#out of that

[inkskinned]

it is all love.

sometimes you will see something saying what if it is all worth it or it gets better, doesn't it and in the little heart of you - you feel a darkness.

was it love, the way i was hurt? some things don't have a lesson in them. no silver lining. they were bad things, and they shouldn't have happened. i'm sorry they did. i am sorry they warp the space they hold in you. we tightrope walk around an ever-present grave. we carry that ache for so long it becomes smooth, overworn. i worry that i'll bore my therapist - despite all of my attempts, the pain persists the same, as sharp as it always was.

but it was all love.

every ugly moment after. every bad night. every time you drank too much and cried on the bathroom floor. every time you threw up from anxiety, every time you panicked in the grocery store. everything you ruined, and everything you walked away from.

some small part of you loved you enough. made you get up. made you wash your face and clean your teeth and call home. made you try again, even from the bottom. even when you were so tired of it; of restarting, of having to do-it-all-again. some part of you reached out. some part of you reached up. even there, in the bad spot - you somehow got up.

love will so rarely be big. it will so rarely be a moment like a dawn. love is shy, i think. she keeps her hands in front of her cheeks. she waits to peek out. and if you're not looking, she will look - normal.

but it will all be love. the way you pour yourself a glass of water. the little rabbit outside your window. your friend pushing your hair behind your ear. the way your dog greets you at the door. "put on a seatbelt". "text me when you get home safe". "oh, i started watching that show you love." "have you been okay?" "let's go for a walk" "whatcha doin?" "what should i make for dinner?"

oh, my life is so different these days. i don't have a partner. i call my friends a lot. i keep falling in love with the little tender moments; the glittering ones. you know, the bird in a puddle and the shush of a newly-lit candle. the movie-moments.

i am also learning to love the ugly. every moment i spent belly-flat to the floor, anxious and panting. every hour i stared at nothing, losing time to my adhd. every missed opportunity and bad memory. i am not doing well. i am spiralling.

but somewhere in there, while i am reduced to ashes. some part of me is an ever-burning ember. her little thankless job, her shy and croaking voice. she holds me to my body. she doesn't let me go. stay, she whispers. out of love. my love. wherever it goes.

some of the bad things that happened to me will always be bad. they did not make me a better person. they made me worse. i only learned what i can endure. and i did endure it. and love wasn't just the perfumed moments. love was just ... staying. while it's ugly and hard and horrible. love was just saying:

okay. i will keep trying. keep going. i owe it to the version of myself who brought me here. i owe it to my future. i owe it to the small loves i have found since - the music and the new recipes and the new books and the new hobbies. i owe it to myself to wait for the next best thing. this wall we have hit - love says keep walking. maybe one day we will find a door.

always, always: just one try more.

#spilled ink #poetry #warm up #does this make sense #like i think it's like.... #sometimes loving urself isn't being like ''i love myself'' #but instead. .. #''i am here. and im keeping myself here.'' #and i kind of feel like #i owe it to the past version of myself #who has tried SO hard #who loved me SO hard she kept going #so i can keep going for HER #who was so much closer to the Bad Things #who really had NOTHING #... if she made it #if I MADE IT #out of that #i can love a future version of myself loud enough #that i stay for HER #and for who we will be #someday! eventually!

[ladyaryawolf]

girl why dont you change your username to some dany related 😐 some of us arya stans dont hate but neither stan dany and just followed you because of arya

Because Arya is and always will be my favorite character in ASoIaF books.

The first character I talk about when people ask me if ASoIaF is a good book.

The character I search the most on Tumblr seeking for more content.

Because she's the character I relate the most throughout the saga.

The character I am the most excited to see the ending of her journey on a Dream of Spring.

Because I love Arya's symbolism.

Because I love Arya's connection with animals. Especially her connection with Nymeria.

Because of her relationships with Jon and Bram and Rickon and Ned and even Cat will always have a place in my heart.

Me liking, admiring and loving Dany wont change that.

And fyi, I can like and enjoy more than one character on a book series and I'm allowed to share content that is not only Arya related on my blog. Furthermore, I'm not obligated to choose between neither Arya nor Dany since I like both of them.

+ I really like my url. It has been like this for five years and will stay that way (to finish this ask, since I can remember I have always been open to point out that I loved Daenerys as a character. If you followed me that long, u should know that. It is on the bio) .

#juli has mail #honestly guys #Idk where the statement “arya stans do not stan dany” came from #maybe time passed and the community changed but I remember of Dany Stans and Arya Stans being quite close #and anyway #out of that #it is like #my url #on my blog #it will be what i want it to be #arya stark

[sometiktoksarevalid]

#no dialogue #art #sculpture #wood sculpture #snakes #gasped out loud when i saw the scales

[amtrak-official]

Neil Banged out his tunes today, on a train you have the comfort and relaxation to bang out your own tunes

#neil banging out the tunes

[czerwonywilk]

a great change and a great way to execute the idea

#gmod error looking ass #lethal company #didn't get to check out the update yet but i;m excited

[stargoyle]

"This person has a secret onlyfans!" "This artist does NSFW commissions!" "This author writes porn on the side!" I cannot begin to tell you how swag and awesome that is.

#text post #sex work is normal its not dirty or criminal why are we still freaking tf out ove this

[theriverbeyond]

Ideal work schedule:

I show up and am given a list of cognitively engaging but achievable tasks

I complete the list

I leave immedietly

#guy who is getting out of work at 1pm!!!! 📢 #tomorrow is my last day but u have loved this job. i love to leave. #trb.txt #i* have

[sunbentshadows]

Hey all, you know how internet searches suck now? When the results are awful, full-of-AI, death-of-the-internet levels of bad?

Start appending date constraints to your searches - "before:2023".

My results have gone from 90% AI bullshit to ~60% usable - which frankly at this point is a huge improvement.

#information death of the internet etc #legit this has been SO SO helpful #shout out to mastodon infosec server for this one #before 2022 we did not really have the AI-content-farms because. the tech did not exist to the public. #and you can knock back the date if need be #obviously this does not FIX the problem but #me.txt

[hojlundaise]

the transition im crying

#this made me laugh so much i have to have it on here #looks like bruno being subbed out

[steveyockey]

I’m just so fucking pissed off man if they can surgically airstrike international volunteer food workers three consecutive times to ensure their operation is wiped out completely what the fuck is left for anyone to say

#I need to fire brian schatz out of a cannon

[bronzetomatoes]

Why dont we all look at Andy

#look anika's talking! #it gets rough out here #(not any specific fandom. this is a general statement) #anika famous moment #greatest hits

[temporalteardrop]

bass makes a dollar. i make a dime. that's why i think about lesbian sex on company time

#me serving customers while chappell roan's red wine supernova is stuck in my head #me: yeah that'll be £3.60 / my brain: she did it right there‚ out on the deck: put her canine teeth in the side of my neck #rose's incessant yearnings #rose's gay little job #rose's ramblings

[brightlotusmoon]

#humans are a fun species #good for them #master splinter would approve #for the city #humans will always make gods out of the absurd

[pocketss]

mmm soob

#comics #these guys consider cooking to be a respectable branch of magic #as powerful as any other arcane skillset #yeah man nice divine incantation #check out this beef bourguignon tho

[lesbianwithchainsaws]

Found this really scary new horror game yall should check out. It's called indeed.com and it has a sequel called linkedin

#it is hell on earth out here #got like 6 different rejection emails today #so much fun /sarcasm #job hunting

[cyber-corp]

Having your own personal blog is honestly quite a nice change of pace compared to Reddit. I could put a funny GIF of George Bush getting hit by a shoe on here and the worse case scenario is that no one even notices.

You put that on a big subreddit and you get your eyes gouged out and a heap of political discourse underneath your post.

#reddit #196 #r196 #shout outs dubya