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hard-core-super-star · 8 months

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A request for hailee x reader. Reader is Hailees' main backup dancer. There are edits of the two over the years, fans speculate that the two are together due to the tension between them in said edits and videos.

one step forward, three steps back [H.Steinfeld]

pairing: hailee steinfeld x reader

summary: when hailee tries to convince you to ride the publicity wave and appear in her new music video, you’re forced to accept the truth of your feelings for her.

warnings: the weirdest mix of angst and fluff you've ever seen; stubborn idiots arguing instead of being honest; quite possibly the most dialogue i've ever written for one fic; one mention of the JA stunt because i am still bitter about it

wordcount: 1.6k

a/n: rubix stop mentioning sunkissing in everything challenge. don't mind me, just trying to manifest hailee's music back to life...pun absolutely intended. [ever write a song so gay you have to go into hiding as soon as it comes out? i'm sure taylor swift knows the feeling all too well] anywho, i got a little carried away with this one and it shows. hope you enjoy <3

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If someone had told you your entire life would be flipped on its head just from a few short video edits and a trending hashtag you would have called them mad. Unfortunately, Emily Dickinson had a point when she said,“Much madness is divinest sense.”

The ‘madness’ in this case was the sheer amount of people who had started spreading the before-mentioned videos around and the ‘sense’ being your incredibly obvious feelings for the person who was essentially your boss. It’s a bit of an oversimplification, and the biggest reason you have not to tell Hailee the truth, but the point still stands.

You still have no idea how things got blown so out of proportion since the speculation around you two has been swirling around since day one. Clearly, not having any new music projects to focus on has driven her fans into madness.

It would be fine…if you and Hailee were still on speaking terms.

Are you being dramatic? Maybe a little but your friendship or relationship or whatever the hell it was that you two had going on at some point isn’t what it used to be. The blame isn’t entirely on her but your own bitterness about the situation tends to cloud your judgment sometimes…okay, most of the time.

Right now is a perfect example of it.

You’ve been staring at your phone for what feels like hours, mentally debating if you should give in and reply to Hailee’s text. You really, really, don’t want to but what other choice do you have? It’s not like you can ignore her forever, you’ve already promised her you’ll join her on her next tour, whenever it finally happens.

You decide to suck it up and agree to meet her for coffee. The last thing you need is to be seen hanging out with her right now but you’re sure it’s all part of the plan. A plan that probably didn’t come from the singer herself, but rather from the group of people who act like they want the best for her but are really just trying to sell her image like it’s a product.

Because who cares about morals and dignity as long as you get streams on your music, right?

You shove your bitter thoughts out of your mind for now and focus on getting ready to see Hailee again.

The hours simultaneously feel like seconds and eternity and before you know it, you’re sitting at a semi-secluded table in a random coffee shop with your knee bouncing up and down like there are ants crawling up your pants. No amount of breathing exercises or grounding techniques can stop your heart from hammering in your chest from the mere thought of the brunette.

You’re not sure what she wants from you, you just have a bad feeling about it. Although maybe that’s your broken heart talking, you can’t be sure.

You notice her the second she walks in and you do an awful job at pretending you’re looking at something on your phone instead of her. You act like you can’t see the smile on her face from this distance just like she acts like she can’t see you. Both of you look ridiculous but neither of you mind.

She finally joins you after another eternity of waiting and despite all the questions that are swirling around in your brain, you force yourself to wait for her to go first.

“I need your help with something.”

After months of not talking to each other, that’s what she leads with. You would complain about her lack of greeting but you’re grateful she’s getting right to the point so you can wrap this up and go back to avoiding your feelings. “That’s a bold start.”

She rolls her eyes, more out of habit than anything else. “It’s been five seconds, are we going to fight already?”

“I guess that depends on what you want me to do,” you reply.

“I want you in the SunKissing music video. We finally got the green light for it and it’s the perfect way to take advantage of all the buzz around the two of us.”

You can’t help but wonder if she’s joking. The ‘buzz’ around you two is just people speculating and piecing together the history Hailee has spent so long ignoring and rewriting. History that’s filled with arguments. bitter kisses, unspoken confessions and stolen glances.

You force the memories out of your mind. Along with the weird ache you feel every time you focus on Hailee’s eyes.

“Me dancing in the background of your music video isn’t going to be a trending topic, Hailee.”

She shrugs. “It will be if we kiss.”

“You’re joking,” you say, unable to hide the way her words take you by surprise.

“I’m serious.”

“You’re choosing now to come out? You think this will make everyone forget about your little stunt with the QB?”

Your mention of the New York stunt hits her hard and if you’re being honest, that’s exactly why you brought it up. You’re not interested in turning your private life into Hailee’s next big scandal. Even if it means pissing her off until she changes her mind.

The way she clenches her jaw is all you need to know you’re not going to like her next words. “It’s not a coming out. It’s an acting project.”

“You’re never going to change are you?” You ask, not sure whether to be impressed or disappointed by her idea.

“Come on, y/n.” She leans forward and places her hand on top of yours. You half-expect a camera flash to accompany the action but you seem to be safe for now. “You know you’re the only person I trust with this.”

Her words would be cute if you hadn’t fallen for them already. Multiple times. It’s always been the same way with her. She gives you a few months of her attention, makes you believe your unspoken affections aren’t one-sided, just to rip it away from you the second you think you’ve made progress.

“You’re the last person in this room who should be talking about trust.”

“Oh my God!” She leans back, her hand slipping away from you and taking any hope of avoiding an argument with it. “When are you going to let that go?”

You’re not even sure what she thinks you’re upset about this time. The list is so long, she could be referencing anything and be completely right. And yet somehow, you’re the one who’s in the wrong for still being upset.

“When you apologize for being a piece of shit,” you say as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Which it is. To you, anyway.

The brunette across from you clearly doesn’t feel the same. “That’s unfair.”

“Leading someone on is unfair, Hailee.”

“You are so stubborn. How the hell did I ever sleep with you?”

You can’t tell if she’s joking or not but either way, you don’t want to hear another word from her.

“I’m leaving,” you say as you rise to your feet, ignoring your half-finished drink and the flash of regret that passes through those brown eyes you can’t help but love.

“Shit, shit, y/n, wait!”

“I already did wait or did you forget about that too?”

You don’t give her a chance to answer instead choosing to ignore her rushed apology and walking away like you should have done when this whole conversation started.

You make it about six feet away from the entrance when you hear Hailee’s voice calling after you. “Will you do it if I tell you it was my idea?”

It’s a desperate attempt for your attention and yet you fall for it all the same. Everything inside of you is telling you to leave but you can’t. Not when you’re this close to getting her to be honest with both herself and you.

“If it’s the truth,” you respond with your back still facing her.

“It is.” The scent of her perfume overwhelms you as her hands grip your waist. You fight back the urge to move away from her and allow her to turn you around to look at her. “I told my label it would be good publicity but honestly…I just really miss you.”

You can’t stop yourself from laughing. The sound comes out softer than you thought possible. “You couldn’t call like a normal person?”

“We’re not normal people, y/n,” she says, the ghost of a smile lingering on her lips. “You know that better than anyone. You know me better than anyone.”

“Do I?”

She takes a step closer to you and you hate the way your eyes instantly drop down to her lips. It’s an instinct that no amount of time away from her can rewrite. “Let me prove it to you. Please.”

“You’re not going to fix this with a few kisses, Hailee.”

There’s an unspoken promise in her eyes. One that says she’ll kiss you as many times as she has to until she proves you wrong. And you have no doubt that she will.

Her hands move up from your waist to cup your cheeks. Her movements are slow and careful almost as if she’s waiting for you to change your mind.

In a way, you do because whatever remaining doubt you had about your feelings for the brunette fades away in an instant. You push away all your hesitation and close the gap between your lips.

It’s the sweetest kiss you’ve ever shared. It’s full of almost inaudible sighs, gentle touches, and the overwhelming truth of your desires. Mainly, the desire to keep going.

“One chance,” you whisper as you pull away. “I’ll help you with the music video. I’ll let you in again. Don’t make me regret it.”

“Promise.”

You’re about to tell her not to make promises she can’t keep but she kisses you again before you get the chance to.

#hailee steinfeld x reader #hailee steinfeld x female reader #hailee steinfeld x you #hailee steinfeld x y/n #hailee steinfeld fic #hailee steinfeld fluff #hailee steinfeld imagine #hailee steinfeld fanfiction #hailee steinfeld #hawkeye #mcu #mcu fanfiction #marvel #wlw #wlw fic #writing

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caricature-of-fic · 3 months

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mini fic for btvs 1x05 Never Kill a Boy on the First Date

Buffy & Willow; gen; general audiences

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coda.

“Willow, am I frivolous?”

“Hmm?” Willow kept her eyes on the page until she had finished the sentence and covered the period at its end with her index finger before raising her head. “Sorry, what did you say?”

“Frivolous.” Buffy wasn’t looking at her. Well, she wasn’t not looking at her, or at least, she was looking in Willow’s general direction, but she was doing it in a strange, avoiding-any-direct-looking way. Instead, she seemed distracted by the book, of all things. “Just… something that Owen said.”

“Owen said something? I thought he was kinda… you know.” An idiot who’d only gotten properly interested in Buffy once he realised she could give him adrenaline kicks, or something. “Out of the picture.”

“He is! Something he said before. Before all of… that.”

“Oh. Okay.” With only a small twinge of regret, Willow removed her finger from between the pages and replaced it with the bookmark. “What did he say?”

“Something about… that he doesn’t think dating is important. And that he doesn’t bother with it because he thinks most girls are frivolous. I kinda brushed it off at the time, I mean, he was on a date with me and dancing and all. But I just… Willow, he reads Dickinson. And I’m pretty sure he only thought I wasn’t frivolous is because I lied about liking Dickinson, too.”

A few potential responses ran through Willow’s brain at that, not all of them charitable. A lot of girls were frivolous, in her opinion. Which was what doomed Willow to unpopularity, because she wasn’t, but which also provided the comforting thought that she didn’t want to be like that, anyway. Not really. Even if it would be nice to be included, sometimes. Except she’d have assumed Buffy was like those girls, too, wouldn’t she?

And Buffy was, wasn’t she? She was pretty and stylish and got asked out by boys and didn’t like studying and didn’t care about books except when a cute boy made her lie about it. But… she also wasn’t like that, because she also cared about other people’s feelings and she hung out with Willow, which showed a clear at least sort-of disregard for her social status, and she spent a lot of time hanging out in graveyards and doing backflips at vampires before shoving stakes in their hearts. So that firmly differentiated her from, say, Cordelia.

Except. If Buffy hadn’t chosen to befriend Willow, Willow would never know all these things about her. She’d just see her as one more popular, shallow, frivolous girl with nothing but boys on the brain, someone Willow wanted nothing to do with while also desperately wishing to be accepted and included by, and she really preferred not to think too deeply on that contradiction because now it just made her wonder if maybe Cordelia was doing heroic things without anyone’s knowledge.

She probably wasn’t, but still.

“I tried reading Dickinson,” Buffy mumbled. Willow hoped this had been a natural continuation and not a despondence caused by her failing to answer for too long. “Why would you put that many dashes into a poem? You’d think she'd know how to finish sentences, if she writes so much poetry.”

“Not reading Dickinson does not make you frivolous,” Willow declared firmly. That much, she knew. “Reading it just makes you broody. Just look at Owen. 40 minutes straight, remember? See what reading dash-filled poetry about death does to you.”

“He wasn’t quite so broody anymore after seeing death for real.” There was a hint of bitterness in Buffy’s voice.

“I guess not. But, Buffy…”

“What?”

“Maybe—maybe someone who goes from ‘broody death poem reader’ straight to ‘let’s challenge death by starting bar fights at 3am’ isn’t really the best partner to have, anyway?”

“I… yeah. Yeah, maybe not.” Buffy huffed a laugh, and Willow grinned at her.

“There’s plenty of other fish in the sea. Or the school. Anyway, what’d that Angel guy actually want before we showed up…?”

#btvs #btvs fanfiction #buffy the vampire slayer #willow rosenberg #buffy summers #mini fic #the first season really doesn't offer much in the way of fic opportunities does it #so here I am trying to write cliché teenage problems with a sprinkling of supernatural issues. am I managing alright #I like the vibes of Dickinson poetry but I do not claim to understand them and there really are a lot of dashes in there #not that I don't like dashes. love them. but lady this is a tad excessive idk #maybe I'll try to write sth for Angel still for this episode but wow that dude is USELESS in season one. hard to explain that in-universe #btvs 1x05

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thefutureiswhat · 5 months

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Thoughts on Fargo 5.3

That might have been the weirdest episode of this show I've ever watched. Which is saying a lot...

Why was that "antecedently" segment so looong? I watched the first two episodes 10 times, I don't need a refresher!

Okay, so I was half-right about how to pronounce Munch's name.

OF COURSE Gator hired Donny.

Dot switching the street signs was BRILLIANT!

So Roy keeps ALL of his wedding photos on the wall?

The old lady in Bismarck (who is credited as Mama Munch on IMDb, by the way) was giving me Ennis Stussy vibes, drinking beer in the armchair and watching TV.

Now we know where "Drums and Tennis" comes from.

"500 YEARS EARLIER" I clapped so hard.

The subtitles for the sin-eater (who is totally Munch -- I'm not gonna debate you, Jerry) say his name is Bryn...

I am living for the Surprised Pikachu reaction to Gator. Not like I gave them the receipts two months ago or anything.

That dumbass left his business card!

I already made a separate post about this, but... RAY'S CORVETTE!

Munch says he's going out... on foot... from Bismarck to Dickinson... which is 97 miles. Just sayin'.

Zombie Wayne is the cutest.

That phone call was icky.

WHAT THE FUCK IS MUNCH DOING? He's making that hand gesture from his character poster...

Really wish the subtitles had the Latin words spelled out. I took it in HS but don't remember much.

I knew it was gonna end on a cliffhanger, but it still killed me.

Next week is gonna be GOOD.

#fargo #fargo spoilers #my posts

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sapphic-lottienat · 30 days

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MY TV RECS X

dickinson (3 season period show but like good trust me. emisue. changed my life)

i am not okay with this (One of many cancelled netflix sapphic shows idk if uve seen alr)

skins (s3-4 + two eps of s7 have main lesbian characters. s5 has these girls who WERE ALMOST REALLY WERE KINDA GAY FOR EACH OTHER!!!!! the show is like Euphoria but British and 00s/10s and better.)

hannibal (the sapphics r much later and very much not the focus but theyre nice. hannibal is an amazing show regardless and Cannbalism and Homosexuality are some of our common interests anyway.)

everything now (Many sapphic main characters. protag literally is. its like heartbreak high kinda.)

sex education (i wont lie i didnt rlly care that much for the sapphics here But they existed and a lot of this show is good and fun anyway. also very much like heartbreak high imo)

ackley bridge (most of the show??? the protag??? is lesbian. The way the show works is confusing to me and i didnt finish it and i wayched it a while ago but. yeah)

genera+ion (the american heartbreak high that flopped. but really good show so sad it was cancelled)

arcane (main characters!!! caitlyn and vi!!! but if eel like uve seen this alr. ella purnell as jinx yk)

haunting of bly manor (the gay ppl here r so beloved to me.. they r quite the focus and the Main protag ks part of the relationship so)

that is all i rmb i will rec more if others come to mind!!!!!

OMG THANKYOU SM BABES!!

i actually watched like two seasons of dickinson but stopped 😔😔 ill watch again tho!! everything else i havent watched but i totally will!! THIS IS RLLY HELPFUL LIKE GENUINELY ILY xx

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imnotobsessedimdedicated · 8 months

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I loved Emily Dickinson before the series …. Now I adore her

OBVIOUSLY, i have to talk about women

Emily and Sue ? I am soft. season 3 was a kick in the face, because everyone’s was quite dumb and selfish, so I was sobbing my eyes out like “please please please don’t make them fall apart pleaaaaaase” (like I didn’t know they would grew old together)

Lavinia is just iconic. I love how she went from “I wanna be a normal, traditional housewife” and proceeded to just complete loose it

Jane, Abby (our suffragette queen) and Abhia, just golden trio! I hated and loved the characters so much and Toshiaki was gold! I too, is always here for the tea

Betty is just the woman. She’s so talented and smart and hard working…

And Hattie also holds a special place in my heart. I live for her confidence!

AND SOJOURNER TRUTH ??? THAT HAS MY HEART. And if you don’t understand why, please watch the show. And if you still don’t get it. You are hopeless.

Aunt Lavinia and Emily (mother) are so sweet together. I also love Emily’s character narrative arc. She needs therapy. Everybody in this goddamn show need therapy.

Also Louisa May Alcott ? that reference to Little women was just … ARGH

And Maggie ofc ??? That woman ✨✨

BUT PLEAAAASE

can we acknowledge the men and the WRITING OF THOSE PRECIOUS LITTLE BEANS

Let’s start with Austin : at first I was sceptical. Then I was like “Awwww he’s the sweetest”. Then, I wanted to bury him alive. And now I’m back to the second feeling.

Henry. Just Henry. And his relationship with the guys in Benfort ? Goal

Ben Newton is my love okay ?

And George…. Can we please talk about George??? At first I was like “ugh no stop she doesn’t want you” and every time he was making a move I would roll my eyes like dude… there’s no way. End. Of. Story. But the way he is always here for his friends ? the last party ? I would marry him on the spot

When I say I want nobody I mean Nobody. He was once known as Frazar Stearns. And… do I even have to explain myself ?

Edgar Allan Poe and Death were the duo I never knew I needed.

#Emily Dickinson #sue Gilbert #emisue #dickinson series #yes I did not mention all the characters because this is an appreciation post #Lets not talk about Conley on Bowles #women are my favorite guy #women are incredible

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giantmushyfriend · 4 months

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One thing about me is that I collect special obsessions like they are antiques. Quite literally, you could catch me in an alleyway wearing a trenchcoat like a cartoon villain, except when I open it up the pockets are full of drugs they're full of the oddest assortment of shit. Do you want TV? I have Good Omens out the fucking wazoo, Supernatural if you're feeling a little burry your gays trope, and pirated Dickinson because your girl does not have the money or the will to get an Apple TV subscription. Books? Hell yeah, I work in a bookstore, babes. I have gut-wrenching classical mythology retellings, soft homosexual romances, dragons, lesbians galore, and the occasional Wilde and Austin. Music? I have all Hozier and Hozier adjacent artists that you could even picture. Historical events/archeology? Pockets are stuffed to the BRIM. I've got em' all, however, I am always looking for more. I am a HORDER. I am like a feral little crow that just goes around snagging different pieces of media that I find shiny and neat, and then stuffing them into my metaphorical trenchcoat until I simply collapse in on myself in my inevitable death. That being said, I decided, hey, lets try out Fleabag. I've heard nothing but good things alongside those who were permanently emotionally scarred by it- but even they have said nothing but amazing things. So, I log onto my student Amazon Prime Video, ready to spend my Tuesday binge-watching some British folk be British. Press play and BOOM, flashback. I'm a little taken back, I don't know these people. And yet I'm given this run down of past events, and I'm a little confused. Who are these people? I don't know! But I decide to live, laugh, love and just accept that this is a stylistic choice that I'm oddly okay with. So anyway, I binge that show like it is crack, and decide it is definitely going into the ol' trenchcoat. By the end I am crying so violently that I need to go sit in a church and contemplate what in the fresh fuck I just witnessed because I am in PAIN with that "it'll pass" fuckery that this man just laid on me. Anyway, I go to exit out to the main page for the show and low and behold my eyes are drawn to this little white button that tells me tHAT I'VE BEEN WATCHING SEASON TWO THIS ENTIRE TIME. It wasn't a style choice- I'm just illiterate. So now I'm contemplating watching season one, but I can't handle that pain. I feel like I just underwent a glitch in the matrix.

What do I do?

Do I go back to the church? Because low-key it was a vibe when I was going through it, definitely should have went there after Good Omens, but the last time I went in there and just sat I got this weird look from this one lady and I don't think I can handle that again.

#fleabag #fleabag season 2 #what the fresh hell

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maxinewebs · 10 months

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This is my blog!! A bit about me - my name’s Maxine, I use she/they pronouns, I’m bi, I’m 14, and I’m from the U.S. Here’s some things I like:

Shows:

- NCIS: original

- Shera

- I Am Not Okay With This

- Bridgerton

-Emily Dickinson

-Stranger Things

-Locke & Key

Books/graphic novels

- Marauders Era (atyd, etc.)

- Dorian Gray

- Emma

- they both die at the end

- pride and prejudice

- perks of being a wallflower

Music:

- David Bowie

- Conan Gray

- Cigarettes After Sex

- ABBA

- Current Joys

- Sufjan Stevens

- Pierce The Veil

- Isaac Dunbar

- Stela Cole

- Lana Del Rey

- RAYE

- Kim Petras

- TV Girl

- Lord Huron

- BØRNS

- Lexi Jayde

-Renee Rapp

Movies:

- the scream franchise

- the conjuring franchise

- x

- Moxie

#get to know me #don’t question it

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akajustmerry · 2 years

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hi merryana!! any thoughts on the emmy noms? hope you're doing well :)

hi there! my thoughts are

selena gomez got snubbed! bizarre to nominate steve martin and martin short and not her when the show is very much carried by the 3 of them. emmys hate latinas though so it makes sense

i hope everyone and i mean everyone in the comedy categories loses to quinta and to abbott elementary

pam and tommy being nominated for anything is repugnant!!!

noah schnaap, winona ryder, david harbour, and sadie sink all being snubbed AGAIN despite all of stranger things' noms is SO RUDE considering they carry the acting prowess of that show on their BACKS. villain origin story honestly. we've had 5+ years of this shit

in the same vein, succession acting noms are HILARIOUS because it's a TRUE ENSEMBLE!!! there is no lead!! all of them belong in supporting why tf are jeremy strong and brian cox in LEAD??? also very telling none of the women in succession get nominated in lead categories. life imitates art, etc. ANYWAY

once again i am BEGGING the powers that be to make a DRAMEDY CATEGORY!!! the great is always losing to succession/ted lasso because its not drama enough to compete with succy and its not a traditional com like ted lasso or only murders. we as a society need a DRAMEDY CATAGORY so shows like The Great, Barry, The Flight Attendant, Hacks, etc aren't competing with pure comedies!!! its not fair for any nominees to have the complexity of their work be treated so reductively.

glad to see squid game getting acting noms as well as overall noms!!!!

anyone from euphoria except zendaya being nominated is absolutely laughable. the performances in euphoria season 2 were frankly a joke!!!!!!

foundation was snubbed!!!! imagine nominating fucking moonknight and loki over foundation in ANY CATEGORY ughhh (also just laughable these storyless CGI monstrosities from Disney would be nominated at all!

WHERE is rose matafeo in the comedy lead categories!!!!!!

drew barrymore and ziwe were ROBBED in the variety categories!!

Dickinson was snubbed in costuming, acting and cinematography

absolutely LOVE seeing severance get its dues!! weird that they snubbed Dichen Lachman, but We Know Why

I would LOVE for Kaley Cuoco to win something for flight attendant because she's so fucking good in it but the only way she'd be in with a chance is in a dramedy category. in comedy, she's gonna lose to jean smart

the only Disney+ series that deserved any nomination was the little angel who played leia in obi wan kenobi!!!!! that show would literally be NOTHING without her. she was truly a star!!!!

alia shawkat deserved SOMETHING for her incredible work in search party. this was the last year it could be nominated and she was SNUBBED. the emmys hate women of colour so much!

SEARCH PARTY, Rutherford falls, ghosts, Russian doll, the silent sea, we are lady parts, starstruck - literally the best tv of the past year and it was ALL SNUBBED

okay i am done!

#emmys 2022

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samuel-de-champagne-problems · 2 years

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okay i am too cozy to go find my copy of Emily Dickinson poems but this poem is shows that dichotomy between Lover and what we think/hope Midnights will be. This further by the idea that Lover was supposed to be called Daylight and of course Daylight and Midnight contrast each other so ahfksdhflksd

Good Morning — Midnight — I'm coming Home — Day — got tired of Me — How could I — of Him?

Sunshine was a sweet place — I liked to stay — But Morn – didn’t want me — now — So — Goodnight — Day!

I can look — can’t I — When the East is Red? The Hills — have a way — then — That puts the Heart — abroad —

You — are not so fair — Midnight — I chose — Day — But — please take a little Girl — He turned away!

#this is me rambling #taylor swift rambles #okay but I can talk about ED and TS parallels all day and also Edna St Vincent Millay

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dreamilygeneralpeach-blog · 1 month

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My liberal arts education at Dickinson has given me the skills to not only succeed professionally, but to be a well rounded individual who is able to think critically and make well informed decisions, actions and statements. My time at Dickinson has taught me a number of life lessons as well, firstly, that it is okay to fail and make mistakes, it is how you react to that failure that will make either a positive or negative difference in your life. I did extremely poorly during my sophomore year as a result of mental health issues that were brought upon as a result of the pandemic. As a result I had to drop my Economics Major and focus on Computer Science, although it was difficult, I managed to catch up with my peers during my junior year and am set to graduate on time if all goes well this semester.

As a Computer Science Major, I have been able to take introductory courses that delve deep into Python and Java, two of the most versatile and useful languages. After this, we took specific upper level classes that further enriched our knowledge in various aspects of Computer Science such as Computing Abstraction, Data Structures and Algorithms and Analysis of Algorithms to name a few, although these are challenging courses, we learnt a significant amount of relevant information as a result of these courses and were able to gain a deeper understanding of Computer Science. The choices we were given to take 3 elective courses was the most memorable aspect of the major for me as I was able to realize and pursue my interest in Data Science by taking Data Mining and Database Systems.

Although all of the courses that the Computer Science Major at Dickinson entails have been beneficial to my learning process and have taught me a lot, I believe that the classes that have had the biggest impact on me have been COMP 190, 290, 491 and 492, through COMP 190 and 290 we were taught the necessary skills to make successful and meaningful contributions to humanitarian open source projects and were able to contribute to Dickinson College’s open source project, Farm Data 2, which helps support small scale organic farming operations. The Senior Seminar was a course that I was initially incredibly nervous about as it seemed to be an extremely challenging course with rigid requirements and difficult assignments, however, it has been one of my favorite Computer Science Courses, the ability to choose what Humanitarian Foss Project to work on has made the experience more meaningful as we are able to make a difference in a sector that we are passionate about. Educational Inequality is an issue that Is extremely important and the thought that our group has been able to contribute to Sugar Labs, a free learning platform for children has made us so much more passionate and involved in the process as we showed through our many meetings with the founder of the project, Walter Bender and our contributions to the project. Additionally, the in class discussions added a lot of valuable information that is vital for us to understand before we join the workforce.

Apart from Computer Science courses, due to the broad graduation requirements that Dickinson has in place, I have been able to take intriguing classes in various fields such as Economics, History, Creative Writing, Spanish, Women and Gender Studies etc… All of which have taught me information that has allowed me to think critically regarding all aspects of life and have prepared me to be a well-rounded person in my future career. I planned to minor in Economics, however I was unable to fit the final course that I needed into my schedule for Senior Year. However, the classes that I was able to take such as Environmental Economics and Political Economy of gender have opened my eyes to many of the issues that will likely affect me and all of us in the workforce and in life.

The small classroom size has allowed me to learn how to advocate for myself and for education and has allowed me to experience extremely enriching opportunities that I would very likely not have been given had I gone to a larger school. These roles have further allowed me to become a proactive and detail oriented individual and have expanded my knowledge and outlook on life.

I have held an executive position on The Dickinsonian since my freshman year as I enjoy writing and am interested in social issues, currently I am The Web Editor and have been able to apply the frontend development skills that I have learned as a Computer Science Major. As a Helpdesk Technician at The User Services Office, I have been able to fix small scale software issues and have become accustomed to a variety of Interfaces, additionally I learnt how to use tools such as Kace and Active Directory. My experience working for CCLA as a Dialogue Facilitator has been one of the most profound experiences as we aim to incorporate dialogue and encourage individuals to listen to each other, I have been given many opportunities to apply the dialogue skills that I was taught by planning, facilitating and evaluating dialogues as well as the opportunity to meet influential figures in intimate settings such as our breakfast with Rami Khoury. Next week, I will be visiting The United Nations Headquarters in New York to attend a conference regarding The Abraham Accords. Additionally, I am the Treasurer of The Asian and Asian American Collective (AAAC) and have worked as a Community Service Aid.

All of these experiences have shaped me both as an individual and as a student. I appreciate that I have always been given choices and have been encouraged to take courses that interest me as opposed to having a rigid set of general education requirements and having to take courses that are neither relevant to my major nor interest me. This has really been the most beneficial aspect of attending a liberal arts institution. Additionally, I have greatly appreciated the wisdom that our professors have provided us based on their own experiences and opinions.

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red-robin-stan · 3 months

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new love lies bleeding trailer. oh man. every needs to shut the fuck up for a second. I’m so sorry everyone but I am INSANE for that movie. The things I am feeling should put me in jail. I need a lobotomy. GOD okay sorry everyone. I had to put it somewhere and my public Instagram is NOT the place. LIKE BODY BUILDER HOT MANDALORIAN ACTRESS?? KRISTEN STEWART? LAVINIA FROM HIT APPLE TV SHOW DICKINSON?? If this were the olden days I would be burned at the stake. I need to be put down. oh god what do I do

#excited is one word for it #having a lesbian moment

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hard-core-super-star · 7 months

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poor rubix's brain.... I'm starting to think this is a cry for help

but then you won't get a star either, or else your ego will go through the roof! OKAY, WAIT A MINUTE. we are definitely not talking about them and this is a really long article, an article that by the way I didn't start reading and didn't get my jaw dropped by the quotes from some poems, and obviously didn't give me any ideas or inspiration to write something. Okay, since you wouldn't like to point that out, I wouldn't like to say that this makes a lot of sense and that now I liked some of the poems mentioned even more-

your Insta page is actually your worst enemy and makes a point of throwing information and things in your face, forcing you to see just like the birdbox guy opening the woman's eyes so she can see the “invisible” things making everyone want to die. OH- your insta page IS your birdbox guy-

not all men... coff coff but always a man coff coff. and my god yes???? there are so many disgusting comments, there's no way anyone can look at this and think it's OK for people to say things like that or think that hailee isn't uncomfortable with this shit.

It's just funny that we both agreed to leave it out but kept adding a few things, consequently coming back to the topic lmao. the closet is glass but it's the kind of glass that only mimes can see fr. I already said I'm not good with words and it came out a mess, do you still want me to talk about my thoughts on Kate? 😭

– 🌟

we are going to pretend like my mind totally didn't go blank when i read that first part 😶 ANYWAY, you could argue my entire blog IS a cry for help and you probably wouldn't be wrong.

unfortunately, my ego will go through the roof no matter what but i admire your efforts. i’m so glad you didn’t read it because it definitely doesn't do a great job of explaining things that took me like three months to research. and i definitely don't think about the “armed cavalier” poem every day and become awe-struck all over again. and i’m extra glad we're not bringing emily dickinson into it because they definitely don't have a bunch of poems about death, immortality, and the idea of heaven that hurt a lot because they were both most definitely queer.

that's a perfect way to describe it, ngl. i hate using Instagram now because every time, there's that sense of dread about what it's going to show me. like i’m just trying to find pretty pictures of olivia rodrigo, i do not care about football!!

yeah, it's absolutely awful and it maybe wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if i didn't have a feeling JA actively encourages those kinds of comments. maybe not from his fans but i bet he's not policing his teammates if they want to say shit like that about hailee.

i know, we have to stop encouraging each other to keep ranting about it but there's just SO much to say. i need someone to just get it over with and smash that damn glass closet before i lose my mind. you say this as if i didn't admit to rereading everything you send like four messages ago. if your thoughts on kate are anything like those essays you sent, i am 119% on board. like, my blog is practically dedicated to all my thoughts on kate, so it's not like anyone’s dying to hear what i think ‘cause i’m pretty consistent in my depictions of her. in conclusion, YES, i want to hear your thoughts!

#rubix replies #🌟

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tearsofperseides · 8 months

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I'm making this because I want to post something, but also am in somewhat of a manic episode and this is how I cope so-

Explaining some of my kins

Emily Dickinson (Dickinson)

If anyone knows that "Is this fuckin play about us?!" audio from Tiktok, that's how I felt when I first saw this woman on my screen. Aside from having siblings, there is NOTHING that sets us apart. The inflection in her voice, how she interacts with people around her, her family's dynamic, her internal monologues, and how she copes with things. I have two tattoos dedicated to this show because the show resonated with me to such a high extreme.

Rebecca Bunch (Crazy Ex-Girlfriend)

Without going into too much detail. Let's just say that I've been season 1 Rebecca in the past. I watched the show back in 2019 and multiple times, at some almost comedic scenes I started crying because I resonated with Rebecca to such a high degree. I saw, not parts of myself, but my whole self in her. A little funny thing is one of my friends is named Patrick, so I often sing "(Tell Me I'm Okay) Patrick" when he's around. And of course, the quote: "It just, it just feels like everyone is in this cabal of normal people, and they're all laughing at me like I'm the jester in my own Truman Show. Patrick, tell me what the secret is."

Robin Buckley (Stranger Things)

A lil Robin! She's one of the reasons why I changed my name! I love the name, Robin, I always did! I mean there's not much to say about her in terms of kinning. A little ball of anxiety that seems intimidating at first (apparently a lot of my friends found me intimidating when they saw me), a little fun comedic character that actually borders on tragedy (if the show would be written well-). Autistic as well, but that's fanon.

Eleanor Shellstrop (The Good Place)

UMM HELLO??? HI?? ME??? Mommy issues, daddy issues. Just issues in general, deflecting with humor??? I actually started hyper-fixating on philosophy because of this show, my friends constantly keep saying I'd be the main character in a sitcom too (which... I am...). I mean just watch the show if you haven't, it's really good.

Edward Teach (Our Flag Means Death)

When I made my friend watch OFMD I asked him which character he thinks I kin and the second Blackbeard showed up he pointed to him and I asked why, his response was "What do you mean, why?! Look at him! ADHD off the charts! He's all over the place! He's fascinated by the simplest of things!", then later on as the show continued, when we got Ed's backstory, he once again said "I can't believe you asked me why when he has daddy issues." And of course, there's more to me relating to him outside of these little traits. Will I share anything else? No, fuck you (/j), it's personal!

Nadine Franklin (The Edge of Seventeen)

SHE IS ME, I AM HER!!! MY MOM EVEN LOOKS LIKE HER MOM!! SHEEEEEE-

This is all for now, some more Robin lore I guess hahaha-

I think this could be classified as a shit-post but honestly I don't know

#kin list #dickinson #emily dickinson #cxg #rebecca bunch #stranger things #robin buckley #tgp #eleanor shellstrop #ofmd #edward teach #the edge of seventeen #nadine franklin #robin rambles

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perexcri · 11 months

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hi hi

i just wanted to come on here and show my appreciation for your writing because you truly never fail to befuddle, gobsmack, and ofc flabbergast

like,, literally obsessed with you,, anyway

i dont comment stuff on ao3 because i am Terrified but um i do have a notion board where i log all of my reading stuff and i make comments on there so i thought id share some of my favs that i made on your works

this ripped my soul in half you cannot comprehend

this eternally altered my brain chemistry

this is what love is fr fr

fuck dude

as always this is very well written however i did predict like the entire plot but that is ok i love being right and it was very good some may even say slay idk if id go so far to say that, it may be too high concept for me but it was very good, i did however keep imagining that they both had stinky breath, cuz like will just ate mystery chili and mike presumably hasn’t brushed his teeth in months,, do vampires brush their teeth?

(and then promptly followed by)

one month later i am officially marking this as slay because i haven’t been able to stop thinking about it,, like that last scene where they make out against a cross so mike is being burned while hes turning will,, they’re both in pain together,, just sacrificing your whole life to be with the person you love, oposite of dorothea type thing tbh yah i just think i should grant it its slayage

yah this was so good like insane writing of tension and like idk all of the internal stuff pays of and OMG THE PAYOFF HOLY SHIT THE ENDING SO WORTH IT SO EARNED LIKE INSANE HOLY FUCKKK

i couldn’t stop reading i genuinely felt like i was going to puke from the tension/anticipation/suspense,, the dialogue was really good too and so was the like character study idk if i completely agree with this take on wills character but i really enjoyed in none the less and all in all it did deliver on the rom com of it all and had a very satisfying rom com esc ending that made me cry until it was actually solved because i really cant deal with lack of communication and unresolved tension anyway thats it this was really really good

this might be a bit above my reading level but i read emily dickinson for fun so im powering through just fine

ahhh hello!! thank you for sending such a nice ask and for the appreciation 🥺 i'm glad you decided to share these thoughts you have written down with me!! and i understand commenting can feel a little strange and terrifying, but just know it is appreciated regardless :D (as long as you aren't like,,,actively shitting on the fic ofc lol)

umm i wasn't sure exactly how to tackle this because some of them are clear to me which fics they go to and some of them aren't, but i'm gonna try my hardest and we'll see how it goes 😌✨

1.) so the first one with the "this ripped my soul in half" - i'm gonna guess that's beneath these boughs? maybe? that's the one where i've gotten responses most similar to what you have written down

2.) those next two paragraphs i 100% know are from come to me again!! you can tell i definitely wasn't as focused on the logistics of their later kiss for that fic because i didn't think about the whole brushing teeth/chili thing AT ALL. i picked chili because i thought that would be an easy thing to scrounge up in an enclosed environment and to make easy substitutions for, and i just,,,,,did not think about whether people would brush their teeth in a coldtown or not alfjlas. ah well, it was mainly about them making out on the cross while Mike's flesh is burning and he's turning Will into a vampire, right? that was the main goal and the biggest scene i wanted to write, and i did!! so i consider it a success 😌

3.) okay this one i think might be what a match?? it's either what a match or cheer up baby, but i'm leaning more towards what a match because of the mention of tension

4.) this one is definitely to hell and back again - so i'm glad you liked it despite the tension heheheh. and honestly i would maybe have to agree with you on the thing about Will's character? i guess the big thing with that fic is 1. it turned into an entirely different beast while i was writing it from what i originally intended for it to be, and on top of that it ended up being the first book-length thing i ever wrote, so i was a little in over my head and not entirely sure how to handle it, and 2. i was so focused on whatever the hell had happened to Mike in vol 2 that i did really focus on him more than Will in that fic so i do think Will comes off as a little ahhhh flat? not entirely himself? idk, i'd like to think i've learned a bit more since that fic, and that i made up for Will's lack of character in it with my fantasy au a flower that resembles you, which was very much centered on Will and his complexities

5.) ok i genuinely can't figure the last one out lol. i would maybe say beneath these boughs? but that's what i guessed for the first one, so maybe the first one is a flower that resembles you and this one is beneath these boughs? not sure haha

anyway!! umm idk if my guesses were right, but thanks again for sharing these thoughts!! it does help me to know that you are enjoying what i write and that you have these kinds of thoughts about it :D thanks for stopping by, and i hope you enjoy whatever comes next from this half-functioning brain of mine heheheh :] 💜💜💜

#ask

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