#so it's like. i do wanna go. but also i don't wanna get sick i don't wanna drive an hour round trip and i don't wanna go out in the evening

[luvring]

hello!! hi. i hope you are not too busy. i have been enjoying your 'falling in love' hcs for the ts characters, and i was wondering if i could ask for the same concept with kuras? if possible? please take your time with it. ^_^ i thinjk he would be silly with it but would also want to biblically smite the reader with his mind (/affectionate) . or you two are psychoanalyzing each other from opposite sides of the room FAR away from each other. I Dont Know. packingf my suitcase and leaving

KURAS FALLING IN LOVE

gn!reader | didn't realize how poor a read i have on his possible plot until writing this. my bad. good job red spring studio U and ur mysteries and kuras's identity in the overarching lore got me this time...

this is going to be the most normal start of a relationship of the LIs. like he's just ('just') a doctor. you're about to strangers -> friends this through coffee and chatting

kuras doesn't...seek you out? not at first. that's not to say he isn't interested by you, but he has a job (and secrets) to handle. but he welcomes your visits as long as he has a break!

it starts with offering to grab or buy something, then staying and helping, learning about a random medicine he has on the counter, and then you're a semi-regular presence at the clinic, and you know which cabinets to check for the average sickness/bandaging. his practiced smile turns into a genuine one when you come through the door. he's asking how your trip was, catching you up on what's been happening lately

one moment i feel might happen is you finding yourself in his clinic, needing his help again,, hopefully your clothes are in tact this time. he jokes about how he'd rather not see you on the cot if you wanted to visit again.

little pranks...!! the senobium or him. roleplaying to throw guards off your trail y'know. getting to see that playful side of him :3

if it's him, he pranks you back, shooting you the same 'innocent' smile he does the guards. be careful about spilling that ink. you've been misplacing papers and pens all day too, haven't you? are you feeling alright?

another moment is. it's hard to say what, but you unknowingly say something tied to his situation. you casually drop your opinion on guilt and atonement—smth smth how guilt will rot and your atonement will never end if you don't let it smth smth the evil that others do with your kindness does not corrupt you smth smth—and it gets him.. Thinking. ! maybe you find those stories about a teacher and harbinger of chaos, and after bringing it up to kuras, he asks you for your opinion on them.

!! one moment i hope we get is kuras 'letting loose' or being silly. laughing really loud and apologizing as it lessens to a chuckle. trying to eat food because you don't know he doesn't eat, and it goes terribly wrong so he gives up and lets you laugh at him

LOL the psychoanalyzing. you say something and he has a weird reaction like Hm. sure, of course. and you're like ??? and he tells you it's nothing, just that that makes sense for you. and you're like Woah you wanna talk about My observations about You? and kuras looks at you like [ !! ] [ ?! ]

there's also small things that suddenly feel more intimate—him cleaning up a wound on your face and holding eye contact, his fingers lingering as they brush your cheek. you instinctively reaching for him when someone bumps into you, and him making sure you're alright.

kuras starts taking more initiative by inviting you to join him places and talking about himself. (cue joke about how information is power and him saying he'll make an exception for you.)

but it won't be all sunshine and rainbows considering he's an incredibly old angel and he has. shit going on.... who knows what shit honestly

you notice how he still doesn't share everything, which is fair enough—you're not spilling your entire life story either. but you still don't know basic things about this guy, you don't even know how he's kept his clothes clean all this time or how Old he is

that distance kuras keeps between you grows again because he doesn't want you to get in harm's way, and it's inevitable if you stick too close. he's an expert at dodging questions, answering just enough to keep people satisfied, but what does this mean for you? someone he's unexpectedly grown fond of, and who keeps calling him out for it?

you voice what you're both thinking. he has a frustrated expression when you point out you both like each other, and you want to help him for once, because ??!! he doesn't know what to do here.

something something, kuras's true form, him invalidating all the good he's done for the chaos and ruin he's brought, the world before, being the one to help him find forgiveness, the divine as neither good nor bad, kuras defining himself outside of a teacher and sinner Something Somethigngggaaghhh

Honestly. i've been messing with both ideas in my head and i haven't picked one i enjoy more so.

there's kuras, who's never been in love and is suddenly fumbling for once, trying really hard to 'do it right' and figuring out what it means to be in a relationship and in love (he's overthinking) (he was doing alright) (he asks ais/mhin for their opinions)

and then there's kuras who goes with what he was doing before, just with more affection/intimacy, because seriously he was already doing a great job at being a good partner :sob:

i think kuras's feelings are a slow burn themself. like, he takes the time to get to know you, to open up, etc, and he wouldn't define what he feels as 'being in love' for a while ?? he knows you're incredible important to him, and know him better than...probably anyone else. but he thinks "i love you" is a very significant thing to think and say out loud and he wants to make sure he knows for sure.

if you wait for him to say it first, i think he'd make it a really special moment! ^^ he thinks for a while about how to do it and, maybe uncharacteristically, gets nervous. his face lights up in its own way when you say it back (not a huge face-splitting grin, but his smile does grow and it's obvious he's relieved/happy)

it isn't often that the doctor is thrown off his game, especially not for longer than a few minutes, so if you ever casually, and Very Quickly*, say "love you" while you're leaving, it's a Sight to See. imagining ais coming to see him and going ...?? when kuras opens the wrong cabinet for the most basic medicine. he applauds your work the next time you see him

*very quickly because if you're in a situation where you're alone and he isn't needed, he's going to stop you?? like what?? can we have a conversation about this (not mad just stunned and values communication and also in love with you and)

#touchstarved x reader #kuras x reader #got writers block specifically for reqs... Again... but i pushed through! i got it. hah #not proofreading this i dont know whats been written If theres a typo. ... dont even tell me. judtodntlekdlcmekdn

[strangestofthings12]

This is going to be a very rambling and venty post cause im tired and annoyed and honestly am just using this to vent my anger/hurt. there is going to be stuff that can maybe be seen as anti tommy/bucktommy (please dont tell me a ship name to put i dont care about if they do have an agreed upon ship name right now) so if you dont want that please just move on. i dont want to fight i just want to yell into the void on a stupid throw away account so i dont bring my negativity stew and come out on my main blog where i just want to enjoy my stuff and just keep happy energy. I dont normally post and try and just find someone who explains it better because im not great and getting what im saying across or understood the way i want, so please bear with me. With that said i will move on to what i want to say

Okay so i have been watching 9-1-1 for years and i love and adore it. Its characters and dynamics and i have always loved found family. Now i will admit that i started watching it thinking that Buck and Eddie were a couple and had a son so i was kinda watching for it. Do i think if i didn't start watching thinking that i would ship them still yes 100%. I have always loved their relationship and i have loved watching both Buck and Eddie grow and start to be happy while also having each others back even at the worst times. Sometimes if i think to hard about Eddie and start crying cause I'm very normal about this show and it characters. Now Eddie is my favorite character in the show and at least in my top five overall favorite characters. I love him and his development and i adore seeing how much he does to just do right by Chris even when he messes up you can tell how much he adores that boy and how badly he wants to give Chris the best life possible. I could write essays about Eddie Diaz trying to explain how much i love him and why and i think words would run out before i could finish making people understand. Buddie is my favorite ship (sometimes second depending on my mood. i would say sorry but Henren and Madney will always be amazing ships and sometimes i just cant stop think about them)(Sorry Bathena i love you too i swear i just cant decide if i wanna kiss athena or be adopted by bobby and athena:( Its confusing) and has been for quite awhile and is one of my overall favorites and its one of my comfort ships.

With that context when bi Buck happened i was so insanely happy and i wouldnt shut up about it. it made me sick. i was so happy for Buck and while i think a part of me will always be a little sad Eddie wasnt his first kiss with a guy i dont think either of them are ready for that. i also understand that it wouldnt make sense for how the story is going right now. Now i have nothing against bucktommy in the show. I have watched the kiss scene and sobbed to much to pretend like i hate them or even dislike them. However I genuinely dont care about Tommy. Hes kinda bland and i forget about him half the time and before they brought him back i completely forgot his name. in my mind he was the one that wasnt as much of an asshole to chim and hen as the other two assholes which wasnt saying a lot. Now I dont dislike tommy nor am i going to act like hes irredeemable because neither Chim nor Hen seem to think hes still that guy and while they dont seem super close they seem to get along so clearly, he's not like that anymore. I have nothing that makes me dislike him nor do I like him. He's just there. He's just the guy buck kissed. Thats all he means to me. I would give up his screen time for Ravi or May or Karen in a heartbeat. because i love them cause they mean something to me. I don't think i thought about the fact that people might actually like him especially not more than EDDIE.

This is where the context matters cause i am to my core a one ship per person girly. I might see a ship and people who like it and even think thats not a terrible ship but i will still only look at content for my ship for that person (ie. i ship Destiel (dont say anything bad about them ill cry<3) but i can see the way someone would also ship Dean and Benny or crowley or Cas and Crowley or Mick but i will ignore the ship and move on and look at more Dean and Cas). normally i will just ignore the ship and move on because im not who its for. If it gets annoying in my tag or anything like that ill block it or whoever is annoying me cause its not a them problem that i dont want to see it. When i start to have a problem is when multiple people arent tagging right for whatever reason or people who are being rude about the ship i like because of their ship. When I started seeing Bucktommy stuff more and more in the 9-1-1 tag i went to the buddie tag cause i dont want to see them. my problem is that when im reading on AO3 and click on a fic tagged Buddie where bucktommy get married. it was literally just hurting Eddie. There was stuff before like id be scrolling though the buddie tag here and see someone saying that Tommy is a better character then Eddie and saying that they hope bucktommy is endgame. Whatever block and move on. Just like always but then people who have shipped buddie for years who ive seen talk about them are suddenly saying that they like bucktommy better. People who started watching because of bucktommy saying they dont like Eddie. People are going to have different opinions but it still bugged me. and then i read that and i was just hurt because it was tagged happy ending and i cannot fathom ever thinking Eddie hurting and pining is a happy ending. So i started to get more annoyed and i hate when that happens especially with a show i love and a character i dont dislike so i tried to just move on but more and more people are taking about it then i saw someone saying that they wanted eddie to die so buck and tommy can have Chris.

I just hate that so many people are jumping on the bucktommy train and saying that they like it better than buddie something that is so good and sweet or saying that they like Tommy more than Eddie. I just dont get it cause Tommy is boring. like yeah we now some about him and he flies a helicopter but hes forgettable he could be a completely different person and next to nothing would have to change. We have seen Eddie at his worst and claw his way back up and hes finally letting himself be open and honest and soft. Eddie couldnt be replaced. Now im not saying Tommy can't be an interesting character but as he is right now?? He just isnt. Hes just as bland as every women (minus Taylor and Shannon) Buck and Eddie have dated and been hated on for no reason!!! Like i get that Tommy is a guy and we got canon Bi Buck and people are happy but those same people turn around and shit on Marisol from what ive seen(I could be wrong cause again i have done my best to avoid). Buddie fans arent safe from that either, cause we all know that Buddie fans do that but so many of those people who hated on them and said they didnt want them with anyone else suddenly decided that they were okay if Buck ended up with any guy. I dont know its just weird and i hate how many people are acting like Eddie isnt always going to be better then Tommy. Part of me wanted Tommy to stick around and help Buck and Eddie figure it all out but now?? i honestly just cant wait for him to be gone cause I want to have fun and read fics for my comfort ship and just chill where i can see all of my ships in the show without buck and tommy being everywhere or people saying crap about Eddie.

I have more to say but most of its about how gratifying waiting and seeing where this whole thing goes(Buddie season 8 PLEASE!!) and this is already why to long and i think im just going in circles and none of this makes sense so ima shut up for now and hopefully this will help it not fester and drive me insane and become a tommy hater

Edit: but i also hate that Tommy calls Buck Evan so he already had some stuff against him rip

#911 #buddie #anti bucktommy #i guess?? #i dont know #i dont know what to tag this and just hope i dont upset anyone #anti tommy kinard #again i guess #but not really?? #let me know if i need to add any tags:)

[kenobihater]

of all the star wars movies, which of them do y'all 1) enjoy the most 2) consider the best quality and 3) think you've rewatched the most. add your answers in the reblogs or replies, i'm genuinely curious how much of an overlap there is within everyone's three answers. mine don't overlap at all! they're revenge of the sith, empire strikes back, and the force awakens :^)

#len speaks #star wars #revenge of the sith #empire strikes back #the force awakens #not tagging more films than that bc i cant b bothered. incoming tag ramble ahead bc i have sw brainrot rn and im making it everyones prob❤️ #i rlly struggled 2 remember if id watched tfa or aotc more. i went w/ tfa bc it was formative to me as a teen and ive seen it probably 6ish #times? whereas aotc was the first sw movie i remember (specifically the scene of obiwan serving c*nt in the bar lmao) but i've only seen it #for sure 4.5 and maybe 5.5 times. the .5 is from when i got bored after obi-wan's scene ended and ran off to go play in the mud or smthn 😭 #i'm sure tfa will eventually get surpassed in number of rewatches by aotc and rots bc i don't fw the direction of the ST but that's my #current ballpark estimate of my total number of rewatches #as an adult tho if i just wanna watch a star war i'll go with aotc bc it's fun and ends semihappily and i can turn my brain off for the #spinny lightsabers. it's great background noise or for if you're sick or whatever. rots on the other hand? i won't talk through that unless #i'm quoting it with my brother and i am LOCKED IN 100% entirely entranced by it all #i almost picked rogue one for the best quality answer but i think the character writing is weaker and the facial cgi is creepy. esb beats #it by a hair imho bc of that. the vader hallway scene goes hard tho!!! #also i'm not covering shows or games or books or anything else in this post - simply the films. might ask abt shows later but that might #also give me hives bc so many of the shows suck ass and i don't rlly want ppl extolling the virtues of t.bb in my notes 💀 #and yes i do think one's enjoyment and one's opinion of quality are two things that often overlap. but sometimes you just like something #bad and that's awesome. like rots is the best of the prequels by a large margin and i adore the opening and characters and many of the #scenes but that doesn't mean it's the best star wars has to offer ykwim? it's my specialest most favoritest sw movie but that doesn't blind #me to the dialogue lmfaooo

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog #didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move #across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s #so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help #with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the #location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright #colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird #like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the #southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December #it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but #i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and #jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen #im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and #the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier #for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy #but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked #up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents #r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes #better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book #like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭 #so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-] #unrelated

[fuckin-sick-bih]

i don't usually write the style of sick fics of like... stomach aches/emeto area, but like... my brain cannot stop thinking about the fact that Mobius M. Mobius probably only knows how to make horrifying 60's 70's foods that he wants to cook for Loki. and Loki at first is says "absolutely not" only to find Mobius later picking at a piece of it by himself. so Loki sits down and has a slice of... whatever monstrosity it is with him and it's not terrible. but it definitely doesn't like Loki. cue guilt from Mobius about "poisoning" a god and a little panic about not knowing how to take care of him in this sense because he's studied Loki! he knows Loki! but this? this is new! so Loki just requests to be held for a while, touch starved trickster he is.

#just bex talkin #L/oki #fic ideas #m/arvel #very brief emeto mention but not description #tw emeto #i'm posting this so if anybody wants to write it go ham! i'm consistently wavering on energy levels rn #also idk how much people who follow me would enjoy a fic like that so if i write it dunno if it'll get posted? #even if there's very limited engagement on stuff i'll usually still post it because it's what *i* wanna write #but mostly its i've never actually tried to write an emeto fic before and i feel like i'd either go Too Hard or Too Soft #not my kink i'm just a perpetually nauseous individual so i don't mind one way or the other #do i use sick fics for character studies? yes. yes i do. what of it?

[nat-20s]

I really lost an entire fucking WEEK to being sick huh like hrrrGGGG i had STUFF to DO. also i felt slightly better today so i tried to like gung ho do stuff and honestly im exhausted from doing like two things :(((( AND i have to be at stupid fucking work at 8 am tomorrow DDDDDD:

#yes i am WHINING but i literally had THINGS to DO #i have like three major sewing project to try and get done in uh. seven days. and im still sick. and im working everyday this week #also my paycheck is a good almost $300 less than it should've been bc i was SICK for a WEEK #im genuinely like. angry. #also had to fucking bribe one of my coworkers to fucking go in to work to cover my shift #bc he was like. oh yeah i know i literally promised you less than 12 hours ago to go in but now i like. don't wanna. im tired #FUCK OFF??? #im so annoyed im like that's not how any of this works. and this was like. less than an hour before the shift started he was like #well i don't like. want to #and im like cool. great. super cool. #*mentally adds u to my list of entirely unreliable people* #sorry for tag rambling i just feel like garbage #i missed seeing nightvale live because i was sick #this was the first week were i was supposed to have like loads of time and do some fun things and get some stuff done that i had had in lik #over a month? #so i was. excited. for naught. #anyway uhhh bite kill bite bite bite kill

[skrunksthatwunk]

found out that rascal's owner took him again while i was out, and he's probably not gonna be back since the semester's almost over. i don't even know if his owner's coming back next semester, if i'll ever see him again. if he'll ever see me again. why do they wait until im not around to do this? why do they never let me say goodbye to him?

#i didnt really get to process it bc i found out when i was hanging w a friend but. im processing it now #sigh.. i dont know. i dont know. #at the end of the day he is and has always been someone else's cat. i can't control what she does with him #no matter what i think of it. she can always take him away. but every time it happens im just. im tired yknow? #it's worth it to me to have him around. i love him dearly and i want him to be in a home where he's actually cared for (which i have done my #best to provide) but he's just. not mine. and every time it happens i back up and think man. im such a sucker. #i don't think people manipulate me often. not in an ongoing way i mean. i don't think ppl see me as valuable enough to most of the time. #but damn. she really found my weak spots didn't she. free petcare courtesy of one chump who can't live without animals around. sigh #he deserves stability but he deserves love more. this weird shared custody thing is better for him i think. and frankly i also love him. #im not the priority here but my feelings are like. there. him being taken away without even telling me first hurts. i'd like to be able to #say goodbye to him. im not saying he has to stay or this has to go on but couldn't they just.. consider my feelings a bit more? #just bc you're fine with dropping your cat off somewhere for weeks not knowing when you'll see him again and not visiting doesn't mean i am #and i kind of feel like my roommate is part of this. after all it's not like his owner can just break into our room and take him #and if im always out when they do it there's a chance roomie's just shipping him off whenever she gets sick of him. #she's done it before. even after she agreed so vehemently with me about never wanting him to go back to such treatment and stuff early on. #she's been spraying him for little reason lately too. and i mean i get being a little more cautious with some things bc her neck's broken #but she's really fixated on how much he smells and bites and stuff and talks about how if i wasn't around she'd consider eating him #and then other times she's like that's my pookie. i don't get it. like yeah i tell rascal to fuck off sometimes bc he hurts me but it's not #like a hateful thing. i dont resent him for it i'm just annoyed sometimes bc he's maiming me a little. he's my baby. how could i loathe him? #so it makes me think that roomie might be blaming his transfers on his owner bc she doesn't want me to judge her #and like. this is her room too. it's not her fault she's more bothered by the smell than me. if she doesn't want to be bitten and clawed all #the time i can sympathize. i don't wanna force her to house him. but i wish she'd just be honest with me i guess #like. what if his owner decides to give him away without telling me? i'd take him in in a heartbeat. even though i know it's a bad idea. #but i'm worried he'll fall out of my reach completely. and at the very least I'd like to be able to say goodbye first. that's all.

[lesbienneanarchiste]

hate that the nano website sucks so much ass but also the only event near me is 30 minutes away at 6-7 pm when i'm too tired to do shit and also know that i am almost certain to be the only one masking. like. it's so impossible to make any kind of friends around here and it's exhausting.

#disgruntled octopus #it's not like i was active in the irl community in md but at least there were more options #and then during nano 2020 they did zoom stuff which i didn't do bc i wasn't doing nano but i appreciated #now it's solely write ins irl at bangor library #also write ins are not practical for me bc my laptop is so old and shitty and tempermental #so it's like. i do wanna go. but also i don't wanna get sick i don't wanna drive an hour round trip and i don't wanna go out in the evening #but gd the isolation really kicks in when there's something i want to do but can't/don't want to deal with the cons

[watery-melon-baller]

sometimes you'll wake up early for your class and you'll sit there in bed and there will be a little voice saying do I really need to go to class. what if I just slept in wouldn't that be nice. that's the devil dnt listen.

#I don't even have that early of a class god. hnbfff #I don't wanna go to my stupid fucking class we aren't even gonna do much and also I haven't done the work I was supposed while I was sick #following this philosophy is how I skipped most of my 8am last semester in trying to do better #now I'm on tukbkr instead of like. getting up god i am so tired I had to stay up late to finish assisgnments #I wish my class started at 2pm instead </3 #lilac post

[robinsnest2111]

I'm actually super upset about the fact my body is actively working against my carefully planned free time activities 😭

#I WANNA GO TO THAT GIG SO BAD WANTED TO SINCE I HEARD ABOUT IT LAST MONTH #got half a mind to just push through the pain and dizziness and go #but then there's the issue of The Blood.... #and also... i'd get home around 1.30am tomorrow. and i got work tomorrow #and not getting enough sleep would make the pain and dizziness even worse #idek if i can work like this actually. but i don't wanna call in sick!!!!! #because i cannot call in sick over something so minor!!!! but also i cannot adequately care for myself at work #gotta be up and about for 8 hours no toilet breaks #but i cannot do that when i need a pitstop every 3 hours ughhhhhhh #i hate this body and all it stands for fr fr

[no-one-hears-me]

wish I wasn't so obsessed with food

#ed discussion in the tags #maybe #I'm not obsessed bc I'm eating all the time I just think about food all the time #not even like craving a certain food. just thinking about when I'm gonna eat next #I'm fasting rn and idk how long I'm gonna do this for and I keep thinking about that #like wondering if I'm gonna eat tomorrow #I don't wanna eat tomorrow but I also don't wanna get too sick #I've never been able to go long periods without eating so idk #it just sucks bc I know I'm not eating today but I just keep thinking about eating #I am getting dizzy so I'll probably have to eat tomorrow #I've had a lot of water today so I'm not dehydrated and idk how to fix the sick feeling tbh #Sera

[hooved]

i know everyone's told me to rest because i'm sick but i just can't. it doesn't feel right. i need to do everything i can rn because i'm scared that any second we'll be told to get out NOW

#there's a lot of legal shit going on so i'm really unsure when exactly we'll have to leave #my mom keeps telling me to pack an overnight bag just in case and i know she's right but there's other things i need to do first #plus i'm not leaving my computer here. i'm just not. i can't. it's my most important possession. it keeps me sane if you can call it that #i need to get everything else ready before finishing getting my ''i need these with me at all times'' stuff ready #because so much shit is in the way like i still need to take out trash and do more laundry #and get more things that have already been in boxes forever out of here. also the closet door is stuck so that's a problem #i don't even care about most of the shit in my closet like i know there's stuff from my childhood in there but i don't remember what #other than that it's junk. and decorations i bought for an eventual apartment but when the fuck is that even gonna happen #i know i'm sitting here doing nothing rn as i'm typing this but i'm like mentally stuck on what to do next without my mom's help #and she's not here rn. plus there's some dude that her shitty ex is letting stay downstairs rn ? for some reason ? #and i just don't feel comfortable leaving the room to get food or take out trash or change out the laundry. it's just weird #plus i'm sick and he has a weak immune system and like. i dunno i don't wanna be responsible for that #anyway sorry i'm rambling. i know it's understandable at a time like this but i just feel bad that this is all i'm talking about rn #i'm just so fucking depressed and stressed and tired and i've barely eaten anything for the past few days #i can't even have fun or talk to any friends like i normally do. my brain won't let me and it just doesn't feel right. i can't be happy rn #for even a second. it's just not the right time. there's nothing to be happy about. i have no hope at this point that things will work out

[izzy-b-hands]

I told myself I was gonna get one of today's prompts done but

i am staring at my word doc wrapped in a blanket thinking about showering and going to sleep instead (even tho I know my brain won't let me actually fall asleep until fuck knows when, which makes that feel like just. wasted time.)

#text post #i really don't wanna skip another day #i know that's fine and most events like this are do what you can not do every day or die in a tire fire lmao #but my brain is just. itchy at the idea of skipping another day #also went to my half finished draft for tomorrow's and guess what! It's fucking terrible! So that also needs redoing #i need my body to get out of this stress sickness slump this isn't helping me in any way #like thank u im aware of stress. making me feel like i have the flu bc im stressed isn't going to make that go away!!! #maybe if i give myself till midnight #if it hits midnight and nothing is still getting done or nothing I get down is working then i'll let myself skip today's #and will try again in redoing one of the prompts for tomorrow

[blujayonthewing]

once again thinking about how never leaving the house or being around other human beings makes you actually insane but also I am living in an era of both widespread disabling plague and near universal disinterest in avoiding plague at the same time

#and even the people who still give even paltry lipservice to covid #friend a month ago: do you want to come over? everyone in the house is sick but it's rsv not covid :) #friend now: I have not stopped coughing for an entire month #not that the lipservice to covid helps either she's been doing karaoke at a local bar every week all year #and anyway it just... feels kinda hopeless regardless... almost all my friends have preschool/ daycare age kids #or rightwing families #or work in schools or hospitals #this has all been true the entire time but now it's also like 'aw is everything okay?' if I wear a mask around them indoors #2021 when 'everyone present is vaccinated' felt like it actually mattered sure was nice #I don't want covid and I very do not want long covid and I STILL do not think that is weird or irrational of me but!! fuck me I guess!! #anyway I'm married and have the internet so I'm not COMPLETELY isolated but I am still... mostly...... you know #and like! okay what is the alternative!! I wanna go to my friends' house and lay on their floor and get jumped on by toddlers #I wanna invite people over for dinner! I wanna have movie nights!! I wanna see and talk to and touch other people sometimes!! #and like... you Need to as a human being. you need those things #I feel like I'm withering away #haha his sucks dot jpeg #about me

[indigodawns]

.

#blabla vent tags incoming #but im just so tired HSNSJS i know part of it is probably genuinely my messed up sleeping schedule and not having anything to do rn #but i keep having okay/good moments vs moments of being completely Done for no reason #like oh i don't want to do this anymore. not in a concerning way dw dw but also??? #just so so sick of living with myself for no good reason rip #anyways this was gonna be a post abt how bls are making me Yearn again which is gross #and i might be going on a date this week with someone? bc i opened tinder etc again HSJSJDB rip #but now im suddenly hit by the. ohhhhhhh i wanna date/kiss a girl. im not going on a date with a girl #dhsjsbsbdndj rip for being bi ig i sure am flighty/flaky in everything 💀💀 #haven't followed any bts updates in weeks now either #and blasting through new hyperfixations at a wild pace which im sure is due to having too much time on my hands but cmon now 💀💀 #idk none of this is getting to the point i just. what's the yoongi quote? wanna throw myself away #and i can't explain it and this keeps hitting in moments and then im fine again but it's like ok ive tried it. can't make sense of it. #what now??? #but also like i just need to flip a switch and then ill be fine!!! just flip it!!! #i will say watching the eclipse had me there actually but what good does that do anyone dhsnsjdj

[gimmeacupcake]

Ok so apparently tomorrow morning some croatian students will come visit our institute and I'm torn on whether I should go see them. While it does actually sound fun to meet them and maybe do some interpreting exercises in the booths together I haven't been sleeping well the past few nights and I don't wanna get up any earlier than absolutely necessary lmao

#i don't have uni at all tomorrow thooo #like do i really wanna get up early and go to uni just to maybe sit there for two hours #or do i wanna sleep in on a Friday and start my weekend early 😏 #or #or or or #iirc they'll be there from 9 - 11 #maybe I'll just join them sometime towards the end #just to say hi and see what my prof does with them #cuz nobody forces me to be there #but i also really wanna have a reason to dress up a bit and look cute #I'm so sick of being in pjs all day since I've had covid #I've already started wearing heels to the grocery store again cuz i wanna look cute and feel good!!! #i still have so many clothes from pre pandemic that i haven't worn yet or wanna try style in a different way #also it would leave a good impression on my prof if i attend this visit #thats certainly not a bad thing #my stuff