#ppl irl say this to me too

[girls-and-honey]

.

#okay so random tag post even though it's been ages #me thinks the current place i work is actually decent a la accepting-queer-ppl so?? miiiiight. consider actually putting my #pronouns in my email signature (which hardly gets used but shh) but like. the actual ones not the society/people assume anyway ones #idk i attended a virtual tech focused event for trans dov (yes early but they didn't want to put the event on sun) and you know when #everyone is just sharing their stories and experiences and it's just like... an overwhelming sense of community? anyway that #and since it was hosted by a professional org the topics were all workplace focused and mayhaps that's something i'm thinking abt for #this year. at least within our pride group I might be ready? wild bc for a long time tumblr has been the only place I feel comfy being 100% #myself. but hearing real people's stories makes me feel like that kind of community would be nice to have elsewhere too #and the whole looking to others also turns around into the leading by example thing bc then we had some breakout groups at the end for #networking which is not my favorite but! i did my intro and said I use she/her for work but will use she/they for this group and #then the next person said he/him at work but for this group he/they so that made me wonder if it was bc of me saying so first? #which if it was is kind of like oh. the way I'm looking for those people for me.. I can also be that for someone else #anyway this sounds dumb typed out but irl/professional me has always separated out queer identity so it's new to me #i'm allowed to be giddy okay. just a little. as a treat (is tumblr still using 'as a treat' i really hope so) #oh shit is this what gender euphoria feels like #alright that's it for now i think #gah emotions and whatnot #missed you all btw i'll start actually being online again soon #personal

[iloveyouitisruiningmylife]

i just came out to a real life person and i think im having a heart attack

#IT WAS SO UNPLANNED I HADN'T THOUGHT ABOUT IT AT ALL I DIDN'T EVWN THINK WE WERW FRIENDS?? #she lives in the building next to mine and we go to tui together to divide the auto fare and we've been walking home 2-3 dino se #and she likes kpop and kdramas #but like there isn't that Spark yk like oh ny god i love u best friends forever its a little awkward and formal still #but we were talking about something and oh my god #when we reached home we were standing uski building ke neeche and she was like i want to introduce you to my childhood bestie i think you #two will like each other #and i was like kinda weirded out like um are we that close yet i thought we were just classmates 😭😭 #so i asked ki oh why all of a sudden #and she's like 'i like you' and i look at her and laugh and she said STOP LAUGHING i don't meant it like that im straight ok #and idk something in me snapped i was like oh are u homophobic too? #but pls she didn't know what it meant 😭 so i explained ki do u hate gay people then #she said no no ofc not SO I JUST BLURTED OUT KI good cause im bisexual #THE SHOCK ON HER FACE OMG im saying this now in freaking out now but at that time i said it really coolly and proudly without fumbling #my voice didn't drop down to a low volume or waver or anything (which im so proud bc she's like the first irl person ive come out to face #to face??????? i mean obv childhood friends don't count they're all gay #but anyway she was like OH and then SHE FUMBLED she was like oh nice i respect u very much and it was so awkward i was like haan haan shut #up just don't tell anyone very few ppl know 😭and she wasn't done she was like so as i was saying #we're growing old and real good friendships are getting harder to find and i like you (stop laughing!!) and i hope we don't jinx it #and she literally touched a wooden table lying there and said touchwood???? 😭😭😭😭😭 #now i am thinking why did i tell her she's so extroverted she talks to everyone we go to the same tui this town is tiny #she could tell everyone my parents could find out #but also a part of me is relieved cause im so sick of hiding something that is such a small yet imp part of me #and if she tells everyone then cool maybe there'll be more queer people i can't ve the only queer person in this town and we could be #friends and my parents eh they'd never believe something like that they'll ask me if it's true and ill say nah just rumors dumb kids #and they'll believe me because they'll want to believe me so bad #so no harm #i still don't feel very bestfriendy with her but maybe my standards are too high 😭 idk ig i can't see myself being friends with her #for a long time if we weren't forced by circumstances and i don't like her that much but im happy i got to say it #literally said it omg 'kyunki main hu. bisexual' FUCK THAT FELT GOOD

[starlooove]

Always will fill me with rage when white Ppl make hcs or fics about their white faves saving Duke cass or Damian from racism (or cass saving herself with a punch and no genuine emotion about it bc she’s a Girlboss 😝 😆) and then they demonize Damian 24/7 only say ‘Duke is on day shift’ in their fics or literally have cass as some walking talking fighting doll that teases her brothers sometimes. Like it’s genuinely y’all don’t think it’s racism unless it’s a slur. Can’t tell me what internal or implicit bias or even what a microagression is and u wanna talk on racism.

#shame on the black folk eating it the fuck up too #actually this is why kills me about white ppl in fandom #like we know black Ppl cant escape internal racism so what makes YALL think ur cracker asses dodged the racism beam #and that none of ur thoughts or opinions on these characters are impacted by race at all simply bc u don’t say ‘bc they’re X race’ at the #end of every sentence? #like i could draw a connection between this inability to think critically about how ur own racial bias fucks everyone around u over #and how the only flaws y’all project onto ur faves is communicating badly or being too nice without a care for how the shit they do #might impact anything #i Might later actually #i promise it makes sense mutuals let me cook 🙏🏾 #there is a line between the only flaws for Tim jason and dick being ‘bad at feelings :(‘ to them and their own inability to face #accountability or acknowledge the heinous shit they’ve done irl #the they in the last part of the sentence being yt folk yall get it

[ineed-to-sleep]

Just as a general life update bc I'm a bit absent lately, but I went on a date on sunday!!! First date with a stranger I ever went to and I nearly died of anxiety I was shaking like a chihuahua but I did it!!!!!!!! LOOK AT ME GO

#ok he wasn't a total stranger I'd talked to him for a few days prior on tinder #but I'd never even seen him before so it was v scary!! I had no idea what he'd be like irl #but it was very nice and he actually seemed more nervous than me fjcjkvkf which I didn't think would be the case but well #that's the way it was #it went super well like we got along really well #talking face to face was way better than through text #and we kissed!! I really went in expecting nothing and got a few smooches out of it would you look at that #plus he's bi and has adhd too so it was like bi to bi communication clown to clown communication yk how it is #honestly after this I'm never getting involved with a heterosexual man again. only bi men understand me #he was NICE he was POLITE he was interested in what I had to say he was respectful he was cute he appreciated my masculinity AND. #he smelled good #a cishet man could never #sleep.txt #anyway sorry for the gushing rant djfkkckv in conclusion I just wanted to say that #I realized that pushing through the anxiety pays off(as opposed to trying to like. 'fix it' first) #and getting involved w queer ppl as a queer person can really pay off too #ofc there's situations where it might not go well but when it does. then it really does

[yaoianime]

Soon im rly gonna do it

#🕸️ #sui mention #< in the tags tho cuz it feels nicer to talk abt this in tags than in the post itself cuz to me posts are like talking normally but tags are #like whispering? talking you can tune out if you want but whispering is rather more voluntary to say it doesnt matter however #every single year passes and i wish i didnt live in each and every one of them i feel disconnected dissatisfied empty disappointed every day #it can be a small part of a day or a bigger but its still there clenching onto me like and never letting go im tired of it theres always a #wall between me and otyer ppl im unsure if i put it there or was it put there by other ppl but its there and even if anyone tries to reach #into it do i understand how even if close are we really far away it makes me understand just how much of an abnormality i am and how much i #cant ever be like them no matter how much i try and climb and crawl until i bleed its exhausting its maddening #almost everything i do is shaped by spite i wear one bracelet for years out of spite i dont smoke out of spite i dont shave my hands not #only because im normal abt body hair but also out of spite the more i know ppl the spiteful i get only way for me to truly like someone is #to keep them at a lenght outside that wall if they get in then theres only two choices for them to dislike me or even hate my entire being #or me to shove them back out without ever letting them get in #coworkers say im a nice kind person but im not its all just a facade to make my life easier and to suit myself im hateful but i dont believe #its entirely my fault after all they will to my face make fun of. laugh at. and hate everything of me they would see in other ppl that dont #hide it deep within like i do and then it rly hits me how different abnormal foul disgusting and unnatural i am #im hit with his every talk that goes on too long every word that keeps going every touch every expression every comment made on my behalf #its exhausting to live this way i fear im near my limit i havent reached it but who knows when i will #i sometimes dream of doing it and leaving behind a note wishing nothing but painful suffering to everyone i ever knew irl but i dont want to #do that to my best friends and my dog but who knows how long its left before the thread breaks #thats all like comment and subscribe if you personally would do me a favor by taking me out back and shooting me

[niishi]

I realized my disconnect when it comes to talking about one piece, and why I always say I like talking to dudebros more even if they're the worst... Is, I like to analyze literature. I like to analyze the source material and the canonic information. Shipping and stuff is for fun but I see it separately. The intersect bc canon inspires fanon but fanon CANNOT change canon.. I don't mix the two things especially not when I'm doing analysis... So I'll say things that are factual and ppl who are stuck in their headcanons or personal biases will think I'm saying something bad. What I'm saying isn't good or bad. It's not judgmental of the character I'm talking about. Nor is it a bias bc I like them/dislike them. I'm analyzing odas writing and his intentions as an author and what he's trying to say and portray. Most ppl online are too caught up in headcanons and personal bias while having no media comprehension and they think that I'm attacking their made up fanon stuff..... Noooo..... You're over there playing pretend and I'm over here doing analysis. We are not doing remotely near the same activity. They don't always need to intersect. Anyways it's hard to have genuine analytical conversations with ppl fully indulged in fandom and fanon. The only group of ppl who doesn't do that are dudebros but also... They get hung up on other stuff that doesn't matter too. Idkkkkkkkkk.

#ppl have said im an irl bootlicker bc i like garp #and that i think sabo is a horrible person and hate him bc i said hes a terrorist #garp is an amazingly written character #he has so much purpose and nuance #ace was used as a plot device to further his and luffys story #period #idc how much any of u like ace that doesnt wash away the intentions of the author #sabo IS a terrorist. by definition. so is luffy. #thats not me saying i hate them #canonically in the one piece universe #they commit acts of terror on large governing systems #luffy has left countries destroyed and in lawlessness bc they no longer have a governing system to oversee them #and just like most americans #theyd rather live in comfortable ignorance than be extremist and change the situation #and guess who takes care of them after luffy does this? not luffy #the marines. #oda is writing a story thats way too fucking smart for some of you #performative activist types who cant even fathom reading anarchy or history books #some of you have no ability to comprehend media in the least bit #im just tired of me analyzing media and ppl with peanut brains getting offended bc i said something factual and truthful #about their fave #when what I'm saying was fully intended to come across that way by the author #dont come and play dolls all over my analysis

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog #didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move #across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s #so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help #with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the #location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright #colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird #like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the #southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December #it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but #i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and #jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen #im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and #the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier #for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy #but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked #up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents #r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes #better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book #like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭 #so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-] #unrelated

[ilovedthestars]

honestly the biggest Competing Access Needs issue that I personally have run into in online spaces is this:

people need, deserve, and should have space to complain and critique. that includes critiquing things that I (and they!) care about and find valuable, in order to make them better. those conversations are often necessary and healthy, and they should be allowed to happen.

however, I find those kinds of conversations incredibly stressful, often outright upsetting. especially when it involves people I like/respect arguing with or criticizing other people I like/respect. my instinct is to try to mediate and smooth things over and acknowledge the points of both sides, but often that’s either not my place to do or would be actively unhelpful. so I just end up torn in the middle of what feels to me like a barrage of negativity, filled with the unhelpful desire to be like “can’t we just all get along????”

the only and best solution to this is for me to just remove myself from conversations like these, and I’ve gotten better at that, but. It’s still difficult for me to deal with, even though I know that despite my hangups, it’s sometimes better for those conversations to happen than not.

#stars rambles #yes this is partly about convos that have happened on discord but I want ppl to know that I’m not @ing anyone specific about this #like i don’t think anyone’s in the wrong here #even though I would like to avoid any semblance of conflict. I know that would be bad for other people #but I did want to say this because I feel like. idk. in the moment the best thing I can do is shut up and walk away #so I wanted to express this outside of that very charged context #it’s not just about discord to be clear #sometimes it’s about things I see on Tumblr (or complaints on Tumblr that have been exported from discord) #sometimes it’s about irl organizations that I’ve been a part of where I’m like #I love this space deeply #and I know it has flaws and that there should be room for critique #but I want to defend what I love about it #this is definitely an area for personal growth for me too #but it’s not gonna go away overnight #and i've also seen it come up with other people in ways that just aren't avoidable #sometimes you love something and want to talk about how you love it #and someone else is annoyed by it and wants to talk about that #and there's no easy way for both of those conversations to happen in a way that doesn't hurt someone #and i don't feel like that kind of competing need is one that i see brought up a lot #anyway #vent #drafted this and left it to sit and now i am queuing it for the future so it will not seem associated with any one conversation #because it's not really about one thing #q2q

[fictiontbh]

Me rn

#autism #uhh this isng rlly abt them but it was made with them in mind so... #crying child #cc fnaf #evan afton #spuipemy #squipjer #squip x jeremy #not with them ik but... they save me #or i beg them so #squipjer save me squipjere save me squipjere #CC save me CC save me CC #ik it says side character with no screentime btw and CC was a main character but... he shows up too little and nobody writes him right #well they do but they dont make him be me irl and thats a sin you get me #hes literally all i want to be so ppl should be writing him like he IS me js #give CC the extreme autism and trauma that i have or else hes OO-CC to me. #get it like ooc and his name is cc so oocc ya ya #okay anyways... #aaaaannndnd post

[robotpussy]

anyways there really is too much interracial couples with white ppl propaganda going on rn cause I've been seeing white ppl left and right for MONTHS claim any black person either critiquing the abundance of this existing in media rn because it is not only a marketing ploy in some cases, they have to include white people because of the thing white people do where they force themselves to see themselves in anything they watch (which explains why they turn away from things that don't have a white lead because "they cant relate", or they have to change a character that isn't white to be more appealing to them in fandom)

but it is also done so white people can feel better about themselves by making themselves believe they are not complacent in white supremacy because they have a black partner or simply because ppl don't want to ship a black character with a white one (this month its been about spiderverse obvs) because they simply don't want to or because in the comics a certain character has a black partner are just a bad as racists like WOAH who gave you the authority to speak on shit like this?

#let me not get too deep into it cause ik a lot of ppl on here cant read but this is literally not the same fucking thing as racists #saying 'no race mixing' be fucking for real. its a fucking critique #the gall of white ppl. always the ones with leftist their bio too saying this too just itching to call a black person terrible cause #u have no reading comprehension #and if u want to call me a hypocrite for saying this when i had a crush on a white guy irl then do it because I'm not talking abt #real life couples im talking about shit in the media. i will ignore you #posting this now because of that zendaya movie that was kind of the last straw..... LIKE 2 OF THEM? #even that the line movie with halle bailey. alex wolff as her love interest like ok. what else is coming out

[wereh0gz]

Random weird thing I've been seeing recently that's kinda bothered me a bit but I've seen a couple sonic gijinkas with light skin and with that I've seen a few posts being like "sonic isn't white!!"

But. I don't think anyone's explicitly said he was??

Like. Mixed ppl exist. Hispanic/Latino ppl with light skin exist (like me). Asian ppl exist also. Black ppl can have lighter skin too. Like literally any poc can be a wide range of skin tones. Just bc they're pale doesn't mean they're White

It's probably mostly just jokes and I'm overreacting a little bit but y'know it just looks like ppl are assuming he's Just White when the artists don't say otherwise even tho that might not actually be the artists' intent. Unless there's something I'm missing here and someone's making posts saying he Is white or some shit idk lmao

#ramblings #i think i saw this type of thing around the same time super sonic 2 was revealed so i may be confusing Why ppl were saying that #but also poc ppl can have blue eyes. and it's temporary. lmao #again it's probably all jokes and i'm bothered over nothing but still. it made me Feel Weird #if y'all wanna know my personal hc. i think he's mixed japanese egyptian and puerto rican #egyptian based on some stuff we see in canon #japanese bc irl he was made in japan #and puerto rican bc he's just like me fr #don't take this post too seriously i'm just spouting random thoughts into the void and might delete later

[aggressiveguitarnoises]

born to be vulnerable and serious and expressive, forced to be silly

#i love being silly i really do #but i love being passionate even more #and be serious about stuff #and ppl look at me so weird when i am too passionate about smth or serious #and get called a bitch for my serious/sad resting expression #“u look angry and like u will kill me”???? WHERE DID TAHT COME FROM WHAT DID I DO????? I DIDNT EVEN SAY ANYTHING #i cant even have deep conversations with most of my irl friends #or i get called insane for being creative and making a skirt out of old jeans for funsies or analysing shows and media #its all a joke but cant help but take it to heart sometimes #i guess i still get to be expressive by being silly but at what cost #vent #i guess #not sad i swear #just thinking #rumaiq rambles

[olberic]

a crucial and often overlooked part of the social media experience is the need to see posts from ppl about things you do not care about. do not misconstrue my words because im not talking about giving bigots a platform. im talking about following ppl who never shut up about a game i never want to play. people who post about their oc for a manga ive never read. fan artists who you have no idea what the hell theyre drawing but you like their style. vaguely horny artists who have kinks i dont understand. people who post about bands from the 70s as if theyre still together and on tour. people who are obsessed with poetry when youve never found a poem you really feel. like sometimes you gotta follow somebody totally at random just for the enrichment and see where it takes you.

#and THAT is why i hate algorithms. i do not want to be catered to i want to see the wide variety of people in their world and their passions #t #variety is the spice of life as they say! #and yknow sometimes that leads to me trying out a game or something i normally wouldnt and turns out its a new favourite. #sometimes that leads to sitting through an album and grimacing the whole time because its sooo not your taste but its something new #you need to do this with ppl irl too btw. form a passive interest in their loved things. branch out. try new hobbies and activities. #this doesnt mean forcing urself to follow ppl u hate btw. like if their politics suck or theyre annoying then leave. do whats best for you. #just dont get stuck in only comfortable familiar things. something true for social media that i think gets missed a lot these days #talking abt this bc of the prev post btw. im learning about anime girls from gacha games AND the relationship between various muslim sects. #its great! doesnt have any relevance to me personally but im learning!

[timothylawrence]

Hope this isn't weird to say but I'm really glad you're enjoying a new game and fandom. You seem a lot happier and it's really nice to see! Hope your having a lot of fun!

this is very sweet thank you!!! I am having so much more fun and in general much happier but Ill always love my blands followers and mutuals were like this ->🤞❤️🥺 love y’all always

#asks #I used to be very scared of being annoying bcus fandom wasn’t very nice to me and I got in a lot of… uncomfy situations #but I’ve decided to throw that all out in favor of just being me 🤞😇 if ppl find me annoying or don’t want to stick around that’s okay too #I will say I’ve had a rough few months irl but aH things have turned around lately and I’m much more content in general #thank you anon!! very sweet ask and I hope you’re doing well too !! I wish you the same happiness and peace 😌❤️

[lacefuneral]

anthem for my fellow fat/disabled/autistic people who get caught in the crosshairs of bodyshaming/virginshaming etc. that is supposedly done in the name of Dunking On The Right

#not to mention how this shit hits trans women too #fat trans women with facial hair and receding hairlines exist and they aren't evil #just because you have coded people who appear this way as such #i do consider myself to be a leftist. but it frustrates me the way a lot of so-called leftists behave #anyway as an aside i have absolutely done more trans activism both irl and online than the thin/abled ppl who say shit like this #also also. low femme anthem too #because god knows some days i do Not feel feminine enough #but i am. even if i'm not meeting societal expectation all the time #transfems take this to heart too. you are feminine bc you identify this way #you are enough. #jay.rtf

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#im just gonna complain abt it here bc i just have to accept that i can't irl bc no one else gets it #its hard to b a dyslexic grad student. u have to read so much. and its good. lots of reading is good. u just have to contend with a soul #crushing amout of discouragement at the fact u just kinda cant read while ur peers r like sure i can read this in class and have things to #say abt it. if u make me read in my head in class i literally cannot fucking tell u what i just read. not a god damn thing and if i try to #let my computer read to me i cant fucking pay attention for long enough so i just have to accept that from here on out ill have to #physically read papers aloud which i hate so much. its the only way i can fucking understand things and it still makes me feel dumb bc ill #somehow still space out while reading and have to reread like 4 times before i understand wtf is being said. it takes forever and it takes #energy and i dont like talking very much and it also restricts me to only being able to read at home which is frustrating #and im like i need to stop my brain from distracting myself with things that dont matter and my counselor is like: ur ocd is trying to make #work ur whole life and im like yeah thats how i got it. its the only way i can keep swimming with the non dyslexics #so its like wtf do i do? i kinda have to take the hit and make work my whole life rn. morn the loss of other things for a while #i dunno im still a bummer rn. like im probably coming off as more an asocial freak than normal bc its hard to talk ans maintain conversation #rn. but whatever. sometimes things just suck and theres nothing u can do abt it but accept it and move on. ill learn lots of things with all #the reading i have to do and that's never a bad thing ...no matter how much i dont give a fuck abt animals #like jesus. i could not even begin to give a fuck about like 95% of mammals. fish r cool tho. plants too #but microbes is where its at. i dont understand y ppl dont understand how cool they r. oh well ill just have to tell them #if i can find my fucking enthusiasm. ugh i have to make one of my classes read a paper and i have to work with someone abt find it. she #works with like rabbits. i refuse to assign a mammal paper. i fucking refuse. we will do plants or microbes or fucking paleontology #i will fight her on this. ugh. light filtering or orchid speciation would b perfect. annoying #at least i get to work with some culturs this week #unrelated