#my hands cant keep up with my brain!!!

[iindigoeyed]

saw this dress and purse and i KNEW i had to draw this, it's so her!!

#ml #marinette dupain-cheng #miraculous ladybug #omg i post art not clickbait?? #Hmm dont think i added enough sparkles..... #i initially wanted it to look like a page from her sketchbook but i got render-happy #I was gonna add tikki but she didnt fit the color palette -_- #indigarts #marinette #forcing myself to draw/write because if i dont i will literally never finish anything #not exaggerating i have over 40 art & fic wips combined #and like... 4 aus in the works? #my hands cant keep up with my brain!!! #Yall bored during hiatus... not me. stay safe tho! #and not to mention that ive been so sick i cant hold a pen most of the time #ok i'll shut up now #edit was no one gonna tell me i put the hyphen in her name wrong.

[unironicallycringe]

Me: I gotta create more

Me: [paralyzed by the sheer amount of things I want to create] aw heck

#shea muses aloud #my hands cant keep up with my brain lately hmmm

[mymp3]

because twt is broken i thought i could share off my doodle compilation to the world. silly doodles new and old that i made into my new header :)

+ bonus doodles

#art.mymp3 #minato arisato #ryoji mochizuki #some you need to click on others u dont #but i kind of wanted to share another batch doodles for the purpose of showing off my process if thst makes any sense? #i kind of just scribble down whatever and its a complete toss up whether or not i actfinish it #i kind of get antsy trying to share an idea i have so if i dont finish it wuick enough i just start doodling again lol #sometimes i draw what i want from the get go #other times i just lay down colors and work my way up #the problem i run into most often is trying to do lineart #because i just cant keep my hands still so i end up coloring sketches most of the time #but yeah #fun stuff #essentially some are way more sketchy than others #i think its because i dont use construction lines very often (it shows) #but some are lines and others are sketchy comics that i lose interest on half way through #its fun to see my brain sput out in real time lol

[soldier-poet-king]

WAILS

#it certainly is a monday..... #worried about [redacted] #brain keeps giving me the softest kindest dreams only to wake up and be like. well. time for work #its dark and cold and rainy #usual family bullshit. careee bullshit. etc #im MAYBE getting sick which cant happen i have tattoo work scheduled for Saturday #bro1 (aged 23) is getting his ears pierced and i was giving him advice #and he straight up was like oh im getting both done because just one ear is gay #He said that. to my face. im. #i need to move out. i need to get a s/o. i need to hold hands and go on cutesy little dates SO BAD #i love romance ok. im tired of pretending i dont #i don't really care abt the sex bits like sure itd be nice #but i dont yearn and pine for it like i do the casual romantic intimacy of it all im. im. #WHY IS IT NOT SOFT AND KIND. LIFE SHOULD BE SOFT AND KIND TO ME OK. I WOULD BE SO GOOD AT ROMANCE-FRIENDSHIP #just like. the gentleness. the kindness. the fun. im. going to be SICK #im also sosososo sleepy and sad. #oh the national on repeat for hours we're really in it now #wish we could invent a way to be lonely and wanting that isnt completely cringe!!! #and guilt inducing bc there's bigger problems and i should be helping and doing and not navel gazing about love #and yet!!!!!!!!!!

[jonny-b-meowborn]

As time goes by I'm becoming more and more sure that I just can't survive on my own. I can take basic care of myself, but the second I have to go to a doctor or do some formal stuff I get paralyzed. I just can't. Fuck, I can barely even talk to strangers in general. Or even not strangers, I can't fucking text someone back if I'm not close to them, it's just so scary and exhausting. I'm becoming emotionally tired more easily and sometimes even talking with my mom about anything is too much for me and I love my mom. And I really need her, I can't do basic stuff without her pretty much holding my hand all the time. I can't get a normal job. We went to this blueberry plantation a few times but I just couldn't go there without her, and now the job is over and we can't go there at all. If I wasn't such a fucking baby I'd go there a few more times alone and get some money. I can't make calls, there's literally like two people I feel comfortable talking on the phone with. People used to say I was mature for my age when I was younger but I never grew up and now I'm almost 21 and can't do anything with my life. I'm scared of everything, I'm constantly exhausted physically and mentally. I'm like a fucking child. I'm scared that I'm gonna have to live with my mom my whole life. I can't see a future for myself, I'm just not able to survive without help and at some point I won't be able to get help, I don't want to be a parasite living off of my mom's money but I don't see anything else I could do. I hate my brain so much. I hate the way it refuses to work. I hate myself for being such a child.

#you know theres this weird idk. impostor syndrome about me and my autism #like on one hand i know that autism is a disability. but on the other i cant think of myself as disabled #cause im not 'autistic enough'. because i can keep myself fed and clean and healthy and alive as long as im provided with everything i need #but then i have a full on breakdown because my new laptop doesnt work and i have to go to the store to have it checked/replaced #i wanna throw up just thinking about it #i cant do anything without my moms help #i wanna throw up and cry and die when theres too much happening around me. i cant survive in the real world. i just can't #i cant get a job or a partner or go to college or move out or even just fucking. go to a store and ask for help with my laptop. #i feel like im destined to live w my mom forever and not achieve anything and die alone #i keep talking about wanting to make a living with my art but thats bullshit. i do want that but i know it's not possible for me #i cant even fucking finish the commissions i already have. im scared to get new ones. im scared to do anything. #my brain refuses to let me work on anything #and yeah i am burnt out after my diploma and exams and all that but at some point i just have to admit im not built for that. for anything. #im built to live like a parasite baby and die #my mom is too good of a person to kick me out but i wouldnt blame her. im useless. i cant make money. i cant take care of myself #i dont know what to do #bee buzz

[ikayblythe]

"oh? care to indulge a weary hermit such as me?"

lazy concept of a scug character encountering a story NPC in their "campaign." This scug is called the Cartographer and their goal is exploration. If they were a game mod, the perk of completing its campaign would be a far more complex mapping system that allows you to make notes of various locations and pathfind easier. Taking place in the far future where the planet returned to its glacial state, somewhat around the Saint's time, the Cartographer explores the remains of a fallen race and encounters one of its lost children.

#artwork #digital art #art #rain world #rainworld #rain world fanart #rain world oc #slugcat #rain world art #there is no iterator in this picture btw #kinda hate this ngl it feels so lazy #but my hands cant keep up with my brain ooouughh

[atlas-affogato]

I need to stop having new ideas I need to stop I can't keep up I'm going insane

#i have six smaller wips #and the big one with like 4+ one shot off shoots in the same universe #plus like #eight more ideas #have i finished any of them? #no! #not a single one! #not even my historical au or my college au #which are both so close to being done! #tell me why i started a new story today instead of working on those #i needed a creativity dump and wrote like 2k words for a new au #stop it brain! #its getting out of hand i cant keep up #i just want to finish my shit and post it #goddddddd #fanfiction #fanfiction writing #fanfiction problems #fanfic problems #fanfic writing #writer problems #jca fanfiction

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ok so like this is fine bc im not in a horrible mood rn. this is more i feel like complaining bc what im doing is kinda ridiculous #but my memory is so bad that ill probably forget if i dont write it out. but basically 4 days a week i have to come in starting at 7.30 to #water and prep for measurements. then from 9am to 6.15pm i have to nonstop take the measurements. and theyre timed so that means #i get abt 4 min to do anything before i have to take another measurement. which is abt enough time to start to focus and then have to stop #which is very fucking frustrating. and i have to manage data. coordinate for this fucking paper. and keep track of like 10 other things for #work stuff. which means that it takes me like and hour to send easy emails and they come out all fucked uo bc my brain is so shot #but on top of that i also have to fucking do the steps to get set up for my new school in the fall. and like ive officially accepted the #offer but havent talked to my new advisor since then so now theres this weird gap where im like. uh fuck do i ask for wtf im supposed to #do? bc ive been able to do things for like 2 or 3 weeks but then my life started collapsing in around me. and like there r probably #instructions somewhere but i cant fucking read lol. whatever. hes nice i just need to find the energy and words to email him and b like lol #srry everythings been insane. but bc ive waited so long i have to compulsively keep going back to check that ive been accepted like somehow #that would change while im not looking. ugh. and ive also fucked myself over housing wise bc theres a housing shortage in the city and huge #demand of housing on camus so theres a wait list for everything but i cant fucking apply bc i cant get my id to work. and fucking idk who #to call or email abt that. but idk i might have to have roomates for a semester. or my parents offered to give me some extra money for an #apartment until i can get one that doesnt put me in the red on a grad student budget. ugh. i dont wanna do either of those things #but christ do i not want roommates. ill figure something out. its just annoying and difficult from so far away #and it makes me kinda sad bc ppl r like: r u excited?! and im like. i cant really think abt that. partly bc im constanly putting out fires #in the present so theres not really space for it. partly bc i dont allow myself to b excited abt things so as not to get my hopes up. #but just after i accepted i was excited. and now it feels like im reaching my hand out toward a floating light just out of reach. like #its a nice idea but i wont believe until it happens. but that just bc ive become distorted about things #and i dont even get a weekend bc the 4 days of measurement r friday to Monday and i cant fucking relax on weekdays bc ppl r like hey can u #do this??? and there r things i can only do on weekdays so its like ok i guess ill just suffer forever thrn. and my boss texts me like: hey #did u do X? and am like: uuuuuh i fucking dont kno what day it is anymore. i dont understand y we have to meet. lets just not talk bc im #afraid ill say something worrying. so yea its pretty fucked up rn. but this stuff ends on the 24th #then ill probably not take a break and fucking finish the measurements for another project bc i just really need it to b done. i need it #all to b done so i can fucking wash my hands of this and fucking quit and move away at the start of july... or August if i decide i hate #myself that much. ugh. at least the lab has been pretty empty so no ones seen me crying lol #also thr fucking rutgers guy emailed me yesterday like: hey u want this position? and im like bitch u r like a month too late also im in #my cringe fail era. i would not survive at ur school. ugh everything is terrible. 2 or 3 more months then i csn leave this place forever #unrelated

[nekky-nek]

At the rate I keep thinking about Sephiroth and Aqua parallels, I'm going to end up making a multipage comic for them

All their life has revolved around duty and following the rules. The responsibility of it all (being the top of their class)

Physically and or mentally sheltered of the ways of the world outside of their own

They and their status cause a wedge to form between a friend

Terrible things out of their control keep happening making relations between friends more tense

They lose their two best friends (and one said friend went to follow the other)

The loneliness that comes after

Zack loves them both

#im literally making an aqua and genesis comic right now #why am i like this #my brain needs to calm down my hands cant keep up #text post #birth by crisis core

[herequeerexitentialfear]

they wern't lying this pain and exhaustion sure is chronic

#my brain keeps giving me the 'have crisis over declination of your hand motor skills' popup. #been spamming the 'delay for 24 hours' every time tho #so um. sorry for not writing/drawing/reading/commenting #shits going well life wise rn #but im a mess. have been for while #you cant worry about a leak in a storm #it makes sense that when things are moving forward #you have to process it finally #but i want to draw/read/write/comment! #i never even realized how bad the exhaustion was #it was just there. for as long as i can remember. this weight #i just got on #just walked on #just got up and carried on #i thought i was normal #i thought everyone kept walking on hot coals and spikes #kept throwing themselves at the brick walls in their path over and over until all that left are shards of brick #and another brick wall just beyond #no wall existed for them #or they had a sledgehammer #im exhausted #but im a creature of habit #i guess i gotta just walk on #sorry im being too melancholy n poetic #i guess i do overshare to much in the tags

[milkweedman]

Eugh

#think im in a flare up and it just decided to start with my hands this time #was watering the garden earlier and my knees were burning n when i squatted to get at the water spigot my hip nudged itself out #everything is falling apart again (by everything i mean this stupid meat suit) #but also working on my resume like this sure is something #like. 'please hire me i cant do anything 30% of the time and i have constant near impenetrable brain fog #and i will injure myself multiple times a day just doing basic tasks' #and like. i dont want to work. it always results in me pushing myself way past what i can do safely just to keep up with the bare minimum #and it leaves me so exhausted and in pain that i cant do anything else with my tims because im just trying to recover #but also not working means someone else has to pick up my slack and i fucking hate that #ive been thinking about trying to go on disability #i mean i kind of doubt id qualify. and i know its a LONG process. and also im planning on getting married in the next year or two #and im pretty sure that would throw a wrench in it #i dont know... its awful trying to keep up with everyone. i cant do it physically or mentally. but i dont really have a choice but to try ? #at the moment almost all my time and energy is being taken up by being in pain and the rest it is just. #basic maintenance. which i only barely manage to do sometimes #idk !! #chronic illness #my next appointment with pain management isnt for more than a month #gonna ask for something for the joint pain if i can #since nobody can tell whats actually fucking wrong with them the least they could do is just medicate me for it...

[arrow-guy]

.

#i feel like im in emotional limbo or some shit #like i dont know where these emotions are supposed to go because i dont want to bother anyone with my bullshit #because its a lot of emotional labor and its too much go expect of anyone to deal with my bad brain #but i guess i just feel lost #i hate that i want validation from this guy #this wasnt a problem two weeks ago #like i was fine two weeks ago!!!!! #didnt even know this dude #and now my heads fucked up because i keep trying to avoid disaster by over explaining myself to him #why cant i just sit back and be happy #why cant i just try to schedule a date and look forward to holding hands or something #like he was so clearly into me just last night #and after a singular day of him not texting back i just assume hes lost interest or that he thinks im too much work #which speaks to the problems ive had in the past where people have expressed interest in me #and then just dropped me one day and never talked to me again #im pretty sure this is gonna be a delete later situation #im just scared and insecure and frustrated with myself #and i dont know where to put that

[atnaturesmercy]

my brain is actually broken and irreparable. im never going to escape the broken record bathtub drain. i despise it. i almost convinced myself i was a person. no, fuck, i did. i actually want to be taken out back and shot like a lame horse. i'm about to snap and have a nervous paranoid-psychotic breakdown. everything is hilarious, nothing has consequences. plaything. doll. pet. mommy's little helper. hm. tired of keeping it all together. not tired because i want to spiral (i don't), but tired because of the effort it's taking. when the fuck will it pay off. things like that. im like five coffees in trying not to day drink

#i'm not even suicidal and i would have no right to be because nothing happened so like ... why do i feel so numb #you know when you have a brain injury and you're like wow. i'm not supposed to think/process information like this? but you can't stop? #like you feel the brain damage? #she says my hands are the gentlest things and i'm very deliberate and slow and it's like ... yeah... #i can't hurt people. i'm not a sadist. i'm always so afraid i'll get people sick if i get close to them #like whatever fucked me up indefinitely will rub off on them #i can't be a person anymore but i don't ... i hate having abnormal behaviors #i dissected my burger in front of my parents yesterday and my dad asked if he cooked it wrong #and like ... ive never ever shown him how i eat i always feign normalcy #and it was just too hard and then i had to cover up and say no its fine because i almost hurt his feelings #and i just picked at it and he asked me if im getting enough calories in and im like fuck dude if i know #but nothing happened like because if something DID happen there would be no damage control #i would want to die. i promised myself that. i would kill myself. when i got my period for the first time in two years #i cried for ten hours it was like... great. like losing childhood all over #but i'm happy and well adjusted my brain just doesn't work it keeps forgetting things... randomly crying ... images wont leave #i cant even focus on numbers because i don't know the date #all of my dates and timeline in my head they're fucked up. and i know the dates for everything #i know the dates for everything that has ever happened in my life #i'm about to have a nervous breakdown but i'm also so chillax about everything

[ayakinari]

you ever just

#duck rants about something #hoooooo man. why did all my motivation and ability to create go out the window as soon as i finished that valk piece #i cant draw. i dont know what to draw i knew what i had to draw but i cant. put it on canvas #cant go in an art block now of all times theres less than one month and a half until finals and i need some sort of portfolio put together #by then and. i am Still exhausted i thought !! it was getting better but nope i am still incredibly fatigued by Everything #and to make matters worse its thursday tomorrow meaning the classes i dislike the most i just want to lie down for 10 years maybe i dont kn #maybe pursuing art as a career was a bad idea. maybe im not fit for this but im already over a year into this art school and i dont want to #waste the money my family's put into letting me go to this school #and i absolutely love it here the teachers are nice and my classmates are cool and i made friends for the first time in years #but god if i havent been in the worst headspace of my life this past year. #well this year was going a bit too well for me in terms of art i had a steady pace of imrpoving and trying out new things but now its just #i cant do anything. no matter what i doodle or sketch or just let my hand do whatever nothings coming out and it terrifies me #maybe im being dramatic! i know someone would say im being just that #god i dont want to go to class tomorrow either im not in the mood for a religious lecture but ive already skipped the past two weeks #keep it up any more than that and itll probably result in a call to my parents #my parents are probably gonna call me later tonight anyways. should get it together til then #maybe i need a nap. maybe i need to go outside and take a walk and look at a bug. maybe i just need to go out in a field and scream #auhgh but i need to draw i need to make Something i cant halfass something the way i did last semester and barely pass #and now im getting dizzy just typing this out thanks brain #ill probably delete this later i just really need to. hhghghhhgh please let me draw. please let me make something or anything at all #i dont know what id have if it isnt art. #ive always been mediocre at everything in my life the only thing giving me peace of mind is drawing #if thats all im good for then what even use am i without it #and sure! maybe im actually not that good at it! maybe my artstyle is uninspired and boring maybe im just wasting my time!!! #but i still love it immensely i love making my silly characters i love drawing out my dumb stories i love just. #making things and being okay at it. maybe. am i actually good at this probably not. maybe im also mediocre at this and just kidding myself #sorry for being emotional on a wednesday. must be the curse #anyways

[arcaneyouth]

"why are you constantly posting about ace attorn3y" i cannot explain in a reasonable way how hyperfixating on some lawyers is keeping me sane in these trying times

#negative #yes i censored the name i dont want this showing up in the main posts somehow AFHSJGD #im in bed too emotionally exhausted to do anything. but i sure can think about those lawyers #not sure where my mental health would be rn if it werent for the funky lawyers rotating rapidly in my brain #also 90% of the bad shit in my life at the moment IS in fact related to real life lawyers #i have not been contacted back by the lawyer i tried to get a hold of on thursday and i am losing my mind #but going phoenix wright would never do this to me. thats funny enough to keep going somehow #god these anime court bitches sure have gotten me through a lot of tough times. and they will continue to do so #so basically yeah im just g. im just gonna keep posting about them #for anybody who gets this far: send me your ace attorney thoughts i am asking politely #scrolling the tags every 30 minutes can only get me so far and i physically cant make any fanart rn #i wanna talk about the guys *grabby hands*