#maybe they'll happen after the catharsis | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tarjapearce · 7 months

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soccer family Miguel meeting wife’s family for the first time and vice versa?

Oh dear. What a bumpy ride. 🙃

Bit of angst in the end. (Will do her meeting his family later, don't worry ~)

Pt 2 here

Teeth pulled at the inner soft skin on your lips, chewing and biting away the waves of raw anxiety that washed over you.

"Stop that. You'll hurt yourself."

Miguel mumbled as he drove to your family's home. It was an unsettling surprise for you to know that your family wanted to meet him. But what truly surprised you was the fact that they knew.

Ever since you moved out from your family's home at 18, many things stopped happening. Fights, verbal and emotional abuse that went both ways, the constant comparison to your other same age family members and you, and of course, you being pushed around and invalidated.

College was a different kind of freedom for you. And the start of a new life without them. You barely visited them, even skipped the most important holidays to be away from them. In a way, it was thanks to that that you met Jessica. She had been a wonderful support on your life.

"I know... just-"

His large hand covered yours to then give a kiss on the back of your palm

"You'll be fine. And if you don't feel comfortable enough, we can go."

"I'm uncomfortable already and we haven't even arrived yet."

"They can't be that bad"

You deadpanned and sighed.

"Corazón, look. I know family's difficult. I really do, but a couple of hours won't kill you. It's a good chance to prove them wrong."

"I've got nothing to prove them, Miguel."

"Right. Still, won't be a bad idea for them to see you doing fine. Talvez asi se callan el hocico y te dejan en paz" (Maybe that way they'll shut the fuck up and leave you alone)

You giggled at his words.

In truth was that you told him everything, it was sort of sad yet amusing that you bonded over trauma sharing. It was a mutual catharsis that somehow ended up strengthening your relationship. He didn't know them, but for the things you had shared with him, he knew he'd be curt and polite.

You'd warn him about their modus operandi. They'd present themselves as kind and welcoming, but bit by bit the snide and passive aggressive remarks and comments would show up. You had hope that after years of barely visiting they'd change.

Something you were about to find out as he parked outside the colonial looking home.

"No matter what, stay away from the Horchata. My auntie thinks she is good at it but... it's yuck."

He chuckled and soon, you'd get out the car. Miguel rubbed your shoulders soothingly in an attempt to ease your restless nerves.

----

"Buenas gente" (Hey, People)

One of your elder aunts, the only one you truly liked and always supported you back in college came to greet you with a loving hug, "Mija!"

"Hola tía" (Hey auntie)

You hugged her back and mumbled a quick 'I missed you' before letting Miguel come into view.

"Tía, This is Miguel. My boyfriend."

Auntie gasped at the sheer size of him but gave him a gentle smile.

"Nice to meet you, mijo."

"El gusto es mío, madrecita" (The pleasure is mine)

"Oh! He speaks Spanish!"

The two shared a brief laugh as auntie invited you further. With a hand Miguel held a small present, a bottle of your dad's favorite rum and bunch of roses for your mother. and the other one he held your hand.

It seemed like a regular carneada for him, except that this time there wasn't meats to roast, but soup. Your mom's special seafood soup that was only done in special occasions. You could tell it would be difficult to leave emotionally unscathed when your mom and dad, three aunties, two cousins, and your brother were there.

Upon you making an appearance before all of them, the world stopped for a second, your breath was caught in your throat as you mentally prepared for the game of pretense.

"Mi niña! Come here!"

Your dad followed by your brother made the first ones in making an approach. The size difference sure was shocking for them all. Your father and brother had to crane his head up to see Miguel.

"¿Qué tal? Un gusto conocerte." (How's it going? Nice to meet you)

Miguel shook his hand with him firmly, something your dad approved. And then Miguel handed the packaged rum to him.

He had explained how you'd told him about his favorite drink. Your dad invited you and introduced Miguel to the whole family.

Some of your cousins oggled him shamelessly. Earning a frown from you.

However the biggest challenge laid ahead. Your mother had been watching both from afar, tending to the food with some of your aunties.

And when it was her time to be greeted, you held tighter on his hand. His thumb rubbing on your skin, reassuring.

You'll be fine.

"Mamá" You mumbled and her so ever deep stare settled on Miguel. Not even in you first, but Miguel.

"Fo you, Ma'am" Miguel gave her the roses which she took with a strained smile.

"Thank you very much. Miguel was it, right?"

"Así es." (Correct)

"Are you hungry? Made your favorite soup."

Her stalking gaze shifted between Miguel and you.

"Thanks. A bit would be nice."

"Hm. Go sit, Miguel. We'll tend to this."

Her gaze returned to the food and you nodded at him. He wasn't comfortable with the idea to just sit and watch. But by the things you had told him, it was better to not create unnecessary drama for you.

-----

Everyone seemed at the expectance of something happening between you and your mother. Your brother was trying to make casual conversation with Miguel, but his curt and simple answers made him desist. Plus, it didn't help his mahogany eyes seemed lighter.

If they were nervous about him looking so big with deep red eyes, they'd surely freak out by his fangs. It instantly made your stomach churn, you knew Miguel didn't appreciate people pointing at his insecurities so brazenly, even worse without knowing him.

Everyone sat down, a little blessing before anything and soon the feast begun.

Of course, eyes were settled on both of you and your interactions. Miguel followed your instructions to then help you break the crab.

One of your aunties smiled at it.

"So, Miguel, where do you work?"

Here we go

"Lab Manager at Alchemax."

Your brother whistled and nodded approvingly, just like your father.

Your relationships with him sure was strained, but at least he seemed to have a bit more self criterion than the rest when it came to pick sides. You'd rather him neutral. Just like your dad.

"Wow, you surely outdid yourself this time, cariño."

That cariño sat sickly fake in your stomach. She was the one that always instigated the fights further when you thought everything would calm down. You didn't smile, just ate.

Miguel was given a beer, a round of collective gasps as he tried to open the beer with his fangs. Your other auntie made a cross sign on herself and your mother's eyes widened.

A custom you still couldn't get out of him.

"Do they hurt?"

"How does one get those? They look so cool!"

"Are they comfortable?"

Your eyes caught the glimpse of him tightening his grip on the spoon.

"Ya pues!" (Knock it off!)

"There is no need to yell"

Silence immediately came to the table as your gaze and your mother's clashed.

"Disculpa eso, Miguel." (Im sorry for that, Miguel)

your dad shook his head at your cousins.

"Do you plan on having kids?"

You couldn't help but hide your face in your palm.

"Mamá, stop."

"What? I just wanna know! You're getting old enough to have kids. And Emanuel is always asking about you."

"We haven't discussed it yet." Miguel cleaned his hands with lemon, rinsing away the fishy smell out of his fingers. The coldness in his voice only matched your mom's icy stare.

"Oh."

"But do you want to have kids, Miguel?"

"Dios mío, ma! Ya basta." (My god, Mom! Enough.)

"Why are you so mad over a question?"

Miguel's jaw clenched. It made sense for him why you didn't visit. The way you rolled your eyes, made the ones that had finished already to stand up and leave. Their cue to leave things unfold.

Your elder auntie seized your mom with a glare. Your dad only recoiled to himself and your brother sighed.

"Ma, eso no se pregunta." The only attempt of him to calm the boiling tension between the two. (Mom, you don't ask such things)

Miguel gave you a 'do you wanna go now' stare. And you shook your head. Leaving would only make things worse. But you found the perfect excuse to leave the table.

"Need help, mi amor?"

"Sure."

He was perceptive to pick up your cues, the both cleared up the table and took the dishes to the sink.

---

"I'm so sorry you had to put up with it." You mumbled as you washed and he dried. The kitchen felt tiny for him.

"S'fine."

"Are you mad?"

"A bit uncomfortable. But no, not mad."

"We're leaving after we're done here." a deep sigh escaped your lips, "This is exactly why I don't come here."

"Whose Emanuel?" You groaned and shook your head.

"A man mom thought it was fun to pair me with a long time ago. I never indulged him but he never got the memo ever since I left this place"

"Sounds like he never got over you."

"Yeah, cause mom kept feeding his hopes of me getting with him together."

"Is that why you moved out?"

"One of the reasons, yeah."

You finished the dishes and Miguel excused himself to the bathroom.

He could hear the voices from the other side. One of your aunts surely and your mom.

"I give them a year."

"Did you see his... fangs? I've never seen something like that! And his eyes too!"

"Esta niña... Me va a sacar canas verdes. From all The guys she could pick, she gets one that is twice her size. Why she can't pick up normal guys?" (This girl, will get me green hairs)

Miguel's eyes turned apprehensive as his mouth settled in a straight line.

He had to hunch over the sink to take a look of himself in the mirror. He looked pretty normal, by any standards, until of course, he smiled. Pointy canines bigger than the average people stood out the most. His eyes were a different shade of brown. That was all.

He was fine.

He was normal.

He knew things like this would happen, he expected a bit of trouble. Not this.

His head felt heavy. Sudden spiral thoughts plagued his mind, corrupting the good things he held dear in his mind.

"As long as he's rich, don't care."

"Emanuel's surely richer than him"

That was the final straw. He knew you weren't that type of woman. Hell, you had invited him multiple times, knowing that you'd get broke for a couple of weeks. And still did it anyways. You loved to pamper him.

Why?

His steps guided him back to you. You were stressed and surely would cry at night. But so far you were keeping it together.

Your heart sunk a bit when looking at him. Neither of the both could stand being a second longer in the house. He followed you as you said your goodbyes. You didn't hug none but your elder aunt, and your dad, though the latter got an awkward hug.

You went back home. Neither of you said much during the trip back.

#miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara x you #atsv miguel #soccer family ⚽🕷️#t writes✨#Pre Soccer Family ⚽🕷️

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with-love-from-hell · 4 months

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Neverending Nights

written for Gn!Mc (you/yours)

genre: hurt/comfort

pairing: Mammon x MC (can be seen as platonic/friendship)

Cw: depression implication, self-loathing, FOMO, rejection sensitivity, reader is gn but coded as shorter than Mammon.

"I sincerely apologize, Mc, but I will have to postpone our date tonight." Lucifer sighed, rubbing his temple. "Diavolo urgently needs me at the castle to review RAD's cost analyses and approve a budget for next quarter- especially considering the cost for repairs has been much more significant this quarter."

"That's ok." You mumble mournfully. "I understand."

Lucifer winces, feeling the disappointment glaring through in your tone of voice. "I do hope you know I will be making this up to you ten fold when I have the opportunity, Mc."

You smile weakly before wishing him luck at his meeting and returning to your room. It didn't hurt- at least, not at first. Lucifer was always busy- it couldn't be helped, after all. Besides, he always made due on his promise to reschedule your quality time together- all the brothers did. They valued your time...right?

"Sorry Mc, I'm at a photoshoot with Devilstyle right now! Talk later, mmkay? <3"

"I'm at a banquet to honor one of my close associates. Maybe tomorrow?"

"MC! I'm currently in line at the music shop on Dogma Street! Surce Frenzy is here signing autographs. Can you believe it?! The line is so long though...I probably wont be back until morning LOL!"

"Fangol practice is running late. I won't be home for awhile..."

"Too...tired..."

Tears begin to well up behind your eyes. Even your friends at Purgatory Hall were all out together at a movie without even thinking to invite you... The breaking point, though, was the fact that Mammon didn't bother to respond to your texts at all.

Your stomach feels heavy as you set your phone to the side. Every rejection from your found family replayed in your head on a loop. Part of you was sure it was a coincidence that they all happened to be too busy for you right now, and that this is just what happens from time to time. Another part of you, though, was reminded of all the other times you were cast aside, ignored, forgotten, and rejected by others.

Your kind weren't exactly cruel to you, but there was a sense of belonging shared amongst humans that you just didn't really feel with very many of them. And part of you was convinced that they felt it too, which is why you often felt left out of...well...everything during your time there, and why the Devildom, and the friends you made here, had felt so much more like home to you.

But now, here you lay- curled into yourself in the corner of your bed. The same hurt from back then worming its way from your stomach, to your heart, and up through your throat. Your entire body felt tight and tense; the only catharsis it allowed was from the shuddered breaths and muffled cries that escaped your lips. Darkness shrouded your vision, not even the light from your phone was enough to permeate it. The blanket you've surrounded yourself with closes further and further in on you, slowly making its way over your face and shielding you from the outside.

Had you done something wrong? Maybe you unintentionally said something insulting about one of them and it spread around the group. Did they all hate you now? Maybe your "new shiny object" charm wore off, and they were bored of you- like when a child gets a bunny for Easter and their parents end up getting rid of it after a month because they lost interest. Or maybe you were never really interesting to begin with. They could have been faking it, just to get on Diavolo's good side. Or maybe they were using you...There definitely was evidence to suggest that could be the case. So they'll come back when they need something again...But maybe they never will? Maybe they'll send you back to the human world and forget all about you...

The thoughts hurled their way through your mind rapidly. Somehow, you managed to sift through what you thought to be the plethora of evidence that supported each one of your theories. It didn't make sense for all of them to be correct of course, but you believed it was more likely than sheer coincidence. How else would it explain why Mammon and Belphie just ignored your messages?

You tighten your grip on the blanket you bundled yourself into, pulling the fabric down over your eyes. The self-deprecation and rejections replayed in your thoughts like a broken record. The inside of your mind was so loud, you barely heard the sound of your door flinging open and slamming against the wall.

...barely.

"Oi, human! I just got back from winnin' big at the Casino. Ya won't believe how much I got this time!" Mammon quipped loudly as he strolled into the dark room. The light from the hall spilled in, illuminating your lumpy figure under the blankets. Mammon cocked his head to the side as he noticed you, fiddling with a small box that he was hiding behind his back.

You don't reply, only curl into yourself further, praying for him to go away. You were certain that he was only here to brag, and hadn't even glanced at the message you sent him about wanting to spend time together. Clearly, the Casino and his greed meant more to him. He was a demon, after all.

"Aye! I'm talking to you, Human! This aint no time to be sleepin'! C'mon!" Mammon paused his movements as he reaches the edge of your bed. His brow now furrowed with a mixture of confusion, irritation, and concern. After you don't respond a second time, his anxiety begins to spike.

"What, are ya sick or somethin'?" Mammon shakes you a little to roughly with one hand, but the action becomes more gentle when he finally hears your sniffling, despite your best attempts to hide it. "Hey...what'sa matter?"

You shake your head enough to where you're sure he can see the movement from beneath the covers, but still say nothing. Mammon's frown deepens on his face, now heavily concerned with whatever had you to the point of tears.

"Did someone..? I swear if anyone dared lay a damn hand on ya, their head would be mounted on The Great Mammon's wall!" He growls protectively. Mammon squeezes your shoulder gently, but is taken aback when you swat his hands away.

"G-go away." You mutter.

Mammon blinks, taking a minute to process what he'd heard you say. "Huh?"

"I said: Go. Away." Your voice is louder as you snap at him, finally revealing your face from underneath the blanket cocoon you had nestled your woe into.

Mammon's eyes widen at the state of your tear-stained face. "Hey now...I ain't goin' anywhere 'til you tell me what's eatin' ya."

You sigh, folding yourself back under the blankets without another word. Mammon stands there, confused, trying to think of what to do. Clearly you weren't going to make him leave, despite saying you wanted to be alone. For a minute he ponders what could have you so upset. After his mind continues to draw blanks, he pulls out his phone, trying to see if you had maybe left any clues in the group chat. After reading through the innumerable messages declining the request to spend time with you and you're dejected "that's ok..." in response, he begins to put the pieces together.

"I'm here now, Mc..." Mammon clears his throat, sitting at the edge of your bed. "So...er...we can hang out, if ya want..."

Again, you don't reply to him. The only thing swimming through your mind now is the pity he must feel for you, seeing you like this. He probably thinks you're pathetic.

Mammon shifts his jaw. He hadn't often seen you in a state like this, but something about being lonely must have set you off. He thinks back to all of the times he himself had been lonely, and everyone else was too busy for him. The difference for him, though, was he found comfort in greed- that was his way of feeling less lonely. The casino, the horse track, and even online gambling dens were crowded with demons. Sure, many of them would roll their eyes at him or make snide remarks when he passed them by, but at least he wasn't alone.

He lets out a sigh, fidgeting with the box in his hand. "I'm sorry Mc. I didn't know you were so lonely. If I woulda known, I'd've come right home and skipped the Casino..." He pauses, glancing at your form that lay hidden underneath the blankets. "..but, I also wouldn't've been able to get ya this."

You barely have time to register what he says before a box is shoved into your face. You blink a few times before carefully taking it out of his hands. You swipe the blankets away from your face, taking the chance to study Mammon's intentions. You were surprised again to see him blushing, now turning his head away from you. With an uncertain breath, you open the box. A small gasp escapes your lips, and you snap your attention back to Mammon, who's blush seemed to have spread to his ears.

Inside the box is two sparkly gold necklaces, the heart-shaped pendants appear to be two halves that connect in the center with a magnet, showing that the wearer of each has a "half" of the other person's. "Partners in Crime" is spelled out in black cursive when the pendants are connected to each other. The gift seems befitting of a pair of middle schoolers who labeled each other as best-friends.

But as juvenile as the gift was in theory, you couldn't help but smile. "Thank you, Mammon...this is very sweet."

"Yeah, yeah..." Mammon cleared his throat, trying to hid the reddness deepening on his cheeks. "I- uh- just got it so that other demons wouldn't mess with ya, not cuz I got a crush on ya or somethin'... If they see us wearin' the same necklace, they'll know you belong to the Great Mammon!"

For some reason, the comment doesn't phase you. If he'd said something like that 10 minutes ago, you would have been convinced he wanted nothing to do with you, but the gesture of the gift and the adorable flustered state he was in was proof enough that he cared about you...so much so that he went out of his way to pick up a good quality set of jewelry for you both to wear together with his winnings from his gambling. Instead of acknowledging his words, you hug him tightly.

"I...uh..." Mammon interrupted your thoughts, looking down at you with a sheepish smile on his face. "I still got some money left over from my winnings...did ya wanna order a pizza and watch some movies? I ain't got anythin' to do for the rest of the night and-"

"That sounds perfect." You smile warmly up at him. "Thank you."

Mammon finally returns your hug, squeezing you tightly. "Good. You ain't goin' anywhere cuz I got ya all to myself now, ya got that?! And...no more cryin' like that either...The Great Mammon's gonna make all yer problems go away!!"

You let out a small laugh, nuzzling into his chest. "Sure, Mammon..Sure."

#obey me!#obey me mammon #mammon #mammon x reader #gn!reader #gn!mc #mammon x mc #hurt/comfort #OM!

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sherifftillman · 8 months

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thanks to @pollenallergie i haven't stopped thinking about older!tom grant for days now, and while any fics i could write about him need to be put on the backburner for now (there's one that's been in the pipeline for a While now), here's some headcanons of my interpretation of what lil tommy g is like as an adult:

(under the cut bc long)

(also as i'm writing this i may or may not be planning fics that happen at each stage of the timeline)

(also x2 before any of u weirdos start hopping into my ask box, this is in no way trying to overshadow cassie's version of him, i'm just throwing my own ideas into the void. i love cassie's tom, and then in a separate universe, i can have my tom, too. also he's p much every guy i've ever pulled except he's way more romantic than any of my exes, so this is more self-catharsis than anything else LMAO)

okay so tom's timeline post-canon:

after his lil summer gigs at the caravan park, he moved back up north to derby and got a job at a construction company that's owned by an old family friend, like his dad's childhood best friend. it was always a given, even when he wanted to pursue a life living down in cornwall, he just couldn't stop associating the whole place with ruth and heartbreak and all manner of things that weighed heavy on his heart. and fuck that, right? he's got his whole life ahead of him!

he spends his first few years as a legal adult the way all british lads do - by spending at least two nights a week at some kind of pub, bar or nightclub. he can pull, of course, but the convenience of still living with his parents gives him an excuse to put off going any further with anyone. cassie's anon who suggested bi tom, i'm kissing you so hard on your forehead rn bc he'd literally spend like almost a year being just shy of his Hoe Phase, making out with anyone who wants to, regardless of their gender, but only while he's at the club, he never lets himself go further.

until that one night when his parents are away and his mates know full well that he's got no excuse and they're very obviously egging him on. (this would probably be the first fic in the series)

he moves out from his parents' place into a flat with a friend he's made outside of work, and that's when his lil slut era truly begins. (maybe a series of blurbs for this?) he lives with a friend he's made outside of work (any gender, it's not relevant bc bi!tom and his flatmate are 100% Best Buds For Life but also if neither of them find anyone worth pulling on a night out, they'll go back to the flat and fool around together anyway)

in his working life, tom absolutely thrives at the construction company. mostly bc he's known the workers his whole life, so he can have plenty of banter with them, but also, more importantly, he knows just enough IT skills to be able to help the owner with digitalising all the admin stuff. this means tom rises the ranks to supervisor pretty quickly, and everyone loves little Boy Wonder himself. he hates being in the office though, he's always out on site wherever the company's got jobs going. he's hands-on, he wants to help, he doesn't want to be a Big Boss Type

okay, from now on, this is the part in tom's life where he meets you, the person who ends up as his endgame. so this is a different character to those i might write about in his hoe phase, probably time skip a few years of tom taking a break from slutting it up and just casually dating until he knows exactly what he wants to give and take from a relationship.

and then he meets you. it's summer, and your work bestie has invited you over to her place to meet her boyfriend and her non-work friends for the first time. you're a little nervous, but you remember that she has a dog, so if all else fails, you can just go full Party Dog mode and switch everyone else off

it's not that you don't like her friends from outside of work, you just have way less in common with them than you do her, and it feels awkward trying to put yourself in conversations without her there, and she's all over this new fella of hers, so you go to your failsafe to find that someone else has had the same idea as you

tom's come along as support for his best friend, who's dating your work bestie. however, since the boyfriend is being walked like a dog around the whole party being introduced to everybody, tom isn't as sociable and was promised there'd be a Party Dog there, so he's gone looking, himself.

you guys bond v quickly over being Party Dog People, spending the night narrating different groups as though you're david attenborough and taking it in turns to let the dog comment in silly voices you both make up for it

stupidly, you don't get his number, or even his last name. one thing you'd learned about him is that he doesn't really use social media, which you can tell from the instagram account you find from several hours of snooping lightly browsing, which was last updated when he'd gone on a lads' holiday to ibiza several years ago, and only features group shots in which he's tiny and his face is mostly obscured with sunglasses. which means you've got to try and convince your work bestie to invite you somewhere that her boyfriend's friends are gonna be, too

thankfully, this is nice n easy, bc tom's been planning the exact same on his end. you guys get so lost in conversation all night that you almost forget to ask for his number, until you're rolling down the window in the back of the Uber you've ordered and he's hanging halfway through it to make sure he studies the screen so that he can make sure that everything he thinks he's saying matches up with what he actually is

the Uber driver gets a little peeved about this and is like "listen mate just get in so i can drive off" and tom sheepishly complies, ending up riding all the way home with you. you'd feel rude if you didn't invite him in, though a little part of you is sad that tom's just probably gonna be another one night stand bc you really liked him. you get another drink for the two of you once you're inside, he suggests the two of you watch something for a bit for some background noise. naturally, you cuddle up, and that leads to kissing - a lot of kissing. but he doesn't try it on any further. you both end up falling asleep on the couch until you wake up to the sight, sound n smell of him making himself home in your kitchen, cooking you breakfast

you guys have this sort of, slightly more than friends, not exactly friends with benefits, relationship that he isn't out here jumping the gun trying to define, so neither are you. you're trying to stay casual with it, to keep up with him, even though your work bestie keeps pushing you for more bc she doesn't believe that that's just what you guys are, but she's not making any hints that tom's suggested taking things further, and so neither will you. (would it be an rj fic if there wasn't a comedy of errors thanks to basic miscommunication? lol)

either a significant amount of months pass, or valentine's day approaches, and tom gets you a gift. it's not any big grand gesture, but it's something that v much pertains to something you really love. a hobby, an interest, some silly little objectification of an inside joke) you feel bad, of course, and he insists that he's just a gift giver by nature, it wasn't done with the intention of getting anything back. but after many minutes of bargaining, he relents and allows you to invite him over for a homecooked meal. this is when you guys talk it all out, explain that both of you have felt a Spark but didn't want to Assume so you'd been dialling it back to protect your friendship with each other. naturally: tom ends up spending the night, but not a lot of sleeping happens, if you catch my drift

now in terms of what the dynamic is with you and older!tom:

he's still the menace he was in his younger days. you head into the office to give him the lunch he forgot to make bc he'd been running late too busy eatin something ELSE amiRIGHT and his coworkers tease you for being so in love that you'll bend over backwards for him and you know as soon as they've said that, that any second tom'll be leaning in once they're looking the other way to mutter in your ear about how you certainly were bent over backwards for him last night

speaking of, remember how he hated being in the office? not once he starts dating you. any excuse he can get to have you in there with him, whether his colleagues know or he's snuck you in, he's there

i also think that. okay i'm also co-opting @mypoisonedvine's idea of tom having a housewife kink, but hear me out. so, you know there's that saying, if you joke about a kink long enough, you'll end up into it? i think something similar-but-not-really happens to tom. where he works with a bunch of older men with "traditional" values, they're always making jokes about being in trouble with the missus, or about whether he can't stay after work bc you've got the dinner on and you're expecting him home. and tom isn't afraid to call them out on it, to tease them right back that it sucks for them that their partners aren't into them, but he's just built different. but the more he vocalises against being into the idea of you being a stay-at-home wife, the more taboo it becomes. which means the sexier that idea becomes. which means soon enough, he's dreaming about you, looking after the house while he makes sure he can look after you. it becomes obvious after a while that he's got a specific fantasy in mind for you, so he eventually tells you, and you're into it, too. especially considering construction pays pretty decently once you're up the ladder like tom is, technically you're one let's do it away from making your fantasy a reality. but there's just something about sensationalising something so easily obtainable, but not giving into it, that makes it all the more exciting for you both

i don't think either of you fully make your minds up about whether you want to start a family or live the dink (double income, no kids) life forevermore and use your money to spoil each other. i think you guys spend most of your twenties and maybe some of your early thirties just enjoying life, travelling the world, indulging yourselves, until eventually you settle down. a lot of yours and tom's friends, especially the ones who have already started families of their own, question why you wouldn't want to start young, grow up with your kids, and then enjoy your later years without the responsibility. but you and tom have talked it through, and his mindset has always been that you don't stop being a parent once the kid hits 18, and that he's always thought life was for living, not for saving up for a future that never ends up coming because you're forever saving up for it

i've written way more than i initially intended to LOL but yeah, i might make this something? i might not? idk. but this is my tommy. <3

#tom grant #tom grant x reader #tom grant imagine #tom grant reader insert #older!tom #older!tom grant

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mmoxie · 11 months

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Now we can get specific about Dani.

The story I tell with Dani, I Promise You I Have Given Up, is based on a lie that Dani constantly tells herself. That she's given up, that she doesn't care. That she's all the way at the edge and could go at any time.

When villains monologue, that's what she tells them. That she may as well fight back because she has nothing left to lose. She actually has a lot left to lose, but her stress levels are so volcanically high that the only relief she ever feels is when something is actually done.

When you work retail, the job is never done. There's another truck coming tomorrow, or some stupid fucking promotion where you have to take pictures with a Minor League baseball mascot, or where the company turns 100 years old and expects you to be cool as a cucumber about them "celebrating" by giving you a scratchy Gildan t-shirt and a literal single can of Coca-Cola.

She turns vigilante because of it, is the thing. She's a little bit of Batman, a little bit of Ghost Rider, and a whole lot of catharsis. She starts calling herself Nametag, and begins to act as a kind of enforcer on behalf of ill-represented workers in underpaid and abused industries.

In I Promise You I Have Given Up, Nametag appears in the safe places for the wealthy and powerful. Yachts. High-rise offices. Summer homes and boltholes of the rich and unscrupulous.

From her perspective, she's job-hopping. She's taking up a position mopping floors on the glossy decks of the Compensator, or acting as an electrician servicing elevators in Plover Heights. But she'll hear something- she always hears something- that sets her teeth on edge and puts a cramp in her fire bladder. She'll wait for a banquet or a board meeting, watch the powerpoint presentations and listen to the speeches, wait for the esteemed guests, cronies, and sycophants to filter out, and then... come in to clean.

She's invisible to the wallet in the room. That's good. She can get as close as she wants. She'll try to strike up conversation- sometimes they'll feign decency, sometimes they won't. But they're cornered either way.

When they see the flickering sparks in the back of her throat, the gray edges of her fire-blasted teeth, they either buckle, or double down.

The ones who buckle have well-paid, happy employees at every level of their enterprise. They make good on unkept promises.

The ones that double down... well, who knows? Maybe they're in the Cayman Islands, knocking back daiquiris. She didn't see anything, she just came in to mop. She doesn't need the kind of stress that comes from working with bigwigs like that.

She builds her reputation as Nametag after a couple of mysterious disappearances that just happened to benefit the people suffering the most that day. Some mutual coworkers- different companies, different times, both having worked with Dani- happen to notice her in the back of a news report about the fall of a CEO.

And then another one.

And then they've got to get her in the group chat.

#IPYIHGU

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rants-n-complaints · 3 days

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April 25, 2024

Feeling a bit down again today. I'm not really sure why I turn to this blog when I do. Catharsis, I guess. Nothing happened to get me upset, but I think maybe I'm stressing out over my college classes. I haven't caught up with this week's work and every time I think about doing it I feel dread.

When I actually sat down to make myself work on it, I got interrupted and had to do something else. After that, Joe asked if I wanted to play Magic since he wanted to test a new deck. I didn't complain about being interrupted then.

Even now when I'm supposed to be doing my homework, I'm writing this post. Reading it over, I sound like an asshole. Oh well, if someone finds this, they'll let me know if I am.

This semester's almost over. In 2 weeks I'll be done with it and have to go through it all over again. As much as I hate all the work, the routine is kinda comforting. But sometimes I just feel like I'm aimlessly chasing after a goal that I won't ever achieve.

#diary #thoughts #personal

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ukissmyface · 9 months

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🪩!!!!!!!!!!

OKAY SO I GOT TICKETS TO GO SEE TAYLOR ON NOVEMBER IN MY COUNTRY AND I'M SUPER EXCITED. ALSO IT'S MY FIRST CONCERT SO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm going alone bc my friends are going the third date and I'll be there the second one, but I'm staying with my mom at a family's friend's house and they'll take me to the concert so I'll just be alone at there (my introverted ass will have to socialize and I'm anxious af).

Anyways I'm even more excited bc I get to see sabrina AND tay the same night!!!!!!!!!!! Some stuff happened last year, and the catharsis I did with emails i can't send was extremely healing. The whole album is just chef's kiss!👩🏻‍🍳💋 AND NOW I ALSO HAVE THE GOOD WITCH AND SPEAK NOW (TV) TO MAKE MORE CATHARSIS ABOUT OTHER STUFF AND I'M LOVING IT 🧙🏻‍♀️🔮💜. Everyone say thank you tay, sabri and maisie.

I need to plan my outift and buy stuff to make bracelets (i'm hoping they'll help me to make friends). About the outfit, I was thinking reputation core but I'm pretty sure it's gonna be very hot at the time for black, so maybe lover o folkmore vibes???? I wanna wear a jean skirt and a nice top OR A DRESS?????? It's been years since I've worn one tho so dangerous territory. OH THERE'S A CUTE TOP FOLKMORE STYLE I'VE SEEN ON INSTAGRAM, it's expensive but it's super pretty and I'd use it a lot after the concert, I need to start saving money.

Okey, super sure nobody will read this, but i'll keep yall updated on how everything goes.

#🪩.thoughts #🪩.the eras tour

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mermaidsirennikita · 2 years

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I saw a pretty compelling theory on twitter today that Kendall hasn’t died yet, but will first give an interview about his chappaqudick incident and Logan’s coverup in s1 and then will off himself by the end of the finale…He gets to be the martyr (his ego) and ruin his dad simultaneously. Next season will deal with the fall out. I just don’t see how Kendall lives…they’ve been dropping hints for two seasons now.

I can see that point. However.

The thing with this show is that they drop a lot of hints while holding back on the execution, as it were. You could just as easily say that they've been dropping hints that Logan will die for two seasons now; they've been dropping hints about a Roman sex abuse reveal. I think the show is not so much about the fulfillment of things that are hinted at, but about the emptiness of these people and the fact that whether or not they do or say whatever they need to do or so, they'll never be fulfilled. They will remain empty. That, imo, is why Kendall didn't have a triumphant arc after getting a moment of catharsis in the s2 finale. He did what he was "supposed" to do--he bit back, he revealed to the world who his father was. But he got nothing from it. It's unfulfillment on Succession, imo. Like, I could totally see Kendall dying at the end; but I don't know that we're going to see that prior to the final season (which may very well be next season). In the same sense, I don't see Tom leaving Shiv before that point, and I don't see us ever getting a straightforward answer about what happened to Roman.

Kendall could certainly die in the finale, or he could be dead right now and we're awaiting a reveal. But the only character I could see dying, at this point, before the final season is Logan. I could totally see Logan going out a season prior to the end so that we see the fallout of that. But for me, anything could conceivably be a hint towards almost anything else--you could see Kendall referencing how Logan's death would break him as a hint that Logan doesn't understand how he will handle the upcoming death of Kendall... Or you could see it as foreshadowing for Logan being the one to die in the finale.

I just go with my gut with this show, and my gut is saying that Kendall makes it out of this season but likely heavily... scathed.

Then again, Jeremy did describe shaving his head again after s3 wrapped as an exorcism, so maybe he's done with Kendall. Or maybe the profile was deliberately timed to make us think he's leaving the show. Or--

#succession

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magnusgoetia · 3 years

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Transcript of a Sinner’s Conversation: A Meeting with Caecus

--Begin (In Medias Res)--

Sinner: You kiddin'? Dyin' was the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Caecus: There’s nothing you left behind? No family to miss?

Sinner: My family? Fuck 'em, I'd ‘ave hired 'elp to kill 'em already if it meant they'd be dead-dead, and I wouldn't have to spend time wiv 'em down 'ere. It wouldn't be right for me to force this on my friends either, but they'll be 'ere in due time anyway. I can wait.

Caecus: So, you’re expecting your friends to join you here as well. The wait must be awfully lonely.

Sinner: Ah, not really. I’ve made friends while I’m ‘ere. The shit I can do ‘ere is like, fucking magic and with it I can make up for what I lack in a lot of different ways. Just wish I could remember how I ‘ad died.

Caecus: Maybe it’s better not to remember… Not all of us intended to be here, after all.

Sinner: No. No, perhaps it’s best not to remember. I quickly found out that it's not just evil folks that end up here, lots of good folks, plenty of weird ones too. I'm sensing you’re of the “gooder” ones, you radiate...well, it’s 'ard to describe, but I don't sense any hostility from you at the very least, even though you were born ‘ere.

Caecus: How amiable of you. But remember, a birth is just a new beginning of sorts. You couldn’t have been alone since you were… delivered to us.

Sinner: Ah, you’re a poetic type aren’t ya? Anyway, I’ve not made many friends but I do ‘ave a particular fondness for this one clown...me an' 'im seem to 'ave this weird connection wiv each other. Actually, he's more of a jester type, though rather embarrassingly his name escapes me...

Caecus: Are you, by chance, referring to an imp named Blocko?

Sinner: Yeah, don’t surprise me you know ‘im. He seems like the type to ‘ave a particular reputation.

Caecus: That he does, and yet a divine will connects us. I’m being led to believe your intriguing appearance has an even more… intriguing history.

Sinner: Riiiight...Well, you know what they say about skeletons and closets. Though I suppose I ‘ave nothing to hide ‘ere...Well, to put it simply, I was a broken kid. I never got help, and I did... unspeakable things to anyone who ‘ad wronged me—or simply didn't like.

Caecus: Even the purest of souls can be corrupted by another’s sins.

Sinner: Yeah...Well, it's not like I'll stop doin’ what I did while I was alive, with all that murder and hedonism. Though death has a way of humbling some people...In any case, the murders mostly stopped as I grew older. I seemed to have preferred to just traumatise people instead, ruin lives of the people I saw as bad or evil.

Caecus: Then you found a different punishment for those you had judged.

Sinner: I suppose so. A lot of it involved me spying on groups of people. I'd worm my way into the seedy societies that thought they were safe in their little circles and collect dirt on them. Really sick shit too by the way but don’t worry, the hypocrisy wasn’t lost on me either.

Caecus: Oh? You judged yourself a hypocrite yet continued along a path of self-appointed righteousness... Why?

Sinner: I don’t know, maybe a sense of catharsis? A lot of these were people who I wouldn’t have to feel guilty about killing or whatever. Sometimes it was more personal too, there were—still are people I am attached to up there that got hurt, and I took my revenge on them in their place.

Caecus: Ahh, how noble. Fighting for your friends.

Sinner: Yeah, there was this one particular bastard. Actually, there were a few…but…eh, nevermind…this one particular guy who was essentially lying to one of these “friends” and caused them a psychotic breakdown. I didn’t take action right away, but I did end up killing ‘im. Didn’t even bother hiding the fact it was a murder.

Caecus: What made you wait?

Sinner: Money, mostly. It makes the world up there spin, and you need a lot of it to get anything done, right? Well, I ‘ad to wait until I ‘ad enough money to fly to the states on top of all that shit involved in immigratin’. When I settled in, that’s when I made my move on a buncha grudges. This guy was just the first. Moving to the states made my life a lot easier in some ways. Was a lot easier to sleep when I took care of the grudges too.

Caecus: Oh, wow. You must have had remarkable resolve to keep a “grudge” that long… Tell me, did all of them truly deserve it?

Sinner: No, most didn’t, but I am…was, an angry person. I found I was very much capable of venting my anger, to put it mildly, and I was much too young when I had...shall we say...discovered it.

Caecus: Young minds are impressionable.

Sinner: Right, and the fact that I was generally good at getting away with it made me feel just that little bit better about it.

Caecus: So, you exploited that validation to continue justifying your actions. Most sinners in your position never reach awareness...

Sinner: Yeah? I’ll take that as a compliment, but I was totally emotionally disconnected when committing my crimes. Afterwards I pretty much always dealt with conflict. Cognitive dissonance is a bitch. Though I had largely stopped my ways. I’m ‘aving way too much fun down ‘ere, and even though I won’t drag ‘em down here with me, I’d love to have my friends join me eventually.

Caecus: Would they be pleased being here, embrace this existence like you have?

Sinner: I dunno, some of them have a hard enough time as it is with one existence, I doubt they’ll be too happy to find out there’s another waitin’ for ‘em. The others I’d imagine would be quite surprised all the same, being atheists and such, but I reckon they’d come to like it.

Caecus: An existence you cannot escape is itself a prison. Albeit, choosing to enjoy it in spite of that perspective is a marvelous thing. If you could imagine them in your presence, what would you do?

Sinner: Again, I dunno. It’s hard to tell when they’re not here yet but I am somewhat interested in what’ll end up happening should they get here. I dunno if I’ll be able to tell if it’s them even.

Caecus: And how do you dare to enjoy existence now?

Sinner: Well, I’ve been doing everything I’ve ever wanted to do but could never do in life amongst other things. It’s kinda embarrassing, but I played a bunch of video games, so I miss those quite a bit. I’ve found plenty of ways to fill that void though. Some of your movies are pretty sick down ‘ere, and importing goods from the other rings to ‘ere means I don’t miss out…mostly, on their fun too. I just wish I could explore the other rings; I don’t get why us sinners can’t.

Caecus: Decretum is often difficult to understand. However, it would seem a blessing that you’ve been placed with the multifarious company of the pride ring.

Sinner: True enough, whatever that means. There’s a lot of strip clubs, greedy businesses and shit, stuff you think you’d only find in the other rings. Though I think I probably would’ve ended up in wrath if we landed in the rings based on our sins.

Caecus: Most catechisms view wrath as an excessive anger. You strike me as having more control than the average sinner.

Sinner: A lot of people on the surface woulda said the same too, I was and I suppose still am really good at keeping it in check, well, good enough to not make it obvious anyway. Though it’s been a lot tougher down here.

Caecus: This is a realm of collective temptation, after all.

Sinner: My only judge here is myself and perhaps my peers if I let them. I still kill down here, but it’s been in self-defence. I don’t think I’ve killed anyone out of anger yet but let’s just say I’d feel sorry for the poor sod who happened to piss me off on a bad day.

Caecus: You’ve always been your own judge. I suspect the lack of good comparisons for your behavior here has coaxed you further.

Sinner: Actually, I could tell you about the first person I “killed” down here. It was soon after I woke up. I suppose this guy thought it’d be easy—fresh sinner, just in time to be another tally mark on some statistic.

Caecus: A second death, the lake of fire…

Sinner: Uh...yeah, I reacted on instinct and it musta been a sort of “kiss of death” type shit. I only touched the dude with my hand, and he just kinda…shrivelled up and died. You know…like when a cartoon character eats a lemo—ah sorry, you can’t watch TV.

Caecus: Ah, yes… a shrivelling death is nevertheless descriptive.

Sinner: Anyway, I have a bunch of other powers too but that one I’m most afraid of you know? I can drop the ambient temperature of an area so shit gets cold, have some form of telekinesis and a buncha other stuff, like I have some kinda control over this weird glowy energy, it’s how I have my eyes, which are purely for show, I don’t need them since I can see perfectly fine without ‘em...not that you’d know I even have ‘em.

Caecus: I’m aware you observe our world, in a traditional sense. My observations are just a bit more… unorthodox. And I feel as if your fear is not from a lack of understanding.

Sinner: Well I seem to have it under control, but I’m afraid in a moment of weakness I might react without thinking, you know? I’ve not had it happen yet, but it would be so easy when flippin’ out that I just give ‘em the ol’ touch of death.

Caecus: Even a king’s heart is just a stream of water to the hand of… fate.

Sinner: Gonna be honest, I haven’t the foggiest of what you just said. Though if I’m being honest myself, I couldn’t care less if it was someone I didn’t know anyway. Only really care about my friends and such. You seem pretty neat yourself.

Caecus: The impression is mutual. It’s not often that I’m seen as anything other than senseless and intimidating. I don’t find it unwarranted, granted; my appearance is as disconcerting as my psyche.

Sinner: How do you even know what you look like? It’s not like you can just look into a mirror.

Caecus: I was presented with a vision soon before I arrived, my last blessing I suppose… Regardless, my rebirth is a tale for another time. I’ve relished in your company long enough, and I must answer my calling. I’m sure our paths will converge again.

Sinner: Hey, I hope so too...uh....

Caecus: Please, call me Caecus.

Sinner: Well, it’s only polite to give you my name too. I go by many names here, but I am quite fond of “Mr. Death” as silly as it sounds.

Caecus: Silly, yes, but very becoming of you. A pleasure, Mr. Death.

Mr. Death:Well, don’t let me keep you. I’d like to see you again sometime, Caecus. I’ll take my leave.

Caecus: All in due time.

--End--

#hazbin hotel oc #helluva boss #helluva boss oc #hazbin hotel #transcript #Mr. Death #caecus #blocko #story

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old-crabapple-mckinley · 2 years

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disorganized thoughts on the wheel of time books up till book 8

I picked up the audiobooks over the summer after years of people telling me to read the series. i decided to start in prep for the tv show and i like it so far! i feel compelled to write about it because no one irl wants to yell about it with me

broad strokes: i like the plot and the characters a lot, but the generally accepted flaws of the series (clunky relationships, repetitive descriptions, the whole gender thing) are pretty grating and i think detract from the series overall.

strap in, this is a long one

eye of the world: i liked it overall but it was surprisingly easy to read. it wasn't bad by any means, but i guess i had a different expectation going into it. i haven't read much fantasy™️ so maybe that's it.

standouts: perrin & egwene running from the birds, then whitecloacks, and their subsequent rescue was my favorite part of the book. the desperation!! when egwene asks if perrin will dance with her at the next festival, knowing they'll probably die and he says yes!!!! chef's kiss. Perrin, overall. he's a good dude. Love nynaeve, she's a stone cold bitch and wants everyone to know it. Moiraine, my magic mom. that scene where moiraine lets nynaeve figure out she was channeling all along was awesome.

gripes: rand was bland, didn't hate him, but also didn't grip me. rand falling into the queen's garden accidentally was so stupid and took me out of the story immediately. i barely know what happens at the end (is the green man ever mentioned again? moiraine just caps that forsaken, don't even remember his name?). this might be controversial, but i dislike lan/nynaeve. i felt blindsided by their confessions and didn't see romantic elements at all. i guess i didn't pick up on the cues (because this one is apparently the best written romance of the series) but it seemed out of no where at the time.

the great hunt: i struggled with this one so much, i nearly stopped reading the series all together. the final action was very good, but i felt like i had to wade through the writing to get at the actual plot.

standouts: falme was really cool and set up the seanchan to be a formidable force. the egwene rescue was good overall* and effectively showed how messed up the suldam/demane stuff is. absolutely loved siuan "fish talking" sanche, and her scenes with moiraine and nynaeve, (i knew a slight spoiler about her and moiraine's relationship so i read that scene with my gay goggles on)

gripes: i absolutely hated rand. he sucked. I get that it's a twist on the chosen one railing against their fate, but it was not enjoyable at all. selene being so obviously evil but no one could tell because she was so beautiful was infuriating. rand and egwene kind of almost breaking up also was grating, i disliked the two of them together. also the al'thor-lord thing? why wasn't that brought up with egwene AL'vere and nynaeve AL'meara?

my biggest issue is exemplified in the egwene rescue. she's tortured and abused and when she hits the woman with the water jug, it was extremely cathartic. i pumped my fist when it happened!! BUT her moment was immediately undercut when elayne said "what would rand think" or something to that effect after nynaeve said not to kill her. I got so pissed off. I stopped the audiobook there, stormed into another room and went on a 45 minute tirade that my poor partner had to endure. rand seemed like an oppressive force in this book and i was infuriated that another character's moment of catharsis was recontextualized into a morality judgment with rand as the barometer. that's messed up and a disservice to egwene's experience. ANYWAY.

the dragon reborn: rand's not it so i liked it a lot! it definitely gave me a chance to cool off about my issues with rand and spend time with characters i actually liked. no real complaints.

standouts: loved perrin getting some spotlight, i enjoyed his relationship with moiraine and lan as a not-quite-captain of the dragon reborn. i liked the beginning where their group of dragonsworn is very hodgepodge! i love an army without supplies or allies making it work. the end sequence was really good too, i enjoyed meeting the aiel and them just taking the stone no problem. the who-dunnit of the white tower was a cool vibe, kind of wish there was more of it. the black ajah is super interesting as a concept and siuan just throwing some teenagers at it is a primo top tier move.

gripes: far less than great hunt. i still didn't connect with mat even though he has a personality now. i know he's a fan favorite, but i think he's just okay. i feel weird about faile, i don't dislike her character, but her role in the story as "Perrin's girlfriend" feels shoehorned in. not to get too shippy, but i feel that perrin and egwene are the only 2 characters that actually have a compelling connection and are set up as foils (childhood friends+traumatic bonding from book 1+dream walkers+thrust into leadership later in the series), it works platonically or romantically! I just wanted to see more of that angle but as of right now it seems like their good, organic bond is sidelined for a rando girlfriend.

shadow rising: this is my favorite one so far, the climaxes of the three story lines had me on the edge of my seat and it made me firmly land on liking the series. if it could be like that the whole time, i'm sold.

standouts: nynaeve's fight with moghedien!!!!!!!! throwing the a'dam when she's monologuing!!! moghedien overall!!! so glad the forsaken are starting to have personality. the aiel and the way of the leaf!!!!!!! what a great revaluation!!! when rand brings a rainstorm to the three fold land!!!! so good! Perrin becoming a leader in the two rivers!!!!! siuan being deposed! there's so much good stuff in this one.

gripes: the perrin/faile thing in the ways sucked. i dislike that so much of their interactions are combative, what do they actually like about each other, you know? it continues with the berlaine stuff later but it's like jordan invents outside conflict for them to avoid actually writing them being in love. i wanted more moiraine, she's so guarded and no one trusts her (which is a whole other thing) but i feel like its been long enough that her walls should have broken down a little. Also are the aiel cool with her being related to the king who cut down the tree? i've been waiting for the moiraine/nobility plot point to drop but it seems like it only shows up in new spring.

fires of heaven: best title for sure! i still enjoyed this one, less seat gripping as shadow rising but a lot of great stuff too. it was neat that what i registered as the climax kind of happened at the mid point of the book with the shaido, but i feel there was some disjointed stuff where moghedien was the more interesting part of the last fight rather than ravine, and then the final confrontation with lanfear was tacked on at the very end.

standouts: moiraine did nothing wrong!!!! i love that blue woman. i deffo see her coming back somehow (how could she not? glowing portals do not equal death!) but it was a great moment and the writing of that scene was really evocative. the spear maiden calling rand out for shaming them was so awesome. loved that. moghedien punching liandrin was the best, then moghedien crying like a baby when wearing the a'dam was also the best.

gripes: mat is still just okay for me, i think at this point whatever other people like about him just isn't clicking, but that's fine. rand's refusal to kill a woman is dumb. i've cooled on my opinion of rand (im approaching neutral) but it's just dumb chivalry stuff that doesn't fit in the context of the world (women are powerful and terrifying, you should deffo fight this one who's gonna kill all of you!). also him and aviendha is just always an eye roll and an aggravated sigh. aviendha's cool but UGHHH. she's so afraid of fucking him that she discovers lost magic? like come on. that's the kind of stuff that really wears on me in the series. the random asides of how dumb men are or how beautiful rand thinks his many girlfriends are, and for some reason he thought of min, but she would never blah blah blah. dumb shit like that.

lord of chaos: this one was low energy until the end, which i can assume is the overall consensus people have. the end sequence was so brutal and gross and awesome, but i can't really remember what happens in the rest of it. that's kind of the trend for me: i end up waiting for the end of the book to justify the parts of the books i don't like.

standouts: gross meat blender ashaman time. perrin comes back to the story. nynaeve healing stilling is cool, and them using moghedien to advance their skills is very fun. political maneuvering with the different aes sedai groups is good in theory, but there's no way i can remember that many names from each delegation.

gripes: i feel like the aes sedai ranking thing was just an excuse to not have siuan go back to being amyrlin. there's no reason for it, she can channel again, she knows what it takes, she's got fish sayings, give her the chair back. i dislike lews therin being an actual voice in rand's head, i feel like that was a character trait given to mat earlier in the series that was back pedaled because jordan thought it would be cooler for rand to have. idk, it feels kind of cheap and he butts into rand's narration too much, but maybe that's the point. either way it's not fun. also, the shaido should have not been a thing after this book.

crown of swords: this was another one that was fine. nothing was terrible about it, but i finished it last week and i cannot remember some of the major plot beats, so uhhh take from that what you will.

standouts: the group of wise women who are runaways from the tower is an interesting idea and it makes total sense that the aes sedia knew about them all along even when they thought they were so sneaky. glad we're gonna get into the seanchan soon, but i wish this was a few books ago tbh. also the idea that saidin and saidar heal differently is really cool, i hope there's more positive interaction between male and female channelers so they can bridge the gap between them

gripes: now that i think about it, this one was slow, no bones about it. i know im approaching "the slog" so i guess im already in it. all the ebou dar stuff could have been compressed into 1 book and i felt really lost with the Cairhienin nobles thing. i get that want to oust rand, but like... why does he go again? i dunno. it just seemed to have a lot of inconsequential interactions. this could have been half of 1 book.

tw: assult also mat's storyline with tylin! what was that about? the narrative is a little vague on where it lands on the issue ("next time i'll chase you" or something like that) but the chapter tylin assults him is preceded by the chapter with morgase recovering from her encounter with valda, so the parallel is there. im not sure what the discussion about this is within the greater wot fandom, but i feel this fairly cut and dry.

end tw

new spring: loved it, i wanted to read this one in case there were any flashbacks in the tv show and i liked it a lot! i just wish it were a little longer and a little more fleshed out.

standouts: ghey. moiraine/siuane only. moiraine was too weak to save those kids and she's gotta live with that! opposite gender platonic besties.

gripes: i wish it took a little longer in the story for all the events to unfurl. it felt like everything happened in like 1 week. i also wanted to know how they orchestrated their "falling out" later, because it was remarked how close they were even after both getting the shawl. also, it was like every major aes sedai in the later series was accepted with them. i think not! it felt like magic high school.

anyway, those are my thoughts! thanks if you made it this far, i hope to shout about other cool and not so cool stuff in the series as i keep going.

#wheel of time #sorry for the long post clogging up your tag #is it cool just to post this?#i need to yell about this series and you guys seem like a decent lot #also i havent posted anything in like 6 years #everything is new and different #wheel of time books

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gutsberserkgenderenvy · 3 years

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so I really can't stand Y0I fanart and honestly it's for a lot of reasons, first of which is that people so often infantilize yuri and hyper sexualize victor into like. a pixie man who acts like a child (which, to be fair, is how he's sometimes portrayed in the show) I just cannot stand the baby version fanart of them (disgusting??) I cannot stand the abundance of saccharin fanart when the show itself is also saccharin like. it's just not interesting to me, and the fact that the people I see reblogging this art are the same people that refuse to watch thoughtful original stories that are about gay people but aren't "about being gay" or like. take 5 seconds to think critically about shows like rgu or appreciate the non-everything-happily-ever-after-ending of kids on the slope. I am sick of people only watching happy endings like please read better books. please know there are so many better more interesting and (more importantly) more thoughtful stories about being gay, about gay people, that are actually helpful or hopeful in constructive ways, or in truly comforting ways that are "realistic". I'm not saying gay people have to suffer in order for their stories to be "realistic" I am saying that I do not get any enjoyment in seeing a story unfold with zero conflict like as if it's happening in a world completely separate from mine that I will never be able to live, that gives no advice, that gives no comfort because it can never happen that way. the "ah I love seeing these people just live with no worries or consequences" is not cathartic to me. like I do not want to watch utopia stories thanks! I am much more comforted by seeing someone like me struggle like me, but find ways to be happy, find ways to love anyway, find ways to live and express themselves in ways I can maybe do for myself, too, in THIS world. I can't hope to live like the people I see in utopia stories, which makes me feel terrible. like, the ending of rgu is incredible not because of a "and they lived happily ever after" ending, it's still uncertain how anthy will find utena, but we have seen them struggle to find themselves & each other, and now that they both realize what they need to let go of and do to find their own happiness, we know they'll do whatever they can to help each other. that's cathartic. they worked so hard, the show uncovers and analyzes the systems- very real systems- that we all live in, the conditioning thrust upon us as soon as we're born, and as we grow up. it's all very real, very relatable, very painful, but it makes the ending so reassuring to any real person about how anyone can reject these systems if they are determined to see them for what they are and to refuse them. idk, I just get no happiness from watching something so far removed from reality, it's just too depressing. it's like that one gay hockey comic, any time any of the characters are worried about homophobia, it's instantly solved, there is no homophobia whatsoever after the protagonist's father spends like, less than 24 hours calling his boyfriend a "friend" and then apologizes and becomes completely and enthusiastically supportive. like. how is that supposed to make me feel any better or motivated about my situation. it's honestly even dangerous to put out a story like that, I would argue, because that is so so so so rarely the reality. kids get kicked out. they get disowned, abandoned, and a story that offers no realistic view into the life of a gay person scared to come out to his parents or anyone else with power over them... it just really doesn't sit well with me. maybe I'm a cry-bully or whatever. I don't think it's wrong to find or seek comfort in stories like that, but I just get really irritated because it just makes me all the more frustrated with my own situation. I want comfort that has weight, I want advice I can use, man. I want to see people like me, with struggles like me, but who figure it out! despite or in spite of the limitations, consequences, or whatever! I get no catharsis from effortless consequence-free non-resistance.

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