#no one else is saying it but its fucking true??

[prince-liest]

Thank you for answering my ask and sorry for sending you a new one so quickly, but I just have a lot of Thoughts(tm) about this au!!!

So I keep going back to reread the first chapter, both in its entirety and just specific bits that I like, and I keep noticing how.... polite? Alastor is being? And it's just totally throwing me off lol.

Like, I actually read the snippet you posted of Vox offering Alastor's new shoes before I realized/read the first chapter, and thought it was a little odd how nice Alastor was being, as at that point I thought it was a snippet of a new 666 chapter.

But Alastor being polite in this universe totally makes sense!! He's just been beat up in an alley way, watched two guys get killed in front of him, was (kidnapped) taken to his "savior's" room, and hypnotized by said savior.

Of COURSE he's going to be polite to Vox!! Vox can electrocute and hypnotize people!! Alastor isn't an idoit, he knows he's in hell with a very dangerous person. That he's in a room with someone with someone more powerful than he is, that if Vox did get annoyed or angry at him, and hurt him, Alastor doesn't have that great of odds fighting back, and it's not like someone else is going to pop out and save him.

He's being careful.

But, he doesn't want to be taken advantage of. He knows that if acts like helpless prey, then he's going to be treated like it. So he has to establish that Vox sees him as an equal, or else he risks Vox hurting or hypnotizing him if Vox wanted to.

There's also another thing I noticed- Alastor's.... animalistic (if that is the right word) tendencies. Like, Alastor attacked both Vel and Vox, but didn't use the knife he was on either of them. I think this really interesting, as it would be smarter to use the knife (it's like Vox doesn't know he has it) but by using his teeth and his hands to hurt, it showcases Alastor's new animalistic tendencies. Though I don't know if this was On Purpose, or if it's just a theory lol.

Anyway, I just wanted a chance to talk more about this fic because im really, REALLY enjoying it, and I can't wait for me! (But I can! So don't feel the need to rush! You've already written so much! Take your time!)

One LAST ASK, I promise you (🤞 but probably not lol, sorry) so I'm pretty sure you hinting that Alastor killed someone and was burying their body before being killed himself (like in canon), but what caught my attention is that VOX doesn't seem to know this?? Like he doesn't know that Alastor has killed people?? Which makes sense, it's not common knowledge. But!! Vox has already established that he knows more about Alastor than the general public would, like he knows more about his relationship with his dad (maybe Vox hunted down Alastor's dad and forced him to spill info regarding Alastor, which is hilarious to think about lol). So I'm just SO EXCITED for when it's revealed that Alastor also killed people in life, and for Vox to no doubt get so hard he passes out lol. Also, this means that Vox doesn't know that Alastor is a cannibal, which is also really interesting! (Also, I'm not sure if you were hunting at Alastor's cannibalistic tendencies when he won't let go of Vel with his teeth, but it is a funny mental image to me of Alastor just, trying to eat Vel because a new part of himself is starving for flesh.)

But I do fucking love it. Ehehehehe. These are the EXACT things that I was hoping the first chapter would get people thinking about. I just. GESTURES WILDLY. THERE'S SO MUCH, IN WHAT YOU SAID. SO MUCH. But I can't say shit about it one way or the other for fear of spoilers. Just know that I love you for this.

Actually the one thing I can confirm is that Vox indeed is not under any impression that Alastor is anything more than just, like, a really talented storyteller and true crime podcaster!

#ask #personal #amanda-519 #t #my writing #once bitten back for more #hazbin hotel #long post #...I can probably also confirm what Vox's reaction would be to finding out something like that LMAO #there's 2.5 sex scenes in this outline and all of them happen after Alastor does something violent and deranged

[polyamorousmood]

Genuine question about poly (I've been thinking about whether it's something I'd want to try, with me being ace it's probably my best option for finding a partner-) how do you compromise when it comes to bigger life decisions? Unless you're in a triad or a bigger sort of "closed circle" polycule, and you compromise among each other (which also seems more difficult tbh), to me it seems like poly relationships are like a web that contains many many people because you're dating three people, they're dating a few other people, and so on. So either you have primary relationships where you prioritize each other and don't mind leaving the other ones behind (which seems a bit idk. I would not be the primary relationship because I won't have sex and ace men are very rare from the surveys I've seen. A lifetime of being in the periphery doesn't seem desireable to me.) Or you act as an individual agent and basically have to break up with everyone if you ever want to move which seems horrific and like a massive commitment. I guess you could do long distance but I don't see long distance working if your partner has other partners they can interact with normally..

I mean. There's no one answer here. You're making a lot of assumptions (which may be but are not always true) so let's break this down bit my bit. Buckle up 💺we got stuff to discuss

But if you want a TL;DR: How do you make that decision in a monog relationship if Partner A wants to leave but Partner B has family here? Well, there's a lot of discussion and someone has to compromise on something. How it shakes out will depend on the people and the specific situation.

"the poly web🕸️" While a polycule can spiral into something huge via the "everyone has three partners" principle, its also possible it stays pretty small. Not everyone in a polycule will want to date someone else, not everyone who wants to date someone else will be able to find someone else to date, etc etc. Small polycules are common in practice.

"aces ♠️won't be the 'primary partner'" I respect you hedging your expectations and understand the reasoning there, but the poly community is pretty open to weird relationship dynamics. You could be the "primary" and your partner could have a couple other relationships to get sexual needs met. You could join an ace polycule. Your partner could have you and one other person and see you both as equal.

"Moving💼 means taking or leaving everyone -- or prioritizing" I... I guess it could? But if you know you're wanting to move far away, you're probably discussing that quite a while in advance, and then only dating people who are okay with things being short term or moving with you. Or a lot of poly relationships are already long distance, so one person moving makes very little difference! There's a lot of options there, which leads to point 4

"Long distance✈️ can't work if your partner has local partners" LDRs in poly relationships are common. I honestly see it as easier because you can have your physical needs met by someone else

"A lifetime of being in the periphery🥈" you're never locked down. If you're not getting what you need from ANY relationship, I hope you're negotiating about it or leaving. If being poly only works for you if you're the primary, but your partner can fuck whoever, you wouldn't be the first. Even if you don't want to impose those rules, there are options, and your partner should be working to make you happy. It can be a hell of a learning curve sometimes, I admit, but you can find a weird way of being that works for everyone. Or you can leave! Or they could leave you for unrelated reasons! Or maybe they go to prison for embezzlement and that sort of ends the relationship for you! All sorts of shit could come up.

"this is a poly problem" Bestie. Do you know how many movies have been made on the premise of "my spouse got a job offer far away but I don't want to move"? This is something that could happen in any relationship. I'm not saying having other people involved wouldn't be a variable in the equation, but your relationship with your partner is no different from a monogamous one in this aspect. How that decision gets made is the same to me as how it would get made in a monog relationship where one person has family they don't want to leave. Maybe you do split up, maybe you try long distance, maybe partner A decides not to move, maybe partner B decides they're willing to move with them after all (and then subsequent partners make the same choice). And its not perfect in any of these options, in fact it probably really fucking sucks. But life is messy. This shit happens.

And like, you don't have to try polyamory. There are asexual people out there you could meet and love. There are allosexual people out there who would be willing to give that up to be with you. You could do an open relationship situation where your partner doesn't "date" anyone else, but can still sleep around. Or you can join an asexual polycule!

So how do major life choices get decided in a polycule? The same way major life decisions get made anywhere. Hopefully, everyone says their peace and gets to weigh in. Hopefully the life goals align. Failing that, hopefully there's a compromise that's acceptable to everyone, but maybe there isn't and it forces a break up (or 6). Maybe some break up but not everyone, like so:

Or some of the relationships turn into long distance or whatever. Man there's too many variables. Some people view things as hierarchical and some don't. Some people don't but functionally have only been dating one person for 4 months so they're easier to leave -- or know they cannot live with another person because they're too disorganized so going long distance is fine. You don't know until you're there. I'm losing the thread, but you know what I'm saying.

#ask box is always open #about polyamory #how does polyamory work

[tommos]

idk im gonna say it since no one else is

the way the general public are treating liam in regards to if he had gotten work done on his face/cheeks is disgusting and disturbing. liam opened up in his post about going through a dark time and he has been very vocal recently about getting help and feeling better in recovery, he has been nothing but kind and loving and the gp treat him like shit. the internet and social media sites like twitter and tiktok have made people feel way more comfortable saying horrible shit/bullying people online and feeling like they can get away with it but i'm very tired of seeing liam get the most open hate by the gp out of all the members of 1d. liam, im SORRY if you read those comments. i hope you know that so many people stand behind you and have your back and love you.

#no one else is saying it but its fucking true?? #people are way too comfortable online saying vile ass shit about people they do not know #bullying someone who is already working on their recovery is low as fuck. #and those who are posting shit about liam i hope you know what a horrible piece of garbage you are #like i genuinely cannot comprehend being so mean to someone

[luck-of-the-drawings]

[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]

saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi riptide #gillion tidestrider #GONNA START FORMATTING MY COMICS BETTER. W THE PROPER 'PREV' 'NEXT' LINKS #REALLY DIDNT EXPECT TO CONTINUE THIS SERIES BUT AAAUUUHH MY BRRAAAIN MY BRAIN IS SO IDEASSS. I HAVE 3 OTHER PAGES SKETCHED OUT #NO PROMISES ILL FINISH EM ANY TIME SOON OR EVER. MY WHIMS ARE THEIR OWN BEAST AND I ONLY DRAW ON MY WHIMS #THAT BEING SAID IF U COMMISSIONED ME ILL GEEETT TO YOUUU IM SORRYYYY. ART IS AN EMOTIONAL RELEASE FOR ME N BABY I HAVE EMOTIONS. #ESPECIALLY ABOUT GILLION TIDESTRIDER CHAMPION OF THE UNDERSEA HERO OF THE DEEP.for the desc here i put smth that i typed up in the tags of #another thing i made. i gotta make a proper Baby Gillion tag or smth. eventually.. eventually...I LOVE DRAWIN THIS LIL BABY GUY.. #i also LOVE depicting the teachers as just being so fuckin mean. ofc theres variation in that. just like in all things.like the teacher her #idk if itll be mentioned but the octo lady is named Ms Octburn.an octopus pun based off the name of an actual councilor i had #when i was in elementary school i got bullied alot but teachers never did anything. i hated adults and didnt trust them. #but this councilor o mine was so genuinely sweet. i remember spending alot of time w her. she doesnt work there anymore. #but that one school adult that actually earns ur trust and is there for you when they can be.its SO important for a child i think #i hope she knows how much she helped me.youll see in the next page that ms octburn isnt perfect either.but she tries. they all try.somehow. #ALL these comics are gonna be inspired by somesorta experience o mine in the school system. school is so fucked up u ever thing abt that #AND GILLIOOOOONNN IN THE MOST FUCKED UP LITTLE SCHOOL OF ALL. MAINTAINED BY A CULT. CENTERED AROUND HIM. OUR CHOSEN ONE #I IMAGINE ALOT BANKS ON HIS SUCCESS. THIS IS THE WORLD. THE WHOLE WORLD. THE PROPHECY IS GOING TO COME TRUE N UR TELLIN ME #THAT ITS THIS LITTLE IDIOT THATS GONNA BE SAVING US? WHAT IF HE FAILS. IF HE CANT GET THIS RIGHT THEN HE WILL FAIL AND WE WILL DIE #WE NEED TO TRAIN HIM. WE NEED HIM TO LEARN. AND TO SUCCEED. OR ELSE WE'RE DEAD. WE'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD. I IMAGINE THAT MUST BE STRESSFUL #in other news i hope ppl actually giggle when they read these. they ARE intended to be comical. dark humor or whatever. like its also sad #this is intended to be a sad comic series. but a funny one too. does that make sense? god i hope so.saw some1 say they had flashbacks- #-reading this. like YES!! THE INTENDED EFFECT!! YOU GET ME!! i love seeing ppl get upset on this lil baby boys behalf. i LOVE seeing ppl- #-wail n weep n cry in the comments. i LOOOVE seeing ppl RELATE to baby gillion. and i love letting u all know that this wont be a happycomi #gillion gets his happiness arc in the actual show. this series is one of unfortunate events. teehehehe. do u guys remember that show #i keep listening to the lil songs from A Series of Unfortunate Events for inspiration. GOOD STUFF!! #anyway uuhh uhh thats all i got in my brain. for now. feed me ur comments give me ur input i NNEEEEEDD THHEEEMMMM

[comradekatara]

katara was mean to toph bc she hates rich ppl and toph was mean to katara bc she hates straight ppl and u know what. can u rly blame either of them for that

#actually ... #i think its easy to say that toph was fully in the wrong in the runaway bc she excluded katara from having fun w them & that was mean of her #and that’s all true #but then again. being an asshole to someone who said ‘stars sure are beautiful tonight....’ #a little justified. no? #katara #toph #katara&toph #atla said ‘middle school girls will fuck u up like no one else’ and they were 10000% right !

[front-facing-pokemon]

#okay i did not have to edit this one. score #shiftry #anyway i really don't like this pokémon or anything about it. SORRY but it's true it's really ugly and its mouth and the nose #and it has the same things i don't like about it that i talked about with nuzleaf. i just don't get it but this time it wasn't in psmd #so i'm not attached to it just by virtue of that. and well. that contributes to me not really liking it i suppose #ahh well. better luck next time TPC you can make a good grass/dark-type eventually (it's meowscarada) (it took 6 generations) #hi it's me from two weeks later like the actual day this post is going to post. i came back to edit the tags so i could respond to some #comments. crazy‚ i know! but i saw the tags on this one were a bit short so let's beef 'em up. the nuzleaf post got some comments #about the whole prosthetic memory thing. where i set reminders on my phone to do shit or else i will not do the shit #i literally have a reminder set for 2:30 PM today to eat food. or else i won't even do that i bet #and folks are saying it's a common ADHD experience and that i'm not a fail and i do appreciate it. i think i was joking a bit #i was probably just frustrated i had to edit the image after taking it but the gist is. i don't *think* i have ADHD? i do have autism #which i suspected for a loooooong while until i finally up and got diagnosed when i was fucking 21 years old. which is insane. so i wonder #if that's an experience that overlaps. i imagine it is bc they proooobably would've been able to tell me if i had ADHD‚ too #okay. i moved these tags over here from nosepass‚ actually‚ which is the pokémon i just queued up. so i'm gonna go remove them from there #see you in street fighter five everybody

[fightwing]

dick's relationship with bruce + the titans too-long meta

there's been so many of these but i have many thoughts on this subject!!! dick's two biggest allegiances are to the batfa.m and to the titan.s and the two simply do not vibe (with pictures!).

for the most part, i feel like (at least in team settings) the titans are pretty vocal about not being batstans and bruce in kind has never put a 'proud parent of a teen titan' bumper sticker on the batmobile. like i feel like there's so many examples of:

and:

and:

i also think both sides thinks dick goes too easy on the other. that dick will always give batman the benefit of the doubt, and he will always answer a titans call. like the titans are constantly grilling dick about why he would listen to batman:

and batman thinks the titans focus too much on the power of friendship:

& i personally do think its a dash of 'what do you mean you're adults you were twelve yesterday'. like all the titans are the original sidekicks to most of the JL, and generally speaking the firsts of their mantle's so i do think there's a dash of parental caution at letting your newly adult kid do whatever they want with their friends. especially considering its not like theyre working at safety & gentle work emporium theyre all vigilantes/heroes and their missions are often life or death. they also are very excessive about each other and would absolutely kill or die for each other given very little prompting (ex: wally literally turned back time and revived dick grayson, thereby killing himself in this very issue). and the titans cannot go a single run without saying 'we didn't create a team... we created a family' and saying shit like:

when they are also (often) the JLs family. But especially in younger years, like the titans were dicks main reason for ever leaving gotham. and in early years robin, dick's sole focus was gotham, bruce and robin. & they worked so well together, dynamic duo who became such a cohesive unit and spent every waking moment together in some capacity (and often enjoyed that time very much)

but once the titans started to meet his duties split and like any teenage kid he found himself wanting to just hang out with his friends rather than his dad sometimes. and dick was so lonely in the early years and naturally sociable that finding other kids who could relate was so important to him. & i just think there's no doubt the titans were the rift that caused b&r to end. at the very least the timeline was sped up by the titans because dick was the youngest of the OG 5 and watched them all break off into their own adult selves and being the first active sidekick i think dick started thinking if they can be adults, can no longer be someone's #2... why can't i? and considering the titans were older than him, dick had several places to land or look for comfort or reassurance in his friends who seemed to have it together more than seventeen year old him. and bruce pushing him away (whole meta on that later) and dick seeing everyone else age out of their sidekick roles, led to stuff like:

and don't get me wrong, no matter the age, i think dick values very few other opinions than batman's. like titans (2016) broke apart because bruce was disappointed in dicks leadership and eventually convinced him wally & donna needed extra supervision (context: wallys heart problems & troia). also, dick rarely leaves things out of reports so im sure bruce saw that /technically speaking/ both dick (bruces son who he is not normal about) and wally died on this mission. but the titans didn't back down:

i also think the titans really respect dick's leadership, and they rarely (if ever) take well to anyone outside the titans shittalking dick grayson (sidenote -- specific titans can do it all they want because they have been a long time dg stan sufferer(TM) but outside of the team it rarely goes over well). but anyway, only dick could convince the titans to not fight this (much) and only bruce could convince dick:

so when dick stopped fighting it and agreed with the JL i feel like it was obvious bruce influenced that.

AND i think super important is that batman/most of the titans aren't super close so all they hear about each other is through dick. and dick can be emotionally intelligent, but he can also be unreasonably secretive. so every time bruce and dick fight or like, those big moments like dick's firing, or kicking dick out of the mansion after jason's death or like any of their big, shocking fights its like dick coming to the titans at his lowest. and because he places so much self worth on bruces opinion on him, i feel like that in turn might make the titans dick does run to in those moments (donna, roy, wally, etc.) resentful because he doesn't always go back into how or why they made up, when they always do.

but anyway all that to say this wouldn't be a problem if dick didn't love them both SO MUCH like:

and:

#LIKE the point of this is that dick loves bruce and loves the titan.s but he's always always letting someone down by doing both #dick says 'so the titan.s think---' and b rolls his eyes and dick says 'so bman thinks---' and the titan.s boo #dick: 🧍 #also this narrative that the titan.s are scared of bruce is simply not true #i feel like theyve all individually told b to fuck off at least once a titan.s run #but on the same note i dont think bruce doesnt like the titan.s like he works with individuals from the team all the time #but as a group my interpretation is that he thinks the titan.s will always put each other/friendship above anything else #and even that can just be reckless and regardless of age i think b is very protective of his kids (his eldest included) #but anyways its funny how most of the ones that actually confront dick about it are kory roy and occasionally wally #dicks emotional support redheads show no mercy #anyway theres a lot more to the titan.s/bruce that just doesnt even include dick but alas i am a dg rper. likely place for dg content to be #* meta #* long post

[unicornofgt]

alright, i have come to the decision i am keeping this blog up as an archive and leaving the gt tumblr community for the foreseeable future.

when i made my post about chamomile-g-tea’s damaging treatment of my story, gtms, my goal was to acknowledge the situation so i could hopefully move forward and restore gtms/my blog as mine again, without her influence. and while i anticipated backlash, some of the responses were just...downright disturbing. lots of comments echoed a victim-blaming sentiment that i am responsible for the emotional and creative damage done to me by another person because ‘why didn’t you just say no or tell her to stop?’ not only does this ignore the several attempts i did make to express discomfort and set boundaries—which were not respected—but even if i didn’t manage to express a ‘no’, that doesn’t make what happened ok; it doesn’t erase the year of crippling pressure and guilt i lived with and still struggle to shake daily. realizing that so many people in this community think otherwise is just...disturbing. it’s disturbing. that’s the only word i can think to use.

the response to all this does not make me feel safe being here—that’s what this situation has unfortunately showed me: that the audience i hoped to allow to view my reclaiming process would also contain the same crowd who make me feel so unsafe—and why the fuck would i let those people see something as personal as that? why would i let them see anything? it’s made me understand i can’t continue to heal myself and my writing if i am posting it for other people, especially harmful people. and even though it turned out this way, i’m glad i gave it a shot; that i made that post as an effort to see if it was even possible or worth it to restore this space—even if the answer was no! absolutely fucking not!—because it saved me from even more time spent sharing my work with people who do not respect me as a person or a creator. i’m glad i tried, however much it sucked, because it allowed me to understand: it is not just one person in this community i feel unsafe with, but a solid percentage of the community at large that i just cannot healthily engage with, and no amount of blocking will fix that.

but of course this is not the only situation that showed me this community’s true colors—the dismissive or outright aggressive response to the calling out of racism in our tropes has also been deeply disturbing. to clarify, there is no problem in identifying with and finding comfort or catharsis in problematic tropes such as the pet trope, but there is a problem with using that comfort to make others feel unsafe and speak over people of color. and the solution to this trope problem is very simple—generally apply critical thinking skills to the media you enjoy, and tag your shit properly (dead dove, particularly when the giant owner/abuser doesn’t face consequences and/or if the abused/abuser fall in ‘love’—dead dove is not actually currently used in this community, that’s the problem). but rather than taking this as an opportunity to listen and improve, it was instead used as a chance to lash out at and make clear that poc are not welcome in this community and come secondary to the feelings of white creators and readers.

over the last few years, this community has fostered and been exposed for bigotry such as terfs, ableists, racists, etc, and especially in the current political era, this is no longer a community i want to share my work with or even just lurk in. and i know on the surface this community seems progressive, but take a better look and you’ll find members of the community doing and saying…questionable things, or keeping quiet and enabling their friends who do and say questionable things because they would rather be passive and polite than be genuinely kind and compassionate through active accountability.

of course this is the risk you take interacting with any person ever—but it’s especially taxing to look around at such a small, close knit community you know is riddled with these problems and wonder if the people making innocent posts are actually harmful; if they prioritize their comfort over the safety of marginalized people, if they even see you as a full person, and for me, personally—if they are willing to overlook consent to blame you for your trauma and defend the person who inflicted it. it’s taxing to explain basic basic concepts to strangers over and over in a place that prides itself on being a safe space, where people just have fun and mentally escape from irl hardships. it’s taxing to ride out shitty, hateful treatment when you are just simply one person (voluntarily providing free services btw) with only so much energy and fucks to give. it is not worth the strain it puts on you as a person, nor is it your responsibility to sit there and accept it, and i am not the only creator in this community who feels this way. we are fucking tired.

quite simply, this is not a community i feel comfortable participating in or sharing anything with. and that’s a shame, because there are wonderful, creative and caring people here who i have enjoyed sharing this space with, and maybe someday i’ll give this community another chance, but currently it’s just not worth the time of day. and i want to make it clear: my leaving is not simply because of just one person or just one situation—that i could handle—it is the community itself that is the root problem; that continues to be harmful, in multiple contexts—that is the reason why i and several other creators are leaving for greener pastures and more enjoyable communities—or just simply for a fucking moment’s worth of peace, because lord knows you won’t find it here.

#i considered making this post just ‘yea i feel unsafe here i’m leaving’ #but i did want to post a clear explanation for mutuals still here n the ppl who come across my blog in the future #instead of leaving it to speculation and guess work #so i wrote a fucking essay lmao #but there are more personal details i didn’t go into bc they’re distressing and some of y’all are straight awful<3 #however i will say you are not inside anyone else’s head if they say they feel unsafe it is not for you to question that #anyways privileges to myself and my writing are officially revoked #when i’m ready to share writing it’ll be with close friends in private #and maybe eventually on another site like ao3 but if that happens it won’t be for a while #and if i do post gtms there it will prolly be v different from the version here bc it’ll be the restored and improved version #i hate the version on this site<3 #for now i just need to get back into the swing of things bc rn it is. so hard to Think at all #i’ll also be doing things on my fandom account i am just leaving this community bc good lord #if you told me a month ago i’d be leaving this community i’d have been devastated but now? #having seen sm of this community’s true colors one after another? #i don’t give a fuck now #the only thing i feel is relief #the community i thought i was apart of does not exist and it made me physically sick to realize and experience that reality #for all its problems i did not think so MUCH of the gt community was this vile #i’ve run this blog for years and closing this chapter just brings me closure and peace #and to those of y’all who are alright n still here: good fucken luck lmfao wish y’all the best dealing w this shitshow #gt community #giant/tiny #gt #g/t #sfw g/t #gtms #gt mech suits

[wickershells]

txt

#i am actually the worst person alive every now and then the weight of all the guilt and grief and humiliation really hits me #i am not liked at all and i keep eroding all of my remaining relationships and i have fucked up my life beyond repair and i am #truly never getting out of this cycle no matter what meds i take at what dosage or if i talk out my feelings or if i keep them inside #or if i get therapy or if i dont if i have friends if i dont if my family likes me if they dont if my dog is alive or if hes dead its just #me theres something broken in me no matter how hard i believe and try and hope and pray i just wont get better i always end up here #i have consistently been the worst most absent friend i have ruined everything ive touched i feel contagious im contagious #i cant expect people to keep loving me and i definitely cant expect them to keep saying it over and over when it isnt true and they dont #want to and people dont even ask if im alright anymore they already know im not and just dont care because how could they #i dont get better it would just weigh on them all the time and how fair is that really i wish no one had ever met me i wish i wish #i betray all my promises to myself and others and im so stupid im so dumb and i just. theres nothing at all in here #i cant stand the loneliness anymore but i dont deserve anything else. do you see #and its my fault people no longer care its all my fault im so alone. i feel so alone. no one can know me and love me and they will all #be fine they have everyone they need they have everyone they want. i am no one at all not even to myself #theres an abyss where my personhood should be #i have to leave i have to get out of here

[todayisafridaynight]

lit cannot stress how much fuckability masato lost after becoming aoki like emo death is real and its so so tragic

#snap chats #sorry but this has been my truth for months its time i speak on it #its true tho i dont think this is a shocking revelation to anyone #s'just like saying grass grows and birds fly #i will not support his prep phase its not happening hes such a dweeb now #rgg knew this fact with him showing off his tit despite that being like. The Worst Place Ever to inject yourself #we already discussed how he wasnt physically able to fuck and that was a nerf it was to humble him and keep him controlled and thats awful #frame one got me lookin at the screen like 👁👁 and then he open his mouth and my eyes get bigger and i sit in dead silence #was crackin jokes and chattin with myself every other second and then 🧍‍♂️ Go On Beautiful Keep Talking Idc What You Sayin #im a man until he starts talking about 'his girl' and then suddenly im feeling some kinda way #tho that might just be cringe cause why does bro talk like how i used to in high school 😭😭😭😭 #thats the funniest part about masato/aoki to me like. there's so much bullshit bout them that reminds me of high school #but thats the thing that was High School like im grown an shit this bro never grew up apparently AND HE STARTS THE GAME AT 23 #wait back to the subject line of this post i be acting like aoki dont got me unwise a total of like. four time either #sorry everyone there was something in the water today and now im ill #its cause i cant draw this weekend so i have to be disgusting some other way #gonna make it everyone else's problem but worse #anyway i have to end this post because the more i t hink about the high school comparison the more i start to cringe

[dennisboobs]

.

#i can understand ppls issues with the bowling ep from a personal standpoint #but the misogyny was very much the point. like. that was the point. the joke was that dennis is a piece of shit #not that any of what he was saying was true #dee did prove she could overcome the obstacle he created when she had not done it before #but it was just. she and him. like. no one else cared. dennis didnt even actually care. #bowling is just bowling and dennis only showed up and competed at all in order to fuck with dee #idk. idk. like #i dont think sunny should make shit as clear as they have been that they dont condone the shit the gang does because it gets. messy #to me that was like. literally perfect episode. it was an absolute joy to watch beginning to end #and i think it did it a hell of a lot better than something like womans right to chop #where it absolutely bludgeons you with the 'ohhh these guys are misogynistssss' shit #like okay. cool #its a mind game!!!!! and the dialogue was. you know. normal. and not the characters being mouthpieces #theyre assholes #ada speaks #also i fucking love evil little brother dennis. so much. i need this times a thousand forever and ever #he's a fucking bastard and he makes a great low stakes villain #like this to me is so. so much more fun than the serial killer shit. #and dee fucking won. if theyd had their places switched dennis would absolutely not have the willpower to manage that #im just saying

[dnangelic]

@espectres : "daisuke being a loser is so important" TSUN PLEASE AJSGAJSGJSVSHSVZFS

HE'S MY FAVORITE LOSER. AND HE'S YOUR FAVORITE LOSER, TOO

#espectres #reply. #OGBAFJSKKLAKAJJKGLKJG #NO I'M SERIOUSSSSSS #TO ME ANIME LUCIFER BEING A FAILBOY IS SO REAL!!!!! JUST LIKE PARADISE LOST!!! CHRISTINE WASN'T A QUEEN EITHER #SHE WAS V CUTE BUT SOOO OVERWHELMED BY THE SHIT ERIK WAS MAKING HER DO!!!! #BUT DAISUKE'S KEY CHARA STRENGTH IS THE WAY HE FR DOESN'T COMPROMISE HIMSELF FOR DARK EITHER!!!! #HE'S A LOSER DARK TRIES TO DIG AT THE FACT THAT EVERYONE THINKS HE'S THE ONE THAT'S COOL #'RISA LIKES ME NOT YOU' AND DAISUKE HAS NO DEFENSE. IT'S TRUE. IT BREAKS HIS HEART. HE ALMOST GIVES UP #BUT HE DOESN'T!!!! #HE /IS/ THE MC BUT HE'S ALSO AN UNDERDOG NOT LIKE THE WAY TAIZE WAS #OSTRACIZED AND OUTCAST BY HIS OWN FAMILY BC HE WANTED TO REJECT HIS DESTINY #DAISUKE JUST STRUGGLES W ACCEPTING OR REJECTING HIMSELF BC HES A LOOOOSERRRRRRRR #only people who recognize how hard he ALWAYS TRIES RESPECT HIM!!! EVERYBODY ELSE SAYS HE'S NO GOOD AND LAUGHS AT HIIM!! #he's clumsy he's harsh on himself he takes WAY more responsibility than he should for things that literally aren't even his real own FAULT! #the part of him that can't stand dark the part of him that can't stand BEING dark #bc he says it 'doesn't suit him' or he feels not cut out for it. towa arc's fuckign insane line #'as if i could be dark...' AND IT'S DAISUKE'S DREAM!!!!! OR VOLUME FUCKING ONEEEEE #'I'M NO PHANTOM THIEF DARK CHANGE ME BACK' ITS ABT CONFIDENCEEEEE ITS ABT CHANGEEEE #IT'S SO IMPORTANT THAT HE'S A LOSER. ESP WHEN I HAVE A DUPE AROUND. BC HE CAN LOOK BACK #AND SEE HIMSELF AND TELL HIMSELF IT'S GONNA BE OKAY. HE'S GONNA GET TO AN OKAY PLACE. #EVERYTHING'S GOING TO WORK OUT AS LONG AS HE CONTINUES TO BE HIMSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!

[maraeffect]

i need more casual friends bc i'm getting extremely tired of being the therapist friend 🙃🙃🙃

#I'm noticing it happening more and more with EVERYONE and like. #now im being contacted for people to vent more than ANYTHING else 🙃🙃🙃🙃 #i actually cant think of the last time i was contacted and that stuff didnt pop up #except for my ONE other friend who's also a cancer patient and knows that i have Enough on my fucking plate #which its true. my life is already so fucking complicated and it only gets even harder to deal with #when i feel like my friends are primarily using me to vent about really heavy shit and nothing else (: #oops that was supposed tk be a frowny face #i miss when people would contact me excited about things or to share memes and stuff ): #does anyone know how to make more casual friends when ur disabled and cant leave tbe house often 😭😭😭 #chatter #negative #also this all goes without saying i need to set a boundary like Soon im just a pussy

[twipsai]

thinking more,,

#i cant help but feel horribly heartbroken every time i hear whats happening in gaza as well as so many other places #it feels like-- like none of this had to happen #i guess ive never even been in the same universe as someone who even sees one death as a solution #let alone thousands #as a jew especially it feels horrible #like this happened to us. and we're just doing it to someone else??? why?????? #because if you walk into someones home kindly they will take you in. walk in with a gun and theres gonna be tension #i dont understand at all #and like maybe im naive. maybe im just young and my brain hasnt developed yet #and when im an adult ill understand how people could ever think war solves any problem #but. i just think its literally never fixed anything #sometimes people suck. should NOT kill them over it #and thats not even true in this situation!!! israel fucking sucks and theyre the ones commiting a genocide here!!!!!!! #if you walked in peacefully none of this wouldve happened #pass over is soon. and we'll say prayers and eat matza and have lots of food #and those across the globe will do the same. and yet they are murdering people #and we'll be in our safe warm houses and they will be dying #shouldnt there be some way to help them all???? america is one of the richest countries in the world and we're actively hurting them.. #i genuinely cant fathom how people could ever think like that #i dont think evil exists but then i look at the world and i realize weve gotten pretty damn close #and yet i still have to wake up tomorrow #and i still have my own life to live #and the world doesnt stop for me to mourn strangers #i hate all of it. why cant we just be nice to people #anyways. ive just been trying mostly to avoid this topic esp online #this is my little safety zone and ive never really been one for politics; esp things that i dont understand #yknow i dont wanna spread misinfo; and at the same time i dont have the energy or knowledge to fact check #plus the whole emotional toll in a place that i just wanna unwind in #idk. i think im starting to feel like i cant just ignore all these posts anymore. im kinda starting to feel like i wanna scream #all of this really fucking sucks. this shouldnt be happening

[dreadfuldevotee]

yes yes this is probably the "depressed and angry about it 20 smth" in me talking but it makes me explosively angry when people have the gaul to look me in the face and be like "be nicer to yourself" "it makes other people uncomfortable" yada yada yada, so on and so forth. What that feels like is that I cant be honest with you, and maybe so and thats okay I guess.

I can recgonize the bits that are truly unreasonable, but what do you expect me to do about the bits that I feel deep in my core are the truth? bitch, im uncomfortable too thats why im upset abt it. I do the "fake it", ive done the change in vocabulary, doesn't change the fact that the whole time I was hitting rock bottoms I'd never seen before.

#Maybe its individualism or whatever idk #but i can never take any conversation abt mental health seriously anymo4e whenever someone is like #''but what abt xyz person🥺'' man fuck idk are they the ones having dreams abt self immolation?? #not that i am anymore but as an example #and its not that i dont care about the feelings of others because thats not true #but you have to be happy with yourself it frankly doesnt fucking matter what anyone else thinks if your not happy with your own life #but when i say that to someone its quiet worried stares and I dont pay my therapist to pity me so #instead i get angry at no on tumblr because thats atleast free #char.txt

[a-pirate]

I think one of my worst traits is not believing people. Thinking "they're just saying that and don't mean it."

#whenever someone compluments me or claims they want to hear more about something its like #no? no you dont? you dont actually care? #when its objectively unfair to think these things #but i cannot navigate my way out of the mondset #its the worst when i share creativity #cause it holds people to a standard they dont even know exists #'i shared this thing but no one responded in a way they responded to someone else so that proves they dont care about you or your thing' #and it starts the cycle of self hatred #you dont deserve to be in this space people say they care about you but they dont thats not true yes it is no its not yes it is no yes no #over and fucking over #and it makes me feel like a shitty fucking person #how dare i claim my friends are lying #how dare i let that be the default #because they care #no they dont yes they do no they dont yes they do