#my parents are coming back tonight

[bisexualmaedhros]

hrrrm a little lonely. that's ok

#maybe i'll make dinner #we have a bunch of frozen stuff maybe i'll microwave smth and... eat it in my room <- not allowed to do this #my parents are coming back tonight #idk i'm just kind of bored. evenings have gone by so fast recently i hate it #ig i'll be back in school in less than a week so at least i'll be busy #it's nice being able to stay at home though... augh #finielspeaks #maybe i can dig out some veggie corn dogs but the last one i ate was kind of tough idk

[talesfromthebandgeekmafia]

I gotta say I do absolutely adore that Fig Faeth who’s entire relationship with romance up to that point is tied to deception finds her match with a person whose defining trait is her honesty

#like Fig has never kissed anyone as herself before Ayda she’s always trying to at least convince her friends she’s hiding her emotions #her life is completely upturned by her parents’ romantic relationship imploding because of a deception by her mom #and the loving partner she finds is someone who will always be candid with her #I’m really going insane over figayda tonight they’re just so perfect for eachother #I need Ayda to come back in Junior Year like I know in my heart it’s gonna happen but I need it to happen sooner #dimension 20 #d20 #fantasy high #fhsy #figayda #ayda aguefort #spilling the Tea

[deathxproof]

Susan Foreman, Abandonment Issues && The Past Haunting John Banville / Nicola Yoon / Franz Kafka in a letter to his father / Hera Lindsey Bird / Franz Kafka in a letter to his father(words changed, for some reason) / Eula Biss / Rainer Maria Rilke / Michael Cunningham / Richey Edwards / @ ghostheavens / The End of the F***ing World / Valeria Luiselli / Phoebe Bridgers / Katherine Fabrizio / Lang Leav / Emily Palermo / Vicente Aleixandre / Lyra Wren / Ocean Vuong / Haruki Murakami / Richard Siken

#a quick and fun little web weaving game before bed that I DEFINITELY DIDNT CRY OVER WHILE MAKING !!!! #character; susan foreman #about; susan foreman #god. GOD. It’s 2 AM. I am unwell about this tonight. I am. oh Susan. in my feelings about her w the Doctor and w (or w/o) the Master. #retroactively knowing that your grandfather was making what he thought was the best choice for you & abandoning + traumatizing you for life #somewhat knowing the feeling after you become a very clueless parent. wanting to do right by your family. #only for your other father figure(that you maybe don’t even realize is him) to kill your husband. the one guy truly grounding you- #-to your new life. and then shortly after your grandfather comes back for a bit. is an influence on your youngest kid. #he gets himself killed trying to be like his granddad. no. you don’t want to travel with him again after that. #you have to be there for your family and also it hurts to see him— but then your kids also want nothing to do with you now that they can- #-see you #you decide that its best to isolate yourself for like. an ungodly amount of time. for your hearts and somehow for other people. #it doesn’t help. #musings !

[brown-little-robin]

AUGH

#(your irregularly scheduled Random Robin Moment) #just remembered that I have a writing homework tonight aaaaaaaaa I thought I was free to do more ceramics homework but NO #I should probably just give up and go home. come back to the studio on Saturday and really knock out the pot-making then #make a lid for my big breadpan and throw two bowls and two lids #yeah... I'll miss seeing my parents this weekend but our 3 year old is sick anyway and I do Not want to get sick right now #oh well this will be okay #more time to do my homework more time to clean my room more time to go to my own church for once :) it'll be good #well good thinking team glad we had this discussion #Robin speaks

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Just found out my two siblings are in my mom's will, but not me. Also my grandpa has told the entire family about his engagement. Except for me. Also my dad told my siblings that he and my mom bought a plot of land. Can you guess who they haven't told?

#these tags are about to be a massive trauma dump tbh so avoid if you want #when i was fifteen i came out as trans. and my mom was terrible about it. and my dad was up for a promotion so we were considering moving #and i found a list of my moms pros and cons for moving. on the pros was 'people there dont know about (deadname)' #so that was ideal for a suicidal fifteen year old to find. and tonight i just learned that im not in her will #both of my siblings are. but im not. and its just always been like this #im treated like im not part of the family anymore. and it's been that way since i was fifteen #i heard from my brother that my grandpa is engaged. and he told both my siblings about it directly. he never told me #i reach out to my parents. i never hear back. my aprents text my sibling to check on me (sib and i live together) #everything is kind of shit rn. one of my rats is dying. my family doesnt love me. im broke. my best friend and i arent really talking #because he fucked my ex gf and now things arent really the same anymore. strangely enough. he doesnt reach out anymore #so i have no one to talk to about any of this shit #last night i was crying about my rat and i guess my roommate heard it cuz this morning they said #'are you okay? if you ever need someone to talk to who will never bring it up again you can talk to me' #and thats the most loving thing ive heard from someone in months. from a woman ive known since august #im. just. at a loss. since i found out tonight. that im not in my mom's will #its not about money. or assets. its about the fact that im her fucking child and both of her other children are in it but im not #after she dies shes willing to help them out but i can get fucked ig #i wonder if im gonna be invited to my grandpas wedding. i wonder if any of them would want me at their funeral #i wonder if any of them would come to mine

[whimsycore]

I really hate making promises to kids that I can’t keep

#I visited some family yesterday and all the kids flocked to me and wouldn’t let me leave #because my mom told them we’d be back tonight one of them looked me in the eyes and said ‘please come tomorrow’ #and I’m gonna tear up because I know how lonely that kid feels #I hate not being able to be there more for these kids #I fucking hate thier parents and they live out of state #but I’d visit just to take care of them #one of them literally apparently always asks for me anywhere he goes

[francisforever2014]

i hate christmas so much i’m sorry idccccc it’s boring overdone and annoying if i was walter white i would steal that shit too

#this year is especially sucking ass #spent the morning getting annoyed by my parents #and then drove 6 hours to stupid seattle too see my older sister . WHO DIDNT EVEN WANT TO SEE US TONIGHT #just been laying in this stupid airbnb missing my cat being grumpy #also it’s fine that my sister didn’t want to see us like i get it i’m just annoyed in general like i didn’t even wanna travel in the first #place 😭 esp bc i already traveled from school to be at my moms like travel inside of travel??? you want me dead?? #and i’m planning on coming BACK UP TO STUPID SEATTLE in a week anyways #so i could just see her then bc i hateeeee family things like . even if i fuck with them individually the group vibes are boring at best #and rancid at worst . let me outtt #and even on a good year christmas is just so fucking boring and annoying like who cares .

[4thbrighteststar]

</3

#no wait listen to me. listen to me #im south asian. my grandparents were muslim. my great aunt and uncle and their children and my parents siblings are all muslim #my parents aren't. they raised us without any religion. without even our national cultural ceremonies tied to islam #dont let yourself believe for a fucking second that has nothing to do 9/11 happening two years before i was born. two years before we moved #im south asian. my dad's first name is mohammed. when we catch a flight we get to the airport two hours earlier- #to account for the time it'll take my dad to be 'routinely stopped and searched' by airport security #routinely is right lmfao. it happens every time we fly #last time i was on an american airlines flight our checked luggage ended up across the continent and took two days to get to us #(my 12yo cousin gifted us an alarm clock that made an ominous ticking noise and we couldn't shut it the fuck up- #the luggage was labeled mohammed and coming from south asia. my sibling jokes it's a wonder we got it back) #im canadian. i cried my ass off to cfa tonight bc of how touching the story of a small town coming together to help a group of strangers is #(can't help thinking that never would've happened in a bigger city? but thereby lies another tale) #and god normally i hate 9/11 stories bc it feels like two sides of my identity being pitted against each other and it makes me so uncomfy #like as a canadian i should be sympathetic towards the states and at the same time im viscerally aware of the lasting prejudiced impacts #but cfa did it so beautifully #will never get over the 'thorough search' scene. 'you will never understand'. #the lump in my throat i get every time I watch my normally distinguished and tough and coolheaded father be pushed through airport security #how resigned he is to it. how he tries to stay dignified. how scared my mom gets every time. how rough they are with him #when he usually commands respect #and yet also the pride and the lump in my throat i got today knowing it was a little canadian town that made a difference #sigh enough out of me i just have a lot of feelings #come from away #team screams

[sharkieboi]

my dad: “you should come home earlier so you can spend time with your mother”

me, internally: why the fuck would I do that

#shhh sharkie #I’m specifically a) lying to him about where i’m spending the night tonight #and b) spending as little time at home tomorrow as I can before I come back to the city #I have zero desire to spend any quality time with either of my parents rn #I’m driving to nyc to spend the night with my person tonight and sleep over with them #and then finishing the drive to ct tomorrow to drop off the car and then amtrak the fuck out of there #he’s trying to guilt trip me into spending the night in ct instead of nyc but like why would I do that #yeah i’d love to have an uncomfortable evening with a group of passive aggressive people who judge me and my life #and watch a shitty movie i’ll hate and be judged for how many glasses of wine I have #definitely better than getting free drinks at a gourmet restaurant while i wait for my SO to finish up work #and then go smoke/drink and get lovingly railed within an inch of my life #definitely time with my parents is worth more than that 🙄 #edit: coming back to this about a month later (2/2) and i kinda do wish i had arrived earlier to say hi to mom but still #more in that like. my parents have this preconceived notion that I hate them but that isn’t true #and i’d like as many opportunities as i can to disprove that #but also my mom is a self-centered narcissist and any slight against her is the worst crime in the world #so i’m okay missing her. but i did still want to see her. #or any of my siblings. it was just my dad and the pets. #which is great! i love how each of the dogs greet everyone #have to deal with Daisy first cause she needs to be Held and tell you she loves you #and then Dolly needs to lick all the moisturizer off your face and be a little potato #and Odie whines and patiently waits his turn but then he gets swaddled with affection #it’s a whole routine i love them all so much #and i miss my girl so much

[sunshinereddie]

first day of the year and i am already in a horribly overstimulating situation 😀 i need to Leave Immediately

#rant #i’m in an over-packed car with everyone talking over each other + loud music #coming back from being in a very crowded place with too many people and too many noises #taking everything in me not to pull my hair or rip my shirt because everything is just so uncomfy #and then i get yelled at for being ‘moody’ #not a great start to the year i have to say !!!!! #and my parents are throwing a party at our house tonight aaaghh :’(

[queercodedrogue]

Have finals tomorrow and instead of studying I'm sitting here thinking about puppet history. I'm gonna fail my finals

#Damn you Shane and your masterful storytelling... #I'm gonna fail fr #Can't stop thinking about the fucking professor and his relationship with Ryan #And also IS HE FINALLY GONNA FIND HIS BAG AND HES GONNA GET BACK TO THE FUTURE AS THE METEOR COMES N KILLS HIS PARENTS?????? #anyway #Yeah #I'm a little hyperfixated on this #If you couldn't tell #I've been hyperfixated on just any video with Ryan and Shane in it tbh #Guess I'm just hf on them both #They're taking up all of my mental space #autism be damned i WILL study tonight #📝 my posts #📺 puppet history #👽🛸 ryan bergara #👁️🎬 shane madej #puppet history #watcher entertainment

[milo-is-rambling]

I forget how much I hate the taste of vodka but the whipped cream vodka is so much better my god

#make a drink sweet enough that you can’t taste it when it’s in ur mouth and then all u get is the whipped cream vodka in the burn #makes drinks more tolerable #also this is the fastest I think I’ve ever chugged an alcoholic drink #we are gonna get fucked up tonight bc we have daddy issues and fought with our mom this morning slayyy #smoked a cigarette at the lake now getting fucked up in my room while home alone #life is so good and it’s all bullshit forever #literally we could all die and it doesn’t matter and life is weird and crazy and I am happy it sucks and I am so fucking thrilled to be aliv #at all #life is good regardless of death but I wish death would just like wait patiently for my family #dad I miss u I hope you had a good four twenty where ever you ended up. im sorry moms acting like this. I hope my brothers okay at school. #I hope he’s having a good time and isn’t completely overwhelmed with everything. I was right and apparently he’s gonna come home after grad #uation and im excited to have him home again but my mothers all upset. I know it sucks that you’re dead but it’s nice knowing in a weird way #that you’re the reason me and hunter got close again. so thanks I guess for that. and smoking made me and mom grow closer. idk. you’ve done #a lot for us and most of it had to do with weed. today hurt worse than my birthday. or the six month anniversary. today sucked. and no one #else seemed to be torn apart by it and it made me feel like I was going crazy and no one could even tell #you would’ve noticed if I was acting different. I love you. wherever you are I still love you. and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was such a bitch. #and I wish I took better care of you. but you were my father I wasn’t supposed to take care of you. you should’ve been there for me. we shou #have been there for mom and hunter and your parents and I’ve been thinking a lot about grammie actually. I don’t know how I feel. thinking #about her makes me cry now. I don’t have the heart to make her cry talking about my childhood but I miss her. and I miss being young. I miss #you coming to my Father’s Day dance recitals and coming back from bike week in Laconia and bringing me flowers always wearing your grey #Harley Davidson jacket and you’d have flowers in your arms and you’d be bored but so proud and you’d hug me and you’d smell like weed and #your beard was always scratchy when you’d hug me and I just miss you a lot. I miss you and I fucking hate you for it fuck. #note to self. ​don’t be pmsing and then get drinking and smoking and thinking of your dead father. you will cry

[dorothygale]

mentally ranking the TL finale somewhere between the good place finale and the himym finale. (when i say "between" i assure you the himym finale is still unreachably, unfathomably low)

#maybe i'll feel different when i watch it again tonight with my parents #i'm very curious to see how they feel about it #bc my mom really wanted ted to go back home #my dad actually predicted boat guy would come back lmao #blabs #*tl

[justinefrischmanngf]

at this point i just need to be okay with the fact that nothing is ever going to be okay for more than two days and i am always going to feel like i’m falling apart because it’s crippling having any fucking hope at all when it all just comes back to the same place and i feel like shit and everyone needs me to be something i stopped being able to be years ago

#i’m fine and everything will be okay #but my mum’s sick and my dad is worse than useless he’s antagonising her over it #and we are back in redacted and while i thought it hadnt changed my dad started telling me the ways that it has which was unpleasant #and my parents have been fighting and i feel like i’m losing it and we’re about to go out and it’s all fucked to hell and back #i’m just tired of nothing ever being okay #and it all just feels like i’m a child again and i dont want to be i dont have the ability to sit with any of this i need to run as far and #as fast as i can but people need me and we’re about to go have a nice fucking easter lunch and i’ll have to chat with the uncle i hate #and we’ll come home tonight and it’ll all be the same as it always is and has been

[lovecatsys]

why do i always end up yearning for the only boy I've ever known who's ever had feelings for me, even though it was 6th grade and before i transitioned socially and i probably barely remember anything about him at this point besides that he was silly.

#he moved away to another country because his parents r like international teachers or something #so i never had the chance to confess that i liked him back #i dream about him sometimes that he came back to the US #he may have come back at some point #i honestly have no idea #but like. in the dreams he came back and i see him. obviously #is he even queer? would he still date me now that im a guy? no fucking clue. but sometimes i just fantasize abt him #because i want to know that its possible for someone to be attracted to me #to have feelings for me #ive always felt so... undesired #like seriously hes the only person that i know of :( #all my relationships i either dont count because they were online and the person didnt know how i looked #or they didnt have feelings for me in the first place #and then theres the countless times that ive been rejected by people #god im feeling so sad tonight...

[six-of-ravens]

side note I'm trying to clean up the kitchen so I can make mom's birthday cake (carrot cake as requested) but there still isn't hot water so I can't easily wash dishes and it's really Hashing the Vibe.

#i got a semi-hot shower last night but now we're back to just barely lukewarm #i ran the tap for several minutes and it never warmed up:( #theres got to be something wrong with the boiler. it has never taken more than a few hours for the hot water to come back after a shutoff #it's been like 36 hours... #gah i hope they fix it asap. i don't have to wash my hair tonight so i can do a quick sponge bath with chilly water #but i reeeeealllyy do not want to deal with lukewarm showers in OCTOBER! or have to ask my parents if i can borrow their shower #they will insist i stay with them until the hot water is fixed and i. cannot. #at least it's not full winter and we don't need to have the heating on? water heating doesn't work if you don't have a boiler