#no... just in serious amounts of pain :0

[essenceofarda]

No romance in rivendell update probably until later this week or next weekend! Just had emergency surgery to take out a very very infected gallbladder and I'm still in recovery and am just not up to doing any art for long periods of time for a day or two 😅🫣

But hopefully by this weekend i can get the next page done!!

#i'm in #so much pain lol #Just clearing my throat causes me to wheeze in pain haha #let alone when i accidentally cough and stuff #anyway! this is your VERY IMPORTANT remidner to GO to the ER if you are experiencing pain and not be like me and wait a few days bc #i'm Tough or whatever bs #bc apparently my gallbladder was VERY infected lol #and that could have been real bad if they hadn't caught it in time... #funky's personal tag #anyway didn't want people to think i was skipping bc i forgot or was lazy or nothing #no... just in serious amounts of pain :0

[sunny1616]

Pressure

Rafe Cameron x reader

Summary: During the weigh-in conference rafe's opponent, jj maybank, makes a comment that get rafe riled up.

Warnings: some fighting, cussing, mentions of pregnancy

"Standing at 6'2" and 180lbs, Rrrrrafe CamerON!!" You are seated against the wall of the press area with Rafe's team clapping as you watch your boyfriend being weighed in. You usually don't come to the weigh-ins or other press conferences, knowing how tense they can be. And you would've skipped it since you were 7 months pregnant, but you wanted to be supportive of your partner. After all, this was no regular fight because you were in South Carolina for the biggest event of Rafe's boxing career so far against the infamous JJ Maybank. JJ is no joke, with 19 wins, 0 losses, and 6KOs.

The coverage and attention that this fight is getting isn't something that you're used to seeing and it sometimes makes you nervous. Regardless, you decided to be brave and support your man since it's his first time with so many eyes on him. Though he hasn't admitted it to you yet, you can tell that the pressure is weighing on him. You are concerned but not worried, Rafe is tough because of the pain hes been through in his past with his family. He's the strongest and most resilient man you've ever known.

After Rafe's time on the machine, JJ stepped up and flexed. The MC announced his measurements, and the cameras went off. The conference went on as expected, with small insults and verbal jabs thrown between Rafe and JJ. Nothing serious. But then, just as face-off photo op was about to complete, JJ says something to Rafe that makes him rage and right-hook JJs jaw. The stage turns into a moshpit, and cameras go wild. Rafe's bodyguards try to remove him from the stage, but all Rafe wants to do is get to JJ .

Meanwhile, you stand eyes wide and hands protectively on your bump. Rafe's assistant and one of his bodyguards inch closer to you while watching the scene unfold. Eventually, Rafe is taken off the stage, and the announcer tells the crowd the date of the fight, concluding the event. You are then escorted to Rafe's room. Once inside, you take a look around, trying to spot him amongst all the bodyguards and other team members. You then spot him in the corner, sitting on a cubby bench, talking to his manager and trainer. Both trying to calm him down, which marginally seems to be working because though he is seated with elblows on his knees and listening attentively to the two men, he still has a terrifying amount of fire in his eyes.

As you walk up to him he immediately makes eye contact with you. He then looks to the two people talking to him and signals them to give you two some space. While hes still sitting he pulls you and hugs you around the hips. You immediately bring you arms around his shoulder and scratch the back of his head while giving the top of his head a kiss. After some deep breaths he looks up at you and you down at him.

"Lets go back to the hotel. We dont need to be here for another second."

"Okay, but are you alright? What happened up there?"

Rafe exhales, "i dont want to talk about that right now. That mother fucker should sooner be 8 feet under then in our thoughts." Okayyy so not the time to talk about it then, you say to yourself.

"Alright lets go." You both get into a black escalade and drive 20mins to your hotel. Once alone in your room you take a shower while Rafe orders food and makes some calls. Rafe then goes to shower and u lay on the bed with your robe on too exhausted and filled with thoughts about the event. Just as your deep in thought rafe comes out with his robe on and stares at you.

"Can we talk now?" You say.

Rafe looks at you and sighs and lays down on the bed. He turns to face you and says, "He threatened to take you from me. He said that it wouldn't be hard and that the baby wouldn't want a loser of a father anyway after the fight."

You blank.

"Rafe, that isn't true. You know it isn't. The loser part or it being that easy for me to leave you. This probably isn't the right thing to say, but im surprised that got to you. Tell me why it did."

Another breath, "No opponent has ever said anything about you before. That's always been my boundary. I've also never had to worry about it because all my previous opponents were professional, never made it personal. Ever. And I've been so... mentally off for this whole thing because i was partly raised here. My mom left me when i was here. And with the swarming media and dwindling privacy lately and the underdog card, i just feel so... off. There's so much pressure with this one. And i dont want to lose for the team, and especially for you and our girl."

"I love you, rafe, and no matter the outcome, that will never change. Im not going anywhere, and she won't either. She will be proud and in awe of how strong and amazing you are, just as i always am. And as for the past, that's all it is. It's over. You moved on. Nothing can hurt you here. We and the team support you bc this is your fight. We're here to support you bc we all know that you are better than him. You can prove it to yourself, too, by fighting. For. Yourself." With a soft smile, you reach out and cup his cheek, rubbing your thumb over his cheekbone.

Rafe just stares at you in awe. He savors moments like this. He's never felt so lucky. He can never get enough, so he closes the small distance between and meets your lips with his. The kiss emulates love and gratitude. He then pulls you in closer. "I love you, baby. Thank you."

You chuckle and shake your head, "i love you too, bubs. Now come on, the new love is blind episodes come out today we have to see whos gonna get ditched and hitched!" You then kiss his nose and sit up to find the remote. And in lighter air you both happily watch cheesy tv.

Authors note: okayy so this is my first post. Please go easy on me 😅💗

*edited some of it*

#boxer!rafe #rafe x reader #rafe cameron #pregnant reader

[brewed-pangolin]

Headcanon request for Super Soap Sunday:

How does Soap react to first aid? Does he whine with the application of iodine or does he bite down on a tac strap while you stitch him up?

And how does he show his gratitude after?

Ho-ly Shit! As someone who works in the OR and sutures on the regular, I absolutely LOVE THIS!! Please excuse my excessive use of medical jargon...(I'm like a kid in a candy store here)

Full Disclaimer: I only have experience in the OR, not in the field. So if any of the terminology and/or supplies used are incorrect, I apologize. Just going with what I know.

Stitched Up

Johnny 'Soap' MacTavish x Fem Reader

18+ MDNI Mentions of blood and injury, detailed medical procedures, established relationship, fingering, light bondage. Headcanon plus a smutty little drabble/fic (I'm making my own rules, okay)

First and foremost, wound classification. Life threatening: hemostasis/stabilization trumps all. Closure can wait. Non-life threatening: put some pressure on it. Stitch it up later.

Of course we're going with non-life threatening here. Can't have this man going out on us so quickly

Once in the security of the safe house, you take over. Full-on medical prognosis begins before Soap even has a chance to sit down

And as per usual, he plays it off; "It ain't tha' bad, hen. Jus' a wee cut is all." The thick crimson running down his side told you otherwise. "Shut it, Soap. Gear, off. Now."

Soap does his best to keep his composure, but the wince in his face as he removes his gear is a telltale sign that the wound is deeper than he wants to admit

Laceration to the right upper quadrant. It's a clean cut, thankfully. But it grazes just above the muscle. Two part closure needed. You get busy grabbing the supplies needed while he readies himself for the pain he's about to endure

"Morphine's in short supply here, Soap. And I don't have any Lidocaine." Your eyes are soft as they continue to rummage through the medical bag. "S'alright. Stitch me up, bonnie. Ge'it done, yeah."

Tearing the packaged betadine in your hands, you make quick work prepping the wound and skin around it in a closwise outward motion. He shows only a slight jolt to the coolness of the liquid. No grimace, no sarcastic remark. Just silence.

Cutting needle driver in hand, you begin subcutaneous closure with your favorite; 3-0 Vicryl on an SH. Thick enough to hold strong tissue, and absorbable. No removal needed.

Your first drive was smooth. Quickly, you tied the knot at the end and buried it within his flesh. Clean cut of the trailing end, and you began your running closure. Soap's eyes watched as your hands worked effortlessly with the skill of a flesh working seamstress. He barely moved while you worked, but you knew it was because there were less nerve endings below the dermis. Skin closure was going to be a different story.

"Ya got some skilled hands there, bonnie. Gonnae make a quilt outta me, yeah." You humored his banter while it lasted, only momentarily locking eyes and giving him a sly smirk.

Satisfied with your work, you cut the remaining suture and gently pursed the top layer together, determining whether or not to add a few interrupted stitches to reinforce the wound. Seeing as you had a good amount remaining, you added three more stitches to the subdermal layer before discarding the needle altogether.

Grabbing the next suture, you held it in your hands before pausing and laying it on your lap. You locked eyes with him again, your facial expression serious with a softness around the edges. "You done this without local anesthetic, Soap?" You'd be damned if you didn't see him flinch at your inquiry. "Aye. G'on now, hen." The slightest shaky reluctance could be heard in his voice, but you pressed on per his request.

Barely making it through the first drive, Soap quietly screamed out in pain. "Fuckin hell!" His hands fisted into whatever he could grasp within reach, mainly the wood paneling around the edges of the walls. "Stay still for me Johnny. And I'll get this done quick, okay." Desperation in your tone matched the workings of your hands. Soap clenched his jaw in protest, his cerulean eyes hyper focused on the needle as it delved and emerged in a continuous motion with the help of your trained fingers.

The thin black filament flew through your hands as you worked tirelessly to finish the closure. Interrupted sutures were your bread and butter; you had his skin stitched up within less than 60 seconds.

With the hard part over, you gave him an approving smile. The painful grimace on his face faded and was replaced with the softness you had gradually grown more and more fond of. A quick application of 4x4s and tape, and he was all set. "Thanks, bonnie." It was barely a whisper, only meant for you. You answered in the same quiet tone. "Just doin my job."

*****************

Soap will show his gratitude within the coming days. He'll be appreciative and give endless thank you's before then, but he wants more for you. Needs to show his full admiration for you

He'll wait til he finds you alone in the safe house, most likely perched by the window on the second story surveying the bustling world beyond its frame

"Hiya, bonnie." The quiet kindness in his voice during moments like this always takes your breath away. The vision of him leaning against the weathered door frame, soft expression and telltale exhaustion seeping through, is one you'll put away for safe keeping.

"Hey, Johnny." Your tone was equally soothing, and the welcoming curl of your smile lured him to you like a moth to a flame. He stepped towards you slowly, cautiously. Blissfully under the power of your illuminating stare. As he closed the distance, you rose to your feet and leaned your shoulder against the window panel. He followed suit adjacent to you, his baby blues traversing up and down your frame and lighting up with his as he met your gaze again.

"Anythin suspicious out there?"

Small talk. You knew he was up to something the second you heard his footsteps on the stairwell. You humored him for his own sake.

"Nope. Nothing but pons blissfully unaware of the madness that waits just around the bend."

"Hmm. Tha's deep."

"Shut up, Soap."

The chuckle from his chest sent a shiver down your spine. It was always his subtleties that seemed to have the most effect on you. And no matter how much you tried to hide it, he always seemed to see those little changes and nuances in your demeanor.

You fingered at the hem of his shirt to draw your attention on something else, anything. Lifting it, you eyed the scar along his side and mentally praised yourself on your work. The sutures had been removed days ago, all that remained was a silver line along the curve of his abdomen.

"Looks good, Soap. You heal up well."

"Aye. Compliments to the operator are due, bonnie. Dinnae think Ghost or Price coulda kept me lookin this pretty."

"Smooth, Johnny. Real smooth." The sarcasm in your voice didn't go unnoticed. Slowly, he began to close the gap between you, one hand resting on your hip and the other cupping the curve of your chin.

"Tryin to show a bit'a gratitude 'ere, hen. Or do ya wan' somethin a bit more, hands on?"

His eyes bore into you, cerulean daggers piercing into the veil of your soul. Now it was you who was under the power of his stare; immobile, frozen, deer in headlights. He tilted your chin up and grazed the flesh of your bottom lip with the tip of his thumb, followed quickly by the warmth of his mouth.

With your attention focused on his workings of your lips, Soap's free hand quickly went to unbuttoning your jeans and delving his fingers between the slick flesh of your thighs. You moaned into him as he traced along the wet folds of your opening. Your hands flew to the fabric on his shoulders, fisting its material between your digits as his index and middle fingers gently borrowed into the warmth of your cunt.

"Johnny." Your breathless mewl was silenced by the encapsulating flesh of his mouth, and pushed back into your throat by the forceful entrance of his tongue as it danced across the moist flesh of your own. Soap's hand at your chin descended and lightly wrapped around the curvature of your throat as he pressed your back up against the wall, forcing a knee between your legs to keep you open for him. He began with a slow pumping motion of his wrist, the curved tips of his fingers caressing the bundle of nerves buried deep within your hole.

A silent moan escaped from your lips at his forceful intrusion. And at the trailing of your inaudible quip, he pressed his thumb and index finger lightly into the flesh of your throat.

"Hmmm. Ya ain't the only one with skilled hands, bonnie." His muffled words seduced another breathless mewl from deep within your chest, all while his fingers worked tirelessly within the flesh of your cunt. The ball of his palm pressed against the pulsing flesh of your clit as he continued to pump his fingers into your wet flesh. The pleasured coil within your lower belly began to tighten, the warm wave of energy washing over you like a breaking tide on the shore.

"Don't stop, Johnny. Don't stop." It was barely above a whisper, a silent wail to the ears of your skillfully loving Scot. "Gonnae make ya cum, bonnie. Make ya feel so good for me." You lulled your head back against the wall at his sultry quip, mouth agape as a trail of silence emptied between your swollen lips. Soap's mouth latched onto the pulse point of your neck, his tongue trailed and savored the taste of your salted flesh.

You were teetering on overstimulation when he suddenly released the flesh of your neck and returned his mouth to your lips. Soap could read you like brail beneath the tips of his fingers; the throbbing of your walls around his buried digits, the pulse of your heart bellowing just under the thin layer of skin. You were close, so fucking close.

"Tha's it. I got'ya, hen. Cum for me." Soap's soft persuasion was the last push you needed. Your orgasm washed over you, expanding from the junction of his skillfully buried fingers through the waves of prickling flesh of your being. One final strained mewl escaped your lips as you came undone beneath him, his grip around your throat tightening as your walls convulsed around his expertly working fingers.

As you slowly came down from your sexual high, your vision was engulfed by bright azulean orbs. Their hue swirling around dilated pupils like mini chaotic typhoons. This was his plan all along, how he showed his gratitude; by completely ruining you at the power of his hands alone. As he removed his hand from between your thighs, his grip around the flesh of your neck loosened while his thumb perched beneath the curve of your chin.

Your gazes fixated on each other, and you heard him wipe his fingers along the fabric of his thigh before it joined the other at the at the cusp of your curved cheek.

"Surprised you didn't lick your fingers, Soap. Thought you couldn't resist my sweetness." He couldn't refuse your playful quip, the sexual banter between you two always seemed to heighten the experience. "Aye. Y'know Imma purest, hen. Prefer ta get it straight from the source."

Just the thought caused your thighs to instinctually press together, quell the ache already brewing again as your mind continued to descend from its previous high. There was a crystalline glint in his eyes you couldn't ignore; you may have reached your erotic satisfaction, but Soap was nowhere near done with you.

"Ya wanna test out ya handiwork, bonnie?" The deep brogue of his voice, devilish curl to his lips, and that ever so present bulge beneath the hem of his pants had you crumbling at his request. Never one to deny his carnal conquests, you threw back the same provocative energy right back at him. "Why not, Soap. And don't go easy on it. Need to get a full test run, make sure it'll make the cut."

You praised the mentors of your skillful suturing. The accomplished workings of your fingers would hold against the vigorous showings of his gratitude, no doubt. Your body on the other hand, that was a different story.

Drabbles Masterlist

@deadbranch @sofasoap @thedustlandfairytail @punishmepunisher

#stitched up #requests #super soap sunday requests #super soap sunday #soap squad #soap squad 🧼 #deadbranch #john soap mactavish #soap mactavish #johnny soap mactavish #john mactavish #cod soap #soap smut #cod smut #call of duty #cod #cod mw2 #cod mwii

[findingtarshish]

Chapter 3: Secrets Have a Way of Getting Out

Olivia contacts Harmony to talk about something important, but what she has to say leaves Harmony confused and unsure. When the young fledgling goes to find her friend out of worry, both of them will learn things about each other that they never would have imagined. The two women share a tender moment, before it all goes wrong.

Written by @jasina85 and myself!

The night air was pleasantly cool. Olivia was once again walking to the Night Owl; She was spending a surprising amount of time at Harmony’s store lately, reading her texts or just chatting with the young Tremere. She enjoyed her company and the feeling seemed mutual. She thought, at least. Which was going to make this next part all the more difficult. She tried to steel herself, but to little avail. But when she finally reached the store, it was closed. That was unexpected, Harmony had always been pretty punctual. Where is she? She’s never been late before.

A few minutes passed, and soon Harmony appeared at the end of the block, hurrying toward her. Her long, flowy trench coat fluttered on the wind. The brown garment complimented the cascade of her wavy brown hair, which seemed to shine with reflected moonlight. “Olivia! Sorry I’m late.” As she got closer, she leaned in and lowered her voice. “I was out hunting, and it went a little long.”

Out hunting. The statement felt charged. She hunted once too. Olivia stamped down on the current of memories that were getting ready to spill out. No, not tonight. Despite that, she couldn’t help but wonder - how did Harmony do it? She knew she could drink preserved blood, she saw her do it, but it seemed clear the brunette preferred her drinks fresh. Harmony was very attractive, so she probably didn’t have many problems finding people she could… Why does this thought sting? Why do I suddenly care so much how she gets her blood? Olivia couldn’t answer the question. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t know you went out.” She was worried Harmony would notice she was more withdrawn. She knew her own expression enough to know she must have already been sulking.

Harmony: [Charisma + Insight, 4 dice, 0 successes]

Perhaps it was the sanguine high of her last victim, but Harmony didn’t notice the solemnity in Olivia’s expression. “Yeah, I’m sorry about that. You know how it is, clouding memories and everything.” She glanced at the door. “Do you want to come in?”

Alright, do what you came here to do. Just rip the bandage off and be done with it. “I…” She took a deep breath, or tried to. When she spoke, her tone was very serious, but despite her best efforts she couldn’t hide the sadness in it. “Harmony. Look… You can’t trust me.” She turned her gaze away from Harmony. So often she seemed unable to look at her friend. “Even being here I’m putting you in danger. I… You can’t trust me.” It took a lot of effort to turn away there and then, and the pain it caused her was written across her face, but she had to leave. For Harmony’s own good, she had to.

“Olivia? What are you— what are you talking about?” Confusion radiated through her. She reached out toward her companion, maybe to grab her hand, she wasn’t sure, but Olivia snatched her hand back regardless.

“I’m sorry. It’s… I’m too dangerous.” It was like when they parted in Elysium - Harmony left floundering for words while Olivia retreated.

“Olivia, wait!” She took off, and Olivia only quickened her own pace to escape. Harmony was not a quick woman: as thin and in-shape as she was, it was a waifish body she had, without a hint of strength in it. She was never a sprinter, nor did she have much endurance, but the same was true of Olivia. They were an even match as they ducked and weaved through the thin crowds of the midnight streets. Harmony was beginning to flag quickly. “Olivia, stop!” she wheezed, as her body started to fail her.

Harmony: [Stamina + Athletics, 2 dice, 0 successes, Bestial Failure] Compulsion Roll: 6 (Harm) vs Olivia: [Stamina + Athletics, 2 dice, 2 successes]

Olivia could hear the footsteps behind her. Harmony wouldn’t let her go. She half hoped she would. She should have known better. She dove into a nearby alley, behind the nearest object she could get between herself and the other woman and stood with her back to the wall. She concentrated on her surroundings, until she was just another shadow in the alley. It was a useful ability, even if she had to stand still for it to work.

Olivia: [Cloak of Shadows]

Harmony burst into the alley, but there was no one there. Just an empty cut between buildings, littered with the detritus of the city. She quickly peered up at the fire escapes, but there was no one there.

“Fuck!” she shrieked, and slammed her fist into the bricks beside her. She stifled a scream of frustration as she kicked at the scattered trash and stamped her feet. She was helpless, she couldn’t do anything, in the end, this power of hers couldn’t help anyone at all.

The whole point of her taking this path was withering away in front of her. She just punched the wall, again and again and again, until her hand went numb and she could feel the blood dripping from her knuckles. But regardless, she left no mark on the wall but a bloody stain.

[Harm Compulsion Ends] Harmony: [+1 Superficial Damage]

Olivia stood there, watching in pained silence as Harmony smashed her hand against the brick wall. She could swear she heard the cracking of bone. She was so close. Olivia wanted to scream, to beg the other woman to stop, but she couldn’t. She had to walk away. It’s your fault. See? You’ve already hurt her. I told you it would end like this. The Beast, that ugly, horrendous thing piped up. But I would have never guessed it would happen so quickly! Well done! But do you really want to leave without Kissing your ‘friend’ goodnight? Just a quick peck on that pretty little neck. The sheer amount of venom in the word ‘friend’ made her want to retch. She’d never do it to Harmony, she couldn’t, she wouldn’t! She was doing this to protect her!

Unaware of her quarry just a couple meters away, Harmony wiped away her tears, staining the cuff of her shirt with a smear of blood. She cradled her broken hand. Sensation was starting to return, and it hurt. With a brief push of concentration, she forced blood into her muscles and bones, and with effort, the broken skin knit itself back together, and she turned to begin the long walk through the night, back to her haven, to lay her head down and ask herself what she’d done wrong.

Harmony: [Rouse Check, failure, +1 hunger, -1 superficial damage]

* * *

She stared at the slip of paper on her desk, the flowy handwriting curved in the shape of an address. Maybe… Olivia might not take kindly to an uninvited visitor, but did Harmony really have a choice?

The address led Harmony to a small apartment located on the 2nd floor of an older building, the sort of dwelling that resembled a concrete ice cube tray with punchouts for windows. She could see light seeping out of the corners of one of the windows, partially obscured by what looked like a black garbage bag taped over the glass. The stairway and hall leading to the apartment were unremarkable and sparsely decorated with a potted plant of some kind and a welcome mat. There was nothing obviously out of place and it didn’t take long to find the door with Olivia’s name on it.

Harmony sent Olivia a quick text. Can I come in? 

No reply.

Olivia’s phone buzzed somewhere in the apartment. She left it in her bedroom, tossed into one of the drawers to keep it out of sight - she couldn’t bear to see any more concerned texts from Harmony.

She knocked on the door. “Olivia? I came to see how you’re doing.”

Olivia heard the knocking, but she didn’t move from where she was. She had to focus on something else. My my, what is that? You invited a snack over and didn’t even tell me?  That is so very rude of you. Shut up. I told you already, you’re not getting what you want. 

Harmony: [Heightened Senses] [Wits + Investigation + Auspex, 5 dice, 3 successes]

With senses empowered by the blood, Harmony quickly scanned the hallway. Maybe there was a spare key, or some other means of ingress? A single glaring misstitch in the tapestry of this hallway stuck out to her: the potted plant in the corner was tilted by a fraction of a degree. She quickly strode to it and peered underneath: a lone key was taped to the bottom of the pot.

“What are the chances?” she murmured, looking at the other four doors on this floor of the building. But sure enough, it fit the apartment she wanted. “Sorry for intruding…”

The light in the hallway of the apartment was off. There was absolutely nothing out of the ordinary there. A pair of shoes next to the door, a coat rack, everything you’d expect to find. Even from here, the whole apartment felt cheap. The walls were painted that slightly off-white color that always showed even the tiniest stains and scratch marks. Cheap paint, cheap furniture - the place felt… frugal, if one was feeling generous. It was a far cry from Harmony's own abode. It didn't really feel lived in. The light was on in the bedroom. The room was a mess.. What Harmony saw from the outside was true - the bedroom window was taped over with black plastic of some kind - makeshift sunproofing. Either Olivia hasn't lived here long, or she simply didn't bother settling in. The latter felt a little unlikely. A drawer had been pulled out of the dresser and propped up against the wardrobe, various pieces of clothing and underwear spilling out onto the bedroom floor. The wardrobe itself was open, revealing two still largely packed travel bags. It almost seemed like Olivia was ready to go at a moment's notice. Next to the bed, there was a nightstand. Olivia’s glasses were placed on it and stood out against a pretty sizable medical kit. The kit was open and it was obviously well-stocked. There were a few bits missing though - there was an empty space amongst the vials of some clear liquid, as well as one of the syringes. Both were also on the nightstand, a little off to the side. The syringe had the needle attached and the piston was pressed all the way in. The empty vial was labeled “Codeine”. There was a discarded tourniquet on the floor. One of the drawers of the nightstand was half open. Peering in, there seemed to be some kind of binder inside with something written on the cover. There was also a smartphone in there. The screen was dimly lit, displaying a notification about unread messages. Next to the nightstand was a small white bin with “Medical waste” written in a black marker. The bed was a mess - the blanket was laying on the floor across the room, presumably thrown there and the pillow was marked by stains of crimson that were impossible to mistake for anything other than dried blood. Another thing that stood out was the calendar hanging on the wall - Roughly every third or fourth day was marked with a red pen. The last marking was from 4 days ago.

“What the…” What were you up to, Olivia? She wondered. Quickly, with much greater urgency, she quickly ran through the other rooms, not bothering to turn lights on, scanning them with her blood-endowed sight.

The search finally ended once Harmony entered the kitchen to see Olivia sitting on the floor with her back against the wall hugging her knees, staring at the fridge across the room. She looked disheveled, her hair messy and unkempt in a stark contrast to how it usually was. She was dressed in a simple, slightly-oversized pajama top and plain panties. She clearly wasn’t intending to go out, or be seen by anyone. And yet you let yourself be seen… Oh, I see what you’re doing. The Beast snarled happily. She hated that voice. You want to play with your food! You clever girl! Maybe I should give you some more credit! She tensed up, nails digging deeper into her forearms. Deep enough for tiny spots of crimson to appear around them.

She looked terrible. That level of pallor was unnatural even for their kind. It wasn’t just illness or the whiteness of a corpse, her skin looked drained and bloodless. And yet, from the marks on her arm, Harmony could smell the vitae leaking from the wounds. “Olivia!” she exclaimed. Without turning on the light, she rushed to kneel beside her. “Are you alright?!”

Olivia didn’t even look at Harmony. She couldn’t, not feeling the Hunger as she was right now. There was tension in her voice, but she spoke quietly, as though she was weaker than normal. She didn’t want to risk tempting the Beast any further tonight. There was no point in pretending she was alive. “Why are you here? I told you to stay away.”

Harmony’s expression softened, as if she were about to cry. “I was worried about you…”

“I’m fine.” No I’m not. You could be blind and still see the lie for what it was. “But I’m still a threat to you. I’m still putting you in danger.” She wasn’t even avoiding eye contact, she was avoiding having any part of Harmony in her field of vision. My, such wonderful games you play. You tease.

“I don’t care.” She put a hand on Olivia’s shoulder. “Olivia, look at me.”

She couldn’t oblige the request. She did her best to focus on a single point and keep her sight there. “You don’t understand. I’m dangerous. I hurt people. I’m trying to protect you. I… please don’t make me look. The Beast will get angry again.” Awww, this is simply adorable. Such a fine performance! And all for me? You shouldn’t have.

“Olivia, please. Let me help you. Don’t push me away.” Harmony couldn’t stand this. Olivia was hurting! It was obvious! Why wouldn’t she let her help?

“You don’t understand. I… it always wants something. It always… always nudges me. It always tells me  these… things. And when I look at you… sometimes it… it…” And sometimes it’s telling me how wonderful it would be to drink you dry. To feel you melt in my arms as my fangs close on your neck. To take every last drop and consume your very soul. It was too much. She couldn’t hold it back anymore and started sobbing. She didn’t care about the blood getting all over.

Harmony chewed her lip nervously and looked aside. “I know. I hear it too.”

It was almost as if Olivia didn’t hear that. She simply went on. “I… I try to keep it in check. I try. I thought maybe a strong painkiller would numb it for a while… but it didn’t.” Why did I think that would work? It was never going to. 

Harmony gasped at that, her breathing becoming short and harsh as the memories of her mother’s death rushed back to her. Mom had wanted escape too. She’d wanted to soothe the pain. That desire for momentary bliss had killed her, and there wasn’t a damn thing Harmony could do to help her but sit there and hold her while she died. She felt a panic attack mounting. She hadn’t had one in a year. Could vampires even have panic attacks? She didn’t know, but suddenly everything around her seemed blurred and unreal. Reality was giving way to the coming agony.

Harmony: [Composure + Intelligence, 7 dice, 6 successes]

But Olivia needed her. She screwed her eyes shut and forced herself to calm. She stamped down the panic to focus on the needs of her friend before her.

It was horrible, but Olivia didn’t even register the distress Harmony was in. She couldn’t look. She couldn’t bear to see her. I don’t want to hurt you. “Stupid, stupid thing. It’s… I’m getting hungry too. I try to keep it in check but…” 

Harmony shook herself and stared at Olivia with a mix of surprise and concern. “Olivia, when was the last time you fed?”

Olivia shut her eyes close. When she spoke, she was still sounding weak, but there was something else in her voice too. A small hint of pride. “The night I last saw you.” I made it this long. Maybe I could make it one more night. She couldn't help but smile. You wouldn’t like that. What’s the point in all of this? It changes nothing. It only gets me angry. And you won’t like it when I get really angry.

“What?! Olivia! You can’t starve the Beast like that, it’s too dangerous!” If it had been four nights… Olivia would be close to frenzy. The Beast would be close to the surface, pawing at the borders of the mind, itching to get out. Olivia would feed, on whatever she could get her hands on… and Harmony didn’t know if she could stop her.

“It’s fine. I’ve been doing this for a while now.” How long has it been since she had started doing this? Two months? Maybe three? That sounded about right. “I… I can handle it. I didn’t have any… incidents.” My stupid pride didn’t get anyone killed.

Harmony shook her head in disbelief. “Olivia, you can’t do this, it’s too dangerous!” She hesitated for a moment. If she didn’t stave off the Beast soon… Her mind made up, she rolled up her sleeve. “I know I might not be to Ventrue taste, but…” She offered her bare wrist to Olivia.

She risked opening her eyes. Harmony’s wrist was right there in her field of vision, all exposed. Oh, now this is a rare treat. Giving herself freely? I know you want it. I know you want her. Never forget, you are a dragon, my dear, a queen! Take what you want. Whatever that dead heart of yours desires, take it. Take her. Take her! Olivia’s eyes went wide, she was terrified. She could feel her fangs extend, despite her making no effort to do so. She could almost hear the gentle pulse of the radial artery, the weak, thready heartbeat that still played in Harmony’s chest. It was enticing. It was intoxicating. She buried her face, nails digging deeper into her skin. It hurt now. “No! No! Absolutely not!” It can’t get what it wants! I can’t do this to you! But… I could. It’s just a little taste - willingly offered. I bet it would be sweeter than anything I had before. Just one… little… NO NO NO!

“Please, Olivia. I don’t want you to hurt yourself, and at this rate, you’re going to.” The Beast screamed at her not to surrender her precious life force, but she ignored it. Olivia needed her. “Please. I’m Tremere, I can’t bond you. It’s safe.”

 “NO!” She screamed. She didn’t mean to raise her voice at her. She didn’t… “Harmony, you don’t understand… I…” She was sobbing, and yet she was laughing. She was losing her mind of her own design. Harmony being here tonight really threw a spanner in the works. It took her a while to stop herself. When she did, she exhaled, defeat written across her face. You were going to find out eventually. “I won’t take your blood. I don’t need your blood.” She felt another smile creeping across her face, but not the warm and kind smile. It was the smile of someone who finally broke.

Harmony didn’t lower her arm, but confusion colored her features. “Olivia, what are you talking about? You need to feed.”

“I can feed if it gets too bad. It’s not too bad yet.” She averted her gaze again. Single point, eyes forward. She knew she was going to have to come clean. And yet, she was dancing around the subject like she could actually avoid it.

Olivia: [Manipulation + Subterfuge, 3 hunger dice, 1 success] vs Harmony: [Charisma + Insight, 4 dice, 2 successes]

Harmony shook her head. She didn’t believe that for a moment, she could see the hunger in Olivia’s eyes. She’d seen that in Katherine, once, and the frenchwoman had explained just how dangerous that situation was. “Olivia, please let me help you. Am I not to your taste? Can I help you get someone else?” For some reason, the idea of Olivia not liking the taste of her blood, and the idea of her drinking from someone else gave her a pang of annoyance that she couldn’t quantify.

“Harmony, I…” She closed her eyes, inhaled and opened them again. But she still wasn’t looking at the brunette. Single point. Eyes ahead. “There’s blood in the fridge.” And now you know. And now you will fear me and hate me and regret ever extending your hand to me. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! SHE IS RIGHT THERE, OFFERING HERSELF TO US! DRINK. HER. NOW!

Harmony tilted her head, puzzled. “But… you’re Ventrue. You can’t drink that.”

“Look, Harmony, I… I lied.” She broke down into more tears. More pain, more disappointment. “I’m not Ventrue. I lied because…” Because you would have hated me if you'd known the truth. Because you would have never been my friend if you knew the monster I really am.

Because your sire would have killed me and you’d have thanked her for it.

Harmony slowly retracted her arm, but said nothing.

“I’m sorry. I… I… I had to lie.”

She shook her head. “Olivia… what are you talking about? What do you mean?”

Olivia’s voice was grim and full of pain. There was no turning back now. It was do or die but there was only one real outcome. “You don’t understand. This… this isn’t the first city I ran to. I made the mistake of admitting what I am there. The next night, I had the Sheriff on my doorstep, telling me I’m either gone by dawn or…” ‘Or you are ashes. Whether by my hand or by the rays of the sun, it matters not.’ “...and that was because the Prince showed mercy…”

“Olivia… you can trust me.” Right?

“But you can’t trust me, Harmony. If anyone knew… just associating with me casts suspicion on you. I… I don’t want you to get hurt because of me.”

“Tell me, Olivia. Tell me how to help,” Harmony begged. She couldn’t stand this any longer. 

She was feeling the frustration build up. Why can’t you just take the hint?! Must I spell it out loud?! “What do you want me to tell you?! This… this isn’t something you can change! That’s why I lied!” It felt like what little strength she had left was draining fast. “I lied to protect myself. And to protect others from myself.”

“I don’t know!” Harmony shouted. “I just… I can’t just leave you to suffer. It’s not in my nature.” 

“Even if I’m a monster?”

“We are all monsters, Olivia. The only way you fight that is by sticking together, by being there for each other. So please, tell me the truth. Let me help.” She knew that more than anyone. She kept it together because she had people she cared about, people that anchored her to the real world, but if Olivia was on the run, she’d have no one. If Harmony could be that anchor for her, she had to be.

For the first time tonight, Olivia mustered the courage to look the woman in the eye, the crushing sadness behind her blue eyes laid bare. “Harmony I… I’ve killed people.” 

There was a sharp intake of breath, but Harmony didn’t interrupt.

“I… I’ve killed them. And the worst part? I enjoyed it. It felt like nothing I can describe. When I drink it fresh? People get hurt. Often beyond help. When I did, I couldn't pull away. It was so sweet, so intoxicating… That’s why I drink it cold now. I have to, it’s safer. For everyone. I…” She was having fits of laughter again. She couldn’t stop it. She had really gone mad.

“Olivia…” Slowly, unconsciously, so subtly she herself didn’t realize, she shrank back from her.

Harmony might not have realized what she did, but it was plain to see for Olivia, She looked away from the Tremere. “See? You’re afraid of me. I could tell you some bullshit about how I didn’t have a choice, how they would have died either way and how it was better if I did it. But it doesn’t matter if it’s true or not. It doesn’t matter whether I believe it to be true or not. It’s all the same in the end… I’m exactly the monster my sire wanted me to be…”

Harmony tried to control that stab of fear. She set her jaw. If Olivia wanted her blood cold, then cold she would have it. She stood and opened the fridge, pulled out a blood pack, and handed it to Oliva. This sort of thing would feed the Beast’s anger. Olivia needed to feed, or in her fury, the Beast would do it for her. She could already tell how close it was to the surface. “I… Olivia, I can’t pretend to know what you’re going through. But… I really want to help. I’ve never…” She paused. She’d never killed anyone. The very idea of it made her sick. But Olivia… it sounded like Olivia had no choice. “...but I know it’ll only be harder if you go it alone.”

Olivia didn’t take the bag. She couldn’t. It was as though she forced her muscles to lock in place. She didn’t deserve to feed. “I… I’ve told you all of this… and you still want to help me?!” Another fit of crying came over her. Why did Harmony insist?! Why did she have to try and help her?! She should leave her alone to rot in the darkness! It was where she belonged.  “Are you really sure about this? Even knowing what I… what I am? There’s a reason everyone hates me…”

Harmony tried not to let frustration color her voice, but it was difficult. “I don’t know what you are, Olivia, you won’t tell me. But I know you, and you aren’t the Beast.”

Olivia sat there for what felt like eternity and did not speak. The tension hung in the air between the two vampires. And with a single word, one that could barely have been a weak, pathetic whisper, it was shattered. Spoken like she was afraid of even uttering the word aloud. She was terrified of uttering it. “T… Tzimisce.” Images filled her mind. Her sire - the one who made her. The one who murdered her. All the fear and hatred made flesh. The memory of when he… changed her for the first time, to illustrate the point, to show her just what he was capable of. What I was expected to be capable of. The pain was unlike anything she ever felt until then and ever since. She healed it, in time. ‘You would have been truly worthless if you couldn’t get your own flesh to obey.’ That’s what he told her when she finally recovered from his little demonstration. Her grip strengthened yet again. Any more and I’ll dig down to the bone.

Harmony gasped in horror. Her mind flooded with memories as well. She remembered what Katherine had told her of the Omen War, the slaughter of their clan at the hands of the fiends. She remembered what she’d said of the Tzimisce that had rampaged through the streets and undercity of Paris over two hundred years ago, of the Vykos brood that had slaughtered Katherine’s first coterie. She remembered the pain in Ceridwen’s eyes as she’d recounted the torturer that twisted her flesh until she’d begged for it to stop, who’d dragged her to the altar and bound her to the Vaulderie. The perverse joy in her eyes as she remembered the Gangrel elder tearing through him. There was nothing in Harmony’s heart but fear at that word, and it was visible in her eyes for a moment.

“Do you see why I lied now? Do you?! Everyone hates me! It doesn’t matter who I am. It only matters what I am. It doesn’t matter that I can't…” It doesn’t matter that I failed at being the monster he wanted me to. I’m still a monster, just an unwanted one. She hugged herself a little tighter. A lot tighter. “Go on. Drop the bag on the floor, run to your sire and tell her. I won’t go anywhere… It’s gone on for too long already…”

Harmony: Terror Frenzy [Willpower + ⅓ Humanity, 10 dice, 10 successes, Critical Success]

Determined, Harmony stamped down the fear inside her. Those monsters were different. Olivia wasn’t like them. “I’m not going anywhere, Olivia. I might be terrified of your clan, but not of you.”

“Don’t you get it?! They’re one and the same - no matter what I do, no matter how far I run, I will always be this… thing. I will always be a threat. To you. To everyone.”

Harmony paused. “I don’t believe that. She moved over to sit right beside Olivia, and scooted close to her. “I don’t believe clan determines what we are.” If it did, I wouldn’t be as useless.

“But it does! When people know, when they look at me? They’ll always see the fleshcrafter first. They’ll only ever see the fleshcrafter. She threw her head back a little too hard and hit the wall. It hurt, but she couldn't bring herself to care. "Even if I can’t fucking do it.” Olivia was tired. Tired of running from her sire. Tired of fighting off the Beast’s insidious whispers. She was tired of it all.

But Harmony just slumped and hugged her knees. “I understand better than you think.”

“You do?” There was a stab of anger at that. How could you?! How could you know how it feels?! But she was too tired to let it show. With what little strength she had, she looked at Harmony again.

Now, it was Harmony who couldn’t meet her gaze. “I have a secret too. Not a scandalous or dangerous one, it's just…” She lifted her head, eyes squeezed shut, but the tears came regardless. “The only person it hurts is me.” She took a deep breath. “Olivia, do you know what Clan Tremere is known for?”

Olivia’s mind was almost running on autopilot when she spoke. “Magic? That’s kind of your clan’s whole deal.”

Harmony nodded. “Yeah. And no matter how hard I try, I… I can’t, I just can’t, and I can see it in everyone’s eyes.” Rivulets of blood flowed down her face. She’d held back for so long, tried to be strong for so long, and now the levy was broken and she couldn’t stop the tears. The Beast raised its head and howled along with her, and they spoke with a single voice. I’m a disappointment. I’m worthless. I’m not worth the blood used to make me. They tell me otherwise, but I know. I know there’s something wrong with me. The one thing I’m supposed to be able to do, the one thing I wanted more than anything else, and I can’t do it.

Olivia: [Rouse Check, Success]

Olivia smelled the blood from Harmony’s tears. So fresh, so enticing, so delicious. But she was still in control. She would not give into the Beast tonight. She heard the words too - they resonated in her mind. It’s what he told her when he realized she couldn’t mold the flesh like he did. Word for word she heard them spoken in his voice. She couldn’t let it stand. Harmony was different. She was better. She was not worthless! “You know… that’s what he’d tell me. Exact same words too. But you know what? It’s bullshit.” It’s bullshit that we’re expected to be exactly how our sires want us. It’s bullshit that we have to suffer for the sins of our sires. She suddenly felt the strength she didn’t know she had. “You said it yourself - your clan doesn’t define you. You’re neither of those things… You’re my friend, Harmony.” Harmony was her friend. Olivia was keenly aware that she did everything she could to ruin that friendship. What she was also becoming aware of, was how tightly the woman was squeezing the blood bag in her hands. “Hey. Careful, you’ll rip the bag open.”

With a cry of frustration, Harmony flung the bag away from her to the other side of the kitchen. It skittered to a stop in the corner. “You don’t understand! I’m… I’m a fucking mirror, Olivia. Everything that hurts you is switched for me, but it still hurts just as fucking much!” She leaned onto Olivia’s shoulder, openly sobbing now. “You didn’t want this, but I did, I wanted it so badly, I’d dreamed about magic since I was a kid, and then when it was finally in my grasp… I guess the problem was me the whole time. It’s me that’s broken.”

Olivia took a deep breath. “Look. I’m bad with people, and they didn’t exactly have sensitivity training in the Sabbat.” And now you know I was Sabbat too. Not that it changes much now. “But that’s bullshit. Hey, please look at me, Harmony.”

Harmony’s face was hidden by her hair. She was grateful for the cover, she couldn’t stand for anyone to see her. “Is it? My sire could. My grandsire could. My great-grandsire's magic is so powerful that she tore the entire clan in two. It’s not the blood. It’s me.”

Olivia smirked when Harmony broke out the lineage all of a sudden. “Ok, who’s supposed to be the Ventrue here?” She couldn’t bear talking to a mess of hair. Harmony deserved to look her in the eye, even if the opposite wasn’t true. Slowly, gently, she brushed the hair aside and looked at Harmony’s face. “Look. I don’t think you’re broken. Maybe I’m the broken one, I don’t know. It’s not some magic that makes you special. I don’t know if you believe me. Honestly, you have no reason to believe anything I say, I get that. But you know what? There was this woman that for some reason decided to chat me up at Elysium once. And it turned out I liked her. She was special, you know? Had a real spark in her. I… I wanted to walk away, to protect her. But I was stupid. Harmony Adams, I am not going anywhere. You’re not a disappointment. You’re not a failure. You’re not broken. And I don’t know what I can do to make you believe that. But I believe that. Do you think you could believe that too?”

Harmony hugged her. “You’re amazing, you know that?” 

Olivia returned the hug, her bloodied hands cradling the one who came to comfort her tonight, instead needing to be comforted herself. But that was alright. We’re in this together. “No, I’m not. I’m a monster with delusions. But I want to do right by you. Even if I don’t know how. Even if you have every reason to hate me.”

“I don’t hate you.”

“Yet.” She smirked, not really sure how she felt. She was feeling a lot, all at once. But there was one thought gnawing at her. ”Harmony?” 

“Yeah?” Harmony went back to resting her head on Olivia’s shoulder, avoiding the damp bloody spot she cried into. 

“Think we can maybe not mention this to your sire for now?”

Harmony chuckles despite herself. “Oh, she’d blow a fuse.” She could just imagine the look on Katherine’s face if she knew her Childe had befriended a Tzimisce. The more she imagined it, the less funny it became. She’d be furious. Harmony had never seen her angry before, but… she could only guess what she’d do. The mirth drained from her voice. “She’ll find out eventually, you know that? If you stay close to me, she’ll figure it out.”

“She's going to kill me, isn't she?” It felt like the only logical thing to do. She couldn't really imagine it ending differently. And she used to think that maybe that was fine, preferable even, to her sire finding her again. And yet, she found herself really not wanting to die a second time. Things… didn't seem as bad with Harmony around, even despite her own best efforts to screw that up. She leaned back into Harmony. As she did, she noticed the clock on her wall, quietly ticking away. “Uh… it’s getting late. Are you going to make it back, or do you want to stay here for the day?”

Harmony pulled herself to her feet and went to the window. She parted the curtains. The horizon was starting to get that rosy glow to it. She could already feel pinpricks of pain as those rays crept into the sky. “I don’t think I can. I’ll owe you one.” Then something caught her eye, the last thing she wanted to see. A young man, with scruffy brown hair, dressed in a sweater vest, his camera hanging by a strap around his neck, stared right back at her from the sidewalk across the street. She knew he saw her. With the sharpened sight of the Blood, she could just make out his lips curling into a smirk. “Fuck,” she cursed under her breath.

Olivia: [Wits + Awareness (Hearing), 6 dice, 3 successes]

“Hey, everything alright?”

Harmony quickly pulled the curtains shut, but her back to the wall, and sunk to the floor. “I don’t know, Olivia. I don’t know.”

* * *

Olivia: [Rouse Check, Success]

Olivia woke up. Despite everything, she still couldn’t quite get used to the daysleep. The border between slumber and wakefulness felt like a binary state. She hated binary states - something either is or it isn't looks nice on paper, but in reality things often kind of were and kind of weren't with no clear distinction. She missed that state of drowsiness, of waking up and yet still being only half awake. She didn’t particularly feel like getting up, especially with the feeling of hunger still accompanying her. The events of last night slowly unfurled in her mind. It was a lot to process and she didn’t have much time for that before she fell asleep. But there was another sensation too. An odd, pleasant warmth, and it wasn’t just the blanket she was buried under. Oh. Harmony. I won’t lie, I was pretty angry with you last night. But for breakfast in bed? I forgive you. Don’t worry about the mess, these sheets were awful anyway. Shut up. She still felt tired. She had neither the want nor the energy to deal with that infuriating voice right now. She turned over slowly, so as to not disturb her friend. She was laying on her side, back facing Olivia now. Something stood out to her - Harmony had a tattoo on her shoulder, visible under her dark red camisole - an odd symbol, yet strangely familiar. She racked her brain to try and find answers.

Olivia: [Intelligence + Occult, 4 dice, 2 Successes]

It took a moment, but finally she recognized the symbol  - it was from Revelations of the Dark Mother, a pictogram for “All Hail Lilith”. Harmony was generally fairly reserved about her religion. She didn’t hide it, but she wasn’t particularly vocal about it to the outside world. Olivia respected that. She was never a particularly pious woman, but there was something about the Lilin texts that seemed to strike a chord with her. Olivia had had more than her fair share of suffering, and she liked the idea that it made her stronger. She wouldn’t go so far as to say Harmony was trying to convert her, but it was fairly easy to notice she was happy that Olivia was at least somewhat interested. Her gaze wandered away from the tattoo. Harmony seemed to be having a bad case of bedhair, her chest slowly rising and falling to the steady rhythm of breathing. Olivia felt a small pang of envy, but she stamped it out. She could never deny that Harmony was attractive, but dressed so scantily in bed, she was an entirely different kind of desirable. Ok, maybe lay off that a little bit? You're making it weird again. She could swear she felt herself blushing. A phantom sensation, nothing more. She did her best to quietly slip out of bed and into the bathroom. If Harmony wanted to sleep, she'd let her.

One thing that hasn’t changed since her transformation was showers. They were still refreshing as ever, for which Olivia was infinitely grateful - she felt like she needed to wash up again, just to make sure she scrubbed clean any lingering unpleasantness that occurred last night. “What a mess,” she muttered. A mess I made. She gave herself over to the tender embrace of running water. That, at least, still worked.

She dried herself and headed back to the bedroom wrapped up in her bathrobe. Now that she thought about it, it was a little curious that she woke up before Harmony, she was under the impression that it would have been the other way around. She wanted to get fresh clothes, but muscle memory being what it was, her hand went for the lightswitch out of habit and she flicked it without realizing.

Harmony groaned as the sudden light assaulted her eyelids. “Morning, Mel…” she mumbled in a fugue.

Harmony: [Rouse Check, Success]

Scheiße. So much for letting you sleep. “Uh… no? But good morning to you too Harmony.” Who’s Mel? she wondered. She immediately scolded herself for asking that, even just to herself. None of my business who she is. She regretted not bringing clothes with her before. Sure, she was covered so there shouldn’t be any awkwardness and she wasn’t particularly shy about her body. But she still felt awkward despite that. Why? ”Did you sleep alright?”

Harmony stretched and pawed at the nightstand for her glasses. “Yeah,” she said, shaking herself as her eyes came back to focus. “Good evening.” Suddenly, the events of the previous morning came crashing down on her, and she became acutely aware of the fact that she was half-dressed in another woman’s bed. Her body was very much in view. She blushed scarlet and gathered the blankets up around her with a squeal.

Oh dear god. As if she couldn't feel any more awkward, Harmony’s reaction risked sending her poor brain careening off course. She was… Heavens why am I acting like a teen on a hormonal funride? She almost wished she could blush. “Uh… do you… want a minute? I can step out if you…” Least I can do after last night is to give you some privacy. 

The brunette clutched the blankets around herself. “No, no, it’s your apartment, I can just change in the other room.” She touched her frizzy beheaded hair. “Oh goddess, I don’t have a hairbrush with me, I’m going to look awful.”

“I mean, I'm already standing. I'll change in the bathroom.” The way she looked, like she was in that blissful state of half wakefulness… “I could maybe lend you one of mine if you want?” There's an unsaid question too. She was wondering if Harmony was going to ask or not. She was still as hungry as she was last night. It probably still showed.

“It’s okay, I assure you, you don’t want to deal with my hair turning to dust in your brush.” She quickly studied Olivia’s appearance. The wet strands of her hair clinging to her face, the sharp blue of her eyes, the way her bathrobe was wrapped tightly around her body, showing her curves even through the plush fabric— ok, that thought came out of left field, she thought. Focus, Harmony. She tried to focus on the medical rather than the aesthetic. Her friend was still pale and bloodless. “Olivia, have you fed since last night?”

“Not yet. I can probably manage tonight, if I don't exert myself.” She closed her eyes, trying to focus on how she felt. Appraising herself. She believed what she said. She thought she could make it until tomorrow. It might result in a bit of a messy evening to follow, but she felt she could. She was cautiously confident in her assessment, though she suspected that Harmony would have none of it. It was kinda cute before. It’s not anymore. Stop playing with your food and fucking drain her already. The Beast was annoyed. That alone felt worth it. She couldn’t help but smile a little.

When Harmony spoke there was steel in her voice. “Olivia, no. You can’t push yourself like that. I don’t know what kind of masochistic ritual this is—,” well, that was hypocritical. “—but it’s too dangerous, both to yourself and others.” She let the blankets drop and turned her arm wrist up, and extended it to her companion. “It’s either me or the bags, but you have to feed.”

Oh, you want her to pick you so badly, don’t you? You crave that feeling of fangs in your neck? The Beast cooed, its voice dripping with a poison as thick and sweet as syrup. Just remember, the more you give, the angrier I get. Soon I’ll get you to sink your fangs into her. Harmony shuddered. She couldn’t deny it: she missed the feeling of being Kissed. Her instincts as a former blood doll were strong, stronger than she liked to admit. But she was doing this for Olivia, because of her hunger. Nothing more.

Unsurprisingly, Harmony was, indeed, having none of that. Olivia sat down next to her and gently placed her hand on the exposed wrist. When she spoke, she caught Harmony's gaze. There was determination in Olivia’s eyes, and there was the Hunger too. It was impossible not to notice that. “Look, it's not masochism. I can assure you, I'm not doing this for kicks. It's just better that way…” I don’t hurt as many people that way. I don’t take so much blood that way. There are people who need that to live. But she didn’t have the strength to voice that part, it wasn’t a conversation she wanted to have first thing in the morning. “Do you want some too?”

A mix of relief and disappointment roamed through Harmony as she retracted her wrist. Relief that Olivia agreed to feed. Disappointment, veiled in denial, that it wasn’t on her. She sighed. “I’m not too thirsty at the moment. I hunted yesterday, so I’ll be good for a little bit.”

“Are you sure? It's not a problem.” She went to the kitchen and fetched a bag from the fridge. Fucking plastic muncher. Mhm. Whatever you say. Not like it matters to you.

Harmony padded into the kitchen after her, still mostly undressed. “Really, Olivia, I’m okay. I even took more than I usually do from the last guy— not enough to hurt him, obviously— so I’ll be alright for today.”

Olivia stood there with the bag in her hand. Suddenly she felt really awkward again. Partially because Harmony was standing there, half dressed, looking at her a bit pointedly to make sure she fed— and she didn’t like the idea of anyone watching her feed. Partially, because she still resented herself for having to do this. “Please tell me you're not going to actually watch me eat.”

“O-oh!” Harmony was startled. She hadn’t realized that would be awkward. Katherine had never had qualms with that, on the rare occasion that they’d shared a vessel. “Sorry, I’ll leave you be.” She headed back into the bedroom and started to get dressed.

As soon as Harmony had left the room, Olivia’s fangs came out and in a practiced motion sank into the bag. She’d done this enough times already to have a technique worked out. She could have poured it into a mug, but that felt like adding a needless step. Once the first bag was empty, she repeated it with the second one.

Olivia: [Hunger -2, current Hunger is 1]

For all the shit the Beast gave her, it didn't taste awful, just bland. But bland was better than hurting people. And the stupid thing didn’t care as much as it made it seem - at the end of the day, blood was blood. And this would do for now. She went back to the bedroom, dropped the bags into the medical waste bin (she really ought to move it back into the kitchen), fished a red pen from somewhere and marked the day in the calendar to signify she fed. It made keeping track of her progress easier. She went to dress up in a pair of khaki cargo pants, a white sweater and a simple black jacket. “Look, Harmony… I'm sorry. I was an idiot.”

Harmony had dressed herself in her clothes from the other night: a pair of brown pants and a dark olive green button down shirt. She tied her hair back in a messy bun to avoid the worst of her bedhead. Olivia entered just as she was busy putting on her riding boots— an odd vestige of her childhood. Her stepdad had signed her up for equine therapy in the hopes that something could help her. She was still no good with animals, but she liked the boots enough to stick with them into adulthood. “It’s okay, it’s just…” She looked away. “Maybe I’m a hypocrite. I’ve never… lost control. I’ve never had the Beast take over. But I’m scared, Olivia. I’m scared of what sleeps in me, and what sleeps in you too.” She stood up, stepped close to Olivia, and placed a hand over her friend’s dead heart. “So… just promise me you’ll be careful.”

Olivia was more than a little startled by the hand on her chest. The touch wasn't unwelcome, but she felt conflicted. Here was a woman who, after a few nights of total silence on her part, went to the lengths to go to find her apartment, check if she was ok and then stayed over to make sure she actually was. And here was a monster, without breath, without heartbeat, that put her through all this out of… yeah, out of what? My stupid pride? Some desire to protect her from me? She wished Harmony could feel her heartbeat. And she knew that, at that moment, she looked taken aback, Blush of Life or no. “Look. I'm careful. I… I know last night looked bad but…” But it wasn't usually this bad. And I don’t know why it got so bad this time. “I can manage it.” She knew she could, it wasn’t some empty boast, but a genuine belief. And yet she understood Harmony's fear. She'd lost control before. Never again, she promised herself. “Will you be alright?”

Harmony blushed as she removed her hand from Olivia’s chest. She quickly crossed the room and peeked through the curtains. That light blue Ford was still parked in the alley across the street. Ken was still here. “I hope so,” she said, not daring to believe that.

The doorbell rang.

“Who the hell…” Olivia hurried to the front door and looked through the peephole. Not anyone she knew. She whispered to Harmony “Trouble?”

Harmony paled. Fear ruled her. She hated that he had this effect on her. She hated that he could scare her like nothing else. “Is it him?” she whispered, her voice small. Some part of her mind registered that Olivia would have no idea what ‘him’ referred to, but she couldn’t get the words out.

That wasn’t very descriptive. “It's a guy.” Then she turned around and saw Harmony's reaction. This boded ill. “Want me to handle him?”

Harmony slumped against the wall. She looked so very small like this, shoulder hunched and rolled inward, head bowed, arms clutch around her, she looked like a spider curling up for death. “I don’t know. You can’t hurt him. You can’t breach the Masquerade.” She looked like she was about to cry.

“Ok, go to the bedroom. I'll let you know when it's clear.” Well tonight is off to a great start. Olivia focused inwards, concentrating. Remember - the heart. See it pulsing, will it, and it will obey. It was starting to get easier.

Olivia: [Blush of Life] [Rouse Check, Success]

She could feel the warmth and color return to her. Hopefully this was going to help. She took a deep breath, and opened the door. “Who are you? Do you know what time it is?” She didn’t have to try to sound annoyed. The feeling was very much genuine.

The man on the other side of the door was handsome, in an unkempt academic sort of way. His scruffy brown-blonde hair tumbled down his face into a short ponytail. Baby blue eyes stared above a five o’clock shadow that had inched its way into six. He had that sort of disarming, professional smile that had nothing behind it, neither warmth nor malice. “Sorry to bother you, miss. I’m with the Daily Sun, I’d like to ask you a few questions if that’s ok?” He held up a press badge. The name on it was Kendall Nolan. It looked genuine.

A reporter? Here, at this time of night? If she had to guess from Harmony’s reaction, she knew him, enough to be scared of him. She did not like that one iota. Fool. The pretty little witch belongs to us. We have staked our claim. Who is he to challenge that?! That sentiment, she liked even less. Harmony was her friend and she wanted to protect her, yes. But she is not property. Not his, not mine, not anyone’s. “Look Mr … Nolan? Is there a reason why you're bothering me in the middle of the night?” She stood in the doorway in a way that he couldn’t really look into the apartment without having to push past her.

Harmony, for her part, had ducked into the kitchen, trying to calm her breathing.

“My apologies, miss, but I promise this won’t take long.” He unfolded a picture of Harmony and showed it to Olivia. She looked a few years younger, dressed in a sweater and slacks, with her hair pinned up in a bun, clutching a stack of books. She seemed happy. It looked like an old college photo, perhaps? The sort of picture only a friend would have a copy of. “Have you ever seen this woman?”

Oh, she did not like this. She did not like where this was going at all. This guy screamed ‘creep’ to her, and Olivia was not going to let that stand. “You're starting this out like a real creep, you know that? What's she to you?” Problem was, he was a reporter, and he didn’t seem the hobbyist kind. If he was really digging for dirt on Harmony… She didn’t like imposing her will on others, but she just might have to here.

Mr. Nolan scowled. “I’m working on a story, miss, I’m afraid I can’t really give details. Have you seen her? Recently, maybe?”

“Not really sure what kind of story it's supposed to be, but you're not really convincing me. You're gonna have to tell me more if you're hoping for help.” Oh, so now you’re being cagey? What gives?

He let loose a disarming smile. “Really, it’s nothing nefarious.” Kendall Nolan was a practiced manipulator. He knew how to spin an answer out of someone, and what he wanted was too important to him to let honesty get in the way. Besides, it’s for her. She’s got to be so unhappy without me.

Kendall: [Manipulation + Persuasion, 5 dice, 3 successes] vs Oliva: [Charisma + Insight, 1 dice, 0 success]

But what if he was just some misguided idiot? He seemed sincere when he said that. ‘Nothing nefarious’. Maybe telling him a little bit won't hurt. Maybe it will throw him off the scent too. “Yeah, ok. I've seen her. She runs that bookstore, right?”

Harmony stifled a gasp. What is she doing?! Surely Olivia wasn’t cooperating with him! She was her friend, she wouldn’t sell her out like that!

Ken smirked, pleased that he was getting his way. “Have you been there recently?”

“The store? No.” It wasn’t a lie. She could give half-truths and answers open to interpretation.

And now, the tricky part. “This is going to seem like a weird question. But do you have any gaps in your recent memory? Times when you can't remember a few minutes?” He’d noticed a trend of that. Harmony had a habit of meeting with people, usually in the form of hookups— something that made his blood boil— but when he questioned them, they always seemed to have a gap in their memory. Some of them didn’t remember her at all. He wasn’t sure what was going on, but it had happened too many times to be coincidence. Maybe she was drugging them? That didn’t really fit the sweet, innocent girl he knew. He’d find out when he confronted her, but for now, he needed more information.

“Also no? And you are right, that is a weird question.” Oh, you just asked a very wrong question. It was pointed, she could feel it, he was looking for her to hesitate, to latch onto some inconsistency and hammer it open. She couldn’t give him an inch.

Ok, so that’s a dead end. Pretty sure she’s suspicious now. He decided to press a little further. “Are you sure?” He paused for a second. “When did you first meet her?”

“At a party. But I'm going to need you to forget about this conversation.” Olivia looked him dead in the eye. She needed an edge, she needed to get a one-up on this guy to protect Harmony, she needed his slate wiped clean.

Olivia: [Blood Surge, +2 Charisma] [Rouse check, Failure] [Cloud Memory] [Charisma + Dominate, 5 dice, 2 successes] vs Kendall: [Wits + Resolve, 6 dice, 4 successes]

Need me already? But the night's so young! And I am hungry already. Why don’t we have a little snack? He’s not as pretty, but he will do. 

Not now. We have a job to do, so focus on that. She didn't need much, only the briefest eye contact should do. She spoke with authority, authority bestowed upon her by the Blood. He would obey her and forget. 

Only he didn’t. Ken flinched at the force in her words, then shook his head. “No, I don’t think I will. And she’s not usually one for parties. You’re lying to me.” Harmony was always so quiet and reserved, she’d always felt out of place at those sorts of social events. Even at the one he’d met her at, she had been practically pressed into the corner trying to get away from the crowd. No, what this woman was saying didn’t make sense. He leaned forward, standing up to his full height and loomed over her, hoping to make himself as intimidating as possible.

His resistance to her powers took the wind out of her sails, but then he blew it right back in by trying to strongarm her. That’s too far. “I am not lying. But come any closer and I will do something that you will regret.” She stood her ground. This creep would not threaten her friend. This creep would not threaten her in her own house. Olivia was getting angry. And that anger bubbled to the surface as her brilliant blue eyes suddenly, seemingly on their own turned a deep, sinister red. Where once was weariness and sadness behind them, the only things there now were anger and rage. He dared?!

Olivia: [Eyes of the Beast] [Manipulation + Intimidation + 2, 4 dice, 3 successes, -1 Willpower] vs Kendall: [Composure + Resolve, 3 dice, 3 Successes, -1 Willpower]

That got his attention. Before his very eyes, her stare went from icy, pointed, blue to furious, hateful red. “What the fuck?!” he exclaimed, taking a step back in shock.

Harmony did not like the sound of where this was going.

Olivia’s tone was raised. Harmony told her not to hurt him. But if this asshole kept pushing her, she was going to have to hurt him. And oddly enough? She struggled to bring herself to care. “You come into my house, in the middle of the fucking night, asking me these ridiculous questions, and now you have the gall to try and threaten me?! I will make this very clear for you, Sunny Boy. You have 10 seconds to beat it before I call the cops.”

This had gone wrong, so very wrong. Harmony dashed out of the kitchen and grabbed Olivia’s shoulder. “Olivia, stop!”

Kendall couldn’t help the surprise on his face. “Harmony?” He knew Harmony was still in the building— her van was still in the parking lot— but he didn’t think she’d be listening in. So she knew he was onto her; maybe this would be a good time to have the conversation he’d been hoping for? His surprise lasted only a moment before the smirk took over. “Could we speak in private?”

Olivia turned around as Harmony called her name. Her eyes were still burning red. “What? I didn’t even do anything. But I will not be harassed in my own house! Who is this creep anyway?!” I told you to wait. I told you I would handle it.

Harmony was shaking, whether in fear or anxiety, neither Kendall nor Olivia could tell. “Olivia, stop doing that. Ken, forget!”

Harmony: [Blood Surge: +2 Charisma] [Rouse Check, Success] [Cloud Memory] [Charisma + Dominate, 6 dice, 6 Successes, Messy Critical] Compulsion Roll: 4 (Dominance) vs Kendall: [Wits + Resolve, 6 dice, 2 Successes]

“Stop doing what?!” She was unaware what her eyes looked like. I’m only trying to protect you! But the tough facade faded once she saw Harmony. The brunette’s face was contorted in a mask of rage and condescension. Her eyes locked on the man outside her door, filled with something Olivia had never seen in her before: raw, unbridled hatred. “H… Harmony?”

The windows to Harmony’s soul were open, but the girl Olivia knew wasn’t home. She was sick of this. She was sick of all of this! She was sick of being treated like a possession, a trophy for him to claim. She was sick of being disrespected! She was sick of living in fear of him. She was a fucking Lhaka, a chosen Childe of the Dark Mother! She wouldn’t take this anymore. She deserved better. She deserved respect. She deserved fear. She deserved reverence.

She rushed forward, checked Olivia aside, and lunged for him. It was all she could do to keep her fangs out of his neck. But he was filthy, unclean, unworthy of the Kiss. She wouldn’t lower herself to feed on him. She grabbed him by his sweater vest and slammed him into the doorframe with unholy strength. 

Harmony: [Blood Surge: +2 Strength] [Rouse Check, Success] [Strength + Brawl, 3 dice, 3 Successes] vs Kendall: [Dexterity + Athletics, 3 dice, 3 Successes]

As the haze of clouded memory cleared from his eyes, the look on Kendall’s face could only be described as astonished. One moment, the door had opened, the next, Harmony was lunging at his throat. The pretty, shy, nerdy girlfriend he so treasured had become something else, something monstrous. Her hands were like claws, and she was strong, stronger than him, stronger than he remembered her being. There was no reason in her grey eyes, only fury.

He did his best to fight back, but the shock and dissonance of the moment robbed the strength from his hands. Still, he managed to keep her at bay, weathering the blows from her petite hands. His surprise was quickly fading, and she was losing ground

“That’s enough!” Olivia yelled as she tried to get between them and separate the two before either got hurt. Before Harmony got hurt. The asshole can get it for all I care. 

Olivia: [Strength + Brawl, 5 dice, 4 successes, - 1 Willpower]

It was messier than she’d have liked it to be, but she managed to separate the two at least for now. She had never seen Harmony like this. She’d never seen her so much as get angry, let alone throw herself at someone with such reckless abandon. This was bad. She turned to Kendall. “You! Out! Now!”

“What the fuck?!” Ken shouted. This was beyond anything he’d ever seen of her, beyond anything he knew of her. Was she drugged? On some kind of drunken rage? That didn’t explain her sudden strength. He was utterly bewildered.

“Leave me alone!” Harmony screamed, kicking and thrashing as Olivia hauled her back into the room. “Let me go!”

Olivia wasn’t paying attention to Ken anymore. He didn’t matter. Only one person did. “Hey! Harmony! Look at me! Don’t look at him, look at me, please!” This wasn’t how she expected the evening to go. This wasn’t at all what she hoped for. But she had to step up now. If she got hurt protecting her friend, so be it. But she had to stop Harmony for her own good. “Please, Harmony, listen to me. Please.”

But when Olivia looked into her eyes, she didn’t see anything she recognized. “Let me go! I have to make him understand! I have to make him hurt!” He had to kneel. He had to be broken. He needed to pay. The rage that flowed through her felt good, it felt right. No part of her realized what she was doing. No part of her resisted.

Olivia was at a loss for words. This was unlike Harmony. This wasn’t like her at all. It felt like she was losing her. She had to do something and fast. She couldn’t lose her. Not after last night. She had a thought, but quickly discarded it. She couldn’t bring herself to mesmerize her. She couldn’t exert her will over her friend. She wouldn’t have been able to look at herself ever again if she tried. Instead she would try words, and failing that, she’d try to put the door between the two. “Harmony, please. This isn’t like you. Please listen to me.” The red glow of her eyes wasn’t anger anymore. It was pain, an all too familiar pain. She hated seeing her friend like this. But at the same time, she tried to move the woman deeper into the room as gently as she could.

Harmony: [Blood Surge: +2 Strength] [Rouse Check, Success] [Strength + Brawl, 3 dice, 1 Success] vs Olivia: [Strength + Brawl, 5 dice, 4 Successes]

It took less effort than she might have expected, but it is obvious that Harmony didn’t really know what she was doing. She was screaming and flailing and kicking and Olivia bore all of those hits that Harmony landed on her. But it was ok. As soon as they cleared the door, Olivia slammed it shut and locked it behind her. It was safer that way.

There was an astonished look on Ken’s face the whole time, until the door slammed right in his face.

Harmony could’t stop Oliva from moving her. Even with the strength endowed by the blood, she couldn’t oppose Olivia’s superior skill. She could feel herself being pushed away, pushed down, and she hated it, she was being kept in check and she needed to be free, she needed to be in control. First it was Ken, now Olivia! She was holding her back! Holding her down! The rage in her dead heart surged, and the Beast’s words made sense. She deserved it. She deserved control. She deserved what she was due! And if Olivia wanted to get in her way… She grappled her, with nothing but hate in her soul, and grabbed her head. With a single motion, she yanked it to the side, flicked out her fangs, and sunk them into Olivia’s neck.

Harmony: [Blood Surge: +2 Strength] [Rouse Check, Failure, +1 Hunger] [Strength + Brawl, 3 dice, 3 successes] vs Olivia: [Strength + Brawl, 5 dice, 3 successes] [+1 Aggravated damage]

Olivia’s eyes went wide with fear as she realized what Harmony was trying to do. Her breathing became shallow as she tried her best to move her friend out of the way, but she just wasn’t fast enough. There was a sharp pain as she felt the fangs rip through the skin, tearing her neck open and the ensuing wet flow of the crimson liquid. Harmony didn't find enough purchase to latch on, but she'd left a serious gash. At that very moment, she was terrified. She didn’t know what to do. I don’t want to die. Please don’t let me die. She had only felt the Kiss once, accompanied by a knife in her back, and it wasn’t a pleasant experience. The red glow faded as her eyes returned to their natural icy blue. She was afraid. She didn’t want to die. She didn’t want Harmony to kill her. It hurt, but she had to push through it. Push through the fear. Harmony needed her. She wasn’t herself.

Her fangs wet with vitae, Harmony shoved Olivia away from her “Why are you holding me back?! Why?!” The growl became colored by tears, bloody red tears that rolled down her face, regardless of the Beast that raged through her. “Why does everyone just keep me on a fucking leash?!”

Olivia pressed one hand against her wound. She didn’t know if she could bleed out, but she didn’t want to leave it to chance. But even that felt secondary now. “I’m stopping you from making a mistake! The same way you were trying to stop me last night! Because you’d have done the same for me!” Logic was out the window now. Olivia let her emotions speak. Seeing Harmony like this hurt, maybe even more than the open wound in her neck. Luckily, she seemed to have just missed the artery. If she had to beg her to stop, she would beg. She slipped to the floor as Harmony loomed over her. “Please Harmony… please.” I can’t bear to lose you. Not like this.

The Beast reveled in this, and in her current state, so did Harmony. I deserve this, she thought. I deserve this power.

[Dominance compulsion ends]

Harmony’s vision cleared, and she tasted blood that wasn't her own. She blinked once before her eyes locked on the wound on Olivia’s neck and went wide in shock. Had… had she done that? She couldn’t have! She remembered… “No… no, no, no! What have I done?!” She crumpled to the floor, hands over her mouth, the shock and horror of her actions running free over her. She’d bitten her. She’d tried to feed on Olivia. She’d betrayed everything she stood for, she’d betrayed her friend and she betrayed herself.

“Harmony? Harmony! It’s ok. Please. I’m fine. You haven’t done it. You haven't done it!” She was frantically trying to reassure the brunette. She did not feed on her. She didn’t do anything irreversible. Olivia was still applying pressure to the wound. It was painful, but didn’t seem lethal. It probably would have been lethal if she was still alive. It didn’t matter. Harmony mattered, she did not. “Harmony please… I’m begging you…”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!” she shrieked, tears streaming down her horrified face.

To hell with the wound. To hell with the asshole who caused all of this! They didn’t matter right now! She went down and hugged Harmony as tight as she could. “It’s ok Harmony. It’s ok, I promise. It’s ok. I’m fine. You didn’t hurt me.” The open wound on her neck pulsed in disagreement. That’s it! See what she’s done to us?! You should repay the favor right here, right now! She wouldn’t even fight back. MAKE. HER. PAY! 

Shut! Your! Fucking! Mouth! Olivia had no patience left for the voice. She would never hurt Harmony. So she got a little injured, so what?!

Harmony was shutting down. Her vision swam. Panic overwhelmed her. She was going into shock.

Olivia didn’t really know what else to do. ”It’s going to be alright, Harmony. I promise it’s going to be alright." She was still drudging blood all over the apartment. She didn’t want to leave Harmony alone, but she had to do something about the wound. She could try to heal it, but she didn’t have many bags left and if Harmony ended up needing one too… not to mention the Beast being on a very short fuse today. No, she’d do it the old fashioned way for now. “I’m going to be right here Harmony, I just need to do something really quickly ok?” She was hoping to see some acknowledgement at least. Even the faintest nod would suffice, but Harmony was in shock. But she had to see to the wound. She stood up and just pulled the sweater off of her and dumped it on the ground, grabbed some bandages and set to work hastily wrapping it up. It wasn’t perfect, but it would do for now. She went back without even thinking of putting something else on. It wasn’t important and she was too deep in crisis mode to care. “I’m right here Harmony. It’s ok. I’m ok. Everything will be ok.” Damn it! DAMN IT ALL TO HELL! She didn’t know what else to do, she was a surgeon, not a psychologist. She didn’t know how to help people out of psychological shock. All she could do was sit there and hold her friend tight and hope that she will snap out of it eventually. It was going to be another long night. Before long, her own tears joined Harmony’s. I’m sorry.

Harmony just trembled as Olivia held her, her gaze fixed on a point in the distance.

#vtm #vampire the masquerade #vtm oc #tremere #tzimisce #Harmony Adams #Olivia Heller #Harmony and Olivia's Bitey Bite Hijinks #its doing the formatting thing again ;-; i don't know how to fix it

[fox-the-artist-fruit-canid]

Caeruleo sanguine

The blood of the cursed

-X-

ATTENTION AND DISCLAIMER TO THE READER

This post may contain upseting or sensitive themes that arent for everyone,specially medicaly centered themes that can be acurrate or be off point.

Aswell this is to remember you that this is a FICTIONAL illness that should not be used or taken as something serious,specially since im not a profesional in any of the media used as base and i can get something wrong.

Discreation is adviced,read this under your own risk.

Stages from 0 to 20

STAGE 0: infecion

As name suggest the stage 0 is were it all beggins and the infecion starts.

Said infecion happens in the exact moment a droplet of blood from an already infected irken enters inside a wound or via consumsion from a non infected irken.

afther a couple of days the first stage starts to manifest

STAGE 1:blood coloration starts turning blue

As mentioned the color of the newly infected irkens blood starts turning from the normal reddish magenta into a shiny and almost flourescent light almost turquoise color.

this makes blood transfusions complicated since is needed that another infected irken gives its blood.

STAGE 2:anemia

The level of blood cells on the irken starts decrease agresively making the irkens weaker and more pale,this also increases the probabilitys of them getting sick.

they also may need a blood transfusion once in a time and as a try to recompose them special pills or medicines in tries to recover them from this affection.

STAGE 3:fevers|frequently sick

The irken starts to fall in bed frequently with really high fevers that can drive to halucinations or deliriums,also really bad illnesscan stick to them more easy since their defense sistem is a disaster.

STAGE 4:fatigue and insomnia

Intense imsonia starts to manifest said imsonia making it imposible to sleep in periods as long as months that eventually cause intense fatigue due to the lack of sleep.

STAGE 5:narcolepsy

This one is attached to the previous stage,the subject starts to fall sleep afther a long imsonia period.

Happening wherever and whenever in any given moment they could end up asleep in the same position they were this including standing or the position they chose to sleep.

STAGE 6:involuntary weight loss|almost no weight gain

As name of this stage may sujest the irken infected suddenly starts losing inmense amounts of weight out of nowhere,weight wich they cannot recover easily despite over eating.

STAGE 7:permanent hunger|over eating

The subject is always in a permanent state of hunger that cannot be fulled causing them to over eat but due to stage 6 they gain no weight and instead of gaining it they loose it.

STAGE 8:aggressivness|emotional dysfunction

Irkens on this stage become emotionaly unstable and potentially dangerous due to them suddenly becoming agresive towards anyone around them or even to themself.

other emotions apart from anger surge such as dispair,sadness and anguish burning fierciely till they manifest agresive responses from them.

STAGE 9:burning cronic pain

Patients describe it as being wraped in burning red barbed wire in all their body or as being burned alive.

this pain dosen´t disapear no matter what and it suddenly comes in burst,pain killers can fight it for a short time but not for forever,not taking in count that strong painkillers are needed for the task.

STAGE 10:cardiac and breating problems

The tittle kinda expalins by itself but,the irkens start experimenting chest pain and fast heart beats as well great dificulty breating without help of a mask or air filter.

STAGE 11:fainting out of nowhere

Irkens start fainting out of their sences in the most random of moments during this stage,they just faint or black out in any given moment like if they were computers that were disconected of the wall.

Tho they can faint in dangerous situacions pting their life at risk if they are in a complicated zone in wich they can fall unconcious at any given moment without warning.

STAGE 12:bleedings

During this stage the patient starts bleeding out in diferent way like starting to cough,throwing up their blood in big or small amounts,aswell they bleed through their eyes as if they were criying.

This can happen ramdomly and without warning specially the eye bleeding since theres no way of controling it similar to the blood coughing,while puking the blood will give certain sings to be prepared before it happens.

STAGE 13:paranoia

Irkens on this stage start feeling like they were being watched or followed everywhere they go making them feel anxious and unsafe at wherever they are even in their own house or even if they are completly alone,this makes them to be always alert and tense.

This sometimes can get worse under high levels of stress and can lead to them having a panic attack or a mental breakdown due to the paranoia increasing till is unvearable.

Special meds might be requiered.

STAGE 14:visual and auditive halucinations

At this stage the infected start at first hearing whispers and seing shadow figures at the corner of their eye,but it rapidly goes intense since from whispers they become clear voices that can shout loudly and visions of clear beings that can roam frealy on the vision of the irken.

The hallucinations can involve personal things such as memories long forgotten,nightmares and things happened in the routine,the sounds can be gentle or angry voices aswell loud or quiet sounds of objects fallng or moving.

Special meds might be requiered.

STAGE 15:inhability to feel external pain

The irken becomes unable to feel any form of damage that comes from outside the own body like being stabbed,they do not feel the stabbing perce but they later do feel the pain of the burning of a open wound provoqued naturally by the body.

This can be dangerous since they are unable to notice if they are injured as esily as other more normal irkens do,since their pain percepcion is screwed.

STAGE 16:hability to spreed the illness

At this point the blood is totally that bright blue and if they touch someone in an open wound while bleading or someone consumes their blood they will become infected and will end up just like them.

so at this point they try their best for no one except themselfs to touch their wounds.

STAGE 17:psicosis

During this stage theres certain probability that the irkens start experiencing psicotic attacks that result in them usually attacking others or their own selfs since they at this point may go berserk and don´t recognize their own body.

During s psicotic attack they can eviscerate their own eyes in the middle of the psicotic attack pluking them off or stabbing them with their claws so is remomended to try and put them down before they do this.

Special meds might be requiered.

STAGE 18:disociative amnesia

In this poitn the irkens might loose part of their most tresusred or important memories,this involucrating their own name or the name of their loved ones,their age or who they are.

They can also forget total things such as crusial parts of their past and some of their present,aswell they can replace some memories for others or accidentaly distord already stablished memories and belive they are the actual ones.

STAGE 19:suicidal attitudes

This explains a bit by its own,but the irkens start showing suicidal thoughts and attitudes that lead them into going straight into dangerous sittuacions in hopes to be killed,they can also attempt to end their lifes so is advised that they arent left alone.

Special meds might be requiered in order to try and fight their desires to end their lifes tho they arent always needed.

STAGE 20:death

Arriving this stage irkens get weaker and weaker trough the process of a whole year and soon hits a total malfunction in all the body that leads to a coma that afther a month ends in the dead of the irken.

Reference images

Potential origin and posible patient cero

The origins of this sickness are still discused and deeply unknown but there are certain theories about how this sickness reached the irkens.

The first one is that it comes from the golden era of explorers,in wich in an expedition explorers fell into a planet infected by this illness and that one of them got infected with it tranmiting it to the others eventually.

This theory is the most belivable since this sickness was pretty common beyond the explorers so its posible this is the true answer.

Other theory propoces that its one of the only illness that survived in the irkens like the common flu did and that despite all the years of cloning it didn´t disapear.

The patient zero of this second theory is always a random smeet that was born with this affection and wich later transmited the illness around.

Irkens infected in between my ocs

Ikarus

Ikarus was an explorer thing thatgot her infected at a young age,she died around her 30´s when mis and his twins were 5 and take 3,she killed herself afther a psicotic attack in wich she almost killed her older son mis suiciding right in front of his eyes.

Mis and Ael

Mis and Ael got both infected at the age of 5 via a open wound his mother caused them both witnesing her die,they are both currently on stage 19 and are close to reaching stage 20,both are patiently wainting till their end.

-X-

thats all for today have a nice day,touch some grass and drink some water.

Fox out

#defective lotus au #DL lore #iz au #iz oc #oc's #four for the price of one au #mis the defective #ikarus the explorer #a tale of blood petals au #ael the vampiric hornet

[ghosts-and-blue-sweaters]

20 and 21 for ghostbur :]

Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

This question makes me a little sad because Ghostbur really didn’t have… much of any good, true friends during his life. He had Friend, of course, and Tommy, but everyone else didn’t seem to actually care much about him :/ People like Ranboo and Phil even seemed happy when he died. It’s just really sad to me.

In another universe, Ghostbur would’ve been soooooo loved & cherished and he would’ve had sooooo many wonderful friends who deeply loved him :’)

But! To answer the question aksgajsgajsg I must give Two answers: Friend and Charlie Slimecicle.

Friend and Ghostbur’s close bond is very canon, and for good reason!! They’re freakin adorable! The way Friend chooses to stick with his human, even though sheep are flock animals and almost always prefer to be with other sheep… 🥺 And the way Ghostbur always, always, always searches for his sheep when he gets lost or loses a life, and never once gives up the search until he finds Friend… 🥺 PLEASE. THE DEVOTION!!!

Friend also really really helps Ghostbur with his mental issues, and has a very calming effect on the ghost—super similar to a service pet! I think it’s such a neat relationship and, even though Friend is an animal and not a fellow human, his and Ghostbur’s friendship really is so sweet and just… filled to the brim with love <3 Strong, devotional love and it’s so wholesome.

I really think Charlie and Ghostbur would’ve been so good for each other 😭 Their personalities are so similar and I think they’d relate on a lot of things!! Even their speech patterns are similar 😅 IT PAINS ME THAT THEY NEVER GOT ANY CANON INTERACTIONS. OH WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN.

Oh my gosh I could totally see these two becoming close and really getting to know & trust each other and and and 🥺 Oh… what could have been, truly.

If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

OOOOOOOH

Okayokay, let me think about this for a moment… oh this is such an interesting question. Oh yes.

I really adore Ghostbur’s perspective/worldview, and it’s so pleasant to write :) Whether it comes through in his dialogue or I’m just describing what he’s thinking about, he’s got such a clearly unique point of view, and it’s a joy to write!! Seriously such a pleasure! Ghostbur is a lovely soul with a lovely mind, and it’s really cool to kind of… I guess see it for myself through writing. It’s really awesome :)

The way he thinks is so sweet and simple and hopeful and poetic, but there’s also a deepness that’s so striking and thought-provoking—and, often, deep deep layers of sadness & emotional turmoil as well. It all blends together in SUCH a beautiful way, and just… dudeeee. Ghostbur is the Best little guy <33

As for things I don’t like… hm. I don’t know if I can come up with anything specific :0 I guess I’m always a little worried that I’m writing him wrong, or making him either “too childish” or “too serious” or whatever. It’s nothing too bad though, and for the most part I really do enjoy writing him!

#ask #ask game answers #ghostposting #DUDEEEEEE CAN YOU TELL THAT I LOVE HIM #I HEKKIN RAMBLED ON THESE #thank you so much my friend these were really fun to answer :D

[ao3feed-undertale1]

Flu Season (voice call between a few virus-laiden sanses) [Asolutely Hilarious!]

read it on AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/53799928 by The_Chicken_Pot_Pie After going to one of Epic's parties, one of the sanses spreaded their own illness to 4+ other sanses. Dream, especially, was hit hard due to him being immunocompromised. The sanses decide to hop onto a voice call to forget about their pain and suffering. Hilarity ensues. Outertale Sans is put on house arrest, Ink tries to reckon with a bird the size of a dinner roll, and Dream loses his mind. This is a recording of that exact call and the hilarity that ensued. Listen to find out more... Words: 0, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English Series: Part 1 of Radio Shows/Podfic (Voice calls of UTMV aus) Fandoms: Undertale (Video Game) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Categories: M/M Characters: Sans (Undertale) Relationships: Sans/Sans (Undertale) Additional Tags: Error Sans (Undertale) - Freeform, _____tale Sans | Ink (Undertale), Dreamtale Nightmare Sans (Undertale), Bad Sanses | Nightmare's Gang (Undertale), (mentioned) - Freeform, Poor Dreamtale Sans (Undertale), Xtale Sans | Cross (Undertale), Outertale Sans (Undertale), Underswap Papyrus (Undertale), Canon Sans | Classic Sans (Undertale), Underfell Sans (Undertale), Alternate Universe - Sciencetale (Undertale), science sans, Killer Sans (Undertale) - Freeform, Errorink - Freeform, Cross/Dream - Freeform, Sci/Classic/Red, Underswap Sans (Undertale), Past Character Death, (Swap sans), Sickfic, Yelling, Bad Puns, Back Scratches, _____tale Sans | Ink Being an Idiot (Undertale), 'Out of Character is Serious Business', Sanses have different accents, Nightmare is just too tired to get mad at the world, and ink is delirious, Hilarity Ensues, Unnecessary amounts of 'Hotel Hell' and 'Kitchen Nightmares' references, Audio Format: Embedded Video, Shockingly Hilarious, Crack Treated Seriously, Phone Call, Very Well-Voiced, Recording Length: 45-60 Minutes, Don't be mistaken: I hate myself for making this., I mean, :'), some random people on the internet found it entertaining so might as well..., ...post it here read it on AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/53799928

#ao3feed #ao3undertalefeed #fanfic #undertale #undertale-fanfic

[starry-skies-116]

Rant-ish, from a Transneutral/Agender/Librafem Intersex "woman" with Hyperandrogenic PCOS because Ori Devuda-

Just heard from someone that people with PCOS can't be considered intersex/hermaphrodite, and... I digress- we're gonna have to agree to disagree, buddy- respectfully, I mean.

"YOu nEEd tO hAvE amBIguOUS gEniTaLia tO bE iNTeRseX" well tell you what buddy I'm not telling you what's in my pants but I still do fit said requirement. And even then, what gives to you trying to tell me I'm "still a woman"? Who gave you the right to tell me MY identity?

PCOS does fall under the intersex umbrella, in fact, because it involves chronic high testosterone levels and other male characteristics that aren't present in regular perisex females/AFAB individuals. People with PCOS, including myself, deal everyday with symptoms such as not ovulating, high levels of androgens, cysts on the ovaries, near-episodic anemia from FUCKING RARE but RIDICULOUSLY HEAVY periods, EXTREMELY irregular and rare periods, terrible acne breakouts, oily skin, excess hair growth, random weight gain and loss no matter how hard I try to maintain a somewhat healthy lifestyle, and the list goes on.

Imagine my face dropping and my eyes tearing up when my doctor says, with a disappointed face, that I'm at a higher risk for diseases like cancer and diabetes. As if this shit is MY fault entirely.

Here's the cold, hard truth: the medical industry doesn't give a shit about women, or AFAB individuals, and doesn't even LISTEN to intersex people with female genitalia, they just give arbitrary treatments like birth control. Oh, just eat 0 FUCKING carbs a day and workout even if you feel like shit and physically are stuck in such deep dysfunction you can't do anything! Get some laser treatment for your facial hair while you're at it. Oh, you're in severe physical and emotional pain and are chronically tired? Doesn't seem serious, everyone is, get a grip and cheer up! After all, your disorder is a fucking joke. A sick joke for everyone to laugh at while you suffer and nobody gives a shit or cares.

Yeah- let that sink in. Doctors only care about us losing weight and shaving our beards.

I can't even go a day without the dull but terrible ache of pelvic cramps that sometimes becomes sharp and causes me to nearly double over, holy shit.

I can't even eat a fucking Reese's cup without someone in my family yelling at me that I'll get fat and I need to swear off of everything even remotely the TINIEST bit unhealthy. I can't even indulge myself on the foods I love.

And the fact that Roe vs Wade has been overturned, and for many women and AFAB intersex or otherwise individuals with PCOS or other infertility/vaginal syndromes/disorders, this will mean they could potentially get arrested for something OUTSIDE of their control. Think about that.

And the less commonly-heard-about shit I and many others with PCOS have to deal with is random bouts of feeling angry, hungry, thirsty and high-libido all at the same time, not to mention the chronic PAIN and FATIGUE and sheer amount of HEAT that stems from the pelvis all throughout the fucking body. I'm PARALYZED with pain sometimes in that area that I literally cannot move due to joint inflammation, my skin can be literally BURNING and I could be CRYING because I'm in so much pain and so hot and BURNING ALL THE FUCK OVER EVERY PORE OF MY BEING, and my Mum scolds me for 'not being characteristic of a woman' because of a disorder I can't control. Sometimes I eat less than I need and STILL FUCKING GAIN THE SAME AMOUNT OF WEIGHT.

I know polycystic ovaries themselves don't cause pain, but still- the disorder itself is terrible shit to deal with. It even spreads to places like my neck, back, legs and joints? And I have to hobble and crawl around like some old fossil sometimes in the midst of executive dysfunction and disabling pain and fatigue?

What the ever-loving shit??

This intersex umbrella covers an incredibly vast and wide range of “individuals born with a hormonal, chromosomal, gonadal or genital variation which is considered outside of the male and female norms,” and PCOS CERTAINLY meets that definition.

Stop pretending intersex people with PCOS don't exist. Women and AFAB/intersex people with traditionally AFAB genitalia with PCOS may or may not consider themselves intersex/hermaphrodite, but I am. And nobody gets to say otherwise, lest they want this post shoved down their throat. /hj but STILL MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK GUYS CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS SHIT-

#PCOS #pcossucks #actually pcos #I'm sick of this shit #stop pretending this disorder doesn't fucking exist #I'm tired of it #transneutral #agender #intersex #hermaphrodite #can anyone believe this shit omfg- #ori devuda #pcos awareness

[abronzeagegod]

I posted 9,220 times in 2022

That's 691 more posts than 2021!

19 posts created (0%)

9,201 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@spudking

@niverly

@kittymannequin

@embersandauroras

@kelp-kelp

I tagged 645 of my posts in 2022

#this is a reference tag - 72 posts

#dnd - 64 posts

#bloodborne - 42 posts

#my fiction - 36 posts

#critical role - 32 posts

#leverage - 24 posts

#cr1 - 21 posts

#mass effect - 16 posts

#the mummy - 9 posts

#elden ring - 9 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#a fuck up of a villain could be compelling because you'll never be able ot guess how they'll break everything in their failing and flailing

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I'm working with a friend of mine to do a podcast. It's if Law and Order was set in the Sword Coast. DnD + True Crime podcast. Crime Fiction + Dungeons and Dragons.

Like how do you get away with murder if there are clerics that can simply cast Speak With Dead. Is it really murder if they can pay for a resurrection?

5 notes - Posted May 24, 2022

#4

There are Supervillains and then there are villains. Any day of the week you'd love to be fighting a Supervillain. The flair, the drama, the setpieces were always so much better. Villains are just petty and terrible and in it for the money or the carnage or both.

You don't know how you got into this position, exactly, but this trio of villains had already done some truly heinous acts and then they tried to rob a bank, and not just stealing the money on hand, they wanted to loot safety deposit boxes where people kept personal valuables and documents, not large amounts of cash.

But here you are, sitting in some concrete rubble, head ringing. You've definitely broke some bones, and you're pretty sure that you have a lot less blood than when you started.

You feel like you should feel worse about being killed by these... thieves... but they already killed Justin so you'll be in good company. This villain advances on you with weapons drawn, teeth bared, and blood in their eyes.

If only this didn't feel so inevitable.

The spear that pinned the villain's arm to the wall was a surprise. Someone else approached you, but you couldn't recognize them before you blacked out.

When you wake up an amount of time later that is truly hard to judge, you're in a bed. Which is the second surprising thing, the first was that you woke up at all.

You're all bandaged up, you have some kind of cast over both of your legs and one arm. You feel good all things considered and only a moderate amount of pain.

"I put you on some serious painkillers. My own personal brand that does a very good job, keeps that floating feeling to a minimum, and isn't an opiate that is going to get you addicted and stuck in a spiral of human misery caused by corporate greed and intolerance," says a voice from somewhere beyond your periphery.

The gears started to click in your mind, but they weren't clicking fast enough.

"No hospital?" you manage to croak.

"The medical community is more interested in making profits than saving lives, and you're not the type to have insurance since they want too many invasive medical tests so I brought you to my inner sanctum, my keep and castle." You recognize the voice, and the speech patterns. There's something familiar about their almost rants and half-manifesto. "Sorry about the mask. But I couldn't preserve your anonymity on account of the grievous head injury."

You try to reach up to touch your face, your maskless face, and try to determine how bad it is, since you are covered in bandages. The pain immediately shoots along your nerves and settles into your brain right behind your eyes.

"I'd avoid moving as much as possible, if I were you," they say.

When your vision returns you find that they had stepped into your field of view.

They were an attractive person. Their dark hair looked like it was entirely too poofed and went all over the place, possibly in a "been under a hat or hood for too long" kind of way.

You know them.

"Doctor Terror," you mutter.

"All is fair and all that, couldn't let you be at all the disadvantages," they explain. "Besides I could only bring you to my home so wandering around in my tights would be something that I simply could not stand. So, we're all on equal footing."

"Why?"

"Well I couldn't let you die to those," they trail off trying to think of a succinctness way of phrasing it, "troglodytes. And I wasn't about to let my favorite hero die. So I did what any self-respecting supervillain would do when their things are being broken."

You try to respond but there was one of those terrible, white, shooting pains that cause it come out as a groan.

"Look, I promise you're not going to die or come to harm. I worked very hard to keep you alive, and that doesn't stop with eviscerating a few start up robbers. I will keep you alive here, safe, until you recover enough to attend to yourself. Then you can leave so we may do glorious battle sometime later."

You try to groan out a rejection, a denunciation, or something, but then you realize that you definitely broke several ribs.

"Rest. I'll be here when you wake."

"Why?"

The answer echoes in your dreams and in your final waking moments, "You're my hero. You're not allowed to die. We can't play if you're dead."

11 notes - Posted November 30, 2022

#3

A very long podcast episode I wrote. DnD + Crime Fiction Procedural = Law and Order: Sword Coast. It's pretty good, but it's also a part 2 so make sure you listen to part 1 first.

13 notes - Posted October 20, 2022

#2

I'm bad at making collages as you can see, but here are some A+++ super high quality faces from @artbytesslyn 's webtoon Facing the Sun which is very good and you should go read it.

33 notes - Posted October 10, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Facing the Sun is very good and you should read it

I'm putting off doing the writing I should be doing by doing something I haven't done in a long time, literary analysis. For Facing the Sun a very good the-apocalypse-is-happening-right-now story about a girl and her robot.

There will be spoilers, there will be pictures! Ye be warned!

First let's talk about genre because I'm not entirely convinced that @artbytesslyn isn't secretly writing some cosmic horror in this romance/drama. There are four main characters (I'd say five but we'll get to that) and they are almost all in different genres. Maryann and Grace, the moms, are in a family drama/sci-fi story as they navigate their difficult relationship and the relationship with their children while trying to do their best to save the world mid-apocalypse. Aarya is navigating a romance/drama with her love of the prototype L-001 (Liza) and all the drama and problems with that comes with it, and the different conflicting motivations of Maryann and Grace, along with her own trauma and guilt. Liza the poor android just obtaining sentience and learning what means to be alive is living in a romance/cosmic horror.

See the full post

54 notes - Posted October 10, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

[percygranate]

Popping in for a quick question for everyone with Ehlers-Danlos:

What meds do you take and what actually helps?

Please be detailed and literally name-drop those medications (if you feel comfortable) as “a muscle relaxant” or “something for joint pains,” at this point, makes me want to cry since nobody gives me answers.

↓Rant beneath cut↓

CW: Medication, Overdosing, Definitely taking too many pills out of desperation, Flare-ups

I have been on number seven since I got diagnosed and nothing helps. Seriously, I spent so long to have the pain I was raw dogging validates and now they give me medication after medication that isn't working/strong enough.

I even overdose cause I experience so much pain that all I can think of is that maybe if I take more, it will finally help.

Atm I know that at about 800mg ibuprofen, stuff is starting to work (mid-level pain is almost gone/numb, but I still feel it hurt), so I suspect if I pop another 400mg pill, it should work even better, but, let's be honest, I shouldn't eat them like M&M’s since I am meant to take one every few hours and a maximum of three a day—and the time they last is “eh” as well.

I usually took 4 Paracetamol pills at once before getting diagnosed, so 1600mg with two aspirin as a chaser, and they would do what 800mg ibuprofen does now. Still, all of it only ever works for a short time, like a maximum of 3-4 hours before I'm back at the pain I was before.

So, I don't know how to end this, but I do not want to take pills like they're candy and feel sick from overdosing, and I want medication that actually helps. I already heard somebody say I should just tough it out, and that nearly put me in jail.

I have days where I just lay in bed cause existence is pain, I have nights where I can't sleep, I am sick of being sick from too many meds that don't even work, and to be honest, I am sick of crying cause I feel helpless.

I am at a point where I actually had my best friend having to tell me multiple times that the average amount of pain a person should feel every day is 0, and me calling it BS. Because yes, I am starting to believe that it is normal to always be on a 3-4 on the pain scale after medication and on a good day. I don't even remember a day in the last few years where nothing hurt.

I looked online, and I always only find wish-washy answers that don't help me, so literally seeing what others take/see how others manage the pain, and checking with my doctor if that would be an option for me would be a serious help.

#percy speaks #tbh #percy cries #ehlers danlos syndrome #hypermobile ehlers danlos #ehlers danlos zebra #chronic pain #pain medication #pain management #heds #eds

[dailyrandomwriter]

Day 425

One of the things I had decided early on when I started bullet journaling was to have trackers that would force me to take stock of myself. It’s what happens when you’re prone to infection. It’s also necessary when you have a stupid high pain tolerance, and stupid high tolerance for stupid things your body will put your through.

My current trackers, track things like my discomfort levels (a nice way to say pain) and my non-existent, but may actually exist like schrodinger's cat period. It’s complicated, as bodies that aren’t put together correctly tend to be. But these two trackers especially are important because they are my red flag warning system for infection.

They also, it turns out, help me give specific answers to my mother when she asks, is it an infection? Not just that I had the information there in the trackers, but also asking myself every night what my average discomfort level was, forces me to think about my discomfort and where it is coming from. I also have a policy that if my discomfort level is ever given a number (that is above 0) I write down why. 

Writing down why helps me pin down where the pain is coming from, if it’s from me doing something stupid (like sitting in a bad chair for 8 hours) or if it's something more serious. I knew yesterday’s pain was from sitting in a bad chair. This allows me to give my mother specific answers.

Which amounts to, no, it’s not an infection, but I might have caught a virus somewhere. Hopefully temporary because I would like to do a food run this weekend.

#advantages to bullet journaling #pain #probably sick #mild flu? #who knows

[cardiffpainclinic]

Treat Chronic Back Pain Using a Holistic Approach to Life-Style Change, Therapy and Medicine

The Cardiff Pain Clinic has been treating a large number of chronic back pain patients for the past decade. Under the guidance of Dr. Guru, the back pain clinic Cardiff South Wales team has shown causes, treatments and therapy for people who are facing chronic back pain for many years now. The private pain clinic Cardiff South Wales treats patients based on the cause and the intensity of the pain. Some of the common reasons for back pain are, spinal disk damage, stress and health conditions, pressure or strain on your backbone, scoliosis or age related conditions like osteoporosis. Some of the causes for chronic back pain include old injury, strenuous physical activity, no physical activity and stress or medical conditions. Though age is just a number, keeping fit and following a healthy lifestyle will keep you away from bodily ailments. Having said that it’s not always true, one may face chronic back pain in spite of following all these.

As people get older, the possibility of men and women, getting back pain increases due to previous occupational stress or a condition known as degenerated disk. But, people of all ages can be affected for different reasons. There may be two cases of chronic back pain; upper back pain and lower back pain. Spine inflammation, Aortic disorders or chest tumors can cause pain in the upper back. Whereas, factors such as job related condition, injury or degenerative disk disease causes chronic lower back pain. The probability increases as the person ages.

Dr. Guru and his spine clinic Cardiff South Wales team will examine your back and assess you on the basis of your ability to walk, sit, stand and how far you are able to lift your feet and legs. We will ask you to rate your pain on a scale of 0 to 10. This helps us in determining the intensity of pain and helps us understand the effects of it in your daily routine. This will also lead us or provide us a clue of where the pain is coming from or pinpoint the location of the area where we need to treat. They help us to negate the assumptions of more serious conditions responsible for the cause of your back pain. Sometimes muscle spasms also cause severe pain in your spine. Apart from these, the cause of back pain may be an unexpected pregnancy in women, postpartum or injection into the spinal cord etc.

A combinational approach of changing your lifestyle and going towards a fit and healthy lifestyle will help reduce the stress on your spine leading to less amount of pain. Apart from medication and various therapies suggested by the private pain clinic Cardiff South Wales team will help reduce your pain intensity and gain you the freedom you need to carry on with your life happily. Keep following our blogs for more information on the chronic back pain treatments and remedies. Visit https://cardiffpainclinic.com/ for consultation and bookings.

#spine clinic Cardiff South Wales #private pain clinic Cardiff South Wales

[careeralley]

I Lost my Job, Now What?

Lost my Job Unfortunately, people lose their jobs all the time.  There is nothing worse than going home and telling your spouse "I lost my job". Companies go out of business, "reorganize", merge or have job reductions to improve the bottom line. While every industry is different, all industries have felt the pain at some point and there is a knock-on impact on other businesses caused by job loss. Many people find themselves out of work and the difficulty of finding a new job is challenging to say the least. Everyone of us has, at some point in our career, been directly impacted or have a friend or family member that has been impacted by job loss. Tweet This Healing After Job Loss: 100 Practical Ideas $11.95 Full of practical, time-tested counsel, this handbook offers simple, useful tips and activities to counter the typically negative reactions to job loss, such as loss of self esteem, and explores thoughts and feelings with the goal of healin Buy on Amazon We earn a commission if you click this link and make a purchase at no additional cost to you. 10/19/2022 12:21 am GMT Losing your job is incredibly stressful.  Our job partly defines who we are and the means by which we live, not to mention putting food on the table. The stages of emotional change caused by job loss are very similar to the stages of grief when losing a loved one: - Denial and Shock - Anger - Bargaining - Guilt - Depression - Resolution and reorganization Source There are many resources to help deal with a job loss, such as Keeping Your Head After Losing Your Job: How to Survive Unemployment - This book is a very good guide to dealing with the stress related to job loss. Fighting FIRED With Fire: A Guide to Coping with Job Loss $12.99 $11.93 Buy now from Amazon.com We earn a commission if you click this link and make a purchase at no additional cost to you. 10/19/2022 12:16 am GMT "Being fired and laid off are two distinct ways of losing your position, and the difference can impact your eligibility for unemployment, as well as your hiring prospects for the future. - Alison Doyle" Just about everyone experiences these stages. How long the stages last is different for everyone, but the sooner you get to a resolution the sooner you can move forward with your career search. Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash What to do first: - Apply for unemployment - Not a pleasant first task, but it is important.  You've paid your taxes and others have benefited from unemployment benefits, now it's your turn.  You may feel that the amount is so small it doesn't matter, but even $50 dollars per week is more than $0.  Additionally, some unemployment offices provide career advice and job leads. - Enhance Your resume - If you don't already have an updated resume, now is the time. Take a look at 5 Steps to a great resume. Free Resume Review See how your resume stacks up! Our resume review will include three sections: (a) strengths of your resume, (b) areas to improve, and (c) the results of an ATS scan. Learn More We earn a commission if you click this link and make a purchase at no additional cost to you. - Insider’s Guide to Writing a Cover Letter - Look at the article to help with your cover letter. - Companies you want to work for - Make a list of the companies you want to work for and start applying to their websites (look at the New Location post for tips). - Business Social Networks - Look at the last post on this.  Once you've joined, you should leverage contacts who work for the companies where you may want to work.  Sites like LinkedIn will tell you if you know someone who works at one of your target companies (or if you know someone who knows someone). LinkedIn In 30 Minutes $11.99 If you're serious about taking your career to the next level, you need to be on LinkedIn®. In LinkedIn In 30 Minutes, author Angela Rose will show you how to make a rock-solid LinkedIn profile and expand your network. Buy on Amazon Buy on Walmart We earn a commission if you click this link and make a purchase at no additional cost to you. 10/19/2022 12:18 am GMT - College alumni Associations - Check out your college alumni association as well as your college's job recruiting center.  These can be great resources. Photo by Estée Janssens on Unsplash - Job Search Planning - Different things work for different people, but everyone should have a plan.  Don't focus too much time on any one method of job search.  It is best to spread your time (every day) across: - Job Search Sites - Headhunters/Recruiters - Company Websites - Contacts Your full-time job is looking for a job.  Stay motivated, look at the prior blogs on this site, and leverage all of the resources available on and off the Internet. Door Dash Bring home the Bacon- Deliver Good Food for Good Money with DoorDash Earn Now We earn a commission if you click this link and make a purchase at no additional cost to you. Read the full article

[lgcsunhwa]

*  ♡  CASTING CALL 009 / ACTING OPPORTUNITY.

     there’s nothing sunhwa wouldn’t do when faced with the option of a beneficial opportunity.

     well, maybe that was a lie— she’s an opportunist, the type of person who would do whatever it took in order to get her name out there ( despite the outward front she almost always had up, sunhwa cared deeply about how her image was perceived, but also held a strong amount of care for staying true to herself. it was a tricky internal balancing game she constantly played ), but even she had her limits. to her, if she knew there was even the tiniest chance she could succeed, she would do it and she would do it well.

     inactivity served her no purpose, and the blonde refused to let herself stay stagnant when she was well aware of where her strengths and capabilities could get her. so, when the news dropped about a casting call being held for trainees, sunhwa didn’t even think twice about beginning to prepare an audition. she no longer needed to worry about school at the moment, and although she was in a different country, adjusting hadn’t taken very long. she could do this, and while her future wouldn’t be geared towards acting, this chance would still help her in gaining more recognition.

     so, she’s quick to get to work, narrowing down options for monologues and different scenes she could go with, and before long, sunhwa finds herself in a situation she’s long since become familiar with— a camera operator holds his hand up, and as he uses the other to adjust the angle, sunhwa relaxes her shoulders. her face is neutral, long strands of blonde hair tucked behind her ears as to not obstruct her from the camera. a silent moment passes, and then she’s given her cue. the cameras red recording light flashes on brightly, and sunhwa beams. “hello, my name is jo sunhwa. i’m currently a trainee under legacy entertainment, and today i’ll be auditioning with a scene from the great seducer,” she begins, voice clear. “i’ll be portraying the character eun taehee.”

     sunhwa waits a beat after that, allowing herself just a moment to get into character, the time spent on scene studying and constant practice serving her well as she feels the tell tale signs of her eyes beginning to water. it isn’t anything overly dramatic, only enough for a single tear to run down her cheek, but that’s all she needs— the character of taehee wasn’t someone drastic or overdramatic, not for this scene ( 0:20 — 2:50 ), and while sunhwas portrayal wouldn’t be exactly the same as a way to show her own colors and interpretation, the blonde didn’t want to stray too far from the original. so, she performs.

     her camera operator drones out what would be a potential partners lines, which sunhwa views as the only downside to all of this— performing a scene meant to two people when there was only one person speaking often presented itself as rather awkward, even if that was standard, but that was all the more reason for sunhwa to do well. she was the only person who's delivery really mattered, and since she had all the attention, she wouldn’t falter. she bares it all— a silent rage and guttural acceptance towards her characters wounded heart and humiliated ego, cold in a way that’s completely justifiable and pulls at the heart, voice level despite the pain that so obviously wants to spill out.

     it’s in no way flashy, not something preppy or upbeat or quirky or warm, but that’s ok because it’s not supposed to be. it’s meant to be serious, sad, melancholic in a way.

     once all is said and done, her hand lifting to gently wipe away the already drying tear track on her cheek, sunhwa is sure that the tips of her nose and ears are red. she always did color so easily when she got warm. she gives her throat a good cough, clearing it gently to cast out any thickness it might still carry from the emotions she’d previously been feeling. “thank you for taking the time to watch.” she gives a bow, lips pulled into a light, closed mouth grin, and as the red light turns off, sunhwa allows her shoulders to sag a tiny bit.

     she needed a coffee.

#♡ . ˚ ◝ SOLOS ! #lgc:castingcall009 #( idk what this is im tired dont look <3

[beeparty2]

Histone lactylation drives oncogenesis by simply facilitating Fluorouracil audience proteins YTHDF2 phrase inside ocular melanoma

Lysophosphatidylcholine (LPC), a serious phospholipid element of atherogenic oxidized Bad, can be suggested as a factor in vascular disease as well as, just lately, throughout #Link# neurodegenerative ailments. Many of us investigated the particular immunomodulatory features involving LPC inside the nervous system (CNS) employing equally the within vivo rat product, plus vitro tradition programs regarding individual main astrocytes as well as a microglia cellular line, HMO6. Compared with PBS shot, Twenty nmol LPC-injection to the rat striatum increased astrocyte and also #Link# microglial deposition and also elevated iNOS expression; concomitantly a new time-dependent reduction in number of neurons was exhibited. Throughout vitro studies about astrocytes along with HMO6 cellular material indicated that LPC elevated the actual gene phrase involving proinflammatory factors IL-1 try out, COX-2, as well as GM-CSF. LPC also induced chemotactic answers within HMO6 tissue. Inhibition involving rho kinase by simply fasudil, Y27632, or perhaps expressing a dominating negative kind of rho kinase restricted your LPC-induced IL-1 'beta' mRNA appearance in the astrocytes along with HMO6. Furthermore, intraperitoneal fasudil treatment inhibited the LPC-induced microglial build up and also iNOS phrase and also has been good at reducing neuronal damage. Silencing G2A, a particular receptor with regard to LPC, limited proinflammatory gene expression along with HMO6 migration. General, our own results indicate which LPC activated sizeable neuroinflammatory reactivity within glia mediated by rho kinase-dependent walkways with inhibition of the walkways conferring considerable extents of neuroprotection. (D) 2008 Wiley-Liss, Incorporated.Botulinum killer variety A (BTX-A) continues to be reported to own pain killer outcomes outside of its activity on tone of muscle, largely through acting on neurogenic inflamation related mediators along with managing the natural chemical release of sensory and autonomic neurological devices which are involved in numerous chronic unpleasant situations as long-term intractable trigeminal neuralgia (TN). The purpose of our own operate had been analyzing the actual efficacy, safety, as well as tolerability regarding BTX-A to treat intractable idiopathic TN. This would be a randomized, single-blinded, placebo-control review performed on Twenty Egyptian patients with intractable Tennessee. Sufferers obtained a one-time subcutaneous administration involving BTX-A employing "follow your pain" method. The primary effectiveness measure ended up being decline in discomfort severeness about the 10-cm VAS credit score as well as in paroxysms rate of recurrence from the baseline in order to week 12 (endpoint final statement transported onward [LOCF]). Secondary efficiency steps included QoL evaluation along with amount of severe prescription drugs coming from baseline on the endpoint. Pain decline on the 12-week endpoint was substantial within BTX-A party (g < 0.0001); VAS standing from endpoint LOCF when compared with base line pertaining to BTX-A team showed a loss of Six.A few in contrast to any loss of 0.Several regarding placebo, and also would have been a important loss of the number of intense drugs and an increase in QoL operating size. These benefits indicate which BTX-A carries a direct prescribed analgesic result throughout patients along with TN and can #Link# signify a new beneficial choice for intractable situations.Ageing is really a standard bodily course of action throughout human being living.

#Adagrasib #Fluorouracil #methylhexanamine