#please read the note I wrote

[bakedbakermom]

they are all things (read on ao3)

post-ep for "all things" // T // 535 words tagging @today-in-fic @ao3feed-msr

Mulder stirs when Scully slips into bed beside him – a pleasant surprise, though not a wholly unexpected one. They’ve been slipping into each others’ beds for a little while now.

#holy shit the pipes have been clogged for months but i finally wrote something. #bird by motherfucking bird indeed #please note that due to tumblr admitting they will allow content scraping i will no longer be posting my fics here in their entirety #i opted out but i don't trust any of these ai companies to abide by that #my fics are on ao3 and require an account to read. #x files fanfic #the x files #xf fic #xf fanfic #dana scully #fox mulder #msr #xfiles #the xfiles #mulder and scully #my fic #my writing #dailytxf #they are all things

[wispforever]

oooh my god you don't ship them? you think the art is cute but you don't ship them? should we tell everyone? should we throw a party

#today on: things that are not especially offensive but get Really fucking annoying when they're in my tags #you don't ship them #okay so don't reblog it #YOU CAN REBLOG IT JUST DON'T SAY ANYTHING #what if we went to art museums and lefts notes for the artist to read and you just wrote. I don't like sunflowers #but I took a picture of your painting of sunflowers to show my family and friends #just don't fucking say anything #this is wisp #I've gotten this multiple times. not about anyone specific #just be more conscious of artists and artists space folks please

[danse--macabre]

I don't care what canon says, the whole party is going to avernus together with karlach for Steal Her Heart Back DLC (which they complete fantastically). After zariel is taken down, wyll retires from adventuring and becomes duke (enough self-sacrifice for one life wyll! go dancing!) and everyone else just lounges around the grand estate in the upper city taking over the space like it's the entire top floor of the elfsong again. gale has a reading nook that then becomes a whole little wizards tower attached to the north-west of the palace. when not doing cleric duties, shadowheart collects scented candles and fusses over the lighting arrangements and spends lots of time at the spa. karlach has friends from the lower city over at least twice a week and hosts an impromptu party. lae'zel visits on her red dragon once a month and lets the tiefling kids pet it. astarion is there.

#you know an arc i'd like to see? astarion getting a job #but also realistically he is just lounging around being a menace #he's someone's trophy husband but whose is a matter for debate #tadpolycule gang #bg3 #bg3 spoilers #I keep seeing notes on this piece but I think some absolutely crucial context is that I wrote it HOURS after I finished the game #this was on patch 1 or something so zero epilogue and the way my game ended #everyone went their separate ways and dispersed #this is a deliberately silly and wishful post please s #dont read as sincere lol

[the-lonelybarricade]

I’ve had family staying with me the last few weeks so I haven’t had time to write. But in the interest of still making progress in the interim, I’ve been rereading ACoFD in my little snippets of downtime.

I appreciate that ACoFD is my most popular fic and a lot of people seem to enjoy it, but in full honestly it’s been so painful to read my writing from three years ago and not feel tempted to tear everything down and restart

#who can say if my writing style has gotten better but I do think it’s changed #and I would do a lot of things different if I wrote it now #I’ve been making little notes to myself as I read and they’re all along the lines of ‘for the love of GOD please rewrite this paragraph’ #ACoFD

[palmofafreezinghand]

ships passing

Carlisle and Esme briefly share their grief over the life they will only ever witness from afar. on ao3 here.

January 2007. 

“Good morning, love,” Carlisle said to his wife who was turning into the upstairs hall. He closed their bedroom door behind him as he began walking to meet her. 

“Hello.” 

They paused in the middle of the hall. “Where are you heading?” He asked. 

“My studio,” she answered. The clipped answers were unusual for the woman who he often teased for her incessant chatter.

“Are you alri—” She put her finger over his lips to tell him to stop talking. He raised a brow in question and she motioned to the floor with her head. Below them, he could hear their family loudly talking and laughing, even the quiet sound of a page being moved. Which meant their family could also hear the conversation occurring above them. 

He nodded in understanding and she pulled her hand back to her body. They had learned American Sign Language decades ago after Alice and Jasper moved in and the new roommates meant there was very little space for private conversations. 

“Are you okay?” He signed, eyebrows raised. 

She blinked once, twice, three times before shaking her head ever so slightly it could have been misinterpreted by anyone else as a flinch. He moved to say something but was cut off by her arms wrapping around his waist, her head hitting his chest with a force that threatened to knock him over. His arm instinctively cradled around her head, fingers threading through her hair, the other around her shoulders. 

“I love you,” he whispered into her hair, quiet enough that it would be no more than a buzz to the other people in the house. 

They stood in the hall like that for a long while. When their granddaughter’s muffled childish laughter drifted up from downstairs her grasp around him tightened. He was thankful for the unspoken explanation of the embrace. 

It was difficult for him too. Their granddaughter’s presence was a miracle that served as a stark reminder of the life he would never have. His wife had taken the situation in stride, mostly, she built a nursery and defended the child to its father, and grandfather. It was yet another example of her strength he admired but failed to completely understand. He could not fathom how she was able to operate with such grace when a painful symbol of the life stolen from her ran through her house, as she had to watch their ‘son’ — who had not wanted the child — get an opportunity to parent, a life she was only able to experience for three short days. 

The couple had only discussed the topic a handful of times and very briefly. They had not indulged in the what-ifs they used to dream of, thinking it was impossible. She had not spoken about the nuance of the situation, only how heart-aching happy she was for Edward. He did know this conversation had occurred in some form with Emmett of all people. 

He presumed the current embrace and rare show of emotion was due to January being a historically difficult month for her, the anniversary of her son’s birth and death. 

Heavy footsteps started up the stairs, keeping one arm around her Carlisle walked them backward, opening their bedroom door without looking. He shut the door behind them. 

She pulled away after another minute behind closed doors. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Carlisle signed.

She shook her head, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand as if wiping away tears. “I’m fine,” she eventually signed, lacking any of the facial grammar that would make the statement believable or true. 

“You’re lying,” he signed with a slight smile. 

She nodded with a shrug and half-hearted lopsided smile. 

“How can I help?” 

She shrugged once again. 

“Maybe take a shower, the warm water might help?” His proclivity to offering solutions had been a sore spot throughout their marriage but this was not a solution, a shower would not erase decades-long grief but had helped her feel more in tune with her body and feelings on prior occasions.  

“Want to join?” Her eyebrows raised with a sly smile. 

Before he could enthusiastically accept he was cut off by a shout in the hall. “Carlisle, let’s go!” Emmett’s voice boomed. 

Carlisle’s face fell, remembering the reason he was upstairs, to change his clothes to accompany Emmett on one of his ‘vampire sport’ experiments. “I’ll be right there!” He called. 

“What are you two doing now?” 

“He wants to try a new experiment,” he signed exasperatedly. 

“Have fun,” she signed, beginning to walk towards their bathroom. 

He caught her arm, causing her to glance back at him. “We will be talking about this, later.” 

“Later,” she signed with an intensifier, meaning she would attempt to delay their conversation for a long while. 

He shook his head fondly. “I love you,” he said aloud, opening their bedroom door. 

“I love you too.”

#carlisle cullen #esme cullen #my stories #for a full explanation why I wrote the ASL this way please go read the author note on ao3 -- I am 100% open to critique on the portrayal!

[eye-of-yelough]

opinion time

i don’t think they should remove minthara breaking up with durge if they reject bhaal.

bear with me for a second

i think that, despite the very accurate argument that she’s against being indebted to the Gods, she’s also. yknow. The Power Grabbing Evil Companion.

She’s also super egotistical. (said with love) i genuinely think the whole deal of durge eventually having to kill minthara is lost to her. i genuinely think that, if it even has dawned on her, she thinks she’s special. she thinks that doesn’t apply to her. she thinks durge’s infatuation with her will stay their blades. she doesn’t have a scene like the other love interests where she sees you fully out of control, taken over by bhaal. and she’s certain that if she did, she would kill them. no hesitation. we’ve heard of her ego blinding her from logic before, when she first met Ketheric.

so i don’t think they should remove the breakup scene. it’s well done, well voiced and it feels real. i think they SHOULD add another scene afterwords though. when you go back to camp for the night. i think durge should be able to reason with her. i think she should thrash and make more biting insults, refuse to accept that she overreacted at first, but, with a little finesse (speech checks) she can be talked down.

yes i agree that her breakup is ooc but the thing is. i think the conflict is good. i love conflict i love stakes i love Larian showing us Minthara’s ugly side and i don’t want it to be removed. i just want it to be fair. i want it to be BETTER .

#ok i’m done #sorry if this doesn’t make much sense i wrote it in a frenzy #i’ve had these thoughts Stewing since it came to my attention and i just had to put them somewhere #also please i don’t want discourse over this read the whole post before writing a paragraph in my notes fellow minthara lovers. #minthara #bg3 #your daily dose of idiocy

[neptunesenceladus]

Wanted to do a list of some of my favourite fics across fandoms so here it is! En Enceladus’s favs (as of April 2024). This was actually going to just be my most recent ones but i ended up going through all the recs in my bookmarks, so, these are sorted into fandom to make it easier for you.

DC Fics:

Tractors by @lieu42

DC firstly lieu42 is cool af, so note that down. If you in a mood for time travel and Tim Drake having a crisis then this is definitely for you. I love it so much I bound a physical copy. actually just read everything by him, you will not regret it.

New Wave by @yellowocaballero

DC What if Steph was the first Robin? You should know I love Steph and this is probably the fic that cemented that, I really love how she is portrayed and the 90s skater aesthetic. this fic and tractors are probably my top two recs so go read them now please and thank you

Frequency by @cryptocism

DC, Teen I truly don't know how to sum this up. Basically Thaddeus Thawn "disappears" so CRAYDL activates clones of him. It's so so good and only got one more chapter until it is complete! Also the song November by Sparkbird fits one of the characters (Six) so so well.

Zugzwang by Hinn_Raven

DC, Teen Steph is dead so why is the new talon that Cass is seeing around strangely familiar?

The Juniper Suite by @shhhenanigans

DC, Teen, M, and E (currently 4 parts, first is T and last is E) Genuanly can't describe this one. It's jayroy, with this twisted fairytale body horror theme. so big warnings for body horror, I really love how the author writes all of it and plays with tense and imagery.

Time (to protect you) by Blueseabird2

DC, Teen Dick Grayson and Constantine go back in time to try and save everyone. It's mostly cute batfamily fanon with angst, it was my first DC fic I read (with the exception of Dark Matter) so has a special place in my heart (also the reason I have read so much Hellblazer)

Marvel/MCU Fics:

Pigeon and Crow by @deniigi

Marvel, Teen Peter Parker and Johnny Storm become friends. Deniigi always has beautiful writing and this is no exception. Personally love the wordplay.

Peter Parker's Tapeworm by Ginevra_Benci

MCU, Teen Firstly, the tapeworm is a metaphor. This one is what if the spell at the end of nwh failed and even Peter forgot he was Spider-man. Its really good, especially how the memory loss and displacement is written.

The Lost and Forgotten by @litcraz

MCU, Teen believe it or not, this one was written before nwh, litcraz just fully predicted it. Peter has to make a very bad deal and everyone forgets he exists, but he keeps ending up back in the Avengers path.

Star Wars Fics:

hope has bloody knuckles by @independent-variables

SW, Teen Legally required to star the SW section of this with two independent-variables fic, their writing is so much to me (I literally binged all 4 pages of their star wars fics on ao3). This one is about after the Clone Wars, Davijaan moves to Pantora with Cody to heal after the war. He reunites with a civilian he met once and slowly falls in love. Examines person hood, healing, love, and siblings. (oh and the authors settings in Pantora are inspired by Alaska and are so freaking beautiful)

sing back to the red bird, soldier by @independent-variables

SW, Teen I was hard-pressed to make a choice of just one more from this author, but since I can't list all of them here is another favourite. It's about Rex discovering what it means to be free, and have a choice beyond brainwashing, and then offering freedom to all his brothers. It uses elements of Tatooine slave culture by @fialleril, which is all just so beautiful, so definitely check out them as well!

Dielectric Breakdown by @jessepinwheel

SW, Teen Quite likely the first clone wars fic I read? I love a good mystery and this fic has that with a very fulfilling ending. Obi-Wan kills the Chancellor and goes into hiding toward the end of the war. Five years later he's presumed dead but Cody doesn't believe that and wants to know why he betrayed everyone.

Message Traffic by @skitzofreak

SW, G and Teen This is a must read for anyone. It's all written as correspondence, transcripts, and droid logs, as a post rogue one fix-it. It's actually amazing how much the story makes you invested while you are very clearly behind a fourth wall. I adore it so much.

floating, sinking by shuofthewind

SW, not-rated another everyone survives rogue one fix-it. I just really love rogue one and seeing all the characters get more. Also the perspective switches are really really good.

False Dichotomy by nsmorig (@far-sector)

SW, M One that was recommended to me (by independent-variables). Its dark and has body horror so I loved it. The way Cody is written from both his own perspective and others is in such a way that you can really understand who he is. Truly one of the Cody fics. There is also a sequel that's a wip and is also amazing (I'm still thinking about it).

Bucket of Bolts by @independent-variables

SW, G haha, I lied. have another inderpendent-variables fic. This one looks at Ahsoka and Rex in-between the end of tcw and start of rebels. I love them and whatever it is they have going on.

All Their Tomorrows by @breakfastteatime

SW: Jedi Fallen Order, Teen Horror!!! The Mantis crew find an abandoned ship floating in space and its super creepy and leads them to investigating a dark faction of force sensitives.

Six extras from assorted fandoms:

Talk Me Home by @comebacknow

The Maze Runner, Mature I love tmr so much, never not thinking about it. This beautiful work covers the six months in-between the end of the scorch trials (movie) and the death cure (movie). I've read it multiple times, it expands on both the characters and world building so much.

the scar i can't reverse (the more it heals, the worse it hurts) by EverythingButTheKitchenSink (ElvisHasLeftTheBuilding)

The Maze Runner, Mature I've been following this fic since it was only a couple chapters, its really brilliant. Lots of time travel shit and trauma and seeing Thomas through everyone else's eyes. I would also recommend going through a few of this authors other works as well if you enjoy!

Once & Future by spqr

The Witcher, Mature If you haven't read anything by spqr, congrats, you're missing out. This one is a kind of sleeping beauty au, where Geralt is a statue and Jaskier accidentally wakes him up. They then have to go on a quest to save everyone Geralt holds dear.

Silver and Copper by Heronfem

The Witcher, Mature I love this cause, horror. It gets pretty dark, please mind the tags is horror is not your forte. Jaskier is cursed so a witcher is hired to save him.

Vanishing Act by nockout

Harry Potter, Mature This is probably the only time I'll recommend a harry potter fic, but it's truly worth it. This is a noir detectivy thing that starts by being spread over two different points in time that slowly meet. I have no clue how the author keeps all the plotlines together cause, wow. It also follows an original character which I really love. I'm a few chapters behind that latest update so am feeling like a reread is in order.

can we be seventeen? by acennabeth

PJO, Teen ending with some fluff. This is just percabeth getting a break from everything and being teenagers for an evening. it's so special to me

#i wrote this instead of studying btw #worth it #now i have a list of fics i need to reread #please note that i mostly read stuff that makes me feel severe emotions #so majority of these have likely made me cry at least once #this also dod take me a couple hours to make #but i feel like i might do it more often #because i've found heaps i want to reread #there are a lot of star wars fics here because that's my current obsession #and i want to save the dc fics for if i ever finish writing up my big dc fic rec list #plus i've gotten really into the dc comics at the moment so struggle with how ooc many dc fic is #fandom read the source material challenge (or at least if you are gonna discuss canon) #anyway tell me what you think of these!! #cause i love them! #dc fic recs #star wars fic recs #marvel fic recs #dc #star wars #marvel #mcu #witcher #tmr #oh and if you find any mistakes in this (such as links not working) please lmk

[maddymoreau]

Thinking about the notes Mr. House wrote at the bottom of his unfinished obituary 😂😭

“/// Will revise and finish this up later. Have set the age at death to update automatically. Obit makes salient points but “pearls before swine,” of course. Let’s hope the ingrates never have cause to read it. Who knows how many of them are even literate!”

#A Tragedy Has Befallen All Mankind <- STFU YOU LOSSSEERRRRRRR *loves him* #＿|￣|○ Can’t believe he’s my favorite character HE’S SO LAMEEEE!!!!!! #I can imagine years after being married to him my courier accidentally stumbles upon it. #Reading it she’s just thinking Robert . . . this is why people want to kill you (ᴑ͝ᴗᴑ͝ ‘). #Also she finds it odd he wrote his own obituary since usually friends or family write them. #Until she remembers outside her he doesn’t really have any. #(Seriously 💀 if you kill him outside the White Glove Society not a single person has a nice thing to say). #(o ´ ◡ ` )o So my courier edits and finishes it. #She doesn’t remove his parts but adds onto them along with her own details about him. #Nothing too private or personal but just enough to add a tender human touch. #She assumes he’s never going to actually try finishing his obituary so he won’t ever read it. #However he does but never tells her. #He just leaves it alone. Secretly pleased how it turned out. He also writes her one which she never finds out about. #Fallout New Vegas #Mr. House #MaddyMoreauPost #(Note: She doesn’t edit any of his writing but does remove his note at the bottom from the finished version). #MadisonHouse

[crunchycrystals]

hey what the hell is that lil nas x line in the sun and the star

#crunchyposts #pjo #i cannot stress this enough. i read it and i screamed and shut the book #i let out a yelp. i cannot tell you how i reacted so viscerally and physically to that line i slammed that book to close it #tsats #tsats spoilers #i dont know if i like it or hate it #is it a genuinely good line. is it awful. is it so awful it becomes good. what is this. how do i cope #i read it. yelped. shut the book. cried laughing into my hands. got judged by my dad. wrote a note about it. opened tumblr to post this #the sun and the star #the sun and the star spoilers #someone please listen to me please help

[cq-studios]

Haven’t posted in a hot sec and the brain rot never left, so how about some UX magic headcannons/theories (def leaning into HCs tho) with some evidence?

Before we get into the meat of this post, a quick disclaimer. I made this post with my own knowledge from playing the game (in 2020 and later) and the KHUX Wiki. I tried my best to check as much as I can but there’s just so much there’s no way every attack animation for every medal level was archived and watched by me. If I get something wrong let me know so I can make addendums.

And with that out of the way…

Have you ever noticed how flashy all the spells (and special attacks in general) in UX are? Like these kids are constantly throwing explosions and other big magical displays around. Almost all of them are akin to endgame spells in other games. Think Trinity Limit, or the BBS room clearer spells.

On top of that, from what it looks like on the KHUX Wiki, out of the levelled (-ra, -ga etc.) spells we see in other games, Cure is the only one that is stated to have different levels. The rest (Blizzard, Fire, Thunder, and Aero) are all in the “-ga” level, even on 1 star medals

^ Source ^

(Raging Blizzard isn’t actually magic, just a physical attack, still flashy tho)

So what point am I trying to make?

Well, all of this seems to point (to me at least) towards the fact that magic during this time was less controlled. And when you take into consideration the fact that it was very unlikely these kids were properly trained it kind of makes sense. It’s very likely that a lot of the magic here is figured out by the wielder themself or by another wielder who had figured it out and showed them how.

(Which is fun, since the longer the game was up the faster you got powerful spells, which in a way kinda makes it like you are learning the more impressive spells faster because other people had been wielders longer and had more time to figure things out)

The flashiness of everything can be explained by that too. I mean, they’re all kids after all. You mean to tell me that they’re not making everything as extra and explosive as possible to show off? Especially in the power centric place of Daybreak Town?

And if you’re thinking “well what about the other high level spells then? The ones in the other games”, I have an answer for you too. I was thrown a loop for a bit with that too because it doesn’t make much sense. Like even in Dark Road, in the same app, has the proper spell progression. But that got me thinking, what if the -ga versions of those 4 spells are the default and the “basic” versions of the spells are ones toned down for training.

Because when you think of it, we’ve never actually seen/played as a wielder who hasn’t had proper training, other than Player of course (and Roxas/Xion, who are exceptions, I’ll get to them). We’ve already touched on DR. The Wayfinder Trio are all trained by Eraqus, Vanitas by Xehanort. Sora is taught by Donald, Riku by Maleficent presumably (Dark Firaga is a tell for me). Roxas and Xion, while technically not being taught magic by anyone, already had some subconscious stuff from Sora.

So, you know, it’s possible.

Anyways that’s my thoughts. Probably not organized well because my brain’s not organized well today lol

I tried

#I think about this all the time and I finally bit that bullet and wrote it out #the only think I don’t have a real explaintion for is the cure spell #but if you ever read that Lauriam Crutches AU fic maybe it’s something like that #like the spells power is dependent on your knowledge not the spell itself #but there’s literally nothing in canon that suggests that (unless there is in which case please let me know)so take it with a grain of salt #anywhoozles there’s my random KHUX thought of the month #khux #sometimes i think about khux #(also side note for Starlight Wayfinder you sent me that ‘wish fic’ ask and then I never finished the fic lol #I’ll get to it soon just been possessed by Art Fight. #know it’s probably not a huge deal I just thought I’d let you know #keep you in the loop)

[milkywayan]

I thought I had a bad reading comprehension due to my dyslexia, but considering the kind of additions I sometimes get to my medieval food post, I think I am actaully doing ok compared to others

#personal #and i have to hold.back to not throw hands #people please try to understand what i wrote #when i said you can make good food without excessive spice use #i didnt mean that they didnt use spices #look at the word excessive here #that means overly too much #they used a bit but not the amount peoole theow onto their food today #ajshqjzjsjebfbsjsiiwhshnnndkwiajs #angry energy leaving my body #also fucking onions #yea onions are a vegetable and that addition has such smug udnertones that i almost made the post unrebloggable #sorry for the notes rant #but some people talk so confidently about stuff they have either no idea about #or do nkt actually understand what they are reading

[somedaytakethetime]

Don't you even dare to ask me what this is because I don't know myself. I'm a harlot, I'm plagued, I'm the devil, I don't know. That's the answer. I find information online and I.JUST.CAN'T.LET.IT.GO. SCREAM INTO THE VOID WITH ME OKAY?? P.S. DON'T READ THIS

Notes: the most cursed, demonic, absolutely horribly filthy thing I'll ever sear anyone's eyes with? Possibly? This isn't as daring as I can get, ask my best friend if you don't believe me, but this is the most daring I'll ever be on here Warnings: do I need to? Read every other clue, babes, just.. pure filth... you know where the exit door is if you're a child. Also there's body insecurity in this. From a male perspective. Which gets written about very little, in my opinion, but it's prevalent and well... we're here to change the insecure kings opinions of themselves 😤 Word count: 4 154 words

It's a gradual thing. Something you don't realise at first. It happens slowly and covertly, so you don't really understand that it's happening. But at some point you start to piece it together. He watches himself in the mirror a lot, after showers and when he's getting dressed early in the morning. He avoids looking at himself late at night, especially after heavy and harsh days at work. He avoids looking at his body, unless he's scrutinising himself. Like... after.. Every. Single. Shower. You don't understand that's what he's doing at first, because he's so serious and focused as he looks at himself in the mirror from all angles. You assume he must be checking for bruises, cuts, scrapes, etc. That he must be assessing the damage that a harshly physical job brings. You'd want to take in all the damage too because it's painful to sit on a bruise you didn't know was there until you squashed it.. it's happened to him a lot more than he'll ever admit. But.. you catch him squeezing his stomach once. He did it so fast you barely understood that's what he did. Until it hit you that he just did something you're always doing too, when you look in the mirror, and feel insecure about yourself. He becomes closed off after that. Doesn't touch you as much, doesn't let you touch him much either. His clothes have always been looser, he likes being comfortable, but somehow they become even looser. He avoids anything that flatters him, dresses in baggy, completely dark clothes. Like he's trying to become a walking void. He starts stressing about aging too. Looks in the mirror and prodes at his face, looking for wrinkles and white hairs. None that exist at all. But he seems to think they do.. and then he starts making comments..

Seems obsessed with your age too, the difference between you both. Who's younger, who's older, how many years, months, days, there are between you. What he was up to in x year vs where you were. What he was doing, what he already knew how to do, what little amount of experience and life you might have lived in year y when he was already on an inevitable path to becoming who he is today. Becomes obsessed with time, stresses about the future. Stresses about the past, feels sadly nostalgic, reminisces and wishes he could have been there earlier, wishes to change who he is to match up with you better. Wishes things were different and there was more time. Acts as if the end of the world is looming near and there's only 5 more minutes on earth left to spend together. Looks sad and forlorn. And the most frustrating and infuriating thing is that he doesn't let you in. Shuts you down when you remind him that reality isn't what he's imagining in his head lately. Dismisses you when you challenge his view and explain that things are fine and there's so many more years in a lifetime to be lived, there's time for everything and more. Pushes you away when you try to touch him at times even.. makes you feel cold inside. Confused and scared that things might be falling apart and you can't fix it because he won't let you in. It starts to enrage you. Because he keeps pushing his own perceived notions of everything onto you, assumes the "reality" he's seeing as something that you are seeing when you couldn't see it further from that if you tried. It all comes to blows late one night after a disastrous dinner.

You put on your nicest dress. You wanted to look nice for him, wanted him to see you again because he wasn't looked at you in a while now. You miss him so badly. Miss his touch, miss his kisses, miss.. well.. you miss feeling his body on yours in ways that the bible possibly wouldn't approve of.. it's been what? a month? possibly a month now. He complains he's stressed, that there's too much on his plate, that he's too distracted by work but he forgets that.. usually.. it was most prevalent when he was stressed.. because, in his own words, 'you relaxe me like nothing else, baby'. Cheesy and he's the first to admit it, but there's something deep and almost fragilely emotional behind the jokes. Like every time he teases and says cheesy lines he means them deeply, he's just afraid to show exactly how deeply that is. Even in the longing looks he gives you, which have become more frequent lately, it's as if he's deeply afraid to lose you but only biding his time until you'll inevitably walk away. As if he doesn't believe he's good enough for you.. and he makes it evident all through dinner. Comments on how the waiter keeps checking you out, something which would normally bring out his jealous side and he'd feel the need to assert his dominance to every man in a 10km radius. Not tonight. He comments on how young the waiter is, how he seems to be in great shape, and dares to look at you and say "Maybe you should ditch the old man and go for a young one.. it might suit you better." winks and tries to act like it's playful but.. you've had enough. You push away from the table "That's it. I want to go home. I've lost my appetite." and you just walk out to go wait by his car. He's fuming by the time he gets to you but says nothing. Drives in absolute silence too and you're so hurt and angry you can't find it in yourself to say a word. When you arrive, you rush into the house, leaving him behind to park in the garage, but he's somehow not far behind you by the time you're tossing your shoes aside. "Did you think that was funny? Did you enjoy ruining our dinner?" he has the utter gall to say... and you lose your temper finally.

"Excuse me?? I did what now?" and he marches towards you, presses his body to yours, you almost feel angry when you think this is the closest he's gotten to you in 3 weeks, he looms over you and reminds you exactly of how big his body is, says irritated "You stormed out over a stupid joke and you ruined the nice dinner we'd been having. By now you should know that I joke around a lot, I don't get why you acted this way tonight. You can be such a child sometimes." you're not in your right mind but you're so angry that you push him. Harshly. He stumbles back a little, wasn't expecting that from you, looks at you hurt and offended. But you just scoff and march towards him now "No, I did not. You ruined our fucking dinner by being a Debbie Downer. Same way you've been every single fucking day lately. Mentioned some other man whom I wouldn't even look once at proper, let alone twice, daring to suggest that I should make a switch. How are you this fucking dense?" you're toe to toe, looking into each other's eyes, angry at each other. There's a crackling of electricity in the air around you, you're both on the verge of losing your tempers entirely. "Maybe you need a younger man, he'd probably have more patience to put up with your childish behaviour. I'm old and tired." you've never wanted to slap him before, but he's making it really hard on you not to.. "No, you're fucking not! Have you heard yourself lately?! I'm old this, I'm finished that, I'm such and such. What the hell has gotten into you?? All the jokes about me being too young, all the comments about other guys and their bodies, all the shit about how I should probably leave before I have to start caring for the elderly.. what the fuck?? What is your problem?! If you're sick and tired of me just break up, don't bully me into leaving and try to make it seem like it's my fucking choice!" he suddenly gets serious. He feels there's a threat to his relationship, that the real option that you might leave is right there in front of him, that this is the end.. and he doesn't know how to deal with that. He's hurt just thinking about it. So he shuts down as he always does. "If you want to leave you can go right ahead. You know where the doors are and no one has ever locked you in this house against your will. But don't blame it on me, I haven't told you to do shit." and he just walks away.

You stare at the wall in front of you, the empty space he's left behind, for likely 5 or more minutes. It's eerily quiet in the bedroom, even though he's in there, and you're trying to let your anger settle down. He's hurt, he feels threatened, he feels pushed. He only ever reacts with cold detachment when he feels deeply hurt. You're trying so hard not to be hurt but you can't help the tears running down your cheeks. You love this man so much it hurts, physically, like there's aches in your chest when you think about how deeply you love him, how desperately you desire him, how much you want to spend all your minutes with him forever. It hurts deeply that he doesn't seem to accept that, or believe it, lately. Something has changed and he won't let you in on it. It feels cold to be left out, you thought you shared everything as one. It's painful to think you don't. But you don't want this to be the end. You're not ready to let go, you'll never be. You take a deep breath and turn around, walk to the bedroom and find him curled in on himself. Frozen in place and eerily still. 'Deeply hurt.. makes two of us, mate' you think. Clearly, he's not ready to let go either. You lay down behind him, wrap your arms around him as best as you can and you feel his whole body tense up. "I love you. I don't understand why you don't believe me, but I love you so much. I don't know what else to do to show this to you in a way you'll accept it too." He takes several minutes but eventually turns around. His face is red, he's trying not to cry in front of you but his eyes are filled with tears. He pulls you to him, kisses you softly but so deeply, whispers in that rough and affected voice of his that's so unfairly and wrongly sexy for the moment, "I love you so much that I want to die thinking about you leaving me." "Then why are you pushing me away?" he won't meet your eyes, his voice is soft and whispered, dripping with insecurity now, "Because I don't deserve you."

"No. No no no. No." you shake your head, hold his face and keep kissing him, want to pour all the love you feel into him so he'll believe it too. His hands wrap around your body, pull you so tight to him that you can feel every line of muscle in his body, every tendon moving, every ridge and curve of him, "Don't ever say that again, just don't. Don't say that." he shakes his head "It's true. You're just.. you deserve better. I'm washed up, tired, old and just.." he whispers so so quietly you barely hear it. Fat. It takes you so many seconds to realise he said it. He just called himself fat. The scoff you let out fills the air. You're furious now. Who said it? Who insulted him? Who broke his confidence this way?? Who was it?? You'll have their heads on a platter. How dare anyone insult your man? How dare anyone make him feel like his body isn't the picture of perfection? In another century he would have had artists tripping over themselves to sculpt him out of marble, he would have been Adonis.. David.. the ideal male physique. He would have been considered a god. "How dare you? Who said it??" he just looks at you "Who the fuck said you were fat? I'll kick their ass! Who was the fucker that made you feel insecure??", he leans up and moves from you, sits up on the bed, and looks at the floor, "No one had to say anything. I have eyes, you know? I get dressed around men every single day, I've seen more men naked in the last ten years than most people have in a lifetime.. I can see the differences between us." you scramble up to sit next to him, angry and shocked that he's thinking these things about himself, "How the fu-.. no! Absolutely not! What the hell?? No! You are not less than any other guy. In fact! You're hotter than all of them combined! There is not a single guy out there that can compete with you and win. You're just..." you gesture wildly, can't even pin down exactly what he stands for and how insanely attractive he is, "You're everything! You're all of it! You're smart, you're cultured, you have unbelievably quick reflexes, you have a body that would make Gods jealous, you're so fucking fine.., you also have the stamina of a fighting bull and.." you trail off, get distracted by all the flashes of heated memories flooding your mind, all the times he's had you whining, writhing, moaning, biting and clawing at him.. all the times he's had you in tears from how good he is.. all the times he's left you wobbly legged and sore, faint even hours after he was done, dreaming about it and wanting more.. your voice is clearly affected when you speak again "You're so good, baby, no one can match you. Ever. You're the whole package. You're so sweet and caring too, and loving, and supportive. You make me feel so safe, so loved, so confident.." you feel deeply hurt that he makes you feel beautiful and desirable every time yet he's riddled with insecurity and you can't fix it as easily, you don't have to be subjected to seeing women you know on the covers of 'Hottest Guy Alive' magazines and making it to the tops of 'hottest players' lists.. he has to see that. Polls, online discussions, debates, comments, everything from everywhere. Subjected to scrutiny. Criticism. Comments about their bodies and doubts about their fitness levels depending on their shape. It makes you sick. Makes your blood boil. It happens to women, of course, but men rarely get another man defending them. Especially in this field. You want him to see it, want him to know it. So.. you take the best approach you know how: go for his ego. Turn him on. You get closer to him, say softly, "This is strictly off the record and just between us but...", whisper right in his ear, "You're so fucking hot that I'm always soaked around you..." he straightens up, gives you such a heated look.. you keep whispering, looking him in the eyes, "Especially lately... you haven't touched me in so long.. just the other night... I-.." "You what?" you can feel him radiating heat, radiating need..

"You were sleeping naked.. which you rarely do lately and it's really fucking offensive mind you.. but.. the sheet had moved down because you keep tossing and turning lately.. and you were just there.. totally naked... hard.. and I.. fuck, I wanted it so badly.. I've missed you so much.. that I just touched myself imagining all the times that we've woken each other up to have sex.." he scoots closer to you, his eyes are on fire.. "Did you now?" you nod and bite your lip softly, whisper so so quietly "I was completely drenched.. I've.. really missed you... you have no idea how attractive you are.. and the effect that has on me.." he kisses you so roughly. Pulls you to him tightly, his tongue making it's way to stroke against yours, he pulls back and bites your lip, grins when you whine, kisses you deeper, spit and tongues mixing together as you fall back into a pile on the bed. His hands leave a fire in their wake as he pulls your dress off of you in a hurry, you undress him just as hurriedly, albeit rougher than he was, desperate to get him exactly where you need him. It's a need at this point. The same way you need to breath to survive. You need him to survive too. You go insane without his touch. You've been so irritated and on edge lately... he's been so cranky too... because you're both balls of pent up sexual frustration. "You're not fat, not even a bit. The only thing that's fat about you is your co-" he laughs into the kiss he gives you, a light-hearted laugh, and a giddy feeling spreads through your body. He hasn't been this happy in a long while. You love his laugh, you love everything about him. You cling to him as his body sinks into yours, so deep that sparks burst behind your eyelids. It's been enough time since this happened that it's a stretch.. he's.. not the smallest man around, in fact.. "Fucking hell, you're too much, you know that?" he just laughs, low and rough, mixed with a moan right there in your ear, "You've never complained before.. quite the contrary, baby.." he's right. You love the feeling of him. How big he is, how heavy his body is on top of yours, how warm and sturdy he feels too.. he makes you feel caged, but in the most comforting way possible. He's breathing in your ear as he thrusts slowly, it's been a while for him too, he needs to go slow for the sake of both of you. Needs to let both of your bodies adjust again, sink into this feeling, enjoy how good it feels when you're this close. He's missed you like this, under him and so willing.. he's missed your body as badly as he's missed closeness to you. He's such an idiot for going this long without touching and kissing you..

He sinks even deeper as he drops more of his weight on you, you whine loudly and bite on his shoulder, nails digging into his strong arms. A struggling, disbelieving laugh is exhaled from him, he shivers and moans roughly. He doesn't even want to move, just wants to stay right here, exactly like this, forever. He pauses to enjoy the feeling, the warmth, the slickness, the clenching. How soft your skin is. How pliable and tender you are under him. He feels every bit of him touching every bit of you. Suddenly he becomes hyper aware of that. His naked body is touching yours. His stomach... he's taken the biggest dislike to his stomach now... he doesn't have the tight, washboard abs he sees on most guys. He's meatier, always been. It makes him insecure lately. And he's now hyper aware that that fleshiness is touching your body. He recoils at the thought, his body tenses up and you feel it immediately. He starts to pull away but you lock your legs around his hips, pull him back, say desperately, nearly in tears, "No, no no no. Don't. Please don't, I need it so badly. I've missed you. I want you so much, god, I want you so badly. Don't. No, just don't." he pauses, tries to clench his abs so he can make his softness less evident, so it doesn't touch you that closely, and you know he's doing it. You used to do just that at the start. Tried to make your body look and feel more toned. So that he'd love you and he wouldn't find you unattractive. He made you realise that he thinks you're the hottest thing on two legs no matter how you look. So.. "I love your tummy, stop doing that shit." it startles him, he looks down at you and you're starring right into his eyes. You lock gazes and your voice is dripping with need when you speak "You don't realise how fucking amazing it feels.. you don't get that your body is just.. amazing for sex. I want you to press down on me because it.. I can't explain it but it feels so good. Like you're touching me deeper even without touching me. It feels amazing, it's just.. sex with you feels godly. Relax. I want to feel your body, all of you. Because it feels really fucking good from my end and you're robbing me of a really good orgasm if you hold back.. and that is what I might have to leave you over.." he looks unsure for a long moment. You play with his hair, your other hand runs your nails up and down the middle of his back and you feel him shiver, he moans softly.. his lids slide shut.. and you feel it. He starts to relax, little by little, let's all the restraint go and presses down on you.

You can feel every millimetre of him pressed to you. Locking you down against the mattress, overheating your skin. Making you dizzy, skin on fire as he speeds up, sinks so deep that your eyes can't focus and you have to shut them. There's a pounding in your head, your heart is beating so fast that you can feel the veins pulsating in your temples. Every muscle, every tendon, and every bulging vein in his body is palpable to you. You feel the tensing and the relaxing, the tendons stretching and pulling back, you can feel his blood rushing in his veins, his heart beats in sync with yours pressed tightly to your breast. You're only one body in this moment. You feel the tummy pressing into you, putting pressure on your core, something that feels so good and he tried to pull away from you.. nearly robbed you of one thing that drives you wild. You love the look of him, you love the feel of him even more. It makes you desperate, pant for air, makes you shiver and moan, soft and whiny, into his neck. Makes you rise higher and higher as you tighten more and more around him. He's speaking but you can't focus on what he's saying, so lost in your own need that all his whispered words turn into just the hum of his sexy voice in your ear. You can feel it building up at the base of your spine, can almost touch it right at your fingertips. He moves faster, whispering something that sounds so sexy yet you can't make out exactly what it is, and you just crumble under him. Claw his back, bite his shoulder, muffle your garbled whines and moans and fall apart so hard that you feel you're melting all over. You feel him, right there, right along with you too. It feels heavenly, you've missed him so much. You're giggling and crying afterwards, muffled sounds into his shoulder, tears staining his skin as you shake and cling to him. He pulls back, concerned that you're hurt, you look at him and give him a watery smile. "I love you so much." emotion chokes you and he looks affected too "I love you so deeply, I love you.". Tears are running down your face as giggles burst from you. You pull him down into a kiss, melt into him, sigh so relaxed and just hold him tightly. He rolls sideways and takes you with him, holds you close and plays with your hair, kisses your temple as you trace circles on his chest and rub your face all over him like a cat. "Are you okay?" he asks almost a little concerned and you nod, smile up at him, "I missed you.." you're rewarded with a sweet kiss, a soft smile and a caress to your cheek, "I missed you too. I'm really sorry for being a dickhead. I was a fucking idiot, I'm sorry." you nuzzle him and say "I think I can forgive you..." he raises an eyebrow and gives you that look he always does "If..." you sigh.. smile so sweetly.. devil personified.. "If you keep doing that all night.. you know.. to make up for all the times you haven't lately.." he burst into a light laugh and says, a little cocky, "I think I can manage that.." before he's kissing you breathless. It's going to be a long night, but that's exactly what you had been planning for..

#PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS #IF YOU LOVE YOURSELF?? YOU WON'T DO THIS TO YOURSELF #also note to remember: i'm dyslexic.. if something doesn't make sense or words are messed up? that's why #i try really hard to catch every mistake when i read this over and over #but often times i can't see the errors until a few hours or days have passed #BUT DON'T READ THIS AND THEN YOU WON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH MY DYSLEXIA #anyway.. this one is for the dadbods out there 😌😌 #if you're obsessed with a man with a dadbod? well.. JOIN THE CLUB BESTIE WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?? #also also also let's pretend you *don't* know who i'm picturing okay? #it makes it less awkward for all of us involved #just picture however you love the most that has a little soft tummy and is sexy as all hell 😉😘😜 #football imagine #football fanfic #adventure's in a clown's dreams #except i wrote this while wide awake so what's my excuse?? #my excuse is actually the fact that i saw this thing on IG #and i learned a few more... nasty.. scientific things about the humble (lawful good) dadbod.... #and how they're peak performance for.. 👹💃🏻 (the devil's tango) #because.. pressure is everything; you know queens? #and well...... i've always loved a dadbod.. anyway #i gotta go now DON'T READ THIS THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT

[henryisalesbian]

me waltzing in with train angst because i can

this isnt for anything in particular (that ive shown yet) but i guess its smtnn to flex my writing skills ? who knows 🤷

cw ; very brief mention of suicide ideation

He sat idly underneath the awnings, the apathetic and unfocused expression on his face soon changed into one of resurfaced sorrow, the corners of his lips beginning to curl downwards as his heart began to feel heavier than it usual was.

" montague, i'm sorry. "

Now, it was Duck's turn to react. Duck was grateful that Diesel's now apologizing, yes, but.. It's the fact that he's doing it is what's taking him off guard.

" you're.. you're sorry? "

The two sat in silence for only a brief moment, the gentle ambience of the midnight and the outdoors surrounding them as Diesel began to speak again as he looked down at the ground he was sitting on.

" it's for something you might have remembered a while ago. you know, about the awful rumors i've spread about you? "

" oh. those ones. " Duck was reminded of them in a sick and fondly fashion. How he was outcasted, thrown out by the others - all because of those horrible names the sleek engine had told the others. " i do remember now. "

" and for a moment, just one moment, it felt like i had at least a sense of priority and worth to my name. sure, my reputation was at most tarnished by the time i arrived at the docks, but it was during that time where i was known for something, for heaven's sake! "

Duck wanted to add in a small detail yet he just wanted to listen to what the diesel before him had to say. He took notes of how Diesel's eyebrows knitted and his voice nearly cracking under pressure from the guilt he's been bottling up all these years.

" i recall back in my homeland - the mainland - i was never really noticed for what i was able to rely on, rather i was noticed for what i was useful for. and so it seems, all this talk of being the 'useful' and 'groundbreaking' diesel has put a weight right on my shoulders, has it not, montague? "

His eyes shifted to Duck's and it was clear to him that Diesel was at a limit here.

Montague had soon replied after, " i can see that it has.. diesel. pardon me, i wanted to bring this up, but- i.. have. already f'rgiven you for what happened with the others. yes, those nasty rumors you've spread of me hurt - badly - and i was furious about them. i suppose something within me knew this wasn't the real you. i suppose that.. maybe you are better than you seem? "

Silence was the only thing that could pool in Diesel's train of thought. He looked to the steam engine with a perplexed, almost confused gaze only for this expression to soften into a teary eyed but almost scornful glare as he turned from Montague's face.

He wasn't angry at him by any means.

He was moreso angry at himself for getting like this and breaking the trusts of everyone he knew on Sodor.

" i don't know how you even do such a thing, duck. to trust an engine like me.. to even consider having someone who tried to throw your life away because of a misunderstanding i didn't know how to handle..! "

" and i knew it was an misunderstanding, diesel, and i wish i was able to tell you before you ran off to the trucks.

" and i wish i listened! " he turned his head quickly to the great western, his eyes almost glossy from the intense guilt of his history as he snapped at duck before quickly shrinking back, appalled by his outbursts, " i wish i had shown that i was reliable to you AND to them. and i wish i was able to listen to you and not do such a ridiculous stunt as that..! "

Duck could only look in not even horror, just a sorrowful empathy.

" and i wish i controlled myself better before knewing the damage it'd cause to my dear mavis and the others.. and if it had gotten worse, .. " he had paused, taking a shaky breath that sounded almost too much like a sob, " ..i only wish for someone, or something, to put me out of my misery. so i wont be such a nuisance anymore. "

The great western engine didn't even know what to say at this point. He knew that Diesel had a horrible reputation behind him but hearing that it had cause that very reputation alone to leak out and damage those to which he loved really set it into perspective. And it was all because he didn't listen.

" pardon me, diesel, if i may.. " he began, " but i am sorry that all of this has happened. i know it. may not seem the best option, if it isn't, but maybe we can start it off on the right foot..? we don't have to start right away but i do offer. "

The sleek and disheveled diesel engine looked at the great western engine once more, blinking a few times, before he croaked.

" you.. you aren't mad at all? "

" not in a bit. " Duck reassured, " i only ask for one thing: please, and i mean it, please do listen to me when thing's are important? "

The silence came back for a moment before Diesel raised a shaky smile.

" of course, duck. i will listen just for you. "

#ttte #ttte duck #ttte diesel #thomas the tank engine #thomas and friends #ttte angst #cw sui ideation #cw suicidal ideation #is that a tag? #SO SORRY IF THESE MFS ARW LIKE OUT OF CHARACTER 😭 my ass wrote this to let feeljbgs out #side note: please tell me this read more works on mobile i beg god #edit: so guess who fuckin found out [[MORE]] doesnt fkn work anymore 👉😎👉

[lesbienneanarchiste]

I'm basically an influencer now bc after 2.5 years of watching me use mine, my mom has finally started a book/reading journal 💅

#she's enjoying it so far so thats nice! #i maintain that keeping some kind of log of your feelings abt the books you read beyond a star rating is a valuable practice #i dont even rate my books in my journal and its nice looking back and not having my memories of them pinned down to a number #i mean. i do still star rate them on 3 different apps. but my POINT IS #reviewing something even (or especially) if youre the only one who will see it helps you engage with the text on a deeper level #which doesnt mean all my reviews are long or laborious like literally sometimes it's just 'wow! hated that ❌' and i move on #but that tells me something when i flip back to it months or years later and its really interesting #its the same w annotating #there's a page early on in my copy of fellowship of the ring where i went on a righteously angry rant #and literally the next year i wrote 'idk what tf i was so mad abt' next to it #theres a piece of me in there! it was the truth in the moment! thats important to see sometimes! #anyway its late and im tedtalking but like. if you ever read books please jot down some notes somewhere when you finish them even in an app #disgruntled octopus

[butchhamlet]

people tagging the r&j post with “this has 1 million notes to me” why would you wish that on me. if i took a shot every time someone went “but isn’t romeo an adult” i’d be dead in the capulet tomb

#max.txt #I HAVE ANSWERED THIS QUESTON IN THE NOTES PLEASE GODDDDD #IT'S NOT A CRIME NOT TO KNOW SOMETHING. IT'S OKAY. BUT I AM BEGGING EVERYONE TO READ THE REPLIES I ALREADY WROTE

[glompcat]

Reminder that most anti-intellectual posts are part of antisemitic bs.

Honestly and truly a large reason why I have a bug up my ass about the way people talk about newspapers online is if you look further in the notes of any given post bashing papers the unmasked antisemitism shows up pretty fast.

#here's a funny fact about the subscription price of both the new york times and the washington post #it works out to 20 cents a day #which as you know was considered a fair rate DECADES ago for a single physical paper #THAT is the greed you are so upset with #a subscription rate of $1 a week - and yes they let you share subscriptions #ffs #also again headlines are not indicative of contents they are essentially clickbait to entice people to read #and many fucking columns are written by readers #nyt modern love for example is NEVER by journalists it is sent in stories by readers #And every single indivdual post I am responding to in these tags? #had blatant naked antisemitism going on in the notes #the most recent one I saw - about a modern love article #had people tracking down the reader who submitted the story's instagram to ID if she was Jewish #only they were all using the k word to describe her in that 'hunt' as they described it #please fucking notice that you are spreading that sort of vile shit omfg #she doesn't even work for the times that column is ALWAYS by random readers and is being used as the example of why all journalists suck #and also antisemites are tracking down her social media to mock her #because she wrote up her break up and sent it in to a column specifically for sharing relationship stories? #fucking hell YOU DON'T LIKE SILLY RELATIONSHIP STORIES DON'T READ THE RELATIONSHIP STORY COLUMN #I don't fucking read the NYT myself anymore but I wouldn't fucking go to a fucking specific topic column written by readers #and point to it as proof that all journalists - as one of the people in the notes professed - should be shot