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hidden-behind-the-fourth-wall · 4 years

Text

The PA - part 3/3

Pairing: Tony Stark x named!Reader

Summary: You have had neough of Tony Stark and his arrogant, selfish ass. So you leave... At least for a while.

Warnings: Swearing (a lot), angst, fluff.

A/N: Ok, this a hostirical date for me, as this is my FIRST EVER story I finished. I know it was a short one, but I am still proud. There is a lot going on in this chapter and I thought of ending it differently but here you go. I hope you all liked it <3

Comments and opinions are always welcomed :*

Words: 6000+ (ooops)

nothing really changed. You were hidden in your office doing everything your boss needed without the need to ask. You sent him everything via email and cared for his health fr the shadow. A cooked dinner and bottles of water were always waiting for him. Adding a hot chocolate for the night. Nothing changed. And yet everything did.

Those hot chocolates you used to make were now drunk alone. There was no billionaire to join you in it with his sarcastic and fun comments. There were no back massage that you enjoyed giving almost as much as he receiving. And what's more, there were no parties for you. You couldn't bear to see him dancing, kissing and flirting with went. You knew you were pathetic. You loved the man who would never see you as more than just a worker and a "kid".

Who were you kidding. You had nothing on the women he was 'seeing'. All those pretty little things with perfect bodies and probably experienced enough to keep him entertained for a whole night.

You swallowed and shook your head to get that image out of it. You were tired. There wasn't more work per se but it exhausted you mentally to always try to omit him. You missed him his face, the smile and cheeky comments. But you couldn't do it to your heart. A heart that has already been broken so many times by the same man.

You looked up when a ping when an email showed up. To your personal email. Your heart skipped a beat and eyes widened their twice size, when you noticed the sender.

"What the fuck?" You whispered and turned around hearing a gasp. You met with a smiling Romanoff, leaving on the edge of the doors.

"This is the first time I heard you swear" She said teasingly. "What got you so worked up?"

You moved away from the laptop for her to see. She read through the email carefully and she looked at you with the biggest softness and pride anyone has ever showed you.

"This is amazing. A damn MIT wants you to work with them. This is huge, honey!" You bit your lip and looked away. "But for some unknown reasons you don't look happy."

"It's just an interview, it doesn't mean I will get the job, and… " You looked away, a shame of even thinking about it in the moment like that.

"And you would have to leave Tony… " You closed your eyes, hating how she was able to just understand you without words. A damn Russian spy stuff. "He's an adult… you'll just find him a new assistant. Or a babysitter, I'm never sure what your official position actually is." You giggled at her playfulness and rolled your eyes at her.

"I have been working for him for so long… I can't just leave him alone." You looked away when she frowned and sighed. Of the 'Disappointed Natasha Romanoff' comes to action.

"What about you? When will you finally take care of yourself?" Her stern tone made you flinch and start to nervously play with the hem of your Iron Maiden shirt. "You had dreams, and I sure know you have hobbies. You're still young, but act like a 60 years old woman, for God's sake." You clenched your fingers and shut your eyes, to stop the tears from falling. She was angry and that was the first time you noticed this. What was worse she was disappointed at you, and that hurt you more than anything.

Natasha Romanoff was like an older sister for you. You learned to love her and you felt her love towards you, despite the fact that she showed it differently to other people. She was there for you and knew about your hidden feelings to Stark. She always supported you and told you how everything will be fine. She understood your shyness and tried to work through your low self esteem. She was always patient with you. Until now. You guessed, everyone had their limit, and ger has just ended.

"You stay here, hidden in this cave. Running away from your feelings. You are afraid to do anything. You got so used to being his assistant that you are afraid of being alone. And your pinning to Tony? I hoped you'd understand that int hat party. He isn't a relationship type of guy and you're not a one night stand type of girl. Your love for him? Stop going for something you can't have!" You lowered your head to hide the tears that started to fall. You clenched your fingers on your thigh so hard that you could feel how your nails climbed into your clothes. But it didn't bother you. The physical was not even close to your mental one. It was one thing to make yourself believe that this love you had would never happen, but when someone else said it to you. It made it real. "Stop living in a dream world and wake up, before it's too late! " She hissed and stormed out of your lablab. And this was when everything you hidden so deep inside you, went out to the light. You asked Jarvis to lock the doors to your lab and you screamed and cried until you had no more tears.

"Weren't you a bit too harsh?" She looked at Bucky who was leaning on the wall, near the elevator.

"She needed that." Barnes scoffed and followed the redhead. "She's was about to turn down her dream job for him." Bucky frowned and sighed. "She loves him and all he does is hurt her. It isn't his fault really. He doesn't know, doesn't understand. Stark isn't the type of person that would be able to see true love. This is why she needs to let go. Live her own life. And if getting her dream job and leaving him would make it happen than she needs to. " Barnes smiled sadly. Nat really cared about you. Hse loved you like you were her little sister and he found it charming. But he did feel bad for you. You fell in love with a wrong guy. A very decent human, but a dumb man.

You looked at you clothes and sighed. It wasn't you. You didn't dress like that. A pencil skirt and a white shirt. You felt uncomfortable and stupid. You flinched when you put the heels on and sighed. Well it was a job interview. You needed to look presentable. You took your bag with everything you needed in it and took a deep breath. Yes, it was just an interview. Not like you'd get that job. There were hundreds applicants will were probably better than you. But after Nat you decided to give it a try. You didn't speak to her, and if you were being honest, you didn't speak to anyone. No one new about your bid day, not even Tony. He didn't need to know. It was only an interview. The first step of it. Not like you were leaving him just yet.

And so you walked to the elevators and dl being deep down in your thoughts you didn't notice Tony waiting for the elevator, just as you walked out.

"To… Mr. Stark… " You whispered, when you almost walked into him. He looked you over and frowned.

"A hot date?" He asked. You knew he tried to joke but there was something in his tone that made you wonder it he was really kidding.

"I…" You clenched your bag and bit your bottom lip nervously. "I will be back soon." He raised his brow and nodded, not saying anything else walked into the elevator, leaving you standing there. This did not help your anxiety at all. You tried to relax and went to your already waiting Uber.

"She has a what now?" Tony shouted looking at Natasha with anger in his eyes. "She never told me! "

"It was hard to tell you when you both omitted Yourselves… " She answered with a roll to her eyes. "MIT if I remember right." His eyes widelec, remembering how much you always wanted to work there. A job interview. You went to a job interview without telling him.

"Well good for her." He shrugged, turning around to miss the way the woman rolled her eyes. "What should I do? Isn't it like breaking some kind of contract? Going to a job interview still working for me?"

"Don't be petty, Tony." She warned him and he scoffed.

"I thought she would at least tell me. You know for references… "

"She wasn't sure she'd get the job. Not to mention the fact I needed to force her to go." He frowned and she rolled her eyes. Men were really stupid. "Talk to her, Tony. But like a proper human being. An adult." She patted him on the shoulder and left the room, leaving him alone.

You sighed and sat at your desk, feeling more than tired. The whole interview was exhausted, and you weren’t sure if most of those questions were even appropriate. ‘How close are you with Mr Stark?’ ‘Do you believe Mr Stark would be up to donating money for our cause?’ And more inappropriate and too personal questions for your liking. You were happy when the rector finally showed up. It was when you shined the most. Talking about your PhD project, the possible prospects of it and your father ideas. Even Though he asked you about Stark, those questions were thoughtful.

“He has his reputation”, he chuckled softly and you nodded unable to disagree. “Not many people would leave a safe, warm, probably well-paid job, to come work with us.” He took off his glasses and looked at you. “Is there something I should know? The reason for your application with us?”

“I was right after Uni, when Mr Stark gave me that job.” You answered quietly, feeling a weird shame for even being here. “It was a great opportunity for me to grow, but I want to be a scientist, not a PA.” You smiled and looked him in the eyes. “Don’t get me wrong. Working with Mr Stark was a privilege and I was able to learn so much from him, but it’s time for me to make my own projects.” Visibly satisfied with your answer he put his glasses back on and looked at your CV.

“How about you tell us more about that idea you had?”

You closed your eyes and sighed. You felt good after the whole discussion, but it still felt like you would not get the job. Not to mention, that you would probably have to talk to Tony about your references. You whined and lay on your desk.

“Are you alright, Miss?” Jarvis’ voice was filled with concern, after registering your annoyed noises.

“Not really. I think I have an existential crisis.” You chuckled to yourself, at how stupid that sounded.

“Anything I can help you with?” You smiled at his thoughtfulness.

“Is there some kind of algorithm that would help me choose between what my heart and my brain tell me?” There was a silence for a moment after Jarvis turned on your computer showing you multiple web pages opened.

“I’m afraid there is no algorithm, but there some sociological and psychological studies regarding the issue.” You sat up and laughed out loud at this. “But Mr Stark always considered social sciences an, let me quote, “utter bullshit”, so I am not sure if they would help you.

‘Thank you Jarvis, you’re the best!” You quipped looking through the pages.

“I’ve been told!”

“I know that, she worked for me for some time now.” He murmured through the phone. He expected the call for references, but not so soon. He was sure to hear you just come back.

“This is a huge deal. We have never hired someone so young and with so little experience before.” The rector sighed on the other side of the phone. “I need to know if she will work out.” Tony frowned and looked through the window. He had Nat’s voice in his head telling him to be an adult, to not be selfish. But he can’t. He cannot lose you. You were the best and brightest thing in his life now. WIthout you he would be lost. As an Iron Man, and as Tony Stark. So he did something selfish, already hating himself for it.

“She’s a good PA. That’s all I can say.” It was harsh, and was definitely burying your chances. He knew you were more than that. He saw you in his lab, repairing his armour, or adding comments to his plans. You were more than a secretary. You were a genius. The best possible person for this job. But he was petty. He was once again acting like a kid. He heard the rectors deep sigh and he understood, that he just fucked up. Your career, your life. And the solemn idea of you finding out about it, was killing him.

“I understand confidentiality is still a thing up there?” He asked and could hear the man chuckle.

“Don’t worry, Tony.” He turned the phone off and threw it across the room, watching it crack on the wall. He fucked up. Badly.

“I see!” You tried to keep your voice as steady as possible, despite the tears appearing in your eyes. “No, no I understand, of course.” The strings of thanks and apologies were thrown and you bit your lip, hoping to end the call ASAP. “Yes, I will!” You lied, when the rector told you to keep on trying. You ended the call and let the tears flow.

It was stupid really. You knew deep down, that you wouldn’t get the job and yet. Yet it still hurt to know you weren’t enough. You wanted to climb the highest of mountains so it should not have surprised you to fall.

“What’s wrong?” You wiped your tears and put your phone away.

“Nothing, Natasha, everything is under control.” You stated, your voice only a bit shaky. You didn’t turn to welcome her. You opened your laptop and started to work.

“Did you go?” She asked, and you rolled your eyes. Can’t you just be left alone?

“Yes” short answers, hoping for her to understand you didn’t want to talk. Especially not with her. Not with the person that pushed you to go. “I’m sorry Natasha, I have lots of work to do.” The woman raised her brows and sighed.

“What happened?”

“I’m just a PA.” You answered after a moment of awkwards silence. “Without much of experience in the field. I’m nothing more than Stark’s PA, who happened to finish MIT.” You shrugged your shoulders and sighed. The tears were back and the screen was starting to get blurry. “At least I don’t have to choose anymore!” You chuckled through the sobs and hid your face in your hands. “I’m sorry. Can you… I did what you told me to. I went and I failed, please can you leave me alone? One time in my damn life I thought I am worth more than I truly am! And I knew that, but then you …!” You got up and looked her in her beautiful eyes. “Do you know why I always hide in that fucking shell of mine, you seem to have such a problem with!?” Widow’s eyes widened at your use of language. She never seen you like that. Never heard you speak so that. That little, quiet mice seemed to have enough. “Because my life taught me, that I will never be more than I am. I was never enough for anyone. My parents, people at school and Uni, my professors, and him… I learned to live with the fact that I am nothing more than a loser, unwanted by anyone. But then you had to make me go and…”

“I’m sorry.” She pulled you for a huge and kissed you at the top of your head. “I just wanted to help. I wanted to see you happy. See you live your own life. I’m sorry, sweety.” She cooed you and you couldn’t help but hug her back, repeating words of apologise into her neck.

He closed his eyes hearing your cries. Your tone, the raised voice. He wondered how long were you keeping those feelings inside. It broke his stoned heart to see you, hear you like that, only to know that he was the reason for this. You blamed Nat for it, only because you didn’t know how awful he was. He took a deep breath, and deciding to leave you be, he came back to him room. Hoping Romanoff would help you.

“What’s wrong, kiddos?” He announced looking at the Avengers assembling in the kitchen.

“Please stop saying that. There are at least three people here who are older than you.” Clint sighed, playing with his chips.

“What’s up with Lex?” Steve asked with his Captain America voice, glancing at Stark, his guts telling him, the billionaire had something to do with it.

“What do you mean?” He asked, playing stupid. It has been two weeks since the MIT call and Tony hasn’t seen you. He wasn’t sure if you were ignoring him even more than after the Christmas party, or you were just that busy. You did work. Yes, definitely did work. Everything went more smoothly than ever. He noticed because he had more free time. And if he was being honest, he was starting to get bored.

“I haven’t seen her since the party. I thought it was die to the New Year party workload, but then she seemed to disappear even more.”

“Yeah not to mention that I actually miss that big smile on her face, when she sees her favorite Avenger. “Sam chimed in, making Bucky and Nat roll their eyes. “But seriously, should we worry?” Everyone looked at Stark who sighed deeply, taking his cup of coffee with him.

“I’ll talk to her, kids. No worries, daddy will take care of it.”

“I really hate when he says that!” He chuckled, hearing Steve’s disgust in tone.

“So she lives!” You jumped at his voice, behind you. It was a middle of the night and you truly hoped he would be sleeping already. Or at least at his room. “Are you making the magical chocolate?”

“Magical chocolate?” You raised your brow at him and he smiled, shrugging his shoulder.

“I never had a better massage than during that hot chocolate night meeting last time.” you blushed and looked away, hearing him chuckle. “Any leftovers?” You nodded and prepared him a cup, pouring the mixture into it, and adding the marshmallows. She put it in front of him and was about to leave, when his fingers circled at your wrists, stopping you. “Sit with me, please.” You bit your lip nervously and obeyed taking the sit opposite. As far as possible. “I have something to tell you and you have to promise me you will listen to everything before you slap me and slap the doors behind you.” You frowned and looked at him. Your heart broken a bit, when you noticed the face he made. He looked like a kicked puppy. Like a little kid that knew he messed up.

“Mr Stark, I don’t…”

“Please… They worry about you. I worry about you. Since that damn stupid Christmas party everything went to hell. I fucked up, you saw it and…

“Listen. When you started working for me I made it clear fuck complete of a mess I was, right?” You raised your brow but nodded, even a small smile appearing on your lips. “I am a messed up person. A guy in his…” He coughed awkwardly. “Well my age doesn't matter here.” You bit your lip not to laugh, which made him smile. “I always got what I wanted. A spoiled, stupid kid, with more money and looks than brain.

“I still don’t know what you see in me.” He smiled at you softly. “I am not stupid, kid. I see the way you look at me. I do. And it flattens me. You are this genuine girl, with kind heart, smart and beautiful in and out and… You are too innocent for me to break you. I am not someone you should fall in love with. Someone who should be your first boyfriend. Your first love in life.”

“Forgive me, but I think I should have a right to decide who I fall in love with…” You bit your lip nervously, staring at the table. You missed the way he smiled softly at that. His look softened and he sighed.

“Of course. But this… This is not the reason why I needed to talk to you…” You nodded, giving him a go to continue. “How was your interview at MIT?” You stiffened and looked at him with big eyes.

“Natasha told you?”

“The rector called.” You swallowed and frowned. “For references…” Something in his tone made you realise where this was going and you felt your heart beat fasten. “I… I’m sorry kid. I-I couldn’t let you go. I needed you. I… fuck I didn’t want to live in a life where you wouldn’t be there to help me. Be there for me and…”

“What did you say, Tony?” If the situation was different he would enjoy the fact that you said his name, but not now, not with the seriousness behind it.

“I said you were a good PA.” The pain in your eyes broke his heart. You opened your eyes to say something, but couldn’t. All this made sense now. The good interview and an awful ending. “Listen… I know you may hate me now…”

“Is this all that I am?” You asked and frowned. “Is this really what you think of me? A good PA?” There was a silence between the two of you. A painful one. For both him and you.

“Of course not. You are so much more.” He tried to hold onto your hand, but you backed away. “You are so smart and incredibly talented. You can do so much more than just this job. I…

“I was afraid that you would leave and I would be alone. And this scared the shit out of me.I can’t imagine you not being here. Not being able to…”

“I quit.” His heart stopped at your proclamation. You stood up, still looking down at the table. Your hands starting to shake with anger, your heart beat fastened and you felt like you were about to cry. “I can’t… You crossed that line…”

“What line?” He asked, looking at you, hoping that whatever you just said was a stupid slip off. “I apologised, damn it!”

“And, what? Everything should be fine now? Because you apologised!?” You shouted, staring at him with your angry expression. “For so many years I hid my anger towards you. I hid it, because I loved you more than I was angry at you.” His eyes widened. He expected your feelings, but hearing them was a totally different aspect. “But this? You ruined my future, my dreams because you are a selfish bastard!” You pushed your hands away from him to make sure you wouldn’t punch him.

“I told you I was afraid…”

“Yes!” You shouted, tears streaming down your cheeks. “You were afraid. You didn’t stop for a second to even consider how I was feeling. You knew… I told you so many times before about my dreams. About my insecurities about them, and yet you used them against me. You used that biggest doubt and used it for your own good! It shouldn’t surprise me, not should it hurt. But yet here I am, with my heart broken. Because I was so close in burying that dream, only to make you happy. To stay by your side, because helping you was more important for me than pursuing my own dreams!” You shook your head and clenched your fingers. “I went for that damn interview, because Natasha made me. She told me I hiding behind you, afraid to take a step forward. But it wasn’t it. I was just trying to protect you. Make you happy. And what do I get in return? you betrayed me, Tony. The one person I thought I could trust, the one person who I thought new about my insecurities. The one man I was able to trust and love in my stupid life, used me, because his needs were more important than what I’d want.” You wiped your eyes and turned around. “I will send you an email with PA that would gladly take my place.”

“I don’t want them!” he shouted, getting up to get closer to you. “I don’t want anyone, but you. I know! Fuck, I know i made a mistake. I know I was selfish, but please… one more time. Give me a chance to prove myself. To show you I am not a dick! Please! I won’t survive without you. I need you. I…”

“No Tony... “ You smiled sadly and took a step away from him. “You don’t need me. You need the idea of me. You need a person who would follow your every step, Who would do your job without saying a word. Who would follow you like a lost puppy. A part of me always thought you gave me this job due to my powers, but that it wasn’t it. You just needed someone who would adore you the same way you adore yourself. But I had enough.”

“I thought you love me!” He hissed at you, when you were almost at the corridor. “Was that a lie?” Not able to control yourself you laughed through tears. You turned around, walked towards him and slapped him across the face.

“Don’t you ever dare to say that! i loved you for so long. I loved you when you brought all those women here. I loved you when you shouted at me and made me feel like I was nothing. I loved you when you were away to those damn missions. i loved you while I was healing you and I loved you when you pushed your tongue in that blonde’s mouth.” He flinched, remembering the Christmas party. “I loved you despite hurting. I loved you so much that I decided to stay by your side for so long, despite being unwanted. I knew… I knew how absurd those feelings were. I knew someone like you, who has everything, would never fall in love with me. And you made that completely clear at the party. You gave a little hope, and then crushed it. But not anymore Tony. I have had enough and before it escalates I need to leave.”

“You won’t get any opinion from me. You won’t get a job anywhere in the industry” He shouted. He hated himself when those words left his lips. He hated the look you gave him. He wanted to apologize and say that this was bullshit. He wanted you to stay. But he knew, there was no way. No way for you to forgive him. Not anymore.

“Yeah. Thanks, Mr Stark. It was a pleasure to work for you!”

***

He watched you smile at the kid, who giggled at your adorable, funny face. She was crying and you did everything you could to stop her from crying, while her mom went to the bathroom. He didn’t know how good you were with kids. He never seen you with any. He watched you give her a chocolate cookie, which had probably brighten her day. And he watched when you smiled at the woman, who was probably thanking you for taking care of the little girl.

He looked at the place and sighed. This was not something you dreamed of. It was an MIT nor a technological industry. When you left for real, leaving him with a three page long email with names of the best PAs in the country, he called every big business, including MIT, giving them the best references he could give. His heart broken even more, when the MIT’s HR called and told him that you have declined their job offer. You hated him and he hated himself.

He knew Natasha talked to you from time to time. Clint and Steve came here for your coffee and “The best apple pie’ in Boston. They took that extra way to see you at least once in three months. Bruce send you emails regarding some new tech Avengers were using and you answered him with possible ideas of how to make them better.

You still loved that world. He could see it and hear how you missed that and the Avengers. he was able to see through Jarvis’ system, that you connected to talk to him. You kept in touch with everyone, even a stupid AI, and not him. You left the next day. Your bags were gone, room cleaned up and only an email waiting for him.

Mr Stark.

According to our contract I should be giving you a two weeks notice of my leaving, however, due to my unused vacation days, I am taking them and I quit immediately from today. As I promised, you can find attached the list of the best PA in this country. I made you all of your business had been taken care of.

I would greatly appreciate if you didn’t try to get in touch with me in any ways. I am planning on starting a new life. I hope our paths won’t have to cross in the future and....

I wish you well, Tony. I really do. When I think about it, it was me who was an idiot. It was me who fallen in love with someone who could only love himself. I was the idiot one. So yes. I do wish you all the best Tony.

Love,

Lex

He hated and loved this email. It was the last thing from you. He didn’t contact you, didn’t try to find you. You deserved it. After everything he’s done for you, you deserved freedom from him. Away from his selfish ass.

He was able to keep that promise for two years. Two years of his teammates talking about your new coffee place, your new flat in Boston and a boyfriend you broke up with two months ago. They tried to stay quiet when he walked in but he was still able to hear them. They loved and cared about you. And who was he to neglect that.

But two years were enough. He had enough and he decided to be selfish this one time. One more time. Come here see you and if you give him a chance, apologise.

“Iron Man!” He froze hearing a boy shouting from the inside of the coffee place. He noticed your frozen figure and he wanted to run away. He was actually very close in just walking away, when you turned around and he felt his heart stopping. You became so beautiful. You have lost some weight, your hair gotten longer at those eyes. Those beautiful eyes were still so mesmerizing. “Mommy, It’s Tony Stark!”

You watched with disbelief at the man outside of your coffee place. You followed his every move, when he walked in, and smiled at the boy, taking some pictures with him and signing his cap. You scanned him and something you hoped died a long time ago, came back to life. The butterflies were back. You closed your eyes and turned around, pretending like you were focused on cleaning the coffee machine. Anything not to look at him. not to focus on those beautiful face, and charming smile.

“Lex”, you flinched at his quiet, almost scared whisper. He walked closer and you were afraid to turn around. “Ma’am can i order?” You rolled your eyes. You couldn’t just say no. It was possible that it was a coincidence. Maybe he came here for business and… No! It was Tony Stark, nothing was just ‘lucky’ for him.

“Of course, sir. What would you like?” You turned around and tried to give him your most natural, customer service smile.

“How about that chocolate you used to make and 10 minutes of your time.” You bit your lips and took a deep breath.

“We have three types of chocolate, Sir. What is it you want? White, milk or dark?”

“Lex, please!” He whispered, his hands travelled to cup yours, but you took a step away from the counter. He closed his eyes and looked around. “Can we please talk when you close? Please?” It wasn’t often that Tony Stark was begging and the mean part, which hated him, was happy to see him in emotional pain. But the part that still loved him felt sorry for him. And so you agreed, telling him you were closing in three hours. He ordered a dark chocolate and an apple pie and sat at the corner of the place, patiently waiting.

“I told you not to contact me!” You hissed, when the last customer left the place. You turned around and gave him your angry look. “One thing I asked of you! Damn it, Stark!”

“Two years… Come on, Lex. It’s been two years I missed you.” He sounded and looked so small. He looked like he wanted to cry and run away as quickly as possible. Like coming here was the biggest mistake of his life. “I… Fuck… Can we sit down?” You crossed your hands on your chest and he sighed. “I never apologised.” You frowned at him and smiled at you. A small, unsure smile. “I never said what I truly wanted to say to you that day. So if you give me ten minutes, I will tell you. 10 minutes and maybe one more of your chocolate?”

“I turned off the machine.” You stated, making him swallow hard at your tone.

“Sure. Yeah.” He took a deep breath and sat down on one of the stools. “I was the biggest asshole in the Universe, but I was afraid. I was afraid that the only person I truly trusted and loved would leave me. Like my mom did. I was a mess when she died. She was the only one that really knew me, the same as you. But she had to be there for me, she needed to love me, because I was her child. Her only son. You didn’t have to and yet you still did. And it scared me, because I didn’t understand why someone like you would ever love me. So when I heard you went for a job interview I got scared, that I will lose you. Yes I was a selfish prick and if I could turn back time I would, trust me.

“All those things you said to me that day were true. And I just wish you would have told me them sooner, I would have the opportunity to work on myself not to lose you. I wanted to stop you and so out of fear I did something I was only good at. I pushed you away. Even more. When I heard you took down proposition from MIT I knew I fucked up.”

“I felt like I would owe you something and I didn’t want that.” He nodded and hid his face in his his hands.

“I fucked up big times. The worst thing was not because I tried to hurt you, but because I tried to not feel pain myself. I was selfish. Hell, I am still selfish for coming here.” You raised your brow but let him continue. You heart slowly melting at his words. You never stopped loving him and this all was not making it easier to forget about him. “I know those words mean nothing to you now. But I love you and I miss you. What I wouldn’t give to have you back in my life. Even if only as a friend. I am not afraid to say that I love you. And I need you. And not the idea of you, but you. That selfless, kind hearted woman, with the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. I want and need you. With me in my life, in NY. I know you have your life here in Boston, but… I just want you to know that.”

“It took you hell of a lot of time, Stark.” He looked up and frowned seeing a little smile on your lips. “I guess I lost a bet with Nat.”

“A bet?”

“Yeah”, you shrugged and chuckled. “I believed you’d forget about me and never come to see me, and well, Nat was sure you’d come to find me in the first three years I was away.”

“Yeah. She’s scary. I think it’s a Russian thing.” He rolled his eyes dramatically and you chuckled. “You’re not mad at me anymore?”

“Oh, I hate you, don’t get me wrong!” He opened his mouth to say something, but was smart enough not to. “But I still love you and people say love is stronger than hate.” He was looking at you with those big puppy, brown eyes. “But I want to start over. Be your friend. Get to know Tony Stark, and…”

“And? I will give you anything you want, Lex!” He took a step closer and took your hands in his. This time you didn’t pull away.

“That place on Brooklyn. There used to be a pancake place, but now it's free and no one bought it. I want it.” He looked at you and chuckled. Pulling you closer, he kissed the top of your head.

“Sure thing, sweetheart. It’s all yours. So am I.”

#tony stark #tony stark x oc #tony stark x reader #tony stark x you #PA #Avengers #Happy Ending #angst #Iron Man #Tony Stark fanfiction

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fanfiction-inc · 4 years

Text

Golden Faced Bastard

Verse: Death Stranding

Characters/Pairings: Higgs Monaghan/Reader

Warnings/Tags: Masturbation, sexual themes, phone sex, sexual tension, enemies, love/hate relationship, m/f, mentions of sex.

Word Count: 2,444

Summary: When a terrorist grows bored, what’s a better pass time then contacting your favorite person to mess with?

Rating: Explicit

Notes: I used this ask from @dirty-higgs-confessions as inspiration for this story: "Higgs calling you while you're on a run for Bridges and teasing you as he jerks off. It soon turns into casual phone sex until he finishes then you just hang up on him despite the fact that now you're needy and wish he was there to fuck you."

I of course put a small twist on this but fuck it! :D

Link to Ao3 Version: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22287181

South Knot, lit by the lights of signal post that wavered with each drop of timefall running down and over their initial scanners. Timefall, it had been falling for the past two hours and had no sign of clearing up at any point. The sun was already hidden behind thick and ominous clouds, giving way to darkened blue skies that seemed to shift to black when the smallest but the brightest of stars attempt to peak out of the thick layers and shed light on a damned world. As long as the country was divided, as long as the world went to shit, there was no hope in sight of making it to the end of the year. If it wasn’t the timefall that got ‘ya, or the BT’s that always loomed no matter where you went, it was the Homo Demens. Despite all of this deliveries still had to be made. A distraction was still always in order to avoid the end of life itself to a group that deemed themselves almighty.

A soft sigh of lips flutter in the air as the motorized trike raised from the garage platform, sitting new and ready for the exposure that was sure to knock it out of commission by morning come. Packages bound for Lake Knot and its distribution center loaded up with skilled fingers behind gloved hands that have worked too hard for their years, strapped down and held in place, cases prepared for the intensifying storm. The timefall was growing worse, but nothing would get done if the porter stayed put inside this metal and technology compound labeled a distribution center. In an older life, one may say it was a prison converted into a somewhat functioning distribution center surrounded by a semi-intact city. Others would say its the skeleton of what had once been and is now new. A final breath was given in the form of a sigh and hair tucked up underneath the timefall protective hood was tied back to keep from falling out, legs thrown over to straddle the bikes seat and started with a low rumble that stuck in the gut and fluttered to make the limbs tingle. A single motion to lower goggles that helped protect the eyes from the near toxic rain and the bike was taking off up the ramp and out of the distribution center.

Visibility was growing reduced with the lower in temperature and timefall, fog spreading among the ground and making any sort of travel along rigid rocks and muddy ground grow tough. The first slip of the bike was a fluke, the second sending it off its course a few feet and the third sending it to slide and sputter, mud slinging everywhere among the area before composure was gained once more and the route was continued to Lake Knot. The silence of the water hammering the ground and the low rumble of the bike nearly drowned out the incoming call, the tone that of unknown origin.

“Hello sweetheart.”

The voice brings the bike to finally slide and collapse on its side, sending the rider off to the side into the somewhat enclosed space of a covered cliff side with gathering mud puddle. The timefall hammered the collapsed bike, aching body of the porter jumping up to bring it out of the timefall and protect the contents within the now scratched up and slightly damaged boxes. Rust rubbed off onto the porters gloves and she was quick to remove them, to make sure they couldn't get up onto her skin and let the smear of timefall gather. A check of the comlink and a soft groan of annoyance fluttered from the lips of the porter who threw her hood back and unzipped the top of her jumper, the suit pooling around her waist. It was still active, and the gentle breathing on the other side indicated the presence of the man who simply refused to leave her be. The man who played games and invaded spaces he should never have been in. The one who stands before his men promising the sixth great extinction of the world and yet devotes his free time from the plans to the porter resting against the shallow crevice of an opening in the bottom of the cliff side and Bridges poster boy.

Higgs fucking Monaghan.

“Have a little accident there, darlin’? Did I startled you?” The labor to his breath, the soft flutter of that tone that the porter hated to admit drove her mind to slowly blank. She shakes out of her clouded thoughts, swallowing hard with a hand held to her throbbing head. It it wasn’t the impact that made it hurt, it was the annoyance of the man on the other end of the line who ruined her day and sent her into the wildest of fever dreams that left her body aching for touches she knew she didn’t want to admit she wanted or, being honest with herself, needed. So long without touch, so long without someone finding interest. It was almost gratifying, having that sort of attention, but why must it be him? “Wouldn’t you like to fuckin’ know.”

“Oh honey, one can only assume from the sound. Your little deliveries must be banged up, am I right?” The light hint of a noise and a pause fell over the line. He takes in a somewhat struggled breath and the porter could only confirm what he was doing the moment his hushed tone whispered ‘fuck’.

“Are you calling me just to jack off?”

“What can I say, your voice does it for me, baby.”

A hint of disgust fills her form and yet her body entered a full form of shivers and pin pricks that made everything tingle. The ground soaked in timefall wasn’t the only thing wet right now. His breath kept fluttering over the line and the porter had half the mind to cut it off, to end the call, but what would stop him from calling back and just continuing?

“I’m hanging up, Higgs-”

“Wait! Please don’t hang up (First name). Just...just talk to me and this’ll be over soon. Ya don’t even have to talk dirty or nothin’. Not unless ‘ya want to. Just be a good girl and talk.”

Hesitation met the line and the man on the other end knew damn well he had the other hooked, just by the way he hears a shuffle and a sigh that was a mixture of annoyance and possibly even defeat. She knew as well as he did that he would keep calling back until he was finished and she was annoyed to the point that she would just let it happen. He swallowed when he hears her soft breath, eyes fluttering at the sound of such. If only he could feel it, the hot breath that he imagined to be against his ear or neck, if only he could feel her.

“I’m only doing this so you’ll leave me the fuck alone, you golden faced bastard.”

“Ah, kinky. I didn’t know my honey was into name callin’.”

“I’m not your honey.”

The sound of a chuckle fluttered over the line and the porter was resigned to simply allow her eyes to roll, to ease back against the wall of the crevice and allow her hand to trail. It was no fun for this to be one sided, and she highly doubted any other porters would be coming through this area at such a late hour in the complete downpour of the timefall. Higgs smirked when another sigh sounded. “Is it safe to assume I’m not gonna be the only one enjoyin’ this, darlin’?”

“I don’t give a shit what you assume.”

“Oh come on, sweetheart, you can just lay back, relax and let each of us enjoy the other. One night and one night only. And I won’t tell if you won’t.”

The sound of his tone, as if the smirk could be heard in it. A few low pumps of his hips makes a soft grunt leave his lips and he hears the other try to stifle a noise of her own. Noises did it for each, but it wasn’t enough. They needed each word to grasp onto and allow themselves to melt with. Higgs needed her, and she needed him. She swallowed lightly when there was silence, wondering if he had already left the line, but she hears another shuffle of clothing and the soft sound of skin rubbing against skin. So, this is how it’s gonna be, the two satisfying themselves to pass the time then moving on with their lives. If only it was that easy.

Higgs grasped himself with a bare hand, a shaky breath and airy chuckle falling from his lips. “I wondered for some time what it would be like, ever since I met you in Mountain Knot, to have you just the way I want you. You don’t know how long It’s been, how long its been since I last had a satisfying session alone. It’s never good enough with fantasies. You can dream it but it doesn't get ‘ya anywhere. Do ‘ya know what I mean?”

“Sadly.” The woman begrudgingly admits, fingers simply tracing over the basic fabric covering the single heat patch that deserved her attention. It weeped for stimulation, weeped for the touch of the man, but his voice and her own hand alone would have to suffice. The mental image of him pumping himself would have to do.

“Be honest with me, darlin’, but how long has it been for you? I mean to truly have a good one.”

“A good what?”

“Oh don’t play dumb, baby doll. A good orgasm. Cum. Jerk off or whatever the female equivalent is. How long has it been where your body screamed ‘yes’ in the most delicious?” His pace was beginning to slowly pick up, shivering when he heard the soft wet noises of her fingers moving along her slick core, having moved beyond the fabric. He savored the sound, listened as closely as he could to the soft hitch in her breath and the shaky sigh she gives away.

“Months.” She finally whispered out, eyes fluttering shut as she hears him spit into his hand, or maybe even onto his own member and begins a more leisurely pace that sent a hot shiver up his spine. “You?”

“Maybe a year. They’re never good when rushed. But when ‘ya take your time with ‘em-” A soft flutter of a groan sounding in the air was enough to accent his point, his own head falling back against the headrest of the chair he sat in, legs spreading as much as the material around his knees would allow. Her shaky breath and the soft hint of a wine makes his teeth sink down into his lip, hand working as his imagination worked on what he would be doing to her that would make such a noise come from those perfect lips that enticed him every time he watches her speak.

“What is it about my voice that..Oh fuck...That helps you along?” She asked with a tone that wavered, licking at her lips when he breaths deeply, listening to the increase of skin against skin and the hushed noises leaving his lips. “How soft it is. You’re always talkin’ loud but that softness never leaves it. It’s airy, almost like ‘ya singin’ me a song. I’d like to hear ‘ya sing a different kind of one, my little songbird.”

She speaks before she can even stop herself. “You’d have to be here if you want a song like that.”

This earns a faster pace from each of their respective hands, one working the tip of a weeping member and the other the bundle of nerves that was beginning to make searing pain blossom in her abdomen and inner thighs. More wet noises, more heavy breathing from both parties. They needed more than this. “Then next time I see ‘ya, baby doll, I’ll make sure to make ‘ya sing.”

“You gotta find me first.”

“Oh, I will. I’m a very resourceful man. Though, you may not like what I do when I find ‘ya.”

“Is that a promise?” The barest grace of a smirk in her tone and the man groans at such a comment, hand working him like he would imagine her mouth doing. “I always keep my promises, darlin’. I’m a man of my word.”

“Oh bullshit, Higgs.”

The next groan was a bit more audible and his shivered in delight, savoring the way her voice sounded when she spoke his name.

“Again. Say my name again.”

“Higgs.”

The sound of skin slapping grows.

“Slower. Draw it out.”

He whispered, tone almost like that of a plea.

“Hiiiggs.”

“Oh fuck, just like that.”

He was growing close, just as she was with each noise and word she was able to soak up over the comlink. When he finally spilled, it was the groan of her name that left his lips, that was the tipping point for her and makes her high pitched moan follow and mingle with the groans that left his lips with each overstimulated pump of his leaking member. He wipes his hand on the inside of his pants, hiding the mess from view in case anyone was to check in, though why should he care? He was the man who could send them into the sixth extinction early. When her shaky and soft breath fluttered over the line, he lets his smirk return. “I’m glad you enjoyed yourself. Now, I'll ask again. When was the last time you had a good one?”

“Today.”

“Mm, be more exact.”

“Just a few seconds ago, maybe a minute.” His chuckle followed her words. “You?”

“About a minute ago or so. Now it’ just a matter of getting into bed with ‘ya.”

A soft scoff from her end and he grins away, loving how she goes right back to the defensive. “When’s the last time ‘ya had a good fuck?”

The line hangs up and Higgs lets out a fit of laughter, a shake of his head following as he props his feet up on the table before him. In due time, he’d have her just the way he wanted her.

A call back, the porter groans in the midst of getting her suit zipped back up. “What?”

“South Knot, meet me there and I’ll keep good on my promise.” He was almost giddy, and the woman sighed. “If it’ll shut ‘ya up once and for all, then fine. South Knot it is.”

“I’ll see ‘ya then, darlin’.”

----------------

Thank you, as always, for reading and let me know what you guys thought about this! If you would like to be tagged in further stories, send me an ask! Remember, request are always open!

Tagging: @dirty-higgs-confessions | @johnlocklover221

#lemon #death stranding #higgs monaghan #higgs monaghan x reader #x reader #Ao3 #belle82devart

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yamithediaperdork · 4 years

Text

Baby Naruto

A little story that was done for littlesparkyabdl ^^

Naruto was well known for many things. His mastery of the shadow clone justu, his love of ramen and of course his goofy attuide. But one thing that WASN'T well known about Naruto was what a total goo goo gaga diaper dork he was. Case in point, at this very moment he was grinning ear to ear and looking over his shoulder, patting and admiring the massive thick white diaper taped around his hips. Giving his white crinkly booty a little shake he stuck his touge out and winked at his reflection, before turning around and pointing at his own reflection. "You, are a total, big baby and should be kept in diapies 24/7!" he scolded himself and then giggled. the already not quite bright lad's IQ always seemed to take even more of a dive the second his butt was back in diapers which helped explain why it was only when he was in diapers that the idea of wearing them all the time, of waddling around town with a thick puffy butt seemed like a good idea. Of course he knew how DUMB that would be, and he knew truthfully he'd die of humiliation of anyone ever actually saw him in his diapies. Still it was fun to think about, thoughts of being stopped and having his diaper checked or being scolded for being such a big baby made him swoon and blush. Though one thing that was kinda weird for naruto was how his fantasies as of late had kinda shifted. oh, he still thought about being panted and having his diaper butt patted and being scolded in public, but while once it was him thinking about sakura doing the deed now.. a faint blush crossed Naruto's face and he tried to ignore the throbbing his loins at the thought of Sasuke or kiba or god, even konohamaru being the one scolding him. as mental images of Naruto on the ground, in just a diaper and looking up at a grinning sasuke who then...mfffh.. and also with his foot.. the throbbing in his loins got to be too much to ignore but Naruto had set up a very humiliating and kinda gross rule for his making stickies. Said rule was he wasn't allowed to spurt unless he was in a stinky diaper. waddling to his fridge Naruto got out his cartoon of spoiled milk, the oder making him make a face but nothing made sure he was a super duper diaper pooper like this stuff. Holding his noise and trying to block out the taste Naruto chugged and after a good five minutes of hacking and coughing was ready to move onto the next step. Naruto eyed his pride and joy, the custom built just for his big baby butt baby bouncer, With deluxe anti justu timer locks. colored orange (Naturally) the springs would kick in the second he was secure and he'd be at the mercy of the bounces in his soon to be VERY stinky diapers. The idea was so enticing to the dork he actually zoned out for a few minutes, drooling down his chin some till a gurgle in his tummy snapped him out of it. "Silly baby!" He scolded himself and then scrambled to get in the harness, strapping in and setting the timer for a hour and hitting go. (and sadly being the big silly baby he was, hitting 10 hours by mistake. oh silly Naruto.) the bouncer started him off slow and Naruto coo'ed softly and got himself comfortable, he was in for a ride. as the bounces got more intense the stinker let out some brassy farts and got a dopey grin on his face, squishy time was about to start! Despite his eagerness to fill his diaper up like the big baby he was Naruto fought the urges to go. that feeling of utter helplessness when he lost all control and pooped himself helpless..oh god! So because of that it was at least anther ten minutes before the fight was over and the poopie won, mush pouring out and making the diaper fill up and squish around even as Naruto bounced up and down, making the cutest dookie faces you'd ever seen. the diapers did little if anything to hide the stink and not for the first time Naruto was grateful the apartment by his were vacant (of course, if he'd been thinking, he might be the reason they were) "Bouncy bouncy for da stinkest baby!" Naruto gurgled out and coo'ed wishing he'd grabbed a rattle now as he instead grabbed onto the bouncer and closed his eyes. He pictured different boys from the village, all pointing at him, laughing at him, holding they're noses and complaining about what a stinky stinky baby he was, how could he be such a loser, did baby want a diapie change? all of these and more and naruto's cheeks were burning bright and his wiener was going into over drive! and it must of been because he was so close that the image of sasuke in his head sounded so clear when he started to laugh. "what the fuck are you.. Oh my god!" Sasuke laughed and Naruto opened his eyes. There he was, for real, hunched over and laughing. Naruto scrambled and tried to get out of the baby bouncer but there was no excuse, sadly the product lived up to all of it's claims and sasuke smirked as he finished laughing, crossing his arms and watching the loser fumble about. the funniest thing about it all (well aside from the fact the wimp was still being bounced) was that Naruto's ragged breathing gave away what he was seconds, maybe a minute at best away from doing. "might as well give up loser. your caught red handed...or should that be.." and sasuke paused, holding his nose and waving a hand. "Brown butted?" "S-S-Sasuke I-I-I" "Y-Y-You what? whats with the stammering? did you literly shit your brains out?" Sasuke laughed."Look it's pretty clear your about to nut, why don't you tell daddy sasuke what your pervy mind was thinking about." Oh god, no, Naruto couldn't tell sasuke, what would he do with that kinda info..that..he couldn't do with Naruto like this right now... yeah.. fuck. "I...I was t-thinking about...b-boy's-" Naruto started but was cut off. "Boys huh? Called it, Sakura owes me zenni~" Sasuke chuckled, then motioned for Naruto to go on. "W-well the boys...they..they were making fun of me for being a stinky big baby and yes you were one of the boys!" Naruto yelped out fast, with his eyes closed. Sasuke blinked at that, then naturally started to laugh again and chuckle call Naruto a biggg baby loser right as Naruto finally creamed his diaper. "KISS ME DADDY!" Naruto cried out as he came, a phase that shocked Sasuke long enough for Naruto to reach out and pull the brunette in for a kiss. as they're lips locked Naruto was lost in a stinky big baby bliss while sasuke, was forced to try and enjoy the smooch (hey, it was nicer then expected..) but at the same time try not to pass out from Naruto's fumes. "mffffh... when this is up you and me can cuddle lots more." Naruto coo'ed babyishly. "uh.. well you have like 9hours and some to go." Sasuke pointed out, looking at the timer. "Whatttt I set it for...Ohhhh geezballs.. Uh.. can you go open a window?" Naruto whined. "Yeahhh and then i';m gonna go get some scented candles..uh.. you want anything else while I'm gone?" sasuke said. it was odd, one second he'd been tormenting the blond but clearly Naruto hadn't planned on that long of a bounce. "yeah..a brain. Clearly i don't have one." Naruto grumbled "heh, I'll see what i can do.. in the meantime, don't go anywhere and stick around." sasuke joked. "oh your soooo fucking fu-" Naruto started to snark then groaned. "..You have to poopie again?" "Y-yeah.." "...I'm gonna get LOTS and LOTS of scented candles." "Hurry."

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nellied-reviews · 4 years

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Discomforts, Pains and Irregularities Re-listen

Hello! I hope you're safe and well, wherever you are right now, and looking after yourself as best you can. It's a weird time to be alive, certainly. Fortunately, there is in this life one thing we can rely on: Douglas Eiffel will forever be a dumbass. I've hit episode 3 in my Wolf 359 re-listen, and boy, did this one cheer me up. So, without further ado:

Discomforts, Pains and Irregularities

In which Hilbert and Hera make a great but also terrifying team, Eiffel will do anything to avoid his physical exam, and Mink-oH MY GOD YOU WERE BEING SERIOUS?!

I feel, off the bat, like this episode is different to the previous two in a really good, productive way. It's a subtle thing, but it's something I definitely noticed this time round; Discomforts, Pains and Irregularities just works differently to the first two episodes. Where they were a sort of slice-of-life affair and a then a straight-up sitcom, this episode is more of a comedy horror movie; where the conflict in the first two episodes was between Eiffel and the rest of the crew, here we get our first external threat; where the plot, in the first two episodes, revolved around mundane, small things like radio broadcasts and toothpaste, the plot here's about a mutant space plant monster. It's a neat way of setting certain genre expectations and helping us triangulate, roughly, what we can and can't expect from the show, establishing a couple of constants (we're probably not going to get an episode, for example, with absolutely no comedy), but also a range of different tones the show can play with (sitcom, B-movie horror, weird sci-fi)

That said, it's not obvious from the beginning of the episode that we've stumbled into a horror movie. At first, when Eiffel starts his log sounding so very defeated, it seems like we're being set up for an episode about Eiffel trying to dodge a physical exam. Which you could get a whole, pretty decent episode out of it, for sure - it would probably end up following a very similar template to Little Revolución. Step 1: have Eiffel do something ridiculous. Step 2: escalate things. Step 3: Eiffel is defeated. Solid, right? So when Hera announced that physicals are coming up, it feels like there's a predictable way that this going to play out. Not bad, per se. But we can see where it might be going.

We do get the fun twist of Hera cooperating with Hilbert, and sounding surprisingly chipper about the whole affair. And I guess that makes sense? She doesn't have physical body in the same way as Eiffel and Minkowski do, after all, so she's not getting a physical, and I can totally see her making the most of it to troll Eiffel, or indulge in some Schadenfreude. Or perhaps she's just helping Hilbert because it’s her job. Who knows? Either way, it's nice, if a little bittersweet, to see Hera and Hilbert working as a team again and trusting each other; after season 1, we don't see so much of that, for obvious, murder-y reasons.

I also have to wonder, at this point, why Hilbert is running these physicals? He says it's to stop disease spreading, but surely the Hephaestus, a closed system with three actual people living there, has got to be disease-free, right? The only thing I can think is that this is actually part of his work on Eiffel, a convenient excuse to take samples and see how the Decima is doing. Which makes an already terrifying prospect even more frightening. I guess he also has to collect samples for Minkowski, to maintain his cover? Or - a more alarming thought that I kind of wish I hadn't had - he might also be taking measurements and samples in preparation for giving her Decima, should Eiffel go the way of Lambert and the last crew. Cheery stuff, you know?

That’s just me overthinking things, though. What we actually get, as the episode gets going, is a panicky, nervous Eiffel desperately bullshitting Hilbert to get the good doctor off his tail. Which is so very relatable. I feel you, Eiffel.

It didn't escape my attention, here, that Eiffel mentions a recent power outage. It's another sign that things were going wrong in the Hephaestus from the very beginning - something we won't get confirmed until Pan-Pan, I think?

It also didn't escape my attention, on a more immediate note, that Hilbert used up all of the water doing radiation experiments in the greenhouse. Which I bet is totally fine and totally didn't create the plant monster in the first place. Nope. Nuh-uh. No foreshadowing here.

In any case, Eiffel's ruse works, and then we get Eiffel and Hera just bantering for a bit, which is always a delight. Hera gets all sniffy (pun unintentional) about Eiffel's personal hygiene, Eiffel lobs a "you don't even have a nose anyway" back at her, she leans hard into her "well you're a feeble, puny human" shtick. It's fun, and I can totally buy that this might be a conversation they have had many times before. I don't know, I just really love their friendship, okay?

What I also love, when Minkowski calls to ask for help with the plant monster, is that Eiffel just straight-up assumes that she's also trying to get out of her physical. Like... has he met Minkowkski?! And yes, okay, technically she was in the greenhouses trying to avoid Hilbert. But the fact that now, when she is quite obviously not kidding, Eiffel decides to shrug it off? Genius. I love it. So very dumb.

Then, of course, we meet the plant monster, which is honestly one of my favourite things about this podcast. It's just so out-there! After two more slice-of-life episodes, it's delightfully weird, but also puts us firmly in the realm of soft science fiction. Like, there's no pretending, with a mutant plant monster, that this is going to be gritty, realistic, hard science fiction, and I kind of love that? Certainly, setting aside question like "is this scientifically plausible?" lets the show do all sorts of wacky, fun things that just make for a more engaging story. Mutant plant monsters are in the same cheesy B-movie vein as the Dear Listeners, super-soldier-creating viruses and mind control machines, and Wolf 359 is 100% better off for it.

Minkowski doesn't share my enthusiasm for the plant monster, sadly. She goes straight in with a flamethrower. Ah, Commander. Never change.

Eiffel still doesn't believe that it's real, even as he goes down to check on Minkowski, which is kind of hilarious, especially because it's such a tropey horror movie set-up. For such a pop-culture-savvy dude, he really dropped the ball on this one. But it's nice to see him and Minkowski bonding over being mutually freaked out by the thing. After two episodes of Minkowski being mad at Eiffel for various offences, it's cool that they're working together here, even if it takes the joint threat of Hilbert's physicals and a plant monster to get them there.

It's also here that the podcast format works so well, because without a visual on the monster, it's so much more frightening. Seriously, I bet all of our mental images of this thing are way more frightening than anything a TV show could give us, based just on Eiffel and Minkowski screaming.

Either way, we cut away pretty quickly after that, and the episode ends with Eiffel informing us smugly that the plant monster is still out there, but that, as a consequence of the ongoing monster situation, they have at least postponed physicals. It's a fun way to end the episode, anticlimactic in the funniest possible way, focusing on the dumb, mundane stuff and just dropping the plant mutant... for now. It leaves room for future stories featuring our resident not-so-horrifying monster (hello, Minkowski Commanding!). But honestly, it'd still be funny if the plant monster was never brought up again, and just hung round like the proverbial, vine-strewn elephant in the room. Which it kind of does, for a while, at least until Season 2.

It also works, I think, because this episode isn't really about how the crew would defeat a plant monster. Instead, the question the episode asks is just "How do the crew react when something really weird happens?" And the answer we get is something we'll see again and again: Minkowski goes on the warpath and tries to kill it with fire, while Eiffel is a bit more chill about things, possibly unwisely so. It feels like the blueprint for a whole lot of future disagreements where Minkowski generally leans towards more violent solutions, while Eiffel is a little more pacifistic, repping Team What's-Wrong-With-Handcuffs etc.

So yup. At the end of the day, like most of the early episodes, this one’s pretty heavy on the comedy. But it also establishes a bunch of new things that the show can do, and puts our protagonists into a totally new, strange situation, just to see how they react, paving the way for all sorts of future weirdness. Not bad, right?

Also, because it bears repeating, mutant space plant monster.

Miscellaneous thoughts:

Hera getting snarky about Eiffel's body odour bwahahahahahahaha

That noise is terrifying and will haunt my nightmares

Also, why did Eiffel record his physical six months ago? What could he possibly have been planning on doing with that recording??

"Tell him to go... ffffrequencies!"

Ewwwww spinal fluid samples

"Let's get this - oH MY GOD YOU WERE BEING SERIOUS"

"For God's sake, help me kill this thing!" "With what? Harsh language?" "With napalm, you moron!"

#wolf 359 #wolf359 #w359 #wolf 359 relisten #discomforts pains and irregularities #nellied reviews #introducing the plant monster #aka my not-so-small herbaceous child #I just really like the plant monster okay

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memahamimateripelajaran · 3 years

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I Am Able to Learn Quickly and Easily

Mark Twain famously said once that "If we learned walking and talking the way we learned to read and write, most of us would have had an unique limp and a typical stutter". This would have become a signature style of our personality. Fortunately we learn to walk and talk at an age when we are innocent and curious - a combo package with which we are born. Then our 'well-wishers' beginning with our parents slowly teach us what is right, wrong, good, bad, smart, dumb that we form a black and white picture (digital signal) of the world.

2 of the most difficult skills in our life we learn - walking and talking when our brains are still developing. In fact these 2 skills once developed are a part of the motor muscle memory and helps in further cognitive development. If we can see the enormity of the learning to be done at an age when we are least equipped, it is amazing to realise that 'we' actually 'learnt' to do both when we did not know what walk and talk meant. We were obviously not even aware of its utility and most importantly we were 'blissfully ignorant' of the 'price' we had to pay to learn these skills. It is no surprise that we learnt them perfectly, simply because we were kids. No wonder when an adult tell his friend that he is going to learn something, the normal response is 'Hey!! Are your kidding?' Yes seriously speaking we must awaken the kid within us to learn. The enormity of this realisation gets even larger when you realise that people learning beyond walking to other forms of exercise and motion do it with such a non-standard level of expertise. We all walk (which is a permanent state of imbalance needing to be obviated by this forward motion) in a standard form related to our height and bio rhythm. There is no racial or biological difference when we first became bipeds in our childhoods. As we grow into adolescence and finally adults we develop unique styles of walking and unique habits about and attitudes towards walking. Some enjoy while some detest walking. Some do it as a routine while some curse it while doing it as an exercise. These attitudes towards the skill of walking and its purpose and utility in our lives have also been learned. But unfortunately we learned this all during our adult lives.

The story with skill of talking is very much similar. All children pick up the sounds and the childhood vocabulary and enjoy finding out the relationship between a sound and the object/person it is ascribed to. It is a crazy and scary thing for an adult to even attempt to learn in such a manner but it is effective precisely for the same reason. A toddler has a vocabulary of upto 50 words which he can correlate. He babbles in his baby talk unassumingly but with absolute joy, and which typically only mothers can grasp. Imagine us trying to linkup 50 sounds to 50 objects/person without any pattern emerging and also without an evident purpose and that too doing it with joy. But that is the real secret. The further learning in the field of language from talking to learning alphabets, grammar, etc. are normally not so fun filled and fraught with all evils of adult learning. It is a well-documented finding that public speaking is one of the greatest fears most adults suffer from. Of course there are adults who enjoy the field and take it up to a level of a hobby or a full time profession. read this article memahami materi pelajaran

That brings us to the point that adults unlike Kids only learns about those things what he really enjoys. Alternatively the benefits of the learnings being evident and translates into some worldly advantages either in career or personal life can be an equally strong motivator. However and this is the one big 'if'. If the learning is painful and fraught with lot of effort, it can temper down the motivation. We still find adults who are ready to work hard and put in the effort. Most of them except a few then met a great leveller called Failure. Most adults just do not like this word and refuse to get associated with it. The refusal to fail prevents us from putting in the effort to learn even when we know it is doable and in fact useful. The joy of the outcome does not enable enduring the pain of the learning. The trade-off OR the 'price' is too big to pay. We have a brilliant skill of rationalising (also learned from our role models in life) which helps us explain away such decisions so that the recalled memories of such decisions is self-effacing. That is precisely why many of the soft skills and even updated knowledge on your fields of specialisation can be very challenging to learn. This is akin to a baby who prefers to be on his fours and refusing to stand up and walk. We have lost that innocence, the curiosity, the joy of learning at that altar called Ego, my self-image which is anything but fully true. The affirmations, children (unwittingly and innocently) and good learners (developed consciously) of all ages use are as follows

1. I am able to learn quickly and easily

2. As my view of the world evolves, I am better able to navigate my way through it successfully

3. I find new ways to learn and to improve my abilities even further.

As an adult these affirmations replace that innocent curiousity of a kid which is unconditional and is persistent till the curiosity is satiated. As adults we also know that our brain also keeps regenerating and like any muscle this 'mental muscle' needs exercises and nothing better than learning can do this. Well many adults believe that we are forced to learn to survive in this bitter and competitive world. However any learning which is not associated with that positive empowering emotion is never a learning. It becomes learning the hard way which in most cases leaves the knowledge gained only used when there is no choice. It can never replace an habit which makes you happy about yourself every time you use it.

Another blinder we adults have is that learning has to be about something tangible and something knowledge driven. It has to be a recipe, or a book, or something associated with getting a certificate. Sadly these are about 'one in a million opportunity'. I am using this term to say that there are million more things to 'learn'. Learn how people work, what makes them work, why they do what they do, why they do things the way they do. Hold on... learn means not judging but just trying to understand without any biases. You need not agree with your learning! Enjoy the findings without any value judgement. This is what happens when we pursue a hobby, learn to consume drink, have cigarettes and hence we do a 'good job' at it. There are here too awful examples of people pursuing hobbies and pastimes not to learn or enjoy but to demonstrate their social status. So learning is all encompassing and an eternal need and capability which we can develop and practise.

A obedient child does not grow into a responsible parent and age into a gracious grandparent just like that. We would love it to be that way or may even believe it to be so, but at each stage there is learning involved. Whether you enjoyed learning it or was forced to learn or avoided learning it leaves you with varying degree of satisfaction and self-worth. Good SME (subject matter experts) and great leaders have this in common. An healthy curiousity, uninhibited confession of ignorance, reflects on outcome with objectivity and an appetite for experimenting and taking risks. Truly good learners would straddle this propensity across both professional and personal domains. The simple definition of learning is whenever you get that 'aha' moment after doing something - an unconditional happiness and joy without apparent reason but unmistakably true and clearly perceived. It is the way our body tells us that we picked up something new and we enjoyed learning it because we saw the benefit of doing that and it was a satisfying experience.

How often do you get this? I get it every day without fail. I get it because I know I am learning every day. I have realised that the learning was always happening. It was simple that I did not value it since I did not 'think' it was something great, though my body 'felt' good. Keep celebrating every time you get that aha moment; congratulate your Body. Just say loudly Good Job done. Pat yourself on the back. Give yourself a large smile in the mirror. The kid inside you like this. Still it is no 'child's play' to do these affirmations. When you do not do them for weeks and months on end our body signals of that 'aha moment' gets weakened till we no longer pick it up. Once I started to acknowledge my aha moment successes every day I could see more of it daily. The degree of learning varies, the overall impact it has on my life varies, but the extent of 'Aha' feeling is identical day after day. So widen your meaning of the word 'learn' and Enjoy Learning on a daily basis.

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escaperoom123movies-blog · 4 years

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Escape Room 123movies Review

Regardless of the banner, there is an astonishing absence of jigsaw astounds in this film. Or on the other hand skeletons, really.

So at the beginning of today, escape room 123movies I took myself to the films and saw Escape Room, which I've been interested about since the trailers were delivered. I love escape rooms, I've played through The Room and every one of its spin-offs on numerous occasions, give me some old fashioned riddle unraveling and I am SO there! While I was anticipating a few panics, I was trusting there wouldn't be anything excessively horrifying since it conveys a PG-13 rating. Ideally there would be more sharp climatic alarms than violent passing scenes, and I was correct!

(Fun certainty: did you realize that there were two films that turned out in 2017 likewise called Escape Room? I didn't until I was attempting to discover pictures for this film! Evidently, those two motion pictures are… not incredible, however I can't by and by vouch for them.)

THE PLOT

Escape room 123movies begins in, amusingly enough, an escape room! It at first appears as though a richly beautified front room, and everything is quiet until Logan Miller drops through the roof. He's limping, beat-up, and in all out frenzy mode as he totters to a convoluted looking number-labyrinth lock thing on the entryway. He understands that he needs four numbers, however when he pulls on the 1, the divider inverse him begins shutting in. Fantastic. We're in that spot with him as he battles to search for hints to locate the four numbers required as increasingly more of the excellent room gets decimated and squashed behind him. He finds the four numbers required, so he thinks, however they don't work, and we watch as he gradually gets squashed… .. … ..and afterward we flashback to three days earlier. Here we meet three of our fundamental characters, Zoey (played by Taylor Russell), Jason (played by Jay Ellis), and obviously, Ben (played by Logan Miller). If you don't mind, note that Ben appears to be marginally more assembled here, as in, he's not being squashed in an escape room… yet. These three characters are unfathomably unique in relation to one another, and they each get a strange riddle box from somebody they know. The riddle box drives them to Minos Escape Rooms with the guarantee of ~fabulous money prizes~ on the off chance that they can fathom the unsolvable escape room. It is here we meet our other three principle cast individuals: Danny (played by Nik Dodani), Mike (played by Tyler Labine), and Amanda (played by Deborah Ann Woll). After Ben apparently breaks the door handle in the lounge area, the six unfortunates find that the sitting area IS the escape room, and the game has started. The remainder of the film is, you got it, an escape room! We learn all through the remainder of the film more about the characters and why they were picked for this lethal game through shockingly explicit subtleties in all the rooms, and furthermore, who sent them here in any case?

There's a great deal of extremely sullen riddle understanding. Like, a great deal.

THE REVIEW

This film is incredibly fun. That feels wrong to state about a "mental loathsomeness spine chiller," however I swear it is enjoyable. As I would like to think, the film makes a captivating showing of uncovering minor character subtleties all through without dropping the huge bend until the correct second. I love things like this where you sense that you need to focus on everything about you'll miss something and genuinely perhaps you should watch it again to truly get everything?? I live for stuff that way. It was upsetting a result of what was going on and invigorating when something at long last went right. I truly appreciated it all in all, and I think my assessment of the film showed signs of escape room 123movies improvement the more I pondered it a short time later. Those are my preferred sorts of movies, the ones that make you consider them a while later.

Presently it's an ideal opportunity to escape into the following room of this survey, (I don't know whether I'll have the option to keep up the play on words game for each audit, fam) so Spoiler Warning currently in actuality, and I truly suggest for this film you see it first totally ignorant concerning any spoilers or significant plot details!\

this room? This room directly here?? This is the most noticeably terrible room, undoubtedly

THE MUSIC

The music for this film was extremely novel when I saw it, and it's one explanation I need to watch it once more, since I'm certain there were prominent music minutes I missed. The score truly set up for anxiety and anticipation, and it helped me to remember the music played in each film where somebody's attempting to hack into a PC under a period limit. You know the one. Prominent music minutes incorporate the initial tune that sets the room we see Ben fall into, the melody that plays during the montage of Ben, Jason, and Zoey attempting to understand their riddle boxes, the end credits music, and obviously, that AWFUL contorted version of Petula Clark's "Downtown" that plays as a clock in the topsy turvy Pool Room, presented previously. Awful room. Most noticeably terrible room. Loathe it.

Zoey is all that is unadulterated and acceptable known to mankind

THE CHARACTERS

By and large, there were a ton of affable characters in Escape Room, which is somewhat lamentable in light of the fact that a significant number of them don't, well, escape. All the characters were one of a kind, and I acknowledged how every one of them had various responses to the stressors in each room, as indicated by their character. Zoey is my supreme top choice, she was a joy to watch the whole film, and I so valued her being the outright brainiac of the gathering. More virtuoso WOC jobs in films, it would be ideal if you There was additionally an extraordinary character circular segment for Ben, which I incredibly delighted in, and there was a great deal of heart given to both Mike and Amanda too. Sadly, Danny isn't around sufficiently long to truly be created, and Jason ends up being a survivalist butt nugget with a significant predominance complex. Yet, for the most part, you felt for all the characters, and you needed to see them escape, which implied that their demise scenes for the most part hit you similarly as hard as they hit the survivors. Danny's passing is a stunner for every one of them, particularly Ben, and the manner in which Amanda's demise hits Zoey is grievous to observe however it puts Zoey into in-your-face survivor boss mode, which is entirely incredible. This implies, nonetheless, that Zoey is resolved to cut down the degenerate AF organization behind Minos escape room 123movies, which cool, yet in addition based off that last scene, NOOOOOOOOO!!

This scene fools you into deduction everybody will be fine.

THE SCENERY

Presently when I initially observed the trailer for Escape Room, I believed that each room would be intended for one of the characters explicitly. That is not really the situation, yet each room is definitely unique and extraordinarily fatal, with character-explicit subtleties woven-all through. They're totally structured so that you could see them being a real escape room in reality, with the exception of they all have an ACTUAL fatal curve, rather than entertainers and phony results. The little subtleties were extremely sharp and in some cases sort of tragic. The fire and stopped vent slither set off Amanda's PTSD in a truly gutting scene and prologue to her character. The tusk trophies in the room presented over each spoke to one of the notable reindeer from the "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" tune, which was unpleasant for Ben due to his flashback and harsh for the crowd since that is unmistakably intimating that the reindeer have been butchered which like, impolite, keep Christmas separate from this?? My least most loved room is the cold winter horrendousness essentially in light of the fact that it was pulverizing watching them cooperate to both arrangement with Danny's demise and attempt to dissolve the key required out of the focal point of a strong square of ice while they're sharing ONE coat among them. Ugh. In any case, a nearby second is that dumb topsy turvy pool room. Plan shrewd it's extraordinary, however generally? Detest it. Abhor what occurs. Probably not.

Goodness hello look! There are skeletons in this film!

THE TWIST

Alright, on the off chance that you've perused this far and haven't seen the film yet, trust me when I state you actually most likely wanna see it first before I proceed.

For every other person? Here we go.

Escape Room has really, two or three turns when you consider it. The underlying turn is, obviously, the way that all the risky snares are in reality genuine and dangerous. The stakes are REAL high.

The following turn comes in the room equipped like an emergency clinic. Each character is attracted to a particular bed, set up in an unexpected way. It turns out, each character invested energy sooner or later in the emergency clinic, and each bed is an ideal amusement of their room. Through conversation, they discover that every one of them was the sole overcomer of something horrendous that transpired (we get little blazes about what these occasions could be all through the film). Zoey makes sense of that whoever is running the escape room must need to see who, among them, is the "most fortunate of the fortunate."

After a couple more rooms and a couple more passings, we find Ben, who did undoubtedly endure getting squashed in the sumptuous lounge escape room 123movies (so I surmise in fact he simply didn't get squashed). He stumbles into a type of stockroom with an enormous screen that shows every one of their photos, and every one of them, put something aside for his, have a huge red "X" up and over. In his image, he is marked the "Champ." A hairy British man goes into the room to uncover the following turn: this whole thing was set up by a gathering of exhausted, rich individuals who are entranced by the human will to endure. English Beard declares that people have consistently adored viewing different people in close demise circumstances, and they have run these escape rooms on various occasions, similar to an investigation, to attempt to make sense of what it is that makes up a definitive victor (sidenote: notice how this is likewise sort of a burrow at the crowd to the film?

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dillydedalus · 5 years

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august reading

minus my women in translation month reads, because i’m still working on the last one but want to include it... that wrap-up will come in a few days once i’m done with the last book.

not all dead white men: classics and misogyny in the digital age, donna zuckerberg classicist donna zuckerberg (facebook dude’s sister!) talks about how the alt-right, pick-up artists, incels etc. use the classics to assert & justify their misogyny and racism & portray themselves as the inheritors/saviours of western civilisation etc. the main examples she looks at are stoicism, ovid’s ars amatoria, and ancient narratives about sexual violence, which were all really interesting, but i feel like this could have been expanded a lot. 3.5/5

magic for liars, sarah gailey fun & cool crime story about a murder at a secret magical school (school nurse cut in half in magical library!), answering the burning question of what would happen if petunia dursley became a somewhat dysfunctional PI & had to solve a magical murder at hogwarts, where lily is a teacher. 3/5

the lie tree, frances hardinge frances hardinge writes the kind of middle grade/YA books i wish i could have read between like 10-14, where the world is spooky and the girls are angry spiteful stubborn resourceful sneaky things. i loved a skinful of shadows and i loved the lie tree, where curious snake girl (not literally it’s not that kind of a book) has to investigate her scandal-hounded natural scientist father’s death by spreading lies on the miserable island he died on and literally feeding them to spooky science-defying tree - and faith is very good at lying, and very angry, and very much willing to drag the whole island down with her. read for spooky trees, fake ghosts, and victorian male natural scientists being dumb and sexist & victorian female (& thus secret) natural scientist being smart & awesome. 4.5/5

the dead ladies project: exiles, expats & ex-countries, jessa crispin i have been at turns in love & really annoyed with crispin’s 2012 essay on william james, berlin & her own mental breakdown (x) since uh..... 2012 - it says some really interesting things about berlin’s capital-i Image as the city for self-destructive broke & weird messes, it’s very quotable, while also being some of the most irritating Anglophone Expat in Berlin Bullshit ever concocted (’we have surprisingly affordable rents’ sure didn’t age well.....) and saying almost nothing about the actual city outside of the Expat Bubble (apparently every single person in berlin is here because they feel like a failure.... YALL SOME PEOPLE JUST LIVE HERE). this book, structured around crispin’s soul-searching trip around europe, with each city being discussed in connection with an artist/writer/artist’s wife/etc who lived there, opens with that essay and i’m still torn. the thing is, crispin is smart & well-read & occasionally capable of some interesting insight & good writing..... she is also at times utterly insufferable, ranting at length about how she despises women who perform learned helplessness & prioritise men over everything else only to turn around & do the same fucking thing over & over, incl. going on endlessly about her torturous affair with a married writer, performing her ‘broke but independent woman traveller’ while uh.... staying at a friend’s luxurious farmhouse in switzerland for free... at one point she says she never felt at home in kansas bc based on her looks people don’t believe she’s really from kansas & constantly ask her where she’s REALLY from because.... y’all.... while she’s a good-looking white woman she has an ANGULAR FACE. sure jan. there is so much cool stuff in here, and i wish crispin had kept some most of the personal stuff out of it. 2/5

mansfield park, jane austen hmmmm... austen is always good but this feels like it’s maybe the one novel of hers that is most negatively affected by values dissonance in that its morality feels like it’s from an alien culture which considers a private theatre performance to be the very height of impropriety (aka regency england apparently); as a result, fanny, a passive, timid, neglected girl of strong convictions often comes across as a moralistic prig (i will make no excuses for edmund, who’s just a patronising sanctimonious prig outright). there’s a quiet sort of triumph in fanny’s integrity & conviction in the face of a literal campaign of harrassment from everyone in her life including the dude she’s in love with to marry a reforming (maybe) rake & i love her for that, but her triumph in returning to mansfield park elevated in the esteem of everyone there (except aunt norris who is delightfully vile) feels empty considering that these are the same people who previously neglected her. also edmund sucks. 3/5 #justice4marycrawford #mary/fannyOTP #alsoarewegonnatalkabouttheslavery #guessnot

fool’s quest (fitz & the fool #2), robin hobb the first one in this trilogy was pretty much slow-paced set-up and character development... this one is much better: there’s a lot going on & the character development feels much more organic & complex - fitz seems to have come down from Peak Dumbass a bit & i really liked how it developed shun (shine!!!) and lant, who felt really one-dimensionally awful last book. also there are so many moments when the farseer family really comes thru for fitz & i cried literally every single time. so yeah. this one’s great, can’t wait for the next one but i also really don’t want it to be over :/ 4/5

what matters in jane austen, john mullan fun little collection of essays looking at specific details and minutae and their meaning/importance in austen’s work - like, how old are the characters (incl. age differences), how do characters address each other, what do games do they play, what about the servants, etc. don’t expect deep litcrit but it’s fun. 2.5/5

dead mountain: the untold true story of the dyatlov pass incident, donnie eichar hello i’m fred & i am obsessed with mountaineering disasters. the dyatlov pass incident refers to a night in 1959 where 9 russian hikers died in the ural mountains after they left their tent half-dressed without shoes for ~mysterious reasons. it’s pretty creepy & theories about it run from ‘avalanche’ to ‘animal [yeti] attack’ to ‘aliens and/or soviet conspiracy theory’. eichar too is super obsessed w/ this mystery and even went to the ural mountains & the dyatlov pass to investigate, which sadly makes for the least interesting (and possibly the longest) part of this book (the other timelines are the dyatlov group hike & the investigations after their deaths). the ‘59 timelines are both interesting tho & provide a good look into how weird the whole thing is. i enjoyed this, but i wish he had cut the endless chapters of him investigating, which is mostly russians being like ‘idk man aliens/radioactivity/secret govt agents?’ and him hiking around in a lot of snow, neither of which really added to his theory or my enjoyment. 2/5

if beale street could talk, james baldwin baldwin’s prose is staggeringly brilliant as always. this is a story about a young black couple (tish, who is the narrator, and fonny) in the 70s who are planning to move together and marry when fonny is wrongly arrested for rape by a racist cop with a grudge; tish and her family try to get him out, especially once tish realises that she’s pregnant. tish is a great narrator, at the same time kind of naive and soft, and full of world-weary cynicism about white institutions and racism, and her narrative voice at times drifts in and out of other characters’ minds, which i found an interesting effect. as many baldwin’s novels this is full of rage & violence & tenderness & tiny sparks of hope. 4/5

lady susan, jane austen epistolary novella about a 35-year-old lady susan, a scheming, ruthless, not-so-grieving widow, who is trying to get her timid daughter frederica married to a buffoon. while staying with her sweetly clueless brother-in-law vernon and trying to win over his much more suspicious wife, she makes the wife’s brother reginald (lol) fall in love with her. a very different protag and story for austen & while the end can’t quite commit to either punishing susan very much or letting her triumph, it is a lot of fun. 3/5

on a sunbeam, tillie walden this is an absolutely beautiful (the colours!) graphic novel about a spaceship crew (the spaceship is a fish) who fly around & restore old space buildings. it’s also a story about a romance between two young girls at a boarding school (in space) and about found families and deep space and there’s not a single man in this, just women and elliot, who’s nonbinary. lovely, dreamy and completely gorgeous. want me a fish spaceship. 4/5

between birthday books and birthday giftcards i also acquired uh.... 12 new books??? which is INSANE. i’m not committing to a book buying ban but i should probably chill a lil in the next few months.

#crispin talks about potsdam as the outskirts of berlin and like.... it's a whole different city #the books i read #austen august didn't quite pan out but i'm planning to read one of her novels per month #i am planning to skip p&p bc i read it last year but.... it's really good y'all

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tumblunni · 5 years

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Gradually working my way thru learning about the yokai watch 3 villains, lol. Cant manage to restrain myself from taking just a teeny lil peek at spoilers! I blame that person drawing all the super awesome redemprion headcanon comicry with the cute oc YOU HAVE CURSED ME WITH YOUR GREATNESS

Ok so apparantly mafia ghost dude fuckin loves space and then GOT EXILED TO SPACE FOR 555 YEARS?? His only fuckin crime at the time was believing in ufos and everyone else was like 'nah bro' LIKE CMON UR LITERALLY GODDAMN GHOSTS BUT ALIENS IS TOO ABSURD FOR YOU??? So somehow this dude ended up making it to space and getting trapped on a meteor completely alone for like a bazillion years and holy shit no wonder he turned evil. Like what sort of ironic karma bullshit is it to be like 'i heard u like this thing how about we lock you up there forever unable to move or scream'.

Also seriously AGENT X WAITED 555 YEARS TO SET HIM FREE AND MAKE HIS DREAMS COME TRUE!!! He says he has no regrets! Aaaaa man i really think this whole plot would be even more emotional if they were a couple. Im just getting that vibe!! Im sorry i cant help it u give me two weird ghost dads in stylish suits and a I'LL WAIT FOR YOU FOREVER plot and a MY ONLY DREAM IS SEEING YOUR DREAM COME TRUE and just seriously man look at that quality ship angst. WHY NO HAPPY ENDING THO

And i'm just thinking now about how emotional their reunion probably was. Like i'm imagining Agent X has a hard time being honest about his feelings cos yknow ghoulfather is the boss of the organization and so far out of his league and such. (And he totally doesnt realize that he's his super valued second in command) So when ghoulfather comes back he's probably wrestling with his gut instinct to run forward and embrace him, because Seriously He Is Your Superior It Will Never Happen, Why Am I Like This. So he's just trying to play it all cool and be like "welcome boss i was totally confident that our plan would work and not incredibly depressed for the last few centuries umm here's your coat" And that thing where the character is crying but they dont notice until they put their hand to their face!! That! That scene!! Have one of those in there, yes! And then possibly mid sentence ghoulfather cuts him off and hugs him, and theyre both just finally honest about how much they missed each other. Aaaand then probably five seconds later theyre like *ahem* *professional voice* "well better get back to work"

Also the game probably wouldnt go into any detail with stuff like muscular atrophy or readjusting to earth gravity or the sheer level of phobia that must be in this man's brain from the constant isolation and how hard it must be to adjust back to talking to people when all he's had for so long is his imagination. But fics can explore all that recovery progress! This is our power, to heal the sad villains with our words!

I was just randonly thinking a sweet date scene for them early on in this plot could be Agent X and Ghoulfather going to a random italian restaurant NOT because its a date totally, but just because its been so long since he's been on earth and its something that could maybe cheer him up. But then they just end up complaining together about how modern restaurants in america are so often not run by italian people and have all this weird american versions of stuff, so it ended up not being very memorable after all. Also crappy wheelchair access! (Cos he'd still be recovering at this time) So yeah it ends up being weirdly fun and romantic for two hours of getting pissed off at terrible service. Getting pissed off at terrible service... Together~!

Also probably eight days later Ageny X suddenly realizes "holy shit taking my boss out to a candlelit restaurant just the two of us is MAYBE slightly flirty". I feel like he's a bit of a disaster at expressing his feelings and only ever manages to make the first move when its accidental. But also has like a natural charisma of accidental flirting which means half the damn mafia has a crush on him, lol. Oh also i was considering like a love triangle thing with rongo? But not any of the stereotypical awful love triangle fighty plots. Just rongo having a crush in agent x and sadly agent x was already in love with ghoulfather and doesnt recipricate. But theyre still best friends even though agent x turned him down, and now rongo is the only one who knows about agent x's crush on ghoulfather and he tries to play ultimate wingman between the two. Like 'i want you to be happy even if it isnt with me!!' So he'd probably be the most pissed off if ghoulfather ever betrayed agent x's trust, i feel like agent x would just blame himself for it and rongo would stand up for him like DAMN DUDE DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH HE MISSED YOU WHEN YOU WERE GONE, YOU RIGHT DENSE BASTARD? That sort of conflict between them, not the more cliche conflict of all three people in a love triangle just being all jealous and secretive and dumb.

Oh also unrelatedly i think Slackerjack and Rongo would be friends? Cos the only time ive seen that slackerjack has any dialogue about him he calls him "a good boy who's quite loud but means well". I can imagine Slackerjack being like that nice grandpa who comes to all of 'little rongo''s music recitals, lol. Or like that meme of 'momma needs her tunes' *death metal blares*. He has all of rongo's cds! Ok actually that mental image is super adorable of this big rockstar dude being like 'omg grampa look im here omg i have to make you proud'. I just feel like rongo is 100% adorable at all times and also has positive relationships with every one of his coworkers like the ray of sunshine that he is. He probably memorizes the names of every single minor minion and gives them all birthday cards. I love this big ol dork.

Anyway this has been Bunni Rambling About Potentially Redeemable Villains They Know Very Little About But Are Very Eager To Meet And Fandomize Over

They all just so good, u guys

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winchestergirl-13 · 6 years

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Summer Nights

Gabriel x Reader

Word Count: 1,595

A/N: This is not a part of @sis-tafics challenge; yes the song is the same as one in her challenge, but it is not a part of it. The song and “groups” belongs to Grease and the characters belong to Kripke.

Summary: Grease meets High School Musical meets Supernatural in a four part series. Modern day settings (HSM), but set to the songs from Grease. Each song is used by one or both characters to set the theme and story. This is the beginning of the series, both characters are singing their parts.

* * *

(Y/N) made her way into Brookeville High School. She was a senior, having just moved to the area from Florida and while it was never fun to move from one place to another, let alone starting a new school, she took it in stride and was determined to make the best of her senior year. She met with Charlie Bradbury, who was going to show her around the school. According to Charlie, (Y/N) was going to love it at the school, she was going to introduce her to her group of friends known as “The Pink Ladies” and that she would be welcomed in the group. Well, sort of.

“Hey bitches! This is (Y/N); she just moved here. (Y/N), this is Meg,”--she pointed to a beautiful girl with dark brown/black hair and eyes to match and a slight smirk/sneer on her face-- “Eileen,”--she had medium length brown hair and bright brown eyes; she was also deaf-- “ and Jo,”--she had long blonde hair and striking blue eyes.

“Hi,” she greeted softly as they sat down. That's when she noticed they all had a light pink jacket with black words on the back that said “Pink Ladies”. While she got to know the girls more, on the other side of the courtyard, there was a group of boys meeting up. They were known as “The T-Birds”, with leather jackets showcasing their name on the back in white. The group consisted of Gabriel, a boy with short golden brown hair and honey colored eyes; Dean, who had short dirty blonde/brown hair and vibrant green eyes; Sam (Dean's younger brother), who had shaggy chestnut brown hair and hazel eyes; Castiel, (Gabriel's cousin), with almost jet black hair and ocean blue eyes; and lastly, Garth, with his floppy brown hair and light blue eyes. They've been friends for years and they were catching up from spending the summer away from one another.

“So (Y/N), what did you do over summer?” Eileen asked, leaning closer to her.

“Well, I was packing mostly as I just moved from Florida. I met a boy who was on vacation and we had a wonderful time,” she replied, blushing a little at the memory.

“What was it like?” Jo wondered. Over by Gabriel, he was fairing no better as his friends wanted details too. “Well...”

“Summer loving had me a blast” Gabriel started retelling.

“Summer loving happened so fast” (Y/N) stated.

“I met a girl crazy for me”

“Met a boy cute as can be”

“Summer days drifting away to oh oh the summer nights”

That started getting their friends attention.

“Tell me more, tell me more”

“Did you get very far” Garth asked.

“Tell me more, tell me more”

“Like does he have a car” Charlie wondered, leaning on her elbows.

Gabriel chuckled and continued, “She swam by me she got a cramp”

(Y/N) shook her head and just replied, “He ran by me got my suit damp”

“I saved her life she nearly drowned” Gabriel boasted, smirking at his friends.

“He showed off splashing around” (Y/N) chuckled at the memory.

“Summer sun somethings begun but oh oh the summer nights”

Their friends wanted to know more. Who was this guy/girl?

“Tell me more, tell me more”

“Was it love at first sight?” Eileen questioned.

“Tell me more, tell me more”

“Did she put up a fight?” Dean asked, smirk on his face.

Gabriel just rolled his eyes and continued. (Y/N) just smiled and pushed on.

“Took her bowling in the arcade” he mimed bowling a ball.

“We went strolling drank lemonade” she gave a happy sigh.

“We made out under the dock” he continued, listening to the cheers from his friends.

“We stayed out till 10 o'clock” her friends giggled at that.

“Summer fling don't mean a thing but oh oh the summer nights.”

Their friends were all hanging on the edge of their seats.

“Tell me more, tell me more”

“But you don't gotta brag” Sam replied, ignoring his brothers look of “really?”

“Tell me more, tell me more”

“Cause he sounds like a drag” Meg droned, rolling her eyes.

“He got friendly holding my hand” (Y/N) stated happily.

“She got friendly down in the sand” Gabriel hinted to his friends.

“He was sweet just turned eighteen” she replied.

“Well she was good you know what I mean” he winked.

“Summer heat boy and girl meet but oh oh the summer nights.”

Who was this person? Did they know him/her?

“Tell me more, tell me more”

“How much dough did he spend?” Jo wanted to know.

“Tell me more, tell me more”

“Could she get me a friend?” Catiel was genuinely curious.

But then, their smiles faded a little.

“It turned colder that's where it ends” (Y/N) sighed, resting her head in her hand.

“So I told her we'd still be friends” Gabriel shrugged, avoiding his friends gazes.

“Then we made our true love vow” she smiled sadly.

“Wonder what she's doing now” he said, genuinely wanting to know.

“Summer dreams ripped at the seams but oh those summer nights”.

“Wow. Sounds like that was quite the summer, (Y/N),” Jo replied, wrapping her arm around (Y/N)'s shoulders.

“Yeah, it was,” she stated. Before they knew it, the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch.

“By the way, what was this guys name?” Eileen asked as they grabbed their things.

“Oh Gabriel. Gabriel Shurley.”

Meg started laughing, “Yeah right. Trust me, honey, there's no way that was Gabriel.”

“Oh, you know him?” she questioned, looking over at Meg.

“Yeah we know him alright. Part of the “T-Birds”. He's trouble,” Jo replied. (Y/N) was sure they were just messing with her. She remembers how Gabriel was. There's no way he's like that.

As groups of students made their ways towards the building, who would have guessed that these two groups would run into each other. Gabriel didn't think he'd ever see (Y/N) again.

“(Y/N)?!” he exclaimed, looking her over. She was the same as he remembered.

“Gabriel!” she cried, making her way over to him.

“How? What are you doing here? I thought you were in Florida,” he rambled, placing his hands on her shoulders.

“I moved here just last week. How are you?” she replied, tilting her head.

“I--” he cut himself off, a smirk taking over, “Better now that you're here.” His friends were watching; he couldn't act like he did over summer. “What say you and I blow this joint and have some fun?”

“Gabriel, what are you doing?” she took a step back, uncertainty in her eyes. This wasn't the Gabriel she remembered.

“What do you mean, baby?”

“This isn't you. You're not acting like yourself.”

Gabriel just leaned closer, but she wasn't having it. (Y/N) just pushed him back before walking over to her new friends. “Bye, Gabriel,” she called over her shoulder. She left him there, standing like a fool. Shaking himself out of the trance, he straightened his jacket and made his way over to his friends. “Girls,” he just rolled his eyes, listening as they agreed with him.

“Why was he acting like that?” (Y/N) asked Charlie as they made their way to class.

“He just didn't want his friends to see him like how you know him. He's worried it'll ruin his image to them,” she replied.

“That's ridiculous. He shouldn't care about what they think about him. If they're his friends, it shouldn't matter,” she huffed, shaking her head. Deep down, she knew he was still the Gabriel she remembered. It was just a matter of getting him to show that without hiding.

“We both know that. But he doesn't. Who knows, maybe he's just self-conscious and doesn't want people looking down on him. He's the leader of the T-Birds; he doesn't want anyone to see him differently. Who knows, maybe having you here might make him realize just how dumb he's being and he'll drop the act,” Charlie comforted. The red head was right. She'd just have to wait him out is all. “Hey, I know you just got here and all, but the girls and I are having a sleepover at my house tomorrow night. Would you like to join us?”

“Yeah, I'd like that. Thanks Charlie,” she replied as she gave her friend a hug.

“No problem, girl. Come on, lets get to class.”

As he made his way to class, Gabriel couldn't help but mentally smack his forehead. “What an idiot! Why did I do that?!” he shouted in his head. His first time seeing (Y/N) again in almost a month and he makes a fool of himself and for what? So the guys don't think of him any less. He can't act like the leader of the T-Birds and show his true self to (Y/N) at the same time. “Or can I?” It was going to take some serious planning and figuring out on his part, but he's certain he can make it work. “Or, you know, not care about what the guys think and just be myself.” Gabriel sighed as he sat down at his desk. His subconscious had better advice than he thought. How was he going to make it up to (Y/N)?

Well, there is that homecoming game tomorrow. Maybe he can make things right by her tomorrow night. Maybe get her to be his girl again. He smiled to himself; he was going to get (Y/N) back and make things right. Let's hope he doesn't screw this up again like earlier.

* * *

I hope that this doesn’t suck. It’s so weird writing in a song that two people are singing simultaneously. Well, part two is coming up soon.

#my writing #supernatural #supernatural gabriel #gabriel x reader #grease #summer loving #story using a song #supernatural grease au

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zillabean · 6 years

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Sorry for the dumb question, but does this mean Shiro can never pilot the Black Lion again? And if that's true, why can't he?

Under a cut for spoilers! It’s LONG, so be prepared.

I’m not exactly sure what exactly you’re alluding to, so I’ll just address why I think this is the sad, sad, horrible case.

With the way the show is going, with the way everything has been set up, the interviews with the showrunners, etc. I just don’t see them reversing course and placing Shiro back in his rightful place as Black Paladin, and this breaks my heart.

-- Shiro (and the show) has been grooming Keith for the Black Paladin role since the beginning. Shiro has told him he has to be leader. Shiro vanishes, forcing Keith into the role. Keith himself takes the role, but then leaves, and needs to go on his own personal journey to grow into himself before he can actually TAKE the role. Kuron’s purpose was purely to give the team a shake-up to force them to move on without Shiro’s guidance. To give Keith the time to grow up so he could become leader. There would be no point in taking Shiro away from the leadership role if they actually wanted to keep him as Black Paladin.

-- Keith has historically always been the Black Paladin in every single incarnation of Voltron. He’s never NOT been. It was expected that, while I believe VLD has swayed enough away from the old story to do their own thing, they will adhere to that story beat. I disagree with this development, but there it is. Nostalgia and ‘honoring’ the old show’s lineup. Why do you think Allura and Lance had to get into Blue and Red? There was nothing wrong with Lance’s connection to the Blue Lion, they were FRIENDS basically. But to cater to nostalgia, they had to be forced into those lions. Keith was always meant to take Black. Shiro was just a stepping stone.

-- Take a look at Keith’s clothing. Animation never designs characters without purpose. All of Keith’s colors reflect the Black Lion’s colors. Black, white, red, yellow. There’s a reason for that.

-- Shiro was killed off in Act 1. He says so himself in the Astral Plane as we come to learn. He spends the entirely of Act 2 essentially absent, acting as nothing more than a catalyst to allow the other characters to mature and grow without him. That’s what Kuron is, a plot device, an antagonist for the other characters to grow against. When he is finally brought back in the end of S6 (the end of Act 2), he is very changed. He is weakened, his design has changed, he is a shadow of himself. Act 3 is going to be Shiro... but not the same Shiro we knew and loved from S1/S2, but a strange amalgam of Shiro+Kuron. Again, animation doesn’t take character design lightly and every re-design of Shiro (you’ll notice he’s the only character who gets redesigned repeatedly?) has significance. S1/S2 is the one you grow attached to. S3-S6 is designed slightly off enough to throw you and make you uncomfortable. And now, the current Shiro has been redesigned yet again. White hair, no arm. It signifies a change for his character, it signifies that he is no longer the original Shiro, but a changed Shiro, much in the way Keith and the others have changed. But he never got any development while the others have. What this holds for his future I don’t claim to know, but there is significance in his alteration. The removal of the galra arm I think is to signify that he is now finally free of the poison, mentally and physically, which haunted him for so long. The white hair means this is a ‘new’ Shiro. Old, yet new. So who knows there the arc will take him next, if anything.

-- Sadly, I think the change in his character may also signify a demotion in his role. It feels like he was brought back just to get sidelined in favor of Keith. You notice in the final crowd show when they say “we’re going home”, Shiro is not pictured? Keith is front and center, and Shiro is absent. You can argue that it’s because he’s lying on the ground, hurt, but I think there’s significance in the shot. Animation, again, is never designed without intent. Keith is in the most prominent part of the frame, where Shiro USED to be. And Shiro himself is not even pictured. And based on leaked images from some time ago, I fear that Shiro will be thrown back to the Garrison as it was a design that depicted him with a new strange Altean port on his shoulder, and he was in his Garrison uniform. So I think he is being sidelined into a Garrison role, and will potentially lose his place as Paladin. Which is DEVASTATING for his character, who has never wanted to be anything more (see: his continued selection of Paladin in the “Monsters and Mana” episode).

-- They would not give Keith the exact same Black Lion wing-unlocking and bonding sequence, beat-for-beat, that Shiro had in the climax of S2 if they were only making it a temporary role. No other Paladin has bonded with their lion like Shiro, and with such an emotional sequence. They now gave that sequence to Keith, mirroring Shiro’s. This is a very obvious cue that Keith is heading into the role of Black Paladin. Even if not immediately, then soon. They would not waste such an emotional scene on a temporary role. Again, this breaks my heart, because it makes it feel like ALL of Shiro’s blood, sweat and tears was tossed aside only to be so easily just handed over to Keith, who didn’t have to work for the bond like Shiro did. But there it is.

-- Shiro still has never used the Black Bayard (past Kuron hurling it at the door when he was ‘possessed’). Everyone has used their bayards by now, and Shiro has never once done so. The longest time he’s gotten to even HOLD his Bayard was when he won it from Zarkon. This is clearly on purpose for what I assume is one of two things: for a grand reveal of its form in his hands when the time comes, though this is unlikely with Keith being given Black Paladin. Or two, it’s Keith’s bayard now, so any cool reveals will happen for him. ALSO you’ll notice the Black Bayard has only ever been wielded by Galrans. Zarkon. Lotor. Evil Shiro. Only then does the power unlock. This leads me even more to believe that Keith, of Galra blood, will be the one to unlock the Black Bayard. And it breaks my heart.

... I could go on and on about various other design set ups, etc.. but I think I’ve rambled enough. I WANT to hope that Shiro will return as the rightful true Black Paladin, but based on my understanding of animation and how stories are constructed and how Voltron has always been and how it’s going now, I don’t see it happening. I think Shiro is going to get sidelined and his entire purpose was to bolster Keith. Which utterly breaks my heart because goddammit he is such a beautiful character who is unique, fun, and brings something to the team no one else does and SO deserves better.

(I also could be reading into things way too much and God I sure hope I’m wrong about everything. I’ve never wanted to be more wrong in my life about a series!)

#shiro #voltron #zilla's replies #zilla's fandom stuff #I-am-forever-a-fan

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