#maybe i need to like. fix this lol

[polaraffect]

.

#damien.txt #venting abt personal life in the tags lol sorry new followers <3<3 #ahhHHHHHHHHHHH why must sleeping be so hard #i cannot for the life of me figure out what the fuck has gone wrong or how to fix it #but here i am AGAIN at 5:30 a.m. contemplating pulling an all-nighter bc i could not sleep #and i just. am possibly going a little bit insane #bc i hate this. it feels awful. (whoa no way not getting enough sleep feels bad? who would have guessed-) #the answer at this point is probably medical intervention #and by medical intervention i mean i need to go to the store and pick up melatonin gummies lol #i am just a broke college student tho man... funding the inevitable melatonin addiction will SUCK #addiction is a strong word to use here. i just know i will want to use it every night if it works #which is like the intended usage but still. that shit gets expensive #anyways i wish having insomnia or something insomnia adjacent was actually cool and fun and edgy #and not just like. being on the verge of tears as you lay down in bed with a headache #but you literally cannot stop thinking and moving around long enough to fall asleep #my thoughts aren't even that bad they are just constant and i would like them to shut up pls <3 #ok i am done ranting lmaoo this is like the 4th rant abt sleep problems ive done on tumblr #maybe i need to like. fix this lol

[forestgreenlesbian]

youre not allowed to b a freak loser loner anymore or at least youre not allowed to mention it lol. even like five years ago you could talk about being awkward and socially weird around meeting new people but now if you do that eveeryones like "ok edgelord you are deliberately cutting yourself off from community why are you so obsessed with being alone. you all need to go outside and make real friends you are too online." which like yes obviously but why is eveyrone acting like the only two options are you either a) have a load of friends or b) you don't want them??? it is so weird. to be seen trying & failing has become so taboo that people assume if you're alone it's because you want to be and youre trying to be cool & aloof or else you see things like small talk or reaching out to people as "emotional labour" and choose not to do them. like i am not fucking choosing not to do them i literally try to do them every day and find it very hard and then you tell me i can't even joke about that struggle or being a lonely friendless loser to maybe for one second make light of the bottomless pit of disconnect + loneliness i experience every day without someone blaming me for not putting myself out there. idk

#as i'm typing this i'mrealising maybe this is an autism problem. like to feel completely separated from the social world by this pane of #thick glass your whole life and then to hear people say it's a you problem that you need to fix if you don't want to be alone forever #idk just that post going around about small talk 'i have social anxiety' 'then suck it up and learn how to interact with people!' like?? #arent we trying to do that already??? i'm sorry that being percieved as a social reject freak my whole life might have negatively affected #my ability to reach out to people? it just feels mean spirited lol. idk. anyway

[verysmallcyborg]

[banging pots and pans] hello gay people in my computer. i've finally given fornax some new and improved CHOMPERS

(i was afraid of stretching out the second pair of upper fangs Too Much BUT!!! THEY HAVE THOSE FINALLY..... and bigger/longer fangs in general eheheheeehe)

#fornax #au roe #if i can stretch out the second pair of teeth some more w/o the texture looking funky then by god i'll DO IT #but i've been bonking my head figuring out and fixing stuff all night to get this to work (since their asym face tex is on this mod too) #so i need to stare at my butch and not perceive blender anymore tonight LOL #btw they do NOT have pearly white teeth like this </3 idk how to edit it to be darker but maybe that's a future me problem

[skunkes]

#gnnn ^_^ #reblog locked bc its wip #a doodley #i need to get better at that rib flare #also i dont think his face is super accurate here but im jst messin around and also i hate i felt i had to clarify that ykwim #like who caresss if he's Off im still learning to draw (him) and one drawing doesnt define me or him etc but idk. idk! idk #ill get better... #thje funny thing about this doodle is im freaking out bc my wrist hurts a bit and i was struggling to draw ppl again #after a few days of Blobbish Furs #so forced self to churn this out before sleeps like oh ok maybe it is just the pain thats affecting me (wrist now hurts a bit more) #ever since that one those feratu doodle ive been trying to give him more like. sinking sagging jowls (?) #as contrast to the bone landmark of his chin #i also have to give him more neck fat/loose skin there ykwim #but also have to learn to draw necks. lol. #ok ill fix dis later im so tired

[francy-sketches]

Nothing lamer than a fictional character going to therapy and working through their issues in a healthy way. Bitch go kill someone

#.txt #I remember people used to get really mad when books didn't end with all the characters going to therapy lol #maybe they still do idk #and it was always with kids media 💀 'why didn't percy jackson end with everyone horribly traumatized and in need of extensive therapy' #not saying a kids book can't talk about trauma but. you're against it having an happy ending??? girl. #thank god asoiaf is in the fantasy middle ages so nobody can complain about that #medieval therapy is just like. ah you must rid yourself of these foul humours! not to worry my friend! a good leeching will surely help :) #with some asoiaf characters I would want them to get help if they were in the modern world but. depends on how funny their mental issues ar #I would never in a milion years want to fix whatever the fuck is wrong with joffrey. he's perfect just the way he is 🥰

[jessicas-pi]

The Shuttle AU where Nigel Anstruthers is even more devious and DOESN'T separate Rosalie from her family, and he pretends to be nice and good and even invites Bettina to spend her school holidays at Stornham Court one year.

(That last one was not his best idea, tbh.)

Through chance, circumstance, or maybe the weaving hand of Fate, Bettina Vanderpoel and James Hubert John Fergus Saltyre meet, speak, and quickly discover their mutual distaste for Sir Nigel Anstruthers...

Anyway I call this one Jem and Bett Ruin Nigel's Life (Ten Years Ahead of Schedule)

#the shuttle #jessica's random thoughts #it's in my head as kind of this reluctant-allies dynamic #Betty thinks he's is a snob #he thinks she's a spoiled brat #but they both think Nigel needs to be taken down a peg or two #and so they team up to get in touch with her father without Nigel reading Betty's letters #and maybe Betty snoops around to find records of where the money Nigel is getting from the Vanderpoels is ACTUALLY going #or something #anyway the point is that Nigel gets taken down by a couple of kids #BUT they never actually get along with each other #and then rosy goes back to the vanderpoels in new york so there's no reason for Betty to be in england #so they don't see each other again #and then years later Nigel dies of being a jerk or something #and Betty goes with Rosy and Ughtred back to Stornham to help fix it up and make things better #and meets saltyre (now mount dunstan) and they still have the same falling-in-love-but-not-admitting-it thing as in the book #but there's also the comedic backstory of being reluctant allies against her evil brother in law #you've heard of childhood friends to lovers now get ready for childhood enemies to lovers #and when they meet on the boat during the accident Betty thinks he's vaguely familiar #and then when she sees him in the park she realizes OH HEY IT'S JEM! #and he's like *awkward pause* '....hi?' #and then everyone in the neighborhood is like ''Oh that's mount Dunstan. he's a bad lot.'' #and Betty is like ''lol no?? like yeah he's grumpy a lot but we worked against the forces of evil together as children #so I can guarantee that he's very much not a jerk like the rest of his family was.'' #and everyone's like ''okaaaay then?'' #idk I just think it would be funny

[babacontainsmultitudes]

#Yes I'm making you choose #dndads #dungeons and daddies #lark oak #lark oak garcia #dndads polls #I sincerely don't know how divisive this will or won't be #I assume a good chunk of people want like “get worse and then get better”? #maybe? #but I didn't want to make that an option that sorta ruins the fun #this is about what your heart wants #I won't be shy on the matter I for one absolutely want him to get better lol #(and I don't need to see him get worse beforehand) #I think seeing Lark happy could fix all my problems actually

[running-in-the-dark]

it's so funny when I rewatch a show but with a new/different/additional crush. like I'm rewatching the librarians with my partner right now and it just feels soo different lol

#anyway. Jenkins 😍 #on a completely unrelated note... #I need to learn more about pocket squares and ties. #because it's already driving me insane when they don't go together on night court but it's much worse on the librarians where I can actually #like. see stuff lol #I don't mean 'oh no the colour isn't an exact match'. more like 'these patterns and/or colours look fucking bad together' #but maybe there's like. reasons for that. rules that my silly little brain isn't smart enough to figure out #because all I'm basing that on is. my eyes and my opinion lol #anyway he's so baby. 🥰 and I definitely like him better now. very very huggable. #he takes that suit jacket off and I'm like 🥵 #man I feel so weird about this :') but I must talk about it anyway or I will never get over that :) #like it just feels like. ohh this is weird I'm not supposed to think he's hot because he's old 😬 but he just. is 🤷 #anyway touching his ears would fix me man it totally would #*with my mouth also. but whatever it's cool I'm not thinking about that #no haha why would I be thinking about it that :) #or when he sits on that table sometimes and I totally don't think about how I absolutely need to sit in his lap :) #haha noo I'm not thinking about fucking him at all who even brought that up #anyway i am very tired & have already taken my sleep meds so I am extra stupid rn :) and the dumb thoughts just keep coming out

[wastelandhell]

imagine fo4 without bt3 and ocbp. literally unplayable.

#if you dont know what those are congratulations on playing this game like a normal person #outfit is tactical combat swimwear that i converted to bt3. also with my own thickass bodyslide preset for uh...lore accuracy #finally clawed my way out of the depression vortex enough to work on mods but got distracted taking screenshots of danse. as usual. #new real effort mod coming soon. i cant believe it either. i just need to take some screens make an evb mesh and pack+upload it. #my screenshots #i feel like i shouldnt maintag this lol. is this too degenerate? maybe ill tag it later #can you tell i forgot to fix the bloom in my enb this looks like a fucking oblivion screenshot

[aphsillyos]

silly lil designs for pf ez and aphelios blending into piltover :]

#me arts tag #i was going to draw smth a bit more substantial but i need a nap :'D #the monocle and glasses are just their visors disguised somehow #and the weird half vest? design for ezreal.. i imagine half of it tears off/opens (like buttons or smth) #to accommodate his arm cannon transforming. actually i imagine both their outfits kinda work like that #tearaway clothes for their pulsefire equipment somehow #although im imagining the pulsefire tech might be able to make some illusion/disguise clothes.. transforming tech? who knows #realistically im sure aphelios would cover up the glowing marks on his face but it also looked odd w/o his face markings so i just left em #ezreal monocle doesnt look as silly as i thought... maybe he should wear one normally #im meh on aphelios's coat design but maybe ill rerereredesign into oblivion... LOL #wanted to give him more of like a pilot jacket originally but idk what his vibe is. goofy lil guy. what fashion even suits you #OH.... I GUESS. HE NEEDS HIS SCARF.... ill fix it at some point probably maybe sure #i think it'd be a bit funny if ezreal is unintentionally a fashion/style person #just bc of how much blending in with timelines and worlds and stuff hes done #he just ended up absorbing so much fashion knowledge #aphelios or ekko points it out at some point and hes like. huh. im not into fashion #(said while reading a hefty book on fashion history for whatever location theyre at) #yeah im sure PEARL probably has built in search engine stuff #but ezreal just strikes me as the type of guy to research and memorize/learn stuff #''just in case i lose access to PEARL's database again'' or whatever #im sure thats probably happened like 100 times #so random but i feel like aphelios has the vibe of a guy you wanna dress up in various outfits #but also hes like :) (just happy to be included/present) so he doesnt mind #you put a goofy souvenir shop floppy hat on him and hes like. :) #my aphelios hcs are nonsense im so sorry. i want him to be happy #pulsefire ezreal #pulsefire aphelios #pulsefire #aphelios #ezreal

[sysig]

Well work on it faster! (Patreon)

[Panel 1] Prismo: ...It wouldn’t have stopped you from trying.

[Panel 2] Prismo: Would it?

[Panel 3] Simon: I don’t know. Maybe.

[Panel 4] Prismo: Simon.

[Panel 5] Prismo: You can’t fool me on this one. Why else would you come to me? To look for her.

[Panel 6] Simon: ... You couldn’t, so I had to.

[Panel 7] Prismo: •sigh• ...Look, you’re right. I should’ve told you.

[Panel 8] Prismo: I’ve just been really...distracted. Simon: Hah.

[Panel 9] Simon: Was years of my no-longer-immortal life not enough for you?

[Panel 10] Prismo: C’mon, man, you know why. Simon: Hmph.

[Panel 12] Simon: You still have to make this right. Prismo: Yeah, I’m working on that.

#Doodles #Adventure Time #Fionna and Cake #Prismo #Simon Petrikov #Get his ass Simon #And Prismo for that matter lol - neither of you are free of sin! You're both culpable! The situation proves it! #It's mostly on Prismo of course but it's not like Simon is Completely innocent haha #His attitude is entirely warranted tho you're slipping Prismo get it together #He needs more friends #As does Simon! They're both just tired hurt people who are tied together by mistakes and misintentions #I do love Prismo turning it back on him and The Guilt™ sets in for Simon haha #He knows he was doing something bad! But how's he supposed to keep going if not? #This was a forgone conclusion but that doesn't make it any easier for either of them! #Simon is doubly sore at being forgotten for so long now that he's fully human again #Deemed unimportant! Ouch #It's not that it wasn't important it's just all the everything - being locked out and then falling into his own grief #They're both sad! It's a bad situation for everyone #Prismo's mostly giving lip service - telling him wouldn't have actually fixed anything #Maybe he could've sent him on a quest but hmm! Fionna and Cake is the way the cookie crumbles #He gets to go on his quest eventually :) They'll both make it as right as they can

[non-un-topo]

The homoeroticism of carrying a sword

#don't laugh or i'll cry sdfgfd #can you tell who's who ehehehe #sometimes you have to take a screenshot to really get a good look at what needs fixing. like why is yusuf just a smiiiiiidge too small #or maybe he's not maybe it's just nico's fucking ass taking up half the sketch #sir is that your sword or are you just happy to see me #i WILL fix everything in this lol. including their doublets. they look tattooed on #maybe i should give nicky a musket. he's a gun guy after all #and maybe not the leg wraps. maybe just wool stockings? but i like leg wraps.......

[orcelito]

Done with the funeral 👍

It was rough at first, & there were a few Strange moments (like seeing my ex step family for the first time in like 8 years), but... in the end, it was actually kind of nice? I cried 3 times total, two during the service, but Thankfully not during when I spoke.

Which. That was actually not that bad. I ended up just reading what I wrote last night/this morning, which is usually not my presentation style, but I didn't have time to practice it lol.

I made people cry, though. Several people shared that with me. One person told me that I should be a writer, and I was like "Well, Good News about That!" I hadn't thought about the fact that my experience with writing would make a good eulogy, but apparently it did!

We played Linkin Park's Shadow of the Day at the end, since Linkin Park is something we grew up listening to because of him. And I'm just always gonna have that memory of it, now.

Yeah.

#speculation nation #there was a Lot of people. so much of my dad's work union showed up. like some 75 people or so. idk #i wasnt entirely sure bc i was just Not looking up lol. but the 100 person room was pretty full #i have never hugged so many random strangers in my life. #it was sweet though. my father was well loved. #it was a rough time starting out but. it was a good experience in the end #understanding why people do this now. it doesnt fix the fact that he's dead. but it feels... healing i guess #like a step in the right direction. a step towards healing. #need to text my ex step sis. she said she wants to get back in contact. #they... *were* family for 7 very formative years of my life. so maybe. maybe. i could talk to them again. #my family definitely has been dwindling. i need to cling to what i have. #anyways. yeah. things are mostly just melancholy now. and i can finally rest tonight.

[turtletaubwrites]

Anybody else have that friend you might not see anymore, but you know someday you might?

They might show up at your door one night, and ask you to invite them in?

And you will. You remember.

The pact.

If one of you is ever turned into a vampire, you vowed to find and turn the other.

Just me?

#is this a story prompt? #i'm still waiting for my friend #turtletaub talks #let's go vampires #i'm ready #maybe it'll fix my health issues lol #depends on which lore we go with though #boo me all you like #but if I got to choose #I think the Vampire Diaries vamps have the best powers and perks. they've got it made compared to other lore #just need a daylight ring #story prompts #vampires #turtletaub story prompts

[ssspringroll]

very pleased with how it WORKS though, even if the actual braid chunk needs more tweaking shape-wise. check it out, no need to worry about stretching it out super long if you want a longer braid. dont need to lop off the ends if you want a shorter one. it just goes along with the length of the curve :)

#that was sooo annoying to troubleshoot #i just made my damn braid chunk too big i needed to apply the scale #to make it smaller #so it would fit the length of the curve ♥ #there WILL be cleanup required after applying the modifiers like cleaning up the start and end #and possibly making the overall braid a little less uniform so it doesnt look so mechanical #but generally? big fan so far. #time saver! #and i got some ocs with some LONG fucking braids #so this is gonna be a great thing to get set up lol #i have to work on the texture too bc im using simmandy's textures #for my dev stuff atm #but there isnt really a great/convincing spot to map the braids on there #but its an easy enough fix probably #uh... braids are gonna be kinda rough to do ombres on but. maybe if you painstakingly re-map all the braid chunks after applying mods then #maybe itll work out #i dunno! #simoleon

[arsonist-chicken]

btw in absolutely unsurprising news I fucked up the exam of that class I'm taking for the third time badly again.

in very surprising news, apparently Something happened, idk if the dean said something to the professor or I looked like a distressed broken down wet rat enough or he just doesn't want to see me in his class again or idk, maybe it's not good for him if someone fails his class three times, but he actually offered that I could do a written exam on friday instead? which. is extremely surprising. good, because it gives me another afternoon to study and I can draw and go back to questions on a written exam, even if I have to shuffle around the other exams and papers now, just. very surprising.

#lol but next semester is the fucking seminar again with also the same professor #idk how you can teach such shitty classes regularly and never think hmmm maybe i should change something #with the amount of people having to take the classes at least twice #anyway good for me i'll keep crying over uni the rest of the week and the weekend too and then i'll do stuff next week #like i need to call my insurance and annoy them in person until they say yes to any therapist who will have me #and call the other thing #and oh i really need to find a different GP because i'm soundly back at the stage of where i can literally not think two sentences #after each other without trailing off or it taking up extremely much energy just to remember which store i wanted to go to #and i'm aware that stress and mental illness causes brain fog or whatever #but i've been stressed before but this only started last autumn and i need a different doctor to look at it #who won't just say oh it's just iron levels #there's something wrong with my brain and i need someone competent who actually cares to look at it and tell me #if therapy will fix this or if it's a physical problem #please let it be just brain fog htat therapy can fix i don't have time for this #i just want to sleep and cry until this bs is over but semester break starts next week but i still have exams then and a whle list of #stuff to do for uni still plus stuff otuside. like a doctor. and sleep a normal amount instead of in weird horu intervals on my desk and in #my clothes on my bed or floor or wherever i am at the moment my brain decides it's over now #also friends. i wanted to catch up. also a job. like. yeah i need a job even if idk how i'll do uni and a job with the way my brain is righ #now #huh. oh i have another exam in half an hour. send help i don't want to go to uni anymore #mine #still don't know what that class or the seminar next semester are about btw but we moce #*move #goddamn it I'm TIRED and not just in the physical sense #i'm so goddamn done with uni and insurances deciding about psychotherapy and the general state of the world and cost of living #and i miss my friends and i want to visit them but nither them nor me have time and travelling is expensive #and ijust want a goddamn fucking break but i don't see one comign anytime soon. not before summer #but probably not even then #and after that i'll start working so like #at least no goddamn seminars anymore but i still absolutely dread having to decide where i want to work a