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familyofpaladins · 7 months

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The Pizza Game (there is no pizza in the apocalypse)

A Rise of the TMNT fic

Chapter 1 (Prologue) : How it Started

Summary:

“Wow. So that’s it. We’re really out of pizza. Forever.” Mikey leaned back in his chair, somber. “Not forever. Just as long as the Krang are here. Once we beat them, people can go back to growing tomatoes and wheat and yeast and milking cows.” Amended Donnie. “In the mean time we just… have to not think about it.” Raph suggested. “I am not exaggerating when I say: that’s literally impossible,” moaned Leo. “Wait wait, what if we make it like The Game? As soon as you think about it, you lose. The longer you go without thinking about it, you win.” Suggested Raph. --- or 5 times pizza is (not supposed to be) mentioned in the apocalypse, and 1 time the Apocalypse is cancelled and there is free pizza Basically How I think the turtles coped with a world where they "ate rats and leaves"

Ao3 Link

Chapter 1(you are here) | Chapter 2>

It started with the end. Cliché right?

The krang invasion took a lot from the world. One of the worst things it did to the Hamato family, was take Pizza.

Four exhausted no longer teenager (well except for Mikey who was still 19), mutant ninja turtles shuffled into the Rebel base.

“I’m so hungry. How much food are we stocked up with?” Raph asked as he zombie walked to a bench to sit down.

“I don’t know how much there is, but I know what I want.” Mikey said.

“If you say what I think you’re going to say-“ Leo squinted at his youngest brother.

“Pizza!”

“-aaaaaand you said it. Mikey you KNOW we don’t have the stuff for that right?”

“I know! It’s just…” there was a sniffle “I miss it so much!” he sobbed.

“I know little brother.” Leo patted the orange turtle’s shell in consolation.

“Thoughtful hum. We could approximate a pizza with ground up oat paste, those dried tomatoes, and that fungus Draxum grew last week?” Donnie suggested.

Three emphatic “NO”s were groaned back in response.

“My beloved brilliant brother, that is by far the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say.”

“I don’t think that fungus is meant for Human, Mutant, Or Yokai consumption.”

“Wait. Wait wait wait wait, speaking of Yokai…” The blue banded turtle pulled out his communication device (couldn’t really call it a phone. The cell towers no longer worked, and had so much mystic spells for communication embedded in it, Donnie refused to even call it technology anymore) and scrolled through the contacts before selecting one.

It rang once before there was a click of answer.

“Senor Hueso! Hola mi amigooo!” Leo sang.

“Whatever it is, the answer is no.”

“Aw don’t be like that Hueso!”

“Pepino, do you have any idea what time it is?”

“Hm? It’s only-“ Leo looked at the time. It was a little after midnight. “Eugh boy. Sorry Hueso, I didn’t realize it was so late. Wait you answered super quick anyway, why are you still up?”

“I was doing inventory of all my supplies, thank you very much for interrupting that.”

“Oh so perfect timing! We were wondering If you had anything to make a pizza with?” Leo asked hopefully.

The line was quiet for a moment and they would have thought they’d been hung up on if it weren’t for the line still being open.

“And just who is ‘we’?” Hueso questioned.

“HI HUESO! Me and Donnie and Raph are here too!” Mikey shouted over the line, face lighting up with hope at the non-rejection.

“Ah, so four, ever growing Mutant Ninja Turtles.” There was a sigh, and the brother’s leaned in, holding their breath awaiting the verdict if there would be pizza or not, “Yes, I believe I have enough supplies to scrape together a couple pizzas-”

Mikey and Raph got ready to cheer, but Leo held up a hand to wait. Hueso hadn’t said if they could come over yet.

“- and you may come and eat them.” Hueso finished.

“Hueso, you’re the best Skeleton Man we know!” Leo said while his brothers loudly cheered. “You’re still at the Old Water Station, right?” Hueso confirmed.

“We’ll be over in a minute!” Leo chirped as he pulled out his swords and opened a portal.

The four brothers stepped through to just outside of the building.

Senor Hueso had moved there shortly after the beginning of the invasion. The laundromat that had served as an entrance to Run of the Mill had been damaged, and it was no longer a safe section of the city to be in. It had still taken all four brothers and an appearance of Dr. Delicate Touch to convince the skeleton Yokai to leave.

(The Hidden City itself hadn’t been found by the krang, but all the damage that was happening above ground, made it an unstable area to be and a lot of the yokai population had left as well. Most of the city as well as other mystic safehavens were sealed off, not allowing anyone in or out to prevent the krang from finding them and gaining mystic weapons.)

The water station was highly defended and well protected in a section of city that they’d managed to keep the krangazoids out of.

It was a vital place since it provided clean water, and with Hueso setting up a kitchen inside, it was also a source of food for many of the civilians. They had even started a greenhouse garden shortly after moving in. The turtles helped out when they could, so they knew the place pretty well.

The four turtles walked around to the side of the building where they knew there was an entrance hatch, and they slipped inside.

They found Senor Hueso carrying a couple boxes toward the area that had been turned into a kitchen.

“Hey Senor Hueso, thanks for having us!” Raph called as they walked up to him.

“You could have given me a few moments to at least get the dough ready.” Hueso sighed.

“Sorry, we just got really excited!” Leo apologized.

“Michelangelo, you will help me.” He waved for Mikey to follow him.

“Sure thing, Bone Man!” Mikey said excitedly beginning to follow the skeleton into the kitchen.

“Can I help?” Leo asked excitedly. He totally wasn’t hoping to snag an early bite.

“After the last time when you nearly burnt down my kitchen?!” Hueso scoffed, “NO.”

“Aaaaw come on Hueso, that was an accident!” Leo pleaded as the rest of his family chuckled.

It HAD been an accident. Leo had been helping Hueso out when he got a call for back up and he forgot to shut the oven off, or to tell Senor Hueso that he had left. Twenty minutes later, Hueso walked into a kitchen filled with smoke as whatever it had been was burnt beyond recognition.

“You may get everyone some water if you must do something.” Hueso offered.

“Fiiine,” Leo slumped in disappointment. Getting water wasn’t going to get him to pizza faster, but he didn’t want to risk being denied pizza either. “Always a waiter and never a chef” he muttered to himself.

“Senor Hueso, would you mind if I also took an inventory of your supplies?”

“I do not see why not,” Hueso raised an eye ridge at the genius turtle, “but why?”

“April has connections with some other groups of isolated civilians and resistance members. They’ve been looking to do some trading to cover some necessities. Food in exchange for medical supplies and such things.” Donnie explained.

“Hmmm that is fine, just don’t go trading away my supplies before asking me first.”

“I sincerely thank you. Come Raphael! We have data to collect!” Donnie rubbed his hands together eagerly and began walking to the boxes of supplies.

“Sure thing Dee. Mikey, let us know when the pizza is ready,” Raph called over his shoulder before following Donnie.

“Will do!” Mikey chirped back.

“Well, we better get going if you want to eat anytime soon.” Hueso and Mikey headed into the kitchen.

Hueso pulled out the necessary ingredients out of a box and handed them to Mikey. They divided the tasks and set to work.

“So Hueso, have you heard from your brother lately?” Mikey asked as he got the toppings chopped and ready.

“I received a letter from Piel a week ago. He said he was still in the Caribbean. He and his crew managed to … what is the phrase you use “Smack Down”? three of the cargo ships of the krang. He also said he managed to find a few pineapple plants that had survived the drought. He told me he’d give me one the next time he’s here, but we’ll see.”

Mikey raised an eyebrow in question.

“He can never resist a pineapple.” Hueso said fondly. “They’re his favorite.”

“Oh man. Pineapple. Ya know, I bet if we had pineapple right now, even Donnie would gladly have it as a topping.” Mikey mused.

“Well, I’m afraid you all will have to settle for old sausage, night worms, and spinach.”

“Oooo Nightworms! A classic Run of the Mill topping.” Mikey sighed happily.

---

30 minutes later Mikey and Hueso walked out of the kitchen and presented the hot pizzas to the three other turtles waiting at one of the tables. Donnie and Raph had just finished the inventory a few minutes prior.

“Oh that smells SO GOOD!” Leo said, as he and both his brothers stared at the pizzas with stars in their eyes and drooling in anticipation.

“You muchachos better enjoy these pizzas. They are likely going to be the last ones.” Hueso told them as he and Mikey set the pizzas onto the table.

Leo nearly fell off his chair as he whipped around to stare at Hueso, “What?! No no, don’t say that!” Say it ain’t so!!!” He pleaded as he grabbed Hueso’s shoulders.

“Yes I’m afraid this is the Last Pizza I’ll be able to make.” Hueso removed Leo’s hands from his shoulders, and turned the turtle back towards the table. “That is the last of my tomato sauce and cheese. I used up the last of my flour months ago. This is actually a cauliflower crust. Gluten free.”

“Wait, Hueso, you’re letting us eat your final pizzas? You didn’t have to do that.” Raph looked at him with wide eyes.

“Of course I did not have to do anything. It seems only right that my most loyal customers get the last ones. Especially when they are fighting those caras de tuberculo recocido.”

Leo nearly choked on his water as he wheezed. Raph smacked him on his back to help.

“Oh I am SO using that!” Leo wheezed to himself.

“What did Hueso say?” Raph asked amused as his brother was nearly falling off the chair laughing.

“He- He called-“ Leo tried to say before wheezing again. He slowly recovered. “He called them Overcooked Tuber Faces AHAHHAHA” Leo broke into laughter again.

“Tuber?” Raph asked, confused, but Leo’s laughter was contagious and he was beginning to laugh himself.

“Like what you call ‘beetroots’” Hueso said with a smirk. Leo’s laughter also getting to the bone man.

Mikey gasped and shouted “OH MY GOSH THEY DO LOOK LIKE OVERCOOKED BEETROOTS!” before he too broke into laughter.

Donnie’s face was scrunched up as he tried to hold in a laugh and failed.

“I am glad you all think I am so funny,” Hueso chuckled after they had laughed for a minute. “But do not let my pizza get cold! Eat, EAT!” He commanded.

“Senor Hueso, I sincerely thank you,” Donnie said as he grabbed a slice reverently

They ate the pizza one slice at a time, trying to savor it as much as they could.

But all good things must come to an end.

“Man what are we going to do now? No more pizza? That makes up like, 90% of our diet!” Leo exclaimed.

“Actually, before the invasion, it made up approximately 71.389% of our diet. And since the invasion began, has been decreasing an average of 1.487% a month.”

“Is there really no way you can get more pizza ingredients?” Raph asked Hueso.

“Not unless you want to try feeding and housing livestock in order to get the cheese and meat toppings. Or grow wheat to grind into flour. Or if you know how to grow and cultivate yeast?”

“That… sounds very time and resource consuming. I’m not sure even the more isolated sections of the resistance further west where there’s less krang have the supplies necessary. Although there could be old government compounds that possibly hold more supplies.” Donnie stated.

“I don’t know… would the head honchos allow us to make deals and trades just to get pizza supplies?”

“Who are you calling a head honcho?”

“Ya know that self-proclaimed government leader guy. Agent Knight?”

“You mean Bishop? Yeah, no. I don’t think he’d allow trades of government supplies just so we can have pizza again. Wouldn’t want to trade with that shmuck anyway.”

“Guess it’s back to raising livestock ourselves then.”

“It’d be nice to have a pet cow. We could get fresh milk and learn how to make cheese!” Mikey said excitedly.

“And just what are you gonna feed this pet cow?” Raph asked.

“Ummm…. Grass?”

“And where are you going to get this grass? And where are you going to keep the cow?”

“Okay okay I get it. No pet cow.” Mikey frowned. “Unless Hueso let’s me grow grass in the green-“

“I am afraid not. There is hardly enough room for the everything we are growing now, we can’t have a section just for grass.”

“Darn.”

“Wait Hueso did you say this was the last of your tomato sauce? I thought you and Hueso Jr. were growing tomato plants?” Leo questioned.

“We have managed to grow some tomatoes, but it isn’t enough to make sauces with. We have limited space in the greenery and we are trying to grow foods that are a little more filling and nutritious. Mainly potatoes, spinach, broccoli, and cauliflower. Speaking of-“

Hueso turned to Donnie, “I assume you took inventory of that as well?”

“Affirmative, and I have already sent you a copy of all the data I collected.” Hueso thanked him.

“Wow. So that’s it. We’re really out of pizza. Forever.” Mikey leaned back in his chair, somber.

“Not forever. Just as long as the Krang are here. Once we beat them, people can go back to growing tomatoes and wheat and yeast and milking cows.” Amended Donnie.

“In the mean time we just… have to not think about it.” Raph suggested.

“I am not exaggerating when I say: that’s literally impossible,” moaned Leo.

“Wait wait, what if we make it like The Game? As soon as you think about it, you lose. The longer you go without thinking about it, you win.” Suggested Raph.

“But there’s really no “winning” to The Game,” Donnie pointed out.

“Sure there is. It’s whoever can go the longest time without thinking ‘bout it.”

“Okay so what’s the winner gonna get?” Mikey asked.

“Uuuhhh bragging rights?” Raph said with a wince at lack of a better prize.

“Boo. How about winner gets The First Slice of Real Pizza once we send these caras de tuberculo recociodo back to where they came from and we have cheese and tomatoes and flour again?” Leo suggested.

“Not a bad prize I must admit.” Donnie said, and Mikey and Raph nodded in agreement with him.

“We’ll have to let Pops, April and Casey know about the Game too, so they know not think about it,” Raph

“Oh shit guys. April’s gonna kill us for not saving her a slice. No worse. She’ll just be disappointed and sick CASEY on us.” Leo slide down his seat in despair.

“I already have that covered.” Mikey said proudly before brandishing a box with a small pizza inside of it. It was the same as they had eaten, minus the night worms, which April didn’t like, and Casey didn’t care for.

“You’re a lifesaver Angelo.”

“Wait does this mean that April and Casey actually get the last pizzas?”

“Like I said, for my most loyal and best krang fighting customers” Hueso smirked.

“I’m HURT, Senor Hueso!” Leo gasped and placed a hand dramatically on his chest.

“I’m sure you’ll live. Now if you all will pardon me, I am going to sleep now. You may see yourselves out.”

“Thanks again Hueso, you’re the best!” They all shouted their thanks as he walked off to where he slept.

“Buenas noches,” he yawned and waved over his shoulder at them as he left.

One portal trip and pizza sharing conversation later, the turtle brothers had explained the new Pizza game to April, Casey, and Splinter.

Donnie marked the time and date and announced, “No more talking or thinking about pizza! Starting … NOW!”

“This is going to be impossible.”

------

Chapter 2>