#ranting about only makes it worse good to know

[going-to-ikea-for-the-fries]

It's a Match! || poly!141 x Reader

[Chapter 30] || [Chapter 32]

Pairing: Soap x gn!Reader || Gaz x gn!Reader || 141 x gn!Reader Words: 1.4K~ cw: love confessions. Summary: While overcoming recent heartbreak, you decide to join Tinder in search of a rebound. Your friends advise to just Swipe Right indiscriminately... What happens when 4 soldiers from the same squad match with you? a/n: Another cute one for the books, y'all.

Chapter 31: Uh-Oh.

Gaz came home early.

Some stuff in his mission that was, according to John 'above his paygrade'.

He wasn't particularly happy about it, mentioned to Johnny over the phone how it was 'bullshit', that it wasn't fair he didn't get to know.

Not that you'd know. Johnny knew. But you sure as hell didn't.

Because, as usual, you got home from work on Tuesday, and there was a wild Kyle Garrick in your apartment, sat shoulder-to-shoulder, knee-to-knee with Johnny on the sofa.

"Hi?" You greeted once you passed the door, carrying a couple bags of goods from the shop.

"Hi, bonnie!" Johnny greeted. "Look who's here!" He gestured at Kyle with grandeur.

"Hi, love!" Kyle greeted, all smiley and beautiful as only he can be.

"Are you okay? Did you get hurt again? Dear God, tell me you didn't get hurt!" You began to say immediately, as he got up from the couch, rounding it to come greet you.

"You should've warned me you'd come, I would've bought more things to make dinner, now I'm not gonna have enough for you and-" You ranted.

He shut you up, however, by cradling your face in his hands and dropping a kiss onto your lips, causing you to hum and soften, your eyes closing.

It was a slow kiss, one that told you just how much he missed you, his thumbs caressing your cheeks on either side, his nose brushing your cheek as his warm lips and wet tongue carefully probed at your mouth.

When he pulled back, he smiled at you. "It's alright. I'm alright. Don't worry so much." He murmured, then, his hands slid down and grabbed one of the bags off you, helping you take the shopping to the kitchen.

Having a second man to play house with was somehow better and worse.

There was also less space. Another part of your closet or your drawers full of male clothes, extra counter space in the bathroom taken up by his skincare and cologne, extra bath products in the shower.

There were more snacks in your pantry, protein bars and shakes and the like, energy drinks, another seat at the dinner table taken up by another laptop and notebook and pen, another set of shoes to trip on at the entrance.

The flat was still always clean, and there was always someone to greet you once you got home, sometimes dinner would already be ready.

There was always someone to cuddle to or be cuddled by, someone rutting into you and stealing greedy kisses and groping handfuls of your body...

Nothing to complain about, not really.

On Saturday, you crawled away from Johnny's embrace, padding around the flat, seeking food and a drink.

Kyle was in the kitchen when you came in, shirtless as usual, one of your bath towels falling off his hip, his skin glistening. You've noticed you tend to find Kyle right out of the shower often.

"Morning, lovie..." He greeted you as you approached, kissing your forehead and wrapping an arm around your waist.

"Hi..." You murmured and leaned into him, setting your chin right on his shoulder, feeling a bit of the dampness of his skin, and smelling the scent of his body wash and shampoo. Coconut.

"How are you feeling?" He murmured as he glanced at you, brown eyes twinkling to the sight of what was, indubitably messy hair and a sleepy face.

Your body was deliciously sore, your jaw too, though that one was more uncomfortable. A consequence of a night well spent, pressed between the two of them... They were younger than John and Simon, had more stamina... they were more insatiable.

"Good..." You ended up saying with a chuckle, which earned you a smirk too.

"Good enough to wanna go out with me?" He asked you with a cocked brow.

"Out where?" You asked him, eyebrows raising in intrigue.

"I have plans for the two of us this afternoon... as long as you're not too tired for them." He explained.

"Not going to make me do something physical, are you?" You quipped, causing him to chuckle, your jaw trembling from the contact between his pec and you head.

"No... Not after last night. Need a chill day myself." He winked at you.

-

As it turns out, Johnny isn't the only artist in your little polycule. (Can you even call it that?)

At 2 P.M., you found yourself in a little pottery studio-café thing that Kyle had, apparently, scouted out in Birmingham, one of the times he went home.

It was not something you expected, finding yourself walking in hand in hand with him, fingers interlaced, being given a smock and being given a lump of clay, a wheel, and having a very eccentric but adorable lady guide you through the steps of making small pinch pots, and your final piece, a mug.

After over an hour of that, you were allowed to wash your hands off, your projects (a very wonky mug made by you, and a surprisingly good mug made by Kyle) going to be put in the kiln, with a promise from the pottery instructor that they'll come out in the next day or so and that everyone could come back to get them, if they so wished.

Then, you and Kyled moved to a little table in the painting station where you could grab a finished piece of your own, a standard one, that is, and paint it to your heart's content.

You sat beside Kyle after he went and got you both drinks and a little snack each, each one of you busy painting your little projects. You picked a small plate and Kyle picked a mug, just like the ones you had been trying (and failing, mind you) to throw beforehand.

You glanced over at Kyle who was extremely focused on what he was doing, using the tiniest brush you've ever seen to dot small petals on the flower design he had chosen for his mug.

"That looks really cute... Is that cherry blossom?" You asked as you set your chin on his arm, his left one, not the one he was using to paint.

"Mhm... My attempt at it, anyway." He replied as he glanced over at your plate. "Polka dots?" He asks with a playful smile on his lips, which causes you to shrug.

"I didn't know what I wanted to paint. Flowers are overdone... No offense-" You chuckled.

"None taken." He replied and winked at you before leaning over and grabbing his paper cup, sipping his tea through the opening on the lid.

"And everything else would be too difficult. I'm in the mood to just draw little dots all over." You remarked with another shrug.

"Well, I like your dots." He told you and, very slowly, tapped the tip of your nose with his forefinger.

You felt something wet and sticky on the tip of your nose and you knew, immediately, that he had just painted your nose. You didn't even notice him dipping his finger in his paint palette beforehand.

You grabbed your phone and used the locked screen as a mirror to spot the bright pink dot of paint on your skin.

Turning to your boyfriend, you squinted at him. "Kyle Garrick, do you want to start a war you will not win?" You murmured as you pointed your paintbrush at him like a teacher with a ruler.

"No, no, never." Kyle murmured, raising his hands in surrender, though he had the biggest grin on his lips, and a shine in his brown eyes.

"That's what I thought." You added before you turned away to resume your painting.

Kyle snickered next to you, resuming his own painting, slowly painting the front of his mug, while holding it from the back with the greatest care in the world.

Unfortunately for him, he was too focused to catch the way you dipped your thumb in your own paint pallette, gathering your brightest red... And then dabbing it on his cheek twice, forming a heart shape.

Kyle turned to you with wide eyes, catching the same shit-eating grin in your lips, your teeth showing, before you started giggling. "Uh-oh..." You said, not at all ashamed of the revenge you just got on him.

Kyle shook his head at you, a smile on his own lips, before he leaned over, caught your face by the chin, and dropped a kiss on your lips. You melted into it, eyes closing and smiling against his mouth.

And, when he pulled away, he looked you in the eyes with the fondest look in his eyes, his head dipped at an angle before he whispered a: "God, I love you... What am I going to do with you?"

taglist (CLOSED! not adding anyone else, sorry!):

@daisychainsinknots , @bunnysdaydreams , @iite-cool , @lahniu , @pagesfalling ,

@tapioca-milktea1978 , @live-love-be-unique , @thelaisydazy , @littleghosthunter , @bossva ,

@emotion-no-hot-yes-hotel-trivago , @chamomiletealeaf , @ghosts-hoe , @kariiiel , @ltbarnes ,

@irregulardongyoung , @spacelia , @hayleybarnesx , @cod-z , @frescoisnotinthemilitary ,

@leeeenistop , @lucienbarkbark , @xxshadowbabexx , @severenswife , @enarien,

@agoodmoviekiss , @l0lziez , @whos-fran , @greatstormcat , @openup-yourmind ,

@neoarchipelago , @sodavrr , @cutiecusp , @lilliumrorum , @c-nstantine ,

@kneelforloki , @comeonatmebruh , @codsunshine , @waiting-so-long , @captainquake42 ,

@gazspookiebear , @mynameismisty , @reap3erslov3 , @reaper-chan666 , @poohkie90 ,

@kitwithnokat , @stick-the-dumbass , @mothsdrabbles , @justanerd1 , @thesinsoflust ,

@thriving-n-jiving , @blckbrrybasket

#ikea writes 💚 #it's a match! fic #cod modern warfare #cod fanfic #captain john price #john soap mactavish #kyle gaz garrick #simon ghost riley #text story #cod x reader #call of duty x reader #141 x reader #gaz x reader

[aiura-stan]

I love the idea that Teruhashi might be thinking this. (I know she isn’t Teruhashi, but still.) It’s so outright aggressive and mean, instead of her more low key “Saiki should be obsessed with me!” thoughts as in canon proper, lol.

Also notable that the first mention of Saiki being markedly different from other people is here: “If a normal person heard them he would undoubtedly have a mental breakdown after three seconds.” Maybe it’s true, probably an exaggeration on Saiki’s part, but it definitely highlights that what he deals with, mentally, is on another level, and he is able to deal with it.

LMAO. this one made me laugh… it’s like yikyak but worse!! like yikyak but including things people wouldn’t even say on there, read out loud… phewww.

Saiki says his powers are “in the wrong” rather than peoples’ thoughts. However, the way he words the second part about how you can’t dress up what’s on the inside strikes me as odd. I was trying to think of the reasoning behind this sort of sentiment that Saiki expresses here, because it repeats later in the manga proper. And I think, it boils down to this incorrect assumption he has, that people’s thoughts are their true feelings. My guess on where comes from is probably either Kuniharu or Kuusuke, who both express a lot of resentment for him. In each of their cases, that really is how they feel, and they make no effort to change it, and there’s not a lot of positive emotion thrown in there either. At least as a child, Kuusuke spent a lot of time actively trying to hurt his brother. And Kuniharu probably did too, if we take all of the examples of him trying to get “revenge” on Kusuo into account.

So it never occurs to him at first that people might have intrusive thoughts, or have thoughts they don’t necessarily believe pass through their heads, or thoughts they ultimately challenge and thoughts that directly contradict their behavior.

Okay angsty rant over lol

‘nother thing that strikes me as funny, not in a good way this time… really now. I have never met a girl who was that jealous of another girl’s boobs. If anything, I’ve met girls who got them too young and wished they hadn’t because of teasing.

Maybe it’s a cultural difference, maybe it’s the fact that a male author wrote this who doesn’t really know (or care) about accurately depicting teenage girls’ concerns in a comedy… anyways.

I beg to differ Saiki… that IS an incredible tattoo and I want to see it… I want that tattoo.. haha. And who cares if some people are bald?? and trans people exist?? Saiki likes to complain about things that do not matter at all. I guess he probably feels like it’s a burden to keep other people’s secrets, or something. He is just a teenager after all.

tbh I kind of wish that Asou had kept this if only for dramatic effect

come on… look at this…

Sigh. I love examples of Saiki interfering with fate just to help someone.

Okay, that’ll do it for part one of this post. Part two in a bit. 💕

#anyways I really need to get back to studying lol #read-saiki #I hope you don’t mind me joining in nopsi #I have been meaning to reread Saiki k for a while and this is a great excuse to #meta #read-saiki 0-0

[plecakism]

hi

im not gonna make this aesthetic because we r tired for that but im gonna be so honest with you, we have no clue if we are coming back to this account

we've been editing for almost a whole year and i think that we are already mostly done with the community

the stuff thats happening on editblr is honestly outrageous, one minute you see a cool edit the next minute you see someone get called out for having a similar style as another editor or acting out of the ordinary and getting harrassed because of that, like... huh? how did we get here

i think some of you need to understand that most of this community are mentally ill teens that just wanna have fun and edit some stupid graphics for goofs, and you still decide to harrass them for an edit looking similar to that edit or whatever and i think some of you guys just do not understand how art works or you guys just want an excuse to harrass teens on tumblr which is NOT going to help with your lack of bitches and loneliness its just going to make their mental health worse

and some of you who make callout posts... who make callout posts... on MENTALLY ILL beings who are just VENTING... you are weird and we dont like you

most of the callout posts anyone posts are just mostly useless and i think that they should only be posted if its anything serious or illegal and not something like "oh this person said something BAD to me!!! DISLIKE AND UNSUBSCRIBE!!!", i agree, the cluv and engagekiss callout was def needed but something unnessecary should not be made

also... PLEASE. LEAVE. DEACTIVATED. ACCOUNTS. BE. if you feel the need to mention a deactivated account every 5 seconds then maybe you are the problem. NO, that account is not jelly. and NO that account is not copying jelly. leave them be

i felt tue need to rant about something like this, editblr once was a place where people could just upload cute graphics and others would complimwnt them or something not this toxic hellhole

and i know we always cant have good things but i feel like the place editblr should not be a place where u can upload graphics to get harrassed for free

#sorry for the rant #but honestly i dont really wanna keep this in for too long #its weird how editblr transformed into this mess #editblr #🎒

[ganondoodle]

the worst part about finding more and more about totk that i dont like is that ... it seems like one of my biggest fears is going to become true; all of my previous hyperfixations died because a new thing of the franchise came out and i didnt like it, turned that strange, perhaps unhealthy, love and attachment into disappointment and sadness and im afraid thats happening to zelda right now, the one hyperfixation i hoped could last or at the very least i would just grow slowly away from in a good way if it was just totk that i didnt like, tho its hard to see all the love people have for it and just ... feel the opposite about it, it would be fine (heck i really disliked links awakening but ultimately i just regret spending so much money on it, it didnt impact my feelings about the rest of the franchise) but because it diminishes everything about botw too .. a game that i still love deeply, its not fine aside from me not liking anything they did with the zonau, it basically steamrolled botw too, damn near ignoring it ever happened, cramming in zonau stuff where it wasnt before just so its literally everywhere, taking its mysterious and answerign them in boring ways, implying that stuff i loved so much about botw was yet just another zonau thing (the three dragons possibly having been zonau ..........the ancient hero mystery being .. that.......) people basically claiming as fact that its somehow slammed into the old timeline despite it making no sense nor has any evidence aside from some names that happened to be used once before or them saying whats the point of ever looking at botw again bc totk does everything "better" ...

you cant ignore it really, even if i try to ignore what i dont like, i know whats revealed in totk, and others know it too.

and in turn it all makes me go back to that strange self hatred i thought i had finally left behind, the why do i care so much, its stupid to care so much about a piece of media i have no control about anyway, whats the point of caring so much, you have wasted so much time and effort and thought and tears about something like this, why are you so weird, why cant you just be like everyone else and love it all, why are you like this, stop being like this.

knowing i cant stop being like this, fearing from the start it might happen just like it has so many times, that i fall in love with a piece of media so much that when it gets a new thing that i dont like but affects every aspect of it it all flips into anger first, then disappointment and sadness and in end into wishing i wasnt weird like this, knowing i cant change it ... and it turning out true

#ganondoodles talks #i dont know how to feel #i dont want to lose interest i really dont #but im seeing it happen just like it has all these times before #on top of feeling bad for beign so negative #also feeling like the villain here bc so few people have the same criticisim as me #the only people that dont like it are those posting rants on youtube complaining about enemy variety or whatever #the game wasnt what i expceted nor what i hoped but weird thrid worse thing #that i dont know how to feel about #.... not to mention being afraid of making myself hated for being the way i am #probably the reason why so many popular zelda artists i liked and even talked to suddendly completely shadowbanned me #im afraid of losing everyone i got to know in this fandom #for being over emotional and annoying i guess #or maybe i am just a bitch #maybe they are right #maybe theres a good reason i never joined the ranks of cool and relatable popular artists #and maybe its better for me to stay in my weird lil bubble

[kyouka-supremacy]

Does anyone know where I can find the good quality version of this image? It's so frustrating because when cross searching on google it'll tell me the original quality is 850x478, but I can't find a way to download it in that quality. This is another version of the image (I'm guessing it's Mayoi promo art):

But I liked the clean white background one...

#It's cute... #It's got Akutagawa stealing glances at Atsushi #Thought asking was worth a try ;;;;;; #Google cross image search has changed and as someone who used it as I use breathing it's been absolutely heartbreaking. #It makes cross searching images so much harder it's awful #Because before when you looked up an image it suggested you the best quality avaible of that image. #And the search got worse every year but it was still functional you know?? #But now there's not that anymore. There's no “large” “medium” “small” and instead it only gives you “find image source” #Dude I don't want to find the image source. I've downloaded the image I KNOW the source. What I want is ANOTHER SOURCE with better quality #And I used to get it when I was 10 and I used to get it when I was 15 and I sued to get it when I was 20 #And now I don't have it anymore?? It stripes away one of the most powerful search tools on the internet from the public???? #It drives me insane. Like why does internet get worse every year that's not how humanity is supposed to work #Sorry. I needed to rant. This makes every quality-freak media archivist (like me) job harder beyond comparison #Btw if you're looking for an alternative Yandex images still does the work... It's not as powerful search engine as google #and it's often going to miss the particular hidden media (y'know- super niche Akutagawa merch from 2018 and stuff) #But for the rest it does a pretty good job. If anything there's still the best quality avaible option #But seriously looking up stuff for aktgw-daily has gotten so much harder ever since this fucked up change to google lens #and it makes me hate the world. I haven't been able to find a way to reverse it but if anyone more tech savy than me who has any idea- #what I'm talking about can help me. Please please hmu I'll be grateful forever #Sorry for the rant I have a lot of pent up rage over this. Stop making broke people's lives harder challenge #random rambles

[blubble-lake]

it's been over 2 weeks and this thing (unfortunately) still has a grip on me

#rant in the tags coming so please do scroll away if you enjoyed the finale 🙏 #you know how with some things you'll be like 'I had some negativity towards this thing but-- #now that it's been some time I feel better towards it'? #my thoughts on the finale have only gotten worse since it released 🥲 #being given more time to think on it made me notice more things I had wrong with it #like I really wanted to give it the benefit of the doubt but it is so difficult #when I tried ranking the episodes from best to least favorite #I'd come to realize that I couldn't put either finale episode above the other for the bottom two #they both gave me the same feeling of being doused in ooze 😭 #I've written a good handful more thoughts on why I disliked it since the last rundown I had posted #though I'm afraid if talking about this is considered cringe or old news now that it's been a minute since the eps came out lol #I've watched the finale in full two times just to take everything in but I don't think I can do it again anytime soon #I think there's about 8-10 mins of the finale that I genuinely enjoyed #the rest making me want to cry in disappointment or was just 'okay' to me #just gotta 'it is what it is' my way through knowing the show ended like That. we stay silly! #however- writing about it does give me a little bit of relief lol #adventure time #at #fionna and cake #petrigrof #simon petrikov #betty grof #my post #my art

[isfjmel-phleg]

😶

#random personal stuff #back on my soapbox feel free to ignore #I'm sorry - I know I harp on this a lot but #where did this 'just ask the Lord to remove that from you' (or something similar) approach to others' problems come from #and why is it so ingrained into multiple generations of women #instead of actually addressing a concern you raise you get told that #the solution to your problem is divinely-granted selective amnesia so it doesn't bother you anymore #or you get reminded that Jesus had it so much worse so any problem that you let yourself get down about is inconsequential by comparison #and I know the advice is well-meant but #...I mean when was the last time God wiped your memory on request? #when did Jesus ever make suffering a competition? #why are we more interested in sweeping others' bad feelings under the rug where we don't have to see them than in actually dealing with them #I open up about something that's troubling me and I get this kind of response and I feel dismissed! #and it's frustrating! especially from people whose struggles I try to be sympathetic toward when they talk about them #there's not a good solution but thank you for listening #I'm sorry I've been ranting but this visit puts me in a position where I can only speak my mind if it agrees with others #and I am an incorrigibly opinionated jerk and it all has to go somewhere #so I appreciate your patience with my lack of it

[paperhats-and-evil-schemes]

You know, I think what i fear most about all these soulless Disney remakes is that one day they'll take Hunchback of Notre Dame, one of the strongest and most daring Disney movies ever in its depiction of showing the dark sides of religion without demonizing faith as a whole, and that they'll take Judge Claude Frollo and either make him "sympathetic" or way less extreme than in the original, since Disney is nowhere near as ballsy to do something like directly criticize religious extremists anymore, I think, and that would just DESTROY the great impact that movie's messaging had.

That's not to say I have anything against sympathetic villains, but Frollo is one that was so strong BECAUSE of how awful he was and the position he held, and that fierce kind of villainy should NEVER be changed in his case imo. Very strong teaching moments in there for kids.

#Not that any kids these days are watching Notre Dame or anything 😂 But yeah. #Hunchback of Notre Dame was literally the movie that helped make it click for me that my parents were NOT very good people actually #Kids need these kinds of movies to help them learn when they're being manipulated for the worse #and it would be a shame if this strong example of that were given a crappy half-baked shlop of the original story #It wasn't Little Mermaid specifically that got me thinking abt this bc Ursula was actually still decently evil in it #But more stuff like Cruella and Pinocchio #Well anyways. I'm sure this has been pondered on in much better ways already. I'm just ready to fight someone if they dare change Hunchback #May be the only situation that being a financial flop might be good for it lol hopefully Disney will leave it alone rather than crap on it #In a shitty remake I mean #Frollo is a goddamn legendary untouchable villain and I just KNOW a remake would ruin him #Wow sorry for the random and completely irrelevant rant but I just feel VERY strongly about this lol #OP #Disney #the hunchback of notre dame

[kicksnscribs]

So seeings how ai work still fucks me up at the mere thought of it maybe just maybe i can get over it if i vent my frustrations out on it here?

#art hasnt been fun for me for a while for a different reason but with the introduction of ai work its just made my mindset worse #like what the fuck how dare you take the one thing im good at and make it meaningless #the only thing i may be capable of doing as a job and its being threatened with obsoletion? #“oh it helps speed up work flow” ok but why do you need it now? #why cant you just wait? #thousands of things to consume already but you want to have more? #and then when it turns out to not be good then ppl riot? #i just dont understand the push to have ai work be used in the industry #i couldnt give a rats ass if you use it for personal use but i give a mighty fuck about it being used in the industry #bc while some ppl still commission artists larger corps will not bc theyre too busy trying to scam every goddamn nickle and dime out of - #their consumer base #and goddamn if the govt is moving fast enough to mitigate the damage #and thats not even a guarantee bc lobbyists exist and you KNOW they are doing their damnedest to try and find loopholes #idk i dont know how ai systems work and unless they are related to gaming ai i really dont care #but i really REALLY care about being able to make a living off of one of the few skills im capable of doing #bc lord KNOWs im fucking worthless at everything else in this bitch ass society im forced to comply to #like fuck me i can't catch a fucking break can i? #ranting #personal rant #i aint anti but ill be damned if i view it in a favorable light #dni i just need to fucking scream

[deus-ex-mona]

ice cream ✨always✨ makes everything better!!!!

#like today… i had a seriously horrible very bad day :( #so i went out to buy like $20 worth of ice cream and now both my wallet and heart feel lighter than before!!!!! #ok fr though i needa rant about my day here in the tags just to get it all off my chest in case i snap at the interns tomorrow lol #this morning one of the mfing titration machines kept giving wonky results >:( #so i just filled its stupid job queue thing with tons of repeats so that it could just run on its own while i did other things instead #then this intern came in and said ‘i’ll take care of these few machines!!!’ and yanked the probe out of the test solution… #all while the thing was still running ಠ‿ಠ and welp time wasted? time wasted. #and this other titration units kept giving invalid blank values for the entire day which sucked bc it was our best unit >:( #then this higher up lady checked the machine and found precipitates in the burette. yeah too bad she only found it like an hour before 5 ಠ‿ಠ #that machine worked properly after it was cleaned out though. as expected of our best unit~ #but while those 2 units were deceased there were 2 other units that were up and running #except this random maintenance guy halted one of the unit’s runs to do some pointless check and wasted good ol’ testing time for nothing >:( #all’s fine! we still had one unit!! :)))) right??? :)))) #…yeah no. while i was out submitting some results during the last hour of the workday the computer mfing restarted itself #i came back from the dude’s office to see the computer on the lock screen. ‘haha very funny who locked this?’ i thought as i keyed in the pw #oh *no* it restarted itself. while the units were mid-run. in other words the samples had to be re-keyed in、 #the then-currently running samples had to be reweighed，and i still don’t know who restarted the computer >:( #to top it all off，that intern from earlier kept wandering over to pat my back and ask ‘are you okay?’ #pls i literally hate human contact pls don’t touch me you’re making this worse ಥ‿ಥ #call me ungrateful but i was pretty close to snapping on her. sorry intern. you’re the capable intern too… #unlike that intern who dropped part of the equipment into the waste container while she was supposed to be washing it >:( #i hate titration soooooooo much :( i can’t wait to try out extra dangerous titration tomorrow :( #i get to play with acids this time i think? sounds like a recipe for disaster if you ask me— #anyway sorry if you read all that lmao. stay hydrated and eat tons of ice cream for a good time ok? #mona monday

[error-404-fuck-not-found]

just had my employee review. glowing. perfect score. no notes

i got the highest possible “merit increase” of 3.5%, same as last year.

the rate of inflation in 2021 was 7%, and this year so far it’s 8.3%. it will be higher by the end of the year.

in order for me to break even - not have more money, just break even! - with the purchasing power of my wages back in 2021, i would need to be making $4,400 more than i’m making now. i have effectively been given a wage cut of $4400 over the course of two years in spite of them admitting i’m one of their best employees.

failing to tie annual salary increases to the rate of inflation is wage theft dressed up as benevolence.

#i'm pissed #i know people who have it worse but capitalism shouldn't be a fucking competition to see who gets screwed hardest #i've gone on this rant before but human beings are the only asset a corporation has that appreciates in value #software? machines? the building you work in? all depreciate in value as soon as you buy them #you need to pay subscription fees for the software and extended service warranties nowadays #even though your machine and software are worth less and less each year #meanwhile your workers are becoming more skilled and knowledgeable about their job #and about the inner workings of your company so they can work around problems and adapt #humans are the only thing a corporation has that's an actual investment #fucking act like it #i'm worth more than i was 2 years ago and yet i get a $4400 pay cut??? #make it make sense #give me one good reason why i shouldn't turn on my heel and let you fuckers swing

[xysidhe]

This is how bullshit my chronic illness is.

My normal, it's just me being able to function. It's not an absence of pain, or suffering. It's just pain that I can work around.

Days without pain, nausea, splitting migraines, severe insomnia, nonstop tremors and body weakness? Days where I feel like a normal human? Those are rare. So rare I only get that maybe once every 2-4 months. A measly 12-16 hours of utter bliss in the form of feeling like my own body isn't betraying me.

I had that, yesterday, or as close as I can come to it. But I made a mistake, I took a nap because I was tired since my sleep schedule is so messed up. And now I'm far worse than I was the day before, now I'm in the kind of pain I can't work around and I have a nonstop mantra of "don't throw up, don't cry, don't throw up, don't cry" in my head because if I do it's going to be pure agony I won't be able to think around and I don't want another episode to start a mere 5 days after the last one finally stopped.

#Xy rants #no one is going to see this and thats fine i just need to get this off my chest #i hate talking to my friends and husband about this because they all want to help and fix it and you cant fix it #i know it hurts them to realize this isnt something they can fix or help i have to suffer through this until it stops #its not a cold or a flu that can be cured with some OTC meds theres nothing that will make it go away #it never goes away it might pull back and lurk but its always there waiting to attack #i more or less accept that this is just my life now #that my life is just a bunch of pain i have to endure #i dont get mad or sad about it because that doesnt help it actively makes it worse #but sometimes i really wish i could cry about it and rage about how unfair it all is #but i dont because i cant because doing that will actually trigger more symptoms and an episode #this ruined my life in a way it lost me the best job i ever had becaue the stress from it more or less caused the illness #but in a way it helped too because now im making money doing something i only ever dared to dream of #a twisted silver lining #my life is pain but theres a lot of good in it too #and i try to remember that on the really bad days when i cant even get out of bed #chronic illness #my illness is so rare it doesnt even have a tag #cvs #cyclical vomitting syndrome #or thats my doctors best guess #is it cyclical if your down cycles last days or hours

[yongseungkim]

.

#like i definitely need therapy lol #not that i havent tried in the past nothings just worked/stuck like the therapists werent a good fit for me perhaps #so im trying to reach out again because holy shit #i want to a) get out of my phd and b) have normal fucking friendships #but its so hard right now when anxious thoughts take over SO much some days like i know i cannot do this on my own #i have good friends i know who will hear me out #but man its the same thing over and over again with me but in a new font sometimes i swear #and my friends dont need to hear all those anxious depressive thoughts lol like #once in a while sure esp my closer friends but all the time? nawr #i have been trying to journal but man the emotions just bubble up and i dont feel better until ive like said things out loud #so honestly just having someone to rant about the same issues over and over again might be nice lol . #but i need to find a therapist that fits which is the hardest part #i do think ive made small strides on my own which is nice #but the emotions are just so loud and genuinely affect my day to day like its so hard battling things on my own #im at the point now where im like this cant go on for much longer somethings gotta change #if i want to have a phd in the next year and if i want to maintain friendships normally #and esp if i wanna stay roommates with this girlie cuz holy shit its been a lot harder than i expected maybe #i dont think i can do it on my own without major reprecussions #bro its also been like so long #i feel like ive always had some human i was extremely fond of for the past ?? years albeit most of them were like fake right like in the kp #*kpop world so it was fine when it becomes a real person it is absolutely terrible let me tell u . #but its also been a habit like i didnt realize how terrible my thoughts w ys were until now cuz they really wernet normal thoughts at all #like i want to break free of having these kind of attachments to people in a way cuz the only way i feel like ive been able to deal with bi #feelings is by transferring them to a new subject which isnt what i want anymore #like i just want it all to stop! #i also feel like mentally ive gotten worse ?? than before ?? in some ways like #i dont know if i want to make new friends and connections anymore #the same way i was trying so hard in the previous year which is worse bc now my efforts are like #SOLELY on this one girl in a way which is NOT. GOOD. #ive been trying to have conversations with the third roommate but i have to force myself?

[borderlinegerard]

#personal #my posts #warning: suiciceeand selfharmn talk in this rant #i think these meds are making me feel worse and i dont know what to do about it #gettinf used to these meds in the first place was so hard. i cant do it again #and like. i dont know. #iwant ro kill myself so bad and the only reason i can find is “maybe it will make someone sad” #but even that uts like. thats not a reason for me #theres no benefits for Me staying alive #like holy shit sometimes i forget i am So suicidal and then i have a night like this #usually these thougjs come late at night which is whyni started going to bed earlier #but things are changing and its 7:09 and im dealing with these thoughts Now #like Wow i guess injust deal with these thoughts forever no matter what. cool... #and i domt know. feeling the scars rub up against my sleeve makes me feel so bad #like theyre healing super fast but its still not enough #i think the worst part is the relief i always have after. i feel ao bad but thus tike especiallu i was jusy like #i cant believe people are reying to stop me from doing rhis... its so good for me #but like the blood soaked towel is doing nothing to help anyone #idk. i dont kmow what to do to feel better anymore

[sadlazzle]

sometimes i rlly wanna ask my mother if she thinks my hearing is as bad as hers bc i KNOW she is not saying half the shit she does knowing i can hear every fucking word

#it’s the little things especially. little comments that usually one says under their breath #or at least makes an attempt to keep to themselves #your general disdain to my existence in your presence does not go un fucking noticed #u know what jst made everything abt it all soooo much worse too ? #the other day i was talking w my dad abt it (bc he’s the only one who knows what mother is like) #and he said to me that after they lost my brother she wanted another child. she wanted me. worst part about that ? i was surprised #bc she has never treated me as if i was wanted. never #she was physically there for my childhood but she didn’t spend time w me and was emotionally distant #and i’ll b completely honest with you. her just being ‘there’ was not enough. a parent just being ‘there’ is not fucking good enough #and i don’t jst mean that for me. for everyone who had present-but-not parents #they didn’t raise us. they didn’t spend time with us. they didn’t treat us as anything but a chore in reality even if we didn’t see it then. #but they were ‘there’ so it’s fine apparently. i say fuck that #id rather she not have been there at all than go thru what she put me thru for years and years #absence probably would have hurt too. but there’s no way it could hurt as much as all she’s done #sorry abt the rant in the tags. i only recently in th last yr reached a point where i began to truly realise these things #but i will keep on ranting here. i cant get out of my current situation rn so letting it off my chest here is the only option #keeps me somewhat sane. so u cunts(affectionate) better deal w it !!!!!!!!! #plum.txt #feel free 2 ignore #dl

[tarudce22]

I think i know what my dream job is now.....

It’s for things not to change how they currently are. Me staying a dependent under dad while i cook and clean the house for him, while get to do a garden every year, I get free time to do art and play games and explore hobbies every so often. I get to spend his days off with him. Get to be around my twin. I just get to exist........

I just want to spend my time with my family.....

#tarudce rants #But I know I can't.... I have to get a job at some point and it sucks #I think I also have some type of un-diagnose severe anxiety and depression #that making this all so much worse on top of how bad it is #honestly i need to have a breakdown #its the only why im gonna cry and NEED to cry #im just so close to bursting #i just want to exist and have a ok comfy life where i dont have to worry about money #not rich but just enough that have a good roof over my head food and clothes and can afford to mess around in a hobbie of two..... #I just want to live #im SO fucking happy where i am at in life right now beside my dad and my twin but i can keep this life up no matter how much i want to #how the world runs keeps me and us from doing so #and i hate so fucking much #i just want to be by my dad and my twins sides with out having to worry about insurance and money #im on a time limit i HAVE to get job in three years or i have no insurance #if i wait any longer i may never get a job #I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT #I JUST WANT TO SPEND MY TIME WITH MY FAMILY #i think this is my breakdown fuck i need it #i need to cry all this grief and anger out #i need to morn all that im slowly losing and can ignore any longer #I hope some day some how I'm able to get back to this place #i dont want to leave it #i dont want this to change #i dont want things to change #i want to keep existing like this