#and those who are posting shit about liam i hope you know what a horrible piece of garbage you are

[tommos]

idk im gonna say it since no one else is

the way the general public are treating liam in regards to if he had gotten work done on his face/cheeks is disgusting and disturbing. liam opened up in his post about going through a dark time and he has been very vocal recently about getting help and feeling better in recovery, he has been nothing but kind and loving and the gp treat him like shit. the internet and social media sites like twitter and tiktok have made people feel way more comfortable saying horrible shit/bullying people online and feeling like they can get away with it but i'm very tired of seeing liam get the most open hate by the gp out of all the members of 1d. liam, im SORRY if you read those comments. i hope you know that so many people stand behind you and have your back and love you.

#no one else is saying it but its fucking true?? #people are way too comfortable online saying vile ass shit about people they do not know #bullying someone who is already working on their recovery is low as fuck. #and those who are posting shit about liam i hope you know what a horrible piece of garbage you are #like i genuinely cannot comprehend being so mean to someone

[twinkle-320]

Look What You Made Me Do

Book:  The Royal Romance 3 (somewhat AU) 

Pairing:  Drake Walker x MC, Liam x MC

Summary:  The unexpected happens while everyone is in Las Vegas for Riley and Liam’s stag and doe party.

Rating: Teen

Warnings:  mild language, hints to sexual activity

Word count:  2062

A/N: I wrote this little one-shot after seeing an AU Prompt list that sparked the idea.  I don’t know if this is something that’s been done before...I don’t recall reading anything like it but then again, my memory is horrible so I’m sorry if this has been done.

Tags: @ladyangel70 @gkittylove99 @lovingchoices14 (if you only want to be tagged in my series posts, please let me know) @choicesficwriterscreations​

Woken by a wave of nausea, Riley rolled onto her back with a groan, stretching the aches and pains from her body.  As the throbbing in her head got stronger, her eyes fluttered open and she was thankful that the curtains had been drawn tight.  One too many of Maxwell’s glittery cocktails the night before, in addition to the whiskeys she consumed at the after-party made her feel like death and there was no way she could tolerate the sun.

Feeling the familiar weight and warmth of her fiancé beside her, Riley sighed softly to herself.  Even with the wedding only a few days away, it still felt surreal and she still wasn’t quite used to sharing the bed.  “You’ll have to get used to it,” she told herself.  In a few days time, she’d have everything she never wanted…a powerful husband, a country to rule, and the weight and expectations of a crown on her head.

As she grappled with her reality in her foggy mind, images of Drake ran through her mind unbidden. Their first real moments of connection in Lythikos.  Finally admitting their feelings after he’d saved her from Tariq.  Forbidden kisses in the Beaumont study and in the courtyard before the Coronation.  It was the night of the Coronation that she had realized she was falling in love with him. Despite that love, she had been prepared to say yes to Liam’s proposal out of fondness for him and obligation to those that said she needed to become Queen.  Everything changed in the blink of an eye though when the scandal broke.

When she returned to court, obligation was no longer enough of a motivation.  She had returned with no intention of pursuing Liam; her only goal was to clear her name.  In the weeks that followed she fell even more for Drake and Liam kept drawing her into his orbit wanting to maintain a secret relationship causing even more confused emotions.

On their final stop of the engagement tour in New York they finally located Tariq and Riley’s name was cleared.  Despite their agreement to talk about them when her name was cleared, Drake had left New York ahead of the rest of the court, leaving only a note saying that they couldn’t be together and that she and Liam deserved each other.  On their final night in the city, Liam took her back to the Statue of Liberty, got down on one knee, and proposed.  Riley had tears in her eyes but they weren’t the tears of joy that Liam assumed them to be.  With her mind screaming “No,” Riley nodded and said “Yes, Liam…I will marry you.”

From there, everything became a whirlwind.  Attacks at the palace and orchards, a Unity Tour, an attempted coup at Lythikos.  Through it all she smiled at Liam’s side as they grew closer, but she still wasn’t in love.  Each day though she made herself promise to find happiness in her upcoming marriage. Even though the threat to their country had yet to be eliminated, Maxwell surprised them with a stag and doe party in Las Vegas.

While they partied the night before, Riley told herself with each drink that she was just celebrating her wedding.  Sitting at the bar with her chin in her palm, drinking her whiskey, and watching Kiara throw herself at Drake, she feigned a smile when Liam joined her.

“Has this evening been everything you hoped for, love?” she recalled him asking.  Afraid her voice would betray her, Riley simply nodded.  “Is there anything else I can do for you to make it perfect, my future queen?”  All she could recall from there was being touched by how loving and kind he was, everything else was a blur.

Standing slowly from the bed, Riley grabbed a blanket to wrap around her naked body and made her way to the mini-bar for some water and ibuprofen.  Groans filled the room and she heard the rustling of blankets coming from behind her.  Grabbing an extra bottle of water she returned to the bed, leaning against the headboard with her legs stretched out in front of her and holding out the extra bottle.

“Thought you could use some water. I know I can, my head is pounding.”

Suddenly the bed covers flew off. “Nevin?”

Riley turned, over come with panic, looking where she had expected to find Liam and instead found Drake staring back at her in shock.

“Drake?  What are you…?  How? Did we…?”

A quick glance to where the covers had been thrown off told Riley that Drake was as naked as she was.  “Oh my god,” she gasped, noticing the condom that had been opened but laid unused on the nightstand beside Drake.  Things must have gotten hot and heavy before they could put it on because the tingle in her body alone was enough to tell her what they had done.

Drake ran his hands through his hair, still not making any move to cover himself up.  “Holy shit!  What did we do?”

“From the looks of it I’d say…”

“Don’t!  Don’t say it.”  Drake stood from the bed and began to gather his clothes that were strewn all about the room.

Despite herself, Riley couldn’t help but admire his body.  “Well this is a nice view,” she said with a nervous laugh.

“Do you really think this is the time for jokes, Nevin.”

“Sorry,” Riley shrugged.  “Just trying to cut the tension.”

“Not even Olivia’s sharpest blade could cut this tension.  I can’t believe this…how did I let this happen?”

“Drake, calm down, you’re freaking out.”

“Uh-huh,” Drake said buttoning his jeans, “join me, won’t you?”

“No…I won’t.  We’ve both wanted this for a long time now.  It was bound to happen.”

“Not this way…not when neither of us even remember it and not when you’re marrying my best friend in three days.”

“I’m only marrying him because you want me to.”

“Don’t say that, Nevin.”

“Why?  It’s true,” she said, watching him pull a t-shirt over his head, “it should be…”

Riley stopped, a breath caught in her throat watching Drake tug his t-shirt down his waist.  “Ummm…Drake?” she stammered, nodding to the t-shirt.  “Where did you get that?

Drake looked down at what he had assumed was his standard plain white t-shirt and saw the word “Mr.” in bold black letter screen printed on the front.  “I don’t…I don’t know.”  

When he turned in search of his normal shirt, Riley gasped again.  “Oh.my.god.”  Across the back of the t-shirt were the words “Just Married – Cupid’s Wedding Chapel, Las Vegas.”

Drake ripped the shirt off again holding it to see the back.  “No, this can’t be true,” he stammered.

Riley rose from the bed and scooped up her own clothes.  Sifting through them quickly, she found what her gut knew would be there, a shirt matching Drake’s with the word “Mrs.” emblazoned on the front in black script lettering.  “Drake…” she said, holding it up for him to see.

“Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit…” Drake began chanting, pacing nervously around the room.  It didn’t matter that it was 9AM, Drake needed whiskey, stat.  Pouring a finger for each of them with shaky hands, he carried Riley’s glass over to where she stood silently staring out the window, clutching her t-shirt.

“No, thank you,” she shook her head when he tried to hand it to her.  “Isn’t that what got us here in the first place?”

Drake nodded solemnly.  “Look what you made me do,” he whispered to the glass in his hand, not caring if it was crazy to be talking to the booze.

“How much do you remember?” Riley asked.

“Some…not a lot,” Drake replied.

“Tell me.”

“Uh, let’s see.  We were in the hotel bar for a few hours.  You were keeping your distance from almost everyone. If it, ahh…weren’t for how beautiful you looked, someone might have mistaken you for me sitting there alone brooding over whiskey.”

“You weren’t alone though, Kiara was with you,” Riley said with the jealousy apparent in her voice.

Drake rolled his eyes.  “I ignore Kiara, even when she’s right next to me.”

“Oh please, Drake.  She’s a beautiful woman who clearly wants you.”

“I told you before, Nevin. You’re the only girl for me.”

Riley finally turned to meet Drake’s gaze.  “Then why have you been pushing me into this marriage to Liam.  We never even talked after Tariq’s statement like we said we would. You disappeared and left a note.”

“There was nothing to talk about, Nevin.  I’ve told you all along, I can’t give you the life you deserve.  Only Liam can do that.  That’s why no matter how hard it is to watch, I want you to marry him.”

Riley angerly turned from the window, walking over to the table and slamming down the glass of whiskey she still held.  “Well what about what I want?  You make this unilateral decision and just expect me to be okay with it.”

“Damn it, Riley,” Drake yelled, “at least some part of you must have been okay with it because you said ‘Yes’.”

“What the hell was I supposed to do?” she shouted back.  “You left! I wanted to talk about us and then talk to Liam together, but you left!  I was going to talk to him on my own that night…tell him everything even though you clearly didn’t want to be with me.  I felt like he at least deserved to know, but before I could, he was down on one knee. God, Drake,” she exclaimed throwing her arms in the air, “when he asked, I thought of you and it made my heart ache so bad and I cried.  I’m sure Liam thought they were tears of joy, but they weren’t, they were for you.  But he looked so hopeful, and I…I just couldn’t hurt him.  Not like that.  I do care about him, he’s one of my best friends.  I wanted to say no, but I didn’t want him to feel the same heartbreak I felt when I got your note.”

“I did want to be with you, Nevin.  I do want to be with you, but I can’t.  My best friend loves you and can give you the world.”

“I don’t need the world, Drake,” Riley yelled.  “I just need love…and not the kind of love I can live with…I want the kind of love I can’t live without.”  Riley crossed the room to where he stood and placed her hands on his cheeks.  “That’s you, Drake…you’re the love I can’t live without.”

Drake shook his head and reached up taking her hands from his face.  “No, Nevin.  You may not feel that for Liam now, but you will in time.  I’ve seen you getting closer throughout the tour, Nevin.  If you let yourself fall, you can have that kind of love with him.”

Hot angry tears rolled down Riley’s cheeks.  “No…no. I believe that kind of love is a once in the lifetime thing, Drake.  And I know you love me like that too, Drake.  I know you do.”

Drake nodded and wiped a tear from her cheek.  “I do. And that’s why I can step aside for your happiness.”

“Why are you so thick skulled? Look at me?  Do I look happy?  A crown and a kingdom won’t give me the happiness you think I deserve; only you can do that.  But instead you want me to marry a man I don’t love while I have to see you and long for you every day.”

“I won’t put you through that, Nevin.  I’ll leave after the wedding.  Without me in Cordonia, you can move on.”

“No, don’t say that…I can’t…I can’t lose you, Drake,” Riley said as her body shook with sobs.

“I’m sorry, Riley.  But it’s for the best.  You need to stop thinking about me, about us…the wedding is in three days.”

Riley’s breath hitched and she looked down at the t-shirt still clutched in her hand.  “I can’t have a wedding if I’m already married,” she said softly.

Drake looked at her with wide eyes.  “What? What are you saying, Nevin?”

“I’m saying I want to stay married, Drake.  I’m already married to the love of my life, I can’t…I won’t marry someone else. There isn’t going to be a wedding.”

#trr #trr3 #trr fanfic #trr drake #trr drake x mc #trr liam x mc #trr au #trr mc #choices fic writers creations #fics of the week

[crossovereddie]

Thoughts on 11x06

I had to come back to type this after the episode. I was gonna wait to post until more people are active but everyone’s safety is more important than notes. This was really hard for me to watch. It took me two hours because I kept needing a break. It’s a tough one yall. It’s heartbreaking and really brought out issues I didn’t know I was still dealing with until I reacted so badly to some stuff. Take care of yourselves and I’m here if you need to talk. I’ll have timestamps for major tws in another post coming right after this. I just gotta go back and get the end of those scenes. I only go the time they started.

Okay. So. There’s some trigger warnings that I’ve reblogged earlier. This recap WILL have thoughts about those triggers. If you think you’ll be triggered just message me or send me an ask and I’ll give you the non triggering recap. Stay safe please.

Kev and v intro. They’re having sex behind the bar

I’m extremely nervous for some reason I might not be able to get through this

Bike heist!!

LICKEY RIGHTS

LIP CALLS HIM MICK

MISSION IMPISSIBLE

Mickey is unimpressed

Lip telling Mickey what to do yes please

Fucking Mickey omg

HE LOOKS SO GOOD

THE WAY HE SAYS BRAD

Again Mickey is unimpressed

Lip :(

MICKEY CONCERNED ABOUT LIPS SOBRIETY

AGAIN I SAY LICKEY RIGHTS

Frank is falling the chick he’s boning Monica

Not sure that’s her real name

Wait yeah it is

Frank??? Has to get to work???

Wait her name isn’t Monica

Oh shut now I get what’s happening

“Can I speak to Pope Francis please” LIAM 😭

Poor baby

Lip cooking breakfast. Hot.

I forgot about camis baby

I actually beep bad for lip and Tami

We already heard this argument with Mickey and Ian get new material writers

PRODIGAL THEIF

PINK BOX HES SO CUTE

HE LOOKS SO CUTE GOTTA SQUEEZE HIM PLS

Yeah don’t tell Carl that traitor

MICKEY BROUGHT DONUTS PLS

HES SO CUTE

ITS TOO MUCH

I LOVE HIM

HIS SMILE!!!!!!!!

GALLAGHER YOUTH

THAT MEANS MICKEY TOO BYE

CARL CALLING HIM MICK TOO PLS

I CANT TAKE IT

Poor Liam he’s terrified

“I was hoping the fucker would just die” :(

Shut up Debbie

Mickey is beautiful

Leave Mickey out of it debbie goddamn

I cant fucking stand her

Frank just observing his kids and smiling

Same frank

SHUT UP DEBBIE

OH MY GOD HIS LAUGH IS THIS WHAT YOU HEAR WHEN YOU FIRST GET TO HEAVEN????

“And the smartest” lol

Someone save Liam

“I want Sandy”

We all do kid

Fucking manipulative little I CANT STAND DEBBIE

Sandy deserves better

I hate the Milkovichs!!!!

How did smart sensitive sweet beautiful loving Mickey come from this disgusting family????

MICKEY IS THE BOSS

My heart hurts so him

“Homo sexy” dear god

Mickey is too good he deserves so much better

I love him so much

Let him be happy

Mickey has the biggest heart

They’re actually talking and not fighting

CHAPO STFU

You’re so funny and smart and beautiful don’t forget that baby

SUGAR TITS

And no one is fazed lmao

“He’s actually my uncle and my dad” I fucking hate this show

I forgot Carl makes legit money now

Wtf kinda school is this

This is so fucked up

The twins are so adorable

SHUT UP DEBBIE

“You guys” I hate that but also she’s acknowledging Mickey as “hers” and he’s family :(

Okay this horrifying comment

I hate that it’s just nonchalant

Debbie just keeps talking.

Let’s move on

Mickeys face when she says “butt naked”lmao

LIP CALLING HIM MICK AGAIN

“Talk to you for a minute?”

“Yes. Please”

I LOVE IT

Mickey is unimpressed by lip once again and I’m smiling

They love each other they’re secretly best friends ITS A FACT

HAND SHAKE SO CUTE

MY BABIES

“Blue like my balls” fucking frank lol

They’re going in on Frank’s storyline now

Boss Mickey at it again

Terry’s home

The way his face falls im sick

SANDY BABY

My heart is racing

Mickeys face is breaking my heart

Great now I’m crying

Mickey got emotional

Ian sensed it and touched his neck all fucking sweet

Okay I had to take a little break because I started crying

I love him too much

Fucking Noel is so damn good

My heart is fucking breaking

“Frank’s not a homophobic psychopath who tortured you for years”

Please Mickey deserves better

I don’t wanna hear any Ian slander either.

In this house we protect my son and my son in law I will fight you

“Let’s get the fuck outta here. Lip you coming?” 😭

That was so hard to watch yall. I’m not gonna lie to you. My parents weren’t half as shitty as terry but growing up feeling unloved your whole life fucks you up anyway and that brought out some emotions and feelings I didn’t realize I still dealt with. I had to pause for a good while and cry.

Leave Sandy alone debbie

Terry is disgusting

Okay the homophobic language he uses is definitely triggering so I’ll time stamp that too

Debbie you selfish bitch

Everyone leaving terry outside it’s a yes from me

I honestly can’t concentrate on the other scenes now I’m sorry y’all

I try to cover everyone’s scenes but it’s hard for me today

I’m not okay

Liam is too innocent poor kid

MICKEY LIP AND IAN THE BEST TRIO

We need more scenes

I PAUSED TO TYPE AND THE FUCKING LOOK HES GIVING HIM STOP

They’re besties

Mickey is beautiful

MY BABY BUSINESS BOSS MAN I LOVE YOU

he really hasn’t called him Philip the entire episode wtf

Ignoring Debbie

Now I want fries

Carl is cringy

Mickey drove them home and pulled a gun

Honestly again another heartbreaking scene

Ian’s trying to make him stop

Terry is disgusting and also a coward but we’ve been knew

Noel is the most amazing

Mickey gets teary but doesn’t cry bc I cried enough for the both of us

He’s the strongest bravest ever and I’m so proud of him

I need a hug

My heart hurts so much y’all

I just want him to be happy

I’m a fucking mess

I can’t handle Lip being emotional too

Oh I thought lip wanted to sell the house for himself only but at least they all get their share

Horrible music choice

I wanna tuck Mickey in with his favorite tv show on(911) make him his favorite food to eat in bed and not let anyone but Ian around him for a good 72 hours

The way Ian is looking at him

“Would you take care of me if I was paralyzed?”

“....yeah. Yeah”

“Top you whenever I wanted” “asshole”

His smile is back that’s all I need in life

MICKEY IS TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD

RIP DOWN THAT FLAG YES BABY

“That was big of you” “he’s an asshole...I wanna be better than that”

WHEN I TELL YALL I LOST IT I MEAN FULL ON SOBBING

YOURE ALREADY A THOUSAND TIMES BETTER THAN THAT PIECE OF SHIT

YOURE SO KIND AND BRAVE AND BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT

Ian’s like “back of the head? Gotta grab and hold my boy”

“You are so much better than that” IAN MY SWEET SON IN LAW I LOVE YOU THANK YOU FOR LOVING OUR BOY SO WELL

IAN IS THE MOST SUPPORTIVE HUSBAND

V spitting truth

I want terry to fucking suffer

Don’t do it frank

“Nah” LMAO

Frank loves his son in law

Sandy I love you

I need to hold her

No debbie I LOVE HER

NO SANDY LOVE ME INSTEAD

DEBBIE DOESNT DESERVE YOU

Carl scene was so awful I feel so bad for him this girl is a fucking psycho

That was an actual rape scene what the fuck

Mickey making frank laugh

Debbie explaining? Really?

I hate her

“How long is this gonna take? I’m fucking starving Lip” WHY WONT YOU CALL HIM PHILIP

“We could get on with our lives” well that hurt more than it should’ve

It’s really the end soon huh? 😢

According to captions Ian says “we’re in”

Frank reads his diagnosis

Carl goes to report his rape

That took me nearly two hours to watch. Yeah I usually pause to type but I had to take long breaks after the hard scenes. It was a really hard episode to watch. A lot darker than it has been. I’m not really okay right now. It was emotional but a really good episode overall.

#tw: r*pe #tw: homophobia #tw: inc*st #weekly recap #weekly thoughts #mickey milkovich #ian gallagher #gallavich #shameless #shameless us #noel fisher #cameron monaghan #mickey gallagher #frank gallagher #lip gallagher #sandy milkovich #terry milkovich #liam gallagher #carl gallagher #Debbie Gallagher #shameless final season #shameless s11 ep6 #11x06 #shameless 11x06

[thehollowprince]

Sterek, Thiam, & Queerbaiting, Oh My!

(Or how racism and homophobia suppressed the actual representation of gay men in the show that fandom so desperately claimed they wanted.)

So, I'm just going to come out and say it right off the bat: neither of these ships were actually queerbaiting. As a matter of fact, I'd say that those ships just by themselves (and the fandoms that rose around them) were low-key homophobic. The reason I say this isn't just because of the large number of women in this fandom that fetishize mlm sexuality, nor is it about those who attack anyone who has any critique of those ships, its just about the ships themselves.

Now, one could argue that those ships arose from the fandom, and that is true, forever linking canon and fanon in the worst possible way, but this is more to do with the fact that the production of this show cowtowed to the vocal fans on Twitter and put moments in there that, while not explicitly canon, was a not-so-subtle nod to those "fans" that harassed people over crack ships.

Of course, I've been over this before, the pedophilic nature of Sterek and the outright abusive elements to Thiam, but those very real complaints (from an actual gay man like myself) always fall on deaf ears or is usually met with the whole "fiction doesn't affect reality" spiel. And this is incredibly frustrating (or even downright infuriating) to those of us who have had to live with these stereotypes because of our sexuality. To this day there are people out there who equate gay men with pedophiles. That's one of the major talking points for these anti-LGBT religious groups and there's an entire group of people on the internet who are dedicated to promoting a predatory style relationship (Sterek).

What makes the popularity of Sterek so infuriating, is the fact that we had Danny right there. Danny was present in the second episode of the series. We were introduced to him before there was any kind of interaction between Stiles and Derek, and yet he is continually slept on by the fandom, and then by the production as a result of the fandom, which eventually led to Danny just disappearing from the show entirely. To add insult to injury, Danny was practically everything Fandom was crying for when it came to gay representation. He was handsome with a nice body, smart and funny, and everyone liked him, and yet there's usually cricket chirps whenever he's mentioned. Something similar happened to Scott - a character that who stuck fast to his morals and was just an all around good person, and yet so many people violently hated him. Now what could Danny and Scott have in common that made so many people look past them? Gee, I wonder?

Moving forward, once Sterek was no longer a possibility, rather than focus on, I don't know, Mason, a character that was tailor-made for the fandom, they once again make up a crack ship to flock around (Thiam) rather than focus on the actual, consensual relationship that was made up of actual gay characters.

But you may be saying to yourself, "at least these two (Theo and Liam) were around the same age", and you would be right in that regards. But what makes this ship bad, is that it's rooted entirely in first deceit and then later in physical violence. I remember very vividly seeing someone say that Liam and Theo punching each other was how they expressed their affection and I was horrified by that. How many times a day on this app do we see posts floating around that domestic violence is wrong? And then how many times do you see a ship (usually a crack ship) that a fandom loves rooted in physical violence? The disconnect is terrifying.

All of this while Mason and Corey were right there, being cute and in love and everything that fandom claims they want when it comes to representation, yet they're totally ignored in favor of the two straight characters beating the shit out of one another. This is why so many franchises revolving around these "macho men" are able to thrive, even though so many people (mostly women) in fandom claim they want softer men. And yet, whenever a softer man is presented, particularly if they're a man of color, they're brushed aside.

And that's just mlm representation! You hear almost nothing when it comes to wlw representation, unless its to get the women "out of the way".

This all comes down to the racism that permeates every level of fandom. I'm not saying this is intentional, because we've all done it. Hell, I did it. When I joined the Teen Wolf fandom, I followed pro-Sterek blogs and reblogged Sterek posts, because I wanted to be accepted in the fandom, and I bought into the propaganda that was fanon!Sterek. I read the metas and the fics and decided to believe in those instead of what I saw on the screen with my own two eyes. Thankfully, I snapped out of it, but that's why Sterek (and later Thiam) dominated fandom spaces, even making their way to polls for "Best Couple" on many websites.

And then, when these ships don't become canon, fandom screams QUEERBAITING!!! Even though those ships were something made up entirely by the fandom and never something that production considered being canon.

Another big part of how the situation gets as bad as it does is that fandom misunderstands (either accidentally or deliberately) what racism actually means. It's not just the throwing of slurs, it's the preference of the white character over the character of color, even though the latter has everything they said they wanted. Racism is reducing characters of color to stereotypes, such as a brown or brown person being violent (Tamora and Kali) or the sexually obsessed Latino (Scott) or the untrustworthy negro (Deaton and Morrell). Hell, even Boyd was thrust into the silent negro stereotype for some reason.

Now this part, this is as much the production's fault as it is the fandoms, because while the former introduced those concepts (or even if fandom thinks they introduced those concepts) fandom then takes them and blows them out of proportion. How many times have I gotten an ask from that one anon telling me that Scott was "obsessed" with Allison? How many times have I seen metas about how Deaton was "untrustworthy" because he didn't share his every waking thought? How many times did we see particular blogs slut-shame Braeden because she engaged in a consensual relationship with Derek?

And the thing about those is, yes, the original idea was introduced in the show, such as Scott's relationship with Allison or Deaton only offering advice when asked or Derek and Braeden flirting, but fandom took them and cranked them up to eleven in an effort to make these characters look horrible. This is something we don't see at all when it comes to their white counterparts. Stiles is never described as "obsessed" by the fandom despite his fixation on Lydia. Peter is almost never described as "untrustworthy" by the fans despite lying and decieving people all the time. Neither Lydia or Malia are called sluts for being sexually active despite not being in relationships.

When Derek repeatedly assaults Stiles (or Scott, not that fandom cared), it's seen as quirky or romantic (same with Thiam), but when Scott hits Isaac or Jackson, in scenes that were very specifically shown to be comedic, its seen as abusive and violent. Stiles asking Danny if he's "attractive to gay guys" or pausing after Caitlin asked him if he liked guys is deemed proof that he's bisexual, but Scott's interactions with Isaac and Danny (or even Stiles himself), where had they been a guy and a girl, it would have clearly been an intimate moment, is still considered absolutely straight by fandom.

So what's the difference?

It's the racism.

The real kicker at the end of the day here is that fans cry queerbaiting, all the while they're actively sleeping on the actual gay representation that's there. It doesn't fit their aesthetic, so they ignore it, and then wonder why mlm relationships are going down in television. I'm not saying we shouldn't want or demand more representation in media, but people can't be so ignorant as to outright ignore the representation they're given and then wonder why they're not getting more.

Well, this got way longer than I originally intended and I hope I'm not just screaming into the void, but this is an issue that's still relevant, all these years after Teen Wolf ended.

#teen wolf meta #teen wolf fandom problems #teen wolf racism #scott mccall defense squad #anti sterek #anti thiam

[bellafarella]

What’s mine is yours

Summary: Mickey wears one of Ian's shirts and they end up having the best day together

Notes: Hey yall! So we all saw that photo Jim (Kermit) posted that had Mickey - because that was definitely a Mickey outfit - in what is 100% one of Ian's shirts on under a cut-off flannel top (they were filming for 11x10 it seems) and my brain came up with this.

Thank you, @mariss-ugh, for helping me come up with some ideas/lines for this when we were both supposed to be working this afternoon lmaooo

I hope yall enjoy this! 💖

Read here

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Getting ready together in this room takes a lot of maneuvering. Good thing living together in this room for the better part of a year - even in a small prison cell together - has made Mickey and Ian become in sync with each other. They’re able to move around each other without accidentally smacking the other anymore.

They aren’t working today so they don’t have much planned but Ian insists they do something. Mickey just thinks Ian hates sitting around the house because any time Mickey suggests they just do nothing he vetoes it. Must be all those weeks of Mickey not working giving Ian horrible flashbacks. They’re getting ready together - Mickey finishes buttoning his dark slim fit jeans before rummaging through their shared dresser for a shirt. Their clothes are all mixed together, not seeing any point in splitting it up, it’s pretty obvious whose clothes are who’s considering their height difference. Mickey finds a long sleeved beige - white - he’s not sure what fuckin’ color it is - top with a few buttons at the chest, he doesn’t care what top it is, he just cares that it’s clean so he puts it on. He isn’t feeling just this so he grabs one of his cut-off flannel shirts - it’s grey and white - and puts that on over the shirt. It ends up matching and he looks himself over in the mirror, thinking to himself that he looks fuckin’ good.

He turns around and sees Ian watching him. He’s got on some dark jeans too and a black crewneck sweater. He smirks at him, damn his husband is fine. Mickey is about to walk over to him and show him how hot he thinks he is when Ian says, “That’s my shirt,” eyebrows furrowed together.

“Don’t think so, this is obviously mine,” Mickey says, eyebrows raised as he picks at his flannel top.

Ian rolls his eyes. “Not that one, dumbass, the one under it. It’s obviously mine, look at how big the sleeves are on you,” he points to his arm where the sleeves are rolling down his wrists and covering his hands.

Mickey waves him off. “So what? What’s mine is yours and yours is mine, bitch,” he says pointing to his ring sitting on his finger, constantly loving the feel of it, like it’s grounding him in place. “Pretty sure it’s in the vows or some shit.”

Ian rolls his eyes again, exacerbated by his husband. “Don’t think that includes clothes, Mick,” he tells him.

“What the fuck ever, man, I look good,” he tells him.

“I mean…” Ian trails off, stepping closer and into his space. “You’re not wrong,” he adds when he’s towering over him. Mickey has to strain his neck back to look up at him. Ian’s hand comes up to cradle the back of his head before leaning forward and kissing him hard on the lips. Mickey moans into the kiss, his hands moving to hold onto his sides, sliding to his back and down to grope his ass in those jeans.

Ian moans, pressing himself completely against Mickey, opening his mouth to him to have their tongues move softly against each other in a passionate and heated kiss. He can feel Mickey’s hardness through his jeans on his leg and he’s sure his husband feels his too.

They pull apart briefly to breathe and Ian feels the need to keep teasing, “I’m just saying… I don’t wear your clothes.”

Mickey rolls his eyes at him. “No shit, Jolly Green Giant,” he says. “You and those daddy long legs won’t fit in my clothes.”

Ian grins, wanting to laugh but stuck on hearing that word. “Mmm, call me ‘daddy’ again,” he purrs.

Mickey laughs, “Fuck off, we’re not still doing that shit.” Ian hovers his lips by Mickey’s, his hot breath on him, teasing him. Ian bites his own bottom lip, his eyes flicking up from Mickey’s lips to lock with his eyes. Mickey sees how dark Ian’s eyes are and he’s so fucking hard, his dick is straining against the zipper of his jeans. “A-are we?” he stutters out. Ian smirks at him before laughing. Smug bastard. Mickey pushes him lightly. “You’re a dick,” he says before laughing.

“You’re just so easy,” Ian teases him, coming back into his space and grabbing onto his hips.

“Yeah, like you’re not?” Mickey challenges.

Ian smiles at him sweetly and says, “I’m definitely easy for you, baby.”

“I hate you,” Mickey laughs.

Ian laughs too and they meet for a kiss but it’s all teeth since they can’t stop smiling into it. Ian pulls back, still smiling as he looks at Mickey. He nods his head back towards the door and says, “Common.”

Mickey sighs making Ian grin as he takes his hand and leads them out of the room and down the stairs. Everyone’s already gone for the day, doing their own thing, so they get downstairs to an empty house. “You sure you wanna leave when we have the house to ourselves for the first time since our fuckin’ wedding?” Mickey asks. The pandemic hit soon after they got married and for months it was everyone home, all the time. Especially with Debbie in jail for a bit and Liam and Franny not in school.

Ian gives him a look. “Like everyone being home has stopped us before?”

He’s got him there. “True, but…”

“Mickey,” Ian says in this voice that just gets Mickey to want to give him the entire goddamn world.

He relents, following Ian through the house and out the front door, but not before grabbing their masks that Mickey just puts in his front jean pocket, Ian putting his on but immediately pulling it down so it just acts like a chin guard - ready at a moment's notice.

Still feeling giddy from before, Ian reaches for his hand and interlaces their fingers. Mickey smiles down at their hands, love seeing how Ian’s long fingers wrap around his, before looking up at Ian and rolling his eyes, making Ian grin and squeeze his hand.

Being married has not been easy. Especially being newly married and thrust into quarantine for months. They survived it like they’ve survived much worse and yeah, they bicker. That’s all they fuckin’ do some days but Mickey’s never been happier in his life. He knows Ian feels the same. So on days like today, when there hasn’t been any bickering yet and Ian is smiling at him the way he is, Mickey can’t help but let Ian hold his hand as they walk down the street. If someone wants to say something to them, he’ll make them regret it - by beating the absolute fuck out of them.

“What are you thinking about?” Ian asks him, watching him.

“About where the fuck you could be taking me.”

“I don’t know honestly,” Ian tells him. “There’s not much we can do in a pandemic.”

“So then why the fuck did we leave the house?!”

“We spend every day off at home, I wanted to do something fun with you, fuck you very much,” Ian says, rolling his eyes.

Mickey notices they’re still holding hands and Ian seems to at the same time and they both just smile at each other. Mickey feels ridiculous but he loves this big, dumb, idiot.

“Oh! We could grab a six pack and head to the dugout or the bleachers,” Ian suggests.

Mickey rolls his eyes but he lets out a small chuckle. That’s always their go to. Has been the entire pandemic especially. He can’t think of anything better so he says, “Fine, why the fuck not?”

Ian grins and tugs on his hand, leading them to the nearest shop that’s open.

*

They managed to get through the six pack together sitting in the grass under the bleachers - they decided on that because it was closer and that day Mickey saw Ian again for the first time flashed before his eyes. Like the bleachers? It’s our spot, man. It was an obvious choice for them to go there.

Ian had two beers and Mickey four - Ian’s meds, while they are balanced, still make his tolerance pretty fuckin’ low most of the time. Ian’s been working out and got bigger throughout quarantine - not that Mickey’s complaining, quite the opposite actually, he fuckin’ loves it. He throws Mickey around so easily, it gets him hard just thinking about it. With him being a bit bigger and his meds fucking with his tolerance, Ian’s just at the cusp of drunk, whereas Mickey is just pretty tipsy with his four beers.

Ian’s chatty when he drinks - he’s chatty always but he rambles when he’s drunk and Mickey has no idea what he’s talking about anymore so he leans forward, kissing him on the lips.

Ian kisses him back, his hands coming up to hold his face in place, slipping his tongue into his mouth. Mickey didn’t expect Ian to kiss back so intensely but he’s not complaining. He scoots closer, grabbing onto his arms.

Ian bites Mickey’s lower lip, pulling back slightly to look him in the eyes. “What was that for?”

“Think you’re the one that intensified it. I was just trying to get you to shut the fuck up,” Mickey teases.

Ian laughs making Mickey chuckle seeing his face light up and hearing that perfect sound - his laughter. “You’re such a dick,” he says when he stops laughing, still smiling.

“Still married me,” Mickey says, eyebrow raised.

“I’d do it all over again if I could,” Ian says softly before kissing him just as softly on the lips once. “And again,” he says before repeating the same soft kiss.

Mickey smiles into it. “Cheesy motherfucker,” he says before Ian kisses him softly and mutters, “And again.”

Mickey laughs, shoving at him lightly. Ian takes that as a challenge, wrestling him to the ground making them both laugh as Ian pins him under him. Ian grinds his pelvis against him and Mickey raises his eyebrows, “Mm, gonna fuck me right here, Milkovich?”

Ian grins at the sound of him calling him by Mickey’s last name. “Maybe,” Ian says, eyeing him. He presses his groin into him again, thrusting lightly against him, making Mickey moan softly, biting his bottom lip. “Looks like you want it, Gallagher,” he teases.

Mickey smirks, eyebrows wiggling.

“Hey, you can’t fuck under there!” someone calls out causing them to both look up at a bike cop watching them. They look at each other, rolling their eyes.

Ian gets off of Mickey and they both sit up. The cop is about to leave when Mickey calls out, “Fucked plenty of times under here before.”

Ian smacks his arm before the cop says, “Okay, out of there. Now.”

“Idiot,” Ian says to him.

The cop starts to approach when they don’t move so they get up and head out from the bleachers about to pass the cop. “Easy shaft, we’re leaving,” he tells him, eyeing him.

Ian grabs his shoulders from behind and leads him off. “We’re going,” Ian tells him. “My brother’s a cop by the way.”

“I don’t give a shit, go,” the cop tells them.

Mickey tries to turn but Ian stops him, leading them out. “Parole, Mickey,” Ian whispers to him as he leads him towards the street.

“The fuck are we gonna do now? I lost my buzz,” Mickey complains when they get on the sidewalk.

“Common,” Ian says, taking his hand again and leading the way.

“The Alibi, we’re here all the time,” Mickey complains when they get there.

“We’re never only here to drink though,” Ian tells him.

Mickey arches his brow, “What fuckin’ difference does that make?” but Ian’s already walking in so he follows him.

They take a seat at the bar, next to each other and Kev says, “Hey, what are you two doing here?”

“Drinking, this is a bar, dumbass,” Mickey shakes his head.

“Two beers, Kev,” Ian tells him, taking Kev’s eyes away from Mickey and to him. “Thanks.” Kev nods at him before turning to grab some glasses. “Oh and two shots of Jameson!” Ian adds while his back is turned.

“Oh so we’re drinking drinking? Okay,” Mickey says, nodding and smiling, liking this day a lot more than he anticipated.

Ian winks at him, making Mickey smile at him flirtily. “Okay, keep it PG, you can’t fuck in here anymore. It’s not sanitary,” Kev tells them when he sets their beers in front of them, catching the eyes they were giving each other. “Cause of COVID,” he adds when they both turn to look at him.

“No shit, sherlock,” Mickey tells him. Ian squeezes his thigh making his eyes snap back to him. They both pick up their beers and Ian clinks his against Mickey’s before taking a drink.

“What are you wearing?” Tommy asks from two stools over.

Mickey turns to face him. “You talking to me?” he asks, pointing to his own chest.

“Yeah,” Tommy says, turning to face him in his stool. He eyes him before asking, “Is that Ian’s shirt? Aww how cute!” he teases.

Mickey flips him off and says, “So what if it is?”

“Nothing, Mick, just cute you sharing clothes, those long sleeves on your little arms,” Tommy says.

Mickey’s eyebrows shoot up. “The fuck did you just say to me?” He’s about to get up when Ian pulls the back of his shirt, sitting him back down.

“Mickey,” he says simply.

Mickey shakes him off but stays seated. “Watch your mouth and I won’t beat the shit out of you. Next time, you won’t be so lucky,” he warns Tommy.

Tommy nods, “Sure, Mick,” he says sarcastically.

“Shots,” Ian says then, getting Mickey’s attention back on him. He ignores Tommy and turns back to his husband who winks at him as he lifts his shot glass up. Mickey follows suit and they knock them back.

*

They don’t stay much longer, haven gotten too handsy at the bar, Kev told them to get a room so they decided to do just that and go home.

They’re both drunk - Ian more so than Mickey - and singing as they walk home, making people look at them weird especially since they both don’t have masks on in the middle of a pandemic and are walking around outside around other people. They don’t give a shit, just flipping people off who give them weird looks.

Everyone’s home apart from Carl - lucky him - but they ignore them to run upstairs and close their makeshift door closed. Groans and complaints coming from them on their way up. They fuck quick and fast, all pent up energy from the day they had, before laying spent on the bed together, naked and regaining their breaths.

Ian turns his head to look at Mickey, smiling he says, “I had fun with you today.”

“What? Like you don’t every day?” Mickey teases him, pretending to be offended.

Ian smacks his chest lightly, chuckling. “Obviously I do, you’re always such a goddamn delight trying to fight everyone,” Ian teases right back.

“Fuck off,” Mickey laughs. “Who did I try to fight?” Ian laughs so hard Mickey shoves him, chuckling, “Fuck you.”

Ian turns on his side to face Mickey full on. “I love you but you literally tried to fight everyone today that wasn’t me for once,” Ian says, smirking.

Mickey turns also so he could face him. “I’m not the one who nags you every single day of my life.”

“I’m your husband, I’m allowed to nag you,” Ian says before reaching out and cupping Mickey’s face, his fingers moving back and into the hair at the nape of his neck, the cool ring on his finger touching Mickey’s heated skin, making him smile brighter than Ian’s words made him. Ian leans forward and kisses him on the lips. It’s soft, sweet, and short but it’s perfect.

“I guess you’re allowed,” Mickey says against his lips, making Ian smile brightly before kissing him again.

Ian pulls back after a few lazy moments of kissing to say, “I like the way you smell, anyway.”

“What?” Mickey asks, confused as to why he’d stop kissing to say that.

“It’s fine that you wore my shirt today ‘cause I like the way you smell,” Ian clarifies, making Mickey blush. He smiles at him softly, caressing his cheek. He brings their lips back together, showing him how much he loves him without having to obviously say the words.

Mickey didn’t expect the day that they had to happen when he woke up this morning and put Ian’s shirt on but it was perfect and he wouldn’t trade this life with Ian for anything in the world.

#my fic #gallavich #gallavich fanfic #gallavich fanfiction #ian x mickey #ian x mickey fan fic #gallavich fic #gallavich fan fic #read on ao3 #ao3 fic #shameless us #future fic #based off of a picture #fluff

[ot4hugs]

also as a reassurance i guess, i dont think there's anything to be scared of like nothing big happened with any of the boys that would be :/ a cause for disappointment or unloving like, obviously their 'celebration' and acknowledgement of thr 23rd was a bit disappointing but thats what they're 1d for❤ not to be nosy but what blog change do you mean if you dont mind me asking 👀 anyway im glad u got a life outside of this i can only aspire to be like you one day lol😔

honestly this is such a big relief cuz before i stopped coming on here completely i had seen some posts about liam that seemed v serious but i didn’t look into it or see the whole thing i just know it was about his gf or something? and i saw someone annoyed with harry but i kinda figured he was just up to his usual fuckery tbh it was liam i was a little more worried about.

i’m honestly just glad they said something about the anniversary tho i still don’t understand why they all used the oldest pictures ever like they may as well have shown me all their ultrasound pics at least those would be new. but the anniversary actually made me decide that i was right and that harry does run the 1d twitter account cuz both conveniently didn’t tweet about the anniversary last year and then really showed up for this one. they should’ve dropped some unreleased tracks or more of those studio videos with julian or THE OTRA TOUR DVD I DESERVE

oh no it’s not nosy at all it’s resal aka ftstylan who was like my number one 1d blog and was one of the few ppl i agreed with and would call out the boys on their bs but now she’s elounors which totally threw me off cuz she’s always been 1d/narry like hardcore so i saw the blog in my inbox from like two years ago and was like wtf who is this and was like totally surprised so i thought something horrible had happened but i think i saw her reblog something with harry a few days ago so i guess it’s okay? idk for some reason her blog doesn’t show up on my dash as if it’s muted but i don’t have her url muted so idk

yeah it’s nice to have a life outside of this but it literally took me getting a job so that def keeps me busy enough but we’ll see how it is this year since we’re starting school from home and my job is really a hands on one i might have a little more time on my hands. i’m thinking of maybe just reblogging some of my fave posts from my blog like i’ve been suffering for almost 5 years but i also have 5 years of good 1d shit so maybe i’ll start revisiting it since i’m going through my blog already. and i hope you find something tbh i’ve filled the past 5 months of my life with animal crossing it’s p nice there

#i think my tumblr dash is broken #or just tumblr idk it's been a long time since i've been on #idk if any of my xkit stuff is working #actually my dash only works when i come to edit a post from my blog #but idk if i can access that version of it #it's wild here now #ask #anon

[liam-93-productions]

Nearly five years ago, I saw One Direction live. Twice, on consecutive nights – on the first two dates of their On the Road Again world tour. Once was for work, to review the show. The other was for the sheer, heady, sugar-rush pleasure.

I was, I’ll admit, a little on the old side for a Directioner, even then. Most of the 45,000-odd crowd was much younger – not that that you would necessarily be able to tell from the saucy suggestions on their homemade signs. “I don’t want to draw attention to them,” Liam Payne had said fussilyon stage.

It was an on-brand comment for the then-21-year-old Payne, who, had the harried, slightly anxious energy of a father-of-four at Disneyland. And no wonder: it was clear, even to me, that Zayn Malik had checked out, barely bothering to conceal his rolling eyes. He would be gone within the month, marking the beginning of the end (or “indefinite hiatus”) for the biggest boy band in the world.

“It was a point where every day, you didn’t know whether it was going to be the end,” says Payne, sitting in the offices of his PR company in central London. “It was so touch and go, at every single show. I was slowly losing the plot.”

Now 26 and almost totally tattooed, Payne has a new album on which he raps about getting rowdy on Bacardi and being “free” from 1D. At the same time his very-nearly-naked form is plastered on buses and train stations in a provocative ad campaign for Hugo Boss.

Yet Payne is as polite and agreeable as if he were talking to his best friend’s mother. He is tired he says after an energetic early morning music video shoot. “There was a trampoline involved,” he says, sucking on his silver Juul. “It was hell – but it will look great.”

Gym beast and sex symbol are relatively new tags. His role as the diplomat of the group was established from the time they were first assembled from five solo applicants on The X Factor in 2010.

Payne auditioned when he was just 14, but was told by Simon Cowell to “come back in two years”. He did – and, eyes serious beneath his enormous fringe, blew the judges away with a brassy rendition of Cry Me a River.

Growing up in Wolverhampton, he had been a talented cross-country runner – making the reserve list for the British Olympics team. But a fan of Usher, Justin Timberlake and Chris Brown, he was drawn to singing as “the thing that made my parents proudest”. His backup plan, had he not got through on X Factor, was to follow his father into an aircraft fitting factory.

Once grouped in One Direction it took the five boys, then between 16 and 19, to pull together. “At the start we couldn’t get past our own egos,” says Payne. There would be fights over who got to sing what part, and even personal style. “Everybody had their own little thing – it was like having four older brothers.”

Payne went on to write songs for the group, contributing to two-thirds of their 2014 album Four (arguably their best) and even earning a production credit on 2015’s Made in the AM. But in the early days he would be the one to sing the opening part because, he was told at the time, he “used to settle everybody”.

Payne says he was a more experienced performer than the other boys, and a “bit more mature” – which he puts down to spending more time with his dad than his peers, and being so focused on a career in showbusiness. “I’d lived a different lifestyle from 14 to 16. Most kids try alcohol and experiment – I never did any of that because I thought there’s a chance that I might make it.”

Management took advantage of this, he says, telling him his “very specific role” in the group was to keep the rest in line. “I was like, that’s great, innit – because then everyone in the band thinks I’m a dick.” He remembers one of the band’s first hotel stays. “We’ve got plates being thrown out the window, mattresses being ridden down the stairs, and I’m getting calls from the manager saying: ‘You need to sort it out’.”

It wasn’t lost on the fans. Where Malik and Styles were the heartthrobs, Payne says he was classed as Mr Boring. “When you’re at the stadium, and if you get the least screams, it’s like: ‘For fuck’s sake.’”

After a year playing 1D-Dad he gave up and learned to have fun. “If you can’t beat them, join them” – at which point, he notes wryly, the band’s public image became more cheeky and carefree. “And the more fun we had, the more successful it got.”

He recalls performing to sold-out stadiums night after night, seeing “hundreds” of iPhones being thrown onstage in the vain hopes of their being returned with a selfie. “It’s like the kids just lost their minds.”

“There were parts of it that were a bit shit, like there is with anything,” he says, “and there were parts of it that was just euphoria.”

He recalls seeing 15,000 fans camped outside his hotel room in Lima, Peru. Security had advised them to stay inside all day, and because “they were the adults, we thought they were in charge. Then over time we started to figure out that they weren’t, and that’s when we used to run off.”

Yet the adrenaline peaks of performing, followed by long troughs of tedium, were akin to a drug addiction, says Payne. He turned to alcohol. “Doing a show to however many thousands of people, then being stuck by yourself in a country where you can’t go out anywhere – what else are you going to do? The minibar is always there. ”

For a time, he was also taking an epilepsy drug as a mood stabiliser that he says affected his cognitive functioning under certain lights. Payne says he had been well advised to take it, to counter the “erratic highs and lows” he was experiencing – “I just needed a little bit of help to keep me stable” – “but under certain lights on stage or during interviews, I wouldn’t be able to tell them my name”.

The day we meet, Payne has made headlines for telling Ant Middleton on the pair’s Sky One show that the loneliness of fame had “almost nearly killed” him. When Middleton asked Payne if he had ever wanted to act on those feelings, Payne said that he had: “100%”.

He is not inclined to discuss this today, “because it’s a bit dark,” he says, a touch brusquely – “but yeah, it was very touch and go at times”. This was both in 1D and afterwards, he clarifies. As One Direction got bigger and bigger, he says, “I was like: ‘I don’t really know how to deal with this’. Once you start, you can’t really press the stop button.”

The “indefinite hiatus” button, though, was easier – in mid-2015, four months after Malik’s departure, the band made the decision together. “It was a little bit dark and twisted towards the end of it,” says Payne, “but the last few shows were really beautiful moments because the pressure cooker had been let off.

“It was almost like counting down to holiday – we were going to wake up that Monday morning with no schedule.” Afterwards Payne was in therapy for two years, and took six months off. “It was difficult at the start, because I didn’t really know anything about myself. It was a bit of a numb feeling.”

(...)

That schedule is about to get busier, with Payne’s debut album as a solo artist finally out this Friday. Laden with chart-friendly trop house, trap and Latin pop influences, LP 1 plays like a water cannon aimed at commercial radio – there is even a Christmas song.

It has been a long lead-up: the first single, Strip That Down, was released nearly two years ago and established Payne as the 1D member most influenced by contemporary hip-hop – perhaps too much so. A picture he posted to Instagram of himself in February 2018 wearing a chain necklace, flipping the bird and bragging about travelling by private jet was quietly deleted following ridicule.

Amid the success of Strip That Down, which was streamed over 1bn times, Payne was also still “struggling” with alcohol: “I just hid it very well.” He went on to spend an entire year sober – a necessary if boring step. “My social life completely plummeted. I always feel like you never get past the awkward first 10 minutes at a party, when everyone’s like: ‘Do we get up and dance, or do we just sit here?’ I don’t know whether it made me happier, but it was definitely needed.”

His more recent stint of self-discipline was to prepare for his nude photo shoot with model Stella Maxwell for Hugo Boss. In the lead-up, he was in the gym between “five and eight times a week, sometimes twice a day” and eating mostly chicken and vegetables – with no carbohydrates after 2pm and nothing at all after 8pm. For the last “stripping” phase, he ate nothing but porridge and white fish for a month. “It was horrible – but it definitely works.”

The shoot had been his idea, inspired by campaigns featuring David Beckham and Mark Wahlberg – Payne’s role models, whose cross-disciplinary celebrity shapes his own career goals. Last year he auditioned in front of Steven Spielberg for a part in next year’s West Side Story remake, and has been submitting audition tapes irregularly since. “It’s just trying to manage the time in between (...), singer, model and whatever.”

Between the trap beats, tighty-whities and tattoos is he attempting to put across a new, more grown-up image? “Oh yeah, definitely.”

In One Direction, he was “Mr Vanilla – no one wanted to know a thing”. Then, with the “chain and rapper phase … I didn’t really know what I was aiming for, but it was actually exactly where we are right now. I just needed to find the right keys to make me feel like the man I wanted to be.”

Which is, he jokes, is “like a really English Magic Mike”. Do you like being objectified, I ask? “I think it’s quite funny,” says Payne, clearly delighted. The other day, he says, someone sent him a picture of an old lady walking past an enormous blown-up poster of him in his pants. Not bad for Mr Vanilla, I say. “Exactly.”

Liam Payne’s debut album LP1 is out on Friday 6 December

#liam payne #the guardian #one direction #lp1 #liam's interviews #02.12.2019

[taestheticcus]

This is the first time I’m addressing anything over here. But what I am going to address is surely not something which is new to any of us and it will be really nice if you read it. I know it’s long but please, if you ever loved One Direction, read it. :)

 So one of the most popular bands in the WHOLE of known universe had its 10 year anniversary and I, as a super proud and happy directioner looked forward to that day with all my heart and eagerness. Of course we were clowning, I mean c’mon, this is the band that makes money off the hopes it gives us of reuniting, but still I will never stop loving them because the memories I have attached with them are too precious to just be forgotten about, even if the band doesn't physically exist anymore.

 The day and the week (you might say), was rather filled with a burst of energy and extreme love that we feel for them and every time a member of the band posted a picture or tweeted, we lost it. We screamed “I love you” over more than a thousand times, got extremely frustrated because the fandom that can hack through security cameras and (supposedly) find out their passport pictures, is not able to goddamn open an envelope (which turned out to be the Where We Are Tour which I’m sure all of us have at least seen once) and cried our eyes out while scrolling through the website they created, watching the same video diaries, interviews and music videos that we now know by heart. But to our  disappointment, we didn’t get anything more than a video, which barely lasted 5 minutes (and here comes the thing that stings the most) no post from Zayn.

Now I myself was extremely mad at the fact that he didn’t post anything. Not even a story or a small tweet and very honestly I called him names too. I feel nasty now for doing that because it IS a hard pill to swallow that he DOESN’T need to post anything to show us his respect for the other boys and the band. He owes it to himself and NOT us. Him posting or not posting anything doesn’t change his love and how thankful he is to us. I know that without “us” he won’t be so famous, but without us he won’t have suffered through racism and Islamophobia. Of course not all of us contributed to that but the fact that some of us did, the “fans” of the band, who did say horrible things here and there DID affect him, even when there were thousands of us believing the opposite. When you belong to a minority in a group, especially a minority that has been condemned and treated harshly over years, it’s hard to overlook the people criticizing you.

He was heavily whitewashed while he was in the band and the management went to the extent of telling him that he doesn’t need to answer anything related to his religion in any interview because they knew it would attract hate and they didn’t want such a “petty” issue to interfere in their monotonous-don’t take any musical input form the members-be the perfect band-money making strategy. But in one interview Zayn shared “I believe that your religion should be between you and whoever your belief is in. I don't think you should stick it in people’s faces.”

But being a Pakistani- British heartthrob, no one would allow him privacy. His tweets about spreading awareness about events like #FreePalestine and retweet in support of Peshwar were unnecessarily over thought and some media outlets suggested that Zayn is talking about all of this because he is somehow more involved in those incidents. As if he is not a human who could just have compassion towards them.

Being in One Direction, he wasn’t allowed to promote anything that showed his Muslim side and was asked to appeal more to white teenagers. This is ridiculous because they are already controlling the music that they sing and suppressing them in so many ways, that they decided to enforce power of looking after how they dress and look too.

 When a video of Zayn and Louis smoking marijuana leaked online, Zayn received the most backlash, regardless of the fact that Louis used a racial slur (nigger). Let’s not forget how he was coined the ‘Bradford Bad Boy’ since the beginning because he was an introverted mysterious guy.

 “The leaked promotional promotion of This Is Us put him in a box of being the “poser” and all other sorts of bad boy villian image in contrast of the positive descriptions of the other members. Curious how the only brown guy in the group gets the worst narrative.” A source states

Zayn has faced countless parody songs like “Zayn did 9/11″ by Uma Kompton, taunting tweets suggesting he’s a terrorist and joke about him leaving 1D to join ISIS.

But as we all know why he left 1D, since he developed an anxiety problem and eating disorder because of the absolute bullshit he went through, he is said to have caused disruption among the fanbase of One Direction. Some of the fans only want Zayn to be successful as long as he is a puppet of the toxic One Direction “brand.” Although fans encouraged him to speak up more about his problems while being a part of the band, they were outraged and stated his actions to be traitorous, when he left the band to cut himself off the suppression he was under and freely speak about it.

 “Strangely enough, aside from Liam, Zayn’s former bandmates have never publicly defended him from discrimination. Perhaps that’s the result of their PR team’s instructions, but it is sad to see that the issue has largely been swept under the rug. The objective for the One Direction machine has always been to make as much money as possible in the shortest amount of time—not to make much of a social or political impact. But Zayn has the potential to do exactly that.” A source says.

Recently he told Vogue, “I was raised in the Islamic faith, so it will always be with me, and I identify a lot with the culture. But I’m just me. I don’t want to be defined by my religion or my cultural background.”

Surely we can say that he really believes in that and that’s why he said it openly, but a part of me can’t help but think that he is saying this and forcing himself to believe this because he has been discriminated against so much.

If we command that he posts something about how “amazing” his journey has been when he was in the band, the truth still remains the same that it wasn't an amazing journey. He loves the boys, he loved the exposure and the opportunity to some extent too and has always expressed his gratitude and gratefulness to them and the fans, but ITS OKAY if he doesn’t post about it.

You can say that without the fans he would have been a nothing, but don’t you think he already knows and acknowledges that? Don’t you think he knew that his fans might turn their back against him when he will depart from One Direction and still ended up leaving the band? Don’t you think he knew that he will practically face a different fan base now or that if worst comes to worst he will not have a lot of fans and might actually end up being a failure? People did turn against him but he doesn’t give a shit anymore because he cares about his mental health.

So, understand that he is always very grateful to all the love and support that he has been showered and will always mention it while in a concert or when he is winning an award, or tweet once or twice about it or randomly bless us with his face on Instagram, but don’t throw shade on him because it’s a day where he is “supposed” to post. He is already suffered enough, cut him some slack when he is finally happy and growing and healing and having a baby.

Let him be. Let him be free of all the hate we have held for our selfish reasons. Please.

#personal #zayn malik #harry styles #louis tomilson #niall horan #liam payne #one direction #solo 1d #solo zayn #zayn #harry #louis #liam #niall #respectforzayn #1d #10 years of one direction

[msjr0119]

Hold my girl

Part 5

No one really knows about TRR Main characters past …. Most of this series is based on flashbacks from her childhood. I’ve changed the main characters name to, Freya Johnson as Riley Brooks is used in my other series.

Freya is in love with Drake, but he hasn’t returned the feelings- instead just acts horrible towards her. Will Freya return back to Cordonia with the court or will she stay in the USA after the UN party.

Tags:

@annekebbphotography @burnsoslow @drakesensworld @ladyangel70 @kingliam2019 @bbrandy2002 @butindeed @bascmve01 @drakewalker04 @pedudley @captain-kingliamsqueen @duchessemersynwalker @insideamirage @of-course-i-went-to-hartfeld @kozabaji @texaskitten30 @ibldw-main @kimmiedoo5 @nikkis1983 @dangerouseggseagleartisan @gnatbrain @walker7519 @lodberg @cmestrella @hopefulmoonobject @addictedtodrakefanfic @angi15h @liamxs-world @rafasgirl23415 @notoriouscs @whenyourheartskipsabeat @jovialyouthmusic @nz1091 @yukinagato2012 @indiacater @seriouslybadchoices @rainbowsinthestorm @cordonianroyalty @custaroonie @beardedoafdonutwagon @dcbbw @qammh-blog

*****

“What do you mean you’re not coming back to Cordonia? Is it because of me? Because of the others? We all love you. I was going to ask you to be a Duchess. You came into our lives like a whirlwind. You brought us all together, you are the glue to our friendships.” Liam felt as if he couldn’t breathe- they had all failed her, he believed.

“No. I love you all. I truly do. I’m moving away- I’ve been offered a job. I’ll keep in touch with you all. I need a new start Liam. I’m so sorry.” Liam now felt as if his heart had stopped, not knowing at how the others would react to this news. A job is a job. She wouldn’t need a job if she returned with them- she was a close friend, he could provide for her or she could get a job in Cordonia.

“Please come back with us. We will all miss you.” His usual sparkly baby blues, were pleading with her to reconsider. Feeling guilty she was still in a dilemma about what to do.

“Liam, I can’t. I need a new start. Please don’t make my decision any harder than it already is. I will come and visit Cordonia every so often. I’ll keep to that promise. I need to pack my things and move them to Daniel’s. I’m leaving tomorrow.”

Liam didn’t want to argue, he thought about cancelling the Coney Island trip- instead he would just meet up with the others and explain what was happening. Between them all they could brainstorm how to change her mind.

“As long as you promise to visit us, and we will visit you. How about we cancel Coney Island. I’ll talk to the others. You can pack your things, we can meet up for a last super around five o’clock?”

“Sure. Let’s make it a night to remember.”

******

Freya left Liam, feeling guilty but also relieved after her heart to heart with him. Packing her belongings she had with her, she was willing to pay Maxwell to post the rest of her belongings from Cordonia. On route to meeting Daniel, she felt sad that she was not only leaving her new friends, but also Daniel and her parents.

“You ready?”

“Sure. Let’s go.”

Freya met Daniel at the bar, they were short on time but Freya knew they could do it in the short break Daniel had from work. They both got in his car and drove up to the grave yard.

Freya started crying as she walked up to her parents graves, holding the folder Daniel had given her. In it was pictures of her and Daniel she had taken when she returned to New York and then pictures of her and her new friends from Cordonia.

“Thanks for printing these off for me Dan, where would I be without you?” She smiled softly at him, he took her hand into his as they walked up to the headstones.

Grace and Paul Johnson

Beloved parents of Freya

They loved their second home- New York

Tragically passed away 19th February 2007 aged 38 and 39

Hey Mom. Hey Dad. Sorry I haven’t been to visit sooner. I miss you both so much. You would not believe what happened to me in the last few months. You always said I was smart. Would you think it was smart to go on an adventure to a different country with four men you’d only just met? More like crazy I’d say.

So the story begins when Daniel, ditched me at work to go on date with Lola. You remember Lola? The bitch at high school, the biggest mean girl. Well when he first mentioned he was going on a date with her a few years ago I nearly hit him to wake him up. But she started to hang about with us, and she really has changed. She’s lovely and she’s perfect for Daniel. I can’t wait to be godparents to their children ha.

Anyway Daniel ditched me and left me a rowdy table to serve. I looked over and there was three men- they were all so different. I was ready to kill Daniel at this point. He owed me. He owed me big time. I walked over and took their order when another man approached the group- I had never seen someone so handsome. He was so polite towards me, at the end of the night he asked how I was doing. What customer asks how the waitress is? He wanted to thank me for taking care of them all (maybe I do make a pretty good damn waitress- maybe better than my original fantasy job). It wasn’t until then that I realised they had come to New York as tourists for his bachelor party but they hadn’t really planned what to do. He asked for recommendations about clubs in New York and that he would want me to join them, so he could thank me for that night by buying me a drink.

Clubs are boring I thought. Or maybe I was just bored of them because I went every weekend with Dan and Lola- feeling like the third wheel. I suggested going to the ‘secret spot’. The guys loved it. They all let loose. The bachelor- Liam, didn’t seem to be having as much as a good time as the other three. He told me the only thing he wanted to do in New York was to see liberty - typical tourist! Then I had a crazy thought- I’d only just met him and the others and then I was pulling out all the stops to get him there. I contacted John the guy who owns all the boats, asking him to take myself and Liam there. We snuck away from the beach and met John. On the boat Liam’s eyes lit up like he was a kid in a candy shop. He kept mentioning how he wished he could have freedom like liberty- that’s when he told me he was the crown prince of a country called Cordonia. It was a small country in the Mediterranean. We stayed there and admired the view. Just before we left he said he admired my adventurous spirit and that he would never forgot this night or me. That’s when we kissed. And that’s when I left him to find his friends and I walked back to my apartment.

The next morning I went for my usual run around Central Park before making my way towards to bar to start the early shift. I’d offered to work it as Daniel would have been hungover after his date with Lola. I walked into the bar and saw Daniel there. He explained that he was fine to work and to stick to the original rota. So that gave me the day off. As I left, I heard a man shout my name as he ran up to me out of breath. It was Maxwell, one of the men from the previous night. Maxwell reminded me so much of Daniel, fun, always up for a laugh, just genuinely a nice guy.

He explained how in Cordonia all the noble houses could sponsor a girl to win Liam’s heart and become his princess. Maxwell and his older brother Bertrand didn’t have anyone to sponsor as they didn’t have a sister. What have I got to lose I thought? Only my job, and Daniel but we are like glue. It wouldn’t be losing him it would be a ‘see you soon’. Without hesitation I agreed with Maxwell’s suggestion. He seemed so happy. I thought this would be an adventure of a lifetime. I could make new friends, Maxwell would make a brilliant friend. I was intrigued to get to know about the noble life. For me it wasn’t all about Liam even though we had that connection.

After months of shit in the royal court, it was finally the coronation ball when Prince Liam would become king and choose his bride. In those months, I honestly felt like giving up and returning back home. I just wanted to be near you both. No one heard me, but I would cry every night in my room- who would have thought this was so hard. I am a strong person, I don’t take any shit. I had bitches fucking with me, a man practically try to rape me, and then the former king screw my reputation up,throw me out of his country and make everyone hate me- everyone that is except my my closest friends. At the airport, I had guards surrounded me as if I was some criminal- it was suffocating. I just wanted the airport to announce that we was boarding on the plane back to home. Finally the call was announced and I grabbed my bag and went to the queue, that was until the Beaumont brothers begged me back- I mean practically in tears begging me back haha. I was doubtful about returning, seeing everyone, everyone making their own assumptions up about me. But then I remembered everything you taught me- to never give up, be strong, and never lose those close to you. I am Freya Johnson, I will never give up!

On return to court, I had to endure the engagement tour. I couldn’t care less about the engagement, all I wanted to do was clear my name! The only good thing about this tour was visiting cities in Europe and spending time with my friends.

The reason I am here writing this is because the end of the tour ironically is here at home, in New York. Yesterday, I finally cleared my name. Found the man who was responsible, he did a statement and now everyone is up my arse. I feel so relieved. And I hope you are proud of me.

Freya ended reading what she had written, Daniel was next to her and put his arms around her.

“Bloody hell freya, you don’t do things by half. The last few months have been like you’re staring in a movie. They would be so proud of you. As we all are.”

“Thanks Dan. I’ve missed you. In a way I will miss this shitstorm and the entertainment. But I’m ready to be free and move on.” She laughed.

“So now that’s done. Where are we placing the other things? Is there an order you want to put them in?” Freya retrieved the photos that she had asked Daniel to print off and placed them around the graves.

The photos I am leaving are of people that have come into my life and changed it. They all are so different and I love them all. Who’d have known that little Freya from London would have grown up to have the most incredible people look after her and care for her. I don’t know in what direction my future is heading, but with all these people in it even at a distance, I know it’s going to be a brighter one.

I don’t know when I will be back or how often I’ll be back. But don’t either of you ever forget that I love you both always. You’re both forever in my mind and my heart. You have both turned me into the woman I am today and I am grateful for you both letting me into your life’s twenty years ago.

I know that I am going to cherish my children as much as you did me- you’d both spoil your grandchildren so much and pour all the love to them. I wish you could walk me down the aisle dad when the time comes. I hope- no I know for a fact you are looking down on me as I am always looking up at you both.

Your loving daughter,

Freya Johnson xoxoxox

“Thanks for coming with me. I needed to do this.”

“I’ll keep an eye out for them don’t worry. So when can myself and Lola visit Vegas?”

“Whenever, you want. Hey, why don’t you both get married at the chapel?” Daniel cocked a brow, knowing she was joking- or so he had hoped. “I need to meet them all. Only Liam knows, I owe them all an explanation. I’ll see you tomorrow morning before I leave.”

******

Liam explained that they were all meeting for an early dinner- the others all went to Coney Island regardless of Liam’s and Freya’s absence. Meeting at the restaurant, they all noticed Liam and Bertrand looking defeated.

“What’s up? Where is Blossom?” Maxwell barely said as he was scoffing his face with candy floss.

“I don’t know Max. Liam told her five o’clock. If there was anything that she was taught from her time in Cordonia it would be to be punctual.” Liam shook his head, this was no time to criticise Freya.

“So, I called my engagement off with Madeleine. I met up with Lady Freya before. Informed her that I was going to ask her to marry me. Her face faltered, I knew deep down she would refuse. Then she opened up to me about a lot of her past....” Liam had informed Bertrand prior to the others arriving about the heart to heart with Freya. Drake and Maxwell looked at each other concerned, Drake whispered “I told you he would propose”, Maxwell swallowed hard knowing he was now involved in this possible love triangle even if Liam technically didn’t propose.

“Lady Freya isn’t returning to Cordonia.” They all gasped at Bertrand’s statement. When she mentioned it to Maxwell at the UN party he honestly thought she was bluffing.

“If anyone can convince her to come back with us it’s Daniel. Liam, Drake do you remember how to get to the Dive bar?”

******

Daniel stared at the clock at work, it was 7pm. He had taken a late lunch break to meet Freya to visit her parents. One more hour left, he thought. In an hour he would have to find that person to give the note from Freya.

“Please just find them and give them this. I couldn’t bare to face them all at the restaurant. They probably won’t remember how to get there. That night was a bit of a blur. They will be at this address. If they aren’t in the hotel bar, their room is 36 on the ground floor. I can’t keep this from them anymore.”

“Don’t feel pushed into telling them all now if you don’t feel ready Frey. They will understand.”

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it if I don’t do it now Dan. I’d be grateful if you tried to help me. I’ll be waiting in the usual place. I’ll see you before I leave for Vegas, okay?”

After what Freya had told him that morning, Daniel knew he had to do his best to help his friend. She deserved all the happiness in the world. If it didn’t work out, he had assumed that she would return back home to New York and he would be there to support her as he always had done. He began to clean the bar, when the doors swung open.

“Daniel! Where’s Jono?”

“Drake? Hi.”

Shit. What is he doing here? Has Freya backed out of her plan?

Just then a beautiful lady smiled at Daniel. His heart sank.

“Hi. My names Hana. Have you seen Freya?” She asked softly.

“Hi Hana. I’m Daniel. I haven’t seen her since this afternoon. I met her for an hour earlier on. She er... she.”

“Is she okay?” Maxwell asked, his lip began to tremble.

“Er, why don’t you guys take a seat I’ll get you all a drink.”

Drake, Liam, Maxwell and Hana all sat down in the same booth that the gentlemen did that night. If Daniel didn’t have a date that night, none of them would have met Freya.

“Thank you Daniel. My names Liam and this is Maxwell. Is she okay? I’m worried that this may be all my fault?”

Daniel put his head down. He knew exactly what Liam meant. Liam had confessed that he would have proposed to Freya earlier on this morning and that he was considering asking her to become a Duchess. Of course he would think that there was a possibility that it was his fault. She had told Daniel she was distant with all her friends when she dropped of the spontaneous letter, not meaning to be she was just thinking about her parents as well as her past and her new beginnings.

Daniel felt bad knowing the truth as to why she didn’t meet them and the guilt when he saw these four people worrying about her. He didn’t want Freya to push them away because she was only used to Daniel and his family caring for her once Grace and Paul had passed away.

“Liam. It’s not your fault. She er. She.” They all looked at him worried and confused- waiting impatiently for him to elaborate.

“She had things she had to do. Things she always did when she lived here.” Maxwell looked extremely upset and started to think.

Things she always did when she lived here? Is she missing it here? Did I drag her away from a family? From more friends? From a life?

“I finish at seven. I will elaborate then. Okay?” They all nodded in unison, wondering what he was keeping from them. Drake walked over to the bar to order another round, Daniel was due to finish in ten minutes. Daniel poured a whiskey, a scotch and two cocktails. Whilst he was doing this Drake whispered to him.

“Hey Daniel, what are you keeping from us? We just want to know that she’s okay? Why is she thinking about not coming back with us? If so we’d like to say goodbye at least.”

“Drake it’s nothing like that. I swear. It’s not my business to tell you what we did in that hour but I feel like I need to betray Frey and show you all.”

“What do you mean betray her?”

“Oh drake.. She..had to visit some people. I will take you all there. There’s something you all need to see. Is a lady called Olivia with you all? I think she needs to see this too?”

Olivia? Wtf is going on?

“Er yeah. She is. I’ll text her to come now.”

Daniel hated doing this. But if Freya wasn’t going to open up to her friends he would help her.

Please don’t hate me Freya. I’m doing this because I care for you. No one will judge you. We all love you.

#theroyalromance #choices trr #trr holdmygirl #trr freya johnson #drakewalker #maxwell beaumont #hanalee #liam rhys #trr daniel #drake x mc #liam x mc

[moiraineswife]

Ep 55 Caleb Meta

Warning: This post will contain a)- Spoilers for episode 55. If you haven’t seen it yet BEGONE. b)- Angst. Bc. Caleb. c)- yelling. if u haven’t worked out already: these posts are not planned. these posts are not thought-through. these posts are not edited. these posts are a stream of consciousness shrieking at the void that is u lot. Enjoy. 

So. Uh. That episode was like..................A lot. Lots to unpack. LOTS. So I’m just going to touch on Caleb and the very specific niche deliciousness of him being completely and utterly retraumatised in that episode and how it may or may not pan out in future. 

Meta under the cut bc it got Long. 

So, DIVING IN: the nature of trauma in itself is repetition. Nightmares, flashbacks (of all their various forms) are ways in which the trauma itself repeats. Basically your brain Cannot Cope with what’s happened so it tries to just put you through the same thing over and over again like process this please. 

Caleb has been dealing with that for at least a decade since the original trauma took place. Then we pile on the (highly symbolic and super-interesting in a really fucked up way bit of magic that is Modify Memory (i assume) which I have to meta on more in future) which is effectively a false memory that was removed (that his parents were guilty/in his twisted-logic mind deserved what they got) which makes a very interesting mirror for suppressed memories (again: big trauma thing. In which your brain Cannot Cope so hard it just blots the bad memory out of existence entirely) so he’s a whole mess of being trapped in an endless cycle of his horrible past (PTSD is a Trip, y’all). 

This is...An echo of that but it’s something new. It’s very much the same KIND of thing, so it plays in to the trauma-repetition, but it’s a new incarnation of it. History repeating itself, etc, etc, delicious irony, all that great stuff fiction-creators live for.  

It’s going to be deeply upsetting for Caleb. (No shit, Taryn). But it so beautifully, and terribly, feeds in to his deep-rooted fears that he is a toxic person, and that those around him are destined to get hurt (by him, not by him, it doesn’t really matter to the guilt brain, it’s all just fuel for that fire). 

For example: Liam spoke on Talks about how, regarding Molly’s death, Caleb almost expected it because yup, that seems about right, par for the course. It’s one of the big reasons he’s been extremely reluctant to let the Mighty Nein get close to him (he’s directly said this in canon at this point, in his conversation with Beau). 

He feels dangerous. He sees himself as dangerous. Partly because he sees himself as being constantly in danger, and by extension, those around him are also in danger. That’s external. 

The internal part of him has been screaming ‘you killed the two people who loved you the most in the world in an unprovoked attack because you’re a monster’ for over a decade at this point. Not only does he not deserve any of these people, he feels like he’s destined to hurt them, no matter what he does, or how hard he tries. 

This, uh, reinforces that in a very deep, obvious, and painful way. Not to mention the fact that, not only did he hurt them he hurt them with fire. Again. So it’s almost exactly the same pattern of shit coming back to haunt him for a second time: 

Trent: Mental manipulation magic - fire - dead loved ones  Demon: mental manipulation magic - fire - nearly dead loved ones. 

It’s Bad. It’s Real Bad. That boy is going to have the panic attack of his life when he recovers from the immediate adrenaline rush of the fight. It’s not going to be pretty. 

It’s going to drive home everything that little voice inside his head that sounds like Trent has been telling him since he joined these people. It’s going to undo all the struggle it’s taken to ignore that voice up to this point because don’t you see what happens when you get close to people? They can be used against you. You can be used against them. They become your weakness and you become weak because you care. Because this hurts. And if you were stronger, and smarter, then it wouldn’t... etc etc etc. *insert emotionally manipulative bullshit here* 

BUT! 

I actually think this could actually be good for him in a really weird way? 

Hear me out: 

Caleb has been living in a trauma loop for over ten years at this point. He’s been going over the same memories again and again and again, but he hasn’t done anything with them. He hasn’t actually fully processed what happened to him. And, and this is the biggest part: he hasn’t had anyone to push against. 

It takes a lot to recognise abuse. It takes a lot in the modern world when there are phones, helplines, the internet and, let’s be honest: awareness. There are words for these experiences and there’s more chance of, accidentally or deliberately, stumbling across help out there that can look at a situation from an outside perspective and go: this is fucked up. 

This is what Caleb needs. 

On his own it’s almost impossible for him to recognise what was done to him and fully process it and begin to heal from it in a healthy way. Caleb has not actually started the process of recovery for anything that happened to him yet because Caleb does not yet recognise/understand what there is to process/recover from. 

In Caleb’s mind, he is a monster. He did an unforgivable thing because he believed his parents deserved it as they were traitors. He broke because he was not strong enough to handle what he’d done. He was sent to an asylum and since escaping he’s just been afraid. That’s the only emotion he’s got towards Trent right now: fear. And it’s suppressing all logic, self-awareness, and the ability to think rationally about what went on. 

Caleb was abused. Caleb was manipulated, mentally, emotionally, and magically. Caleb was a vulnerable kid who was deliberately chosen, carefully groomed, and then skilfully brainwashed by a figure with an enormous amount of literal and emotional power over him. Caleb was abused. 

Caleb does not see this. 

Caleb does not recognise that he was abused. 

And I think this is where a lot of issues with Caleb kinda stem from in fandom? Because people look at him and just...How can he NOT understand that he was manipulated. Huh. Maybe he wasn’t. Because it’s just that damned obvious how could he not understand this? 

Abusers rely on that. Abusers rely on their victims not understanding what they’re doing to them. Particularly when their victims are young, with relatively little real-world experience, and absolutely no grounding/preparation to recognise or combat any of this, in a society that is more accepting of the kind of teaching that radicalised Caleb than most are. 

Caleb needs an outside perspective to look at what he went through and go ‘you know that’s fucked up, right?’ He’s kind of had that from Beau and Nott but not enough. Someone has to sit him down and go through every piece of what happened and be like ‘this is not okay’ ‘what he did to you was not okay’ ‘this is called abuse’ and then consistently validate those experiences until he understands. 

Caleb has over ten years of trauma to process and unlearn. That...That does not happen overnight. That does not happen because your new friend looks at you and goes ‘yeah that was fucked up, dude’ and suddenly it all crystallises in your mind and becomes clear. That takes work. And effort. And a willingness to feel something beyond fear for your abuser and Caleb is Not There yet. 

What this last fight does, though, is open up the possibility of Caleb starting to accept this a little bit. 

Jester: “What the fuck, Caleb?” 

Caleb: “I am sorry...They got inside my head.” 

This is actually....Kinda huge for Caleb? Actually it’s kinda massive. This is Caleb experiencing a trauma incredibly similar to what he went through when he was younger (but on a much smaller scale, with far less dire outcomes) and being able to look at it and, still apologise, but explain that he was not in control of himself, and that ‘they got inside his head’. 

This is the step he needs to take with Trent, too, this is the same admission that he needs to make to himself, and this is the first step that has to happen before he can even begin to start processing and healing his trauma. And he needs help with that. 

This is not the part where I say I expect the mighty nein to become Caleb’s therapists. But they can be friends, they can be a support network, but most importantly: they can be an outside perspective. 

They can’t process his trauma for him. They can’t work through his issues for him. They can’t take away any of his grief, or his guilt, or his pain, or his PTSD. They can’t make what Trent did go away. But they can point it out. 

They can raise a red flag. They can point it out and say ‘this is not okay’. They can put a name to it. They can validate it. They can do the things that Caleb cannot do himself, which is look at what happened and be able to acknowledge, without the burden of guilt, and the fact that it’s so much easier to blame, and hurt, and punish himself than a figure he’s terrified of, and say that it was not okay, and explain to him what happened. 

They can help him acknowledge his abuse and then he can start to help himself heal from it. 

But this fight is, essentially, a microcosm of Caleb’s past. And I hope that if (when, please god when) the mighty nein, who were all either a)- directly charmed themselves, or b)- resisted the effect but were aware of its intentions and capabilities, do not react the way Caleb expects them to react (ie: the way he reacted to himself) with anger, and hatred, and blame, that’s going to start unlocking things. 

I don’t expect a massive breakthrough next episode, don’t get me wrong, this is going to be a long, careful, painful process. But I think even the acknowledgement that someone affected that way by magic, or by emotional abuse, is not themselves, and is not, ultimately, to blame for what they may have done (or weak/somehow complicit in ‘allowing’ themselves to be targeted/victimised) is going to prove a really big thing for Caleb in the future. 

Just that acknowledgement that they don’t blame him for what happened, that they understand he wasn’t himself, and that it wasn’t within his control to stop what was happening could, I think, prove huge in terms of his recovery further down the line... 

TL;DR: Caleb experienced his past again on a much smaller scale with this fight, but having the party around him to react to him/it and reach out to him, and tell him it’s okay and that they don’t blame him will do A Lot for unlocking his potential recognition of abuse and recovery down the line. 

#caleb widogast #critical role #critical role spoilers #liam o'brien #cr spoilers #cr2 #cr2 spoilers #meta #critical role meta #caleb meta #my meta #imma just leave this here #long post #text post tag #abuse tw #emotional abuse tw #trent ikithon #is a trigger warning all of its own

[jackiforjustice]

hiya everyone! I’m dev ( use any pronouns, mine are up in the air rn ), and this is my social justice baby jacki! please hmu for plotting - I’d love to really develop something with each of you! bio below!

trigger warnings for racism, sexism, and police brutality.

✘ CHARACTER BASICS

Skeleton Title: The Cavalier Faceclaim: Laura Harrier Jacqueline “Jacki” Reynolds | Twenty-Two | Cis-Female | She/Her | May 18th

✘ CHARACTER BACKGROUND

The Gist: 

Jacqueline is the oldest daughter of Susan and Barry Reynolds. Born in 1969, just two years after the Supreme Court Case Loving v. Virginia legalized interracial marriage across the United States, Jacqueline was one of the first interracial children in her small Idaho hometown. 

A couple years and two younger brothers later, the Reynolds family decided to move to Graingerville to be closer to a big city. It was clear from a very young age that Jacqueline was smarter than her years - she exceeded in school from day one, and always preferred reading to the rowdy games at recess. 

Although she was incredibly intelligent for her age, Jacki always had trouble fitting in. The other black kids thought she wasn’t black enough because of her white mother; the white kids took one look at her rich dark skin and knew she wasn’t one of them. While she managed to find her own group of friends who didn’t care much either way in terms of her race, the underlying discrimination and confusion based on being from a mixed family stuck with her for a long time.

When Jacki entered middle school, her father started telling her stories of his own adolescence - while Jacki worried about math quizzes and essays, Barry was fighting for his rights every single day. He became a lawyer because of it, and after hearing about the Civil Rights Movement directly from him and her other relatives, Jacki decided she wanted to be a lawyer too.

As Jacki got older, her peers began partying more often, rebelling against their parents to make a statement, to be reckless and bold with no apologies. Jacki tried that phase for a minute (but quickly ended when she realized she cared more about what her parents thought of her than her friends from school). Instead of completely locking herself away from the other teenagers in Graingerville, she chose a more proactive route: everyone at her high school knew if they needed a designated driver, Jacki would be there to lend a helping hand. 

By the end of her sophomore year in high school, Jacki had a perfectly laid-out plan of how to get into either Harvard, Yale, or Stanford majoring in Political Science. Her parents were undoubtedly impressed, and worked to help her achieve her big dreams of getting into top notch schools. 

Needless to say, her plan worked. After graduating as valedictorian from her high school, Jacki was off to Yale majoring in Political Science with a minor in American History. Yale pushed Jacki to her absolute limits in the best way - she worked harder than ever, made lifelong friends, and even had her first boyfriend (his name was Liam, and they dated for one semester before she dumped him during finals week because he was distracting her). 

Although Jacki entered college with the hopes of becoming a lawyer, the more she learned about the Civil Rights Movement and the treatment of black people in American history, the more she wanted to immediately help those in need. She had been eyeing the possibility of Law School for a while, but it wasn’t until she moved back home to Graingerville post-college graduation that she changed her career path slightly.

The Big Freakout Event of 1990 threw her family for a loop. Her younger brothers were just about to start their sophomore and senior years of high school, her mother had just been promoted at the hospital, and her father had just won a huge case against the unjust arrest of two young black men. But when people with psionic powers and lizard deers terrorize the streets out of the blue, the world sort of pauses for a while. 

When the dust had settled from the craziness of the BFE, Jacki found herself wanting to help more directly. Being a lawyer helps those accused of a crime - she wanted to help protect the people of Portland from...whatever the crazy shit out there was. She was still torn between being a lawyer or moving to a different career choice when another event influenced her decision.

In March of 1991, Rodney King was horrendously beaten by police officers in Los Angeles. It was unjust, it was unfair, and it was entirely based on race. The trial for the police officers in question was scheduled for the following year, as these sorts of things take time, but it was that one event (and reading about other racist events prior to the Rodney King beating), that led Jacki to join the Portland Police Department.

She was the top of her class at the Police Academy (she’s always had a penchant for rules and regulations), and with marks like that, she was absolutely sure she’d start making tidal waves once she was officially on the force.

Unfortunately, they had her saving cats from trees, dealing with parking tickets, and lost elderly people roaming the streets. 

The Emerging Threats Unit looks better and better by the day. Jacki’s dreamed of helping people since she was little - why won’t the higher ups let her just do it? She’s starting to get sick of pushing papers around while she could be making the world a better place. Luckily, that Yale degree is coming in handy - she’s doing her best to study up on the supernatural stuff going on around town, and she’s determined to be the expert on all things crazy in this place if it kills her.

Jacqueline Reynolds has no supernatural powers unless you count her unnerving organization skills or her endless knowledge on the historical racism in America thus far (both of which cause her major exhaustion and/or frustration, which I would deem a consequence for her power).

✘ “STAY WEIRD PORTLAND”

One wall of her apartment bedroom looks like a conspiracy theory wall. She’s incredibly organized, yes, but her obsession with being the expert on all things supernatural in Portland has caused her to look a little bit like a nutcase. However, the conspiracy theory wall is prettier than other conspiracy theory walls in TV shows and movies because hers comes with color coordinated strings, index cards, and pens. Sometimes when she’s feeling frisky, she even manages to color coordinate the thumbtacks. 

While Jacki is a picture perfect student, she has no clue what it means to be good at maintaining a romantic relationship. Absolutely no idea what she’s doing. Flirting often goes right over her head. She can give you historical dates and supernatural factoids up the wazoo, but hit her with a one-liner and she just sort of stares...and then walks away.

✘ ASPECTS & SKILLS

Straight A Student: Jacki never earned less than an A- in her entire academic career (a fact that her parents remind her younger brothers of every single day). She excels in history and English, and performs well in math and sciences. Although art has never really been her thing, her ability to give it a try has always earned her at least an A- in class.

Strong, Smart, Underestimated Woman: It’s 1991. She’s a Yale graduate, incredibly intelligent, resilient as hell, and determined to serve justice and protect those around her. She is fierce by any definition of the word, but that doesn’t mean everyone sings her praises. Some men find her strength frightening. Some others find her intelligence to be overbearing, or too “know-it-all” for their liking. She’s underestimated, and often given the dirty work rather than the work she joined the police force for, and she knows it.

I Have to Do What’s Right: Even though Jacki loves rules, regulations, and the like, sometimes the rules are wrong. That’s why she started training with The Fighter. That’s why she’s studying up on supernatural occurrences. And that’s why she’s more than willing to protect people who aren’t in the wrong. I mean come on, it’s not anybody’s fault that some of these people have powers - just because people fear them for being different doesn’t excuse any harm that comes their way, and Jacki has made it her mission to protect people with powers as long as they don’t maliciously hurt others.

Great: Will Good: Notice, Academics Fair:    Investigate, Shoot, Lore Aver:   Athletics, Stealth, Drive, Fight

✘ AESTHETIC

A brand new pack of index cards. Happy family photos on the wall. Clean laundry. The same haircut every time. Highlighted textbooks. Annotated novels. Reading the newspaper thoroughly. Fresh scented candles. Conspiracy theory strings. Too much coffee. Waking up to sunlight peeking through the window. Horrible headaches. Extra poster boards for future rallies and marches. Sleeping alone. Speaking quickly for efficiency’s sake. Gin and tonics. Being overwhelmed by large social situations. Studying without being assigned to. Forgetting to sleep. Forgetting to eat. Forgetting to take a moment to just breathe. Justice. Family dinners on Thursdays. Bending the law for things that are right. Ironed clothes. A color-coded planner. Wearing a retainer every night to bed like you’re supposed to. Bob Dylan CDs. Perfectly polished badges. Quiet breakfasts. Practical clothes.

✘ SEASON 2, EPISODE 1

If anyone else were to see what Jacki’s apartment looked like, they’d think it was just as clean as ever. But by her standards? Her room was a mess. Textbooks on the history of time and space stacked high on her desk; questionably sourced papers on the existence of supernatural creatures in our universe highlighted, annotated, and in their own folders; four mugs of coffee, all of them empty and lined up on top of her dresser. She would get to the bottom of this case. If her boss didn’t want her on anything more important than parking tickets, she’d work the Emergency Threat Unit cases on her own time. Sure, Jacki was losing sleep by the minute, but it would be worth it when crisis inevitably hit Portland again and she was the best resource they had. Plus, now she had a friend to help her improve her combat skills! She’d be prepared for anything, with a twelve-step solution to the next Big Freakout Event to hit her town. Just like her dad always told her: “If you can’t be the boss, be better than them.”

Please feel free to message me for any plots! I have a wimpy ass plotting page here, so feel free to look at that for inspiration!

#stv:welcome #stv:intro

[shippingtheswann]

FOOLS RUSH IN:

Summary: Emma Swan has been married since she was five years old. Under the old oak tree, she wed Killian Jones, her neighbor. Then, he moved away, but made one final promise, that one day he would marry her for real. See what happens when he returns to make good on his promise.

Rating: Explicit/Mature

Fools Rush in Chapter Four 

Catch up with Chapter One here

A/N: Thanks to @captainswanbigbang for once again organizing an amazing event. I've been missing Captain Swan for the past year, and having this has helped so much! Thanks to Lana @high-seas-swan and Kaitlyn @spartanguard for their beta help. Go check out Lana's story when you get a moment as well – it's amazing! Thanks to Rachel @ladyciaramiggles for the art she has provided. Also, thanks to Kris @sambethe for the cover art for the story and for beta help. All of you have made this story what it is! Enjoy Chapter Four and get ready for the amazingness of what is going to happen!

Side note: all the reviews have been AMAZING! Please keep them coming. I know I haven't responded to any of them; but they mean the world to me! I appreciate all the words and support!

Liam had never seen Killian so nervous. Killian had traveled the world, been to war zones, but never in his life did he feel so unsure of something. They were both off on Friday, and Liam watched as Killian paced around the house, changed his shirt at least five times, and burned the shit out of his bacon.

Meeting Emma again after so many years was the scariest thing he'd ever done. It wasn't that he didn't want to meet her again—he definitely did want to see her again. It was the unknown that scared him shitless. He wasn't sure where they stood.

When he left all those years ago, they were on good terms. Their promises to each other were fresh and held weight. However, as the years grew long, as time passed, those words meant less and less. Killian knew he'd fucked up by not writing to her. He knew he'd messed up by not making things right sooner. So, he was going into this dinner blind.

He wasn't sure how she would react to seeing him again. And truthfully, he wasn't sure how he would react either. The couple of times he had caught glimpses of her in the past, he either ran scared or was frozen in his tracks. Now that he was actually going to see her, face to face, and be confronted with everything that had happened, he wasn't sure what would happen.

In his mind, he hoped he would be brave. He saw himself standing tall, explaining to Emma just what he was feeling when his mom died. He saw himself being nothing but honest, hiding nothing, including his emotions. Yet, he also knew that talking about his mom was still difficult for him.

He was so young when she died, and he didn't quite comprehend what had happened. He didn't quite grasp how serious the situation with his mom and dad was. He didn't quite get that Liam would now be his parent and not his brother. He had been so confused that he never truly processed his emotions. So, whenever his mom was brought up, or his family for that matter, he got very quiet and sometimes a bit aggressive. He had been working on it the past few years, but he didn't want his past reflecting poorly on Emma. He'd worked hard to be the man she deserved.

He also wasn't quite sure what he was even going to say. How do you tell the girl who was once your best friend that you were pretty sure you were in love with her even though you hadn't spoken or seen each other in more than two decades? You really don't anyone who says that is a bloody fool and should be committed, he thought to himself.

He was pretty sure that was what he felt for Emma. There had to have been something between them, something that made him say no to almost every girl who had ever asked him out. There had to have been something that held him back from forming deep relationships with others.

He had only one other major relationship outside of his "marriage" with Emma and that didn't turn out well either, and something in the back of his mind told him it was because of Emma.

So there he was, with a few hours to go until his fate would be cemented, sitting in Liam's guest room, trying to find something to take his mind off of what might happen. Normally, he would find solace in a glass or bottle of rum, but he couldn't do that tonight. He didn't want anything clouding his mind.

For a few moments, he thought he could just scroll through Facebook. Sometimes that was distraction enough, especially if he found a video that could keep his attention. But it didn't seem to work today.

He found himself rifling through his small suitcase. He really was surprised at how much crap he had collected over the years. He had brought three suitcases with him when he came to Storybrooke, in addition to the 10 large boxes he sent to Liam ahead of time. Then he had a computer bag that was stuffed full, plus his carry on suitcase.

That suitcase he brought on the plane held his most precious memories. A box was inside that he didn't want to ever misplace. Sure, it took up more than half of the space in the suitcase, but he didn't want to chance it by sending it to Liam ahead of time or placing it in checked luggage. Plus, he used this box like a crutch and he couldn't believe he didn't think to get the box out earlier.

Emma used to be Killian's support. She used to be all he needed to feel better, but when he left, he knew it would need to change. His mom became his new crutch, but then she died. It seemed to him that everyone important to him was leaving or not around. He couldn't use Liam either, so instead, he used those old letters as his crutch.

When things went to shit or life was just getting to him, he reread those old letters. Those letters got him through multiple deployments, multiple hard nights, and some pretty tough years. Sometimes, he wished that he would have sent those letters. Maybe, if he had, Emma and he would be closer than they were and who knows, maybe they would have gotten together. But, at the same time, he was quite glad he had them at the moment.

The first letter in the box was the first one he had written after he stopped sending them to her. It was a letter he went back to time and time again, and kept adding to it. Once a year, on the anniversary of his mother's death, he would add to the letter. It went from being a few lines, in scribbly, horribly spelled and written words, to being a couple of paragraphs in detailed discourse about how he was feeling each anniversary.

Followed behind that letter were countless others. He started collecting these letters in an old shoe box. But, by the time he was twelve, four short years after he stopped sending them, he ran out of room and many of them were bent and stuffed. He rode his bike to the local post office and took a free box home with him. He laid quite a few of them out and under some large books Liam brought into the house to put them in pristine condition again. When he graduated and went into college, he invested in some storage boxes that would keep his letters perfect. One day, he did hope to show Emma the letters, but he also didn't want to expose himself that way.

That first letter he could read from memory. He didn't even need to look at the first couple of pages to know exactly what they said, yet he picked up and read it.

Hey Emma,

I wanted to say i'm sorry. I can't write anymore. I'm sad all the time. Ma is gone and I don't want to talk about it. I don't know what to say anymore. I know you loved her, just as much as I did. I don't want to make you sad by telling you. I don't want to be sad anymore. Please understand. I still miss you. I still wish you were here; I just don't want to make you sad. I don't want to hurt you, and I know a letter would. I am sorry. I hope you can forgive me.

Love you,

Killian

Emma,

It's been a year since mom died. I'm not really sure what to do anymore. I know I haven't talked to you in a while, and I'm sorry, but I just can't deal with it. I don't want to disappoint you or make you mad. I know anything I say to you now would. But, you are still my best friend.

Love you,

Killian

The next couple of years had the same writing. Each year he kept apologizing for not talking to her. He kept saying how he wished his mom was there, or that she was there. He kept saying how he didn't want to hurt her with his news. He could almost hear the disappointment in his words. He could feel the embarrassment. He kept reading until he got until his current year, to the letter he wrote less than a year ago. They were coming up on the anniversary of his mother's death and it was hitting him harder than normal.

In the past couple of years, dealing with his mother's death had been a bit easier. The Navy helped. He had started attending church on base. He wasn't the most religious, and he questioned things quite often, but his mother loved church and was very religious, so he felt closer to her when he sat in the pews and listened to the sermons. He had also been spending a lot of time just walking around parks, taking in nature. His mother always said she felt closer to God when in nature. Since his mother loved it, he wanted to see if he felt closer to her there too. And he did. He felt his mother in every breeze and in every flower.

Emma,

It's hard to believe it's been so long since everything happened. There is still so much I wish I had done differently, yet at the same time, I know I did the right thing. Each year I tell you the same thing. I say how sorry I am that I lost touch, that I stopped writing, and each year I mean it. I wish I hadn't stopped writing, but I know that I could have never told you exactly how I felt all those years ago when mom passed away. I could barely process my own feelings, let alone process how to tell you what I was feeling.

I know you loved my mom almost as much as I did. I haven't been able to put myself through looking at all her treasured items, but I know there are just as many pictures of you in there as there are of me and Liam. She loved you like you were her own. That was part of the reason I could never get the courage to tell you she passed. I am sure by now you know. I know Liam talked to your mom when she passed, so I hope your parents told you. I hope you took it better than I did. I hope you know that she loved you and she is looking down on you, always your guardian angel.

It took me so many years to get over the anger I felt at the situation. To move away, right as mom fell ill, just for my deadbeat father was hard for me to deal with. Truthfully, I still blame him a bit for everything. I feel if he had stayed, or if she had let him go, that mom may still be here. I KNOW if we had stayed with you, stayed with your family, that mom would have been able to fight harder and longer than what she did. Just know, she did fight. She fought so hard. Looking back, I am so proud of her fight. She was so sick, yet she never gave up. She kept her faith and kept her happiness.

She used to talk about you all the time too, which was another reason I couldn't bring myself to tell you she passed. The relationship you both had was something I was at times jealous of, and I didn't want to be the one to break the news to you. I don't remember a whole lot from that time, but I do remember a story she told me when she first told me she was sick. I could tell something was wrong. Earlier she had fought with my dad and I thought that maybe he was hitting her, but I was so off. She sat me down and began to tell me a story of a knight.

I didn't know it then, but the story was about me. She spoke of a knight that had to leave home, even though he was devoted to a princess of his kingdom. You were that princess. We were so young, but I was so committed to you. At the time, it was just as a friend, but as the years how gone by, I see that those feelings have been deeper. You meant and mean so much to me, and I didn't know how to survive without you for so long. In fact, I probably still don't, as I still find myself writing to you, even though we haven't truly spoken in years. But, let's continue the story. The knight had to leave on a quest, even though he didn't want to leave the princess behind. The knight's quest was to take care of his family, who were in a battle-torn area of the kingdom. The knight was of course scared to leave, as he didn't want to go to war. But, my mother told me that the knight knew that he had to go, because he knew that the princess would still be there for him when he returned. The princess and knight were always meant to be.

That story has gotten me to where I am today. It reminded me of what we once had. When days are hard, when the nights are long, when deployments get to be too much, I think of that story. I know that we may not be as close as we once were, but the foundation is still there. I know that one day our friendship will be stronger than ever. We just need to get back what we lost.

I still miss mom every day. It is still really hard most of the time. Other than you, she was the most important thing to me. For so long, I felt so alone. All of a sudden, I didn't have anyone. Sure, Liam was around, but I couldn't really talk to him. It was hard, he was so much older, and lost just as much as I did, but it was different. The person I really wanted to speak to was you, but I just couldn't do it. It wasn't something I could write. I couldn't come up with the words. I couldn't convey the feelings. I really wanted to actually talk to you, but I couldn't talk about it at all. Liam tried to get me to talk, to anyone. He tried to get me to talk to him, which was just horrible. He tried to get me to talk to a relative, some distant aunt I have never really known. Of course that was just a train wreck. Then, it was a "professional" at school. He acted like he understood what I was going through, but he just came across pompous.

Nothing really worked, and it made me feel even more alone. It made the feelings I had had all along just more righteous. I had never wanted to leave Storybrooke. Of course, I keep saying it was because of you, but it was more than that too. Storybrooke was everything I had known. It was truly home. I felt alive there, understood, and safe. Ireland was different. I didn't feel alive there. Things seemed grey and dull. No one understood me once mom died. Liam tried, but it wasn't the same. Even our friends at school understood me better than he did. Yes, he's my big brother and I have always looked up to him, but understanding each other wasn't easy. I didn't feel safe there. It wasn't anything like, I was worried about my dad, but I was just worried that someone else was gonna die. I was worried that someone else was going to leave. In one year, I had lost you, my mom and my dad. I was worried I would lose Liam, or truly lose you.

So, again, here I am writing to you. Writing in hopes that one day, I can get the balls to tell you all of this. Once a year, I always feel a bigger twinge of regret. Regret that we lost touch, regret that I let my fears get the best of me, regret that each year I let time pass without talking to you.

When we do talk again, which I know we will again if not soon, then later, I hope I will be able to tell you all of this. I hope that I will be able to say it all. I hope that I can make it up to you one day. To be the knight my mom thought I was. One day, I promise, things will be different and I will be able to say all of this to you.

Love always,

Killian.

He could remember when he wrote that. He didn't believe that within a year, he would be on the verge of making his wishes come true. He read the last couple of paragraphs again, seeing his promises he made to her. Yes, he may not have actually promised Emma these things, but he felt he did. He felt he really did make the promise to the real Emma. It was what he felt each time he wrote to her. It felt like he was actually talking to her. He knew it was a little batty, but it helped.

He looked up at the clock and saw that he needed to leave or he would be late, and he didn't want to start off this new relationship with Emma on the wrong foot. He had decided that this was exactly that. It was a new start, a new relationship. He was going to really to prove to Emma that he was her knight in shining armor and they were meant to be. Yes, time may have passed, and sure, they didn't end things well, but they were meant to be.

He didn't even realize that he had gotten in his car and drove all the way to Granny's. He was too wrapped up in pumping himself up for seeing Emma. After reading that letter, he knew just what he needed to do. He knew he would need to do something to show her just how sorry he was and just how committed he was now to developing their relationship back up.

He parked outside and saw the yellow bug he saw her driving a few days ago. He could have sworn that it was his mom's bug. He didn't remember much from his childhood, but there were certain memories that were burned into his mind.

He looked at the clock and saw that he must have sped to the diner, cause he still had ten minutes before he needed to be inside. And while he was ready to go in, he was frozen to the seat. His nerves were suddenly overwhelming. He was truly scared of what might happen. He had been playing himself, thinking that his nerves would go away when the time got closer. He was a fool for thinking that the letters would help him truly get over all the fears he had.

His phone rang in his pocket.

"Hello," he answered.

"Get out of the car and go inside little brother," came his brother's voice from the other end.

"How did you know," he asked, not even bothering to say his normal comeback.

"I know you, Killian. You may have seemed confident when you left the house, but I knew by the time you arrived, you would be scared shitless," he explained.

"I don't know what happened. I was so excited when I left, I was pumped, but now I don't know if I can go through with this," he said, wariness laced his voice.

"You psyched yourself up too much. You always have. You were the same way when you graduated and went to OCS. You got on the plane all confident and cocky, and by the time you arrived in DC you were texting me that you thought you made a mistake. You are in your head too much," his brother rationalized.

"I can't help it. It's been years. I mean what if she doesn't forgive me? What if everything I thought was just a dream?" he questioned.

"Dude, stop it. You will never know unless you get out of that car and go inside. It's just Emma. I am sure she is still the same girl you once knew. Sure, time has passed and she's grown up, but in the end she is still that girl you knew. Remember, a man who doesn't fight for what he wants, deserves what he gets." His brother's words resonated deep.

He was right; the girl waiting inside was just Emma. Some part of her was still the same girl he had married under that old oak tree. Time may have passed, but their friendship could stand that test. And, if he wasn't willing to go in and talk to her, if he wasn't willing to really try and fix what he had done, then he deserved a life without Emma and a life that was filled with emptiness.

"Thanks, brother; I'll talk to you later," he said.

"Go get'em," he heard his brother say as they ended the conversation.

He took a big breath and got out of the car. He walked inside with a purpose. He kept chanting to himself, It's just Emma, It's just Emma. His nerves waved each time he said it. He knew when he walked in the door he wouldn't see the five year old girl he had once kissed under the oak tree, but thinking that a part of that girl would be waiting at their old booth got him through the door.

The bell jingled in an all too familiar way. It pulled him to the present. His eyes focused quickly to the back of the diner. The other senses of his body fell away. They were still there, in the back of his mind, but they weren't the focus. Any other day, he would have relished in the smell of the diner, like nothing had changed and the same oil was being used for the deep fryer. He would have taken in each and every word the patrons were saying. Instead, his eyesight trained to the back of the room and narrowed in on what he was most nervous about.

He could see blonde hair and a red leather jacket. The hair was flowing perfect. The color stood out and it looked like it had its own lighting. There was a girl standing at the booth talking to her who looked up when he walked in. Killian didn't really take her in, but could see Emma react to what she said.

Suddenly the woman in front of him took a very deep breath in. Almost like she was preparing herself for what was to come. Maybe she felt the same nerves that were racing through his veins.

He was glad her back was to him. It gave him a moment to gain his composure and turn his thoughts off in order to walk to her. The woman at the booth smiled at him as she turned to walk away.

It felt like hours passed as he walked towards the farthest booth. Each step echoed in his ears. With each step, his fate and destiny were getting closer and closer. More details of the woman who stayed seated with her back to him came out. He could see the depth of the red of the jacket she wore. He could see the highlights in her hair. He could see the different colors and how they interacted with each other. It was mesmerizing. He could see the rise and fall of her shoulders as she breathed in and out.

As he reached the booth, he turned to finally take in the beauty that sat before him and looked fate and destiny right in the eye. And what he saw didn't disappoint.

"Hello, love; long time no see."

#CSBB #captain swan big bang #CAPTAIN SWAN #captain swan fanfiction #CAPTAIN SWAN FF

[katurrade]

Come Back to Me - The Plot Thickens (8/?)

The Plot Thickens is part 8 of “Come Back to Me” an AU series. This takes place right at the end of Book 3 Chapter 10, following the bombing of the palace. In this story Chapters 11+ never happen. This is going to be a slightly angsty, slightly fluffy story and is following the story line that is Riley and Liam are engaged and are supposed to be getting married. This will start mainly from Riley’s POV but i will say when it is from someone else’s. This was written on my iphone and fyi each chapter will be pretty long! Tagged long post! Hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of these characters, PB does. I’m just borrowing them.

Pairing: Liam x MC

Rating: PG. Just to be safe!

Summary: Drake gets some bad news when he visits Liam. He and his friends quickly make a change to the plans, but will it help? Can they really fix this? Catch up HERE.

Word count: 3,290 ish

Tagged List: @blackcatkita @captain-kingliamsqueen @mrsdrakewalkerblog @umccall71 @hopefulmoonobject @speedyoperarascalparty @liam-rhys @melodiouskeys @theroyalweisme @alicars @bobasheebaby @annekebbphotography @writtenbycandy

Side notes: If you would like to be added to the tagged list for this, I can make that happen ;)

Liams POV - Day 4 (Night) & Day 5 (Morning)

After Riley had left he just sat there, starring at either the door or out the window. The tears had stopped after a while, but his mind was replaying their conversation over and over again, on a constant loop. Particularly her last words to him.

It had taken him a while before he finally fell asleep, though it was a horrible night where sleep was involved. He woke up multiple times due to all the different sounds around him. But the one saving grace was he didn’t have anymore flashbacks or nightmares, as his sleep was to broken up for that. He knew his eyes were swollen and red, he could feel the burn in them, the sting every time he blinked. And he could bet his hair was disheveled and greasy, from all the times he had ran his hands through it during the night. He had been awake since just before dawn, finally giving up on the whole sleeping thing. He grabbed the IPad and turned on the first episode of The Crown and The Flame, hoping it would allow his mind some form of reprieve. It had worked for a little while, but then his thoughts pushed through and he found himself once again on the battlefield of his mind. Regardless of what his rational thoughts were saying, trying to reason with him that this was the right thing to do, something else in him was trying to tell him that it wasn’t. Urging him to go after her, to fix this, to end her suffering........To end his own. Even though he had no recollection of their time together, aside from what he had been told. He barely knew her, yet he was mourning the end of their engagement. The end of their future life together. He couldn’t fathom it. Why am I so upset?! Was her hold on me that strong? That powerful? That even if I couldn’t remember her.....my soul did?! Was that even possible?

He heard a knock on the door and his eyes widened. His first thought. Riley. Did she come back? He shook his head No, Liam, you pushed her away for a reason, she isn’t coming back. You can’t think like that..... But even as he thought it, a little voice in his head was hopeful it was her. He was having an internal battle with himself. Wanting to push her away for her sake, but pull her closer for his own. As the door slowly opened his mind was racing. Through all the noise in his head at that moment, the loudest thought was hope. Hope that she hadn’t given up just yet. Hope that she had come back to tell him she wouldn’t allow him to do this. Hope that this was the final shove he needed over the cliffs edge to realize unequivocally that they were meant to be. Then he saw Drake enter the room and his heart sank. A forlorn look took over Liams face, but in this moment he couldn’t hide his true pain. He had foolishly gotten his hopes up, only to have them savagely crushed. He promptly looked away from Drake in the hopes that he wouldn’t see it.

“Good Morning, Drake” he said as he slowly turned to put the IPad down, taking that opportunity to give him the moment he required. He needed to get a handle on his emotions before he faced his best friend. He took a few calming breaths, before turning back around only to find Drakes eyes piercing through him. Knowing without a shadow of doubt that Drake had seen the look, as he now stood dead in his tracks in the doorway.

“Uuh. Liam?” Drake whispered cautiously. “Are you okay?”

He cleared his throat in an attempt to mask whatever emotions still lingered “I will be” he said firmly.

“Liam....What happened? ....Not to sound rude, but you look horrible” he said as gently as he could, while he slowly sat down in the chair by Liams bed, still staring intently at him.

“I had a rather unpleasant sleep” he took a deep breath “I also called off my engagement to Lady Riley” a tinge of sadness in his voice.

“You did what?!” Drakes eyes widened in shock. “Why the hell did you do that?! .......Wait......She allowed that?!”

“She had no choice, Drake. This was my decision, and I will not change my mind” he said vehemently as he starred unwaveringly at Drake.

——————————

Drakes POV - Day 5 (Morning)

Drake stared at him blankly for a few minutes before mumbling “Shit” under his breath as he thrusted himself out of the chair “Ahh...excuse me for a moment..” He continued as he backed up towards the door, incurring a raised eyebrow from Liam.

“I’ll, ah, be right back” he said as he slipped through the door. When he shut it behind himself the panic instantly sank in. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” He whispered over and over as he fumbled to retrieve his phone from his jeans. Nearly chucking it across the hall as he ripped it out of his front pocket, quickly flailing around to catch it mid toss. He made a group text to Hana, Maxwell, Leo and Olivia.

D: Houston, we have a problem..

H: Who’s Houston?

O: Really, Hana? Honestly, I just can’t with you people sometimes..

M: Apollo 13, Hana. I’ll explain later.

D: You guys, this isn’t a joke!

O: Then why did you open with that line?

D: I don’t know ...I’m kind of panicking here.

L: Okay, focus Drake. What is going on?

D: Ah...Liam ended his engagement with Riley..

L: Pardon?

M: What?!?

O: I’m sorry?

H: Oh fuck

H: I mean fudge!

D: What do we do?!

L: Okay, uhh. You’re at the hospital now, I’m guessing?!

D: Yeah.

L: Okay, new plan for today. Drake stay there, I’m on my way. Everyone else just hang tight for a bit. We will talk some sense into Liam then regroup and find Riley. Deal?

O: Deal.

H: Deal.

M: I don’t like this plan at all, we need to go find her. My Little Blossom should not be alone right now!

L: I know, Maxwell, but we have to attempt to fix this before we talk to her. We don’t want to give her any false hope. We will text you when we are leaving the hospital.

M: Fine. But if we don’t hear from you by this afternoon we’re going to find her.

D: Sure, whatever. Leo, hurry.

L: I’m on my way, Walker!

Drake put his phone back in his pocket, reinforcements were coming. Standing in front of Liams door he takes a deep breath then enters the room again.

—————————-

Liams POV - Day 5 (Morning)

He looks up as Drake enters his room for the second time that morning, closing the door softly and walking towards the chair. “Everything okay, Drake?” He asks hesitantly as he raises an eyebrow, again. Drake pauses nodding his head quickly “Yep!” He says abruptly before taking a deep breath and quietly adding “Just peachy” as he resumes walking, finally reaching the chair and slumping into it.

Now sitting in front of him, Liam takes a moment to study his friends face. He has known Drake far to long to be fooled by him, but he doesn’t want to poke knowing it will only lead to questions about the engagement ending. And frankly Liam just isn’t ready to answer those yet, but he also knows Drake wouldn’t drop it that easily. He cringes at the thought of what Drake just did in the hall. Praying he wasn’t staging some sort of intervention. I really need to get out of this damn hospital bed! At least if I can go home I’d have an entire palace to hide from prying eyes and questions. He makes a mental note to talk to Alex about that.

“Soooo......How was you’re year, Drake?” He asks, trying to clear the awkward silence in the air.

“Ah. You kno-“ he pauses to stare at Liam before clearing his throat “I mean, it was okay. Could have been better. Could have been worse” he shrugs.

“Ah” Liam says with a thoughtful nod “Well, Thank you for every thing you did over the past year. I really appreciate it” he warmly smiled at his best friend

Drake waved his hand dismissively “No sweat, don’t even worry about it..” he smirked then quickly wiped it from his face “..Liam....What actually happened with Riley?” He asked softly.

“It’s of no concern now...But I’m aware you’ve looked out for her in the past...and I graciously ask that you continue to do so in the future...these next few months may not be easy for her...” he trails off as a frown takes over his face. Drake opened his mouth to speak but before he could respond the door to the room flung open, revealing a frantic Leo, clearly out of breath. He leaned on the door handle with one hand, wheezing slightly, while raising his other hand up in front of him with 1 finger in the air. “One ...Sec...” he gasped out.

Liam startled at first then realized it was just his brother. He then turned his attention back to Drake who had also been startled by abrupt entry. Liam watched as Drake quickly turned to face away from Leo and closed his eyes tightly, as if trying to will himself to be anywhere but here right now.

He sighed heavily. This is what Drake was doing in the hallway... Quickly realizing this could be his chance to take control of the situation. To change the topic of their conversation before it had a chance to focus back on his engagement ending. Plus, seeing his brother had reminded him of their Fathers betrayal, of his unanswered questions.

He smirked at Leo “Hello Brother, am I ever glad to see you, I have a few questions, if you wouldn’t mind” He said in a chipper, sarcastic tone as he gestured his hand towards a chair. He watched as Leo visibly cringed at his tone, clearly unable to hide his distress, as it was written all over his face. Leo was never good at masking his true emotions, Liam would often use that to his advantage when they were younger. But even more so now as they grew older.

“Aaah. Ookay” Leo said nervously as he shut the door and walked towards the chair, still trying to calm his breathing.

“Now, Leo, care to enlighten me as to the whereabouts of our father, dearest? I have it on good authority that he has been making some..” he tsked trying to think of the proper word to use “..choices in my life on my behalf, and I’d very much like to address these issues directly”

Leo took a seat, he looked at Drake then at Liam “Okay, but before we get into that, what happened between Riley and you, Liam?” He asked firmly with a raised eyebrow.

Liam closed his eyes tightly and pinched the bridge of his nose, he should have seen that coming....He groaned “I’d prefer if we addressed the issue of our Father’s whereabouts” he could feel their eyes boring through him. That thought was confirmed when he opened them, seeing both men just starring at him, silently, expectantly. He knew they weren’t going to drop it that easily. He let out a deep sighed “Fine, Fine. But I request that neither of you approach this topic again ....at least until I am ready to discuss it” he paused to look between the two men “Is that understood?” He said sternly.

They both nodded. “Good” he took a deep breath “Because I honestly am not strong enough to relive our talk just yet. All I will say is I know about the scandal and my Coronation Ball, I chose to end things with her based on that knowledge. She didn’t deserve any of that, and I only want to save her from any future pain” he said sadly. If he was this unconvinced by his own words, he could only imagine what Drake and Leo thought. “Now, with that out of the way, where is father, Leo?”

“In order to tell you that we need to give you a bit of a back story first”

Between Drake and Leo, they filled Liam in on Constantine’s illness being the reason he had stepped down and the ballroom attack. But before they could continue Liam interjected “The assassination attempt actually happened?!” He paused, remembering his first nightmare, then the realization sunk in.

“Wait! Was Lady Riley shot at?!?” He exclaimed “How did she...? Where was she....?” He couldn’t finish those sentences. The thought that she had been shot, in his home, shattered his already fractured heart. He had no idea.....He hadn’t even given that nightmare a second thought. Why would I? She had been sleeping, very much alive, in his room when he woke up. Upon realizing she was there he had instantly forgotten about the nightmare. But now he was replaying it in his mind, the gun was pointed right at her chest, there was no way she would have lived through that. At least not without some sort of lasting issues. But he hadn’t picked up on anything like that.

Both Drake and Leos mouths fell open “How did you even....? Are you ...remembering things?!” Leo stammered out.

“You’re telling me she was actually shot?!” He choked out. His eyes started to well up as his emotions once again started to get the better of him.

Drake waved his hands back and forth as he hasitly respondes “No, no, no. We’re saying she was shot at, but I pushed her out of the way at the last second and took the bullet in my shoulder” he pulled the neck of his shirt over to show the bullet wound.

It was now Liam’s turn for his mouth to fall open, except this time his eyes widened along with it “Pardon me?! Y-you were shot..?” He stammered out “Y-you took a bullet for her?!”

Drake awkwardly ran a hand through his hair, rubbing the back of his neck once he reached it. “Ah....yeah, it wasn’t that bad...could have been worse” he shrugged.

Liam clenched his jaw “So I am to understand that not only was she dragged out of the ballroom but a few months later she was almost killed there...?” It wasn’t a question though. More an internal thought made external.

“Why!?” He asked pointedly at Drake

“What do you mean ‘Why’...? It’s Riley! What was I supposed to do, let them shoot her?!” Drake countered “and it wasn’t exactly my plan to get shot, Liam...I only meant to push her out of the way...I didn’t really have a chance to think it through, but with that said, I’d do it again in a heartbeat”

Olivia’s words rang in Liam’s head, the words she had spoke when he asked if Riley was with Drake. ‘He wishes’

His brow furrowed “...Are you ...Are you in love with her?”

“What?! No! Of course not! Where did that even come from?!” Drake exclaimed.

Liam clenched his fists “Don’t lie to me, Drake. Why would you risk your life for her then!?”

“I’m not! ...If you really need to know, I did it mostly for you..” he paused “You had asked me at the beginning of the social season to keep an eye on her. I knew, without a doubt, that you were truly in love with her then. I knew if anything were to happen to her you would never recover from it”

Liam nodded slowly as the room fell quiet again. He just starred at Drake, unconvinced by his words, but he didn’t want to continue this topic any longer and honestly he had no right to question Drakes feelings for her. Not now. Not after he had ended things with her. She was not ‘his’ anymore .....yet even though he told himself that, the thought of Drake and Riley together made his blood boil. Pangs of jealousy ripped through him like a wildfire. He bit his tongue to prevent it from surfacing.

Leo must have sensed that as he cleared his throat “Ah ...Shall we continue..?” To which Liam unclenched his fists and nodded.

They continued their recount of the rest of the unity tour, the other attacks towards the Monarchy and finally, the bombing where Constantine had died pushing Liam out of the way, resulting in Liam’s hospital stay and amnesia.

He just sat there. He couldn’t believe the last few days. Every talk he had with anyone only piled on more bad news. More pain. More suffering. He felt like his heart had not only been ripped out at this point, but had been put through a meat grinder. Here he thought ending things with Riley would have been the hardest part of his day, but he was so wrong.

He wanted to be mad at his father for all he had done, but he couldn’t be anymore. Not now. His Father was dead. He had died saving his life. No matter what bad choices he had made, Liam still loved him unconditionally. He never would have wished anything bad on him. All he wanted was to confront him. To say his piece. To hear his fathers side. But now, now he just wanted to hug him one last time. He hoped more then anything that they had mended things before the attack. That they had worked through their struggles and found their way back to where they had been before. Before the scandal. Before the betrayal.........Or at least as close to before as possible. His Father was a good man, but he couldn’t understand why he would have done all this to him in the first place. Why hadn’t anyone told me sooner?! Why hadn’t Leo said ANYTHING over the last two days. Liams anger started to bubble up and was nearing it’s boiling point. He was so hyper-emotional now. He was losing all control of his facilities. This was not going to end well.....

“Why am I just hearing about fathers passing now, Leo?! All this time everyone knew! You all kept it from me! How dare you....” Liams was fuming. He barely registered the words leaving his mouth.

“Liam, we wanted to give you a chance to settle a bit first before we dropped all the bad news on yo-” Leo tried to reason with him but was cut off by Liam “Liars. You didn’t do this for me, you did it for yourselves. You were hoping i’d get my memories back before you had to tell me. Cowards. All of you!” He spit out. The words made him realize that now was definitely not the right time to be having this conversation. He was clearly more effected by ending things with Riley then he could have ever imagined. He was taking out his anger towards himself about how he had treated her, about what she had been through for him, on Drake and Leo now. Topped with the news of Constantine’s death because of him, well that just made the situation far, far worse.

“Get out! Both of you!” He yelled “I need to be alone!”

Neither of them said another word as they both stood up, and exited the room. They both went out to the hall as they heard Liam yelling for Bastien.

“What did you guys do?” Bastien asked as he walked towards the door.

“He knows about our Father now, about all of it.....” Leo cringed slightly at his next words “Also, word to the wise he ended things with Riley .....sooooo good luck in there Old Friend” He smirked as he patted Bastien on the shoulder. With that Bastien took a deep breath in and entered the room. Leo turned to Drake “Well there goes the plan...”

“Yeah, it’s dead in the water now......We need to find Riley” Drake said urgently before adding “But first, we’ll need to gather the troops”

“I couldn’t agree more, Walker, the thought of going in without Maxwell and Hana..” he scrunched up his nose “..that would be a death sentence.” As they headed for the elevator, Drake pulled out his phone to text the others.

D: Meet us at Leo’s room in 20.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Chapter 9 - HERE.

#choices #choices fanfiction #choices trr #fanfic #fanfiction #fluffy #king liam #liam x mc #the royal romance #angst #liam x riley #trr au #au fanfiction #trr liam #trr mc #trr fanfic #trr #trr3 #long post #long reads

[lululawrence]

lululawrence’s April 2018 Fic List

Click here for previous months’ fic lists

It’s the 28th of another month and time for more fan fic writer and fan artist appreciation! This list is a long one this month since I went on vacation and was able to do more reading than usual, so let’s get going with the list of fics I was lucky enough to be able to read!

Everything Comes Back To You by @jaerie / jaerie This was so soft! Hurt/comfort going both ways and Marcel and soft Louis and just so many things I love in a fic. It was lovely and I adored it.

Saw It In Your Eyes by @taggiecb / taggiecb You know that post about the totally straight guy that has a freakout because he saw his (openly gay) roommate with another dude and he’s afraid he’s homophobic but it turns out he was just jealous and not as straight as he thought? THIS FIC IS BASED ON THAT POST AND IT’S GLORIOUS I TELL YOU!!!

peppermint by ihavetoomuchfreetime Okay listen. I rarely read pairings other than Larry, but when I do it’s usually Tomlinshaw or Ziam, and this Ziam fic was fab. It was recced to me to help me while I was dealing with some of the worst spring allergies I’ve had in years and it made me giggle through my itchy eyes and scratchy throat. I defo recommend it.

Friend of the Devil by @taggiecb / taggiecb This is more of the Satan/Santa series Lacey has going and it’s PHENOMENAL OKAY! all of them need read so just. Please make sure you do. They’re the fluffiest shit I think we will ever have Lacey give us. lol

No Easy Love (Could Make Me Feel This Way) by @allwaswell16 / allwaswell16 Alpha Louis/Alpha Harry exes to lovers fluffy smutty shit? YES PLEASE! And in true Anitra fashion, they were both adorable while also being hysterical in parts with a side of emotions, so there’s that too.  A defo must read.

I’d Still Dance With You by @flamboyantommo / kikikryslee Gosh I love age difference fics and I don’t even know why. I’d been looking forward to this one and it defo didn’t disappoint. It was so sweet and lovely and so good, even if I did want to bash people’s heads in every once in awhile. lolll

Don’t Be Scared Pretty Kitty by ttomlinstyles Okay listen. I’m a sucker for hybrid fics and this was one of the first ones I ever read, back before I understood how to use ao3 and bookmarks and such so when it was linked to me again I about died. Please be careful of the tags, but I did thoroughly enjoy the reread!

For the Love of Biscuits by Snowy38 Another hybrid fic cause I loooove them haha This one was so sweet and lovely! It was everything I love about hybrid fics hehe

Cling to Me by Snowy38 Koala!Harry!!!!!! Seriously, this fic was SOOOO SWEET and adorable and I want all the koala fics now. it was so so so cute.

Don’t Talk Dirty To Me by @miafi / miadotfi This had me laughing so hard while also being somewhat mortified hahaha It was such a great little pick me up for a bad day! I loved it.

Saving Symphony Hall by @helloamhere / helloamhere I’m sure everyone’s already heard the praises being sung for this fic by now, but honestlyyyyyyy! It was glorious and I loved the delving into the a/b/o world while still having so much more be a part of it than just that and the various plot points and everything and it was just. So good. 

Simply Irresistable by @all-these-larrythings / rearviewdreamer This fic was so lovely. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it was one of those where the characters do just what you want them to (or they did just what I wanted them to anyway lol) and it makes for such a great, happy, soft read. 

If You Want More, Then Here I Am by @2tiedships2 / 2tiedships2 Mel scored once again! She just keeps blessing us with the a/b/o goodness and soulmates and just. This one was once again filled with her awesome humor and pining silly boys. It was a great vacation read :D

Always Darkest before the Sunrise by @londonfoginacup / LadyLondonderry Despite the fact the title always makes me start singing Florence (and I know, the lyrics aren’t even the same! I can’t help it!), I really do love this fic. There was such a mystical and almost chaotic feel to it until things started piecing together, and I loved how it was truly a mystery from the beginning as to how everything would come together. 

Cosmic Love by @smittenwithlouis / smittenwithlouis Guys. This fic. I’ve got a few alien fics this month, but I just loved this one! It seemed so real for how everyone would react to the given situation and I can’t stop laughing over Aerosmith, tbh. Anyway. A great fic!

Wild at Heart Ain’t Hard to Find by @becomeawendybird / QuickedWeen Girl Larry with besties Boy Niam?? In a historical town in the Wild West? Gosh yes. It was so hot and fun and sassy and I adored it. 

I Didn’t Fall For You (You Fucking Tripped Me) by @allwaswell16 / allwaswell16 Okay listen. lollllll More fab a/b/o, more fab humor, and MONITOR LIZARDS. lollll okay so only one monitor lizard. But still. It was a fab read that I fully enjoyed every minute of.

Let Me Touch You Where Your Heart Is by @fakedeepplantjerker / kassio Okay. As soon as I read Caught My Attention, I immediately begged that we not be left wondering and was glad to hear the wonderful kassio/fakedeepplantjerker was planning a sequel. I HAD NO IDEA IT WOULD BE SUCH A GLORIOUS SEQUEL. I loved the first part, but the second was just as amazing, if not more so. Defo read the first part, absolutely 100% read this sequel!

Introduction to Dynamics by @juliusschmidt / juliusschmidt This fic was AMAZING. The structure of it, the issues brought about regarding late presentation and the transition during that time as well as just everything regarding Louis being a male omega and all the craziness with that was just. AMAZING. As should be expected from all fics Alex touches, really. But yeah, I loved this one very much a lot.

Convalescent Boy (With a Heart of Gold) by Anonymous Okay the Gryles friendship in this fic made me cackle and made me think of me with some of my friends so I absolutely loved it, but the way that Marcel was with Louis and vice versa was so lovely! So sweet! So tender! I adored it.

Linger by @yourpricelessadvice / yourpricelessadvice Who else adores slow burn? And people trying to ignore the fact they should totally date and kinda are dating but are pretending they are just friends? Cause I know I do and this fic was fab for that. Plus we got to know the side characters so well and get good insight to other relationships in there and it was just glorious. I really enjoyed this one!

Don’t Let the Tide Come and Take Me by @icanhazzalou / kiwikero Mermaid Harru! With a twist! Gosh I adored this. I was freaking out, trying to figure out how it would all work out the entire time but then I was like WHAAAAAA and it was incredible. Defo give this one a read!

Lead Butterfly by @londonfoginacup / LadyLondonderry Pirates! Nobles! Poor Harry and Captain Louis! Tattoos! Hurt/Comfort! Awesome Niall and Liam! There is seriously so much in this fic to love and I’ve barely touched on it. 

Both Sides by @louiesunshine / louiesunshine GOSH I am a sucker for friends to lovers and this was the epitome of that. Pining out of the gills, the inevitability of it all, you know? It just was glorious and lovely and pure and I really enjoyed it!

Ain’t That a Kick in the Head! by @lesbianharrie and @maybetheyrefireproof/ lesbianharrie and wreckingtomlinson This might be the funniest fic I’ve ever read. I loved it for about 17 million reasons and was crying laughing/wheezing/trying not to pee cause it was just all sorts of amazing. Disaster gay Harry was a gift I didn’t know I needed until I had it and I’m so happy I do now. 

Before I Fall Too Fast by @goodmorningtoyouuniverse / xxSterre All the pining. All of it. Friends that are always pining and loving each other from afar is just everything I adore in a fic and that’s what we were gifted with here. What a lovely read.

Wearing Nothing But Your Kiss by @catfishau / dinosaursmate KK is the queen of Friends AUs and this one of course is as amazing as the others. It made me giggle and laugh and hope for them to figure their shit out. A classic KK read, which obvs means you wanna be sure not to miss it.

The Balcony by @maggieisalarrie / maggieisalarrie (ls2k14) This was exactly what I needed on a horrible mental health day where I couldn’t focus on anything. It was short but entertaining and silly and a fun read. I was so happy it was there for when I needed it!

SPHERICAL by @velvetnoodle / velvetnoodle (goldfishsunglasses)  This was also exactly what I needed on that same horrible day and this also made me giggle and helped me get out of myself. It was just so damn pure and I honestly wanted more hahaha It was fab and a gift.

Alien Roadtrip! by @helloamhere / helloamhere Area 61. That’s all I’m saying about that, but I’m still giggling days later over that. Once again, another alien Harry fic! Can you tell this is also a weakness of mine? I love it. This was so emotional and lovely and so much more than a road trip fic, even though I love those too. It was just...I can’t even find words for it. Just read it please.

Peace So Sweet by @shyshyserious / shyserious Another amazing a/b/o fic, but this one featuring NESTING!!! I love omega nesting instincts and had forgotten how much so until I read this fic. What a fab fic and again, protective alpha Louis and nesting omega Harry? Like, if that’s not you’re thing then fine, but you should defo give it a chance because it was lovely.

Whew. And that’s it friends! It was long this month, but I really loved all of these fics and thank you so much to the amazing authors who put so much time and effort into giving me these hours of entertainment! I adore all of you for it. Until May, Happy Reading!

#mine #fic rec #my fic rec #28th appreciation #fic writer appreciation #april 2018 fic list #fic list

[stopforamoment]

TRIGGERS Part Fourteen: Shit Show Rodeo (Series Eleven, Part 14 of 16)

Series Eleven: It’s uh Movin’ Thing, but Still and All (Sixteen Parts) TRIGGERS Part Fourteen: Shit Show Rodeo (Series Eleven, Part 14 of 16)

Masterlist

Book: The Royal Romance (After Book Three)

Pairing: Bastien Lykel x OFC Rinda Parks

Word Count: 2,054

Rating: R for Strong Language, Verbal Fight, Reference to Online Child Predators, Reference to Grief after Death of a Spouse, Reference to Children Affected by Death and Divorce

TRIGGERS: Verbal Fight, Reference to Online Child Predators, Reference to Grief after Death of a Spouse, Reference to Children Affected by Death and Divorce

Author’s Note: Obligatory disclaimer that Pixelberry Studios owns the TRR characters and my pocketbook with those darn diamond scenes. OFC with all of her quirks is all mine. My apologies if Tumblr or I do something stupid when I try to post this. The keep reading link shows up on my laptop but not my phone. Ugh.

Thank you @asherella-is-a-dork-3​ for always being my sounding board! Thank you @liam-rhys​ and @silviasutton1989 for still being a part of the journey!

Triggers: There are going to be some dark themes in this series that deal with the consequences of what happens when parents don’t put their children first. I promise I won’t get graphic, and I’ll tag each section accordingly. This will tie in with future events and another aspect of Bastien and Rinda’s personalities—as individuals and as a couple.

TRIGGERS: Verbal Fight, Reference to Online Child Predators, Reference to Grief after Death of a Spouse, Reference to Children Affected by Death and Divorce

Series Summary: It’s the week of October 14th, the sixth week of the school year. Henry and Rinda are staying in Cordonia, which means that Rinda can now begin to move forward, and backwards, with professional and personal aspects of her life.

One inspiration while I wrote this was a quotation from Zora Neale Hurston’s Their Eyes Were Watching God:

“Love is lak de sea. It’s uh movin’ thing, but still and all, it takes its shape from de shore it meets, and it’s different with every shore.”

The other was these lyrics from the song “I Dreamed a Dream” from Les Misérables:

“But the tigers come at night / With their voices soft as thunder / As they tear your hope apart / As they turn your dream to shame.”

Chapter Summary: This jumps backward to Tuesday night of week six, before Bastien visited Rinda and Henry at their house. Bastien and Drake get into a fight, and Drake points out Bastien’s shortcomings—and dumps out some of the pain he’s experiencing.

Shit Show Rodeo

Tuesday of Week Six, Three Days before the King and Queen’s Visit

They were at the palace, and Bastien found Drake drinking in his room. “Drake, why is Vivian Trakas on the guest list for this Friday’s teacher appreciation dinner?”

“I don’t know, Bastien. Why aren’t you ever able to tell her to just fuck off? She only invited herself because you’re going to be there.”

Bastien pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to be patient. “Why would she do that? Everything was resolved at the block party, and besides, I’ll be working. It’s not like I’ll even have time to talk to her. I know she’s annoying . . .”

Bastien actually flinched when Drake threw his whiskey glass against the wall, shattering it into tiny shards that sailed through the air and settled on the floor. “I’m trying to deal with this goddamn shit show and now you’re here asking me why Vivian Traskas is on the guest list, and all you can say is that ‘she’s annoying’? He slammed his fist into the wall. “You have no fucking clue what’s going on, so just let it go. You’re back to doing palace security, and that guest list is part of your job. I gave you an answer. If you don’t like it, then I suggest you do your job and figure out why she’s on the list. Or better yet, just take her off the list. Having her at a teacher appreciation evening? Fucking priceless, Bastien.”

Bastien sat down. “What’s going on?”

“Do you know how much this entire shit show is hurting Rinda? And Henry? You have no fucking clue, because Rinda won’t tell you. She wants you to be able to focus on security for the King and Queen’s visit. Bastien, all you have to do is take Vivian off the fucking list. You don’t have to deal with her every day anymore. You have no fucking clue . . . You never do. Just like you didn’t know how badly my mom was hurting because she didn’t want to tell you the truth and burden you. Or how badly you fucked over Riley when you helped set her up with the Tariq scandal.”

Bastien stood up, livid because he knew Drake was right. If something was going on, he knew Rinda wouldn’t say anything until the visit was over. And he knew he failed Bianca, even if he did judge her for leaving her children in Cordonia. And God knows he regretted what he did to Riley—probably now more than ever before. “Drake, you’re out of line. And I did everything I could . . .”

Drake cut him off. “Well you didn’t do enough. And you don’t know how badly you’re fucking up now. Do you? Sit down, Bastien. I’m going to tell you. I’m going to fucking tell you what you are too stupid to even realize you’re doing.” Drake stared at Bastien until he sat down.

“Look, Rinda reminds me a lot of my mom—especially how much Rinda loved Jameson. But when dad died, mom just broke and nothing could fix it, and she had to run away. I think Rinda’s different that way. At least she’s trying to be. She stayed in the same school building Jameson died in just so she could be close to Henry and try to protect him, but then she knew when it was getting to be too much and she had to do something different. So she talked with Henry, and they decided to do the exchange program. She needed to run away, but she knew she still had to be a mom.

“And even when it was changed to Cordonia instead of Scotland, she still checked with Henry before they agreed. This position was supposed to be a full year, not one semester. But Rinda fought like hell to make it one semester, for Henry, with the condition that she would stay for the full year if that’s what would be best for her and Henry. She gave Henry the most time she could to make his decision on whether they would stay or not, and you know she was in fucking agony while she waited for him to decide. She was so fucking afraid she was going to tip her hand that she wanted to stay, and she begged me to talk to Henry and keep reminding him that it was HIS choice to make. And when I told her that Henry was asking about what it was like for me when my mom wanted to move back to America? And when I was stupid enough to be honest and tell her that Henry was asking me how I dealt with protecting my mom when she was trying to protect me? Fuck, Bastien. It was horrible to see Rinda in so much pain.”

Bastien closed his eyes, feeling his chest tighten as he listened to Drake tell him how badly Rinda was hurting. Bastien knew it, but really, he had no idea. His Tria . . . But Drake was still talking. There was more.

“And she told me this earlier in the year, after we first met. So I don’t know what’s going on with you two now. She always respects your privacy, Bastien. But she told me that she couldn’t date because she wants Henry to be ready for that step. And she won’t date a guy unless Henry likes him, but she also won’t introduce him to a guy because she doesn’t want to confuse him by introducing a potential dad figure in his life who may not work out.” Suddenly Drake gave an eerie laugh. “Oh, God. I remember I actually joked with her about setting up a Tinder account. And even though we laughed about it, she told me that she could never use a dating service. She knows having a child is something you have to disclose pretty early on, but that would be a predator’s wet dream. To pose as a  . . . Shit. That’s why she’s been talking about internet safety . . .” Drake trailed off for a moment, deep in thought, and Bastien waited for Drake to continue.

“Bastien, it may look like she’s moving forward, but she’s not. She can’t. It’s going to be better now that she’s staying in Cordonia. But otherwise she’s stuck in this holding pattern with all these Catch-22 situations and backup plans, and she knows life is passing her by. She just. Fuck. She told me that she just wishes time could stop so she could catch up. Or that someone would just be patient and wait for her. She’s terrified that she’ll make the wrong decision with Henry and let him down again.”

Drake was frantically running his hand through his hair and he suddenly caught himself and blushed. He grabbed another glass and poured himself another drink, offering the bottle to Bastien.

“Drake, how do you know all of this? And why would she think that she’s letting Henry down? She’s an amazing mother.”

“Look, that first weekend that we met we got drunk and just started talking about stuff and the next day I thought it was pretty amazing that she swam back to shore with me when we went fishing. Then she found out about my dad, and how you thought I could help Henry. Well, you know Rinda. Being part of a team and all that. She’s been really great. I know it’s strange to say she’s been like a mom to me, but maybe like an aunt to me? I don’t know. But she’s also talked to me a lot about ways she can help Henry, and she’s really afraid of letting him down again. You know. When she stayed with Jameson’s body in the school when she should have been with Henry. She’s . . . that decision is always going to haunt her, even though it probably would have been a lot worse if Henry had seen her like that.”

Suddenly Drake looked at Bastien. “Describe Vivian to me.”

“What?”

“Don’t fuck with me, Bastien. Describe her.”

“She’s tall, about 5’10”. Slender build but still curvy, Dark eyes. Dark hair.” Drake kept staring. “Okay, she’s got legs that don’t stop. Huge . . .” Drake arched an eyebrow. “Breasts. Okay? Rinda would joke that they’re made for motorboating.” Drake leaned back in his chair but didn’t say anything. “She’s got long, dark hair that you just want to run your fingers through. Wrap around your hands so you can pull her head back. Is that what you want to hear? Physically, she’s totally my type. And she even loves football.”

“Okay, now describe Rinda.”

“What the fuck, Drake? This isn’t a Friends episode. You don’t compare . . .”

“Yes, Bastien. You do. We all do. Women do too. Why do you think I’m such a fucking insecure mess when it comes to dating? Riley choosing Liam didn’t help. Now describe Rinda.”

Bastien ran his hand through his hair and sighed. “She’s funny. She has the most inappropriate sense of humor. And she’s tough. And brave. And compassionate. An amazing mom. Friendly. She just lights up the room, you know? And her laugh. I once told her that she’s everything and not to ever forget it. Because she is.” Bastien suddenly stopped. “Why?”

“Rinda is all those things, and more. But she’s still . . . Rinda. That loveable insecure mess who can’t order a fucking meal to save her life. Who is a total football disaster. Who questions every parenting decision she makes. Who rambles. She hates how short she is. She thinks she’s overweight because she isn’t as thin as she was before having a kid. She thinks her hair is a troll doll rat’s nest, and she always wears it up because she can’t do anything with it. And you didn’t even mention her looks when you described her. Not one thing about her eyes, hair, smile, body. Nothing, Bastien.”

“I love her hair. I tease her about it, but I’ve told her that I love it. She has beautiful hazel eyes. I can tell what she’s feeling because I can see how her eyes change colors. She knows that. And I love Rinda because she’s . . . her.”

Now Drake leaned in. “But have you ever told her that she’s beautiful? Or that you love her? That she’s more than just a mother or great teacher? Reassured her that it’s okay she’s her—even with the stuff she hates about herself?” He saw the panic in Bastien’s eyes. “I can’t believe I ever got dating advice from you. No wonder I’m still single. No wonder you are, too.” Bastien winced. “Bastien, think about it from Rinda’s perspective. Vivian is the opposite of her in every way possible, and it’s no secret you could have Vivian if you wanted her. Do you know how shitty and inadequate that must make Rinda feel? And Vivian has already moved on since her divorce—a lot. But for Rinda it’s different. She doesn’t even have to say it. You know she hasn’t . . . since Jameson died. She needs to get to know someone really well first, and she knows no one will wait for that, either.” He flushed. “I went too far. I shouldn’t have said anything about that. It’s too personal and I’m sorry I crossed that line. But . . . I get her, Bastien. I get what it’s like to think you aren’t good enough for someone. And Rinda’s been trying to help me with that, and it’s partly because she’s the same way. She doesn’t want me to be a mess like she is. Fuck. Just never mind. Just forget I said any of this. Seriously. There’s some sad stuff going on at school, and I’ve been drinking too much trying to forget it. I don’t know how Rinda and Laura deal with the shit they see every day. I don’t know how you were able to handle it. I’ve only been there a week and I’m already seeing shit that I wish I could forget. And I’m sorry what I said about my mom and Riley. That was out of line. I’m sorry. Just. Go away and let me drink in peace.”

#bastien lykel #long post #rinda parks ofc #choices trr

[asreadbydana]

The Darkest Minds Series | Reading Reactions

Hey guys! I decided that in preparation for the new book coming out at the end of July I would (finally) read The Darkest Minds series by Alexandra Bracken. I also thought, hey, why don't I post my reactions while I'm reading it? And so that's what I'm going to do! I'll be adding to this post with my thoughts as I work my way through the series. Feel free to keep up with it if you are interested 😊

The Darkest Minds

Update #1

Thrown right into the story, ok!

I can't even imagine how scary it would be to have children dying at such an extreme rate

The way the children are treated in this is just a little too real.

Alright Alexandra, the powers have intrigued me... I wonder why she chose the colors she did? And why is there never purple? Lol

So far, not too much has happened but I'm excited to see where the plot goes, although I have a good guess...

Update #2

First impression of Martin? DO. NOT. LIKE.

Well if that ain't the sketchiest memory to see when meeting a new person! Like, hi, I'm a murderer???? wtf

Ooohh, new friends!

And now it's time for some action! Finally got a glimpse of some of the powers. Yellows seem pretty scary tbh, nothing like Pikachu

Ok, yeah, definitely not Pikachu. Holy heck! If yellows can do that, I can't even imagine what oranges have done that's made the adults fear them so much (that was an odd sentence to read in my head lol fear the fruit!)

Update #3

Is it bad that I haven't read Watership Down so I don't really know what the significance is? Maybe I'll ask my brother, I know he's read it.

Also the whole sock exchange was very awkward and I'm impressed with the second hand embarrassment it gave me.

I'm glad Ruby and Chubs finally found some common ground! I mean, I understand Chubs' suspicion, but it's definitely a better group dynamic when THE CHARACTERS LIKE EACH OTHER. Just sayin'

The orange power is pretty crazy!

Okay, finally seeing what Ruby did to her parents was really sad, but also frustrating.

Hey look, they found the camp.

Yay, school! I hope if the world turns dystopian children will continue to do what they can to learn.

I was wondering when this guy was going to show up!

Tbh, not really feeling the romance. I think I'm just more interested in reading about friendships nowadays than about relationships. Maybe it will grow on me...

Update #4

This Clancy kid is kind of creepy. I definitely don't trust him.

OK wait, this better not turn into a love triangle, I swear...

Why am I not surprised that oranges are rare and oh so powerful?

Still sad about what happened to her parents

Does anyone else find Clancy's teaching sketchy? Like, yes Ruby, show him all your embarrassing memories and things you want kept private, nothing can go wrong there!

No, Zu is leaving us! Also, did we find out why she doesn't talk and I just missed it??

Fight, fight!! (But in all seriousness, calm down boys)

Give the girl a break, she hasn't had years to train and hone her skills like you, sheesh

Wow, way to bring new meaning to mind rape (p.s. I knew Clancy was a bad egg)

Ruby, sweetie, that's not gonna help

Would Liam have believed her if he didn't see/feel what happened?

Seriously?! In the last 2 chapters?? Dang, Alexandra Bracken. You really know how to play with my emotions!

Well, onto the next one...

Never Fade

Update #1

Right away we've got some new characters, alright cool

Oh, and the League is being sketchy yet again!

Were Vida's looks really that important to Ruby?

Jude seems sweet, kind of like a little brother

And we've got a lead on Liam! Knew he wouldn't be gone long 😜

Can I just say that it's so scary that in these dystopian novels the adults are always so willing to kill children? Like what the heck!?

Very unsure about Liam's brother...

I feel very unclear on what the League actually wants. Are they pro powers or against? Or are they just using the children with powers as a means to an end?

Update #2

Well they didn't stay there long!

I like that Ruby is more open to using her powers in this one. Embrace who you are!

The exchange with Andy is how I hope a lot of the adults in this world are feeling. Fear makes us do crazy things, but you can only justify it for so long.

🎶 Reunited and it feels so good 🎵

Well hello, Vida, you snake! Do I trust her? No. Am I supposed to? We'll see...

Another group of young adults abusing their power? You would think they'd want to stick together and help one another!

Update #3

Ick, do all the leaders have to use people in that way????

Whoa, finally seeing what Clancy was talking about in the last book is pretty crazy. I hope we learn more about what he did to the reds.

Ruby to the rescue! (Again)

Well they knew it would be a trap, but they went anyway

Holy heck, Jude has got some crazy skills and quick thinking! I'll say it again, yellows are not to be messed with!

That went bad fast!

Omg, is that the true power of an orange? Damn, Bracken, you know how to cause some nightmares.

Also, does anyone else get an uncomfortable feeling reading some sentences? Not even gory ones, but like, about digging nails into asphalt for example? When I read that I can picture myself doing it and let me just say, no thank you that is not a feeling I like!

Update #4

I'm curious how Internet and other connections even work when the world is so messed up. And how hackers can navigate them!

Ah, Clancy, we meet again. NOT nice to see you.

"I blew out the breath I didn't realize I had been holding" omg. Bracken has used some variation of this several times so far in this series and let me just say, I have noticed Every. Single. Time. Why is this concept/sentence so popular in YA, my gosh?

Wow that tunnel would make me claustrophobic!

Oh shit! That's the thing about oranges! When you are around them you can never really trust what you are seeing, ahhhh

"He let out the breath he'd been holding" really?? Again?? 😧

Ok, this professor has me intrigued. I can't wait to find out what Bracken set up as the reason the children have developed these powers.

Also, Cole? Didn't expect that!

Dang, who is that kid and where did he find the nerve!? So much for peace!

How was Ruby not smart enough to figure out that's what L.G. was doing as soon as she saw the research? I mean come on, that's pretty obvious.

Thanks for breaking my heart Bracken! The next book just won't be the same...

In the Afterlight

Update #1

Why is it that adults are always obsessed with money? And how come they never want to PROTECT the children who are different

Oh ok, I’m gonna be reminded of the sadness throughout this whole book, aren’t I?

I knew they were in California, but I didn’t even think about those other kids !!!!

Also, can I just say, poor Chubs and breaking his glasses. I feel you, bro.

Update #2

Why can’t Cate just accept that Ruby and the others are right?! Ugh!

I was waiting for Vida to display her true emotions. But to think that Ruby doesn’t care? She’s obviously not very observant.

Brothers, eh? Can’t live with ‘em… that’s about it lol

I wonder what the government hides from us in regards to other countries…

I don’t understand why Cole doesn’t just tell Liam? Would it really be so bad?

Truth: I’m still not feeling the romance. And I could do without the kissing scenes.

There’s that darned Watership Down again

Clancy is still such a mystery. I get why he’d want to embrace his powers, but doesn’t he also want to know why he got them?

Chubs and Vida get to spend some quality time~

Ok, no more sparring matches you two!!

Update #3

Those poor kids. Afraid even to be rescued.

Why did Liam hide this from Ruby???? Maybe she would have been a bit more open to it had he been honest.

Also, don’t like the reporter lady.

Omg! Zu!!!!

I can’t believe people think it’s fake? Why would children lie about those kinds of things?

Ah, yes, the red army.

Again, don’t like Alice.

Finally Cole! Was it really so hard?

Ok, this is sad but I totally care more about the side romantic relationship than I do the main one. I just don’t see their chemistry, honestly. It seems like it’s more a relationship of convenience than feeling.

Man, another one? Come on, Bracken, why you gotta do that to us?

I was wondering why the sleepwalking was relevant… not the answer I would have wanted, but alas

Update #4

Still going through with the plan, huh, Ruby?

I guess it makes sense that you can erase memories but not feelings. And that Sam would have images once Ruby’s influence was gone

Wow that wrapped up quickly

Tbh, even though he was horrible, it sucks Clancy had his ability to choose taken from him

Family reunion ♡ not so sad anymore!

Where do they go from here…?

#booklr #books #the darkest minds #alexandra bracken #reading reactions #tdm readactions #mine #never fade #in the afterlight