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jimhopperlova · 6 months

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- Late Night Drive (18+)

18+ MDNI!

Pairing(s): angry!hopper, trouble maker!fem reader

Summary: based on s1 hop, reader decides to mess with jim like she’s done before: speeding to get an excuse to talk to the town’s chief of police. jim hopper has finally had enough.

Warnings: explicit language, large age gap (hop is 41, reader is 19), handcuff play, public sex, unprotected p in v, oral (m receiving)

hope you enjoy! ive had this plot in my mind for a while now!

“you’re gonna do it again? surprised you haven’t been arrested yet,” your best friend spoke at the diner the two of you always meet at. she giggled at the fact she thought you were so rebellious. staying out way past your curfew, using your fake ID for a couple drinks at the local bar (surprised no one has recognized you yet), sneaking out your dad’s house to hang out with your friends.. let’s just say, you really are surprised you haven’t been caught yet. “i mean.. why do you do it?”

“it’s fun! duh,” you replied before taking a sip of the coke. you smirked at your friend, grabbing your wallet so you can pay for you and your friend’s food. thankfully the job you had at the newspaper paid pretty well. you could afford you and your friend’s meal. “besides, the chief is.. let’s just say not bad to look at.”

“ew!” your best friend grimaced, watching as you pulled out some money. “have you heard the rumors? he’s a whore! you want sloppy seconds?” your best friend asked, and all you could do was cough on the coke you had just drank. your best friend was your best friend for a reason. she was funny when she wanted to be.

“sloppy seconds? where did you hear that?” you laughed before slapping the money and then some for a tip onto the table. you pulled the jacket on before standing, your best friend following. “i’m just saying. it’s fun seeing that man mad. i’ve been doing this for.. let’s see.. this’ll be the third time, and he hasn’t gave me a ticket. maybe i just have a pretty face.” you shrugged and smirked, your best friend following you out of the diner. the cold air hit you, and you knew that it was a good night for doing such. november was always a fun month, and with the leaves rolling down the trees, it was.. gorgeous. your favorite month by far.

“your death wish.” your best friend spoke before bidding you goodbye. you waved back and headed into your car. spiking up the ignition, you heard it purr with excitement. you smirked and patted the steering wheel, turning the music up loud.

“let’s get ‘em, girl.” you mumbled before pulling out of the diner, finding where the chief could be. ‘Detroit Rock City’ by KISS played through the speakers, your smirk emitting even bigger. this was a perfect song to get the deed done. before you knew it, after lapping the police station twice, there was the chief in tow. practically on your ass. you looked in the rearview mirror, and noticed the cold and angry stare from anywhere. ‘now let’s piss him off’ you told yourself.

you pushed down the pedal, watching as the spedometer rose. 40.. 50.. 60.. 70.. you kept your hands gripping the steering wheel, the chief’s lights now just turning on. you giggled at this.. he probably knew it was you. again. he continued to follow you through the town of hawkins, pedestrations all halting to you. they knew that car anywhere, and knew you weren’t going to stop.

adrenaline coursed through your veins, your heart raced with every passing second. you laughed loudly, continuing to watch the rearview. he was speaking something in his radio, your actions not stopping. you just wanted to give him a little show before giving up. when you were on the outskirts of town, surrounded by trees, you then decided to start slowing down. you watched as the spedometer went from 70 to 35 in a matter of seconds. you slowly pulled over on the side, finally parking the car. you fiddled your fingers on the steering wheel, awaiting your fate. if you weren’t nice, you would definitely lose him by going offroad. you knew your car could, but you wanted to see how red in the face the chief could get. for some reason, that just set something in you. it was fun and thrilling.. you didn’t know why a lot of things were fun, but you did them anyway.

you watched as the chief let out a long and drastic sigh from your mirror, slamming his car. you giggled softly at this, watching as he approached you. you ‘innocently’ rolled down the window so he could look at you better. when he approached, he leaned against the cold metal frame, looking down at you with probably the most angry he’s been.

“officer, honest, i didn’t know how fast i was goin’,” you said in the most southern accent and the most innocent voice you could. of course, he wasn’t buying it. you peered up at him with doe eyes, hoping you would get out of a ticket again. “please find it in your heart to forgive me. promise i’ll be a good lil girl.” you smirked up at the man, who only shook his head and peered down at you again.

“third. fuckin’. time,” the chief spoke, looking down at you with a hard line. so he was playing hard to get, huh? “what makes you think i’ll let you walk again?” the chief asked you, and you meerily smiled. a soft smirk building up.

“because you’re a good man. i’m only 19, i’ll learn my lesson.” you told the chief. you could tell he wasn’t letting you go this time. you nervously fiddled with your fingers in your lap again, hoping the punishment wouldn’t be too severe.

“your father’s a god damn cop. how does he keep letting you drive this thing?” the chief questioned you, and you could only giggle. you were a daddy’s girl, and no matter how many times you fucked up, he would still let you drive. besides, you help put groceries on the table. why would he stop you from going to work? “this ain’t gonna work for me again. shut off your vehicle,” the chief instructed you. you looked up at him with wide eyes. jail? he was going to put you in jail? you swallowed past the nerves in your throat and slowly turned the engine off. “cat’s got your tongue, i see. step out.” he instructed again, and you hesitantly obliged. when you stepped out, you were met with your body slamming against the cold metal frame of your car. your grunted softly in pain, the chief’s hands roaming you. he sure took his time, too.

“oh, come on, officer. to molest me, you gotta be a little more careful than that,” you piped back with a smirk, your head turning so you could watch him from your peripheral. the chief seemed to be enjoying this for some reason. oddly enough, you didn’t know any better, but the chief has been riled up all day. he had a long day already, and here he was at 10 in the night, dealing with the same girl that had been driving him insane. he should just shut you up with his cock. those thoughts infiltrated his mind, but did his damnest to shut up and do what he needed to. but the way you were powerless against this car, he couldn’t help himself. his hands continued to roam your body, pausing a few seconds to grasp at your breasts. with your jacket on, he really couldn’t fantasize that much. “gettin’ a little handsy, there. how’s it looking if i complain to your higher up?” you smirked again before the chief grabbed your face with one of his free ones.

“shut. the. fuck up. and i don’t have a higher up. it’s just me.. sweetheart,” the chief said lowly ss he continued to practically molest you. “you ain’t carrying anything, are ya?” he asked you again, and you could only giggle.

“if you count pepper spray to get rid of creeps like you, then yes. yes, i do. chief,” you said against the car, and finally that’s when the chief snapped. he flipped you around so now he was facing you. his hat hung low on his face, but you could still see the way he looked at you. he was angry, as if he was sick of you. if he was so sick of you, why not just let you go again? “oh, chief. did i pop a nerve or somethin’?” you smirked and that’s when he truly snapped. the chief had been battling his own thoughts. late at night when he was alone, he thought of you causing trouble. he got off to the thought of fucking you from behind against his own police car. and now.. he could probably make that happen.

“get on your fuckin’ knees.. now,” the chief ordered. you looked at him with a smirk and a brow raised. was he really..? “i said get on your fucking knees,” the chief demanded and this time, forced you down so you were on your knees. you looked up at him, lost in thought. okay, you knew you were going to get into some serious shit, but.. this? you didn’t expect this. “don’t worry princess, i ain’t gonna hurt ya. even thought you fuckin’ deserve it.” he then leaned over you, his tented crotch staring at your face. you then felt the metal cuffs against your wrists, him locking them to make sure you really weren’t getting away this time. he looked around to make sure no one was around and unbuckled his belt, you watching with desire. you didn’t think this would actually happen, but here you were. about to suck the chief’s cock.

“if i didn’t know any better, you’re askin’ me to suck your cock.” you giggled out, looking up at him. he looked down at your with those lust filled blue eyes, still too angry to function. he then grabbed your face, pinching your cheeks together.

“damn right i am. and i’m not fucking asking you. you’re going to,” the chief demanded as he continued to pull down his boxers and pants, his cock springing free. he really was hard for you? i mean, he was a man, so they get hard at fucking anything. you didn’t know that he really was hard for you, and it wasn’t just you causing trouble. it was that damn mouth and the way you sauntered around town like you owned it. chief jim hopper owned it, not you. you didn’t even have a moment to take in his thick veiny cock, he just slammed it inside your pathetic mouth. you didn’t really prepare yourself, so you were already gagging on it. “come on, baby. you were so fuckin’ mouthy.. what happened?” he smirked as he watched you gag on his cock, him staying still in your mouth. he grabbed at your hair, slightly pulling on it as he watched you pathetically whine against it.

the chief finally let his cock out of your mouth so you could prepare for it. he wanted to feel you suck it, not just him fuck your face. he wanted to feel the way your mouth accepted his cock, and the way you would truly suck it. he looked down at you, still pulling on your hair.

“i’m sure you know how to work your way around a cock. don’t fuckin’ play with me,” the chief spoke as you looked up at him, helpless. you leaned in, letting your mouth take him in now. you swirled your tongue against the head, pinching in your cheeks so you could actually feel him. he was so veiny. “that’s it.. fuck, that’s it.” the chief groaned softly at the way you took him in. he watched as he slowly thrusted into your mouth, your moans softly englufing around his thick member. your eyebrows knitted together in focusing on sucking his cock, but also you loved the way you were making him sound. before you know it, he was now thrusting at a fast pace, hitting the back of your throat. you gagged on it slightly, before the chief stayed still. he kept it inside your throat before you couldn’t breathe anymore. he thrusted out of you and watched as his cock had your saliva rolling off of his head, and your lips. he chuckled darkly before smirking softly.

“this is what happens when you cause trouble,” the chief spoke before he slapped your face lightly, leaning down at you. you flinched lightly before he pulled you up, and had you bent over against your car. it wasn’t his patrol car, but this will do. he had your head pinned against the back of your car, the cold metal against your face. the chief had then pulled down your pants just past your thighs, as well as your panties. you felt the cold air hit your soaked cunt, a small gasp escaping your throat. “look at that. someone been gettin’ off to thoughts of the chief, huh?” the chief snickered before smacking your ass. you let out a soft yelp, and realized you were in for it now.

“c-chief.. stop.. playing around. please.. i-i need you..” your shaky breaths were heard. you didn’t realize how pathetic you could really be. it just kinda rolled off your tongue, and now the chief had something against you. he snickered again, able to accept why exactly you’ve been causing trouble.

“is this why you get inta trouble? to see what the chief will do to you? huh?” the chief asked you. you swallowed past the thickness in your throat as you felt his fingertips dance around your entrance. he then slapped your soaking cunt, it hurting but feeling good. you needed more of that friction. “fuckin’ answer me.” the chief demanded and you immediately nodded.

“y-yes. fuck- yes,” you replied, and to that the chief could only chuckle. he started to rub at your folds before he found your clit. he started to roll his finger against it, creating that fiction you ever so reached for. “j-jim.. oh, yes..” you moaned out before he slapped your pussy again. you let out another yelp, and before you knew it, he was leaning against your ear.

“we aren’t friends. you don’t get to call me jim,” the chief spoke lowly before pulling back again. he danced around your entrance and added two fingers, watching as your pussy stretched around his fingers. if you had sex, it had been a while since you had any action. the way your pussy quelched around his fingers had his cock throbbing. he really felt like a teenager all over again. “shit. you fuck before?” he groaned into the cold air, you moaning softly. you gripped the trunk of your car, his fingers devouring your pussy.

“yes, i- i have. don’t worry, chief. you aren’t- popping my cherry.” you moaned out, the chief’s smirking widening. so he really could destroy your pussy if he wanted to. he watched you take his fingers and after a couple minutes, he slowly pulled them out of you, watching your juices collect on his fingers. he lapped them up with his mouth, the taste of you sweet. if he wasn’t on duty, he truly would take his time with you. but that wasn’t happening tonight.

the chief slid off his hat and placed it on top of your head, watching as it fit your head perfectly. well, maybe it was a little big, but it fit his fantasy alright.

“you’re gonna take this cock and be quiet. bite the hat if you need to,” the chief instructed and before you could react, his cock was slowly filling you up. the way your pussy tightened around his cock was something that had him really wanting to fuck you. he wasn’t going to last long, and that was good but bad. your pussy had captivated him now, his thrusts slowly going in and out of your wet cunt. “shit.. look at you. taking my cock like the trouble maker you fuckin’ are.” he groaned out, watching the way his cock slid in and out of you.

“oh, f-fuck, chief. fuck.. yes!” you blurted out, and his one hand immediately went back to your head and pinned you down. you let out a gasp and shut your eyes tight.

“i said be fucking quiet,” the chief groaned, before he finally slammed into you. you flinched from the sudden reaction. you grabbed the hat that was on top of your head and bit down onto the velvet fabric. you needed to keep yourself quiet or else this possibly couldn’t happen again. the chief continued to slowly thrust into you, taking his time. despite what he had thought of earlier, he couldn’t help but be addicted to your pussy. it was basically egging him on to cum deep inside you. and before you knew it, he was slamming deep inside you at a rapid pace. you moaned into the hat, it smelling like him. the way you were completely powerless now, and the way he was stroking your cunt.. you were getting close. moans could be heard between the both of you, as well as skin slapping skin was echoing throughout the trees. “shit, baby. i feel you gettin’ tighter. you gonna cum for me? you gonna cum for your chief?” he groaned out, and you could only nod.

“yes, y-yes.. i’m getting so close, chief.” you mumbled out. the familiar knot in your stomach was coming so close to be relieved, and the chief could tell. he chuckled deeply before his lips found your ear, breathing heavy.

“fuckin.. fuck, cum for me. cum for your chief.” the chief had managed to cough out, and with those words of endearment, you felt yourself spasm. your whole body tensed as your hand gripped the back of the car, the relief of pressure bidding off your pussy. you moaned at the feeling, and before you knew it, the chief was pounding into you. deep, hard, fast.. fuck, your pussy was over stimulated now, your body shaking with desire, but you could feel him getting closer to his own release.

“that’s it.. fuckin’ shake for me, baby. i’m gonna cum inside this pussy and make it mine. fucking.. all mine,” he groaned in your ear, and before you knew it, you felt his seed shot up into you. you moaned softly at his reaction, his seed coating your walls. “fuck.. that’s it, baby. take it all.” he managed to whisper out in your ear.

the two of you managed to stay put in this situation for a moment, and finally the chief pulled of you. you felt embrassed, disgusted, but mainly.. you felt at ease. relaxed. the way he acted, you had a feeling chief had wanted this too.

after a moment of silence, you felt a pair of hands on your wrists. you felt the cuffs fall of you, and the chief was smirking softly. he grabbed the hat from your mouth and placed it on his head, as if nothing had happened. he managed to pull up his pants and boxers, before buckling his belt back up. you pulled your own pants up, the two of you staying silent. thinking that he wasn’t going to say anything to you, the chief then turned to you with the same smirk.

“stay outta trouble, ya hear?” the chief then walked away and got into his blazer. you watched him leave you, humiliated. you looked down and thought to yourself. ‘stay outta trouble? well if that was going to happen, why the hell would i stay outta trouble?’

#stranger things #chief jim hopper #david harbour #jim hopper #jim hopper x reader

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sansthepinecone · 5 months

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So can we talk about shaggy and scooby doo?

So Shaggy is the beneficiary of several of his elderly relatives estates right?

Including his mad scientist uncle who has robotic servants?

As well as the fact that not only does he descends from wealth BUT he also descends from pharaohs? from presidents? FROM KING ARTHUR HIMSELF???

The fact that he in canon owns Camelot! as well as part of ancient Egypt!?!?

And that he is always welcome in hundreds of towns due to the fact that he helped solve people's mysteries?!?!

He also is incredibly fit? Like incredibly fit???

So much so that he has several awards from the County level to the international level?? [ including pole vaulting ]

So much so that not only has he played basketball with the Harlem Globetrotters BUT he also aced his astronaut exam???

Or the fact that he is the fastest human being alive since guess what? Great danes like scooby doo can run up to forty miles an hour

....thats faster than Usane bolt

[ side note: the reason scooby and shaggy are so hungry all the time is that they are running at inhuman speeds constantly ]

As well as the fact that he in cannon is very smart??? Like i said earlier he aced his astronaut exam!? ........ as well as coming up with ways to delay monsters from getting near him constantly?? and jimmy rigging machinery often?? Like some engineer level stuff upon occasion???

Or the fact that he is one of the worlds fastest speed eaters???

What about the fact that he has not only been a werewolf in cannon but also that he has been super powered? ALSO SENT INTO A VIDEO GAME???

As well as many other such things!

Or that he in cannon has seen some elder cryptids? He has seen the real loch ness monster?

As well as fighting/befriending/meeting/romancing a whole lot of undead?

There are the Thirteen Ghosts as well as a witches ghost? He was pretty friendly with some werewolves that one time where he offroad raced Dracula [ and many more things like these]

Or that he is a good fighter?

He one-time wrecked a whole bar of bikers...BY HIMSELF???

Or that time where he slaughtered a army of sentient pumpkins [ he did have help besides scooby this time but still ]

Or that time he went terminator mode on robot security guards at a prison camp

He also fought those gladiators in cyberspace

Also has had adventures the like of which can be compared to those of the Doctor? [ Yes i am referring to Doctor Who right now ]

And throughout all of this he only has mild fame [in cannon of course]

so Daphne is rich but all that wealth is her fathers technically

As well as the fact that she has four sisters and several cousins

Shaggy is and will continue to be independently wealthy due to reasons already listed

He also owns the mystery machine even though Fred is the one to drive/repair/clean/love the mystery machine

And shaggy just hangs out with these people solving mysteries and having a good time

What a lad just traveling the world, eating food, meeting countless new people...

So whats not to love about him?

But yet some people think he is just comic relief

Well to those people i scoff at you *scoffs menacingly*

#scooby gang #scooby doo #shaggy rogers #shaggy and scooby #shaggy #norville shaggy rogers #mystery gang #mystery ink #norville rogers #scooby dooby doo

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my-writings-and-musings · 1 year

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Hello! Can I request dating headcanons of Earthspark Bumblebee and Arcee with a human s/o 👉👈

OHOHOHO YES

I have been waiting for a chance to write these bots, thank you dear anon! It's totally not because I've fallen hard for both of them...

Bumblebee

Bless his spark, this bot will never stop trying to play it cool around you, but it never really works. You have the power to fluster him with even the tiniest gesture. It's especially bad when he first gets hit with feelings, as even the tiniest bit of acknowledgement from you turns him into a blushing mess. A single wave while he's driving is nearly enough to send him off the road.

He's always going to try and show off for you, though same as above, he goes heavy on this at the start of the relationship. If you carry anything, he will offer to get it for you, and if you need anything heavy moved by Primus he is going to be there and make a big show of how not heavy it is. This of course extends to lifting you around on his shoulder whenever you ask (he will also offer often), and the resulting smile of pride is adorable enough that you rarely decline.

You are the only human he's eager to give rides to. If you're up for it, he actually loves to show off while you're in the passenger seat, going full throttle on open roads to have a bit of fun. That's not to say he isn't also open to giving you a lift for your errands if needed, so long as he can enjoy the scenic route with you. Commenting on his alt mode being cool will have him more or less skipping with joy the entire day.

Behind closed doors he's very affectionate, but he's quite shy about it despite loving the attention, and you'll have to warm him up to certain things. Gentle kisses on his helm have him melting into you, but just sitting and talking gets him the softest. He likes to have conversations at eye to optic level, and that means when you're alone together he'll usually prefer to be on the ground or holding you up in his arms. Resting on his chassis is another option, and undoubtedly it's his favorite.

Being in hiding means you have to be careful together, but he still wants to go on dates, even if they're small. Spending his days teaching makes him quite appreciative of quiet moments, so a nice drive at night to somewhere secluded is his favorite way to treat you. He'll even let you choose what's on the radio!

Arcee

She is not ever going to be subtle about any of this. Ever. She is going to start openly flirting the moment she takes an interest in you, and she will make it plainly obvious to anyone in earshot that she finds you very attractive. As soon as you show any appreciation for the compliments she'll ask you out, and that level of boldness will not diminish throughout your entire relationship.

She loves nothing more than showing you off, and she will do so to anyone nearby. If she can she'll put you on her shoulder to make sure everyone can see she's with the hottest human on earth. It's only a matter of time before news outlets catch pictures of the two of you together, and when asked she readily introduces you as her significant other. Humanity will be more than a little obsessed with your relationship, but there's not a thing GHOST can do to stop either of you. Thankfully the paparazzi isn't interested in stalking a bot capable of turning a news van into a pile of scrap with a single kick.

Not only does she love showing you off, she thoroughly enjoys showing off for you, and she's not at all opposed to public affection if you're interested. Carrying you in her arms is absolutely on the table, and she loves to gush about how cute and tiny you are. You'll do a lot less walking once the two of you get together.

Of course she loves taking you on long drives, but her idea of a fun time on the road will necessitate the use of a seatbelt, as she's a big fan of offroading. Her alt mode not being built for it doesn't stop her at all, though she will get you a helmet for when things get a little rough, which is often. Drag races are also on the table if you're down for some riskier fun.

There are a lot of human activities she can't participate in, but she tries to have as much fun with your dates as possible. Drive though movies are a great choice, especially if you pack up a load of blankets and pillows to get comfy. She won't mind in the slightest if you fall asleep by the end, and she'll find it beyond adorable as you snooze during the ride home, perhaps taking the long way so she can delay waking you for as long as possible...

#transformers #maccadam #transformers: earthspark #tf earthspark #earthspark #transformers earthspark #earthspark spoilers #tfe bumblebee #earthspark bumblebee #tf bumblebee #bumblebee #bumblebee x reader #tfe arcee #arcee #arcee x reader #human reader #self insert #earthspark arcee

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underworld-park-offical · 5 months

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TOLKIEN: Zzzzzzzzrzrzrzrrzzzz

TOLKIEN: Zzazzazazezezezezezrzrzzrrzrrr

PHONE: ♪ I'M A BARBIE GIRL ♪

PHONE: ♪ IN THE BARBIE WORLD ♪

PHONE: ♪ LIFE IN PLASTIC ♪

PHONE: ♪ IT'S FANTASTIC ♪

TOLKIEN: Huhhheheehdbfd…

TOLKIEN: Huh

TOLKIEN: What

TOLKIEN: What the fuck?

TOLKIEN: Why is my phone going off?

TOLKIEN: Are the fucking queers calling me again?

TOLKIEN: Eeeeyup its them

TOLKIEN: What

GARY: Have you ever been beaten by a wet spaghetti noodle by your girlfriend cuz she has a twin sister and you got confused and fucked her dad, well that’s how it feels to drive a Ford F-250. That sounds really cool. But you know what else is cool? The new 2020 Ford F-150, winner of 10 J.D. power awards. Perfect for hauling big things and going long distances. But you want to go offroad? Try the new Raptor Edition, which cannot just go offroad, it is perfect for going extreme off-roading. You can go rock climbing or across a desert, really quickly. It is also good for the great American thing - BBQs! In fact, you can haul MORE than one oven! That's pretty cool, huh? So hurry, and buy the new 2020 Ford F-150, now for sale at your local Ford dealership. RED: Wgat RED: Stop RED: Stop speaking BEBE: Girl get the tape from the backseat RED: Already on it NICHOLE: Heyyyy Tolkien NICHOLE: Did I wake you?

TOLKIEN: …

TOLKIEN: No..

NICHOLE: Oh NICHOLE: That’s NICHOLE: That's good

TOLKIEN: What's going on

NICHOLE: So uhm NICHOLE: Ahahaha NICHOLE: Funny story

TOLKIEN: Nichole what did you do??

TOLKIEN: Did you fuckin

TOLKIEN: Commit fraud?

TOLKIEN: …

TOLKIEN: Again?

NICHOLE: What NICHOLE: No NICHOLE: Of course not NICHOLE: I am a law abiding citizen NICHOLE: Except for when it comes to the Barbie Movies

TOLKIEN: Okay? We’ve all pirated a Barbie Movie

TOLKIEN: What makes you special?

TOLKIEN: If it's not fraud or piracy what did you even do

NICHOLE: There’s a sentient advertisement in our Porsche now

TOLKIEN: …

TOLKIEN: Excuse me?

NICHOLE: Yeah uh NICHOLE: We saw Gary NICHOLE: Or G-4R-Y if you wanna use his actual name? NICHOLE: Fuck I don't know anymore NICHOLE: He was walking in the cold for some reason? NICHOLE: And you know how he only speaks in ads?

TOLKIEN: We all do

BEBE: Wait BITCH do you think we could reprogram him to be like

BEBE: An ALEXA???

GARY: Need some music for that impromptu dance off? Ask Alexa to play songs or playlists from Prime Music and Spotify so you're always ready to show off your sweet moves-if that's what you call them ;) "Amazon Echo: Alec Baldwin and Missy Elliott Dance Party Commercial" via @popisms :https://www.popisms.com/TelevisionCommercial/126873/Amazon-Echo-Commercial-2016 GARY: I really don't want you to see me like this. You need some entrance music. Alexa, play Alex dance playlist. Playing Alex playlist. That's dance music? Alexa, play Pep Rally by Missy Elliott. Really? Perfect! I got a little something for you. It's beautiful. Does this mean I'm gonna be in your next video? Let me see what you got. (Lyrics) Anything you want me to (Lyrics) Pep rally, pep rally, pep rally Oh, this a pep rally Pep rally, pep rally, pep rally Bounce, biggity bounce, biggity-biggity bounce, bounce Where my clappers that stomp? Now rock with it Bounce, biggity bounce, biggity-biggity bounce via @popisms : https://www.popisms.com/TelevisionCommercial/126873/Amazon-Echo-Commercial-2016 GARY: I’m Gary! The Mormon who advertises! RED: I mean RED: I’ll become a mechanic if it gets him to stfu 💀💀💀 WENDY: No- RED- NO PUT THE WRENCH DOWN! RED: FUCK YOU GARY: The future. You used to chase it. Now you’re living in it. The Wavefront is an all-electric automobile that propels driving into a new era. With sleek, aerodynamic design, and ultrasonic sensors that prevent collisions, there’s no more getting left behind. Life’s short. Drive fast. GARY: I’m Gary! The Mormon who advertises! RED: SHUT THE FUCK UP!! WENDY: RED!! NO!! BEBE: GIRLY POPS AS MUCH AS I LOVE YOU BEBE: I'M GONNA HIT A DEER IF YOU ALL DONT HUSH RED: WENDY LET ME GO I'M GONNA KILL HIM WENDY: WE ARE NOT KILLING THE AD NICHOLE: SHUT THE FUCK UP IM ON THE PHONE BEBE: SHUT THE FUCK UP I'M DRIVING!!!! RED: CAN I THROW HIM OUT OF THE FUCKING CAR??!?!?!?!?!? WENDY AND NICHOLE: NO!!! NICHOLE: Tolkien I'm gonna have to let you go NICHOLE: We might die- NICHOLE: RED PUT DOWN THE WRENCH YOU'RE GONNA KILL SOMEONE! RED: THAT'S THE GOAL!! GARY: As a parent, I want to know that my kids are safe wherever they are. That includes riding in the car. With the new Carpool Optic from Solar I can breathe easy knowing my kids will arrive where they need to safely – whether I am the driver or not. RED: AUGHHHH!!!!!! NICHOLE: I’m hanging up now NICHOLE: MMMMMMMMMOKAYBYE

TOLKIEN: Bye?

(Beep Beep Beep)

TOLKIEN: Jesus christ

TOLKIEN: (Yawn)

TOLKIEN: Man

KENNY: Hey

TOLKIEN: Ah!

TOLKIEN: Oh my god I got jumpscared by a fucking queer!

KENNY: Oh hardy har har har

KENNY: You got games on yo phone?

TOLKIEN: …

TOLKIEN: What

KENNY: Do you got games

KENNY: On yo phone

TOLKIEN: I mean like

TOLKIEN: I got like

TOLKIEN: Subway surfers??

TOLKIEN: If

TOLKIEN: If that works???

TOLKIEN: Uh

TOLKIEN: Ok?????

TOLKIEN: Here

KENNY: Thanks

KENNY: Oh yeah, can I call my sister while I play subway surfers?

KENNY: I gotta make sure she’s not

KENNY: Yknow

KENNY: Fuckin’ dead

TOLKIEN: No you’re gonna kill my damn battery

TOLKIEN: Just call your sister you dont need to play fucking subway surfers

KENNY: Fine

KENNY: Killjoy

TOLKIEN: Ugh

KAREN: I can't believe McDonald's served me that lukewarm fucking patty

KAREN: And then had the AUDACITY to tell me KAREN: That it gets cold over time!?!?

KAREN: I think they just undercooked it ON PURPOSE to make ME look like an idiot

TRICIA: Damn, that's crazy

(🎵 KAREN METAL 🎵 )

KAREN: OH MY GOD

KAREN: WHO'S CALLING ME AT EXACTLY 1:59 IN THE MORNING?!?!?

TRICIA: Bro just say 2 AM 💀

TRICIA: …

TRICIA: I can’t believe I just said that out loud

KAREN: WHAT?!?!?

KENNY: Hi

KAREN: WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME?!?!?

KAREN: DO YOU KNOW HOW LATE IT IS?!?!?!

KAREN: I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER

KENNY: Sis it's me

KAREN: UGHHHHH

KAREN: You missed your nail appointment

KENNY: Shiiiit that was today?

KAREN: You still owe me the money for it

KENNY: … KENNY: Karen, we don't have money, we’re poor

KAREN: Get a job

KENNY: …I do have a job

KAREN: Okay so then you have money?

KENNY: No

KAREN: That doesn't make sense

KENNY: Anyways- KENNY: You alive?

KAREN: Clearly

KENNY: Okay cool KENNY: So uh KENNY: There's demons around, I hope they find you and kill you and you die bye

KAREN: …What?

KAREN: Tricia do you know what the fuck he’s talking about?

TRICIA: No

TRICIA: Also stop calling on speakerphone

TRICIA: You remind me of my brother (derogatorily)

TRICIA: …

TRICIA: WHY DO I KEEP DOING THAT!?!??!

TRICIA: UGHHH

TRICIA: I’m gonna go yell at my brother by cursing me into the influencer gene pool

TRICIA: You wanna come?

KAREN: If I get to yell at someone, of course

TRICIA: Be-

TRICIA: …

TRICIA: I'm not even gonna say that

CRAIG: Who the fuck where you talking to

CRAIG: I feel like they were talking shit smh my head

KENNY: Oh just my bitch sister and your bitch sister

KENNY: Told her she was gonna die soon

CRAIG: LMAOOOO I’m dead 💀💀💀

KENNY: Lol it was funny she was so mad

TOLKIEN: I swear to god you guys are the same person sometimes

CRAIG: Smh my head no literally untrue

KENNY: Common Tolkien L

TOLKIEN: I want you both dead

CRAIG: …

KENNY: …

TRICIA: Okay where tf is blud

TRICIA: I'm gonna kill his ass

KAREN: Ugh

KAREN: He probably set up Kenny to fucking prank us

KAREN: Going to yell at them both when we find them

TRICIA: For real

TRICIA: Smh my fucking head

TRICIA: OH MY GOD CAN I STOP DOING THAT!?!?

KAREN: There's his door

KAREN: Should I kick it down?

TRICIA: No he will literally kill me

TRICIA: Instead we’re gonna go in his room

TRICIA: Steal all his shit

TRICIA: And fucking burn it

KAREN: Ohh yay! Property damage! My favorite!

TRICIA: Shhh shhh shhhh

TRICIA: Stfu

TRICIA: He’ll hear us

KAREN: No

KAREN: You're not the boss of me

TRICIA: Okay

TRICIA: On three

TRICIA: One- Two-

KAREN: THREE

KAREN: Ew it's so dark in here

KAREN: It smells like fucking Ccool Ranch Doritos in here

TRICIA: Shut the fuck up

TRICIA: He’s gonna hear you

TRICIA: I know where he keeps his Supreme hoodies

TRICIA: HOOOOOLY SHIT IS THAT A DEAD BODY!??!?!?!?

KAREN: AAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

KAREN: WE ARE GONNA DIE

KAREN: GET THE MANAGER!!

TRICIA: SHUT THE FUCK UP THE KILLER COULD STILL BE HERE YOU QUEERMO

GREGORY AND ESTELLA: Shhhhh he eepy

TRICIA: …

KAREN: …

TRICIA: …

KAREN: …

TRICIA: …

KAREN: …

TRICIA: …

KAREN: …

TRICIA: …

KAREN: …

TRICIA: …

KAREN: …

TRICIA: …

KAREN: …

KAREN AND TRICIA: AAAAAAAAAAA-

TRICIA: Okay

TRICIA: HAILLLL NAWHHHHH

KAREN: I’m calling the police

TRICIA: That is the smartest thing you could ever do

KAREN: Hello? 911?

KAREN: Hi yeah, there's some queers in our house

KAREN: Please come

KAREN: Bye

(Edits made by @pissblanket and @cattpup5)

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seat-safety-switch · 2 years

Text

You might not know this, but your local sports stadium is having a bit of a crisis. It’s practically falling down, the billionaires explain, and we need to fix it. The only way we can fix it is to use public funds, because the banks (which we are on a first-name basis with) know that governments are beholden to public rage, and won’t want to lose their football, baseball, racquetball, jai alai, or hockey teams to a rival city. Without such amusements, they’d have to resort to buying ridiculous public entitlements like a library or intact footbridge.

Regulatory capture is all around us, and I figured it was about time I got a slice of the pie. You see, car racing is still seen as a rich person’s hobby. This is likely because wheel-to-wheel competition driving consists almost entirely of stacking up a bunch of money and then setting fire to it, often literally. And unlike giving millions of dollars to the billionaire ownership of a team of hockey players each getting paid millions of dollars, funding a racetrack is seen as a little tacky. Amongst the cognoscenti who are capable of fogging a mirror for long enough to get elected at your local municipal council, it’s just not good government.

Of course, golf courses are hugely funded by those same governments. They have all the essentials of a good race track: a large amount of open space. Humanity has trained and formed from birth a special race of warriors who are perfect for driving cars extremely quickly on rough terrain while only occasionally killing themselves and spectators. They’re called Finns. And while I’m not a Finn (you may have already been able to tell by my lack of interest in reindeer testicle-flavoured Slurpees) I do like to race shitty cars very quickly offroad. That’s why I asked city council to pony up the big bucks to form my new golf course. It’s a private club, I explain to them, very elite, and I have the perfect site for it: right next to my house, where the low-income apartments currently are.

Things went well on our inaugural race, until the Mayor and his cronies dropped by, bags in tow. Apparently they didn’t get the memo about just how exclusive this country club really was. We bought you a golf course, they explained, while looking confused at the scent of two-stroke oil and the sound of screaming small-displacement turbocharged gasoline engines. We deserve to play on it.

That scam ended awfully abruptly. Once I’m out of prison, though, I’ll be right back at it. These bars can’t hold me forever, mostly because the state only agreed to pay JailCo 30 cents per bar, and the investors didn’t want to blow the budget.

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cloudninetonine · 1 year

Note

Please don't neglect courage (⁠っ⁠˘̩⁠╭⁠╮⁠˘̩⁠)⁠っ can you do a little drable between player and courage maybe talking about how they miss the chain while in courage's Hyrule or something relating to the ask about courage looking like Hyrule. Please 🙏🥺🙏

(Finally trying to tackle these requests-) As if I would ever neglect the lovable idiot Courage, after all, he's just so stupid not to acknowledge and love.

Courage was almost the exact opposite of Hyrule. A funny thing, really, as the man in question was supposed to be the first game boy himself, yet he differed from your fairy boy so much it was almost comedic: Hyrule was sheepish, Courage was brash, Hyrule was moulded to be sneaky and Courage was close to a barbarian in imposing figure- Courage was almost an oxymoron to all that Hyrule was made to be.

Almost. That was the keyword here. Almost- Courage was almost the complete opposite of Hyrule, but that didn’t mean there weren’t those similarities.

That sense of adventure ran strong through Courage’s veins, that spark that would dance in the eye of the traveller at the mere thought of an escapade whether it be some offroad path or a gruelling dungeon cruel, you could really see that brave young man within Courage as he walked with confidence towards any sign of a quest.

Their looks also didn’t stray far, their builds were different but you could see the specs of green buried in rivers of forest brown when you stared into Courage’s gaze a moment too long. Ran your hands through the chestnut brown ruffles that were the man’s hair when you pulled out a leaf or helped to brush the mess every morning so Wisdom would stop demanding that Courage look “more presentable!” almost every day. No, they didn’t look the same, long lost brothers would probably be the closest Hyrule and Courage could ever be, but it didn’t stop you from catching glimpses of your fairy boy every now and again.

It brought a sense of…melancholy. You missed him so, your nicknamed Prince of the fae, and longed for him during those harder days, your heart calling out to him. Of course, this feeling wasn’t just reserved for Hyrule, you missed Wild, you missed Wind, hell, you even missed that grump Legend (Koridai certainly wasn’t helping with that) but with Courage right here, it was hard to not think of your Hero of Hyrule.

“I’m way better than him!”

Courage had approached you.

Inevitable really, with how you were drawing yourself away from the duo heroes wanting to deal with the heartache away from the comfort of others seeing as it had the opposite effect- you only craved the Chain more the longer you spent around those damn idiots.

And, of course, they had noticed.

“This isn’t a pissing contest, Link.” You sassed, washing your face in the basin that a maid had brought you, dressed for bed after a long day of patrolling for the black-blooded. “I just said you remind me of him, I didn’t say he was better.”

Courage huffed, collapsing back into your bed and spreading himself out to take as much space as humanly possible, also dressed for bed in his light blue gown. “But he’s ‘all you can think about’.”

“Does one thing go through your ear and out the fucking other? Man alive.”

The Hero of Courage had somehow coaxed the truth out of you, well, coaxed was too soft of a word- he had dragged the information from you in the form of nagging, his voice practically grating your ear canals until finally, you broke and spoke about the feelings currently raging within you like a mutated storm. Then Courage proceeded to do what he did best.

Miss the point and whine about it.

“But that’s what you said!”

“I said that I’ve been thinking about him!”

“Because he’s just like me!”

“Link-”

“But I’m certainly better-”

“Oh my god, you’re bloody impossible!” The brunette’s mouth had snapped shut at your cry, your hands slamming down on your lap in frustration. “If you’re just gonna moan then shut up or get out!”

A familiar mutter of ‘well excuseeeee me, sunshine.’ caught your ear but you ignored it for your own sanity.

When nothing came from him the following minute you sighed, patting your face dry with a washcloth and setting it aside for the maids the next morning.

Blowing out the lantern at your desk allowed the moon’s faint glow to shine through the stained glass of your room’s window, plastering a beautiful mosaic of pale colours throughout the space and highlighting the pillowing of your bed as you pattered over to it with heavy feet-

Seeing Courage still settled in it, still taking up the entire thing.

You glared. “Aren’t you supposed to be protecting the triforce?”

He grinned something cheeky, “The fisherman offered to take my place.”

“Koridai offered to take care of the triforce? Nah, he definitely lost a bet.”

Because there was no way would offer to do such a thing.

“He offered!”

“He’d offer when he saw a pig fly.”

“Maybe he did.” His arms moved under his head, muscles defining at the stretch and Courage sent you a teasing grin. “Guess you and me are sharing tonight~”

In any other instance, this wouldn’t be the case. You weren’t one to take his arrogance lying down, that was for sure. You would have stormed out of the room to join Koridai instead, or maybe move to sleep on the floor, not caring for the cold or the dust, just maybe you would have grabbed at his leg and dragged him right off then leave him on the floor as you made yourself comfortable- but you were too tired for that, both physically and mentally, your brain working overtime to keep you in that state of exhaustion as you weighed your options for that point. You didn’t want to deal with his stupidity at that moment.

So, with a heavy sigh, you clambered into bed, making sure to push your weight into his stomach to hear him wheeze then collapsed next to him, back to him as he coughed for his stolen breath.

“Jeez, sunshine.” He hacked, “Way to steal my breath away.”

Your groan of annoyance had his cackling through coughs.

The bed shifted when silence had fallen back over the room, Courage turning your way with his eyes rolling over your curled-up form in a way that had you holding back shivers from the sheer intensity. You felt his finger gently run over your arm, a calming gesture, a kind one, a silent request to move closer that you didn’t turn down, his index trailing down the length of your arm, dipping your wrist then curling around your finger until you let him move to intertwine your hand with his.

“You don’t need to think about him-” His voice was a whisper, holding a stillness similar to that of the bedroom. “-not when you have me, I’m all the hero you need, sunshine.”

You hummed quietly, eyes closed but still alert. “Yeah? Then what does that make Koridai?”

“My sidekick, of course.”

Courage smiled at your tired snort, his head falling to rest against your nape and smile pulling at his lips the more he felt you relax, your body slotted against him like a perfect puzzle piece.

In his eyes, you were perfect, just perfect. Hard to come across these days, your personality was unmatched and your spirit strong, the connection he felt for you was undeniable. Yes, Wisdom was someone he cherished but you had climbed the tower holding his heart and stole it away with a quick quip and smirk- he liked that about you, he liked everything about you, even to him the sadness over your face held a perfection that the goddess herself would come to envy.

It didn’t mean he wanted it to stay though, no, as your hero it was his duty to return that smile to your face so hearing your tired breathless giggle when he gently kissed the back of your neck, lips tickling the skin was enough for him, moving to rest his chin atop your head as he closed his own eyes.

The quiet lasted about a minute when he muttered.

“He’s not that special anyway, I can turn into a fairy too.”

Your eyes snapped open.

“What?”

#cloud answers #linked universe #linked universe x reader #lu #linked universe imagine #a player's aid #player au #Courage #Animated Link #Anon asks

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