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fannish-karmiya · 3 years

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Wei Wuxian’s Position in the Jiang Household

Fandom tends to mischaracterise Wei Wuxian’s position in the Jiang family greatly. A lot of people project more modern ideas about adoption onto his relationship with the Jiang siblings, and write as if he really is their sibling and only Yu Ziyuan’s abusive nature gets in the way of their bond.

This strikes me as a bit misguided. While adoption was practised in ancient China, it was mainly for the purpose of obtaining a male heir in the absence of one, or obtaining more daughters to marry off for alliances. Jiang Fengmian had no reason to adopt Wei Wuxian into the main family, and he didn’t. Wei Wuxian’s position in the household is far more nebulous than that, and honestly it’s hard to find an exact corollary, in Chinese history or in any culture, precisely because it was so messy and ill-defined.

A Companion to Upper Class Children

Wei Wuxian is the son of a servant of Yunmeng Jiang; it’s notable that Wei Changze is always referred to this way, rather than as a disciple. Wei Changze wound up leaving the sect in order to marry Cangse Sanren, and Jiang Fengmian considered them dear enough friends that when he heard they passed away, he spent years searching for their orphaned son. He wound up finding Wei Wuxian on the streets of Yiling and brought him home as his ward.

Wei WuXian was taken home by Jiang FengMian when he was nine.

Most memories from back then were already blurred. Yet, Jin Ling’s mother, Jiang YanLi, remembered all of them, and even told him quite a few.

She said that, after his father heard of the news that his parents both died in battle, he had always dedicated himself to finding the child that these past friends had left behind. After searching for a while, he finally found the child in Yiling.

(Chapter 24, Exiled Rebels translation)

It’s clear from the start that beyond this sense of obligation to his old friends, Jiang Fengmian also had a role set out for Wei Wuxian: he wanted him to be a companion to his children, and Jiang Cheng in particular.

He encourages a friendship between them, insisting on a sleepover between the two a week into Wei Wuxian’s stay.

On the second day, Jiang Cheng’s puppies were given to someone else.

This angered Jiang Cheng so much that he threw a big tantrum. No matter how much Jiang FengMian comforted him gently, telling him that they should ‘be good friends’, he refused to talk to Wei WuXian. Quite a few days later, Jiang Cheng’s attitude softened. Jiang FengMian wanted to strike while the iron was still hot, so he told Wei WuXian to sleep in the same room as him, hoping that they’d grow fonder of each other.

[...]

That night, Jiang Cheng locked Wei WuXian outside his room, refusing to let him in.

[...]

Wei WuXian waited outside for a long time. When the door opened, before the joy could spread onto his face, he was bombarded with a pile of things being thrown out. The door banged shut again.

Jiang Cheng told him from inside, “Go sleep somewhere else! This is my room! You’re even gonna steal my room?!”

[...]

Standing outside, as Wei WuXian heard that dogs would come bite him, fear immediately bubbled within him. Twisting his fingers, he hurried, “I’ll go, I’ll go. Don’t call the dogs!”

Dragging behind him the sheets and blanket that were thrown outside, he ran out the hall. Having only arrived at Lotus Pier for a short period of time, he didn’t dare jump around yet. Every day, he obediently holed up in the places that Jiang FengMian told him to stay at. He didn’t even know where his room was, much less have the courage to knock on other people’s doors, scared that it’d disturb someone’s dreams.

(Chapter 71, Exiled Rebels translation)

After Jiang Cheng is worried about getting in trouble, he goes to Jiang Yanli for help, and she searches for Wei Wuxian.

But this was the first pair of shoes that Jiang FengMian bought him. Wei WuXian was too embarrassed to make him go out of his way to buy another pair, and so he said that they weren’t too big. Jiang YanLi helped him into his shoe and pressed the hollow tip, “It is a bit big. I’ll fix it for you when we get back.”

Hearing this, Wei WuXian felt somewhat uneasy, as if he did something wrong again.

Living in other people’s homes, the worst that could happen was to make trouble for the hosts.

Jiang YanLi put him onto her back and began to walk back, wobbling in her steps as she spoke, “A-Ying, no matter what A-Cheng said to you, don’t bother about him. He doesn’t have a good temper, so he’s always home playing with himself. Those puppies were his favorites. Dad sent them away, and so he’s feeling upset. He’s actually really happy that somebody’s here to be with him.”

(Chapter 71, Exiled Rebels translation)

Later, Wei Wuxian offers to cover for him, saying simply that he ran outside by himself because he was scared. In this one case it feels like a genuine instance of children showing solidarity and covering for each other’s little misbehaviours. But it also follows a pattern of Wei Wuxian doing this and making excuses, time and time again, for Jiang Cheng. I wonder if on some level, he already knew that his role in the household was in part to be a companion-servant to Jiang Cheng.

Wei Wuxian normally never puts up with people treating him poorly or being arrogant; he constantly bites his tongue when Jiang Cheng does so around him. While they study at Cloud Recesses, Jiang Cheng frequently insults Wei Wuxian, who always just smiles and laughs it off.

Jiang Cheng humphed, “Him? He wakes at nine in the morning and sleeps at one during the night. When he wakes up, he doesn’t practice his sword or meditate; he goes boating, swims around, picks lotus seedpods, and hunts for pheasants.”

Wei WuXian replied, “No matter how much pheasants I hunt, I’m still number one.”

(Chapter 13, Exiled Rebels translation)

Jiang Cheng scolded with a darkened expression, “What are you proud of?! What is there to be proud of with this?! Do you think that it’s a glorious thing to be told by someone to get lost? You bring so much shame upon our sect!”

(Chapter 16, Exiled Rebels translation)

We never see Wei Wuxian excusing this sort of behaviour from any other character; he has no problem scolding Jin Ling for his arrogant attitude and telling him that he shouldn’t be imitating his uncle, after all! It’s only where Jiang Cheng is concerned that he does this, and honestly, even then he seems to be quite aware that Jiang Cheng’s behaviour is wrong; he simply accepts on some level that it’s his role in the household to put up with it.

He actually does, very gently, try to guide Jiang Cheng at times. In Lotus Seed Pods, for example, he tries to give Jiang Cheng advice on how to flirt with some of the maidens in Yunmeng and make friends:

Wei WuXian threw the seed pods toward the shore. It was a far distance, but they landed lightly in the women’s hands. He grabbed a few more and stuffed them into Jiang Cheng’s arms, shoving, “What are you doing, just standing there? Hurry up.”

After a few shoves, Jiang Cheng could only accept them, “Hurry up and do what?”

Wei WuXian, “You ate the watermelon too, so you also have to return the gift, don’t you? Here, here, don’t be embarrassed. Start throwing, start throwing.”

Jiang Cheng snorted again, “You must be joking. What’s there to be embarrassed about?” Whatever he said, however, even after all of the shidi began to throw seed pods, he still didn’t start to move. Wei WuXian urged, “Then throw some! If you throw some this time, next time you can ask them if the seed pods tasted good, and you’ll be able to make conversation again!”

[...]

Jiang Cheng was just about to throw one when he realized how shameless it was the moment he heard it. He peeled a seed pod and ate it by himself.

[...]

After a while of laughter, he turned around and looked at Jiang Cheng, who was sitting at the front of the boat eating seed pods with a long face. His smile gradually disappeared as he sighed, “Well, what an unteachable child.”

Jiang Cheng fumed, “So what if I want to eat alone?”

Wei WuXian, “Look at you, Jiang Cheng. Nevermind. You’re hopeless. Just wait to eat alone your whole life!”

(Chapter 125, Lotus Seed Pod, Exiled Rebels translation)

He even sighs rather disappointedly when Jiang Cheng refuses to take the hint; he knows that Jiang Cheng’s sullen behaviour is going to make him miserable down the line, but all of his gentle efforts to nudge him in a better direction have failed.

He also speaks with great awareness of Jiang Cheng’s flaws after the fight in the ancestral hall:

Wei WuXian reached out with one hand and massaged his chest, as if trying to break up the pent-up feeling inside his heart. A moment later, he blurted, “I knew Jiang Cheng wouldn’t have let us go so easily. That brat… How could this be?!”

[...]

Wei WuXian’s eyelids throbbed, “Every one of them. The brat’s been like this ever since he was young.He’ll say anything when he’s angry, no matter how bad it is. He gives up on all grace and discipline whatsoever. As long as it’d annoy whomever he’s against, he’d say it no matter what terrible insults he uses. After all these years, he hasn’t gotten better at all. Please don’t take it to heart.”

(Chapter 90, Exiled Rebels translation)

This is so interesting to me, because it really makes it clear that Wei Wuxian has always been aware of these flaws of Jiang Cheng’s. He hasn’t been viewing him through rose-coloured lenses or making excuses for him because he’s ‘family’. He puts up with Jiang Cheng’s behaviour because being his companion is one of his duties in the Jiang household. It may never have been directly stated, but there seems to be some unspoken understanding to this effect.

I honestly don’t know if there is any official role in history (in any culture, not just China) which perfectly correlates to this. In China a lady’s maid was expected to also be a close friend and companion to her mistress (in canon, see Bicao to Qin-furen and Yinzhu and Jinzhu to Yu-furen). In Europe an upper class woman would hire a lady’s companion, a woman from the lower fringes of the gentry who would serve as her companion in exchange for financial support.

I don’t know of any version of this role which involves two men. In general, this sort of role existed because upper class women were confined to the household by and large, and had very limited social spheres. Men, meanwhile, had much greater ability to meet with their peers and make friends. I almost feel like Wei Wuxian wound up being shoved into this role simply because even as a child Jiang Cheng was so unsociable that Jiang Fengmian didn’t know what else to do!

Wei Wuxian also at least once steps in and starts a fight in place of Jiang Cheng (essentially taking the fall for him). He does this when Jin Zixuan speaks disparagingly of Jiang Yanli at Cloud Recesses:

Jin ZiXuan asked in reply, “Why don’t you ask me how on Earth can I be satisfied with her?”

Jiang Cheng instantly stood up.

Pushing him to the side, Wei WuXian walked in front of him and sneered, “You sure think that you’re pretty satisfying, don’t you? Where did you get the guts to be all choosy here?”

[...]

Wei WuXian sighed, “… It’d be nice if shijie came. It’s fortunate that you didn’t hit him.”

Jiang Cheng, “I was going to. If you didn’t push me, the other side of Jin ZiXuan’s face would also be ruined.”

(Chapter 18, Exiled Rebels translation)

It’s also very notable that Wei Wuxian is never shown having friends outside of Jiang Cheng’s social circle, despite what an outgoing and friendly person he is. Any time he expresses interest in someone for himself, as with Lan Wangji, Jiang Cheng tries to nip it in the bud. Being unable to deter Wei Wuxian from Lan Wangji directly, Jiang Cheng instead tries to drive a wedge between them, constantly telling Wei Wuxian that Lan Wangji hates him.

“Yeah,” Nie HuaiSang spoke, “It looks like he really hates you, Wei-xiong. Lan WangJi usually… No, he never does something so impolite.”

Wei WuXian, “He hates me already? I wanted to apologize to him.”

Jiang Cheng sneered, “Apologizing now? Too late! Like his uncle, he surely thinks that you are evil and unruly to the core, and didn’t bother to pay you any attention.”

(Chapter 14, Exiled Rebels translation)

Jiang Cheng pulled him even closer, “It’s not as if you’re familiar with him! Don’t you see how much he hates you? You’re going to carry him? He probably doesn’t even want you a step closer to him.”

(Chapter 52, Exiled Rebels translation)

He even directly orders Wei Wuxian not to invite Lan Wangji to come visit him at Lotus Pier during the Lotus Seed Pod extra.

Wei WuXian, “Why are you so upset? My watermelon almost flew away! I was just being polite. Of course he wouldn’t come. Have you ever heard of him go anywhere by himself to have fun?”

Jiang Cheng had on a stern expression, “Let’s make this clear. I don’t want him to come, anyhow. Don’t invite him.”

(Chapter 125, Lotus Seed Pod, Exiled Rebels translation)

It’s not only Lan Wangji he tries to steer Wei Wuxian away from; he also interrupts his conversation with Wen Ning at the archery competition:

Wen QiongLin was probably one of Wen Clan’s disciples furthest in bloodline. His status was neither high nor low, yet his personality was timid. He didn’t dare do anything and even his speech stuttered. Through much practice, he had finally conjured up the courage to enter the competition, but he blew it because he was too nervous. If he didn’t receive the right guidance, perhaps the boy would hide his true self more and more from now on and never dare to perform in front of other people again. Wei WuXian encouraged him a couple of times and touched on a few areas of growth, correcting some miniscule problems that he had when he was shooting in the garden. Wen QiongLin listened so attentively that he didn’t even turn his eyes away, nodding uncontrollably.

Jiang Cheng, “Where did you find so much nonsense? The competition is starting soon. Get into the arena right now!”

Wei WuXian spoke to Wen QiongLin in a serious tone, “I’ll be off to the competition now. Later, you can see how I shoot when I’m in the arena…”

Jiang Cheng dragged him away, short of patience. He spat as he dragged, “See how you shoot? Do you think that you’re a model or something?!”

(Chapter 59, Exiled Rebels translation)

Even when it comes to Wei Wuxian’s friendly flirtation with Mianmian, Jiang Cheng has something to say and tries to deter him from her:

Jiang Cheng, “The one that MianMian gave you? I didn’t.”

Wei WuXian exclaimed his regret, “I’ll find her for another one later.”

Jiang Cheng frowned, “You’re at it again. You don’t really like her, do you? The girl does look fine, but it’s obvious that she doesn’t have much background. Maybe she isn’t even a disciple. She seems like the daughter of a servant.”

Wei WuXian, “What’s wrong with servants? I’m also the son of a servant, aren’t I?”

Jiang Cheng, “How can you compare to her? Whose servant is like you, having your master peel lotus seeds for you and boil you soup. I didn’t even get to have some!”

(Chapter 56, Exiled Rebels translation)

Jiang Cheng really does seem to view Wei Wuxian in a very proprietary light; he’s not allowed to have any friendships which don’t exist under Jiang Cheng’s direct control.

The idea that Wei Wuxian was meant to be Jiang Cheng’s servant-friend is reinforced at its darkest when Lotus Pier falls: both Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian’s last words to Wei Wuxian are an instruction to protect Jiang Cheng.

One hand holding him, Madam Yu grabbed Wei WuXian’s lapels with her other hand as though to strangle him to death. She spoke through clenched teeth, “… You damn little brat! I hate you! I hate you more than anything else! Look at what our sect has gone through for your sake!”

[...]

Madam Yu, “Don’t make such a fuss. It’ll loosen up when you’re somewhere safe. If anyone attacks you on the journey, it’ll protect you as well. Don’t come back. Go to Meishan straight away and find your sister!”

After she finished, she turned to Wei WuXian and pointed at him, “Wei Ying! Listen to me! Protect Jiang Cheng, protect him even if you die, do you understand?!”

[...]

Jiang FengMian stared into his eyes. Suddenly, he reached out. Only after pausing in the air did he finally touch Jiang Cheng’s head, slowly, “A-Cheng, be well.”

Wei WuXian, “Uncle Jiang, if anything happens to you, he won’t be well.”

Jiang FengMian turned his eyes to him, “A-Ying, A-Cheng… you must look after him.”

(Chapter 58, Exiled Rebels translation)

Even Jiang Fengmian, who supposedly favoured Wei Wuxian, only gives him instructions as pertains to his own son; he doesn’t spare a single last word for Wei Wuxian himself.

A Lower Status Family Member

It wasn’t uncommon throughout human history, across many cultures, for wealthy families to take in relatives who were orphaned or had otherwise fallen on hard times. They tended to have a lower status than the main family; they lived with them and were still a part of their social sphere, but were not quite equal, either. The English term for this is ‘poor relation’.

Obviously, Wei Wuxian isn’t actually a blood relative at all. But his position in the Jiang household definitely has some similarities. He lives in the main house, eats meals with the family, attends school with the son... He is even on some conditional levels accepted into the gentry of cultivation society. But he isn’t a full equal member of the family, either.

The fact that he’s Jiang Fengmian’s ward, not a blood relative or adopted into the main family, puts him at even more of a disadvantage. It seems that Jiang Fengmian paid for all of Wei Wuxian’s expenses:

Wei WuXian took a bite, “Back then, I didn’t even have to pay when I ate at the dock. I grabbed whatever I wanted, ate whatever I wanted; ran after I grabbed, walked as I ate. A month later, the vendor would get the reimbursement from Uncle Jiang.”

(Chapter 86, Exiled Rebels translation)

While this is a bit of conjecture, I gather that he was given access to family money as if he was part of the clan, and could just charge Yunmeng Jiang whenever he shopped in Lotus Pier. Which is great so long as Wei Wuxian is accepted in Yunmeng Jiang...but as we see during the Burial Mounds settlement period, the moment that acceptance fades, Wei Wuxian is left out in the cold without a single coin. And because he isn’t a member of the family, it’s a far easier matter for him to be thrown aside, as he was when Jiang Cheng grew angry with him over his decision to protect the Wens.

Of course, Chinese families traditionally did share their wealth, and still do nowadays. Ideally, in a loving family, this is a positive and means they all support each other; but when that isn’t the case, it leaves the victims of abuse vulnerable.

In Wei Wuxian’s case, he has some of the benefits of being a member of the Jiang clan, without ever actually being a member. He can be cast aside at any time, and he is never afforded the same respect by wider cultivation society which an inner clan member would have.

I don’t believe the novel ever directly addresses Wei Wuxian’s acceptance into the guest lectures at Cloud Recesses in this light, but the donghua actually has a very interesting little exchange about it which takes place between Nie Huaisang and a relative of his:

“Wei-xiong is just a disciple from Yunmeng. Why could he come to Gusu to study?”

“Wei-xiong is the son of Jiang-zongzhu’s old friend. He has been treated as their own son.”

“Oh, I see. That explains why they don’t look like master and servant, they seem like brothers.”

(MDZS Donghua, Episode 3, Guodong Subs)

Wei Wuxian was only allowed to attend these lectures, which seem to mainly be for sect heirs and inner clan members, on the grace of being Jiang Fengmian’s ward (and probably to accompany Jiang Cheng). While this exchange is not from the book, we never do see or hear about any of the other students being outer disciples rather than members of the main clan. Here’s what the novel had to say about it:

In that year, aside from the YunmengJiang Sect, there were also the young masters from other clans, sent to study here from parents who heard of the reputation. The young masters were all around fifteen or sixteen. Because the sects all knew the others, although they weren’t close, they had seen others’ faces before. It was widely known that, although Wei WuXian’s surname was not Jiang, he was the leading disciple of the sect leader of the YunmengJiang Sect—Jiang FengMian, and also the son of his friend who had passed away. In fact, the sect leader regarded him as his own child. This, along with how youths were not as concerned with status and ancestry as elders, they were soon friends. Only a few sentences passed, and everyone started to call others older brothers or younger brothers.

(Chapter 13, Exiled Rebels translation)

And Wei Wuxian isn’t treated as an equal at school, either; when he and his friends get up to mischief, he’s frequently the only one punished. Nie Huaisang even notes that Lan Qiren seems to be far harder on him than the other students:

Nie HuaiSang spoke, “Why does it seem like old man Lan is especially strict towards you? He always directs his scoldings at you.”

(Chapter 14, Exiled Rebels translation)

And we see Wei Wuxian being the sole one punished out of a group taken for granted by his friends multiple times:

As a result of cheating notes flying everywhere in the air, Lan WangJi suddenly attacked during the test, and caught a few initiators of the commotion. Lan QiRen exploded with anger, writing letters to the prominent clans to tell on them. He loathed Wei WuXian—in the beginning, although these disciples could hardly sit still, at least nobody started anything, and their buttocks were able to stick to their legs. However, now that Wei Ying came, the originally spineless brats were influenced by his encouragement, venturing out at night and drinking alcohol however they pleased. The unhealthy practices grew greater and greater. As he had expected, Wei Ying was one of the biggest threats to humanity!

Jiang FengMian replied, “Ying has always been like this. Please take care to discipline him, Mr. Lan.”

And so, Wei WuXian was punished again.

(Chapter 14, Exiled Rebels translation)

The boys were all cheating, but Wei Wuxian is the one punished most severely. This happens when he's caught sneaking alcohol, too (though to be fair to Lan Wangji, he probably was only punishing him, and himself alongside him, for being outside after curfew when he threw them off the wall).

Of course, Jiang Cheng didn’t dare to say that Wei WuXian was at fault. Thinking back, it was them who urged Wei WuXian to buy liquor. Each and every one of them should have been punished. He could only speak in a vague way, “It’s fine, it’s fine; it’s not that serious! He can walk. Wei WuXian, why are you still up there?!”

(Chapter 18, Exiled Rebels translation)

It’s not entirely unreasonable for the one who gets caught to take the punishment (what’s he going to do, rat his friends out?) but their ready acceptance of this does fit into a pattern.

Jiang Cheng’s top was tied at his waist. Hearing his mother’s chastise, he hastily put it over his head. Madam Yu scolded again, “And you boys! Can’t you see that A-Li’s here? Who taught you brats to dress like this in front of a girl!?”

Of course, it was needless to think who led the group. Thus, Madam Yu’s next sentence, as usual, was “Wei Ying! Do you want to die!?”

[...]

He could still feel some pain in his back, so he tossed the paddles to someone else, sat down, and felt the stinging piece of flesh, “How unfair. Nobody else was wearing anything, but why was I the only one who got scolded and beaten up?”

Jiang Cheng, “Because you hurt the eye the most with no clothes on, for sure.”

[...]

Everyone nodded. Wei WuXian, “Thanks for the praise, you guys. I’m even starting to feel some goose bumps.”

The shidi, “You’re welcome, Da-Shixiong. You protect us every single time. You deserve even more!”

(Chapter 125, Lotus Seed Pod, Exiled Rebels translation)

While we know that Yu Ziyuan is an abusive person in general, she abuses Wei Wuxian far more harshly than anyone else, even the outer disciples. It’s made clear to us in Lotus Seed Pods that she whips him regularly over minor infractions:

Madam Yu was even angrier, “How dare you run! Come back right now and kneel!” As she spoke, she let loose her whip with a flip of her wrist. Wei WuXian felt a searing pain slash across his back. He loudly exclaimed, “Ow!” And almost tripped on the ground.

(Chapter 125, Lotus Seed Pod, Exiled Rebels translation)

And that his back is heavily scarred from it:

He felt his back, covered in scars both old and new, and still couldn’t hold back the question he’d be thinking about, “How awfully unfair. Why is it that I’m the only one who gets beaten up, whenever something happens?”

(Chapter 125, Lotus Seed Pod, Exiled Rebels translation)

Rumours about this even made it outside of Lotus Pier; during their visit to the ancestral hall years later, Lan Wangji even states that he heard about some of it:

Lan WangJi had on an expression of understanding, “Kneeling as punishment?”

Wei WuXian mused, “How did you know? That’s right. Madam Yu punished me almost every day.”

Lan WangJi nodded, “I have heard of a few things.”

Wei WuXian, “It’s so famous that even people outside Yunmeng, even you Gusu people know—how could it be ‘a few things’? But, to be honest, in all these years, I’ve never seen a second woman whose temper was as bad as Madam Yu’s. She told me to go to the ancestral hall and kneel no matter how small the matter was. Hahaha…”

(Chapter 87, Exiled Rebels translation)

Wei Wuxian’s lower social standing is definitely a part of why Yu Ziyuan is able to abuse him so terribly and receive little to no censure for it. Everyone at Lotus Pier simply takes it for granted, with the exception of Jiang Yanli who at least does try to deflect her mother when she is angry with Wei Wuxian:

Yet, all of a sudden, someone’s quiet voice drifted by Madam Yu’s ear, “Mom, do you want to eat some watermelon…”

[...]

Jiang YanLi almost cried from her mother’s pinching, mumbling, “Mom, A-Xian and the others were hiding here to relieve the heat and I came here on my own. Don’t blame them… Do… Do you want some watermelon… I don’t know who gave them to us, but it’s really sweet. Eating watermelon in the summer is great for cooling down and quenching thirst. I’ll cut them for you…”

(Chapter 125, Lotus Seed Pod, Exiled Rebels translation)

She both tries to deflect her mother from her anger, and also outright states that Wei Wuxian and the other boys weren’t at fault. Jiang Yanli seems to be the only one at Lotus Pier who ever does this.

After the war, Wei Wuxian attends social events at Jiang Cheng’s side but is never quite treated as an equal, either. See how at the Flower Banquet, Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue greet Jiang Cheng but not him:

Suddenly, a voice spoke, “Sect Leader Nie, Sect Leader Lan.”

Hearing the familiar voice, Wei WuXian’s heart jumped. Nie MingJue turned around again. Jiang Cheng came over, dressed in purple, hand on his sword.

And the person standing beside Jiang Cheng was none other than Wei WuXian himself.

He saw himself walk with hands behind his back, wearing all black. A flute in the shade of ink stuck to his waist, hanging down with crimson colored tassels. Standing shoulder-to-shoulder with Jiang Cheng, he nodded in this direction to show respect. Attitude slightly arrogant, he took on a profound, disdainful appearance. As Wei WuXian saw the stance of his younger self, the root of his teeth even cringed in soreness. He felt that he really was pretentious, and itched to just beat the hell out of himself.

Lan WangJi also saw Wei WuXian, who stood beside Jiang Cheng. The tip of his brows twitched ever so slightly. Soon afterward, his light-colored eyes returned to where they were, still looking forward in that composed way. Jiang Cheng and Nie MingJue nodded at each other with grave faces. Neither had anything unnecessary to say. After a hasty greeting, the two walked their separate ways. Wei WuXian saw his black-clothed self glance around as he finally saw Lan WangJi. He looked as if he was about to speak before Jiang Cheng came over and stood to his side.

(Chapter 49, Exiled Rebels translation)

They then proceed to talk about him and his lack of a sword behind his back, never having said a word to Wei Wuxian himself:

Nie MingJue’s gaze turned over again, “Why does Wei Ying not carry his sword?”

Carrying one’s sword was like wearing formal attire. In such gatherings, it was a non-negligible indication of etiquette. Those from prominent sects saw it as especially important. Lan WangJi responded in a lukewarm tone, “He had probably forgotten.”

Ning MingJue raised a brow, “He can even forget something like this?”

(Chapter 49, Exiled Rebels translation)

At Phoenix Mountain it also seems that Wei Wuxian is conditionally a member of the gentry, but not treated like an equal. Sometimes there are these more cheerful interactions:

Holding the flower, Lan WangJi seemed to be quite cold. His tone seemed cold as well, “Was it you?”

Wei WuXian immediately denied it, “No, it wasn’t.”

The maidens beside him spoke at once, “Don’t believe him. It was him!”

Wei WuXian, “How could you treat a good person like this? I’m getting angry!”

Giggling, the maidens pulled their reins and went to the formations of their own sects. Lan WangJi lowered the hand that he held the flower with and shook his head. Jiang Cheng spoke, “ZeWu-Jun, HanGuang-Jun, apologies. Don’t pay attention to him.”

Lan XiChen smiled, “That is fine. I will thank Young Master Wei’s kindness behind the flower in place of WangJi.”

(Chapter 69, Exiled Rebels translation)

But then he will be publicly disparaged and it is readily accepted by others. Jin Zixun first starts an argument with him by criticising Wei Wuxian for fighting Jin Zixuan, then turns the topic to Wei Wuxian’s having taken a third of the prey in the hunt.

Jin ZiXun, “Wei, just what what do you mean by going against ZiXuan so many times?”

[...]

Jin ZiXun sneered, “How is it presumptuous? How is any part of you not presumptuous? Today, in such an important hunt involving all of the sects, you really showed off your abilities, didn’t you? One third of the prey have been taken by you. You sure feel pleased, don’t you?”

[...]

He mocked, “But it’s only natural that you don’t think you’re in the wrong. It’s not the first time that Young Master Wei has disregarded the rules. You didn’t wear your sword in both last time’s flower banquet and this time’s hunt. It’s such a grand event, and you care nothing for courtesy. In what regard to you hold us, the people who are present with you?”

[...]

No disciple had ever dared say such lofty words in front of so many people. A moment later, as Jin ZiXun finally regained his composure, he yelled, “Wei WuXian! You’re only the son of a servant—how dare you be so bold!!!”

(Chapters 69-70, Exiled Rebels translation)

Naturally, Jin Zixun is able to weasel out of giving an apology, even though Jiang Yanli demands one. And guess who also takes a third of the prey, but this time without any censure?

Jin GuangYao, “In reality, not only did Young Master Wei keep a third of the prey to himself, our eldest brother has eliminated over half of the fays and the monsters as well.”

Hearing this, Lan XiChen laughed, “That is how Brother is like, after all.”

(Chapter 70, Exiled Rebels translation)

Never a Brother

As I’ve already mentioned, Wei Wuxian was never adopted by Jiang Fengmian, or adopted into the clan in general in even a distant way. And this nebulous ‘we’re letting you live with the main family as a charity, but you aren’t really one of us’ attitude also reflects in his relationship with Jiang Yanli.

I’ve already discussed how Wei Wuxian was more like a companion servant to Jiang Cheng than a brother. It’s also worth noting quickly that neither of them ever refers to the other as a brother. Wei Wuxian refers to Jiang Cheng as his shidi a few times, and Jiang Cheng never even refers to him as his shixiong (because Jiang Cheng views him as his servant, not as even a martial brother, I’d argue).

Only one member of the Jiang family ever does use familial terms to refer to Wei Wuxian: his shijie, Jiang Yanli. At Phoenix Mountain, when Wei Wuxian is being insulted by Jin Zixun, Jiang Yanli stands up and defends him, and states clearly that she considers Wei Wuxian a little brother:

The people who gathered around Jin ZiXun had on the same dark faces as he did. Yet, taking into consideration Jiang YanLi’s background, they didn’t dare talk back to her directly.

Jiang YanLi added, “Besides, hunting is hunting, so why bring the matter of discipline to the table? A-Xian is a disciple of the YunmengJiang Sect. He grew up with my brother and I, and so he’s as close as a brother is to me. Calling him the ‘son of a servant’—I’m sorry, but I won’t accept this. And thus…”

She straightened her back and raised her voice, “I hope that Young Master Jin ZiXun would apologize to Wei WuXian of the YunmengJiang Sect!”

(Chapter 70, Exiled Rebels translation)

It doesn’t come through in the Exiled Rebels translation, but she actually refers to Wei Wuxian as her didi in this scene, not her shidi. She’s trying to draw a line and state that Wei Wuxian is a part of the family. However, no one takes her seriously, and shortly afterwards we see Jin-furen insisting that Jiang Yanli and Wei Wuxian shouldn’t be walking alone together because it would be inappropriate.

Jiang YanLi whispered, “That’s not necessary. I’d like to have a few words with A-Xian. He can walk me back.”

Madam Jin raised her brows, looking Wei WuXian up and down. Her gaze was somewhat cautious, as if she was feeling displeased, “A young man and a young woman—you two can’t stick together all the time if nobody else is present.”

Jiang YanLi, “A-Xian is my younger brother.”

[...]

Wei WuXian lowered his head, “Excuse my absence, Madam Jin.”

He and Jiang YanLi bowed at the same time. As they turned around to leave, Madam Jin grabbed Jiang YanLi’s hand and refused to let her leave.

(Chapter 70, Exiled Rebels translation)

Jin Zixuan also never treats Wei Wuxian the way one might a brother who is still angered with him over his past dismissive treatment of his sister. For example, see their argument at the Flower Banquet:

Before he could see how Lan WangJi reacted, a series of clamor suddenly came from the other end of the base. Wei WuXian heard his own raging shout, “Jin ZiXuan! Don’t you forget about what things you said and what things you did? What do you mean by this, now?!”

Wei WuXian remembered. So it was this time!

On the other side, Jin ZiXuan also fumed, “I was asking Sect Leader Jiang, not you! The one I was asking about was also Maiden Jiang. How is that related to you?!”

[...]

Jin ZiXuan, “Sect Leader Jiang—this is our sect’s flower banquet, and this is your sect’s person! Are you going to look after him or not?!”

[...]

...Jiang Cheng’s voice came, “Wei WuXian, you can just shut your mouth. Young Master Jin, I’m sorry. My sister is doing quite well. Thank you for your concern. We can talk about this next time.”

Wei WuXian laughed coldly, “Next time? There is no next time! Whether or not she’s doing well isn’t any of his business, either! Who does he think he is?”

He turned around and started to leave. Jiang Cheng shouted, “Get back here! Where are you going?”

Wei WuXian waved his hands, “Anywhere is fine! Just don’t let me see that face of his. I never wanted to come, anyway. You can deal with whatever’s here yourself.”

Having been abandoned by Wei WuXian, Jiang Cheng’s face immediately clouded over.

[...]

Jiang Cheng stowed away the clouds on his face, “Don’t mind him. Look at how impolite he is. He’s used to such rude behavior at home.”

He then began to converse with Jin ZiXuan.

(Chapter 49, Exiled Rebels translation)

Jiang Cheng also quietly dismisses the notion of Wei Wuxian as a brother in relation to Jiang Yanli; when they visit to show him her wedding dress and she asks for a courtesy name, Jiang Cheng specifically says:

Jiang Cheng, “The courtesy name of my unborn nephew.”

(Chapter 75, Exiled Rebels translation)

Not our nephew, mine.

Even the disastrous invitation to Jin Ling’s one month celebration is framed as a favour to an old shidi, not a family member:

Jin ZiXun, “Since you’ve heard it from him already, you should know that I can’t wait. Don’t tell me that you’ll disregard your brother’s life for the sake of Sister-in-Law’s shidi?!”

Jin ZiXuan, “You clearly know that I’m not that kind of person! He might not necessarily be the one who cursed you with Hundred Holes either. Why are you so rash? I was the one who invited Wei WuXian to A-Ling’s full-month celebration anyways. If this is the way you do things, where does that leave me? Where does it leave my wife?”

Jin ZiXun raised his voice, “It’s best if he doesn’t attend! What does Wei WuXian think he is—does he deserve to attend our sect’s banquet? Whoever touches him gets nothing but a splash of black! ZiXuan, when you invited him, weren’t you worried that you, Sister-in-Law and A-Ling would receive an irremovable stain for the rest of your lives?!”

(Chapter 76, Exiled Rebels translation)

It’s clear that not only does wider society not consider Wei Wuxian and the Jiangs siblings...they themselves don’t, either. Wei Wuxian, after all, readily accepts that his relationship with them is over after he leaves the sect:

Before they parted, Jiang Cheng spoke, “We won’t see you off. It wouldn’t be good if someone saw us.”

Wei WuXian nodded. He understood that it wasn’t easy for the Jiang siblings to have come out here. If someone else saw them, all those things they did for the public to believe would be wasted. He spoke, “We’ll go first.”

[...]

He turned around, knowing that it’d be a long time before he’d get to see the people he was familiar with again.

But… right now, wasn’t he on his way to seeing people he was familiar with as well?

(Chapter 75, Exiled Rebels translation)

Cast Aside

The way cultivation society treats Wei Wuxian when he is not with the Jiangs is also very revealing. Any level of respect he is given is contingent on his position in the Jiang household, and when they aren’t around that minimal respect fades away. Look at how disrespectfully he is treated when he approaches Jin Zixun to ask for Wen Ning’s location.

Wei WuXian didn’t make small talk either, getting straight to the point, “No thanks. I don’t.” He nodded slightly at Jin ZiXun, “Young Master Jin, could I please have a word with you?”

Jin ZiXun, “If you have anything to say, come after our banquet is over.”

In reality, he didn’t want to talk to Wei WuXian at all. Wei WuXian could see this as well, “How long do I have to wait?”

Jin ZiXun, “Probably around six to eight hours. Or maybe ten to twelve. Or until tomorrow.”

Wei WuXian, “I’m afraid I can’t wait for that long.”

Jin ZiXun’s voice was arrogant, “You’ll have to wait even if you can’t.”

Jin GuangYao, “Young Master Wei, what do you need ZiXun for? Is it a pressing matter?”

Wei WuXian, “Pressing indeed. It allows for no delay.”

[...]

Jin ZiXun, “Wei WuXian, what do you mean? You came for him? You aren’t standing up for a Wen-dog, are you?”

Wei WuXian wore a broad grin, “Since when is it your business whether I’d like to stand up for him or cut his head off? Just give him to me!”

At the last sentence, the grin on his face vanished. His tone turned cold as well. It was clear that he had lost his patience. Many of the people within Glamor Hal shivered in fear. Jin ZiXun felt his scalp tingle as well. Yet, his anger soon soared. He shouted, “Wei WuXian, you are too bold! Did the LanlingJin Sect invite you today? And you dare run wild here. Do you really think that you’re invincible, that nobody has the courage to confront you? Do you want to overturn the Heavens?”

Wei WuXian smiled, “You’re comparing yourself to the Heavens? Excuse my language, but your face is a little too thick, isn’t it?”

[...]

Just as he was about to rebut, sitting on the foremost seat, Jin GuangShan spoke up.

His voice seemed kind, “It’s not anything too important anyways. You youngsters, why lose your tempers over such a thing? However, Young Master Wei, let me be fair here. Barging in when the LanlingJin Sect is holding a private banquet is indeed inappropriate.”

To say that Jin GuangShan didn’t mind what happened at Phoenix Mountain would be impossible. This was also why he only smiled when Jin ZiXun bickered with Wei WuXian but didn’t stop them, and only spoke up when Jin ZiXun was at the disadvantage.

Wei WuXian nodded, “Sect Leader Jin, it was never my intention to disturb your private banquet. My apologies. However, the whereabouts of the people whom Young Master Jin took are still unclear. Just a moment of delay, and it might be too late. One of the group had once saved me before. I will definitely not sit back and watch. Please do not feel pressured. I will make amends for this at a later date.”

[...]

After a few laughs, he continued, “Sect Leader Jin, let me ask you something else. Do you think that, because the QishanWen Sect is gone, the LanlingJin Sect has all right to replace it?”

All was silent within Glamor Hall.

Wei WuXian added, “Everything has to be given to you? Everyone has to listen to you? Looking at how the LanlingJin Sect does things, I almost thought that it was the QishanWen Sect’s empire all over again.”

[...]

A guest cultivator on his right shouted, “Wei WuXian! Watch your words!”

Wei WuXian, “Did I say something wrong? Forcing living people to be bait and beating them up whenever they refused to obey—is this any different from what the QishanWen Sect does?”

Another guest cultivator stood up, “Of course it’s different. The Wen-dogs did all kinds of evil. To arrive at such an end is only karma for them. We only avenged a tooth for a tooth, letting them taste the fruit that they themselves had sown. What’s wrong with this?”

Wei WuXian, “Take revenge on the ones who bite you. Wen Ning’s branch doesn’t have much blood on their hands. Don’t tell me that you find them guilty by association?”

Another person spoke, “Young Master Wei, is it that they don’t have much blood on their hands just because you say so? These are only your one-sided words. Where’s the evidence?”

[...]

Jin GuangShan stood up as well, his face a mixture of shock, anger, fear, and hatred, “Wei WuXian! Just because… Sect Leader Jiang isn’t here doesn’t mean you can be so reckless!”

Wei WuXian’s voice was harsh, “Do you think that I wouldn’t be reckless if he were here? If I wanted to kill someone, who could stop me, and who would dare stop me?!”

[...]

“Young Master Wei really is too impulsive. How could he speak in such a way in front of so many sects?”

Lan WangJi spoke coldly, “Was he wrong?”

Jin GuangYao paused almost unnoticeably. He immediately laughed, “Haha. Yes, he’s right. But it’s because he’s right that he can’t say it in front of them, correct?”

Lan XiChen seemed as if he was deep in thought, “Young Master Wei’s heart really has changed.”

(Chapter 72, Exiled Rebels translation)

The only person at this banquet who speaks to Wei Wuxian respectfully is Jin Guangyao, a consummate manipulator who is also of a lower social status. Everyone else speaks to him dismissively, refusing to respect his request for Wen Ning’s location even though he states that Wen Ning helped him during the war. Wei Wuxian is extremely polite at the beginning of this conversation, and only slowly begins to lose his temper when Jin Zixun speaks rudely and Jin Guangshan decides to bring up the matter of the Yinhufu (Wei Wuxian is right in suspecting him of wanting to replace Qishan Wen, of course, and that it’s very bold of them to think they have the right to a spiritual tool of his just because...they’re rich?).

When the sects meet at Koi Tower to discuss the breakout at Qiongqi Path, no one considers Wei Wuxian as an independent agent who they might actually want to meet and negotiate with themselves. He is a wayward servant of Yunmeng Jiang who the sect leader has failed to keep in hand.

Jiang Cheng only spoke after a few moments, “What he did was indeed a bit too much. Sect Leader Jin, I apologize to you in place of him. If there’s any way at all to help the situation, please let me know. I’ll definitely compensate for things however I can.”

[...]

Jin GuangShan, “Sect Leader Jiang, Wei Ying is your right-hand man. You value him a lot. All of us know this. However, on the other hand, it’s hard to tell whether or not he actually respects you. In any case, I’ve been a sect leader for so many years and I’ve never seen the servant of any sect dare be so arrogant, so proud. Have you heard what they say outside? Things like how during the Sunshot Campaign the victories of the YunmengJiang Sect were all because of Wei WuXian alone—what nonsense!”

[...]

Lan WangJi sat with his back straight, speaking in a tone of absolute tranquility, “I did not hear Wei Ying say this. I did not hear him express the slightest disrespect towards Sect Leader Jiang either.”

[...]

The good thing was that, not long after he felt awkward, Jin GuangYao came to save the day, exclaiming, “Really? That day, Young Master Wei busted into Koi Tower with such force. He said too many things, one more shocking than the next. Perhaps he said a few things that were along those lines. I can’t remember them either.”

[...]

Jin GuangShan followed the transition, “That’s right. Anyhow, his attitude has always been arrogant.”

One of the sect leaders added, “To be honest, I’ve wanted to say this since a long time ago. Although Wei WuXian did a few things during the Sunshot Campaign, there are many guest cultivators who did more than him. I’ve never seen anyone as full of themselves as him. Excuse my bluntness, but he’s the son of a servant. How could the son of a servant be so arrogant?”

[...]

“In the beginning, Sect Leader Jin asked Wei Ying for the Tiger Seal with nothing but good intentions, worried that he wouldn’t be able to control it and lead to a disaster. He, however, used his own yardstick to measure another’s intents. Did he think that everyone is after his treasure? What a joke. In terms of treasures, is there any sect that doesn’t hold a few treasures?”

“I knew that something would eventually happen if he continued on the ghostly path—look! His killing intents are being revealed already. Killing indiscriminately those from our side just because of a few Wen-dogs…”

[...]

Jin GuangShan continued, “Sect Leader Jiang, you’re not like your father. It’s just been a couple of years since the reestablishment of the YunmengJiang Sect, precisely when you should be displaying your power. And he doesn’t even know to avoid suspicions. What would the Jiang Sect’s new disciples think if they saw him? Don’t tell me you’d let them see him as their role model and look down on you?”

He spoke one sentence after another, striking the iron while it was still hot. Jiang Cheng spoke slowly, “Sect Leader Jin, that’s enough. I’ll go to Burial Mound and deal with this.”

Jin GuangShan felt satisfied, speaking in a sincere tone, “That’s the spirit. Sect Leader Jiang, there are some things, some people that you shouldn’t put up with.”

(Chapter 73, Exiled Rebels translation)

This is very reminiscent of the way that Jin Zixuan would often turn around and say, ‘Why aren’t you controlling your servant?’ to Jiang Cheng whenever he had a dispute with Wei Wuxian over his treatment of Jiang Yanli.

When Jiang Cheng goes to the Burial Mounds and Wei Wuxian defects from Yunmeng Jiang in order to help the sect save face, Jiang Cheng treats this as a personal betrayal. He not only challenges Wei Wuxian to a duel but then announces that Wei Wuxian has betrayed Yunmeng Jiang and declared himself the enemy of cultivation society:

After the fight, Jiang Cheng told the outside that Wei WuXian defected from the sect and was an enemy to the entire cultivation world. The YunmengJiang Sect had already cast him out. From then on, no ties remained between them—a clear line was drawn. Henceforth, no matter what he did, they’d have nothing to do with the YunmengJiang Sect!

(Chapter 73, Exiled Rebels translation)

“Wei Wuxian has betrayed the sect, and publicly regards all cultivation sects as enemy! Yunmeng Jiang Sect hereby expels him, breaking all ties with him and drawing a clear line between us. Henceforth, no matter what this person does, it will have nothing to do with Yunmeng Jiang Sect!”

(Modao Zushi Radio Drama, Season 3 Episode 5, Suibian Subs)

Naturally, no one ever questions this or wants to hear Wei Wuxian’s side of the story. Jiang Cheng is a sect leader and Wei Wuxian his servant, and that is all cultivation society needs to know.

In Conclusion

Wei Wuxian was never really part of the Jiang family. The wider social view was that he was a servant who was lucky to be taken in by the family and allowed to live in the main house alongside the sect leader’s children. He’s accepted into cultivation society conditionally, but only as someone who remains a rank below everyone else.

This attitude isn’t just the wider social view which the family themselves disregard; they all play into it. Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Cheng both actively enforce it, Jiang Fengmian passively enforces it, and Jiang Yanli tries but fails to break through the social barriers between them.

#mdzs #mdzs meta #modao zushi

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feralaot · 3 years

Note

GIVE ME. FRIENDSHIP/RELATIONSHIP DYNAMIC HCS

for example AruAni gives off “I hate everybody but I hate you less” energy

literally any duo/trio/group you want just plz. I love them and I have my own ideas but wanna see yours ✌️💋

ohoho here we go.... this is gonna be a long one

AOT pairings + their dynamics

no warnings

eren / mikasa (romantic): the crime fighting duo

they can and they will mess up anyone and everyone who fucks with them. the kind of duo that seems to bond the most when they’re being violent and they want to make you scream “JUST CONFESS YOUR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER, FOOLS” and the slowburn is far too painful on the soul

eren / armin (platonic): the bad guy and the virtuous ray of sunshine

armin is the sweetest creature to grace this world and eren is literally the opposite but somehow they’re compatible. eren acts emotionally unavailable but good god armin brings out even the most buried emotion in him through his blinding rays of obnoxious joy and caring. obviously this didn’t last forever

eren / levi (platonic): the obnoxious child and the tired parent

somebody please give levi a break. it’s difficult being a single mother of six especially when you’re a middle aged man and one of your children is a war criminal.

sasha / connie (open to interpretation): the dumb & dumber mutual enablers

where one goes, the other goes. what trouble one gets into, the other gets into. they enable each other’s chaos and general misdeeds and will sit next to each other in a jail cell awaiting levi to bail them out while giggling and saying “wasn’t that fun?”

sasha / reiner (platonic): the eccentric girl and her emotional support himbo

one is a ball of chaos with a soft spot and the other is (relatively) normal but is also a chaos enabler. they feed off of each other's energy and are just about the closest thing you can get to the human equivalents of a bull and a matador but they also rely on each other for emotional support

armin / annie (romantic): pure looking (but hella shady) and scary looking (but actually a softie)

they are definitely not what either of them appear to be. the gentle little ball of sunshine is actually a scheming bastard and the one that looks like she’ll beat you up just for looking at her the wrong way is actually very soft at heart. and they are in love of course

jean / armin (platonic): the delinquent and the keener

jean used to skip, get bad grades, and get in trouble a lot but eventually worked on becoming a lot better because of armin’s enthusiasm and borderline annoying encouragement. on the other hand armin loosened up a lot and became less strict thanks to jean’s easy going attitude and they help each other improve themselves :’)

jean / connie (platonic): the dumbass and “oh god I guess they’re MY dumbass”

connie is like a dog without a leash and jean is the wrangler that desperately tries to keep him at least relatively tame. although sometimes it’s hard to keep somebody in check while also not wanting to give into their shenanigans and enable them

connie / reiner (platonic): the idiot and the idiot in progress

one has been an idiot since birth and it shows. meanwhile the other is losing more brain cells the more time they spend together. they feed off of each other’s energy and channel it into chaos and misdeeds

historia / ymir (romantic): the loner and the popular chick

historia is one of the few people who actually notices ymir, who doesn’t get the hype about her at first but warms up to her over time. they seem like polar opposites to anyone on the outside so it might be hard to tell that they’re very compatible with each other and lowkey enable each other

hange / levi (open to interpretation): the hooligan and the voice of reason

hange is the big bad conniving bastard and levi is the poor sod that has been dragged into their mess and was hit with a sudden and painful realization that he’s in deep trouble in every possible sense of the word. they are of equal strength except one has rabies

erwin / levi (open to interpretation): the kind giant and the bundle of repressed rage

one will make impulsive decisions on a dime and the other is the only one that can keep him grounded, at least most of the time. one is easy going the other is seething with buried anger and they balance each other out. however both would throw hands if anyone got between them

levi / zeke (open to interpretation): enemies to acquaintances to friends to ???

nobody knows what they truly think about each other and they probably don’t either. they’ll be fighting tooth and nail one moment then probably go out to get lunch an hour later. it’s a bit rocky, but they’ll figure it out eventually

reiner / bertholdt (romantic): two bros chillin in a hot tub 5 feet apart because they won’t confess their undying love for each other

literally everyone can sense the mutual pining from a mile away but they’re both so dense and oblivious for the longest time until they get things sorted and confess. one has too much pride to risk losing and the other is scared to ruin their relationship. this pairing will test both your patience and your sanity

reiner / eren (platonic): rivals to dumbass bros

most of the time they can’t stand each other and will argue with no end in sight but other times they’ll be slumped against each other or one will be sprawled out across the other and they’re having deep conversations and watching tv. it’s really a hit or miss situation

reiner / ymir (platonic): the gay solidarity

the mlm and wlw solidarity is real and it shows. they’re both jerks who only really have each other in terms of close friendships but by all means it’s an unbreakable bond

reiner / armin (platonic): honorarily deemed “one of the boys”

they have some kind of solidarity but neither of them really knows what it is, they just get along really well for some reason. thus reiner has deemed armin officially one of the boys and is included in activities w the boys e.g. movie night. they have a lot of inside jokes

reiner / zeke / bertholdt (platonic): the pining couple and the third wheel

reiner and bertholdt won’t admit it to his face because it would boost his ego tenfold but they’re lowkey kinda scared of zeke. but zeke is just a himbo that kind of hangs around and judges them and can tell they’re in love and is just waiting for the day they admit it

bertholdt / armin (platonic): the pessimist and the optimist

they’re both very pure sweet besties except one is a cynic and the other focuses on all the joy in the world. fill in the blanks.

pieck / porco (open to interpretation): the cinnabun and the hothead

one is too sweet and wholesome to be alive and the other is perpetually angry but is still cute. the contrast shows but they’re still sweethearts that are obviously meant to balance each other out

porco / reiner (platonic): the bastard and the accidental bastard magnet

they started as enemies and slowly evolved into something vaguely reminiscent of... friends? yeah, friends. reiner doesn’t know how he keeps attracting assholes like this but for some godforsaken reason he puts up with it.

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merakiaes · 4 years

Text

Falling - Oscar “Spooky” Diaz

Pairing: Oscar “Spooky” Diaz x reader

Requested: No.

Prompts: None.

Warnings/notes: This wasn’t a requested piece, I just got this idea when I was watching the pool scene in ‘Bring It On Again’ the other day. It’s shit and it’s messy but it took me the entire day to write so please show it some love and let me know what you think xx NOT PROOFREAD!

Wordcount: 6776

Summary: You distract Oscar from the fight with his father and take his mind off of the fact that he left again, helping him be happy if only for a short moment.

Freeridge was nothing like the neighborhood you had grown up in, of that much you were sure, and it was tough for you to get used to the big change considering the heavy circumstances under which you had been forced to move.

You had grown up in a really nice neighborhood, surrounded by rich, upper-class snobs pretty much your entire life. You had lived in a big, white villa and attended a fancy private school and never had to worry about anything in your entire life.

Your parents were both deadbeats, having abandoned you when you were still very young to be raised by your single grandfather, but you couldn’t bring yourself to complain about it no matter how much it had scarred you, because you knew that you lived a life that others could only dream of.

But that all changed when your grandfather lost his two-year-long battle against cancer and you were left entirely on your own.

He left everything he owned to your name in his will but you had to take it all and pay off his last hospital bills and funeral and even then, it wasn’t enough to pay off the ridiculously large sums and you were forced to sell his house.

It pained you to do so, with all of the memories you had in the place, but you knew you had to move on from the past and start a new chapter of your life, and you wouldn’t have been able to afford to keep that big of a house, anyway.

So you sold it and started looking for a new place, and Jasmine had wasted no time in jumping to your rescue when you came out short in your search.

She was a longtime friend of yours, the two of you having met online and kept in touch on a daily basis over the course of four years, way before your grandfather got his diagnosis.

You had found her a bit strange to a start. She was a few years younger than you and she over-shared to the point that you knew that she had a birthmark in the shape of a pear in her groin and that she had a heavy blood-flow during her monthlies – mind you, you found this out already during the first week of knowing her.

She wasn’t shy, that much was for sure.

But in the end, it was her strange personality that made you like her, and it was also because of her that you grew out of the shy, held back bubble you had been trapped in since early in your traumatizing childhood.

She was loyal and always there for you, as were you for her. You were pretty much each other’s only real friends, despite the large age gap. You knew that people her own age made fun of her, and she knew that you had a very hard time trusting people, and you adjusted yourselves to properly be able to be there for one another.

So, of course, it was a given that she was there for you when you needed to find a new home, too.

You had talked to her dad on a few occasions over video chat and he had been the one kind enough to find you a house for sale in Freeridge.

It wasn’t nearly as big as your childhood home had been and it was in a pretty bad shape, with flaky paint and broken plumbing, but you managed to make it feel like home with the help of your grandfather’s furniture, and either way, it was just big enough for just you.

It didn’t take long for you to learn first-hand how tight and supportive the community in a less-fortunate neighborhood really was when Dwayne Turner turned up at your doorstep to offer you a job at his barbeque restaurant without ever having spoken a word to you, only having heard about you and your need for a stable income in order to pay for your studies from Jasmine’s dad.

Neighbors were constantly helping out, doing each other favors and opening their homes to people in need of a roof over their head, and you felt more at home there than you ever had in your old neighborhood.

There, everything was about money. Whether it was about having a more expensive breed of dog, a faster car or bigger jewels, people were always trying to be better than each other. Over there, there was no such thing as celebrating each other’s success, something your grandfather had never stood beside.

You knew he would have liked Freeridge, despite the high criminal activity and dangerous streets. He would have liked the solidarity, selflessness and connection between people.

Jasmine had rounded up all of her friends, including Cesar who you found out was living right across the street, and they had spent the entire day helping you move your things in.

Cesar and Jamal had been quick to offer to repaint the front wall of the house, and you had left them alone at the house to go pick up some paint.

Oscar had come home from an odd job when you were gone, finding his little brother and all of his friends busying themselves with carrying boxes inside the house on the other side of the street, right across from theirs.

Him and his fellow Santos had made themselves comfortable in the couch in front of the house, watching from a distance as a shiny, red car drove up the street and parked right in front of the house as the driveway was already occupied by another, cheaper car.

The beautiful car had instantly caught Oscar’s interest and it had piqued even higher when he watched you step outside with a can of paint in your hand, his brother coming up and grabbing it from you almost instantly.

That’s how you had first met the infamous Spooky, leader of the Santos. He had wasted no time in getting out of his seat and crossing the street to introduce himself to you, asking questions about your car.

It was a Pontiac LeMans from 1969, painted in a pristine coat of maroon with a glittery hint to it. It was beautiful and in a condition that almost made it look like it had never been touched, not a dent or scratch in sight and tires, rims and interior in perfect condition.

It was the only thing aside from some furniture that you had kept of your grandfather’s, but of course you didn’t tell Oscar that, not wanting to bore him with your sob story.

Your shared interest in cars was the first conversation you ever had with each other.

After interrogating you about your grandpa’s car, he showed you his 1964 Chevrolet Impala SS, briefly introducing you to the Santos still sitting around on the couch, watching you, before Jasmine and Ruby came and stole you back.

After that first day, Jasmine and her friends kept coming over to your house almost every day. You cooked for them and gave them a place to hold the strange meetings they had ever so often and drove them around when they needed to go somewhere and Spooky and Ruby’s abuela weren’t available.

They had you wrapped around their fingers but you didn’t mind. They were like the younger siblings you never had and you owed it to Jasmine after the way she had been there for you every day for four years.

When Cesar was alienated by his brother and his gang, you offered him a place to stay for as long as it was safe, keeping it a secret from Oscar whenever you happened to bump into him.

He didn’t find out that you had been giving his brother shelter before the shit with the Prophets was cleared and he allowed him back home, but when he did, he thanked you, and you and Cesar remained close after having spent so much time together.

You didn’t hold a particular friendship with the gang leader even though you considered each other mutuals, but that all changed when his dad returned home after being released from prison.

He was offered a job at Dwayne’s restaurant already on his first day back just like you had, making you co-workers.

He was a good cook and he talked fondly about Oscar and Cesar a lot during your days working together.

You could hear in his voice when he talked about them how much he really loved them, but you also knew he had a lot of internal battles that came in the way of him showing that in the right way.

You liked him despite his mistakes, but you could also understand why Oscar would resent him. He had left him and Cesar to fend for themselves just like your parents had left you and you understood his anger.

Cesar was over the moon to have his dad back in his life but Oscar couldn’t even bear to be in the same house as him when he was home, which originally was what drove him to you.

You had offered him to come inside for a beer one night when seeing him storm out of the house, being able to put two and two together when seeing Ray looking after him in the window, and he had accepted.

You didn’t talk about his dad. In fact, you stayed as far away from the subject of parents as you possibly could as you could see that it wasn’t something he wanted to be reminded off more than necessary.

Instead, you talked about your studies to become a nurse, and he told you about how good he had been doing in high school before he was forced to step up and raise his brother.

At the end of that night, you had learned that he had won the spelling bee two years in a row in seventh and eighth grade, that he liked to cook and swim, and that his favourite kind of donut was the ones with sprinkles on top.

They weren’t the deepest or most significant things to know, but even the dumbest person on earth would have been able to understand that it was a big deal that someone like Spooky was opening up at all, so you took what you could get.

He luckily didn’t ask about your family either, probably because he knew that you would ask him too if he did. But you were glad that he didn’t because no matter how much you loved hanging around Jasmine and the others, Oscar was the first acquaintance you had made that was your own age.

It felt nice to be able to be at the same level as someone and you didn’t want that to be ruined by him finding out that you were a former uptown girl who had been spoiled to bits throughout your entire life while he had been fighting to make ends meet every day of his life since he was probably very young.

You knew rich people weren’t very smiled upon in these parts and you understood why. Most of them were truly horrible.

That first night you had spent together hadn’t been the last by far. Whenever he needed a distraction from the jealousy and anger that came naturally when watching Cesar having so much fun with their dad, he would come right to you.

Some nights you talked, but most of the times you barely said a word to one another, sitting silently side by side in your backyard with a beer each, looking up at the sky.

On this day in particular you were taking the nice weather to your advantage by sitting outside and studying for your upcoming exam about the muscles of the body.

The sun was blinding, forcing you to wear a pair of really dark sunglasses, but the sun was soon about to set.

Jasmine had been by for lunch a few hours ago when Cesar, Monse, Jamal and Ruby had, once again, excluded her from their shady activities, but unfortunately she had to leave pretty quickly when her internship shift at the police station started, again leaving you in your lonesome.

Your concentration was starting to waver after a good hour and a half in the sun despite the fact that the only sounds that could be heard were the light breeze going through the leaves of the trees and the chirping of birds.

The words in your book seemed to blur together and you soon realized that you wouldn’t be getting any more studying done on this afternoon.

You closed the book after a final minute of trying to regain your concentration and dropped it on the glass table in front of you. Letting out a loud and long sigh, you slid down in your chair and closed your eyes, enjoying the last minutes of sunshine.

Just then, the sound of a door opening rather violently across the street cut through the peaceful air, and your head instantly turned to look at the Diaz residence where Ray was now walking out with a bag in his hand, Oscar marching after him while yelling loudly.

“Everything bad that’s ever happened in my life is because of you! You’re gonna crush him the same way you crushed me!” Oscar yelled out and you instantly connected the dots; the angry and hurt look on Oscar’s face along with the bag Ray was holding.

Ray stopped, looking down at the ground. Oscar kept talking, his voice now too low for you to be able to catch what he was saying, but whatever it was caused Ray to turn back around.

As Oscar kept talking, Ray walked back over to him, stopping right in front of him, and you watched as Oscar’s face suddenly screwed up in pain, tears now evident in his eyes as he spoke.

Before you knew it, Ray had wrapped his arms around his shoulder, pulling him into an embrace.

Oscar responded by hesitantly wrapping his arms around his dad and just for the slightest moment, your heart jumped with hope that they were resolving things, but then Oscar violently tore himself out of the embrace and shoved him away.

The sight forced you to turn your head away, the guilt of invading their private moment finally catching up with you, along with the hurt you felt for Oscar.

You looked down at the ground for a few seconds, gulping down the tears that were building up in your eyes as the situation hit so close to home for you.

Your pulse was beating in your ears and you carefully turned your head back to look at them, finding that Ray was now once again walking away from the house.

Your eyes met his briefly as he walked past your house, but he quickly averted his gaze out of shame, knowing you had witnessed the entire thing.

As he walked away from the scene, you moved your gaze to Oscar who was still standing in front of his house, finding that he was already looking at you.

Your eyes connected and you swallowed simultaneously, his Adam’s apple bobbing and his face stern as he was obviously trying to hold back the tears.

You slowly and hesitantly raised your hand in a small wave at him, and when you did, he seemed to break out of the trance he had been in and turned around, furiously storming back inside, the front door slamming shut behind him.

You remained still in your seat for a moment after that, thinking over what you had just witnessed.

You had been lucky enough to only be abandoned once by your parents, but Oscar had just been abandoned another time, and who knows how many other times before this he had been walked out on.

Your heart bled for him, and you suddenly felt a desperate need to take his pain away, so you stood up from your seat with your book in hand and walked inside.

You dropped the book on the table in the hallway and walked into the kitchen where you picked up the keys to your grandpa’s car – that had been standing in the garage ever since you moved in - and turned right back around, returning outside and quickly locking up the front door before heading across the road.

Before you knew it, you were standing in front of Oscar’s door, contemplating whether or not you should actually disturb him right now.

But you knew that the worst thing that could happen was that he would get angry at you and when there was a slight chance that you could distract him for a while, that didn’t seem all too bad.

So before you could change your mind, you raised your hand and knocked three times on the door. The sound of heavy footsteps reached your ears within a second and the door was almost instantly flung open.

Oscar towered over you where he now stood in the doorway, tracks of dried tears visible on his tanned cheeks. He looked at you with a glare, as if he had known it was you before he even opened the door.

"What do you want?" He wasted no time in spitting out, squaring his shoulders that you knew without a doubt in your mind was his way to cover up his vulnerability.

You were at loss at words for a moment. You had expected him to be unwelcoming given the circumstances, but his tone still managed to stun you, as it was always so easy going when you talked otherwise.

But you quickly regained your composure, trying to look as unsympathetic as possible. “Do you want to go on a ride?” You asked, tilting your head slightly and fiddling with the keys in your hands. “I promise I won’t ask questions."

His glare hardened at your words. "I don't need your pity." He said, glowering down at you, but for some reason, you didn’t find him intimidating at all.

"Good.” You agreed, the words coming more easily to you now. “Because you're not getting it." You mustered a smile at him, trying to keep a playful hint to your tone in an attempt to ease the situation.

But his glare didn’t waver even for a second and the next thing you knew, he had taken a step back into the house and started shutting the door in your face.

Before it could close, however, you hurried and stuck your foot in between the door and the doorframe. You could see his furious face through the small crack of the door and held up the keys in your hand, your eyes pleading.

"I'll let you drive my car."

He stared at you for a good few seconds, before kissing his teeth and opening the door wider again, snatching the keys from your hand and angrily marching past you towards your house, the door slamming shut behind him.

You were forced to run in order to keep up with his long strides, and wordlessly opened the door to the garage once you came back to your house.

Oscar didn’t utter a single word to you as he walked to the driver’s side of the car and got in behind the wheel, leaving you to find your own way to the passenger side.

Once you were both situated, he stuck the keys into the ignition and turned them.

You watched his face from the side silently, taking in the way his eyes flickered with much more positive emotion for a just a second as he listened to the engine of the car roar alive.

It was only a brief change of attitude, but it was enough to have you smiling as he backed the car out of the garage; it was the first time it was driven since your first day in Freeridge.

You sped down the streets of Los Angeles, the roof of the car down and your hair whipping around in the air.

The dark had now fallen and you hadn’t spoken a word to each other since leaving, but you could feel Oscar slowly starting to relax in his seat beside you.

After an hour of just driving around with no particular destination in mind, you told him to make a right to take you back to Freeridge, and not long after, you found yourself pulling up in front of the neighborhood pool.

As he turned the car off, you wasted no time in opening your door and getting out, slamming it shut behind you.

You turned around to look at him, meeting his wary eyes, and flashed him a grin, nodding your head backward. “Come on.” You urged him, and he narrowed his eyes, letting his gaze flicker from you to the fence behind you.

“It’s closed.” He said, speaking for the first time in over an hour.

You snorted as he stated the obvious. “No shit.”

He gave you a look but didn’t question you any further, following your lead and getting out of the car, making sure to take the keys out of the ignition.

You turned back around and headed right for the fence, gripping at the wires. As he came up behind you, you turned your head to the side and threw him a look over your shoulder. “Hoist me up.”

His eyebrows raised in surprise, but his eyes were amused. “You a criminal now?” He questioned and you smirked.

“I’m hanging out with the leader of a gang, what’s a little break-in in comparison to that?”

He hummed, as if to say ‘good point’, and bent down by the knees, clasping his hands and allowing you to put your foot in his grasp.

He hoisted you up like requested with barely any struggle at all and wasted no time in jumping over the fence himself once you were successfully standing on the other side.

When his feet hit the ground, you were already walking straight for the pool, where lights were lighting up the water and casting a blue shimmer all around the entire area, making it look near magical.

By the time Oscar had caught up to you, you had already removed your shoes and pulled up the legs of your pants, your feet now dangling in the water.

He followed your example, pulling the legs of his grey sweatpants up to his knees and kicking his shoes to the side, dipping his feet into the water as he sat himself down beside you.

You sat in silence for a while, your eyes trained on the small ruffles of the water in front of you and your hands gripping the edge of the pool, your feet swirling around.

Crickets were chirping by then and was the only sound you could hear aside from the sound of the water hitting the walls of the pool.

Turning your head to the side slightly, your eyes fell upon Oscar’s profile. He was staring down into the water just like you had been doing only seconds before, looking to be deep in thought.

His diamond earrings sparkled in the light of the pool and his Santos cross dangled from around his neck, the black and white plaid he was wearing almost looking green in the blue hue surrounding you.

Your eyes traveled from his face and down to his feet where they were hanging limply off the edge, catching sight of a long, ragged scar going down the side of his knee.

Before you could stop yourself, you had reached your hand out and flicked the scar lightly, instantly making his head turn to you.

“What happened there?” You asked and watched as his eyes flickered away from yours and to the scar in question, his fingers reaching out to touch it.

“Got caught up with some bad people in prison.” He responded, and you hummed, chewing on the inside of your cheek.

“Have you ever considered leaving this life behind and starting fresh?”

He glanced at you, before turning his head back to the water. “I think about it every day.”

At his confession you tilted your head to the side, a frown settling over your face. “So why don’t you?”

“You’re smart-” He turned to look at you, his eyes now narrowed. “You know it’s not as simple as that. And even if it was, los Santos is my family.”

You knew that the defensive look in his eyes and strained tone of his voice should have been enough of a sign for you to drop the subject, but stupid and curious as you were, you kept pressing it, insisting.

“It can’t be fun to be running from the law all the time, to handle every moment of your life with hatred and anger. That’s no life.”

“It’s the only life I know.” He defended, staring straight into your eyes, and you shrugged your shoulders, the corners of your lips tugging into a soft, lopsided smile.

“Doesn’t have to be.” You argued. “Letting go of what isn’t right for you won’t be the end of you but rather the beginning. It’s clearing a path for what’s waiting, what’s pulling you, what’s telling you there’s something better out there, even if you don’t know what it is yet.”

“It’s not that simple.” He shook his head, tensing his jaw. “I wish it was, but it’s not.”

“It is what you make it to be, isn’t it?”

His head whipped around to face you in one swift movement, admittedly frightening you slightly. “It’s my turn to ask you something.” He demanded, eyes narrowed with slight annoyance.

You only nodded your head slowly in return, letting out a breath. “Okay.” You agreed.

He raised his head slightly, sending you a questioning glance. "How come you never drive your car?"

You instantly felt the insides of your stomach starting to twist into a knot.

“I drive my car.” You answered quickly, a little too quickly, and you knew he could see right through you and identify the stress that was quickly building up from now being the one in the spotlight.

“I meant the nice one.” He clarified flatly, knowing that you already knew what he was talking about. “Not the heap of twigs you drive my mano and his friends around in every day.”

You tensed your jaw, but didn’t break eye-contact, knowing fully well that you had walked yourself into this position.

"It was my grandpa's car.” You admitted, swallowing. “It's the last thing I have of him and I don’t trust my clumsy ass not to mess it up."

He scanned your face, trying to figure you out. "You let me drive it." He pointed out and you adverted your eyes back to the water.

"I guess I trust you more than I do myself." You mumbled with a shrug, and he chuckled.

"Bad idea."

You could see him shaking his head in the corner of your eye and the sight of his smile caused your lips to tug.

"Probably." You agreed.

"Were you close?” He asked. “You and your abuelo."

You could feel his stare burning into the side of your face but you didn’t move your eyes from the water, kicking it slowly as you nodded.

"I never spent a day without him.” You told him softly. “He watched over me, made sure I had clothes on my back, food on the table, a roof over my head and a good education. He raised me and made me who I am today.”

Oscar nodded again, his eyes soft and understanding. "He sounds like a good guy.” He said and he seemed to hesitate for a moment, before asking. “No parents?”

That question brought an automatic scoff from your lips. "Barely.” You muttered, turning your head to meet his eyes. “Deadbeats." You shrugged and he nodded.

“I feel you.”

“Do you want to tell me about your dad?” The question slipped out before you could stop it, and he tensed. But your stupid mouth just had to keep running. “I’ve only heard his side of the story, and Cesar doesn’t seem to know much about him.”

You expected him to glare, to stand up and leave, but much to your surprise, he smiled at you; a playful smirk.

“I thought you said you wouldn’t ask questions.”

His voice was teasing, clearly trying to be polite, but it was clear that his true feelings didn’t match the forced smile on his lips. His eyes were sad, a flurry of emotions battling against each other behind them, and he was obviously trying very hard not to lose control of his temper.

So you finally decided not to press it any further, and before you even got the chance, he took the subject into his own hands.

“What about your parents?” He asked. “Chicas are always so quick to complain about their problems, but not you. Why don’t you talk about them?”

Unlike him, you didn’t find it hard to talk about your parents. You had forgiven them a long time ago. Not for them, but for yourself, and ever since you had, you had been able to talk openly about them.

The only reason you hadn’t talked to him about your parents before was because you didn’t want him to see you as some spoiled brat, but now that you knew that he still saw you as an equal, there was no reason for you not to open up.

It was the least you could do after he had actually agreed to come here with you, despite the circumstances.

"Parents or no parents, I was privileged growing up. I know it and I don't deny it.” You shrugged simply. “People have bigger problems than I do so I don't like going around complaining and feeling sorry about myself."

He nodded his head along as you spoke, a wide smile stretching across his full lips when you finished, and for the first time that night, it actually seemed to reach his eyes, dimples becoming visible at the corners of his lips.

"There's something I've never heard before.” He looked at you, amused but impressed.

"Well, there’s a first for everything.” You chuckled, raising your eyebrows with a smile. “We're not all spoiled and oblivious to our privileges. I might not live a life in luxury anymore but I’m still better off than most and I’m grateful, for all that I have."

He nodded his head again, his eyes turning softer. "I like that about you." He said, shocking you. It wasn’t like him to say something like that at all.

It made your smile widen, and you raised an eyebrow teasingly, your attitude growing playful. "Oh yeah?” You challenged. “What else do you like about me?"

“You got one of those pretty smiles." He said, and while your smirk turned genuine, his smile turned into a smirk as he joined in on the teasing. "And you have a nice ass, too." He drawled, raising his eyebrows and pulling a hand over his goatee as he shamelessly leaned backward and checked your ass out where you sat.

The shameless flirting brought an amused scoff out of your lips, your hand shooting out to slap him on the chest, heat crawling up the back of your neck. "Idiot."

He laughed, using his hands to protect himself. “What?” He asked. “You’re a fine ass hyna, mamas.”

“Oh, yeah?” You raised an eyebrow, an evil smirk rising to your lips, and before he had the chance to answer or even process what happened next, you delivered a rough push to his shoulder, the unexpected force sending him right into the water.

You let out a high laugh as he disappeared under the surface, shielding your face with your arms as droplets of water went flying into the air.

Oscar quickly came back up to the surface, his face murderous.

“¡Qué mierda!” He swore, furiously wiping the water out of his eyes.

“What’s the matter?” You laughed loudly. “I thought you liked to swim.”

“What’s wrong with you?!” He yelled, glaring as he fought against the weight of his wet clothes, now heavy with water. But you only smirked, kicking some more water at him with your foot.

He let out a guttural growl, wiping his hands over his face, and when his eyes made contact with yours again, you knew you were in trouble.

“No, no-“ You quickly tried to protest, eyes growing wide as you began shuffling backward. But he was faster.

“You asked for it.” He growled, and before you knew it, his wet hand clasped around your ankle and pulled you toward him, your body being submerged in water only a second later. And it was cold.

You flailed your arms in the water and kicked your legs, trying to get to the surface as quickly as possible. Your head soon emerged with a splash and a loud gasp immediately left your lips. “Fuck me, it’s freezing!”

The glare was now long gone from Oscar’s face, his head thrown back with laughter as he swam around you. “You brought it on yourself, mami.” He mused and you smirked, blowing some water off your lip.

“Oh, you’re on.”

You raised your hands and started sending waves of water into his face and he wasted no time in covering himself with his own hands, trying to move out of your line of fire.

Your laughter mixed in with the sound of splashing water, but your fun was short-lived when he managed to get a grip of your wrists.

All of a sudden, you were pulled into his chest, and your laughter died down when your eyes met his.

Your hands automatically went to his shoulders in order to hold yourself steady and your chests pressed together.

His face was stern, his hands slowly dropping your wrists and falling back into water, and he was just tall enough to be able to stand on the bottom of the pool. The expression on his face was unreadable, and the look in his eyes was nothing you had seen before.

He blinked, small droplets of water dropping from his long, black eyelashes, matching droplets spread through his dark facial hair.

You weren’t sure when the atmosphere between you turned from playful to… this, but you regretted to admit that it was making your heart feel like it was about to beat out of your chest.

The look in his eyes was so intense, like he was staring straight into your soul, and it was making your head spin.

His hands suddenly made contact with your waist and you jumped at the sudden and unexpected touch, but you got no time to think or react to it, suddenly feeling a wet pair of lips pressing against yours.

A small sound of surprise rose in your throat but it was muffled into the kiss.

His hands were gripping at your waist like he hadn’t touched another human in a lifetime and as you came back to your senses, you found yourself responding to his actions with just as much desperations.

Your eyes fell closed and your hands moved up from his shoulders to the back of his neck, your legs wrapping around his hips in the water, pulling him as close as you possible could.

A guttural groan formed in his throat at the feeling of your groin rubbing against his and you moaned into the kiss, tingles spreading through your core and your breath getting heavy as his hands roamed up and down your body.

They moved from your waist to your back, back down to your hips and down to your ass where he held you with a firm grip, pushing your pelvis closer to his which only caused you to hold onto him even harder.

Your head had been spinning before, when you hadn’t been doing anything other than looking into each other’s eyes, but now you were barely even able to form a coherent thought.

Tingles were going through your entire body, your chest heaving against his and your fantasy running. But before things could get too heated, the two of you pulled apart, both breathless and in desperate need of oxygen.

Your eyes met again and your foreheads pressed together, the two of you still holding onto each other like your lives depended on it.

“Holy shit…” You breathed, sucking your swollen lips into your mouth and letting out a breathy chuckle. “That was…”

You raised your eyebrows. You couldn’t even find the right words, still dizzy from the intense moment you had just shared.

But no words were needed. The tiny smile tugging at his lips told you that he knew exactly what you meant, and that the feeling went both ways.

You watched as his eyes fell shut and listened as a small sigh escaped through his nose. Your hands moved from the back of his neck to his jaw, cradling his face, thumbs caressing the stubble of his cheeks.

“What are you thinking?” You whispered, searching his face.

Another breath left his nose, his lips pulling into a tight line and his grip on your waist tensing. “I’m gonna have to tell Cesar about that pendejo leaving.” He spoke, the strain evident in his voice. “He’s going to blame me. I know it.”

“Hey.” Your eyebrows furrowed together and you raised his head, watching his eyes open and meet yours. “Whatever happens, your brother loves you to pieces. You're the one who raised him and at the end of the day, he'll always remember that. So don’t beat yourself up."

His brown eyes were hard, suspicious. “Why are you being so nice to me?” He asked.

His question caused your eyebrow to raise. “We just made out in a pool and you’re asking me why I’m being nice to you?” You asked, finding the question amusing. But he wasn’t amused, he was as serious as ever, as if he really didn’t understand it.

“Not just now.” He clarified, raising his head in a nod. “You’ve treated me like a person ever since day one.”

“Isn’t that what you are?” A smile played on your lips and your head tilted to the side. You leaned in closer to his face, rubbing your nose against his playfully. “I’m nice to you because I like you, stupid.”

The small, childish act of affection caused his serious attitude to falter, a smile rising to his face, but it fell just as quickly as it got there, his face turning cold again.

“Are you angry at your parents for walking out on you?”

You were taken back by the sudden change of topic, and unexpected topic at that. Every time you had tried to have a sentimental conversation with him, he had shut right off. And now there you were, with him initiating a conversation himself.

“I used to be.” You answered honestly, a crease forming in between your eyebrows as you scanned the thoughtful look on his face. “Furious, really. But not anymore.”

He looked at you, hesitant, battling his own mind. “What changed?” He asked, and you shrugged.

“It was controlling my life so I let it go.”

Understanding what you were trying to hint at, he scoffed, turning his head to the side. “Easier said than done.”

You smiled sadly and softly pushed at his face, forcing him to look back at you. “I know it is.” You agreed. “But you can do it, if you really set your mind to it.”

His eyes fell shut at the feeling of your fingers tracing the lines of the tattoo on his neck, his breathing slowing down.

“I used to have potential and shit.” He said, and you listened silently, not stopping your movements. “I was smart, had straight A’s. Planned to go to a good college and culinary school. I gave it all up to raise Cesar because our mom kept leaving and Ray got himself locked up.”

You listened with a heavy heart as he finally opened up to you about his personal life, absentmindedly stroking his jaw and keeping to nimbly move your fingers over the inked skin with your other hand.

“You still have a lot of time to make yourself what you want to be.” You spoke softly, slowly. “It’ll come when the time is right. I believe in you.”

The smile playing on your lips when you said those last words were more genuine than any smile he had ever seen in his life.

He gave you one last look before burying his face in your neck, holding you close and tensing his jaw as he realized things just got a whole lot more complicated.

Your soft, understanding and non-judgmental personality wasn’t at all what he was used to be at the receiving end of.

He hadn’t been looking, not even a little, but you had found him and he knew that he was fucked because he was falling. He was falling fast, and he was falling hard.

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zahneundklauen-retired · 4 years

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Dawn of the Final Day || Kaden and Alcher

TIMING: Current PARTIES: @chasseurdeloup and @zahneundklauen SUMMARY: Hunter and wolf find each other on the last day of the moon. Surely fate has brought them together. CONTENT: Blood, Gore mention, death mention, bad coffee

Everything had seemed to change recently. Too much. But one thing stayed the same, Kaden’s morning ritual of stopping by Coffee Plus to grab a good espresso. Alright, good might be pushing it, it wasn’t amazing or anything but it was better than he could manage with any small machine at home. So he would take what he could get. As early as he rose in the morning, he was still groggy and grumpy in the mornings. Grumpier than usual, that was. Queuing was truly the worst part and it was only ever compounded by people who didn’t know what they wanted even though they’d stood there and waited forever and a day and had more than enough time to figure shit out before the moment they stepped to the counter. It didn’t help that in this town he was constantly surrounded by shifters and the dull tingle down his spine never quit in the morning. He didn’t have it in him to give a shit long enough to pay attention to where it was coming from or even properly ignore it. He sighed. It was the same every day. Small comfort, there. The lady in front was taking so long, he started to doze off where was standing. So much so that he tripped a bit and caught himself as he ran into the person behind him a little. “Putain, sorry,” he tried to offer her. Somehow they still hadn’t moved. Shit, he gripped his side a moment, stinging a little from the pain from the other night. “You have to wonder what people do this whole time in line,” he grumbled, mostly to himself, partially to the person he’d just run into. He hated small talk but he sort of felt obligated.

Human rituals were still wholly strange to Alcher, but lately she’d been finding herself more and more fascinated with them. Her newest endeavor was the ritual of coffee in the morning, despite the ache in her bones. She’d need something to help get her through this last moon. Though Alcher vastly preferred tea, she figured she ought to try coffee. Everyone seemed to swear by it, after all. And so, she found herself in line at Coffee Plus, the other coffee shop Regan had told her about when they’d talked last. It couldn’t be too bad, right? She’d waited for a while outside before heading in, letting the queue to the counter fill up before heading in behind a rather grumpy looking man. She was examining the menu board-- with very little success; it was so far away and her eyes were failing her in two ways-- when the man in front of her stumbled back into her. She put her hands out quickly to right him, feeling the pain throb again from when her arm had been torn to shreds, letting him fix himself. She gave a pleasant smile, despite the automatic action of wiping her hands as if she’d touched dirt on her shirt. There’d last been blood there, after all. “No problem,” she said, tilting her head, “happens to us all.” She raised a brow. “I’m not sure,” she answered, “I’m still just trying to decide what to order. What’s your favorite? I haven’t quite got the hang of American style coffee. Have you?”

“You mean you don’t already know?” Kaden sighed. She did have a good point though about American coffee. It was… what it was. “I had a feeling you weren’t from around here by the accent but that all but confirms it,” he said with a small laugh. “I suppose you caught me, too,” he said, realizing she’d put the pieces together a bit sooner than he had. It was early. “Where are you from? And how many people ask if you’re from Germany?” he said. Admittedly, he couldn’t quite place her accent, either. It was nearly German, but he knew damn well it wasn’t after growing up around Oscar and living in the country a few years. “Anyway, it’s nothing like home, that’s for sure. Or really most of Europe if you ask me. This is the best place I’ve found in town, though.” He gave a small shrug. “It’s passable and it’s good enough. Beggars, choosers, what not.” He wasn’t entirely sure what to suggest to her but his favorite, that much he could manage. “Most days I just get an espresso or a doppio but occasionally I get a, uh, well it’s not a café crème really, but I can pretend.” He didn’t expect any coffee shop in a small town in Maine to compare to a Parisian cafe, not really, but it was hard not to think about them on occasion, miss home a little bit. Even if he wasn’t always sure how much of home France really was more and more. “I take it you’re not part of the usual crowd, then.”

“No, I don’t usually drink coffee, actually,” Alcher admitted, watching him closely for a moment. He looked quite tired, but she supposed that was rude to point out. Perhaps that was why he was in line for coffee. It was the drink with the most caffeine in it, aside from those nasty energy drinks. “I suppose I did. French is a very easy accent to place,” she agreed. “It’s Polish,” she said smoothly, not even flinching as he mentioned Germany and how she didn’t sound quite German. It stung on the inside, but decades worth of pretending and hiding had taught her how to keep it there. “I’m originally from Poland, though I haven’t been back in quite some time.” She nodded, as if she understood why he thought this coffee was worse than any other coffee. “I understand that.” She looked back at the menu, as if to examine the board once more, despite still not being able to see it well enough. For a moment, she remembered the sting of saltwater in her wounds. “I think the doppio sounds like a good choice,” she decided, finally, “thanks for the suggestions.” This place certainly was strange, and the people, stranger. This man, though grumpy and tired, didn’t seem so strange. He also didn’t smell strange, rather like coconut and peppermint shampoo, and dogs. If it weren’t for the overwhelming smell of bitter coffee, she was sure she could pick out something else, but it was proving a little too difficult. “No, I’m not. I’d heard this place had good coffee from a friend, and thought I might try it out. Are you, then?”

“Strangely enough, that’s the second time I’ve heard that in this shop recently.” Kaden almost hated how easily the small talk came to him just then. He chalked it up to the fact he was speaking with another expat. There was always some strange tenus solidarity there. “Polish, of course. I hear it now. My uncle’s German so I figured it wasn’t, you know, uh…” So much for being decent at small talk. “It’s been a few years since I’ve been across the Atlantic.” Kaden wasn’t certain the next time he’d be back. Even though, strangely enough, he was finally in a spot where he might be able to afford the plane ticket without scrimping and saving. He wasn’t even sure it was duty anymore that was keeping him stateside. For as many time as he thought about going home, leaving this cursed town, he almost found himself thinking of White Crest as home. What a fucking awful thought that was. “Sorry what was that?” He almost missed what she said. It felt like he had cotton in his ears a moment. And everything seemed a little duller. Maybe he really was just that exhausted. But it almost seemed like something else. Putain, it better not be something magical. He didn’t want to deal with magic just let. Not until after 10AM, please. Still, it was easy enough to piece together what she said as he focused a little harder. “Right, yeah I’m here almost every morning. I should give up the habit but…” He gave a shrug. “It’s better than my habit for smoking I suppose.”

“Easy mistake,” Alcher said despite the sour taste of the words in her mouth and their untruthfulness, “a few of the people I grew up with were German, so I picked up some of their accent as well, it seems.” Grinned past the taste of copper in her throat. “Is he? What part of Germany is he from?” It’d been a while since she’d met anyone from Germany, she wondered how nice it might be to be able to speak her native tongue to another. “It’s been awhile for me, as well. Nearly a decade, by now,” she said, though she’d lost track of the years a while ago. Time didn’t matter to a wolf in the forest. She opened her mouth to repeat her words, when he gathered them up himself and spoke again. Interesting. Humans were so fascinating sometimes. She wished she could place what that other smell was, that sort of metallic-y earthen scent. Perhaps it was another person’s perfume or shampoo. But her senses had been messed up since that fae child had torn into her, had ripped bits of her flesh, left her half dead and nearly drowned. She glanced around momentarily, before looking back to the man. “Well, as far as bad habits go, I doubt coffee is the worst one you could have,” she answered, knowing all the other vile habits humans developed for themselves. Pitiful creatures, that was for sure. “Like that one. Then again, smoking seems to be a big thing in France. From the time I remember when I was there, it seemed as if almost everyone I met smoked.”

“Not too far from Stuttgart. Bad Wimpfen to be specific.” Kaden had so many mixed feelings about the country given his circumstances. He shouldn’t blame the place for it, the fact that it was where his whole life had ended in a way and began differently. Still, there were so many unpleasant memories some of those places stirred up for him to ever be excited to visit. Other than to see Oscar. “A decade, huh? Long time to be away from home. Guess that definition changes a bit, though, depending.” He wasn’t sure if that was introspective or stupid. Possibly both. “My wallet tends to disagree when it’s practically every morning. Oh well. What’s life if you can’t enjoy it a little?” Couldn’t take it with you and he was sure he wasn’t likely to have to worry about saving up for retirement or shit like that. He would be lucky to make it another decade. “Yeah, my parents would on occasion, even though they tried to hide it. I don’t know, picked it up as a teen, never stopped. Hasn’t slowed me down much. But I have cut back considerably.” They inched forward in line. “I guess she finally read the whole menu after all.”

“Stuttgart, ah,” Alcher said, forgetting for a moment that she could not give her true birthplace away, “I lived North of-- well,” paused, “--northwest of Czaplenik, erm...near the border. Stuttgart is far from that, though I have been through there once.” To track down her family’s killers. They ended up being in a different part, but they’d gone through the city, for what reason, Alcher did not know. She straightened herself out and smiled. “I suppose it does. What is that cheesy American saying? Heart is the home? Or...something.” The line inched forward and the person at the counter now, was having a hard time deciding between a Cafe Late and a Cafe Mocha. The wearied barista just sighed. The man behind her, dressed in a suit, tapped his foot anxiously. “Seems so, but now we’ve another stall.” The smell of chocolate filled her nose as someone behind the counter warmed up some cocoa. “The small things really do make life worth it, though. From what I’ve experienced, at least.”

“Ah, yeah, other side of the country more or less. Makes sense. I’ve been out towards Berlin and traveled a bit through Poland but mostly kept towards Munic, Frankfurt, Cologne, all that.” Kaden had mostly lived in the South Western parts of Germany when he was there. The only times he’d seen the rest and any of Poland was on hunting trips. Not that he was about to advertise that. “Something like that, yeah,” he said with a half smile. “Home is where the heart is. Very cheesy but I suppose they have a point.” Though it did make him wonder if that meant that White Crest was currently his home. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that thought. He shook his head a bit to himself and inhaled a deep breath, pain shooting through his side as he did. Weird. It was almost like the coffee was less pungent today, the scents duller. What was going on? He pinched the bridge of his nose, tried to help open up the airflow or something. Didn’t really help much, though. “Yeah you need something to keep you going and all. Sometimes it’s coffee I guess. C'est la vie.” The line eventually moved again and he found himself up at the front. Kaden placed his order and turned back to the woman behind him. “Order what you want, I’ve got it,” he told her. “Least I can do for subjecting you to small talk after running into you.”

“Ah,” was all Alcher said to that. She shuffled up in line with him and gave another glance at the menu. It was finally coming into view, and she squinted to see the price by the drink she planned to order. But then the man offered to buy it for her, and she was genuinely surprised. Humans weren’t usually so generous. Rarely, in fact. Perhaps he wasn’t altogether human, then. If only she could get his scent, but the musk of smoke and coffee beans and chocolate clouded her nose. That, and she hadn’t fully healed from her moon yet, despite Zinnia’s help. A smile came to her face at the thought. “C’est la vie,” she said, then winced, “sorry, I probably butchered French for you. It’s a much softer language than I’m used to.” She gave the woman her order once they shuffled up in line. “Thank you, this is very kind of you. At least give me your name so I can repay you sometime soon? I’m Ada,” she smiled, and held out her hand, “It was real nice to meet you, small talk and all.”

“Ada?” he said, giving her hand a shake. “Kaden. Maybe I’ll see you again. Enjoy the coffee.”

#chatzy #chatzy: kaden #wickedswriting #dawn of the final day #kaden

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myaekingheart · 3 years

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129. Sick of It

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I ran away from you, I took everything Facing the day I turned my back Just the way you showed me I'd say I've changed so you're right And you've stayed the same I stepped away from you I won't be coming back -Sick of It, Evans Blue

Rei loomed over the sink, eyes tired and arm aching with each vigorous motion of her toothbrush. Her gums tingled and her throat clenched—her gag reflex always was a little too strong. Foamy toothpaste dribbled down her chin, making her look much like a dog with rabies.

Rubbing his eyes, Kakashi yawned and leaned against the doorway, watching her with heightened intrigue. When she spat into the sink, he caught sight of a few tendrils of blood mixed within her spit. The corner of his lips tugged upwared in a small smirk. “Have all those years of skipping out on brushing finally caught up with you?” he jested, inching nearer.

Rei wiped the excess toothpaste from her mouth with the back of her hand, grimacing at him. “Have all those years of being a pain in the ass finally caught up with you?” she snapped. The malice in her tone caused Kakashi to retract, pursing his lips and averting his eyes. He had no idea what was with her lately, but it seemed that every day she grew more and more abrasive. At first he merely chalked it up to the stress of her job, but that excuse was becoming more fragile with each passing day. He hadn’t done anything to warrant such attacks in the first place and quite frankly, he was starting to get tired of it.

The sad, defeated look on his face was a stark reminder of just how harsh her words had been. Rei’s face softened, a sigh breaking past her lips. “Fuck, Kakashi, I-I’m sorry…” she murmured, dropping her eyes to the ground. “I didn’t mean to yell at you, I just…I’ve had a lot on my mind lately, I don’t know.”

He didn’t think that was much of an excuse but he could tell that her remorse was genuine. “What’s the matter?” he asked. His eyes slowly drifted up from the floor to look at her, her face filled with forlorn panic. For a moment, he was afraid she was about to cry. He inched nearer, took her hands in his. “Rei, what’s going on?”

Rei squeezed his hands gently, tried to organize her thoughts into something comprehensible. “It’s about my parents. I just…I think I finally need to tell them about my promotion” she finally explained, voice quiet and methodical.

“Oh…” Kakashi murmured. With a groan, Rei pressed her forehead against his bare chest.

“I’ve just…I know I’ve been putting this off for way too long” she continued. “And it’s because I’m honestly fucking terrified. I don’t know how they’re going to react, but I know it won’t be good. I wish I didn’t have to say anything at all, and I know I could technically get away with that, but…it just doesn’t feel right. And the longer I wait, the more stressed out I get. I just…I need to let them know, Kakashi.”

“I know” Kakashi replied, gently rubbing her forearm. “I think you’re doing the right thing” he continued. “You can’t hide it from them forever.” He hated to think of how they would react should something happen to her in the line of duty. Not only would they be heartbroken that their daughter was injured—or worse, killed (Kakashi couldn’t bear the thought)—but they certainly wouldn’t be too pleased to know that she had withheld such vital information from them, too.

Rei sighed and nodded against his chest, hugging him tight for a moment longer. She truly did appreciate his support, but if only that were enough to lessen her anxiety. It was her day off and she knew that she wouldn’t be able to relax until she met with her parents and organized how she wanted to go about this. Of course, she knew she wouldn’t be able to relax after the fact, either, but at least she would get things over with. At least they would know. Toshio sidled up beside her, nudging her hand in solidarity and licking at her fingertips, and Rei felt grateful that she wouldn’t have to do this alone.

The walk to the bookshop gave Rei ample time to think and consider how she wanted to go about this. A blunt and immediate delivery would be too abrupt—she needed to wade through this carefully, to ease them into it so that the announcement would be less of a shock.

As she turned the corner, she caught sight of an unusually large crowd congregating outside Kaminoki. She recounted the dates in her head, trying to pinpoint whether there was an anticipated new release, but then it hit her: it was the final week of May. Every year during this time, Kaminoki hosted an inaugural used book sale to welcome the summer months. Many students had been assigned summer reading lists by their teachers so she bookshop saw more traffic than usual and, in the interest of money, of course Yuruganai had no other option but to take advantage of the opportunity.

The crowd was thick and rowdy with small children weaving through clusters of disgruntled adults and shrieking with laughter. There was no way Rei could fight her way inside. Her parents would probably be far too busy to deal with her, anyway. She would just have to come back some other time.

As she slowly turned on her heels, Toshio took hold of the hem of her dress and tugged hard. A growl rose up from deep within his chest, primal and demanding. Rei gasped and stared down at him in confusion. “Toshio, what the fuck?!” she exclaimed. A few tight-laced mothers shot a warning glare to watch her language. Try as she might, Rei could not manage to break free of the dog’s grip. The more she protested, the harder he pulled until she heard a brief ripping sound and noticed the hem of her skirt beginning to tear. “Alright, alright, fine! You win” Rei muttered under her breath, defeated. She swatted Toshio off of her with a frown. “But next time, use less damaging methods” she warned. Toshio grinned as he guided her through the crowd, clearly far too pleased with his success.

The chaos only amplified inside the store. Rei clung to Toshio’s collar as he guided her toward the register, her anxiety rising in the back of her throat. Hana met her daughter’s tense gaze for a brief moment, affording her a small but frantic smile as she handed another book off to an impatient customer. Meanwhile, Toshio invited himself behind the counter and dug into one of the wicker organizer baskets in which Hana kept a small jar of dog biscuits. He figured it was only right to treat himself. After all, he was doing a stupendous job of being a very good boy.

Once she had a moment to breathe, Hana turned to her daughter to exchange knowing glances. This was one of many things that Rei did not miss about the bookshop—she could never keep up with the demands of such unruly customers. She could tell her mother was clearly frazzled and tired, her low ponytail in disarray and her apron laying crooked. Rei would have to make this quick—not that that was the worst thing in the world.

“I hope you’ve come to help out” Hana chuckled, though she knew the chance was slim.

“Actually, I came to ask you something” Rei replied. She could sense an irate customer stalking up behind her, the threat of a complaint ready to burst forth from his mouth. Before he could even make a sound, Rei reached behind the counter to grab a copy of The History of Ninjutsu and slapped it firmly in his hands before turning him around and giving him a light shove toward the door. Hana opened her mouth to protest, but no sound came out. When Rei whipped back around, a sour smile touched her lips as she abruptly asked, “Cane we meet up for dinner sometime this week?”

Hana blinked, her mouth opening and closing as she tried to form a response. Finally, she croaked, “O-of course.”

“Alright, great” Rei replied, clapping her mother hard on the shoulder. “Kakashi and I will be over at 6:30pm on Wednesday night. See you then.” Before Hana could even utter a response, Rei whipped around and booked it out of the store, abandoning her mother in the overwhelming chaos.

Rei sucked in a sharp breath as she stepped out into the street. She never realized how suffocating confrontation was until she was at the tail-end of it, separated from the crowds and the deafening white noise. She clung to Toshio as he led her home, at least taking comfort in knowing that should her jelly-legs falter beneath her, he would catch her without a moment of hesitation.

Wednesday night came far too quickly for Rei’s comfort. Kakashi had hoped that having a plan in place would alleviate some of her stress, but instead it only seemed to amplify it. He watched as she stood in front of their bedroom mirror pinching her sides and sucking in her gut as she cycled through five different outfits.

“Do you think my mom is going to tell me I’m fat?” Rei suddenly asked. Kakashi blinked, trying to comprehend where the question even came from. She glanced at him, recognizing his unsettled confusion, and elaborated. “I just don’t want her to think I’m getting fat and make a remark on it or, I don’t know, eye whatever is on my plate and get all judgy.”

“Why?” Kakashi asked. He didn’t see Hana as the type of make such abrupt comments. “Do you think you’re fat?”

The question was apparently not the proper one to ask. Rei shot him a fierce glare then as she spat back, “Do you?”

Sighing, Kakashi shook his head. “No, Rei, I do not think you’re fat.” He was constantly amazed and perplexed at how lately she could manage to weaponize anything and everything he said. His mind was beginning to grow raw with her constant ire. Just one more night, Kakashi thought to himself. One more night and then we’ll find some relief.

The one thing Rei was actually looking forward to in all of this was her mother’s cooking. Not that Kakashi was a terrible cook—not at all—but she missed the warm comfort meals of her childhood, and the luxury of knowing that she was not responsible for anything. Her mother had a certain magic to her in the kitchen. She had a way of making anything taste good, even from the most unappealing ingredients. A housewife extraordinaire, even. Tonight of all nights, she made one of Rei’s favorites: subuta.

Hana, Yuruganai, and even Grandma Teiko eyed Rei carefully as she took the first bite of her food. She didn’t understood why they were all staring at her. The expectancy in their gazes only heightened Rei’s anxiety further.

“So, any special reason why you wanted a big family dinner?” Grandma Teiko asked, cocking a brow. Th knowing smirk on her face terrified Rei. She knew something, and Rei wasn’t sure if that brought her relief or additional panic.

“What do you mean?” Rei asked, swallowing hard. The food tasted unexpectedly horrible, like her mother had cooked in a copper pot rife with patina. She took a long swig of water to wash away the rancid, metallic flavor and for a fleeting moment, wondered if they were poisoning her.

Yuruganai glared at his daughter over the tops of his glasses, challenging her to continue playing dumb. Kakashi took hold of Rei’s hand under the table, fed her a little encouraging smile. Toshio rested his head in her lap.

“Okay” Rei started, sucking in a sharp breath. “So, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you guys. It’s kind of a big deal, though, so just…bare with me.”

Kakashi could sense the anxiety in her tone, the uncertainty and fear. He squeezed her hand lightly and hoped it served as a solid reminder that she was not alone in this.

“Well? What is it?” Yuruganai asked impatiently.

Rei opened her mouth to speak, to finally let the announcement spill out, but was quickly interrupted by her mother. “Oh, I think I know what’s going on!” she suddenly exclaimed, voice rising an octave with excitement.

“Y-you do…?” Rei asked. After what Arai had said in the locker room, she hadn’t expected her mother to not only guess it so quickly but to be so delighted. She never celebrated her daughter’s pursuit of danger.

Hana nodded vigorously, unable to wipe the smile off her face. And then she said it—the last thing Rei had ever expected or even wanted her to say. “You and Kakashi are expecting! Is that it? Is that what it is? Is my little girl finally going to be a mother?”

All the color drained from Rei’s face in that moment and she felt her already anxious stomach flip. She glanced to Kakashi for reassurance but he seemed just as shellshocked as she was. Toshio whined and propped his chin on the table, sticking his long, spotted tongue out in an effort to steal some of her food.

“Oh, this is the best news!” Hana laughed, teary-eyed. She reached across the table to take hold of Rei’s free hand. “Now you can finally put away all those silly ninja dreams once and for all! We won’t have to worry about you getting hurt anymore! I’d break out the sake to celebrate but we all know pregnant woman can’t have alcohol!” Hana’s eyes darted to Rei’s stomach, as if attempting to judge whether she was already beginning to show. Overwhelmed with delight, she was eager to know everything: how far along Rei was, if they had gotten an ultrasound yet, mood swings, cravings, baby names, nursery ideas.

Rei sucked her teeth and tugged her hand sharply out of her mother’s grasp. “Actually” she corrected, her tone cutting, “that’s not it at all.”

Grandma Teiko hummed under her breath, shooting her daughter-in-law an amused little expression. A silent jab about how she jumped the gun and look at the mess you’ve made now.

Hana’s face fell. “I-It’s not…?” she croaked. She drew her hand up to her chest, her heartbeat increasing with newfound fear. “It must be about the wedding then! Right?” she asked, and it was obvious how desperately she was grappling for her sanity here. How the fear of what was really going on rooted deep within the pit of her chest.

“No, it’s not” Rei said through gritted teeth. “But thanks for making your feelings so clearly known.”

“Well?” Yuruganai shot back. “Then what is going on?”

Rei pursed her lips, narrowing her eyes as her gaze locked on both of them across the table. “Sorry to disappoint you, but I actually made ANBU captain. Which, by the way, is a really big fucking deal.” She could feel her mouth beginning to build up with excess spit, the tip of her nose tingling and her hands going numb. That metallic taste in her mouth only grew stronger. She slammed her chopsticks down on the table and promptly rose to her feet. “But I doubt any of you would be happy about that, would you? You can’t possibly find it in yourselves to be proud of me for something like that. I’m nothing but some sort of vessel for making babies, aren’t I? That’s all you think I’m good for? All you think I should be doing with my life? Well, maybe I don’t even want kids in the first place! Did you ever consider that? Did you ever consider what I want? Of course you didn’t! You never do! You’ve always tried to shove me down whatever path you thought was best for me but you better make peace real fast with the path I am taking because you know what? The Natsuki line ends with me.”

Before her family could even argue, Rei spun around the corner and raced down the hallway. Her heavy footfalls echoed through the apartment, desperate and heartbroken.

The hallway swayed and pulsed in front of her, the floor warping beneath her feet. Rei could feel her rapid heart threatening to beat straight out of her chest. She launched herself into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her, and collapsed on the cold tile floor.

The dining room fell silent in the wake of Rei’s outburst. Hana buried her face in her hands, whimpering, as Yuruganai slammed his cup down on the table. “After all these years…you’d think she’d finally learn a thing or two about respect.”

“Now, Yuri—” Teiko began, but her son didn’t seem to care.

“No” Yuruganai fired back. “No, she doesn’t have the privilege of speaking to us this way. We fed her for eighteen years, we clothed her, we provided a roof over her head. All we asked in return as that she respect our wishes but she can’t even do that. Instead, she decides to go out and waste her time with this godawful ninja shit. And a captain of all things! Stuck in her romanticizing of this disgusting institution. She’s a dishonor.”

Kakashi knew better than to inject himself into Rei’s parents’ affairs. He knew that their tolerance of him was already thin, but he refused to sit idly by while they belittled and insulted his fiancée. He didn’t care if they were her family or not. “Well, I’m proud of her” he finally said, locking eyes with Yuruganai. “Your daughter has worked hard to get where she is. I’ve seen firsthand how seriously she takes her job, and how much she loves doing what she does. She was meant for this whether you see any merit in it or not.”

“Hmph, that’s easy for you to say” Yuruganai muttered, mocking and sharp. He expected nothing less from Friend Killer Kakashi, ninja extraordinaire. Of course he’d support Rei’s pursuit of such a terrible career. He had dedicated his entire life to being a shinobi. Despite all of this, however, Yuruganai refused to meet Kakashi’s gaze. Deep down, he hated to admit that he feared Kakashi.

“Well” Grandma Teiko began, reaching across the table to set a veiny hand atop Kakashi’s. “If nothing else, I am proud of Rei’s achievements.” Her warm smile, her gentle touch, filled Kakashi with a sense of hope and relief. They exchanged a brief expression of understanding, of mutual support, before Teiko shot a fierce glare to her son and daughter-in-law. “And you two” she snarled. “You should both be ashamed of yourselves. Your daughter has done something very few are strong enough to do, and yet you cast her aside and treat her like shit! Your own flesh and blood! Not to mention she did all of this without the support of either of you. And that’s something to really admire.”

The room fell silent yet again as Hana and Yuruganai stewed in Teiko’s sharp, honest words. They hung heavy in the air, weight like lead upon their ungrateful shoulders. Toshio lumbered forward and licked her elbow in silent support. A brief smile flashed on the old woman’s face as she scratched behind his ear and fed him a coveted piece of pork.

After a long moment, Hana cleared her throat and whimpered, “Rei’s been back there for a while, I-I better go check on her.” As she went to stand, however, Kakashi extended an arm to halt her.

“I’ll do it” he said. He knew she would be far more receptive to him than her mother right now. Besides, he needed to ensure that she was okay on his own.

Toshio dutifully accompanied Kakashi down the hallway, racing forward and pawing at the door. Kaksahi idled outside for only a moment, catching the muffled echoes of Rei vomiting inside. When her wretching seemed to finally die down, he sucked in a deep breath and knocked on the door. “Rei? Are you alright?” he asked. “Can I come in?” The toilet flushed and the door slowly creaked open. Rei wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, her face pale and damp with sweat. Dark circles bloomed benath her eyes and her entire body trembled. She could hardly look at him. Again, Kakashi asked, “Are you alright?”

Rei shook her head, wrapped her arms around her waist. Voice soft and barely audible, she whispered hoarsely, “I just want to go home.” Dumbfounded, Kakashi nodded in agreement.

Hana and Yuruganai watched as Kakashi slipped back into the dining room and began quietly gathering Rei’s things. He scooped her purse up in his arm and softly explained, “Rei’s not feeling well. I think it’s best if we just go home.” Neither her mother nor father protested.

Kakashi wrapped an arm around his fiancée as he helped her down the stairs, Toshio walking ahead of them as if acting as both guide and protector. Rei clung to Kakashi as the stairwell seemed to shift and sway, exercising extra caution so as to not trip with each step. Once they reached the empty store below, she squeezed his forearm to pause him. He gazed at her anxiously in the murky darkness, watching as she shut her eyes and sucked in a deep breath. She needed a moment to steady herself, to calm the uproar in her stomach. He rubbed the small of her back as she did so and allowed her time enough to refocus. The apartment door above them creaked open. Footsteps bumbled down the stairs.

“Kakashi, oh god…” Rei whimpered, clinging to his arm. She envisioned her father coming after her, ready to berate her even further. She hadn’t wanted to say goodbye to anyone for that very reason. She din’t want anything to do with them anymore.

“Shh, Rei, it’s okay, I’m right here” Kakashi assured her, adopting a protective stance. If her father even so much as considered causing Rei more harm, Kakashi would have no choice but to defend her—physically, emotionally, or otherwise. No matter what, he would always defend her.

Kakashi squinted through the darkness as a hunched figure hobbled nearer and relief washed over him. The tapping of her cane immediately filled Rei with an equal sense of calm. “Didn’t think you could leave without saying goodbye to me now, did you?” she laughed.

Rei slowly turned as Grandma Teiko approached, the old woman cupping her face in her hands. Rei allowed herself to fall into her comforting touch, closing her eyes and whimpering softly.

“Don’t you worry, girl” Teiko smiled. “Everything is going to be just fine.”

“But how do you know?” Rei whispered, meeting the old woman’s gaze. Within her question was an undertone of regret, of fear and sadness. Grandma Teiko knew nothing of the struggles Rei had faced in the past month. Not really. She didn’t know the heartbreak and confusion of this strange new change. Of Rei’s desperation for a child dashed by the promise of prominence in her career. She didn’t know the heavy weight that rested squarely on Rei’s chest every single day at the thought of what she had given up, at how badly she realized she did, in fact, want a baby. Of Rei’s fear that perhaps this promotion was all a mistake, that she was not actually good enough, that she was not a strong enough leader, that she would lead yet another comrade to their death. It was all so heavy, and grew even moreso with every passing day. Paralyzing, debilitating, unbearable.

But Rei’s silent suffering changed nothing for Grandma Teiko. Her suffering wasn’t quite so silent as it seemed. She could see Rei’s heartache in the way she curled in on herself, the way her hands shook and her eyes grew weary. It was no secret that Rei was spiralling.

“Because I know everything, girl” Grandma Teiko replied, narrowing her eyes with amused confidence. “And I won’t allow any different.” Rei couldn’t comprehend how she could be so confident, how her optimism managed to shine like a beacon in the foggy night. Teiko patted Rei’s cheek like a small child and continued. “I am so damn proud of you. You know that?” she asked. Her words dripped with ingenuity. A sob broke past Rei’s lips. “I am so happy for you and everything you’ve accomplished. You’re getting everything you’ve ever wanted and you deserve people who will celebrate that. Rei, you deserve to be happy and supported.” She brushed the bangs back out of her granddaughter’s face, her thumb tracing the edge of that nasty scar. “A captain of the ANBU black ops is truly something worth celebrating. Not everyone has the strength, intelligence, and gumption to achieve what you have but you want to know something? I wouldn’t have expected anything less from my incredible granddaughter. You excel at whatever you put your mind to and I wouldn’t be surprised if you ended up becoming the best damn captain the black ops has ever seen. You’ve always been destined for greatness, Rei. Even if other people don’t see it, I see it. Kakashi sees it. And more importantly, I hope you see it. Or else you wouldn’t have gotten this far.”

Rei’s face contorted as she tried to swallow back her tears but it was no use. She fell into Grandma Teiko’s embrace and sobbed violently into her shoulder, hugging her tight and allowing her tears to stain the sleeve of the old woman’s kimono. After all these years, Teiko’s faith never wavered. There would never be an accurate way for Rei to express her gratitude, it was too astronomical for words. Rei only hoped that her appreciation was clear enough.

“Go on and rest now, girl” Grandma Teiko finally said, puling away after a long, desperate embrace. Rei sniffled and nodded, her head starting to pound. She watched then as Grandma Teiko skirted around the checkout counter and produced a half-empty jar of umeboshi from the shelf. She placed it in Rei’s grasp with a tender pat to the hand and added, “Take these for the road. You’re going to need them.”

While Rei still was not a fan of pickled plums, she knew their merit in alleviating nausea was worth stomaching. She thanked Grandma Teiko as she placed a tender kiss on the tip of her nose and sent her on her way.

Kakashi glanced back at the old woman over his shoulder, mouthing a soft thank you as they exited the store. Grandma Teiko gave a single nod before coughing into the crook of her elbow, and it was hard to tell in the darkness but Kakashi swore he caught a hint of blood on her sleeve. His heart leapt into his throat, questioning his own eyes, before shoving the thoughts completely out of his mind. It was dark, and he was tired, and his vision was only playing tricks on him. Besides, he could not allow himself to worry. Rei needed him and if he showed any signs of distress, they would be detected immediately and only make her condition worse.

Rei nestled into his strong embrace as they slowly walked home together. Toshio barked and leapt happily on the way, snapping at fireflies floating lazily through the night sky. He took delight in knowing that they did not need to rush, that they could not rush. Besides, he knew Rei was unwell and wanted to give her something to smile about.

Rei had never expected tonight to go smoothly. She was not naïve. She had already been through this so many times that by now, the resistance seemed routine. If only that helped to alleviate the sting of it all. No matter what, nothing ever seemed to prepare her for the strength of her parents’ abrasive opposition. Each conflict seemed to hurt as much as the first, if not more.

As depressed as she still was, and would likely continue to be, at least the silver lining amid all of this was Grandma Teiko. A soft smile touched Rei’s lips as she allowed herself a moment to be incredibly, overwhelmingly, beautifully grateful for such a blessing in her life. When all else failed and the world seemed to crash around her, Teiko was there. Rei truly could not have asked for a better mentor, a better companion, a better grandmother.

#rei natsuki #kakashi hatake #kakashi x oc #the scarecrow and the bell #naruto #naruto oc #fanfiction

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