#not everything works for everyone! and thats okay! fuck!

[mbat]

no im thinking about pregnancy again, as in, how awful i think it is and how people act about it

i guess i have to start with hey! this is just my opinion! if you feel different, hell yeah! im not shit talking you or telling you to feel different! this is literally just me talking about my personal feelings on pregnancy and i dont expect anyone to actually read it and i dont really care if anyone does

anyway i hate how people act like pregnancy is one size fits all. i hate how people act like if you have a vagina and a uterus and whatever that you HAVE to get pregnant one day, that youre going to want to get pregnant eventually even if you very much dont right now. hell, that if youre a "woman" at all, they think youre going to want to be a mother in general.

it really does just go hand in hand with gender role bullshit and how people think that you HAVE to be and do and love whatever youre born with and if you step outside of that that youre the weirdo and youre the one in the wrong, and not that theyre the weird ones for trying to force this stuff on you.

pregnancy, like anything, is for the individual to decide. but god forbid you decide it isnt for you.

pregnancy to me is the worst thing that could ever happen to me. im terrified of it, im disgusted by it, it sounds straight out of a horror movie to me, ive been around it twice irl and it... it just doesnt feel natural to me even though its apparently one of the most natural things we can do as humans. its like looking at the uncanny valley and being told nothing is wrong but theres that pull at the back of your mind telling you to look away, something is wrong, something is so very wrong.

i had a dream many months ago that i got pregnant, and i was near the end of the pregnancy, i had somehow missed the window to get an abortion. i was in a living room surrounded by people, they were all so happy for me. i remember looking down at my stomach and feeling the worst dread. i was too late to stop it, to prevent it, to end it. my options were very few, and all of them were horrible to me.

and of course i havent even mentioned children. i dont want kids! again, its not one size fits all, its the individuals choice! i dont think id be a good father, and i dont want to be one anyway, i want my freedom, my time, my money, my life! why would i want to bring a child into this fucked up world anyway, just to fuck them up more because i really wouldnt be a good parent.

i dont even want to think about the actual birth part. endless hours of pain and disgusting things happening and emotions and... i could never. i could never i could never i NEVER will. i hate disgusting things happening and i hate pain

all of pregnancy is gross though. you are out of control of your own body. its like a parasite to me. something that isnt you is inside of you, and its changing your body and controlling it whether it even means to or not, and you cant just take it out, and its growing and

thats not even mentioning that you can feel it moving around. what. the. fuck.

i hate that people expect this of me. hell, not even just expect, but want this of me. my dad clings to the idea that one day ill give up all my 'i dont want kids' talk and finally be "normal" and want kids and whatever, because hey he wants grandkids :(. you have grandkids!!!! you have 3!!! its not my fault that only one of them is biologically related to you, maybe you should get over your weird attachment to things being biological and just learn to love regardless! i love my nephews and niece, theyre amazing and i love seeing them! i dont hate kids, by the way! i just dont want them for myself!

but honestly the whole reason i even thought about any of this is because, well tmi i guess, i think im starting a period and i just get so distressed about it. i hate that my body does this, i hate that its something i cant control and its disgusting and horrible. i just wish i could take my reproductive system out of me. and so i was like, i wish i could just pay a doctor to get it out of me! but then i remembered that theyd never do that because theyd be like OH BUT WHAT IF YOU MARRY A MAN AND HE WANTS KIDS. YOU NEED TO HAVE AT LEAST 2 KIDS BEFORE WE EVEN CONSIDER IT. and how if someone said that to me i dont think id be able to hold back from telling them that if i ever got pregnant and couldnt get rid of it that i would seriously consider offing myself. if i ever changed my mind about having kids (why would i) i would just adopt anyway.

i hate that my body is expected to belong to someone else, that my choices and my wants dont matter and im just a silly little girl and what i want will change anyway. im a person. im a full on person, and this is my body. i havent even mentioned how being trans factors into this because what more is there to say than 'im a man and that affects how i feel about this thing that people see as feminine'? or my pcos, which i have even less to say about because like, what is there to say ??

i hate that people dont care what i have to say about my own body, and my own future. i hate that my dad wants me to change how i feel about who i am and what i want, i hate that people i dont know that i havent even met expect me to do this thing that changes everything. i hate that people care more about hypothetical people than me. i hate that people think they know better than me about my own body and wants.

i never want to get pregnant. i never want to have kids. that is my choice as an individual, just like its someone elses choice to get pregnant and have kids. theres already enough people doing that in the world, there wont exactly be a shortage because i decide not to. its not my fault that other people see my choice as abnormal and the other as normal, that sounds like a them problem.

#personal #ignore me #my post #long post #seriously its gonna be long i have so many thoughts about this #and yes i know the word tokophobia #not everything works for everyone! and thats okay! fuck!

[spamtoon]

i would take their poison

Sketch + Line Art for those Clicking Under the Cut(tm) (archival purposes honestly)

#moshi monsters #sweet tooth moshi monsters #experimentation i am COG AWFUL at digital dear goodness i was playing with coloring and transparency and all those fun digital doodads. #next time i probably wont have black outline or i'll do it differently. or i'll try well. not doing this. it sure was a process im #i'm an amateur everyone who masically only doodles. does the sketch look better than the final. kinda! but thats okay because im learning #and y'know what. sometimes in life you just need to draw faves no consequences #for how saturated a character they are i kinda feel like i pastelled things too muc and trapped myself with my convoluted layer setup but m #it was looking WEIRD with everything at full force #maybe the sparkles look dumb maybe the hair looks dumb and out of place and why i kinda made the lollipop a little funky too #uhh. first digital piece posted... ever? #the arm is SO fucky i am not that was. thats not what perspective is spam #yes this is what i spent a good chunk of today doing after i started working on coloring it and then. decided to go for it. #cooolrs a little inaccurate on the horns and such but man one of the biggest art things was like #i dont have to have everything at their perfect hex codes all the time. this would look way worse if i just. used their standard colors #yeah this is. instead of looking like its forward and to the right it kinda just looks like they have a Bigger hypno-lolly #especialy becase. i did not bother on the gloves and platforms i the sparkles work with 2 kinda sorta but you know #im practicing! i'm learning! i'll get better and learn how to do things more effectively! #anyway. sweet toof #though hey their arm looks even more fucked in the line art and sketch SO #note to future self have a Consistent Line Art Size so that if you feel like the line art looks like shit during coloring you dont have to #gamble on what size it was while changing it #sketch lollipop looks better i should have kept it small. but its fine. we'll get em next time boys (tm) #yes i know my gif post was so fancy and then the drawing is just THIS

[bylertruther]

the crazy thing abt will and mike is that we mostly learn will is gay because other people tell us he is, but we learn that mike is gay (despite him telling us he's not, begging us to pls see tht he's not gay) because literally everything that he does is so fucking gay. because in him trying to not be gay he is just being so unbelievably extra fucking gay without realizing. like. el is literally his red herring idc i'll say it stone me if u must but the truth must be said !!!!

#why is he always so crazy to save and protect will and even just to figure out if he's okay #but if el is missing he's like damn... tht sucks... but stays his ass at home. calls on his radio but thts it. #he doesn't Go Insane and put himself n everyone he loves in danger jus to find her. he knows she's out there. he SAW her. and yet!! #and when he fucks up with her he needs someone (lucas and will) to hold his hand n guide him through it (which NEVER fucking works #bc they don't know her how mike SHOULD know her as her bf but i digress) but when he fucks up with will HE LITERALLY DOES EXACTLY WHAT #OTHER CHARACTERS ARE TELLING HIM HE NEEDS TO DO FOR EL (LUCAS) OR EXACTLY WHAT OTHER CHARACTERS ARE TELLING EL THAT HE'LL DO FOR HER (MAX) #EL IS LITERALLY CRYING BEGGING PLEADING SAYING YOU DON'T EVEN LOVE ME WHY CAN'T YOU SAY IT YOU THINK I'M A MONSTER #AND HE'S LIKE 😰🤐😶🫥 BUT WILL CONFESSES UNDER HER NAME AND THEN /PROMPTS HIM/ TO SAY WHATEVER HE NEEDED TO SAY #AND SUDDENLY /THATS/ WHEN HE CAN SAY I LOVE YOU?!!? FOR THE FIRST FUCKING TIME????? #AND THEN AFTERWARD WHEN THEY'RE NOT TALKING HE JUST BRUSHES IT OFF???????????? #YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT'S NOT A GAY MAN? YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT'S NOT A HOMOSEXUAL? #meanwhile will has always just been will. the Biggest hint we got was s4 him moving his foot away. but other than that it was always subtle #ppl calling him slurs. bc everything else they PURPOSELY made it so tht it could be either he's just Not There Yet or Could Be gay #but mike is just so. he's fucking gay bro how else can i say it like 😭 #mine #mike

[frecklystars]

sorry for the long ass post but this has always my favorite scene in the entire film - for obvious reasons - and im so glad greta talked about it and the way she worded it made me laugh so hard i had tears in my eyes. haha... god. my boyfriend sobbing his eyes out over the metaphorical crusts on his patriarchy sandwich......

#i dont think ill ever love anybody quite the same way that i love Ken #because he came into my life during a time when i was like. dying. not in a haha millennial way. i was genuinely fucking dying. #he is so. special. to me. he is so... everything to me and i truly mean it every time that i say it #i miss and love him so deeply so WHOLEHEARTEDLY *EVERY* single day #and i didn't used to be able to do that anymore! but he!! HE made me feel SAFE again and thats INSANE #because i was SO UNSAFE for SO goddamn long! and the feeling of safety is STILL unfamiliar to me and foreign and horrifying #but he's constantly such a Safe character. Barbie too even moreso. and it's so refreshing after feeling Unsafe for so. long. #i spent over a year feeling like my whole world had ended and i was destined to die but then he! shows up! in my life! #and no other character was able to spark life back into my heart the way he did #AND I HAD *TRIED* I had tried so hard to get into old special interests and find new ones but NOTHING worked #i was just an empty husk. just a shell of a person having flashbacks *constantly* #feeling unsafe *constantly* suffering *constantly* every single second i was awake i was in so much pain #and then every time i'd sleep i'd have the goriest nightmares about all the abuse i was put through and all the F/Os i'd lost #but then Ken Carson plucked a star out of the sky and said 'hey sweet girl you don't know me but i miss you and love you' #'and barbie is here and im here and allan is here and everyone loves you already. we're so happy to meet you' #'and everything is gonna be okay because we've got you! we came for you! and we will fight for you!!' #and then hearing greta comment abt this scene made me laugh so hard and then it hits me. i laugh now. #i laugh so often because of This Dude. i didnt used to be able to laugh before but now i laugh like i used to #i used to say all the time about my past main F/O i had lost from abuse from an IRL person 'i will never love anyone more' #and true i will never love anyone more than i loved my starlight. but here is the thing #i will never love anyone the way i love Barbie. i will never love anyone the way i love Ken Carson #because it was IMPOSSIBLE for me to feel joy for so long and it was. THIS MOVIE that brought me back #when this movie is so full of the most specific triggers. colors. clothes. yet i push thru it every time #and its because these characters make me feel THAT safe!!!! like if i see a trigger i tell myself that's BARBIE'S Thing. and Barbie is safe #ive never ever once had a flashback during the barbie movie NOT even once even tho logically i Should. but i dont. #because these F/Os are like!!! sweet girl!!! we've got you!!! and i'm like yeah you sure do now don't ever let me go #god i cry my eyes out every single time i think about this i need to sleep LMFAO SORRY FOR THE LONG RANT #love notes #💕 I'll fight for you!! - ̗̀🐎🏖️✨ ̖́-

[hecksupremechips]

Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over

Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰

#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually #very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds #like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd #but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga #and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit #and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’ #which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road #its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16! #he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control #which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’ #so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way #like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health #i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to #be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident! #so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game #is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me #cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused #but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone #like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways #and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed #but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child #shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING #HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY #like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work #apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs #his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be #better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy #and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad #how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel #makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired

[blackvelvetofnight]

coworkers who you'd hang with outside of work but on shift you need to kill with hammers

#so many of our part time people are incredible but there are a few that make me homicidal #one of our people is so sweet but has that flaky hippie energy that Does Not Work in this field #one morning she came in and i was like ok i need you to stay with this person while i get literally all of this shift done #and she was like okay! 😃 and not even five minutes later i looked up from the eight tasks i was juggling #and she was wandering over to the coffee maker meanwhile the person was losing their fucking mind while she was pouring her coffee #like la la la tee hee ! #like with love and light meet me outside i just want to talk #a different day i had gotten everything done and had all my residents ready to go. meanwhile there was ONE resident left upstairs with her #and i heard screaming and pounding and was like christ ok and came up to check in with her and she was like haha yeah theyre really mad #and started going aww i bet you want to calm down right now wow youre going to regret being this mad later! #and i had to be like i need you to switch with me RIGHT NOW and shes all surprised like ok if you say so lol #i miraculously got everyone calm enough to get out the door and pulled her aside like HEY person who has worked here for nearly two years #when someone is not only upset but so escalated theyre trying to KICK DOWN A DOOR #you should not be like haha i bet you want to calm down sooo bad rn #and she was like lol thats a good point! 😃👆 #like im going to throw you down a well

[chadsuke]

saw someone recommending an environmentalism app that will 'really help you make good choices and has lots of good info' and i was like hm. well maybe there's something new on there. im vaguely curious.

first thing it hits me in the face with is uwu take five minute showers

#i was hoping like 'if u have to purchase plastic this is the least harmful shit' not. this goddamn nonsense #if u ask me to calculate my carbon footprint im throwing u out the door #gigi.txt #this is not how it WORKS like on one hand i hate the ppl who are like uwuuwuwu well its the big corporATIONS ruining everything #and its like. i mean yeah. but your lifestyle will have to drastically change u realize that like the western hyperconsumerism that happens #will. need to change. #i mentioned to my sister once that u should wear each item of clothing 30 times and she laughed and was like 'thats so unreasonable' #'i could never do that for a lot of my clothes' okay stop fucking buying more then #but on the other hand the ppl who act like if everyone 'reduces their carbon footprint!!!' and 'takes shorter showers!!!' and shit like #thats not gonna fucking save us. are u joking. #im gonna go read some fucking naomi klein

[savage-rhi]

I'm very much a, "fuck yeah and fuck you, I don't need validation! I'm me, cunts!" kinda fella, but sometimes I could use support.

#today i fucked up by reactivating my fb account which i haven't done in 2 yrs just to check on some folks id been sending good thought to #place is depressing everyone is miserable and everything feels fake and my mind is like #LOL this is why we left bitch byeeee #so i deactivated again went to work and idc what anyone says there are folks like me that can and do feel the energy and emotions coming of #people and it can fucking suck especially when so many are disregulated so i got a sensory overload and boss was nice enough to let me take #a bunch of breaks today and even scream in her office cause She Gets It (TM) #the weather is rainy and cold i'm getting so many fibro flares idk how i'm moving anymore #ive missed so many days of work already and it's not even fully winter yet i still have my job and im thankful i have an understanding team #but that doesnt pay the bills im still trying to find a way to pay for that doctor appointment coming up #graduate courses began for college and i think i'm gonna be okay but damn did they throw too much info all at once at me and that made #my adhd brain go WELL SHIT #ive been feeling incredibly lonely and not wanted in so many spaces that im struggling to even communicate with the few that i know do #love me for me and nothing else im trying so so so hard to keep being there for people and to keep loving #people that need it cause i don't ever want another human being to ever feel as miserable and unwanted as i have felt #but im also tired because i feel like thats all anyone ever sees me as just this being that can take their woes away and make them feel #amazing and i love that i can do that and listen to so many traumatic stories and help folks process that trauma my boss and many throughou #life have told me i have a gift for healing people and a vibe to me thats different than most and it feels good being around me but today i #just felt like people keep taking and taking and taking and i dont expect anything back thats not who i am id rather give than receive #but damn it i just wish someone could just give me the biggest hug in the world dont even have to say a thing just hold me and be present #and hold space for me to just feel weightless id cherish that more than anything in the world right now #on a positive note... #my dinosaur vo stuff got traction im getting a new cosplay put together i havent done that in 4 years i got to pet a wild deer i made #a coworker laugh so hard his juice went out his nose and my boss peed a little #im slowly taming another wild flock of turkeys and i got a bag of my favorite takis the guacamole flavor #i got a lot to be thankful for and i acknowledge it #but damn it im tired #thank you for coming to my Ted Talk rant and rave #if you made it this far: you're an incredible human being and i love you #please go treat yo self to something nice and know i love you for you

[ozlices]

i sensed there was new oz art coming in my SOUL AND MOCHIJUN DELIVERED BC IM HER FAVORITE AND SHE WOULD NEVER LET ME DOUBT OR FORGET THAT FOR A SECOND LOOK AT MY BABNANA SCRUMPTIOUS WUMPTIOUS SCRUNGLE WUNGLE I LOVE MY SOOONNNNN

#mine #im revived im rejuvinated everything will be okay no doubt in my mind now #i genuinely mean i SENSED it i was literally telling everyone yesterday & earlier today in the headspace that new oz art would drop #& they obviously believed me bc. thats my son ik when he will be coming home i can feel it in my soul #AND LO AND BEHOLD THERE HE WAS IN MY TWITTER NOTIFICATIONS THATS MY FUCKING SON!!!!! #she did this just for me bc this week has been absolute dogshit and she knew that drawing him would make everything okay automatically #and ensure me that shit will work out very soon. she is so real for that. #what a mentally ill ally truly. #pandora hearts #oz vessalius #the angle has me losing my mind ngl like he looks. HE LOOKS!!! HE IS LOOKING AND I AM CRYING WHILE I HOLD HIM #he is so handsome in his wittle modern day outfit i love that she draws him in it every time now pretty much #god i adore him with my whole entire being every single piece of it including the entire system we all cry whenever new art of him drops #thats my son he saved my life and i adore him like the whole universe and he is still saving me even now what a little SUNSHINE #STOPPING BY JUST TO LET ME KNOW HES OK AND IM GONNA BE OK OH MY BABY BOY OH HOW I ADORE YOOUUU

[lepidopterium]

~~~

#like i dont have the energy to try and get myself into a routine. work business as usual so future me doesnt have to #catch up with everything ive fallen behind and let fall apart #i dont have the energy to reassure anyone that im suicidal but i will be okay. i dont know that. i dont want to promise that #and i dont have the energy to talk to anyone. barely have the energy to leave the house but i cant stand being here so thats what helps #i already have a plan but im trying not to go through with it for the sake of my brothers. but im having trouble caring either. #i cant talk to anyone. i cant lie and tell them im managing bc im not. not even a little. #listening to music isnt working. getting high isnt working. sleeping and eating isnt working. going out for air isnt working #i dont know how to pull myself out of this. i dont know why this last fight with my mother was my breaking point but it was #and i regret reaching out for help because it only #it only showed me that no one will help me get out of this house. i have to do it myself. no one can save me from this. #and i feel all the less human for it #and im heartbroken because here are two adults. so called parents. put me through years of abuse and horror who i still manage to care for #and worry about. all while im not human to them. thats what breaks my heart. thats what hurts #i cant swallow it all up anymore. my body is just racked with terror all the time. i cant pretend to be happy and engaged when i feel so #incredibly fucking alone with this awful horror thats just always clinging to every part of my body. #i dont want to hurt anyone. i dont want to hurt anyone. i dont want to hurt anyone. i dont know what to do. #everyone loves me because ive given it my all to not base my actions on how much rage and hurt im carrying. or with family bc i stay in #the closet and turn the other cheek. because i take all my wants and i put them aside and i act based on not inconveniencing anyone #and thats such a stupid thing bc look where i am now. #no one sees me. no one knows how to help me. no one can help me. and i cant keep enduring this. i cant keep relinquishing choice. #i cant get myself to believe anything otherwise. and i want to be selfish. i want to do the most selfish thing i could ever do to others.

[crimsongrimoire]

i have been trying to write lately and it's been insubstantial but of course I get struck by absolutely random inspiration at work huh

#crow.txt #kaeluc #genshin #snippets #angst #have i even USED that tag #sfw #god i just very much love the idea of kaeya (with diluc ONLY cause hes not telling anyone else) just like #happening to think of Everything and flippantly go haha crazy how things work right? #and for diluc to look him dead in the eye (figuratively at least unless/until i change stuff around here) and go #no thats actually extremely fucked up that you were subjected to that. its not right and it should never have happened much less to a child #possibly even going so far as to flat out say kaeya is stronger than he ever could be because he cant fathom how he would ever live with it #if it had happened to him instead #and kaeya having an extremely strong moment of oh. he's right huh. #like sure hes probably had the thought himself but there was nobody he could TELL and have it AFFIRMED for him that hes not being selfish #to not want to have to live with something like that #and for it to be DILUC that tells him? OUT LOUD? directly indelicately (toward everyone else not kaeya) and not mincing words at ALL? #indelicate isnt quite the word but yknow. zero regard for whoever thought it was okay to do that #like just KILL ME at that point. im already fucking dying #absolutely losing my mind over this #imagine!! the relief!!!! he cant change it sure BUT at least he FINALLY fucking has someone go thats fucked up and youre allowed to hate it #kaeya being flippant abt his own trauma is going to Fucking Kill Me. #over a week since ive posted something decent. shameful smh. idk if theres anything else worth sharing yet tho.. #i just need kaeya to be told that it WASNT his fault and hes NOT inherently irredeemably horrible forever because of shitty circumstances #or else i will fucking explode cartoonishly like a water balloon full of red paint #grabbing his shoulders and shaking him like a ragdoll. its fucked up and you dont have to laugh it off all the time I Promise.

[ghostpunkrock]

I always restart bfu at 3 horrifying cases of ghosts and demons so I actually forgot shane was in the last episode before it and like

look at these assholes, they have no idea that their careers and their lives are going to be inextricably bound together for the rest of eternity do they

#pls ignore the rest of these tags I’m about to be really insane about them #but loooooook at them they have noooooo idea! they have no fucking idea. Ryan was like hey Brent just quit I need someone to fill in for the #last ep I have planned will you do it? and shane was like yeah sure why not and then Ryan was like also we got greenlit to go hunt ghosts #wanna come? and Shane’s like sure I got nothing else going on this weekend #like obviously we know they were friends at this point and they’ve already worked together but it’s funny cuz they are soooooo different in #this first video. like first of all. and I’m being extra insane here but idc. but like Shane’s body language here. boy why are you sitting #like that. you never sit like that ever again in anything you do. hello? #and they clearly know each other they already have a rapport and a couple in jokes but it’s NOTHING compared to where they are now. like #literally like. imagine spending so much time with a guy you memorize his entire rhythm. unfathomable to me but thats a diff insane post #the story of how shane joined bfu always makes me a little nuts. his reasoning was literally ‘well I got nothing else going on.’ like if he #had said no everything would have been different. this is what launched their careers. I would even argue the show would not have reached #its height as an internet sensation cuz the secret ingredient truly is their dynamic. they wouldn’t have quit buzzfeed and made watcher they #wouldn’t be making ghost files and I would not be sitting alone in my bedroom having a breakdown over any of this okay sorry I’m done #I have a lot more insane stuff to say about the significance of 3 horrifying cases but I’ll save that for when I watch it tomorrow #have a good night everyone!!! ✌️👍

[yelloworangesoda]

this got away from me

#i wish i was a rich pretty guy or something but instead im a regular looking regular guy with parents that earn regular money #i was born to be one of those annoying bratty rich kids who dont work ever. that should be me #or something. i complain about work constantly but guys i do not want to go to school. i dont. i dont. i dont i dont. i dont i dont and i #dont know what to do about it. its spring. ive got like a month to figure out how im getting out of this #im not doing this i cannot do this. i cant i cant i cant. im so stressed i can tell im so stressed bc im getting acne and my eczema is awfu #its only a matter of time before i break out in hives or some shit i cant do it i cant do it. i cant. i cant #god everything is really getting to me. i cant i dont have a place here i dont i have no purpose in life and everyone just wants me to act #like. thats not true bc um. well! haha what are you gonna do! haha its fine. keep moving forward. ignore your anxiety and the fact that #everything makes you miserable constantly. and even the things that make you happy make you miserable. ignore that #go to college. normal ppl go to college :) no you want to sleep all day because youre not doing anything. which is a personal failure. #you should instead do something that makes you miserable. thatll fix it. dont kill yourself thats stupid. you have so much to live for! lik #um. well youre supposed to live. so. ignore yknow everything in the world and push forward. bc it will get better! once um. #um. yknow. you graduate in 8 years? be a dentist…. um bc. you like teeth. and it makes money. and well you need the money! youre going to #college!!!! you need that money to pay for it after all. dont think about it dont think about it dont think about it dont think about it #its okay we’ll do everything we can to make it cheaper. to do the thing you dont want to do at all even a little bit. no dont kill yourself #you have so much to live for! a career in something youve never been interested in! or yknow a different career youre not interested in #i dont want to kill myself!!! i dont want to kill myself i want something to fucking live for!!!!!! a want a life that doesnt make me feel #like i have to kill myself!!!!!!!!!! #simons spouting #vent :( #suicide //

[onesaltysir]

WHY AM I GETTING ADS FOR OVERPRICED SCRUBS THAT ARE REALLY REALLY BORING

#For my non medical friends #Figs scrubs are basically the iphones of scrubs #They are the Stanley cups of scrubs #It is like 40 something bucks for scrub pants. not even a full set just the pants #All the 'influencer nurses' out there are pressuring the rest of the field into consumerism and I mean if you like it thats one thing #But if you're getting it just because its popular and you wanna be like your coworkers that's when you have a problem #If anything Mandala scrubs is like 30 bucks for a full set and theres more colour options #Mandala is literally exactly the same as Figs but not a ridiculous price. it just doesn't have that stupid logo. #Everything is just as good if not BETTER quality #And with more colour options! everyone's whining 'figs bring back white' like mandala doesn't have white that's cheaper and the same quality #Consumerism is making people think spending $90 on one uniform for WORK is okay #If anything if theres uniforms then your workplace should be providing you with that uniform for free #Where I'm currently doing clinicals? staff said they get two sets of scrubs for free and in different styles they like #spending your personal 90 bucks on your job is really stupid. And all that for just ONE uniform?? Fuck off man

[transgaysex]

i am so stressed btw

#wind howls #like ill survive but today i had a moment of Point Of No Return and im nervous about it. #its also a little over 3:30 am so i know i shouldnt trust what im thinking #im gonna start embroidering shirts for my parents like. wedding thingy community and we ordered stuff in bulk today #but that + the cost of the new embroidery machine + the threads and whatnot have officially surpassed all the money i have #so i cant back out of this any longer. and thats okay. i am trying to calm down about it. itll be okay. im just scared to commit. #but im telling myself. we are meeting a need and demand. there shouldnt be any problems with the sales. ill be okay. ill be okay. #but im very nervous. my mom was kind and tried to reassure me which im grateful for because she rarely talks to me like that. #she was soft with her words. i didnt realize i was that obvious eith my nerves because she.. never is soft with her words like that #the biggest fear i have is to commit to this. but im following the set rules and theres nothing to lose that will fuck me over forever #ill be okay. ill be okay ! once it gets going itll be okay. i know how to work the machine. ive done test runs and ive been improving. #ill be okay. its something i can do while ill be doing homework or other assignments. it wont take all my time. ill be okay. #itll be a passable source of income. itll be good for me ! itll be good. ill be okay. im also not alone. ill be okay. i really will be #setting foot in the water for the first time is the worst part of a fun time at the pool. the best way to start is to jump in all at once. #ill be okay. if i stall any longer ill chicken out. and i cant do that any longer but thats okay. ill be okay. everything will be okay. #and right now i sound silly but i am soothing myself and its kinda working so everyone has to be nice to me okay ? ill be okay. #committing is the hardest part. my mom is helping me keep records and then ill be able to do it on my own. im not alone. ill be okay. #im okay. im okay ! its okay. ill be okay. i really will be

[pizzapizzadickz]

.

#diary #personal #...i got myself worked up on accident. so idk if ill be able to sleep anytime soon. #im just so tired of all the effort im putting in all the time. im just really tired and frustrated #i feel like im doing this all to myself but also not. like this feels like its all in my head and well i mean im not wrong but not right. #its just. why am i so fucking tired. why cant i do anything. and just. ive tried to do everything i can and in the end im so so tired. #and idk. i guess thats sorta why i gave up? like. im tired of figuring stuff out on my own. and everything upsets me. #haaah. i wonder what i can really do. it feels like nothing. im just really frustrated #like. its too tiring to try anymore. so ive just sorta given up on everything in a way? #idk its not good to do but. i cant keep going on like how i have. #ill make a routine. ill stick to it. and then ill burn out or get depressed or something! and then i cant anymore!!! #and just. nothing feels like its working. and no! i cannot do that thing that i should be able to! #and no!!! i cannot explain why i hate your idea so much!!!! #and people!!!! im so fucking tired of people!!!! i can handle limited interaction but this is too much... #like! i hate i have memories of the last few days or weeks! i hate this all bobing around in my head!!! #i like it better when i never leave my house!!!! i dont wanna leave my house. #like. a few people are okay. very few. the people i know and am comfortable with are fine. but i hate everyone else. #you all make me so tired and feel so judged and stressed all the fucking time!!!! im so tired of it!!!!! #its exhausting. and whats more frustating is idk how i can even study or do anything anymore and im tired of making things work #it isnt working!!!! none of this is!!!!!! and i dont know what to do! and i dont have any solution! #im so so so tired. of this all. god i wish i could lay in bed forever. im so sick of all of this. i dont wanna no more. #...i really hate myself sometimes. its hard not to. with the way i act. with how i behave. my literal inability to do FUCKING ANYTHING #drugs tw #im so tired. thats why ive been high all the time lately. it just makes things slow. it makes it tollerable to exist. #really. ive just let everything get sorta out of hand. and now im too tired to do with these thoughts and emotions #im exhausted. and im not quite sure what to do about it. like if i could get someone to help me figure out what to do id be okay. #but thats sorta hard to find. and im headstrong.... haaah. i dont even wanna talk about shit bc how do i fucking explain this. #LIKE HOW DO I EXPLAIN THAT NO I WONT EAT BC THERES TOO MANY OPTIONS AND I WANT THEM ALL BUT CANT HAVE THEM ALL SO I GAVE UP. #BUT NOW THATS DISTRESSING ME BC WHAT IF I STOP EATING AGAIN. so instead i basically just. break inside and it hurts just a bit more. #idk man. im so sick of this shit. i have so many things i wanna do n stuff but i cant see it happening bc im always falling apart.