#poor mical!

[dairine-bonnet]

Kreia playing hide-and-seek with Mical on the board of Ebon Hawk and Mical's reaction make me laugh!

#no comments... that's a real laugh!:D #buuuuut... doesn't the exile sometimes talk to kreia when mical's nearby? #doesn't that attract his attention? #finally the whole crew gather together on nar-shadaa to discuss some issues... and crew members talk to kreia too then... #ok i see how hiding in the force can work during short meetings with masters no problem... #but with the members on the board?! #we know that kreia is a powerful jedi consular but anyway... these moments seem strange to me... still fun though:) #poor mical! #kotor #knights of the old republic #kotor 2 #jedi exile #kreia #mical #k2 thoughts #k2 playthrough #star wars

[transmutationisms]

i think you do a really impressive job balancing comprehensive/concise while referencing a lot of complex frameworks(contexts? schools of thought? lol idk what to call that. big brain ideas) but if you have any readings specifically on the institution of psychiatry topic that you would recommend/think are relevant, I'd be interested. it's absolutely not a conversation that's being had enough and I want to be able to articulate myself around it

yes i have readings >:)

first of all, the anti-psychiatry bibliography and resource guide is a great place to start getting oriented in this literature. it's split by sub-topic, and there are paragraphs interspersed throughout that give summaries of major thinkers' positions and short intros to key texts.

it's from 1979, though, so here are some recs from the last 4 decades:

overview critiques

mind fixers: psychiatry's troubled search for the biology of mental illness, by anne harrington

psychiatric hegemony: a marxist theory of mental illness, by bruce m z cohen

desperate remedies: psychiatry's turbulent quest to cure mental illness, by andrew scull

psychiatry and its discontents, by andrew scull

madness is civilization: when the diagnosis was social, 1948–1980, by michael e staub

contesting psychiatry: social movements in mental health, by nick crossley

the dsm & pharmacy

dsm: a history of psychiatry's bible, by allan v horwitz

the dsm-5 in perspective: philosophical reflections on the psychiatric babel, by steeves demazeux & patrick singy

pharmageddon, by david healy

pillaged: psychiatric medications and suicide risk, by ronald w maris

the making of dsm-iii: a diagnostic manual's conquest of american psychiatry, by hannah s decker

the myth of the chemical cure: a critique of psychiatric drug treatment, by joanna moncrieff

the book of woe: the dsm and the unmaking of psychiatry, by gary greenberg

prozac on the couch: prescribing gender in the era of wonder drugs, by jonathan metzl

the creation of psychopharmacology, by david healy

the bitterest pills: the troubling story of antipsychotic drugs, by joanna moncrieff

psychiatry & race

the protest psychosis: how schizophrenia became a black disease, by jonathan metzl

administrations of lunacy: racism and the haunting of american psychiatry at the milledgeville asylum, by mab segrest

the peculiar institution and the making of modern psychiatry, 1840–1880, by wendy gonaver

what's wrong with the poor? psychiatry, race, and the war on poverty, by mical raz

national and cross-national contexts

mad by the millions: mental disorders and the early years of the world health organization, by harry yi-jui wu

psychiatry and empire, by sloan mahone & megan vaughan

ʿaṣfūriyyeh: a history of madness, modernity, and war in the middle east, by joelle m abi-rached

surfacing up: psychiatry and social order in colonial zimbabwe, 1908–1968, by lynette jackson

the british anti-psychiatrists: from institutional psychiatry to the counter-culture, 1960–1971, by oisín wall

crime, madness, and politics in modern france: the medical concept of national decline, by robert a nye

reasoning against madness: psychiatry and the state in rio de janeiro, 1830–1944, by manuella meyer

colonial madness: psychiatry in french north africa, by richard keller

madhouse: psychiatry and politics in cuban history, by jennifer lynn lambe

depression in japan: psychiatric cures for a society in distress, by junko kitanaka

inheriting madness: professionalization and psychiatric knowledge in 19th century france, by ian r dowbiggin

mad in america: bad science, bad medicine, and the enduring mistreatment of the mentally ill, by robert whitaker

#sorry this is SO MANY things lmao #i wld recommend starting with harrington or scull as an intro and then maybe look at one of the more topic-specific texts #depending on what interests you specifically #book recs #psychiatry

[thepunchingbag]

Okay, another "Mical and Visas become BFFs" headcanon:

Atton has absolutely zero respect for Mical and our favorite pathological liar/pilot makes snide comments whenever he can at the poor kid's expense.

But... Atton is super fucking creeped out by Visas. Oh he'd rather die than ever admit it, but Visas actually scares the shit out of him. She's a species he's never had the opportunity to kill before, so Atton already feels like he is at a disadvantage. Add to the fact she's Sith - or close enough - and that brings up a ton of unpleasant memories from when he was serving in Revan's forces (even before That One Jedi who opened his eyes, I think soldiers like him soon learned to avoid the Dark Jedi in their company, unless you wanted to be broken or 'played' with). And the idea that Miralukas can SEE past your outward personality and can effectively see your aura, literally see your true colors. It's worse than mind-reading, because there is NO real defense against Miralukan sight.

Atton avoids Visas like the plague.

When Visas and Mical start becoming pals, Atton might sneer at Mical but when Visas slowly turns around and just... looks, somehow looks at him without eyes, and she just radiates barely contained disgust for Atton. Atton just shrivels up and stops, leaving the room, maybe throwing back a weak insult in an attempt to save face.

Mical finds it a bit odd, but he does secretly appreciate the fact he's not getting bullied as much anymore.

#kotor 2 #the ebon hawk crew are literally a bunch of children jfc #mical the disciple #visas marr #atton rand

[sovonight]

i did have A version of this in my head before the whole disney prince doll thing, so this isn’t Just bc of that, but. anyway:

au where mical's a prince, cela is mical's personal protector/knight and childhood friend. cela finds atton slinking out of the castle one day and immediately labels him as a suspicious threat, but mical stops her from bringing him to the guards. it turns out that atton's an assassin/jack of all deception trades who's been hired to be mical's body double, since there's a great threat to mical's life on the horizon. mical doesn't like the dishonesty, but since the king & queen seem so genuinely worried for his safety, he's gone along with it. cela's skeptical about the whole plan, and atton, whose collar is still in her fist, pokes fun at her armor, saying the helmet's a poor attempt to make her look more intimidating. she drops him.

a spring celebration arrives, where the castle gates are opened and the whole kingdom is invited to celebrate, nobles and commoners alike. since most people who'd come into contact with the prince on a day like this would be strangers to him, it's a safe occasion for atton to make his debut as mical's body double; the transformation happens via a potion of disguise brewed by kreia, the court wizard. cela spends most of the day attending to mical, who's confined to his room since he's not supposed to be outside, but as the day goes on mical urges her to go out and enjoy the feasting and festivities even if he can't. cela's hesitant to leave him alone, but mical's like, you spend most of your time watching over me, i want you to take a break for once. cela's reluctantly convinced--she has always loved a particular dish that's only made for this celebration, but isn't so bold as to make a selfish request of the delivery boy from the kitchens herself--and she promises to be back in an hour. she almost leaves in her armor, but mical's like, nope, if you're in your armor, you're beholden to act like you're on duty, and you're supposed to relax. cela sighs and relents, saying she'll leave the armor behind, and mical's like, oh, and here's a gown i had made for you for special occasions. cela's like, what? and mical's like, well--you always wear common clothes to these events if you're not in your armor, and i thought you deserved something fancier than that, especially for your rank. cela thanks him, but when she unwraps the gown later, she thinks it's far too extravagant.

half an hour later, cela's heading back from the feast with a decadent slice of her favorite pie when she nearly physically runs into mical. cela backs up, apologizes--then notices this mical is dressed formally, and must be atton. atton stares at her, and cela thinks it's lax of him to not have the act on just because there's no one else in the hallway--doesn't he know anyone else could pass by at any time?--but atton unfreezes and acts as if they're strangers, asking if she's lost. cela's like, wh, lost? and atton's like, the gates are closing, most of the people living outside the castle have left. atton offers to escort her out and cela realizes that he really doesn’t recognize her, and she has a rare opportunity to assess atton's capabilities for herself, so she accepts. they end up taking a roundabout, scenic route out through the castle gardens--cela asks herself to get more time to investigate, and atton doesn't tell her that there's a better path in the other direction. they end up having a nice conversation, with atton’s real personality shining through beneath his polite princely mannerisms, until midnight draws near and the disguise potion starts wearing off. atton makes his excuses to get away, and cela lets him, knowing what's happening to him. she returns to mical hours late, to find mical already asleep, surrounded by empty dishes sent up from the kitchens; cela looks at him fondly and realizes that she never actually ate her slice of pie, herself. it's cold now, but she still eats it. her assessment of atton is that he wouldn't fool anyone who knows mical, but it's good enough for brief encounters--and that she should tell atton not to have such long conversations again.

the day after, atton's in a meeting with the advisors, who've assessed his performance. cela's elbowed her way into attending the meeting too, even though she has nothing to do with it, and she's back in her armor, so atton can't recognize her. the advisors agree the results of the experiment were satisfactory, and that this plan can continue until the prince's birthday. cela's curious about the birthday part, but the advisors just sweep by and ignore her with the meeting adjourned. atton's hanging back with her, and only leaves as cela leaves. cela starts to wonder if he figured out who she was, but atton's like, you know, as a royal knight and everything, you must know a lot of people around here... right? nobles and servants and all? cela's like, ...yes, and atton's like, i wonder if you could tell me about someone. there was this woman i saw... dark braided hair, fair skin, in a fine green dress--but almost too fine, like it was at odds with the rest of her. do you know who that might be? cela recognizes herself, is kind of annoyed at atton's description of her, and says, that's vague, but i think i do. she's no one--an orphan, adopted into high society. atton's like, really? since she's a noble, will she be at the prince's birthday celebration? (which is coming up in about a month.) cela’s like, yes--but why are you asking? she has no ill will towards the prince--she's not a threat. you don't need to focus on her. atton looks at her and is like, you really care about the prince, huh? don't worry--i was just curious. i won’t let how much i like her distract me from the job. cela's mind skips on that last sentence and she’s like, what?? what do you mean you like her? you can't like her. atton stares at her confused, and cela's like, the--the prince is already betrothed! what would people say? and atton laughs and is like, an engagement doesn't stop other people--but you're right. i bet she only talked to me because i was wearing the prince's face, anyway.

birthday celebration arrives, and cela's serving as a knight again, guarding atton playing as mical. they're alone, and atton's looking out the window at the guests who're milling around below, waiting for the "prince"'s appearance. atton comments that he doesn't see her anywhere--cela asks, who's her, and atton's like, you know, that woman i met, the orphan. what was her name, by the way? and cela isn’t about to give her own name, so she's quickly like, i'm sure she had another engagement. atton's like, what could be more important than attending the prince's birthday? wait--she isn't betrothed too, is she? and cela's like, hurry up and greet the guests--you shouldn't keep them waiting. as cela watches atton act in front of the guests, she's noticed that atton’s a lot more composed in front of the crowd, and even kind of overdoes the gentle and kind prince charming thing--but it's nothing that will hurt mical's reputation, and the guests love it. soon, the guests move from having tea on the terrace to a stage that's been set up in the garden. there's a magician's performance scheduled, the kind of performance that cela knows mical would like to miss anyway; these stage magicians are fakes, and the real magic that mical is fascinated with is something else entirely. still, the performance wows the audience more than wizard like kreia would have, through their showmanship alone. the prince is called onstage as a volunteer for their final trick; atton goes, and with a flashy explosion of lights, everyone save the presenter disappears. the presenter bows and thanks them for watching; the audience claps, delighted, believing it to be part of the show; and after a split second of confusion and fear, cela storms up and grabs the presenter by the collar, but he gives a sheepish/panicked smile and bursts into light in her hands, disappearing as well. cela opens her hand to find that only the metal pin on his collar remains, with a simple symbol on it representing the troupe.

the advisors meet over this disappearance. cela's in the meeting as well, and kreia, who's claimed the metal pin after the advisors have stopped looking at it, and is currently doing some sort of magic spell to it; cela can't tell. the advisors come to a consensus and are like, honestly, atton's expendable, we need more time to evaluate all angles of this threat, if atton dies in the meantime then he'll have died performing his use. cela finds that unacceptable and is like, no, we have to act now. the potion only lasts until midnight, if we do nothing they'll know soon enough that they've captured a fake, but if we act now and retrieve atton alive he'll be able to tell us more about them than we'd learn through research--it's his job to gather this kind of information if he's captured. the advisors are like, really, you don't think he'll break the second they threaten his life? and cela's like, even if he does, what will it say about the royal family that they don't care that their heir has been kidnapped? are we going to reveal to the entire kingdom that we put this plan in place, that mical's life is in danger? and kreia's like, she's right. send her and two of your best knights after the troupe. i've divined their location. it may be that they've already figured out that atton is a decoy, and they may attempt to breach the castle walls. prepare your knights here as well.

on atton's end, he's been brought to some location outside the city, and he hasn't been tied up or anything. the performers are really chill and nice and are honestly just glad to have such a high paying gig--they're not only being paid for the performance, but also the extra pizazz of kidnapping the prince. atton's tried to convince them to let him go, but they refuse--apparently they've been given instructions to only return him the next day, and won't get paid their second half until then. atton considers knocking them out and escaping himself, but there are too many witnesses here who still think he's the prince, so he's trapped into continuing to perform mical's level of nicety. they offer him food and drink, and bring out this expensive wine that they were apparently instructed to treat him to, since it's "the wine the prince is accustomed to for every meal". atton doesn't know anything about that, but he sees no reason to refuse a good meal, especially when he has no reason to think they've done anything to it, so he eats--but when the wine hits his tongue, he notices a particular aftertaste to it.

meanwhile, cela's en route to the performers' hideout. they've left the city walls and ventured into the forest, when suddenly her two companion knights turn on her. turns out they've always disliked how she got the position they wanted, a cushy, high ranking job where she never gets sent out on stupid quests because her duty is literally just to protect mical, and they especially don't like that she's just some no-name orphan when they, third & fourth sons from noble backgrounds, clearly deserve the honor more than she. they fight, cela wins, but her armor is damaged and her helmet is ruined. she drags herself up to the troupe's hideout, where half of them have passed out due to the drugged wine, and the other half immediately surrender at the sight of a knight wielding a sharp sword, covered in blood, and looking very, very angry. atton's kind of woozy and out of it, having spat the wine out but still feeling effects from the trace of it on his tongue, and as cela carries him out atton looks up at her and is like, oh, i should've guessed it was you. where's kreia? and cela's confused, and asks, what does kreia have to do with anything, and atton's like, it's kreia, it's been kreia the whole time. then he passes out, the potion finally taking full effect.

back at the castle, cela finds someone to stick with atton until he wakes, and runs into the advisors right after. they ask what information atton provided, but cela only shakes her head and asks them where kreia is--and receives only confusion and shrugs in response. she pushes past them and runs up to mical's room, and the advisors call after her that he's perfectly safe, his room is guarded. when she gets there and pulls open the door, though, there's a spiral staircase sunk into the floor--and one of the guards outside the door comments that he didn't know mical's floor could do that. cela ignores them and descends. the stairs are narrow, fit only for one person, and pass between the inner walls of the castle because she can hear threads of conversation through the cracks in the stone, the guards reporting mical missing, the advisors exclaiming that it shouldn't be possible, footsteps rushing across the floors in panic. but soon, the walls sink into silence, and cela realizes she must have passed beneath the dungeons, beneath the castle's foundations, passing further into the earth. the distant echoes she'd heard from above are gone; now, she hears echoes from below.

anyway, it turns out that originally, there was a prophecy with ambiguous wording that suggested that mical would die on his __th birthday. the king & queen automatically ascribed a foreign threat to the prophecy, but it's really just kreia. kreia's only part of the court because of mical's deep interest in the magic--the kingdom was founded with it, and the castle itself is said to be built upon a font of magic that draws from the veins of the earth itself. mical's room used to be a wizard tower of sorts, and has a direct path to the central underground chamber where the font resides. all inhabitants of the kingdom have the opportunity to draw on the magic slumbering in the land, but the way to access it has been forgotten over the years, and it requires a level of sincerity and pureness of heart to wield it directly. kreia used to have this ability, but the land took it away from her when her heart changed, and now she seeks to kill the land itself--by using mical to unlock access to it for her. anyway, insert scene where mical nearly dies/does die/"dies", the magic is unlocked and kreia gets her magic back, cela atton and maybe mical fight her (atton shows up because it turns out there's multiple ways down here (of course) and he remembered from some nerd book that mical showed him once that a certain symbol was scattered around the castle and atton just pulled the bricks out until he saw the secret passageway), if mical died for real cela ends up reviving him with a sincere wish to the land for him to be returned, and of course the actual guards/knights/etc only get there after kreia is dealt with and mical is fine. afterwards, mical gets to study magic for real though the king & queen still worry a lot for him; atton gets some kind of official job around the castle; he and cela finally have full conversations where he's Not in disguise; and they kiss maybe. the end

[sighphi]

A shift starting in the late 1960s has targeted poor families with unnecessary investigations and child removals at the expense of services, argues Rochester health policy historian and physician Mical Raz.

[allronix]

Carth and Force Sensitivity (crossposted from Reddit r/kotor)

This is for @k-she-rambles:

Okay, so while we're shooting the bantha crap over on KOTOR fan theories, u/134340Goat mentioned my all time favorite "Have you been chewing spice?!" fan theory when it comes to KOTOR: Is Carth Force Sensitive?

So this one starts with a story. I mentioned my brother in law, who is pretty much Keeper of the Jedi Archives. Seriously, he's an English teacher and my sister is a librarian. They met at a sci fi convention and their first date was Phantom Menace. We're taking not just geeks, but geeks who can throw the damn bookshelf at you. Brother in law bought KOTOR on the day it launched and turned it into a week long binge watch at his house. And because brother in law is that kind of geek, he's translating the characters into the West End D6 system. I'm watching him do a playthrough, and he's got Canderous and Zaalbar at Ajunta Pal's tomb.

Allronix: Huh. That's odd. Why aren't commenting on anything when Ajunta is speaking?

Bro in law: Oh. They can't even see Ajunta. You have to be Force Sensitive to see a Force Ghost The stronger your Sensitivity, the better you can see it.

Allronix: Really? Then how come Carth can see it?

Bro in law (gets the "holy shit, I gotta confirm this" look): Really?! He just sees something out the corner of his eye or something?

Allronix: No, he sees Ajunta just fine. Understands what the dude's saying too.

Bro in law instantly rolls back to his last save, swaps Zaalbar for Carth, and sees the bit in question.

Bro in law: Oh. Dear. (Goes over to make some quick scribbles on Carth's character sheet)

Okay, so maybe that was a lore fail. I didn't really think about it too much until I hit that False Level Up glitch and ran around with Carth and Mission as Sentinels. Now, while I couldn't really see Mission as a Sensitive, that little bit with my bro in law nagged at me. And became a "once you see it you can't unsee it." Apologies to TV Tropes, where some of these were my additions to the Wild Mass Guess entry on this topic.

Any one of these on its own is pretty easy to blow off. After all, man is career military, and knows All this Shit is Weird. I also like to think of Sensitivity as a spectrum and not a switch. If all life is connected by the Force, then all life would be Sensitive to some degree or another. It’s just a matter of to what degree. It’s only as the list gets longer and longer does the case start looking damning...

What are the odds of surviving that attack on the Endar Spire, getting to the escape pods, sharing the last escape pod with the mindwiped Sith Lord, piloting through the chaos, landing in what passes for the "good" part of town, remaining uninjured, pulling the badly injured mindwiped Sith Lord from the wreck, evading Sith detection while all this is going on, and just happening to find a dump of an apartment where the landlord's not asking questions? That is one amazing string of coincidences and good luck. Get that many in Star Wars, and it's definitely The Force sticking its nose in things.

Piloting the escape pod to land in the Upper City, piloting the Hawk through the Sith Blockade of Taris, the random Sith patrols, the escape from the Leviathan, and the fleet around Lehon along with the crash landing that left the ship easily repairable. Now, compare to Atton who we know to be an excellent pilot and drawing on The Force who still manages to crash the ship at least three times.

He's a scary good judge of character if you're interacting with other NPCs. If you watch him with other NPC characters, he's got a pretty good compass as to which characters are being helpful and which ones are full of shit. The only one he calls incorrectly is Rukil, who is probably also an untrained Sensitive (the age, the "marked" comments) and half senile, which is probably throwing him.

Related to that, his distrust and wariness about something not adding up with the PC, the Jedi Council feeding the party a line of bull, that things just aren't adding up. And on all of it? Dead on. He's 100% right about the Player Character, he just expected something a little less crazy than "that's Darth freaking Revan."

If you play Female Revan, then Carth's the one who gets fried in the torture cages on the Leviathan. Saul comments how strange it is that Carth takes so much punishment and still remains conscious. Now, this is a low level thing, but in lore, Force Sensitives have drawn on it to keep them alive or conscious under duress. Explicitly, the first sign we got that Leia was a Sensitive when she withstood the Imperial torture droid.

Another of his scary ass judge of character feats? In the comics, Zayne (who is on the run from the Jedi, who framed him for the murder of his classmates) has a vision that Mandalorians are coming for Serroco. Saul? Laughs it off, throws Zayne in the brig. Zayne's own friends don't even believe him. Carth gets one of those creepy hunches and starts calling in "duck and cover" sirens as far as he can broadcast, which sends seventeen cities and millions of people heading for shelter. It saves their lives and Carth is called a hero for it. Armed with another hunch, he disobeys Saul (remember this is before Saul nukes Telos) and lets Zayne "escape" from custody. Mind you, not even the Jedi or his party members believed Zayne. Carth did.

Carth makes a lot of creepy weird offhand predictions about the future. He says he knows on some level he'll be there when Saul dies. That certainly pans out. He makes an offhand prediction that the Jedi have set the party up to take a fall. Right again. He tells a female PC that she'll have to make a choice soon, one she can't walk away from. And then we get the temple top. He even blurts out that "I sensed you would have to make a choice soon, and that was it*, I can feel it!"* If you specify a LS Female Revan, his recording for T3-M4 says he's had a hunch Revan would leave without warning. Again, spot on.

Specify a LS male Revan, and Carth will remark to Bastila that seeing the Exile reminds him "there are worse things to lose." The only other people who can see just how screwed up the Exile is are the Jedi Masters, Chodo Habat, and the Force Sensitive party members.

Specify a LS female Revan, and Carth will insist that he would know if Revan were dead (again, scary ass intuition) and that there's an "emptiness" where she used to be. Now, remember one of the things about a broken Force Bond? It would simply be "empty, a wound."

You know how your party members in KOTOR 2 feel upset or even horrified as they realize they feel compelled to protect Exile and can't being themselves to leave, even when said actions are kicking puppies? And how they swing wildly from being crazy, almost stalker level possessive of them to being scared out of their wits and clamming up when you try to pry anything out of them? And the more potent (and untapped) their Force Sensitivity, the more they get hammered with the effect? (Mira and Atton in particular) Yeah. Now, Carth's "I don't wanna talk" looks a bit different, doesn't it? It could also account for that romance arc, especially if you roll a DSF Revan and go for that "everyone dies" ending.

Again, Ajunta Pal. Seeing a Force Ghost? Yeah. Some degree of Sensitivity needed. Understanding what he's saying? Yeah. Takes a bit more than that. And Carth makes a weirdly insightful comment about the Dark Side on top of it.

Notice that this a wall o text argument already, and I'm now just getting to the "Yeah, his kid is able to throw around mid-level Dark Side powers and packing a red lightsaber." Given the jawline and the muleheaded attitude, no way Morgana was fooling around with the pizza delivery boy. That's definitely Carth's kid, and that's definitely Force Sensitivity. Now, while it can skip a generation (see Theron Shan), it tends to run pretty heavy in families.

Lastly? Gee. He comes from a planet settled by and heavily populated by descendants of Force Sensitives who failed their training. I'm also willing to bet some bastard children of Jedi get passed off as "foundlings" and "orphans" and dumped there, too. Jedi are forbidden attachments, but not sworn to celibacy, so...yeah, bastard kids are gonna happen. There's probably a Jedi or two in that family tree. It's circumstantial evidence at best, but it still supports the case.

Now, any arguments I missed? Counterarguments?

And the million credit question: If there's a character who gets to break this news to poor Flyboy, who do you think would actually take that on? How do you think Carth would take that kind of news? And what, if anything, would come of it?

I kinda figure Jolee might be the only one nuts enough to poke that with a stick...I also kinda figure "Sentinel" would fit best. Consular? Hell no. He hired Mical for that. Guardian works with the feats, but the whole "ferreting out deceit and injustice?" Yeah. That's Carth.

#KOTOR #Carth #fandom meta #Carth Onasi

[wuxiaphoenix]

A Long Road Chapter 11 Ficbit - Object Reading

Alberich nodded. “Cultivators, disciplined are. Yet for the mind to heal, at times defenses must lowered be. A difficulty in healing Lan Wangji, you have?”

“I don’t think I canheal him while people he loves are in still in grave danger,” Crathach admitted. “Yet if we want to get those people out of danger, we have to work with what he and the Nie are willing to tell us. The Nie have an agenda, gods only know what, and Lan Wangji’s still not rational about what happened in the Sunshot Campaign. We’re having to work on guesses. It’s... maddening.”

“Mm,” Alberich agreed. “Intrigue between nations, always frustrating is. Even when all involved the best of intentions have.”

“Now I’m really curious,” Mical put in. “If Jianghu’s that far away from Valdemar, how much plotting can they do?”

“That, let us see if discover we can,” Alberich said decisively. :Kantor? This promises to be dangerous.:

:I’ll pull you out if I have to,: his Companion acknowledged. :I’m curious, too.:

Alberich nodded, and opened his mind to the younger Herald. :I am here.:

:I appreciate it. What Crathach said about the poor hauler who had this in him - ow.: Mical breathed deep, settling into a trance, then laid one hand on iron.

Alberich watched in his mind, as Mical peeled back layer after layer of impressions; his skill with his Gift had grown tremendously since the days a young Trainee had only been able to read the very last touch on an object. First was a fleeting ghost of Crathach, realizing cut iron was important and wrapping it in cloth to prevent clouding details any further. Then Healers from near the south gate, fear for their patient locked down tight as they worked in pairs; one carefully pulling iron loose a hair’s-breadth at a time, as the other Healed blood vessels torn in the bar’s wake. And with the Healers came pain-

:Rikard,: Alberich concluded, bracing Mical as he winced. :It is likely to get worse.:

#wei wuxian #mdzs #mdzs fanfiction #the untamed #a long road #in progress #valdemar #crossover

[lith-myathar]

i know this is late babes but this is me submitting star wars (movies. shows. games. all of it) for the blorbo ask meme

Yessssss okay

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most)

Definitely Atton Rand because I have Problems™, but the Exile is a close second. Why yes I also feel empty inside, perfect OC to project on.

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped)

Gotta be Grogu, which I know is not even a slightly hot take, but i do not care

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave)

This is a toughy, I think a lot of my faves are pretty appreciated....uhhhh, actually i have a great affection for Mical as a character, which is not super common i think. he's got a lot going on that's easy to dismiss or not read into deeply because on the surface he doesn't appear to have many flaws or complexities, but he's extremely intelligent and calculating. he has a talent for espionage that is largely helped by him seeming so unremarkable and non-threatening. He's cunning enough that Kreia of all people felt the need to conceal her whole existence from him so she could go about her puppet mastering without interference, like this guy is not just a pretty face. I always really enjoyed fics that delved into that part of his character, especially ones that further explored his dynamic with Atton and how they push each others buttons.

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week)

Any canon Twi'lek, I always really liked their design and lore and would go looking for info on any that appeared in the movies.

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave)

I actually liked Kylo in TFA because he had, at the time, the beginnings of an interesting narrative that could have explored the process of grooming in radicalization/the process of becoming de-radicalized/what choices someone who has done the unforgivable must make in order to go on living a life if they choose to be a different person. Also how a parent squares with that (like if Leia had been the one to redeem him). There was a lot of potential there. My poor little meow meow is the version of Kylo i would have liked to have gotten in the sequel trilogy.

My other one is Maul because big sexy and also robot dong.

And also come to think of it Lord Scourge and Quinn

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason)

Honestly? Revan. I love them but they deserve it. Also canon kylo.

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell)

Canon kylo again, like just get rid of the entire character and start over.

[babineni]

Kotor!

Aaay thank you 💖❤️💖

blorbo: Atton Rand loml ...yeah

scrunkly: T3-M4 😭😭😭😭😭

scrimblo bimblo: Jolee, Juhani and Bao-Dur 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

glup shitto: B4-D4!!!!!!!!!!! Also Master Vash

poor little meow meow: idk Mical ig (I mean no one really gives me poor little meow meow vibes but he gets kinda close)

horse plinko: Squint, I mean Malak. And Atris. Put them both in the freezer next to the frozen pizza

eeby deeby: G0-T0. Bye you metal asshole ❤️

#master vash is so obscure i had to mod her back into the game lol #kotor #replies and stuff #alexandbear

[waiting-for-ciena-ree]

"Parasite" Force Bond Theory

How does the Exile survive Kreia's death at the end of KotOR 2? Throughout the game, the story reinforces the idea that Kreia and the Exile's force bond is so strong that if one of them dies, then so will the other. Astonishingly, after being able to ask each Jedi Master about this problem, the player doesn't even have the option to bring it up to Kreia at the end, when it finally matters. How do we make sense of Kreia's death and the Exile's survival?

I have a personal theory, which comes from trying to understand another of Kreia's deaths: how did Kreia survive being a corpse in a morgue at the beginning of KotOR 2?

This overlooked "death" provides the key to my theory, which is that Kreia functionally died at the beginning of the game when Darth Sion attacked the Ebon Hawk, but she "survived" by attaching her soul to the Exile's. Essentially, Kreia became a parasite, and the Exile became her host. To me, this explains why Kreia and the Exile's force bond is uniquely strong; they are sharing one soul. It also explains why the Exile survives in the end; instead of killing Kreia with a final blow, the Exile simply commands her to "rest now" or "die now," and then Kreia dies of her own volition. Ultimately, all that needed to happen was for Kreia to let go. As a parasite clutching to the Exile's soul, Kreia could not possibly live without that bond, but she could choose to free her host. As the host, the Exile could not forcibly remove the bond, but they could survive losing it.

I'm fond of this theory because I think it's a natural reading of what the game shows us, and because it fits perfectly with how I view Kreia's character and the story's themes. By all rights, Kreia ought to be dead from the start. Both T3-M4 and the Exile identify her as a dead body. But through sheer stubborn will, Kreia clings to life for the sake of teaching the Exile. Furthermore, introducing Kreia as somebody "left for dead" parallels the reading that Kreia was Arren Kae, one of many victims that Revan and the Exile left for dead on Malachor V. Based on that reading, there was already a natural connection between the Exile as a perpetrator and Kreia as a victim. This makes their literal bond symbolically meaningful. Considering that the Exile cut themselves off from the Force to block out the pain of Malachor's victims, it is fitting that one of those victims would return to reawaken the Force in the Exile, in order to make the Exile finally come to grips with the suffering they caused. Another way I'd describe their bond is to liken Kreia to a ghost of Malachor V who is haunting the Exile, and the Exile can't be free of this ghost until they make peace with her. I'm proud of this theory because it ties the game together really well for me.

Why I don't believe Kreia is lying about the Force Bond

Before I go any further, I'd like to address the theory that Kreia was simply lying about the strength of the Force Bond in order to make the Exile do what she wants. This theory is tempting because of its simplicity. Kreia lies about many things to achieve her goals, so wouldn't it make sense for her to lie to you in the beginning that when one of you dies, so will the other? I can't deny that Kreia is a liar, so much so that it is difficult to believe or understand anything she says, even when her words feel true.

However, I don't believe that Kreia is lying about the strength of the bond because both the story and gameplay show that the bond is uniquely and dangerously strong. Near the beginning of the story, the Exile feels the loss of Kreia's hand on Peragus II, and near the end of the story, a dark-sided Exile feels Kreia stab herself on Dantooine. Meanwhile, a light-sided Exile will listen to Kreia describe the Exile's own feelings on Malachor V in loving detail to the Jedi Council, at the story's emotional climax. Both Enclave scenes showcase how powerful the bond is. As you travel, the game mechanics also reinforce the bond's strength in a positive way; Kreia's unique "force chain" ability makes her one of the most useful companions. 

There's also the matter that the game's narrative actually makes effort to disprove one of Kreia’s statements: specifically, the Dantooine Enclave scenes prove that the Jedi Council did NOT cut off the Force from the Exile in the past, even though Kreia said at the beginning that they did. Instead, Kreia's statement about the Jedi Council at the beginning becomes a half-truth, or even a kind of prophecy for the Enclave scene, since we learn that the Jedi Council would still cut off the Force from the Exile once they get the chance. 

Notably, while the Enclave scene disproves Kreia's earlier statement about the Jedi Council, it reinforces her statement about the strength of their bond, especially if the Exile is dark-sided and Kreia stabs herself. Anyway, my reading is that since the narrative doesn't disprove Kreia's words about the Force Bond, and instead offers clues for its strength, this complicates the simple answer that Kreia was lying about the bond. That's why I take the danger of the Force Bond seriously, and I prefer the simple answer that she's telling the truth.

How the game describes Kreia and death

The game's language about Kreia and death is fascinating to me. I love that both T3-M4 and the Exile identify her as a dead body when they first meet her, and that the Exile even meets her in a morgue. I love that Kreia's first words to the player are, "Find what you are looking for amongst the dead?" When the Exile tells Kreia that they thought she was dead, Kreia answers, "Close to death, yes, closer than I'd like." Just how close to death did she come? 

Kreia's introduction of herself is also noteworthy: "I am Kreia, and I am your rescuer -- as you are mine." We already know that Kreia rescued the Exile from the Harbinger, but how did the Exile rescue Kreia? It could be that Kreia is simply referring to how the Exile has found Kreia in the morgue and can help her escape. (It's also a reference to how Luke announces his intention to rescue Leia, Kreia's namesake.) However, it makes more sense to me if Kreia is saying that the formation of the bond literally saved Kreia's life, and that she would be dead without it.

Kreia's annoyance at the Exile looting bodies is mentioned again at Korriban, when she warns the Exile not to disturb the dead lest the Exile provokes the invisible Hssiss guardians into fights. Naturally, respecting the dead is a sensitive subject for Kreia! 

Another detail I love about Kreia is her ability to cloak herself from others, to make herself so small in the Force that people like Sion, Mical, Atris, and Jedi Council members can't see her. This ability feels ghost-like to me; we expect ghosts to be able to turn invisible. 

Finally, I'd like to talk about two parallel lines from Kreia about her own alleged death.

When Master Kavar sees Kreia in the Enclave, he exclaims in a shocked voice that he thought she died in the Mandalorian Wars. Kreia replies, "Died? No. Grow stronger, yes!" 

During the final boss fight on Malachor V, the Exile can ask, "Are you ready to die, old woman?" And Kreia will answer, "I died long ago -- and now the circle is complete. Strike me down, and at last, end this."

These lines from Kreia are two of my favorites in the game because of how they contradict each other. In each case, Kreia takes the opposite position in order to prove her opponent wrong. To say to them, "You thought." To Kavar, who claims that she's supposed to be dead, Kreia insists that she never died; she only grew stronger! To the Exile, who threatens to kill her, Kreia instead counters that she died a long time ago, and so the Exile can't harm her any worse. Kreia's words to the Exile make me emotional because she's in a much more vulnerable position here than when she was speaking to Kavar--here, she is about to die--and yet she still speaks proudly.

They're also brilliant lines for the way they connect Kreia's story to Obi-Wan and Anakin. Like Obi-Wan, Kreia proclaims to grow stronger after death. Like both men acted as though Anakin was dead, Kreia acts as though Arren Kae is dead. Kreia also borrow's Vader's words that "the circle is complete" to describe her relationship with her student. 

When Kreia says, "the circle is complete," it's meaningful that both Arren Kae and Traya were also killed in this same spot by their students. Arren Kae was "betrayed and murdered" by Revan, and Traya was "betrayed and murdered" by Nihilus and Sion. Now as Kreia, she turns the tables by betraying the Exile, but instead of killing the Exile, she forces the Exile to kill her on Malachor a final time, on Kreia's own terms. This completes the "circle" of Kreia's deaths.

But I think we can also apply "the circle is complete" to the structure of the game itself. Kreia begins the game as a corpse in a morgue, who then comes to life through her bond with the Exile. At the end of the game, Kreia returns to death, and her bond with the Exile also ends, leaving behind a wound in the Exile's soul.

Final thoughts inspired by Parasite (2019 film)

As I wrap up, I wanted to share how I thought up the name, "Parasite Theory." I had previously called my ideas the "Kreia Is Dead Theory," but I wanted to come up with a better metaphor. Then I started thinking about Parasite directed by Bong Joon-ho. 

In this section, I won't talk about any important plot spoilers from Parasite, but I will reference the movie's premise and themes. If you've heard anything about Parasite, you've probably already heard about the movie's themes and the central premise, so I don't think reading this would hurt your experience watching the film. But I'll give a vague spoiler warning for Parasite anyway, in case you want to be extra careful.

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Parasite asks, What does it mean to be a parasite? Specifically, it deals with how poor people and rich people develop parasitic behavior in a capitalistic society. At first, it looks as though the movie's central poor family is parasitically conning a rich family in order to survive. But later, when the movie takes a broader look at society, it's clear that a few rich families are parasites that hoard resources away from the many poor families, while also relying on their labor to fund their extravagant lifestyles. 

Obviously KotOR 2 doesn't take a deep dive into capitalism, but it does explore the aftermath of war in a thoughtful way which is rare for Star Wars. Even though the central sci-fi conceit of A New Hope is the invention of a planet-killing weapon, the movie doesn't dwell on Leia's reaction to Alderaan's destruction any longer than necessary. The spectacle of war and space explosions usually take priority in Star Wars movies, since they're blockbusters. In contrast, KotOR 2 doesn't even show the initial destruction of Malachor V, and the story is all about the suffering left in its wake. It also makes the stunning decision to have the protagonist be the person who ordered the planet's destruction. In this way, while Parasite explores the parasitic relationships between the rich and the poor, I think KotOR 2 explores parasitic relationships between the perpetrators and victims in a war.

And this gets at why I feel so much sympathy for Kreia, even though she is a manipulator who does horrible things. And it is easy to characterize her as a parasite who is feeding off of the Exile's soul in order to survive. Because when you get down to it, Arren Kae was a victim of planetary destruction caused by the Exile. In their own way, the Exile was also a parasite who relied on the destruction of countless lives in order to end the Mandalorian War. Like the rich family in Parasite, the Exile fed on people's suffering, even if that suffering was so harmful to the Exile that they cut themselves off from the Force.

When Kreia re-awakens the Force in the Exile, she also forces the Exile to confront their parasitic effect on the galaxy, even at the cost of becoming a parasite herself. And the surprising aspect of this is that Kreia still loves the Exile and finds hope in them in spite of the harm they've caused, even to herself. I'd say that the central question of KotOR 2 is something like, "What does it mean to love and honor the people we kill?" A light-side run of KotOR 2 finds hopeful answers to this question, as the Exile's actions help the galaxy heal and the Jedi Order rebuild. Essentially, to love people hurt in the galaxy means putting in the hard work to help them, rather than turning away from them in apathy. 

When it comes to Kreia and the Exile's parasitic relationship, one of the messiest and most complex fictional relationships I've ever seen, the Exile can bring a kind of peace of mind to Kreia, but they cannot escape the burden of killing her. In Kreia's view, this is because she "died long ago" and all there is left to do is for the Exile to finish what they started. To kill Arren Kae again, once more, but this time looking her in the eyes. For Kreia, that is the only honor from you that she wants.

#Kreia #kotor #kotor 2 #jedi exile #knights of the old republic #mine #meta #arren kae #This got very long I'm sorry aaahhh

[sillyshelterdogs]

Mical

Chihuahua X Schnauzer |M| Derwood, MD

"Introducing Mical, the teeniest, tiniest, goofiest, sweetest senior boy! Mical was surrendered to a shelter in Maryland in pretty rough shape. His previous owners decided they no longer wanted him after they got pregnant, so Mical was abandoned in a cold, noisy shelter all by himself. Poor Mical didn't understand what he did wrong to lose his family and shook from fear in the shelter. We could not leave him there by himself, so thanks to a generous foster opening their home, Mical was able to leave the shelter without looking back.

Mical is estimated to be 12 years old and weights 8 pounds. He lives with other dogs in his foster home and is friendly to all. He enjoys being carried around by his foster mom and sitting on her lap any chance he can get. As a senior, he does not need hours of exercise a day, and is perfectly content with a few short walks a day. At only 8 pounds, he is the perfect size for any type of home."

#shelter dog #rescue dog #mixed breed #petfinder #Chihuahua #schnauzer #maryland

[copyplays]

Closing the ask box for now. I just can’t keep up with the ammount I’m getting as I have less free time these days and I feel kinda guilty leaving ppl waiting for their answer for a long streaches of time.

Gonna post the asks I gatered so far in batches.

First one under cut.

@heimkoheimkofan I was expecting like a stone age style club but this makes a lot more sense as far as utility goes for big ppl. And the entire 2003 clone wars series was soooo good.

@criminalhobbit @ralsei-deltarune @deadpoet117 @determination-personified @halibellecter @lady--revan @kentonowvo @slushie-kun @beextonpoet @pressxtoceane @secretlyjoyfultidalwave

I’m sorry I can’t answer all of those individually anymore. I really appreciate all you guys you;re so sweet to reach out to say you like my art. Thank you so much! You’re all wonderful.

@revangarcia I know the one you’re refering to! And yeah that might have influenced that headcanon yes^^. It just felt more in turn with the Revan/Malak dynamic I picture than Revan being the one behind his jaw being gone.

So yeah for me Malak list his jaw sometime durning the war with Revan feeling guilty she couldn’t shielf her friend from the damage that comes with following her where she’s going.

@keysoffate I find it interesing that unlike with Atton and the Disciple, Visas is actually more secure from falling to the dark side out of jelousy even though she’s closer to the Sith.

I think she sees her for what she could be past the Atris propaganda.

@keysoffate This one confesused me a little gotta say^^;

@hdreaper The fact that everyone I run into hates on Vrook brings me so much joy tbh

@firebreathingsteven I think in the heat of the moment she made the decission pretty quickly.

The impact only really hit her when they reached Telos and ppl started bringing up what it means to the planet. Which only added to the Malachor complex she carries around and made her really eager to complete that fuel for Telos side quest.

@crim-bat this is very nicely written but also I can’t pucture my Revan actually going back to working with the order after regaining all her memories. Probably why she’d go to the Unknown Regions alone...

@avenger09 I have so many feelings about that line. And Malak in general poor guy.

@keysoffate idk my exile post Malachor probably wouldn’t kiss ppl out of the blue and with how this question is phrased that’s all I can picture here^^;

@bluewhal3s took me a couple playthroughs to realise this

@jeddid98 she’s the grandma with impossible standards

@ineedholy-water I may be biased but the prequels were the first Star Wars thing I watched and Anakin was always my fav. So all my characters like him too

@bluewhal3s

@loser-meganes I usually just see what part of myself the story the characters are a part of brings out. The way it happens is the first playthrough is usually the closest of me just playing me since I don’t know what the story is about yet. Then the characters evolve to become more individual and in tune with story themes and setting. I also tend to latch on to backstory elements that are left open enough for me to come up with what character pasts may have been.

@ask-celeron they also just see fighting as a very intimate thing

@dreaming-of-the-unknown It’s nice that everyone can put their own spin on dealing with all that trauma^^

@jedid98

@marvelous-myrtle Somewhere inbetween on the Atton-Disciple brokeness spectrum. Mical is pretty lonely on his less broken side of the scale tbh.

@heimkoheimkofan gonna be honest I don’t remember much about them past the fact they exist

@mrneighbourlove he is pretty neat. Tho I’m still taken by surprise by how many enthusiasts of his there are in here^^

As far as covering things idk. I am playing with the mods so I’ll see it. We’ll see if it’ll give me art ideas.

@omgnoabsolutelynot He’s great. Doing truly great working past his part in the war.

@mrneighbourlove

@jerichot I wouldn’t call whatever she feels for him love but hey that means more Nihilus love for you^^

@amusedcory now I guess

#ask #kotor #kotor2 #revan #exile #jedi exile #malak #visas #visas marr #handmaiden #brianna #atton #atton rand #bao dur #kreia #longpost

[transmutationisms]

Long time listener first time caller (well not really I'm pretty sure we've talked about Succession before). I wanna read up more on anti psychiatry but I'm fucking shithouse at reading, are there any like videos or podcasts or audiobooks you'd recommend, because that would make my life ten times easier

yes great question honestly. i haven't heard all of these podcast episodes, but i curated the list based on knowing the speakers' work (not necessarily the podcast hosts/shows!), and i think these are good places to start.

"Debunking the Myth of the Chemical Imbalance with Dr. Joanna Moncrieff" interviewed by Dr. Caroline Leaf

Revolution Health Radio: "Reviewing the Evidence on the Serotonin Theory of Depression, with Dr. Joanna Moncrieff"

Mad in America Radio: Lucy Johnstone on the Power Threat Meaning Framework

NPR Fresh Air: Anne Harrington on psychiatry's "troubled search" for a biological understanding of mental illness

New Books Network: Mical Raz on her book "What's Wrong With the Poor: Psychiatry, Race, and the War on Poverty"

The Mental Breakdown Morning Show: "Bruce Cohen and Psychiatric Hegemony" (Cohen, unlike most on this list, explicitly aims for a marxist explanation and understanding of mental illness)

Madness Radio: "Bipolar Medication Myths" (Joanna Moncrieff interviewed by Will Hall)

What Your GP Doesn't Tell You: "David Healy Discusses SSRI Drugs, Suicide and Sexual Dysfunction"

Coming From Left Field: "The Political Economy of Mental Health Systems with Joanna Moncrieff"

States of Mind: "Mental Illness in America" (includes segments with Katherine Bankole-Medina, Jonathan Metzl, Allan Horwitz, Jamie Cohen-Cole, and Elyn Saks)

Jesse Meadows's podcast on ADHD, "Sluggish" (haven't listened to this one, but have read a lot of their writing; they're challenging the psychiatric view of ADHD as a person who struggles with the symptoms and behaviours the diagnostic label describes)

audio books: i'm honestly not sure where's the best and cheapest place to actually download these from, but i know there are audio books of 'mind fixers' by anne harrington (narrated by joyce bean) and 'desperate remedies' by andrew scull (narrated by jonathan keeble). uh, if anyone has a good list of audiobooks on this lmk :-)

#psychiatry

[visionmarred-archive]

maybe ‘basorexia’ or ‘whelve’ for sky and atton? 🤔

So I tried to mix them both together? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’m not super satisfied with the result and I’d like to go back and revise in the future, tbh, but for the moment, this is what I’ve got. Thanks for the prompt Dani!

“Hi there, flyboy. Not joining in the party either?”

Atton looked up from the pazaak card he had been idly twirling in his fingers to see Sky standing in front of him. He knew that their illustrious leader had been mingling nearby, but he hadn’t expected her to come look for him, at least not anytime soon.

Sky, Mical, and Mandalore had returned from meeting Master Kavar on Onderon earlier that day, where after the motley gang of misfits had been banned from the planet until further notice and Mandalore had invited himself into their group. But before they left for Korriban, he had insisted on a Mandalorian-style party - a gesture of goodwill, and over escaped Onderon alive.

“Who says I’m not partying? I got all the festivities I need right here.” He replied, using the pazaak card to gesture towards a flask sitting next to him.

She snorted, and Atton was ready to make a quip on how unladylike the sound was when she spoke again. “Your party sounds more appealing right now, if you don’t mind the company…?”

Though initially a little surprised, Atton maintained a cool and indifferent facade as he shrugged. “Go for it, I’m not gonna stop you.”

Smiling gratefully at him, Sky shrugged off her bolero jacket and lay it on the ground next to him before sitting down on top of it. “That poor thing’s gonna get covered in grass stains now, you know.” Atton tsked.

“Better my jacket than my rear.” She replied cheerfully, startling a chuckle from Atton as his thoughts shifted to much more fun ways to get grass stains there…

“Whatever you say, Princess.”

The two sat in companionable silence for a moment, reminding him of their time spent together in the cockpit. Sometimes, during those long hyperspace drives, the two would talk about almost anything and everything that came to mind, playing pazaak and chatting the hours away. And sometimes, they didn’t say anything at all; Atton would be flying the ship or playing his mental pazaak game, and Sky would be reclining in the co-pilot’s chair with her boots on the console. Either way, it was time spent with the beautiful Exile, and he wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Krif, he was getting sappy over her again. Switch the face of the +1/-1 card, the totals are 5-13. No telling when the old witch would try peeking where she didn’t belong again, and if somehow she didn’t already know how he felt about Sky then he didn’t want to give her the opportunity to find out. But he wasn’t that big a fool, Her Royal Crypticness probably already did know and had filed away at least twenty different ways to use it against him.

“So… why join the Atton Rand party of fun for one?” He asked, hoping to distract himself from his own thoughts. Sky had been gazing up at the stars and turned her look towards him at the question. “I mean, isn’t schmoozing your thing?

She opened her mouth as if to say something, and then closed it. Sky had been wearing that smile of hers again, the one that Atton had come to recognize meant that she was hiding how she was feeling. He wasn’t about to say it to her, but he noticed that she wore different types of smiles, hiding behind them about as much as he did his own conflicting emotions. And there was a subtle difference between her genuine ones and the ones she gave to kriffing near everybody she spoke to.

“I guess… I guess I wanted to hide away for a little bit.” Sky admitted, brushing a strand of hair behind her ears as she looked down at the ground. Atton was surprised at the next question, yet at the same time he wasn’t. “Does… does this feel weird to you, too? Being here, I mean?”

“On this planet, or at this party?” He asked, though he figured he already knew the answer, and he was right.

“Both.” She shrugged. “I fought here in the wars, years ago. I watched the Mandalorians cut down soldiers with no mercy, and I wanted to be merciful at first, like the Jedi I was supposed to be.” She looked away from him and back at the forest, lost in her own memories. “But then… everything changed. I changed. And here we are, over ten years later, sharing food and drink with the same people that I killed back then. It’s… it’s strange.”

Atton nodded sympathetically, reaching for the flask and taking a swig of the juma juice inside. “I get it.” He replied, about to put the stopper back on when he decided to offer her some instead. She nodded gratefully and accepted the flask from him, her fingers brushing over his own; he felt stupidly giddy over that slight interaction.

Sky handed him back the flask, and he noticed that it felt quite a bit lighter than when he had handed it to her. “Krif, Sargas, I forgot how much you can drink. Next time I’m charging you.”

“Sorry!” She hid a laugh behind her hand, a newfound flush on her cheeks from the alcohol. “But… you did offer.”

“Yeah, well, that’ll teach me to offer to an alcoholic like you.” But he grinned at her, setting the flask down between the two of them.

“After everything I’ve seen here on this moon, I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s what I’m going to be in ten years’ time. I’m surprised I’m not one now, to be honest.” Sky said it cheerfully enough, but her eyes were serious, and she was wearing that fake smile of hers again. This place is getting to her more than I thought.

“You, an alcoholic? Nah. I was just running my big mouth. I’m the alcoholic here, if anything.” Atton said, hoping to make her feel better with some bad humor. She was going to say something when he added, “You’re better than that, Sargas. That’s not you.”

“Am I?” She asked, and the mask fell. She looked exhausted in every sense of the word, a contrast to the lively noises of Mandalorians dancing and drinking some ways away. He knew they were the same age, but in that moment, she looked ten years older than she was. “I… I’m sorry Atton, I shouldn’t have come over here and started burdening you like that. That was unthoughtful, and I - I’ll leave you to it, shall I?”

Sky got up to leave, and without thinking, Atton grabbed her hand. “Woah, hey, slow down a second. You don’t have to go.” He squeezed her fingers gently, hoping to provide her some comfort. She looked nervous, but nodded and sat down next to him again anyway.

“It’s just - well, I didn’t mean to ruin your good time or anything.” She said, ready to apologize again.

“My good time?” He snorted, rolling his eyes. “Firstly Sargas, in case you didn’t notice, I was sitting here drinking by myself until you walked along. And secondly, you’ve gotta stop doing that.”

“Doing what?”

“What you just did. Apologizing for opening up and being human. You don’t have to bottle yourself up like that, you know. You can just… be yourself. You don’t have to bury it away.” He realized he was still holding her hand - she hadn’t pulled away from him. If you start sweating because you’re holding a cute girl’s hand, go check the mirror and make sure you’re not still twelve years old, idiot.

She half-smiled at that. “I could say the same for you about burying yourself away, you know.” Slowly, cautiously, Sky twined her fingers through his own, and he squeezed her hand again.

“Do as I say, and not as I do?” Atton offered, getting a low chuckle. “Besides, you didn’t even really say that much, you know. If you’re gonna apologize for opening up, make it over something good. Make it something really raunchy.”

He wiggled his eyebrows at her and she laughed at that, shaking her head and closing her eyes. “I’ll keep your suggestion in mind.”

“Perfect.” Atton thought about kissing her - gently, on the forehead. Sky would smile that genuine smile of hers, and they could just… sit together. Be together. Feel better than either of them had felt in years.

Instead of that, he said, “I get it, though, what you were saying before about hiding away. Being here is weird for me, too.” He wanted to tell her more - about how he watched the best friend he enlisted with die during their first battle, and the mere fact that he was at some party thrown by Mandalorians felt like a slap to Kane’s face. Or about how he enlisted hoping to do some good, maybe like she did, and instead ended up with shrapnel scars and rage at anything and everything.

Maybe she understood already, without the need for words. He hoped that was the case, because trying to untangle parts of himself and present them to her for her judgement felt full near impossible. He felt like he understood her pretty well, and hoped that she knew where he was coming from too.

“Here’s to us, then. Sitting by ourselves while everyone else is having fun at a party.” Sky said. She let go of his hand, and he wanted to protest when she scooted herself over and rested her head on his shoulder.

“I - yeah.” Atton replied, deciding krif it to caution and leaning his head against hers. “Wanna go get invited to another party so we can brood in their corner too?”

She laughed, reaching for his hand again. “I wouldn’t miss it.”

#sierra's asks #sierra writes #ghostlygal #OTP: Thought You Were a Dream #''i can handle constructive criticism'' i say while sobbing #seriously tho i need to improve badly #so i should def come back and edit at some point #OC: Skysargas

[thatwitchrevan]

Mical tried to ignore the muttered swearing - he wanted to finish this reading before his free time was up and he was required to return to his dormitory. But the quiet, frustrated chatter didn’t cease, and just as he was beginning to feel frustrated himself another, calmer voice joined in with the first.

“Revan, you have got to calm down. The library staff is not going to be happy if you keep disturbing the peace.”

“Fuck the peace, Vrook is gonna have my head if I don’t finish this on time. I promised him.”

Mical sat up slightly, looking in the direction of the voices. Their source was obscured by the library shelves in between him and the main area of tables, but he was tempted to abandon his reading after all and seek them out. He knew of only one ‘Revan’ at the Enclave, and his curiosity would not allow him to ignore a chance to see her. She was so often on missions these days, and never came to observe the younglings. She apparently had no intention of taking an apprentice, which had greatly disappointed some of Mical’s peers.

“If you explained to him that you overextended yourself, I’m sure he’d give you more time.”

“Yeah, right. Master Vrook is always looking for a way to take me down. And then Arianna will tell me I should’ve used my time better, and Master Kae will just smirk at me like a smug old bat. I’d rather crash and burn than admit defeat at this point.”

Mical sat up further, listening with interest. One of the more curious things about Revanna Lin was the number of master who were invested in her training. She’d officially been apprenticed with Master Arianna Lien until knighthood (“A good enough master,” according Master Vandar), but it was Vrook Lamar who had brought her to the academy and watched over her, Zhar Lestin who had guided her on the path of a Jedi Guardian, and Master Arren Kae who fed her mind with philosophy and, according to some, discontent. All of this Mical knew simply from listening. The masters seemed always to be talking about Revan.

The conversation turned back to irritated muttering, so Mical stood and headed towards the speakers. He poked his head around the shelves he’d been sitting between, saw the two young knights a few tables down. One had dark skin and coily brown hair, and wore a frustrated expression. The other was Revan - pale, with black hair pinned behind her head, a serious and determined scowl aimed at the datapads in front of her.

Mical approached timidly, conscious of how small, how young he was. Still just a youngling, and this legend to be didn’t want a padawan; fair enough, and she wasn’t the master he wanted, either, but it meant she had no use for him, might have no reason to entertain his interest. He approached anyway.

Mical had no idea what to say, but before he could come up with something Revan had gotten frustrated again and slammed her hand lightly on the table. “Dammit!” she said, not even quietly this time. Her companion looked angry, but this late at night there was no one here but them, Mical, and the staff, none of whom were near enough to comment.

Revan sighed and then looked up at the intruder, her striking, light eyes piercing him. “Yes?”

Mical faltered, then bowed hurriedly. “Sorry, ma’am. Knight Lin. I just-”

“Revan is fine,” the knight interrupted.

Mical frowned, but of confusion rather than irritation. “Pardon?”

“No ‘miss’ or ‘ma’am’ or anything. You can call me Revan. And that’s Selena.” Revan gestured to her friend across the table, who reconstructed her irritated look into a warm smile for Mical. “And you are?”

Mical’s small hands shook. He so rarely spoke to the knights. And while only one was of particular interest to him, he was in admiration and fear of them all. “I - um, Mical. I’m Mical.”

Revan nodded. Her expression was bored, but not unkind. She relaxed in her chair with her arm resting on the pile of holobooks and regarded him. “So. Do you need something, Mical?”

“Uh..not exactly, Mi- Revan. I just. Wanted to speak to you. Uh, see if you need any help, maybe.”

He hadn’t intended to offer any assistance, and probably couldn’t, but he could think of no other excuse for speaking to her. And she did not seem the type to indulge the curiosity of young hopefuls.

She arched an eyebrow at him. “I’m doing a research project for Master Vrook. It’s to do with highly theoretical concepts on the Force. I’m not sure a youngling can help.”

Mical tried not to fidget his hands. Why had he done this? Talking to people was hard, especially adults. “I could try. I spend a lot of time in the library.”

Revan laughed, the sound soft and musical. “Clearly. Come here then, Mical.”

Mical hesitated a moment before walking toward her. There was something about her...she was just as strange as she was charming. He looked uncertainty at her companion, who shrugged as if to say she didn’t understand either.

Revan was looking down at him now, with how close he stood to her chair. In a few years, he’d be nearly as tall as her, but for now he was so small. “You’re Meetra’s hopeful, aren’t you? She’s told me about you.”

Warmth spread from the center of Mical’s chest. He’d wanted to be Surik’s apprentice for a time now, but he’d never imagined she might want him, too. And to talk about him to her friends, when his training would still be a couple years away! He found himself smiling. “What did she say?” he heard himself ask, and this time both Jedi laughed.

“She said if she decides to be a teacher, she wants you,” Selena told him, smiling. “She said if any of us take you from her, she’ll never speak to us again.”

“She doesn’t have to tell me,” Revan sighed. “No matter how much Vrook and Arianna nag, I’m not getting an apprentice anytime soon.”

“Oh but Revan, you’d make such a good teacher.”

“Please, I’m just glad I could help Alek get knighted. A kid is too much for me.” Revan picked up one of the datapads and showed it to Mical. “Alright kid, so here’s the thing. I’m supposed to be researching all these topics, and I’ve got most of them already. I uh, also spend a lot of time here. But it’s this last one I’m having trouble with. The only sources I can find on it aren’t in-depth enough.”

Bless Ashla, Mical recognized the term. “I have an idea,” he squeaked, and then rushed off to one of the shelves nearby. He returned with a heavy, older datapad and set it on the desk. “I think I read something about it in here. Check the contents table.”

Revan powered on the datapad and did as he said, and after a moment she made a soft noise of affirmation. “Yes, there’s a whole chapter here.” She opened the chapter and scanned it. “This is perfect, Mical. Thank you.”

She looked sideways at him and smiled. “You really study hard, don’t you.”

Mical nodded, perhaps a bit quickly. He flushed a little from embarrassment, but Revan didn’t seem annoyed. “Yes, ma- Revan. I love to read.”

“Good. That’s how I got where I am. Keep it up, and soon you’ll be a wise and well-read padawan.”

Mical beamed, a wave of hope washing over him, but there was still a tinge of cold anxiety underneath it. After all, no one had expressed any explicit interest in him to him, or to any of his teachers.

Revan frowned as if she could sense it. Maybe she could. “Don’t worry, Mical. You’re going to be a great Jedi. I promise.”

-

Revan closed the door to Meetra’s dorm a little more harshly than was necessary and turned a light frown on her friend.

Meetra was apparently just out of the shower, her short hair damp, and was sitting on her bed in her nightclothes. She looked up from cleaning the hilt as her lightsaber as Revan approached, brow raised as she waited for Revan to speak.

“You need to have a talk with your padawan.” There was an edge of frustration in her voice, a chill to her blue eyes.

Meetra’s expression became confused. “I have no padawan.”

Revan shook her head - she had no patience for Meetra today, it seemed. “You know who I mean. That little boy that practically worships you? The one we’ve all sworn off for you, once you decide to pay attention to him? I spoke to him today, and he had no idea you were intending to claim him.”

Meetra looked down at her lightsaber and sighed deeply. “I haven’t spoken to him because I did not wish to raise his hopes. I haven’t decided if and when I intend to train an apprentice.”

“Meetra, this is one of the brightest kids of his generation, and he’s being completely overlooked. I felt how anxious he was for you to choose him. And if you don’t, and he gets stuck with someone like Vrook? They’ll crush him, Meetra. All that creativity, all that spirit, all that hope could be ruined if the wrong person trains him.”

Meetra met her eyes with something that was almost a glare. “Why don’t you train him, then?”

Revan was not impressed. She stepped closer, her eyes genuinely angry now. “Do you think I have anything near the temperament to train some ten year old? I’d fuck him up! Which is exactly my point, Meetra; he doesn’t need just anyone. He needs you.”

Meetra looked at her weapon again, and consequently her hands. She finished polishing the lightsaber with the rag and set both aside on the bed next to her. “And what about the war? What if I leave before he’s ready to start training? Before I’m ready?”

Revan shook her head. “I don’t know Meetra. But you can’t just leave him hanging. He’s...he’s meant to be with you, Meetra. Can’t you tell?”

Meetra shrugged. “I don’t know what’s so special about me.”

Revan sighed and sat down next to her, on the opposite side of where her saber rested. “Then you’re not paying enough attention. Look, just go talk to him. Tell him you’re interested in training him, give the poor kid some hope. And don’t be afraid to get attached to him. It’s going to work out. I know it is.”

She looked at her friend. “Every time I think about how much time was wasted on Alek...I don’t want to see another kid go through that. He needs you. Maybe you need him and you just don’t know it yet. And the Council isn’t sending us to war anytime soon, so. You might as well start planning for the future.”

Meetra met her eye. “What about you?”

Revan shook her head. “Only future I’m worried about is getting this project back to Vrook so he doesn’t lecture my head off.” She patted Meetra’s leg and stood. “See you, Surik. Go talk to your padawan.”

-

Meetra almost backed out five times, but she managed to make herself wait outside Master Vandar’s class until the students started filing out. She caught sight of Mical and barely a second later he caught sight of her. The smile that split his face did the same to her heart - she’d forgotten how small he was, how much he adored her.

She waited until he came to stand in front of her. “Mical. Do you have a minute? I’d like to speak with you.”

Mical nodded eagerly, so she led him to the courtyard. She sat on one of the benches and he sat beside her, and then she realised she had no idea how to do this.

When she was eleven, she certainly thought twenty one was a mature age. Now, she wasn’t so sure. She didn’t feel like much of an adult, even compared to him. “Mical,” she started. She looked over and realized he was watching her, hanging on her every word. Force. “I’m sorry I haven’t talked to you sooner.”

His eyes shined at her, hope and worry fighting each other in his mind. Force.

“Ever since I met you, Mical, I’ve thought you were special. I believe my friends told you I had some interest in training you. And that’s true.” Hope was getting a leg up, but fear was smart enough to sense a ‘but’. “I’m still young, though, Mical, and you’re two years from being of age to train as an apprentice.”

Mical nodded, probably fighting to keep his expression neutral. Younglings always struggled with controlling their emotions - Meetra certainly had. “I understand.”

Meetra smiled, trying to be reassuring. “This isn’t a ‘no’, Mical. It’s merely that I don’t want to make any promises to you that I can’t keep. You’re special, and I would love to train you. But I can’t see the future even one step ahead of me.”

She fought down the lump forming in her throat. Chaos, yet harmony. The war may be raging terribly, but she had a place here. Maybe this was where she was meant to be, regardless of what happened. It’s where she wanted to be.

It was dangerous, to allow herself to imagine it. Training Mical, spending years with him and watching him grow, working with her friends and their padawans, going on relief missions and then coming home to calm, beautiful Dantooine. But the suffering outside their little, serene world was getting worse, and whatever the Council said she knew someone needed to intervene. What if she had to be that someone?

But Mical’s hope was wavering, and it killed her. Meetra sighed and touched his soft, bright hair. “Mical. My friend, please don’t be sad. I may not be able to see the future, but I believe in you. Even if I’m not here when your time comes, you’ll find your way. And as much as I can, I’ll be there for you.” Maybe if she couldn’t train him, she could come home after the war, while he was still an apprentice, and help him the way Zhar and Kae had helped Revan. If not a master, maybe she could be his mentor.

If she came home.

Mical nodded, and his storm of emotions moved her so much that she pulled the boy into a loose hug. He stilled from surprise, then wrapped his arms around her as she rested her hand on his back. “Remember, Mical, that your strength doesn’t come from other people. It comes from you. I may not be here to teach you, but you already have everything it takes to be a great Jedi. Just follow your heart, and trust in the Force. And trust in your own strength. It will not fail you.”

-

“I know you,” she said again, and this time she wasn’t planning to back down. Maybe he could tell.

He sighed, smiling patiently on the end of it, like he’d known he’d eventually have to explain himself. “My name is Mical. Perhaps that helps?”

Meetra frowned, her expression changing as she went through several different levels of confusion. She could see him holding back a laugh at the sight. “Mical? My Mical? From the Enclave?”

He nodded. “It’s been, well. A long time.”

She blinked. Her expression and thoughts were foggy, her brain still catching up. “You can say that again. Force, Mical.” She looked him over, as if only just now seeing him. He’d been frozen in her memory as a scrawny youngling with too-wide eyes. “You’re...grown up.”

He did laugh now, just a small chuckle escaping his resolve to be serious. “That does tend to happen, as time passes.”

Meetra grinned, slowly, the expression growing from her bewildered frown. “I suppose so. I’m not as young as I used to be, either.” She hesitated, then leaned forward, hugging him with enough hesitance that he could step back if he wanted. He didn’t. He held her to his chest with a fierceness she never would’ve expected from him.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” she told him. “I meant to be. I would have much rather trained you than do anything that I did. I wanted to train you, Mical, I just-”

“Shh.” His hand gently rubbed her back. “It’s nothing to apologize for. You were needed elsewhere. And I found my way, just like you promised.” He released her as she pulled back to disengage, smiling softly at her. “I’m very happy you survived, and I’m happy to follow you now, wherever you’ll go.”

Meetra shook her head, slightly. She still didn’t feel worthy of that responsibility, that trust. Didn’t feel equal to it, after everything that had happened.

But Force, if the galaxy was giving her a second chance with Mical, she was damn well going to take it.   

#alright here's the whole thing cause i have no self control #i'm not tagging it bc i literally just wrote it #also the first part with padawan!mical is probably going to be in warrior's birth #and the second part with grown!mical is probably going to be in my k2 playthrough fic #griffin writes

[allronix]

KOTOR thought: Telos was where the Jedi Civil War was lost

We all know that Alderaan in the OT was one of those big shatterpoints (pun intended) for the whole conflict. And it was one that was the beginning of the end for the Empire. Destroying a Core World known for being a peaceful world of artists and scholars that was loyal on-paper (even if it was an open secret they weren't happy with things) in an unprovoked attack was supposed to cow any world thinking of rebelling into fearful compliance...And instead, a lot of nascent rebel movements went "Fuck it, we're dead if we do and dead if we don't." Planets who had been on the fence or trying to stay out of it went "We're next, even if we try to placate or negotiate." And there was a ton of pissed off Alderaan expats (like Leia and Jan Ors) who were avenging lost loved ones signing up. the Rebellion now had an atrocity to rally around and to tell potential allies "Look, that could be YOUR planet next."

With one shot, Tarkin set into motion the end of the Empire. Nice going breaking it. And that brings to mind Telos. 

Up until that point, Revan was all surgical strikes and selective targets. Take out one city, spare the rest. Assassinate a few key leaders and install quislings. Primarily attack Jedi and the Republic navy, but leave the planetary infrastructure intact. It was plausible that folks would sign up with Revan or at least be open to the idea because Revan was not the kind of crazy Exar Kun or the Mandalorians ran on.  Telos was a planet that would have been invaluable taken "alive." The Jedi planned to use it as a hiding spot if they lost Coruscant and/or Dantooine.  It's sitting on a major hyperspace route. It has a lot of experienced soldiers, lots of useful hardware and natural resources that could be put to the war effort (yes, the Star Forge is useful. The Forge also had nasty side effects and Revan was smart enough to know that). 

And the key resource; a ton of Force Sensitives who would have EVERY reason to turn on the Jedi Order with not much persuasion. Remember, Telos is a world made up of AgriCorps; these were kids who were taken from their families, had all their ties cut aside from The Order is Mother, the Order is Father...and then, come adolescence, they got told "Meh. You suck. Here's a dead end job on a far away planet." It's hard to FIND anything on the Service Corps other than Jedi who call them "washouts," "failures," "disappointments," "wasted potential." Now add that Jedi are technically barred from having kids, Service Corps are encouraged to pump out kids (ostensibly to settle the worlds they're stationed on), Force Sensitivity having a strong genetic component...Yeah. Let's just add THAT to the fire.  Considering that the Service Corps are looked down on by the Jedi as poor relations and treated as breeding stock? It's amazing that more Sith Lords HAVEN'T taken full advantage of this. It's also pretty amazing that the TSF, Carth, and Mical were as civil as they were, given they had every reason in the book to tell a Jedi where to shove the sabers. Taking it would also be a message to the Jedi "Hey, don't go hiding behind your poor relations. Come out and fight me."

So, you're Revan. and you want to see if your apprentice has a marginal clue about how to wage a war, not just fight a battle. You also have this admiral that is defecting, might have some potential as far as overall leadership, and this planet that should be easy pickings. So you go on vacation for a bit and see if Saul and Malak can accomplish this blue milk run. Saul and Malak manage to fuck it up in such a spectacular way that it defies belief. You get dead rock. No natural resources. No military hardware. No base you can put on the hyperspace route. Now, the Republic has an atrocity to rally around, neutral or friendly planets might be thinking about signing up with the Republic to keep that from happening to them, and the Sensitives who had every reason to resent the Jedi and sign up with you are now going to go to the Republic and the Jedi.

So, after an argument that ends with Malak literally picking his jaw off the floor, you are racing to do damage control on this clusterfuck. You assign Malak to his own flagship and make no secret about shopping for new apprentices because Malak proved he's useless past a battlefield. You assign Saul to Malak because Malak needs some hand-holding in the brains department, and it's as good as sentencing Saul to death because eventually Malak's temper is going to get the better of him. And the two of them, knowing the ax is coming for their heads, bide their time and wait for their shot...which comes when Bastila boards Revan's ship. Malak orders Saul to fire so he can save his ass by taking out Revan. Saul does so to save his own ass. And things don't work as planned.

And just to cap off the Force's idea of a joke, Revan gets saved again...by a Telosian who was only on that ship to get a shot at Saul for nuking his homeworld.  

#star wars #fandom meta #Revan #malak #Saul Karath #KOTOR