#she wasn't even paying attention

[fiberc]

hi. its theory time again. traitor lord and his sisters are all transgender.

so. female mantids are bigger than the males. its very very common and i don't specialize in bugs (yet) but i haven't seen a mantis species where the males are bigger than the females. get where im going with this

females have wider abdomens with fewer segments. generally full grown females can't fly because of how heavy they are. males have skinnier abdomens with more segments, and are also more agile than females.

oh yeah. and traitor lord used to be referred to as female before team cherry decided to change it.

(img source) so to restate: theyre all transgender. once again this has been my awesome video game theories stay swag and like idk team cherry loves trans propaganda

#thumbs up #also came up with this one months ago when i first got into hk #i think this'd also apply to the traitors daughter. though we don't know if she's fully grown. or if that even applies #since shes ..............dead #anyway #team cherry pays Some attention to irl bug lore but not to most of it. #so i think that this wasn't really intentional but the thought fits so well that youknow. yeah #hollow knight #headcanon

[deepinifhell]

Nate makes Morgan and Lauren wear T-shirts of shame emblazoned with the scarlet letter A after they get caught with their hands down each other's pants in public for the third time.

#nsft ish #morgan x lauren #lauren jenkins #neither have read the book #and lauren sure as hell wasn't paying attention in English class #even if she was there that day

[teufelme]

You ever just want to talk about Bertl,

#i . ooc . #The tags got so long just warning U now! #OK I know his appearance wasn't the longest but like. I'll never stop talking about him because he doesn't get enough credit? rip. #I know it's not really relevant any more because post-timeskip everyone is a lot better but. Referring to everyone's skill as of pre. #Reiner said Bertolt was the strongest of all of the shifters but he held himself back. He came 3rd without giving his all. Or really trying #I hc he held himself back to try not to let too much of his strength show bc people forget he had military training b4 joining the 104th. #And ofc. Also to not bring too much attention to himself bc of who he really is??? #The way he mastered his Titan straight away and also has such a good handle on it. #Out of the 3 shifters he was the one that stayed true to the mission. Despite his reluctance he's got the strength and commitment. #People are so quick to say he relies on Reiner too much. And while he does at times. Reiner relies on him just as much if not more. Even if #Reiner doesn't realise it. Bertolt keeps him on track and has no one supporting him at all. #In COTT arc... U see him dodge Mikasa who is an Ackerman and seen as one of the strongest characters in the series... #And the same in RTS. Everyone gets too distracted by Mikasa to actually pay attention to how he dodges her 4 times?? Even tho she attacks #from behind? And the way he lands a hit on her. I just *screams*. I love how many times she tries to kill him. lol #How effective he is when he abandons his guilt and this is sort of irrelevant but. It's so special to me because as someone who is #a quiet person irl round people I don't know well. Who has it brought up a lot. I just adore when a character that remains in the #background just comes out and says enough is so hhhhh I know his reasons aren't good BUT RTS BERT... AH. #Also gotta talk about his marksmanship skills in a thread at some point?? Maybe Mp bert I J UST.. #Anyway I might do a cheeky revamp of graphics n icons and that. Dunno yet. Need to actually write that'd be good lol. #This account is a lovebot didn't U know.

[lyxthen]

I like it when old people have romance plots in media. Divorced parent gets a new partner and their child loves them. Widow re-marries and finds happiness with their new spouse. Old gays finally able to have their dream wedding and live their lives openly. Elders finding love in a nursing home found-family style. Just. People older than 30 falling in love and having fulfilling relationships is what I mean. Because all I see ever is divorce plots and grief and loneliness because apparently you can only ever be happy and have fun as a teen/young adult. The moment you hit a certain age you stop being elegible for the role rom-com protagonist. It's a little discouraging tbh. I want to see that change.

#What I mean to say is. We need more shows like Grace and Frankie. There I said it. #A while ago I watched a few episodes out of order because my mom really likes it and she was binging it #And I wasn't really paying that much attention to it #But I thought it was sweet. Like genuinely. These people are having struggles with their relationships yes. #They have children. Grandchildren. They have struggles. #But it's still a rom-com. It's all lighthearted and focused of the unlikely friendship of these women #After having their lives shaken by the revelation that their life partners are actually gay #And also there's Jewish representation. Idk if it's good. But listen. #I'm just happy old people got their well-deserved silly plot with silly overly convoluted love triangles and online dating #AND ITS ALL SO UPBEAT!! #Anyway #queer #Also queerplatonic relationships pog #Media #romance #Tehanu is a good book also. If you even care #It's not a comedy #But it's still very sweet. Everyone here is really sad and traumatized but they love each other so much. They had enough adventures #It's time to settle down. Adopt a child. Have a low-stakes plot. Falling in love. Found family.

[hella1975]

.

#be deadly fucking serious rn PLEASE whatttt. that post that's like 'parents will say something that shapes you as a person #but for them it was just another tuesday' like WHAT JUST HAPPENED #basically if you've been following me since i went to uni then you know first year was an... interesting time for me and my mum #we rowed all the time and it's the most unsettled our relationship has ever been and i do truly believe it was just some unfortunate #external factors like me leaving home would rock the boat enough it was always gonna rejig our dynamic #but on top of that i was her LAST child to fly the nest which she hated AND my sister was in germany being insanely dependent on my mum #so i got sidelined a lot which was shitty at the time but i get it now like im still a bit bitter bc being the eldest everything my sister #does is an exciting first and our age gap means typically our academic big moments tend to cross over #so my a-levels happened during her first year of uni so for me a-levels were the biggest thing ever but ofc her thing was bigger #but when she did HER a-levels it was the biggest thing ever and i was /just/ doing gcses etc and germany was the same #like it was JUST my first year of uni bc meanwhile my sister was living alone in a foreign country. so that sucks and my mum was #defo focused on my sister and i wasn't in a position to be like 'hey i know it doesn't seem like it now you've got one kid through it #but going to university and settling in for the first year is still an insanely stressful and lonely time so please pay attention to me' #and all in all me and my mum just STRUGGLED we fought A LOT and not petty rows either they were really emotionally heavy all the time #and basically what's caused this post is that she said about america 'it'll be the longest ive been away from you' #and i know what she meant like a month out of england is the biggest thing ive ever done and im not even in EUROPE so this is huge #but i kinda said like 'im pretty sure i went a month in first year a couple times without visiting?' AND I MEANT IT CASUAL #BC I AM PRETTY SURE IT'S TRUE LIKE I WASNT EAGER TO GO HOME I WENT SOME WEEKS NOT EVEN RINGING #which REALLY shows how strained it must have been at the time. and she responds with confusion so i pointed out that first year #wasn't a great time for us and again still being casual bc it's such a fundamental truth for me that first year was Bad for me and mum #and she just blinks at me like 'what are you talking about' what. WHAT. like i knew she wasn't paying much attention to me then #but it made me MISERABLE for an entire YEAR like boom can testify bc they had to deal with my bs over the phone the entire time #and my mum just. didn't even notice that we weren't doing well. what. what the fuck even..... baffled by this actually #like i am REELING from this i feel like she just tipped the fundamentals of my world with that #hella goes home

[bumblingbabooshka]

I will walk down to the end with you / If you will come all the way down with me.

#B'Elanna Torres #B'Elanna art #B'Elanna #-thinks so hard about B'Elanna's self image issues and about how Tom Paris could be baked into an apple pie he oozes so much All American #Charm and about how B'Elanna was literally ready to break up with Tom because she felt he wasn't committed to her emotionally #and didn't prioritize her needs/wants and when she tried to bring it up he didn't address any of that and instead just asked her to marry #him and she said yes bc it's what she wanted wasn't it? But also thinks about how getting married solves literally 0 of their problems bc #that wasn't the issue - and how they never REALLY talked about the issue she had and the proposal seemed more like a desperate attempt to #hold onto her and B'Elanna's acceptance was her tightening her grip as well and thinks about how the solution to Tom not prioritizing #B'Elanna was framed as B'Elanna trying to do what Tom wanted and about how B'Elanna blames her mother entirely for her father abandoning #them - how she blames SPECIFICALLY the fact that her mother was too Klingon and about how Tom blames the fact that he never showed how much #he cares about/is committed to B'Elanna on the fact that she has 'that tough Klingon exterior' and how her response is #'do I look that tough right now?' and about how B'Elanna associates Klingon features so strongly with negativity - unloveability - rejection #that she tries to erase her features from her daughter's face and make her Human which to her means Good and Beautiful and Loveable and #about how she STILL after all this time only wants her father to love her again. Thinks about fear of abandonment which makes you hold onto #something which doesn't work bc you can't bear to be alone or fail. If she said no to Tom's proposal who else would she have? And #doesn't it feel like a prize? Like you finally WON. The Human Prince wants to marry you - you're FINALLY good enough for someone to sign #a contract saying they'll never leave you. Even if they don't pay attention to you - even if they abandon you to pursue their own interests #every time something shinier comes up they'll never LEAVE and that's what you're the most afraid of. Thinks about the fear of being too much #and too klingon and about how B'Elanna told Tom it was okay he forgot their romantic getaway even though she took so much time to plan it #and was so excited for it because she didn't want to spoil his fun (is being with her work?) and about how she still remembers that little #human boy who pointed at her forehead ridges and called her 'turtlehead' until she beat him so viciously they had to pull her off him #Thinks about all of those things VERY hard and EXPLODES- #bea art tag #st voyager #st voyager art #CHARACTER. OF. ALL. TIME.

[hotsugarbyglassanimals]

honestly the loneliness i carried with me from age 11-12 is something i don't think i'll ever be able to forget

#reflecting again lately but like #it was more than just getting bullied but widespread social ostracization. i was the 'gross' kid that no one really wanted to be around #for the simple crime of ... being too into pokemon in 3rd and 4th grade. and this followed me for years despite not talking about it anymor #and the crazy thing ... i wasn't even that out of the ordinary !! not that i wouldve somehow deserved it if i was but it was more just like #if *anyone* was even remotely into videogames or anime then like... i wouldve had like a niche group of friends at the very least #not to be like 'i was born in the wrong generation' but i would not have been so out of place if i grew up in the 90's instead i feel like #im so certain what made me a cringey freak was not paying attention to the mainstream culture of the 2000's - 2010's. it felt like the - #unabashed earnestness of the 90's got completely obliterated the two following decades #just asked my sister about it and she said that tracks skdjhgf so... gh

[welcometoteyvat]

rant ahead lmao

i believe your gripes are completely valid because i have the same gripes. it feels like their storytelling (for the entire game) is all over the place. the high cloud quintet is literally something i’ve never chanced upon in the game. i only know it via fandom. this is similar to how that pyro butterfly lady is the crimson witch. only those who dig deep enough into the game will find out about it, and just like genshin, such “information” spreads quickly in the community.

HOWEVER, what genshin does better than star rail is that its main story DOES NOT rely on these snippets to tell its story. do i need to know she was the crimson witch when what happened to her happened? no. not at all. she was there for X purpose in the main storyline and therefore she did what she had to do and left. her being crimson witch was to add depth to her character which the main story had no space to do so.

stair rail, on the other hand, EXPECTS you to find out all these little tidbits, which to me is too time consuming and annoying. why split the story into its separate segments if i need to know them in order to understand the main story?? that’s just poor storytelling imho.

i think you’ll like this video. i agree with it. i get that the funeral for fox character was supposed to be emotional, but this video is right that we know NOTHING about this character. from my own personal experience, the funeral was so boring and honestly irritating because i. don’t. care. in fact, i didn’t even know she was with us throughout the quest so when she had her background voicelines i was always so confused????

i feel the hype around the characters is because the designs of each character have given people a desire to seek more about said characters, and there is abundance information. but this shouldn’t be something to expect of the players.

give me a reason to care that’s not just aesthetics, please.

video will be sent in next ask.

video: https://youtu.be/vaPL0UZK_HQ?si=puvssJPBLc2H57vk

ok thank you for validating me LMAO i was constantly wondering "where is the ancient dead people lore" (hcq) during the entire quest chain, which unfortunately contained very little of what fandom promised me (character depth). apparently i've not be reading enough books and pamphlets you can collect since the lore is concentrated there and in limited character's character stories

tbh I think the reveal that La Signora was the Crimson Witch was also really bad lol, for the same reason that the video argues DH IL's transformation is unimpactful. like "omg wow alternate identity revealed!" but it doesn't really have any impact on the conflict of the story we're currently looking at. they could've just switched it, or not even given her a transformation, instead just showing an extended duel with us and making it visible that she was tired and out of power before she dies, and I don't really know if anything would've changed. same with dan heng IL, I'd probably get more out of it if I read the hcq book from that one opera performer, but ehh there wasn't enough visibly shown leadup, like you said.

I guess the difference between genshin world lore (things in artifacts, weapons, books, world quests etc) and star rail lore is that genshin's is either about the past or future, but not necessarily about the present characters? thinking about the pale flame lore, which gave everyone the fatui crumbs before scara and la signora's stories were introducted in the main storyline, the enkanomiya quests about the vishaps and ancient history of teyvat, and the narzissenkreuz quests that also connect to that + khaenriah + a host of other world lore things. I guess it's nice that reading through all the materials isn't "mandatory" because it's either about the ancient past, dead npcs (so many of the artifact sets) or foreshadowing for important elements in the future that will still get introduced in the main story. I will be biased and agree w you, star rail's lore crumbs are rather :\ storytelling. like I would be fine if the hidden nuggets of lore were about >npcs >lore that happened but is not directly relevant to a character's main arc >foreshadowing for future events/story. but instead it's more like mandatory background reading that is crucial to understand a character's stories, instead of enriching your knowledge of them? anyways yeah

now abt tingyun. I agree that the funeral was really ???????????? i agree w you and the video lol. playing it, I was mostly in disbelief that we're assuming tingyun is legitimately dead even though she's still playable (no dead playables in genshin moment). I also think the thing with the 3 npcs we had to talk to was bullshit because. like the video said, we could've spent time with tingyun (maybe visiting the npcs we collected things from) BEFORE she died and maybe it would have given us more emotional impact. the way they retroactively show how kind and generous she was really put me off, we could've seen this all in person instead of hearing it from other people...... bruh also the way everyone got together in that cutscene when i dont think any of them were really shown to have a deep connection w her is so ..... >_> the emotional impact did not hit whatsoever

but I'm gonna level with you I think they made her role as our guide pretty clear and the implication that she was traveling with us was also pretty clear. no shade though

about the rest of the video: oh he put things into words that I could not articulate JSDKLFJDSKL. not really any thoughts but i agree that a lot of the characters (qingque, xueyi especially) could have just been cut T_T i like both of their designs and personalities based on other material in game but their main quest participation was Not It rip. also agree about the characters being vehicles for exposition and not having their personalities shine through. I'd argue maybe you can tell somewhat of what they're like (jing yuan, fu xuan, yanqing to some extent) but man there's just too much lore explaining for them to really show what they do on a normal schedule it's so .......... also because fanart and fanfic makes them seem so fun im standing here looking at the main plot like >_> <_< what was that. i'm sure it gets better inside their own companion quests, which I haven't done, but that shouldn't be the only place the character gets to really shine lmao

I agree that their design makes people more willing to invest but god I'm so sorry hsr designs really aren't my thing, the color palettes are just incredibly bad JDKSFLJDSKLGHKDJ the only thing holding up the story are the plot and personalities of chars and neither of those were delivered ...

#i think i also engage with hsr differently than genshin bc i made a promise to myself not to spend time on it thus I Dont Have Time to Read #this is also compounded by the fact that i think i have at least 15 character story quests sitting there unfinished like i genuinely can't #dig into the lore even if i wanted to. too much other shit to be doing after not playing for 6 months #well anyways i think this got away from the main point but in general thank you for the discussion :3 #hsr #asks #anon ask #ramblings! #i legit forgot that xue.yi existed in the main story until the video like IT WAS ENTIRELY UNNECESSARY WE COULDVE JUST KEPT GOING #the event has done so much better about properly introducing her. still idk how much i understand her but at least shes actually relevant #also i wrote the first part before actually actually playing the whole quest so i didn't get to the epilogue (?) scene with luo.cha in the #prison again. and so since he's sus I don't know how much foreshadowing of that we were supposed to get????????? again i feel like i wasn't #paying attention or am stupid or the game is so bad at directing audience attention to things that will become important

[s-aprua]

//kaveh character story spoilers

.

.

tldr: kaveh has so much angst and I love him for that. babygirl is suffering (I am suffering with him) (also some sucrose parallels bc I'm sucrose's no.1 fan and also some flavors of haikaveh angst)

Foreword

this is honestly just the word dump I threw together bc I couldn't sleep, thinking about angsty kaveh art and how he may now be my second fav character

what's not to love about a man so filled with angst, so riddled with guilt and unable to escape the ghosts of his past? who believes everyone can reach the same heights if they work together, but unable to let others see his own weaknesses? who hates loneliness, but would suffer through it for the happiness of others? wishing to attain the pinnacle of his craft, even if he has to give up everything to see it through? a man who wishes to love everyone around him, but is unable to accept any for himself?

Idealism

ok this is the sucrose part and it is kinda a stretch but I like both of them very much and my target audience is always me, I do what I want

kaveh designs with practicality and artistry in mind, unwilling to give either up, to the point that when he finally gets to create something that he can go all out on both fronts on, he is willing to give up his home to see it through (even then he still owes dori for helping him find the project). when he works with others, he tries to help others keep up because there shouldn't be a gap between "geniuses" and those who aren't, even of it means more work for himself. sucrose is so intent on bioalchemy because of a childhood promise to reach a mythical domain from a fairytale with her ex-friends, both of which have moved on (one literally never returns to mondstadt, one breaking off their friendship after a domestic tragedy). regardless, she still works to achieve the paradise they wished to see as the only way she can make good on that promise. even now she hopes beyond hope that if she can create the wonderland from that fairytale, her friends will return. neither of them have accepted their reality; kaveh's idealism alone isn't enough to fund the construction of a palace, carrying extra burdens wasn't enough to bridge the gap between alhaitham and him and their fellow researchers; sucrose's friends are unlikely to return if she is even able to create that paradise in the first place

(bonus: not gonna type an essay for this one, but there's just something about the way they have lost people but don't let others know it hurt them; kaveh pretending it was fine when his mom left, sucrose never mentioning her friends or the wonderland to anyone)

Alhaitham

I have been typing on mobile and frankly the word vomit and angst have quite thoroughly rotted my brain, sorry if this no longer makes sense

god these two are so. the whole opposites thing they have going on. yes ok shipping them is cool, I get it (roommates, bickering like they're married, opposites attract, etc) but like. imagine this. they both care about each other, ever since their akademiya days, but they express it differently; kaveh with his whole "I wanna help people unconditionally, but if you help me, I will return the favor even if I suffer for it" vs alhaitham with his "I don't care what other people think, I do what I want (and I want you to stop making yourself suffer, why won't you let me just help you)" (ok yeah I made that last part up, pretty sure that wasn't quite how it went) and because of this and on account of how stubborn they both are, neither of them are able to ever see eye to eye again. they eventually come to tolerate each other but they'll never be able to be what they once were; after all, their relationship as built on a foundation of sand. kaveh's mom had just left him, and he had heard about a genius new student; maybe someone who could fill a bit of the loneliness in him. they were perpendicular lines, different from the start, only intersecting once, and bount to drift down different paths

opposites angst aside though, an alternate flavor of angst: alhaitham tries to show care/affection for kaveh, but kaveh with his paranoia of abandonment and fear of loving and getting hurt again, rejects him (if anyone has heard 'namonaki kanjyou' by usotsuki, yea).

that's all I have for that one I am tired and the brainrot is getting harder to fight off

#and I'm home #see you tomorrow #rambles #genshin #genshin impact #genshin kaveh #kaveh #sucrose #alhaitham #i was supposed to do stuff today #but instead i have been going sketch delete repeat #needed to get this out even if getting it out doesnt help #theres also some other stuff i couldn't find a way to add #namely the 2 madoka character songs #the kyoko and sayaka one literally titled #and the madoka one #where she fake smiles as she waves goodbye (idk i wasn't paying attention to the lyrics) #also again apologies for any spelling or formatting things i am on moblie and have typed for an hour

[cowardlycowboys]

I dunno why I keep the email with my diagnosis like when am i gonna need that like ever

#omg kiera no one cares #wasn't even paying attention when she was talking because i was so upset plus like i already knew everything she said #minus the adhd which we removed praise god 🙏 #but seriously when am i gonna need that like am i gonna open it up and go wow love my disorder 🫶🏻

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

This is an actual conversation, reproduced nearly verbatim, between me and a friend recently:

"Look, I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of people outside my family who I feel comfortable going up to and talking to!"

*friend counts, getting to both hands* "No but you're forgetting some. Me, [the boy's sister], my parents-"

*stops her* "I think you're misunderstanding me. I said comfortable. Like sure there are the ones who I can feel comfortable talking to, but not going up to."

"So who's on your list?"

"You, [the boy's sister], [his younger brother], [the boy himself]. That's it."

*friend is, apparently, shocked into silence*

#i think she didn't realise just how uncomfortable I am in social situations #i mean i often feel awkward even approaching the boy's sister who i love dearly #his brother is happy-go-lucky enough that hardly anyone could be uncomfortable approaching him i think #and he himself i'm awkward about it but not uncomfortable #this came up in a convo bc she was leaving youth group earlier than i was and the boy's family wasn't there #when she left i proceeded to stand alone by the wall staring at nothing and nobody came and talked to me but that's okay #tehy all have their friends #can hardly expect them to pay attention to an awkward ugly weirdo xD #and eventually my transport took me home so it was fine #i am neither mad nor upset #just a little sad that i don't have anyone who would actively seek me out #like this friend *might* if she ddin't have more interesting people to talk to #and the boy's sister might sometimes #but it would be nice sometimes if others chose to come and talk to me bc they wanted to rather than me coming and talking to them bc #im dumb and boring and awkward #idk i mean like the boy himself for instance kinda waits for conversation to arrive at him rather than initiating it bc he isn't v social #he seems to like conversations when they're started? i mean he smiles a lot so i guess that's good? #idk if he came and started conversation id KNOW he was v interested #anyway that's okay i can survive perfectly well #the boy #personal

[likethehorrormovie]

My sister was just the first in the family to get an ADHD diagnosis everyone say congrats to my sister 🎉🎂💖✨!!

#lmaoo we have all the same issues i gotta make an appointment #my mum is now realising she has symptoms too after doing a really long questionnaire #ALSO #we both just found out #that 3 separate teachers told my parents they thought my sister was deaf #cause she wouldn't pay attention in class #so they got her tested #we didn't even KNOW #anyway turns out her hearing was perfect she just wasn't listening lmao #anyway #congrats to my sister for having adhd but being the only one of us organised enough to actually go to the doctor about it- #🎉🎉✨✨💖💖

[perenlop]

since its impossible to watch xy without commenting on it (tho im gonna try my best) just wanna say that i dont inherently hate the idea of ash and serena being together or them being shipped in the show. in fact, it kinda makes sense that they’d choose the arc that takes place in france to give ash a blatant love interest. i actually shipped them when i was a kid and this was first airing, lol. so whatever i say about it, it’s not really coming from a place of “ugh its not the ship i wanted to have happen” because they’re ten and i dont care. 

but then the issue after that is. they’re ten and i dont care.

#its honestly a little obnoxious how the show paints the summer camp thing as the thing that invented romance #and a sign of true love... when like. yeah ash is right that's not really significant #and its weird to fixate on to the degree that serena does. its weird that theyre like ''she knew he was her husband #the moment he gave her a bandaid'' when theyre like. little babies to me. i do not care about this #but i have to pay attention bc this is just what most of serena's content happens to be. which isnt fun when she's the 5th companion #and even misty before her (who was also heavily shipped with ash) wasn't centered on him #nor was that painted as the most amazing and romantic thing in the whole wide world #idk. again its fine that she has a crush but i wish it was just an aspect of her rather than the focus #yknow? #echoed voice #also im like this w literally every single ash ship id be annoyed if this was done w goh or misty or dawn or whoever #so im not just singling out serena bc i dont like her for whatever reason. i do like her! shes a nice character #i just think she deserved better in this aspect #pokeani lb #(fucking terrified of tagging my more critical posts where they could possibly be seenbut. whatever. ive already been stalked over it)

[airenyah]

the trams in my hometown changed announcer voice and i hate it

#why did they do that :( #the old recordings were perfectly fine :( #also they're much quieter now which makes them harder to hear #i want the old one back :((( #i'd noticed it on saturday already but they had the new voice only for some words in between #my mom didn't notice at all #i don't understand how she didn't notice it the announcements sounded SO off with the new voice in between #i wasn't even paying attention to the announcements bc i know them off by heart #but the new voice had me perk up bc my brain still registered that something was wrong even though i wasn't listening #anyway now ALL the announcements seem to be in the new voice :((( #airenyah plappert

[youremyonlyhope]

Don't be like me, kids. Don't accidentally take your antidepressant at night when you meant to take your insomnia meds.

Let's see who wins, will I fall asleep or will I be up all night?

#i wasn't paying attention and literally forgot for about a half hour that i even took the wrong pills #let's hope my body doesn't react like it did last time when i had early serotonin syndrome symptoms #but according to my doctor it wasn't serotonin syndrome. and she was like 'if it happens again. you were ok then. you're ok now.' #so that's reassuring that i'll be ok eventually. #BUT. still. i am. not excited. to see how i react. #my last dose was about 13 hours ago. the half-life is about 24 hours. #my body doesn't like 175mg and completely freaks out at 200mg. it was taking 200mg for 2 days that did it last time. #so if i'm doing the math correctly. about 112 will still be in my system. plus the 150 i just took. #the day before yesterday should be 37 that's about 299mg in me right now. #when i had the symptoms i had about 300mg in me i think? maybe? possibly more? #200 from that day. 100 the day before. 43 from the day before that since i had taken 175. so 343? #i mean at least i won't take any more tomorrow. and my psychologist knew i freaked out about stuff like this #and literally told me last week that even if i took them like 18 hours apart nothing drastic would happen #but this is 13. and paranoia is a symptom of serotonin syndrome. so like. endless cycle of worrying. #aka the exact opposite of what my zoloft is supposed to do for me yayyyyyy #gonna go try to sleep now #but i went from not taking it enough because i'd forget to and then getting withdrawal symptoms #to now taking too much because i didn't concentrate and then forgot i even did it