#reflecting on my life rn

[liliallowed]

I am legally obligated to comment on every dusttale post on Tumblr/j

nah but fr I think I should rebrand my other account too

99 percent dusttale

one percent is my last remaining braincell dedicated to Lilith's garden project(personal passion project that I wanna turn into an indie game someday!)

#mmm #reflecting on my life rn #I'm happy:> #it's not ideal #but it's good #baby steps #I'll get there eventually

[hollisofficial]

de fans, let me hit you with a horrible poll:

#im sorry its like tormenting me ive had convos with like 3 of my friends abt it and we havent came to agreeance #disco elysium #harry du bois #kim kitsuragi #jean vicquemare #god in gunna become the DE pee guy arent i. i can already tell. #for all intensive purposes this is a joke #dont look at me im capable of being normal but rn im living my life deliciously . peeliciouslWHO SAID THAT. #ugh i should prob go make this like mature or smth #m. #dude i just keep makign the worst DE posts humanly possible in this blog i prommy jts not reflective of who i am as a person.

[hajihiko]

every time I come across Content that isnt my own I get the thoughts and thinks. Too tired to do anything about it except this ig

#Coming to terms with the fact that I can share shitty dumb doodles and tag them even and it's not a crime #I'm not quite Ants In My Brain levels but the brains are scattered rn. #Anyway I love a relationship that is unlabeled and unknowable but gosh damn it is sincere and devoted #I was thinking of that 19 days bit. 'you're the strongest most badass little mo' or sth #ANYWAY! Not confident enough to tag this w my art tag so #Fuyuhiko kuzuryu #Hajime hinata #Kuzuhina #Attempting to go full ramble in the tags after the actual posting bc I just got shit to say I guess #Not valuable shit but shit nonetheless #They're good for each other they build each other up. Fuyuhiko was putting so much faith in Hajime from the get-go #Hajime is like dont give me too much credit no I dont wanna think about my talents. And Hiko is like nah man you're great (in his own way) #And Hajime encourages so much growth in Hiko which is WHY I think Hiko is so passionate in his loyalty #Hajime makes Fuyuhiko smile and laugh and reflect on his behaviour and talk about his experiences #They laugh TOGETHER in the middle of the killing game which is v sweet #Fuyuhiko is DESPERATE to prove that he's changed and that he wants to do good now and Hajime is just like 'okay you got it' #Like thassit. And then when they find out Hajime wasnt a talent student Fuyuhiko is like 'oh ok' #They accept each other very readily and they trust each other so much and idk maybe my brain is broken but #I FEEL like I feel a sincerity in their friendship #Like it's for life man they're already making plans for the future when they're friends (hiko especially) #Yeah I guess I'll save these tags. Idk I'm a little Ill of the Brain rn

[evidently-endless]

being depressed is like experiencing full gravity on the moon and watching every other bastard float around while you stomp wretchedly from crater to crater

#post made while actually not depressed! just reflecting on how insane it is that other people have just been living like this the whole time #i literally feel like im experiencing easy mode it’s so much easier to do everything than it was oh my GOD #(look it’s inevitable it will come back it always does but even if my life is not objectively better rn the difference is night and day) #personal

[theartinmyheart]

✨Enchanting✨

#absolutely obsessed w myself today #I’ve come so far and I refuse to go back. last night was a reflection of that #my soul is beautiful and I’m not going to allow you to dim my light my love I know you tried it #I know my worth. I know my value. I know my heart. and I know how I look #I’m irreplaceable but I love hard and you can keep that w you for the rest of your life #anyways. #I bought myself some books bc I’m v proud of myself rn #me

[grossbabygoblin]

Me: “idk I feel like sex is kind of mostly a performance to get the other person off…I don’t usually enjoy it that much”

Me: “Oh shit I really am on the ace spectrum aren’t i…”

#goblinposts #like it’s not always 100% true #but I was reflecting and talking to my sis about it bc we was talking about MBTI Meyer Briggs #and then like sensing goes versus intuitive #and intuitives not being at good at physical in the world stuff #and then like yeah I related that to my past sex life stuff #but now I’m wondering is it the personality type thing or part my being on the ace spectrum thing #bc sex for me is less about enjoying the experience #but more of the stress of performance to make sure the other person is enjoying themselves and like yeah #but like I do enjoy to some extent so that’s not really ace idk #confusion #I’m single and celibate af rn so that’s an issue for much later me of ever again me to figure out #ace #acespec #lgbtqia #Meyer Briggs #mbti types

[smrookie]

turning 20 has lowkey made me kind of jaded but in a good way

#i talk to a lot of kids and teens now and the way they talk abt their life feels so much like how i used to think #and its kind of cool how i was literally 17 too like 3 years ago but that version of me is so different from rn #i dont think my external personality has changed but a lot of the ways i think and reflect has #i quite like being 20 actually. at 19 i thought id throw up at the thought of being 21 but really my twenties feels good #im not as excited about the same things. or anything. but sometimes theres this contentment that almost feels like boredom its so interestin #i forgot what i was talking abt sorry #i wonder what ill be like at 30. really fucking awesome #i hope

[paeonie-s]

FINAL CHAPTER 8/20 !!!!!!

#insomniacs after school #its ending right as i move out on my own .. makoto ojiro ur reflections on life and change are greatly needed rn

[hellheld]

i may have realized that harlot is actually going to be very difficult to ship with IUHRGUIEGTKJR

#they're so painfully slow burn...................................i'm so sorry #me learning the nuances of how harlot interacts w/ ppl outside of my head: oh. oh you're not like you were supposed to be #harlot: i don't wanna fuck i want to sing and fight and maybe be crushed by a hydraulic press #LIKE THAT STILL FITS THEIR ORIGINAL DESIGN BUT??????? I THOUGHT THEY'D BE MORE DTF #even if /i/ don't wanna fuck my muses usually do UIGRHETIURYJ #shakes harlot. did i break you by giving you your specific brand of trauma and half-divine blood that can kill demons #in hindsight yeah that was fucked up of me im sorry i ruined your potential sex life buddy #i need to sleep #i didn't become aware of how much i was fighting my sleep meds until i started talking to someone and i went oh. oh no #and now this post is also a good reflection of why i should be in bed rn instead iuwghretjk #FUCK TUMBLR STILL DOESNT REMEMBER MY OOC TAG #* ooc: let's go lesbians! #TRYING AGAIN

[harrylights]

.

#tracking for progress and further reflection but i’ve been trying to learn timezone by maneskin on my electric #i found the SICKEST FUCKING EFFECT COMBO ON MY AMP #it’s. definitely annoying my neighbours lmfao but it’s so fun #turns out singing well and playing guitar is hard as fuck (shocker) #i recorded a couple takes but they’re not perfect so #gonna keep trying til i get it right but i’m gonna space them out so i don’t get a noise complaint lol #anyway. life sucks rn but at least i have the music and art grind ✌🏻 #rowyn rambles

[daenerysoftarth]

brains are so stupid. why are you trying to kill me bitch? I’m you!!!

#my posts #not actually suicidal rn just reflecting on the nature of it throughout my life #like really bitch?

[merevide]

it’s one of those nights.

#ok i’m gonna ramble a bit because it’s all hitting me like rn #first of all. i hate this song. but i also love this song. #and my birthday is tomorrow and i’ve felt soooo fucking ill about it like more i’ll than usual #n this song has haunted me all year like every time i listen to it i gotta reflect that wow i haven’t done anything with my life i’m #practically friendless and hobbyless and don’t really enjoy doing anything #AND I’VE ALSO BEEN SPENDING IT literally wishing that i wasn’t alive #or hating myself or hurting myself or sabotaging myself #or straight up not remembering anything because apparently that’s a side effect. a symptom #and i gotta rely on myself more than ever like to be more of an emotional rock than i already have to myself #and so many people who are in my age range are actually doing something or living their lives and i have it pointed out to me all the time #and it feels like it’s all hitting me at once. while i also feel like i still wanna sabotage or hurt #n then i remember that all i’ve really known about myself was the hurt and the concern #n it’s like wow. i really hate myself! i’m not doing shit! #but there are good parts so that’s what matters. and i try and focus on those good parts and then something hits me and then nothing matters #so i really hate this song bc it makes me think. but also i’m not gonna miss this year i almost got put in a psych unit i’m not even joking #anyway. i feel like this will all break me and the pressure will get to me and i’ll be on the floor crying again but also i really should’ve #died when i was born but i didn’t! so that means! something! #so yay 🎉 i’m alive. i should write this all down in a journal #my text #marina atd #she should i release this song bc it’s really that good i can’t take it #Spotify

[lostxmelody]

lol, just realized something

#not going to maintag this one #but i thought it was kind of funny #yeah its a pretty basic analogy but IDK still ironic #remembered this summary while thinking of chapter names for a different mikofuu ive been working on #that one wont be out for a while though #definitely completing life's reflection first #but ive been going back and forth with the two since ch.3 #its a proper au this time... but i wont give away too many details rn #its at 11k. i swear on my life i will not get it nearly as long #ok maybe 40k if things get bad #i could seriously talk about both fuuta and mikoto all damn day u guys have no idea how much i restrain myself in every post i make #i cut my a/n's and tags down by AT LEAST 60% right before posting them

[angstics]

saw a post a few days ago that said something like “itd be hard to find an mcr fan whose mental health hasn’t benefitted from the band”. i dont know if i can say my chem has done that for me. the processes of happiness, company, intellectual stimulation i get from the band aren’t special to it. i cant reward something for its ability to be loved. the very material of mcr is special, but i cant think of an instance where it helped me mentally. doesnt make me feel less alone or more understood. doesnt make me want to better my health. doesnt make me discover new things about myself. they arent holding my hand. they arent getting me to fix my heart.

the music just delights me. im about the functions. the way it works feels perfect. i love that i can so easily translate the instrumentation into images and emotions (summertime solo as devotion, destroya drums as a heartbeat). i love how the storytelling is clearly derived from movies and comics. i love the mythos that is constructed by band and public and fandom. i love how cleanly they can portray feelings i relate to. i love this tour. it works like nothing else in the world. all my happiness is sourced in the functions.

perhaps this is just how i feel today. i know i felt a connection btwn my self-understanding and the band a few months ago. tho i question that feeling now as having been influenced by others.

#like my fixation with flw par exemple has ALWAYS been how perfect the bridge is. it just written perfectly. #i connect to the craft more than the emotional core. its almost like i appreciate the emotions it’s radiating and what i feel #ig the point im iffy on is whether seeing my reflection = being understood #what im saying is the band changed my life in ways not related to my mental health #at least how im understanding it rn #mcr #q.txt

[shortlesstuff]

Bunny decisions

Having the hardest time deciding if I want butters to be dark and shit and Kenny sunny and fuckking rainbows or they should both like heal together ngl the heal together butters and Kenny thing is a bit overused so probs not but it's still good maybe like Kenny rebelled and healed in highschool but butters needed the excuse of college to really get away from his parents so yeaaaa Kenny is now stable and butters is rebelling and not caring about his well being

#bunny #sp #kenny mccormick #fanfic #butters stotch #kenny sp #kenny x butters #southpark #my decisions reflect my life rn