#okay thats all i have to say lmao

[heckitall]

back - next

its the

FINAL

COUNT DOWN

bah-da-da-dah

da-dah-da

anyway finally the reddish hue boys

it was so so hard to not make the bg any busier

#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #armageddonnie #rise raphael #rise michelangelo #name DROP #so there's only one page left but im hesitant to call it a quote unquote part #the rest of the story gets resolved around other story lines/comics #howevvvveerrr the next comic i got in my pocket goes back in time BEFORe this happens #a prequel #if you will #uhhh maybe tonight i'll fix my master post so everything is in order #im scared to move the links and having them all get broked #uhhhhh #okay thats all i have to say lmao #heck draws

[anxiously-sidequesting]

So I don't know if it was ever revealed how Duncan felt when we killed Malistaire all three times but I'm wondering if maybe some part of him could hate us for that too. Like you hear that and you go "but why. Malistaire was terrible and even Duncan knew that(?). Why would he hate you for getting rid of him."

But like I think it's so....... interesting in a very, very, very sad way how Duncan so easily latches onto anyone who directly feeds into his delusions of grandeur. And that's no fault of his own that he was manipulated by the nasty Schism but when you think about how desperately clung to the idea that Malistaire, easily one of the greatest necromancers any of us had ever heard of (at that time), somehow actually recognized Duncan's talents (even when canon supports that Duncan wasn't all that talented, at least no more than the next necromancer) and then praised him for it so often that Duncan believed that he would be the next Death Professor is. I mean ☹️

So like with that mindset I unfortunately feel like it would be quite easy to twist even Malistaire's death as something that's horrible and awful and all our fault. ESPECIALLY if the Schism was feeding into Duncan's already broken mind and shattered ego and was constantly telling him that everything bad that ever happened to him ever in his life was Our Fault. That's like a realistic conclusion that someone like Duncan could come to

And like, at this point in time, are Malistaire's crimes even a factor in how he thinks????? Was Duncan ever able to separate Malistaire's talent and skills and prowess from the terrible and awful things he did? If Duncan wasn't able to consciously tell that distinction in the first place I can't imagine it would be any better during the years he was being manipulated and isolated and lied to

Like in Duncan's mind it probably isn't, "maybe I shouldn't idolize a national criminal, or idolize anyone at all for that matter, and aspire to be like someone so harmful when I can recognize my own talent and build from there" it's probably more like, "you (the wizard) permanently got rid of a brilliant mind, an innocent person who just made a few mistakes, and someone who believed in me no matter what just so that you could be the better than me and loved by everyone else" and that's! very sad actually!

#this is all speculation btw idk if any of this is canon. how duncan feels about all this #i know i keep saying the exact same shit over and over but.... really not a fan of how the game handled duncan! sorry! #i know wizard101 isnt supposed to be about every single character gets a satisfying ending to their arc- #-meaning not everyone in the story will face consequences and/or find a happy ending and like thats fine they dont need to #but idkkkk its just imo really sad how essentially a kid suffers frrom something he cant control by himself (his ego)- #and then instead of getting help he is instead ignored (ambrose) and then manipulated and brought up by a cult #and then when it becomes super apparent how... TERRIBLE his life really is and we defeat him he just... goes back?????? #we.... we LET him go back???? i mean we're not responsible for other people's bad decisions or mental health but bro.... #and then when we tell ambrose he's just like “oh. too bad. well anyways-” AND IM LIKE WELL THATS THE REASON!!!!! NO WONDER HE'S FUCKED UP #NONE OF THIS IS ADDRESSED. NONE OF IT. WE KICK DUNCAN'S ASS AND THEN HE.... GOES BACK TO THE CABAL #i literally just got so desolate when (wallaru spoilers) because. okay. all that for nothing i guess #this isnt me being mad btw LMAO i know the tone probably reads as angry but im not im just disappointed #and tired. what is it with wizard101 in particular and just people suffering with no end. (me as i make my main suffer with no end) #but anyways yeah duncan has been in my head for a while. he's one of the guys that i love a lot BDKSNSKAJ #he's like a son to me and HE NEEDS A HEALTHY PARENT. HE NEEDS IT #not excusing his actions btw. he still committed crimes JRKDJSIEJ #i just have a soft spot for those villains in media who are doomed from the start yknow. (stares tearfully at morganthe and gf spider) #wizard101 #wiz101 #w101 #text posts #duncan grimwater #im not normal about duncan at all he's probably the wozard oc i feel for the most other than malorn and us

[muppetbyers]

ive said it before i’ll say it again but just because el is brought up in mike and wills conversations doesnt mean theyre actually talking about el

#like its also simply the fact that they are having the conversations at all. that they are vulnerable with their feelings to each other #in low stakes situations simply because they are best friends and trust each other and Want to confide in the other. #the same cannot be said for mlvn and thats just the objective reality #so like. i dont see why this is seen as a valid ‘gotcha!’ for bylers. it is not. #also yeah will is in every mlvn scene and thats Still gay. like the subtext is skewed gay in every way idk 🤷 #take that up with the duffers man… ‘every byler scene mentions el’ yeah and Whyyyyy do they do that Think w ur brainnn #this is like. queer subtext 101 #also the el mention in one scene literally being ‘i was worring too much about her that i feel like i lost you’… do i eveb have to day it #*even *say… damn #also so funny to say this when the van scene exists. The most textually obvious example of them using ‘el’ to talk about themselves #like u expect me to take this argument seriously when there is literally a scene where will used el name but is not talking about el at all #yeah okay lmao #uhm anyways #its late im tired sorry for being cringe about byler again. #goodnight and godbless #byler #mine

[eosofspades]

in these trying times, please keep in mind that people who claimed cayde was coming back all along can enjoy their vindication and people who claimed his story was over and he was not going to come back in beyond light/witch queen/haunted/lightfall were ALSO right and we don't have to have another fandom war a la season of the haunted please let the main tags remain functional

#like his story was over for the time being. arguably his story is STILL over. like trailer cayde is very distinctly not our cayde #i dont know how to elaborate on this but i'm seeing so much of 'we always knew he would come back to us you were all stupid' #and like. no we were correctly interpreting the lore lmao #that cayde died in forsaken and that his story was functionally over was the correct interpretation of all the info we were given #and even now i am 100% confident that man is not going to be OUR cayde (my money says hes a phantom/manifestation of some kind) #and like. however this goes. the cayde stans and the cayde antis were both WAYYY out of line for a LONG TIME #(some of you are still severely weird and toxic about this. im not naming names but this is still a weird ass problem) #i was always on team 'his story is over he's not coming back' and i still think thats a correct interpretation of whats happening #but like. okay. we have cayde in final shape. is it our cayde??? unlikely but we'll see #EITHER WAY. I AM ASKING WE STAY CHILL ABOUT THIS #PRETTY PLEASE. #destiny 2 #cayde-6 #cayde 6 #mine

[akkivee]

i also think it’s pretty tragic not a single hypmic man made on the top 100 yumes of 2023 but equally groundbreaking is that my other man made top 50 lmao

#this is vee speaking #saw someone say that’s pretty indicative of the year hypmic had in 2023 and lol i don’t blame fans thinking so #it’s okay hypmic will find a way when they announce the battle season or something LOL #BUT ANYWAY YESSIR YOUHEI THATS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT #WHEN YOURE A SIDE CHARACTER TO THE POINT YOU DONT HAVE AN OFFICIAL BDAY #BUT YOUR LOYALTY SACRIFICES AND ASS KICKING LITERALLY SAVED ALL THE PROTAGONISTS HES SO COOL 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙 #slam dunk has so many good men lmao that’s exactly why five of them made top 50

[oscill4te]

this is mean but some people in college seem so unhappy and like they are only there bc pressure from their family, if that was me I'd just drop out (i did drop out my first year bc expenses + the degree i wanted wasnt offered)(im being anti-growth, as usual)

#i guess if your parents pay your tuition its harder to drop out but idk. i truly dont think everyone is made for college #if college was free i probably would go back bc it was fun. but obviously its not free. #txt #if your not even enjoying it and have no direction why even go though? if you enjoy it/have a plan thats different #at least after your first year or two #some people have been in college for years bc their parents want them to get a degree bur they just struggle academically #or are still not sure what degree they want to pursue and how to obtain the career they want after college #some people are in so much debt and seen directionless. i always feel like the evil person saying “Its not to late to drop out!” #maybe its“ sunken cost fallacy”.. the “ive paid so much money/am already here so i might as well finish” #in my opinion its okay to change your mind. you can have stability without a degree. maybe not the best pay jobs but you cn make it out oka #im just saying man. if i still chose to pursue college i think id kms from all the debt #im still paying year one off.. from 6 yrs ago lmao

[sketchy-tour]

A silly thing to randomly say maybe but I was thinking about it again. Yall are always free to take silly inspiration from my artstyle/the way I draw. I feel like trying to imitate cool things you see others do in art is a big part of the process in learning how you like to create and do things. So ye, if you ever feel bad for taking some light inspo off of my art aesthetics, don't! As long as you're not outright tracing or reposting, I really don't mind!

#text post #just rambling #sometime thoughts come to my brain and I wanna shout it into the void lmao #so here I am #I FEEL like I've said this before on my blog but it was ages ago during my sun and moon phase #just before my little social media crisis lmao #but ye #you see something I do in art and go “man that looks cool maybe I can do that too” I say go for it #Cause I learned the same way. Still do. I see an artist do something that makes their work pop and I'm like #“hmmm can I soak this into the style I already have to further build onto it?” #I understand not all artists are comfy with their work being taken inspo from. Cause some people get rattled when a style looks identical #when it can be hard to tell the two artists apart #I get that; that specifically isn't super fun to deal with. I admit I've never had to deal with it? But idk. #I personally think its fun the few times I've had people take a little quirk from my art style and starts using it too #but thats just me!!! I'm not everyone #okay ill shut up now

[plulp]

hey guys sorry for the radio silence (4 days) :( Im Sick

but in other news: almost at 200 followers!!!! so if any of you want me to do the same thing i did last time (maybe not as much) or something different i can to celebrate :) since i should be free to draw however much after this week (have some things to take care of (while im sick))

#ill finish doing asks when i get back home (dont know when) #and then when i hit 200 ill do another thing i guess? maybe pcs again or maybe ill draw other peoples dol designs but problem with that is #i Dont Know Many People Here 😰 #i only follow legit like 5 people and i dont check this dashboard often so i miss a lot #since i usually use my main tumblr to yknow. scroll through tumblr #i wish i could reblog other peoples art more often too but for some reason i get nervous? its so weird. i get nervous writing tags #probably because i get too excited and then i get a headache #what was this about again #oh #if any of you have anything you want me to do for 200 you can send an ask or something and ill make a poll so you all can vote on it maybe #but hopefully i can do it like order as in: finish asks i have now > celebrate yay!! > draw more designs lmao #but before all of that. i have to finish this one thing. lemon honey green tea give me the strength i need to finish this. #i need to clear out ageless followers when i get home too :( so i might not be that close after that #right now im 8 away from 200 i think? #but thank you to whoevers followed me :) #if you dont have an age in your bio remember to put one okay? or ill get another headache #i think thats all i have to say right now? if you have any questions comments or concerns please dont be afraid of me. #germaphone #i promise i dont bite. i kind of gnaw like a toothless cat. its all gums and its slimy and feels weird. like that #200 follower special you all ask me about my teeth situation (nothing special really)

[angel-of-sweet-revenge]

Normal people: vent about their feelings in a diary or blog post

Me: makes a whole ass zine at nearly midnight

#okay so i was CONSIDERING the vent zine #and then um something and then i was like “yeah no i cant rest until i get this out” #so i sat down and made this vent zine that's gonna embarrass me next year lmao #am i okay? ... actually I'm trying to be okay now #I'm just questioning something about someone #sorry to keep referring back to That Thing it's just been on my mind a lot #even before that vent post for a while now i was wondering if everything really was okay. if it was making me okay. #because i dont want to be selfish and abandon someone when they need me. I've been abandoned before. #but it's been going on like this for a while and I'm taking too much of it in #i cant even see their name on my phone or like receive a message without going through mini heart attacks wondering if something's wrong- #-again and if i need to hear another drama again #it kind of feels uncomfortable as well in a way. like they're oversharing and that I'm not supposed to be knowing so much #maybe that's just me though. maybe im automatically distancing myself without realising it? #i dont know i just want to hide and not be so... involved i guess? #i think maybe I'm a person more suited to lighter friendships. or maybe there's been so much heaviness that this is just too much now #i dont know. i dont hate them at all but i wouldn't be too upset if they ghosted me (maybe thats just how i feel right now) #i dont know if I'm running away from my problems instead of trying to fix them or something #i have fixed them before. i have communicated and fixed issues before but this time i just cant anymore #okay that's enough rambling. it's midnight #mind you my zine does look pretty good. for a zine made out of a single sheet of paper and written/doodled on in black pen with a lil red #alright that's enough from me now. if you've stayed for this long go drink some water-i know you havent hydrated in ages #(says the woman who hasnt hydrated either-)

[finely-tuned-line]

RP:

Log 218

FTL: FTLR-3 has taken the form of the cyan lizard that was its host. It remains immobile, but the form it has taken is clearly that of a cyan lizard. One especially similar to the one from which it originated from. I've described my hypothesis as to why it would do such a thing in Log 216, but to summarise, it's for the sake of efficiency. Efficiency of movement, efficiency of existence. It's taking the best of all three sub-types of Rot and combining it.

FTL: I fear that this new form may grant FTLR-3 a much extended range of movement that, especially when combined with its apparent ability to learn, could result in it breaking out of the containment chamber. If all goes well, this will not be the case. I will carry on in my attempts at creating a potent corrosive substance, just in case LIFEGIVER's treatment does not arrive on time.

FTL: As for updates on the progress of my attempts to create such a substance, there aren't many. The progress has been lacking and it all is strikingly reminiscent of my attempts to create organisms without a foundation. I do believe that I am on edge of something, though. I cannot tell you what, only that it will aid me in my quest.

FTL: The time after FTLR-3 is eradicated is eagerly awaited. I cannot allow myself to get distracted from this process at this time, but the thoughts of experiments I could be doing now are alluring to me. For example, Eternal Anomaly (as our conversation has unfortunately not yet ceased) mentioned a slugcat-poleplant hybrid.

FTL: Creating a hybrid with a poleplant is indeed a curious idea. One that I wish I could afford the time to explore at this moment. Perhaps not with a slugcat, that seems to defeat the purpose. Slugcats are insanely adaptable creatures, they can withstand just about any modifications. Though a slugcat-poleplant hybrid would have its benefits, my interest lies in the reactivity of the poleplants leaves. What if a poleplant's genetics that pertain to them were implanted into say, a lizard? Forgive me for the amount of experiments that lizards have been the main subject of.

FTL: The 'leaves' could function as a warning system, though perhaps it wouldn't be that much of an effective one. Append them onto the tail though, and they could perhaps warn the lizard of any vibrations in the ground. The red colouring the lizard would be sure to inherit from the poleplants would also serve as a deterrent to predators, invoking the image of a typical red lizard. It could also potentially employ the poleplant's typical hunting method of ambush. Though it would lack the ability to blend in.

FTL: Perhaps if the lizard that would be modified were a white lizard... its camouflage abilities, if combined with the reactiveness of the poleplant. Truly could make a capable predator, armed with many ways to protect itself from any that may threaten it. Its red leaves would make it stand out, even when camouflaged, but everything needs a weakness, no?

FTL: I'll have to put this idea on hold. After this whole fiasco is over, this will be the project I pick up. Just another incentive to get this over with as quickly as possible. I tire of researching FTLR-3, it has too much urgency to it. But I shall carry on doing so, as though my interest grows weaker as my attention attempts to drift elsewhere, I remain curious about its nature.

#no ftlr-3 isnt going to become a pet or smth #its just rot thats a lizard and its gonna get killed just like a lizard Ɛ> #ftl is gonna cry at all the research potential hell have lost tho lol #ALSO I LOVE MY AMATEUR SPECBIO THAT MAYBE DOESNT RLY MAKE SENSE FIGHT ME #eternal anomaly if you fuckin reply to this #that actually would be funny tho #ahem sidenote directed to ANYONE (passerbys. iterator (oc) blogs. random readers.): #YOU ARE FREE TO COMMENT ON THESE LOGS #not via the actual comment thing lol #but like #in-lore these are getting broadcasted out?? so #idk feel free to just say smth in asks (: #or reblog w a reply if youre an iterator oc blog #look i just want to talk to ppl LMAO #i am literally running out of ideas Ɛ\> #right im gonna stop this pathetic ramble #just pls talk to me i like talking as ftl its fun #OKAY BUT ALSO I LOVE SPECBIO #I DONT EVEN FUCKING TRULY KNOW WHAT SPECBIO IS I JUST KNOW THAT WHAT IM DOING TECHNICALLY COUNTS AS SPECBIO??? #its so fun #rp #ftl logs #rain world #rw lizards #<- im maintagging this fuck you #FUCK I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY ABT THIS LOG AAAAAAAA #tldr i likr specbio. ftl is just abt at his wits end with the whole rot thing; ves never had it for this long before #alright i should stop saying things #finely-tuned line

[piplupod]

mother: "theres this great job where you'd be on-call to come in!"

me: "ahhh i don't really want to be on-call, that would stress me out a lot because I'd always be on edge,,"

mother: "no you wouldn't, you could make it your thing!"

me: "...my thing?"

mother: "being on call! it'd be great! :)"

me: "i would probably be crying like... a lot ahaha. because I would always be on edge never knowing when to expect having to go into work, yknow?"

mother: "nooo, you could just make it a thing!"

me: "sorry, what do you mean by thing?"

AND I NEVER FOUND OUT !!

#i feel very ill fdsjkl tonight was ... not good #not the worst definitely not the worst #just. a lot of diet talk and making fun of other ppl that she expected us to all laugh at (and we did. idk if they found it funny.) #and brother labelling some influencer having rape charges against him just ''internet drama'' #number one: i dont want to hear about that. number two: that is not just ''drama'' that is like. serious. what the fuck is wrong w youuuu #my mother will say that all the food i eat is very bad for me and do that while knowing full well i struggle to eat Anything #and say that simply Adding things to the diet is pointless bc ur poisoning urself still! u have to Take Out things! i cant fucking do that! #im still baffled that two years ago when i tried to go to them for help when i was almost fainting from not eating they just shrugged at me #''okay? why are u telling us this?'' BECAUSE YOU ARE MY PARENTS. AND I AM TRYING TO GET HELP. #i should've known better than to try tbh but like. its so hard to completely let go of every sliver of hope that they'll... be kind #like me saying i was feeling suicidal a few yrs ago just garnered a ''oh don't start this again. we're not doing this again.'' #and me admitting my own damn self to the psych ward just had her telling me ''i dont think you actually needed to go :/'' #mother dearest if it werent for the other fuckers in the brain (caused by you abusing me) then i would've been dead several times over #i am so fucking tired i am so sick of these ppl it is so incredibly painful and terrifying that this is supposed to be my family #this is the one support system i get in life. and it is no support system at all. i am fucked !! i am so unbelievably fucked!!! #i know other ppl make it thru but they are much stronger than me. i am lacking something that they all have lmao. i am cowardly and weak!!! #i have been trying so fucking hard to figure out how to like. make this work. how to survive in this society and its just. impossible #i think we're back to the clock ticking down as my bank account runs out #i cannot be employed and ppl keep telling me disability won't accept me so i am just. unanimously fucked over i suppose #i have two years !! two years until i run out of money!!! thats a lot of time!! to make all the art i want to make!! #i will make this work for these two years i will cope and make my art and disconnect and daydream through the intolerable parts #i will make these two years so good sdfjkl im gonna make it to the end of them #sorry this is all coming flooding out fsjdkl i've just tried so hard to be like. positive abt things and laugh abt things and be okay #im tired of trying to make it okay fdsjkl i am wallowing tonight i guess. boohoo poor little me fdsjkl i'll probably get over it soon #just need to like. let a little of the pressure leak out so i don't completely crack and do smth stupid #it will be okay !!! or as okay as it can be !!! this will be blocked out by tomorrow morning probably!! #or it'll have to be LMAO i have my silly old lady yarn group tomorrow and i need to be Normal for that #suicide tw #abuse tw #ed tw

[xiaohuayaos]

i really love your lbfad posts, You really Get the characters. I'm so fond of the mortal arc in particular because it shows the characters being able to goof off and have some silly fun. It's wild but I once saw someone get through the entire mortal arc of the show and somehow come to the conclusion dfqc is just awful and abusive? Truly bizzare takes on the wider internet.

Aw, I'm glad you enjoy my posts- I appreciate knowing 💗 but yeah the wider internet can be Very interesting.... I think one of the first things I saw outside tumblr about the show was a decent review that I was enjoying reading up until the point when the author just started in on how terrible and annoying Xiao Lanhua was and how she only watched the show in spite of her and I was just ??????? like at the end of the day we are all entitled to our own opinions and feelings but there's a lot of opinions and feelings I do not agree with <3 to put it nicely <3

#thanks for the ask! #Anonymous #like idk ive curated who i follow to such a degree seeing like the 2000s levels of Ough i hate the girl characters from an adult woman was #wild #i was like wait.... people are still doing that #accidentally curated my online places too well and forget how weird people can be lmaoooo #same though I've seen a few takes about DFQC that again #idk i feel like to watch a show like this you have to have some level of whimsy and not think of it from explicitly real world pov #like in real life poisoning your guys drink 3 times is Bad #but in this show its like yk fairys and devils and circumstances out of this world #and im such a bitch about my male characters if I thought DFQC was really at all Actual Evil to her i wouldnt have enjoyed the show #but thats why its such a funny watch bc he's telling us again and again I Am The Big Bad #and then we're like okay but why did you get on your knees on her level and brush a tear from her cheek babes? why did you continually #go out of your way to try and make her happy even after you had that ring on ya finger and couldn't feel her feelings anymore? lmao #sorry i went off on an tangent #suffice to say thanks for being nice to me 🥺

[sp3llboundgirl]

I wish my psychiatrist was more interested in actually listening to me than trying to prove that she's right about everything 🙃

#she uses up all of our appointment time telling me stuff i already know #or just ignoring me and pretending that im dumb and self diagnosing with every single mental illness which im not even close to doing #people like her motivate me so much to work in the mental health field #i finally convinced her that i have ptsd but of course she had to say that not everyone who would be in my situation would develop ptsd #and i probably did because im an exessively anxious person #and she doesnt believe im autistic because according to her autistic people are emotionally disconnected and only ever think with logic #and she doesnt see that in me #she told me that im not full on autistic but neurodivergent because i have autistic traits but not enough #she asked me if i wanted her to write down the word neurodivergent for me to look it up later #and i was like its okay i already know that word.. #then at some point she was like “youre not schizophrenic” and i said no and she said “youre not bipolar” and i said no #and then she said “you have anxiety problems” and i said yes #but i said no shit sherlock in my head lmao #i never said i thought i was schizophrenic or bipolar so idk why she was telling me this in the hopes of offending me #oh and she says i used to have a problem with cutting myself only because of teenage hormones so thats wonderful

[caffeinatedopossum]

"You talk about your mom so much, why don't you ever talk about your dad?"

#many reasons. trust me you are not prepared to hear about him #*remembers the war* #i also legit lost all of my memories of him at one point and they only recently started coming back soooo #i dont really have the most info to tell you anyway #like hes dead? he was abusive? thats about all i remember #lmao thinking about when my friend asked me this and i literally said 'oh he had cancer' to wich she asked 'omg is he okay 😰' #my 13 year old ass straight up said to her face 'yeah. hes dead 😐' with no emotion #oh god and then people say 'im sorry' and my autistic ass thought it was the same script as normal so i always said 'its okay' 🤦‍♂️ #turns out youre Not supposed to reply 'its okay' when someone says theyre sorry for your loss

[mieczyhale]

one of the guys that runs a reaction channel i've been watching for ages just announced that they're ending the channel next year bc he got a job offer and he's getting married and he's thinking about his family and his future and like...

my son in christ you are 21

i literally want to fucking die

#dont get me wrong! good for him! i'm happy for him #but he really said he started the channel when he was younger (turns out that was 18) and it felt like time to move on #i am 31 and only got the job i love a year and a half ago #i have been dating and living with the same person for... 10 years in 11 days and all i've ever wanted is to get married #(and be a mom but i dont think im ever getting that one but im gonna go ahead and focus on that one zero percent or i'll cry) #i say. like all of this doesnt make me want to cry lmao #i am so incredibly blessed to have what i have. like truly i ended up with the perfect sort of life for my awkward mentally ill ass #but i cannot NOT spiral just a little when people younger than me have the things i want so so bad and then also talk as if their young age #is older than it is. i know you feel mature and older but you are still so fucking young. and okay honestly - now that im rambling - thats #just part of it huh?? i mean a lot of the spiral is actually Wow. I really lost so much of my life (so much time. so many opportunities) to #mental illness and other shit i couldn't control and there are people who didn't fucking have that. there are people who didn't have to #deal with any of that!!! honestly!!! and you just.. dont do anything to prepare for the future when you do not expect there to be one for #so long and then you can't stop fucking everything up and then oh look! you're in your 30s and- #god i cannot fucking do this #it is 1:35 in the morning and im tired but now i feel really stubborn about going to bed. i should. i want to. but also i dont. #actually going to bed is where The Horrors are so #this really was the dumbest fucking shit i think im gonna go to bed & play p.m on my phone and try to be a little less pathetic #maison speaks

[bandomgay]

.

#lmao i have zero clue of how to say this but im like comically depressed LMAO...uH!!!!!!!!⁉️⁉️‼️‼️😭👆UHM DHJCJXJXBJ like manically so uhm #so i apologize if like a drop off the face of the earth but like uh yeah idk 👍 #idk why im laugjing but jts like so bad its stupid like uh well fhxjcjc #derealization at like a permanent all time high #dissociation...god i cant even talk about it like...jesus...okay whatever uhm yeah #the splitting ✔️ literally got into a huge altercation today ✔️ forgetting whos fronting having zero control over the body ✔️ yeah its uh 👍 #yup #today was a huge day for my brain lol #so sorry if ive been weird with anyone personally i genuinely dont know how to act uh 👍 its really bad thats all i have to say #uhm yeah so 👍 #to delete #lol.i feel so bad about venting literally all the time lol