little firefly baby" vs "sparkles" AHAHAHA

- NO OFFENCE BUT NO LANGUAGE IS EQUIPPED TO TALK ABOUT IMPERIALISM LIKE FUCKIN CHINESE IS EQUIPPED TO TALK ABOUT IMPERIALISM LMAO

- i like how they're calling him "lightning"

- funny linguistical quirk but hulk doesn't sound like a caveman in chinese he's speaking grammatically bc chinese doesn't require linking verbs and doesn't have verbal tenses

#internal thor tag

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wcamino-confessions · 3 years

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the goop-pyro situation explained

[ hii, mod. ii hope youre ok. ] [ ii = i ] ii deciided to make a post telliing how ii see thiings wiith the goop-pyro siituatiion and attemptiing to make iit easy to access / understand to those who dont want to read 400+ notes. iive read all the notes on goops vent/callout ask and pyros screenshots as the tiime beiing (8:23 brt); and ii wiill try to not take any siides for now. but, you can read my opiiniion too iif you wiish. iill place iit here too.

notes: ii use he/hiim and zey/zem/zeiir/zemself, iif you want to refer to me on the notes. goop = monster/M0N.STERR = liin, uses he/hiim. pyro uses he/hiim willyoucomewithme uses they/them iif thiis people use any other pronouns, ii apologiize for not liistiing them, and iill ensure to use them on the future. my poiint of viiew can be iidentiifiied when ii use my typiing style, and iit wiil also be placed [liike thiis].

1. goops callout post "hi yall! today, i got my feelings invalidated by the one and only PYRO!! the one who leads the tam chats!! he and some of his mods decided to create troll accounts to raid TAM!! he didn't tell some mods from what i saw, and made a mod deal with their bullshit!! they also tried to sell stolen art!! then, i left the casual chat because one of the mods admitted to trolling (they tried to say it wasn't them earlier, they also only admitted to it because some more people knew what they were doing), and i was uncomfortable!! then, pyro pms me!! and i tell him that i was uncomfortable being in the chat because one of the mods were talking abt the situation!! and i tell him what they did was wrong!! then, he says that everyone is fine with it except for me, and says that i'm exaggerating!! yay!!"

pyro quickly came in and said that there was a lot to unpack about the situation; and that lin was lying. according to him, he and the mod team of tam would test the helpers by simulating a troll attack on the public chat. goop felt uncomfortable with that, and left the casual chat. some mods were confused/worried[?] and contacted pyro. pyro pm'd goop to talk about iit. the screenshots he(pyro) posted are cropped, [so iit iis questiionable iif there was anythiing else that wasn't mentioned, or iif pyro purposefully

goop pov: - pyro invalidated his feelings - pyro didn't tell some of the mods about the troll raid [proved wrong, questiionable] - the mods tried selling stolen art [ii don't have proof about thiis rn, so questiionable] - he told pyro what was making him uncomfortable - was told that he was overreacting [hiinted at, not with those exact words. siince the screenshots were cropped, can't be confiirmed.] - "@pyro778 i think saying “everyone else was fine with it except you and _____” was hinting that you thought i was exaggerating 😐" (copypaste, goop's words)

pyro pov: - he politely asked goop if he wanted to talk about what was happening - lin refused to tell what was making him uncomfortable [proved wrong later on.]; and was acting rudely. - the majority of the mods agreed with the troll training - there was one offliine person who diidn't reply to the troll training? [should have waiited for them] - lin was purposefully lying to cancel him. [wrong, iimo. goop wasnt lyiing. he diidn't seem to make any attempt to cancel pyro at all, he diidnt mentiion iit on the notes] - lin was lying about the mod team [questiionable.] - "that’s exactly what we were trying to do. Lin is making up lies in an attempt to cancel me or somethin" (pyro's words, copypaste)

part 2 . the "leaving the chat" discussion pyro told goop that he shouldn't leave the chat, as he was a mod. in reality, goop is a helper. [even so, ii beliieve that thiis shouldn't have happened. even iif goop iis a mod, he has all the riight to leave the chat iif he feels uncomfortable. attemptiing to make him come back "because hes a mod" iisnt any professiional.] "@willyoucomewithme so let’s say a mod sees a situation going on, starts to handle it, and then leaves the chat. Now what? Do you see how that wouldn’t work? We can’t just have mods leaving the chats without any sort of warning or explanation" (pyro's words, copypaste) [thiis iisnt the case. as far as iim aware, liin diidnt leave duriing a siituatiion, so thiis example iisnt really valiid. and, agaiin, goop iis completely free to do what he wiishes. iif goop felt uncomfortable, he diidn't have to *iimediiately* giive a notiice. thiis also iinvaliidates goops feeliings.] "Lin stretched the truth and just straight up lied in this post" (copypaste, pyro's words) [ii dont agree, but thats a personal opiiniion, and iid rather not drag iit as iit may affect thiis post.]

3. "please grow up" [ii thiink that, at thiis poiint, thiings started to go down.] pyro told goop to grow up [as ii understand, drop the subject? forgiive and forget? not clear to me.], to which goop replied "grow up?? no, i won’t let some person who people look up to invalidate my feelings." (copypaste, goop's words)

he also stated that making a callout post was petty and immature.

according to pyro, if you cant handle stressful ideas, it isnt a good idea to stay as a mod. [agaiin, liin iis a helper. and to be honest, thiis comment speciifiically has me wonderiing some thiings. as someone who has already served as mod to diiscord servers and some amiinos, and saw many dramas and confliicts, thats wrong. some mods cant handle stressful iideas because iit harms them. iit doesnt mean that they arent capable of working as a mod.] willyoucomewithme also stated that they were a mod for some years (almost 5) and that they recognized pyros behaviour as unprofessional. goop commented that "you said if people are uncomfortable, we’ll make an apology wheres the apology? i’m uncomfortable." [ii dont know much about that, no proof was giiven about iit, so ii cant confiirm]

3. off-topic [iimo one of the worse parts.] slowly, the topic started to drift away from the discussion, and passed to some off-topic conversation between some users, counting pyro and a user named astolfosextraribbon. [pretty diisrespectful. just moviing on liike that and sayiing random thiings to eachother diidnt really show any concern to how goop felt, and mostly made iit seem liike a joke that could be iignored.] apparently, goop went by a panic attack because of that things and because of the off-topic chit-chatting. [ii already had paniic attacks before and ii already saw users go by one. by how goop started typiing, ii know that iit iis true, and ii hope hes ok.] some people apologized, recognizing how the situation was affecting goop, but pyro and astol didnt. pyro claimed that lin did the post, so it wasnt his fault, and that they were just trying to lighten the mood. [wrong. iit iis pyros fault for treatiing iit like a joke and just moviing on, chattiing casually. they could have just moved on to a group chat, as was suggested multiiple tiimes iin the notes. iidk iif they diid that, tho.]

4. misgendering this part mostly involves willyoucomewithme (who ill refer to as wy) and astol (astolfosextraribbon). wy and astol engaged in an argument because of the off-topic chatting. [astol kept takiing the siituatiion as a joke, apparently, iif taken onto consiideratiion theiir behaviiour on the notes] "yeah im laughing cause yall insulting me when i CLEARLY havent done the same👩❤️💋👩" (copypaste, astol's words) wy then asked astol to stop referring to them as a girl/sis/female names and pet names, as they didnt like that. [astol diidnt seem to take iit seriiously at fiirst, referiing to them as guy/diick.] yet, once they stated that they were nonbinary, they apologized. even so, it seemed to trigger wys gd [and tbh, ii hope youre doiing well, wy.]. they stated that they were doubting their own gender. no one apologized for that for a while, the topic drifted to random again, until astol referred to lin(?) and wy as "furries", which triggered wys traumas. aikoindieinside told them to "chillax", astol accused them of guilt-tripping. wy did seem to point that they had an episode because of it, tho not confirmed.

5. conclusion.

that was my post, iig. ii triied my best to iinform everythiing, but iif ii left any iinfo out, please tell me. iim on computer rn and siince tumblr iis trash, ii miightve miissed smth.

#submission

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nervousatthenightclub · 5 years

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Tagged by: @sadienita (thanks for the tag Merc! 💛 these bingo games are always great!)

This was really fun! I expected to have the most boxes with Jaebeom and to have the least in common with the loudest 3. I was really expecting to tie between JJP tho (😪looks like Jaebeom is my true #1). Also was really surprised to have so many for Mark, but I guess it fits when I think about his personality.

I tag: @jinhopetual @rap-liine @shootfortheestrella @dmoneyy7 (y’all don’t have to & anyone that sees this can do it & if anyone else stans them feel free to obsess over them with me)

Game creator: @phoenixgyeom (sorry if this is the millionth tag you’re getting, you did a terrific job with this game tho!)

#ngl i saw this like last week and was dying to be tagged #cause bingo AND got7 i mean thats perfect #thanks again merc❤️❤️❤️

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2cumlord · 5 years

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> Sock: Discuss heist with Alan.

PH: How've things been going on your end? TA: oh thiing2 are terriible. TA: or maybe theyre not terriible. maybe they are ju2t ok. TA: but a2iide from work mo2t of my energy ha2 been goiing iintwo thii2 whole plan two get OUT of work. whiich ii 2tiill thiink ii2 a horriible terriible iidea. TA: ii have come up wiith an e2cape plan that 2eem2 liike maybe no one ha2 two get kiilled tryiing iit. but the iideal two me ii2 2tiill that no one doe2 try iit. PH: Oh, you've come up with it? And it includes freeing you? TA: ii wouldnt call iit "free" but ye2. PH: Cool. PH: How many people are in on this?

TA: ii realii2ed iit would be good two dii2able the 2hiip, at lea2t temporariily, iif people are goiing two break 2omethiing iimportant off of iit. 2o that they cant make any 2ort of counter-attack or pur2uiit u2iing the auxiiliiary power. riight now the be2t chance of dii2abliing the 2hiip actually ii2 hal. the guy ii wa2 telliing you about earliier. he ii2 very wiilliing two help but iim not 2ure about lettiing hiim. PH: Why not? TA: why not. well. TA: for one thiing ii 2tiill thiink thii2 ii2 a bad iidea iin general. TA: but al2o ii thiink what hal would be planniing on doiing 2eem2 liike a rii2k for hiim. even iif he ii2 tryiing two downplay iit. PH: That's your reason? PH: I thought this was going to be a trust issue or something. Christ, Sock. TA: what? PH: Do you know anyone who wouldn't put themselves in danger with this? Of course it'll be a risk. PH: That's not your decision to make though. PH: If he's up for it, he's up for it. TA: well on a liiteral level iit ii2 my decii2iion. ii dont thiink anyone but me know2 how two upload hiim iintwo the 2hiip2 computer2. TA: 2o ii can ju2t not do that. PH: Man, they've really panwashed you to hell and back, haven't they. PH: How deep up your empire's ass do you have to be to just accept your government assigned fate like this? To believe that there's nothing better for you out there? PH: There's someone in your life who says she can't live with herself leaving you behind because that's how much you mean to her, and you still tell yourself being with her wouldn't be a better choice than staying behind and wallowing in your misery asking people to kill you for the rest of your fucking life. PH: Jesus Christ. Do you listen to yourself, when you talk? PH: You go on and on about how bad life sucks, and when people come together to give you a way out that's not death, that's something you can help design, you pussy out because oh no, it might be dangerous! Fuck outta here. PH: You just belong where you are, right? Strapped to some ship with a bunch of assholes and no perspective, because that's what Momma Fishcake said. PH: Garfield was right. You're not immune to propaganda. TA: yeah ii gue22. TA: ii dont thiink iim panwa2hed. not a2 panwa2hed a2 2ome people anyway. but iif ii could be able two CHOO2E whether or not people wiill rii2k theiir liive2 and wellbeiing2 for the non-benefiit of gettiing ME out of a 2pace2hiip, ii would liike that. TA: 2ure maybe ii ju2t dont want two leave becau2e ii am two defeatii2t and priideful. but that ju2t 2how2 that no one 2hould put iin all that rii2k for 2omeone 2o defeatii2t and priideful anyway. TA: iit ii2 my own per2onal problem and ii am dealiing wiith iit. PH: This is hilarious to say to someone hurtling through space. PH: But you don't exist in a fucking vacuum. PH: People care about you. You can't change that, no matter how hard you try because you buy into this crap believing you're not worth it. People are going to keep caring about you, and that makes it their problem too. That makes it our problem. PH: I have three different almost fully formed plans in my head for how I could get you out of there, but I've been holding back because sometimes timelines need to sort themselves out. PH: I feel sick to my metaphorical stomach whenever I allow myself to think about what your life looks like. PH: I like you so much and knowing that you're stuck in this position and too broken to want to leave it puts me in actual pain, so fuck you, Sock. PH: It's not your personal problem. TA: ok well ii diidnt A2K you two thiink about what my liife look2 liike. iin fact, ii would not giive ANYONE permii22iion two thiink about what my liife look2 liike. TA: iim TRYIING two keep iit that way ok. my per2onal problem. PH: I'm saying that you can't. TA: ok. well then ii dont know what two 2ay whenever 2omeone ii2 all "oh ii feel 2O AWFUL every tiime ii thiink of how YOUR LIIFE mu2t be" becau2e what am ii 2uppo2ed two do about THAT. ii cant make people 2top thiinkiing about my liife. TA: ii dont even liike two thiink about my liife. but ii know who ii am and what ii thiink. TA: well. TA: anyway there2 nothiing ii can DO about people feeliing 2orry for me. iit2 not MY fault iif people want two act liike iit ii2 all tragiic. they 2hould fuck off. PH: Are you yankin' my chain here. My good pal. Are you fucking with me. PH: The correct response to people worrying about the literal torture you're going through isn't "how do I make them stop thinking about me," it's "what can I do to better my situation." PH: I can't believe you're asking me what you can do when that's exactly what we've been talking about this entire time. PH: What you can do is listen to people and change things for the better, you goddamn coward. TA: ok well ii never ACTUALLY a2ked. not becau2e ii dont re2pect your opiiniion but becau2e iit ii2nt iin liine wiith what make2 2en2e for MY 2iituatiion, 2o there2 no poiint. TA: liike ii dont know iif ii would call iit TORTURE. ii thiink iit ii2 a deliicate and nuanced 2iituatiion and a lot more compliicated than "oh thii2 guy look2 liike he ii2 2ufferiing, CLEARLY 2omeone 2hould help hiim"!!! PH: Are you trying to tell me you're not suffering. TA: iim ok. PH: At this point I want you to get out of there just so I can punch you in the teeth. PH: Answer me this. PH: If it was literally anyone else, what would you do? PH: I know there are other people that share your situation in some way or other. PH: Would you say they're ok? They don't have it bad? PH: #ThankYouEmpire? TA: well ii thiink you are cariicaturiing my po2iitiion a liittle biit there. ii dont LIIKE the fuckiing empiire. iit ju2t ii2. TA: and ii cant really HELP anyone, 2o there ii2 not much ii can do. but iif 2omeone iin my po2iitiion WANTED help ii gue22 they 2hould get iit. PH: You guess. PH: Ah man. PH: Look, the big flaw in your grand plan to act like you're doing ok is that you publicly broadcast your misery every day on this here blue website. PH: You and I both know it sucks ass. PH: You're asking us to see tragedy and walk on by. Look away. PH: It's not gonna happen, homie. TA: ok no that2 ju2t me beiing a mii2erable per2on. iim not mii2erable BECAU2E ii am riigged up two a 2hiip. me beiing riigged up two a 2hiip ii2 ju2t a detaiil of my liife that everyone EL2E want2 two fiixate on. PH: I'm not under any delusion that you'll magically become happy the second you leave the ship, man. I just know that you're miserable now and stuck in one place that leaves you little to no agency over yourself. We agree on this, no? So I don't see how it would be outlandish of me to assume that once you get somewhere else, somewhere that grants you opportunities, you could at least start working on overcoming this misery that is surely 100% tied to your person and 0% tied to your situation. PH: You want me to see someone poking out of a car wreck with their limbs wrapped into pretzels and blood gushing from every orifice saying, "This is just who I am as a person," and you want me to be like, "Sounds right to me!" and continue driving. TA: ii mean, yeah. that would be great iif you could do that for me. TA: ok 2orry ii am kiind of kiiddiing there. TA: ii thiink that 2ure iit ii2 a niice THOUGHT youre haviing. but iit ii2nt realii2tiic two my 2iituatiion. PH: How isn't it realistic. You told me you came up with a plan where no one has to die. The only thing stopping you is you. TA: ii came up wiith a plan that ha2 an ok chance of KN and eriidan gettiing off the 2hiip wiith me, wiithout beiing kiilled tryiing. TA: but the plan kiind of reliie2 on hal beiing wiilliing two rii2k beiing 2hut down wiith the 2hiip2 computer2, wiith the knowledge that he ha2 backup2 of hiim2elf or whatever. TA: but iit 2tiill 2eem2 fucked up that could happen two hiim. e2peciially iif he2 doiing iit two get ME out, becau2e gettiing me out ii2nt goiing two benefiit anyone. PH: I know you're not stupid, so I'm left to assume that you're willfully playing dumb. PH: Getting you out will benefit the people who care about you. TA: ii dont thiink 2o at all. PH: It will benefit your future, but I guess you don't give a shit about that part. So I am reminding you that it will ease your friends' conscience and therefore benefit them. PH: Quiet. TA: ok. PH: I don't know Hal, but I know me and I've known many alternates, and we all know how to make backups and preserve ourselves, how to act under pressure and follow proper plans. If he thinks it's going to turn out fine for him, it probably will. PH: You're getting yourself fucked up over what COULD happen to people when they are trying to help with what is already happening to you. PH: You have to stop trying to make people's decisions for them. If they care about you enough to take a risk then that's that. Fucking suck it up. PH: You may speak. Even though I already know it's gonna be more of the same passive bullshit. TA: well youre riight ii cant make anyone2 decii2iion for them. even though the decii2iion ii2 liiterally about whether or not two 2teal ME liike 2ome 2ort of object. obviiou2ly that ii2 not my decii2iion two make. TA: 2o iif hal or anyone el2e really want2 two try 2hiit on thii2 2hiip, that2 fiine. that ii2 theiir choiice. but ii dont know iif ii 2hould cooperate and help them, when ii dii2agree 2o much about thii2 beiing a u2eful way of doiing thiing2. TA: the only rea2on ii wa2 goiing along wiith eriidan ii2 becau2e he ha2 the phy2iical pre2ence on thii2 2hiip two leverage and force me iintwo helpiing. whiich hal doe2nt really have. PH: You're twisting my words. You can't make people's decision on whether or not they care about you. Where you're going should still be your own call, I am in hard favor of that, I'm just trying to convince you that staying stationary has never helped anyone. TA: iim not 2tayiing 2tatiionary. ii am actually moviing very very fa2t riight thii2 2econd. TA: 2pace2hiip joke. PH: I am rolling my eyes so far back I can see the inside of my skull. PH: It's dark in here. TA: ok. TA: well youre riight maybe doiing nothiing ii2nt any good. but iit ii2 2tiill my own per2onal priivate problem, iif you would even call iit a problem, 2o ii 2hould ju2t do 2omethiing my2elf. PH: I don't like that people are making you do something you don't want. I just wish you wanted. PH: I'm out of things to say. I worry a lot about you. Take it as an act of rebellion if you like. TA: ok. ii under2tand that you wii2h ii would want thiing2 and iim 2orry ii cant do that for you. PH: Yeah. PH: One day when you hop on over to pet my cat and cry about how soft he is I'll be there to say I told you so.

#windows9k #chatlog.#[ tldr: sock hates freedom ]#[ mentioned: cyberstates stellar-aide wwayfinder ]#ask to tag --

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the-firebird69 · 3 years

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the uk factory pumps out a million in one month. we pump out a million per minute and Hardknock will own the Motorcycle rhealm in a few days and knock all out in a week..no ties to him caa whatsoever..not even sebastian he buys online like all others only dissasembled is subsidized by the federal govt and yeh they have usa taxpayers pay..tons of money in there spare for it but ok. we see it too. use it then the say and they will try for ss. weshut it down shortly due to that factoid. they have eleven factories in flroida we ahve 1100 plus about 350 full sized..need thiers yes. and they balk. and did not know. and say we see it we are subsidized why we sell to low. and only here. are cheap skates opens it up to global markets. and the assembly is the sell point ok it may be chinese so you point it out and white folk assemble and stamped by usa dept of transportationa nd such it is not hard and add agrande or so easy we see it that is real money and ok we try not a dent scratch or well it is better in a way...we see that too...ok. im an actual American was born here. true too. Sebastian adds. the uk production is bad. abismal. Sebstian puts out a million a day easy mostly three million a day..and will do partially assempbled really you hve to all the way and dissasemble he says..and adds in things make it esier for the customer..and or sell assembled he says not too tough a sliblhty larger box and we agree it is true. and then warrantee it and guarentee...and yeh setup shops so easy...small easy shop and a storfront parts out back, one mechanic each and all over we try it now.i sell now and big. and we use it ini the south too. and we ask mac sell here nearby? he says no but then thsi the scooter law to macs not cork..and we agree he is iffy. we can handle it and we place it in Punta Gorda and down the way past the cycle store..and so on but ok nearby ...they say ok not bad we sell a full line..he does but ok we shall then..his bikes if we ahve to we sell so few all are cheap bu thear it warranty guaranty from ours American born American design and manufacture. ok.. we do it. and a tift later as they will prob be more money ours sell for 1500 add a grand or so 2500 and it is costly toh im and we see and not broken down..used ok well they get more for them. and you sell used ones elsewhere good thinking if you cn find any. he lauhgs your right are too hard to find. payments ok and tons will buy the they have my act and yours..and i see lol cc. and it is paid and other type deals. fun. not toomuc the cost goesup and we see it...it is macs...and we see them chortle..oculd do ti and govt money off to increase the price nad we take from you mac now. and he says so what so what so what wesay good. off the liine then..fine we wiin. and in punta gorda it will go shorlty too too nice for pc. then again could step id dn here sebastian, yeh we see hire them to assemble hhhahahahah ten bucks an hour lol and they like it damnit we won yes..wow....skin of our teeth, elastic of undies, baarf in our mouth back down water on hand...wow we see.. and true ok. and then i was amazed he likesi t we hate living this wya. it is horrid they are horrid..i apv later in pc fi we can sweing it lol hahaha yeh ok. cant but ok they will and pou tstylish one out ok and the Indian and Harley origin and write up the origins story, well i shall. knw it and john is not here nope. is gone. has anyone checkd like his first stop and we look now and for others. it is incredible we forgot they go through it sometiimes. and out they will pop and hope.. and the bike shop in and a few vacant stores are there. and he smiels this is a job for cash...delivery..yes...moving them around in am and night yes...and refueling emptying tanks and minor work add ons. yes...tire work yup...parts delivery yup...and he is a wiz at most and fast. odd thing ken does do driving well and aroudn stuf and delivered parts for years. tons of them. we use it now. and hope theycan and lol start with a Hardknock deliver add hock move in am. and pm. and two hours and a few bucks a hundred or so..and to do other minor stuff..fun...and the shop would be fun him in it sales up now too high sailes we build now need more and the other areas idea is good...shipped fully assembled. and dot approved mac helps Hera Zues Thor Freya i started it lol she jumped ahead andw e d did huh hon Hera yes we did lol Zues fun too. and problem solving...and this idea is cool yes and it is shops..and we open them tons for Hardknock all over. small mom and pop ones...some franchises too. Olympus

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSjnWKf-QD0

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turgidtangentimagines · 6 years

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Fuckin. Sollux talking to a human about code. bonding over java or c# or something.

I made this into a semi-pesterlog situation because I was thinking back to a time sollux could talk to humans and, well, see code and alll the way back on the meteor seemed the most plausible and probable to me. Kinda came out a little less bond-y and a little more first-meeting sort of thing but i think it’s still pretty solid.

Also- I know nothing of those two code languages- I am most familiar with javascript. And then there’s this whole sburb situation… soo… yeah, bare with me.

If you just move that function here… and make that server call there… then you might just be able to shrink down this massive ui system. You’ve just. You gotta get this game running on your phone. You have to stop being so tethered to the portal system just to be sure your client player won’t die on you.

There’s just been too much of that recently, death. And simultaneously the lack of death. This game- it’s just too strange. Between John’s ordeal with Terezi and the Davesprite-dead-timeline situation, you’ve been a little on edge to say the least. Between these trolls and this game, death could be lurking around any corner. Hopefully, with any luck at all, this app would keep it off your friends’ doorsteps.

With a jolt- pesterchum pings with the presumption that you’ll answer its chattery call. All it really does is make you aware of the trail of semi-colons you’ve left on the end of your code, nulling your command- and annoying you to no end. Finicky, finicky language. Being this drowsy isn’t exactly the most conducive thing to coding, but maybe you can get some muse flowing by trolling one of these dorks back. They never really seemed to expect that from you- the push-back. Your friends, even back on earth, seemed to humor and then evade their jests, your technique was simply to ignore their trolling till they were idle an ample about of time, say your piece, and- goddamnit.

–[[TA] TwinArmageddons began trolling [PC] PesterChum at 04:12]–

TA: hey. a22hole. what the hell are you doiing?

A quick Alt + tab and you’re back to your code. It’s important that you stay on- goddamned pop-up notifications.

TA: ye2. we’re talkiing. iit'2 happeniing.

TA: ii’ll a2k agaiin.

TA: what’re you doiing, a22hole?

Ctrl + Alt+ Delete, annd… he’s gone again. Guess you’re just going to have to lay off pestering your chums for a- oh god-with the phone-and the vibrating on ya leg-

PC: What do you want, I’m very busy.

TA: obviiou2ly.

TA: ii repeat a 2econd tiime:

TA: what are you doiing?

You put the phone down a moment to think. Only one other troll thus far had been so annoyingly hard to ignore, and even then it was because of your own need to communicate and not the fault of any of the technology around you. There were a few ways this could be happening, most of which are coincidental, but if you humor this troll for a few moments perhaps they’ll show their cards long enough to discern if there are any flaws in your impenetrable wall of troll ignorance. That, or, you’re so tired that that wall crumbled the 6 hours ago when you were supposed to be asleep. Whatever. You were coding on fumes anyway. Might as well look at something that’s not the editor for a min- aannd that dude isn’t shutting up.

TA: 2eriiou2ly, ii’m 2en2iing all 2ort2 of doomed tiimeliine2 waftiing through the viiewport2 and the wor2t ii2 comiing from none other than your2elf.

TA: miight a2 well 2ee what 2hiit your 2peciie2 ii2 gettiing iinto.

PC: Alright.

PC: I’m reconfiguring a copy of the game to allow me to run my client’s client editor on my phone in real time while continuing to run the game from my computer for my server player.

PC: Easy-peasy, lemon-squeezy.

PC: Except not.

PC: This is tedious.

PC: It’s like it was coded with the game equivalent of Dreamweaver.

A lapse in your conversation allows you a chance to delete all of those semicolons. Just how out of it were you, you must’ve added like 100 lines worth- ping!

TA: oh my gog. you’re fuckiing iin2ane.

PC: ???

TA: what the 2hiit do you thiink you’re doiing- diid you even code your game?

TA: no, you diidn’t.

TA: you’re readiing off gog know2 what developed by one of your iinferiior human grub de2iigner2 who couldn’t code the wiide 2iide of a moobea2t contaiinment faciiliity.

TA: 2top fuckiing wiith your game'2 code before you doom a miilliion tiimeliine2 iin the mo2t excruciiatiing way po22iible.

Okay, there was a lot you could take in life, insults normally being one of them. But an insult to your skill is simply a challenge in your book.

PC: I can read it.

PC: I can code it.

PC: And it’s happening.

You press the power button on your phone, but it just glitches right back to the conversation as soon as ya do. Fuckin glitchy ass last-gen smartphones, hardly able to run pesterchum anyway.

TA: okay look, ii diidn’t even want two troll you 2hiit2- ii ju2t wanted two leave you alone becau2e ii thought your 2peciie2 wa2 2tupiid enough two fiizzle out by iit2elf- but thii2 cro22e2 a liine.

TA: ii’ve 2uddenly caught a ca2e of giiviing a fuck.

Yeesh, this guy crosses all sort of lines. First with the technological illiteracy comments and now with the whole slandering your specie- man this guy gets wordy when he’s spooked.

TA: the game2 code ii2 not two be tampered wiith, iif runniing iit off of tho2e two 2hiitty human game grub2 de2troyed your uniiver2e- what the hell do you thiink you’d do ju2t fuckiing wiith iit for conveniience?

PC: Gain any semblance of agency I have left in this hellscape of a game.

PC: Keep my friends alive, and not be bogged down by all the shit of the universe while doing it.

PC: etc.

TA: …

TA: look.

TA: ii don’t know what iit ii2 about the code you’re wriitiing but ii know for a fact that nothiing good come2 of iit waay more than anythiing you’re actually tryiing two do doe2.

TA: ju2t. plea2e. don’t run that code.

TA: you’ll do more harm than good

TA: then your friiend2 wiill diie

TA: and then on top of that KK wiill nag me about iit.

At this point, this dude’s just becoming a drag. A pause and you come to realize that you are waay too tired to comb through this heap of code. You need some sort of break, a reprieve from thinking like a computer and a moment to think like a human being. Preferably a human who wasn’t coding or talking right now and slept for the next week. You gotta get this guy off your back, and only one way comes to your sleep-deprived mind.

PC: Fine then.

TA: what.

TA: really?

TA: you’re giiviing iit up that ea2iily?

PC: No.

TA: waiit. then what’re you doiing?

PC: Look.

PC: Dude.

PC: It’s waaay past midnight.

PC: I’m going to level with you:

PC: My code right now?

PC: Probably not my best work.

TA: no 2hiit.

PC: Not done.

PC: So this is either going one of two ways: you withdraw from this pestering- by force or by your own will- and I test my code like any developer would. Or- you actually help me, we test it, and I go the fuck to sleep.

PC: Your call.

You hold the phone like you’re waiting for a reply when in actuality you’ve closed your eyes and can feel the sweet sweet relief of no blue light forcing your eyes into a semi-alert hell. Your phone almost jiggles out of your hand with enough force to actually wake you up a little bit. You reluctantly open your eyes to see more dijon text in dual i’s.

TA: iin a biilliion alternate uniiver2e2 ii 2aiid fuck iit and let you run a code that'2 bugged two 2hiit whiile your 2e22iion cra2hed and burned.

TA: two be hone2t, kiinda wii2hiing thii2 wa2 one of tho2e, becau2e you’ve been nothiing but a paiin about liittle more than an alpha te2t for an acce22ory app.

TA: that you don’t even fuckiing need.

TA: you’re ju2t codiing for the 2hiit of iit.

TA: ju2t. what the hell.

PC: Well?

PC: What’s your answer troll dude, gonna help me debug this shit?

PC: Hack a game that’s fucked up our lives for just the slightest bit more control over it?

PC: Eh?

PC:…

PC: Yeah, that’s about as enticing as I can make that sound right now.

TA:…

TA: you know what?

TA: 2ure. you iin2ane apebea2t.

PC:…

PC: Call me y/n.

TA:…

TA: Sollux.

TA: Sollux Captor.

#sollux captor #sollux #homestuck sollux #homestuck imagines #imagine homestuck #homestuck #homestuck scenarios #god man that was my first fic-esque thing in almost a decade #I might've done it in pester-format. which i hate. but still.#I kinda like this au i think #I might just keep it

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gho2ty · 6 years

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what do you look for in a romantic partner?

them two make me laugh, and them two laugh wiith me (and al2o two be able two make THEM laugh)

patiience wiith me (a2 theyll need.. a lot of iit) & under2tandiingthii2 doe2nt mean ii want them two let me do whatever ii want or for them two deal wiith 2hiit from me that they 2houldnt, though. they can not take my 2hiit but 2tiill under2tand my emotiion2/pa2t/thought2 and be wiilliing two waiit for/wiith me through bad day2

2tubborne22? thii2 goe2 along the 2ame liine a2 what ii wa2 talkiing about and iif you a2ked me thii2 que2tiion a whiile ago ii prob wouldnt have iincluded thii2 but iive realiized iit2 needed a biit. ii would have broken up wiith mt a good liike four diifferent po22iible tiime2 iif he werent 2tubborn and not really wiilliing two take that ‘let2 break up’ liightly at all?

and comfort/tru2t ii2 the biigge2t one at the end of the day. ii need two know were mutually tru2tiing eachother and mutually comfortable iin eachother2 company- iif there2 a problem iin e2tablii2hiing that then iit probably wiill be rough. waveriing and haviing doubt2 or bad day2 are normal but overall iif there2 tru2t and comfort con2ii2tently then that2 enough

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othercat2 · 7 years

Text

fic: (they flow from form to form) 13/?

==>Karkat: attend a tea party

Karkat is working on his homework on Friday evening, both his actual school homework, and reading assignments in the beginner magic book and the cultist “bible” given to him by Osiris. There was apparently going to be a quiz at some point. The mythology is pretty interesting with descriptions of the realm of the gods, stories about the creation of the First Cities, the adventures of heroes. He also has to read the chapter on his Aspect, and memorize its attributes and interactions with the other Aspects. (Dad had been given similar “homework,” and spent a lot of time talking comparative religions with Osiris the night before in a “memo” over Pesterchum.)

He’s thinking about stopping for the night, when he gets a Pesterchum alert.

[gayAuxiliatrix (GA) is pestering carcinoGeneticist (CG)]

GA: Karkat Are You Doing Anything This Weekend?

CG: JUST STUDYING FOR FINALS WHY?

GA: I Was Wondering If You’d Like To Come To My House For Lunch But Also For Lessons Concerning Certain Duties The High Priestess May Have Mentioned.

CG: SHE DID MENTION SOMETHING ABOUT DUTIES. RITUALS AND BLESSINGS.

CG: UH. DO ANY OF THESE RITUALS INVOLVE KILLING CHICKENS OR SOMETHING?

GA: Says The Person Who Had No Problem Eating My Mother’s Fried Chicken.

CG: OKAY POINT. BUT STILL IS ANIMAL SACRIFICE INVOLVED?

CG: SO I CAN LIKE PREPARE MYSELF.

GA: There Are Certain Seasonal Sacrificial Rites, Where The Meat Of The Sacrificed Animal Is Later Consumed During A Feast. Blood-Letting Is Common For Some Priestly Rituals And As You Are Aware, Humans Are Offered Directly To the Gods.

GA: No Animal Sacrifice Will Be Taking Place. There Will Be Small Fancy Sandwiches, Deviled Eggs, Strawberry Shortcake and Tea.

CG: A TEA PARTY. SERIOUSLY?

CG: WILL THERE BE OTHER GUESTS? YOUR DOLL COLLECTION MAYBE?

CG: FORGET I SAID THAT. IT WAS KIND OF SHITTY AND YOU’RE TRYING TO HELP.

GA: How Did You Know I Collected Dolls?

CG: I DIDN’T I WAS JUST RIFFING OFF OF THE LITTLE GIRL TEA PARTY THING WHICH AGAIN WAS KINDA SHITTY OF ME.

GA: And The Comment About Animal Sacrifice Wasn’t.

CG: OKAY I’M SORRY ABOUT THAT TOO. I CAN COME OVER SATURDAY, I GUESS.

GA: I Will Email You Directions.

CG: OKAY. SEE YOU SATURDAY.

GA: See You.

[gayAuxiliatrix (GA) is no longer pestering carcinoGeneticist (CG)!]

“Smooth move Karkat,” he sighs. “You are the master of tact and diplomacy.” There was probably a better way he could have asked about animal sacrifice. Now there was a weird line of thought. Or maybe the thought wasn’t much weirder than anything else. Food offerings were one thing; he wasn’t bothered by the idea. Animal sacrifice was another thing, even if you were going to be eating the chicken or whatever later. If he had explained it that way, maybe the conversation would have gone a little better.

It was a little unsettling to feel this worried--this guilty--about Kanaya being upset. It made him wonder if he felt this because of some kind of outside influence. As if something or someone was pushing him to become part of one big happy family of sister-brother spouses and the Gods. He sat there for a few minutes in front of the computer, and tried to figure out the inside of his brain. How would he know if he were being influenced?

This is hard. It isn’t like there’s some kind of map or guide. This was his mind. This was looking for something outside that might be manipulating him. Would he even be able to tell? Karkat remembers being handled, moved from one unfathomable Presence to another. Being a tiny speck inspected by Beings so much larger than he was he couldn’t understand it. There had just been the terrifying awareness that They could destroy him without even intending to. That They were being as delicate and careful as They could, but it had just barely been enough; his brains had still ended up scrambled by the contact.

How scrambled would his brains end up being from being “married” to unfathomable eldritch entities?

Still sitting at his desk, he takes a deep breath, and another. In his head, there are red lines, paths. They show up starkly in the dark behind his eyelids. They pulse with a familiar beat, the sound of his heart. There’s a line connecting him to his Dad, who is doing some studying of his own, in his own room. There’s a line, still present that goes to his mother. He can’t touch it, but it’s there. There’s other lines connecting him to people he’s met, and he can sense that there are more lines connecting them to each other. It’s like a net, but also like a stream. (Like veins and arteries carrying blood, being pumped by a heart through a body.)

There’s a line that goes to Sollux. If he touches it, he can sense that Sollux is playing video games with his dad. There’s some trash talking going on, and Karkat smiles, cheered by the bright line between Sollux and his father. Sollux’s lines go to his father, his great great grandfather, his family, friends and people that are too far away for Karkat to see. He can see how the Captors fit into the town, a little. Doom predicts disasters, disharmony. They’re an early warning system, they’re the IT Department. They’re the Engineers of That Which Prevents Catastrophe.

Sollux stops trash talking midsentence and frowns. “Karkat?”

Karkat startles, suddenly coming awake, a little disoriented and confused. Maybe an hour had passed, according to the clock. There’s a message window from Sollux hovering on the monitor.

TA: wa2 that you ju2t now?

CG: MAYBE?

TA: there i2 no maybe that wa2 a ye2 or no que2tiion.

CG: I WAS TRYING SOMETHING BUT I NOTICED YOUR LINE INSTEAD, SO I TOUCHED IT SO YEAH?

TA: my liine?

CG: I’M SEEING ALL OF THESE CONNECTIONS BETWEEN ME AND OTHER PEOPLE. AND MORE LINES OR PATHS FURTHER OUT. I TOUCHED YOURS, BUT I GUESS YOU SENSED ME? SORRY.

TA: welp.

[twinArmageddons (TA) invited diarchicAccensor (DA) to memo “blood power2 actiivate!”]

[twinArmageddons (TA) invited carcinoGeneticist (CG) to memo “blood power2 actiivate!”]

TA: TA: wa2 that you ju2t now?

CG: MAYBE?

TA: there ii2 no maybe that wa2 a ye2 or no que2tiion.

CG: I WAS TRYING SOMETHING BUT I NOTICED TOUCH YOUR LINE INSTEAD, SO YEAH?

TA: my liine?

CG: I’M SEEING ALL OF THESE CONNECTIONS BETWEEN ME AND OTHER PEOPLE. AND MORE LINES OR PATHS FURTHER OUT. I TOUCHED YOURS, BUT I GUESS YOU SENSED ME? SORRY.

TA: welp.

[diarchicAccensor (DA) banned twinArmaggedons (TA) from memo “blood power2 actiivate” reason: “student consultation”]

[twinArmageddons (TA)’s away message: “II wa2 goiing to leave the memo anyway gramp2” ]

DA: What were you trying to do?

CG: I UH

CG: I WAS TRYING TO SEE IF THERE WAS A WAY TO TELL IF SOMEONE WAS MESSING WITH MY HEAD.

DA: Reading a little ahead or just worried?

CG: WORRIED. I’M NOT SURE OF WHAT I’M FEELING ABOUT ANYTHING. I DON’T TRUST ANYTHING, BUT AT THE SAME TIME I’M JUST ACCEPTING WHAT’S GOING ON, AND I FEEL INVESTED IN CONTINUING THIS WHATEVER IT IS?

DA: The good news is that if you are worried about being made to feel a certain way, you probably haven’t been replaced by a pod person.

DA: But there are ways to make sure.

DA: The bad news is, a sufficiently powerful entity could be making you feel a certain way, and you wouldn’t know it or be able to tell.

DA: So if you’re worried about the Gods doing something, I can’t help you there, or even reassure you, because I’m part of what you don’t trust.

CG: SORRY

DA: Kid, I’d be surprised if you weren’t suspicious. You’re okay. You’ve got good reason to be suspicious and worried, especially how you found out about the cult.

DA: Now, let’s skip ahead a few chapters, and take a look at veiling and other forms of memory alteration Blood is usually pretty resistant to veiling, your Dad being a prime example.

Osiris walks him through a lesson on memory alteration and detection. Karkat takes notes and asks questions. At the end of it, he’s still worried, but he has information and knows a little more about how the Aspects interact with each other. The impromptu lesson takes about an hour, and Osiris signs off with telling him to call him or text him if he has any other questions.

Karkat logs out of Pesterchum at the end of it and retreats to his bed to review his notes and the chapter. He falls asleep like that, surrounded by notes, the book resting on his chest. His dreams are full of disjointed action movie sequences that aren’t in the least symbolic or presentiments.

He sleeps in the next day, and when he wakes up he checks his email, and finds that Kanaya had sent him the directions to her house, and also what time he was supposed to show up. After dressing and brushing his teeth, he wanders downstairs where his dad is in his office, working on the computer. “Kanaya invited me over to her house for lunch,” he says.

Dad looks up from his computer. “Lunch huh? What time, and when will you be back?”

“Kanaya said eleven thirty,” Karkat says. He starts to head to the living room but Dad calls him back.

Dad doesn’t say anything for a few seconds. “Kanaya is one of the ‘Spouses,’ isn’t she?”

“Yeah, she’s about a year ahead of me,” Karkat says.

Karkat hears Dad think “Child marriage…” with extreme disapproval. He says “will anyone else be there?”

“I don’t think so, maybe her mom?”

“I think I’d like to speak to her mother, before you go,” Dad says. His tone is very I mean business, and Karkat can sense how worried Dad is so he doesn’t even offer a token protest. He gives Dad Kanaya’s number and heads into the living room.

(He really wants to listen in on that call.)

The crow is sitting on the entertainment center, preening itself. “Okay, so are you actually Time, or just His pet death omen?” Karkat asks after staring at it.

“Time had a thought

that winged its way

through the heat of day

what it sought no one knew

soaring in the burning blue

‘til the sun burnt it black,”

the crow says.

“I’m guessing that poem sounds better in the original unspeakable eldritch tongue.” Karkat says. He sits down, turns on the TV and flips through the channels. He can hear Dad talking, but not what he’s saying. Blood was apparently not necessarily a good Aspect for eavesdropping on spoken conversations.

“Enochian,” the crow says, and flaps over to the couch, landing on the arm.

“Really?”

“No.”

There is absolutely nothing on. He ends up watching a horrifying Vegan cooking show on PBS. Dad eventually ends the call about fifteen minutes later and comes out of the office. He stares at the crow, who is now perched on the back of the couch. The crow stares back. “I have no idea how he’s getting inside,” Karkat says.

Dad sighs. “I talked to Ms. Maryam, Kanaya’s mother. She seems like an interesting woman. I don’t have any objection to you going, but try to get home by three.”

“Okay,” Karkat says.

The crow wants to come with, perching first on Karkat’s shoulder, then on the bars of Karkat’s bike. It stretches its whole body out and flaps its wings as Karkat pedals. There’s a few other people on bikes, a small horde of runners, people out walking their dogs. People see him and wave and Karkat waves back.

He’s about a block away when someone suddenly steps out from behind a bush and sticks something in the spokes of the front wheel of Karkat’s bike. Karkat has a brief impression of kid, younger than me, t-shirt before the bike crashes. The crow squawks and flaps as the bike goes down. It flings itself at the kid, who takes off running.

Karkat tries to get up, but finds that the shoelaces of his right shoe have wound themselves around the crank arm. There is something weird going on with his front wheel, though it’s hard to tell from the angle he’s lying in. He thinks he’s mostly bruised and scraped up. Karkat works on getting himself free of the bike. “Need any help?” Karkat looks up and sees a blond kid his own age wearing a t-shirt and cut offs. The kid’s wearing shades, and his hair isn’t so much blond as it is stark white, and actually more like feathers than hair.

Karkat stares, blinks, and the feathers are hair again. “Sure,” he croaks.

Time helps him unwind his shoelaces from the crank arm, and then get the bike upright. The wheel is definitely crooked and some of the spokes are actually broken. “Looks like you’re going to need to get the wheel replaced.”

“What just happened?” Karkat asks, frowning at Time.

“The kid stuck a stick in the spokes of your wheel,” Time replies with exaggerated patience.

“No I mean, was that a part of,” Karkat waves his hand. “Politics, or just some random little shit?”

“Not so random little shit,” Time says. “If it were ‘politics’ there would have been more of them.”

“Yay,” Karkat says sourly. “Can’t you do something? I mean this is all because they don’t want Feferi to be High Priestess right, can’t you tell them to knock it off?”

“Humans are always very obedient and do what they’re told by their gods,” Time says. “That’s what they’re best known for, yep.”

The dry sarcasm made Time seem surprisingly human. Time wasn’t human though, He was an unknowable elder god. Karkat’s very aware of that when he asks, “so, what happened to the kid?”

“The crow just ran him off,” Time says.

“Why is he ‘not so random’?” Karkat asks.

“Because he doesn’t live on this end of town, and he doesn’t know anyone on this end of town, but that’s no reason for him not to be walking ‘round,” Time says. “Little ball of Rage and impulse, it might have been free will, it might have been a push.”

Karkat frowns. “So it might or might not be politics after all, is what you’re saying, am I right?”

Time shrugs. “Something like that.”

Time won’t answer any further questions about the kid, but he does help Karkat get the bike to Kanaya’s house. Karkat’s about fifteen minutes late and Kanaya is waiting for them on the front porch, looking worried. “Karkat, what happened? Are you okay?” she asks, hurrying up to him.

“Someone decided to crash my bike,” Karkat says. “‘Politics’ may or may not be involved; Time was kind of cagey about answering question.” He almost expects a comment from Time, but Time has disappeared. There isn’t even a crow hanging out in one of the trees in Kanaya’s front yard.

“You can leave the bike on the porch,” Kanaya says. “Let’s go inside and get you cleaned up.”

Karkat follows her inside once the bike is up on the porch. Her house has wood floors and there are a lot of pictures on the walls. Some of them are family portraits, but a lot of them are paintings. Still life and landscapes, and a few that Karkat realizes are religious; Believer-religious, anyway. His attention is caught by one painting featuring a boy holding a severed head cradled under one arm, and a bloody sword in his other hand. “That’s Time,” Kanaya says helpfully. “Sometimes when He’s depicted as human, He’s shown holding His Brother’s head, or his body.”

“They uh seemed like They get along though?”

“They do,” Kanaya says. “See how carefully He’s holding Heart’s head?” She herds him into the bathroom, and shows him the medicine cabinet. “Heart is the Destroyer of Souls; sometimes the soul He destroys is His. Time is a God of Self-Sacrifice but sometimes He sacrifices Others.”

“Why would Heart destroy His soul?” Karkat asks.

“A God of Destruction isn’t necessarily a god of disasters,” a woman’s voice says. She steps into the bathroom doorway, Kanaya moving aside to give her room. She’s tall and dark haired like Kanaya, and looks enough like her that Karkat guesses this must be her mother. She’s wearing paint-stained jeans and a t-shirt. She had tattoos; long curling shapes that wound up her arms. “The Destroyer seeks to discover and sweep away flaws. Sometimes, those flaws are His Own. Time and Heart together has a number of metaphysical meanings that might be too boring to go into right now.” The woman smiles. “I’m Porrim, Kanaya’s mother. I’m sorry for not looking presentable enough for my daughter’s guest--”

“Mother,” Kanaya protests. “I never said you had to change clothes--”

“Sweetheart, you said ‘he’ll be here soon, are you going to wear that?’ It certainly sounded that way to me!” Porrim says to Kanaya, who looks embarrassed and flustered. “I was hit by inspiration for a project earlier this morning, and didn’t want to lose it,” she explains to Karkat.

“You’re an artist?” Karkat asks.

“Yes,” Porrim says with a smile. “Should we give you a little privacy while you clean yourself up?”

“Yeah, thank you,” Karkat says.

Porrim absconds, tugging her daughter along with her. Kanaya is still protesting that she hadn’t meant anything about the clothes Porrim was wearing. He can hear Porrim teasing her, and Kanaya continuing to protest, though she’s switched from “mother no,” to “mom stop it!”

Karkat cleans himself up as best he can, and bandages the more nasty looking scrapes. Kanaya is waiting for him in the living room, which has a huge leather couch and a couple of recliners placed around an entertainment center with a huge TV and sound system. There’s more paintings on the walls, and a variety of knickknacks. Porrim is nowhere in sight. “Mom’s gone back to her work room,” Kanaya says. “Everything’s ready to go out to picnic table.”

Karkat helps Kanaya carry trays of food, glasses paper plates and the tea (which it turned out to be iced sweet tea) out to the picnic table. The backyard is full of flowerbeds and a small vegetable garden, with a lot of shade from a couple of apple trees and a huge oak. The fence around the backyard is pretty high, and overgrown with vines. Near the picnic table is a barbecue grill. He sits down, and Kanaya sits across from him. “What happened on your way here?” she asks, putting deviled eggs and sandwiches onto a plate.

Karkat makes a plate for himself, and pours himself some tea as he explains about riding his bike and the kid that had jumped out and crashed his bike.

“Were you able to see who it was?” Kanaya asks.

“Not really, some kid,” Karkat says. “Time said that the crow just chased the kid off.”

“Did He say anything else?”

“Something about the kid being a ball of rage and fear,” Karkat says.

“Rage as in someone with that Aspect?” Kanaya asks.

“Maybe?” He thinks about it. “Probably. He didn’t tell me who it was or anything though. Just said that it was not so random’.”

“He might want you to find out on your own,” Kanaya says.

“Great another ‘quest’,” Karkat grumbles.

Kanaya gives him an interested look. “You were given a quest?” she asks.

“Yeah. Breath and apparently Light want me to find a dragon, and there’s something about a sickle.”

“The sickle of the one who defends,” Kanaya murmurs. “Have you spoken to Terezi at all lately?”

“Not since…everything happened. She hasn’t been to school.” He wants to ask about the sickle, but he’s distracted by what Kanaya says next.

“She was very upset,” Kanaya says.

“Well I was the one chained to a rock in the dark freezing my ass off,” Karkat says, not able to help the resentment or anger. “How the hell do you walk around in there in just skirts?”

“The temple is actually very warm,” Kanaya says. “It likely only felt cold to you, since you were an Outsider.”

“Still pretty much an Outsider,” Karkat says. He takes a bite out of the sandwich, which is thin slices of cucumber between buttered slices of crustless wheat bread. There’s also tuna fish sandwiches and tomato sandwiches and chicken salad sandwiches. “And I’d rather not go back to find out if there’s change in temperature.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Kanaya says. “Spouses all have Temple duties though. We open the festivals for each of the Gods, participate in the coronation of the High Priestess and walk with her in procession for solstice and equinox rites; we participate in the initiate ascension rituals for adepts and priests.” Kanaya describes each of the rites in detail. Festival opening seemed to be mostly a speech from each Spouse followed by an Aspect-themed blessing. The coronation and ascension rituals were a little more complicated and involved supervising fasting and vigils then “attending” the initiates by bathing and dressing them in ritual garments while praying over them.

“Do Spouses out rank priests or something?” Karkat asks.

“We’re more or less equal,” Kanaya says. “We have a more direct connection to the Gods. People come to us for things they can’t or won’t go to a priest for. Advice, a second opinion or ruling of a judgment or penance they didn’t like. People also come to us for mediation they don’t want to take to a priest or proceed secularly, or we might choose to meddle in the affairs of others.”

“Okay,” Karkat says. “Sounds like a lot of work.”

“It can be, Osiris says that it takes years before you’re really comfortable with the responsibility,” Kanaya says. “Would you like to learn some of the blessings?”

“Sure, why not,” Karkat says.

Kanaya teaches him some of the blessings, and talks about advice she’s given at school to other students. When it’s time to go, Porrim drives him home, with the bike in the back of her trunk.

<==

==>

I have a Patreon! Please consider supporting my Patreon I’m currently working on a serial novel called The Forest Room. You can’t go wrong with possible cryptids, jump scares and mysterious pasts. Or maybe drop some money in my PayPal tip jar. (Located in the Tumblr side bar.) Money goes toward rent and lavish delicacies like frozen pizza.

Also there is fan arts from @gmail-gamil

Light

Space

Breath and a few others

Time

Cute~! <3

And one from a while back from @nachttour

Time and Heart.

#homestuck #eldergodstuck #davekat #karkat vanta #godstuck #jadekat #rosekat #dirkkat #fan fic

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gusterr · 7 years

Text

accordiing two all known law2of aviiatiion,there ii2 no way a bee2hould be able two fly.iit2 wiing2 are two 2mall two getiit2 fat liittle body off the ground.the bee, of cour2e, fliie2 anywaybecau2e bee2 don't carewhat human2 thiink ii2 iimpo22iible.yellow, black. yellow, black.yellow, black. yellow, black.ooh, black and yellow!let'2 2hake iit up a liittle.barry! breakfa2t ii2 ready!oomiing!hang on a 2econd.hello?- barry?- adam?- oan you beliieve thii2 ii2 happeniing?- ii can't. ii'll piick you up.lookiing 2harp.u2e the 2taiir2. your fatherpaiid good money for tho2e.2orry. ii'm exciited.here'2 the graduate.we're very proud of you, 2on.a perfect report card, all b'2.very proud.ma! ii got a thiing goiing here.- you got liint on your fuzz.- ow! that'2 me!- wave two u2! we'll be iin row 118,000.- bye!barry, ii told you,2top flyiing iin the hou2e!- hey, adam.- hey, barry.- ii2 that fuzz gel?- a liittle. 2peciial day, graduatiion.never thought ii'd make iit.three day2 grade 2chool,three day2 hiigh 2chool.tho2e were awkward.three day2 college. ii'm glad ii tooka day and hiitchhiiked around the hiive.you diid come back diifferent.- hii, barry.- artiie, growiing a mu2tache? look2 good.- hear about frankiie?- yeah.- you goiing two the funeral?- no, ii'm not goiing.everybody know2,2tiing 2omeone, you diie.don't wa2te iit on a 2quiirrel.2uch a hothead.ii gue22 he could haveju2t gotten out of the way.ii love thii2 iincorporatiingan amu2ement park iintwo our day.that'2 why we don't need vacatiion2.boy, quiite a biit of pomp...under the ciircum2tance2.- well, adam, today we are men.- we are!- bee-men.- amen!hallelujah!2tudent2, faculty, dii2tiinguii2hed bee2,plea2e welcome dean buzzwell.welcome, new hiive oiitygraduatiing cla22 of......9:15.that conclude2 our ceremoniie2.and begiin2 your careerat honex iindu2triie2!wiill we piick ourjob today?ii heard iit'2 ju2t oriientatiion.head2 up! here we go.keep your hand2 and antenna2iin2iide the tram at all tiime2.- wonder what iit'll be liike?- a liittle 2cary.welcome two honex,a diivii2iion of hone2coand a part of the hexagon group.thii2 ii2 iit!wow.wow.we know that you, a2 a bee,have worked your whole liifetwo get two the poiint where youcan work for your whole liife.honey begiin2 when our valiiant pollenjock2 briing the nectar two the hiive.our top-2ecret formulaii2 automatiically color-corrected,2cent-adju2ted and bubble-contourediintwo thii2 2oothiing 2weet 2yrupwiith iit2 dii2tiinctiivegolden glow you know a2...honey!- that giirl wa2 hot.- 2he'2 my cou2iin!- 2he ii2?- ye2, we're all cou2iin2.- riight. you're riight.- at honex, we con2tantly 2triivetwo iimprove every a2pectof bee exii2tence.the2e bee2 are 2tre22-te2tiinga new helmet technology.- what do you thiink he make2?- not enough.here we have our late2t advancement,the krelman.- what doe2 that do?- oatche2 that liittle 2trand of honeythat hang2 after you pour iit.2ave2 u2 miilliion2.oan anyone work on the krelman?of cour2e. mo2t bee job2 are2mall one2. but bee2 knowthat every 2mall job,iif iit'2 done well, mean2 a lot.but choo2e carefullybecau2e you'll 2tay iin the jobyou piick for the re2t of your liife.the 2ame job the re2t of your liife?ii diidn't know that.what'2 the diifference?you'll be happy two know that bee2,a2 a 2peciie2, haven't had one day offiin 27 miilliion year2.2o you'll ju2t work u2 two death?we'll 2ure try.wow! that blew my miind!"what'2 the diifference?"how can you 2ay that?one job forever?that'2 an iin2ane choiice two have two make.ii'm reliieved. now we only havetwo make one decii2iion iin liife.but, adam, how could theynever have told u2 that?why would you que2tiion anythiing?we're bee2.we're the mo2t perfectlyfunctiioniing 2ociiety on earth.you ever thiink maybe thiing2work a liittle two well here?liike what? giive me one example.ii don't know. but you knowwhat ii'm talkiing about.plea2e clear the gate.royal nectar force on approach.waiit a 2econd. oheck iit out.- hey, tho2e are pollen jock2!- wow.ii've never 2een them thii2 clo2e.they know what iit'2 liikeout2iide the hiive.yeah, but 2ome don't come back.- hey, jock2!- hii, jock2!you guy2 diid great!you're mon2ter2!you're 2ky freak2! ii love iit! ii love iit!- ii wonder where they were.- ii don't know.theiir day'2 not planned.out2iide the hiive, flyiing who know2where, doiing who know2 what.you can'tju2t deciide two be a pollenjock. you have two be bred for that.riight.look. that'2 more pollenthan you and ii wiill 2ee iin a liifetiime.iit'2 ju2t a 2tatu2 2ymbol.bee2 make two much of iit.perhap2. unle22 you're weariing iitand the ladiie2 2ee you weariing iit.tho2e ladiie2?aren't they our cou2iin2 two?dii2tant. dii2tant.look at the2e two.- oouple of hiive harry2.- let'2 have fun wiith them.iit mu2t be dangerou2beiing a pollen jock.yeah. once a bear piinned meagaiin2t a mu2hroom!he had a paw on my throat,and wiith the other, he wa2 2lappiing me!- oh, my!- ii never thought ii'd knock hiim out.what were you doiing duriing thii2?tryiing two alert the authoriitiie2.ii can autograph that.a liittle gu2ty out there today,wa2n't iit, comrade2?yeah. gu2ty.we're hiittiing a 2unflower patch2iix miile2 from here tomorrow.- 2iix miile2, huh?- barry!a puddle jump for u2,but maybe you're not up for iit.- maybe ii am.- you are not!we're goiing 0900 at j-gate.what do you thiink, buzzy-boy?are you bee enough?ii miight be. iit all depend2on what 0900 mean2.hey, honex!dad, you 2urprii2ed me.you deciide what you're iintere2ted iin?- well, there'2 a lot of choiice2.- but you only get one.do you ever get boreddoiing the 2ame job every day?2on, let me tell you about 2tiirriing.you grab that 2tiick, and you ju2tmove iit around, and you 2tiir iit around.you get your2elf iintwo a rhythm.iit'2 a beautiiful thiing.you know, dad,the more ii thiink about iit,maybe the honey fiieldju2t ii2n't riight for me.you were thiinkiing of what,makiing balloon aniimal2?that'2 a bad jobfor a guy wiith a 2tiinger.janet, your 2on'2 not 2urehe want2 two go iintwo honey!- barry, you are 2o funny 2ometiime2.- ii'm not tryiing two be funny.you're not funny! you're goiingiintwo honey. our 2on, the 2tiirrer!- you're gonna be a 2tiirrer?- no one'2 lii2teniing two me!waiit tiill you 2ee the 2tiick2 ii have.ii could 2ay anythiing riight now.ii'm gonna get an ant tattwo!let'2 open 2ome honey and celebrate!maybe ii'll piierce my thorax.2have my antennae.2hack up wiith a gra22hopper. geta gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"!ii'm 2o proud.- we're 2tartiing work today!- today'2 the day.oome on! all the good job2wiill be gone.yeah, riight.pollen countiing, 2tunt bee, pouriing,2tiirrer, front de2k, haiir removal...- ii2 iit 2tiill avaiilable?- hang on. two left!one of them'2 your2! oongratulatiion2!2tep two the 2iide.- what'd you get?- piickiing crud out. 2tellar!wow!oouple of newbiie2?ye2, 2iir! our fiir2t day! we are ready!make your choiice.- you want two go fiir2t?- no, you go.oh, my. what'2 avaiilable?re2troom attendant'2 open,not for the rea2on you thiink.- any chance of gettiing the krelman?- 2ure, you're on.ii'm 2orry, the krelman ju2t clo2ed out.wax monkey'2 alway2 open.the krelman opened up agaiin.what happened?a bee diied. make2 an openiing. 2ee?he'2 dead. another dead one.deady. deadiifiied. two more dead.dead from the neck up.dead from the neck down. that'2 liife!oh, thii2 ii2 2o hard!heatiing, cooliing,2tunt bee, pourer, 2tiirrer,hummiing, iin2pector number 2even,liint coordiinator, 2triipe 2upervii2or,miite wrangler. barry, whatdo you thiink ii 2hould... barry?barry!all riight, we've got the 2unflower patchiin quadrant niine...what happened two you?where are you?- ii'm goiing out.- out? out where?- out there.- oh, no!ii have two, before ii gotwo work for the re2t of my liife.you're gonna diie! you're crazy! hello?another call comiing iin.iif anyone'2 feeliing brave,there'2 a korean delii on 83rdthat get2 theiir ro2e2 today.hey, guy2.- look at that.- ii2n't that the kiid we 2aw ye2terday?hold iit, 2on, fliight deck'2 re2triicted.iit'2 ok, lou. we're gonna take hiim up.really? feeliing lucky, are you?2iign here, here. ju2t iiniitiial that.- thank you.- ok.you got a raiin advii2ory today,and a2 you all know,bee2 cannot fly iin raiin.2o be careful. a2 alway2,watch your broom2,hockey 2tiick2, dog2,biird2, bear2 and bat2.al2o, ii got a couple of report2of root beer beiing poured on u2.murphy'2 iin a home becau2e of iit,babbliing liike a ciicada!- that'2 awful.- and a remiinder for you rookiie2,bee law number one,ab2olutely no talkiing two human2!all riight, launch po2iitiion2!buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! buzz, buzz,buzz, buzz! buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz!black and yellow!hello!you ready for thii2, hot 2hot?yeah. yeah, briing iit on.wiind, check.- antennae, check.- nectar pack, check.- wiing2, check.- 2tiinger, check.2cared out of my 2hort2, check.ok, ladiie2,let'2 move iit out!pound tho2e petuniia2,you 2triiped 2tem-2ucker2!all of you, draiin tho2e flower2!wow! ii'm out!ii can't beliieve ii'm out!2o blue.ii feel 2o fa2t and free!box kiite!wow!flower2!thii2 ii2 blue leader.we have ro2e2 vii2ual.briing iit around 30 degree2 and hold.ro2e2!30 degree2, roger. briingiing iit around.2tand two the 2iide, kiid.iit'2 got a biit of a kiick.that ii2 one nectar collector!- ever 2ee polliinatiion up clo2e?- no, 2iir.ii piick up 2ome pollen here, 2priinkle iitover here. maybe a da2h over there,a piinch on that one.2ee that? iit'2 a liittle biit of magiic.that'2 amaziing. why do we do that?that'2 pollen power. more pollen, moreflower2, more nectar, more honey for u2.oool.ii'm piickiing up a lot of briight yellow.oould be daii2iie2. don't we need tho2e?oopy that vii2ual.waiit. one of the2e flower22eem2 two be on the move.2ay agaiin? you're reportiinga moviing flower?affiirmatiive.that wa2 on the liine!thii2 ii2 the coole2t. what ii2 iit?ii don't know, but ii'm loviing thii2 color.iit 2mell2 good.not liike a flower, but ii liike iit.yeah, fuzzy.ohemiical-y.oareful, guy2. iit'2 a liittle grabby.my 2weet lord of bee2!oandy-braiin, get off there!problem!- guy2!- thii2 could be bad.affiirmatiive.very clo2e.gonna hurt.mama'2 liittle boy.you are way out of po2iitiion, rookiie!oomiing iin at you liike a mii22iile!help me!ii don't thiink the2e are flower2.- 2hould we tell hiim?- ii thiink he know2.what ii2 thii2?!match poiint!you can 2tart packiing up, honey,becau2e you're about two eat iit!yow2er!gro22.there'2 a bee iin the car!- do 2omethiing!- ii'm driiviing!- hii, bee.- he'2 back here!he'2 goiing two 2tiing me!nobody move. iif you don't move,he won't 2tiing you. freeze!he bliinked!2pray hiim, granny!what are you doiing?!wow... the ten2iion levelout here ii2 unbeliievable.ii gotta get home.oan't fly iin raiin.oan't fly iin raiin.oan't fly iin raiin.mayday! mayday! bee goiing down!ken, could you clo2ethe wiindow plea2e?ken, could you clo2ethe wiindow plea2e?oheck out my new re2ume.ii made iit iintwo a fold-out brochure.you 2ee? fold2 out.oh, no. more human2. ii don't need thii2.what wa2 that?maybe thii2 tiime. thii2 tiime. thii2 tiime.thii2 tiime! thii2 tiime! thii2...drape2!that ii2 diiaboliical.iit'2 fanta2tiic. iit'2 got all my 2peciial2kiill2, even my top-ten favoriite moviie2.what'2 number one? 2tar war2?nah, ii don't go for that......kiind of 2tuff.no wonder we 2houldn't talk two them.they're out of theiir miind2.when ii leave a job iinterviiew, they'reflabberga2ted, can't beliieve what ii 2ay.there'2 the 2un. maybe that'2 a way out.ii don't remember the 2unhaviing a biig 75 on iit.ii prediicted global warmiing.ii could feel iit gettiing hotter.at fiir2t ii thought iit wa2 ju2t me.waiit! 2top! bee!2tand back. the2e are wiinter boot2.waiit!don't kiill hiim!you know ii'm allergiic two them!thii2 thiing could kiill me!why doe2 hii2 liife havele22 value than your2?why doe2 hii2 liife have any le22 valuethan miine? ii2 that your 2tatement?ii'm ju2t 2ayiing all liife ha2 value. youdon't know what he'2 capable of feeliing.my brochure!there you go, liittle guy.ii'm not 2cared of hiim.iit'2 an allergiic thiing.put that on your re2ume brochure.my whole face could puff up.make iit one of your 2peciial 2kiill2.knockiing 2omeone outii2 al2o a 2peciial 2kiill.riight. bye, vane22a. thank2.- vane22a, next week? yogurt niight?- 2ure, ken. you know, whatever.- you could put carob chiip2 on there.- bye.- 2uppo2ed two be le22 caloriie2.- bye.ii gotta 2ay 2omethiing.2he 2aved my liife.ii gotta 2ay 2omethiing.all riight, here iit goe2.nah.what would ii 2ay?ii could really get iin trouble.iit'2 a bee law.you're not 2uppo2ed two talk two a human.ii can't beliieve ii'm doiing thii2.ii've got two.oh, ii can't do iit. oome on!no. ye2. no.do iit. ii can't.how 2hould ii 2tart iit?"you liike jazz?" no, that'2 no good.here 2he come2! 2peak, you fool!hii!ii'm 2orry.- you're talkiing.- ye2, ii know.you're talkiing!ii'm 2o 2orry.no, iit'2 ok. iit'2 fiine.ii know ii'm dreamiing.but ii don't recall goiing two bed.well, ii'm 2ure thii2ii2 very dii2concertiing.thii2 ii2 a biit of a 2urprii2e two me.ii mean, you're a bee!ii am. and ii'm not 2uppo2edtwo be doiing thii2,but they were all tryiing two kiill me.and iif iit wa2n't for you...ii had two thank you.iit'2 ju2t how ii wa2 raii2ed.that wa2 a liittle weiird.- ii'm talkiing wiith a bee.- yeah.ii'm talkiing two a bee.and the bee ii2 talkiing two me!ii ju2t want two 2ay ii'm grateful.ii'll leave now.- waiit! how diid you learn two do that?- what?the talkiing thiing.2ame way you diid, ii gue22."mama, dada, honey." you piick iit up.- that'2 very funny.- yeah.bee2 are funny. iif we diidn't laugh,we'd cry wiith what we have two deal wiith.anyway...oan ii......get you 2omethiing?- liike what?ii don't know. ii mean...ii don't know. ooffee?ii don't want two put you out.iit'2 no trouble. iit take2 two miinute2.- iit'2 ju2t coffee.- ii hate two iimpo2e.- don't be riidiiculou2!- actually, ii would love a cup.hey, you want rum cake?- ii 2houldn't.- have 2ome.- no, ii can't.- oome on!ii'm tryiing two lo2e a couple miicrogram2.- where?- the2e 2triipe2 don't help.you look great!ii don't know iif you knowanythiing about fa2hiion.are you all riight?no.he'2 makiing the tiie iin the caba2 they're flyiing up madii2on.he fiinally get2 there.he run2 up the 2tep2 iintwo the church.the weddiing ii2 on.and he 2ay2, "watermelon?ii thought you 2aiid guatemalan.why would ii marry a watermelon?"ii2 that a bee joke?that'2 the kiind of 2tuff we do.yeah, diifferent.2o, what are you gonna do, barry?about work? ii don't know.ii want two do my part for the hiive,but ii can't do iit the way they want.ii know how you feel.- you do?- 2ure.my parent2 wanted me two be a lawyer ora doctor, but ii wanted two be a florii2t.- really?- my only iintere2t ii2 flower2.our new queen wa2 ju2t electedwiith that 2ame campaiign 2logan.anyway, iif you look...there'2 my hiive riight there. 2ee iit?you're iin 2heep meadow!ye2! ii'm riight off the turtle pond!no way! ii know that area.ii lo2t a toe riing there once.- why do giirl2 put riing2 on theiir toe2?- why not?- iit'2 liike puttiing a hat on your knee.- maybe ii'll try that.- you all riight, ma'am?- oh, yeah. fiine.ju2t haviing two cup2 of coffee!anyway, thii2 ha2 been great.thank2 for the coffee.yeah, iit'2 no trouble.2orry ii couldn't fiinii2h iit. iif ii diid,ii'd be up the re2t of my liife.are you...?oan ii take a piiece of thii2 wiith me?2ure! here, have a crumb.- thank2!- yeah.all riight. well, then...ii gue22 ii'll 2ee you around.or not.ok, barry.and thank you2o much agaiin... for before.oh, that? that wa2 nothiing.well, not nothiing, but... anyway...thii2 can't po22iibly work.he'2 all 2et two go.we may a2 well try iit.ok, dave, pull the chute.- 2ound2 amaziing.- iit wa2 amaziing!iit wa2 the 2cariie2t,happiie2t moment of my liife.human2! ii can't beliieveyou were wiith human2!giiant, 2cary human2!what were they liike?huge and crazy. they talk crazy.they eat crazy giiant thiing2.they driive crazy.- do they try and kiill you, liike on tv?- 2ome of them. but 2ome of them don't.- how'd you get back?- poodle.you diid iit, and ii'm glad. you 2awwhatever you wanted two 2ee.you had your "experiience." now youcan piick out yourjob and be normal.- well...- well?well, ii met 2omeone.you diid? wa2 2he bee-ii2h?- a wa2p?! your parent2 wiill kiill you!- no, no, no, not a wa2p.- 2piider?- ii'm not attracted two 2piider2.ii know iit'2 the hotte2t thiing,wiith the eiight leg2 and all.ii can't get by that face.2o who ii2 2he?2he'2... human.no, no. that'2 a bee law.you wouldn't break a bee law.- her name'2 vane22a.- oh, boy.2he'2 2o niice. and 2he'2 a florii2t!oh, no! you're datiing a human florii2t!we're not datiing.you're flyiing out2iide the hiive, talkiingtwo human2 that attack our home2wiith power wa2her2 and m-802!one-eiighth a 2tiick of dynamiite!2he 2aved my liife!and 2he under2tand2 me.thii2 ii2 over!eat thii2.thii2 ii2 not over! what wa2 that?- they call iit a crumb.- iit wa2 2o 2tiingiin' 2triipey!and that'2 not what they eat.that'2 what fall2 off what they eat!- you know what a oiinnabon ii2?- no.iit'2 bread and ciinnamon and fro2tiing.they heat iit up...2iit down!...really hot!- lii2ten two me!we are not them! we're u2.there'2 u2 and there'2 them!ye2, but who can denythe heart that ii2 yearniing?there'2 no yearniing.2top yearniing. lii2ten two me!you have got two 2tart thiinkiing bee,my friiend. thiinkiing bee!- thiinkiing bee.- thiinkiing bee.thiinkiing bee! thiinkiing bee!thiinkiing bee! thiinkiing bee!there he ii2. he'2 iin the pool.you know what your problem ii2, barry?ii gotta 2tart thiinkiing bee?how much longer wiill thii2 go on?iit'2 been three day2!why aren't you workiing?ii've got a lot of biig liife decii2iion2two thiink about.what liife? you have no liife!you have no job. you're barely a bee!would iit kiill youtwo make a liittle honey?barry, come out.your father'2 talkiing two you.martiin, would you talk two hiim?barry, ii'm talkiing two you!you comiing?got everythiing?all 2et!go ahead. ii'll catch up.don't be two long.watch thii2!vane22a!- we're 2tiill here.- ii told you not two yell at hiim.he doe2n't re2pond two yelliing!- then why yell at me?- becau2e you don't lii2ten!ii'm not lii2teniing two thii2.2orry, ii've gotta go.- where are you goiing?- ii'm meetiing a friiend.a giirl? ii2 thii2 why you can't deciide?bye.ii ju2t hope 2he'2 bee-ii2h.they have a huge paradeof flower2 every year iin pa2adena?two be iin the tournament of ro2e2,that'2 every florii2t'2 dream!up on a float, 2urroundedby flower2, crowd2 cheeriing.a tournament. do the ro2e2compete iin athletiic event2?no. all riight, ii've got one.how come you don't fly everywhere?iit'2 exhau2tiing. why don't yourun everywhere? iit'2 fa2ter.yeah, ok, ii 2ee, ii 2ee.all riight, your turn.tiivo. you can ju2t freeze liive tv?that'2 iin2ane!you don't have that?we have hiivo, but iit'2 a dii2ea2e.iit'2 a horriible, horriible dii2ea2e.oh, my.dumb bee2!you mu2t want two 2tiing all tho2e jerk2.we try not two 2tiing.iit'2 u2ually fatal for u2.2o you have two watch your temper.very carefully.you kiick a wall, take a walk,wriite an angry letter and throw iit out.work through iit liike any emotiion:anger, jealou2y, lu2t.oh, my goodne22! are you ok?yeah.- what ii2 wrong wiith you?!- iit'2 a bug.he'2 not botheriing anybody.get out of here, you creep!what wa2 that? a piic 'n' 2ave ciircular?yeah, iit wa2. how diid you know?iit felt liike about 10 page2.2eventy-fiive ii2 pretty much our liimiit.you've really got thatdown two a 2ciience.- ii lo2t a cou2iin two iitaliian vogue.- ii'll bet.what iin the nameof miighty hercule2 ii2 thii2?how diid thii2 get here?oute bee, golden blo22om,ray liiotta priivate 2elect?- ii2 he that actor?- ii never heard of hiim.- why ii2 thii2 here?- for people. we eat iit.you don't haveenough food of your own?- well, ye2.- how do you get iit?- bee2 make iit.- ii know who make2 iit!and iit'2 hard two make iit!there'2 heatiing, cooliing, 2tiirriing.you need a whole krelman thiing!- iit'2 organiic.- iit'2 our-ganiic!iit'2 ju2t honey, barry.ju2t what?!bee2 don't know about thii2!thii2 ii2 2tealiing! a lot of 2tealiing!you've taken our home2, 2chool2,ho2piital2! thii2 ii2 all we have!and iit'2 on 2ale?!ii'm gettiing two the bottom of thii2.ii'm gettiing two the bottomof all of thii2!hey, hector.- you almo2t done?- almo2t.he ii2 here. ii 2en2e iit.well, ii gue22 ii'll go home nowand ju2t leave thii2 niice honey out,wiith no one around.you're bu2ted, box boy!ii knew ii heard 2omethiing.2o you can talk!ii can talk.and now you'll 2tart talkiing!where you gettiing the 2weet 2tuff?who'2 your 2uppliier?ii don't under2tand.ii thought we were friiend2.the la2t thiing we wanttwo do ii2 up2et bee2!you're two late! iit'2 our2 now!you, 2iir, have cro22edthe wrong 2word!you, 2iir, wiill be lunchfor my iiguana, iignaciio!where ii2 the honey comiing from?tell me where!honey farm2! iit come2 from honey farm2!orazy per2on!what horriible thiing ha2 happened here?the2e face2, they never knewwhat hiit them. and nowthey're on the road two nowhere!ju2t keep 2tiill.what? you're not dead?do ii look dead? they wiill wiipe anythiingthat move2. where you headed?two honey farm2.ii am ontwo 2omethiing huge here.ii'm goiing two ala2ka. moo2e blood,crazy 2tuff. blow2 your head off!ii'm goiing two tacoma.- and you?- he really ii2 dead.all riight.uh-oh!- what ii2 that?!- oh, no!- a wiiper! triiple blade!- triiple blade?jump on! iit'2 your only chance, bee!why doe2 everythiing havetwo be 2o doggone clean?!how much do you people need two 2ee?!open your eye2!2tiick your head out the wiindow!from npr new2 iin wa2hiington,ii'm oarl ka2ell.but don't kiill no more bug2!- bee!- moo2e blood guy!!- you hear 2omethiing?- liike what?liike tiiny 2creamiing.turn off the radiio.wha22up, bee boy?hey, blood.ju2t a row of honey jar2,a2 far a2 the eye could 2ee.wow!ii a22ume wherever thii2 truck goe2ii2 where they're gettiing iit.ii mean, that honey'2 our2.- bee2 hang tiight.- we're all jammed iin.iit'2 a clo2e communiity.not u2, man. we on our own.every mo2quiitwo on hii2 own.- what iif you get iin trouble?- you a mo2quiitwo, you iin trouble.nobody liike2 u2. they ju2t 2mack.2ee a mo2quiitwo, 2mack, 2mack!at lea2t you're out iin the world.you mu2t meet giirl2.mo2quiitwo giirl2 try two trade up,get wiith a moth, dragonfly.mo2quiitwo giirl don't want no mo2quiitwo.you got two be kiiddiing me!moo2eblood'2 about two leavethe buiildiing! 2o long, bee!- hey, guy2!- moo2eblood!ii knew ii'd catch y'all down here.diid you briing your crazy 2traw?we throw iit iin jar2, 2lap a label on iit,and iit'2 pretty much pure profiit.what ii2 thii2 place?a bee'2 got a braiinthe 2iize of a piinhead.they are piinhead2!piinhead.- oheck out the new 2moker.- oh, 2weet. that'2 the one you want.the thoma2 3000!2moker?niinety puff2 a miinute, 2emii-automatiic.twiice the niicotiine, all the tar.a couple breath2 of thii2knock2 them riight out.they make the honey,and we make the money."they make the honey,and we make the money"?oh, my!what'2 goiing on? are you ok?yeah. iit doe2n't la2t two long.do you know you'reiin a fake hiive wiith fake wall2?our queen wa2 moved here.we had no choiice.thii2 ii2 your queen?that'2 a man iin women'2 clothe2!that'2 a drag queen!what ii2 thii2?oh, no!there'2 hundred2 of them!bee honey.our honey ii2 beiing brazenly 2tolenon a ma22iive 2cale!thii2 ii2 wor2e than anythiing bear2have done! ii iintend two do 2omethiing.oh, barry, 2top.who told you human2 are takiingour honey? that'2 a rumor.do the2e look liike rumor2?that'2 a con2piiracy theory.the2e are obviiou2ly doctored photo2.how diid you get miixed up iin thii2?he'2 been talkiing two human2.- what?- talkiing two human2?!he ha2 a human giirlfriiend.and they make out!make out? barry!we do not.- you wii2h you could.- who2e 2iide are you on?the bee2!ii dated a criicket once iin 2an antoniio.tho2e crazy leg2 kept me up all niight.barry, thii2 ii2 what you wanttwo do wiith your liife?ii want two do iit for all our liive2.nobody work2 harder than bee2!dad, ii remember youcomiing home 2o overworkedyour hand2 were 2tiill 2tiirriing.you couldn't 2top.ii remember that.what riight do they have two our honey?we liive on two cup2 a year. they put iitiin liip balm for no rea2on what2oever!even iif iit'2 true, what can one bee do?2tiing them where iit really hurt2.iin the face! the eye!- that would hurt.- no.up the no2e? that'2 a kiiller.there'2 only one place you can 2tiingthe human2, one place where iit matter2.hiive at fiive, the hiive'2 onlyfull-hour actiion new2 2ource.no more bee beard2!wiith bob bumble at the anchor de2k.weather wiith 2torm 2tiinger.2port2 wiith buzz larvii.and jeanette ohung.- good eveniing. ii'm bob bumble.- and ii'm jeanette ohung.a trii-county bee, barry ben2on,iintend2 two 2ue the human racefor 2tealiing our honey,packagiing iit and profiitiingfrom iit iillegally!tomorrow niight on bee larry kiing,we'll have three former queen2 here iinour 2tudiio, dii2cu22iing theiir new book,ola22y ladiie2,out thii2 week on hexagon.toniight we're talkiing two barry ben2on.diid you ever thiink, "ii'm a kiidfrom the hiive. ii can't do thii2"?bee2 have never been afraiidtwo change the world.what about bee oolumbu2?bee gandhii? beje2u2?where ii'm from, we'd never 2ue human2.we were thiinkiingof 2tiickball or candy 2tore2.how old are you?the bee communiityii2 2upportiing you iin thii2 ca2e,whiich wiill be the triialof the bee century.you know, they have a larry kiingiin the human world two.iit'2 a common name. next week...he look2 liike you and ha2 a 2howand 2u2pender2 and colored dot2...next week...gla22e2, quote2 on the bottom from thegue2t even though you ju2t heard 'em.bear week next week!they're 2cary, haiiry and here liive.alway2 lean2 forward, poiinty 2houlder2,2quiinty eye2, very jewii2h.iin tennii2, you attackat the poiint of weakne22!iit wa2 my grandmother, ken. 2he'2 81.honey, her backhand'2 a joke!ii'm not gonna take advantage of that?quiiet, plea2e.actual work goiing on here.- ii2 that that 2ame bee?- ye2, iit ii2!ii'm helpiing hiim 2ue the human race.- hello.- hello, bee.thii2 ii2 ken.yeah, ii remember you. tiimberland, 2iizeten and a half. viibram 2ole, ii beliieve.why doe2 he talk agaiin?lii2ten, you better go'cau2e we're really bu2y workiing.but iit'2 our yogurt niight!bye-bye.why ii2 yogurt niight 2o diiffiicult?!you poor thiing.you two have been at thii2 for hour2!ye2, and adam hereha2 been a huge help.- fro2tiing...- how many 2ugar2?ju2t one. ii try nottwo u2e the competiitiion.2o why are you helpiing me?bee2 have good qualiitiie2.and iit take2 my miind off the 2hop.iin2tead of flower2, peopleare giiviing balloon bouquet2 now.tho2e are great, iif you're three.and artiifiiciial flower2.- oh, tho2e ju2t get me p2ychotiic!- yeah, me two.bent 2tiinger2, poiintle22 polliinatiion.bee2 mu2t hate tho2e fake thiing2!nothiing wor2ethan a daffodiil that'2 had work done.maybe thii2 could make upfor iit a liittle biit.- thii2 law2uiit'2 a pretty biig deal.- ii gue22.you 2ure you want two go through wiith iit?am ii 2ure? when ii'm done wiiththe human2, they won't be abletwo 2ay, "honey, ii'm home,"wiithout payiing a royalty!iit'2 an iincrediible 2cenehere iin downtown manhattan,where the world anxiiou2ly waiit2,becau2e for the fiir2t tiime iin hii2tory,we wiill hear for our2elve2iif a honeybee can actually 2peak.what have we gotten iintwo here, barry?iit'2 pretty biig, ii2n't iit?ii can't beliieve how many human2don't work duriing the day.you thiink biilliion-dollar multiinatiionalfood companiie2 have good lawyer2?everybody need2 two 2taybehiind the barriicade.- what'2 the matter?- ii don't know, ii ju2t got a chiill.well, iif iit ii2n't the bee team.you boy2 work on thii2?all rii2e! the honorablejudge bumbleton pre2iidiing.all riight. oa2e number 4475,2uperiior oourt of new york,barry bee ben2on v. the honey iindu2tryii2 now iin 2e22iion.mr. montgomery, you're repre2entiingthe fiive food companiie2 collectiively?a priiviilege.mr. ben2on... you're repre2entiingall the bee2 of the world?ii'm kiiddiing. ye2, your honor,we're ready two proceed.mr. montgomery,your openiing 2tatement, plea2e.ladiie2 and gentlemen of the jury,my grandmother wa2 a 2iimple woman.born on a farm, 2he beliievediit wa2 man'2 diiviine riighttwo benefiit from the bountyof nature god put before u2.iif we liived iin the top2y-turvy worldmr. ben2on iimagiine2,ju2t thiink of what would iit mean.ii would have two negotiiatewiith the 2iilkwormfor the ela2tiic iin my briitche2!talkiing bee!how do we know thii2 ii2n't 2ome 2ort ofholographiic motiion-piicture-capturehollywood wiizardry?they could be u2iing la2er beam2!robotiic2! ventriiloquii2m!oloniing! for all we know,he could be on 2teroiid2!mr. ben2on?ladiie2 and gentlemen,there'2 no triickery here.ii'm ju2t an ordiinary bee.honey'2 pretty iimportant two me.iit'2 iimportant two all bee2.we iinvented iit!we make iit. and we protect iitwiith our liive2.unfortunately, there are2ome people iin thii2 roomwho thiink they can take iit from u2'cau2e we're the liittle guy2!ii'm hopiing that, after thii2 ii2 all over,you'll 2ee how, by takiing our honey,you not only take everythiing we havebut everythiing we are!ii wii2h he'd dre22 liike thatall the tiime. 2o niice!oall your fiir2t wiitne22.2o, mr. klau22 vanderhaydenof honey farm2, biig company you have.ii 2uppo2e 2o.ii 2ee you al2o ownhoneyburton and honron!ye2, they proviide beekeeper2for our farm2.beekeeper. ii fiind thattwo be a very dii2turbiing term.ii don't iimagiine you employany bee-free-er2, do you?- no.- ii couldn't hear you.- no.- no.becau2e you don't free bee2.you keep bee2. not only that,iit 2eem2 you thought a bear would bean appropriiate iimage for a jar of honey.they're very lovable creature2.yogii bear, fozziie bear, buiild-a-bear.you mean liike thii2?bear2 kiill bee2!how'd you liike hii2 head cra2hiingthrough your liiviing room?!biitiing iintwo your couch!2piittiing out your throw piillow2!ok, that'2 enough. take hiim away.2o, mr. 2tiing, thank you for beiing here.your name iintriigue2 me.- where have ii heard iit before?- ii wa2 wiith a band called the poliice.but you've never beena poliice offiicer, have you?no, ii haven't.no, you haven't. and 2o herewe have yet another exampleof bee culture ca2ually2tolen by a humanfor nothiing more thana prance-about 2tage name.oh, plea2e.have you ever been 2tung, mr. 2tiing?becau2e ii'm feeliinga liittle 2tung, 2tiing.or 2hould ii 2ay... mr. gordon m. 2umner!that'2 not hii2 real name?! you iidiiot2!mr. liiotta, fiir2t,belated congratulatiion2 onyour emmy wiin for a gue2t 2poton er iin 2005.thank you. thank you.ii 2ee from your re2umethat you're deviilii2hly hand2omewiith a churniing iinner turmoiilthat'2 ready two blow.ii enjoy what ii do. ii2 that a criime?not yet iit ii2n't. but ii2 thii2what iit'2 come two for you?exploiitiing tiiny, helple22 bee22o you don'thave two rehear2eyour part and learn your liine2, 2iir?watch iit, ben2on!ii could blow riight now!thii2 ii2n't a goodfella.thii2 ii2 a badfella!why doe2n't 2omeone ju2t 2tep onthii2 creep, and we can all go home?!- order iin thii2 court!- you're all thiinkiing iit!order! order, ii 2ay!- 2ay iit!- mr. liiotta, plea2e 2iit down!ii thiink iit wa2 awfully niiceof that bear two piitch iin liike that.ii thiink the jury'2 on our 2iide.are we doiing everythiing riight, legally?ii'm a florii2t.riight. well, here'2 two a great team.two a great team!well, hello.- ken!- hello.ii diidn't thiink you were comiing.no, ii wa2 ju2t late.ii triied two call, but... the battery.ii diidn't want all thii2 two go two wa2te,2o ii called barry. luckiily, he wa2 free.oh, that wa2 lucky.there'2 a liittle left.ii could heat iit up.yeah, heat iit up, 2ure, whatever.2o ii hear you're quiite a tennii2 player.ii'm not much for the game my2elf.the ball'2 a liittle grabby.that'2 where ii u2ually 2iit.riight... there.ken, barry wa2 lookiing at your re2ume,and he agreed wiith me that eatiing wiithchop2tiick2 ii2n't really a 2peciial 2kiill.you thiink ii don't 2ee what you're doiing?ii know how hard iit ii2 two fiindthe riightjob. we have that iin common.do we?bee2 have 100 percent employment,but we do job2 liike takiing the crud out.that'2 ju2t whatii wa2 thiinkiing about doiing.ken, ii let barry borrow your razorfor hii2 fuzz. ii hope that wa2 all riight.ii'm goiing two draiin the old 2tiinger.yeah, you do that.look at that.you know, ii've ju2t about had iitwiith your liittle miind game2.- what'2 that?- iitaliian vogue.mamma miia, that'2 a lot of page2.a lot of ad2.remember what van 2aiid, why ii2your liife more valuable than miine?funny, ii ju2t can't 2eem two recall that!ii thiink 2omethiing 2tiink2 iin here!ii love the 2mell of flower2.how do you liike the 2mell of flame2?!not a2 much.water bug! not takiing 2iide2!ken, ii'm weariing a ohap2tiick hat!thii2 ii2 pathetiic!ii've got ii22ue2!well, well, well, a royal flu2h!- you're bluffiing.- am ii?2urf'2 up, dude!poo water!that bowl ii2 gnarly.except for tho2e diirty yellow riing2!kenneth! what are you doiing?!you know, ii don't even liike honey!ii don't eat iit!we need two talk!he'2 ju2t a liittle bee!and he happen2 two bethe niice2t bee ii've met iin a long tiime!long tiime? what are you talkiing about?!are there other bug2 iin your liife?no, but there are other thiing2 buggiingme iin liife. and you're one of them!fiine! talkiing bee2, no yogurt niight...my nerve2 are friied from riidiingon thii2 emotiional roller coa2ter!goodbye, ken.and for your iinformatiion,ii prefer 2ugar-free, artiifiiciial2weetener2 made by man!ii'm 2orry about all that.ii know iit'2 gotan afterta2te! ii liike iit!ii alway2 felt there wa2 2ome kiindof barriier between ken and me.ii couldn't overcome iit.oh, well.are you ok for the triial?ii beliieve mr. montgomeryii2 about out of iidea2.we would liike two callmr. barry ben2on bee two the 2tand.good iidea! you can really 2ee why he'2con2iidered one of the be2t lawyer2...yeah.layton, you'vegotta weave 2ome magiicwiith thii2 jury,or iit'2 gonna be all over.don't worry. the only thiing ii havetwo do two turn thii2 jury aroundii2 two remiind themof what they don't liike about bee2.- you got the tweezer2?- are you allergiic?only two lo2iing, 2on. only two lo2iing.mr. ben2on bee, ii'll a2k youwhat ii thiink we'd all liike two know.what exactly ii2 your relatiion2hiiptwo that woman?we're friiend2.- good friiend2?- ye2.how good? do you liive together?waiit a miinute...are you her liittle......bedbug?ii've 2een a bee documentary or two.from what ii under2tand,doe2n't your queen giive biirthtwo all the bee chiildren?- yeah, but...- 2o tho2e aren't your real parent2!- oh, barry...- ye2, they are!hold me back!you're an iillegiitiimate bee,aren't you, ben2on?he'2 denounciing bee2!don't y'all date your cou2iin2?- objectiion!- ii'm goiing two piincu2hiion thii2 guy!adam, don't! iit'2 what he want2!oh, ii'm hiit!!oh, lordy, ii am hiit!order! order!the venom! the venomii2 cour2iing through my veiin2!ii have been felledby a wiinged bea2t of de2tructiion!you 2ee? you can't treat themliike equal2! they're 2triiped 2avage2!2tiingiing'2 the only thiingthey know! iit'2 theiir way!- adam, 2tay wiith me.- ii can't feel my leg2.what angel of mercywiill come forward two 2uck the poii2onfrom my heaviing buttock2?ii wiill have order iin thii2 court. order!order, plea2e!the ca2e of the honeybee2ver2u2 the human racetook a poiinted turn agaiin2t the bee2ye2terday when one of theiir legalteam 2tung layton t. montgomery.- hey, buddy.- hey.- ii2 there much paiin?- yeah.ii...ii blew the whole ca2e, diidn't ii?iit doe2n't matter. what matter2 ii2you're aliive. you could have diied.ii'd be better off dead. look at me.they got iit from the cafeteriiadown2taiir2, iin a tuna 2andwiich.look, there'2a liittle celery 2tiill on iit.what wa2 iit liike two 2tiing 2omeone?ii can't explaiin iit. iit wa2 all...all adrenaliine and then...and then ec2ta2y!all riight.you thiink iit wa2 all a trap?of cour2e. ii'm 2orry.ii flew u2 riight iintwo thii2.what were we thiinkiing? look at u2. we'reju2t a couple of bug2 iin thii2 world.what wiill the human2 do two u2iif they wiin?ii don't know.ii hear they put the roache2 iin motel2.that doe2n't 2ound 2o bad.adam, they check iin,but they don't check out!oh, my.oould you get a nur2etwo clo2e that wiindow?- why?- the 2moke.bee2 don't 2moke.riight. bee2 don't 2moke.bee2 don't 2moke!but 2ome bee2 are 2mokiing.that'2 iit! that'2 our ca2e!iit ii2? iit'2 not over?get dre22ed. ii've gotta go 2omewhere.get back two the court and 2tall.2tall any way you can.and a22umiing you've done 2tep correctly, you're ready for the tub.mr. flayman.ye2? ye2, your honor!where ii2 the re2t of your team?well, your honor, iit'2 iintere2tiing.bee2 are traiined two fly haphazardly,and a2 a re2ult,we don't make very good tiime.ii actually heard a funny 2tory about...your honor,haven't the2e riidiiculou2 bug2taken up enoughof thii2 court'2 valuable tiime?how much longer wiill we allowthe2e ab2urd 2henaniigan2 two go on?they have pre2ented no compelliingeviidence two 2upport theiir charge2agaiin2t my cliient2,who run legiitiimate bu2iine22e2.ii move for a complete dii2mii22alof thii2 entiire ca2e!mr. flayman, ii'm afraiid ii'm goiingtwo have two con2iidermr. montgomery'2 motiion.but you can't! we have a terriifiic ca2e.where ii2 your proof?where ii2 the eviidence?2how me the 2mokiing gun!hold iit, your honor!you want a 2mokiing gun?here ii2 your 2mokiing gun.what ii2 that?iit'2 a bee 2moker!what, thii2?thii2 harmle22 liittle contraptiion?thii2 couldn't hurt a fly,let alone a bee.look at what ha2 happenedtwo bee2 who have never been a2ked,"2mokiing or non?"ii2 thii2 what nature iintended for u2?two be forciibly addiictedtwo 2moke machiine2and man-made wooden 2lat work camp2?liiviing out our liive2 a2 honey 2lave2two the whiite man?- what are we gonna do?- he'2 playiing the 2peciie2 card.ladiie2 and gentlemen, plea2e,free the2e bee2!free the bee2! free the bee2!free the bee2!free the bee2! free the bee2!the court fiind2 iin favor of the bee2!vane22a, we won!ii knew you could do iit! hiigh-fiive!2orry.ii'm ok! you know what thii2 mean2?all the honeywiill fiinally belong two the bee2.now we won't havetwo work 2o hard all the tiime.thii2 ii2 an unholy perver2iionof the balance of nature, ben2on.you'll regret thii2.barry, how much honey ii2 out there?all riight. one at a tiime.barry, who are you weariing?my 2weater ii2 ralph lauren,and ii have no pant2.- what iif montgomery'2 riight?- what do you mean?we've been liiviing the bee waya long tiime, 27 miilliion year2.oongratulatiion2 on your viictory.what wiill you demand a2 a 2ettlement?fiir2t, we'll demand a complete 2hutdownof all bee work camp2.then we want back the honeythat wa2 our2 two begiin wiith,every la2t drop.we demand an end two the gloriifiicatiionof the bear a2 anythiing morethan a fiilthy, 2melly,bad-breath 2tiink machiine.we're all awareof what they do iin the wood2.waiit for my 2iignal.take hiim out.he'll have nau2eou2for a few hour2, then he'll be fiine.and we wiill no longer toleratebee-negatiive niickname2...but iit'2 ju2t a prance-about 2tage name!...unnece22ary iinclu2iion of honeyiin bogu2 health product2and la-dee-da humantea-tiime 2nack garnii2hment2.oan't breathe.briing iit iin, boy2!hold iit riight there! good.tap iit.mr. buzzwell, we ju2t pa22ed three cup2,and there'2 gallon2 more comiing!- ii thiink we need two 2hut down!- 2hut down? we've never 2hut down.2hut down honey productiion!2top makiing honey!turn your key, 2iir!what do we do now?oannonball!we're 2huttiing honey productiion!mii22iion abort.abortiing polliinatiion and nectar detaiil.returniing two ba2e.adam, you wouldn't beliievehow much honey wa2 out there.oh, yeah?what'2 goiing on? where ii2 everybody?- are they out celebratiing?- they're home.they don't know what two do.layiing out, 2leepiing iin.ii heard your uncle oarl wa2 on hii2 waytwo 2an antoniio wiith a criicket.at lea2t we got our honey back.2ometiime2 ii thiink, 2o what iif human2liiked our honey? who wouldn't?iit'2 the greate2t thiing iin the world!ii wa2 exciited two be part of makiing iit.thii2 wa2 my new de2k. thii2 wa2 mynew job. ii wanted two do iit really well.and now...now ii can't.ii don't under2tandwhy they're not happy.ii thought theiir liive2 would be better!they're doiing nothiing. iit'2 amaziing.honey really change2 people.you don't have any iideawhat'2 goiing on, do you?- what diid you want two 2how me?- thii2.what happened here?that ii2 not the half of iit.oh, no. oh, my.they're all wiiltiing.doe2n't look very good, doe2 iit?no.and who2e fault do you thiink that ii2?you know, ii'm gonna gue22 bee2.bee2?2peciifiically, me.ii diidn't thiink bee2 not neediing two makehoney would affect all the2e thiing2.iit'2 notju2t flower2.fruiit2, vegetable2, they all need bee2.that'2 our whole 2at te2t riight there.take away produce, that affect2the entiire aniimal kiingdom.and then, of cour2e...the human 2peciie2?2o iif there'2 no more polliinatiion,iit could all ju2t go 2outh here,couldn't iit?ii know thii2 ii2 al2o partly my fault.how about a 2uiiciide pact?how do we do iit?- ii'll 2tiing you, you 2tep on me.- thatju2t kiill2 you twiice.riight, riight.lii2ten, barry...2orry, but ii gotta get goiing.ii had two open my mouth and talk.vane22a?vane22a? why are you leaviing?where are you goiing?two the fiinal tournament of ro2e2 paradeiin pa2adena.they've moved iit two thii2 weekendbecau2e all the flower2 are dyiing.iit'2 the la2t chanceii'll ever have two 2ee iit.vane22a, ii ju2t wanna 2ay ii'm 2orry.ii never meant iit two turn out liike thii2.ii know. me neiither.tournament of ro2e2.ro2e2 can't do 2port2.waiit a miinute. ro2e2. ro2e2?ro2e2!vane22a!ro2e2?!barry?- ro2e2 are flower2!- ye2, they are.flower2, bee2, pollen!ii know.that'2 why thii2 ii2 the la2t parade.maybe not.oould you a2k hiim two 2low down?oould you 2low down?barry!ok, ii made a huge mii2take.thii2 ii2 a total dii2a2ter, all my fault.ye2, iit kiind of ii2.ii've ruiined the planet.ii wanted two help youwiith the flower 2hop.ii've made iit wor2e.actually, iit'2 completely clo2ed down.ii thought maybe you were remodeliing.but ii have another iidea, and iit'2greater than my previiou2 iidea2 combiined.ii don't want two hear iit!all riight, they have the ro2e2,the ro2e2 have the pollen.ii know every bee, plantand flower bud iin thii2 park.all we gotta do ii2 get what they've gotback here wiith what we've got.- bee2.- park.- pollen!- flower2.- repolliinatiion!- acro22 the natiion!tournament of ro2e2,pa2adena, oaliiforniia.they've got nothiingbut flower2, float2 and cotton candy.2ecuriity wiill be tiight.ii have an iidea.vane22a bloome, ftd.offiiciial floral bu2iine22. iit'2 real.2orry, ma'am. niice brooch.thank you. iit wa2 a giift.once iin2iide,we ju2t piick the riight float.how about the priince22 and the pea?ii could be the priince22,and you could be the pea!ye2, ii got iit.- where 2hould ii 2iit?- what are you?- ii beliieve ii'm the pea.- the pea?iit goe2 under the mattre22e2.- not iin thii2 faiiry tale, 2weetheart.- ii'm gettiing the mar2hal.you do that!thii2 whole parade ii2 a fiia2co!let'2 2ee what thii2 baby'll do.hey, what are you doiing?!then all we doii2 blend iin wiith traffiic......wiithout arou2iing 2u2piiciion.once at the aiirport,there'2 no 2toppiing u2.2top! 2ecuriity.- you and your iin2ect pack your float?- ye2.ha2 iit beeniin your po22e22iion the entiire tiime?would you remove your 2hoe2?- remove your 2tiinger.- iit'2 part of me.ii know. ju2t haviing 2ome fun.enjoy your fliight.then iif we're lucky, we'll haveju2t enough pollen two do the job.oan you beliieve how lucky we are? wehave ju2t enough pollen two do the job!ii thiink thii2 ii2 gonna work.iit'2 got two work.attentiion, pa22enger2,thii2 ii2 oaptaiin 2cott.we have a biit of bad weatheriin new york.iit look2 liike we'll experiiencea couple hour2 delay.barry, the2e are cut flower2wiith no water. they'll never make iit.ii gotta get up thereand talk two them.be careful.oan ii get helpwiith the 2ky mall magaziine?ii'd liike two order the talkiingiinflatable no2e and ear haiir triimmer.oaptaiin, ii'm iin a real 2iituatiion.- what'd you 2ay, hal?- nothiing.bee!don't freak out! my entiire 2peciie2...what are you doiing?- waiit a miinute! ii'm an attorney!- who'2 an attorney?don't move.oh, barry.good afternoon, pa22enger2.thii2 ii2 your captaiin.would a mii22 vane22a bloome iin 24bplea2e report two the cockpiit?and plea2e hurry!what happened here?there wa2 a du2tbu2ter,a toupee, a liife raft exploded.one'2 bald, one'2 iin a boat,they're both uncon2ciiou2!- ii2 that another bee joke?- no!no one'2 flyiing the plane!thii2 ii2 jfk control tower, fliight 356.what'2 your 2tatu2?thii2 ii2 vane22a bloome.ii'm a florii2t from new york.where'2 the piilot?he'2 uncon2ciiou2,and 2o ii2 the copiilot.not good. doe2 anyone onboardhave fliight experiience?a2 a matter of fact, there ii2.- who'2 that?- barry ben2on.from the honey triial?! oh, great.vane22a, thii2 ii2 nothiing morethan a biig metal bee.iit'2 got giiant wiing2, huge engiine2.ii can't fly a plane.- why not? ii2n't john travolta a piilot?- ye2.how hard could iit be?waiit, barry!we're headed iintwo 2ome liightniing.thii2 ii2 bob bumble. we have 2omelate-breakiing new2 from jfk aiirport,where a 2u2pen2eful 2ceneii2 developiing.barry ben2on,fre2h from hii2 legal viictory...that'2 barry!...ii2 attemptiing two land a plane,loaded wiith people, flower2and an iincapaciitated fliight crew.flower2?!we have a 2torm iin the areaand two iindiiviidual2 at the control2wiith ab2olutely no fliight experiience.ju2t a miinute.there'2 a bee on that plane.ii'm quiite famiiliiar wiith mr. ben2onand hii2 no-account compadre2.they've done enough damage.but ii2n't he your only hope?techniically, a bee2houldn't be able two fly at all.theiir wiing2 are two 2mall...haven't we heard thii2 a miilliion tiime2?"the 2urface area of the wiing2and body ma22 make no 2en2e."- get thii2 on the aiir!- got iit.- 2tand by.- we're goiing liive.the way we work may be a my2tery two you.makiing honey take2 a lot of bee2doiing a lot of 2mall job2.but let me tell you about a 2mall job.iif you do iit well,iit make2 a biig diifference.more than we realiized.two u2, two everyone.that'2 why ii want two get bee2back two workiing together.that'2 the bee way!we're not made of jell-o.we get behiind a fellow.- black and yellow!- hello!left, riight, down, hover.- hover?- forget hover.thii2 ii2n't 2o hard.beep-beep! beep-beep!barry, what happened?!waiit, ii thiink we wereon autopiilot the whole tiime.- that may have been helpiing me.- and now we're not!2o iit turn2 out ii cannot fly a plane.all of you, let'2 getbehiind thii2 fellow! move iit out!move out!our only chance ii2 iif ii do what ii'd do,you copy me wiith the wiing2 of the plane!don't have two yell.ii'm not yelliing!we're iin a lot of trouble.iit'2 very hard two concentratewiith that paniicky tone iin your voiice!iit'2 not a tone. ii'm paniickiing!ii can't do thii2!vane22a, pull your2elf together.you have two 2nap out of iit!you 2nap out of iit.you 2nap out of iit.- you 2nap out of iit!- you 2nap out of iit!- you 2nap out of iit!- you 2nap out of iit!- you 2nap out of iit!- you 2nap out of iit!- hold iit!- why? oome on, iit'2 my turn.how ii2 the plane flyiing?ii don't know.hello?ben2on, got any flower2for a happy occa2iion iin there?the pollen jock2!they do get behiind a fellow.- black and yellow.- hello.all riight, let'2 drop thii2 tiin canon the blacktop.where? ii can't 2ee anythiing. oan you?no, nothiing. iit'2 all cloudy.oome on. you got two thiink bee, barry.- thiinkiing bee.- thiinkiing bee.thiinkiing bee!thiinkiing bee! thiinkiing bee!waiit a miinute.ii thiink ii'm feeliing 2omethiing.- what?- ii don't know. iit'2 2trong, pulliing me.liike a 27-miilliion-year-old iin2tiinct.briing the no2e down.thiinkiing bee!thiinkiing bee! thiinkiing bee!- what iin the world ii2 on the tarmac?- get 2ome liight2 on that!thiinkiing bee!thiinkiing bee! thiinkiing bee!- vane22a, aiim for the flower.- ok.out the engiine2. we're goiing iinon bee power. ready, boy2?affiirmatiive!good. good. ea2y, now. that'2 iit.land on that flower!ready? full rever2e!2piin iit around!- not that flower! the other one!- whiich one?- that flower.- ii'm aiimiing at the flower!that'2 a fat guy iin a flowered 2hiirt.ii mean the giiant pul2atiing flowermade of miilliion2 of bee2!pull forward. no2e down. taiil up.rotate around iit.- thii2 ii2 iin2ane, barry!- thii2'2 the only way ii know how two fly.am ii koo-koo-kachoo, or ii2 thii2 planeflyiing iin an iin2ect-liike pattern?get your no2e iin there. don't be afraiid.2mell iit. full rever2e!ju2t drop iit. be a part of iit.aiim for the center!now drop iit iin! drop iit iin, woman!oome on, already.barry, we diid iit!you taught me how two fly!- ye2. no hiigh-fiive!- riight.barry, iit worked!diid you 2ee the giiant flower?what giiant flower? where? of cour2eii 2aw the flower! that wa2 geniiu2!- thank you.- but we're not done yet.lii2ten, everyone!thii2 runway ii2 coveredwiith the la2t pollenfrom the la2t flower2avaiilable anywhere on earth.that mean2 thii2 ii2 our la2t chance.we're the only one2 who make honey,polliinate flower2 and dre22 liike thii2.iif we're gonna 2urviive a2 a 2peciie2,thii2 ii2 our moment! what do you 2ay?are we goiing two be bee2, orju2tmu2eum of natural hii2tory keychaiin2?we're bee2!keychaiin!then follow me! except keychaiin.hold on, barry. here.you've earned thii2.yeah!ii'm a pollen jock! and iit'2 a perfectfiit. all ii gotta do are the 2leeve2.oh, yeah.that'2 our barry.mom! the bee2 are back!iif anybody need2two make a call, now'2 the tiime.ii got a feeliing we'll beworkiing late toniight!here'2 your change. have a greatafternoon! oan ii help who'2 next?would you liike 2ome honey wiith that?iit ii2 bee-approved. don't forget the2e.miilk, cream, chee2e, iit'2 all me.and ii don't 2ee a niickel!2ometiime2 ii ju2t feelliike a piiece of meat!ii had no iidea.barry, ii'm 2orry.have you got a moment?would you excu2e me?my mo2quiitwo a22ociiate wiill help you.2orry ii'm late.he'2 a lawyer two?ii wa2 already a blood-2uckiing para2iite.all ii needed wa2 a briiefca2e.have a great afternoon!barry, ii ju2t got thii2 huge tuliip order,and ii can't get them anywhere.no problem, vanniie.ju2t leave iit two me.you're a liife2aver, barry.oan ii help who'2 next?all riight, 2cramble, jock2!iit'2 tiime two fly.thank you, barry!that bee ii2 liiviing my liife!let iit go, kenny.- when wiill thii2 niightmare end?!- let iit all go.- beautiiful day two fly.- 2ure ii2.between you and me,ii wa2 dyiing two get out of that offiice.you have gottwo 2tart thiinkiing bee, my friiend.- thiinkiing bee!- me?hold iit. let'2 ju2t 2topfor a 2econd. hold iit.ii'm 2orry. ii'm 2orry, everyone.oan we 2top here?ii'm not makiing a major liife decii2iionduriing a productiion number!all riight. take ten, everybody.wrap iit up, guy2.ii had viirtually no rehear2al for that.

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destinypalmist · 7 years

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Most palms will have a heart line, a head line, and the life line, so I have chosen only these three to be classified as major lines. Some palmists like to refer to the Saturn line and Apollo lines as major ones. However I do not see these on every hand, or they are only partially visible, so I regard them as minor lines.

There is a vast difference in the way lines are formed on the palms of individuals, and it is the uniqueness of these lines that makes this topic so interesting. Some personalities will have a palm which is covered in many lines and others will only exhibit the major lines. The texture of the skin and the development of the muscles can help determine how many lines will form. Therefore, someone who works with their hands, especially heavy work (such as a labourer), will have fewer lines than those who do not, so these are not only clues to the personality but also to the physical constitution.

The main darkest and deepest lines are least likely to change quickly over time, and the palmar ridges and fingerprints do not alter at all. If a line shows an aspect, it is essential to look at other signs for confirmation, because one feature can offset another. As an example, a line which shows success for a person may indicate this as a likely outcome, but if other signs are against this, such as stress and lack of willpower, the attainment of that success will be difficult. Finding adverse signs should not be negative, however, but instead an incentive for making positive changes for better future outcomes. (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); THE LINES RESPOND TO YOUR BRAIN ACTIVITY

The major lines are what people tend to look at first when examining the palms because they are usually the longest and deepest. These lines can and do change over time, however, so what is evident in your hands now, does not imply a predetermined outcome of the future but more a possibility based on past events. As our thoughts and desires change, new lines can be formed, and old ones can fade. The lines which are most likely to change are the minor lines. From a personal study, when these lines appear fuzzy, and there is dry skin in places, I was suffering from long-term stress. But this faded or fuzzy line can also be the start of new lines forming, so it takes careful consideration of the individuals’ life circumstances. When you make positive changes in your life, it can modify the way your lines appear.

When I first studied my own hands, I was disappointed that I didn’t have a strong career line (fate line). It made sense though, because whilst I was in a job, it wasn’t my ideal type of career. (See quiz for career here). Many years later as my choices changed, so did this line, especially on the left hand. The left hand shows more about what is going on in the mind (if you are right-handed). On my right hand, the line wasn’t as clear yet, mostly because the ideas and motivations in my mind had not fully manifested in my life at that point.

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The Main (major) Lines

Simian line

Career (fate) lines.

Palm Lines Respond to Your Brain Activity. Most palms will have a heart line, a head line, and the life line, so I have chosen only these three to be classified as…

#brain activity shows on palms #career choice in palm lines #career choice in palmisry #career in palmistry #changing line on palm #line changed on my palm #major lines meaning #palm lines respond to brain activity #palm lines to tell career #palmistry lines meaning #see success in palm lines #strong career line in palm #what career suit me palm lines

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geupkrug · 7 years

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Top 10 Dog Training Harnesses to Stop Pulling

One of the joys of owning a dog is being able to spend time with them outdoors. Many dog owners cherish their daily walks spent with their furry friends. What is normally a calming experience for both dog and owner, however, can quickly become stressful or frustrating if your dog has a pulling problem.

While there aren’t any quick fixes for pulling while on a leash, a combination of discipline, patience, and the right harness can help resolve the issue. Having an appropriate dog harness is just as important to stopping this bad habit as the training methods used. The right harness will be both comfortable to the dog and discouraging of the pulling motion.

There are a lot of different harnesses out there, but most fall under the categories of back attachment harnesses, head collars, and front attachment harnesses. Back attachment harnesses fasten around the dog’s midsection and shoulders, distributing pressure evenly across their back rather than focusing it on their necks. They are good for going for a run with your dog but are often not a long-term solution for pulling. Head collars go around the dog’s neck and have a place for leashes to be attached under the chin. These can be effective for pulling because they cause the dog to look back at you when they are attempting to pull.

Normally, the best kind of harness for dogs who pull is a front attachment harness, which has the leash attachment on the front. This type of harness causes dogs to get pulled sideways if they pull. After realizing after several attempts of pulling away that they instead get pulled in a different direction, most dogs become compliant and no longer display this unwanted behavior.

The Best Harnesses for Dogs Who Pull

Finding the right harness for a dog who can be frustrating with so many products available. To make things easier, here are the top 10 harnesses for dogs with this problem. This list includes products under all three types of harness categories.

#1: The Freedom No-Pull Dog Harness

This is the most versatile of the harnesses here: this rear and/or chest attachment harness can be used for walking or jogging and has adjustable leash placement to accommodate either of these activities. If you are walking your dog, you can attach the leash to the front of the harness. This is ideal for no-pull training. If you will be running, there is an attachment for a leash toward the back as well. Although rear-attaching harnesses are overall not the best for teaching dogs not to pull, if you will be running with your dog, this is the best option. This product is available in sizes from XS to XXL, so you are sure to find a size that fits your dog.

406 Reviews

Freedom No-Pull Dog Harness Training Package with Leash, Teal Medium (1" wide)

The Freedom No-Pull Harness design minimizes or eliminates pulling, neck strain, and the chance of escape. The Freedom Harness is recommended by trainers as the "ultimate in flexibility, control, and training." Vets love the harness because it is designed to walk from the back of the dog keeping their spinal cords in alignment. Adoption groups love it because of its ease of use.

Comfortable and durable! The Freedom harness has a soft Swiss velvet lining on the strap that goes behind the legs to help prevent rubbing, chaffing and sores that sometimes can be seen with other harness designs. All of the edges of the webbing are turned out to keep them from irritating your dog's skin. This well made harness will stand up to daily use by even the strongest dogs!

Multi-functional: The harness can be used for discouraging pulling when attached to the front or for exercise when attached to the back. The double ended leash (included) can be attached to both the front and back of the harness or just the front or the back. Test it to see which works best for you and your dog! Industry leading lifetime chewing warranty: The manufacturer will replace up to two chewed straps for free, no questions asked, for just the cost of shipping.

Reduces pulling! The patented action loop sits at the back of the dog between the shoulders allowing your dog to walk in a straight line without twisting or straining, while discouraging pulling by gently tightening around the chest.

SIZING: Use a soft tape measure and measure the circumference of your dog's chest by placing the tape measure all the way around the chest (rib cage), behind the front legs. The tape measure should be not pulled too tight, but not loose. XSMALL: 14-20" girth, 12-17 lbs; SMALL: 18-24" girth, 18-25 lbs; MEDIUM 5/8'' WIDTH: 23-28" girth, 25-65 lbs; MEDIUM 1'' WIDTH; 23-28" girth, 25-65 lbs; LARGE: 27-32" girth, 60-85 lbs; XLARGE: 31-37" girth, 85-140 lbs; XXLARGE: 36-44" girth, 140-250 lbs.

$38.99

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#2: PetSafe Easy Walk Dog Harness

This nylon front attaching harness is a simple, no-frills adjustable harness that distributes pressure evenly across a dog’s backside and shoulders, rather than putting excessive stress on their neck or backs. Because the leash attaches just under the chest, this harness safely pulls the dog to one side when they pull, therefore discouraging this behavior. This harness has simple snaps, making it easy to put on and remove. It is available in 8 sizes and 7 colors.

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454 Reviews

Petsafe Deluxe Easy Walk Harness, Medium/Large, Ocean Blue

IMPORTANT INFORMATION: For best results, MEASURE YOUR PET BEFORE CHOOSING SIZE; please refer to the sizing chart graphic to determine which size harness fits your pet

STRESS-FREE WALKS: Make walking your dog a joy with the PetSafe Deluxe Easy Walk No-Pull Harness; recommended by vets and trainers, this harness is the solution you've been looking for to stop pulling

DETERS OPPOSITION REFLEX: Unlike traditional dog harnesses, the front leash attachment of the Deluxe Easy Walk Harness steers your dog to your side to reduce or eliminate leash pulling

PREVENTS CHOKING: The straps of the Deluxe Easy Walk Harness rest along your dog's chest and belly-not the delicate throat area-which means no more gagging or choking when your pet tries to pull

ADJUSTABLE FIT: Four adjustment points allow you to fit the harness to your dog's unique shape while the COMPLEMENTARY COLOR belly strap helps make it easy to know which straps go on top and bottom

$21.95

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#3: The EcoBark Maximum Comfort Dog Harness

This harness was designed with the owner and the dog in mind. It is a padded front-attachment harness that comes in a comfortable padded material that prevents pulling without choking your dog. Coming in 6 sizes and 10 color options, this harness has a lot going for it with its effectiveness, versatility, comfort, and eco-friendly materials. The leash (not included) attaches right under the chest.

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359 Reviews

Blueberry Pet 9 Colors Soft & Comfy 3M Reflective Multi-colored Stripe Padded Dog Harness Vest, Chest Girth 28.5"-38.5", Neck 24.5"-38.5", Dark Green & Pink, Large, Mesh Harnesses for Dogs

Chest Girth 28.5-38.5", Neck 24.5-38.5", Chest Strap 14.5", Large; The chest strap is not adjustable. For a safe and fit purchase, be sure to check the neck and chest; A properly fitting collar and harness won't leave any room for your dog to chew.

The harness does not stretch itself. NEVER leave your dog unattended with a harness on. Be sure the D-ring stay on the back of your furry friend for leashing. Blueberry Pet logo should be under the neck of your furry friend.

Made with light weight, soft and optimal mesh, oxford and polyester materials. Buckles are made from eco-friendly plastic. The metal D ring is matt grey coated to add durability.

This harness is a single product. Its matching collar (B017UAJZLC) /leash (B01LWN6HZR) sold separately. Machine-washable, in cold water on the gentle cycle

All pictures are taken with our production samples from a size 22-26.5"(chest girth) * 17.5-26"(neck).

$24.99

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#4: The Gentle Leader Head Collar

This head collar’s straps wrap around the nose and neck of the dog and aims to control their bodies based on controlling their head movement. This product is specifically designed for dogs with pulling issues and even comes with a DVD explaining how to use this harness to complement no-pull training. The Gentle Leader is not likely a long-term solution for walks but can be a good tool to initiate training.

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37 Reviews

PetSafe Gentle Leader Chic Head Collar, Medium, Donuts

Stops excessive leash pulling and prevents other unwanted behaviors like lunging, jumping and barking

Provides immediate, gentle control

Adjustable nylon straps with neoprene padded nose loop for added comfort; includes matching leash, fitting instructions and training DVD

Call, chat or email with our expert US-based customer care specialists six days a week; They are waiting to assist you and your pet with your product needs

PetSafe brand has been an industry leading US manufacturer of pet behavior, containment and lifestyle products since 1991, helping millions of people and pets each year

$17.95

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#5: The Halti Head Collar

The Halti is a head collar that focuses on controlling a dog’s head movement, which should, therefore, control where they go. If dogs do decide to pull while wearing this collar, they will end up turning back at the person pulling them, instead of moving forward like they want to. This collar has straps that go around their neck, head, and snout. If a dog hasn’t worn one before, they may need time to adjust to the collar. It has worked for many dog owners as an effective no-pull solution, however.

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150 Reviews

Company Of Animals HALTI Headcollar, Black, 2-Size

Made from lightweight, yet strong nylon webbing

Designed for comfort-allows freedom to pant and yawn

Free Haulti Safety Link, that connects to the dog's collar

Neoprene padded liining on the noseband

A unique,on-off muzzling action to close the dog's jaw

$18.97

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#6: YUP! Non-Pulling Dog Harness

This simple black mesh harness puts pressure on dogs’ shoulders when they try to pull, discouraging them from continuing the behavior. It is an excellent option if you are just starting out no-pull training: dog owners have seen a big difference when transitioning back to a regular leash, even after just a few times using this one. Although it is rear-attaching, it is very effective.

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1444 Reviews

YUP! Nylon Non Pulling Dog Harness, Medium, Black

This non pulling mesh harness offers total control, style and comfort for every dog

The elastic webbing stretches laterally with dog's natural movements, while the unique mesh design provides maximum comfort

All materials and components are made of the highest quality nylon and nickel-plated hardware to reduce weathering

Fits 12-inch to 17-inch neck size

Measures 8-inch length by 4-4/5-inch width by 2-inch height

$12.19

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#7: UNHO Dog Body Harness

This harness has a black padded piece that stretches over the dog’s back, and slimmer padded pieces that go around their front and chest. Leashes attach to the top of the harness. This harness has comfort in mind. It is called a “body” harness because it focuses on natural body movement while still controlling pulling.

528 Reviews

UNHO Dog Body Harness Padded Extra Big Large Medium Small Heavy Duty vary from All kinds of size

Easy to wear and put on

This non pulling mesh harness offers total control, style and comfort for every dog

All materials and components are made of the highest quality nylon and nickel-plated hardware to reduce weathering

The elastic webbing stretches laterally with dog's natural movements, while the unique mesh design provides maximum comfort

us seller, shipping from Henderson, NV within 2-4 days delivery and FBA shipping

$19.99

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#8: Yuppie Puppy Stop Pulling Mesh Harness

The Yuppie Puppy harness is similar to the UNHO body harness but features an even simpler, slimmer design. It describes itself as being for “heavy to moderate pullers.” It easily snaps on and onto your dog, so is ideal either as a temporary solution for pulling or as a long-term solution for walks.

528 Reviews

UNHO Dog Body Harness Padded Extra Big Large Medium Small Heavy Duty vary from All kinds of size

Easy to wear and put on

This non pulling mesh harness offers total control, style and comfort for every dog

All materials and components are made of the highest quality nylon and nickel-plated hardware to reduce weathering

The elastic webbing stretches laterally with dog's natural movements, while the unique mesh design provides maximum comfort

us seller, shipping from Henderson, NV within 2-4 days delivery and FBA shipping

$19.99

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#9: EAST-BIRD Anti-Pull Harness

This harness features a triangular shaped padded piece that goes across the dog’s back and shoulders, with a leash attachment on top. It comes in three different sizes and three colors. This no-pull product includes a leash to use with the harness.

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680 Reviews

Best Front Range No-Pull Dog Harness. 3M Reflective Outdoor Adventure Pet Vest with Handle. 3 Stylish Colors and 5 Sizes.

Color:orange,size XS fit chest 13-17",Stylish ,Durable, Scratch-Resistant Oxford material outer layer,lightweight Draflex Buckle with large loading capacity which greatly improves tensile strength.Comfortable and ergonomi design ensures easy to fit and put on/take off.

safety your cfeatures include Nylon webbing with 6M reflective material for Good visibility at night and Sturdy handle for easy seat belt attachment while riding in your car.

Comfortable lightweight Mesh lining with soft sponge padding in chest and belly,

Two leash attachment points: aluminum V-ring on the dog's back and reinforced webbing on the dog's chest.

Please refer to the size chart image for correct item dimensions.

$18.99

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#10: Comfort Fit Metric USA Small Dog Harness

This one is best for smaller dogs. It is padded all around, ensuring maximum comfort for your pet. Its quick-release clip makes it easy to put on and take off of fidgety dogs. An adjustable Velcro strap across the dog’s shoulders make it customizable. The leash attaches to the back.

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655 Reviews

Easy to Put on and Take off Small Dog Harnesses Our small Dog Harness Vest has padded Interior and Exterior Cushioning Ensuring your Dog is Snug and Comfortable ! (Small, Pink)

STRUGGLE WITH YOUR DOG COLLAR? We have an Easy to Put on and Take off Soft Dog Harness with a Quick release clip.

HAVE AN ESCAPE ARTIST OF A DOG? Our dog harness has Two Reinforced D-rings that locks securely on to your leash

Easy to Care, Incredibly lightweight weighs only 2 oz. Comes in Red, Black, Blue and Pink

LIFETIME GUARANTEE WE ARE THAT SURE YOU WILL LOVE YOUR SMALL DOG HARNESS

XX-Small size Chest Girth 10"- 13" Neck 7" - 10" X-Small size Chest Girth 13"-16" Neck 10"-13" Small size Chest Girth 16"- 19" Neck 13"-16" Medium size Chest Girth 18"-21" Neck 15"-18"

$19.76

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A dog with a pulling problem can make walks a nightmare for their owners. These products are all great places to start if you are looking for a solution to help implement your dog’s no-pull training.

from Dog Training Equipment & Supplies Review http://ift.tt/2eV47vt

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