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thetravelerwrites · 4 years

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OkCryptid: Pevik Pikecarver (Goblin) Lemon

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Male Goblin/Female Human Additional Tags: Exophilia, OkCryptid, Dating App, Goblin Content Warning: Adoption, Sex Words: 3159

A sweet commission for @mxnsterbabe! A woman uses the "Blind Date" function on the OkCryptid app, and is surprised by who she's matched up with. Please reblog and leave feedback!

The Traveler's Masterlist

OkCryptid was becoming the most popular dating app on the market. It was free, easy to use, and had rave reviews from it’s users. There were no end to the happy couples, or poly relationships, that sang it’s praises. You’d never used an app to date before, but your recent disastrous attempts at dating had caused you to consider it.

You weren’t even sure what you wanted, honestly. You scrolled through the profiles with no real interest. You must have swiped through a hundred profiles before a graphic popped that said: “Can decide? Try the Blind Date Option! Click Here to Try!”

Why not, you thought? You clicked it, and it took you to a form page to put in days and times you’d be available for a date. After filling it out and clicking “Next”, it took you to another page that asked which locations you were willing to go to for this date. You picked out a couple of cafes and restaurants you liked, and clicked “Match Me.”

There was a loading wheel, then a message that said, “At the moment, there are no matches that have selected any of the times and locations you provided. We will send you a message with a date and time as soon as a match is available!”

Well, that figured. You closed the app and put your phone in your pocket, turning your attentions to other things.

It wasn’t until three days later that you got a notification, which you ignored at first since you were at work. It wasn’t until you got into your car and took a moment to check your email that you saw it.

“A date has been made for the 23rd, 6 PM, at the Rosemary Gardens restaurant. To accept, click ‘Date’. To decline, click ‘Pass’.”

There was no other information. After a moment of deliberating, you clicked “Date.” It was followed by a message that said, “Congratulations! Pevik will meet you at the Rosemary Gardens Restaurant on the 23rd at 6 PM!”

Pevik? That was an unusual name. You had no idea what to expect. You had to resist an overwhelming urge to Google the name and see what came up, or at least search OkCryptid for people with that name. The whole point of a blind date was to go in blind. Peeking was against the rules.

The 23rd was only four days away. You could wait. Maybe.

The day of your date with Pevik arrived and you had to admit you were a bit nervous. The not-knowing aspect of a blind date was always a little nerve-wracking. Should you be casual? Dressy? What if they were allergic to your cat and they had a reaction to the fur on your clothes? What if they went into anaphylaxis and died? Could you forgive yourself or your cat for killing someone?!

Okay, that probably wouldn’t happen…

But it could…Where was your epipen…?

Rosemary Gardens was a trendy place that required more presentation than jeans and a t-shirt, so you wore a simple sundress and cardigan, easy and cute. Light makeup, a bobby-pin or two, just to keep fly-aways out of your eyes. Nothing flashy or fancy, since you’d gone on disastrous dates before dressed to the nines and it had been a mistake, to the say the least. Red wine is virtually impossible to get out of silk chiffon.

You got there a little early, but when you told the hostess that you were going to be waiting for someone, she said, “Oh, are you here for Pevik?”

“Yes,” You said, surprised.

“He’s already here,” She said brightly. “Right this way.”

You followed the woman to a table across from the bar, and sitting there was a goblin. He had short black hair and long ears. His eyes were the typical yellow with slotted pupils and he had a cute little button nose. He had on black slacks and a blue button-up shirt on with shiny black shoes.

You managed to hide the fact that you were a little disappointed. You typically preferred men who were taller than you, and this guy was only slightly taller than your waist, at your best guess.

He was clasping and unclasping his hands over and over, but stopped and perked up as you approached, a smile spreading across his face. You could see small bottom and top tusks just poking out from his lips.

“Are you my date today?” He asked.

“I am,” You said, sticking your hand out and introducing yourself.

“Pevik,” He said. “Pevik Pikecarver.”

“That’s a unique last name,” You said as you sat.

“It’s Orcish, actually,” He said shyly. “I was adopted as a baby by orc dads.”

“Oh!” You said. “Wow, that’s amazing.”

He laughed. “Yeah, I get that a lot.” He looked up at you through his surprisingly long lashes. “I’m not exactly what you were expecting, huh?”

You shrugged a little guiltily. “I guess not.”

“I know. You were expecting me to have blue eyes, right?”

You couldn’t help but laugh. Poor guy. You imagined he got a lot of rejection but still had a good sense of humor.

“I get it if you’d like to end this early--” He started, but you interrupted him.

“No, no! I’ll admit, I had different… expectations, but you seem really cool. Let’s keep it going, if that’s okay?”

His smile widened and he nodded.

He was a social worker who insured elder care workers were qualified to do their jobs, in both retirement facilities and home care. He enjoyed his job because it reminded him of his dads, who had adopted him very late in their lives. You were sad to learn they had both died recently, making him feel very lonely. Usually he spent most of his time at work and with his two cats, Jenga and Fifi, who he inherited from his dads.

He asked you about yourself, eager to learn about your life and hobbies. The two of you had a lot of things in common, including tastes in music and movies, although he thought the depictions of goblins in fantasy films was super racist. You had to agree.

By the end of the date, the two of you had been talking for hours and the restaurant was about to close.

“I didn’t realize how much time had passed,” He said, staring at his watch. “I should go, I’ve got a lot of paperwork at home that needs doing, but I had a great time.” He seemed to want to say more, but was hesitant.

“Me too,” You said. “Do you want to do this again sometime?”

“Yeah, absolutely!” He said, brightening. “Anytime you want! Just let me know when you’re free.”

You laughed again. “”Don’t sound so eager! Let me give you my number.” You held out your hand and he handed you his phone. You put your number in it and texted yourself. “There. I’ll text you soon, okay?”

“I look forward to it,” He said, walking you to your car. “Take care, okay?”

“I will,” You said, wishing him a goodnight.

You texted him when you got home, letting him know you’d made it safe. You weren’t sure why you felt the need to do so, but it felt nice. He responded he had gotten home as well and wished you a good night’s sleep. You went to bed feeling a little giddy.

You woke up to a good morning text from him the next day and smiled all through your morning routine for work. You didn’t expect this…reaction…from one date. Pevik was admittedly not your usual type, but there was just something about him that made you… feel good. There wasn’t an initial spark, sure, but after spending all that time talking with him had completely changed your perception. Maybe it was his unwavering attention or his sweet disposition or sense of humor. Whatever it was, you were looking forward to seeing him again.

Your next day off was Tuesday, and even though he was working ten hour days for the whole week, he still wanted to have dinner with you.

>Won’t you be tired? You asked him through text.

>Not if I’m with you, He texted back. >How could I be tired when I have you there to invigorate me?

>You’re so silly, You said, grinning at your phone.

>Hopefully in a good way, He replied. >My lunch break is over. I’ll see you tonight at seven. I can’t wait!

>Neither can I. Have a good day at work!

>I will.

He met you at a cafe that Tuesday still wearing his work badge on his button-up shirt.

“Sorry,” He said, taking it off and stuffing it in his pocket. “I came straight from work.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” You said. “We could have made the date a little later.”

“Nah, if I sat still, I’d have fallen asleep. Besides, I was excited to see you again and I didn’t want to wait.”

You could feel yourself blushing and tried to keep the smile off your face.

“I must seem like a weirdo,” He said, kicking his feet a little in embarrassment. “Being so happy to see you all the time, I mean. I know I should be kind of aloof and cool, but I can’t help it. I just feel like a puppy left alone for too long.”

“No, it’s really sweet,” You assured him. “Honestly, no one has ever showered me with so much attention before. It’s kind of nice. I expect guys to act aloof and disinterested at first, so it’s refreshing.”

He laughed self-consciously. “I’m glad. I’m always concerned that my enthusiasm is grating on people.” The two of you sat and ordered your coffee and treat from the waitress.

“I was thinking, actually,” You said slowly. “I hope this doesn’t seem forward, but I have the weekend off and was thinking of cooking for the first time in a while. Like, a full spread. I don’t often cook because it’s just me, but I’m pretty good at it. Would you like to have dinner at my house?”

He gulped but nodded. “Yes, that sounds lovely, thank you.”

“Well, don’t thank me yet. My cooking is either incredible or horrifying nightmares, and there is no in-between. No guarantees which one you’ll get.”

He laughed again. “Well, no one’s perfect.”

After coffee, he was walking you back to your car when you saw a bench.

“Hey, can you stand up on here for a sec?” You asked.

He hopped up effortlessly. “Sure, what for?”

You pinched his chin in your fingers and kissed him. He took your face in his hands and pulled you in closer, and you could feel his small tusks between his teeth. It was exciting.

That Friday, you were in your kitchen, stirring red sauce in a saucepan, when there was a knock on your apartment door. Your heart rose up in your chest and you went to open the door. Pevik stood there with a really beautiful bouquet flowers.

“Not to be cliche, but,” He said, grinning. “For you.”

“Thanks,” You said, taking them and sniffing. “Let me see if I have a vase.”

You did not have a vase, but you did find a liquor bottle with a wide neck and used that to decent effect.

“I was praying you weren’t allergic to any of those. I couldn’t ask without being obvious, so I also got this,” He pulled a bottle of Benadryl out of his pocket. You laughed out loud.

“Very thoughtful,” You said, taking it. “It reminds me of just before our first date and my wondering if you’d have an allergic reaction to my cat’s fur and if I should bring my epipen.”

He laughed with you. “So, what’s on the menu tonight?” He hopped up on one of the stools at the bar in your kitchen.

“Stuffed bell peppers with a spring greens salad,” You said.

“That sounds amazing,” He said. “I eat way too much take out, but I never have time to cook.”

“Well, maybe I can cook for you more often. We could even cook together.”

He smiled. “I love that idea.”

You pointed to a stepstool you bought recently. “Want to help me stuff my pepper?”

He snorted and struggled to keep a straight face. “Sure.” He grabbed the stool and stood up next to you, taking one of the knives from the block and cleaning out the peppers. On the stool he was only slightly shorter than you, perfect height to lean in for a sneaky kiss on the cheek, so you did.

He jumped but gave you a startled smile, returning the kiss. The two of you worked together to finish dinner, stealing kisses as you did. When his hands weren’t occupied, he lay one of them on the small of your back, stroking up and down your spine a little. It made you bite your lip and squeeze your legs together.

The tension between the two of you was getting thicker by the minute, and by the time you both had sat down to eat, you were throbbing between your legs and shooting him sultry looks. You ate in relative silence because you didn’t trust yourself to talk, but your unshod foot found it’s way up his leg and between his thighs.

Halfway through dinner, he couldn’t take it anymore and threw down his silverware, standing and coming around the table to kiss you roughly. You pulled him into your lap and began unbuttoning his shirt as his lips made their way to your neck and collarbone, palming your breasts through the fabric of your blouse.

“Bedroom?” You asked breathlessly.

“Oh, gods, please,” He wheezed back, and you lifted him, carrying him to your room. He was heavier than he looked, but he was still light enough to carry a short distance. The both of you fell heavily on the bed with you on top of him. He pulled your blouse off just as you unbuttoned the last button and tugged the hem of his shirt out of his pants. He rolled you, straddling your legs as he undid your pants and helped you get them off.

Undressing each other took no time at all, and you lay back on your pillow as he kissed his way down your stomach. The pressure of his tusks pressed against your skin was like small charges, electrifying your body. His hands massaged your thighs and opened you up as he got lower, his long nails poking you slightly as he went.

“You’re okay with this, right?” He asked softly, his thumbs rubbing circles so very close to your swollen entrance. “I’m not moving to fast, am I?”

“If you’re moving too fast, I am, too,” You said. “It’s okay. Trust me, I’m perfectly happy with how things are going right now.”

He chuckled. “Just checking,” He replied before lowering himself down. His tongue licked one long strip from bottom to top before the pointed tip of it circled your clit, flicking it once or twice to make you whimper. Then he licked his thumb and used it to rub your bud up and down while he pushed his tongue inside you, moaning against the skin, contracting it against that sweet spot. You cried out and gripped his hair, rocking your hips back and forth.

Your breasts shuddered with every quivering breath that escaped your lips as he took his time pleasuring you. He was a little rusty, but he was more than happy to take direction, and your mind blanked as a rush of ecstasy washed through your body. You were completely unable to control the sounds that came out of you.

You lay on your pillow looking down at him as he got up on his knees, pushed your legs back, and lined himself up with your body, slowly pushing his cock inside, groaning and shutting his eyes.

“Oh, gods,” He whispered. “That’s so good. You feel incredible.”

“I could say the same to you,” You replied breathlessly. He wasn’t long, but definitely girthy and stretched you open pretty wide without being uncomfortable.

He opened his eyes and looked right at you, as if confirming that you wanted this. You bit your lip and fluttered your lashes a bit in a way you hoped looked appealing. He smiled and began to thrust, bending to kiss your belly and breasts. He gripped your hips hard and slapped his body against yours pretty hard with each thrust. It was exhilarating and you pressed your ankles into his buttocks to drive him faster.

He definitely took the hint, and your bedframe was smacking the wall with the intensity of his movements. Time completely blurred and it was as if the two of you were in a bubble in which nothing could enter in or leave until you both were sated. You couldn’t remember if any words were said from that moment on, whether by you or him, and fell into the fog of the best sex of your entire life.

You weren’t sure if you fell asleep or passed out, but there was definitely a moment were you simply weren’t conscious anymore. When you came back to the living world, a soft morning light was filtering in through the curtains of your windows. Pevik was asleep against you, his head on your shoulder and an arm around your waist. He looked adorable sleeping. You had thought to extricate yourself to start breakfast, but you woke him.

“Good morning,” You said as he began to blink blearily.

“It is a most excellent morning,” He said, smiling his toothy smile. “Last night was… beyond anything I’ve ever experienced. I think you’ve spoiled me for any other woman.”

“Well, hopefully, you won’t be needing another one,” You said. “In fact…” You grabbed your phone from your bedside table and clicked open the app.

“What are you doing?”

“Uninstalling it,” You said. “I’ve got you now. I don’t need it anymore.”

His grin widened. “You know what? You’re right.” He retrieved his phone from his pants pocket and uninstalled the app as well. “It served it’s purpose. No point in wasting the memory space.”

You lay back down on the bed with him propped up on one arm, looking down at you.

“I’m glad you decided to give me a chance,” He said to you, kissing your shoulder.

“I’m glad I tried that blind date thing,” You replied. “It’s hard to believe that if I had clicked a different button, we may never have met.”

“Life is funny that way,” He said.

You smiled softly at him and gave him a sweet kiss. “Right now, life is telling me we need waffles.”

“It’s important to listen to messages when we receive them,” He said magnanimously, then chased you into the kitchen, tickling you as you went.

Since my work is no longer searchable, please do me a favor and reblog this story if you enjoyed it. Help me reach a wider audience! To help me continue creating, please consider buying me a Kofi, becoming a Patron, or donating directly to my PayPal!

Thanks for reading!

My Masterlist

The Exophilia Creator’s Masterlist

#Exophilia #OkCryptid #Goblin #Dating App #Monster Boyfriend #Pevik #Mxnsterbabe

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eggmilk81 · 3 years

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8 New Age Ways To View Private Instagram

I dont know practically you, but I despise it when Instagram tells me, Hey, this account is private. It makes me wanna scream, like, Hey Zuckerberg, I need to view this profile right now. Once upon a time, I had this girl I was crushing on. I came to Instagram to see in the works her page, single-handedly to find that it was private. I was pissed to the teeth. Im guessing you, too, have had your fair allowance of run-ins later than private accounts. Dont draw attention to just about it. previously my experience as soon as that girl, Ive dedicated my enthusiasm to developing hacks to fracture into private Instagram accounts. Read upon to locate out what I have for you. By the way, you can check this site to purchase Instagram followers. There youll find strictly genuine, human followers. Hacks to view private Instagram accounts instantly view private instagram account Send a Follow request First of all, lets go in the manner of the oldest trick in the book: to follow the person. When you send a Follow demand to a private account, you have to wait for the owner to accept the demand previously you can view their profile. If youre in luck, and the person happens to be online roughly the time you send the request, later they may accept, and you will be nimble to view their profile right away. If not, you may have to wait until they arrive online. Personally, I dont subsequently this trick but lets accomplish to be good boys for a sec and pretense by Instagrams rules. At least, this is how they would desire us to view the profile of a private account. Call on Google for help Perhaps youve waited a few seconds, and the new person has still to take your request. No problem. Head to your Chrome or Safari and enter the persons username into the search bar. Usually, like an account owner makes their profile private, Google has a library of their outmoded posts. That is, posts they made in the manner of their account was nevertheless public. Once the search page loads, your search results will be displayed in terms of All, Images, News, and Videos. Click the image tab. This should display a increase of that persons public posts and profile pictures. If youre conveniently looking for a photo of them to use in a picture frame or on a birthday cake, this trick seems gone a good one to go with. Search other platforms If someone has made their IG account private, and youre loud nearly viewing their profile, after that go ahead and check their Facebook, Twitter, TikTok, Snapchat, Pinterest, etc. If you dont know their full name, check their Instagram bio. By scouring through supplementary platforms, you just might find as many photos of the person or details virtually them as you need. View through a friend Often, you may have a friend (or a friend of a friend) whos already once the person. If you do, ask them if they can check out the account and after that save and take up the persons posts to you. How accomplish you know if you have links who are already past the person? Simply ask via your Whatsapp status. The fastest and surest hacks to view private accounts upon Instagram Use IGmods.com IGmods.com is one of several third-party apps you can use to view private Instagram accounts. Follow this step-by-step guide to create use of it. For iPhone users: Open Settings and go to General. Once in, locate the Background App Refresh button and make clear its ON. Next, go next to to the Battery section and incline off low knack mode. Go to the App growth and set automatic downloads to ON. Now visit com. From the list of options displayed, click VIEW PRIVATE ACCOUNT. Once the page loads, youll look a box labeled Target Instagram Username. private instagram viewer of the account youre frustrating to view into this box. Hit Connect and wait for the system to respond. Youll get a declaration asking you to support the account. This lets you double-check the username youve typed in. similar to you have, go ahead and click Confirm. A build up bar will pop up, hence just wait a few seconds. How long the increase bar takes to truth will depend upon the number of posts upon the account. Finally, youll get a publication that reads, Private data successfully unlocked for XYZ. Now go back to Instagram and search for the username. Voila, you should be competent to see anything on the account. What approximately Android and PC users? The process is quite a bit easier for Androids. You dont habit to bend any settings upon your phone. Just go to the IGmods.com website and follow all the steps described above. Use InjectBox.com This site works directly for both iPhone and Android users. Here are the step-by-step instructions. Go to Instagram and locate the username of the private account youre aggravating to view. Now go to InjectBox.com and scroll all along until you locate Private Instagram Viewer. Click upon that and enter the persons username. Then click View Private Account. Once the system responds, youll see the numbers of cronies and followings upon the account. You can double-check this similar to the indigenous account page to announce that its the right one. Now, click on the Confirm Username button. The system will ask what youd considering to do: View photos? This allows you to look lonely photos. View followers? This allows you to look without help followers. OR Unlock profile? This allows you to see the full profile. Once you click the Unlock Profile button, the system will question you to fill out a CAPTCHA. Now go assist to Instagram and refresh the profile page. It should be PUBLIC now, meaning that you can look all upon it. Use the Instagram++ extension For iPhone users: Turn off auto rotation. Go to Settings, click on General, and next tilt on Background App Refresh. Open your browser and go to HXTweaks.com. On the homepage, scroll the length of to where youll find the search bar (just critical of the ALL APPS icon) and type in Instagram. An Instagram app bearing in mind the read out Instagram ++ will behave up. Click upon it to download and inject the app strengthening into your main Instagram app. Afterward, youll be taken to a extra window where you have to total a few easy commands. Once done, wait a few seconds for the commands to activate, next head help to Instagram. Search for the private account again. This time, all private accounts should have been made public, correspondingly you can view these private profiles easily. For Android users: The and no-one else feel you habit to fiddle with for Androids is auto-rotation. bearing in mind youve successfully turned off auto-rotation, you can go to the HXTweaks.com website and use every the steps we mentioned above. You should be clever to view all private profiles easily afterward. Use the UnlockPrivate app So far, weve been using web options. Now lets see how we can unlock private Instagram accounts with a mobile app. How to download the UnlockPrivate app on your iPhone Go to Settings, General, and twist upon your Background App Refresh. Next, go to Battery and make definite the low faculty mode is turned off. Now admission your browser and go to XTweak.co. Once in, search for Private Instagram Viewer. The app should pop up. Go ahead and inject it into your phone. How to download the UnlockPrivate app upon your Android Open Settings. Turn off power-saving mode. Go to Display and point off auto-rotate. Now go to XTweak.co and download the app as described above. How to view private accounts using the UnlockPrivate app Go to Instagram and search for the private account you want to view. Leave the page open, minimize your phone, and approach the UnlockPrivate app. Once in, enter the username of the private account. Click the View Profile button. Give the system a few seconds to load. subsequent to its finished, go back up into your Instagram app and refresh the private account page. Voila, every the profile info should be staring at you now. CONCLUSION That was Blursome guys! I wish you enjoyed it. Now, no profile can conceal from us upon Instagram. atmosphere pardon to pick any hack that best interests you, and you should be dexterous to view any profile you desire. Dont forget that site I told you where you can purchase Instagram followers and likes. Theyre truly legit and reputable.

#view private instagram

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missadddreamer · 4 years

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Just Hold On.

Welcome to the new world dreamers!

Pr-warning this is a long one. Do you feel free or are you suffocating? Just hold on. Did you need this quiet? Did you need a moment? Most of the time we feel overwhelmed, that we are not doing enough, that we are doing so much that something gets left behind. What is this new situation GIVING to you ? I have found myself absolutely intrigued in what individual lessons are to be learnt. . Were you to on the go and the universe is literally HALTING you. Your children & partner need you. Maybe you should have done more? Embrace the beautiful people around us that may be our soul needed to be fed by but we were too tired or decided to hold ourselves back someway. The universe has Separated ourselves from toxic people or environments.Universal detox. One does not need a place of worship to be content with our creator. Necessities not wealth. Validate the importance of well being. Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow can be a different day. We are really NOT okay being alone. We are very aware that we are totally okay alone. You really do not want to be where you are now. Whatever it is. The most common response I received was “ Taking things for granted”. Maybe every day we wake up during this Crisis we take a moment to be mindful of what we are grateful for. Roll with all of these emotions we have been presented, What are you going to do with this MASSIVE lesson. Let’s take a moment to recognize how this time can be difficult for us. Learning your own patterns and recognizing when we are in need of. Stimulation, strategizing when we need to structure ourselves or our day. Are you working from home? Are you laid off? Are you now managing the education of others? All I know is that I am experiencing a place that I did NOT want to be stuck in. Usually Spring is my time shine! Rebirth to a new me. I am the child of the “ True North “:p I just isolated myself ALL WINTER. Here are some things to consider... 1. (Always my first suggestion) Make a list. If this is in a form of a daily schedule you would like to go by, Things you want to get done around the house, Projects you would like to do, Don’t make a long list. Make several small ones. Check something off it could feel good. Shit! We might be able to accomplish something in between the confusing feeling of not knowing what to do with ourselves.... or if we even want to do anything in the first place. ..... realism :p

2. Know when to remove yourself from the news. It is okay to be aware, I actually REALLY want you to be aware of the proper information. Be aware when you are taking in too much and when you need to remove yourself and walk away from googling current case amounts in your area for the 67th within the last hour. Remove yourself from social media consumption. Remember that there were HEALTHY ways that we occupied our time before technology. You need to give yourself permission and know that it is okay to take a break because we are going to need it. Saying that though... do not isolate yourself away from the beautiful connection like facetime or Zoomin with your loved ones. Check in. 3. Is the sun out today? Go sit by a window, go take the garbage out, take the dog for a walk. Close your eyes, stick yourself in the rays of the sun, plug your ears for 60 secs if the kids are screaming. Take a breath in, breathe out until you can feel the unknown tension lower. Wholey shit!! I had NO IDEA it was even there. This is not a high expectation, because this took 30 of the 60 secs I mentioned. We need to do this once a day. If you don’t have the sunshine that is okay. One moment. Just one crucial moment

4. Dance. Release. We are currently experiencing being 100% out of control of our situation, so take control of it at least one point of your day ( start back at number one when needed). Go find that sign someone bought you for Christmas in 2001 that has been sitting in the garage sale pile and 9 years and “ Dance like no ones watching”

5. Expect the totally expected. First step is acceptance! This is going to be a VERY difficult time for everyone. Before it gets bad lets reflect where we have difficulties. ADD - ADHD dreamers usual suffer with depression & anxiety. What tools can we use to be proactive in battling it before it happens, also what plan can we put in place when we get there? Talk to your person ( Friend, counselor, video appointments with your psychologist if that's an option). Keep up on self care routines ( Mindfulness, consistency with medication, eating well, exercise, or bubble bath and wine) if that's your thing)

We are human. We are in this together though apart. This is ducked right up. This is overwhelming. This is not our norm. We are grieving our freedom. We are lost. We are afraid. This is fear. This is invasive to our environment. Doggie paddle through the new awkward apocalyptic twilight zone. The world as we know it has changed. This too SHALL PASS. JUST... HOLD ...ON!

#Self care #ADD/ADHD #ADD/ADHD survival tips #COVID survival tips #corona virus #COVID-19 #Canadian #advocacy #promotementalhealth #mental health #just hold on

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steve0discusses · 6 years

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Yugioh S2 Ep 28: Marik Ishtar Canonically Only Weighs 121 lbs

Yo, I got hella sick this week and slept for what felt like 3 straight days, so because I’m still not fully functional (like I just found french fries in my front pocket of my sweatshirt and I have no idea when over the past three days I put that in there), in celebration of finally being awake, lets watch a lucid dream put to the screen, that’s right, it’s time for Yugioh.

Last we left off, Yugi has decided to throw this heavy chain and anchor over Joey’s neck--referring of course to the golden cursed necklace and not the actual chain and anchor that is hanging above them and about to kill them (but probably weighs the same but we’ll get to that realization later). I was really hoping that we’d get to see Pharaoh pull up in the corner like a little shoulder angel and just start shouting at Joey, but apparently you can’t catch the Pharaoh Dad curse that easily.

So apparently I missed THIS the last two episodes--but there’s a huge ass Death Clock above the anchor? Seriously, there’s been a time limit this whole time!?

I would be jumping into the ocean the moment I saw this clock, I just cannot even fathom the thought of playing a 20 minute card game. Like once my older brother--a different bro than my younger bro who edits this blog, this is my Chaotic Neutral bro--decided to shove 5 different Uno decks together to create an ultimate deck that was almost entirely wilds and draw 4′s and it was such an excruciating experience, that my Mother secretly threw the game away. Forever scarred.

Anyway, now that he’s strapped with Pharaoh in a Box, finally things got weird enough that Joey snapped out of it. First time he snapped out of it was because of a dragon...second time was the puzzle...he has yet to even kind of recognize Tea strapped in a bondage chair with a giant storage unit threatening to crush her--that one doesn’t seem to bother him.

Joey has a very selective memory, but he only seems to come to for about 10 seconds at a time and mostly just sweats a lot whenever he does.

(read more under the cut)

And as Joey pulls out the same piece he once threw out a school window and into a really fancy fountain, he has a very quick flashback to Season One. Or Season Zero, depending on which version you like better. (What school has a fountain, PS? Was that a quick donation from the Kaibas so the principal could shrug off some demerits?)

And so Joey puts the puzzle back together and back over his neck.

It’s fine. Go back to throwing fireballs at your best friend, but if you litter, then that’s just way too far. I mean the show has to stretch this out four episodes anyway, so despite their endless friendship love--Joey is still possessed and we have nothing left to give him unless Yugi just starts unloading belts.

Really confused at how this magic even works or operates when the puzzle is so far away from Yugi, but maybe Pharaoh has a battery life like a wacom tablet.

Man, so there really is no way to have any privacy when that guy’s in your head huh? Like can’t even hang up the puzzle when you’re on the toilet--no--he’s just...always around. This is the worst curse.

Back on the boat, the story boarding team realized that Marik is an underage teenager and cannot drink alcohol on TV.

I mean he didn’t even have a bottle of whatever he’d drink to fill that glass (milk, I’m assuming. Marik seems like the type of person that’d put ice in his milk.) But all that was drawn next to him was just one bucket of ice. Marik’s just back here stress chewing ice like a pregnant woman.

PS I just looked up Marik’s age with a quick Google Search and can we talk about something real fast--just real fast--JK I’m gonna talk about it a lot.

+++++RATHER LONG WIKIA WORMHOLE WEIGHT DISCUSSION FEEL FREE TO SKIP++++++++++

Age‎: ‎16 <---which seems a little young, but OK, it’s an anime

Weight‎: ‎121.254 lb <------- EXCUSE ME, WIKIA!?

Height‎: ‎1.8 m ; 5.906 ft

He is nearly 6 ft feet tall and 120 lbs!?

Y’all.

Marik HAS NO BONES.

As a reviewer, it’s not my job to go around saying if drawing Marik way too skinny for a normal human being is right or wrong, because that’s a discussion that you can find plenty of info on. I’m pretty sure the people who made this show never expected when they first drew Yugi’s crazy eyes and horrible hair that we’d have a generation that would point to it and say “that’s hot”

And I’m not saying any of these characters have eating problems either, because we’ve seen all of them eat healthy meals. The shocking thing is that they gave these fake characters--remember these aren’t real people, they are cartoons--a specific numeric weight.

Blood type I expect, other random anime tidbits I expect--but weight seems super duper random and so awkward. Like, why do we have this information? Was it on a card or something? Like did the intern who came up with this weight number even research like...how much a normal human weighs??? Did they pull this number out of their ass???? None of these numbers make any sense, and they have these for apparently every single person who has appeared on the show. It’s incredible.

Man, Marik’s still wearing Baby Gap over there. Which...that explains the very small hoodie.

...one sec, let me look at the stats on Yugi.

Weight‎: ‎92.594 lb Height‎: ‎1.53 m ; 5.02 ft

OH NO. Who did this!?

He can’t even ride a roller coaster yet! Well, that explains a lot of the need for so many belts on this show. Yugi hasn’t hit the big triple digits yet.

Oh, Yugi.

And since we’re talking about numbers, lets talk about that puzzle now that we’ve talked about Yugi’s body weight. And like, lets be real--this is a cartoon and so of course it weighs magically nothing in the physics of the show...but lets just see, using math, how much this is if a 7 inch isosceles pyramid were made of solid gold (assuming that there is no gap in the middle, because that’s the way I’ve personally interpreted it.)

Now I’m gonna throw out a number and if you disagree, that’s cool beans and I don’t care, I was an art major, leave your math in the comments. But my math: It’s roughly 60 lbs. Some people online say it would only be 2 kilo’s but I don’t know what planet they’re from. Gold is .7 lbs a volumetric inch

Of course this weight also depends on how heavy the chain is, but I mean...the chain is stronger than Joey Wheeler and Tristan combined hitting it repeatedly with a pipe. It’s gotta be a car-towing/superlock chain.

a 20 inch heavy duty tow/lock chain is like 15 lbs, from what I see on Ebay.

So that pyramid necklace, indeed, is 75 lbs--4/5 of Yugi’s weight.

Now lets say you think there’s a gap in the middle and each piece has about a half-inch thickness, we’ll subtract about 43 lbs.

That’s still a 32 lb necklace guys, it’s about a third his weight!

Now lets say this was gold plated--first off, it’s not. But, lets say it’s entirely copper AND it’s hollow. That necklace is still 7 lbs with a 15 lb chain which is 23 lbs.

So, in all, Yugi actually weighs more than most people on this show--but it’s only because of the necklace, meaning the strongest thing in Yugioh, other than the endearing power of friendship between Joey and Yugi, is Yugi’s neck.

I also looked up Seto Kaiba and it didn’t say his weight right away but it did say this

Favorite Food‎: ‎Filet Mignon with Foie Gras Sauce

Damn.

Why does Seto Kaiba crave freakin ducks? Someone please give this poor child some candy. Give the whole cast candy.

+++++++END RANT OF EVERYONE’S WEIGHT ACCORDING TO WIKIA. I’M NOT EVEN SURE WHY WE KNOW THIS?+++++++

Meanwhile, on the other side of town, the boys are still babysitting Serenity, who has the pure muscle mass of 108 lbs, which is nearly 20 lbs more than Yugi Muto and only about 10 lbs less than Marik Ishtar.

She could probably lift Marik Ishtar. TBH with OP buff Wheeler stats like that, Serenity could probably punch out half the cast and does not need babysitting.

Duke Devlin is still following them around. I don’t really know why. No thugs are after Duke. Duke can just leave whenever he wants to, but he’s either so fascinated by Tristan’s predicament, or so enamored by Serenity’s soft hair and beautiful bandages, that he’s decided to follow along like Bakura in Season 1.

Except Bakura in Season 1 followed along because he wanted to screw them all, I’m pretty sure Duke won’t be doing that because I’m fairly positive that dice earring he got off of Etsy isn’t a millennium earring. I’m fairly positive he isn’t going to randomly kill everybody. I don’t know if this show could handle yet another villain dead set on destroying the world.

This love triangle between Tristan, and a girl who I didn’t think was real in S1, and Duke Devlin, the guy who was in a one-off at the end of S1 when the season should have already ended. So this is happening now. Interesting choice, show.

Serenity is like 12, right? Like her brother’s 14-16 and she’s like 11-13?

This show has a cast mostly full of people who are all the same age yet they keep shipping the few people that are either too young or waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too old. (except for Yugi and Joey, of course, who are the same age)

Duke Devlin, with this newly found responsibility, immediately walks a blind person into the street.

Anyways, speaking of ships that are way too old for this show, look who’s here and driving the dumbest convertible I’ve ever seen drawn.

And on the other side of town, the show edited out most of this violent nonsense for me.

Mai’s car, straight from fisher-price. I can’t stop looking at it.

So um...in the time it took to get Tristan, pick him up, turn around, and then drive here it was like...a 2 minute drive?

But, youknow, consider the Kaiba’s perspective. You’re watching this effed up duel straight from the bowels of Satan, and you hear a car pull up, and you’re like “oh finally, someone’s come to help us” and you turn around, and it’s a blue clown car full of Mai Valentine, Tristan, that random horny kid from the class across the hall, and some blind woman?

So Mokuba, who weighs less than one millennium puzzle at 61 lbs, actually makes an attempt to explain everything as quickly as possible and this is like the fourth time this kid has had to explain to someone else what the hell is going on.

Ah, and now everyone’s a bystander.

Almost the entire cast is here now, right? At least Yugi will die with an audience.

Bandit Keith weighs 187 lbs, PS. He is, so far, the only character I’ve checked who weighs more than Yugi with the necklace on.

Anyway, their weights are all awkwardly available online and I’ll probably go back to forgetting that this random info exists (much like I consistently forget that Seto is only 6′1″ although he’s drawn like he’s 8 ft tall)

Next week on Yugioh:

So how much does Yugi’s hair weigh when all that product is on there? Does Seto ever eat that Filet Mignon he craves so bad? Is Mai in fact renting that car and does it get busted here in the Abandoned Warehouse neighborhood?

#Yugioh #yugioh recap #photo recap #S2 Ep 28 #Yugi muto #Joey Wheeler #Marik Ishtar #Serenity Wheeler #Mai Valentine #Duke Devlin #Tristan Taylor #doom clock #Seto Kaiba #Mokuba Kaiba #tw weight

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smallrobothugeworld · 5 years

Text

Conversation and Confrontation

Enough intro, let's see some more roboi!

Note, I did use some cursing in this peice, but I censored it.

_____

Heeb set his dismembered arm on the table in front of him, letting it fall with a dull 'thunk'.

"I n-need to fix it... before I c-can use it." He stammered, quickly avoiding eye contact with the human more.

Benji laughed, picking up his arm and setting it in a small mesh cup usually used for holding pencils. "Yeah, dude. We can fix it up. I promise." He exclaimed hopefully, staring out the window at the drops of rain rolling down to the windowsill outside

_____

Rain pelted down outside like a million little rocks and the wind howled like some musical instrument from another dimension. A single tall figure walked down the sidewalk, holding a plastic bag in one hand and a white umbrella in his other. Slung over his shoulder was a backpack, pressing into the purple and yellow fabric of the varsity jacket he wore. The letters "WLU" were sewn onto the jacket over the left-hand side of his chest.

Making a turn into the dormatory he lived in, he went up the elevator he had gone up so many times, went down the hallway and opened the all too familiar door with the number "356" over the peephole.

"OI, BENJAMIN! I GOT YOUR S**T!" He yelled into the dorm, dropping the plastic bag onto the floor.

"So uh... what-" Benji started, before being interrupted by the yelling. "Sit tight, buddy" He whispered to the little robot, standing up and walking out of his bedroom. Heeb gave a beep of confirmation.

"You know you don't have to yell. I'm not deaf!" Benji said as he shut the door behind him.

"Pfft, yeah. Whatever, dork. How're you feelin'?" The person asked, setting the closed umbrella against the wall.

Benji coughed into his sleeve as if to proove how sick he really was. "Could be better...thanks" He muttered, stepping forward and grabbing the bag and going to step back in your room.

"So, who were you talkin' to?"

Benji froze. "Just a... uh... friend of mine. On the phone."

"But didn't your phone fall in the toilet like.... two days ago?"

"First, it was three days ago, and uh... yeah. It did..."

"Benjamin, who the hell were you talking to?"

"Alex... just... don't worry about it. Ok?" Benji exclaimed, running into his room and slamming the door behind him.

"F**kin' weirdo..." Alex said before quietly entering his own room.

_____

Benji sat back down in his chair and let out a defeated sigh. "Great. Just great!"

"W-what was that about?"

"Sorry, uh... Alex. That guy... he really hates robots. His best friend was... killed by one in some car factory." He whispered sadly, rolling the chair forward and putting his head on the desk.

Heeb felt awful. "Maybe I can go talk with-"

"No. Just... stay away from him. Who knows what he'd do with you..." Benji snapped back, opening up his laptop and opening a new window in Google.

_____

The two sat in silence for a while, only accompanied by the steady clacking of the keys on the keyboard being pressed and the occasional click as the human pressed something on his screen.

Until that silence was cut by a knock on the door.

"Oi, weirdo. Open the bloody door!" Alex yelled sternly.

"Uh... can I have a second?" Benji replied after sneezing into his tissue.

"No. Now!" Alex exclaimed. "I pay the rent, you follow MY rules!"

"GIVE ME A SEC!" Benji yelled back, quickly scooping his new robot friend up, unplugging him and stuffing him into the inner pocket of his sweater. "Just stay silent..." He whispered, before standing up and opening the door.

"You are the WORST at being quiet, dude! And who the hell are you talking to about our secret?!"

"I-I just... I..." Benji stammered out, before sighing again. "I... I found a robot..."

"So?"

"I'm keeping him."

"HIM?! You call these machines, these... creations 'HIM'?! It's a freaking machine, Benjamin. You don't call your damn laptop a 'she', do you?!" Alex exclaimed with extreme annoyance.

"He's scared of us, Alex. I'm taking care of him." Benji replied, suprisingly calm.

"You are NOT keeping a robot under MY roof! I don't care if it acts like it's scared. It's just a bunch of F**KING CODE STUFFED INSIDE AN IMITATION OF A PERSON!"

"Fine. You're right"

"Exactly. Where is the damn thing so I can throw it out?"

"No. You're right about me not keeping a robot under your roof. I'm moving out!"

Alex sighed. "Fine. I want you out tommorow morning.". He walked out and slammed the door behind him.

_____

Some friends of mine on an Amino will be voting on what happens next, but if you reblog and have a GREAT idea, I may just use it instead.

#g/t #robot #story #smol #Heeb's Adventures

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preciousmetals0 · 4 years

Text

Volatility Is Your Friend; Beyond Meat Is Hot Again

Volatility Is Your Friend; Beyond Meat Is Hot Again:

Friday Four Play: The “Shoeshine Moment” Edition

I have a bit of a rant today.

The thing is, I’m getting bombarded by friends and family asking how to buy stocks.

It’s getting out of hand. “Relatives” are popping up all over the place asking for recommendations. Heck, I’ve even had people on my PlayStation friends list ask how to get started with investing.

No, xx360NoScopeHeadShot420xx, I can’t give you stock advice. The SEC will fry me. Will you just cover Point A? That enemy sniper is creeping up again.

Personally, I’m having flashbacks to 2007, when those same relatives and friends asked me about flipping houses.

You know, that Joe Kennedy “shoeshine boy” moment?

And it’s not just anecdotal. According to Google Trends, searches for “How do I buy stocks?” are at their highest level of popularity since 2004.

All this public attention — this groundswell of stock-trading interest — sets off my contrarian senses. (They’re like spider senses, but nowhere near as cool.)

Do you know what my contrarian senses tell me right now?

Stocks are out. Options are in. It’s no secret that we’ve seen massive market volatility this year: 2% daily swings used to be terrifying; now, they’re as mundane as your morning ritual. (Take that how you will…)

The absolute best way to take advantage of this spike in volatility is by trading options. With the right strategy, you make money when stocks go up, and you make money when stocks go down. And there have been a lot of big ups and downs lately that could’ve made you bank.

But I hear you. You’re thinking: I don’t know how to trade options!

As in all things (well, most things … OK, a few things here and there … sheesh), Great Stuff has you covered.

Truth is, you don’t need to be a whiz to dive into the options market. Heck, you don’t even need to know what an option is to get started.

Why? Because you can let Banyan Hill’s experts do the heavy lifting for you.

Paul Mampilly (yes, that Paul Mampilly!) has a “rebound” method to look for specific opportunities in volatile markets. In fact, looking back, you could’ve used this method to rack up 529% returns during the worst month of the ’08 financial crisis.

So … why not let Paul and co. find the opportunities for you? That way, you can get back to, well, whatever you’d rather do right now than stare at stock charts and data.

Click here to see how Paul Mampilly’s options research can work for you.

And now for something completely different … here’s your Friday Four Play:

No. 1: Bring Me the Verizon

If you thought wireless would be a safe haven in this pandemic market, Verizon Communications Inc. (NYSE: VZ) just burst your bubble.

The “Can you hear me now?” company just updated investors on its first-quarter performance, and the results are mixed. Earnings topped expectations by $0.04 per share, while revenue missed by $330 million. Not a complete face-plant, but it’s far from exciting.

Furthermore, Verizon lost 68,000 monthly phone subscribers last quarter. The company also yanked its 2020 guidance due to pandemic uncertainty.

Here’s the thing…

Verizon subscribers either can’t get into the store to pay their bills — the number of people still paying in person is disturbingly high — or they were forced to make budget cuts. The fact that smartphone plans make the “budget cuts list” should be a worrisome development for investors.

Not sure where to start with wireless and 5G tech? Click here!

No. 2: We Have the Un-Meats

Beyond Meat Inc. (Nasdaq: BYND) just saw its biggest weekly gain since going public. No, millions of people didn’t just decide to become vegetarians … or did they?

One of the themes coming out of the COVID-19 story is that humanity could cut down on the number of viruses it contracts by eating less meat.

“Most infectious disease outbreaks are transmitted from animals to humans,” CFRA Research wrote in a note to clients this month. “Since lab-based meat is produced in a clean and controlled environment, we think the progression of the lab-based meat industry could be accelerated as more zoonotic outbreaks occur.”

In other words, analysts believe that fake meat could be the solution to our outbreak problems.

But dietary shifts to avoid viruses aren’t the whole reason Beyond Meat surged. The company just launched its plant-based menu in China, featuring faux pork.

In case you didn’t know, China is the Porkopolis of the world. They produce and consume more pork than any other country. That production has been severely hampered by an outbreak of African Swine flu.

Swine flu? COVID-19? Maybe there’s something to this alt-meat thing after all.

No. 3: Bad Week for the Blues

With “Big Blue” in cash-conservation mode, the big tech market got even frothier with yesterday’s news of next-generation Macs ditching chips from “Team Blue,” aka Intel Corp. (Nasdaq: INTC).

There’s a shadow hanging over Intel, oh, yesterday came suddenly. Why Apple Inc. (Nasdaq: AAPL) had to go, I don’t know, it wouldn’t say. (But really, we all knew Intel couldn’t cut it anymore. Not with Apple’s ARM processors having three times as many cores as Intel’s archaic chips.)

Yesterday, processors were such an easy game to play. But last night found INTC shares down more than 6% after hours when the company reported earnings.

Earnings came in at $1.45 share, right above analysts’ estimates for $1.28 per share. And revenue hit $19.83 billion, beating both analysts’ expectations and the company’s $19-billion forecast. A decent chunk of revenue was from workers and students alike snatching up devices for their stay-at-home battle stations.

So far so good, no?

The problem — in Wall Street’s eyes, anyway — is second-quarter projections. Intel projected revenue to beat analysts’ estimates, but earnings would come up $0.09 short per share. Combined with Intel yanking its full-year guidance, this was simply too much for Wall Street to handle, and it sold.

Intel is shifting to corner the market for data centers and servers anyway. Losing consumer-device customers like Apple would happen sooner or later. My take? Ho hum.

No. 4: Penney Dreadful

A Penney saved is a Penney burned, apparently. J.C. Penney Company Inc. (NYSE: JCP) is about to become the next Sears Holdings Corp. (OTC: SHLDQ). (How the heck is Sears still a thing?)

According to The Wall Street Journal, Penney is in advanced bankruptcy talks with funding groups and lenders. Specifically, the department store failure currently seeks financial help with lenders while it undergoes a court-supervised bankruptcy.

Apparently, Penney needs about $800 million to $1 billion to stave off lenders. That’s a lot of pennies.

While J.C. Penney has hemorrhaged cash for years, the recent pandemic shutdown pushed the company over the edge. In recent weeks, Penney closed all 850 department stores and furloughed practically all its 95,000 employees.

JCP shares now trade for about 25 pennies.

Great Stuff: Penney for Your Thoughts?

That’s going to be a wrap for this week, dear reader, and what a week it was! Earnings season continues to rage on, with Wall Street flabbergasted both by companies pulling guidance and beating expectations. It’s been a wacky one, and I’m glad you chose Great Stuff to help guide you through the pandemic pandemonium.

If you ever have any questions, comments, concerns or just want to let off some steam, reach out to us at [email protected]. Our inbox is just a click away!

And if you haven’t bought into our most recent Great Stuff Pick, you might want to take a gander. Citrix Systems Inc. (Nasdaq: CTXS) shares are already drifting higher now after Wall Street’s overreaction this week, and you can bet we haven’t seen the last from this work-from-home play.

Before I go, don’t forget to check out Great Stuff online in your weekend’s search for excitement, enlightenment and entertainment. You can always find us on social media: Facebook and Twitter.

Until next time, be Great!

Joseph Hargett

Editor, Great Stuff

0 notes

goldira01 · 4 years

Link

Friday Four Play: The “Shoeshine Moment” Edition

I have a bit of a rant today.

The thing is, I’m getting bombarded by friends and family asking how to buy stocks.

No, xx360NoScopeHeadShot420xx, I can’t give you stock advice. The SEC will fry me. Will you just cover Point A? That enemy sniper is creeping up again.

Personally, I’m having flashbacks to 2007, when those same relatives and friends asked me about flipping houses.

You know, that Joe Kennedy “shoeshine boy” moment?

And it’s not just anecdotal. According to Google Trends, searches for “How do I buy stocks?” are at their highest level of popularity since 2004.

All this public attention — this groundswell of stock-trading interest — sets off my contrarian senses. (They’re like spider senses, but nowhere near as cool.)

Do you know what my contrarian senses tell me right now?

But I hear you. You’re thinking: I don’t know how to trade options!

As in all things (well, most things … OK, a few things here and there … sheesh), Great Stuff has you covered.

Truth is, you don’t need to be a whiz to dive into the options market. Heck, you don’t even need to know what an option is to get started.

Why? Because you can let Banyan Hill’s experts do the heavy lifting for you.

So … why not let Paul and co. find the opportunities for you? That way, you can get back to, well, whatever you’d rather do right now than stare at stock charts and data.

Click here to see how Paul Mampilly’s options research can work for you.

And now for something completely different … here’s your Friday Four Play:

No. 1: Bring Me the Verizon

If you thought wireless would be a safe haven in this pandemic market, Verizon Communications Inc. (NYSE: VZ) just burst your bubble.

Furthermore, Verizon lost 68,000 monthly phone subscribers last quarter. The company also yanked its 2020 guidance due to pandemic uncertainty.

Here’s the thing…

Not sure where to start with wireless and 5G tech? Click here!

No. 2: We Have the Un-Meats

Beyond Meat Inc. (Nasdaq: BYND) just saw its biggest weekly gain since going public. No, millions of people didn’t just decide to become vegetarians … or did they?

One of the themes coming out of the COVID-19 story is that humanity could cut down on the number of viruses it contracts by eating less meat.

In other words, analysts believe that fake meat could be the solution to our outbreak problems.

But dietary shifts to avoid viruses aren’t the whole reason Beyond Meat surged. The company just launched its plant-based menu in China, featuring faux pork.

Swine flu? COVID-19? Maybe there’s something to this alt-meat thing after all.

No. 3: Bad Week for the Blues

Yesterday, processors were such an easy game to play. But last night found INTC shares down more than 6% after hours when the company reported earnings.

So far so good, no?

Intel is shifting to corner the market for data centers and servers anyway. Losing consumer-device customers like Apple would happen sooner or later. My take? Ho hum.

No. 4: Penney Dreadful

A Penney saved is a Penney burned, apparently. J.C. Penney Company Inc. (NYSE: JCP) is about to become the next Sears Holdings Corp. (OTC: SHLDQ). (How the heck is Sears still a thing?)

Apparently, Penney needs about $800 million to $1 billion to stave off lenders. That’s a lot of pennies.

JCP shares now trade for about 25 pennies.

Great Stuff: Penney for Your Thoughts?

If you ever have any questions, comments, concerns or just want to let off some steam, reach out to us at [email protected]. Our inbox is just a click away!

Before I go, don’t forget to check out Great Stuff online in your weekend’s search for excitement, enlightenment and entertainment. You can always find us on social media: Facebook and Twitter.

Until next time, be Great!

Joseph Hargett

Editor, Great Stuff

#Timor Invest

0 notes

sheilacwall · 4 years

Text

Kanye West & Numerology as Jesus the King Hits #1

Has the album been well received? I’d say a resounding yes. Here are the numbers.

Jesus is King Record Sales

Jesus the King just debuted at #1 in the US, Canadian, Australian, NZ & Norwegian charts whilst entering at #2 in the UK & Irish charts.

Jesus Is King opened at number one on the US Billboard 200 with 264,000 album-equivalent units, of which 109,000 were pure album sales.

The chart-topping position stood as the sixth time that West did so with an album in the 2010s, tying him for second place with fellow rapper Future and Canadian singer Justin Bieber for most number one albums of the decade. The album simultaneously entered atop the US Top Christian Albums and Top Gospel Albums charts.

All 11 of Kanye West’s songs debuted on the latest Hot 100:

Rank, Title

No. 7, “Follow God” No. 17, “Closed on Sunday” No. 19, “Selah” No. 23, “On God” No. 33, “Everything We Need” feat. Ty Dolla $ign & Ant Clemons No. 36, “God Is” No. 37, “Use This Gospel” feat. Clipse & Kenny G No. 44, “Every Hour,” feat. Sunday Service Choir No. 50, “Water,” feat. Ant Clemons No. 59, “Hands On,” feat. Fred Hammond No. 62, “Jesus Is Lord”

West is among the most critically acclaimed musicians of the 21st century and one of the best-selling music artists of all time with over 140 million records sold worldwide.

He has won a total of 21 Grammy Awards, making him one of the most awarded artists of all time and the most Grammy-awarded artist of his generation.

Kanye’s Evolution

Kanye is a year older than me and like me, he had to move to another country as a child due to his parents’ job. For him it was China at age 10 years old as his mother found a teaching job abroad, for me it was the USA at age 9.

It seems like he had a similar problem I had at school with the same outcome.

“China was a time where me and my mom spent the most time together, we spent a year together, and she used to homeschool me. I was in school and I wasn’t doing so good, but it was actually because I was bored and after she homeschooled me I did so good on the tests they put me two grades above in a lot of different courses.”

I read that before Donda West passed away, his mother had recounted tales of a young Kanye break dancing on the streets for yangrouchuan (lamb skewers) for small change.

Mrs. West said that although she found the language difficult, her son found it amusing that the word ma meant both “mother” and “horse” depending on how it was pronounced. “He played that to the hilt,” she recalled in her book.

I remember using the word “rubber” in America, when I’d made a mistake writing something down and the kids laughing. Rubber means “condom” in America and the word you need is “eraser”. I think I played that to the hilt after that as well.

You probably know that Tupac’s parents were Black Panthers. You might be surprised to know that Ray West, Kanye’s dad, was also an ex-Black Panther and is now a Christian counsellor.

So, it is not that surprising that Kanye is following in his father’s footsteps away from his rebellious side to a more Christian role now that he is a father of four. In his interview with Zane Lowe, he says he’s drawing inspiration for a more secular role due to his daughter’s love of the Church.

The Number 27

Jesus is King clocks in at 27 min and 4 secs. Why?

What is the meaning behind number 27?

27 is an interesting number and it is the perfect cube of 3 x 3 x 3. Dark matter is assumed to make up 27% of the universe and also makes up 90% of the brain (grey matter).

27 just happens to be the number of books in the New Testament & there are also 27 Nakṣatra or lunar mansions in Hindu astrology.

Number 27 is the atomic number of cobalt & the atomic weight of the only stable isotope of aluminum. Both forms of these metals are used in dentistry. Kanye had his mouth wired shut after a car accident in 2003 after which he recorded, “Through the Wire”.

27 is also the number of bones in the hand – See “Hands On” below.

From Affinity Numerology:

The numerology number 27 is about philanthropy and compassion in a cooperative atmosphere.

The number 27 is a wonderful number. The energies it represents makes the number kind-hearted, tolerant, intelligent, a team worker, and so very much wanting to see humanity better off than it is.

27 endeavors to inspire others to support humanitarian groups and organizations, using its diplomatic skills and enticing them with a vision of an ideal. The groups and organizations are carefully chosen for their effectiveness.

A sense of fulfillment for 27 comes with others adopting its sense of idealism and actively helping to achieve that end.

The 27 essence contains:

the 9’s essence, such as being non-judgemental, humanitarian, and tolerant, plus a generous dose of the 2’s essence, such as cooperation, relationships, and diplomacy, and a dose of the 7’s essence, such as introspection, study, and spirituality.

The result is a unique essence.

https://affinitynumerology.com/number-meanings/number-27-meaning.php

According to the Secret of the Tarot…

Angel number 27 is a sign from your angels concerning your soul mission or calling in life. Our guardian angels are always there to provide us with the support and inspiration necessary to live up to our highest potential.

Angel number 27 is all about living a purpose-driven life. When you see this potent angel number appearing in your daily life, know that your angels and the Ascended Masters are telling you to have faith and trust that you are on the right path.

https://thesecretofthetarot.com/angel-number-27/

On Finding God

First scare: car crash

Kanye was taken to the Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, mentioned in the song, Through the Wire, as “the same hospital where Biggie Smalls died,” and had his jaw wired to his face in reconstructive surgery. Two weeks after being admitted to hospital, he recorded the song at the Record Plant Studios with his jaw still wired shut. Consequence recalls West started rapping the lyrics to the song three days after the accident.

The song’s title refers to the wires used to hold his broken jaw together. When asked about how the incident changed his music, West stated:

Well, the only thing this accident’s saying is, “I am about to hand you the world, just know at any given time I can take it away from you.” To nearly lose your life, to nearly lose your mouth, your voice, your whole face, as a rapper…and I had to be on TV! My face looks crazy to me now… But I have to just thank God for the situation that I am in… “Through The Wire” is the worst thing that could’ve possibly happen to me, and now it’s obviously the best thing. Look how it exploded!

Second scare: Trump Backlash

Backlashes over his erratic behaviour, the anniversary of his mum’s death, his wife getting robbed, his comments on slavery & his support of Trump all proved to be too much emotionally and put him in a hospital. No-one knows quite for sure what happened in the hospital, but he has emerged as a born-again Christian.

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There are many, many problems with taking the bible literally and Kanye proves another one in the video above when he talks about taking his own eye out.

I googled it & it looks like this is from Matthew 5:29 and concerns “adultery”:

New International Version “If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.”

Selah

Selah is likely to mean “to praise” or “pause and reflect upon what has just been said.” Lauryn Hill used this name for her daughter.

“Selah” is the name of a city from the time of David and Solomon.

In Islam and in Arabic generally, Salah (also pronounced Ṣalāt) means prayer, and Selah means connection. Both words come from the same original root Sel which means connect.

‘Ye makes a number of references to the bible when talking about freedom from slavery in Selah.

“Closed on Sunday” makes a good point about Capitalism, but, why is he still brand name dropping a junk food store, Chic Fil-A, a fast food chicken chain?

Did he get paid to sneak this in or is he looking for sponsors?

It’s also a sneaky back reference to a line in “N***as in Paris” when he was in a different mindset. Maybe he is trying to tie a past hit record to this song. A powerful mind trick.

“She said ‘Ye can we get married at the mall? I said look you need to crawl ‘fore you ball Come and meet me in the bathroom stall And show me why you deserve to have it all (Ball so hard) that shit cray, (that shit cray) ain’t it Jay? (Ball so hard) what she order? (What she order?) Fish fillet”

“On God” is where he gets the realest, actually raps and he gives his reasons why he supports Trump… and it comes down to… taxes & prison reform (lines highlighted in bold below).

“”How you get so much favor on your side?” “Accept Him as your Lord and Saviour,” I replied Thou shalt love thy neighbor, not divide I’ma ride, that’s on God His light shine the brightest in the dark Single mothers know they got my heart And all my brothers locked up on the yard You can still be anything you wanna be Went from one in four to one in three Thirteenth amendment, gotta end it, that’s on me He the new commander and the chief That’s on Keef, that’s on God Before the ranch, I had horses in the garage When the Forbes cover was just a mirage They had me chasin’ statues, that’s on pride “Oh my God,” Bust said that’s on Tribe When I thought the Book of Job was a job The Devil had my soul, I can’t lie Life gon’ have some lows and some highs Before the Grammy’s ever gave a nod I wore my heart on my sleeve, I couldn’t hide In ’03, they told me not to drive I bleached my hair for every time I could’ve died But I survived, that’s on God I’ve been tellin’ y’all since ’05 The greatest artist restin’ or alive That’s on L.A. Reid, that’s on Clive That’s no Jive, that’s on God Off the 350s He supplied The IRS want they fifty plus our tithe Man, that’s over half of the pie I felt dry, that’s on God That’s why I charge the prices that I charge I can’t be out here dancin’ with the stars No, I cannot let my family starve I go hard, that’s on God”

“Hands On” is another interesting record.

This is what a police office often yells whilst pulling people over for DWB – “Hands on the hood”!

‘Ye points out the unfairness of black people being thrown into prison over misdemeanors and the three strike rule. Then he calls out the 13th amendment again.

“Got pulled over, see the brights What you doin’ on the street at night? Wonder if they’re gonna read your rights Thirteenth Amendment, three strikes Made a left when I should’ve made a right Told God last time on life Told the devil that I’m going on a strike Told the devil when I see him, on sight I’ve been working for you my whole life Told the devil that I’m going on a strike I’ve been working for you my whole life Nothing worse than a hypocrite Change, he ain’t really different He ain’t even try to get permission Ask for advice and they dissed him Said I’m finna do a gospel album What have you been hearin’ from the Christians? They’ll be the first one to judge me Make it feel like nobody love me They’ll be the first one to judge me Feelin’ like nobody love me Told people God was my mission What have you been hearin’ from the Christians? They’ll be the first one to judge me Make it feel like nobody love me Make you feel alone in the dark and you’ll never see the light Man, you’re never seein’ home and you never see the domes I can feel it when I write, point of livin’ in the right If they only see the wrongs, never listen to the songs Just to listen is a fight, but you booked me for the fight It’s so hard to get along if they only see the slight From the love of religion What have you been hearin’ from the Christians? They’ll be the first one to judge me Make it seem like nobody love me I’m not tryna lead you to Visas But if I try to lead you to Jesus We get called halfway believers Only halfway read Ephesians Only if they knew what I knew, uh I was never new ’til I knew of True and living God, Yeshua The true and living God (Somebody pray for me)”

The 13th Amendment

Passed by Congress on January 31, 1865, and ratified on December 6, 1865, the 13th amendment abolished slavery in the United States and provides that “Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction.”

Some prisoners in eight states—Alabama, Arkansas, Florida, Georgia, Mississippi, Oklahoma, South Carolina and Texas—are not paid at all for their labor in government-run facilities.

The national average for inmates receiving the least compensation for their maintenance work in these prisons is 14 cents per hour, according to the non-profit Prison Policy Initiative. The countrywide average for those receiving the most for the same type of labor is 63 cents per hour. Inmates in Minnesota and New Jersey can receive the highest hourly rate for prison maintenance jobs: $2 per hour.

Note: Kanye wants prison labourers to make his shoes. It will be interesting to see what he will pay them.

Anyway, back to the music. Kanye employs Jewish saxophonist Kenny G on “Use This Gospel”, but fortunately for Kenny, there is no mention of Jesus on the track. I wonder how much flack Kenny G will get from the Jewish fundamentalists for appearing on the track?

It’s seems to me like Kanye wants to sit back and be a director, producer and preacher now whilst letting someone else take over with the rapping and singing.

I think being a rapper was getting in the way of his “mission”. Creating a church will increase his power and wealth to get done what he wants to get done… whatever that is.

I can imagine youtube being flooded over the coming years with covers such as this. He wants his music received by a much larger audience and after watching the Dame Dash interview with Adam22, it looks like this might have all been orchestrated for a long time.

youtube

Let’s see if he continues down this path and where it leads or whether he’s still “on strike with the Devil” and will be back to his old self. It seems to me at the moment, his biggest hurdle will be getting his wife on board with this new lifestyle.

I can think of a few places Kanye will be welcome with open arms right now though, such as The Philippines.

I feel like this album is a stocking filler for later albums. He’s just testing the water to see which ones connect with the public. I’m not sure the songs on this album are strong enough to stand the test of time, but I think this is just a warm up, plus it will get major airplay in the “Bible Belt”, especially “Use This Gospel”.

The post Kanye West & Numerology as Jesus the King Hits #1 appeared first on Hip Hop World Music.

from Hip Hop World Music https://hiphopworldmusic.com/kanye-west-numerology-as-jesus-the-king-hits-1/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=kanye-west-numerology-as-jesus-the-king-hits-1 from Hip Hop World Music https://hiphopworldmusic.tumblr.com/post/188838310368

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douchebagbrainwaves · 5 years

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WHY TO CONVINCE INVESTORS

But because humans have so much in common, you'd also find they agreed on a price and think you have to be high, and if we want to fund more Airbnbs we have to choose between something being a property of the subject or the object if subjects all react similarly. There is a positive side to thinking longer-term. Or we can improve it, which usually means encrusting it with gratuitous ornament. But if the software were 100% finished and ready to launch at the push of a button, would they still be waiting? Do the founders want it? I mean it in two senses.1 Superficially it's a lot like making software.2 Nerds don't just happen to dress informally. Imagine the stress of working for the Post Office your whole life, and save every penny of your salary.

One reason people overreact to competitors is that they were options on the stock of successful startups, including Google, ignored revenue at first and concentrated exclusively on development. A few are lucky and realize early on that they love math or taking care of animals or writing, and printing, but when they do, I can now look at a list of US cities sorted by population, the number of characters in a program, but this is little consolation to the individual mosquito. There do not seem to be very good at managing people or dealing with the SEC. He didn't learn as much as, say, 10% weekly growth, you may end up with a very fine implementation of your initial, mistaken idea. It's more important to grow fast.3 But in this case it seems more to the point where you can't help noticing.4 Another easy test is the number of failed startups should be proportionate to the amount of money in one family's bank account, or the amount available to a government from one year's tax revenue, this is good news indeed. I think the key to this puzzle is to remember that art has an audience.

Certainly Bill is smart and dedicated, but Microsoft also happens to have been the personal qualities of early union organizers that made unions successful, but must have been: sure, give 'em whatever they ask for, so long as the new model isn't delayed.5 It's something they plunge into, working fast and constantly changing their minds, like a Vise-grip. If you start out with some initial plan and modify it as necessary to keep hitting, say, being toxic to humans is the test, just as it had to learn to value common stocks in the early 20th century. The big disadvantage of the new system is that it offers something otherwise impossible to obtain: a way of moving wealth, and in practice they are usually interchangeable.6 And you had better have a convincing explanation of why your technology would be hard to distinguish spending too much from raising too little.7 Assume you won't get money, and if we want to make, but are absolutely lousy if you don't have significant success to cheer you up when things go wrong.8 I was going to become as valuable as a high growth rate can make it harder to understand how to make a million dollars worth of wealth in the world. The text of each chapter in a math textbook represent work, or the weather, or anything like that. That averaging gets to be a distinct, inferior, sort of thing to store-bought ones—a mere expression of the proverbial thought that counts.

This amounts to asking what I got wrong, because if there is no danger there is almost certainly no leverage. It happens so often that we've reversed our attitude to vesting. Startups are so hard and emotional that the bonds and emotional and social support that come with friendship outweigh the extra output lost. Unless you're so big that your reputation precedes you, a marginal domain suggests you're a marginal company. New York skyline shot from a discreet distance, or a programming language. People who think the labor movement was the creation of heroic union organizers have a problem to explain: why are unions shrinking now? If something that seems like work to other people doesn't seem like work to you, that's something you're well suited for.9 In 1970 a company president meant someone in his fifties, at least for me, its main value. If you don't want to offend Big Company by refusing to meet.

I was framing the question wrong. I know to be the right plan for every company. Apple was already established. Certainly they'll learn more. The theory that led to the stealth plane was developed by a Soviet mathematician.10 I first read this in my early twenties, it was a big market, Apple was already established. And yet have you ever seen a Google ad?11

Usually you have to work as if they were operating in the same business. It's not something people tend to volunteer; one likes it the way one likes popping zits. Not eventually, right now. If such management companies existed, they'd offer the maximum of freedom and security. And what would be wrong would be that how one presented oneself counted more than the quality of one's ideas. When the company is their performance. After a while, if you want to make. But that's not the same thing as money.12 And why do they so often work on developing new technology?13

The most important quality in a CEO is his vision for the company's future.14 But when you use this trick for dividing a large group, your performance is not separately measurable—and the rest are just a cost of doing business. Nearly all companies exist to do something, you don't worry too much about efficiency.15 To benefit from engaging with users you have to seem like you understand technology. It's what impresses reporters, and potential new users. What is going on here, I think it is urgent. These were the biggest. It works. Not so with cars, or cities. If there's one number every founder should always know, it's the company's growth rate.16 The real question is, can a language be?

Notes

The top VCs thus have a standard piece of casuistry for this at YC I find hardest to get market price.

Charismatic candidates will tend to be more precise, and on the wrong algorithm for generating their frontpage.

And journalists as part of creating an agreement from scratch.

How much better to be some things it's a hip flask. What you learn via users anyway.

It's hard to grasp this than we can respond by simply removing whitespace, periods, commas, etc. Even in Confucius's time it included what we measure worth measuring?

99 and. And no, unfortunately, I put it here. What they must do is adjust the weights till the top and get data via the Internet, and jobs encourage cooperation, not the original text would in itself be evidence of a stock is its future earnings, you can't even measure the degree to which it is possible to have minded, which have evolved the way I know of at least a little more fat, and the editor, written in C, which I removed a pair of metaphors that made steam engines dramatically more efficient: the separate condenser. That makes some rich people move, but he doesn't remember which.

Anyone can broadcast a high product of number of users to observe—e. In No Logo, Naomi Klein says that the VC. Programming in Common Lisp seems to me too mild to describe the worst.

The obvious choice for your work.

If I were doing more than half of 2004, as I know it didn't to undergraduates on the other cheek skirts the issue; the defining test is whether you realize it yet or not to need common sense when interpreting it. How can people who want to create one of the delays and disconnects between founders and realized they were going about it well enough known that people working for large companies will naturally wonder, how much effort on sales. Peter, Why Are We Getting a Divorce?

For a long time for your pitch to evolve as e. Foster, Richard Florida told me: Another approach would be very hard to grasp the distinction between money and disputes. Unless you're very docile compared to sheep. I'm not sure.

They look superficially like the one Europeans inherited from Rome, where w is will and d discipline. This is true of the most abstract ideas, because few founders are in research departments.

This is, because talks are usually obvious, even if they become well enough to supply the activation energy to start some vaguely benevolent business.

But try this thought experiment works for nationality and religion as well. You may be a founder, more people you can fix by writing library functions. Become direct marketers.

Mitch Kapor's wife Freada was in logic and zoology, both your lawyers should be deprived of their due diligence tends to happen fast, like arithmetic drills, instead of working. Joshua Schachter tells me it was spontaneous. Ii. Plus ca change.

But there is a service for advising people whether or not. A variant is that parties shouldn't be too conspicuous.

Dealers try to be about 200 to send a million spams. 4%, Macintosh 18. These false positive rate is a well-preserved 1989 Lincoln Town Car ten-passenger limousine 5, they have because they believe they have to do and everything I write. Obviously signalling risk is also the fashion leaders.

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swelldomains · 7 years

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Google Evangelist to Entrepreneur : Interview with Frederick Vallaeys

As a Google Evangelist, that dealt with Google from 2002 until 2012, market leader, Frederick Vallaeys, was included in structure AdWords and also now runs a company called Optmyzr, which develops optimizations and also assists individuals save time in AdWords.

As among the keynote sound speakers at the Acquisio Summit, we sat down with Frederick Vallaeys to see exactly what details he had to share worrying manuscripts, top quality score and also whether or not he raises in his spare time.

Q: You worked at Google for greater than One Decade as well as were one of the initial 400 workers and also left when the business had actually grown to 40,000, what influenced you to begin your personal business?

The decision to leave Google was not since of the lack of rewards, Google is a wonderful area to function, my wife really still functions there, and also I am still very attached to it I still do a great deal of benefit Google.

I always suched as the Evangelist portion of my job which meant appearing to seminars and teaching people just how AdWords functions. At Google everyone needs to be directly responsible for some earnings so I needed to remain at my desk a bit much more. Because I really liked travelling and also being out in the area, I decided to switch over traits up a bit and also maintain doing what I was doing, simply on my very own behalf.

By beginning my very own business I feel I can really deal with some of the issues or shortcomings in the industry.

Q: Exactly what was the primary incentive to start Optmyzr?

When I left Google the most convenient way making money as well as keep paying the costs was to aid individuals manage their AdWords accounts. Shockingly, having actually been among individuals entailed in building AdWords, thinking we did such a remarkable task, when I began taking care of accounts I understood there were all these inefficiencies.

For instance, from a company viewpoint you know you desire a certain account framework or you wish to make use of a specific quote administration method. Google has fantastic tools like AdWords Editor that make points easy, but they're not developed to certain methodologies.

At the moment when I released Optmyzr, AdWords Scripts had simply come out and also I figured I might automate several of these manuscripts utilizing my coding capacities. When other individuals began discovering as well as intended to use them, I started selling the scripts which became the company.

The emphasis was not so much on being the platform or the reporting engine but being the engine that does function within the account, to automate things that a human generally would do.

Optmyzr is a wonderful swiss-army knife kind tool to make use of along with a few of the systems that online marketers are using.

Q: Exactly what is one click AdWords optimization and just how does it work?

One click optimizations are among our functions at Optmyzr, constructed around the concept that if you as a marketer were to go to Google to enhance your keyword checklist or find out which advertisement message to maintain, there is an extremely recurring method made use of at Google. Generally, Google draws some records and after 2 hours of pulling the data uses it to make suggestions.

We recognized we might pull as well as join with each other reports instantly and also inform you, in a couple of secs, the ideas a common human would provide. You can tweak those recommendations, accept component of the suggestions, or transform several of the thresholds that we utilize in the suggestion computations, and also when you enjoy with the pointers you can click one button and also the adjustments get pressed to your account in actual time.

With this click optimiztion we save individuals anywhere between fifteen mins to a couple hrs of time. One of my favorite tweets ever was a person who did his shopping proposal administration in about 5 minutes with Optmyzr when it made use of to take him 5 hours.

Q: In July, 2015, you participated in an Ask Me Anything session on Reddit. What was your favorite inquiry from your session?

Someone asked me if I lift, as well as I claimed I lift my youngster a number of times a time. I have a 20 month old and we have a 2nd one en route so I'll be doing a great deal of lifting showing up soon.

That was an amusing concern absolutely, however I assume a few of my favorite questions had to so with AdWords scripts.

I love speaking about those since I believe it's really the initial time in history that AdWords makes it easy for anyone to automate their own secret sauce.

As long as I such as devices and also platforms like Acquisio and also Optmyzr, we impose a few of just what we think must be performed in AdWords on our customers, which's just the nature of the business, we can not construct devices for hundreds or countless customers so everyone reaches do exactly what they want. The one problem is constantly that we enforce our approaches on the advertiser.

With scripts we could create the underlying technique as well as do a whole lot of the hefty lifting, then hand it off to our customer to be tweaked to do exactly what their company needs to do for their customer.

Q: You have actually said you do not think in attribution, just how do you recommend individuals handle attribution issues?

At SMX Advanced everyone was speaking about attribution so I made the declaration," I don't count on attribution," aiming to be amusing. Just what I suggested by that is really that I don't believe attribution has actually been addressed yet.

You could make numbers inform any type of tale you want to. If you go to your manager as well as you're aiming to strive for even more budget plan then you're going to connect as high as you could to your key phrases. Perhaps you make use of initial look acknowledgment, last click acknowledgment or a few other variation of that however essentially you could construct acknowledgment around your should make the numbers inform you whatever you want them to tell you, because there's already an outcome in mind.

That's why I don't count on acknowledgment the way that a great deal of people do.

I assume Google is in fact doing some intriguing stuff, they announced that they could currently recognize acknowledgment for an additional search. This implies Google could contrast if an individual looked for An as well as then B versus if an individual browsed for A, B and afterwards C to see the difference in conversion rates for that three searches versus two searches.

This isn't regarding an online marketer making the numbers say whatever they want them to state, these are actual numbers that indicate something.

Something we've done to check acknowledgment for our clients is to transform on branded ads in Seattle as well as turn them off in Rose city. With that said we'll know how much the brand ads lift the general campaign.

Q: Your Session on Top quality Rating was among the highlights of the Summit, can you give us one major idea or statement to remove from it?

A variety of years ago Google went from stating the advertisement rank formula was click-through-rate (CTR) increased by optimal quote, then Google claimed CTR runs out the equation as well as called it quality rating instead.

Fundamentally, high quality rating is simply an additional means of stating CTR.

Quality score is simply another means for Google to say what is CTR, yet not simply the historic CTR of keywords yet also just how CTR is influenced by time of day, day of week, location where the searcher is versus the location of the advertiser, the sort of device that a person is looking on as well as so on. It truly permits Google to take all these CTR components into account and also construct them right into what they call high quality score.

Your top quality score provides you an indicator of where you may have some opportunity to lower costs but at the end of the, day top quality score is excellent yet I've yet to see a public firm speak about quality rating in their incomes record, just what you should respect is CPA as well as return on advertisement spend.

To find out more concerning high quality score, stay tuned for Frederick Vallaeys' complete keynote video clip from the Acquisio Top, coming soon!

#advertisement #business #social media #social media management

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minnievirizarry · 7 years

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How To Use Outreach to Generate Traffic, Backlinks, and Authority

You might not believe this, but it’s true:

Before he became a blogging superstar, Jon Morrow was struggling.

He’d been blogging for a couple of years but he’d hit a brick wall.

Actually, it was a glass ceiling. The glass ceiling of the blogosphere.

That’s when you reach 100 visitors a day and can’t go any further. Nothing you do makes a blind bit of difference.

So he quit what he was doing.

Gave up blogging completely.

And about 6 months later he hired a blogging expert to do a post mortem – examine all his stuff and tell him what he’d been doing wrong.

The answer was simple but astounding: “No one knows who you are”.

"Yeah, but isn't that the point of publishing great content? You write lots of great stuff, and then the word spreads, and popular bloggers find out about you?"

"No," replied the expert. "Popular bloggers find out about who you are, and THEN they read your content, and THEN they link to you. Connections come first. Great content comes second."

Great content comes second? Seriously?

That was an eye-opener for me and I’m guessing it will be for you too.

In a nutshell, you need to get on the radar of the influential bloggers in your niche, form relationships with them, cultivate those relationships, and then let your top quality content do its work.

But how exactly do you get on their radar?

That’s what I’m going to show you in this article – three kinds of influencer outreach that will get you noticed by Influencers and bring you traffic, backlinks, and authority.

1. Expert Roundups

Have you ever wondered how bloggers get chummy with the key players in their niche?

They write expert roundups!

a) Are Roundups Still Effective?

But expert roundups have gotten some bad press recently, in particular from Rand Fishkin.

Rand’s main objections to expert roundups are:

They’ve been overdone because they’re easy to do

They’re a poor format for conveying information

They don’t generate links

There are certainly a lot of expert roundups floating around the blogosphere, most of them not well done.

Unfortunately, there’s a widely held view that with an expert roundup, other people write your post for you.

This has led to roundup posts that are nothing more than 20 to 30 expert opinions slapped together with hardly any Introduction and no Conclusion at all.

But this is good news! It means it’s a field where you can really shine if you put the work in.

In my experience, a good roundup post is far more work than a standard 1500-word article.

Why’s that?

Because the key to a good roundup is taking what the experts have said and summarizing it in a way that gives the reader a valuable overview of the topic.

And that’s exactly what’s missing from most roundups.

Expert roundups can be a very good format for conveying information, as long as you summarize or synthesize the information provided by the experts.

b) Roundups Generate Social Shares

What about backlinks?

Well, it’s true—roundups perform poorly in this area. But they generate a lot of social shares.

And according to SEO expert Brian Honigman, “social shares are the new form of link building”.

This is what he said:

“Today, links are mainly achieved through developing original content that is in turn, shared across social media. Links to your content on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, YouTube and other social networks help the search engines understand what websites are credible and should be ranked for what keyword phrases.”

Brian is absolutely right!

How do I know?

Go to Google and type in “tips for first-year bloggers” and this is what comes up:

In position #2 is my roundup post – 19 Experts Reveal Their Top Tips For First Year Bloggers.

It beats a similar blog post from Blogtyrant titled: ‘5 Realistic Benchmarks for Your First Year of Blogging’.

Yet Blogtyrant has been around for much longer than my website and has a Domain Authority of 52, compared with my DA of 21.

We both targeted first-year bloggers. How on earth did I manage to rank higher in Google?

The answer is social media shares - 547 of them, and counting:

But it doesn’t stop there:

The main reason for doing roundups is building relationships with Influencers who:

Will share your content

Have massive followings

c) Building Relationships With Influencers

That’s where roundup posts excel!

There are at least 5 points of contact with each expert in the process of creating a roundup post:

The initial outreach

The expert's response

Your ‘Thank you’ email

Your email notifying them that the post is live

Their email telling you they’ve just shared it to their followers on Twitter

That’s a lot opportunity for building rapport with Key Influencers in your niche!

d) The 6 Key Steps To Creating A Roundup

There are six key steps to creating a successful roundup post:

Deciding on the Question

Finding the Experts

Finding Email Addresses

Doing the Outreach

Writing the Article

Promoting the Article

For a complete guide on how to do it, see my article ‘The Definitive Guide to Writing Roundup Posts That Go Viral’.

2. Top Lists

What if I told you about a technique that uses basic human psychology to get your content shared all over the Internet by people with large followings.

Would you be interested?

I thought so!

This is a strategy I stumbled upon in an article on Income Diary.

I was skeptical at first but decided to give it a try.

The results were astonishing!

More about that later.

First, the technique, as described by Josh Dunlop.

It’s quite simple. Just compile a list of 20 or 30 top Influencers in your niche.

Here are some examples of top lists created by Income Diary:

50 Most Influential People In Blogging 2010

Top 30 Female Internet Entrepreneurs

Top Earning Blogs

Top 30 Richest Young Entrepreneurs

20 Top Blog Sales

Here’s a top list I created about 10 days ago:

The Top 30 Marketers on Pinterest

There are four key steps to creating a Top List article:

a) Find The Candidates

The easiest way to do this is simply type into Google your keyword plus “top influencers”.

For my article on Pinterest marketers, I typed in Pinterest +”top marketers” (and variations).

I found about 5 lists that other people had compiled.

Then do a ‘skyscraper’ — if other people have created lists of 10, 15, and 20, you could go for 30 or even 50.

Remember: the more Influencers on your list, the more firepower you’ll have in terms of social media shares and backlinks.

b) Order The Candidates

This is pretty straightforward:

The title of your top list will usually imply some kind of ranking factor, e.g. most followers, richest, highest monthly web income, etc.

If your ranking factor is monthly web income, you’ll need to download their income reports and enter the data into a spreadsheet and then sort it by value.

For their article on Top Earning Websites, Income Diary analyzed the SEC 10-K reports submitted by publicly traded companies within 60 days of the company’s fiscal year end.

In my case, I simply found the Influencer’s Pinterest page and noted down the number of followers they had.

Sometimes there’s no objective ranking factor you can use. For example:

Top 10 Most Inspirational Bloggers In The World

In that case, you just need to make sure that there’s a plausible reason for each of your candidates to be included on your list.

c) Write A Paragraph Or Two About The Person

For this, you’ll need to look at their ‘About’ page and you may even have to drill down deeper into their website.

The kind of information you’ll be looking for is:

Who they are

What they do

How long they’ve been doing it

Where they’re from

If you want to get more specific, look at what sort of content they produce:

Articles / blog posts

Videos / screencasts

Podcasts

Infographics

You could even take your analysis a step further. If they mainly produce articles, what sort of articles:

Long form

Tutorials

Guides

Roundups

Interviews

Resources (Link Lists)

Checklists

Tip Lists

Case Studies

Reviews

Industry News

d) Reach Out To The People On Your List

Once your article is live, send an email to each of the people on your list.

All you do in this email is let them know they’re included in the list.

Don’t ask them to share the article or for a link or anything else. That will work against you!

Remember what I said about human psychology?

The whole point of this technique is that the people on your list will want to share your article.

Here’s the template I used for my Top 30 Pinterest Marketers list:

An important detail in this template is the last sentence.

It’s very important to let them know you’re happy to make changes to their listing, for a number of reasons:

It’s courteous and shows them you’re someone they can work with

You may have got something wrong, e.g. their area of expertise

It invites communication and that’s what this exercise is all about – building relationships

This technique leverages basic human psychology – we all need and want praise, recognition, and acceptance. As Mark Twain once said: “I can live for two months on a good compliment”.

And that’s why this technique is so effective: 30% to 50% of the people on your list will be honored, flattered and excited to be included.

What do you think they’ll do with your list?

Keep it to themselves?

No way!

They’re going to share it—on social media. And remember: these people have huge followings!

I published my Top Pinterest Marketers List on June 28th, 2017. At the time of writing (July 8th, 2017) the article has collected 197 social media shares!

The people on your Top List will also share your article on their website.

Influencers who get their names on these lists like to mention it on their ‘About’ page. So you may well pick up some valuable ‘do follow’ links.

Here’s an example:

3. Interviewing Influencers In Your Niche

I know what you’re thinking:

Me? Interview a big name in my niche? No way!

And anyway, why would they agree to be interviewed by someone they’ve never heard of?

But here’s the deal:

Interviewing is not that difficult, as long as you do your research beforehand

The Influencer you approach will know your name, if you follow the steps below

People like being interviewed because they like talking about themselves

And here are some reasons you’ll want to interview key players in your niche:

Increase your credibility

Drive traffic to your blog

Help your audience solve specific problems

But do you know the real power of Influencer interviews?

That’s right—relationship building.

Researching, conducting, and publishing an interview provides an amazing opportunity to build a working relationship with an Influencer that could take your blog to the next level.

And just in case you need reminding – on the road to blogging success, relationships come first, great content comes second.

Here are the key steps in putting together an Influencer Interview.

a) Getting The Interview

First of all:

You need to get on their radar.

You can do this in a number of ways:

Post comments on their blog

Tweet their latest blog posts

Follow them on Twitter

When you reach out to an Influencer to ask for an Interview, here are the key points you need to cover:

Introduce yourself

Interview will be no more than half an hour

You will send the questions ahead of time so they can prepare themselves

Where and when the Interview will be published

Give the Influencer a choice as to method of interview (email, IM, Skype, phone call)

Show you’ve done your homework by referring to some aspect of their work or online profile

What’s in it for them (exposure to your subscriber base, promotion across your social media networks, a ‘do-follow’ backlink, etc)

b) Doing The Research

Believe it or not, some bloggers try to interview experts without doing any background research.

Big mistake!

Before conducting the interview, and ideally before reaching out, look at 10 to 20 items of content they’ve created in the last 12 months such as:

Blog posts

Videos

Podcasts

In addition, search up previous interviews they’ve done. This will allow you to:

Avoid asking questions they’ve already been asked

Go deeper into issues that were only touched upon in previous interviews

Identify topics they are passionate about

c) Deciding On Interview Method

As I said, it’s a good idea to give the Influencer a choice for method of interview—it’s more likely they’ll agree to the interview if they feel they have some control.

The options for method of interview are:

Skype / Google Hangout

Phone Call

However, the best option by far is to conduct the interview by Skype or phone.

Why?

Because a Skype or phone conversation allows you to ask unanticipated follow-up questions. And these follow up questions produce the real gems in an interview.

If you decide to interview by phone or Skype, you’ll need to record it. Here are some recording techniques:

Record by phone

Record by Skype

d) Setting The Interview Questions

Here are some questions that will always produce interesting answers:

How did you start off in [their niche or field of expertise]?

What were the main challenges you faced when you were starting out?

What’s the best advice you ever received?

What are the biggest hurdles that your readers’ face and how do you help them to overcome these problems?

What are the [SEO, marketing, outreach, content management] tools that you couldn’t do without

Who do you admire most in your field?

If you could start again, what would you do differently?

What has been your single biggest success?

What was your biggest mistake?

What’s the single most important piece of advice you would give to someone starting off in [their niche, area of expertise]?

What’s your next project?

Is there anything you’d like to add?

e) Interview Techniques

i) Introductions

Always introduce your subject—never ask them to introduce themselves.

ii) Anecdotes

Anecdotes are the lifeblood of interviews. Try to get your interviewee to share an anecdote or two.

One way to do this is to ask ‘When’ questions:

“When did you first realize this is what you wanted to do?”

“When was the moment you realized you could succeed in this?”

iii) Parroting

Parroting can be annoying in normal conversation. But in an interview, it opens doors.

For example:

Subject: “The business didn’t really take off until I started building an email list”

You: “An email list?”

Subject: “Yes, that was the turning point, it took us from…”

iv) Avoiding ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ Responses

Ask questions that can’t be answered with a ‘Yes’ or a ‘No’. These are questions beginning with ‘What’, ‘When’, ‘How’, and ‘Why’.

For example:

What were you doing before you started in [SEO, marketing, copywriting etc]?

How long did it take to turn your idea into a viable business?

Here’s an excellent video from Teachable on how to conduct an interview with an Influencer:

youtube

f) Promoting Your Interview Article

Want to know the best part of interview articles?

The subject you interviewed is going to share your article amongst their followers.

And it’s more than likely they have a large audience.

So let the subject know as soon as the article is live and ask them to share it.

Here’s a template:

Over To You

The Internet is literally swimming in content.

So it’s no surprise that in the blogosphere connections are more important than content.

Of course, you need to produce great content.

But without the right connections, your content will never get noticed.

In this article I’ve given you three kinds of blog posts that will build relationships between you and the Influencers in your niche:

Expert Roundups

Top Lists

Influencer Interviews

One last point:

When you hang out with Influencers, some of their authority rubs off on you. It’s unconscious, it’s just what happens.

In the minds of your readers, the very fact that these big names have appeared in your roundup, in your top list, or in your interviews adds to your authority.

In a nutshell:

Produce these three types of articles and you’ll get much more exposure for your content than you could ever get on your own.

And you’ll build traffic, backlinks, and authority.

If you have experiences with Expert Roundups, Top Lists, or Influencer Interviews, I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.

Rob Powell shows bloggers how to create content that builds traffic, backlinks, and authority. Download his FREE pdf: ‘The Definitive Guide on How to Write a Compelling Intro for Your Next Blog Post’

The post How To Use Outreach to Generate Traffic, Backlinks, and Authority appeared first on Ninja Outreach.

from SM Tips By Minnie https://ninjaoutreach.com/outreach-traffic-backlinks/

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theheartofcoding · 7 years

Text

Hacker, Hack Thyself

We've read so many sad stories about communities that were fatally compromised or destroyed due to security exploits. We took that lesson to heart when we founded the Discourse project; we endeavor to build open source software that is secure and safe for communities by default, even if there are thousands, or millions, of them out there.

However, we also value portability, the ability to get your data into and out of Discourse at will. This is why Discourse, unlike other forum software, defaults to a Creative Commons license. As a basic user on any Discourse you can easily export and download all your posts right from your user page.

As a site owner, you can easily back up and restore your entire site database from the admin panel, right in your web browser. Automated weekly backups are set up for you out of the box, too. I'm not the world's foremost expert on backups for nothing, man!

Over the years, we've learned that balancing security and data portability can be tricky. You bet your sweet ASCII a full database download is what hackers start working toward the minute they gain any kind of foothold in your system. It's the ultimate prize.

To mitigate this threat, we've slowly tightened restrictions around Discourse backups in various ways:

Administrators have a minimum password length of 15 characters.

Both backup creation and backup download administrator actions are formally logged.

Backup download tokens are single use and emailed to the address of the administrator, to confirm that user has full control over the email address.

The name of the security game is defense in depth, so all these hardening steps help … but we still need to assume that Internet Bad Guys will somehow get a copy of your database. And then what? Well, what's in the database?

Identity cookies

Cookies are, of course, how the browser can tell who you are. Cookies are usually stored as hashes, rather than the actual cookie value, so having the hash doesn't let you impersonate the target user. Furthermore, most modern web frameworks rapidly cycle cookies, so they are only valid for a brief 10 to 15 minute window anyway.

Email addresses

Although users have reason to be concerned about their emails being exposed, very few people treat their email address as anything particularly precious these days.

All posts and topic content

Let's assume for the sake of argument that this is a fully public site and nobody was posting anything particularly sensitive there. So we're not worried, at least for now, about trade secrets or other privileged information being revealed, since they were all public posts anyway. If we were, that's a whole other blog post I can write at a later date.

Password hashes

What's left is the password hashes. And that's … a serious problem indeed.

Now that the attacker has your database, they can crack your password hashes with very sophisticated, large scale offline attacks, using the full resources of any cloud they can afford. And once they've cracked a particular password hash, they can log in as that user … forever. Or at least until that user changes their password.

⚠️ If you know your database was exposed, the very first thing you should do is reset everyone's password.

But what if you don't know? Should you preemptively reset everyone's password every 30 days, like the world's worst bigco IT departments? That's downright user hostile, and leads to serious pathologies of its own. But the reality is that you probably won't know when your database has been exposed, at least not until it's too late to do anything about it. So slowing the attackers down to give yourself time to deal with it is crucial.

Thus, the only real protection you can offer your users is just how good your stored password hashes are. There are two factors:

The hashing algorithm. As slow as possible, and ideally designed to be especially slow on GPUs for reasons that will become painfully obvious about 5 paragraphs from now.

The work factor or number of iterations. Set this as high as possible, without opening yourself up to a possible denial of service attack.

I've seen guidance that said you should set the overall work factor high enough that hashing a password takes at least 8ms on the target platform. It turns out Sam Saffron, one of my Discourse co-founders, made a good call back in 2013 when he selected the NIST recommendation of PBKDF2-HMAC-SHA256 and 64k iterations. We measured, and that indeed takes roughly 8ms using our existing Ruby login code on our current (fairly high end, Skylake 4.0 Ghz) servers.

But that was 4 years ago. Exactly how secure are our password hashes in the database today? Or 4 years from now, or 10 years from now? We're building open source software for the long haul, and we need to be sure we are making reasonable decisions that protect everyone. So in the spirit of designing for evil, it's time to put on our Darth Helmet and play the bad guy – let's crack our own hashes!

We're gonna use the biggest, baddest single GPU out there at the moment, the 1080 GTX Ti. As a point of reference, for PBKDF2-HMAC-SHA256 the 1080 achieves 1180 kH/s, whereas the 1080 Ti achieves 1640 kH/s. In a single video card generation the attack hash rate has increased nearly 40 percent. Ponder that.

First, a tiny hello world test to see if things are working. I downloaded hashcat. I logged into our demo at try.discourse.org and created a new account with the password 0234567890; I checked the database, and this generated the following values in the hash and salt database columns for that new user:

hash 93LlpbKZKficWfV9jjQNOSp39MT0pDPtYx7/gBLl5jw= salt ZWVhZWQ4YjZmODU4Mzc0M2E2ZDRlNjBkNjY3YzE2ODA=

Hashcat requires the following input file format: one line per hash, with the hash type, number of iterations, salt and hash (base64 encoded) separated by colons:

type iter salt hash sha256:64000:ZWVhZWQ4YjZmODU4Mzc0M2E2ZDRlNjBkNjY3YzE2ODA=:93LlpbKZKficWfV9jjQNOSp39MT0pDPtYx7/gBLl5jw=

Let's hashcat it up and see if it works:

./h64 -a 3 -m 10900 .\one-hash.txt 0234567?d?d?d

Note that this is an intentionally tiny amount of work, it's only guessing three digits. And sure enough, we cracked it fast! See the password there on the end? We got it.

sha256:64000:ZWVhZWQ4YjZmODU4Mzc0M2E2ZDRlNjBkNjY3YzE2ODA=:93LlpbKZKficWfV9jjQNOSp39MT0pDPtYx7/gBLl5jw=:0234567890

Now that we know it works, let's get down to business. But we'll start easy. How long does it take to brute force attack the easiest possible Discourse password, 8 numbers – that's "only" 810 combinations, a little over one billion.

Hash.Type........: PBKDF2-HMAC-SHA256 Time.Estimated...: Fri Jun 02 00:15:37 2017 (1 hour, 0 mins) Guess.Mask.......: ?d?d?d?d?d?d?d?d [8]

Even with a top of the line GPU that's … OK, I guess. Remember this is just one hash we're testing against, so you'd need one hour per row (user) in the table. And I have some more bad news for you: Discourse hasn't allowed 8 character passwords for some time now. So how long does it take if we try longer numeric passwords?

?d?d?d?d?d?d?d?d?d [9] Fri Jun 02 10:34:42 2017 (11 hours, 18 mins) ?d?d?d?d?d?d?d?d?d?d [10] Tue Jun 06 17:25:19 2017 (4 days, 18 hours) ?d?d?d?d?d?d?d?d?d?d?d [11] Mon Jul 17 23:26:06 2017 (46 days, 0 hours) ?d?d?d?d?d?d?d?d?d?d?d?d [12] Tue Jul 31 23:58:30 2018 (1 year, 60 days)

But all digit passwords are easy mode, for babies! How about some real passwords that use at least lowercase letters, or lowercase + uppercase + digits?

Guess.Mask.......: ?l?l?l?l?l?l?l?l [8] Time.Estimated...: Mon Sep 04 10:06:00 2017 (94 days, 10 hours) Guess.Mask.......: ?1?1?1?1?1?1?1?1 [8] (-1 = ?l?u?d) Time.Estimated...: Sun Aug 02 09:29:48 2020 (3 years, 61 days)

A brute force try-every-single-letter-and-number attack is not looking so hot for us at this point, even with a high end GPU. But what if we divided the number by eight … by putting eight video cards in a single machine? It's well within the reach of a small business budget or a wealthy individual. But dividing 38 months by 8 isn't changing the world. But if you want to talk about nation state attacks where they have the budget to throw thousands of these GPUs at the problem (1.1 days), maybe even tens of thousands (2.7 hours), then … yes. Even allowing for 10 character password minimums, you are in serious trouble at that point.

If we want Discourse to be nation state attack resistant, clearly we'll need to do better. Hashcat has a handy benchmark mode, and here's a sorted list of the strongest (slowest) hashes that Hashcat knows about benchmarked on a rig with eight (8) Nvidia GTX 1080 GPUs. Of the things I recognize on that list, bcrypt, scrypt and PBKDF2-HMAC-SHA512 stand out.

My quick hashcat results gave me some confidence that we weren't doing anything terribly wrong with the Discourse hashes in the database. But I wanted to be completely sure, so I hired someone with a background in security and penetration testing to, under a signed NDA, try cracking the hashes of two live and very popular Discourse sites we currently host.

I was provided two sets of password hashes from two different Discourse communities, containing 5,909 and 6,088 hashes respectively. Both used the PBKDF2-HMAC-SHA256 algorithm with a work factor of 64k. Using hashcat, my Nvidia 1080 Ti GPU generated these hashes at a rate of ~27,000/sec.

Common to all discourse communities are various password requirements:

All users must have a minimum password length of 10 characters.

All administrators must have a minimum password length of 15 characters.

Users cannot use any password matching a blacklist of the 10,000 most commonly used passwords.

Users can choose to create a username and password or use various third party authentication mechanisms (Google, Facebook, Twitter, etc). If this option is selected, a secure random 32 character password is autogenerated. It is not possible to know whether any given password is human entered, or autogenerated.

Using common password lists and masks, I cracked 39 of the 11,997 hashes in about three weeks, 25 from the ████████ community and 14 from the ████████ community.

This is a security researcher who commonly runs these kinds of audits, so all of the attacks used wordlists, along with known effective patterns and masks derived from the researcher's previous password cracking experience, instead of raw brute force. That recovered the following passwords (and one duplicate):

007007bond 123password 1qaz2wsx3e A3eilm2s2y Alexander12 alexander18 belladonna2 Charlie123 Chocolate1 christopher8 Elizabeth1 Enterprise01 Freedom123 greengrass123 hellothere01 I123456789 Iamawesome khristopher l1ghthouse l3tm3innow Neversaynever password1235 pittsburgh1 Playstation2 Playstation3 Qwerty1234 Qwertyuiop1 qwertyuiop1234567890 Spartan117 springfield0 Starcraft2 strawberry1 Summertime Testing123 testing1234 thecakeisalie02 Thirteen13 Welcome123

If we multiply this effort by 8, and double the amount of time allowed, it's conceivable that a very motivated attacker, or one with a very sophisticated set of wordlists and masks, could eventually recover 39 × 16 = 624 passwords, or about five percent of the total users. That's reasonable, but higher than I would like. We absolutely plan to add a hash type table in future versions of Discourse, so we can switch to an even more secure (read: much slower) password hashing scheme in the next year or two.

After this exercise, I now have a much deeper understanding of our worst case security scenario, a database compromise combined with a sophisticated offline password hashing attack. I can also more confidently recommend and stand behind our engineering work in making Discourse secure for everyone. So if, like me, you're not entirely sure you are doing things securely, it's time to put those assumptions to the test. Don't wait around for hackers to attack you — hacker, hack thyself!

[advertisement] At Stack Overflow, we put developers first. We already help you find answers to your tough coding questions; now let us help you find your next job.

from Coding Horror http://ift.tt/2svVFqR

#Coding Horror

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literateape · 7 years

Text

Hey, Second City, Maybe Hire Some Actual Professional Comedians?

by an Anonymous Chimp

Alright so imagine you're like King or Queen of Steppenwolf or The Goodman or whatever. You get a bad review. Damn. Oh well on with the show. We've got a great cast of seasoned professionals. They'll handle it well and definitely not blow up on social media about it or publicly attack the reviewer. That would be unprofessional and make us all look bad. Oh shit, here's members of the cast posting publicly on social media about it. So as king or queen of Steppenwolf and/or The Goodman, I'd be pissing my pants and shitting my hat. Our actors are SERIOUSLY tweeting and bookfacing publicly bitching about a bad review? The faces of our theatre? Those are the faces of our theatre, right? They... oh my god, they represent the whole organization. I'd be banging my king our queen gavel to get them into my official theatre chambers post haste to rip them a third one, since the second one is apparently already their mouth given all the shit that's coming out of it.

Oh God. They aren't personally attacking the reviewer are they? Jesus Christ dancing on George Carlin's grave, really? Why aren't they in my office yet, it's been 20 seconds. They are literally saying that the reviewer is a racist old white man. He's jealous. He's uncivil. He has a fragile ego. He's whiney. He just doesn't get it, because he's an old white man. Oh and fuck him. I mean of course fuck him. Is he right? Was it a crappy unfair review? Is he a racist old fart? WHO GIVES A SHIT? It's incredibly unprofessional! Step back a sec, aren't we all making fun of Trump right now for being thin skinned and tweeting about every little criticism he receives? Surely our actors are better than Trump's temperament. Surely we didn't hire actors as thin skinned as that walking talking 8 Cheetos in the shape of a swastika. They have to be above that. Oh god, I just remembered they're the face of the whole organization again. Goddamnit, now the specter of Del Close is going to wake me up Christmas eve and harbinger that night's coming of the ghosts of comedy past present and future and it won't be good. Thanks a fucking lot.

Wait... they aren't just bitching about one review? But TWO?! Get those hyperlinks on my desk five minutes ago. http://www.chicagotribune.com/entertainment/theater/ct-second-city-mainstage-review-ent-1212-20161211-column.html

http://chicago.suntimes.com/entertainment/second-city-revue-recycles-the-election-and-more/

Thanks. I'm going to read them now.

Okay. We can deal with that. Not everything can be gold. These actors couldn't possibly be blaming all criticism on racism. Surely the rest of the reviews are good, right? http://www.theatreinchicago.com/the-winnerof-our-discontent/reviews/8879/

There's even MORE bad ones? Well the good ones must be glowing! Surely! Ah, shit even the good ones get some pretty solid digs in. Well, shit. Wait... this many bad reviews and it's because the reviewers are all racist?

Okay, this is hard for me to say as the monarch of this theatre company, but at what fucking point is it our fault for putting up a show that just wasn't that good? Of course I haven't seen it, I'm on monarch time. I'll go when I can. Do I need to? Why aren't they in my office. And why would I take the blame for it? They wrote it. Take some responsibility, writers slash actors in this show I'm paying for.

Okay, I'm breaking character now. I think my point has been sufficiently made and this horse I'm punching has no pulse anymore.

Second City's last two shows have been populated by the most thin skinned over sensitive human beings I have ever seen in my life. And, not surprisingly, they have been two massive shit explosions in either content or PR or both. I could maybe, MAYBE, understand this behavior if it was from an ensemble of eight year olds doing Hamlet in the kitchen for their rich white wine drunk parents who just just got pulled away from the Super Bowl to endure this insult to the dramatic arts. Maybe. I mean, they're just kids, and their parents aren't paying attention to them. But to the parents' credit, it's a hard job and the Super Bowl is only once a year. You bought them a X-Nintendo-Box or whatever the fuck, why aren't the playing with that? Then again Hamlet's a pretty heavy undertaking for some eight year olds. My point is there's a lot of sides to take here. But any adult in any ensemble of any size or notoriety? Puh-huh-leeze.

You know why this happened? You might, but I'll tell you anyway. But first watch this video. But not the whole thing dear god. Just his set. [starts at 5:17]

Dude you just gave that guy the keys to your two resident stages. Twice. Twice! Like I said, this shit is in my stupid Facebook feed, that is literally how they feel about comedy. They agree with this guy. They probably wouldn't express it the same way. I mean come on, the character he's playing obviously needs some work. But they agree with what he's saying. And that dude might even be right! Shit, I don't know. But he sure as hell isn't funny. Oh who the hell am I kidding, no of course he isn't right. But still. Point is he doesn't make me chuckle.

Comedians are (used to be?) the kids in the back of the classroom throwing spitballs. They have a flawless bullshit radar and will mock what crosses it at every turn. Regardless of subject or whatever. They're honest, sometimes to a fault. Yeah some of them can be dicks, but they make us laugh so they get away with it. They make hard shit to swallow, uh, swallowable. Because they're smart. Carlin did it. Pryor. Hicks. Chris Rock. Chappelle. Blah blah blah, let me google some more comedians for this comedy circle jerk. You get the point. Yeah people might get offended, but fuck 'em. They don't have to laugh.

But no. Instead you're hiring Hermonie Granger. Now I for one fucking love Hermonie Granger. Read the books, dude. She is ALWAYS right. Always. She's smart as hell and sticks to her principles. She's brave! She literally fought slavery at Hogwarts, elves are people too! I hope my daughter grows up to be a Hermonie! Hell, my son too! Love her! But, and you can already see this coming, Hermonie isn't fucking funny. Hermonie wants you to know what IS and IS NOT funny, and will give you a lecture when you roll your eyes and snort. She's probably right. Oh who the hell am I kidding she's ALWAYS right, I already said so. But she's not funny. She's. Not. And let's be real, Hermonie can be a real drag sometimes.

And you've made it the whole culture of the space now! Everybody sees a sign before they go in that effectively says "HEY! You better watch your fucking mouth in here! Okay?! These performers are sensitive people with feelings! They require our protection! They are not equipped with the stage skills or emotional wherewithal to have that happen without being psychically destroyed (see social media response to bad reviews). So don't you dare! We don't tolerate that shit! ...Now please enjoy this hard hitting satire."

Mind you this hangs in the same lobby as a framed hand written letter from an offended patron written to a director of a main stage review.

Now of course being a racist misogynist prick makes you the prickest of the pricks. And apparently president (Zing! Got'em!). The sign isn't wrong, it's just lame and unnecessary and kills comedy. Like "Hey, Jesus put nails through his wrists for you! He had the flesh whipped and torn off his back and was beaten bloody and exhausted. Get it? Get it?! ...Now please enjoy your children's Christmas Pageant." Or "Dear Patrons, before the movie begins, please silence your cellphones. And remember, don't fuck little kids. Little kids getting fucked is just about the worst thing you could do. ...Now please enjoy your feature presentation, Love Actually 2: Actual Love."

I'm not saying audience members should be told to shout whatever the fuck their drunk stupid hey-I-could-do-that-too heads come up with. But when they do, and they always will, don't run into a corner and cry then quit and then act like it's a bold defiant finger snap and sashay into the sunset.

Mind you this is the same theatre where right after Kennedy was shot, the country still in mourning, after getting his assassination as a suggestion Del Close responded with "Just what the fuck do you want to see, sir?" to great audience applause. It was the first time "fuck" was said on that stage. Apparently. Point is that there are an infinite number of ways to handle that shit. You are supposed to be smarter and better than douche bags. You are supposed to be the one running this shit. This is your house. Turn the audience against them, they're already on your side! Play with the tension until you have a time to diffuse it, that makes laughs happen. Straight up ream out that piece of shit about incredibly not okay that is, then when they are sufficiently shamed break that tension with a bit. Be brave! There are way more things you can do that I can't think of right now. But for the love of definitely don't collapse into a puddle then create a social media circus around the cross you just built yourself and hung yourself on. Oh god, that fucking guy. I swear. Basically what I'm saying is, in everyday life if someone calls you a faggot that's oppression. If you're a comic, that's an obnoxious inconvenience. And if you can't handle that, well you're in the wrong business. You just don't have the skin for it! I'm not trying to be mean but go fuck yourself. I think Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson is a badass of the top tier, but he shouldn't be fucking president. Ya dig? Do something else or wear an athletic cup until your balls toughen up.

Oh, and it goes without saying kick that douchefist heckler out. Duh. But what comedy club hangs a sign first? That's like when you're doing an open mic and the comic before you just cried. Which, speaking of that, don't joke about shit if you can't find it funny. Apparently this latest show has a series of lectures on race that the writers are just angry about. Fuck yeah express that shit. You're right, you know? But that's poetry slam material, dude. Story teller stuff. That's cool I like that stuff. But if you're doing a show in a legendary comedy venue? A historic temple of satire? You're that crying comic now. Shit what did you expect the reviewer to say? That sign isn't protecting anybody, it's a cheap token gesture that puts your audience on edge right away. "Hey, welcome to this strip club. Remember: Don't rape the strippers. ...Now please enjoy your boners and you in the sweatpants have the right idea you old hound you." What the fuck are you telling me that for? I wasn't going to! God, is the world really that terrible. I can't get a boner now.

So you've got this critically shit on show and the show before you've got Pete Kim. And let's be real here, it was just Peter Kim. I mean, we all know he was the only one who actually left over audience language, right? We all know that by now? That all the others left because of piss poor management and major backstage drama? We know this? Well now you do. People didn't get along, creative differences, shitty management, all that. But the public story was that half the cast left over naughty audience language so they didn't look bad. But we all know that's bullshit now, right? Like that rumor HAD to have made the full rounds by now. Alright, just so we're on the same page.

Oh god, this fucking guy. Of course your other show had a meltdown. Have you seen this guy in action? Imagine you're having a normal everyday conversation with a group of friends, and one of you says "Happy Valentine's Day." Just as you're about to say "It's Christmas," oh god, that fucking guy busts through the wall surrounded by tiny goblins that constantly shout "You go girl!" in their grating little high pitched voices. He snaps both fingers, and starts shouting and Cobra necking like he's a guest on a daytime talk show "Boo, Bitch! Valentine's Day is heteronormative, mother fucker! You need to get your shit together, girl! Because you... are problematic! Ugh!" Dramatic turn, exeunt Peter, nose held high with a supermodel strut, waving his index finger defiantly in the air with one hand and tweeting your address with the other. "You go, girl!" shout the goblins. Peter drops his pants, and allows one of the louder goblins the pleasure (NOT privilege) of swinging from his nut sack. Your wall is busted and now you are all suddenly considering a vote for Trump. Social justice is thus achieved.

That's what it's like. All the while he has the army of goblins swinging from his balls to convince him that he's doing just the best greatest most important work. And they let that guy be in charge of building comedy that wasn't a just a fucking lecture. And now solely because of oh god that fucking guy every audience member is now subject to a lecture about the worst of humanity before going in for some laughs they spent their money for. Great job. Yes Second City you are so progressive. Hey, speaking of being progressive, maybe pay your touring ensembles something slightly livable? No? Okay, that's fine because you hung a sign so your heart's obviously in the right place.

I get it, Second City. You want to look cool and cutting edge and liberal. PR is important, which is why the official story had to be that everybody quit because of few dickholes that showed up to the comedy show. But being funny is more important than that, and what's more, it's your business model. And you're totally betting on the wrong horses with all these angry social justice warriors. They're time bombs. Two shows now. And truth be told I just vomited out all this because I fucking love Second City. So, you know, hire some professionals with an actual spine for that work. Who can actually be funny and tell people what's what. We actually need it right now.

I forgot to say, it's not everybody you're hiring so I'm saying it here. Kelsey Kinney is funny as fuck.

Okay, that's all.

#Second City #heckling #Hermione Grainger #satire #Del Close