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#have a lovely day week month year forever and ever and ever !!! i hope u find everything u need and are surrounded by kind n cool people

zreamy · 5 months

Text

i'll love you forever

pairing: park sunghoon x fem!reader

summary: you were sunghoon's first everything; first friend, first love, and first heartbreak. after years of quietly crushing on you, he was finally ready to confess. so ready to confess, that he told his parents the two of you were already dating! it was an easy enough lie to keep up and he kept it up for months, what could possibly go wrong? he thought. little did he know, you would have a falling out and stop talking for months.. and then, you'd both get invited to spend a week at home with his parents, who still believe you're his girlfriend.

genre: smut, fluff, angst, college au, childhood best friends to lovers, fake dating

warnings: minors dni, fake dating is pretty mild (sorry), she kinda doesn’t rate him at the start, these two kind of exist in a vacuum a little bit idk i had a self-enforced word count to stick to and broke it.. (im within the 10% allowance !), sunghoon in a vest, sunghoon arms, sunghoon

word count: 21,858

playlist: click here.. (for my non-spotify babes, the main song is light by wave to earth (which for some reason i put last.. whatever))

author's note: for silly @asahicore. happy birthday pooks i hope it's amazing and that u enjoy reading this when u have the time !!! LOL (lots of love) also im never writing without telling you things again this was so absurd.

to everyone else.. ok happy reading also emma did not beta read this so im sure it's missing its charm .. anyway it's for emma not you 😭 anyway i hope u enjoy regardless and lmk ur thoughts! omg this is the first fic im nervous about posting.......... please enjoy or else.

In the three years since Park Sunghoon moved away for university, he’d been doing a pretty good job of going home to see his parents. They’d welcome their baby back to the nest with open arms and wide grins. With a rehearsed level of indifference, his younger sister, Yeji, would say, “Oh, I didn’t know you were coming home this weekend.” when she saw him at the dinner table. Sunghoon pretended to only be marginally hurt by this.

In the last three months, he hasn’t so much as sent a text to his parents.

Or to you.

Ignoring texts from his mother is devastating. Between classes, he watches as, “Hi, sweetie, I love you 😍,” turns into, “Missing you, honey, know you must be busy but spare some time for your old mummy, no?” which turns into, “Getting really worried now, are you doing okay? Has something happened with YN? Talk to me, I love you, my baby boy!”

Ignoring texts from you is easy because texts from you never come.

Sitting at the end of his bed, Sunghoon rereads a text his mother sent a few minutes ago: Please talk to me, son. Really worried and YN isn’t answering calls either. What’s going on with you two?

When he leaves his room, he finds Jake lying on the couch, and with his keys in hand, Sunghoon says, “I’m going home.”

And the drive is great! At least, he tells his mum it is. In truth, the drive home without you was nearly impossible. Your ever-expanding home time playlist buzzed through the speakers in his car, but without you there to screech along to the songs, it wasn’t the same. He felt your absence the most when he stopped to get petrol and you weren’t there behind him struggling to carry enough snacks to feed a small family without offering to pay.

The look of worry on his mum’s face stirs a pit in his stomach. “Why are you so quiet these days? God, you look so tired,” she says, frowning. “Is it school? Or something with YN? It’s not like her not to text back.” Her brows crease as she whispers the word unless. She pulls him into a hug, her chin resting perfectly on his shoulder, and her comforting hand strokes the hair on the back of his head. “Breakups are never easy, honey. I’m so sorry, I know how much you love her.”

Breakups are never easy. The sentence hangs heavy over his head.

Whether she knows it or not, she’s handed him a get-out-of-jail-free card, the opportunity to set things straight, to end this mess once and for all. No further questions, and most importantly, no more lies.

For the first time since he left your flat three months ago, Sunghoon lets himself cry. He’d imagined this moment countless times, his first cry since you ended things. In his mind, it was always intense. Today, as it happens, only a few salty tears leak from his eyes, spilling onto the cuff of his sleeve, darkening the blue cotton in tiny indigo splotches.

“We didn’t break up,” he says in a small voice—for some reason. “I’m just having a hard time.” Neither statement is technically untrue, but the words taste rotten in his mouth.

The tightening grip of his mum’s arms around his body is what brings on the harsh, shoulder-racking sobs he’d been anticipating. For a while, they stand like this, Sunghoon weeping into his mum’s cardigan until she sends him upstairs to lie down, promising a cup of tea that never comes.

His childhood bedroom is chilly, so he changes into clothes he left behind and climbs into bed, pulling his duvet up to his chin. He turns his head to look at the walls and the room around him, everything is exactly where he left it in the summer. It should be comforting, but it’s weird to be home without you.

There are photos of you and him everywhere, growing up and around each other through different stages of life. The two of you together during the summer your family moved in next door, you wore glasses back then and were the first friend he’d made in his life. Sunbathing and sharing earphones at the beach, listening to music together on your iPod classic. Sunghoon in thick glasses with a stiff smile and your arm around him on the first day of high school. Wide grins at the start of this summer, the last time things were okay between you.

Overwhelmed, he stares up at the ceiling, only realising he’s crying when a hot tear slips from his eyes to tickle his ear. Because Sunghoon likes to upset himself, he screws his eyes shut and thinks about the night before you stopped talking.

Though he didn’t know it at the time, you’d left Yeonjun’s place to sit with him in a tiny restaurant on campus, the one you’d only visit to toast to each other’s heartbreaks. It had become a ritual — ever since your first year boyfriend dumped you after two weeks — to cry as much as you wanted and drink as much soju as your bodies could handle before stumbling back to your apartments.

Having spent years suffering from an unrequited crush on his best friend, Sunghoon was always the one to comfort you. But that night was different; you were there to comfort him. It was easy enough to play the part of ‘boy whose crush likes someone else’ because he spent your entire friendship in that role. He’d had no problem accepting his fate, but his composure started to slip when you met Yeonjun. It was the first time you’d dated someone who Sunghoon had reason to be jealous of. In every way, Yeonjun was better than him—taller, funnier, hotter. Sunghoon knew he didn’t stand a chance. He took it personally, you liking Yeonjun instead of him, and let his jealousy consume him from the inside out.

This jealousy led him to start telling you about Minjeong—lying to you about Minjeong, and his feelings for her. She was a girl from a college out of town that he saw on his Instagram Explore page. He followed her by accident, and by some stroke of luck, she followed back. Sunghoon didn’t really have feelings for her — he didn’t even know her — but she was a girl that you didn’t know, so you wouldn’t be able to meddle.

It only took a few weeks for Sunghoon to become so upset about your relationship that he couldn’t hide his emotions anymore. So, in a fit of tears, he told you over the phone that things ended badly with Minjeong, and he was in urgent need of a soju ceremony.

But the night was missing its usual comforts.

It was strange to be the one crying, to see you looking put together and ordering the food. To see you pouring the drinks and raising your glass to propose a toast to ‘Hoonie’s first heartbreak’. You were driving that night, so you only had a tiny sip of soju and let him drink as much as he needed, the way he always did for you, at the same table, in the same restaurant for years.

Hours later, in your car, you entertained his drunken rambles, though he remembers how your lips were set into a frown that he wanted to kiss away while you gripped the steering wheel like you thought it would run from you. Sunghoon was more drunk than he’d been in a while, drunk enough to let you sling his arm over your shoulders and keep him upright until you reached his flat.

The voices coming from Yeji’s room disrupt the memory. He’s thankful.

“Your brother’s going through something, so be nice to him this weekend.” His mother’s voice is her version of hushed—a loud whisper.

Yeji’s response is harder to make out, but he doesn’t miss the way their mum says, “I mean it, missy.”

A dramatic sigh rumbles through Yeji as she barges into his room without knocking. Sunghoon sits up, feeling an ache in his back and crossing his legs.

“Mum told me to lay off you today, which is fine, but before I do, I need to tell you something.”

Yeji pushes the door shut behind her, and the open window makes it slam, both of them flinching from the sudden noise. She pulls her hair out of a silk scrunchie and throws herself on the floor. A pang of irritation forms in his chest, knowing that he could immediately find the empty hanger in his wardrobe where the shirt she’s wearing used to live.

“I hate you and your perfect golden boy image, Hoon. Would it kill you to fail a class for once? I don’t know how I’m supposed to carry on your legacy.” She’s looking up at him, her chin in her hands and irritation written in the crease between her thick brows.

It’s impossible to know if it’s because of Yeji’s complete lack of boundaries or the fact that her ‘perfect, golden boy’ big brother is on track to fail three out of three classes and get cut from the hockey team, but Sunghoon immediately bursts into tears.

“Oh, uh.. I’m sorry?” Yeji offers. “I was kidding if that helps.”

“I’m alright, it’s okay.” The tears don’t stop stinging his eyes. “Why do you want me to change everything about myself?”

With a frown, Yeji pours out her frustration and mild resentment. She doesn’t understand how Sunghoon effortlessly conquers every aspect of life while she struggles. Neither do their parents, who had been baffled by her plummeting grades since she moved to boarding school, especially when Sunghoon’s academic performance has only soared since he left for university. The weight of this perceived injustice pulls Sunghoon’s shoulders down with guilt as she talks about the expectations he has inadvertently set for her.

“But other than that, I’m good.” She shrugs, sitting with her legs out, and leaning back on her palms. “How’s YN?” she asks. It’s clear from the brightness in her voice that she thinks she’s helping.

Sunghoon cries again.

Back on campus, he’s trying to scrape together what’s left of his academic career with the help of two of the smartest guys he knows, and their friend Jay. Though the word ‘friend’ feels a little strong at the moment given the way Jay’s goading him.

Sunghoon rolls his eyes, sitting back in his seat. “There’s nothing you can do that I can’t,” he says, meaning every word.

Jay scoffs, shrugging and raising his brow in a way that, over the years, Sunghoon knows to interpret as his ‘about to say something ridiculous’ look. “Pretty sure I could call YN right now, and she’d answer.”

There’s a pit in Sunghoon’s stomach as Heeseung turns his head in the other direction like he’s been slapped, trembling with stifled laughter. At least Jake doesn’t hide his amusement, throwing his head back in a fit of giggles that draw nasty looks from the other students in the library. Sunghoon doesn’t waste his energy trying to argue because Jay’s right.

Now composed, Heeseung turns back to the table, flipping through some of Sunghoon’s course materials to find whatever his class was doing in class that week. The English Literature class he’s taking — The Modernist Movement: Joyce, Woolf, and Hemingway — is the same class he had to send a million emails over the summer to get enrolled in, but it’s the same one Heeseung aced two years ago. Lucky for him none of the boys seem to be in the mood to make fun of him for trying so hard to have a class in common with you, and then practically failing out of it before the term had started properly.

“This class is, like, beyond easy, dude.” Heeseung pauses to sniffle and twist the stud in his ear. “Everyone in my class aced it. How are you doing so badly already?”

“I only took it because YN thought it’d be fun if we had a class together, but.. I kind of haven’t been going since we stopped talking.” Sunghoon shrugs, pretending to be unaffected.

As if the mere mention of your name has some sort of summoning power, like saying Biggie Smalls in the mirror three times, you appear in his eye line, rounding the corner with a furious stride. Your demeanour crumbles when Jay waves at you, and you grin, waving back, but as soon as you look Sunghoon in the eye again, the rage comes back, and you smack a hand on the table when you reach it, leaning over to him.

“Sunghoon, a word?” you ask.

He thinks you’re asking, but it’s hard to tell with the way you set your jaw afterwards, and the way the warmth of your signature vanilla scent hits him hard. Dazed, Sunghoon lifts a hand, pointing at himself. “Me?”

“Does anyone else at the table answer to Sunghoon?”

“Okay,” he says, somewhat pathetically, nudging Jay for laughing at him.

As slowly as possible, Sunghoon pushes his chair from the table and stands up, following you to the corner of the references section where only anthropology students in scratchy thrift store knits, and Jay, come to check out encyclopaedias by volume. You look good, save for the rage written all over your face—which, honestly, Sunghoon thinks he likes.

Sunghoon isn’t sure what to expect, so he says, “Hey.” He’s being cautious, waiting a moment to gauge your reaction. “What’s gooooood?” His cheeks burn as soon as he closes his mouth around the vowel, but you laugh. You laugh, and it’s beautiful and happy, and you’re laughing because of him—or at him, but he’s glad either way.

Annoyance quickly clears all traces of amusement on your face. “Were you ever going to tell me we’re spending next week at Mum and Dad’s?” you ask.

Sunghoon gasps dramatically, clicking his fingers. “I knew there was something I’ve been meaning to do.”

His attempt at lightening the mood falls flat, and you only nudge his shoulder gently, sighing. “Can you be serious? For once in your life, even for a second, can you please think about how the things you say affect me?” You’re frowning, crossing your arms over your chest and looking at your feet. “It’s not fair, Sunghoon. For you to keep saying things—making plans involving me and then acting like I’m the bad guy when I turn you down.”

“I don’t think you’re the bad guy at all,” Sunghoon admits. “If anyone is in the wrong, it’s me, I guess.”

You scoff, looking at him like you hate him. “You guess? Are you serious?” You look furious, but you sound hurt and Sunghoon hates it. Hates himself. “I can’t have this conversation with you right now. Tell mum I’m sick, and it’s contagious.” You roll your eyes and walk away, leaving Sunghoon alone with his thoughts and judgemental stares from students in crochet scarves so long they graze the floor.

He sighs, slumping against the wall. How does he keep getting it wrong with you?

Back at the table, Sunghoon manages to act like he’s not falling apart and makes some serious headway on his missing assignments with Heeseung’s help before they call it a day as the sun starts to set.

When he gets home, he lies down on his bedroom floor, spending hours poring over the conversation you had. Over the minute changes in your facial expression, the tone of your voice, and the endless list of things he should have done, rather than watch you walk away.

The moment feels familiar, both identical to and worlds apart from what happened after you left three months ago. When he managed to scrape the last shreds of his dignity from the kitchen table, he dragged his feet to his room and lay down like he is now, face to the rug. That day, he left his door open and lay so still that Jake thought he was dead. Sunghoon remembers wishing he had been.

For once in your life, even for a second, can you please think about how the things you say affect me? The words run on a loop in his mind, over and over, until he can’t remember the order of the sentence or where you put emphasis. They’re cutting all the same.

Sunghoon sighs into the itchy fibres of his black rug before rolling onto his back. In the diminishing purple light of the setting sun. he looks at the walls of his room. At the Fleetwood Mac poster, he stole from Jay when they moved out of their first year dorm, that curls away from the wall towards the ceiling—a diagonal strip of shiny tape being the only indication of the otherwise invisible tear through the face of Stevie Nicks.

He’s glad when his phone rings, cutting through the quiet, though the sight of your name and the anatomical heart emoji next to it only dampens his spirit. Reluctantly, Sunghoon answers the phone, holding it to his ear.

“I just got off the phone with Dad..” You trail off. Tangible silence follows, so thick it weighs on his chest. “I’ll go home with you.”

“You will?”

“Yes. Goodbye.”

Sunghoon reaches your flat at five in the evening. You don’t smile when you open the door for him, nor do you invite him in. Instead, you dump your bag at your feet and he cringes, looking from the floor to you. You’re aggressively beautiful and cosy-looking as you pull a jacket over the sweater you wore that night. Sunghoon’s heart aches in his chest and he wonders if you even realise. Suddenly, the memory of the last thing you said the morning after hits him like a truck: Then let’s not be friends at all.

A familiar weight lands on his shoulder—your hand. Concern lines your eyes as you ask if he’s okay.

With a lump in his throat, Sunghoon nods.

In the discomfort of his car, the two of you sit in silence while he starts the drive home.

“How’s Yeonjun,” he asks, eyes flicking towards you but regretting it immediately when he sees how you clench your jaw.

“No,” you say simply, shaking your head. “You don’t get to ask me about him.”

These are the only words you exchange until Sunghoon stops for petrol. He has enough fuel for the rest of the journey, but he feels like dying and thinks the fresh air might quell his thoughts of running his car off the road. Like always, the two of you get out and head into the kiosk, where he follows you wordlessly through the aisles, watching you debate on snack choices before settling on the same things you always get. Sunghoon pays for your snacks and you roll your eyes but don’t protest, mumbling thanks as you take them into your arms, leading the way back outside.

He knows he needs to tell you before you reach the house, but he’s not entirely sure how to say it—so he just does. “My, uh.. my parents think we’re dating.”

You stop so suddenly in front of him that he almost bumps into you. Stepping around you, Sunghoon keeps walking.

Over the top of his car, he watches your face cycle through all five stages of grief until anger comes back around in the loop as you scoff. “Why do they think that?” Your face is devoid of expression now, the blankness over your features dragging a sharp chill over his spine.

He stares blankly at you, processing. “Because I told them we’re dating,” he mumbles.

“Why did you.. do that?” You tilt your head, eyes pressing shut in a long blink. “What are you even talking about? Why did you.. What?”

A thin layer of sweat coats his palms despite the cold. Why did he do that? “We can stage a breakup during the trip or say we broke up right now,” Sunghoon offers. “Just one night, YN, please.”

The wind whistles by, ruffling your hair and jacket that you hug tightly to your chest. Behind you, Sunghoon takes note of the group of girls standing by the pumps, all five of them jerking their heads abruptly when they notice him watching, suddenly finding interest in the scattered litter and flickering halogen bulbs in the steel canopy over their heads.

You’re staring when he looks back at you, nostrils twitching with a sniffle before you sigh. “Or we could say that you’re a liar and end things there,” you say. “Or better yet, you go down there on your own and tell them the truth.”

Sunghoon’s gaze drops, his thoughts racing in his mind. He knows you’re right. At some point, his parents will have to find out, and it’d be better for them to find out now. Sunghoon sighs, nodding. “Alright,” he concedes. “I’ll take you back.”

An angry laugh comes out of you as you shake your head. “No need, I’ll walk.”

The station you’re at is neatly nestled in the middle of nowhere, on a road so narrow he’s not even sure it has a pavement. You’re halfway through the three-hour drive, so there’s no telling how long the walk would be, never mind the fact that the sun is already setting and it’s deep enough into October for the wind to sting.

“From here?” he asks, incredulous.

“Yes, open the boot so I can get my bag.”

Sunghoon can only bring himself to say your name, a desperate whisper.

“Open the boot.”

He repeats your name as if it’ll make a difference, he’s pleading with you, begging—though he doesn’t know for what.

You go to the back of his car where Sunghoon joins you, a pit in his stomach when you step away. With misty eyes, you look up at him and his heart breaks. “Please.”

Sunghoon knows you well enough to know that you’re not actually going to attempt the walk home but also knows that you won’t back down if he keeps challenging you. He nods, opening the boot for you and getting into the driver’s seat—your move.

You stand there, unmoving, and long enough passes that he thinks you’ll actually leave. The boot closes softly and you join him in the passenger seat. You sigh, buckling your seatbelt. “Let’s just get this over with.”

For the rest of the journey, you sit in silence as Sunghoon briefs you on the relationship, fighting a smile as he thinks about being your boyfriend—even if only for a night. You scoff when he ‘reminds’ you that you’ve been together for four months now and the only reason you haven’t been able to come home recently is that your schedules don’t match up very well anymore—which couldn’t be further from the truth as, before term started, you went out to celebrate the fact that your class schedules couldn’t be more suited for seeing each other.

Finally, at Sunghoon’s childhood home, the two of you smile and laugh for his parents before going to bed. Your relationship has only made his mother more averse to the idea of you sharing a room under her roof than she had been when you were younger. He’s relieved about this, and in the solitude of his bedroom, he lies on the duvet of his twin bed, staring up at the ceiling and thinking about the last few hours.

With his parents, you’d sat up in the living room watching TV. They sat on the couch together, his mum nestled in his dad’s side, while you two sat on the couch opposite, mirroring their position. If your complete stiffness was anything to go by, you were less than comfortable with his arm around you and Sunghoon felt terrible for begging you to go along with this. It was after midnight when you all went upstairs and you let him kiss your forehead before all but slamming the door to the guest room in his face. His heart twirled and his mum beamed at him before saying goodnight again.

Now, at 3 a.m. he can’t sleep. Flinching at the knock on his door, he furrows his brows and goes to open it. It’s you. Standing there with your hair scraped away from your face in one of his t-shirts. Your eyes are red, brimmed with tears as you step into his room and sit on his bed.

He closes the door softly, heart aching at the sight of you so upset, and when he sits next to you, his heart tears apart because you move over, putting a distance between you. It falls out of his chest onto the floor when he realises you’re not wearing your necklace.

Sunghoon suspected you might have stopped wearing it, it only made sense that if you didn’t want him, you wouldn’t want the necklace he bought for you either, but at least earlier, your sweatshirt sat so high he couldn’t see if you had it on or not.

It was a gift for your sixteenth birthday, after your first heartbreak. He was so upset and angry that you let some loser hurt you that way, upset and angry that someone could be loved by you and fuck it up. Sunghoon was inspired by Jay, who’d gotten a pretty necklace for his girlfriend, and talked about her cute reaction for weeks, how happy she was to have a piece of him with her all the time. It was a locket, with a picture of Jay in one side and a picture of her in the other so the pictures would kiss when she wore it.

While at the jewellers with Jake, Sunghoon thought something like that might be a bit much for the two of you and eventually picked out an equally pretty piece with his first initial on it. He wrote a corny note to put in the box, something about how ‘boys come and go but Sunghoon is forever’ and gave it to you with trembling hands a few nights later—it was the first time he ever made you cry. Immediately, he thought he’d done something wrong and was ready to snatch the box and run back to the jewellers (even though he trashed the receipt). You hugged him and told him you loved him. Sunghoon’s been riding that high ever since.

Until tonight at least.

“Are you okay?” he whispers.

“I’ll do it, Hoon.” Your eyes lift from the floor to meet his gaze. “For as long as you need me to, I’ll pretend.”

As soon as the words leave your mouth, Sunghoon feels lighter, an unbearable weight slipping from his shoulders. You haven’t called him ‘Hoon’ in ages, and he can’t tell if you’ve said it out of vulnerability, or even noticed that you’ve said it at all, but it warms his heart nonetheless. However, he’s not fully at ease, still curious about your sudden change of heart and why you’re crying.

“What happened?”

You pull him into a hug, and his eyes bulge out of his head. “It doesn’t matter,” you say, the words muffled by the skin at the base of his neck.

For as long as he’s known you, you’ve smelled like vanilla, a sweet warmth that grounds him. Yet it’s only after these months apart that he’s able to put a name to the sensation: home. The realisation of how much he’s missed this feeling, missed you, floods him with a rush of emotion so overwhelming he can’t find the words to press the issue. A moment passes before he remembers to hug you back, his arms finally wrapping around you, pulling you close, and you sink into his hold. Months ago, he would have kissed the top of your head and mumbled reassurance into your hair, but tonight, Sunghoon settles for stroking the back of your head and hopes it’s enough.

“You can talk to me, you know? You can always talk to me.”

A heavy silence follows, sharp as a dagger—scraping his skin, making the hair on the back of his neck stand on edge and lodging itself between his shoulder blades. Sunghoon’s breath hitches in his throat when you cling onto him even tighter, shifting so close you’ve had to settle in his lap. His heart races in his chest, pounding a rhythm so loud it fills the room.

Finally, you speak, assuring him that you know and that you’re okay. At this, Sunghoon holds you as tight as he can, and neither of you speaks for the rest of the night. You fall asleep like this, in his arms, so deeply that you don’t even stir when he lies down.

Rubbing your back, he watches the clock on his nightstand, the piercing green LED digits cycling through two whole hours right before his stinging eyes until you wake up. Sunghoon presses his eyes shut, pretending to be asleep when you kiss his cheek and leave his room.

For the entire morning, you stay in your room, and although Sunghoon is concerned, he decides not to bother you. In the afternoon, he sits at the dining table with his mum, listening as she talks about work. When she asks him, he gets up to make a cup of tea for her. It’s at that moment when you finally come downstairs, looking so effortlessly pretty. Your hair is still damp from the shower, and you’re bundled up in one of his old sweatshirts. There’s a bright grin on your face that leaves his heart thudding.

“Baby!” you squeal when you see him, charging towards him and wrapping your arms around him from behind. “Good morning.” Your words are muffled against the back of his t-shirt, and the four-letter word, and the sugar coating it, make his cheeks burn.

“It’s great to see you too, YN,” his mum says with a smile. “My night was amazing; I slept very well and had no dreams.”

You let go of Sunghoon and walk over to the table, kissing his mum on the cheek and wishing her a good morning as well. “Sorry, mum, how are you?”

His mother doesn’t seem to have the heart to correct you either, allowing your 3 p.m. ‘good morning’ to go unnoticed.

Sunghoon carefully fills both mugs to the brim and, with extra caution, carries them to the table. He places a steaming cup of peppermint tea in front of his mum and a milky coffee in front of you. A warm smile spreads across your face as you mouth a ‘thank you’, and his knees turn to jelly.

The next day, after eating an early dinner with his parents at the table, the four of you go out on a walk along the bike path you used to take for school. His parents have gone ahead, not intentionally, but because Sunghoon can’t stop you from dragging your feet.

As with most things in the town where you grew up, nothing about the trail has changed. The leaves are yellowing in standard form for the season, and crunching under his feet with each step he takes. The only foreign experience is the silence that you’re determined to uphold. Everything Sunghoon says to you is met with either a hum, a nod, or no acknowledgement at all. At this point, he feels like he could drop dead at your side and the most you’d do is step over his body like a fallen branch.

After letting you go ahead, the weathered slats of the wooden footbridge sag in the middle under his tread. It’s been like this for as long as he can remember and he wonders how nothing has been done about it. The stream rushes under it, loud and unruly, the smell of wet grass both comforting and suffocating as you look over the railing. It’s like something from a postcard, the low-hanging branches sweeping back and forth under the breeze, the grass lush and green around the path, murky water thrashing against the mud and rocks underneath with you in the middle of the frame, peering over the edge.

You keep walking when Sunghoon approaches, leaving him alone on the creaky bridge with nothing but the ache in his chest. He looks up, staring at the grey clouds in the sky through the gaps in the leaves, and sighs.

Eventually, he catches up with you, grabbing your hand and locking his fingers with yours when his parents slow down. You stiffen, looking up at him with cut eyes and a creased brow. “What are you doing?”

Sunghoon matches your clipped tone. “Holding my girlfriend’s hand.”

“No one’s looking, boyfriend.”

“You think my parents aren’t going to wonder why we’re lagging behind?”

A scoff—your fingers remain defiantly stiff. “Do you think your parents are going to care whether or not we’re holding hands?”

“My mum might after the show you put on yesterday afternoon, baby.” Bitterness covers the word like a blanket, a stark departure from how you said it.

A long sigh rumbles its way out of you before you fix your lips into a strained grin. “Sorry, sweetheart, this is my first time pretending to be in love.”

As your words hang in the air, Sunghoon’s emotions brew like a storm within him. Frustration gnaws at his patience. All hopes for a smooth week are dashed, though determination simmers in his chest with a strong resolve to make this work, to fix your relationship. It doesn’t stop the sharp pang of hurt piercing his stomach—he knows you don’t feel the same way, he knows you’re faking, but the word ‘pretending’ hits him like a truck anyway.

“We held hands all the time when we were friends,” he points out.

Your smile drops immediately, hurt flashing behind your eyes. “Yeah, and now we’re not.”

If there was a competition for who could hurt Sunghoon’s feelings the most, you’d be a shoo-in for first place. With distinction.

“Exactly!” he says, feeling the sting of his own words. “Because now we’re dating.”

At the sight of his mum turning around, you switch up in an instant. Lock your fingers with his, wrapping an arm around his bicep, leaning into him, giggling. It’s forced but his parents are far enough away that all that matters is the curve of your lips.

“You two okay back there?” she asks.

“Perfect! I feel like a kid again!” you call back, beaming up at Sunghoon in a way that makes his stomach flutter even though it doesn’t meet your eyes.

The two of you don’t talk at all when you get home, with you hugging his parents goodnight and running up the stairs.

“She’s not feeling too well,” he explains, nodding when his dad tells him to make you some tea.

His parents spend the whole day at work, and you spend the whole day following him around like a shadow until the evening when they return. He doesn’t pretend not to like it.

Sunghoon helps you make dinner, turning leftover rice into fried rice with the help of some eggs and vegetables. It’s nice moving around the kitchen with you, watching you scramble eggs in his t-shirt and bump his hip with a playful frown when he eats some of the peppers you’re chopping.

His parents watch from the table, cooing over the two of you and he does his best to fight the blush forming on his cheeks and neck. Embarrassed, he hugs you from behind, hiding his face in your neck—the scent of your coconut conditioner mixing with your vanilla perfume doesn’t do anything to stop the flush.

Over a bottle of wine, the four of you eat together at the table, swapping stories about your days. Sunghoon tries to hide his surprise as you lie about the time you spent at the play park by your primary school, competing for height on the swings and spinning on the roundabout until you couldn’t stand up. You grin at him, and it meets your eyes as you hold his hand under the table, and kiss his cheek.

After eating, his parents head upstairs, leaving to clean up together. You hum a song he’s never heard as you load the dishwasher, carefully placing the plates and cutlery in the rack, shaking your head when he hands you the glasses you’d used.

“Leave ours,” you say. “If you want.”

Sunghoon nods, putting them back on the table, where you sit in the seat across from the one he was sitting in. He sits too, staying quiet rather than saying the wrong thing. You don’t speak either. It’s reminiscent of the past—the hours you’d spend in the same room, only speaking to share a funny post you’d come across or to ask if you were hungry.

His eyes track your movements—reaching for the half-empty bottle on the table to pour yourself another glass, filling it to the brim. Before putting it down, you offer him some, filling his glass too when he nods. The three glasses of wine he’s already had must be the reason he wants to reach across the table and hold your hand, run his thumb over the soft skin on the back of it.

Sunghoon doesn’t know why you’ve been so nice to him all day or why it makes his chest hurt.

“You know you don’t have to be nice to me when we’re alone, right?” The words come out before he can stop them.

Over the top of your glass, your brows knit together. A sound of confusion, a low hum, comes from your throat as you try to finish your sip. “What?” you ask finally.

“I only asked you to do this because of my parents, you know? You don’t have to sit or talk with me when they’re not around.”

Sunghoon’s known you long enough to recognise the look that flashes across your face. The way your eyes narrow and your brows tug together, the little pout that sets on your lips before you speak; you’re hurt.

“Why can’t I just be nice to you because it’s the right thing to do?”

Because it hurts, is what he wants to say. He wants to cry, to beg you to forget everything he said that day. “Because I don’t want to make you any more uncomfortable than I already have.” Is what he settles for.

Your face softens. “I don’t feel uncomfortable around you, Hoon. We were best friends for ages, I don’t think you could ever make me uncomfortable.” You pause to take a gulp of wine. “Why can’t I just want to be nice to you?”

Sunghoon has to chew on his cheek to distract himself from how much your word choice stings. The implications of were and all of your past tense. “I’m sorry,” he says.

“What for?”

“Everything.”

There’s a sadness in the way you run your fingers on the base of your glass. The way you chew on your lip, how your hair falls when you tilt your head and how it moves when you shake it. “It’s not your fault,” you say. “I don’t know anyone who would choose to have unrequited feelings for their best friend.”

Wow, he thinks. You’re on a roll. Sunghoon wonders if you’re meticulously choosing your phrasing to upset him. Wonders why you feel the need to remind him that his feelings aren’t reciprocated as if he didn’t live through and spend hours reliving the day he confessed.

“But I didn’t have to tell you about it. It was unfair of me to spring that on you when I knew about Yeonjun.”

“Did you.. did you think I was going to leave him for you?”

“Maybe?” Sunghoon chews on his lip—he has no idea what he thought would happen. “I think I thought I loved you enough for both of us, that you might play the part for fun or out of curiosity, and.. I don’t know, just learn to love me.”

“Hoon,” you whisper, frowning. “How could you even think about settling for something like that?”

Sunghoon shrugs. “It’s not settling if it’s you.”

Silence takes a seat at the table after he speaks, interrupted only by the ticking clock on the wall—a glittery mess of scrapbooking paper and washi tape layered over each other that Yeji had decorated at summer camp years ago. You’re picking at your fingernails, letting flecks of black polish fall to the table, stark against the varnished oak.

“I know it’s not my place to ask,” Sunghoon starts after a while, hesitant and only continuing when you nod. “But what did Yeonjun say when you told him? About.. everything?”

You take a long sip from your glass and sit quietly for so long that he thinks you’re not going to answer him—he doesn’t blame you.

“I didn’t.”

He waits for you to elaborate. You don’t.

Sunghoon nods slowly, deciding not to ask any follow-up questions. Instead, he takes another drink, scrunching his nose at the bitter taste. “He didn’t ask why we stopped hanging out?” he blurts out.

“I told him we fell out but I didn’t say why.” You shrug, but your posture is stiff.

“Where did you tell him you were going to be this week?” He knows it’s not his business at all, that he’s pushing your boundaries, but he can’t help his curiosity.

“Nowhere.”

“You told him you were staying on campus?”

“I didn’t tell him anything.” Your gaze shifts, avoiding his as you toy with the stem of your glass. You drum your nails against it, letting the dull clink ring out.

“So you just left?”

“Does it make a difference to you?”

Sunghoon nods.

For a while, you tug at the drawstrings on your hoodie, pursing your lips to the side, considering this. “Yeonjun and I aren’t together anymore.” Your admission is so shocking that Sunghoon’s jaw drops. He tries to cover his surprise by coughing, his tongue sticking out like a small child. “I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t want you to think it was because of you.”

Sunghoon’s thoughts move at lightspeed, too fast for him to catch onto any of them and process this information. His emotions compete with each other—disbelief, guilt, and a painful glimmer of hope he hadn’t dared to acknowledge until now all at the forefront.

“Was it?” he asks. “Because of me?”

You scoff—an incredulous sound that doesn’t match the sad look on your face. “I don’t know, Sunghoon. Do you think my boyfriend used me to make his ex jealous because of you?”

He’s not sure what he expected you to say, but this is.. Complete disbelief eclipses him as his heart sinks in his chest, shock, and guilt bubbling in his stomach.

“I’m sorry,” he says after too long. “That I wasn’t there. That I haven’t been there.”

“You didn’t know,” you say, gaze softening as you look up at him.

“But I made you feel like you couldn’t talk to me about it.”

You shake your head. “I made me feel like I couldn’t talk to you about it. All you did was change the friendship, I’m the one who ended it.”

“I still should’ve been there.”

“You’re here now, right?”

Sunghoon nods, earnestly. “Always.”

Only one thing comes to mind when you repeat the word ‘always’ before taking a sip from your glass, downing its contents. Sunghoon gets up and crosses the room with wobbly steps to open the fridge, where he pulls out as many bottles of soju as he can hold in his hands and puts them down on the table. He goes back to collect some glasses from the cabinet, puts some of the leftover fried rice from dinner into the microwave, and brings it all over when it’s done, with bowls and utensils. You watch him with a fond smile as he opens a bottle and he hopes you think the flush on his cheeks is from all the drinking you’ve been doing.

“Is it bad that I’ve missed doing this?” You’re grinning now.

Sunghoon shakes his head, raising his glass. “To YN’s fifteenth heartbreak.”

You grin, clinking the rim of your glass against his. “To YN’s fifteenth heartbreak,” you repeat.

Both of you down the glasses, and Sunghoon refills them, pouring the soju with an oddly steady hand. As you eat spoonfuls of rice and sip your drinks, silence settles over the room. The soft glow of the kitchen lights forms a warm ambience, a cosy familiarity that brings up simple memories—doing homework together at the table while gossiping about your classmates, the first New Year after you were both eighteen and had your first drink with his parents.

For at least an hour, the only sounds are the occasional clinks of forks against bowls, glasses hitting the table, the faint hum of the refrigerator and the steady tick of Yeji’s clock. Sunghoon’s eyes meet yours, and he can’t help but notice the slight change in your expression when they do.

You clear your throat, running a hand through your hair. “This is my sixteenth, actually.”

“What?”

You take a small sip of soju, staring down at the table. “My fifteenth heartbreak was losing you. Yeonjun is my sixteenth.”

In the two days since your soju ceremony, Sunghoon finds himself sinking into the role of your boyfriend like a hot bath. But there’s no use pretending it doesn’t hurt. Pretending it doesn’t hurt when you kiss his cheek before bed, or when you reach out to push the hair out of his face or snuggle into his side on the couch; because it does hurt—a lot. It hurts to think that in three days when you put your bags in the boot of his car, you’ll sit in silence all the way home. When he drops you off at your flat, you’ll close the door in his face and stop talking to him again. These realisations are harder to confront when he’s alone in his room, like now.

About an hour ago, you asked if you could borrow his car, saying there was something you needed to do on your own. It seemed important, so he handed over his keys with no question. Sighing, Sunghoon gets up from his bed and heads to the shower, where he jerks off to clear his mind. On his way back to his room, he notices the light leaking from the open kitchen door that illuminates the landing.

He hears the lock on the front door clicking, and stands at the top of the stairs, dripping water onto the carpet while listening attentively. His ears perk up when he hears a gasp—his mother.

“What’s this for?” she asks.

“I just..” You trail off. “I know it’s not much, but I wanted to thank you both for always looking after me.” You pause, and Sunghoon holds his breath, waiting. Your voice trembles as you continue. “It’s been hard since my parents went back home, and I guess it was still hard when they were here, but you both supported me. I don’t think I could’ve managed without you guys. I want to make you guys proud, you know? And I’m trying, really, so this is me saying thank you. I’m sorry it took me so long.”

He grips the railing by the landing, digging his nails into the wood until they start hurting—an ache in his fingertips that makes him wince.

An odd feeling settles in his stomach, a bittersweetness tinged in his fondness for you, and the gentle shock of realising how much his parents have done for you. Growing up, you became an honorary member of Sunghoon’s family. His parents showered you with gifts during holidays and birthdays, which you often celebrated with them rather than your own family.

The memory of your parents’ sudden decision to move across the country still lingers, and Sunghoon vividly recalls the tearful conversation he overheard at the top of the stairs. Your parents understood the enormity of their request but had earnestly asked if Sunghoon’s parents could continue looking after you.

His chest tightens when you start crying.

“You don’t have to thank us for anything, sweetie. Just you being here and taking care of our boy is more than enough thanks. You never forget our birthdays, and you always come and visit when you can. You’re doing a great job, and you should give yourself some credit,” his dad says, a little choked up. “We’ve always been proud of you.”

Sunghoon’s eyes sting with tears and his skin gets dry in the spots where the water from the shower is evaporating. He presses his fingers to his closed eyes, forcing a few tears to fall and walks the rest of the way to his room with his eyes shut. He can’t hear anything through his closed bedroom door, which he decides is a good thing as he coats himself in moisturiser and swipes deodorant under his arms with intention to spend the whole night alone. Once he’s dressed, he gets into bed and pretends not to be bothered by the way his wet hair dampens his pillow. Under the duvet, he tosses and turns before sighing and heading to Yeji’s room.

In her absence, the room’s subtle transformation is stark. The sage green-painted walls, once a backdrop to the A3 faces of Wave to Earth and Beabadoobee, now bear the faint imprints of those missing posters. Tiny, shadowy rectangles are the only remnants of the 6x4-sized pictures of her and her friends, of her and Sunghoon, that she took away with her to school.

Her hairdryer is still on her desk where she’d left it for him to use and he sits in her stiff wooden chair, plugging it in. The airflow starts immediately, hot and loud, humming throughout the space as he runs his fingers through his wet hair, feeling cosy under the heat. His shampoo is fresh and soapy scented under his nose, and his reflection watches him in Yeji’s mirror, eyes red and concerned while his hair blows around his head. Sunghoon closes his eyes and finishes his hair, sighing as he lets his worries slip under the whir of the fan.

Finished, he shuts off the dryer and opens his eyes, flinching at your reflection in the doorway behind him with a soft smile on your face. “Mum and Dad are going to open a bottle of wine if you want to join,” you say, meeting his eyes in the mirror.

Sunghoon can’t find it in himself to speak, only nodding in response. You smile wider but don’t move. He unplugs the hairdryer and leaves it on the desk where he found it before crossing the room. Without giving himself a chance to think about it, he pulls you into a hug and kisses the top of your head, smiling into your hair when you wrap your arms around his waist, holding him closer.

You’re sitting on the edge of the bathtub, mumbling sleepily that you’re never going to drink again, and Sunghoon leans over the sink brushing his teeth, he’s glad you have the decency to cover your mouth as you speak.

“Brush your teeth and go back to sleep then,” he mumbles around his toothbrush.

You don’t respond.

Sunghoon sighs through his nose, spitting foamy toothpaste into the sink, leaving bubbly, blue splatters on the porcelain. “And quit staring at me, I can feel your beady little eyes on the back of my neck and it’s freaking me out.”

“But you’re so pretty,” you coo.

There’s a flutter in his stomach and he rinses off the sink and his mouth, buying himself some time. With a hand on the Listerine, he lifts his gaze to meet yours in the mirror and stops short. You’re still staring at him, features soft and glowing under the afternoon light. You look like an angel; a gentle smile spreading over your lips, and a sleepy glint sparkling in your eyes, wide and gorgeous as you watch him. Sunghoon gulps, mumbling his thanks and looking back at himself. He hopes you can’t see the flush on his cheeks.

“Go back to sleep,” he says.

“Will you come and lie down with me if I do?” Your voice is a sleepy drawl, coming out in a slow, high-pitched slur, and your eyes are closing on themselves.

Lying down doesn’t sound like a terrible idea, especially not if it’s with you, so he nods. “If you brush your teeth, then yeah, baby, I’ll lie down with you.”

You chuckle softly at Sunghoon’s agreement, the sound carrying a mix of exhaustion and genuine amusement, showing no repulsion to him calling you the B-word. He didn’t mean to, it’s been a confusing few days. You nod, saluting to him and getting up to join him by the sink, using your hip to bump him out of the way, but he feels like he’s glued to the spot.

“Move, baby,” you mumble sleepily, reaching for your toothbrush. “We can cuddle in my bed,” you suggest, to which Sunghoon only nods, taking your words as a cue to unstick his feet from the floor and go to your room, playing the word ‘baby’ on a loop in his head.

He stands in the doorway staring at your bed, the duvet is all crumpled in the middle, and the pillows are in an L shape at the top corner. He sighs, he can’t go on like this, can’t stand around hoping even a tiny part of you called him ‘baby’ and it meant something for you as it did for him. It’s not fair for him to project his feelings on you like this, but he can’t help it. You’re already pretending for his parents, so would it be so bad to pretend for his sake as well? Even if only until the day after tomorrow when you leave?

The sound of the bathroom door shutting behind you snaps him out of his thoughts, your bright smile making his heart race when you tug him by the sleeve to your bed where the mattress dips underneath you as you curl into his form, resting your head on his chest and falling asleep. You’ve shared the bed before, countless times, but he knows you’ve only asked him because you’re tired. Because your brain is foggy with drowsiness that clouds your judgement, not because you want him there, not because you miss him when he’s two doors down the hall, tossing and turning at night thinking about you. He wonders absently if you can feel his aching heart beating through his chest, a painful, yet all too familiar rhythm that pulls his own eyes shut, plunging him into a deep sleep too.

It’s dark in the room when he wakes up, the sun already down behind the curtains and the soft yellow of the bedside lamp casting a glow around the space. You’re staring up at him, smiling and you don’t look away when he catches you. “What is it?” he asks, voice thick with sleep.

“Nothing,” you mumble. “I just missed you.” Sunghoon has no time to respond or even register what you said before you clear your throat, speaking again. “Come on, dad’s cooking tonight, he’ll need help.”

Helping Sunghoon’s dad with dinner always looks an awful lot like Sunghoon eating snacks on the kitchen counter and staring at you as you help his dad cook. Tonight is no exception, he’s sitting on the island, and his snack of choice is a family pack of Chilli Heatwave Doritos his mum bought for Yeji. He’ll have to remember to replace them before leaving seeing as he’s reaching the halfway point.

You go back and forth with his dad about measurements, with you rummaging through the drawers for measuring cups while his dad says it’s best to trust your gut. Reluctantly, you nod, chewing the inside of your cheek as you watch him eyeball the seasoning.

The gas stove turns the kitchen into an oven, and you complain about it while opening a window, pulling your hoodie over your head and leaving it in Sunghoon’s lap. Time stops when you grin at him, the light from the stove hood illuminating the necklace you’re wearing, his initial resting on your chest and glowing under the light. He chokes around a crisp when he sees it, catching your attention with his coughing.

“You’ll spoil your dinner, snacking like that, baby,” you scold, using a hand to push his knee. “We’re almost done, I swear.”

All he can do is nod, cheeks burning as he folds the crisp packet over before putting it back in the bread bin where he found it.

“Wow,” his dad says, resting his hands on his hips and shaking his head in amusement. “Being in love looks good on him, he’d never have listened if I said that.”

It’s already your last day when Sunghoon picks up Yeji from school. She grumbles for the entire half-hour drive and all the way to the front door about why the two of you couldn’t have started the trip today instead of ending it, but all of her irritation dissolves when she sees you in the hallway, leaving the front door wide open to fling her arms around you. You and Yeji exchange compliments for a while — You look so pretty. No, you look so pretty. I love your hair. I love your hair. — as Sunghoon locks the door and watches with a smile.

“God.” Yeji sighs, holding you by the waist and craning her neck up to look at you, as you push some of her hair from her face, pinning back her wispy bangs with the palm of your hand. Yeji giggles. “I’m so happy you two are together, even though I have no idea what a girl like you sees in my loser brother.”

Sunghoon rolls his eyes, leaning back against the wall. Despite his mild irritation at Yeji’s words, he finds the sight of you with her so adorable his stomach flutters. Over the top of Yeji’s head, you look at him with a fond smile. “He’s not so bad.”

It doesn’t sound like a compliment, but Sunghoon takes it to heart.

Like always, Yeji manages to capture your undivided attention and the two of you giggle and whisper with each other all afternoon while Sunghoon watches, too enamoured by the sight to care about being left out. An hour or so passes like this, until his parents get home from work, excited to see Yeji after a few weeks, and you leave her side, coming to cuddle with Sunghoon instead.

It’s nice being home with everyone, laughing and sharing a meal before his family walks the two of you to his car with at least a month’s worth of cooked food for you to share at university. Yeji makes you pinky promise that she can visit you and waves with a pout on her face until the car is out of view.

Contrary to what he’d been expecting, the drive back is nice. Your playlist is on, and you’re telling him about all the new songs you added, catching him up on things with Chaewon and Yunjin, and all the things you got up to in the time you spent apart. You tell him about a new café that opened up near your place and how you’ll have to go together when he has the time, and Sunghoon bites his tongue before telling you that he always has time for you. The first half of the trip goes on like this but you start dozing off around the halfway mark, your sentences becoming few and far between, eventually turning into half-mumbled thoughts that end prematurely.

You’re still asleep when he reaches your flat, head propped up against the window with your soft lips parted, looking too pretty and cosy to wake up. Instead, he drives in circles around your block, deciding to wait for you to wake up on your own. It only takes a half-hour but you blink your eyes open, stretching your neck before looking around and out the car window, recognising the street. You don’t say anything, only smiling when you look at him, a small curve of your lips that makes his heart race.

He gets out of the car with you, opening the boot to get your bag before pulling you into his chest for a hug, liking the way your arms settle around his waist. “Thank you,” he mumbles into your hair.

Sunghoon doesn’t follow you when you take your bag from him, only watching from the back of his car. You don’t notice until you reach the main door, looking over your shoulder and frowning at him. “Aren’t you going to walk me up?”

The two of you walk in silence up four flights of stairs as the lift in your building is out of order. Your bag feels much heavier in his hand now than it did outside. At your door, he watches you dig around for your keys, sighing with relief when you find them.

“Do you want to come in?” you ask from your open doorway.

“I—uh—I have training in the morning and I’m already pretty tired, so..” He trails off.

Unfazed, you nod. “Right, of course. I had fun this week.”

“Yeah, me too.”

You smile at him, sweet and sincere. “Text me when you get home, yeah?”

Sunghoon nods, saying goodbye. Out of habit, he doesn’t leave your doorstep until he hears the lock click shut, and walks back to his car with his head down.

True to his word, he sends you a text to let you know he got back to his place safely and you read it immediately but don’t reply. It’s empty in the apartment, Jake is out with his football team and the space is larger than usual in his absence. Far too tired to even consider going out and joining him, Sunghoon goes through his night routine, putting his phone on the charger and stepping into the shower where he spends entirely too long wishing he could live in this week forever as he scrubs his body. With brushed teeth and damp hair, he goes back into his room where his phone lights up with a notification; a text, from you.

YN🫀: i’m glad you got home okay, i just got into bed :) i don’t want to make you uncomfortable or overstep or anything and you can say no (obviously).. i’ve been missing you so much and didn’t know how to reach out or if you wanted me to but i had soooo much fun this week and spending time with you again made me happy, so i’d like it if we could keep hanging out, like before yk? ik it’s a long shot ahahaha but just say you’ll think about it?

hoonie: You’re not overstepping at all, I’ve missed you too, so bad. I had soooo much fun this week as well and I’d like it a lot if we kept hanging out, thank you for agreeing and coming along 😚 If you’re free after Lit tmrw you could come over? Or we could go out and do something, whatever you prefer

hoonie: I missed you so much..

hoonie: 🤍

The texts greet you as the first rays of Monday morning light filter into your room, instantly lifting your mood. Your bright smile doesn’t escape Chaewon’s notice as you find her in the kitchen, bathed in the soft light seeping through the sheer curtains. The kettle is boiling with a loud rumble that fills the whole room and leaves her yelling as she speaks to you.

“Good trip?” she asks, coming over and hugging you. “Never leave me for that long again,” she mumbles into your shirt.

“It was a week, Wonie,” you say, rolling your eyes even though you missed her too.

She leans away, looking at you with knitted brows. “It was nine days.”

“The longest of my life.”

Chaewon pulls air through her teeth, tilting her head and releasing you. “That bad, huh?” she asks, walking back to her seat at your tiny square table and shooting you a look that tells you to join her.

During your trip, you gave her nightly updates over text, so you know she knows how much you enjoyed yourself, but you elaborate anyway, sitting across from her.

“No, not at all,” you say, shaking your head and trying to fight a smile. “I had fun.” As soon as the words leave your mouth, you have to bite your bottom lip to stop the grin curving them; it doesn’t work.

Chaewon raises a suggestive brow, crossing her arms over her chest. “How much fun?”

“You’re disgusting.”

“I didn’t even say anything!” she defends, holding her hands up. “I made an implication. It was only a matter of time, you two have that whole.. lifelong best friends to lifelong lovers thing going on, and it’s hot.”

“Shut up.”

“You’re telling me, you spent nine days playing lovers with Sunghoon and you still don’t want him? You’re a lost cause, people would kill for that chance,” she says, tilting her head. “I think I would kill for that chance.”

“Don’t touch him.”

“Oh?”

“Jesus, Chaewon, it’s not like that. Hoon’s too sensitive for your roster.”

“I never said it was like anything, you’re the one who’s dangling me over the ledge for saying I want to fuck your hot best friend.”

“Sunghoon isn’t hot; he’s..” You find yourself at a loss for words, unsure how to continue your lie. Of course, Sunghoon is hot, you’ve known since you were seventeen and spent the summer at your grandparents’ house, only to come back to find your previously scrawny best friend having ditched his LEGOs for dumbbells. You sigh. “Just leave him alone.”

Chaewon grins, eyes sparkling as she leaves the table. “Okay,” she says in a singsong voice, leaving you and the irritation in your stomach alone in the kitchen.

You sigh, pressing your eyes shut and trying to will away your discomfort. It’s not like Chaewon would actually try anything with Sunghoon. Right? Even if she did, it wouldn’t bother you, nor would it be any of your business. They’re grownups and reserve the right to explore their options. Still, there’s a nagging feeling you can’t shake, an uninvited guest in the back of your mind.

When you check your phone, you realise you have half an hour before you need to head to campus, so you leave to get ready and text Sunghoon back on the way to your room.

you: sounds good, see u later 🤍

After showering, you stand in front of your wardrobe, towel hanging from your body as you pick an outfit. For some reason, you feel under pressure, picking a pair of jeans that do the most for your ass and a low-cut top that Sunghoon once — drunkenly — said he loved on you.

You have the residual sting of mouthwash on your tongue, and one foot out the door when your phone vibrates in your hand.

hoonie: Do you want to head to class together?

you: sure! i’m omw out, where should i get you?

hoonie: .. I’m outside your building :D

Breathing a laugh through your nose, you don’t fight the giddy smile on your face as you make your way downstairs to meet Sunghoon. Through the glass in the main door, he’s standing at the edge of the pavement and kicking a stone between his feet. The top of his puffer jacket covers the bottom half of his face, and the draught nips your skin when the door opens. Two girls you vaguely recognise stumble in with smudged makeup and heels in their hands, smiling at you while holding the door to let you out.

“Hey!” you call out, jogging over to him.

Sunghoon turns around, his head poking out of his jacket to grin at you, holding a travel cup and an abundance of tinfoil in your direction.

“I wasn’t sure if you’d have eaten anything yet, you don’t normally in the morning,” he says, a sheepish smile spreading over his lips when you take it. “Matcha. Ham and cheese toastie.”

“Did you make these?” you ask, inspecting the familiar cup and appreciating the warmth it provides.

He hums, nodding his head.

You ignore the heat spreading over your cheeks and thank him with a hug, grinning when he offers to hold your drink while you eat on the walk. The toastie is still hot, the cheese coming close to burning your tongue as you chew, but you appreciate it wholeheartedly, humming contently with each bite. When you’re done, you shove the foil into your pocket, taking your drink from him and smiling around the sweet taste of a matcha latte as he tells you about his schedule for the day.

“I’m meeting with Coach after class to talk about my grades, but I’m all yours after that.”

“Talk about your grades? What’s wrong with your grades?”

Sunghoon groans, head falling back and highlighting the bump of his Adam’s apple. “My grades are.. I failed my coursework this month, so I have resubmissions during finals, and I think he’ll bench me if I fail again.”

He sounds like he’s being serious, and if the look on his face is anything to go by, he is. The news creases your brows because for as long as you remember, Sunghoon’s grades were your parents’ favourite point of comparison.

“Really?” you ask. He nods. “What’s up? Is something the matter?”

A humourless laugh slips out of him before he pulls air through his teeth. “Yeah, my best friend didn’t talk to me for three months.”

“Oh..” Guilt stirs your stomach as you look up at him. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not blaming you, it’s not like I was trying to talk and you ignored me.” He nudges your arm with his elbow, giving you a warm smile. “But if you feel as guilty about it as you look, you can tutor me for Lit.”

“Deal.”

Sunghoon grins, wrapping his arm over your shoulders and holding you close; the action itself isn’t unusual, but the increased heart rate it brings about is. “You’re too good to me,” he says, holding onto you for the rest of the walk to class.

At his request, you sit with Sunghoon in the back row, watching as the lecture hall gradually fills up in front of you. He seems well-prepared, with his laptop and a small notepad and pen neatly arranged on the desk in front of him.

Throughout the class, your eyes inadvertently track his every move. He diligently types up colour-coded notes, occasionally pausing to write things in his notepad before continuing to type or stopping entirely to listen. There’s something melodic about his actions and the way his fingers run over the keyboard.

During a five-minute break, you glance at his screen. What you find is more than just lecture content; it’s a document adorned with Sunghoon’s own musings about Hemingway’s style and carefully analysed quotations that go beyond the class discussion.

“How are your notes so good?”

“I picked up the book over the summer when you mentioned it,” Sunghoon replies with a shrug, a shy smile playing on his lips as he leans back in his seat. “I liked it.”

A slow nod is your response, though your thoughts swirl like autumn leaves in a breeze. The last time Sunghoon read for leisure, you were in primary school, buddy reading Diary of a Wimpy Kid. But this—this is different. You can’t help but stare at him, awestruck as you take him in. His eyes are wide, shining amber in the sunlight as he pushes some of his hair from his face, frowning when it falls back where it was.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he mumbles.

Sunghoon takes a new line in his document and points at the screen where you watch the cursor move through the words he’s typing: I would’ve read and annotated the Bible if you wanted me to..

There’s no time to digest what he wrote or the funny feeling in your chest as you reread it before he deletes the whole sentence, pressing his lips together and looking out the window. Speechless, you stare at his side profile, willing your heart rate to slip back to normal. Steep-sloping nose, plump lips flattened into a line, two points of the triangular mole constellation on his face. Analysis worsens your condition, breath hitching in your throat before stopping entirely. Warmth and trepidation blend within you, fuzzy enough at the edges to seem like one thing—a single force that makes your palm itch with desire, desperation, to reach out and run a finger over his features, feel the bump of the mole on his nose — the most prominent — against your skin.

You remain this way — silent, watching — even when your lecturer resumes the lesson, and Sunghoon starts typing, writing, and listening again. Polite enough to pretend he doesn’t notice your gaze searing into his face.

After class, and his meeting with Coach, you let Sunghoon lead the conversation and the way to your flat, where you find Chaewon and Yunjin sitting on the couch, whispering to themselves while the two of you study at the coffee table. It’s uncomfortable, an awkward height, too high for the way you’re sitting but you feel calm under the supervision of Chaewon and Yunjin—you won’t do anything to merit teasing in front of them, no matter how badly you want to feel Sunghoon’s face in your hands or stroke his cheekbones with your thumbs.

To the best of your ability, you answer the questions he has for you—he’d written a ton in his tiny notepad during class, his own concerns clear with each neatly-penned iteration of: How to see actions/dialogue for what they are and not what I want them to be? written in the margins and you try not to feel heartbroken for him.

Three hours have passed by when you walk him to the door, the two of you wrapped up in a bubble so secure you’re surprised to find Chaewon and Yunjin still sitting on the couch. They don’t say anything about Sunghoon in his absence, or the fact he’d given you his sweater when he noticed you were cold. You’re not sure why their silence disappoints you.

Instead, Yunjin asks you about trivial things like dinner while Chaewon sits in silence.

“What flavour for ice cream?” Yunjin asks, rolling her eyes when you tug on the blanket but not complaining. “And don’t say something ridiculous like mint chocolate, YN.”

“That happened once! And it was three years ago.. How was I supposed to know you hate fun?”

Chaewon leans into you, letting you curl your limbs around her from behind as you rest your chin on her shoulder, liking the way her clean scent tickles your nose.

“Mint-cho isn’t that bad,” she starts. “It’s a little jarring, sure, but it’s kind of sweet. Like watching people come to terms with their feelings for each other.”

You nod your head, humming in understanding and furrowing your brows when Yunjin scoffs, staring straight at you. Her tone is equal parts cutting and loving, so you know she’s not trying to insult you, but don’t know what she means when she says, “It must be so nice to be as oblivious as you.”

Yunjin never elaborates, and you never ask, actually feeling the statement’s journey in through one of your ears and out the other when dinner arrives. The three of you share pizza, ice cream, and secrets — the three pillars of 20-something-teenage-girlhood — at the kitchen table, with Chaewon sitting in your lap and picking pepperoni from your slices.

It’s only hours after Yunijn’s gone home, that her words circle back to you, the statement and all of its weight perching on your chest with all the debilitation and persistence of a sleep paralysis demon.

“I think I’m getting sick,” you say as soon as she opens her door. “It’s been coming on for a while now, at least a week, maybe more.”

Unimpressed and exhausted, Yunjin looks down at you through half-closed eyes. “Do you..” She pinches the bridge of her nose, sighing. “Do you have any idea what time it is right now?”

“Yes. It’s three a.m.”

“Exactly. See a doctor if you’re sick, I’m going back to sleep.”

“This is an emergen—” Yunjin cuts you off by pinching your lips together. “It’s three in the morning,” she reminds you. “You can’t yell like that in my hallway, come in.”

You nod, crossing the threshold and taking off your shoes next to hers. “Sorry,” you whisper when the door is closed.

Using her hand, Yunjin lifts your chin, squinting as her eyes adjust to the light when she flips the switch to inspect your face. “You don’t look or sound sick,” she mutters, flicking the light back off and going to her room. “What are your symptoms? And why did you come here?”

You don’t have an answer for her last question so you ignore it, following her and tripping over a pair of her shoes in the process. “My cheeks start burning like crazy and my heart races, sometimes it gets hard to breathe.”

“You seem fine to me.”

A shoulder-slumping sigh slips from your lips. “That’s the thing. I’ll be fine and then Sunghoon shows up with his pretty smile and perfect hair and I feel like I’ve run a marathon.” You know how it sounds, choosing your wording meticulously to let Yunjin be the one to say the words out loud instead of you—it’ll be easier to confront that way.

From the doorway, you watch as she arches a brow, her interest piqued. “Oh?”

“I know.” You nod, head bobbing rapidly in furious agreement. “It’s only a matter of time before I cough up a lung and die in his bedroom.”

At your words, Yunjin doesn't reply, only lifting her duvet and getting cosy underneath. You feel like you’re glued to the spot, waiting for her to say something, anything, but nothing comes. All she does is pat the empty spot in her bed.

“What are you smirking for?” you ask, entering the room properly and closing the door.

Her response only comes after you’ve taken your jacket and hoodie off, sitting next to her under the covers. “It’s nothing,” she says, laughing.

“Tell me.”

Yunjin sighs, resting a hand gently on your shoulder. You think it’s meant to be comforting but it’s the opposite. “You’ll be fine, I promise. Lovesickness isn’t deadly.”

Feeling the weight of her reassurance, you settle down properly and sigh when your head hits the pillow. Lovesickness. Hmm.

Closing your eyes, you try to sleep but can’t help tossing and turning as Yunjin snores behind you. You pat blindly around the end table for your phone, grabbing it and wincing at the brightness of your screen. Chewing on your lip, you open Google, looking up ‘lovesickness’ and frowning immediately at the results. Endless negativity fills the screen, terrifying words like ‘unrequited love’ forming a pit in your stomach. There’s nothing negative about what you feel for Sunghoon, nothing unrequited—you think.

It was obvious during the trip, painfully so. In the way he’d tuck your hair behind your ear when his parents weren’t there to see, or how he slipped up and called you ‘baby’ in the bathroom, blushing when you said it back. You can’t fake something like that.. Can you?

Yeonjun did.

Shaking your head, you open Instagram to distract yourself. Jake’s story comes up first; he’s at a party where Jay is losing a game of beer pong, and at the other end of the table is Sunghoon grinning with a bright red lipstick kiss on his cheek. You lock your phone, using your hands to press on your belly to stop the stirring.

Oh, you think. Lovesickness.

When you wake up, the first thing you do is check Jake’s story again. The video is still there and that terrible stir in your stomach churns on, burrowing deeply into a pit of canyon-like proportion—so vast there’s a safety railing lining its edges.

You eat breakfast in silence with Yunjin, zoning out mid-chew to figure out the origin of these feelings and how to handle them. Suddenly, the moment hits you clear as day, vivid like you’re watching it on a screen—it was your third night at his parents’ house, after your walk.

You felt bad about how you acted, and what you said, so went straight up to your room. With nothing but the bedside lamp turned on, it was dimly lit, shadows cast on the walls as you sulked, replaying everything in your head. Guilt wrapped its long arms around your body, making you feel sick as you thought about it all. About the hurt etched over his face with every word you said, and the frown that stuck around for the rest of the walk as his hand clung limply to yours.

There was a knock at the door, so gentle you almost missed it, and Sunghoon was standing there when you pulled it open, chewing on his lip with a mug in his hand. Steam skated over the opening, a rich chocolatey smell hitting your nose but the real kicker was the mug itself. In its place on Jake and Sunghoon’s mug tree, it was unassuming, a regular white mug, but upon meeting hot water, the face of young Sunghoon appeared, grinning with his tiny glasses on. It was a gift from one of his old coaches and though he never used it, it was your absolute favourite cup in the world.

You felt soft around the edges when you looked up at him, his eyes wide and unsure as you met his gaze—he brought that mug three hours across the country so you could use it again. The thought shifted your heart into a comfortable position, settling in your chest with overwhelming warmth and an increased rate.

“Hi,” you said, clearing your throat.

“Hi,” he repeated, holding the mug out for you to take. “It’s still hot so be careful.”

Nodding, you covered your hands with your sleeves, taking the cup from him and asking if he wanted to come in. Sunghoon nodded, shutting the door behind him and standing by the bed, watching you set the hot chocolate on the bedside table as you sat down. The two of you stayed like that for a while, with him only moving when you patted the spot next to you on the duvet. Your train of thought escaped you as soon as he sat down, the warmth of his familiar fresh, citrusy scent taking over and becoming the only thing you could register. The smell of summers with him, long days at the beach and short nights spent on the couch at random parties, cuddled into his side with his arm over your shoulders. The smell you’d come to associate with comfort and home—with Sunghoon.

“It’s not fair for me to treat you like shit just because I’m annoyed, I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that earlier. I’m sorry.”

A crease ran over Sunghoon’s thick brows as they tugged together, he shook his head. “You don’t have to apologise. I roped you into this whole thing and didn’t even try to think about how you would feel. I’m sorry.” His eyes carried a mix of regret and sincerity, mirroring the weight of his words.

“Anyway, I only came to bring you that,” he said, pointing at the cup. “And to check up on you, I’ll get out of your hair for tonight.” Sunghoon wiped his palms on his pants before standing up, reaching behind him to pick up the cloth he brought. For a moment, he stood there, staring down at it in his hand while you thought about telling him to stay, telling him that you wanted him in your hair—whatever that meant. But he spoke before you had the chance. “You left this, at mine, after.. well, you know. I’m sure you left it intentionally, I mean it was folded up perfectly on the end of my bed, so I know you did, but it didn’t feel right keeping it, you always wore it more than me.”

Sunghoon extended his hand, holding it out to you and you knew exactly what it was as soon as the fabric touched your skin after so long. It was the shirt Jay bought him for Christmas in first year—they were roommates still trying to get a feel for each other. For a few weeks, Sunghoon had been pestering you about what he should get for Jay, saying it didn’t feel right not to get him anything, and you suggested a targeted t-shirt, one you’d been laughing at all day after seeing an ad for it on your timeline. Sunghoon was sceptical, but bought the red shirt anyway, hoping Jay would find BEING DAD IS AN HONOUR, BEING PAPA IS PRICELESS funny. He did. And Jay bought Sunghoon a targeted shirt too, your favourite. It was black and two sizes too big, with I NEVER DREAMED I’D BE A SEXY FIGURE SKATER BUT HERE I AM KILLING IT written over the chest.

“Goodnight, YN,” Sunghoon said, crossing the room to leave but hesitating before closing the door. He poked his head through the opening and sighed. “I really am sorry.”

That night, you fell asleep in the shirt, the thinning, yet cosy, fabric wrapped around you like a hug as your heart started to beat a new rhythm, one that eerily echoed the five-foot-eleven figure skater who you let break it.

This morning, Yunjin claps her hands in your face, seeming irritated when you look over at her. “You have class in an hour, what are you doing?” Before you have the chance to speak, realisation covers her face. “Oh, the feelings.”

You nod solemnly, too caught up in the butterflies raiding your stomach to come up with something to say.

At lightspeed, you scarf down the rest of your food, apologising for showing up so late as you head out the door. When you get home, you take the fastest shower of your life and feel grateful Chaewon isn’t around to tease you about the smile you can’t wipe from your face thinking about Sunghoon—you’ll text her later.

You run to campus, feeling the brisk autumn wind beating against your face while the rest of your body overheats under your jacket, hoodie and long sleeve. Despite the discomfort and ache in your lungs, you don’t stop until you reach the door of your lecture hall, huffing and puffing into the faces of classmates who don’t take any notice. Of course, in a stroke of pure luck, your lecturer is late, and you realise bitterly, that all of your huffing and puffing was in vain—you would have gotten to class with time to spare even if you walked.

It’s not a total waste though; you use the time to update Chaewon.

you: i have news wonie.. i like sunghoon

wonie: …………….. fork in the kitchen yn what’s the news?

wonie: OHHHH news to YOU.. can i call?

She calls you immediately. You answer without thinking because your lecturer still hasn’t arrived, and there’s no one sitting close enough to hear or notice you taking a call.

“Are you going to tell him?!” Chaewon’s voice is so loud you wince, pulling the phone away from your ear.

“I don’t know.” You shrug even though she can’t see you, still holding the device at a distance just in case. “I don’t have any confirmation that he still.. likes me. It’s been a while, and I was pretty mean that day.

Chaewon groans and you can picture her throwing herself onto her bed, exasperated. The rustling that comes through the receiver only frames the image, hanging it up. “Did you have to tell him to get a grip?”

“You know..” You trail off, chewing on your bottom lip. “In hindsight, probably not.”

A beat passes, she’s thinking. “Don’t worry,” she says. “I’ll help you.”

“I.. have never been so worried in my life.” You sigh, picking at your freshly painted nails. “But I know you’ll do something no matter what I say, so do what you want, Wonie, but please be subtle about it.”

Chaewon squeals down the phone. “I love youuuuu!” And it’s the last thing she says before kissing the mic a few times and hanging up.

Slumping in your seat, you don’t have any time to stress about Chaewon’s plans because your lecturer walks in, with a travel cup in her hand and a paperback tucked under her arm.

She apologises for being late, running a hand through her hair as she announces that you’ll be watching a film, an adaptation of a book you read at the start of term—Ian McEwan’s Atonement. You spend the first hour of the movie falling in and out of sleep until a text comes through from Sunghoon, and sheer excitement keeps you up.

hoonie: Wanna study together after class?

you: of course!!!!!!

hoonie: 🤍

The rest of the movie goes by in a drag, and you come away from it with a mild irritation towards Saoirse Ronan.

you: class just finished, heading to lib rn

hoonie: Shit, still in the locker room, sorry !!! Omw, can you get a table?

you: i’ll try..

It takes a while but you find an empty booth on the second floor, and set your bag on the plush green seat to take pictures of your surroundings to send to Sunghoon. You sit on the side facing the stairs so he can see you when he arrives. The thought of seeing him makes your heart race and you try out a few natural-seeming poses for when he’s here, cycling between resting your palm under your chin and sitting with your arms crossed a few times until the top of his head comes into view.

Seeing him knocks the wind out of you as he approaches the staircase, taking them two at a time with his damp hair clinging to his forehead and neck. It doesn’t help that he’s wearing a tight black vest, and his sweats are hanging low on his hips. A breath you didn’t realise you were holding slips out when he lifts his head, spotting you immediately as a grin spreads over his lips and he raises his arm to wave, the veins in his forearm peeking out to say hi too. You can’t tell if it’s his lack of winter wardrobe or your newfound appreciation for him that’s making his biceps look so huge but it’s hard to look away, even when he reaches the table.

“Are you hot?” you blurt out.

Sunghoon laughs, raising a brow and something about the way he’s looking down at you makes your cheeks burn. “Depends who’s asking.” He takes his backpack off, leaving it on the table as he sits down, dumping his jacket and hoodie in a pile beside him.

“I’m asking,” you mumble.

“Then, yeah, I’d hope so.”

Is he flirting? It sounds like he’s flirting. Flirt back! “Nice arms.”

He looks down at his biceps for a beat before looking at you warily. “Are you flirting with me?” He can’t fight the smile twitching at the corners of his lips but he tries his best, pressing them into a straight line.

“A little. They are nice though,” you admit.

Sunghoon grins. “Thanks, I’ve had them for a while now.”

You can’t come up with anything to say, too distracted by the way his smile reaches his eyes, lighting up his whole face and forcing a flustered heat to spread over your cheeks and neck. It’s only when you look away from him that you remember what you’re here for. It’s a study date, not a study date—there’s a difference.

You hand Sunghoon the material you’d printed for him over the weekend, excerpts from texts you’d studied in class, so he can practise close reading and proper citation. As he makes his way through them, you can’t help stealing glances, smiling at the way his tongue sticks out a little while he focuses, or how he twirls his pen in his fingers while he’s thinking. You aren’t making the best use of your time together, copying out the slides from class yesterday, but you can’t help noticing the way he watches you when he thinks you can’t see. The small smile on his face while he does so only flusters you, an odd weakness settling in your knees as your cheeks heat up.

After a while, Sunghoon sighs, running a hand through his hair. “Could you stop watching me?”

“If you noticed me watching, that means you’re watching me.”

He shrugs, chewing on his lip. “Well, yeah. I’m always watching you,” he says like it’s a given. “But you don’t normally watch back, it’s distracting.”

“You’re distracting.”

A playful smile curves his lips as he arches a brow, smugness painting his face. “Am I?”

Too scared to verbalise your response, you nod slowly, hoping you don’t look as wound up as you feel.

Sunghoon’s eyes flick over your face, flashing with something you don’t recognise. At least not from him. He sits back in his seat, assessing you and eventually shaking his head.

“You know,” he says, eyes glowing with something you do recognise: cockiness. “If my sexy arms are getting to you that much, I can always put my hoodie back on. Wouldn’t want my little tutor getting distracted, would I?”

Oh.

Your stomach turns with want, mind reeling from his tone and the way his gaze lands on your lips. Sighing, you roll your eyes and try to seem unaffected. “Sunghoon, I never said your arms were sexy.”

His phone starts to go off, buzzing against the table and he turns it over immediately, screen down on the surface as he shifts his focus back to his work. He chews on his lip while he does, eyes flicking back and forth between his phone and the words on the page. Curious, you lean over the table, elbows propped up as you rest your chin in your hands. He doesn’t spare you or his phone, which vibrates another four times, a glance.

“Are you going to get that?”

Sunghoon shakes his head. “It’s nothing.”

You hum, letting just enough curiosity seep into the sound that he’ll elaborate without being asked to. It doesn’t take long for him to deliver.

“It’s just Chaewon,” he says, running his hand through his hair and lifting his head. Sunghoon smiles. “We’ve been texting a lot these days.”

“Cool.” You nod a few times, aiming for nonchalance but hitting bobblehead as you wait for him to continue. He doesn’t, only humming in response, nodding too.

After a beat, he picks up his phone, angling it just high enough that you can’t see the screen. He reads the messages, an exhaled laugh coming from his nose as the tips of his ears redden—Fuck. This is worse than you thought.

Chaewon’s commitment to girl code runs deep—she’s been rebuffing Jake since first year when she overheard a girl she’d never seen before telling her friends she thought he was cute. So you know without having to read the texts that nothing she’s saying is even remotely flirty, you can smell the auto-caps and use of the word ‘buddy’ from across the table.

What you hadn’t counted on, however, was the potential for Sunghoon’s feelings to shift. If they really have been texting more, can you rule out the possibility that he might like.. her? Chaewon is a catch, beyond a catch, and you’d already turned Sunghoon down. Brutally. Of course, he’d move on, he has moved on.

The rest of the study session is spent manifesting, writing Park Sunghoon over and over in the back of your notebook. You fill three pages while brainstorming ways to snatch a lock of his hair until he suggests that the two of you call it a day. He walks you home, telling you about how Jake’s been bribing him with food to get a ride to the LEGO store across town for the new Marvel set.

“With or without the meals, I would’ve taken him, but his ramen is my favourite, so..” Sunghoon says, climbing the last step of your building and holding the door open for you. “He even brought a slice of tiramisu to the rink for me after practice.”

“You’re terrible,” you say, frowning up at him as you search for your keys. “Do you want to come in?”

Sunghoon chuckles, shaking his head. “I have a meeting with one of my lecturers soon, I’d have to leave in—” He pauses, rolling up the sleeve of his jacket to check the time. “—eight minutes.”

“I’m cool with that if you are,” you mumble, suddenly shy.

A bright smile spreads over his lips and he nods, following you in.

Chilled by the harsh wind, the only thing on your mind is a hot drink as you lead Sunghoon to the kitchen. He shakes his head when you offer him one, sitting on the countertop and exhaling into his palms before rubbing them together. You can’t help but frown at the sight, feeling guilty that you can’t change the weather to suit him. At your thought process, your brows raise. Wow, you think. Is this who you are?

You busy yourself with the selection of hot drinks you and Chaewon have accumulated, eyeing each container from top to bottom. A purple tub of Cadbury’s hot chocolate that you’re sure is on the brink of expiration, coffee—sachets of the instant stuff you’ve grown to like since leaving home, Earl grey from one of many brands, or the fancy silk tea bags Chaewon’s mum brought home from a trip—rooibos or plum-apple-cinnamon.

Craving something sweet, you settle for hot chocolate, pulling the heavy container from the cupboard next to Sunghoon’s head and setting it beside your cup. He’s on his phone, scrolling too fast to take in anything he’s seeing and he shakes his head when you ask if he wants something to drink.

On the dish rack, Chaewon’s mug catches your eye, so you pick it up to dry it off and put it down next to yours. “I’m going to check if Wonie wants any,” you say, wiping imaginary crumbs from the counter onto the floor.

Sunghoon only clears his throat, shaking his head. “She’s not home, one of her acrylics popped off so she’s at the shop waiting for a cancellation.”

The information itself isn’t jarring but hearing it from Sunghoon is. You put on what you hope is a neutral smile and nod, taking milk from the fridge and assembling your drink on autopilot while thinking of ways to redirect the conversation.

“If you knew you’d have to go back to campus so soon, why’d you walk me home?” you ask, watching your cup spin in the microwave. “I could’ve walked on my own.”

Sunghoon is already looking at you when you turn your head, his cheeks puffed out with air as he blinks slowly. Because I love you, is what you hope he’ll say. You think you need him to say it.

“Because you don’t have to do anything on your own when you have me,” he says instead, and it’s infinitely better.

The words seep through your every fibre, his intonation and lucid affection making a home for themselves in your heart, spreading warmth from head to toe. Your smile becomes a radiant grin, only brightening when he shakes his head, smiling down at his feet.

Sunghoon hugs you in the kitchen when it’s time for him to leave, his arms holding you tight to his chest as he rocks you back and forth. You inhale his scent, all warm citrus under freshly washed cotton and something exclusive to him.

Wiping the smile from your face feels impossible. You don’t let go when he does, and a sweet laugh — a giggle, you think — tumbles out of him as he mumbles that he really has to go. Still, you cling onto him, taking clumsy steps backwards, with your arms locked around his waist, to your front door, smiling as you watch him put his shoes on.

“You don’t have to walk me downstairs, honestly,” he says, looking down at you in the doorway.

“I want to.”

His lips quirk up at the corners, a full smile breaking through and causing your stomach to flutter with so much force you’re sure it’s visible through your shirt. His eyes fall to your lips, lingering, before he clears his throat, looking away.

“I’ll text you when I get to the door, promise.”

You lock your pinky with his. “Send a selfie, just so I know it’s you and not someone else using your phone.”

Sunghoon’s head falls back in a laugh. “Should I just call you? That way you can make sure I get back to uni in one piece.”

You nod.

“That wasn’t anything with Chaewon earlier, I just needed advice on some girl stuff..” He trails off, searching your eyes. It’s obvious that he’s telling the truth, that he wants you to believe him. You do. “I wasn’t sure if that was something I could talk about with you.”

Girl stuff. Hmm. You try not to read too much into it and look at the bigger picture instead—your best friend is going through something and doesn’t feel like he can come to you about it.. You squeeze his pinky reassuringly, a flutter in your stomach when he smiles.

“You can talk to me about anything,” you say, meaning it.

Sunghoon presses his lips together, humming and unlinking your fingers. “Next time,” he says after a beat, waving at you.

You shut the door, locking it while watching through the peephole, he leaves as soon as the lock clicks shut. In the kitchen, your hot chocolate is cooling down, and your phone rings in your back pocket. Sunghoon’s calling.

Hanging out with Sunghoon. Making sure he sticks to the time-blocked schedule you made for him. Quizzing him on biology terms until he gets restless. If the last two weeks were an episode of Family Feud, those would be the top three answers to the question: Name something YN is doing right now.

Thankfully tonight, it’s the first one.

You’ve been sitting on the couch for so long, Jake has both left for football practice and arrived from football practice. Conversation ebbs and flows—an hour or so of nonstop talking, followed by another hour or so of comfortable near silence.

It’s during a quiet hour that Sunghoon sits up straight, clearing his throat before saying, “Let me ask you something. He retreats to the other side of the couch, turning to face you with his whole body. “I don’t want things to be weird after I ask, so no matter what your answer is, I won’t bring it up or ask again.”

Arching a curious brow, you nod. “You can ask me anything,” you say, meaning it.

Sunghoon’s face is impressively blank—minus the motion of sharp teeth worrying plush lip, there’s absolutely nothing behind his eyes that seem to stare right through you.

Eventually, he asks, “Can I kiss you?” He says more. Big, scary words like for closure and moving on, but they don’t register. They don’t matter.

Your heart pounds at the base of your throat as you find interest in your hands that sit in your lap. Even without looking at him, you can’t get over the slight crease he had in his brow and the slight tremor in his hands.

“For closure,” you repeat, though your voice doesn’t sound like it’s coming from you, muffled under the thump of your heart.

Sunghoon nods. “For closure.”

A humourless laugh sneaks past your throat as you look at him. You shouldn’t have. In the lamplight, Sunghoon is golden and glorious. Warm light casts one side of his face, diffusing gently over the steep slope of his nose, highlighting his moles and the look in his eyes, gentle and curious all at once. Unwillingly, your gaze falls to his lips, parted, tempting.

One firm nod of your head brings Sunghoon’s hand to your face, his palm cupping your cheek with soft skin as his thumb traces your cheekbone. You grow anxious under his stare, under the drag of his eyes over your features, taking them one at a time like he’s committing them to memory.

Leaning in, your eyes flutter shut as your lips meet his and he freezes, mouth completely still on yours. Delicately, your tongue traces the seam of his lips, soft and plump, until they part for you, moving with yours. Sunghoon’s kiss is unpolished when it reaches you. It’s hesitant but tender, clumsy but sweet, he’s trying and he’s perfect; your favourite.

The kiss is.. it’s everything. It’s the racing of your heart, the thudding, the vibrant buzz you can hear, feel humming against your ears. It’s a rush of blood to the head, a lightness all over that pulls you out of your body. It’s Sunghoon’s soft lips curving into a smile against yours, his gentle hold on your face never letting up as he holds you as close as he can manage, and it’s every bit as lovely as the rest of him.

Palpable is the heartbeat of your friendship, beating to a lull under the surface of the kiss, fizzling out into nothing, a steady silence, flatlining to give way to something more, something bigger.

Every brush of your lips against his is a revelation, a confession. You’re all I’ve ever wanted, you tell him with your kiss. You’re everything I need. His free hand finds yours, locking your fingers and squeezing, the action timed well enough to make you think he hears you, to make you think he’s saying, we’ll be okay, I still love you.

With that, he pulls away, a delicate tension piercing the air. Blown eyes and laboured breathing—he’s beautiful, fuzzy around the edges with warm orange and all of the love in your heart. Breathless, you chew on your lip, cognisant of Sunghoon’s hand in yours and the sparkle in his eyes as he looks at you.

Belatedly, you squeeze his hand back, smiling. “Was it everything you ever dreamed of?” you whisper, part teasing, all curious.

Abruptly, Sunghoon stands up, letting go of you in the process. “I have to go.”

You want to stop him, you think you’re supposed to. To grab him by the arm and kiss him again, to yell in his face that you love him until he understands. But you don’t. Instead, you stay seated, staring at Sunghoon’s back and following him with your eyes out of the room and down the hall until he’s out of sight.

It’s your first time being so upset after a kiss, and you can’t tell if it’s his leaving or the mention of him moving on that’s tripping you up so much. That’s causing melancholy to crawl from the shadows, sinking its jagged nails into your skin to pull you under.

You love him. He’s gone.

Eyes stuck on the doorway, time stretches over the room around you, thick and malleable, wet and cloying—clay stuck under your nails for days as the fire in the kiln rages on.

Sighing, you get up and wait at his door. You ball your hand into a limp fist, knocking weakly. Sunghoon doesn’t reply. You try again, harder. Still nothing.

Barging into the room, you find him sitting on the end of his bed with his face in his hands.

“Don’t move on.” The words come out before you realise and Sunghoon lifts his head, squinting at you.

“Huh?” He tilts his head, watching closely as you approach him, tipping it back enough to meet your eyes when you stand over him.

You take a breath, holding it until your head starts to spin. “I don’t want you to love someone else, Sunghoon. Please don’t move on.”

The stillness that follows is disconcerting, a long quiet you can feel on your skin, amplifying the blank stare on his face as he looks up at you. His eyes flash, a spark of hope behind them so bright it stings to look at.

“Do you..” He trails off, his lips moving to form the next word though stopping short.

“I do,” you whisper, nodding. “I’m sorry for taking so long.”

An exhaled laugh comes from his nose as he grins, shaking his head. “You like me?” he asks, excitement and disbelief fighting for authority over his voice, his hands holding your waist and pulling you down into his lap.

“I love you,” you admit, settling on his thighs.

“You do?” His eyes are wide and gleaming, searching every feature on your face before settling on your own.

You nod. “So much.”

Sunghoon’s chin tips up, his lips pressing against yours, excited pecks that can’t turn into much more for the smiles on your faces. You rest your arms on his shoulders, hands clasping behind his head, nervous fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

“So.. will you be my boyfriend? For real?”

Tilting his head, he tries and fails to fight a smile. “I will. I’m a little bummed though.”

“Why?” You raise a brow, and the word tips up at the end with it.

“I wanted to be the one to ask you.” Sunghoon’s honesty warms the room, endearing you completely.

You grin, loving the heat spreading over your cheeks. “Ask me anyway.”

“Please can I be your boyfriend?”

In the weeks that followed, it became immediately clear that boyfriend Sunghoon operated on a pendulum swinging between sexual ferality and terror. He’d get distracted during study sessions at home, finding more interest in biting at your neck than stream-of-consciousness prose, but closed his eyes if a sex scene came on TV. He’d buck his hips against yours while making out but flinch at the sight of condoms in the store.

He wasn’t ready to have sex and didn’t know how to tell you, so you took matters into your own hands, asking if you could wait until after his results for resubmission came in, saying you didn’t want the distraction for either of you. Sunghoon agreed, pecking your cheek and holding you tight to his chest.

The only thing was that your lecturer hadn’t given him an exact date, so every morning, you held your phone in a vice grip waiting for Sunghoon to update you, and every morning, you got the same text: Nothing today, baby ☹️

This morning, you’re brushing your teeth when he texts you, in all caps: NO FUCKING WAY I GOT A 98 !!! LOOK !!!

When the picture comes through, it’s of him in the mirror and you choke on mouthwash at the sight. He’s smiling, bright and beautiful, in a black vest that he’s holding up a little to show his stomach, though his palm is in the way of his toned abs, and it cuts off right at the top of his grey sweatpants.

Your mouth goes dry as you click on it, fixating on every little detail you can find: the thickness of his fingers against his phone, the dip in his collarbones, the breadth of his shoulders and the cinch of his waist. In a fit of desperation, you try swiping at the bottom of your screen, willing the picture to magically extend. It doesn’t.

hoonie: Finger slipped.. You like?

you: mm..

you: 98??? HOLY SHIT, LOOK AT YOU!!!

hoonie: All you.. do you like the picture?

you: i love it………….

hoonie: My girl 🤍

Another picture comes in, and sure enough, through the glare of his laptop screen, you see: Course name: The Modernist Movement: Joyce, Woolf, and Hemingway. Marks Awarded: 98.0.

you: well done baby !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hoonie: Thx 😁

hoonie: Can I have my prize now ha ha .. haha 😈

you: just for that emoji, no you absolutely cannot.

Your resolve isn’t strong enough when it comes to Sunghoon, because purple devil emoji and all, you show up at his door with condoms in your bag and a bouquet of lilies behind your back.

The door creaks open and Sunghoon greets you with a grin. “Hey, gorgeous. You proud of me?”

You beam at him, holding out the flowers. “I’m very proud, Hoon, well done.”

“I don’t want to ruin the moment,” he starts, taking the bouquet from your hands and sniffing the flowers with an approving smile. “But hearing you say you’re proud of me is awakening something I didn’t know existed.”

“A good something?”

“Mm,” he hums, arms finding your waist before he pecks your lips. “A very good something.”

Sunghoon’s words hit your lips and your core, a desperate heat flooding your stomach as he kisses you deeply, his body pressed tightly against yours while he pulls you into his apartment. He kicks the door shut with his foot, slipping his hand under your jacket to settle in your back pocket, not quite squeezing but holding your ass as gently as he can manage.

He breaks away from you, love in his eyes as he stares down into yours, catching his breath. “I don’t think we own a vase.”

In his kitchen, you rifle through cupboards to find something to hold the flowers, eventually finding a whiskey decanter in the cupboard under the sink, and holding it up for Sunghoon to see.

“Oh, yeah,” he says. “It’s Jay’s. It’ll work right?”

You nod, taking it to the sink to rinse it. Sunghoon wraps his arms around you from behind, resting his chin on your shoulder watching you fill the decanter with water and flower food before grabbing the bouquet. He presses open-mouthed kisses to your neck and you struggle to stay focused as you cut down the stems on the flowers, arranging them neatly.

“Can I take a photo?” he asks when you’re done.

He’s smiling when you turn around to look at him, a soft curve of his lips that makes your heart race, a deep tenderness in his eyes when you meet them. You smile too.

“They’re yours, baby, do whatever you want.”

“A photo of you with the flowers,” he clarifies.

Warmth settles in your chest, a grin spreading over your lips from ear to ear. You nod, taking the decanter in your hands when he lets go of you, holding the flowers up beside your face and smiling for his camera. As his phone shutter clicks away, you steal glances at his face behind it. He’s watching the screen with a smile, telling you how beautiful you are.

“I want pictures of you too,” you say, handing the flowers over.

“I’m yours, baby, do whatever you want.”

Sunghoon poses for your photos, smiling sweetly in some and sniffing the bouquet appreciatively with closed eyes for others. He’s glowing and he’s beautiful and your heart triples in size while taking picture after picture until your phone tells you it has ten percent.

“Thank you, YN,” he says. “I’ve never gotten flowers before, I love them.” His arms settle around your waist, lips pressing against yours before you have the chance to respond.

You try anyway, mumbling against his lips that you love him. In response, Sunghoon grins, but the feeling of his cock growing hard against you is distracting, a lust-coated thorn in the side of the butterflies fluttering in your stomach. With locked lips and uncertain steps, the two of you bump into corners and trip over your own feet, stumbling to his room and parting only to tear his hoodie over his head.

Breathless, you pull away, eyes trailing over him and picking up on everything, from the tremble in his hands to the lust-addled worry in his eyes. He’s nervous, you think—though it escapes you, the last word coming out like a question.

Sunghoon scoffs, his hands resting on your waist under your shirt, skin clammy against yours. “Of course, I’m nervous.”

“You don’t have to be.”

“I just want to be good for you.”

“Don’t worry about that, let me take care of you, Hoon.” Your palms drag up his torso — firm abs through soft cotton, defined chest over racing heart — to rest on his shoulders. “Sit,” you say when he nods.

He gulps, taking a seat on the end of his bed under your gentle push, eyes widening when you sink to your knees between his legs and reach for his drawstring, pulling the ends to untie the knot.

“Wait,” Sunghoon says, breathless, scrunching up his face and dropping his head. “Let me calm down, baby. At this rate, I’ll come just seeing your hand on it.”

You giggle, resting your head on his thigh and wrapping the drawstring around your finger.

“I’m serious, YN,” he mumbles, laughing as he takes his vest off. “I need a minute.”

Sunghoon’s eyes are pressed shut as he tries to collect himself, lips pouty and kiss-bitten, slightly parted with ragged breaths slipping out. You wait patiently for him. He’s so pretty like this, with the crease in his brow and the pretty pink flush dusting his cheeks as his chest rises and falls. You can’t help but smile, leaning into his touch when his hand rests on top of your head, his blunt nails grazing your scalp. After a while, he seems more at ease, his eyes finding yours and he smiles shyly, telling you he’s ready now and lifting his hips from the bed to let you pull his sweats and underwear down.

Free from the constraints of fabric, his cock slaps his stomach with a wet sound as the tip meets his skin, leaving a pearlescent streak over his abs. The sight makes your mouth water and you can’t look away. “Pretty,” you whisper.

Wrapping a hand under his tip, you swipe it with your thumb, taking time to memorise the flutter of his eyelids, the bobbing of his Adam’s apple, and the soft sigh he lets out. You stroke him slowly, liking the way his breath picks up as his brows knit together before you take him in your mouth. It’s a tight fit but you do your best, spurred on by the way he tugs at your hair and stutters through a holy fuck as you take as much of him as you can.

Sunghoon goes silent, only squirming when you use your hand to stroke him near his base. Self-conscious about his lack of vocal affirmation, you look up at him through your lashes, and the pure bliss on his face is unbearably attractive. His eyes are rolled back under furrowed brows, his mouth hanging open as he throws his head back.

“Am I doing okay?” you ask, using the moment to catch your breath.

He nods, inhaling shakily and screwing his eyes shut while his hips buck up into your fist. “I’m.. You’re doing such a good job, baby, so good.”

Satisfaction courses through you from the praise, a high that dulls the ache in your jaw. Still watching him, you massage his balls in your palm, pressing open-mouthed kisses to his tip when he whines. You tongue at his slit until he thrusts back into your mouth, tip hitting your throat, and he gasps when you gag, his arm coming up to cover his eyes. A belated apology slips from his lips, mumbled as he strokes your hair with a shaking hand and goes quiet again. When you speed up, his breath stutters, the muscles in his thighs contracting around your head as you suck and lick and drool on his cock.

A moan of your name, and his hand holding your hand down, are the only warnings you get before Sunghoon comes, spilling his load right down your throat. Whining, his hips buck up against your face, pushing further and further until he falls back onto the mattress.

Your throat is hoarse and aches while you use the back of your hand to wipe at your lips, enjoying what’s left of his taste on your tongue. Deep red tints his neck and chest, a pretty flush gleaming under the sheen of sweat on his skin. He’s mesmerising, as he tries for air through swollen lips and looks up at you through squinted eyes. He reaches for you, cute grabby hands tugging your shirt and pulling you down so you’re lying next to him with your head on his chest.

“You’re amazing, baby, so good for me,” Sunghoon whispers, eyes fluttering shut as you drag your nails over his torso, feeling the subtle heave of the slick, sculpted muscle over his stomach and chest.

Pride heats your chest, satisfaction rolling over you like a wave. “Really?”

He hums in affirmation, nodding his head.

“You were so quiet, I couldn’t really tell,” you add, hungry for more praise.

“The walls are so thin in here, I just got used to being quiet,” Sunghoon says, frowning. Hand meeting your chin, he tips your head up towards him, pressing a soft kiss to your lips and mumbling, “I’m sorry. You were perfect, I swear.”

It’s a sweet kiss. Until lips move harder and hands get lower, desperate as he thumbs the top of your leggings, palm unmoving but a dangerous heat blooms in your stomach anyway.

“Can I..” Sunghoon pinches you softly through the material, unsure eyes boring deep into yours.

You nod. “You can.”

Slipping under your waistband, his fingers skate across your skin dipping between your thighs. He grazes your slit, satisfaction clear in the groan he lets out as he feels the wetness there, pulling it over the length of your slit to cover your clit. Your breath hitches, a strangled gasp, pleasure and surprise meeting in your throat under the pressure of his thumb on your clit, the gentle sting of his finger pushing into you.

What Sunghoon lacks in experience, he makes up for with the sheer length and thickness of his fingers. It’s almost jarring, it’s enough to force your eyes closed and bring a sigh rumbling out of you, ache and relief settling between your legs, where he curls a finger against your walls and drags slow circles over your clit.

“Can you take these off, baby?” he asks, hand away to touch your leggings.

You don’t waste a second, sitting up to pull them off, throwing them and your underwear across the room. Sunghoon licks his lips, tugging at the hem of your shirt.

“And this? If you want..”

You nod, pulling it off immediately to let it join the rest of your clothes in a heap on the floor. The way he gulps is a confidence boost, his dilated pupils taking in every inch of your body, though his gaze always pulls back to your bra—white and lacy, thin enough for your nipples to push through the fabric and Sunghoon can’t seem to get enough, though he waits until you’re lying down again to touch you.

Sunghoon props himself up on his elbow, leaning over you. “You’re beautiful,” he whispers, dragging a finger over the lace at the top of your bra, toying with the material and the little bow sitting between your breasts. His eyes flick up to meet yours. “So beautiful,” he repeats.

Hiding your face in his chest, you mumble, “Thank you,” into his skin while trying to ignore the heat spreading over your body wherever he touches you. His hand trails from your arm to your waist, resting on your hips to slip over your ass for a beat, where he grabs and squeezes the flesh there before coming back around to slot between your legs—you lift one of them, resting it over his body, and he’s smiling sweetly when you look up at him.

Sunghoon’s movements are unchanging, though the sensation is heightened by the unbridled desire in his lidded eyes that urges white heat to lick over every inch of your skin—this time he pushes two fingers into you.

It doesn’t get better than this, you think. But it does, quickly.

Leaning over you, his eyes flick across your face, one feature at a time as he chews on his lip. Reaching up, you push some of his hair from his face, holding it back and saying, “Relax, baby.”

“Don’t want to hurt you.”

Moving your hand, you blink when his hair flops back over his forehead, tickling your eyelashes. His eyes are focused now, staring straight down into yours, want and worry flashing behind them.

“You won’t, I promise,” you say, locking your pinky with his, feeling relieved when he smiles.

Sunghoon pushes in slowly, his name slipping from your lips when he exhales shakily, head falling forward. The sting, the pleasure, make it hard to breathe, molten desire taking hold of your lungs as he carves out a place for himself as far as you’ll take him, all the way to the hilt as slow as he can manage.

A moan tears out of him, lewd and whiny as his hair tickles your collarbone, head falling into the crook of your neck. His skin is hot and damp against yours, his breath burning your shoulder as he tries to calm down. It’s difficult to register much else, tethered only by the sound of his voice when he asks, “Am I hurting you?”

“Hoon,” you whisper.

“Can you look at me, baby?” He lifts his head, resting a hand on your cheek. You blink your eyes open, gaze locking with his, where concern pushes through his desire. “Am I hurting you?” he asks again. “Are you okay?”

You nod. “I’m okay, just..” You sigh. “Full. Need a minute.”

Sunghoon kisses you, lips moving gently with yours, passing breathy whines between your mouths until you feel yourself relaxing. Pulling his plush bottom lip between yours, you suck on it, nodding. “Want you to move, baby,” you mumble.

He scans your face, eyes meeting yours as he pulls his hips back. He’s slow, so slow with his thrusts that your belly turns with want, your fingernails sink into the taut skin of his back, and jagged sobs fall out of you with each drag of his cock along your walls.

Everywhere his skin touches yours is set ablaze with scorching heat, goosebumps pushing past the surface as his breath fans your neck and his sharp teeth graze your skin. He bites hard enough to sting, and you wince as his tongue flicks over your bitten flesh to soothe you.

You were so worked up earlier, writhing against the sheets and coming undone in his palm, so bliss quickly pushes through the ache between your legs. “Good, Hoon, feels so good,” you manage, struggling to convey how perfect it is.

“Just want to make you feel good.” His words melt into each other, vowels soft and elongated as they curl around each other. He’s working up a steady rhythm, his tip consistently nudging you where you need it—the spot that makes the room blur around you. “That’s all I want.”

Before long, the knot in your stomach pulls you up from the mattress, arching your back towards the ceiling. Mouth to mouth, chest to chest—it’s the closest you’ve ever felt to someone else, the closest you’ve ever been. The thought alone knocks the wind out of you, and his persistent whining does nothing to help.

Your want and adoration for Sunghoon run bone-deep, inching up your spine and creeping over your shoulders, intertwined with an all-consuming pleasure that turns the heat in your stomach molten as a shudder zips through you. Even though you can’t find the words to let him know, he lifts your hips from the bed to fuck you deeper, harder, into the mattress until shaky orgasms pull both of you under.

You let him fall into you, fingers curling around his hair, whispering I love you into the skin of his neck as he comes, most of his weight on top of you while you catch your breath, relishing in the fullness you feel as the last waves of your high pull back. You stay like this for as long as he needs, his head coming up from the crook of your neck to smile at you before pressing his lips to yours. A sleepy haze fills the room around you, tongue swiping tongue as you giggle happily into his mouth.

After a while, he gets up, tying the condom to throw it away and comes back with his shirt. He uses it to clean up—gentle between your legs, pressing kisses to your calves while he does. Sunghoon’s tenderness wraps around your heart, and love clouds your vision, forming a blurry trail that follows all of his movements, glowing like something from a dream, ethereal, an apparition.

The bed dips beside you, his arms around you, pulling you in so his chin rests on your head. You push your cheek into his chest, hoping the two of you will meld into one—the thought makes you warm all over, a fuzziness that reaches every part of your body while he presses kisses into your hair, rubbing your back.

“I love you,” he says, voice as soft as the rest of him. “I’m glad I exist.”

mama park: Hi lovely 😍 missing you lots, wondering when you’ll be home for Xmas………..love ma

Sunghoon stirs, nose scrunching as he snores softly into the quiet of a winter morning. His chest rises and falls steadily under your head and he doesn’t move when you sit up. The lamp on his desk is still on — neither of you could be bothered getting up to turn it off last night — and under its dim glow, you admire him. Perfect lips gently curved—long lashes kissing the skin under his eyes.

Love hits you from all angles, warmth all over from head to toe despite the chill in Sunghoon’s room. You can’t help but grin, leaning up to nose along the underside of his chin, his natural scent so soft yet dizzying as you nuzzle into him. He stirs again, turning his head this way and that before resting, you feel a bit bad, deciding to leave him be and text his mum back.

you: hi mum !!! missing you sooooooo much :((( will be home asap

mama park: BTW Sunghoon told me everything. I raised such good actors LOL make sure he looks after you and keeps you happy!

you: i’m so sorry we lied to you..

you: but i’m really happy with him and he loves me a lot

you: i love him so much .. never been so sure of anyone in my life

permanent taglist: @asahicore

#sunghoon smut #enhypen smut #enha smut #enhypen scenarios #sunghoon scenarios #sunghoon x reader #park sunghoon smut #park sunghoon x reader #enhypen imagines #enhypen oneshots #sunghoon oneshots #sunghoon imagines #enhypen hard hours #fic.sunghoon

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rosyblooom · 23 days

Note

I just finished watching Daisy Jones and the Six and I wanted to ask if you could write a Charles SMAU where his wife passes away from illness and leaves a video behind for him to find happiness. They can have a little child together please. Thank you😊❤️

when i die, i want you to live | cl16 smau

PAIRING: charles leclerc x wife!reader SUMMARY: after battling illness, y/n unexpectedly succumbs to it much sooner than expected, leaving behind her husband and their daughter. 8 months later, charles is not coping very well, so your best friend hands him an envelope addressed to him from you. WARNING(S): mentions of death, sad A/N: ooh i love that show!! anyway, this is my first ever request (!!), so hope it's as u imagined 🫶

creds to @classiclitfreak for proofreading!! <3

yourusername posted to her story!

[ caption 1: I sure hope so!😌 ] [ caption 2: my heart is so full🥹💕 ]

charles_leclerc

liked by yourusername, arthur_leclerc, scuderiaferrari and 735,290 others

charles_leclerc Today, 27 years ago, is the very special day that brought me my beautiful wife and best friend. Forever grateful for that. Happiest of birthdays to you, Mon cœur ❤️

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yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, carlossainz55, yourbestfriend and 263,719 others

yourusername had the loveliest birthday with my dearest people!💕thank you for all the birthday wishes, they've been such a joy! 🥹 here's to another beautiful year, here's to 27🥂

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Three weeks later...

tmz_tv

liked by username, username, username and 1,005,862 others

tmz_tv Tragic news emerged in the early hours of this morning as Y/N L/N-Leclerc, a renowned fashion designer and philanthropist, passed away unexpectedly, just three weeks past her twenty-seventh birthday. Her untimely passing has left her family and friends in shock and disbelief.

In a statement released by her family, it was revealed that Y/N had been battling illness for an undisclosed duration. However, medical professionals had initially estimated a longer prognosis, making her sudden passing even more devastating.

During this profoundly sorrowful time, we extend our heartfelt condolences to Y/N's family.

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username wow and to think she was always so smiley even with all this going on behind the scenes

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username this doesn't feel real...

username y/n was always working with charities all across the globe, she was an absolute angel. her impact will live on 💛

username is it just me who's thinking about their little girl in all this?? she must be so heartbroken :(

username I think bc she's so young she probably doesn't even understand what's going on😭💔

username y/n, you were a great addition to the paddock, always smiling and just all around lovely to fans. we won't ever forget you!💕

username sending prayers to the family 🙏

scuderiaferrari

liked by username, username, username and 594,752 others

scuderiaferrari Due to personal matters, Charles Leclerc will not be continuing racing for the remainder of the season. Ollie Bearman, our reserve driver, will take his place instead.

This was not an easy decision, and therefore we ask that you handle this news with respect and sensitivity.

Our thoughts and support are with Charles Leclerc and his family during this challenging time. 🙏❤️

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8 months later...

Charles enters the living room, ensuring the door closes softly behind him to avoid disturbing his little girl. Running his fingers over his beard, he examines the envelope in his hand and sighs. Y/N’s best friend pressed it into his hand at a dinner party the previous evening, insisting he watch it as soon as he finds the time. And here he is now, holding the thin envelope.

If someone had told him when he was younger that he’d get emotional over something as simple as seeing his wife’s handwriting on paper, he would have scoffed in disbelief. Not him, that would have seemed absurd. Yet here he is, feeling a lump form in his throat over mere black ink on paper.

As peculiar as it seems, he brings the envelope to his nose, and memories of Y/N flood his mind. He can almost feel her soothing touch as she works the knots out of his back after a gruelling day of racing. Inhaling, he feels Y/N’s sweet scent—it is as comforting as her smile.

A smile tugs at Charles' lips as he pictures that infectious grin that lit up his wife’s face at the most unexpected moments. It was one of the things he loved most about her—she had a way of bringing brightness to even the darkest of days.

Shaking his head, he snaps out of the trance, shifting deeper into the living room until he sinks into the welcoming embrace of the couch. There, he retrieves the laptop resting on the coffee table, feeling the weight of the moment as he opens the envelope and extracts a flash drive from within. Rolling it between his fingers, he inserts it into the side of his laptop with a determined motion.

Once all is in place, he watches a file labelled “To my dearest Lover, brightest Heart, and deepest Soul” materialise in his list of files. The sight catches him off guard—his throat constricts, making each breath a struggle, and his eyes well up, though he fights against the tears. Not now. He can't afford it. Allowing himself to be consumed by grief would mean losing precious time, time he needs for his daughter waiting in her playroom down the hallway.

He takes a moment to regain composure, squeezing his eyes shut, focusing on the rhythm of his breath until the tension in his chest begins to ease. With a sharp intake of air, he opens his eyes wide and taps the file, revealing a video. Running his teeth over his lower lip, he hovers the pointer over the play button, then taps the mousepad with a steady hand.

The video opens with Y/N seated on the very same pale couch he’s currently occupying. He places both hands onto the soft sofa, yearning for a connection, a way to feel her, even though he knows he can’t—touching the past is impossible.

Y/N walks toward the camera, readjusting it before taking three steps backward and retaking her seat. Inhaling deeply, she hesitates, her mouth opening, then closing again, like a fish out of water.

“Mon cœur,” Charles whispers, moving the laptop onto the coffee table.

“Hmm,” Y/N drops her hands into her lap and smooths down her flowery dress. She stares directly at the camera, tilting her head sideways with a crooked smile. “I don’t know where to start.”

Her eyes widen. “After all this planning, I still don’t know where to begin.” She lets out a few chuckles and then purses her lips. “Well, I suppose greetings are in order?”

Her expression softens as her brows furrow. “Hello, my darling, my world, my everything.”

“Hey,” Charles whispers, his throat tight with emotion, barely allowing sound to escape.

“Although I'm very happy to see you, if you’re watching this, it means you're not living as I want you to,” Y/N's voice trembles, causing her to pause and swallow. “I know it’s hard, baby. I don’t expect this to be easy on you, but I don’t want you to spend the rest of your life looking back at us in sadness, you know?”

Charles leans forward, elbows on his lap, eyes fixed on the screen, his face tinged with a faint shade of red.

“Remember our first date, when we had to cancel our reservations at that restaurant because you felt sick on the way there?” Y/N bursts into laughter but quickly stifles it, her hand covering her mouth.

“No, no,” Charles pleads softly, shaking his head, “please don’t hide your beautiful smile, my love.”

“It’s not like there was anything you could do about being sick, but I remember feeling miffed because I already had a stressful day, so for you to cancel just like that, it irritated me,” she reminisces with a nod. “But you were quite pale, so I wanted to make sure you got home alright. And we walked, barely talked,” she giggles, the joy reaching her eyes, “but then this little kid appeared, his name was…”

“Benny,” they both say simultaneously, a faint smile tugging at one corner of Charles' lips.

"Boy, was he excited to meet you, his idol. It was like seeing a completely different person. You became someone entirely new for this little boy whom you didn’t even know. Nobody forced you to take time out of your day when he came running, his arms wide open," Y/N says, extending her arms along with the words. "You could’ve just walked away. I mean, you had a reason to: you were sick."

Pausing for a moment, Y/N sits up straighter, leaning forward and shaking her head. "But you didn’t. You put on a brave face, and you turned into Benny’s hero and so much more. I think we stood there with his parents for about half an hour, and you didn’t complain once. And that’s when I knew."

Y/N nods, crossing her legs and slinging one hand behind the sofa. "That’s when I knew you could be the man I was going to marry. And turns out you were," she says, smiling sheepishly. "The love you have for people, for our daughter, it’s… it’s so profound, it’s boundless. So don’t limit it. Don’t you dare limit yourself just because I’m not around anymore."

Her expression turns serious as she exhales. “You’re such a bright light. You bring happiness and purity into people’s lives—into my life,” Y/N presses her hand against her chest. “I don’t want you to dim it. I want you to shine for as long as that candle burns. Don’t let it die prematurely because of bad happenings. There’s so much more to love, to live, to enjoy. And while you may not see me at your side anymore, holding onto D/N, I’m right here.”

Charles sniffles, folding his hands over his mouth as he swallows his sobs, while Y/N points to her heart.

“I’m with you forever and always. I’m protecting you and D/N, and I’m watching over you, making sure everything’s alright.” Y/N releases a sigh before chewing at her bottom lip with a wistful smile. “And part of that means making space for more love, for you. You have a big heart, you know? There’s enough room for you to find happiness with someone new. There’s no shame in it, and there’s no guilt in it. It’s what makes being alive such a beautiful thing: your love is yours, and it’s not confined to just one or two people. You can spread it, and still, our love will remain unchanged.”

Tears stream down the sides of Charles' cheeks as he struggles to maintain his composure, his eyes fixated on the screen as if afraid that if he peels his gaze away for one second, his wife will disappear.

Y/N briefly looks off to the side, her attention seemingly caught by something in the room, before snapping her head back to the camera with a bright smile.

“It seems I have to go,” her shoulders sink.

Charles leans forward, the screen mere inches away from his face, as he strokes the outline of Y/N’s face on the screen, whispering desperately, “Please don’t, mon cœur…”

“I love you so, so much. You and D/N are the most precious gifts, the greatest joys I have had the privilege to experience, so please, please,” she claps her hands together, moving them back and forth, “please…when I die, I want you to live.”

Y/N rises from the couch and walks towards the screen, her eyes unwavering for even a moment. “Give my little girl all my love, and kiss and hug her extra tight for as long as you can, for me.”

Offering one final smile, she blows a kiss at the screen. “I love you. Please don’t stop. Don't stop loving and don't stop living.”

The video freezes with Y/N frozen in place, a beautiful smile etched onto her lips, filled with the purest form of love.

Feeling suddenly overwhelmed, Charles collapses, the weight of the world pressing down on him. He drops his face into his hands and releases all of it: sob after sob after sob. There’s something liberating about finally letting go; the burden pours out of him, leaving behind a fragile yet tranquil Charles as he gazes at the still shot of his beloved wife, whom he adores so deeply.

A soft click draws his attention to the door just in time for it to creak open slowly, revealing his little girl standing there, her favourite yellow teddy bear clutched tightly in her arms.

“Papa,” her voice floats like a gentle breeze.

Charles smiles, opening his arms wide as she runs towards him. He's momentarily winded as she reaches him, but he quickly regains his composure and lifts her onto his lap.

“Hello, my love,” he whispers, touching his forehead to hers.

Her tiny hand pats his cheek, her expression filled with concern. “You’re crying?”

Charles shakes his head, trying to reassure her. “Happy tears,” he explains, “look.” He points at the screen, where Y/N's serene face is frozen in time.

“Maman!” D/N exclaims, slipping from his lap and heading towards the screen. Her small hands tap the screen eagerly as she calls out, “Maman! Maman! Maman!”

“Yes,” Charles swallows, ignoring the pang in his chest as he shifts his focus to his little girl. “You want to see Maman, huh?”

He rises from the sofa and lifts D/N into the air, settling her on his hip. “How about we go take a look at the photo albums, okay? There are lots of beautiful pictures of Maman in there, alright?”

“Maman! Maman! Maman!” D/N continues to exclaim, squirming excitedly in his arms as they walk through the door and down the hallway into the living room.

f1gossipofficial

liked by username, username, username and 14,296 others

f1gossipofficial Nine months after the tragic passing of his wife, Y/N, Charles Leclerc has been spotted for the first time on a beach in Spain with their shared daughter.

Witnesses who captured the photographs above mentioned that he appeared to be coping well, and fans respectfully gave them space while appreciating the sight from afar.

We're glad to see Charles out and about again, and we extend our best wishes to him and his family as they continue to navigate these changes.

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username im so glad the fans kept to themselves

username right?? so respectful🫶

username charlie🥹❤️ it's been so long but we'll always be here whenever he's ready

username tbh I was very worried during the radio silence but I think him being out there is a step in the right direction🥲

username still can't believe y/n is no longer here... i miss her sm😭

username omg there's a vid on twitter of them playing ball and u can hear their daughter giggling 💕

username I can't find it could you pls send the link?🙏 username dmed u! username me too pls

username it must be so hard to grief y/n while also trying to be strong for their daughter :( sending him all the strength!!

username 😭😭😭

4:44 ────────────ㅇ 4:44

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heavcnslyre · 9 months

Text

chapter one - j.f. ( masterlist )

GORGEOUS.

“ocean blue eyes looking in mine,

i feel like i might sink and drown and die”

the air outside was cold, which was shocking for a mid-june morning. you were awake early, as you often were since you preferred to be productive in the mornings, but today it was for a different reason. you had barely slept all night. this morning, you were returning to susannah’s beach house in cousins. you looked forward to this day every year, and it was always just as special every time it came around.

“you all ready?” a voice breaks your silence as laurel peaks her head out the front door, watching you sit on the porch swing. you smile at her.

“definitely,” you say. “coffee on the counter, did you see it?”

she walks over to you and gives you a kiss on the forehead. “i did. thank you. now get your bag in the car, we’ll leave in twenty.”

“can i drive?” you ask, following her inside. she shakes her head.

“already told steven he could.”

as she says it, steven comes down the stairs and ruffles your hair as he walks past you. “sorry!”

“no you’re not,” you grumble, turning away to grab your bags. you had just gotten your license less than a month ago but steven has had his for months, so he usually got first dibs on driving. you usually didn’t mind, but the drive to cousins was special to you, and you would have loved to be able to make the drive yourself. not driving, you thought, would at least give you more time to prepare. although, you would have appreciated the distraction. this year felt different. you felt different. you weren’t really sure if it was a good different or not.

part of you was terrified, for some reason. most summers, you went to cousins completely disconnected from the world back at home. cousins was it’s own world, in your mind. the people, the house, the entire atmosphere, it was magical. it absolutely transported you, and you let it. this year, you had a connection to back home. your boyfriend, peter. you and him started dating two months ago after your best friend cassie introduced you to him, and things have been incredible ever since. if you were honest, you had never really committed to a guy before him, but it seemed to be working out well so far. the reason why you were terrified, you figured, was because this trip to cousins could change that. jeremiah fisher could change that.

you had talked to plenty of guys, even dated a few for a couple weeks or so, but as soon as jeremiah fisher comes around, you lose sight of everything — and everyone — around you. he somehow has that effect on you, and he has your whole life. but you do really like peter, so you told yourself you wouldn’t ruin something good for yourself again, just because you’ve always been waiting for jeremiah. you’ve made a fool of yourself enough over the years, attempting to get closer to him as he flirts with everyone in the world, that you know it was time to change something.

you just hope that you’ll be able to stick to it.

“(y/n),” you’re woken up by your sister belly poking your side, “(y/n), you’re drooling on me.”

you groggily open your eyes and stretch, moving away from her, “sorry bells.”

“s’kay,” she yawns. “we’re almost there, anyways. and your phones been blowing up. all from peter,” she says the last part teasingly, pushing your phone towards you. you laugh as you unlock your phone, seeing that she was right, and peter had texted you seven times.

peter: good morning!!

peter: sorry ik you’ve probably been up for hours

peter: omg and youre probably almost to the beach already

peter: miss u already

peter: there’s a party tomorrow night i was thinking about going to if that’s okay with you

peter: cassie’s gonna be there and stuff and you know i’ll be thinking about you forever so you’d have nothing to worry about

peter: just let me know if you’re comfortable with it okay?

you: oh my peter

you: you don’t need my permission to go have fun!!! of course you can go to the party :)

you: just text me and keep me updated okay? and make sure there’s a DD

peter: of course. you’re the best!

you: 🤍🤍

you smile at your phone and as soon you look back up, you were entering cousins. you didn’t realize how long you had slept for, but as soon as you saw the sign, your heart skipped a beat. you were back. you were back, and everything was good, including your lovely boyfriend back home. this summer was going to be perfect, you just knew it. your fears from this morning were fading and you decided that no matter what happens, you’re going to be okay. you’re going to have a great summer.

“did susannah get a new car?” steven asks as he pulls the car into the driveway of the house. laurel nods, a small smile forming on her face as the house comes into few. the same smile was present on everyone’s faces in the car. this place was so special to all of you.

“yeah, she gets bored with her cars easily,” laurel finally says, a hint of distaste in her voice. “she just likes to change things often.”

steven was barely listening and was halfway out of the car by the time laurel was done talking. his eyes were set on susannah, who was standing at the doorway, watching your car pull in. she looked as beautiful and radiant as ever, and even more so, especially since it was obvious that she was healthier now than she was last summer. her hair got longer and the glow on her face was back, lighting up her eyes and giving her the most approachable demeanor possible. she was perfect.

you get out of the car shortly after steven, and follow him up the steps to hug susannah tightly. she rubs your back as she hugs you. “oh sweet (y/n), you beautiful girl. i’m so happy to see you.”

“i’ve missed you so much,” you say back, and she gives you another squeeze before letting you go and hugging laurel. you look down by the car at steven, who was now talking to jeremiah, who had his back to you. your breath caught in your throat when you saw him, but you shook it off. that was not what this was going to be. he was one of your best friends, your family. that was all. that didn’t stop your heart rate from speeding up the second that he turned around and your eyes met his beautiful, bright blue ones. his face softened as soon as he saw you, but his smile remained just as wide. you move towards him and he watches you, his eyes never leaving yours as you approach him.

“(y/n),” he says, looking you up and down and grinning. “you look different.”

you knit your eyebrows and look down at yourself. “good different?”

jeremiah laughs. “always good.”

you giggle and wrap your arms around his neck and he pulls you into a close hug. you take in his scent, a mix of saltwater and his vanilla cologne, the one that conrad and steven have always made fun of him for. they always say it makes him smell too girly. you have always thought he smelled perfect.

“i have so much to tell you,” jeremiah says as you pull away from the hug. “this summer is going to be amazing!”

“i can’t wait,” you grin. the two of you always spent the first night sitting on the beach after dinner, talking all night. he would fill you in on his school year, and you would fill him in on yours. it usually ended with both of you in the ocean and sandy, but it was always one of your favorite traditions.

as you turn away from jeremiah, belly rushes out of the car and pulls him into a hug and he spins her around. your eyes catch on conrad, who had just rounded the corner of the house, and was staring at them. he meets your eye and smiles sheepishly, knowing that you had caught him. you smile and go pull him into a tight hug. “hey connie.”

“hey (y/n). it’s good to see you,” he says. as you pull apart, his eyes are caught on belly again, who is staring at him this time, too. you smile at the sight and push conrad towards her gently. the corner of his mouth slightly turns up and he walks to her as you walk back over to jeremiah and steven, who were giggling to themselves. when jeremiah sees you walking towards them, he waves you over quickly.

“belly flop time,” he says, a wide grin on his face. you laugh.

“yes!” the three of you walk towards conrad and belly, who were laughing with each other, seemingly in their own world.

“hey, i don’t know about you guys but…” steven pretends to check his nonexistent watch on his wrist. “i think it’s time…for a…belly flop!”

belly squeals as the boys grab her, conrad carrying her by her armpits and the other two grabbing her feet. you giggle and lead the way, opening the gate to the pool and letting them pass through. you and the boys count down from three and they throw belly in the water. you all laugh as she flails around, her clothes completely soaked. your smile fades as the boys turn to you, mischievous smiles on their faces. “no.”

“it’s not fair to only throw belly in there, is it?” steven says innocently. you shake your head and attempt to run away, but before you can, jeremiah has his arms wrapped around your waist and lifts you effortlessly in the air. steven and conrad help him and grab your legs, counting down from three just like they did with belly. she dove out of the way as the boys throw you into the water. luckily, the water was warm, and while the feeling of your wet clothes was uncomfortable on your skin, the water was quite refreshing. belly giggles as you swim towards her and pull her into a hug, but in the hug, you whisper in her ear. “let’s get back at them?”

she nods as if she read your mind, and when you pull apart and begin to approach the edge, she’s suddenly struggling. “wait, wait guys, my ankle.”

“what’s wrong belly?” conrad asks. she continues struggling in staying afloat.

“i…i hurt my ankle i think. i cant walk on it,” she reaches her arm out to conrad. “help me out.”

he reaches out, and as their hands connect she pulls him into the water and the other boys burst out in laughter, jeremiah doubling over in laughter with his hands on his knees. taking advantage of this moment, you grab his hands and pull him into the water too, completely catching him off guard as he falls into the water next to you. now steven is standing on the edge, struggling to breathe from laughing so hard. “no way they got both of you!”

jeremiah flips his hair out of his face and looks up at steven. “c’mon steven, waters nice! you don’t wanna be left out, do you?”

steven shakes his head, still laughing. “i think i’ll survive being left out today. these shoes were expensive.”

“lame!” jeremiah calls out as steven walks towards the house, his laughter still echoing in the air. jeremiah turns his attention to you and swims over to you, grabbing your waist and spinning you around. “i’ll get you back for pulling me in here.”

you laugh. “sure you will. c’mon, let’s go dry off for dinner.”

he hops out of the side of the pool and offers an arm to help you out. he pulls you out of the pool with ease. “race you upstairs?”

“that sounds dangerous,” you say. “wet feet on tile and hardwood floor? with your clumsiness?”

he mocks offense. “you think i’m clumsy? ridiculous.”

“jere, you tripped over a penny on the beach last summer,” you say. “and i don’t think we’ve had a summer here where we haven’t had to bring you to the e.r. from some injury.”

“the sand is trippy!” he claims. “and i just live an adventurous lifestyle. which is why i’m totally beating you upstairs.”

“better catch me first!” you say and immediately take off sprinting, up the stairs to the porch and through the sliding glass doors, which you attempt to close in front of jeremiah, who caught up with you quickly. carefully, you run through the house but the slippery floors really did make it difficult. soon, you’re halfway up the stairs and jeremiah is right behind you, laughing. “you’re such a cheater!”

“i’m just smarter than you!” you yell as you approach your bedroom, which was right next to his. he shakes his head.

“no way. just a cheater,” he grins at you one more time as he enters his bedroom, closing the door behind him. you walk into yours as well, your head spinning from the first thirty minutes you had spent here. jeremiah made everything around you feel insignificant and you felt like you were floating when he touched you. and for the first time in your life, you hated the feeling. you were with peter now. you had to focus on peter, not jeremiah.

it was hard to do that when you were spending the next two months living with him, your rooms right next to each other, and the walls thin enough that you could hear everything in each others rooms. whenever he played music, you heard every word. every conversation, every ounce of laughter, every time either of you cried. it was good, having a close connection to him, but you knew it was just going to make things so much harder.

#tsitp jeremiah #jeremiah fisher x reader #jeremiah fisher #tsitp #tsitpbookseries #tsitp cast #tsitp s2 #tsitp conrad #tsitp belly #tsitp spoilers #conrad fisher #team conrad #team jeremiah #jeremiah fisher x you #jeremiah fisher x y/n #jeremiah x reader #belly conklin #steven conklin #bria j.f updates

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jeonbunnie · 1 year

Text

heartbreak anniversary

pairing: reader x jeongguk

anon requested: “hello ♡ my request is an angst break up fic based on heartbreak anniversary with jeongguk please.”

summary: a run in with your ex has you seeking out closure.

genre: angst, fluff if u squint

content/warnings: flower shop!au, established relationship, unrequited love, breakups.

soundtrack: heartbreak anniversary — giveon

a/n: I had a lot of fun looking into the flower meanings on this one.I hope you enjoy it! (not beta’d).

word count: 2.4k

♪ Heartbreak anniversary, do you ever think of me? ♪

You met Jeongguk in spring when the world was flush with pink, petals carrying in the wind, and the cherry blossoms were in full bloom.

It was your first week of college when everything was exciting and new and so scary to be off on your own. On the first day of class, you ran into him, erupting in a flurry of notes scattered throughout the air when you collided.

You were too nervous and deep into your first-day meltdown to see the meet-cute for what it was. But how could you not fall for him? After he helped you pick up your notes, he flashed you a dimpled smile to settle your nerves and then, in a gesture of sheer kindness, insisted on walking you to your class to be sure you were okay.

It was so easy to fall in love with Jeongguk. How could you not? With a face like that and a heart of gold, it seemed like you were fated.

He was your first everything. First kiss. First love. First time. And back then, it really felt like he’d be in your life forever.

You made long-term plans. After graduation, you’d move in together, finish up your graduate studies, get married and spend the rest of your lives together.

Although Jeongguk didn’t end up being in your life forever, he was only passing through.

He broke up with you in the fall, four years after that glorious first spring.

You only lasted a couple of months outside of college. It turned out that living together was all Jeongguk needed to realize he didn’t want forever. You never got to see him with the cherry blossoms ever again.

Now you hate spring. It reminded you of false hope and broken promises. All the plans you made together, so easily discarded, like the cherry blossoms that bloom only to scatter in the wind.

You hate fall, too. Because you can’t help but remember how the first of the leaves fell, sweeping across the park when Jeongguk took your hand and told you he wanted to end things.

“What are you saying?”

“I think we should take a break. “

“Take a break?” You asked through tears, “Or break up?”

“I just…. feel like I already have my whole life planned out. And it’s too much. It’s overwhelming. I can’t make any commitments right now; my heart’s just not in it.”

Jeongguk never said the words, but you knew what he really meant. You were too much. The look in his eye was enough to tell you that wherever his heart was, it wasn’t with you.

You remember how you felt on the walk home, cold and empty as the clouded gray sky above you. Ever since, gray skies only remind you of the day Jeongguk broke your heart.

It’d been a year since Jeongguk broke up with you. Almost two years to the day, a year, and seven months if you were counting (and you were).

You’re still not over him. You’ve been sulking in your apartment ever since the weather turned. Those cloudy, overcast fall days made you ache, and your breathing got just a little bit tighter.

Living in the same apartment you once shared was torture. Your days consisted of constant missing. You often lamented the space Jeongguk once took up: in your shared bed, wearing his oversized black t-shirt, staring at the box in the corner of your living room filled with the things he left behind (after a year, you should have returned them by now, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it).

Mostly you sat with the terrible aching questions of unrequited love. How could he walk away from all the memories you built together? And did he think of you half as much as you thought of him?

Today especially, let yourself be a mopey, utterly pathetic mess. One minute you were on the couch whining to yourself about never finding love again. And then you forced yourself to snap out of it, dusted the crumbs off your shirt, and gave yourself a pep talk.

Jeongguk wasn’t the only one who could show you love. You could give yourself love, too. So instead of sitting around with a pint of ice cream, you got up, and went on a mission to your local florist: Spring Day Arrangements.

Okay, so you might have stolen the idea from some tik tok. But who cares? It got you out of the house, didn’t it?

Besides, the creator of the positive self-care page @loveyourself had a point. When was the last time you did something nice for yourself? When you thought about it, you really couldn’t remember. So you decided to treat yourself to one of your favorite bouquets.

The last time you received flowers, they were a gift from Jeongguk. Before you dated him, you used to buy yourself flowers all the time. So naturally, picking up your personal bouquet felt like a step in the right direction.

You took your time in the store, browsing around sunflowers, roses, and peonies before settling on the flower you always got: petunias.

The purple flowers always seemed sweet and dainty to you. You approached the florist, fully intending to ask for a bouquet of them, but stopped short upon seeing the slight grimace on his face.

“Is something wrong…” you glanced down at the gold-plated name tag on his apron. “Namjoon? Are they out of season?”

The man gave you a tentative smile, cheek dimpling with the effort. “Oh, it’s nothing like that. It’s just…those flowers have a negative connotation.”

You blinked in surprise. “Really? I always thought they symbolized hope.”

Namjooon hummed, wrinkling his nose a bit. “Mhmm… That’s true. However, they are mainly known to represent anger and resentment.”

Geez. And to think you intended to buy these as a gift to cheer yourself up.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to trouble you,” said Namjoon, reading the look on your face. “I just thought you might want to know if you were preparing a gift.”

You waved your hand. “It’s no trouble at all. I’m glad you told me, as I meant to buy the flowers for myself.”

You sighed, looking around the shop, eyes trailing for a suitable flower substitute, when your gaze landed on a sad bunch of confetti balloons. Across the front, the words’ Happy Anniversary!’ were printed cheerfully in primary colors, though the wilted spheres looked just as deflated as you felt inside.

“Those were the only flowers I wanted. But I guess I’m better off leaving here empty-handed, huh?”

“If you don’t mind, could I arrange something for you?”

You smiled at his kind offer. “I’d like that.”

“Anything you’d like in particular? Perhaps a color I can go by?”

You shook your head, “Surprise me.”

Namjoon smiled, mentioning that he’d be just a minute before disappearing in the back.

Alone, you tapped your fingers against the counter and then explored the lux flora. You admired daffodils, carnations, and lilies, tilting your face towards them, leaning in to breathe in their fragrance. When you heard the tinkling of the store bell, you paid it no mind, off in your own world. So it came as a surprise when you heard someone call your name.

“Y/n?”

You immediately freeze, dread creeping down your back. You anticipated this moment; you’d inevitably run into Jeongguk in this small college town but not here, in this little florist shop, on the anniversary of your break up.

The instinct to flee told you to duck behind the monstera plant next to you and hide, but it was too late; Jeongguk had already spotted you.

You sidestepped from around the flowers to face him even though, on the inside, you were panicking. This could not be happening.

Your heart was in your throat when, by the time, he stopped a few feet in front of you.

“Hi,” He breathed out, voice light and airy.

“Um, hi,” you croak out. You glance over Jeongguk’s signature black look, trying to focus on anything but those bright brown eyes that always made you melt.

“Wow…I-i didn’t expect to run into you here.”

That was an understatement. You wished you’d chosen something to wear other than your gray sweat set to run into your ex but at least you weren’t caught off guard in your PJs.

You picked at the bottom of your sweater. “Is running into me a good thing or a bad thing?”

“A good thing, really.”

Jeongguk’s voice was clear and even-toned. Still, it made you nervous to know you caught him by surprise.

Uncomfortable, you changed the subject. “What are you doing here?”

“Just picking up a gift,” he said, looking down.

It’s then that you realize he has a bouquet in his hands. Pretty red roses arranged in pastel wrapping paper.

“Oh,” you said.

A gift. Jeongguk said it so casually, like he was picking up groceries. But you know what those red roses meant.

He had a girlfriend.

Jeongguk looked down, long hair falling in his face as he lowered his eyes. At least he had the decency to look embarrassed, though it didn’t do much to soothe the pain in your heart.

“I should get going,” he said, looking to the side as he rubbed the back of his neck, a nervous tick you knew all too well.

You nod, mumbling goodbye as you watch him hurriedly turn on his heel and stride toward the exit.

It dawns on you then that the person he bought those flowers for must be waiting for him. Maybe they were meeting on a date or spending a cozy night in; who knew? But the mental image of it, the mere thought of him devoted to another, shattered something in you—you couldn’t just watch him walk away. Not without an answer to the burning question that kept you up late at night.

“Jeongguk, wait!” You said, feet carrying you to the door.

Jeongguk halted in his tracks, one hand in the door as he looked back at you over his shoulder.

The words tumble from your mouth. “Did you ever really love me?”

Jeongguk’s eyes are wide, like a deer caught in headlights. “What?”

“I’m sorry I have to ask—I have to know,” you said. “Because I’m not okay. You ended us like it meant nothing like I meant nothing to you. And ever since, I’ve wondered, was any of it real?”

You spent months analyzing every aspect of your relationship, every last word, every message he sent, hoping to find proof that you hadn’t loved him in vain, but you couldn’t.

“Our breakup broke me, but you seem fine. You even moved on—and I don’t resent you for that, I don’t —I just can’t understand how you walked away from me so easily,” you said, throat raw as you held back tears.

Jeongguk shook his head, a flurry of curls spiraling around his face. “How could you think that? Of course, I loved you.”

You don’t know if you should’ve felt relief or agony hearing the word ‘loved,’ but you listened to every word he said.

“It wasn’t easy,” said Jeongguk. He let go of the door and turned to face you. “Ending us was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It was real. All of it was real.”

All tension leaves your body. Somehow, those were the words you needed to hear most. You needed to know that you weren’t alone in mourning your relationship.

“I’m sorry,” he continued. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just wasn’t happy anymore.”

The words sound almost too good to be true. But when you saw Jeongguk’s eyes, soft and earnest, you knew he was telling the truth. You glance down at the bouquet in his hand, thinking of his new love.

“Are you happy now?”

Jeongguk nodded, lips curving into a small smile.

It takes all your strength to return that smile. “Then I’m happy for you.”

“You don’t have to say that—“

“I know,” you said. “But I mean it.”

And you did. Even though it pained you to know the truth, you’d be lying if you said you wanted Jeongguk to move on. You were still in love with him and probably always would be, but that didn’t mean you wanted him to be anywhere near as miserable as you.

And Jeongguk looked…happy. Even with the shock of seeing you, you could tell. His cheeks were flushed, his eyes were shiny and bright, and he had that look—the one he used to give you.

But this time, you knew the love there was for another.

“Someone like you deserves a lot of love,” you said. “I’m glad you’ve found it…even if I couldn’t be the one to give it to you.”

“Thanks…”

There’s nothing left to say now. All the words between you have been spoken. But a weight has been lifted, and there’s an easiness that you couldn’t feel before.

“It was really good to see you,” said Jeongguk, shifting on his feet. “Take care, (Y/n).”

“You too,” you whisper.

And though your heart ached to say those three little words—you don’t.

Instead, you watched the man you loved turn around and walk away from you again. The bell chimed again, signaling his departure, but Jeongguk hesitated at the door, his back facing you.

“I think about you all the time,” he confessed. “Especially in the spring.”

And then he was gone.

The silence that followed his absence was thick and heavy. You returned to the counter, lost in your thoughts. The minutes you spent in his company felt like hours, time so distorted you couldn’t help but startle at the next voice to grace your ears.

“Your arrangements ready,” said Namjoon, holding up one of the most stunning bouquets you’ve ever seen.

You gasped as he placed the blue and purple flowers in your hands. You gasped. “What are they?”

“Columbines, hydrangeas, and iris.”

“I hope they have a much better meaning than the petunias.”

Namjoon offered you a sympathetic smile. “I think these are much closer to the initial feeling you were going for.”

“They’re beautiful,” you said, still in awe of the delicate petals. How much do I owe you?”

“It’s on the house.”

You opened your mouth to protest, but Namjoon fixed you with a firm look that let you know there was no room to argue.

“It’s a gift.”

At his kindness, your eyes tear up. “Thank you,” you said, wiping quickly at your tears.

“You okay?” Asked Namjoon.

There’s a part of your heart that still feels a bit tender, but you can’t deny that a part of you was relieved at the little closure you found.

No,” you said, cradling the bouquet to your chest. “But I will be.”

Namjoon’s Bouquet:

Columbines (purple) - Resolution

Hydrangeas - Gratitude for being understood

Iris - Hope

#btshoneyhive #bangtanbathhouse #btswritingcafe #bts fic #jungkook fic #jeongguk fic #jungkook angst #jeongguk angst #bts drabble #bts scenario #song fic #reader x jungkook #reader x jeongguk #my fics.🍪#req fill.📦

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moonjxsung · 24 days

Note

hi bb star💗 i love iced coffee so much, i hadn’t had one in over a week (bc i suck at making coffee at home and i hadn’t gotten my paycheck yet so i get my caffeine via tea) but as soon as i got it i splurged!

i loooove the fact that he’s posting these cute little covers and everyone is literally head over heels for him too like instagram itself commented on one of them😭 he’s such a sweet angel baby.

I DID SEE ABOUT ONEW AND I FANGIRLED SOOOO MUCH!! i was going to ask how how you were after seeing it! but i was like “maybe im being too annoying about shinee lately”😂. but he looks so good and healthy too!! i love how he just decided to make the most anticipated comeback news ever on a random tuesday. the wavy long hair though!! he’s so cute.

and you and your sis sending him a package is so cute!!! you having matching jewelry with onew is so slay too! i love this comeback so much🥹 im so ready for ot4 shinee again (and ofc baby jonghyun forever💜)

and for tofu update! they said that the ulcer was significantly smaller today and told us to keep up with the antibiotics and some eye lubricant for two weeks and they’ll re-check her. but we were panicking fr bc just as i was waiting in the waiting room a lady came in with a kitty and she told us that she had an eye ulcer too and lost her eye😭 but thankfully she’s fine💕🫶🏻

ily bb have the best weekend! muahhh!

-🐈‍⬛

SO GLADDDD TOFU IS OKAYYYYY OMG 🫶🫶🫶🫶 my sister and I were talking earlier today about when my cat got an eye infection and she was telling me that the doctor was sooo insistent we make sure it wasn’t another car who scratched her bc she very well could’ve lost her vision ☹️ at the time we knew she did it to herself but I can’t imagine if she was at risk for losing an eye or !! I would be panicking so bad 😭 also fun fact my older sister has a cat with just one he and he’s the sweetest thing ever 🥺 BUT ANYWAYSSSSS IM SO GLAD LIL TOFU IS OKAY I hope he continues to get better!!!! Ily tofu. This is a tofu fan acc 🫶💞💖💝

I had coffee today (and my weekly allotted little treat) and it was soooo good I literally only left the house today to get coffee and then I came straight home to be lazy again 😭

PLS. HANJI’S INSTAGRAM MAKES ME WANT TO CRYYYYYYYYYY I’m just so happy he’s posting whatever he wants to and he seems so unapologetically himself these days!!!!! I didn’t know how badly I needed Jisung’s personal instagram until now 🫶

ONEW COMEBACK WE WON SOOOOOO GOOOOOD oh my god please don’t ever be afraid of spamming my inbox with shinee stuff I LOOOOVE SHINEEEEEE I have like no shawol friends irl so talking about shinee on here fulfills me so much 😭😭 I CANT BELIEVE HE’S FINALLY BACKKK and he already has an official schedule for this month??? Like Onew headlining an award show in the year 2024?????? It still doesn’t feel real 😭😭 I’m going to Monterey with my family tomorrow and there’s this adorable little antique shop that sells so much cute jewelry so I’m planning on buying matching necklaces for me and my Onewman and then I need to write him a longggg letter about how much I love him ofc 👼 the way he’s been posting on his stories all surprised that people are sending him fan mail like sir you are ONEW…. FROM SHINEE……. Literally paved the way for kpop ‼️‼️‼️‼️ I WILL KEEP U POSTED AS SOOOOON AS I DELIVER ONEW CARE PACKAGE ily so much bby have the best weekend!!!!!! 💖💞💘💝👼 relax and do something healing for yourself you deserve it so much ily ily (also pc of the day with my Marge Sherwood bag my sweater matches Channie’s AND peep my new lil keroppi keychain I love him so much 👼🫶)

#🐈‍⬛ anon #ask

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yeojz · 8 months

Text

to my eunnie 🖤

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ aka the bestest girl ever !!!! ( usually.. )

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ @wngdate : 我爱你宝贝 :>

happy 3 months !!!!!! it feels like we just celebrated our 2 months last week .. time flew by really fast

i don’t even know where to start with this, ngl i feel like i’m always repeating myself when i write stuff for you, but it’s because i really mean it :( you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and i’m so glad we met when we did. i was going through . a lot . when we met, and you helped me get through it, n i can’t thank you enough for it !!!!!!! i love you so much, more than you know :>

you say you don’t know how i tolerate you ( bc i love you silly 😞 ) but idk how you tolerate me !!!!! :( but thank you for sticking with me for the past 162 days, i can’t thank you enough for being the bestest girlfriend ever hehe

youre always gonna be the hao to my bin & milk to my mocha ( & every other 729822 things we are ) :”) i wake up every day thinking about you.. literally.. probably because i usually wake up to messages from you, but even on days i don’t, im always thinking about you. i didn’t think i’d be able to become this attached to someone so fast, but here we are !!!!! n i’m so glad i am :”( i adore you so so much, you’re my little baby forever :< i hope we get to meet one day, celebrate each others accomplishments & birthdays, holidays together, & so much more !!!!! i think it would be fun n cute :> i always think about us living together or just living near each other, close enough so i can just drive over to your place n pick you up 😞 you’re my #1 girl & i hope you know it !!!!!

i know i said it already, but thank you for everything as always. you always make me feel so loved n comforted n safe, and i hope i make you feel the same way :”( i hope i’m the best for you ( or at least close to it.. ). falling in love with you was the best thing that’s happened to me, and i’m happy i’m with you. we haven’t even known each other for a year and i feel like i’ve known you forever ( we probably were together in our past lives hehe ) !!!!! i’ll do whatever i have to to marry you one day 😞 even with paper rings :> n just remember you’re mine only >:( okay? only mine </3 i don’t wanna share you with anyone ever. idc if it’s selfish !!!!!!! i love you so much 😣 宝贝 hehehe :> sending u kisses virtually mwahmwah

love, your jaeinnie :3

#sorry if this sucks </3 #i love u 😞#✎ for eunnie · ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡

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rosietaeyongswife · 2 years

Text

save your tears | jung jaehyun

wc: 3k genre: angst, fluff summary: save your tears for another day. you had loved jaehyun more than anything or anyone. he was your number one, other half untill you were forced to get married to another man, which breaks your path you were going with jaehyun. an: sorry for not uploading anything. my depression just gets worse, and worse per day. i can’t even think, like i have empty mind. i have about 26 others drafts, and let me tell you - i will end them, because they are fuckin amazing, but i don’t have much energy. and on top of that, my grandpa died, so yeah. kind of hard time. hope u understand, and enjoy this piece of shit tbh.

“aren’t you getting married to this asshole, wait what’s his name..” jaehyun looked around, and touched his chin “ah yes, this guy called doyoung? i saw that both of you are happy together, so i don’t understand why you’re at my place right now.

“jaehyun, it’s not like that and you know it so well! let me explain everything, please.”

“no, i don’t want to listen to this whole bullshit you want to feed me again. get it in your head, we were done the second your parents made this decission about doyoung, and you agreeing with them. we’re done, just go away y/n, and don’t call me.

“but how can you be so selfish? do you think i am happy in this whole mess? i have to get married to person, who i don’t know! i wanted to get here, talk with you about it, and how much i want to run away or something. i want your help, and you’re here talking about my bulshit? it’s so rude jaehyun.”

“am i rude? aren’t you rude for not go against them? you let them do it!”

“it’s for my family’s future okay? i’m trying to work things out.”

“y/n can you hear yoursefl?” he looked down at you. his flawless face could only show his anger, and it was terryfing you. “how am i going to work things out with girl, who is going to be someone’s wife in a two weeks or so!? don’t you think it’d could only hurt me more, than i already am?”

“you know what?” you smiled with tears in your eyes, taking few steps ahead. “you’re right. if our story has to ends this way, okay. i let it happen. i will miss you jaehyun. for real, like all the things we did, memories we share. it’s going to stay with me forever. and i doubt i will love anyone in my life the same way i did love you. because i still do. and i don’t think i will ever stop.” soft smile appear on your lips, as you were talking. “hope you will be happy without us.

with this jaehyun could only remain silent. he was too afraid, and too spechless to say something or at least agree with you. he couldn’t understand this situation, and anything that comes with it. one day you two were out on dinner, and the other day you are getting married to some businessman. was it fair?

were yours life fair? two lovers getting tear apart, because of parents of one of them. it was all coming so fast you couldn’t even get it in your head. you loved jaehyun the most in the world, but you couldn’t go against your parents since they have you everything you own right now.

∘⋆⋅✯⋅⋆∘ half a year later

“mrs. kim!” you could hear your neighbour seojin. “i just wanted to know if you maybe want to come here for a dinner at 6 pm? i want to do really nice dish, and i would appreciate it if you two would come, since you’re new here!” she had her fake smile at her, as she always do. you get to know her just in a first week beeing here. doyoung, and you moved here a month ago, and since then you could tell seojin have thing for your husband. and your husband seemed like he didn’t mind. it didn’t bother you, because you weren’t in love with doyoung. the only thing that is upsetting you, is this that you let go of jaehyun, an you didn’t want to get cheated on since you’re married.”yes! of course. i just need to ask doyoung if he’s free tonight, but i guess he is.”

the way she was looking at you made you mad. it was obvious she didn’t like you.

“i am sure he is free, and you two can make it tonight.

with awkward laugh you left. seojin was woman in her 30s, she looked much younger tho. she was girl, who stays in shape all the time, and do all the it girl things. she isn’t married or have kids. few nuns said that she was very mean woman, and all her boyfriends left, and only man who was attracted to her, divorced her two years ago. you just knew it’s true.

∘⋆⋅✯⋅⋆∘

“seojin asked if we wanted to come for a dinner.”

“yeah, sure. why not.”

“she has thing for you.”

“i don’t mind. i think she doesn’t.” he looked at you with smile. “even if. so what? i look at you and i’m just happy i got so lucky to marry you! you’re pretty, and very funny. your personality is cool, but looks tho? many would kill to have you or be you.”

the way he told you this things was so weird. he was pointing out your looks instead of personality or other things. you knew he liked your apperance but at least he could say something about your inteligence or just shut up.

only jaehyun could compliment you, because he did it in a poem way. you loved every word that came out of his mouth. now you could only imagine these times in your head. you were wondering how is he doing.

is he fine?

does he date anybody?

did he find any girl?

did he fuck anybody?

did he fall in love with anybody?

does he think about you?

it was question you wanted to have answers to. six months already passed, and none of you tried to contact each other. you had hopes that maybe after week or month or two, you would get a call from him asking for you to come back, and work things out, but it had never happend. why? you could only think that jaehyun just simply let go.

∘⋆⋅✯⋅⋆∘

seojin made a lot of korean dishes, and some dessert. it tasted good, but still something was missing in it. you have been there for an hour already, and it was too much for you. doyoung didn’t even bother to talk to you or check on you. he was too busy flirting with seojin or asking her some dumb questions. you just wanted to go away from there, but where would you go? to your empty house across the street?

“i think your ex must be crazy! how could he leave woman like you seojin?” you glanced at your husband, and you could swear your blood preasure went ten times higher. it’s because they acted like you weren’t there. you sighed, and took sip of your wine.

“i don’t know. they just don’t apreciate what they have untill it’s not theirs anymore, you know.” she winked at him. “maybe if more guys were like you, then women like me wouldn’t be so lonely, and finally being appreciated?”

“aren’t you like 34 seojin?” you finally said with emptiness in your eyes. “and don’t you just feel bad that you flirt with my husband?”

“do you even love him y/n? aren’t this arranged marriage?”

“how could you know thi-” you glanced over at doyoung, who was looking down. no way. it can’t be possible, he was cheating on you already. “you fuck her, don’t you?”

“it’s not like that y/n, we just had-”

“nah, don’t tell me this.” you were calm. you knew it was about to happen, but you didn’t know it was already happening. “it’s fine. we’re not in love, but i thought that if we’re married we wouldn’t be with someone else, at least that’s what our parents wanted.”

doyoung tried to grab you or stop you, but you just left. for this moment you hated your parents, doyoung, seojin, and even jaehyun. you hated him for not doing anything to make you stay. you had hopes that maybe he would offer to you to run away with you or maybe leave for some time, and go to the united states, where his best friend was back then or his parents, but nope. he was fine with it.

∘⋆⋅✯⋅⋆∘

you called an uber to drive you to your favourite pub. since, you had to be lonely 24/7, because of your marriage, and due to busy schedules of your friends, you had time to visit some clubs, pubs and places to hang out with yourself. pub called “destiny”. it was kind of luxurious place, but it wasn’t too expensive. sometimes few small artists would perform there, which was cute.

you walked in, and from afar you could see your favourite barman, ten. ten was from thailand, and he move to south korea, because of his boyfriend. you met him three months ago, and you just like him from the bottom of your heart.

“give me some tequilla please.”

“hard day?”

“you can say that. just give me my drink, i want to get wasted.”

“sure mrs. kim.”

“don’t call me that, please.”

ten smirked, and went to do your drink. on the scene went some man about 50 years old, and annouce next performer. you get your drink, and ten was waiting with you for this person, who was about to perform. when you saw silhouete of this person, you almost throw up. ten could see your reaction, and the way your face changed, when this man was sitting down next to piano. firs few chords, and you could tell it was “save your tears”. you looked at this man with awe in your eyes. it was jaehyun.

it was yours jaehyun.

he always likes to sing no matter what, and his voice was angelic. you would never tell, he was going to perform in pubs or something like that. you drank your drink to the bottom, and watch in awe his performance.

“do you know him?” ten was confused.

you didn’t respond tho. you were too busy looking at your ex boyfriend. he looked as beautiful as ever. his brown hair looked extremly good, and you were sure other girls noticed this also, because they looked amazed just like you did. jaehyun caught your gaze, and smiled softly looking directly at you. he was alredy singing the lyrics, and you could feel how your heart was breaking again, but also part of you were happy you could see him.

the whole thing went so slow for you. it was for sure best moment of you life in last few months. jaehyun sang whole song, while looking into your eyes.

“he is jaehyun.”

“this is THIS jaehyun?!” ten looked in disbelief. “you mentioned he’s handsome, but you didn’t tell me he is THAT handsome. girl, he is the pretties human being i have ever seen!” he was smilling, while you were looking as jaehyun is walking behind the scene. “he is so hot, like wtf. i would cook, clean for him. anything!”

“i know right.” you nodded. “this is my jaehyun. i mean.. was.”

“but y/n, have you seen the way he was looking at you? this man for sure still loves you.”

“yes i have, so what? i’m married.”

“y/n don’t be stupid. go talk with him.” he looked dead serious while trying to convince you to speak to your ex boyfriend. “i bet he misses you, and this song? it was perfect pick for you. please, go and talk with him before he leave.

“it doesn’t matter. i can’t.”

“you dumb bitch, i swear to god.”

ten suddenly get up, and went somewhere you didn’t know. it was over even tho you would love to talk to him. ask him about his day or something like that. but you couldn’t. it would only make you hurt more.

taking your purse, you left money on the table and left. you might be a little bit tipsy, but it wouldn’t stop you from driving. nothing can stop you from this. you didn’t care you could make some damage not only to you, but to other people too. you came by uber, but you would use ten’s car.

as you were about to open the car doors, you could hear your name. you turned around, and you saw face of your ex lover.

“y/n! wait!” jaehyun’s voice was loud enough for you to hear. you tried to open this damn door, but you couldn’t. “don’t act like you can’t hear me! wait!”

in few seconds, jaehyun was standing beside you.

“what do you want from me?”

“talk?” he wasn’t sure what to say since it was sudden. “you’re drunk, why you getting into the car?”

“why you care? just go away.” his face soften a bit when he was your face expression.

“let me drive you. you’re barely standing.” you were looking at him with grin. “don’t be stupid, and just agree with me. i promise, i will take you home just put your adress in gps.”

“i don’t want to get back home. not to him.” you murmured under your breath.

“what? why?”

“you know what did he do?!” you couldn’t control what were you saying. “this asshole promised to stay loyal, like i was! i haven’t spoken to any other guy since, and his motherfucker is fuckin our 30ish something, neighbour!” you started to laugh. “this bitch invited us to dinner. if i knew before, i wouldn’t be mean to you. i would keep in touch with you or something, but no! i couldn’t because of fuckin morals!”

“so you’re telling me that doyoung was cheating on you with yours neighbour.” you nodded. “what an asshole. why did your parents choose him. he isn’t even that nice or good looking.”

“i know right.” you get into the car after jaehyun. “why they didn’t like you?”

jaehyun turned engine on, and go. he was listening to you with weird felling in his chest.

“i have no idea honey.” you smiled softly. “it doesn’t matter right now, right? would you like to eat something? maybe strawberry cupcake. you love it.”

“yes please! i didn’t eat it like in forever!” you smiled. “but isn’t like 8 pm?”

“i believe that taeyong’s bakery is open. i mean he is my friend, so why wouldn’t he let me but it for you.” soft chuckle left his mouth.

“i missed you.” you said looking through the window. “like for real. i was crying for a week straight after this marriage. i loved you so much, and what? i get to get married to some asshole.” both of you laughed, but jaehyun’s heart was beating way too fast. “i still do love you. my fellings haven’t changed since.”

“y/n you’re drunk, and you’re mad at your husband.”

“so what?! i’m honest right now. i was thinking about a lot of things lately. i want to divorce doyoung.”

as soon as this words left your lips, jaehyun almost stopped the car at the middle of the road.

“when did you change your mind?”

“month ago? i’m bored in this marriage, and i only hate him. i don’t want to do this anymore.”

jaehyun could only nod. he had hopes it was true. he was waiting for you for a half a year now. he didn’t say anything back, since you were already in front of taeyong’s bakery. this place was at the hidden side of seoul. taeyong didn’t want to have much conqurence or something like that, so he picked this alley. even tho it was hidden, a lot of people would visit him daily, because his bakery was in top 3 in the seoul. it’s just shows how good he was.

taeyong had only 15 minutes untill closing, but he saw his best friend.

“what are-” he stopped while he saw you sitting in the car thru the window. “what the fuck? are you friends now or?”

“i met her at this pub. she is kinda wasted, and hungry so please, don’t ask anymore questions, and just give me 10 strawberry cupcakes.”

“oh dude. she is married right now, and -”

“he cheated on her.”

“oh-.” taeyong looked surprised. “nevermind.”

“yeah i know. she is telling me that she loves me still, and i don’t know.”

“do you love her?”

“yes, but-”

“then help her. you know to get her out of this marriage.” taeyong packed cupcakes. “there must be a way for it. just do something. my friend mark has some friend who is lawyer, i think his name is donghyuck?”

“you will help me with it?”

“ofcourse.”

∘⋆⋅✯⋅⋆∘

“you can’t be serious y/n. i don’t want this divorce, and i will never let you do it.” doyoung was looking at you with anger in his eyes. “do you think it all what i-, your parents did was easy? IT WAS SO HARD, and you are trying now to destroy it.” he put his glasses on the table, and you could only smile.

“what am i supposed to say? you took me out of love of my life. i have never asked to get married to some random guy my parents found!” you stood up. “i don’t want to make my life any worse, alright? i just want to live hapily life, and that’s it. you should just go to seojin or something, and let me live.”

you took your bag, and went outside, where jaehyun was waiting in his car.

“wait!” doyoung run after you. “you can’t do it! please, let’s just talk it out, and we will figure-”

“no doyoung.” you said calm. “it’s nothing to talk about. we are done.” you get in the car. “see you at the court.”

∘⋆⋅✯⋅⋆∘

haechan really did help you with this divorce, and at the top of it your parents, and doyoung had to pay for go against your will with your marriage. it was long way for you, and jaehyun.

but now you’re in your home with him. both of you bought it after the court. you felt at home, finally. after all this time, and struggles you had someone you loved.

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roxyandelsewhere · 8 months

Note

hi hello!

i saw the tags you put in the post abt small Earth-centric moments that u reblogged from me. you must have seen my tags abt mice! thank u for reading those, i find small enjoyment in the fact that some people seem to read my lil brain rambles.

i then found a pdf of john berger’s why look at animals online and read it. dude…. Dude……. that’s some impactful stuff. thank you so much for bringing that to my life. my god, it will be stamped on my brain forever. (also, knowing that Descartes was part of that separating humans from animals gives me one more reason to add to the pile in my brain labeled “reasons why i’d like to time travel and kick Descartes squarely in the balls”)

here’s an extra lil thought morsel: i went to college in the US for a total of three years (during which i transferred twice for a total of three universities) before quitting mid-pandemic to work full time. i never figured out what i wanted to “do” with my life (ie: which job i would actually like to do forever). i worked in the food industry, the veterinary industry, and commercial retail™️ for two and a half years following that. and then… i snapped. thankfully, through some crazy random stroke of cosmic luck, i also found my partner on a dating app during that period who will probably be with me for life. through him, i had the financial support to just *quit.* i walked out of my commercial retail job sobbing with a limp from a still-not-healed ankle that i sprained at that job two months prior, feeling stunned but 20x lighter.

I now work part time for a lovely small business in my city that’s owned by a woman who is very mental-health conscious and works with me to keep me “okay” and now— ONLY now— have i started to realize how damaging capitalism and “”the grind”” lifestyle were to my spirit and body. i still have to wrap that damaged ankle and rest it a lot. but now i sit outside for hours at a time and try to remember what it feels like to be part of something. and every time i’m in traffic or in a big-box retail store and i see the weariness and irritability of people around me i remind myself of the spirits in them and lives they live outside me. when you spend every hour of your waking day working in (usually pointless) hope that maybe you’ll have enough money this week to stow some away after your rent and bills and food and soap that you need to survive that month so that you can maybe stop doing this and rest, it’s not just animals and native vegetation that fade to noise in the background. it’s everyone else but you.

i’m incredibly grateful that i have the privilege to slow down now. i highly recommend, if you are able to do this, to find time in the day when the sun is still out to sit outdoors and watch. eventually, animals start scurrying around after they realize you’re not going to move around in their habitats and hunting grounds— even in the limited grassy spaces of the decrepit apartment complex i could afford, this is true. sometimes a stray cat even prowls out! and internet individual, lemme tell you, there are few better feelings than locking eyes with a scraggly cat and knowing it’s your equal in ways neither of you will ever really understand, and knowing it will walk past you and into the brush to have things happen to it, to encounter perhaps more people and animals that day. maybe it’ll bump into the same pair of doves who come to peck at the sunflower seeds you leave out on your balcony (i sure hope not. they seem like nice doves). maybe it’ll even find a sun spot that’s safe enough to bask in for a bit and take a nice nap.

i don’t know if i really have a point here beyond an attempt to reach out and know i’m sharing that feeling of crying over the horrors of mouse traps. because sometimes, you tell another person how you spontaneously cried over mousetraps— over the feeling of being scared, of just wanting food for that day or maybe bringing home something to your family who are so hungry too— and finding yourself trapped in a box or hurt or *much* worse. sometimes you tell a person about this and how much pain it brings to you that we as humans just DO that to mice, thoughtlessly, all the time, and they scoff. to them they’re just mice and the separation is never bridged.

this was real sappy. i’m a real sap. hopefully, you appreciate sappiness. if not you can delete this. I hope you’re doing alright either way.

sincerely,

abs

hello. this is such a beautiful message, thank you for taking the time to send it <33 I'm so glad to hear you did read Why look at animals? and that you liked it, and honestly when I read the rest of this part of me was thinking "hell yeah that's the john berger effect". I'm so happy to hear you're in a better place in your life now and you're so right. capitalism is a prison and in some way or another we all have to live in it [that one ursula k le guin quote playing in the distance] but The Grind is antithetical to what you could call human nature in the sense of observation and appreciation of the world around us and you realize so much about life once you look outside the very narrow idea of existence the grindset bubble provides. your message did have a point, you reached out and I'm reaching back and we're all here reaching for the same thing. it's sappy, yes, but sappiness is part of it <3 I hope you're having a good day today

#this is so nice and sweet thank you for reaching out after reading that!!!#on all levels except physical we're holding hands and looking out the window #carolina got mail #crowbiotic #also sorry it took be a while to reply i wasn't ignoring this!!!#i feel like my reply doesn't do justice to all that you said but you kind of said it all

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hobidreams · 2 years

Note

oh my gosh HI MISS RAIN!! i’m so sorry i haven’t been able to check in on you for the past month😭 without getting into it too much, uhhh u ever just get sick n tired of living thru historical events? yeah that was me in may💀 def didn’t help that the last couple of weeks in my semester were very determined to whoop my ass (though i saw my grades last night n they r all looking Very good🥹 the breakdowns i had were def worth it lol)

but YES I GOT SIDETRACKED,,,

i saw what you were going thru the past month!! i’m so sorry that u had to go through that. i hope you and your loved ones have fully recovered now, and with no lingering effects!! i really wanted to send a message but again,,, Life,,,, but i kept u n ur loved ones in my thoughts the whole time.

and lord,,, the news abt bts last night…. i’m really happy that they’ll be able to pursue their own interests!! but also i feel like my longterm s/o just told me that they needed time to cool off,,, so that’s fun hAHFKGL

that being said, i miss u so so so much and i hope ur well!! wishing u all the best in your endeavors always <3

(oh also right now the spacing is Whack,,, hopefully it looks alright on your end lol)

-🌿

HI BABYYYYY omg DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT IN THE SLIGHTEST. yes, i am right there with you. im so exhausted by life and everything and i just keep seeing worse and worse news every day and ahhhhhhhhhh. IM SO PROUD OF YOU for getting through the semester with amazing grades!!!! but do please take care of your health babe 💓 i dont wanna sound like a mom but in my first few years of uni, i had the mentality that "stress is temporary, grades are forever" so i put everything into school. but honestly, that ruined me 🥲 i had to find a sustainable way to manage my workload and i ended up not crying even once in my last year lol 🥲🥲🥲 but anyway. i trust you and ik youre gonna do whats best for you so ill just be here cheering u on 💗

omg thank you... it was, quite frankly, awful as fuck but we made it through and my grandpa is very safe and alive, lol. unfortunately another grandparent had to go to the emergency room recently but that was also fine ... ish... well. we're getting through it. i seem to have no lingering effects anymore.......? idk, i feel like my sense of taste has gotten a bit dulled in some aspects but that could also just be allergies plugging my nose so who knows 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ thank you for thinking about us ;-;

yes omg !! it does feel a bit like that FADKLJASFD but im confident that they'll be back better than ever. they wouldnt do this unless they couldnt keep going any longer, and i relate to that feeling more than anyone aslkdjfsadlkj. im listening to my fave songs on repeat to cope 😭

i miss you too, love! what are your plans for the summer? i hope you have fun stuff in store!!

#rain reply #🌿 anon #<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 #all the love to u

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aaesthethiccc · 9 months

Text

closing this account forever & deleting my tumblr app.

this was once my safe space & you are the only i let in here. it is because i trusted you. i know sometimes i used it to gaslight you to show you i have other people who care for me. well it is only because i wanted it to be you, not them. but this was my space to record and cherish my memories later in life too, which i will still create somewhere else.

i talked to vicious day before, and i felt good in knowing someone is there for u. last step for me to heal from this is also leaving this platform and removing everything forever.

it was a rocky start for you and me tirth. ngl in the starting when u told me u liked me i was weirded out cause we hardly knew each other ahah. but whenever i heard you laughin or even just talkin with you, i knew i felt different about you. and that only grew with time. i remember 6 months in, i never even learnt editing for my own stream highlights but i did so to make a video for u and that song i chose truly meant the words i felt. you might have liked me first, but i know in my heart i loved you more than you would ever realize. we spent so many days, so many nights together. i didnt want it all to be for nothing. i wanted at least meet you once & i had the money saved to meet u which i didnt wanna tell u till i booked my tickets.

i remember the first time i split with u, it was cause i caught your lie and u called me names. that time i knew i had to leave to protect my self respect. and the lying was something i hated. i could tell by the tone of ur voice or by the way u sounded. i remember this because on our last call i knew you sounded the same. your priorities have always been clear and i do not possess any patience for you to come around anymore. the most important week of the year for me, you chose to disappear. then even after i ignored it, you chose to still not be there for me. it wss your choice tirth. ik i would have been there for u if it was me on the other side.

i wasnt always the best to be around, i did my share of mistakes. i didnt know what it was like to love so deeply, and i didnt even realize you were never on the same page because with your words, you would always win me over. but yes those patterns repeated & i learnt a lot through them.

i still wish sometimes that our relationship was not this immature. i wish that we had a healthy relationship like i planned in the start. i wish we never lied to each other. i lied to you as well. i wasnt all innocent. when i needed your time, sometimes i made excuses. but i never lied to stay away from you, it was lil things like i really wanna tell u something after a boring day when there was nothing to share. ye i was a hopeless romantic, more hopeful and even more of a romantic ahahah. idk i never thought i could hold so much love for someone i never even met. it saddens me that i will never actually kiss you or be with you but this is the way its meant to be. i wish we took pauses in our fights, i wish i came to canada and we slept together ever night. i wish i got to feel the love i was feeling with you by my side.

throughout our journey i am sure i have hurt you, well i have felt the same hurt if not more. the hurt of being alone on my birthday. with everyone wishing me or sending me stuff but the man i love was ignoring me and playing cs. i wanted to believe your words when you came back. you told me you loved me but well it was confusing then and it is confusing now. how can someone love someone but not care for them? i think my love was very real towards you but yours was more of filling a void. i wish you fell in love with me like i fell in love with you.

i want you to know how deeply i have felt for you over these three years. and it hurts me the most to leave you & let you go even though this is not the ending i wanted. but sometimes the right decisions hurt. but they are the right ones.

i really enjoyed my time with you. most of it was me trying out new things for you. i wish you had gotten to see my excitement in things i enjoyed as well but sadly we could never find the perfect rhythm for the both of us which is okay. i hate that we fought so much, i wish we understood each other but i dont think so we are very different to do that. and yes when there is no effort put into communication and understanding then our boat will sink.

in our relationship, i learnt how much i could love a person. and trust me i have never felt this deeply about anyone. you were my heartworm. this is the reason tirth, i trusted your words completely, each time you told me you are ready to take responsibilities and grow and be with me, i trusted you completely. but those times when i didnt feel so secure, everything from our past always haunted me. all the unresolved issues, all the times you said we will talk and work through them but didnt. and the last day, it haunted me all at once again when you could so easily choose your friend when you could have waited just for two hours to go play with them. no matter if i was sleepy or no matter what i said, i just needed my person to be there for me on my big day.

i dont know if i will ever trust anyone again when they say they love me, i dont know how long it will take me to heal from this. but i know i cant start the next chapter of my life, re-reading this one. and i know in my heart that you arent ever going to love me or care for me or even be ready to move forward with yours. but i hope you do. i hope you find the strength to change. i hope you get off your ass and visit your family. we were going to meet this july you promised but we didnt. but i will pray that you meet your family this year instead. time goes by fast tirth. please dont let time pass you by. live. go live your life. find your passion again tirth. i know you can do it.

if you are hurting, i know you are alone there but dont go through it alone. call your family. time heals all wounds. i hope you surround yourself with good and positive energy. i send you my positive energy always even tho it wasnt always positive when i was with you always cribbing and crying over our past, but you can accept only good prayers from me for u.

i aint a victim of this relationship and you arent as well. so please dont focus on what has happened. cherish the good days and nights we spent together.

you remember the letter we were going to send in case something happens to one of us in the starting. well this is my letter to you. i know i am not with you now, and please dont try to be friends cause i am not like your exes, i cant be just friends with you or see u around without hurting. i tried but i guess i loved or just even love you so much. i dont know why despite you hurting me this much, i can never really hate you. but there is only so much hurt one can take. and sometimes it gets too much. it's unhealthy for both of us. i remember i use to get sick whenever i use to fight u, i never use to eat or sleep. i didnt play. my life would pause. i got control over myself but i still ended up with anxiety or panic attacks. there were many time i was so scared about my future, when i wasnt landing a job. when we decided to move back to india. things arent still great but they are better. i wish i could have been better in our relationship but please realise like you, i had my own problems. i have learnt to handle them better now. i also took my family to thailand recently. it was a trip i gifted them. and i am very proud of that.

i know this time when i called you, you got a panic attack, and seeing you like that, i felt the worst. i was talking all softly like it didnt affect me. i was numb for the longest time ngl. but it did affect me, especially cause i knew how it felt. this thing between us is very toxic.

i didn't want this to end. but it has to. i still dont know why you would go days without reaching out to me. each trip you go on, something happened to your phone, how am i to trust you. how am i to trust anything. i remember u dont even remember the important interviews, my flights or anything. you didn't remember or put any efforts to know what is going in my life. i dont think i have it in me to ever forget that. you werent the best boyfriend, i dont think so u even wanted to put that effort. why did you always get me back then? was this all a game to you? was i just something to use and throw. sometimes i wasnt even sure ur love was real, other times i thought you are living there alone, u are depressed and you dont know it, you need help and i wanted to do that. but how can i do that when i was hurting myself trying to be there for u. when things would be okay, suddenly u would stop even responding. i dont even know anymore and i dont want to. all was such a mental torture. i didnt have to always ask you to communicate. i always wanted more cause i didnt get even bare minimum for even 2 week continuously. i always had to tell you. i wanted someone who i didnt have to translate my entire soul to. someone who could just see through but for u i spoke it out loud and still was unheard. true love wants the best for the other person you know, i never felt that from your side. i didnt feel safe tirth. i wanted to feel safe with you but i didnt. i had so many doubts. i was so scared. i am feeling a lot of hurt writing this and have a really bad headache now so i will go sleep and rest. its like my head will burst out at any moment. the pain in my heart is too much to write any further but yes i will learn to forgive like always and i hope you get the strength to do the same. tbh it wont be tough for me to move on, i have done it before in jan and its not that without you i cant live. i am so content that i couldnt have done anything more, and i know for a fact that.. nevermind.. i just know, also i am happy on my own. i know i am the kind of person to even come and meet you after all this. i would have done it if i felt you meant your words. but i am not going to meet you. i am not going to salvage this relationship or even meet you as friends. i dont think you deserve it after everything you have put me through for your own selfishness and nothing else. enough is enough. i have had enough of this bs from you. i might sometimes feel pain but i am happy knowing i did everything i could have. i dont get my way of how i wanted this to end, you don't deserve a girl who would travel across the world to see your stupid face & stay with you against all odds. you, tirth, have lost me forever. thanks for the movies, shows & games. ig it would have never evolved to something greater than that.

anyway please go outside. please meet your family and your little niece. i wish they bring lots of joy into your world and it isnt dull anymore. i know as a kid, this isnt the future you probably planned for yourself, i hope you forgive urself. i hope u forget about the time wasted and focus on living every moment.

after this, if you feel like contacting me, dont. know that like before i will learn to be okay. i am at peace cause i know i did everything i could to be with you. i will never accept you in my life again because i will never ever trust your words tirth. i dont think you have got it in you to be with me or to love me wholeheartedly. u will always leave me or not communicate or do something that will hurt me cause u dont care enough to actually care for me. i know what i felt wasnt mutual. i am not a fool. i know i was just wasting time with you here tirth cause u will never man up with me. the way you acted, its cause you meant it. no external factors matter. and i know i wasnt ever asking for too much, i was asking the wrong person. cause i know i get happy with the smallest of things. i wont ever look back now, never see what you are doing and i mean it. i hope you can move past this and actually turn your life around. life is short tirth, live it. and go show some time to your family. it will really help you, i truly truly believe. each one of us in the world is experiencing life for the first time tirth. i hope you choose the right path and be the person you want to be.

i will always be somewhere heartbroken that this happened. like i said i always wanted to be with only one person, and i never doubted that for a sec before about it being you. but ik i cant be with someone ever who hurts me this much. sorry but i am out of chances & tries. i am tried of trying to communicate or translate my soul to you. all the goodluck to you. if you ever feel low, just look at the moon. you will feel the peace and calm i prayed for you. i cant imagine what kind of guy you have become honestly. you didnt even do efforts to meet your niece. i will pray that you are a better person one day.

remember: bad things happen not just to go through but to grow through.

take care & goodbye.

0 notes

honkytonk-hangman · 9 months

Note

heyo! i hope you won’t mind me pasting this into other writer’s asks, and here’s why i’m doing it: i’ve had a lot on my plate recently, which makes it hard for me to have time to talk about the fics i read with their respective authors, and that is why i wanted to send all of you this ask.

this is me thanking you for all the time and effort you put into the stories you share here. i’ll usually save them up for when i’m done with the tasks for the day so i can relax and enjoy them properly. these fics are probably the best part of my day, and they will never fail to make it brighter and better. i’ve told some of you how much of a picky reader i am (although i am working on it), and your works have just about everything i’ve always enjoyed. the plot, the writing style (which is something i love paying attention to and see how much it differs from person to person), the roller coaster of feelings i go through while reading... the list could go on forever. i just hope you know how much i appreciate you guys, not just as writers, but as people as well. each one of you deserves the world of nice things, because this planet is a better place with you in it.

aside from being thankful for all of you, i also hope you guys are taking care of yourselves, or i’ll have to personally threaten you to do it.

lastly, please don’t ever forget that you are important, talented and that i’m reallt thankful for having you around.

with love,

lyra

lyra once more u make my day/week/month/year

its been hard for me to write this year with everythnig going on, but through it all i know you're always there with a kind word.

im sorry for not replying sooner, honestly i've been selfishly saving this message in my askbox to look back on before i start writing recently, it always ups me so much and makes me kick my lil feets <33

thank u so much @liraketo i wuv u something awful

#my special girlie lyra always making my day outta nowhere

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happilykrispypirate · 2 years

Text

It hurts too much

A/N: Hi! So I haven't posted anything on Tumblr in forever but I was trying and I lost all my motivation. I was struggling with my mental health. Still not great, maybe worse but it's fine. I'm going to use this post to cope with something that I struggled with recently with a guy I really liked. So this is not going to have a happy ending and it's not gonna be happy at all. I do hope u guys like it though. Also all the characters belong to J.K. Rowling or Yasmine an you belong to yourself.

Pairing: short!chubby!fem!reader x Mattheo Riddle

Warnings: English is not my first language, angst, swearing

Masterlist

"Has anyone seen my notebook? I think I misplaced it," You asked as you walked up to your friend group in the Great Hall. It wasn't that big of a group, it was Pansy, You, Draco, Lorenzo, Theo, Blaise, Mattheo and Jacob.

"You left it in my dorm last night," Mattheo said as he pulled it out of his bag, "Before any of you fuckers say anything, she was getting my notes on potions since McGonagall pulled her out of class yesterday."

"Right," Enzo said causing you to roll your eyes. It's always been like this. You and Mattheo were friends and that was it, nothing more, nothing less. You didn't look at him like that and you sure as hell knew he didn't look at you like that.

Later on that day you and the rest were in the Slytherin common room, of course you were all Slytherins.

"I still remember how we use to prank our parents when we were little," You said as you looked at Draco. You basically grew up together, you and Draco were always together, since 1st year. Then Pansy and Blaise came in during the 1st year and the rest came in one year at a time, Mattheo was the first to join after Blaise and Pansy. He joined during the 4th year and ever since then you two were joined at the hip.

You two clicked, understood each other. Didn't even have to ask, just knew when the other was upset. There was never any feelings which made things a lot less complicated.

After a few hours of hanging out everyone else went to bed except you and Mattheo. You were reading a book and so was Mattheo. You two did this almost every night.

You were reading and in the corner of your eye you could see Mattheo looking at you.

"Have I got something on my face?" You asked as you looked around the room for a mirror. You turned your head back to Mattheo and suddenly his lips were on yours. You gasped in surprise which made him pull away.

You say there in shock, what the fuck just happened?

"I'm so sorry, I don't know what just came over me," He started apologising but you shook your head.

"Don't worry about it, it's fine," You said.

"I love you, Y/n," He said and you looked at him, "I have loved you ever since I met you. I tried to get over you, but you make it so hard."

"Mattheo..." You started but he cut you off.

"You don't feel the same way, do you?" He asked and you sighed.

"I'm sorry," You said and sighed, "I didn't mean to lead you on or anything."

"You didn't, don't worry about. Forget what I said, we wouldn't have worked anyway," He said and stood up and walked away

"Mattheo," You said but he was gone.

Ever since Mattheo confessed to you a few weeks ago. You couldn't get him out of your head. He was all you were thinking about, 24/7.

It only made it worse when he started acting as if nothing happened.

"Mattheo can we talk?" You asked one afternoon after potions.

"Are you alright?" He asked.

"Yeah, I just want to tell you something," you said and he looked at you in a way that signaled for you to continue, "Ever since you confessed to me I haven't stopped thinking about you, about us, about what we could be. I love you too, Mattheo."

He sighed and looked down, "Y/n, I'm sorry, but we are never going to work. I love you, but I just don't think this is going to work," He said and you felt your heart sink, "Sorry."

He then walked away leaving you alone with your heart in pieces.

Months later of pretending that nothing happened still doing the same things as always you started noticing that Mattheo was hanging around a girl a lot.

"So you and what's her name are pretty close now huh?" You smirked at Mattheo one night as you two were reading.

"Her name is Jenna and yes, I like her a lot," He said and it felt like you had been stabbed in the gut but you put on the biggest smile.

"Ooh lala, Mattheo has a girlfriend," You smirked and he rolled his eyes.

"Not yet, I'm asking her out tomorrow," He said, "Enzo and Jacob are going to be my wingmen."

"Let me know how that goes, I think I'm going to bed early," You said and stood up, "Goodluck, Matt."

"Thank you, N/n," He said and you left the common room trying your best not to cry.

The next day Jenna friendzoned Mattheo when he asked her out. He was hurt and you could see it but he didn't show it. You didn't push him into talking about it, you just left it.

It did bother you. He was so keen on asking her out and trying to make things work but with you he just pushed you away.

Okay fine you didn't love him at first but when you told him you loved him, he admitted to still loving you but he pushed you away.

Yet he knew that Jenna didn't really like him but he went for it and asked her out.

"I've been hurt before but this is the worst," You said to Pansy one day while you two were sitting in the grand hall waiting for the boys to arrive.

"He's an asshole, I wish you just tell me who he is so I can fuck him up," She said.

"Who are we fucking up?" Jacob asked as him and the boys sat down.

"The guy who broke Y/n's heart," She said.

"Who is he? What did he do?" Draco asked.

"He told her he loved her, she didn't feel the same but after a few weeks she went back and told she loved him too, he admitted to still loving her but he didn't think things would work and then he went after another girl and he asked her out. He didn't ask Y/n out but he asked the girl out after only knowing her for like a week or two," Pansy said and you looked at her while she was explaining because you could feel Mattheo's eyes on you.

"The guy is a fucktard, you are gorgeous and you are just an amazing person. Any guy is lucky to have you, it's his loss," Enzo said and you gave him a thankful smile.

"Maybe the guy just got so overwhelmed when you told him you loved him that he panicked and said it wouldn't work," Mattheo said making you roll your eyes.

"Him being overwhelmed doesn't justify the fact that he told me he loved me, kissed me and then just told me it wouldn't work. If you really love someone you wouldn't give up on them," You said as you looked at Mattheo.

"It does if they got scared of losing you as a friend if something goes wrong the relationship," Mattheo argued.

"Well he should know me well anough by now to know that, that's never going to happen," You said.

"You don't know that," He said, his voice getting a little louder.

"I do, I told you. No matter what, I don't want to lose you," You practically yelled. Everyone was now looking at you two. You sighed and stormed out of the grand hall and Mattheo followed.

"Tell me, just tell me one thing," You said stopping and turning around to face him once you two were in an empty corridor, "You hesitated to ask me out but didn't hesitate to ask her out, why? Is it because I'm not pretty like her? Or as skinny?"

"Y/n, she deceived me. Wrapped me around her finger. She used me. Plus I don't care what you look like. It has nothing to do with body shape or your looks. You always look beautiful to me. I just doubted myself and over thought. I wanted to get those thoughts outta my head and it made my feelings for you disappear. Not entirely but it's not as much anymore," He said, "I forced myself to forget about you because we never would've worked and that's where Jenna came in."

"We don't know if it could've worked because we never tried," You said, "And we won't either, because like you said, it won't work. "

You walked away from Mattheo, both your hearts in pieces, tears running down your cheeks. That was the last time you saw him.

#mattheo riddle x reader #mattheo #riddle #harry potter #mattheo riddle #x reader #readerinsert #angst #benjamin wadsworth x reader

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hollywillows · 3 years

Note

can u do one where it's the boys realizing how happier harry is with y/n? maybe lhh or prince harry and it's kinda a new relationship but just from photos of you they can tell he loves u. hope that makes sense

happiest i’ve been - harry styles x gn!reader

thank you for the request! i hope you enjoy <3 i chose lhh for this, but i kept zayn in it anyway because i love him <3

when you two had first started dating, harry was very careful to give you both some time to keep the relationship just to yourselves. he’d been in relationships prior in which the limelight had shoved pressure onto it, and that was the last thing he wanted with you.

and so, the two of you spent the first month and a half of your relationship while keeping it a secret. or, that was the plan.

harry was possibly the worst at keeping secrets when it was something he was excited about, and he was most definitely excited about his relationship with you. while he hadn’t meant to, he’d accidentally spilled the beans to niall, liam, louis, and zayn one night after too many hours had gone by of the five men laughing with each other.

“you’re really one to judge on a love life, h.” niall had said after harry laughed at one of his recent failed dates.

liam laughed, looking over at the other man. “yeah, he’s got a point; you’ve been single forever, mate.” he teased.

harry shook his head, appalled. “that isn’t even true.”

the group all have him a look, wondering what exactly he was getting at. “you haven’t been with anyone in almost a year.” zayn reminded him, furrowing a brow.

“i’m literally in a relationship right now?” the words came out before harry could stop them, and suddenly he was clasping his hands over his mouth, surprised by his own words.

four jaws dropped as they all looked at harry in disbelief. “how long have you been keeping this from us?” louis asked, laughing at harry’s shocked expression.

the man took a moment to collect himself, his cheeks growing tinted red with embarrassment. “well, i’ve only been dating them officially for a little over a month-“

“so there was a period of unofficial dating, too?” zayn asked, raising his brows teasingly.

harry shook his head, knowing that he had gotten in too deep now. “yeah, because i was too much of a loser to make a move at first.”

niall gave him a smirk. “so they’re out of your league then?”

“i mean, yeah.” harry said, a whimsical look making its way into his eyes as he thought of you. “everything about them is just so amazing, and i didn’t know if they’d ever like me the way i like them.”

liam smiled, patting his back. “sounds like you’ve found someone really special, then.”

harry smiled up at him, nodding. “yeah… yeah they’re really really special.”

“so when do we get to meet them?” an intrigued niall asked, moving to sit closer to the group.

“when they know i’m telling people about us.” harry said, feeling slightly guilty now about telling other people about your relationship. “we didn’t want to put any pressure on the relationship early on, so we could preserve it and get to know each other better.”

louis smiled at his friend, happy for him. “so you must really like them, then. if you’re putting all this thought into it.”

harry looked over at him, smiling to himself. “yeah.. yeah i like them a lot. i think this could be the start of something really special.”

within the next week or so, the boys began to notice more and more how frequently harry would be caught smiling down at his phone, or smiling to himself while lost in thought. there was no doubt in any of their minds that this was just the affect you had on him.

“so, do you have a photo of them?” liam asked one day as he sat next to harry, who was smiling at his phone again.

“hm?” harry asked, caught off guard. “oh, yeah.” he smiled as he opened up one of his favorite photos of you: you looking to him with a bright smile in your favorite coffee shop. he’d taken it on one of your first dates when you’d insisted that he take photos of the two of you. he swiped on his screen to show liam the other photo; a selfie of the both of you smiling with your head on his shoulder. “aren’t they so gorgeous?”

he smiled, seeing the happiness that radiated in harry’s eyes and face in the photo alone. “yeah, you both look so happy together.” he told him.

“i don’t think i’ve ever been this happy in a relationship before.” harry admitted. “i know it’s probably too early or too immature to say that, maybe it’s jinxing it or something. but i haven’t felt this much comfort in a relationship before now.”

saying the words aloud made harry realize just how important you were to him, and he smiled to himself, knowing that this was a relationship he would do anything to preserve.

#hollywillows #harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles fic #harry styles fluff #harry styles x reader #harry styles cute #harry edward styles #harry styles x you #prince harry #one direction

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ghostingtrackone · 3 years

Text

✧ how you’d spend your anniversary ✧

headcannon!

pairing: txt x gn!reader

genre: fluff, so much fluff :(

note: this is my first headcannon, i hope you love it!

yeonjun:

a romantic

he gives you a necklace, his initials are on it

then SURPRISE!

he pulls out his matching one with your initials on it too

you beam at him

he melts

FLOWERS

lots of them

the ones you mentioned once that you loved too

he remembered :(

he’d write you a very long letter speaking about how you’ve helped him with his growth and how he falls in love with you everyday

would give you many kisses

as if he doesn’t already

you two get a milkshake

just like you do every month on the day of your anniversary

this is because on the first night you realized you were more than just friends, it’s what you shared

he never wants to forget where you two began 💔

and yes he thinks adding a new month is JUST as important as adding a year

it’s always a special moment between you

would take you to a drive out in the city while the playlist he made for you plays in the background

“y/n, i’m so grateful that i’m in this universe the same time as you”

the sky would somehow be a pretty pink color; like it was made for both of you that day

soobin:

first he surprises you with a batch of homemade cookies and cupcakes

he knows how much you love his baking

the cupcakes have your anniversary date in pretty frosting

little heart sprinkles all over them too :(

you would both want to stay home, you barely get to see him 💔

you both cook dinner

specifically the dishes that remind you of one another

like if you had tteokbokki on your first date, you’d be making it from scratch

“remember that day?”

“we were so nervous we didn’t even finish the plate”

you share occasional heartfelt glances and pecks on the cheek

its wholesome, and your favorite vinyls are playing in the background

yes your relationship song is in there

you talk about the moments you first fell in love with each other

“i want to have these type of days with you for as long as we are both here, y/n”

you cuddle all night and spend the rest of the week together

beomgyu:

he would write you a letter as well

there’s pages oh my

he’d get you matching sweaters after realizing you always try to color coordinate with him

“was it that obvious? 🥺”

“it’s one of my favorite things about you”

you both go to the arcade

being with beomgyu has helped you both connect with your inner child, so much healing

it’s like if you met him back then, you would’ve ended up together either way

“if you lose you give me a kiss”

you purposely lose

then after!!!! rollerskating

you are both falling

a MESS

you’re both in tears, you’re giggling and that causes you to fall down AGAIN

little main characters in a coming of age movie moment

you swear it’s just both of you in that rink

you’re there until midnight

you go home and end up taking a shower together

such a pure intimate moment, holding each other close toward the end of it

“i’ll take care of you forever, y/n”

u both cry 💔

taehyun:

you show up to his house because he says he needed help with something

but when he opens the door he has a picnic basket

“don’t ask questions, just follow me”

you don’t hesitate

he’s your safe space

he leads you to the backyard while holding ur hand

“close ur eyes”

“ok now open them”

there’s candles

there’s fairy lights

there’s a pretty blanket

the sky is a burning orange, the most beautiful you’ve ever seen it

you: 🥺

him: 🥺

“i want to experience many more beautiful sunsets with you, y/n”

you felt butterflies even though you’ve been together for a year

🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋

you both share words you’ve been afraid to tell one another, not wanting to scare each other away

but you’re both in love now, and you can’t go back

lots of words of affirmation

you slow dance until the orange sky turns dark but full of shining stars

hueningkai:

you open the door and he has on your favorite color

you: :0

“you never wear this color”

“now i do :D”

you share your gifts first

when it’s his turn, he takes out a box

inside it is... a photo album???

and when you turn the first page see it’s full of film pictures of you that he’s taken on his camera :(

he’s been working on capturing the moments he cherishes most

surprise surprise, they’re all with you :(

there’s a picture of you on your birthday and of you when you first opened up to him about everything that evening at the beach

then on the last page, it’s a picture of both of you

your favorite one too

you cry

oh you thought that was it?????

he wrote you a song and he brought his guitar

he sings it with the most gentle voice

when he finishes, you cry more 😞😞😞

you exchange the most warm hug, and there’s been lots of them

can’t you feel his heart pounding????

he kisses you on your forehead

“thank you for being love in human form, y/n”

#not me crying over beomgyu RN #i rly like this :(#tomorrow x together #txt imagine #txt scenario #txt headcanons #txt headcannon #choi yeonjun #yeonjun #choi soobin #soobin #choi beomgyu #beomgyu #kang taehyun #taehyun #kai kamal huening #hueningkai #txt x reader

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