fall apart, again : chapter four | joel miller
pairing: joel miller x ofc!genevieve
word count: 3156
content warning: 18+ blog; heavy angst, child loss, talk of death, talking about Sarah, heavy emotions, grief, fluff, vague talk about being with other people while married (but neither know the other was alive/nocheating), reader has a name but has zero descriptive features, reader is wearing some of Joel's clothes, no age given but is within a couple of years of Joel, if l've missed anything please let me know
notes: oh look what I managed to whip up! Joel was on the brain and I was thinking of these two so I just let things flow- needed a break from Dave I guess. Big thank you to @gnpwdrnwhiskey for her continued support and help as I worked through this— love you!! This writer supports Palestine and does not share or support the views of tlou creator.
series masterlist | previous | next
Contentment blooms somewhere deep within you. It fills in every fractured part of you that’s been lost and forgotten for so long. It brings a sense of peace, a feeling that you’ve searched for through bleak and uncertain times.
There’s a twinge of guilt that starts to prick at you, shame at how quickly familiarity has settled in. Less than 24 hours ago, your life had shattered on that hillside. Leaving you broken and left to figure out how to move forward with little hope of ever finding placidity of any sort. Only to seemingly be put back together after stepping foot into this new place, reacquainted with your old life. For it to be ripped apart again.
You decide to focus on the stillness that bleeds through the morning air. Focus on how sleep came with ease as you settled into bed, far easier than it should have— has been for years. Focus on the way the sunlight catches the tiny dust particles that have been floating in front of the bedroom window for the last hour, each one on its own lofty path. Focus on the warmth that radiates from Joel as he still sleeps soundly next to you. His body instinctively found yours in the night— after all this time, he still fit perfectly against you.
Joel. Your Joel. Alive and here with you.
Your mind tries to replay every detail that has led you to this conclusion, replaying that reunion over and over. A happenstance of pure luck that you’re here, laying in the arms of your husband.
A second chance? But why? Even as you will yourself to revel in the beauty of reconnecting with Joel, your heart still fights to grieve— Steve… Sarah.
“Whatcha dream about?” A question you haven’t heard in two decades, Joel’s voice low and laced with sleep as his lips brush over that little spot behind your ear.
It transports you back to a time where mornings together were sacred and unhurried. The sun barely pours through the opening in the curtains, still enough darkness to remain entangled and unbothered by the day's menacing agenda. Joel’s warm body spooning you from behind, his leg anchored between yours, a heavy arm securing you to him.
Whatcha dream about? Was his good morning-love you-how did you sleep? He’d listen intently as you spoke about the wild imagery that filled your mind through the night. Whether it was a silly little blip of a dream or some drawn out story that had you dissecting its meaning far longer than your mornings allowed, Joel was fully invested. Humming along as he absorbed the details, only interrupting in the form of feather light kisses he strategically placed on the little spot behind your ear, the crook of your neck and slope of your shoulder.
In turn, you always asked him the same. What dreams graced Joel Miller's brilliant mind? And he always responded the same, I don’t need to dream when I have you.
“About that one summer, I think Sarah was 8, maybe 9. We decided to have that barbecue, and invited all the neighbors over.” Joel’s nose gently slides over your ear, his forehead resting against the side of your head. “Sarah was in heaven with that slip n slide she begged us to get once the heat finally hit. We had to beg all the kids to take a break so we could fill them up with hotdogs and chips— then they were right back at it again. I remember a few of them cried when their parents told them it was time to leave, but Sarah being so sweet told them they could come back again the following weekend.”
Joel’s arm tightens around you as you talk, soaking in the memory he so vividly remembers. Sitting together on the blanket you had laid out on the lawn, tucked into his side as you both sipped on ice tea while you watched Sarah and the remaining few neighborhood kids, hyped up on soda and popsicles, splashing down the plastic water slide until the sun finally dipped below the back fencing.
“That was the same weekend Tommy thought he was invincible. Made it a whole two slides before he was hollerin’ like a baby and I was drivin’ his dumbass to the urgent care.” You can feel Joel grinning as he recalls his own recollection of that day, little puffs of air hitting your neck followed by a singular kiss— his lips hesitate briefly, lingering just enough to not make you uneasy, but enough to convey the love he still holds for you.
“Yeah— I can’t remember if it was the blonde or the redhead he was trying to impress that time. He got her number either way,” you add on. Joel’s light hearted laugh doesn’t go unnoticed, you smile at the sound as a single tear plunges into existence, rolling down your cheek and falling to the cotton pillowcase below.
Tommy.
“Tommy—“ You gasp, your stomach drops at the notion of Joel losing his brother. Turning in his arms so you're facing him, Joel’s eyes fluttering open at the sensation of you lightly brushing over his patches of grey whiskers . “Tommy. I— he’s…”
“He’s alive.” Joel’s expression is soft as he says it, his heavy lids lifting to take all of you in, grateful that this wasn’t some ruthless dream his mind was torturing him with.
“What— Tommy’s alive? Where is he?”
“Here. He’s kind of in charge— always wanted make a name for himself somehow. Him and Maria actually put this whole place together.” His heart nearly gives out seeing your face light up.
Joel takes advantage of the proximity, really taking in every detail of you in this morning light. He’s not surprised how even as the world shifted into darkness, you still managed to emerge into this season of life so gracefully. Noting how so much of you has changed, in gradual ways he wishes he could have witnessed first hand, but you’re still you— even more beautiful than he remembered.
“Maria— She’s Tommy’s wife?” You ask, softly laughing as your mind begins to connect the dots to when she had mentioned you would be staying in her brother in law's house and elated Tommy had found himself such a strong woman to settle down with.
“Yeah. Maria invited us over for dinner— whenever you feel up to it.
“Mmhmm. Yeah, I’d like that.”
You watch your fingers trace over Joel’s golden skin, still soft but slightly matured with age. Their curiosity produces tiny goosebumps as you reacquaint yourself with each tiny freckle and ridges of his chest.
Joel’s own fingers dance over the hem of the shirt you're wearing. There’s hesitation at first, bloodshed and sacrifice embedded into every creased line, every rigid callus he’s collected. The weight of them is too rough and repulsive to share with you. But you don’t notice the way they’re marked with flaws gained through surviving and enduring. His progress becomes less reluctant as he soothes over the sliver of exposed skin on your hip, resisting his own temptation actively burning through him.
“Did you and Tommy come here together?”
“We went to find you, but the hospital was empty by the time we got there— just assumed, you not bein’ there meant that you were…” Dead. “We left Texas, eventually made our way up north to the Boston QZ— taken in by Tess and her crew— had us smuggling. Tommy being Tommy, was fed up with it, you know how he gets. So he left, joined the Fireflies before finding Maria and settling here.”
It’s condensed. Leaving out how the obscure nature of this world had hardened him into a depleted shell of a man. He knows it will eat away at him, keeping it from you. Though for the time being, it’s a burden he’s willing to carry.
“We kept in touch for some years after through the radio but then he stopped contactin’ me. Tess n’ I decide to go find him— how we got the girl.”
“Ellie?” You pull your head back and settle onto your pillow, watching as Joel’s face morphs through a multitude of emotions as he speaks.
“Yeah, Ellie. After Tess— she was bit— I had to save who I could and keep movin’. We finally made it here, Ellie and I. She’s a spitfire that girl. I was such an asshole to her too, but she never gave up on me— think she saved me more than she realizes.”
“Ellie mentioned her yesterday, Tess. You two were— partners?”
“We— she and I were— we—“ Joel finds it hard at this moment to put an exact label on what they were, especially when explaining it to you, his wife.
It’s evident Joel harbors the same guilt as you. The two of you navigating a new life apart, your hearts seeking refuge in this destroyed world. You can see it, the shame slowly stitching its way into Joel’s features. How it pains him to verbalize it to you. To admit to something that in a different setting, your old life with him, would rip you apart.
“Joel, it’s fine— whatever you both meant to each other. We were apart, not knowing the other was alive. You don’t have to explain anything to me.” You pause briefly. You let your own words sink in. Steve still heavily in your peripheral thoughts.
This is your chance to start over, to be happy— do that for me?
Steve’s last moments with you, a premonition of sorts. This is your starting over. Here. Back together with Joel. A man you’ve held in your heart during the darkest of times for so long.
“There was— I wasn’t alone either.” Joel's quiet but lends you his full attention, giving you the impression you don’t need to explain or justify anything either. “He was bit right before we got here.”
“I’m sorry.”
There’s a lull in the conversation. The room is quiet as you both bask in each other’s touch. The inevitable of what’s been left unsaid hanging over you both like an ominous cloud of dread. Joel is already preparing himself for what you’re expecting to hear. Your heart prepares itself for the inevitable of what you want to know.
You swallow the lump that’s settled in your throat. “Was she here— did Sarah come here with you?” Your fingers stilling over a familiar scar on his shoulder that you’ve traced over a hundred times in the past.
“Eve— we don’t have to talk about this today.” Not really sure if it’s for your benefit or his— perhaps both.
“Joel— please.” Your voice cracks ever so slightly, lifting your gaze to his, tears already burning your lash line.
He falters. Considering the caliber at which you have lost already, his heart begins to construct walls. Solid and impervious to the reality that’s haunted him for so long. Locking it away as he always does, suppressing the pain over and over. But as you look at him with your eyes glossed over, ignoring the subject isn’t an option anymore. Not with you. Not with the woman who gave him his purpose, his life— his babygirl.
“No. She didn’t.” He releases a heavy sigh. “She— it was the first night of the outbreak—“ His voice trails off when he sees you’ve figured out the rest, nodding as your own tears silently overflow.
Joel’s breath hitches. Reliving the incident through your eyes has what is left of his heart shattering against his chest.
Fail her. Again and again.
You feel it in your bones. A hurt so deep it feels unbearable. Beyond any capacity you think you can handle. It splinters and forks out, penetrating every layer of your being.
Joel wraps his arm around you, seeking a closeness he’s longed for in your arms.
You cling to him desperately. Trembling as your hearts fuse together, reinforcing a love that’s managed to withstand lost time. Picking up where you both left off— 21 years ago.
*
It’s some hours later. Tears dried and breathing settled. The heat radiating from the window warms the bedroom a few degrees above the morning chill.
Shuffling coming from downstairs wakes Joel. Pots and pans clanging about, alerts Joel that Ellie’s grudge against him was short lived, for now at least, especially since it seems as though hunger has struck. He knows he’ll have to face her sooner than later, snuff out any remaining teenage rage still actively smoldering.
A glimmer of light refracts off the window pane, collecting in the tiny diamond nestled in the center of the ring on your left hand that’s resting on his chest.
It draws him in. Like a moth to a lit flame, mesmerized by the sight, needing to consume its beauty wholly. His fingers fidget with the dainty gold band, again struck by how you still felt compelled to hold true to the vows you both shared, evident in the way you're still wearing it.
Joel’s contemplation of the ring pulls you from the edge of sleep. The stammering of his heart, wavering somewhere between a nervousness or exultant leveled rhythm, is the first sound you audibly recognize as your eyes take in the rest of the room.
“You’re still wearing it.” Joel's voice rumbles through his rib cage against the walls of his chest.
“Hmm?” Your sleep addled mind absorbing and deciphering to its best ability.
He lifts your hand, thumb running over your most treasured possession. Your fingers splay out above where you both still lay in Joel’s bed, cotton sheets kicked away, neither of you willing to let go of the other.
“Yeah— kept me going when I didn’t have any reason to.”
The watch still wrapped around his wrist doesn’t go unnoticed. Its face no longer resembles the pristine condition it once had. The arms frozen in place. A time forever displayed as such. The cause of its destruction is not of importance right now— another time.
“Wait— I have something.” It’s all you say before you extract yourself from Joel’s arms. “My bag.”
Joel sits up alongside you, pointing to the corner of the room. Your tattered leather bag slumped on the floor next to the wooden dresser.
Your tired legs carry you to your belongings on the other side of the room. The floorboards cool beneath your feet during the short distance it takes to grab the bag and haul it back to the bed where Joel rests propped against the headboard. The mattress dips as you climb back in, reclaiming the space next to him.
Joel watches as you sift through the opening, in search of something hidden within the bag’s contents, in a spot only known to you.
A small smile breaks across your face the second your fingers clasp around the small item.
“I made it back to the house after some time— had to see if I could find you. It was sitting in its usual spot in our bedroom. It’s been with me ever since.”
Your fingers slowly unfurl, revealing a simple gold band resting in your palm. “I believe this belongs to you.”
Everything stills as you watch Joel take in the sight of his wedding. Find it hard to discern what he’s feeling at this moment. His relaxed features now clouded by sadness and confusion, causing you to second guess your intentions for wanting him to have it back at this time.
“It’s okay if you don’t want it right now— or ever. I know this is all still a lot to take in for both of us. So I understand if you don’t. I just—“
“No— No, Eve. I do. I definitely do want it.”
It fits back where it was intended to be with ease. The metal intense the second it makes contact with your skin, Joel’s large hands cradling your face as he delivers a gentle kiss of gratitude to you.
“Thank you. For keeping it safe for me.” He says softly against your smile. “Forever mine.”
“Forever yours.”
*
Joel’s moving about, pulling clothes from over stuffed drawers, dressing himself for the day. You're occupied on the edge of the bed, unpacking the remaining items from your bag in preparation to find permanence in this space Joel calls home. He’d mentioned the idea of you living here with him, giving you the option of taking his room for yourself while he camped out in the living room, which you turned down immediately. You had just gotten him back, and you wanted it to stay that way. So you agreed to stay permanently in his room, under the condition that he would be in it too.
The bed shifts when Joel sits next to you, groaning as he leans down to pull on and lace up his scuffed work boots.
“What all you got in there?” Joel’s focus oscillates between you and his hands working at his worn laces, watching you empty 21 years worth of life that’s been crammed into the small space.
“Pad of paper, a few books, some maps, some first aid equipment, a change of clothes that desperately needs to be cleaned.” He listens to you intently, the bag deflating as you pull each item, inspecting it then strategically organizing them on the bed for the time being, glancing over when you hear Joel chuckling as you rattle off one thing after the next. “Some other random things I’ve collected over the years.”
Everything accounted for, you toss your bag to the side. It hits the floor with a muffled thud in front of Joel’s boots. You miss the small folded paper that slips onto the patterned rug that lays beneath the bed.
“This somethin’ of importance?” Joel asks, hold the paper between two fingers.
“Not sure. Might just be some trash.” Taking it from him, promptly unfolding it for further consideration.
It’s a letter. Not one of your own, although it’s directly addressed to you. Your eyes flit over every word. Then once more. And then again. Picking up on key words each read through.
Eve… Genevieve… Jackson… Radio… Joel… Bit… I’ll be waiting for your letter… I love you…
“What is it?” Joel’s hand settles on your thigh, your silence slowly becoming worrisome as you stare at the paper, its edges crinkled in your grip.
“Joel— what’s your job here?” Your voice cracks in the air.
“Patrol mainly. Took over the radio sometime ago. Help out here and there— wherever I can. Why?” His thumb strokes over your leg, a subtle mixture of coaxing and grounding, equally preparing himself for whatever it is that you’ve just happened upon.
Each droplet hits the paper with a sharp plunk.
Plunk. Plunk. Plunk.
The words blurring, squeezing your eyes shut tightly, releasing the tears all at once.
Plunk. Plunk. Plunk.
“Eve— what is it?”
“You helped guide Steve and I here—“
78 notes
·
View notes
How to download wurst hacks
#HOW TO DOWNLOAD WURST HACKS HOW TO#
#HOW TO DOWNLOAD WURST HACKS CODE#
#HOW TO DOWNLOAD WURST HACKS DOWNLOAD#
Added AutoArmor hack with NoCheat+/AAC bypass, support for enchantments and more (same as in Wurst 6.20).
#HOW TO DOWNLOAD WURST HACKS DOWNLOAD#
Minecraft WURST 1.16.x Hacked Client + Download Minecraft SIGMA 1.15.x - 1.8.x Hacked Client (DOPE HACKS, MAD BYPASSES for hypixel, cubecraft, mineplex, gommehd, funcraft, etc, and MORE!) + Download Added Jesus hack with NoCheat+ bypass. ForgeWurst for Minecraft 1.10.2 + Forge 2185 ForgeWurst 0.11 Beta - AntiSpam, Repair Mode. ForgeWurst 0.10 Beta - AutoFish, MobSpawnESP. ForgeWurst for Minecraft 1.12.2 + Forge 2705 ForgeWurst 0.11 Beta - AntiSpam, Repair Mode.
Minecraft ForgeWurst Hacked Client Downloads ForgeWurst downloads for all Minecraft versions.
#HOW TO DOWNLOAD WURST HACKS HOW TO#
ForgeWurst v0.11 MC1.12.2 for Minecraft 1.12.2 + Forge 2705 ForgeWurst v0.11 MC1.10.2 for Minecraft 1.10.2 + Forge 2185 Related Tutorials How to install ForgeWurs.
Hello guys EXPAND -GENERAL INFO- Link to Wurst - Links.
Wurst 6.29 - Better BuildRandom, Zoom Fixes. Wurst 6.30 - Better AutoFish, FastBreak Legit Mode. Wurst 6.33 - AutoTotem for Minecraft 1.12.x, Bugfixes. Wurst 6.34 - Crystal Auras & Entity Filters.
Minecraft 1.8 Wurst Hacked Client Downloads Wurst Client downloads for Minecraft 1.8 - 1.8.9.
Minecraft 1.12.2 ForgeWurst Hacked Client Downloads. Hey Guys! Another tutorial here and this is how to install the Wurst hacked client for 1.8.9 and above: link to OPTFINE:(1.8.9). Minecraft 1.15.2 Wurst Hacked Client Downloads Wurst Client downloads for Minecraft 1.15. Download Wurst or See Other Projects Featur. In the video we specifically use Wurst, bu. This video shows you how to download and install hacks for Minecraft in version 1.12 but it works for any version. As you comprehend, the primary concern in hacks is obviously not mystery and alternate routes Thank you for watching! I hope you find this helpful! = í µí¹‡í µí¹ží µí¹£í µí¹ í µí¹¨: Wurst Hacked Client: Noice Minecraft Network. Hack Wurst is a Swiss blade, which has capacities for any prerequisites and solicitations. Wurst Hacked Client 1.12.2 Minecraft Download - the best delegate of hack consolidates, having an enormous number of altogether different capacities. Wurst for Minecraft 1.16.3 Wurst for Minecraft 1.16.2 Wurst for Minecraft 1.16.1 Wurst. Latest Wurst Updates Snapshots, Pre-Releases, etc.
#HOW TO DOWNLOAD WURST HACKS CODE#
Download Tutorials Source Code Contact Me Donate Search Minecraft Wurst Hacked Client Downloads Wurst Client downloads for all Minecraft versions. Wurst Client downloads for all Minecraft versions. ForgeWurst 0.10 Beta - AutoFish, MobSpawnES Wurst Client downloads for all Minecraft versions. Minecraft 1.12.2 ForgeWurst Hacked Client Downloads ForgeWurst 0.11 Beta - AntiSpam, Repair Mode.
0 notes