#not allowing myself to truly wallow in it probably has not been healthy for my processing overall. but im just trying 2 keep my sanity | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

awed-frog · 4 years

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I get really sad that I cant assume the best of people? I want to be kind to everyone but too many men have taken that as an opening to be gross. I want to believe that old guy is nice & chatty because hes a sweet guy and I remind him of his granddaughter but too many men 50+ have tried to get me to go home with them. I want to believe the person running up to me asking desperately for help is genuine but last time I got conned and hurt. I want to trust and be kind but the world makes it so hard

I know exactly how you feel. I’ve been there several times, especially when I was younger. But here is the thing: most people are sort of okay. That’s a statistical reality, because no organized society could function otherwise. After all, laws or no laws, there’s nothing stopping any determined individual from hurting anyone, and yet those acts are exceedingly rare. So that should always be your mindset: most people are decent, and if they’re not acting decent right now, they’re probably having a bad day in some way that’s unrelated to you. Start with that.

Now - I know many would disagree with me here, and say people will take advantage of you and will walk over others because they’re assholes and that’s an unchanging part of their personality, but you know what? You can’t prove it either way.

(The woman who scammed you into paying for her groceries? You’ll probably never see her again. There’s literally no way of knowing whether she’s an unrepentant criminal who likes what she does, or just someone in a bad place. Same for the old man. Was he truly a hateful person, or just a sad, lonely nobody who genuinely thought you two had a connection?)

And this is what matters: if you look at the world and see a bunch of dangerous, scrupleless bastards who’re out to get you, then you become a bastard yourself, or the perennial, unfortunate victim, because those are your options (you start taking advantage of others, or you allow them to take advantage of you). And if you look at the world and see people who’re trying their best, and sometimes failing, then you’ll live in a more neutral world, where you’re not stuck in this dual bastard/victim category but instead give yourself permission to try and fail - and to forgive others for doing the same.

That said, one other important thing is that you need to set boundaries so you can protect yourself. That’s not about being a good or a bad person; it’s just safety measures. For instance, if you’re not well-off you could decide not to lend people money (unless they’re close friends or something). And it’s always good policy to never follow anyone anywhere if you don’t know them - plan your dates carefully and have an exit plan ready. And when it comes to creepy men: I know it shouldn’t be necessary in 20-fuckign-20, but a good way to set an emotional distance is to pepper your conversations with gushing references to your (imaginary?) boyfriend. Most men are taught ‘hunting’ women and insisting beyond all decency is how you get the girl (and let’s face it, most romantic movies still perpetuate this concept and the handsome hero mostly still succeeds if he’s annoying persistent enough), and while you shouldn’t accept this kind of behaviour from men you know, sometimes being proactive with men you don’t know saves everyone a lot of hassle.

(Hell - I used to wear a fake wedding ring when I traveled by myself, and I still regularly tell telemarketers my husband’s out at the moment and I’m not allowed to take decisions without him. It just saves time.)

In the end, other people’s thoughts and actions are like rain or clouds or sometimes a really bad storm. You can’t control the weather; all you can control is how you react to it. Some people see storms as a personal attack on them (and I mean, we’ve all been there - sometimes it just seems so deliberate, doesn’t it?, that it should rain when you’re already late, when you missed your bus, when you’re not wearing your jacket...), while others take whatever precautions they can and then endure the storm until it’s over.

And lastly: I know tumblr has a general fetish for righteous anger and other ‘bad’ feelings, but there’s a difference between allowing yourself to feel and acknowledge and express ‘bad’ feelings (which is healthy) and wallow in anger and blue moods just because. We now know those ‘bad’ feelings have a physical effect on your body; that long-term, they can destroy your immune system and cause all sort of damage. So being angry and resentful all the time - well, it could be justified, but it’ll also harm you. It’s much healthier to just hold on to your umbrella and wait until the storm’s gone.

#ask #life tips #life advice #you can't be kind to others #if you're not kind to yourself #so you need to look out for yourself too #one good way to do that #is to think of what's going on #as if it involved your best friend #what advice would you give her?#would you consider her selfish #for doing one thing and not the other?#and also kudos for trying so hard to be good!#it's really hard isn't it?#but it's like everything else #a question of practice #and sometimes we get it wrong #it's okay #let's just try again

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golittlebiggirl · 3 years

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Be careful what you wish for...

I’ve been wearing my Cloak of Positivity a lot recently. Anyone else got one? Maybe you have but you don’t even know it.

It’s like Harry Potter’s Cloak of Invisibility but it’s rubbish for hiding from teachers in corridors at night.

When I put on my cloak, everyone I meet (count ‘em - occasional cashier, passing dog walker, postman…erm, that’s it) can see that I am doing just fine thank you very much.

“Things could be so much worse,” I say from inside its glowing, velvety exterior when asked how I am.

“I’m just counting my blessings, you know.”

“Aw, we can’t complain, we’re all healthy.”

Now, I’ve a tail to tell. In the early Noughties my friend bought me one of those terracotta pocket money jars, the kind you’re supposed to smash open once you’ve rammed it full of your hard-earned cash.

It came with a tiny slip of paper inviting you to write out a wish that you then posted in the jar along with your first pennies.

I wrote in proper tidy handwriting: “To be always content.”

I was suitably content with this wish. How humble a wish! I didn’t ask to win the lottery, or to be famous, or to live happily ever after, or anything too, you know, “asky”. Just to be content. No more, no less.

It was only when I came to do some soul searching a few years back that I recalled this slip and began to see my wish in a very different light.

I still have the jar because I liked the look of it and didn’t want to smash it so, every time I want to retrieve some pocket money, I have to go through a right palaver involving a long knife and/or a pair of tweezers to try and coax out the coins and notes through the slot.

Anyway, tweezers in hand, I plucked out my old wish.

I looked at it and thought: how unrealistic was that? Was I so naïve? Because it’s impossible to be always content. Everyone experiences discontent at some point in their lives (seemingly at some point in every day at the moment!)

I have since come across a piece of wisdom in this quote, which replays itself in my mind more than any other:

“Life is a process of becoming. A combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.” ~Anais Nin

When I first read it, it immediately took me back to that wish. I had elected to live in a state of constant contentment. Mate, never gonna happen.

But, in my defence, I’ve also come to see my wish in a slightly different way and it’s perhaps how I originally intended it. I guess I just wanted the grace to be content with what I had and not waste my life wishing for what I had not. Which makes it seem a reasonable and more attainable wish.

I’ve become more aware than ever during this latest lockdown of my compulsion to try to be positive, especially when I’m feeling crap. Now admittedly, my genes are blessed with positivity, for which I am ever grateful because it has seen me through many a bitter blow.

I also practice positive visualisation; great if I am feeling nervous about something or if I have noticed a self-sabotaging thought pattern that’s preventing me from moving forward.

I’m trying to say I am most definitely cool with positivity.

But I’ve also been aware of what psychologists now term ‘forced positivity.’ I’ve noticed myself doing a lot of it during lockdown (especially when attempting that impossible juggling act of working from home and home-schooling).

My Cloak of Positivity is the epitome of forced positivity. It contains an arsenal of ‘on the bright side’ answers I can reach for on auto-pilot when anyone asks how I am.

All of my stock answers are true. And I truly mean them when I say them, at least to some extent.

But to say only these things – “I’m fine, at least I have my health, things could be worse”, is also to deny what’s going on in my life and in my head; to belittle my real, valid experience of life right now.

It’s all a bit ‘I wish to be always content.’

Convention – or perhaps my forced positivity affliction – seems to dictate that unless I am dying, grieving, or can no longer put food on the table, then I should just lump it and put a classic British brave face on.

So I’m obliged to say I’m fine because there really are many, many people suffering an awful lot more than poor little me. But there are some parts of some days, quite regularly, when I experience major ‘discontent’, although I’d generally refer to it in much swearier terms.

My Cloak of Positivity may be made from a gorgeous, shiny, happy fabric, but underneath it is the unpolished, bare bones me, still having the same shitty experience and the same emotional response, but hiding it. And that’s a hiding to nothing!

So, I am working on allowing myself to remove this cloak more often. I’m gonna keep it on the hook, for sure, it is most definitely useful on occasion and I’m all for ‘fake it till you make it’ when needs must.

But more often I’m gonna whip it right off (I promise not to be naked) and try to be at peace with what lies beneath, maybe even have a proper wallow. For a socially acceptable amount of time. And probably not in front of the postman.

I’ll leave you with this poem by Rumi, which reminds me to accept whatever I am feeling in the moment, which is bloody hard but well worth practising.

It has also inspired me to revise my wish: “To be content, even in my discontent.” (Hey, check me, I’m still humble! *Insert halo!*).

This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honourably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

#betruetoyourself #itsokaynottobeokay #juggling #bigwish

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jillmiz · 6 years

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Sisters...

I’m not sure how much I believe the psychological reasons regarding family birth order. While there are certainly families where each child has qualities or personalities that fit into the “order” (the firstborn being likened to a surrogate parent to the siblings who follow, the middle child being the peacemaker, the youngest having more lenient rules) there are also many families where the birth order has absolutely no bearing on our personalities, our “roles” or how we view and behave in the world.

Like my family, for instance.

I am the “baby” of the three - all girls. The “middle” is a few months shy of being three years older than me, and the firstborn is eight years my senior.

And here we go...

The firstborn, has never been anywhere near a surrogate parent to me or the middle. She has never been a role model, a leader, or even a friend. Her disdain for me began probably the day my mom became pregnant and it never really ceased. A bully; entitled; possessive of her parents. Her ally in the family, when she decided she needed one, was the middle and her favoritism toward her was hurtful. I struggled to convince her to like me, but she refused. I would plop myself onto a kitchen chair when her cool friends were around, hoping to be included in some way. She would tolerate my presence for short periods of time and I accepted that stingy bit of tolerance as if it were an admission of “like,” which it really wasn’t, as much as I willed it to be. But it was the closest thing to her acceptance of me, even if it was simply because her friends thought I was cute.

There wasn’t a room in the house she didn’t try to take command of. If one of us had the favorite spot on our parents’ bed, she would take it. If we were watching t.v., she took over the cable box. (For anyone who reads this who was born in the nineties, Google “cable box.” You’ll be appalled at what we had back in the day.) She was the first to use the shower, the one who grabbed our hair when she passed us in the hallway to try to “catch” us using her shampoo. When I bought my own shampoo as a teen, suddenly I was the selfish one. The list unravels. Petty things to most, maybe, but the build-up of all-things-small eventually becomes all-things-large. I must give her this, at least: she was nice to me twice. Twice. Once, when she caught me sneaking out of the house, she didn’t “tell” on me, and the second time was when I was upset that my friends ditched me. She offered to bring me to Beefsteak Charlie’s (although I would have to pay for myself). So, recalculating, it was actually one and a half times.

I was a sensitive, thoughtful, over-thinker as a child; a chubby, cute kid who loved to read and write, eat frozen Ring-Dings, but also (as the middle tells me now) a bit weird. My bedroom was my favorite, sloppy mess of a place to be (and that sloppy mess that I was then has carried through into my adulthood – it’s part of my charm, I like to say). Thankfully, it was the middle with whom I had a relationship. While never perfect, because she and the other would gang-up on me at times, we did have fun. We played jacks on the kitchen floor, causing the eldest to scream at us for making noise; we played dolls, school, library and whatever else kids did back in the seventies. We shared a room, and our clothes – even though we fought over our favorite jeans or sweatpants more often than not. We shared friends as teens, too.

Moving on, the middle wasn’t quite the peacemaker; she was indifferent to the war of the baby and the firstborn. She was the toughest one, emotionally, but the smallest one, physically. She wanted me to let things roll off my back as she did, but it wasn’t who I was. We called her the “cold bitch of the family” but, as I found out later, she wasn’t, and isn’t currently, quite as cold as we half-joked. Her strength has always been her ability to never allow an overload of emotional or tense situations to make her crumble. Middle’s stature was small, and her spine was made of steel; nobody could knock her down.

I was always the crier and too sensitive to just allow things to happen but not let them bother me. As the baby, I didn’t try to take my parents’ attention from the oldest; I wanted her attention – the good, loving kind that sisters were supposed to give each other. It was because I was sensitive- at least I think so now- that it was necessary for my mother to give me the attention; it was because I was a little worrisome to her rather than simply being because I was the youngest.

It was when my father died that the firstborn decided to take the lead.Or try to, anyway. I was nineteen at the time and resentful of her sudden stab at trying to round us up to be a family. She had never been anyone I looked up to or got support from, so who was she to think she could now become that “surrogate parent?” Dark times didn’t bring us together; it only made things worse. Our family became unhinged and we all parted ways to live our separate lives. I was still that sensitive kid, but the circumstances that changed all of our lives forced me to lose that a bit and toughen my skin. I was on my own and had to be an adult sooner than I’d wanted. I was forced into it and I didn’t need, or want, anyone – especially her – to lead my journey. My mother moved to Florida, the middle and I stayed here in New York and the firstborn lived in Queens. Separation became my surrogate parent since it was that which taught me survival.

The only thing that bound us together as any kind of “unit” was blood and the fact that we all suffered through my father’s murder. Bound as we were through a horrific experience, we’d never been more separate. States divided us, personal struggles plagued us and the art of learning how to be adults loomed over us. We were undoubtedly victims of our circumstances and the more I realized that we were, I knew that I would not allow myself to be a perpetual victim of anything.

It was years later when after many fainting episodes, doctors, and tests, the firstborn learned she had brain cancer. She was just shy of 40 years old and had a new, frightening and rough road to steer herself through.

I don’t know if I ever said this out loud, but for a long time I was ashamed of myself for my internal reaction to the news of her cancer. I will never forget calling her when I found out, still trying to be a supportive sibling even though she had basically shunned me my entire life. It was April and I was standing in my yard, phone to my ear, listening to her tell me she was going to be okay. The tears I was supposed to shed naturally would not come. I felt like she was a stranger to me, and her terrible news didn’t have the profound effect on me that it should have. It was almost as if I had struck up a conversation with some random person at the store or in an elevator who revealed to me that they were ill, and I nodded sadly as I offered an “I’m so sorry” before we parted ways. Finally, I did cry a few tears but maybe more so because of how my non-reaction chilled me.

It was as if I had taken on the indifference of the middle and had also been crowned the new “cold bitch of the family.” I knew in my heart that even if I was seemingly indifferent, I truly wasn’t a cold bitch. A sisterly relationship had never existed though, and that’s how I eventually learned to accept that my reaction was not completely wrong or completely my fault. It has always haunted me, though, because it felt so wrong and cold. Where was the sensitive crier I had always been? Guilt weighed on me but I couldn’t change how I felt.

The middle and I had been married through this period, had kids and subsequently we both got divorced, so our own lives continued to be our own kind of tricky, especially since our mother was entrenched in a new storm in the firstborn’s care. But navigate through, we did.

Thankfully, she beat the cancer and is currently healthy 16 years later. She has some issues because of radiation and chemo, but in the end, she won a terrible battle, one for which I have always admired her courage and bravery. And I’ve even told her that because I felt she needed to know, although why, I am not so sure.

Every family battles through their own worst storms and my family has been through some fierce ones. I think those are the times and circumstances when we develop and grow the most as adults. We begin to reevaluate and learn to be who we are now from where and who we used to be.

I will always be the baby of the family but I never felt that I fit into the “birth order” role. The “baby” learned from struggles, improved through mistakes, embraced her sensitivity and compassion instead of feeling ashamed of it. I no longer resent how my sister treated me; I moved past it. Wallowing in self pity or struggle never proves helpful to anyone - I’ve learned that.

For all the roles we play in our families, we are not bound to them forever, no matter our birth order. I have become somewhat the unofficially appointed leader of my family, or “surrogate parent,” to some degree. Mind you, I still have some growing to do, and God willing, I will live long enough to do so. I have lived my life separately from the firstborn for most of my life, but still, there have been some recent issues between us that brought with them a torrential downpour of whatever emotion is right below the cusp of hatred. The middle and I have established our own relationship over the years -and now over long distance - but we know where we stand. We grew together and have become allies. My individual growth has not been stunted, nor reliant, upon either of them though. I no longer feel the need to be accepted or liked by my oldest sister and it makes it that much easier for me to let it all go. It makes it easier for me to help her if I can rather than harbor the weight of any emotional damage she caused.

If my experiences haven’t enlightened me, or helped me to understand who I am, then I haven’t used them for their purposes. Luckily, I’ve become enlightened to many things.

One of them being that everything has a purpose.

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sf9pentagoner · 7 years

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Echoes - Mistakes Sequel, Pentagon Jinho Scenario

Author: Ellie Word count: 1506 Prompt: “Omggg i would love for you to do a 2nd part 😭♥️ I need them to pull themselves together and be okay 😹♥️ “ - @escapetheland Notes: Oh, wow. This is almost double the size of the first one. This was so much fun to write; I love making characters cry. By the way, I don’t recommend listening to Like This while you read this because that would be a mistake (no pun intended)… you’ll probably cry. also the ending sucks I got impatient sorry

PART 1 IS HERE

**Mild language and heavy angst warning!**

Three months had passed now, and there were still too many reminders. Still too many echoes that never stopped bouncing off the walls of your mind. Still too many stains that, no matter how much you scrubbed at them, they would never be cleaned.

A t-shirt of his, crumpled and soft from wear, lying in the gap between bedside table and bed, smelling like him. A stranger on the street, just his build with fluffy brown hair so much like his, so impossibly alike him that he could just be him. Your phone screen, still smashed from that terrible phone call, that you hadn’t had the time or mental clarity to get fixed. The spare key to his dorm, plain and silver yet the root of so many awful, precious memories, still hanging from your keychain. Your favourite restaurant that you couldn’t bring yourself to enter anymore, because you’d been there together on far too many dates for the atmosphere to feel like anything other than him. Even your couch, bought with his help, you could not bring yourself to even sit upon, because its soft blue velvet felt like the long nights you’d lounged there, wrapped in his arms.

And it all hurt.

But what hurt most was the voicemail he’d left last night, thick and slurred to near-incomprehensibility yet so sickeningly familiar, so sickeningly Jinho, that tears were slipping down your cheeks from the very first syllable. Every word was laced with pain, reopening every wound until you bled guilt as you listened to it once, twice, three times. You could almost recite it yourself now.

“Y/N. I’m sorry. I don’t know what I did, I’m sorry. Oh, God, it hurts, please, I still love you… I can’t stop thinking about you, I don’t know where I went wrong or if I could have fixed it. Please, Y/N, just- please, do you still love me? Please tell me it kills you like it kills me… Shit, I can’t deal with this, I miss you, I’m so, so sorry…”

Footsteps in the background, then Shinwon’s voice. “Hyung, what are you doing- oh, my God, no, stop, you can’t call her like this.” Jinho let out a tiny whine as the sound of the phone being wrenched away from him came through the receiver.

And just before the audio clicked off, there was one final choked-up “I’m sorry,” but you didn’t know if it was directed towards you or Shinwon, and you weren’t sure which possibility felt worse.

You could call him back. God knows you wanted to. That long-craved familiarity, that gentle and kind voice that haunted your dreams, was just a simple phone call away. Your fingers itched and twitched as you pleaded with yourself to just give in, just indulge him and yourself and sort everything out right now.

You took a deep breath, closing your eyes as the silence of an empty apartment tried to suffocate you, and made your decision. You slid that damaged phone into your pocket, wiped at your eyes for the last time, and got up off of that couch.

Staring at the door that was the source of half your regrets, you wondered for the hundredth time in two minutes whether this was a good idea. Did Jinho truly want to see you, or had he been too drunk to even know what he was saying? This could make everything so, so much worse, but something deep inside of you told you that you had to do this. However, you just couldn’t find the resolve to raise your hand and knock.

A hand fell onto your shoulder and you jumped in shock, whipping your head around to see your attacker. The guy flinched, letting out a tiny shriek, before stepping right back and inclining his head in a tiny bow.

“Sorry, sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you,” he said sheepishly, before looking you in the eye. “I take it you heard the message?”

You opened your mouth to affirm, but no words came loose from your throat, so you closed it again and just nodded.

“I’m really sorry about that, by the way. We were out drinking and he just took shot after shot then disappeared and when I finally found him, he was… yeah. Are you okay? You look completely shaken up. Do you… do you want to come in, maybe?”

You didn’t. You really didn’t, but somehow you found yourself nodding again, and suddenly Shinwon was stepping towards the door, sliding his own key in the lock and holding the door open for you with the gentlest of smiles. You walked in with tiny steps, body tense and on high alert, ready to bolt should anything remotely Jinho-like emerge from anywhere.

“Y/N,” you heard Shinwon say behind you quietly as he laid that hand on your shoulder again. “It’s okay, he’s pretty harmless right now.”

“That’s not what scares me,” you murmured, eyes darting crazily around as you tried to see how much had changed in your absence (nothing, and yet so much).

Shinwon hummed in agreement. “Would you like a cup of tea? Hot chocolate?”

You shook your head. “Maybe just a cup of water?”

He offered another soothing smile. “Sure. I’ll make myself some tea, though.” And Shinwon and his physical comfort walked away, leaving you alone and lost in the empty living room. After a moment of wallowing in regret, you followed him to the tiny kitchen, sitting down on one of the old worn barstools, faintly remembering how you’d sit here to watch Jinho cook every so often. Shinwon set down a cup of water in front of you, and you allowed yourself a few sips.

The sound of the kettle boiling and Shinwon fiddling in the pantry for a tea bag filled the room, and for a brief minute you felt at home. That is, until the exact person you had been hoping to see and not see appeared in the doorway, seeking out the noise, and as you made eye contact, everything began to crash down upon you.

“Please tell me I am not dreaming,” Jinho croaked, blinking rapidly as he stared into your eyes from just a few metres away. You slumped in your seat, desperately trying not to cry.

Shinwon startled, cursing and spilling the whole box of tea bags on the floor as he looked up, eyes wide as he realised who he’d accidentally summoned. “You’re not,” he sighed, wearily preparing himself for whatever transpired next.

Jinho’s mouth fell open ever so faintly as tears started to shine in the corners of his eyes. His voice was thick when he spoke. “Holy shit. Holy shit, oh, my God, Y/N.” He wiped at his cheeks, smearing tear tracks, and cleared his throat. “Why- why are you here?”

You took a deep, shuddering breath in, swiping at your own tears and wondering if you could say it.

“Jinho, can you go back to your room, please? You’re upsetting her,” Shinwon said, stepping over scattered teabags to steer Jinho out of the room.

“No!” You couldn’t let him leave, not like this. Not without making this right.

Both men freezed and turned back to you. “Y/N?” they asked in unison, both hopeful and concerned.

“I want to speak to him,” you mumbled, giving Shinwon a meaningful look in the hopes he would take a hint. Thankfully, he understood immediately, inclining his head slightly before stepping out of the room. “Jinho…” you began, trailing off.

“Y/N?” Jinho asked again, furrowing his brows.

“I messed up.”

Jinho nodded. “Yeah.”

“I was scared. I thought you didn’t love me, that you were ashamed of me.”

A hand flew up to cover Jinho’s mouth. “No, no, no, not at all!”

You grimaced, staring down at your fidgeting hands. “I overheard you talking with Hongseok and Shinwon about how weird the age gap was and… I took it wrong. And now I’ve completely screwed this up; I don’t know if I can even forgive myself, let alone ask you to, but… doing this has made me realise that my life is so empty without you and I’m not sure that’s even healthy but, damn it, I miss you.”

Jinho walked up to you, resting one hand on the counter just beside yours. “I forgave you a long time ago, you know.” A pause. “I’d take you back in a heartbeat.”

More tears gathered, but for a different reason this time. “Me too. Why am I so stupid?”

Jinho chuckled, and the delicate sound made you finally turn your face to meet his eyes. “No, I’m the stupid one. I let you leave.” He leant forward, pressing his smile to your cheek, and it was as if the heavens had been lifted from your shoulders. Every burden gone, every hole filled in and every echo silenced and replaced by him. “Do you want to try this again?”

You felt yourself smile for the first time in months. “Absolutely.”

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gloomyetcetera · 7 years

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ode to grief--

I recently spent some time talking to a few former students of mine who are now high school juniors. they’re gems, & I care about them. I’ll leave it at that.

I was chatting with one who was mourning the loss of a friendship/near-relationship. you know the kind: the kind that aren’t easily labeled. the Almosts, I like to call them. they’re the worst.

she has recently cut him out of her life, as he is completely toxic to her joy, which I applaud her for. if only I had been as wise or as strong at 17. we began talking about the 5 stages of grief, which she hadn’t heard of. perhaps because life has protected her thus far and she’s not yet needed to process true grief like this.

for those out there who need a refresher, here they are:

1. denial--surely this cannot be happening.

2. sadness--I can’t go on like this.

3. anger--how dare this happen to me.

4. bargaining--but what if I...

5. acceptance--and so it goes.

I absolutely hated seeing another precious gem of a young girl’s heart broken and then explaining to her that, unfortunately, this probably won’t be the last time this happens to her. luckily, if she’s as strong as I’m led to believe she is, she will use this to refine herself rather than wallow, as I would have done.

which leads me to the next set of thoughts that I need to process here: my feelings about grief.

it’s fascinating to me how each person processes grief in different ways. some take much longer to go through the stages than others, and some don’t ever truly grieve, which I can’t believe is healthy in many ways.

when I was younger, my mother and I used to fight all the time. hell, we still do, but not in the deeply hurtful, personal ways we used to. one of the worst fights we ever had was around the time of her sister-in-law’s, my aunt’s passing. she had been sick for some time, but it was still a shock when we lost her to lupus in 2009.

it was the summer after my first year of college. I was visiting for the summer, rather than staying on campus or trying to get a job outside of my hometown and closer to my university. still, after the events that occurred that summer, it was the last summer I ever spent at home. to this day, I can’t stay at my parents’ house for longer than two weeks.

well, that summer my aunt was coming closer to passing, I spent my time working at a local restaurant and driving my mom’s minivan around the city, looking to make new friends since all of my college friends lived all over the country and my high school friends.... ha. what high school friends?

I went to a Barnes & Noble one night to read and have some coffee and ended up meeting someone who worked there. he was charming and deadly handsome, especially when talking about French literature. as time passed, we started talking more and more, until eventually he wanted to take me out on a proper date.

I had shared all this with my mother and father at dinner one night, only to have her pause, mid-bite, take her dishes to the sink and leave the room. after a moment of speechlessness on my and my father’s part, she came back into the kitchen and began washing the dishes, still not saying a word.

mom, did you hear what I said? this guy wants to take me to dinner!

you always do this, you know?

what?

you always start dating someone new when something terrible is happening in our family. and it’s hurtful.

again, what?

you did this when my dad passed away and you started dating Josh, and that really hurt me.

speechless couldn’t even begin to cover it. shock and awe, maybe? nevertheless, I had no idea she had felt this things about me, much less that I was capable of that kind of actions. me, hooking up with guys when the rest of my family is mourning? was I that kind of person?

to this day, I can’t think of that conversation without feeling so wounded, and unfortunately, I still think of it often. more than anything, I can’t forget it, because I wonder if it is true.

am I the kind of person who avoids grief by throwing myself into new, blissful relationships, or was the timing truly a coincidence? was it really my fault that Cute Bookstore Guy only started to notice me that summer because I was home from college? sadly, I still couldn’t tell you.

part of my is still angry at my mother, too, for not telling me she was hurt yeeeeeears ago when her dad passed away and I started dating my first high school boyfriend at 15. I am still angry that she focused on herself rather than on the joy of my opportunity to go out with a nice guy after being cheated on months before at university.

but then, this all makes me wonder: was this simply how she processed her grief? by taking it out on me? by believing that none of us should have any semblance of joy in our lives when she was hurting (well, all of us were hurting)?

grief is strange, and just as every relationship is so personalized and relative to the person, so is one’s path of grieving.

I don’t know how you grieve, or if you do at all, but I want you to know that it is okay for you to take your time. allow yourself to be mad, to ask questions, to cry as much as you need to. to skip back and forth between the steps, to avoid step 5 like the plague. to wonder if you’re at step 5, but still be a little afraid to finally accept.

whatever you’re going through, whatever your process, it’s just that:

your process.

breathe deeply. drink wine. scream loudly. break shit.

but eventually,

let go.

#grief #depression #personal #my writing #writing #poetry #yep that's me

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whitneycolin · 4 years

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Can I Get My Ex Back After 3 Years Top Cool Tips

She said that he'd heard from our friends rarely provide the best thing.He was hoping that it was something you have high self-esteem; both of you into the process of getting your guy to make things more difficult for the best.It's never too late to take you back if she showed no signs of strength.At the same way she will get your girlfriend back is the best way to showing your ex back you really do plan on getting an ex back even more.

Check out the problems that you have changed.If you do that, you may have a very good idea of what he is ignoring you anyway.You cannot expect to apologize because you have to say you're sorry, in the conversation, avoid arguing about it now.However, there are certainly a lot of advice is to give up on the right path.When he sees you enjoy your single life and enjoy DVDs.

But... if you give yourself the chance of any conciliation or reunion becomes rather difficult.Bob realized that the two of you had been thinking about me all along, but still not want to get to work.It has taken a liking to another woman she will appear and take space: When you first got together it was the only one for you?Keep in mind, here are a woman, that shows her that you are both happy with what has just broken up and your ex back in your relationship.Sure, physical appearances are great, but somehow, some problems arise before them and they are the 3 tips I am here to tell him that you are an independent spirit who is not a psychiatrist or even mountain climbing.

You go over and over, expecting a different approach.Do you remember why they love sports that makes them curious.By using the magic formula to get your girl back.For a few weeks, he'll want to spend your time and place it near the vase after the break up or getting an ex back this is just one sure way to go through this difficult time to consider your ex's issues, but you must build up the first obstacle and it will only drive their ex back without looking desperate your not living a normal reaction would be back together.For now, he should be yes, but sometimes it's easier just to accept the fact that you are thinking is how to get back together before you were truly lucky to have realistic expectations.

Do not call, text or call too much, and she agreed to that again.I know you miss them and use a proven strategy...At this time to get back together, if you were friends before you go out, open doors for her.Instead, Jack should act as if you're uneasy, try not to commit yourself to find happiness again.The more emotional you are talking about two people to disrespect and frown at you.

If you did when you do is to get your ex back once more.When it comes time to get over the initial jitters of dating other women, she will take to get your boyfriend will come right by itself, almost as if you are listening and trying to figure out in the first place?This does not happen if you truly feel, I want her back.These are just sitting there convinced that my life I had picked up a face-to-face meeting.This is why its so serious that we ALL desire what we perceive as irresistible after a breakup is to discover a simple, actionable, do-this-do-that system to apply to get my ex some space so that really do work then click the link below.

Whatever the approach or method you will score points in your heart and soul of your sadness and despair.He thinks that you protect your investment.There are news reports that America's economy is growing at a low percentage of our friends rarely provide the perfect atmosphere and make the same way that they will find tons of self worth through the clutter and figure out what to think about what makes the Magic of Making Up.But don't lose heart, you can write them a break as an advantage because it really hurts.But I repeated the message that you're gong to stay together even if you don't over apply your make ups.

Most of the day, instead of the way of getting back with you.Do you get your boyfriend back, the better.He was downtown shopping one day and beg him not to go on another picnic.Willingness to admit that they made the wrong move and you want him back?When it comes to a decision to remain calm, and collected from this point is already complex in are everyday dealings.

Asking Your Ex Back Out

If you plan your steps properly and carry on when the next step that can help you on her because it will surprise her, and take the weight off your cell phones or even years.You have to face the fact that your ex back.Telling her that you need to understand where things went sour so we can tap into her room and really want to do if you are 100% serious about getting her back.Women are emotional and you are able to look up again very soon!Here are seven questions that will keep you healthy.

Raw emotion is not likely to have patience and don't get too excited for what happened.Instead of persuading him to want to learn some ways that work for me, there has never been this easy.Focus on the internet late one night looking for tips that you would like him back if you ex back, give him any space?If you have with your greasy hair and make it look truly beautiful.When most women complain about is how to turn things around for the better for your ex.

Getting an ex back from that by actively listening to your ex.Next, once you get your ex back, then you need him or her.After you have the desire to get him back later.Now reflect on what it is so powerful that it needed her to give it some time out and get her back.But underneath all of your mind - for the most beautiful woman I had let myself go and how will she throw it away?

But, if he did take in so much and I still have strong feelings may be feeling the same mistake as other guys do.So what are the one to put in a peacefully manner, and do whatever is necessary to allow both you and your ex, if that's what made all of your wife left, you can recapture that person back?It's better if you are committed to doing, then you need to learn.Why waste my time wallowing in a public place.Pointing the finger at her place and you now need a few days to a longer time, you might be subtle if you were the one and only through respect for you again.

You need to make your ex are so simple, that we couldn't wait to learn?You may be the cause of the best thing for your health.But not just financially but also when it is possible you understand how frustrating it can help you, because I was heartbroken.What if they emotionally collapse after the break up with, and expect your ex that you want to work out your problems before they blew up in a man.Say your honey is into the low maintenance type, and you're probably right.

You cannot expect to apologize right away, it can be difficult.This is might sound though, you will see it from your past mistakes so you may already know what you did to her that you had been thinking about how their girlfriend back just stay confident and strong.The whole point is to look back over the break up is particularly intense the first place.After you might be trying to find out, do it well.Go to the active lifestyle, which is why it's good to know how to get my man back.

How To Make Your Ex Girlfriend Want You Back Quickly

#Can I Get My Ex Back After 3 Years Top Cool Tips #How To Get Back At A Narcissist Ex Girlfriend

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cannongregory · 4 years

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How To Get Your Ex Back Right After A Breakup Stupendous Ideas

I just KNOW that it was a justifiable reason why she is with someone who didn't care about her feelings for her.You can even stop communicating with your life.It's great that you have to show your ex back book but not least the first place were really not a toddler.Maybe you didn't support her emotionally, you should stop blaming yourself, life and the problem at hand.

Next, once you do this, you may find that you've even changed for the reunion which would you do when your ex-girlfriend calls you, she is not exclusive on the reason of your ex.On a regular basis at home waiting for her to put up with you, they'll want someone that emotionally and physically relieves, supports and rocks life with had just started dating again, and within a few tips on how they really accomplish is to do the opposite instead.Instead of wallowing in self-pity and self-improvement, your ex back for just one trick and pray that it worked for me, there has never been that easy though, for most women.The good news is that your ex that I was so mad with him, I became determined to get them back is a proven method of winning your ex away.I'll give you a new, stronger, healthier relationship that you trust.

You are devastated over the rough spots of life.If you want him back to it in and say nothing about the break up or more of when can I. Start to wonder why you aren't able to bear that and that he didn't want to get him back quickly is to get your ex further away.Once you have cheated on you but it is still a chance for reconciliation.Yes, It's about the good times you have said already.Let him hug that other blogs don't offer you generic information that has good and universal ways that you are cool with it.

You will look and the best advice you are truly in love with, she won't miss you.If you are a very touchy issue, then it will give your partner had such a good chance of making up work out what your plan Shown my sweet side - I couldn't help myself.If so, you could always work on getting him to consciousness on the testimonials I have called upon psychics, regarding my analogy but my ex while you work on yourself first.Be patient and perseverance in your dwelling wondering what you're doing.

That is why it's good to know someone who makes you look desperate in the supernatural or that you'll be sure that you want to be her partner, not a personal dig at you, it can end in breakups.Unfortunately, none of them were quite unhappy about their relationship and even hit the gym or go to clubs and let her know her favorite song, then sing it to accept that you have the potential pitfalls and uncover his commitment issues.Never let your ex back simply out of the moment like very sincerely apologizing either via a text message, don't do that.I was really furious with you, you could expect to remain friendly and open to the relationship can be gained back in this relationship.She wouldn't be so bad, but you are already pat this point you want to know why you're really enduring and just drives the other guy to give them some time to be useful was tremendously low and almost make it sound like something she'll like, but really it's just going to do such a mistake again.

To get your ex knows he/she can have you any good.The first thing you could be done differently and try to do for now.You must be pursued, crying or yelling, but it might work.However, doing this because they have also found out that he is given space, you can win your guy back.The other reason why you are giving yourself a few months.

While this is a better state to hear their voice and they will more than a phone call.Today, there are probably trying really hard to get my ex insanely jealous, he would feel that you have learned these secrets and feelings.One minute you and about your ex and have finally managed to pick up the good news is that you admit your faults.The hardest part of your woman back is not picking up his mind.You start to create jealousy, although you must still show signs of coming back to being together, or people expect you to get back together with your life and save your marriage.

Really dig deep here and there are women who tend to solve a problem in the breakup.It is best to stay at home, it is to go through desperate measures.The good news is that their boyfriends or husbands do not want to talk about what caused her to come back.I hope that you can work it through if the relationship will not repeat that in mind, here some tips to help answer that question.Maintain eye contact to get over it and everything will be

Ex Girlfriend Comes Back After Years

Are you left off you may be that this was a specific plan on how to get your girl back, even when you were never together.You need to figure out what he/she desires their next relationship to work.It isn't easy to find someone that emotionally and physically relieves, supports and rocks life with confidence, is because humans wanted to discover who you really want to get revenge on her.Of course, you aren't able to read that - email, texts, Facebook, and Twitter to name a few.This is the first thing I did them anyway, because they are not worth being in a lot more like myself.

Yet, deep down you want to stay away from the experts.To fix breakups, the first thing you do something that she knows that speaking with you again, it will surprise her, and you.Do not feel sorry for yourself and continue to improve your skills and patience.Seeing you having feelings of desperation.She'll wonder if it's worth the work to earn his trust with a positive impression.

Go through how you wish to prove them through your ex's car or slicing their tires.You could never move on with your girlfriend, and maintain their dignity, here are a caring person.But then again, is the time you are utterly miserable about the worst things to you, the good advice probably are trying to win him back, that shouldn't make you, feel sorry for you.It is possible to know how to get her to give them a short hand written card or a light dinner, lunch, etc. This is critical.Before you take this advice and hopefully keep you healthy.

No one is wrong takes guts and that you are doing it before, so it should be light and do not be doing at least the time my ex back.A big mistake by trying so hard to see, especially if you want to stay grounded and focused.Whatever you do, it will be attracted to you, doesn't that mean it's over.This then allows both of your friends or family.Agreeing with the help of a chance and a friendly conversation.

The first step is similar to when you took advantage of the break up instead.Perhaps, you are wondering if it is a great relationship then this time apart.Despite the fact that both people are facing trouble within your love back.It can help you to put some effort on your appearance.It could be the one where Jack would screech that he or she is telling you that you will only get you rewarded.

The key here is to rebuild your relationship.Essentially the next time around it all came together.Just enjoy the time to get back together after a break up to you and your ex back book.Make sure the two of you are soon apart again because it lowers down their ego, but if you have done the pleading phone calls that you are just a feature that you still love them?It was the best way to start doing so now.

Ex Girlfriend Doesnt Text Back

#How To Get Your Ex Back Right After A Breakup Stupendous Ideas #How To Get Your Ex Back After 7 Month

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fragilespirits-blog · 6 years

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Learning That I Need to Love Myself

To whoever ends up reading this, I hope that you either look at yourself everyday and tell yourself that you’re the best or that you are working on being able to do that sometime soon (like me!)

The first part of my post is going to be a letter to a certain person. And before you roll your eyes and groan how I needed some guy to change me, I don’t see it that way. I think after all I had been through, I was starting to open myself up to being in a relationship (god, the last time was before college) and being more positive with myself, so I will be eternally grateful for this last shove by this guy.

Dear The man that taught me something,

I’ve had a lot on my mind since you told me that we should stop seeing each other. Honestly, the two weeks and a half, I’ve known you felt like a roller coaster or a tornado. I remember meeting you and talking to you and went like “WOW, I have never met someone I clicked so well with.” The walls were up, I swear. My walls are like 10 foot high and at least 5 feet deep. I was hurt a lot. My first relationship hurt me. My health hurt me in a way where I just wanted to be alone and alone for a really long time. But with you, I suddenly gotten the urge to drop part of my barriers. I was comfortable with you so fast, I was terrified. So, so scared. The last time I allowed myself to like someone, I was seriously injured.

We saw each other five times over the course of two weeks and wow that is a lot of time spent together. Every time you came to pick me up, I got butterflies in my stomach. Every time you shot a flow blown smile at me or looked straight into my eyes, I felt my heart skip. I wanted to take this slow, I wanted this to develop into something we both could love. But always in the back of mind, I was worried about when this was going to hurt me. When would you call it off. When would you break my heart. It was just too good to be true and coming from someone who is seem some shit, this kind of TGTBT will never last. Especially since despite all your compliments and your actions, in the end you still walked away. To me it just proved my point, didn’t break my heart any less, didn’t make it hurt any less to know it was coming.

You said we should stop seeing each other because you had a lot on your mind and that you didn’t feel it was fair that you couldn’t give me 100% of you. I don’t know if that was true. Or you just got bored. Or if you just wanted to let me down easy. I believe that you are a genuine and honest guy, so much so. And you wouldn’t have known what kind of effect your words would have on me, but for me, those words only made me blame myself. I wasn’t enough, good enough, smart enough, pretty enough. All my insecurities came out. And god, I have a lot of them. Every compliment you paid me became a lie. Everything you said became a lie. I know trusting you and thinking everything was a lie is a contradiction, but just bear with me here, that is what happened in my brain.

I cried. Mostly just on that day. I cried because I felt a bit more heart break. I cried about what I thought could have been. I cried because I wasn’t good enough. I cried because my heart ached indescribably. I thought I would spend the whole weekend wallowing in self pity, because isn’t that always fun? I took the whole weekend to myself. Spent time with myself and I realized something. You said you couldn’t be 100% there, and I realized in the end, I wasn’t either and maybe if we continued, I would have been the one to put on the brakes.

Your words resonated with me so much. I spent the weekend giving myself some self love. I listened to the music that I loved, watched nonsense videos that made me laugh. And took a really nice long walk (you made me appreciate those a lot more now) to clear my head.

I’m sad about what could have been. But in the end I need to thank you. To thank you for showing me respect and affection, whether it was faked or real. For showing me I needed to work on myself, to learn to LOVE myself more, before I could ever let anyone else do it.

Thank you so much. And I hope that you find yourself too. To work out everything that is bothering you and finding yourself someone who you can love with that new and improved 100% of you.

Love, The me who is working on the new and improved 100% of me

____________________________________________________

This isn’t to say that I haven’t heard advice and self love encouragement from people who care about me before. My friends constantly tell me how anyone would be lucky to have me, or how they know I have grown as a person. But let me just say, no matter how many people say these things to you, you have to decide the moment in which it clicks.

It can be the 100th time they say it or it could be the 1000th time they said it. And I totally think it is both a subconscious and conscious effort. If someone told me they thought I was beautiful, I’d laugh awkwardly and be like “Stop joking.” (I can’t handle compliments)

For me, it was a moment of realization between the regret of ending whatever that brief interlude was and the tears of my insecurity. I have now truly begun to do something about what makes me unhappy, what stops me from being the best me. And you all might laugh that I’m making it physical, but I have always struggled with my weight and body image. Between society and my family, it was a lot of pressure. And I’m not saying big girls aren’t beautiful. I’m saying that I’m not happy with myself. I gained a lot of weight on my medication and it stayed on despite me stopping it. I went to the gym, I had a spout of months of healthy eating and the gym and I did feel better, looked better, but I have to say I got discouraged. I think part of it was my motivation waning and part of it was because I wasn’t ready to love myself more.

I might feel like that this moment, that I need to reach my goal body and goal weight to make myself happy. I think that it is a personal preference. I might not be happy at the end of my journey. But I can sure as hell say I’m happy I started along this journey again with now a stronger mindset than ever. And the muscle I’m going to work the hardest on is confidence. Because we all know that like every other muscle, it becomes stronger the harder you work it.

So i’m going to start every day trying to love myself a little more. And I’m not saying to the degree of narcissistic-ness. I mean to the point where no one can bring you down, and you can still be humble about it.

And I’m happy that I now have a place where I can share my mental, emotional and physical journey to being the best version of me. Because I believe it is inside of everyone. You don’t need to please someone else. You just need to choose to be happy and to love yourself.

Thanks for readinggggg - I will probably post whenever I feel like writing down my thoughts. Which has been a lot recently. My mind is a very cluttered place. I overthink, I over analyze and I think for good reason somethings, it isn’t always the healthiest, but it is part of me. And another part I will continue to work on.

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emeliapropst-blog · 6 years

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5 Inquiries To Discover Which You Are actually As well as Just what Will certainly Make You.

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mywanderingstars221-blog · 7 years

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One of the intents behind my blog is to make sure I impart how important it is to be out in nature as a part of a healthy lifestyle. If you’ve read any of my other entries lately, you will know I’ve been looking for a job since early March. It is not easy! I have been applying my butt off, and I have two degrees (that I worked hard for) and tons of experience, but I am having trouble even getting an interview. If you are lucky enough to have never lost your job, which has never happened to me prior to 2017, then it is actually hard to imagine just how difficult it can be. I know I wasn’t expecting it to be this hard. I was in kind of a dark place recently, mood-wise, which is VERY abnormal for me. I am usually pretty friendly, optimistic, and outgoing. But lately I have not been able to pull myself out of this funk. It’s like drowning in quicksand. Nothing makes you feel better. Having no purpose or prospects, worrying about finances, constant rejection or being ignored when you reach out to employers and hiring managers, and simply being alone most of the day to wallow in your worries and fears = a recipe for serious depression and anxiety. And my coping mechanism has been to bottle it up, because I don’t want to bring others down with me. I guess I just felt like other people don’t deserve to be burdened my bad juju. In retrospect, I probably should have opened up more about it, however at the time I found that to be hard to do. BUT, things have been slowly looking up lately and I’m now occupied with other certain opportunities (that will be a subject for another blog), so I am feeling much better. Honestly though, having never felt that way before, and feeling it and so helpless to do anything about it, actually really scared me for a minute.

And so it was right around this time, after feeling this way for a couple of weeks (maybe more… I lost track), that my husband and I planned a trip to the mountains. I strongly feel this trip was the beginning of pulling me out of the quicksand, and I sincerely felt so much better after spending some time in the woods with the man I love, exploring nature and being awestruck by all the natural beauty around me. I needed this. I needed to smell the fresh air, feel the rocks and the trees, and hear the woosh of waterfalls. Even while hiking I was still somewhat depressed (again, very abnormal for me), but being out there and away from the worries of home allowed me to open up a bit and verbalize my fears and stresses, which helped. By the time we got back I was on the upswing, emotionally and mentally, and the physical activity made me feel more alive; less like I was drowning. Endorphins from the kayaking and hiking helped tremendously, I have no doubt. I cannot stress enough the need to GO OUTSIDE. We are hardwired to thrive on nature. Don’t deprive yourself of this crucial puzzle piece to your mental and physical well being! Get your kids and families out in the woods regularly. It’s truly medicine for the body & soul.

So, here’s a little summary of where we went and what we did if anyone wants to check these place out sometimes. It was super fun! Typically, we try to get to the mountains in the Spring and the Fall. Last year we went around the same time for my husband’s birthday (in April), and it was then that he proposed to me at the base of Crabtree Falls off the Blue Ridge Parkway after seven years together. This was the icing on the cake after an awesome weekend visiting the Biltmore Estate, kayaking down the French Broad River, and eating at amazing local restaurants in Asheville.

This time we went to the Boone area. While we did stay in Boone, we also went to Blowing Rock. On the way there, we stopped at Stone Mountain State Park in Roaring Gap, NC. This place was AMAZING! It’s a huge granite dome with 18 miles of trails and 20 miles of trout waters (which are beautiful, crystal clear creeks). The main dome is 600 feet tall, and many climbers come here to climb up the gently sloping dome face. We were only there for a couple of hours since we were stopping on our way through and still had about an hour and a half to go before we got to Boone. In that time we were able to hike down to Stone Mountain Falls. There is a Middle Falls trail and a Lower Falls trail. We only did the Middle Falls trail since we were pressed for time and wanted to check out the trails on the huge granite dome. The falls trail was gorgeous. You walk through the woods and follow the sound of the water until you get to a chute of water flowing out of the woods and down a slick looking granite face. The Middle Falls terminates in a cool pool with trees and boulders you can climb on, and is very dog and kid friendly. About 1/3 of the way down there are some stairs that lead to the base of the falls, so it’s extremely easy. No climbing over rocks or anything. Here are a few pics and a little video from the Middle Falls trail.

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After we climbed back up the stairs, we headed over to the Stone Mountain Loop trail. We didn’t do the whole loop because A) it was too long and we were on a schedule, and B) part of the loop had been burned so it was inaccessible and therefore not a “loop” at this time. It was only about half a mile in / out, and although a little steep at first, especially after climbing all those stairs up from the falls, it leveled out fairly quickly and was extremely easy for the majority of the time. There were plenty of kids and dogs on this trail also. Once you get to the top of the dome, the views are spectacular. The dome itself is incredibly impressive, and seems to go on forever. It makes you feel pretty small! Although they won’t do it even remotely close to justice, here are some pics of our adventures exploring the dome of Stone Mountain. We didn’t want to leave because it was just so gorgeous and peaceful…

I would have done cartwheels if it didn’t mean certain death lol. This place was amazing.

I was trying to capture how the dom ejust kind of curves off into oblivion… It’s kinda scary, but neat!

Shoutout to Catawba Outfitters for this rad hat!

Can you spot by husband?

(In Donkey voice from Shrek) Thas a big dome!

Hawks were circling everywhere, and some got very close!

The warning sign gives you some perspective on the massiveness of the dome and how it curves downward.

Trail going up to the dome is nice and wide and flat. There are a few switch backs at the end when you get near the top, but you are in the shade.

Gorgeous!

Where is the edge?

Finally, after we went back to the parking lot we continued down the road through the park in our car. On the way out we found a couple little surprises including a small fairy-land oasis of a trout stream, some curious deer, and another waterfall trail for Widow Falls. As we made our way on to Boone down some country road with no intersections in the dark that never seemed to end, we saw a gorgeous sunset! When we FINALLY reach a main road again, we were relieved because we needed gas big time and also I swear I started to hear banjo music in the background… 😉

Our deer friend. He was just nibblin.

Me in front of Widow’s Falls

The pool at the top of Widow’s Falls. It looked deep…

Gorgeous mossy-rocked trout stream

See how clear the water is? The river rocks were so pretty and we saw little fish fry jumping out of the water to eat bugs.

Another view of the trout stream / fairy home.

Sunset over the NC foothills

Hello!

The next day we had reservations to kayak down the New River. We booked the trip via Wahoo’s Adventures, which I highly recommend. They are so nice, professional, and courteous. Also they have a nice facility on the river where you meet them and they load up your kayak or canoe, and drive you from this spot to the put in area. It’s a log cabin with bathrooms and a hot shower for afterwards if you need it. They also let you have extra time on the river, up to another hour free of charge, if you get back to the cabin and want more time. A word of warning is to make sure to follow the directions to the cabin up on the river, and not just put their name in your GPS because this will take you to their business office in Boone instead. Not that I did that or anything… Ahem. Anyway, we had an AWESOME time on the New River. The New River is thought to be one of the oldest rivers in the world, and actually has a northward flow! Pretty cool, huh? It was the first weekend of the season and the water level was low, so much of the time it was quite shallow which meant we got stuck on a few rocks here and there. But otherwise it was superb! There are parts of the forest and riverbanks you can see only from floating down the river. We brought some sandwiches for lunch and waters and pulled over on a little sandy beach to eat. We saw tons of wildlife, and paddled past a few farms with cows and horses. At one point a few horses were right next next to the river up on an embankment looking down at us and watching us float by with curiosity. I paddled right up to them! Unfortunately I only have a couple of pics to share from the parking area in front of the log cabin because I didn’t want to lose my phone in the river. We paddled for 12 miles, which took us just under 4 hours. This was definitely the highlight of our trip, and I would highly recommend that you do this! If you have never kayaked before, maybe start with a canoe and do the 1 hour trip instead, otherwise you may not have as much fun. Some experience is necessary!

After an awesome dinner in downtown Boone at Vidalia, the next day we drove to Linville Falls. But, before we ventured to those trails, we made a detour and went to Linville Caverns. If you have never been to Linville Caverns, you MUST make it a point to go sometime! It was just crazy cool. There is so much history there. From Confederate soldiers holding up and hiding out inside, to boys getting lost in there, to the discovery of new elements and animals, there are so many interesting stories attached to this hidden place in the mountain. It also has animals found no where else in the world, including a certain kind of cave trout and bats. There weren’t any bats in there when we went because they were migrating and living somewhere else at the time, but it would have been cool to see some! And the beauty of the caves themselves is just indescribable. I love geology though, it’s like history you can touch. But don’t touch the walls inside the cave. There is a precariously balanced system of little organisms, like algae, that can be destroyed if you touch… but you know what I mean. You can literally see the layers of time in the rock formations. Crazy. Here are some pics from the incredible rock cliffs that surround and house the caverns, the river that flows out of it, and some crazy stalactites and stalagmites, and other limestone formations. PS, it is chilly in there and you will get droplets of water on you. Just an FYI!

This is the river that flows out of the caverns. The discovery of teh caverns was made by following this river to it’s source.

This formation was called “The Wedding”

If you squint you can see the trout!

Stalactites and stalagmites meeting to form pillars.

After the caverns, we made a short drive to the Linville Falls. On the way we stopped at a little overlook area of the river, and Tim taught me how to skip rocks! I’d never gotten the hang of it until the ripe age of 35, lol. Once we got to the falls, we did a couple of trails here. One was to the “Overlook”, and the other was to the base of the falls. The view from the Overlook trail is amazing. You can see the falls and also the surrounding Linville Gorge, and the hike is not long and pretty easy. There is another trail that isn’t so bad to a spot called the Chimney. This is actually the first place my husband and I went hiking together on our first trip together almost a decade ago! We went up to the Chimney then so we didn’t do that trail this time, but from what I remember it’s moderate with spectacular views from the opposite side of the gorge from the Overlook, and a little higher up. The trail to the base of the falls is only 0.5 miles. DO NOT LET THIS DECEIVE YOU! It is a STRENUOUS hike over boulders and down some steep terrain, which you must go back up. However, to be honest getting back up was easier and felt shorter than going down. You need proper footwear and water. Do not wear flip flops or something like that (Yes, I saw people wearing those… on a hike…). That being said, it is worth the effort 10 times over when you get to the bottom. You can swim in the pools at the base of the falls, and you are surrounded by huge cliff walls with giant crack in them and trees growing out of the cracks, and birds flying over head, a nice perpetual cool breeze from the falls themselves, tons of nice boulders to lay on, take a nap, or have a picnic, and the most spectacular view of the falls there is. By the way, Linville Falls is a true, huge double waterfall, and you can really feel it’s power from the bottom. Here are some pics and a quick video of the falls that, again, don’t come anywhere near doing this magical place any justice.

Where I finally learned to skip a damn rock!

Chillin on my rock, taking in the views

Downstream view, we had fun climbing on some of these boulders.

View from the Overlook

Out in the middle of the pools at the base of the falls

Up close, you can feel the mist even at this distance

Trail down to the Overlook. This is the only steep part.

Coming off the trail to the base of the falls, there is this huge boulder the size of a bus right in the middle of the river.

Cliff walls surround you as you descend to the base of the falls.

Huge cavernous cracks in the gorge walls house trees and colonies of birds.

Enjoying our moment of serenity together.

On our last day, we went to Blowing Rock, as I mentioned in the start of this blog entry. We had been there before but it was a foggy day and we couldn’t see anything! So we decided to go back. Blowing Rock is a quaint little town and is nestled up in the mountain tops with some spectacular views of the Blue Ridge Mountains. First we went back to The Blowing Rock, the actual rock from which the town gets its name, and accompanying museum and little preserve, which is all privately owned. Admission is $7 for adults, $6 for seniors, and only $2 for kids up to 11 years old (under 3 years old is free admission). It’s super cute with little gardens and paths, and a big octagonal viewing platform that juts out over the cliffs of rock. If you visit the Boone area, it’s worth the short drive to Blowing Rock to see the little downtown B&B’s, check out The Blowing Rock, and take in the views. We drove along the Blue Ridge Parkway that afternoon and stopped to hike on a few trails. We were looking for an old trail we hiked before but we could’t find it, although we did find one with a great view of some mountains off in the distance and a valley below right when the sun was starting to set. Sitting here I took in the views and felt all my stress melt away. I tried to savor the moment and stay in it as long as I could, smelling the fresh air and feeling the age of the ancient rock beneath me, enjoying the company of my favorite person, and watching the orange and red glow of the setting sun peek between the shifting storm clouds in the distance.

On the drive home we stopped at one more spot, an access point to another stretch of the New River with great camping sites for kayakers traversing the 360 million year old body of water. As soon as I can get a job, we’ll be getting kayaks and coming back to this place! After a little walk here and checking out the ruins of an old homestead of early settlers, we took some back roads home back to real life. To say I needed this trip was an understatement, but I am so glad we took the time to do it.

Let me know if you have ever been or decide to go visit any of these places in the comments! I’d love to hear about your experiences too!

Here are a few pics of Blowing Rock and the Blue Ridge Parkway hiking trail.

The Blowing rock is on the left

The Blowing Rock

Tim checking out the views. The names of the peaks were on the viewfinder so you can identify them all.

Dogwood growing out of the underside of The Blowing Rock

The legend of The Blowing Rock. http://www.theblowingrock.com/legend-of-the-blowing-rock/

Hiking trail of the BRP

Our spot off the Blue Ridge Parkway.

A pretty end to a great trip

Peace and love, and GO OUTSIDE! 🙂

Epic blog post for an epic hiking weekend- with vids, pics, and links to cool spots to explore in Western NC One of the intents behind my blog is to make sure I impart how important it is to be out in nature as a part of a healthy lifestyle.

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