#so im going to try to make u cry w me

[lovesickeros]

☆ decadence divine [ act I ]

{☆} characters arlecchino, neuvillette, furina {☆} notes yandere, drabble, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings yandere content, stalking (implied), kidnapping (implied) {☆} word count 2.3k

ARLECCHINO

Arlecchino was wont to leave social gatherings to her subordinates– the private meetings were where she thrived. It was so much easier to lure your prey into a trap when you didn't have prying eyes and ears waiting for the barest hint of blackmail.

She clicked her tongue in distaste, her eyes narrowing beneath the mask of the fox as she set down her cup sharply. It was difficult as it was to draw them from the safety of their bubble– at the slightest hint of danger, her quarry would run. A chase would be fun, but she couldn't risk getting caught here. The political nightmare it would cause..it already gave her a headache. She had to be discreet.

They weren't making it easy, however.

Which is why she never liked crowds. But this chance didn't come by every day. She wasn't going to simply let it pass by because of a little danger. She'd have them eventually, it was just a matter of how. There were already numerous of her own lingering in the crowds, hidden beneath the masks that every patron bore. It was difficult to stand out amongst the flurry of masked patrons constantly shifting around the room, moving from one conversation to another, gliding from one dance partner to another.

Her heeled boots clicked sharply against the tile as she stalked through the crowds, keeping a wide berth yet always lingering nearby– she was sure they could feel the vague sense of being watched, but with the huge crowds..her lips quirked into a grin with the barest flash of teeth. There were a great many ways to break them in– she'd spent a great amount of time and mora to get anything she could for blackmail, if she so wished. She had the backing of the Fatui as well if she played her cards right– it wouldn't be difficult to convince them that they were a valuable target, and none of them would dare to question just what she did with them afterwards.

Perhaps a bit of play, first. Test the waters. She was familiar with playing the polite gentleman, despite her status as a Fatui Harbinger. Stage something for her to intervene, perhaps, to look the hero. The look of shock when she revealed the wolf beneath the wool..she could see it already. That wide, doe-eyed look as they realized the monster they've followed blindly like a lost lamb..she was beginning to see the appeal.

All it took was a few hushed words and subtle signals before the tiles started to fall in place, her hand gliding along their lower back as she leaned over their shoulder with a thin, predatory smile. She'd have to organize for the agent to be released later, her eyes following as the Gardes dragged him out of the room in a flurry of curses, but for now..she tilted her head to peer down at them, polite and almost apologetic.

"You aren't too startled, are you? Now now, there's no need to look so..scared, poor thing. I won't let another lay a hand on you," She cooed in a sickly sweet tone, the husky rasp of her voice whispered in their ear like dripping honey. "You have my word. Now, why don't we get you some fresh air? Come. Allow me to escort you."

Her lips pulled into a jagged grin at the relief in their eyes– the blind lamb following the shepherd as it led them into it's maw. Just a little longer, and she could finally have her own caged bird– a pretty thing to admire, to protect, to possess.

Something no one else would ever touch again. Something hers.

NEUVILLETTE

Neuvillette was not one for parties. The intricacies and delicate handling of public relations he oft left in the capable hands of Furina, rather then himself. It was only at her behest he even attended at all, but he still felt rather..out of place amongst the bodies constantly shifting through the ballroom like a constant rush of water from one end to the other, no rhyme nor reason to the flow. The only thing that kept him afloat among the tides was the mask of the deer obscuring his face– even if it was exceedingly difficult to truly hide himself among the crowds, most passed over him without second thought.

Though he had to be honest with himself, even if he couldn't bring himself to admit it to Furina despite her insistence that his attendance was mandatory. He had his own reasons for coming– selfishness that left a sour taste in his mouth. It was purely by chance he'd seen the briefest glimpse of them prior, and he..was intrigued, that was all.

He refused to let his thoughts linger on the sleepless nights he spent prying every piece of information he could from loose tongues and obscure documents, every moment he managed to squeeze in between trials spent lingering in their most favored locations– cafes, stores, restaurants, the like.

Now a masquerade.

He tried not to let the guilt gnaw at his conscious, but it lingered like an age old scar that still ached.

So he relegated himself to simply residing in the further corner, nursing a goblet of water like a fine wine, trying not to let his eyes stray to the brief glimpses of them through the ever moving bodies filling the center of the room, dancing like puppets in music boxes.

Still, his hand twitched in an instinctual desire– a need to clasp his hand in their own, to touch his lips upon their knuckles, to indulge in a moment of reprieve and unshackle himself from the mantle that bears heavy upon his shoulders. He seeks reverence, worship, but not of himself– but towards the one who had drawn the eye of the dragon amongst the waves of humans he'd seen come and go for a great many years.

No one could compare, he is certain. None have left him as breathless, as hopelessly infatuated, as the one who made him wish only to kneel at their feet in senseless reverence until he could no longer speak. A hopeless man, indeed, if he has never even truly met them.

Instead he's spent his time prying into their life from the shadows. Caution, or simple cowardice?

He dares not ponder.

Yet in his ceaseless pondering he'd blocked out the world without, failing to notice the figure stepping up beside him until their hand brushed against his elbow– just the briefest touch, but it had his pupils narrowing and his entire body tensing like a coiled spring. That touch..bliss. It left him breathless and lightheaded as he tilted his head to regard them, his lips parting in a shaky sigh. They are as beautiful as he remembers– even with their face obscured beneath the mask, he would never forget them.

"Greetings, Monsieur– I hope I didn't frighten you too much." Their laugh made him feel rather faint, just the sound of their voice making his hand tighten around his cane. "..Not at all. I was simply lost in thought." He admitted apologetically, trying to reign in the urge to cup their face between his palms. A dangerous thought. He didn't want to scare them off when they'd provided him a priceless opportunity.

"My apologies, you must have needed something. It was rude of me to have been so absorbed in my thoughts to have ignored you." He continued, gently turning to set his goblet down– offer them his full attention, be a gentleman. The words rang in his skull like a ceaseless alarm, blaring and rattling his thoughts as he gently took their hand in his own. It was a split second decision– an indulgence, but he could simply not help himself. Even with his gloves between them, he felt like he was going to lose his composure just from such a brief touch..

He truly was a hopeless man before an altar, praying for a salvation he intends to bury deep beneath the waves– to keep it hidden in the darkness of the depths that only he can reach. A selfish man, he must be, to even think of it, but it is an itch that he cannot scratch. A need that must be satisfied. He cannot allow any hands but his own to tend to them, to know what it feels to touch them, to hear their voice and see their eyes as he prays– prays like a man starved, devotion born of desperation.

"I hope I did not make you wait too long." He smiles, soft and affectionate, like the bloom of spring beneath the winters chill– yet just as deadly, only masked by the sweet fragrance of flowers.

He had waited too long.

No longer.

FURINA

Furina was right at home amongst the crowds– where the masks obscured the identities of most, it was impossible to not recognize the charming banter of the Hydro Archon beneath the mask of the lamb as she graced the masquerade with her presence, speaking with a silver tongue to any who would listen. A truly enthralled audience fitting for the grandest of performers in Fontaine.

But her eyes lingered not on the people who's praise dripped from their lips like honey– yet so very bitter upon her tongue. Even the mask obscuring her expression did little to hide the longing that had her visibly deflating like a popped balloon. She hated all the eyes on her, really– it was suffocating. She was only putting on a show in the foolish hope that they'd finally pay attention to her. Just her luck, she supposes, that instead she's had to throw herself straight into the role of Archon without a pay off..

They hadn't even spared her a glance! It would be infuriating if not for the fact she couldn't even keep her composure just seeing them across the room. They didn't even have to look at her and she could feel the heat rush to her ears as she forced another smile at the crowd gathered around her. It was unfair how easily they could fluster her without even knowing it– her heart was thumping so hard against her ribcage she felt like it might burst.

Her only solace was the fact none of the patrons seemed to realize she'd clocked out of the conversation, her thoughts and eyes lingering on the distant figure– what a lovestruck fool she makes..it was a chance encounter she'd seen them during one of her outings. That was all it took to enthrall her, evidentially, try as she might to have ignore it for months.

They never left her mind for longer then a day, in the end, and she had to face the fact they had managed to enrapture her so deeply she felt like a newborn lamb learning to walk whenever she so much as thought of them. What an embarrassment! She..she was the Archon, she had a reputation to maintain, she couldn't be seen fawning over a human.

But oh, she still longed for it, beneath the veneer of a God. She'd watched them more times then she'd admit even to herself, wishing to find herself in place of those who'd hands were cradled so casually in their own– to hear their voice, their laughter, as often as she pleased..like a fine delicacy she so badly wished to taste, yet so far from her reach.

Would they think her pathetic for her infatuation? She pursed her lips at the thought, trying to bury the sour mood beneath her faux image of the Archon. Yet it lingered, and with only the quietest of excuses, she slipped into the crowd like a ghost– she needed to leave before she did something..stupid. Neuvillette would surely have a few choice words with her if she did, and she was inclined to avoid such a fate.

She..she just needed a moment to collect herself was all. That was it. She could go back to playing Archon for a little longer, she just needed a moment to herself. At the very least, the balcony had been regarded as off limits so late into the party– which gave her an opportunity to slip out of the public view for the briefest of moments. A welcome reprieve– she was starting to feel suffocated amongst the crowds.

Perhaps on instinct, she reached for the mask, lifting ever so slightly away..only to let out a startled yelp at the touch of a hand on her shoulder, the mask slipping back into place far too easily. It made her lightheaded, even now, but she dared not to dwell on it.

But when she turned sharply on her heel to chew out the person who'd followed her and had the gall to scare her..oh, she was done for, her ears flush with heat. The brief glimpse of their eyes beneath the mask, the curl of their lips as they smiled– her heart stuttered in her chest, and she was certain it had stopped all together when they clasped her hand.

"Y–you.." She wanted to be angry, to brush them off and leave with her rationality in tact, but the warmth of their hands on her skin rendered her speechless. She was no better then a fish on land, struggling to fill her lungs with air as she drew in a shaky breath. "Ahem, you caught me off guard. That's all. Surely you do not make it a habit to sneak up on people?" She huffed in indignation, trying to mask the fluster that threatened to break through her carefully crafted facade.

Ah, what a cruel twist of fate..she'd slipped away to escape their allure, but here they were, dragging her back into their orbit without even knowing how deep her infatuation ran. They were alone, too..it was a chance she wasn't sure she'd ever get again.

Maybe, just this once, she could do something for herself rather then everyone else.

She buried her guilt, the fear– buried it beneath the need to be seen.

"But if you want to make it up to me.."

#genshin impact #genshin impact yandere #genshin yandere #neuvillette x reader #yandere neuvillette #yandere neuvillette x reader #arlecchino x reader #yandere arlecchino #yandere arlecchino x reader #furina x reader #yandere furina #yandere furina x reader #fic tag #pats neuvillette this noodle dragon can be so pathetic #aiming for pathetic desperate and slightly guilty. it gnaws at him knowing he's keeping you like a bird in a cage #esp if you react extremely negatively hes like a kicked puppy #not outwardly but internally hes a MESS. sobbing crying wailing #furina and neuvi sopping wet kittens u found in a cardboard box in an alley #vs arle thinking abt all the crimes shes going 2 commit in the process w/o an ounce of guilt. blackmail? check. kidnapping? check. #a little murder for flavor. as u can see im coping horribly w being practically snowed in rn i need 2 be put down #its like 4 degrees out rn (fahrenheit) and getting colder ueueueue i am dying.......... #only thing keeping me going is my furinameow plushie coming. eventually. staying strong just for her................. #also needs 2 be mentioned all the stories r separate ksjfkhdsf #no not everyone in fontaine is yan and trying 2 kidnap sorry for getting ur hopes up.. #yet #anyway u cant convince me arle isn't bribing (or just straight up forcing) her agents into doing stupid shit so she can “save” you #and make you owe her #two silly goofy little creatures vs the personification of gaslight gatekeep girlboss (heavy on the gaslight) #also split this up in 3 parts bc. lol. lmao. im not writing 9 characters at once goodbye #also all the masks do actually have significance i have an entire essay on why i gave each animal to specific characters okay

[mblue-art]

boyf bestfr boy, friend,,

related to this post ig///

.

u dont have to look at this part !! lsdkglfd

it gets p indulgent n kinda,, personal?? iguess? not pushing anyone away if you still want to scroll thru here its mostly ramblethoughts of my simping journey or whatever the heck i turned this whole thing into

hhhhgh here's two doodles i made inbetween the two posts,, maaannnnn,,,

aaaa aa a aa

(iam just putting these here for when future!me looks back on all these posts and go "haha oh wow i used to,, i used to only,, platonically like him when i think about 'me' me interacting w him,, thats,, oh,, huh that was something")

[took me THREE (3) MONTHS (from when i made that doodle on the left)......... and some light nudging and nice & lovely hc/scenarios from friends... to finally wake up one day and realize "oh. oh holy shit? i. i dont feel weird abt this anymore? fr fr? wait shit i-" cue me sitting up in bed and staring at a wall for a long while as thoughts pour in]

(S. SO YEAH. lust sans. 💘💜💙)

(sona lore is theyre still besties but now theyre dating too woooo/////////)

(LN is still a thing- my skelesona (indigo) shipped with a lust (lavender)- theyre SO in love ur honor,, im just kinda flustered abt this new development lmaoaoaoaoaoao it shouldnt be that srs yk i just think its fun and interesting seeing how i feel abt certain characters and try to make something out of that stuff yk;;)

#oh theyre looking at a mirror btw but i didnt bother doing mirror stuff bc egh #(look even the dialogue isnt written ok- they R talking but i only know the Vibe and not their exact words jkgnfnf) #(leav me alon w my contextless stuff hjbfsdbhf) #😳 #um #so a-anyway hhaha/// :):) #underlust!sans #lust!sans #ul!sans #self insert #mblue art #LM #got to think abt stuff again yk- anyway i very much... love my comfort character... (;ú///ù) #also hmm. inconsistent art style lol o(-< #i feel like i expose so much of my emotions through my art/posts lol im beign very;; indulgent;; weghdsjzjsj #this is normal right? ppl do this? kdbcdjsk #jjjust look at him guys ok... gods if u knew how hard i simped when i was working on this... ......... lmao #apparently trying (TRYING!!) to make him look more like og sans undertale-shaped gave me a shot to the simping heart #hes so handsome and kissable im am going to cry and bang my fist on the table for the nth time #(and maybe smooch him LOTS he deserves that for being so nice and sweet and charming an- HSDGFJHDFUCK) #i now associate a song to this bc i looped it the whole time i was working on this #the song didnt have to be so catchy and a bop but it DID #to anyone who has been reading my tags hello hi thanks for reading this far; have yall looped songs for so long like i did

[silenthillbunni]

🐰🌧️

#so on my way home.. #i walked by a school and besides the fact that i felt so depressed bc just looking at these kids and adults i have NO hope for the future #i saw two boys on a bench as i walked by... and i just thought they were talking. and too late i realized that no one of the boys were #bullying the other boy. the bully walked away and the other boy just sat there looking so lifeless and dejected #a teacher came and sat down w that boy and i just kept walking. even if i wanted to say smth it's like what would i even do abt that situati #that made me so sad both bc that boy.. he looked so dejected and used to it. that anxiety going to school knowing you're bullied is awful #and like i imagined talking to him and saying heyyy if you're lucky you'll grow up to be 25yrs old #live like a parasite off your mom and be on wellfare and never have had a job :) #you'll have no education or highschool diploma :) you will still struggle to finish hs even at an easier level :) #you will also not have had friends in 10yrs and you'll be terrified of ppl and getting close to anyone and even going outside!! #you'll have no interests and hobbies and skills! you'll simply be a waste of space loser being a burden on everyone around u! #whoop whoop stay alive buddy it will only get worse ❤️ #god i just wanna cry. how did i let my life turn out this way??? i used to be full of dreams and life and passion and HOPE #i used to believe in things and in people. i had so many dreams and i wanted to try and do so many things #now all i can think is 'i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die'. im miserable wherever i go lmao #there's this bridge over the highway i have to cross when i walk to school and every time i look down at the trafic and when a truck drives #by i feel my entire body vibrate. i just wanna jump and get mauled by it. #or i dont *want* to but i feel so deeply and desperately that it's the only way for me #only way to make it stop hurting. and i am weak. i dont know how to just 'stop' or take control of my life. thats why i wanna die #bc i know that i wont be able to. that my life will never amount to anything #for fuck's sake my dream now is just to have my own 1bedroom apartment and have a shitty job - like in a grocery store or whatever!!!!! #not even that can i make happen! bc im so worthless i cant do anything. im also stupid so i wouldnt be able to do my job right #i dont know... i dont know... these feelings and thoughts are too much i just wanna relax #but i cant bc my ribs hurt and idk if it's heartburn or an ulcer 💀 why am i even alive???? what am i doing all this for? 😭 #my thoughts ran away but i meant like seeing that reminded me of how much of a failure i became #bc of my circumstances and all the shitty ppl around me thru out my life

[boxwinebaddie]

NINNAAAA WHATS SPCD STAND FOR??

oh, it's not that exciting, it's actualy awful. i mentioned it towards the tail end of chapter five of rm. it's basically what cartman used to call kyle when they were growing up. a really cruel fucked up nickname.

the s.p.c.d,

or rather,

the south park city dump. :(

the sp boys used to be fucking horrible to kyle because cartman ruled their elementary/middle school. and when cartman and the boys saw kyle in the hallway they were like "what are you doing here, broflovski? trash day's tomorrow" or omg whenever he walked ANYWHERE they made the "Beep! Beep! Beep!" trash truck noises, but worst of all was that they used to dump out...Full Trashcans On Him. like spoiled milk, rotted food stuffs, glass bottles that werent put in recycling, crushed aluminum cans that cut his cheeks, all kinds of awful, foul smelling sludge...sigh. :/ ily so much baby jersey.

also, if you want to cry extra hard, i think that being covered in all that disgusting lunchroom trash, feeling it soak thru his shirt, stink down to the skin, pool around his shoes, get buried in his hair -- just feeling that dirty and disgusting and Unclean was one of the factors that made his ocd so severe and it's a large part as to why he takes scorching showers and rubs his skin raw bc especially if he smells something weird or its trash day, he gets triggered & has to SCRUB.

but anygays! you bet your ass that tiny lil stan was giving them ALL the business rippin around on his bike brandishing his hockey stick like a big sword, running them out of town and back to their mommas crying and screaming bloody murder all in that giant wayne gretsky *ravenstan vc* yersey...they were SCARED, lolllll!!!

which is a very interesting juxtaposition to sweet, gentle stan very lovingly picking all the food debris out of his kyles beautiful curly whirly hair before marching him over to the bathroom where while kyle showers, stan always sits on the toliet bc their running joke is that kyle might drown ( yes yersey also can't swim ) while stan listens to rock n colors his nails in w/ sharpie or stolen nail polish from shell.

and he's just like "dude, Fuck them, kyle! those fkn gilipollas are just mad because theyre all total perros and you're the most handsome guy in school, hands down." wHICH? AAA??? tbf stan does say shit like that all the time & Means It bc ravenstan has loved jers from the moment he Heard him but kyle thinks he's fuckin w/ him

bc haha!

very fun joke, stan! hit on the weird, overweight, clunky, awkward, nerdy loser boy to make him feel better about himself! great joke, bro!

bUT ITS NOT A JOKE, BESTIE!!!!

HE WANTS TO KISS YOU SO BAD!!!!!!!!

not them both bein secretly and painfully in love with each other but convinced that acting on their feelings would ruin their friendship/be unrequited and both of them being like "he is perfect, what would he want with a fuckin Loser like me?" :/ </3 WERE IN HELL!!!

regardless of thinking it was a joke, it totally made kyle blush, my rosecea king and stan was sooo nervous like oh my god, you are SO stupid, stanley marsh!!!!! guapo??? gUAPO BITCH??!!!! ARE U ACTUALLY INSANE!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU??!!!

i love nervous ass tiny stan with his massive universe sized crush on kyle broflovski that he carries around in his black jansport backpack at all times...along with the weight of the world, ofc. we know this.

but anyways..off topic.

closing thoughts?

fuck you fartman.

-uncle nina, tiny but big baby jersey kyle defense club

( don't touch my sweet son!!! MY BABY!!!!! )

p.s. i'm sorry i just started making new sections without warning. i wanted a way to post about what the boys looked or acted like during different periods of their lives -- so like, satana ( which is what stans mom called him ) refers to the period of time before the fire and kyle's 'the s.p.c.d.' section also refers to that period of time.

it's cool you guys are so perceptive tho! i hope you like them <333 you're always welcome to ask me questions about them xx

#the spcd nickname always makes me want to cry #i love you baby jersey kyle he is my angel #the world was so cruel to him #just for being fat too like #everyone who has ever hurt jersey can go hell right after they meet with me and i beat the living shit out of them...til they Die #stan was mad over protective too and stan was weird but he had Clout from being pretty so he was like IF I SEE THAT SHIT AGAIN ITS OVER #and then goes to lovingly tend to kyle like dude im so sorry you dont deserve this shit look im gonna tell their moms #and theyre gonna get so busted and have to pay you back for al your clothes...then we pretend to hit the gap and go to good will instead #and use the rest to buy tokens at the arcade or buy the new mario game and see who can finish a pizza faster its me btw #theyre in love ur honor like why didnt i give them a chance like they were...so married #ALSO AN ANON ASKED ME ABOUT BALLET KY #YES JERSEY TOOK BALLET it wasn't his idea it was an accident bc they were marking electives #and ballet was RIGHT next to basketball and then basketbal got full and sheila was like I ALREADY BOUGHT YOU SHOES UR GOING #and like at first it was really awkward but i think kyle actually really liked the structure of ballet and when u dance beautifully #what he found is that no one had anything to say about his weight just that his pirouette was perfect it was freeing #he dropped it during the kyley b era #but picked it up again in college and its kind of a form of self harm and he fucks up his feet very badly trying to be perfect #also hes like fuck all those people who laughed at me im perfect now im fucking perfect i have to show them i have to be the best #sigh...kyle kyle kyle...ill elaborate on that more in one of the ballet kyle asks but kyle loves ballet and going to preformances #ice skating and dainty refined stuff which is cute bc theyre very nosm like jers on ice skates and stan w the hockey stick during winter

[mechawolfie]

i dont like when all the fears of the day ball into one big Ball Of Sad at night. not fun.

#smudgy.txt #.vent #idk whats wrong i was coping so well today (avoiding thinking abt my problems by #focusing on character writing instead) #its so frustrating when u just dont know what else to do. so u just.. do nothing. #but that doesnt make it go away!!!! grr!!!!! #u know what else is fucking frustrating. the 'my friends dont like me' feeling #not going away even when u have fun w ur friends. its not FAIR #its not fair knowing for a fact there is nothing uniquely wrong w u #yet at the end of the day u cry thinking abt all the ways ur existence was a fuck up #its not fair knowing ur allowed to hurt but feeling like a lazy pos for it anyway #ive spent so many days locked up in this room BECAUSE LEAVING IT MAKES ME FEEL #REALLY BAD!!!!!!! AND IM TRYING TO FUCKING GET EVEN A CRUMB OF ENERGY!!!!!!! #and i feel soooo terrible horrible like a wretched person for it #and itll just never end. itll never end. lord i am so tired

[pup-pee]

this is basically my kyle playlist

california girls is rlly carrying the angst so sad((she eants me(2 b loved) is not the sadest song ots just the 1st))

#most if the songs r about alex ngl i love her sm #goodmirbing!! my headaches gone yiipppee!!!! #tgus doodles from yesterday tho lol #i was gonna post it on my kyle doodle acc but like?? not anymore #i drew him kinda leaky srry man #actually no not srry CRY MORE #this guy needs therapy idc what u say #i mean most of them do byt like i will ralk about his silly lil issues hes got sm of those #i feel so bad 4 the ppl i talk 2 omfg #i just talk talk talk & never shut up & THEY DONT TELL ME 2 SHUT UP?? makes me frel bad like oh shit i just yapped @ u im so srry #not even talking about dc all the time #its worse when its dc omg #‘no i like hearing u talk’ like uhm DO U? i can make u regreat that here let me talk about kyle rayner #all the ppl irl having 2 deal w/me shuffling trough comics & me making them see smth on my phone 4 context #i swear i dont talk over ppl ot @ least i rlly try not 2 #srry im like sleepy @ am remembering going over 2 1 of my parents friends house &i just talked talked talked #i was ddoung basically a horrible stand up routine #skjfkfkvkkgg #anyaysd kyleee omgg kyle raynerr??!!! #im so srry kyle nation #my kyle tag lmao #kyle rayner #<- is scared #2 put that #dc #puppee art #i think instead of talk talk talk i should say ramble ramble ramble

[qualityrain]

i feel like at this point in the entire honky story in the entire one (1) arc and 1/3 parts of a chapter the entire screentime owl has and 60% of it is just him crying being a wet sopping piece of cardboard and it would be ok if it amounted to anything but it’s like hes just a punching bag that serves to introduce useless concepts that never get used well. and its like,,,,mhy literally finds a way to bring this guy back from the dead and completely disregard everything from his established backstory and make it another shit arc like mhy can u just let this guy die and forget abt him so my attachment to him can fade and the owl brainworms can finally lose their hold on my brain its been two years i want rest

#liking a side honky character is like going yas girl give us nothing!! #and i eat it right up like can i get some standards #oh to be those girlies who can think abt an entire elaborate backstory for the side character because theres nothing in my brain #there’s nothing so i dont think of anything its just me my brain and rotating this guy in my head like a microwave for two fucking years #i have bad taste ik #im honestlt rllt tired of just watchinf owl just suffer and cry like girl i am so sick of it #and its like hes trying to do things its just urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #it never works out his brain is always fucked somewhere like #mhy dont bring owl back unless he has gone through intense therapy for 5 years #rhis includes fake owl and tianwu like #god.i hate it here. #i think his reaction and feelings r believable its just. The things he does never amount to anything #and its like. he coukd try in other ways mhy just doesnt let him and its so #can mhy stip trying to make him the emotional core like god mhy #did u not get the memo for coral arc nobody likes thatvfucking birch its just me #if ur gonna bring back owl as a fake honkai creature like….. #do smth w it…….. #and not just. kill him off again. #like what is it fORRRRR #i say rhis but i probablt have to read the entire chapter or arc ro get it but just. #i dont like the way mhyvtreats my blorbo!!!!! #just let him fucking die dude im #im not asking for like a whole arc ant him or anything just stop. #at most just 4 pixels in another characters arc or smrh not a whole story thing againnn #heres me complaining abt honky for the 8838383883th time

[oatbugs]

AUGHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

#waiting for smn is soooo #idk #idk how to feel what to think #anyway asked my friends for advice on it #they were all like u should have a convo abt it. bc like #emotional support is important in a relationship and receiving none of it is bad #like how come we r both having a tough time and yet so far i was like aw theyre having a horrible time theyre dealing w #depression thats why they cant support me :(( like. #im also having a tough time dealing w depression and ive been there 4 them consistently !!! and im sorry but like when i was horribly #depressed like 10x worse than this yrs ago i remember i still did my best to be there for whoever i was dating at the time #but rn its so one sided like im excusing a complete lack of emotional support under the category of mental health stuff #and even tho i told myself it was an explanation not an excuse it was in fact both. it was def an excuse #depression can make it hard for u to be there for others but when theyre ur partner and ur best friend and u cant even respond #to them stating how they feel properly that is bad !! viewing them telling u their current emotion or feeling bc thats what the topic is #as ~putting stuff on you randomly~ is bad!! #like fr whenever i feel sad i have to eat up my feelings and cry on my.own bc im afraid theyre not going to respond well to me telling them #that. its not like i vent or anything either (w/o asking. but i dont even do that) its just #UGHHH IDK #anyway ive been avoiding this convo w them for a while bc i have been trying to be patient and just. wait for them to get better #and maybe someday they would be there for me!! maybe my friends r all the emotional support i need if i feel so bad that i cant keep it in! #but its just not fair on me i think. ive been feeling shit too!!! i forgot that i existed #until i finally told my friends abt it and they were like. relationships r a two way street etc etc #anyway yh #idk how this will go x #taking some time away to collect my thoughts n so are they so

[toastsnaffler]

ughf. maybe I should just stay at home until the new year by this point.

#venting again. sorry #like dont get me wrong i love my flatmates #but if I go back I'm just gonna spend 90% of the time in my room so I'm not bothering them bc I'm hard to be around rn #or more hard to be around than usual lmao. above the tolerance level. #also mentally vulnerable rn + I'm not going to be able to cope w any insecurity/shame etc w/out resorting to coping mechanisms #and while its not their fault being around them is a minefield for that bc we're not that close + I'm the weakest link in the chain per se #i cant make it a few hours without crying either + it would do me near irreparable damage if one of them saw that + reacted badly #not like im gonna get any comfort from any of them either way so! what would even be the point. best not to risk it innit #what r even the pros here. like yeah itd be nice to spend time w them but itd all be at their expense. tired of fucking shit up #i wish i wasnt so difficult like ik im not doing enough or trying enough for anyone but this is all i have to give for now so uhfjfnf #when things just take time but u dont have that kind of time to spare bc ur lonely + sick in the head + have stupid high demands NOW!! #at least my ex- *gunshot noise* #rant over. this is all silly + pessimistic anyway. its my fault for not trusting or communicating w ppl + having unachievable expectations #ill do better. when im less mentally ill first tho #bedtime i think #.vent

[hoshiyoshis]

hhh

#daisy.txt #being hit w tht ‘u dont rly belong anywhere’ feeling again #both irl and online tbh like #irl im too anxious to get a job and idk what to do abt tht. my anxiety hasnt been this bad in years #but the last time i got an interview i ended up canceling bc my anxiety spiked rly fucking badly to the point i was crying #and tht was before i ever graduated #snd idk online im terrified of crossing a line by accident n making ppl hate me #and even then one part of my brain is like ppl are just tolerating u idk what u expect #just this stupid feeling of being left out and tht no one likes me and tht im just wasting all my time #even when i think its not true #ive just always been /too much/ or /not enough/ for ppl and i dont know where tht healthy middle is…. #it doesnt rly help tht ppl just. disappear out of my life w/o warning sometimes #thats the part tht hurts the most yknow? and im a dumb bitch whos like ok GOOD then GO #and idk i can trace tht back to ex bestie dumping me entirely bc he got a bf #and me trying to give him space to navigate tht relationship only for him to just… never come back #ifs just a shitty situation and i feel so lost now

[sk2lton]

whenever ppl reblog/comment on my posts js know i appreciate it but if u comment i will most likely be too awkward to respond unless ur a moot of mine💔💔

#🗯 ﾟ. — spam ?! #IDC IF I EMBARRASS MYSELF TO A MOOT #BUT TO A NON MOOT??? i would CRY #also i do not know how to take compliments #once an irl complimented me and i was like yea #then he said ‘most ppl say thank u but that works too i guess’😭😭😭😭 #I JS DIDNT KNOW HOW TO RESPOND I FROZE UP #if u ask me how i am irl i will also freeze up. #my brothers friend asked me how i was when he came over yesterxay #and i looked this man straight in the eye and said ‘you’ #WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN #shit makes me soooo nervous y’all don’t even understand #LIKE I CANNOT . when it comes to strangers #i consider my moots my bffs idc if we have never spoken privately before #IF U R MY MOOT U R MY BFF. #if ur my moot ur my skrunkly idc i love u /p #i’m js so thankful to my moots CZ IM SO AWKWARD AND NOT RLLY TALKATIVE HUT THEY STILL R MY MOOTS #i’m gonna actually go and try to get close w some moots BUT LIKE HOW

[pomminine]

e-1! And if I'm way off base, please...explode me with your mind, these are just the Vibes I get;;;;

omgomgoMGOMGOMGOMG HANKSTHOMPSON LOVE OF MY LIFE THANK YOU !!! ! <333 i may be biased but i think u r on the nose 200% accurate entirely correct <33 thank u for letting me pass the vibe check 😌 i am going to scream into a pillow now i am literally so happy i think i am gonna pass out i am lightheaded with joy ilysm bestie thank u !!!!! <333 and if u r wrong then no u aren't i will simply reinvent myself so that u r right 😌😌

#lmao THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!! ily bestie <333 #ur actually rlly spot on .. 4 the albums #i listen 2 a lot of OK Computer (fave album rn radiohead loml) & nirvana & artic monkeys n the fact that u think i give off nirvana vibes.. #fANTASTIC 😌😌 thank you for this u made my year better i am framing this and pinning it up on my wall <333 #the drink u r spot on .. . #and 2 be perfectly honest and expose myself as a fake danocel .. . bro i have not seen LMS yet . i am so sorry. i am a fake and a fraud. #but from what ive seen of dwayne hoover omg i wanna be him so bad. i wanna be exactly just like him so bad so thank u thank u thank u <3 #lmao tbh i would not know what id do if u told me i was any of the other characters besides maybe .. . brian wilson hehe #idk if i was eli sunday like i got on them uquizzes.. . . must be the christianity/catholic upbringing leaking thru 😬 am a sucker for #when actors go ham on crazy religious sermons tho <33 #idk take this rant how you will lmao i am honestly just lightheaded and i feel like im floating ur response has made me ecstatic i hope you #you got me kicking my legs and grinning like an idiot and covering my face w my hands n ohh man <33333333333333!!!!!!!! #have a lovely day week month year forever and ever and ever !!! i hope u find everything u need and are surrounded by kind n cool people #like u !!!!!!!!!!!!! ilysm !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 #hanksthompson #fr i am going 2 cry thank u this is so cool of u thank u i am giving u a kiss on the cheek ily <3 thank u for making me smile #TUMBLR BETTER NOT MESS UP THESE TAGS PLS TUMBLR I AM TRYING 2 GIVE HANKSTHOMPSON A SMALL NOTE OF MY APPRECIATION N DEVOTION N LOVE FOR HER!

[pepprs]

ok mutuals. i am waiting for my first layer of paint to dry (it looks like shit rn lol but if this turns out good i might post it) and im still debating whether or not to say anything now that ive written the letter. like to say that this sucks. there’s that post i just rbed that’s like don’t hold back bc you think it’s cringe but then i saw another post tonight abt a Very specific situation that is not fair for me to be thinking abt in this way but the jist of it (removing the context) was that u shouldn’t burden ppl w ur grief when they make necessary decisions that make them happy. so it’s like ok. and again this is me taking that latter post completely and inappropriately out of context but realy shouldnt / doesn’t ir apply to all situations where someone is making a choice for their own happiness that takes their idealized version of you away from them. grief and everything that comes with it is burdensome and makes the other person feel guilty when ultimately it isn’t even about you. and i know bc ive been on the other side of this situation so many times and have been angry and frustrated when (specific) ppl grieve me for not being who they needed me to be. but this is my first time EVER being on the other side actually in a way that is actually real and not just in my head or metaphorical lol. i fear it literally all the time ofc but this is the first time in my life where someone is leaving me (and CHOOSING to) and not when im leaving either by choice or by like… by virtue of having to progress into a new school or mandatory study abroad or whatever. and it fucking sucks so bad.and if it was me doing this i would want her to talk to me abt how hurt / angry / sad she was and *i* would be hurt / angry / sad if she felt like she needed to hold back but… she is wired differently and needs different things and i truly think me telling her that this is dealing me psychological damage i will carry with me for the rest of my life is only going to be unhelpful and make her angry and uncomfortable. lol

#if i had a relationship w her where we talked abt feelings (like everyone else on our staff team but me 😍) then it would be ok. but in order #to tell her this i would have to be making like a huge leap of saying yeah no we haven’t talked like this before and im forcing us to. and I #uhhhh do not think she would react well to that. i would do it if it was anyone but her but i am terrified of burdening her with me. which I #have proof of btw like she just.. idk. i mean it’s not proof. but every time i have talked abt emotional stuff when she’s been present she h #has like… idk. checked out. visibly and tangibly. i can’t go into a lot of detail abt it LOLLLL but this is a pattern. and then i hear abt h #how she ***** ** *** ***** and like…. i sound kinda jealous talking abt it BECAUSE I AM! i do not see that version of her at all. and that #is literally all i want if i talk to her abt it. to just say like.. hi. we have not talked like this before but you are about to leave and #it has destroyed everything including me. this is hurting me for particular reasons some of which may shock you. i need you to know that. an #and i want us to start telling us things and being close even though you’re literally leaving and won’t be an everyday figure in my life #anymore like you have been for the last 4.5 years lol bye 😍😍😍😍😍😍 like that’s all i want. is just to establish the closeness and make plans t #to maintain it. idk. it’s like cringe and creepy. and i KNOW also that if we talk and i try to tell her how i feel i will do that thing wher #where i cry so hard i can’t even speak through it which im almost certain i will do in front of her tomorrowanyway LOLLLL so. but yeah i #don’t think she is gonna be very comfortable with that and i can’t make her u comfortable or burden her bc she needs to do this for her and #i want her to be happy even if it’s not here. but it hurts soo fucking bad like do you realize how important you are to me and how i was #looking forward to this so much and you fucking pulled out the rug from under us and i don’t know how to be without you. lollllll. CRINGE #purrs #delete later #ok my paint is almost dry lol! win #but also there’s like. ok i will shut upi promise. bit there’s also like… am i thinking this thru clearly / rationally or am i projecting #and assuming things and like… fumbling my way thru this situation for the first time bc ive never been in it before and don’t know what to #do or what’s helpful and what’s not. i know i am depriving myself of love and comfort and things that would make this easier to cope with b #but is that the right thing to do or is it stupid and foolish. i don’t think there’s a right / good / painless way thru this. lol #<- freak <- irredeemable <- embarrassingly immature and naïve given requirements of current job let alone life experiences to this point

[chocymilksailor]

📌hi im judas/thaniel (per/he/they/it) and im just a wee little creatura. i have (dragalia) lost me mind ! for eel! on cod!

moving from my kin xwt bc i wanna be able to tag shit (same @ if ur curious?)

uhhhh yeah. yippee!!

kin/system list: https://listography.com/chocymilk

#pin #i cant wait to go thru the tags and chew on ppls art and tag as specific brain cells!!!! woah!!!! #im kinda spastic on activity but pls make fwiends w me fr 🥺👉👈 #also im gonna just go ahead and say that im trying to not totally separate my main and my full self anymore lmao #so if ur reading the tags u get a special surprise <3 #aka #my main is @ anonymousotp #imma prob be more active (and funny) over there #here? here i will just cry over being the worst lil guy ever (affectionate) ((i am talking abt thaniel drgl)) #anyway #zzzz

[harrylights]

aahhhhhh <3

#need to go on a sappy little rant for a sec #it just :’) #it makes me so happy to see that ppl’s impression of me is that i’m putting kindness and love out there bc i mean i do try but im just #being my real ass goofy self here #and to have that received w so much love from y’all genuinely is healing smth in me rn and i might cry lol #i genuinely love u guys sm #after going thru sm grief this and last year i just #have so much more appreciation for any kind of connections i make in life #no matter how temporary or like. silly they may seem #y’all are actually literally so precious not just to me but to the world around u and im so glad to live in a world w y’all in it #ok actually tearing up now lmao #anyways #thank u <3 #rowyn rambles

[dream-launch]

I really hate being at home it's driving me mad

#like i don't even want uni to start again i just want to go back to not living at home #which i have no way of dealing w #and my mum keeps starting arguments and like she wants to argue #like i hate arguing i just like stand there silent and staring blankly at the wall next to her #and she gets all pissed cause of it and is like why are u just standing there silent and not looking at me #like what do you expect me to even say i have no points to make cause your just yelling about nothing #liek she just wants me to argue back and fuck that no #like she told me i was condescending cause i wouldn't raise my voice when responding to her #why would i bother im not looking to argue #this morning during her yelling session she told me to stop smirking at her bc it wasnt funny #except i was not smirking nor finding it at all funny #i was infact trying not to cry #and when i get upset my face muscles just start doimg their own thing #but it just made her more mad while i just in the corner completely silent staring at the wall like 😐 #and i have no money so cant leave to like hang out w people #not that i exactly have anyone to hang out w #and the people i do know are all busy :/ #shit just fucking sucks