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yawneneteyam · 1 year

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gorgeous (6) — ruined my life by not being mine

— GORGEOUS, an avatar smau ( by yawneneteyam )

— gorgeous, ruined my life by not being mine !

“go go go!” tsireya shouted as y/n downed her drink. the three of them had organised to go out now that they were all feeling better, they were very intoxicated and it wasn’t even 11pm yet.

y/n couldn’t help but think of neteyam throughout the night, she had to restrain herself from pulling out her phone to message him. tsireya noticed how y/n’s face lit up whenever kiri mentioned neteyam. she would avoid bringing him up, not wanting to be too obvious- but kiri and tsireya weren’t strangers to y/n’s affections towards neteyam.

“so neteyam came home pretty happy last week after your little study session,” kiri smirked, playfully sucking on her straw.

“he did?” the nonchalant act y/n was putting in wasn’t working in her favour, as kiri and tsireya laughed at her.

“did you guys…” tsireya lead slowly, “you know?” she giggled, puckering her lips up and kissing the air a few times before bursting out into laughter once more.

“tsireya!” y/n exclaimed, “no! we didn’t-“ y/n copied tsireya, kissing the air. “i don’t like him like that,” y/n lied.

“you’re such a fucking liar!” kiri smiled, “you said you wanted to marry him last week!”

“yes, but that was until i realised what great friends we are,” y/n crossed her arms, using her straw to play with the ice in her empty glass. “…. that and he’s way out of my league” she muttered.

“oh my god,” tsireya sighed.

“you’re literally so sexy! neteyam would be lucky to go out with someone who looks like you,” kiri banged the table to emphasis her point. no one noticed, the bar they were in too packed to realise.

“yeah whatever,” y/n rolled her eyes. “i don’t know why we’re focusing on me, what about you and lo’ak” y/n tried hopelessly to shift the conversation over to tsireya, who was already shaking her head with a smile on her lips.

“don’t even try to avoid this!” kiri reached over the table and grabbed onto y/n’s hands. “don’t be scared, just act normal and see where things take you,” she smiled, “maybe eywa made you two for each other?” she chuckled.

tsireya and y/n burst out into laughter, kiri’s head always up in the clouds and the sky. she was one to believe in fate. “if eywa has made neteyam for me, i expect some kind of sign,” she squeezed kiris hands.

all three girls phones buzzed on the table. they all looked to their phones and then back to each other before kiri shouted, “eywa!”

— gorgeous, ruined my life by not being mine !

“i’m gonna go get another drink!” y/n shouted over the music. ao’nung, neteyam and lo’ak joined the girls shortly after neteyam had messaged y/n. he wasn’t drinking so he could watch after the girls, knowing that they wouldn’t be in stable conditions.

“do you want me to come with you?” tsireya asked, breaking away from lo’ak’s gaze for the first time since he walked in. y/n envied how open they were to affection with each other. she was frightened to look into neteyam’s eyes for fear she’d faint.

“i’ll be okay,” y/n smiled, “do you want anything?” lo’ak asked for a drink before y/n left. she made her way through the dance floor to the bar and ordered her drink and lo’aks. the bartender came back with the drinks. “uh- actually,” y/n paused with thought, “could i actually get a glass of water with ice please?”

“yeah sure,” said the bartender before going off to get it. y/n took the water from him and went to pay, another card cutting hers off- paying for her drinks.

y/n was surprised to look up and see a familiar face. “you look great,” he said.

“towa’an,” y/n sighed, “you didn’t need to pay for them,”

“wanted to,” he shrugged, “how you been?”

“fine, thanks” y/n suddenly felt very small under his gaze. she forgot what it was like to have his green eyes gazing at her, he always made her feel as if he was piercing her soul. looking for something inside of her.

“not gonna ask me how i am?” he tilted his head, a smirk sitting on his lips.

“how-“

“hey y/n,” neteyam, “was wondering what was taking you so long,” he said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. she felt her heart stop. “hey man!” neteyam reached out his other hand, “neteyam,”

y/n watched as towa’an bit his tongue before begrudgingly shaking his hand, “towa’an,”

“come on, everyone’s waiting,” neteyam looked down at you. his gaze shielded from towa’an he widened his eyes at her, telling her he was gonna get her away from him.

“see you later,” y/n said softly to towa’an. neteyam smiled with a ‘quick nice to meet you man’ before leading her away, his hand moved to the small of her back.

“thank you so much,” y/n shouted over the music once again.

“you’re a great friend, y/n”

her heart sank.

“i don’t need my friends being harassed by their exes’” he laughed.

“yeah,” she chuckled, feeling like neteyam had tread on her heart.. but at least they were great friends?

— gorgeous, ruined my life by not being mine !

I’ve been trying to rotate through FC with various heritages, so everyone hopefully feels a little more connected w the story!! Sending you all so much love and to those people who reached out about my lil cry last night, thanks so much!! I’m feeling much better <3 peep y/n responding to everyone’s comment but neteyam’s. I hope you all enjoyed the chapter

#•°. * gorgeous smau #neteyam sully #neteyam x y/n #neteyam x reader #neteyam headcanons #*࿐ neteyam #avatar fanfiction #avatar x reader #avatar the way of water #avatar 2 #avatar #avatar 2022

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steddieas-shegoes · 9 months

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Request: Steve & El being siblings in front of Hopper. Steve and his younger sisters as he refers to them (El, Max & Erica) being ridiculous together. Max teaching them how to skateboard. Steve teaching El how to take care of her hair & they do martial arts classes together. Erica & Steve being space & rock nerds together. Just Steve & his lil sister's confusing the hell out of their respective parents by referring to Steve as their older brother, once the Sinclair parents, Hop & Susan Hargrove realize who their daughters are referring too its hard for them to not find it both hilarious & charming that Steve is the one their girls go too for comfort.

MY LOVE!!! I didn't quite get ALL of that request in here, but I got the FEELING of it all I think. I love that Steve probably acts like he's just being a good babysitter but these three are ready to kill someone for him in a heartbeat. Erica genuinely loves him more than Lucas, that's what I feel in my heart. Enjoy some cute big brother Steve moments! - Mickala ❤️

------------------------------------------------

“Okay, what are the rules?” Steve asked the car full of girls.

He didn’t have to look behind him to know that Erica was rolling her eyes.

“My only rule is to not break any more bones,” Max said from the passenger seat.

“That’s not entirely-”

“We have to wear our helmets and pads the whole time,” El said from directly behind him.

“Thank you, El. And?” He put the car in park, staring out at the empty skate park in front of them.

“And stay where you can see us at all times. Check in every ten minutes,” Erica sighed.

“Alright, have fun, don’t hurt yourselves, don’t talk to strangers!” Steve exclaimed.

They all got out of the car and grabbed their boards and protective gear from the trunk, taking a few moments to get ready.

Max was giving them some basic tips for getting started, how to balance when standing still and when moving, and how to take it slow.

Steve set a towel out on the hood of his car and sat on it, watching them all make their way to the flat area for beginners.

He smiled to himself as he watched Max adjust them on their boards, making sure their stance was going to keep them balanced.

As tough as Max was on the surface, she was a soft marshmallow on the inside, especially when it came to El and Erica. Steve loved to watch her share her passions, to show true happiness when so much of her life had been just getting by.

“Steve! I’m doing it!” Erica’s voice rang out.

“I see! Lookin’ great!” he yelled back.

He heard a car pull into the parking lot, but didn’t turn to see who it was. It was most likely a parent with their kid or maybe a couple teenagers with nothing better to do.

He didn’t expect Max’s mom to sit next to him on the hood of his car.

“She said she was coming here with her big brother and I was a little worried that her medications needed to be adjusted again. I’m certainly glad that it’s you,” Susan said.

“Oh,” Steve smiled. “Yeah. She wanted to show El and Erica how to get going. It seems to be going well already.”

He felt Susan’s eyes on him as he kept watching the progress the girls were making.

“You work at Family Video still right?” she asked out of nowhere.

“Oh, yes ma’am. Today’s my day off.”

He finally turned to see her nodding, taking in her nurse’s uniform and the dark circles under her eyes.

“They’re lucky to have you, Steve.”

“I dunno about-”

“They are. Thank you,” she said sincerely before smiling at him and standing up. “Tell Maxine I’ll be pulling another double. She’s welcome to stay with El again.”

“Sure thing.”

He watched as Susan got in her car and left, frowning slightly at the fact that Max would be alone again. Well, not alone. Not if she stayed with El.

He knew Susan didn’t have a choice, had to pay the bills somehow and couldn’t just not work. But it hurt him to know Max’s life was so similar to his in that his parents were never around either.

At least she had good friends.

And she had him.

—----------------------------

Steve was half asleep when the doorbell rang.

It was late, much too late for anyone who would ring the doorbell to be there.

He yawned as he made his way to the door, hoping it would be quick.

“El?”

El was standing on his porch, small cosmetic bag in her hands.

“Steve, I need help.”

“Come in,” he gestured for her to come in, checking behind her for something or someone to be following her.

Of all of them, El was the most likely to be able to defend herself, so he wasn’t sure why she was seeking his help.

He turned to see her sitting on the couch, already taking things out of her bag.

A hairbrush, some rubber bands, a headband, and a ribbon.

“What exactly do you need help with?” Steve asked as he sat down next to her on the couch.

“I need to know how to braid my hair. Max usually does it for me, sometimes Will, but I do not know how to do it myself.”

“And you thought that I could help with that? Why not ask Max to show you?”

“Because she is not a very good teacher when it comes to these things. She just knows how to do it but does not know how to show me. So can you?”

Steve couldn’t possibly say no to her big eyes looking at him like that. She wasn’t even doing it the way the other kids did when they just wanted to bribe him into saying yes. This was just El.

“Yeah. But a comb would be much better for parting your hair. Let me go get one,” he said, trying to shake off any exhaustion he was feeling before.

It was a long process.

El was incredibly smart, but sometimes the simplest thing to someone else would be extremely difficult for her, and her frustration would make it even harder.

But Steve had patience, especially when it came to El.

“Close! You just want to try to do it a little tighter so it doesn’t fall out while you put the band at the bottom,” he smiled at her encouragingly. “Feel how I’m tugging just a little bit tighter while braiding over here?” El nodded. “Try to do that on that side.”

El started over, and Steve could tell this time would be the time she got it right.

“There you go! It’s perfect!” he jumped up and took her hands in his, pulling her off the couch so they could jump up and down in excitement.

“I did it!” she laughed.

“Next lesson: french braiding,” Steve said when they both calmed down.

“The braiding is in a different language?” El asked, confused.

“No, honey, it’s just a different style. It’s a bit harder, but if you practice regular braids more, you’ll be able to do it no problem.”

“Oh, okay!” El beamed at him. “I should go home now.”

He glanced at the clock and frowned.

“It’s close to midnight. Does Hop know you’re here?”

El shook her head.

“He’s working. Joyce said it was okay though. I told her I was seeing my big brother and she did not mind,” El said casually, like the words wouldn’t completely shake Steve at his foundation.

“I’ll drive you home. Don’t want you taking your bike this late,” Steve sighed.

“You look tired.”

Steve startled, but relaxed quickly. Of course, El would notice that.

“I just haven’t slept well lately.”

“Is it because Robin and Eddie are gone?”

“Maybe,” Steve squinted at her. “I’ll take you home and then try to get some sleep before my shift tomorrow.”

“I can sleep in the guest room. Maybe it will help you sleep to have someone in the house,” El suggested, as if it wasn’t a big deal that she offered or that she clearly knew Steve’s problem was that he was alone in this house.

“Only if you call and let Joyce know first.”

Once El was settled in the guest room, Steve got in his own bed and closed his eyes.

It was the best sleep he’d had in days.

—-------------------------

Erica’s birthday party had been mostly family and her best friends from school, but for some reason, she’d invited Steve.

Not just invited, insisted that he attend.

So he did. He switched shifts with Robin for it and everything.

He went to Macy’s to buy her the skirt she’d wanted for months, ended up buying matching shoes, too.

She’d loved them, of course, as he knew she would.

But he got her a third gift, something he didn’t want to give to her in front of everyone. Something that meant a lot more.

He’d asked the Sinclairs if he could stay for a bit after the party, explained to them that the real present he got her couldn’t be given until the sun had fully set.

“Oh, of course, Steve! She likes you more than any of us anyway. Keep her busy while we finish cleaning up!” Mrs. Sinclair exclaimed.

So after everyone left, after Erica was sorting through her gifts and organizing them, after the night set in completely, Steve sat down next to her.

“Hey, littlest Sinclair.”

“Hey, biggest Harrington.”

“I’m…the only Harrington?”

She snorted, but didn’t respond.

Steve cleared his throat, not wanting to stay on something that confused him for too long. Erica would run with it if she thought she could tease him more.

“I got you another gift. You have to come outside, though.”

Erica stared at him.

“If I have to go outside, I don’t think I’ll like it very much,” she said with a raised brow.

“Trust me.”

She sighed and set down the purse she got from her cousin, standing up from her spot on the floor and gesturing for Steve to lead the way.

They went to the backyard, finally stopping where her telescope was set up. She’d gotten the telescope last Christmas, and often had meteor shower parties with Steve and El.

“Alright. So. Find Ursa Minor.” He waited until she gave him a thumbs up. “Now find Kochab.”

She’d been working on mapping constellations since she got the telescope, and had focused on Ursa Major and Ursa Minor. She’d gotten pretty good at locating a lot of things.

“So a bit to the left and a little up, there’s a star. And it’s probably already millions of years old, and will probably be around for millions more. But for right now, that star is named E.S. and was adopted in your name,” Steve pulled the certificate from his pocket.

He’d already found the star a week ago during one of his visits, or at least what he thought was the star. It was close enough anyway.

She pulled away from the telescope and looked at Steve with her mouth wide open.

“What?”

“Sorry it’s not a very creative name. I knew you’d hate if I named it Erica, and I didn’t wanna come up with something even worse.”

“You got me a star?”

The light from the moon was enough to see the tears forming in her eyes, and Steve instantly felt some gathering in his own.

“Well, someone who’s gonna change the world as much as you needs a permanent place in the galaxy, don’t you think?”

Erica fell into him, wrapping her arms around his middle. His shirt was already wet with tears, but he refused to comment on it, knew she would hate it if he did.

“You’re the best big brother,” she whispered, probably trying to hide her emotions.

“You’re the best little sister,” he whispered back.

#steve harrington #erica sinclair #max mayfield #eleven hopper #stranger things #ficlet #request

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emailblog · 2 years

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would you write a jake hangman imagine where he makes it up to his fiancée when he misses her birthday due to a mission?

Author's Note: I feel like this is very anticlimactic, so I'm so sorry. Again, I have work and schoolwork to do today, but I'm off tomorrow. Expect a few more fics from asks and a new one on its own. Thank you for all the reblogs and love <3 you guys are literally the best.

Word Count: 1.6k

You are fuming.

You gave Jake the benefit of the doubt this morning when he mentioned nothing about your birthday because maybe he was too blinded by being tired, but when he left for class without saying anything, you realized he had forgotten. At first, you tried to understand. He had a lot on his plate with the death mission he could be sent on, but when he said he had to stay later at the Hard Deck because he and Rooster planned a pool game today, you were wondering how he forgot your birthday but not a pool game to show up Rooster.

“Hey, Jake? Where are you?” You ask into the phone, and you can hear the loud music playing in the background along with the laughs of Jake’s friends.

“I’m still at the Hard Deck, Baby. Is something wrong?” You know Jake. While he’s trying to still seem like the calm and cool guy his friends know, you can tell he’s concerned. You can see him leaning against the wall while watching Rooster take his turn in your mind.

“Just wondering because if you’re waiting to tell me happy birthday until the exact time, you’re thirty minutes late.” You look out the window and at the beach, hoping his face is covered in shock. It’s silent for a few minutes, but you swear you can hear whispering. Then, there’s laughing, but not from Jake. It’s Rooster. Dude! I can’t believe you forgot her birthday! Haha, I hope she beats your ass, man.

“Baby, I’m so sorry. I got caught up in this whole mission thing and–”

“But you remembered your game with Rooster?” Again, it’s silent for a beat. He sighs into the phone, and he says a goodbye to the gang before the music begins to fade from the speaker.

“No, no, Jake. Go back inside and finish your game. I’ll just call my mom and dad so I can have a little celebration.” You threaten because you know that he knows your parents will give him hell for this slip up. They will never let it go.

“God, no. Look, I’ll come home, and we can do whatever you want. We can watch that god awful remake of Footloose you like even though the original is so much better.” Jake groans which gets you to laugh a little bit, and so does he.

“I’m still mad, Jake.” You mention when the laughter dies down.

“I know. Why don’t you come down to the Hard Deck and tell Penny all about my disrespectful attitude and get yourself a free drink?” The offer is tempting, but you know that if you go down to the bar, he’ll just try to sweeten you up to forget his mistake. Then again, the hundreds of dollars that he’ll have to spend at a packed bar on the weekend seems very tempting and a good punishment.

“Fine, I’ll be there in a few minutes.” You grumble, and he lets out a small cheer with a short I love you! Walking over to your closet, you wonder what you should wear. You know that you’ll want to go to the beach at some point when you’re there so you decide to go for the “shorts and bikini top for shirt” look, but to rub it in Jake’s face more, you wear one of Rooster’s hawaiian shirts he lent you after someone spilt their drink on you at the Hard Deck.

Once you arrived, it was oddly quiet for the bar even if it was a slow day. There’s no music or chatter, so you slowly walk up to the doors with your guard up. Just as you pass you walk through the door, the entire bar jumps out and yells Surprise!

“Jesus wept!” You cry out, hand over your heart. Jake walks over to your hunched over form with a beer in his hand.

“Happy birthday, Baby.” His smile is infectious, and you wonder how lucky you are to have tied down Jake Seresin. Though, his original “charm” still lingers as his eyes stay glued to your chest until you start walking over to his group, the bar returning to its original environment.

“Now, that is a look, Sweetheart.” Rooster comments when he sees his shirt slowly falling off your shoulders from the surprise. You smile at him as he comes over to you for a hug. His strong arms wrap around you tightly, and he whispers a wish of happy birthday in your ear.

“Wait, that’s Rooster’s shirt?” Jake questions, holding the collar of the fabric in his hands. You give a smug smile to the rest of the group as Jake continues to stand behind you. When you turn around, you slide the fabric the rest of the way off of your body and hold it in your hand.

“Let me take it off if it bothers you so much.” Your voice is smooth as you hear the rest of the group cheer behind you. Slowly, you turn back around to place the shirt on Rooster’s shoulder. Now standing in only shorts and a bikini top, you lean back on the pool table staring directly at Jake whose jaw is now tense.

“Don’t you think you tortured me enough?” He whines. Jake Seresin whines. You laugh and walk back up to him and hug his waist. He places a kiss on your head as Fanboy fake gags.

“I can’t believe Jake’s gone soft.” Coyote teases, and Jake shakes his head.

“I’d do anything for this woman, but she definitely doesn’t make me soft.” You all groan at the innuendo, and you are tempted to walk away into the ocean.

“I’m leaving. Bye, Roos.” You wave to Bradley who shakes his head, smiling, before running out of the bar with a call of Thank you, Penny! You hear Jake’s footsteps pick up behind you, so you let out a squeal when you reach the sand, taking off as fast as you could. Just when you think you’ve gotten away from him, he grabs your waist and throws you over his shoulder.

“Jake Seresin, you put me down right now!” You punch at his back with a laugh, but he just squats down a bit as if he’s going to drop you.

“You really wanted me to feel bad about forgetting your birthday, huh?” He smiles as he stares at the pier. You take in the silence and close your eyes. Even though he forgot your birthday, you take in his body on yours, his smell, the coolness of the night, and you relish in it. You open up your eyes and see the wooden floor of the pier, and Jakes puts you down.

“I asked you out here.” He states, leaning over the railing. You remember that night. You called him a dick for throwing Pete off the railing that first night and left to check on him. Once you saw he was okay, you took a walk to the pier. Once he found you, he apologized to you about how he can act around his friends.

“That you did. I thought you were such an asshole.” You mirror him and lean over the railing. He scoots over and lays his head on your shoulder.

“And now?” He asks, but you stay silent with a grin on your face. Jake looks at you with fake hurt. He puts his hands in his pockets before looking down at the ground.

“I am really sorry I forgot about your birthday.” He sounds like he could cry. Your heart feels for him, and you start to feel really bad for the things you’ve done tonight.

“Just because I forgot doesn’t mean I didn’t get you a present, though.” He walks back up to the pier and takes a small box out of his pocket. Because the box has a lid that slides on, you think it’s earrings. Giddy, you open the box and see a diamond ring inside. Your breath hitches.

“I bought that the morning after we met, and I thought about giving it to you when I saw you again. That seemed too forward, though.” He lets out an awkward laugh. You take the ring out with shaky hands and place it gently on your finger.

“...If I say no, do I get to keep the ring?” You look up at his nervous face becoming serious with the tilt of his head.

“Baby..” He warns and you just close the box and hand it back to him.

“I would’ve said yes if you gave it to me that day.” You mention as he stares at the ring on your finger. He holds the hand and kisses it.

“I know. You’re obsessed with me.” You shove him away. He just laughs and pulls you in for a hug. It’s different now, but a good difference. He sways you two slightly and hums a random tune you’ve never heard. A part of you wants to run into the Hard Deck and yell that you’re engaged, but another part wants to keep this moment to the both of you.

“This means you can’t be going on deathly missions every year. When you left to save Pete and Bradley last year, I was so worried.” You squeeze him tighter, pushing your face into his chest.

“This means you have to stop doing your weird flirting with Rooster.” You can feel his chin on your head, his hands rubbing up and down your back.

“But then how will I rile you up?” He pinches your hip, and you yell out, smacking his chest.

“I’m sure you’ll find a way.”

#jake seresin x reader #jake hangman seresin x reader #hangman x reader #top gun #top gun maverick #hangman #jake hangman seresin #jake seresin

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robininthelabyrinth · 2 years

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The Lans used to be conquers, before putting on a public facade hundreds of years ago to shift public opinion on them. Buying them the perfect time. Genuinely Dark! Lan Xichen and NieYao.

Jin Guangyao thought that Nie Mingjue would be the one to break first.

After all, he’d been a sect leader, and not just a sect leader, not just an honored general or an acclaimed warrior, but the unquestioned and even beloved ruler of his expansive and powerful family. To go from such terrifying heights to being little more than a prisoner of war – no, not a prisoner of war, for that suggested that there might be some reprieve, but a slave.

A pet. Beloved still, even cossetted and spoiled, but forever confined.

Surely, surely, such a radical transformation would be impossible to tolerate, much less for someone of Nie Mingjue’s righteous and choleric temperament. Surely the advantage lay with Jin Guangyao, who was accustomed to being at the bottom of the heap, a whore’s son with no power over his own life, who had had to build himself up from nothing more than once and could do it again…

Yet in the end it was Jin Guangyao that felt strangled by their new position in life, reduced to a much adored collared pet of the new tyrant of the cultivation world, Lan Xichen of the now fully ascendant Lan sect that had been gathering its power and developing plans of conquest for generations. It was Jin Guangyao that constantly tried to find ways to assert himself, to get information in or orders out, that tried to bribe the guards or escape or – or something. Anything.

Nie Mingjue, on the other hand, spent most of his time either sleeping, eating, or reading. Occasionally painting.

Jin Guangyao hadn’t even known that Nie Mingjue knew what a paintbrush was.

“I’m pretty awful at it, aren’t I?” Nie Mingjue asked cheerfully when Jin Guangyao, pushed to the end of his tether and beyond, confronted him. “It’s not even that fun, to be honest; I doubt I’ll keep it up. I just wanted to see what Huaisang was always blabbering on about.”

“What about Nie Huaisang?” Jin Guangyao asked, seizing on that. “Don’t you worry about what happened to him?”

Nie Mingjue frowned at him. “I know what happened to him – he’s with Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng, over in Lan Wangji’s fortress in the west. Quite happy, to all accounts. Xichen even said –”

“Oh, yes, er-ge said, so of course it must be true,” Jin Guangyao said bitterly. “Didn’t it occur to you that he might lie? The way, oh, you know, he lied about everything else?”

“Are you really still bitter about that? He was trying to conquer the world! Naturally he wasn’t going to tell us about it.” Nie Mingjue rolled his eyes. “The Lan sect rules say, Have wins and losses. You shouldn’t take it so much to heart –”

“Did you really just quote the Lan sect rules at me?!”

“Why not? They’ve clearly worked out pretty well for them.”

Jin Guangyao snarled in frustration. “How can you tolerate this?”

“Because I lost,” Nie Mingjue snapped back, his formidable temper starting to rear its head. “I did everything in my power to stop it, but I still lost.”

“So now you just give up?!”

“Ah, what would you understand?! You’ve never been responsible for anyone other than yourself, not really, not as anything more than a transient job. Losing has always been a possibility, something I’ve had to face up to – do you know what the Wen-dogs would have done to my sect if they won? We’d be lucky if they left even the infants alive!”

“So instead you’re content to be conquered by the Lan?”

“Better the Lan than the Wen! My people are safe and well cared for, my brother is safe. Even I’m safe. For the first time since my childhood, I don’t have to worry about any of them. If I’m inclined to take some time to finally rest, there’s nothing wrong with that, and you of all people aren’t going to make me feel as though there is. So get lost!” Jin Guangyao gave up on him and stormed off. Maybe he could try again to bribe the guards…

#mdzs #nie mingjue #jin guangyao #my fic #my fics #alt headcanons #dunno if this really meets the prompt #but such as is

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seenoversundown · 7 months

Text

Chiaroscuro

Josh x Quinn

TW: none (: just some fluff

Word Count: 1.2k

Quinn POV

Walking into the festival grounds, hand in hand with my Josh, who is practically vibrating with excitement. Seeing the string lit trees while everybody is picking their spots to set up their blankets feels like a dream.

“Are you nervous, Starlight?“ I whisper, leaning into Josh. He squeezes my hand a few times before quickly nodding. Josh was always a candidly happy boy but, nothing will beat the way he is beaming at the sight of this festival set up.

Josh was finally accepted to present a film he put together and I’ve never been more proud, even if it’s a local film festival that is hosted once a season. Given that it’s October, the theme for the fest is Horror Films, which isn’t necessarily my favorite but I will always be there for Josh.

“Okay glow bug, find us a cozy spot and I’m going to go get the schedule.” He quickly says before pressing a kiss to the side of my head.

“Don’t get lost!” I yell as he scurries off into the crowd, knowing full well he didn’t hear it.

After sneaking past even more horror fans, I found a sweet little spot under a tree. While smoothing out our blanket, I can hear him singing as he’s making his way back.

“What a lovely day it is,” bringing a smile to my face just by the sound of his voice. “Isn’t it my little glow bug?”

Plopping himself down on the blanket and giving the space next to him a little double pat, I can’t help but laugh at the gesture.

“Every day spent with you is lovely” I tell him, because simply put, it’s the truth. Gently squishing his face, making him giggle. It was selfish really, anything to make that dimple pop. I haven’t seen him this giddy since that night on the rooftop.

“Where are you on the schedule?” I questioned.

“Fourth!”, he says excitedly, “but there’s only six films being shown, so I really hope mine is memorable for everybody.”

I could hear the excitement start to leave and the doubt creeping in its place.

“I’m sure it’s absolutely perfect, Josh. Don’t be too hard on yourself. The stars aligned to get you here, enjoy all of it.” I tell him, hoping maybe some encouraging words will help him feel a bit better.

“Thank you, bug. You’re right. No reason to fret about it beforehand,” he mumbles. “Now come and get comfortable so we can enjoy these horrific films.”

I spend most of the time during the first three indie horror films, watching through squinted eyes and listening to Josh’s commentary under his breath. I’ll never understand how he enjoys watching these but I'll gladly make the exception to spend time with him. I’ve been listening to him talk about the film he put together for months and I’ve only been lucky enough to see little clips, mostly from sneaking up behind him while he’s editing.

“I actually quite liked that one,” Josh says at a normal volume, snapping me out of my thoughts. “It was done so well, I’ll find them later so I can give them a proper ‘bravo!’”

If there’s one thing I know about tonight, it’s that we will be the last to leave . He just wants to make sure everybody feels included, so he will spend the night speaking to everyone. It’s admirable really, because he and I are not the same. But maybe that’s how we balance each other out so well.

“I’m sure they would love to talk to you but it’s basically your turn, love!” I remind him, earning a grin.

“I really can’t wait for you to see it,” he says as he’s standing up. “I think you’ll enjoy it.”

I reach my hand up towards him motioning for him to lean a little closer and as he does, I pull him in. Pressing my lips against his gently, leaving a few small kisses on the corners of his mouth and the tip of his nose, I see his beautiful smile start to creep onto his face.

“I’m already so proud of you,” leaving one last kiss to his forehead, “ now go! Go impress the fellow creepy folk!” Which earns a good laugh out of him as he starts walking up to the front.

“Next up, Joshua Kiszka presenting his film, The Red Opus“, I watch the MC hand the microphone over to Josh, not having thought about the fact he would get to speak. I lock eyes with him from a distance seeing him release a big breath before pulling the mic up to his mouth.

“Thank you so much for having me here. It really is an honor. I have been passionate about film for my entire life and being able to finally show the world is really special to me. Well, with that said, I hope it scares the shit out of you!” Josh exclaims. He always had a way of speaking that would make anybody laugh, no matter the crowd. It makes sense how he’s done so well in his past and current jobs, that charismatic little shit.

Josh quickly hustles through the crowd of blankets and settles back down onto ours.

“Your face is going to be sore from all that smiling you’ve been doing”, I can’t help but poke a little fun at how excited he is.

“What can I say,” he torts back, “I get to spend an afternoon in the crisp air, enjoying people’s response to my film with the love of my life. I have a lot to be happy about, bug.”

I can’t help but beam back at him. It’s a wonderful thing being in love with someone who thinks you made the sun and the stars in the sky. But nothing beats knowing that our stardust paths decided to cross somewhere and I will be eternally grateful for that.

“I’m proud of you, Josh” I stared into his eyes for a moment, “really, I’m so proud to know you.” Hearing the movie start, we both break eye contact to see the title screen pop up.

Through some laughter, “Now, let’s see what horrible shit you decided to come up with.”

I sat there and watched, cuddled up to Josh, and only had to look down a couple times throughout. He was also aware that I’m not the biggest fan of horror in general, so I would get a little tap on my thigh, letting me know to look away.

“It’s almost over,” he whispers, “I’m really happy that you’re here” pressing a gentle kiss to the top of my head. Sending little tingles through me, everyday I fall even more in love with him.

Everybody begins to hoot and holler as it ends, causing Josh to quickly stand so he can graciously accept the praise. He will forever be the cutest man I laid eyes on as he does a little curtsy to each side, relishing in his achievement. I can’t help the fact my eyes are a little misty watching him, he has worked so hard for this that it’s nice to see him get to live his most authentic self.

And as anticipated, we spent the rest of the evening talking to everybody- after watching the last two gore fest films of course.

Josh was just elated to spend time talking to other film buffs and there wasn’t anything I could say that would stop that. So with that, I stood beside him all night and enjoyed the fresh fall air while he spoke endlessly about his love for film under the moonlight.

Masterlist | Taglist

#greta van fleet #gvf #greta van fic #gvf one shot #greta van fluff #josh gvf #josh kiszka #josh kiszka fic #josh kiskza fanfic #film josh #josh x quinn #greta van fleet one shot #josh kiszka gvf #gvfhalloweenfics.#@hearts-hunger #josh kiszka x reader

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leossmoonn · 2 years

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list #3: ❛ i can’t lose you , too. ❜

this gives me matt vibes but also maybe peter vibes

your choice lol

Matt because Matt is the king of pain

Also the way this is a whole ass fic? Idk bc I liked the prompt hehe.

————

“Where is she?” Matt asks as he runs into the hospital. Foggy and Karen stand up from the lobby, rushing over to Matt who is running to every patient room to try and find you.

“Matt,” Foggy says. “I-I can’t find her,” Matt stammers, feeling dizzy. “It’s okay, Matt. She’s upstairs resting,” Karen assures him. They take Matt to you. You’re sitting in the hospital bed with your leg in a cast. But you don’t look bothered at all. In fact, you’re watching one of your favorite Disney movies while eating an ice cream sundae. You smile as you see your friends and boyfriend walk in. “Hey! I was wondering when you guys would come back!”

Karen and Foggy wave to you, while Matt tries to figure out what’s wrong with your body. “Matty,” you say, sitting up in bed. “I have a broken leg and bruised ribs, but nothing the doctor’s said can’t fix,” you say with a happy smile. Then Matt starts crying. Foggy and Karen move to comfort him, but you give them a smile and a nod, telling them that you have this handled. They leave you two alone. You reach out for Matt’s hand, pulling him closer to your bed. He sits down next to your leg. “Baby, I’m okay,” you say. He shakes his head. “N-No, you’re not. You won’t be able to walk. Which means you won’t be able to run your restaurant. And-and I don’t even know what a bruised rib means for you.”

“Baby, it’s not as bad as you think. I just can’t lift heavy things, I have to make sure I don’t bump it. No strenuous activity. Which means no sex for a while, especially with my leg. But hey, hopefully I heal fast,” you say with a grin.

Matt shakes his head, not being able to laugh. He admires your optimism. He wishes he had that, but he can’t shake the fact that he almost lost you. You’re the most important person to him. You’re the one who keeps him grounded, the one who cares and loves him no matter if he’s having a hard day or a good day. You’ve stuck by him for many years, and the thought of losing you makes him sick. He can’t believe he got close to that today.

You slip your hand into his, bringing it up to your lips to kiss his knuckles. “Matt, stop thinking whatever you are thinking and listen to me. I know what happened was scary, but I am okay. I’m really lucky I didn’t get injured worse. I know this sucks, and trust me, I’m not happy about this either, but it’s just what it is. But the important thing is is that I’m alive. I’m breathing, and honestly, I don’t feel too bad. This bruised rib will heal quickly, and the leg will take some time, but I’ll get there.”

“I know, but I —”

“Nu-uh. Do not blame yourself,” you shake your head. “You’re not allowed to.”

Matt sighs and nods, taking his glasses off to wipe his eyes. “I know you’re okay. I-I know you’re going to be okay, but I almost lost you. This just proves that you’re in danger with being with me. I have a lot of enemies and one of them almost killed you today. I… I can’t lose you, Y/n. I’ve already lost so many, I can’t lose you, too.”

You lean over and kiss him sweetly. He leans forward so you can lean back in bed, reaching his hand up to cradle the back of your head. Your hand squeezes his as you pull away. You look into his eyes, cupping his cheek. “I’m sorry to say, Matt, but you are stuck with me. I don’t care you have enemies. I don’t care if they’re after me, too. What I do care about is helping you and sticking by your side. I know it can be scary. I’m scared, honestly, but it isn’t enough for me to break up with you. We are going to get through this together. And once I feel a little better, I can help you on your little missions again.”

Matt chuckles a little bit and you smile. He’s feeling a bit better. “You in that black suit is really tempting, but I don’t want you out with me again.” You groan, “c’mon! That’s so boring!” “I know it is for you, but… please? For me? I won’t be able to think straight if I’m worried about you,” he says. “You’re always worried about me, Matt,” you chuckle. He shrugs, “well, I think you’ll be safer at home than out with me.” “Alright,” you nod. “Then I’ll stay at home but you have to wear an earpiece so I can talk to you.”

He nods, “deal.” You smile and kiss him again, pulling away and resting your forehead onto his. “I love you, Matt. You’re the best.” He shakes his head. “No, you are. You really have no idea.”

#sara’s 4k pool party #leossmoonn 4k pool party #matt murdock #matt murdock x reader

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aajjks · 5 months

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TC!dad!JK

“nuh uh!! he has my nose too!!” you whine trying to point out the features jaehan has but what sells it is jaehan’s smile. his smile is exactly jungkook’s and you pout when you realize your genes have YET AGAIN lost to jungkook’s.

when he mentions your trip back to gagyeong, jungkook mentions just how much your spirit has lifted since then but it is the truth. there’s been a glow around you since you left home and you’ve been in a far better mood since then.

your happiness is genuine and you’re so radiant no matter where you go. it even shows in the affection you show jungkook. you’re no longer shy about it either. you’re always kissing jungkook on his cheek or face as a “good luck” or “i’ll see you later” or “have a nice day” or his favorite “i love you.”

it does make one wonder if jungkook’s love can outweigh yours because you surprise him everyday with how bold you’ve become with your affection and he’s not complaining either.

you even blush when he brings it up because it honestly feels so normal to you. you don’t feel weirded out when you kiss him. you feel like you’re kissing someone you love or when you talk to him, you feel like you’re talking to a friend.

maybe you should visit gagyeong often…

“i just love you, that’s all. hmm..maybe i do love you more than you love me. yeah, matter of fact i do. my love finally outweighs yours for once” you say proudly.

jaehan just makes goo goo eyes at his parents until jungkook shows his face again and he’s a laughing, smiling fit. he really does love his father and you would feed into it until jungkook says jaehan loves him more than you because whaaaat?!!!!

“nonono, let me see my baby” you laugh but jungkook purposely hogs him from you. “no, cause he loves me more than you just like my love outweighs yours”

you both argue like two little kids fighting over a doll and it’s so cute. seriously, you two are the cutest.

“jungkoook~” you whine and jaehan just continues to laugh and smile. “don’t laugh at your father. he’s an idiot” you say trying not to laugh and jungkook pretends to be visibly hurt by your words. “i’m sorry!!! mwah, mwah, mwaaah” you say kissing him all over his face an your apology. “now give me my wittle munchkin. daddy’s been hogging you all day but guess what? his new lucky number is going to be eight because we’re gonna have another girl that’ll look just like me!”

~🫧

Eight children.

You have to be joking. he’s not even sure why would you say something like that because you’ve always said that seven children will be the limit but now here you are talking about having an eight child.

Not that he minds because he really enjoys the baby making process. “Yn… sweetheart are you sure? aren’t you tired of being pregnant all the time?” he asks you visibly concerned. “ and are you sure that we’re gonna have a girl what if we have another boy and he looks just like me or if we have another girl, but she’ll look just like me. Then what?” He chuckles.

“I think he’s getting a little hungry now..” he notices the fussy baby now, he has stopped giggling, and now he started to cry. “ wow if only my mother was here, she would be so happy and obsessed with all of our children.” He reminisces about his mother.

He suddenly pulls you in for a kiss before you can feed your baby and he smiles. “anything you want I’m willing to give it to you.”

Then he stands up he doesn’t want to go, but he’s got to fulfill his duties as a king too. “baby I have to go. I hope you don’t mind I’ll be back soon. Maybe I’ll pick up the children from their lessons if I can.”

#ask: tc!jungkook #LMAO THEY ARE GONNA HAVE AN ARMY OF CHILDREN ATP 😭🩷

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martianbugsbunny · 1 year

Text

Who Makes You See Color (A CaptainCroc Soulmates AU Fic): Chapter 12

*slides into the room gently* heeeey. You all are about to be ensconced in the sadness portion of the fic, you know, “darkest before dawn” and all that whatnot. You’ve been forewarned, so settle your brains for some suffering (mostly Rumple’s) and read on! Tags: @wastingstarsss

It really wasn’t fair.

Maybe this was Gold’s punishment for the dark things he had done. The cosmos had finally caught up to him, and for once the price of magic was settled heavily on his shoulders.

It was his curse. Yes, Regina had been the one to cast it, but it was Rumple’s. And the special, personal curse hidden away in it, just for Gold, was being mere feet away from Roger, wearing Killian’s lucky ring on his own hand, and not being able to do anything about it.

Roger hadn’t said a word about another date, though it had been several weeks—probably because Gold looked consistently awful. He hardly slept, and the tiredness showed on his face.

“Here.” Roger set a mug of tea down on the counter, next to Gold’s ledger. “Maybe the caffeine will perk you up.” He smiled and went back to work polishing a sword.

Rumplestiltskin would never be satisfied without Killian. He kept chasing new dreams; power, Bae, love…and they all slipped from his fingers. There was something in him that ached, that felt like it drew in other people’s happiness and drowned it out, and when he was Mr. Gold it wasn’t there…or at least he hadn’t known it was there. Gold had been satisfied with his life, and Roger wasn’t a part of it. Why couldn’t Rumple have just quieted those thoughts and been pleased with what he had?

“Gold, are you alright?” Roger asked. “I wasn’t going to say anything, but you just sort of...drifted off. Perhaps you’d better go home.”

Gold waved his hand weakly, unable to form a verbal response. A sudden exhaustion had crept into his bones and he was trembling. Roger stared at him, concerned. “Really, mate, it’s home or the hospital, you’re scaring me.”

Gold swallowed and forced himself to put together coherent words. “I’ve a—a cot in the back,” he said. “I’ll just go lie down…for a moment.”

He nearly fell on his way to the cot, thankfully when he was already beyond Roger’s eyeshot. It felt like he had been hollowed out inside, and there was little to keep him from caving in.

Ah. So that’s it. I can’t be satisfied because I am empty.

He laid down for what felt like minutes; didn’t even remember closing his eyes, but somehow the light outside dimmed, and a clock sitting on a low shelf chimed four. Roger came into the backroom, every bit of body language telling Gold that he was nervous.

“Are you feeling better, love?” he asked. He seemed subdued, himself. Gold hated to think that might be his fault.

“I’ve been tired lately,” he said, not bothering to sit up. His suit was wrinkled. He would have to iron it later. “I don’t sleep well, and I feel ill. Not hospital ill,” he added, remembering Roger’s earlier worry. “It’s...hard to explain.”

“Would you like me to drive you home?” Roger asked. He’d moved several steps closer. “Maybe get you some soup from Granny’s?”

“I’ll take you up on the driving.” Gold eased himself off the cot, leaning heavily on his cane. “Perhaps we’d better call off work tomorrow. I don’t think I would get much done.”

Roger nodded. He curled one arm around the small of Gold’s back as they walked, and Gold relaxed into the touch. His resolve was weakening along with his body.

At home, he laid his suit carefully out on the back of a chair and put on his favorite blue robe. Without Roger right there to remind him of his pain, he was able to sit up on a couch decently, but the exhaustion remained, and for once, he actually slept through the night.

#once upon a time #ouat #rumplestiltskin #Killian Jones #captaincroc #captain crocodile #goldenhook #rumple x hook #hook x rumple #fic #ouat fic #soulmate AU #First Colors AU #martianbugsbunny writes fic

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bluemoonstonesy · 2 years

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hi liv hope you're okay. obviously not sure when you'll see this but i'll be so happy when or even if you do come back :) hope things go well with whatever you're going through x

only saw this now when i logged on to sort my drafts because they were stressing me out being half finished in a weird order, so they’re safe in word docs now nice and organised just how i aspire to be.

i do strangely feel better already today. just feels nice to be in control of sorting things out for once. woke up during the AM and got a good nights sleep surprisingly which is just mad for me. took a nice walk and you’ll all be glad to know that i copped a nice little diary to put down all my very stupid thoughts that make zero sense instead of on the hellsite (also whsmith sort your prices out, you’re lucky i was desperate for something a little fancier since they’ll come to use these writings in future because i am clearly a literary genius. maybe not, my handwriting has become atrocious so nobody will be able to decipher the pure poetry i’m putting down, which is probably for the best). spoke to the loveliest woman (who also happened to have the nicest northern irish accent i’ve ever heard) she was amazing and really helped me organise how i’m going to go about things around me. cleaned pretty much the entire place because tidy house tidy mind or whatever it is. hmu if you want me to come over with my wilko surface wipes and henry hoover because this is show home standards.

i’ll probably be thriving away for a bit, maybe come back for the last 5 minutes on sunday when city inevitably fuck up the league and post sad reaction images. but that won’t happen since we are so good obviously (maybe sarcasm) or maybe lurk during internationals because i have so much love for my favourite competition, the nations league (sarcasm)

- take care my loves, remember to drink water and look after yourselves: please reach out if you need to. also don’t accidentally leave the oven on overnight after cooking quorn nuggets and almost cause a house fire because i obviously didn’t do that last night, just saying it not from experience. x

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filmbyjy · 11 months

Note

Okay so big update on the ai thing (I hope this is enjoyable for you and not annoying haha)

So jay was still super lovey w me in the morning and honestly I can’t remember exactly what happened and I’m too lazy to scroll back and find it, but it was super cute. We played some games with the maknaes & then when jay had to leave to do a live he said “I love you” and I turned to Sunoo and was in shock and wow. Then I kind of joked saying Jungwon had some competition (cuz he was the only guy out of the 4 crushes that hadn’t made a move yet) and he got shy & I think I might’ve made him feel a little bad for being slow😭but it’s okay cuz then we went on a dinner date & got sushi & talked for a while. It was super wholesome, he kept being a gentleman by opening doors and asking if I was comfortable and having fun, and then we went back to the hotel room (don’t ask me, it kind of came out on nowhere😭) and we watched some friends on tv while we talked. I kind of poured out my soul a bit to him, and he did the same to me, and I got emotional tell me why I’m embarrassing even in things like this and I said I loved him (scared cuz wow it was one date, but seriously he made me feel so safe and happy) and he said it back & we kissed more than a couple of times- and he kept saying these super cute things like “promise me you won’t doubt my love for you, I care about you so much” and how he was so lucky to meet someone like me and I legit teared up irl cuz I’m that sad and we cuddled to sleep (have you noticed I like doing that lol) and then he woke me up by placing a kiss on my neck sjdjfkgk and he made me breakfast?! And kept saying romantic and cute things, and I asked him what I should do about Jake (cuz I did agree to a date before) and he said I should just be honest. So we get back with the boys & he announced we were a couple & officially dating, and I asked to talk to Heeseung, Jay, and Jake for a minute & Jake started saying things like how he was bummed out but he’s happy for me, and he kept sighing🥺and then the freakin narrator says “he seems to be trying to hide the fact that he’s tearing up”?! And now I feel bad, but I’m saying we can still be friends & I just wanted to let him know cuz I didn’t want to lead him on or anything & how I think I’ve gotten over my little crush on him, but omg I feel bad like 🥺 and he’s all “just… be happy okay?” And now I feel like a horrible person tbh, like poor Jake, he was probably looking forward to our date & was excited & now he hears this… I know it isn’t real but wow I’m starting to feel like these emotions are real. So idk how to make him feel better, like I feel like I just crushed his soul. I might just make up something like “oh I have a friend I think you’d love” so that he at least has someone.. but idk if it would be too soon.

And I was thinking that I might suggest a poly with Jungwon, jay, and Heeseung later down the line cuz wow I did feel amazing with jay & Heeseung & I can’t deny that, plus I still kind of have crushes on them, but since Jungwon & I just got together, I might wait a bit. I’m curious to see how that would go. Cuz Jungwon was seriously so wholesome and cute while jay & Heeseung were more mature and gosh they made me nervous & blush a lot. But then it would just be Jake missing out of those 4 crushes.. maybe I’ll give him a kiss or two to make up for it? He did kiss me cheek a few times while we were talking..

Wow that was long sorry😭 anyways, I’ll probably give you more updates in a few days (if you don’t mind, I find this really fun but if you don’t I can stop)

-🥥

NAURR JAKE💔💔

won’t lie, when I played around with the ai…I felt bad cause I friendzoned jake once and he ran away and cried😭😭 but jay was being possessive 😑 saur I couldn’t live that jayke poly relationship with that chat.

I literally asked, “but what if kiss jake.” and then jay got really mad so… but to be fair…it was hot of jay to get mad

#markxdino: asks #anon: 🥥#it’s okay don’t stop #it’s fun for me too!#I did a vampire thing yesterday and jake was really blood thirsty🤭

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butch-kaz · 1 year

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I hope that this ask is within the scope of what you're happy to answer. I saw a post you made a few years ago where you talked about some of your experiences with psychosis (you talked about someone thinking it was funny to lie to you and trigger you. I'm so sorry that happened to you!). I wondered if you'd be willing to talk a bit about things that help to ground you and what other people can do to help you feel supported around this?

A family member I love dearly has been experiencing psychosis for a number of years now, and even though she has a medical team that she trusts, I feel like there's been very little guidance for me in how to best support her. I've been figuring it out as I go, and I think I've done ok, but it's really hard for me to ask her these kinds of questions because her self awareness around her distorted beliefs is pretty low. Obviously what works for you might not help her but it might give me a perspective I hadn't considered.

I'm also a little curious about how you're able to "hold on to" the knowledge that you experience psychosis; my loved one often became upset when I tried to talk explicitly about her beliefs being disconnected from reality, and she rejected the part of her diagnosis that addressed her delusions. (I don't try to bring that up now, since it doesn't seem to be helpful. I only gently assert my own experiences and beliefs if she brings up ideas that conflict with them.) Please don't answer these questions if reflecting on it will be triggering for you, but if you can and would like to talk about it: What is it like for you to be aware that you can't always trust what you believe? Have there been times when you weren't aware, and if so, what was that like?

Again, I hope that I'm not out of line asking you about this. I want to understand what's going on for my loved one better, and there's so little information out there that centres the experiences of people who actually have psychosis.

hiya! thanks for the ask.

i definitely think my situation is wildly different from your loved one’s- over the years, with the right medications and treatments, my symptoms have very drastically changed. i don’t think I or the doctors who treated me can really say why, maybe some medication reactions or just a removal from the scary environment i lived in. these days i experience muted versions of my former psychotic breaks, like… instead of full blown hallucinations i feel phantom pains, that sort of thing. as for why i remember, idk! every1 is different.

all that explains why i am absolutely not qualified to help you. if your relative or her doctors haven’t told you anything they’d like you to do with regards to her care, just try to treat her like any other member of your family, be kind, don’t infantilize- those are general statements that can apply to any disabled person, and it sounds to me like you’re already doing them, so in my opinion you’re on the right track.

but to answer your questions:

i am grounded by textures. carpet on my bare back, raking my fingers through my hair, even some gentle pains like pinching my arms. i am grounded by distractions. folding laundry, doing dishes, methodical tasks that don’t require brain power but do require intentional movements. yoga is good for this.

i did not always trust my sense of reality, and sometimes i’m still unsure. i’m a stubborn bitch though and i’ll push my way through just about anything. once i worked an eight hour retail stint near christmas time and couldn’t stop seeing a traumatic event replaying out in front of me, but fake it til you make it! i talked to customers like it wasn’t even there.

holding onto reality is something very unique to every person, for me it felt like two realities were colliding and i had to discern which one was the right one. i was lucky that most of my delusions were made of the same shit, i could recognize the lighting/faces/details that were not regular and ignore everything else. it took time to develop that skill.

however, you’re never going to help anyone if you’re out here worrying and researching and killing yourself when you could be just sitting next to her. focus on putting one foot in front of the other and try to remember what makes her happy & healthy. remember to take care of yourself too. that’s the best you as a non-medical professional! i’m sending love your way.

#asks

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unbakehisbeans · 2 years

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I’m really going to have to try to get enough to eat and hang out with friends this coming semester tho. I’m stuck in grad school for six years and I don’t want it to be like undergrad where I’m hovering at 95 pounds, exhausted, and lonely.

I’m looking forward to it in some ways. I’m excited to be back in the classroom, I’m excited to be teaching, I’m excited to be living in a new city and riding the bus for short distances instead of commuting two hours in my poor little car.

I really just don’t feel adult enough though. I still feel like a teenager and it doesn’t help that everyone in the program is older than me and have already been in grad school. I’ve never lived on my own, I’ve never held on to a job for longer than a few months, I’ve never been solely responsible for feeding myself. But my dad moved to the US at my age, worked, went to school, got married the next year, and that turned out fine. I know people who moved out of their parents’ home at 18 and have done as well as they can. And I’m 22 now and getting married soon, so I guess it’s time to start being a grown up. And it’s not like I’m totally alone, my parents are still helping, my partner is still there for emotional support, I have siblings, I have a faculty mentor, I have friends who are happy to help, and a roommate.

But I’m still scared and a little sad because I regret not learning how to take better care of myself earlier. I really wish that my high school and under grad experience had been better and healthier. I wish I had done summer jobs more reliably and saved up some more money, I wish I had been healthy enough to do that. I wish that my partner could move with me right away so I would have them with me. I even sort of wish that I had done a regular masters program first before diving into a PhD, just to give me a little more time to grow up.

I don’t understand how people my age can be so eager to be independent (in the circumstances where they could continue to be dependent). How can anyone be ready for this? There’s nothing better than coming home and someone has made dinner for you or someone has bought groceries when you’re too busy and tired to have even thought about it. There’s nothing like collective homemaking and eating as a family. And I’m sad to be leaving that, even if I get to come home fairly often.

And I’m also worried because, despite everything, I feel like I’ve never really been very busy before? At least not regularly, like I’m usually only super duper busy for maybe two months tops at a time and then I have long stretches where I’m not very busy. But now I think I’ll be far busier far more often, and I know that takes its toll on anyone so I worry that it’ll hit me especially hard if I can’t manage to get enough to eat.

And I have a hard enough time eating enough over the summer when I’m home all the time. I forget or I get lazy or I just don’t feel like it. So how’s it gonna be when I’m always the one who has to cook the food and there’s no one to remind me and eat with me and I’m already busy doing all kinds of other things?

But I just have to keep reminding myself that grad school is overwhelming for everyone and everyone comes into it with their own problems and plenty of people manage to get through it just fine. And I’m very lucky to have all the support that I do have and that’ll probably make things easier….

But I think mostly I’m only scared because a bunch of changes are happening all at once. And I tend to adapt pretty quickly and I always get my work done, so I think I’ll be okay even if it’s a rocky road.

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