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decolonize-the-left · 4 months

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Hi I've had an influx of followers again so I wanna say hi and tell y'all a little what I'm about.

So hi, I'm decol. I'm a grown Ojibwe leftist living with my trans gf and my kid ❤️

You may have noticed I posted a lot of politics. Lately it's been Free Palestine but thats because it became my new normal. Before I became so focused on Palestinians liberation tho, I posted a lot more other things. Human rights, trans rights, women's rights, Im mentally ill and AuDHD and post about mental illness stigma, landback, calling out white supremacy, decolonization, etc. My blog has been political for along time but always on the side of human rights and fighting oppression. But that's just liberal stuff. What makes me a leftist is that I don't believe states or borders are good for people.

Let's get into why that is.

I support life and believe that a state or government fundamentally opposes life.

I also support whatever means necessary the oppressed seek to gain freedom. I don't think it's my place or anyone else's to say liberation can only look one way. Especially when it's often from privilege and a myopic view of comfort that most us speak.

There wouldn't be so many people being oppressed if there weren't so many people dedicated to their own comfort instead of liberation. Nobody should have to Vote to have human rights and if in fact any oppressed people had allies we would not have had to march for them either. We shouldn't have to earn our human rights from a majority that didn't want us to vote in the first place and nobody should have to do it now.

I think voting therefore is also a fundamentally flawed system that no amount of voting blue will change because it is not the Votes that must change, but the people who are casting them. It's the people in the majority who are not demanding equality and the people in the majority who are leaving others to fight for themselves.

But I do unfortunately live in a society that continues to use and weaponize that system anyway for their bi-annual puppet theater where they watch BIPOC fight and bid on who will give us more rights .

I think few people see this for what it is and even less are willing to demand the change necessary to give all people a proper and equal voice. Such is the nature of the majority is it not? They may pretend to hate injustice but remember that myopic view of comfort they have? Injustice is included with it, free of charge.

So yeah, you will see me advocate for certain things on this blog that may contradict the views I've stated at first glance. But It's just me working within the framework that I have been given.

For example I'll push for presidential candidates despite the fact that I support Landback and believe voting is flawed and the country is fascist. Because I know we are far from an organized revolution full of intersectional solidarity and realistically I must work within the framework I have. Which is a shitty voting system and a population who doesn't even fully realize why it's so shitty.

Or you'll see me support violence when I support saving lives. And that's because I also believe the language of the oppressor is violence and likewise that anyone who's ever tried catering to their "better conscience" has found that oppression wouldn't exist if the oppressors had a conscience to appeal to. Violence is the answer sometimes and I've found that sometimes it's the only answer that a state will understand.

To that end...I don't want to hear about any state military anywhere. Every single military on earth has done some seriously fucked up shit. I know this. You know this. I don't support any military anywhere. Period.

I don't think anyone is innocent either. As I've gotten older I've realized it's been made clear that race and religion are part of everything including our headlines today and that's it's been that way for a long time. Even freedom and liberation and oppression have been racialized and as a native 'leftist extremist' I've seen that firsthand. I've learned that both sides will lie to make the other look bad without taking accountability for whatever awful thing they did themselves.

Power corrupts. And it's why I support principles and ideas behind a movement and not necessarily the specific people of it or even the movement itself and it's why I will ALWAYS disregard any attempt to undermine a movement because the people leading it were found to have flaws. Of course they did. And of course they're being politicized. Such is the reality of the Us vs Them political landscape. Anything to make the other guy look bad.

It's up to us who were going to stand behind despite their flaws. It's up to us to decide what principles matter to us. And I refuse to let perfection be the enemy of progress. Because I understand a lot of people in 2024 have been spoon fed puritan ideas that have made them believe most movements are not good enough to support. Either they don't follow their ideology perfectly or their tactics are too aggressive or their goals are "unrealistic." It's always something.

I don't subscribe to this puritan 2.0 logic. Nor do I believe that it should apply to everyone. I didn't ask to be held under a microscope for example. I'm just a Tumblr blogger. Yeah I blog about a lot of politics and such but that's because I like politics and such lol I'm not a representation of anything but myself, but you'll find I too have been politicized in ongoing race and theological wars. "Why would you say x if you support y?" says anon in another attempt to make all supporters of Y look unreliable and bad for their opinions on X. As if my singular bad opinion is somehow a representation of everyone else who supports Y and not just my opinion specifically on x.

I also want to be very clear that I'm still learning :)

I don't know everything about everything yet and as such I'm sure I'll fuck up or say the wrong things or use the wrong terminology sometimes.

Please just give me a heads up. Don't be a puritan about it and make a whole post about how ignorant and harmful I am or something, especially when it's been made clear my intentions are not to offend or exclude anyone and I would Never intentionally do anything like that.

I try to educate myself on topics before I speak about them but lots of the things I discuss on my blog require a lot of knowledge to be spoken on in confidence. I am often not confident lol. As a native tho it annoys me to no end when people use the excuse that "well I didn't know enough about the topic so I stayed silent and didn't share opinions on it at all ever" because that's also a puritan act thats detrimental to movement and helps to maintain our status as 'Irrelevant Concern.' So I try to educate myself and show support, tho sometimes it isn't as well worded or educated as it should have been.

All I ask is you have some grace when that happens as I have good intentions. Additionally if I ever fuck up Please tell me. I do not ever want to make someone feel like shit cuz or singled out cuz I said something ignorant I shouldn't have.

Some people choose comfort and don't acknowledge when they fucked up. I try to pride myself on Not doing that and correcting myself where others can see and learn from it too.

Not everyone wants to learn tho. Those are the people I don't understand. Those are my opposers; the people standing indifferently in the way of progress while oppressed fathers beg for them to move aside. And what is he to do with the child dying in his arms? Just allow this man to keep being the only obstacle to saving them? Of course not.

And so I aggressively and vehemently stand by the opinion that self defense in this way is never wrong. Let all the ignorant white supremacists die if they have to and let all their allies cry about it. I don't care. White supremacists fundamentally oppose life which I support. And so I fundamentally oppose white supremacy the same way I do a state and as such I openly call for their destruction as well.

This is getting long so I'll wrap it up.

TLDR:

Human rights are to be taken by any means necessary if they were not given to you. The people with-holding them don't get to complain about how you get them and either does anyone else especially if they aren't helping you get them now. Additionally, people should be given room to grow but choosing not to grow is a choice too so don't tolerate the intolerant who stands in your way. If you can cut him down then do it.

PS:

My asks are always open. I get a lot of mean, bad faith asks and so I answer most asks with this mindset and I'm trying to be better about it but if you send one in good faith and my attitude sucks, please don't take it personally.

P.p.s

I share a lot of politics and upsetting things and images on my blog. I don't feel the need to tag every post because So Many of them are this way..

However, the posts that are especially bad ARE tagged

My trauma/trigger tag is: decolstw

This is a catch-all tag. Gore, white supremacist violence, historical hate crimes, and the like are all tagged with this.

#decols post #decols opinion #my post #you can reblog this im mostly just mostly sharing this for new followers who are confused and lost if my asks are any representation lol

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lordjimp · 10 months

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What I think the vanillia FO4 companions eat on a normal day.

“fanfiction-y headcannons i sscratched out this morning. Lol idk when the sun rises in america so this might be completely weird and off. Sun rises 5:30 or 6 where i am. i suppose it shouldn’t matter too much tho. im not a writer, i was just possessed this morning so please dont take this too seriously, thx.”

Warning!

Some companions I headcanon as having some poor (but pretty normal) eating habits (eg; forgetting to eat, not eating for long periods of time in the day, substituting not-meals for meals, or eating habits that are synonimous with depression or other mental illnesses). If in general topics about eating habits make you uncomfortable, best to skip this one.

Codsworth:[read first]

Breakfast(8:00am)-when sole is around, he would naturally cook for them. Some friends (and settlers) started joining Sole for tea some days, which slowly turned into him cooking pretty much every day. Breakfast is always coffee, fried eggs,fresh fruit, and grilled meat if they have it.

Lunch(12:00pm)- spends the first half of day running around getting ingredients, will go out hunting if he has to. He has lots of different michelin star recipes in his code, but he has to get creative with what he has. If your not showing up to lunch you better tell him, he’ll be really upset if you usually come but decided to flake off that day.

Dinner(7:00pm)- starch, meat, veg, and carb. The time of the day where. Shit. gets. Real. expect no less than beef wellington, or an apocalyptic adjacent wellington. it also means bad table manners will not be tolerated. You get amazing free food, but if you put your elbows on the table or get unruly, codsworth is gonna whir around and bonk you on the head with his metal claw.

Cait:

breakfast(10:00am)- wakes up too late to have what codsworth cooks. And girl is hungry. No such thing as breakfast ick with her. One 4 egg omelet, salted, and a coffee.

lunch(12:00pm)- 2 servings of whatever codsworth makes. If she can help it, she will not cook. Not a huge fan of mirelurk if there's any.

dinner(7:00pm)- starch and meat, she doesn't care about anything else on the table. Despite drinking, she is surprisingly well behaved. The fights start after dinner is over though.

Curie:

breakfast(5:00am)-tea, extra sugar

snack/lunch(12:30pm)-she usually forgets. it's hard trying to read her new body, especially when she can get so consumed by her study. Codsworth usually brings her something to eat or tries to tear her away from her work. He doesn’t mind seeking her out since shes always so polite.

Dinner(10:30pm)- steps out of her chair to stretch for the first time in hours only to realize she's on the verge of fainting- oops. It annoys her since she knows exactly what would constitute a perfect diet, but just can't perform it. Has a serving of dried muit fruit and something canned. Not technically a vegetarian, but she does avoid meat.

Danse(post brotherhood):

Breakfast(4:30am)- 3 boiled eggs (destroying the egg supply #3) and a ‘black’ coffee (extra extra sugar shhhh). After he goes on his morning jog and then workout, he’ll go on until basically lunch if he has nothing to do.

Lunch(12:00pm)- always joins for codsworth’s lunch, he can get a little ‘homesick’ about the BOS. and eating at the exact time every day with everyone at the same table gives him back a little bit of that routine he was so used to in the brotherhood.

dinner(7:00pm)- same goes for dinner, routine is his best friend. He also just wants to eat with his best friend, Sole. Nobody else really, well… talks to him… I laugh but it's kind of very sad.

Macready:

Breakfast(9:00am)- used to eat fresh muit fruit every morning, but for unknown reasons now muit fruit gives him the ick. Now he usually has Canned soup, tomato is his favorite.

lunch(12:00pm)- yes he's showing up for free food, but hes not close with everyone at the table so he is kinda quiet and standoffish during lunch.

dinner(7:00pm)- he’ll go if he's in the mood, but its alot of people and with Codsworth always breathing down his back about his manners, the vibe at dinner just really pisses him off. so it really depends if he's up for it. If he isn't, there is usually somebody else who didn’t go making stew or something around he can mooch off. He’ll also eat something sweet after, religiously believes in dessert.

Preston:

breakfast(8:00am)- eats breakfast with the sole survivor every day. Breakfast it's a good time to do a morning briefing. Coffee addict btw

Lunch(12:00pm)- he honestly wouldn't eat lunch if it wasn’t for codsworth. He gets so anxious and kinda spirals in his head. As the day goes on he’ll either just forget or not really have the appetite to eat. Eating with people also makes him feel much more relaxed, and he’ll have an easier time having an appetite.

dinner(7:00pm)- gets paranoid that the spread is an improper use of resources, and takes it up with codsworth at times. Codsworth defends that he gets everything himself and none of the food is ever wasted, but then Preston says something about corn beef being a more sustainable use of food and gets kicked out of dinner for being problematic (problem? Corn beef is the worst.) (piper; first time?). Everybody’s mouths were too full to disagree with codsworth.

Piper:

breakfast(5:30am)- cigarette. Wow, she's so french /j

snack(??:??)- snacks on gumdrops and lollipops constantly throughout the whole day. When she eats natural sugars she feels n o t h i n g

dinner(9:00pm)- she eats way later because she's always bouncing around and its hard for Piper to center herself to sit down and eat. she’d go eat what Codsworth cooks, but he usually kicks her out. It's like the fact that he gets up and arms about things at dinner makes her want to act up. Whatever, she's having blamco and some dandy boys.

Deacon:

snack(9:30am)- his diet is inconsistent and random. Hes actually already been up and down since one, the first thing he has is a handful of potato chips.

lunch??(12:00pm)- if he's up for it, he’ll show up to lunch. But, he barely eats anything. Mostly has a bit a coffee which he still doesnt finish. Dogmeat sits in front of him the whole time under the table getting pats and fed. Then he leaves before anyone is done eating.

snack(2:00pm)- finds someone else having lunch and picks off their food while they aren't looking

snack(8:00pm)- rest of the potato chips- he acquired salsa.

dinner??(10:00pm)- has a few beers and a bit of fruit. Maybe. He's probably just gonna drink. To wrap up, he’s a serial snacker.

Dogmeat

snack(5:00am)- dug up bone from dinner a few days ago.

snack(9:00am)- no bad guys, all is well. Back to the bone.

lunch(12:00pm)- will circle around the lunch table and give everyone puppy eyes. If he’s there, stays by deacon, easy gains.

dinner(7:30pm)- fed dinner leftovers or dog food by either preston or sole. dogs arn’t allowed at dinner apparently, so no shaking down his friends for food ,’(

Hancock

breakfast(2:00pm)- wakes up after lunch and immediately goes to Codsworth to ask for leftovers. If there are leftovers, hell make some weird cold leftover sandwich. If not, he's happy with canned beans.

snack(4:00pm)- Snack cake, courtesy of Danse. Well, like- STOLEN from Danse.

snack(6:30pm)- Bourbon, hey it's 5pm somewhere. Heh. what? It is 5pm?

dinner(7:00pm)- attends dinner. Great food, great company. Nowhere else he’d rather be. *gets kicked out*

snacks??(12:30am)- wanders into Danses room drunk and/or high, wakes Danse and Hancock gets caught snooping through his fancy lad stash. Danse hated that, and he won't let him live it down until he repays him back. What? He's serious about his lads, stop laughing.

Nick

breakfast(5:30am)- has a smoke with piper. Same spot every morning. Piper talks shit the whole time.

breakfast(8:00)- usually just pops in to see everyone, but if he stays, codsworth will pour him a black coffee. It doesn't do anything for him obviously, but it feels nice to just sit and have breakfast with friends

dinner(7:00pm)- I like the theory that the reason Nick’s asked by Vadim to drink his moonshine is so he can test the alkaline or ph level, or whatever it was. So he comes to dinner and has a glass of whiskey, and the sensation is almost like he can taste it. Dinner is a nice change of pace. People sitting around a table civilly enjoying good food reminds him of certain happy prewar memories with prewar nick and his family. He's content sitting there with an empty plate just enjoying the conversation.

X6-88

dinner(7:00pm)- the others call it his snake meal, it's always exactly 2000 calories (he works it out in his head) and he eats all of it in like 5 minutes. It's actually really disturbing. He shows up first for dinner. Fills his plate with food. And, like an eating competitor, stuffs it all down his throat with a straight face. Then leaves without ever saying a word. X6 says it's so he doesn't have to waste time with allocated eating, but so he’ll still get his required fuel. This is how he's always done it, no one can convince him it is bad or unhealthy because he's so sure it is more efficient.

i forgot strong oops. might do him latr soz

#fallout #fallout 4 #fo4 #fallout companions #fo4 companions #fallout headcannon #fo4 headcanons #fo4 cait #deacon fallout 4 #paladin danse #fo4 curie #codsworth #RJ MacReady #Piper Wright #nick valentine #x6 88 #preston garvey #hancock fallout 4 #Dogmeat

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razzdrgn · 6 months

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ok it's time for razz recipes get ready for some cooking momence

i have an eviction trial in 2 weeks so im gonna teach you how to make extremely cheap recipes with as few ingredients as possible because i have no money to spend and enough mental disorders to make me love cooking but hate the amount of work that goes into it

todays recipe is: flatbread, probably of the mediterranean variety but i dont know actual recipes i legit just made this shit up after watching the bdg zelda recipes video

all you need is:

flour

water

a pan

and thats it. Its that easy

theres more you can use to make it better tho and ill bring those up as they come up but ill do the whole cooking instructions thing under this readmore

okay so. flatbread

i think its also called like. unleavened? but i dont really know what that means and im still confused after looking it up so im just callin it flatbread because it is bread that is flat

step one is to pour some flour in a bowl. i recommend about 1 cup, but i never really measure and do it by eye/feel so you can add more or less if you want.

first optional thing to talk about briefly before the recipe really starts is salt. i highly highly highly recommend adding salt to this, because it allows the bread to actually have. yknow. flavor. and not suck. but ive made this without salt and its also good so like, do whatever u want

you can also add other spices if you want flavoring like that. ive had success with garlic powder and red pepper flakes, but honestly cookijg is most tun when ur just wingin it so throw whatever spices you like in and see how it turns out

so once all ur dry stuff is in the bowl, you should gently mix/whisk it together. i usually use a fork or knife for this since flour sticks to shit a lot and the smaller surface it has the less its gonna stick. plus with a fork it helps get things in evenly really quickly.

once everythings in and mixed is when you add your water. id say like, roughly 1/3 to 3/8ths of a cup is fine, or adjusted for how much flour you have, you really do not need much, just enough that everything comes together. if you add enough that its a bit of a shaggy but congealed mass, you can turn it out onto a work surface and knead it/fold it a little to make it thicker. i didnt like it when i did this because of texture things so i like to add just enough extra for it to be a bit of a goop.

once you got your "dough" make sure your pan is on the stove heated to uh. 3? or 4? i hate that stoves dont have proper temp markings but thats about as hot as i make mine on whatever arbitrary scale it uses.

at this point you can add in the next optional thing, which is some sort of fat. this can be an oil of your preferred variety (i am canola gang because i like to fry things while also being allergy friendly), or you can just melt some butter which is what i usually do. hell you could use like, lard or crisco if you've watched too many b dylan hollis videos. a fat is a fat. its gonna help cook the bread more evenly, will make its "crust" crispier, and make it taste better.

all you gotta do now us dump your dough onto the pan and let it cook. roughly five minutes per side but you can flip it a few times if you need, just keep an eye on it. you wanna check the edges to make sure the insides are getting properly cooked all the way through, and make sure to press down on it to make sure its making full contact with the heated surface when possible as especially thinner breads can tend to curl up a bit

while its cooking in the pan you can optionally add some shredded cheese onto the bread. i recommend doing this right before adding your dough, and right after, to make sure the cheese gets properly incorporated into each side, but you totally can also just drizzle it on at any stage and let it melt by flipping the bread onto the cheesed side. i use an italian 4 cheese mixture from my cheap local supermarket chain and thats good for the kinda savory flavor i like, but experiment! use one cheese you like, or maybe a different blend (i also really like mexican cheese blends that u use for tacos or burritos).

once the stuffs nicely cooked and browned, its good to eat. i mean its technically been ok to eat this whole time none of the ingredients are necessarily bad to eat raw but obviously you dont wanna shove fistfuls of flour into your maw.

i recommend pairing this with an iced tea of your favorite flavor persuasion as tea is a nice smooth drink you can also make super easily, some refried black beans which you can get in a can super cheap and turn into a nice dip, and some yellow mustard, which honestly goes with this way more than i thought it would by adding a bit of a sour kick which i like. obviously try pairing it with whatever you have in your kitchen, i dont know what you have. maybe you got some eggs that are about to expire and want to make some kinda breakfast bread. maybe you wanna feel that kinda childlike wonder by combining foods so you mix it with some box mac and cheese and ketchup. maybe you splatter some tomato sauce and add some kind of cheese product to make it into a shitty pizza. i have done all of these things and they are certainly all things you can do if you also want to do them

thank you for reading my extremely long recipe post join me next time where i do uhhh. something else maybe. maybe ill do that iced tea method i talked about i feel like for some folks hot tea can be a bit unapproachable and ice tea can feel like its impossible to make but i promise you its way easier than you think

ok bye!! love you

#recipe #razz recipes #cooking #cheap recipes #easy recipes #god i dont know what to tag this #i hope yall like it tho

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skadream · 8 days

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happy ummm 8th month on t? (9th if i were actually on t continuously but i ran out for a month that one time) i used to do monthly t updates on tiktok but i dont rlly feel like doing that rn so i'll yap about it here (its actually wild how little stuff i have about my transition on my tumblr generally speaking? as if this isnt the website that transed my gender in the first place)

it really is hard to notice such gradual changes from month to month, especially if its just me lookin at myself, compared to seeing a doctor in person which, i am getting rx'd T thru telehealth currently as my nearest planned parenthood or even a neighboring one does not actually do gender affirming care which is. insane and whack. esp when i do live in a pretty populated county maybe second or third to nyc and albany area. and i have to call in to a pp THREE HOURS BY TRANSIT from me. but like, its been working for now ok!

mentally and emotionally ive been very up and down overall but i think thats largely due to my medication changes rather than hormones. ALTHOUGH. when i ran out for a month in november and my period came back... dude it was so horrible like genuinely the worst period of my life. its one of those things where i didnt realize just how dysphoric something could make me feel until i had a taste of being able to alleviate said dysphoria. so mentally speaking testosterone is probably pulling the mental train even more than the wellbutrin lol. and im trying not to account too much for circumstance/environment cuz like OBVIOUSLY if things were going smoothly for me there a lot of my emotional issues would be at least somewhat relieved, but im working with what i got.

physically, since starting t in july i have lost weight. at first i was very scared it was my medication, and i think a part of it was at least a little, like two of my meds can cause some weight loss, but i am no longer losing weight in a concerning way but just yknow the regular amount of daily fluctuation. so i do think a lot of my weight loss was due to hormones just shifting around my fat and all that, or something idk lol. everyones so diff with hormones, i know some trans guys gain weight on t and not necessarily from muscle training, i know girls on e who have lost weight without any changes to diet or exercise, it really depends so as always, this is just my experience etc etc

i do have more facial hair but its still quite patchy, i think i might start filling in my stache tho. with my shitty goatee, its not my fav so i shave it off when im not just sitting inside all day, but also idk it makes my chin feel less. round. or smth. i do always think of my one friend telling me ill look like the lead singer of a nü metal band and honestly maybe i should start giving that energy more anyway! embrace goatee lifestyle!

oh yeah my voice dropped in like the first two months and has gotten deeper since, and on timtom i talked a lot about wanting to maintain the vocal range i had pre-t? i dont think thats fully possible like i think the highest notes i used to reach are just inaccessible to me, but i think if i did some like vocal singing warmups i can get back up to reach those higher notes. in retrospect the way ive sung my whole life has actually prob been destructive on my voice, partly from lack of proper training and partly intentionally trying to sound deeper and more gravelly, but now that i can access deeper sounds more naturally i really do wanna work on singing in a better way where i can reach some of those notes.

overall yea im liking whats happening so far, i do wish it was happening faster but i understand that some people dont get the progress ive gotten for like, YEARS, and new progressions will be happening to me for years after today. if you think about "real" puberty, it is a gradual shift its not like you suddenly grow a chest as soon as you Bleed or whatever its different for literally every person and since im the only one in my family that i know of who has done this, im kind of a guinea pig. but like im okay with that! anyway yeah really recommrnd testosterone if u want it i like it :)

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dogstarblues · 2 months

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accomplishments 3/8/24

walked my dog

ran an errand to get my medicine (another black girl told my my hair is beautiful 😭 feeling highly blessed bc i was convinced it was a mess today)

ran an errand to give my dad a belated present

talked to my dad for 2 hours and didnt have a meltdown

ran to dunkin for a drink

ran to the grocery store to pick up a few things

read a book to cross off an item on owned TBR list challenge from The Server - hated it but i read it

sewed in lining partially for my friend's bag that i made

listened to an audiobook that just happens to be on the book bingo challenge sheet i made for myself

listened to Media Club Plus

made breakfast

made dinner

made the snack i posted earlier

filled out interview questions

this was the most ive been out on errands in almost 2 years. maybe 2 full years. the most ive driven my car in almost 2 years. possibly tbe most ive been on my feet. and i feel okay. i still dont want to hope im getting better. im scared this is just feeling okay for now. im scared ill go back to how i was. that i'll regress. im scared that this isnt progress at all that its a fluke. and thats the thing is: my CFS isnt going away. even if im going into remission something could trigger it years down the line and i could get sick again. i have to live my life constantly cautious from now on.

i wanted to do work today but seeing my dad took a lot out of me mentally. we talked about some heavy topics (my mental illness, my chronic illnesses, scratched the surface of my financial trauma that he partially inflicted on me) and like. idk. i dont think my dad knows how crazy i am. he had like an expression of fear??? almost??? when i told him (only slightly!!!) what mania is like and wbhat psychosis is like and that i still get delusions like that time this january i cut myself off from almost everyone for a week because i was convinced i was being shunned by everyone. or that time several years back i was up til 4am tearing apart the apartment and ranting trying to find the source of a smell that didnt exist in the space (burning cinnamon). like im delulu. ive made my peace with it and look at my irrationality with a fondness now. but im delulu. and always will be.

anyway i dont think he ever bothered trying to understand what bipolar disorder and chronic illness was until now, when he retired. idk something changed after his first year of retirement, its like he actually listens to me talk aboht my experiences instead of like reminding me over snd over that my birth parents gave me up and didnt want me and constantly bringing up my childhood instead of talking about my life now. hes less exhausting now is what im saying. still get flashbacks from seeing him tho.

tldr: i djd a lot. idk how to feel abt it. im scared to hope. today was mentally draining.

#dogstar speaking

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tmntxthings · 1 year

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woahh matchups?? by grace no less??? raced to the askbox 🫡

im decently tall(?), like 170cm last i checked three years ago lmfao. I love cooking food, but my way of measurements is to literally just throw in whatever my heart desires and pray it turns out right. Im supposed to wear glasses but i dont because i look cooler without them and luckily my eyesight is decent. What am i even supposed to say for a matchup this has become a mini storytelling session about myself ???

I enjoy flirting with my girl friends because its genuinely how i show love to them lmao, i literally call them babe/jagiya (like honey in korean)

oh! there was this one time i met a mutual friend for the first time and immediately winked at her in the train as soon as we made eye contact. ill never forget it.

ikr ?! who would’ve guessed, im being bombarded with them now xD i didn’t realize what I was getting into heheh

MY DEAR PUMPKIN, it should come as no surprise that I match you with Leonardo Hamato

(it took me a ridiculous amount of time to find this god damn gif of this shit head winking for the ultimate effect)

And here are my reasons <333333

I’m once again going against what I initially said, I like the whole opposites attract or yk finding someone who compliments you, like a ying/yang thing BUT

I couldn’t stop imagining you immediately flirting with the Face Man, and him at first being completely taken off guard, you?? flirting with him!?!

but better believe that moment only lasts seconds before his smirk is taking over that face, confidence up to the max as he winks back at you, anddddd don’t think you’re just walking away after that! Now he’s gotta talk to you, spit game so-to-speak hehe, and the two of you are fast ‘friends’ (he totally thinks the two of you are dating as soon as u flirted with him)

and then his world comes crashing down when he sees that you do it with your girlfriends too, he’s having a mental breakdown- what- wait- im not special?! T^T *crying in the club* but now he’s all the more determined to win you over for real, pulling out all the stops to see a sweet blush appear on your face, I mean it’s only fair since you get that reaction out of him too, though he does his best to cover it up (quite literally lifting his hand to his face, pretending to cough, and sometimes drastically making a getaway portal before you see how completely beguiled he is)

hehe I imagine he has the same kind of cooking methods as you too, fuck them measurements! tho you may have to hold Leo back from dumping a whole load of spices/flour/whatever ingredient into the mixing bowl xD

and i imagine he would make you ten times more confident as well, he’ll tease you for not wearing your glasses, for sureeee, he will wear them himself, “Don’t I look cute?? Tell me I’m—“ though glasses have the opposite effect on him, he’s totally running into poles, walls, practically breaking your poor glasses, but I guess thats one way to convince you to wear them??? Don’t worry he absolutely adores the way you look with them on, he’s just a tease ya know? And a dummy! But your dummy c;

and that’s all I got my dearest pumpkin <33333 I rlly hope you enjoyed hehe

#grace is matchmaker #matchups #my dear pumpkin #rottmnt fandom #leo x you #rise leo x you #leonardo hamato #leonardo x you #rise leonardo x you #tmnt fandom #who knew #tonight would end this way #tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #teenage mutant ninja turtles #leonardo #leo

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rt-lots · 6 months

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Joining in on the Ian and Rammy ask train… 🌂✏️ (and 🍎 specifically for Ian!)

TW for a fair bit of suicide talk!!!

umbrella - i assume this doesnt need an answer for both of them, bcuz they belong 2 the same story. i imagine ian and rammys story being a vidya game, and i guess itd b a psychological horror? which feels like, pretentious to say but the main scaries of the story are how much ians life sucks and he wants 2 die. so... i think itd count. thats all overarching stuff tho... most of ian n rammys time spent together is lightheared, i think. theyre two dudes hanging out and one of them is slowly coming to terms with the fact his suicidal thoughts won. whatever genre that is

pencil - WAHHH it depends a lot of the time... ian and rammy have definitely made a big resurgence in my brain recently (past month) bc im 18 and can post bout em, but also just cuz i love them sooo much and want to chew on them constantly. id say i write abt/draw them pretty frequently tho!! i doodle them on my school work and in notebooks a lot and they have some of the bigger galleries on my toyhouse lawl. i dont write much directly for their universe, but ive typed... many paragraphs to my friends just braindumping the shit i think about them. so, yeah, less often than id like, but theyre up there in my priorities of ocs :3

apple (for ian) - GRAHHHHHHHHHHH u dont know what demons uve unleashed w this. i already twed this post for suicide but im gonna move this part under the cut bc mentioning ians dad specifically ties a lot into the suicide aspect of the story

OKAY SO. ians family consists of his mom, sister, and him. his dad was in the picture when he was a little kid, like early elementary age, but ditched after some time. his relationship with both parents was relatively normal, they definitely couldve done a better job raising him, but they were never intentionally hurtful nor did they scar him at all. (well, correction, his MOM didnt scar him at all)

after ians dad left, though, his side of the family still kept in touch... they gave very flimsy reasonings for his fathers absence, why he couldnt make it to holidays, why he wasnt saying all these things directly, etc. it kept things strained and tense as the family knew things were being kept from them but never got to know why. the last interaction ian ever had w his dads side of the family was on his 18th birthday, where his uncle gifted him a silver handgun with his name carved into the handle. it was a hollow attempt to connect with ian, a display of violent masculinity that ian would later use to try and take his own life.

i dont have it fully figured out what this *means* for ians character, but its something i go insane about. ians only memories of his dad are him doing stereotypical masculine dad things w him, like fishing. maybe he didnt interact w ian ass if he was his child, but if he was his son, and that improper socialization is part of the reason he hates himself- why the gun is what kills him. but... i dunno really. ians social anxiety, addiction, and general collapsing in on himself are cuz of a life time of mental illness that went unchecked until he successfully isolated himself to the point no one *could* care, not just cuz daddy give him gun.

okay! that is NOT what u asked at all but now u know it. hehehe. of course ian and rammys story is a big wip forever so excuse me for any side tangents and/or general plot points w loose ends

but! as for his actual relationships w family (ill include sister since his relationship w mom isnt rlly fleshed out yet):

he and his mom havent spoken in 6 years, nor have he and his sister. he slowly faded out of their lives when he moved away, partly out of a subconscious desire to isolate and partly due to just not having the social confidence or energy to maintain regular communication w his family. his mom is the first person he talks to when he escapes his Puter, and she's his rock in his remaining months of recovery. shes very underdeveloped as a character atm, but what is certain is she tries her hardest to understand her sons struggles and support him, offering to pay for therapy for him. ian loves his mommy lalala

ian and his sister are... dddifferent. ian also had an average relationship w his sister, but shes a lot more upfront with him when it comes to talking about how his 6 year absence effected her than their mom. their mom, while wanting her children to seek help for their respective struggles, doesnt really want to actively talk about those things with them. shes terrified of saying the wrong thing, and it doesnt help that she doesnt even have a clue what *to* say. ians sister, though, isnt afraid to tell him "hey man we fucking missed you. your absence hurt a lot because i didnt have any friends either, and i wish we couldve had eachother. jackass" post main-story they are friendly and hang out. during his time w rammy, ian does talk about his thoughts on his sister before he left, that being that shes a "crazy bitch"... family <3

#walkie talkie #ian #ask game #would u believe me if i told you i missed multiple details i wanted to share here #i typed this for like 45 minutes AHHHH #i keep fucking answering these like totally unrelated to the original question sorry guys #can u tell i love my ocs #tw suicide mention #tw suicide #suicide mention #ask 2 tag also !!

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ratllu · 2 years

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obscure tips n tricks- touch starvation!

though we talk about touch starvation flippantly, it’s actually a pretty big deal, for everyone ofc, but ESPECIALLY for those who are dealing with stress, mental illness, and any other ailment that signals the release of cortisol, which is the stress hormone. physical touch (not just sensual/romantic!!) triggers oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine, which are all the happy chemicals!! because many forms of mental illness are directly correlated to these specific chemicals, it makes it all the more important. what’s also interesting is that you brain recognizes this. Touch not only triggers the happy chemicals, but it’s also been shown to lower blood pressure, alleviate physical pain, and benefit the immune system????? gnarly amiright.

that being said, not everyone likes being touched, specifically nuerodiverse people or those who are dealing with PTSD, anxiety, all that stuff. if u dont like physical contact or it just isnt available for u, then here are some things ive used that have helped me :)

1. if you have a backpack, put it on. the heavier the better. ugh this is one of my favorites. I can’t tell you for sure why this works, but there’s something about the weight and the pressure of it that’s just so. relieving. i dont walk around because ive got weak ass shoulders, but to just chill and hang out while wearing a backpack is really nice. one way that’s especially comfy is wearing the backpack backwards (like. where the bag part of the backpack is on your chest yk? im sure u get it) and then lay down like this.

those weighted blankets can be expensive, so if u dont have one, this is a lovely alternative :)

2. ROLL??? im dead serious about this bro just trust me: roll around on the ground. first of all, it’s so ridiculous that you just cant help but laugh. like what. just rolling? around? it’s especially funny when you’re sad because the visual of someone so isolated that they just roll around miserably is. it’s hilarious. BUT there’s more to it. not only is it loosely similar to certain self-soothing motions, when u roll around, it’s like. man. nvm. im not even gonna try to explain this. source: trust me bro

ALSO, there’s another thing that’s nice where you curl up into a ball, wrap your arms around yourself, and then rock around, which is equally effective for me. bonus points if you do both of these activities while wrapped in a blanket

3. loud music, but specifically the ones that make houses shake. like the ones where the bass is just off the walls insane and your pictures are falling off your dresser from the sheer intensity of the sound. if you’ve ever been to a loud concert with lots of bass boosting, it’s like you can feel the music in your heart but not in a metaphorical way– where you can feel it in your sternum. listen to that. the pressure of the bmmmmmm and euphoria of a groovy song is unparalleled.

4. brushing your hair or giving yourself a scalp massage. it feels nice! it’s also really good for your hair because it stimulates blood flow to your follicles. this one isnt obscure but it sure as hell works, ill tell you that.

find what self soothing gesture you enjoy the most. i cant really instruct you on how to self soothe, because the way i self soothe is. yk. for myself! one thing i like to do is rub/massage my hands, and my friend likes to caress their arms. just pamper yourself a little bit and indulge in a comforting gesture that brings you joy.

5. adrenaline rushes. this one is less gentle and it probably wont work for everyone, but personally, adrenaline rushes make me feel more grounded and stable, which doesnt really relieve touch starvation, but it helps me cope better with it. dont do anything stupid tho. not only because getting hurt rn is NOT what you need rn, but also because i dont wanna be liable for u morons. i dont want you guys to be like “okay now that im done rolling around im gonna do an olympic style sprint into oncoming traffic. red said it was okay!” NO dont do that. watch a horror movie or something fucker

6. core workouts- situps in particular are great :)

7. LAUGH!!!!!! this one isnt specifically for touch starvation, but more for a buildup of cortisol. i cant stress enough how great this one is. if youre in need of a laugh visit my page because im hilarious. curing touch starvation one tumblr user at a time

alright thats all ive got for you today. it’s important to remember that it isn’t lame or weird or anything. theres nothing wrong with craving contact. it’s normal- nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. it’s a beautifully human thing to long for the love of another so wholly and intensely that it’s unbearably painful. i’m not as much of an expert on this topic, but i digress! oh also pets. ofc. here are some articles that i found that discuss this :).

@lucisadventures

#touch starvation #im so touch starved #advice #adhd #autism #nuerodivergent #depression #quarentine #alternative solutions #feeling lonely #fear not dearest hellsite inhabitants

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honeyfallen · 1 year

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🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 ( gimme five. from not via )

omg hi not via im ur biggest fan, ,, these are just for u tho u better be sleeping <333

this isnt something ive seen a whole lot as of a late but sometimes its very easy to see when ppl dont consider others on here like, , , Real Actual people and thats !! strange!! just bc u met someone on the internet and they are not Face to Face with you doesn’t mean u can just treat them how u please bc there arent like “real life” repercussions for u

kind of going off that but it can be really exhausting to always be reaching out to people only to get limited or cut off responses that just make it feel like someone is Uninterested . like i can be guilty of this!! 100% i am not going to sit here and say that i haven’t been on the other end of things and im trying to get better about it too!! but when ur constantly the person messaging someone to talk or check in or plot or Whatever, ur gonna get tired and like do that less and less and it’s really disheartening! like again, we all have lots of other stuff going on, im not saying u need to make urself available to someone when u dont have the time or mental capacity, but just one message here and there can make a difference, fuck knows im depressed as shit and have my moments of isolation too, its just hard if u feel like ur the only one making an effort

idk if this is unpopular or anything but i find it a lot easier to like,, write with ppl if im like,,, friends or just friendly with someone? i totally understand that not everyone here is looking for Friends or anything, sometimes ur just here to write and that’s fine and i’m like, not going to Not write with you bc ur not talking to me ooc all the time, but idk, it’s just nice to learn about y’all outside of ur muses and ur writing and it makes me a tiny bit more ,, comfortable? to approach ur writing and stuff?

cliques are annoying, they can be offputting, but people writing more with their friends than with ppl they dont know isnt always a bad thing kjfdngfdgf i like to branch out and meet new people but i also have people that im just generally more comfortable with and that replies come to more easily for that! i promise im not here to make anyone feel left out, we’re all like,, mostly mentally ill and sometimes u gotta curate that space

darby already kind of said this but the way ppl pay female ocs dust sometimes, , ,,,,,,, i know i like,, mainly write a Man,,,,,,, but not that long after i first made elijahs blog i made a solo one for a lesbian oc i had and yknow what,,, yeah!! its the like specifically women that cant be shipped with Men that often dont get as much going on and u dont!! need to have a romantic ship to establish some fun and interesting dynamics between people!! elijah as a character is terrible abt distinguishing between platonic and romantic affection bt some of my favorite dynamics for him are ones that are strictly platonic or familial, theyre really fucking fun to write and should!! also be considered, just bc u cant ship ur character with another doesnt mean u cant find some fun shit to write / plot

#﹒˚ ₊ ︵ out of character . ♡#under a read more bc long DFNKG #thank u for sending!!

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twow · 2 years

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okay guys i am officially done with my first real week of law school so here's law school update #2!! tbh its been a really fun time! people here are so nice, ive been to the bars the last couple of nights and out of the 6 drinks i've had 5 of them have been bought for me by guys in the law school section LMAO. i didn't go out at all in undergrad so its been a nice change of pace! school is a bit overwhleming and i feel a bit lost but i am kind of getting the hang of it? we'll have to see how next week goes. the rest is under the cut bc i got kind of ramble-y and its long!

okay so for my friend group i simultaneously feel more ingrained in the group and like an outsider. i really love them and we've all gone out together a lot but i cant shake the feeling that's there's an inner circle i'm not a part of idk. i know its probably just insecurity and high school trauma and also the unshakeable feeling that i am unknowable and cannot and should not be my true self around people (with the exception of my irl besties from undergrad ofc). i am hoping that horrible feeling passes and i honestly just can't wait to get out of the beginning parts of the friendship and into the part where i actually feel like i know these people well. esp with this handful of girls I've been getting close to! but yeah ngl i am feeling a bit mixed right now since there's a lot of guys in our group and I've never really had guy friends? there's this sort of ugly feeling like im less important to them bc im not hot like the rest of the girls in the group which is :/// we also sort of had some drama last night so i guess what everyone said about law school being like high school is true LMAOO anyway we are going to the beach today so hopefully things will work itself out.

i also feel like i really embarrassed myself the last couple of nights while drunk. everyone has reassured me that i didn't but still i really really hate the feeling of not remembering exactly what i did/said. shoutout to the girlies and also my friend scott for making me feel a lot better about it <3 anyway in general my mood is very "is everyone hanging out without me?" and "do people secretly dislike me and don't really care about me?" even tho i have evidence to the contrary. mental illness.

edit: okay I've thought about it and the best way to concisely articulate how i feel is that i feel like an afterthought. like ill be invited to places and people will talk to me/hang out with me but i am never the first one on people's mind nor do people really care if i do/do not come. and when im chatting its more like "oh i guess ill talk to her" and im initiating a lot rather than people coming up to me and really wanting to talk to me. and that's fine i guess it just a bit hurtful esp when you see others who do get actually approached for convos and have people upset when they don't come places.

i am also realizing that this post was pretty negative but i AM having a good time and i DO like my friends. I'm just sick of the beginning part i love having really good friends that I'm super close to and i don't really have that yet. its been super fun tho esp at bar trivia and all of my theme park visits

okay update over, thanks for listening to my rambling guys! it really helps me to write all of my feelings out even if no one really cares. that is what a blog is for i guess! also if i know you in real life and you reading this No You Did Not lol

#alcohol ment tw

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flower-blooming-in-hell · 6 months

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i need to scream into the void for a minute here bc like. idk who i can tell this who will understand

just rambling abt mental health (ptsd + depression mainly) and transitioning

but just. !!!!!!!!! i just took my first dose of T!!!!!!!! i officially have my androgel at home! and i just applied it to my skin!! and im waiting for it to dry a lil bit more before i put anything on it (like the sweater im gonna wear to bed tonight)

and im like. i could honestly cry rn not in a bad way but in a "this has been coming for such a long time and im so excited for the future right now" kinda way

i think a reason ive always disliked myself is bc i hate being a girl honestly

my voice is too high and feminine, and my face has never looked like my own (though that could also have to do with the did but still)

im currently planning on ending up looking more androgynous atm, but honestly im on a low dose so i can see which changes i want and how far i want to go

tbh im thinkin i might just end up going all the way tho? not sure

or. all the way isnt the right words but yknow what i mean basically lol

its ? very interesting figuring myself out like this

like im not fully confident on who i am but i know what i want, and i dont want to be a girl. i never really have, and i knew that at a young age. and to a point i do identify with "girl/woman" but thats only bc i was raised one, so i have similar experiences to a lot of ppl who could be called girls/women

plus my mom is def bioessentialist (which i need to look up counterarguments for that tbh) and i love her to death but she just doesnt really understand ... a lot of things

plus yknow. trauma . ive never gotten to fully be myself - i have always been what other people want me to be. its... an experience and a learning curve, finally figuring out who and what i am.

tbh this feels similar to when i got published (technically. it was a competition thing and a prize was getting published alongside others) with the like ... sheer positive emotion and wanting to cry and shaking with the excitement of what ive achieved and get to have

its really weird, being this happy. i didnt think id ever get to feel this way, or that id be excited for the future or have plans for it like i do right now. ive always had the feeling of "theres more things i have to do, so im not finished here." but its never really come out as starkly as it is now.

im really, REALLY happy.

yknow, sometimes i look back on my abuser and think that we were made for each other, and that ill never achieve anything greater than having dated them

and i think this is the first time its actually fully setting in and really occuring to me that i can have a life without them. i dont need them. i never did, and i didn't truly gain anything from being so close to them for so long.

and while i will always be resentful for having to grow up so fast and that i spent so much time on them, and there are still a lot of times that i'm upset with myself for being so unfailingly kind and giving and resilient, times where i wish i broke and wasn't here anymore, i'm truly glad that i didn't and i'm still here.

and i'm happy that i'm not with them anymore.

and i'm glad that i got to have this. and that nobody i currently know will speak negatively about this to me.

sometimes it feels a lot like i move on from them in jagged bits and pieces of glass, like im tugging them out of my skin years after impact

this feels a lot less like that, and more like...

ever since they came into my life, ive felt like . corrupted, evil, gross, whore, etc compared to their bright white purity. like i could never measure up

i think this is the first time in years where ive actually felt pure, in any kind of way

excited for the future, happy, not focused on anyone but myself, confident.

ive always wanted a truly clean slate. and now i have that

i have a better idea of things i want now too, and ive been taking better care of myself as well, and i have so much more energy

i still wish they could see and that theyd be proud of me, instead of whatever the hell manipulative gaslighty bs theyd think up

but im not thinking about them that much either

this is something that i want, and the focus is rightfully on me

...its a slightly weird feeling, but i dont feel selfish for it, for once

#also on a trauma note:#they both really left me in the exact same way huh #they got tired of me and looked for an outside force to make me break up with them #bc they didnt want to do it themselves #cowards

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gggoldfinch · 7 months

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Seriously tho, Cemetary gates got me through a lot of things. You're depiction of Copia is a different thing entirely and honestly my favorite.

I feel incompetent a lot of times. A failure. I feel less human sometimes. And when it was specially a bad day I'd reread a chapter or two and thinking someone looking at ME like that, with longing, not down at me or pitingly and think wow this person is amazing, that made me feel a lot better.like yeah maybe in someones eyes i am beautiful and intelligent and not a total fuck up

I feel like the weight of my words aren't translating well in english but im not gonna delve into my mental illnesses here that'd be a bummer lol just know that cemetary gates kept me from losing it and give up so thank you a lot for sharing it

Anon, oh my god 🥺 First of all, thank you for your ask and definitely don't worry about being a bummer.

Messages like these always get to me— it means so much that you're able to share this vulnerability with me, however anonymously. The fact that my writing has been able to help even one single person besides myself will never not amaze me and bring me so much warmth and compassion for all my readers. You guys and writing makes everything better for me, and being able to share a little of that wellness is so special to me. It's messages like these that make me so thankful that I did decide to share my work, and make me feel proud to be a fanfic writer.

No matter what Anon, you are absolutely not worthless or a failure. You are incredible, and unique, and loved, as well as deserving of love. If you ever feel like no one is there for you just know there's a random fic writer somewhere in the world that cares about you and hopes you're doing well even if I don't know who you are.

Thank you so much for taking the time to tell me this, you don't know how much it swells my heart with love and passion for my readers and my craft. As always, feel free to stop by my inbox if you ever need to vent or just talk into the void, I'm always here. Thank you for reading ❤️

#anon you got me choked up #I feel like I didn't get my point across properly either haha #thank you sm ❤️ it means so much that you can tell me this #anon ask

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antisocialgaycat · 7 months

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feel free to ignore im kind of just screaming into the void here

so i love my friends right like theyre great people however there are some things that they do that kind of make me dislike them and i feel so bad abt it cos i love them but some of the shit they do makes me so uncomfy and i dont want to say anything cos what if they hate me for it and want to stop being friends with me and even though i know that they wont it still scares me lol but some of the shit they do makes me so uncomfy like some of them are hella transphobic and dont even realise it hell some of them say homophobic shit like in a joking way but it still kinda scares me also one of them uses autistic as an insult and that absolutely does not sit right with me and like this one isnt even that bad but they constantly refer to me as the gay one and they dont even seem to think of me as more than that sometimes also i have asked them a hundred times to call me lesbian instead of gay but nope im the gay one in the friend group and nothing will change that and that kind of doesnt vibe with me too good also theres this person who they keep referring to as my girlfriend or my wife and that absolutely is not okay with me and if asked them to stop so many times but they either cant or wont cos they keep calling her that and the thing is that the person they keep calling my wife is a really good friend of mine and we also have a lot of friends in common and i hang out w her and her friends a lot and whenever my friends see me with her they always take photos and shit which makes me so uncomfy i hate having photos taken of me and theyre also really unsubtle about calling her my girlfriend and shit when shes around and when her friends around and im so scared that either her or one of her friends will figure out that i like her and she'll be like ew thats mank and ill lose yet another friend and even tho i know thats so so unlikely cos shes a great person but it would at the very least make things awkward between us and i dont want that cos shes a good friend (better than my fg) so if my friends mess up that friendship i swear im gonna have no friends at all cos ill likely get pissed as fuck at them and my other friends will think im mentally fucked up and then i may as well just leave the entire fucking school and go to my local one and even though i know im catastrophising to the end of the earth and back it still doesnt take away from the fact that some of my friends are making me feel so uncomfy that i dont want to hang out w them even tho i love them also theres these two really toxic people in my grade who sometimes hang out with us (one more than the other) and theyve told the one whos not nice per se but less bad than the other one and hangs out with us less to fuck off and the homophobic transphobic bitch who uses so many slurs its not ok at all they seem to have no problem with oh and theres this kid in the year below us who always dabs up the rest of my fg but whenever he sees me he just says ew no ur a lesbian and one time he said that i prolly jerk off to furry porn and first of all what the actual fuck second of all that made me feel so uncomfy and third of all my fg just laughed and they still bring it up so often and they surely can tell it makes me feel so so fucking scared and i dont even fucking know why oh and one of my closest friends has the most terrible taste in guys like i swear she lies the most toxic people and im the only one who can actually see that cos all the others think theyre hot and they dont realise just how bad its gonna end every time theres literally only 2 people in that group who actually dont ever make me feel like my skeleton js gonna fucking scuttle out of my skin and crab walk to the nearest trash can and jump in so tysm to sarah (i aint gonna tag u cos i dont want u to see this post lmao im still gonna post it tho) and arkie (she doesnt even have tumblr and will never see this post but i still want to put it in writing) anyways yuh thats my lil vent

#just a load of garbage #literally ignore this please im js screaming into the void and hoping some answers float out of my words which they wont but still #also my fg make me feel so shit for hanging out with other people but like im fucking allowed to talk to people yall dont own me #they never did this to s or j and j fucking left the fg entirely and they still love her #anyways yeah #please ignore this #irl ppl ignore this please #this should never leave my drafts #it prolly will tho lmao

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daedalusdavinci · 2 years

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hey. do the gotham squad kids for the character ask meme

adslkfjnsdlkfsndfsf ; ; ok three in one post im gonna put this under the cut to spare my dash

send me a character and ill tell you...

Jason

What made me like them in the first place

you try reading his robin comics and not falling absolutely in love with him. hes just like... he was so genuine and caring and saw the magic in everything, but he also had such a strong sense of justice and maybe it didnt align perfectly with batmans but i LOVED it, i loved his anger because it came from such a place of compassion!! i feel like thats a fraught thing to say but id never seen any of the stuff online or anything, and i just loved him bc he could be kind of a shit but he was just such a cute kid. he was a KID kids are supposed to be shits. and then he came back as red hood and i was like YEAHHHH BOYYYYY and ive never been the same since

Who I ship them with

i think jason is aro but if hes not going to be i say roy bc. i mean. what was all that fr

Random headcanon I have about them

im a desperate believer in commie crimeboss jason who uses the enemies tactics to get inside and get people out again, supporting people safely until they dont have to rely on crime anymore and can find their feet

My favorite moment of theirs

theres so many. i love that comic where batman tells him to distract someone and he pelts them w snowballs its such peak little shit baby jay. i love his comic w two face and the "its too much". i love his appearance in outsiders its so small but i feel like it has such potential. WHEN HE TURNS DOWN RED ROBIN IN COUNTDOWN,, when he fights all the batkids in tfz fr and then his little moment w steph right after,, crying sobbing i love him i love everything abt him

Plotline/story I want to happen

bring back crimeboss jason im not asking. also. fucking. make him a team of actual antiheroes ffs wasted potential

Any issues or insecurities I think they have

i think jason has heavily internalized the bats constant messaging of "you were always going to end up this way you were always a bad egg" and has made his home in this mentality of "im not good and no one wants me here so ill make myself impossible to get rid of and thatll have to be okay" and he really just. he treats himself like a weapon instead of a person because he thinks itll make it hurt less

Favorite quote

i can post quotes from him all day long and i have claimed many as favorites but the truth is that i love everything he says. anyway heres one i like from ep 44 of wayne family adventures

Kiss, marry, hug, or kill

hug i love him

Random thing that reminds me of them

my old emo phase playlist

Any talents I think they might have

i think hes very good at a lot of things but also first aid

On a rate from 1 to 10 how much I love them

10 billion he is my favorite of all time

What I think about their family

i could make an entire post about jasons family. i love them. but specifically in relation to jason its a lot of delusional wishing and a lot of oof. i dont think jason and bruce repairing their relationship completely is realistic w the way comics are now, but i think he still places a lot of trust in dick, maybe more than dick deserves, just bc dick really was his hero growing up and he cares about him so much. i love jason and damian being brothers thru talia. but also, realistically, i think jason probably has the best relationship w duke rn bc duke didnt get all the failed robin stories that the others did nor was he around for jasons death so its like a clean slate type of deal. in general, though, i wish his relationship w everyone was better and i wish there was more elaboration on all of it

Who I think should be their bff

i think its a crime that dc never revisited his relationship w eddie, but also, theres definitely something to be said for the potential of him partnering up w rose. i like his and roys nonsense but it really doesnt make any sense. i also wish dc didnt ignore countdown (even tho i understand why they do) and gave him some kind of relationship w donna and kyle. i have complicated feelings abt this bc functionally jason has no friends outside of some extremely nonsense stuff post reboot

What animal they would be

sorry but im not team catboy jason at all the boy is a dog person. that said, wolf, bc he thinks hes a lone wolf even tho thats not how wolves work at all and hes frequently characterized as a feral angry monster when hes much more complicated than that but also sometimes people think hes a harmless puppy when the boy has very much killed people

Three songs that remind me of them

ive made jokes about me against the world before as well as kryptonite (art in links :') )

but i think better and what you make it by with confidence are pretty good. wish i had examples of metal songs but i just dont rlly listen to metal ever

Favorite episode/issue/thing centered around them

TASK FORCE Z!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its SO GOOD TT^TT i dont want it to end

How badly they need hugs

so badly. so badly. he has so many problems.

Favorite thing about their personality

his determination and the way he just keeps pushing forward even though everything seems to be telling him to just lay down and die all the time

Favorite thing about their appearance

youll pry those precious little curls out of my cold dead hands you know what im talking about

Why I love them so much

i feel like this whole post has been about why i love him so much. it sjust a statistical fact that i have a thing for characters who have died honestly so this was fully inevitable

Steph

What made me like them in the first place

i honestly cant remember but reading through her comics i just love her fucking wit. shes genuinely hilarious and shes also like!!! her independence and determination?? and the way she just constantly defies peoples expectations of her and keeps pushing i just. ugh. its hard not to love her she deserves so much better

Who I ship them with

i havent read all of stephs comics yet or anything, buuuut ngl her and kara are adorable ; ; and ofc cass is a classic

Random headcanon I have about them

i have Opinions about steph being the third robin instead of tim. many of them. also, she fucking deserves it

My favorite moment of theirs

from batgirl (2009) #4. cryign sobbing losing my mind i love her so much. i feel like you know a supers rlly made it when a kid looks up to them and it is never not fucking heartbreaking

Plotline/story I want to happen

give me robin steph or give me death. i dont know how. but i will change tides to give her the time she RIGHTFULLY FUCKING DESERVED. ohhhh im so mad about what they did to her im always mad about what they did to her

i also think she deserves significantly more bonding time w the batfamily than she gets. maybe i havent read enough comics yet (im still working through them, and i desperately hope that its just that), but it seems like she only rlly spends time w damian, cass, babs, and tim in any memorable capacity, and thats unacceptable to me. gotham squad when. not to have brainrot on main but her and jason have so many similarities in their background and treatment at batmans hands and stuff i just think they should fucking bond

Any issues or insecurities I think they have

steph is CONSTANTLY, CONSISTENTLY told that she isnt good enough, by the people she admires and loves the most. she tries so fucking hard to be good, to be perfect, and people still find fault in the smallest damn things. its devastating. i dont imagine she has a lot of self worth

Favorite quote

steph has endless great quoteable moments. her quips are fucking hysterical. but HONESTLY. honestly. my absolute favorite steph panel in the world? this one right here, from the secret origins 80 page grant

Kiss, marry, hug, or kill

hug i love her so much

Random thing that reminds me of them

can i say jason? lol

Any talents I think they might have

i think steph has a lot of random surprising talents. i think itd be fun if she did some random niche crafting thing, like pottery

On a rate from 1 to 10 how much I love them

gonna say a tentative 8 bc im still reading her comics but i adore her shes vastly underrated

What I think about their family

her dynamic w her mom is genuinely so interesting. her mom starts off extremely neglectful, but its still clear that she cares, and that she is trying, in her own way. and she gets better, and shes there for steph in some moments where it really fucking counts. i really like their moments

Who I think should be their bff

kara and cass

What animal they would be

im not really sure tbh

Three songs that remind me of them

lol skip associating characters w songs is a rare thing for me

Favorite episode/issue/thing centered around them

theres,,, not a lot of substantial stuff about her, honestly. she exists as a side character for a long time. but im rlly enjoying batgirl so far!!

How badly they need hugs

soooo bad and she deserves it she deserves someone who will tell her that shes good enough and that she matters

Favorite thing about their personality

shes so unwaveringly kind, even when people are so fucking cruel to her all the time. its astounding.

Favorite thing about their appearance

i love the spoiler mask it is so creature

Why I love them so much

again i feel like ive jsut been tlaking about this the whole time. its hard to put into words concisely why i love her but reading her comics its hard not to feel for her, to root for her, to feel angry at the sheer amount of injustice she faces. shes just so,,,

Duke

What made me like them in the first place

i feel like when it really clicked into place like oh. im obsessed with him. was like. duke, to me, is symbolic of the future. hes a step away from everything that batmans been and towards claiming hope for the city, firmly his own person and not dependent on batman in the way everyone before him has been. and its just. GOD. we love a man who believes in community organizing his comics make gotham feel like a home in a way a lot of them dont, really underlining his connection to the people who live there and what happens to them in a way i feel like bruce himself has grown distant from

Who I ship them with

n/a he needs to int w more people dc give him more fucking comics challenge or ill bite you

Random headcanon I have about them

you know how i love a good meta with powers tied to their emotions

My favorite moment of theirs

his ints w batman like this make me cry every goddamn time. from all star batman

batman secret files: the signal #1

Plotline/story I want to happen

GOTHAM SQUAD TEAMUP FUCKING WHEN!!!!!!!!!!! STOP BEING A COWARD DC GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT

also i want more stuff about duke learning to control his powers. and i want him to team up with other supers outsiders was great now give me more and people his own fucking age

Any issues or insecurities I think they have

he has batman daddy issues, the way they all do, and is constantly worried about disappointing him. obviously has trauma out the ass. but idk again he needs more comics. i also need to catch up on his comics probably its been a hot minute ive been distracted with other people

Favorite quote

this one from all star batman #3 is pretty fucking good, but he has a lot of good content really

Kiss, marry, hug, or kill

hug

Random thing that reminds me of them

arkham jasons helmet and dukes helmet look similar to me. catboys who r actually dogboys

Any talents I think they might have

i think he should work lighting in theater tech bc itd be funny

On a rate from 1 to 10 how much I love them

solid 8 i would love him even more if he had 50 years worth of content but alas

What I think about their family

its one of those things that i wish dc would elaborate on bc you know they could just. drive the angst in so hard dc stop holding back. give it to us. let us write the angst fics come on stop being lame

but w the batfamily i think hes in a weird space where he doesnt want to give up on his birth family and is trying to find the balance between holding them in his heart and learning how to lean into his new siblings and learning how to have them both

Who I think should be their bff

cass but i think dc should spend more time on his friend group (which it hink. theyre doing rn and im just behind on comics) and give him more super friends

What animal they would be

dog not elaborating ive been doing this meme for too long

Three songs that remind me of them

you are my sunshine n/a

Favorite episode/issue/thing centered around them

all star batman had a lot of rlly fun duke moments honestly but batman and the signal and new talent showcase were also (kisses fingers)

How badly they need hugs

he does need one but i think more than that everyone around him is just compelled to hug him bc hes just soooo baby

Favorite thing about their personality

hes so optimistic and vaguely fucking insane which is such a fun combo when paired against batman. he seems approachable in a way that a lot of the batfam isnt, too, and i appreciate that about him. hes their little ray of sunshine fr

Favorite thing about their appearance

love his stupid little helmet ears so much theyre so dumb they dont look anything like the bat ears and everything like little cat ears

Why I love them so much

again. see all of the above. ultimately i love duke for what i think he brings to batman comics and the potential for a new direction hes a vastly underrated (and underwritten) character no more tim comics only duke comics now

#asks #ty for the ask!!#the gotham robins r honestly probably the ones ive read the most comics for at this point sldjknfsldf #so i have. a decent amnt of opinions abt them

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