#someone else gotta suffer w me in making sure all this crap is good to go

[ragingtwilight]

15k words to proofread im going insane im going insane im going insane im going insane

#i missed this and i cant write short chapters but also i hate this AJFSDJS #at least im not my only beta reader LMFAO #someone else gotta suffer w me in making sure all this crap is good to go #grrr #long chapters my beloved #proofreading my beloathed

[avionvadion]

Forest Deep: a fanfic mixing Secret of the Cursed Mask and the actual Inuyasha anime itself. https://archiveofourown.org/works/24115702/chapters/58056064

Summary: Naraku had one goal- to destroy Inuyasha. Now with his new companion he has an idea how to make that happen. Brought to the Feudal Era by an unwanted Summoning, Irene's in search of her older sister and the one who brought them there. With the help of her new friends she might just find them, but it's hard getting through battles- nonetheless the day- with her lung problems. Why is this Naraku so cruel? What does he gain from hurting people? Who is his new friend- and what's underneath that mask she wears? Irene doesn't know. But she'll find out- one way or another. She just wished she had her sister beside her as she did it.

The first drawing is basically the story cover. I drew it back before Irene’s hair had a consistency and I had a better grasp of the art style XD The second image is from the end of chapter 20 and the last one is for chapter 15. 

Story: 

"I-It's…" Oh gods. "It's a saying where I'm from. Just- Just ignore it. I speak nonsense. Um. Look. You don't want to stay here, right? I don't want to stay here either. I have a sister I gotta make sure ain't dead, some friends to get back- granted… they probably don't want anything to do with me anymore, and an evil half-demon to stop, so~!" I huffed and stood, brushing some dirt off my pale blue jeans. I walked over, holding a shaky hand out to her with a grin. "You can come with or you can stay here and go crazy! Your choice."

Her eyebrows knit together. "For what reason did you desire the Magatama fruit? Most here are… filled with greed. They want its power for themselves. I, too, was selfish and… it brought me here."

"It…" I hesitated. Memories of the villagers falling came to mind. "I… I need the fruit to break a barrier. If the barrier doesn't break then… more people are gonna die. And… I don't want to see that happen."

"That's sounds awful…" Shizuno said, bringing a hand up to her mouth. "A-Are you certain that it's not another lie someone told? You could have fallen into a trap."

"I mean, probably?" I made a face, moving my head to the side and shaking it, shrugging my shoulders. "Buuut I have no reason to distrust him, you know? I-It's weird. Like, yeah he can be pretty shady when he wants to be, but he's helped me out this far and it's because of him I can talk to Shikigami spirits and heal people. So! I think he's nice. He did mention that this would be really dangerous and I was a firm believer I wouldn't survive. Was that a lie? Nope. Here we are! In a magical space surrounded by a bunch of crazy people."

"You are…" She frowned. "...strange. You speak of dire circumstances, yet you smile so brightly. Why do you behave so casually?"

"I just do." I was still so tired. "Life just sucks. That's how it works. No use mopin' about."

Unless of course several people had died. Damn it. I can still hear their screams, the children calling out for their parents as they ran for their lives. The blood splattering onto the ground… and staining Kohaku's kusarigama.

"Anyway! You never answered my question. You comin' with me?" I stretched out my fingers and wiggled them at her, staring at her expectantly. "You know you waaaant tooooo~! Far over the misty mountains cold~ to dungeons deep and caverns old!" My voice cracked and I coughed, hacking into my sleeve. My voice really could not go low. It was so distressing. The woman gave me such a strange look, but she reached out and took my hand. I felt so lightheaded. "Oh? Yay!"

She shook her head at me, folding her hands close to her chest. "We could be trapped here in eternal suffering," Shizuno told me, "yet you sing? Why?"

"Because if we're gonna be suffering eternally," I declared, holding an index finger up wisely, "we might as well have fun with it. Sadly I don't remember all the lyrics, but! It's a good song." I approached the mountain wall, staring up and squinting my eyes as I tried to gauge how far up we would have to climb before we reached the next ledge. My hands were all scraped up. "Okay… calm down. We can do this. You up for the climb?"

"Y-Yes, I suppose… what about you?" She stared at me, frowning. "Your skin is quite pale…"

"I'll be fine." I had to be. "My… My friends are waiting for me."

If they even still thought of me as one.

"And… your sister?"

I didn't answer. I wasn't even sure she was alive. "If I don't get that Magatama fruit… more people are gonna die. I… I don't want her to be one of them." I looked back at Shizuno, forcing another closed-eye grin, ignoring the lump forming in my throat. I had to be strong- for her. She was in pain as well. Her entire village was destroyed. "So we gotta keep going. Up and at 'em!"

I cracked my knuckles and reached up, grabbing onto a root sticking out from one of the rocks. This part of the wall was covered with vines, but there was no telling if they could all hold. Shizuno followed behind me uncertainly, grabbing onto a rock and climbing. "Th-This is very dangerous!"

Well, obviously. But I was convinced that we couldn't quite… die here? I've seen so many people wandering around and not one skeleton. At least there weren't any demons nearby in this spirit realm that could eat us. I don't think I'd taste very good. Ick. My mind flashed back to the mansion and I cringed, temporarily halting in my climb. Don't freak out. I had to stay calm. This is fine.

I'm fine. Always. Always fine.

I may be slowly breaking apart, but I'm fine. It's how I am.

This is just life.

It's my fault those villagers are dead, so I have to avenge them. Don't I?

Suddenly the vines I was climbing broke and I let out a small shriek, falling back towards the ledge below. The wind around me picked up pace and suddenly my descent slowed, causing me to blink. Then once I was close enough to the ground it stopped and I hit my head, crashing hard onto my back. "O-Ow! Frick!" I cringed and curled onto my side, bringing my hands up to the back of my aching skull. It was being put through so much abuse today. "Dude, that hurt!"

"A-Are you alright!?" Shizuno called down. She was at least thirty feet above me, clinging tight to some vines. "The wind just- how on earth-!?"

"Spirits." I hissed, wincing at the bump that was definitely going to be there for a while. The wind helped enough for me not to die, but wasn't completely forgiving to leave me free of injury. "Eugh…" That seriously hurt, but at least it wasn't fatal. This proved that one of my theories were right. Kazumi would have us wander forever in insanity, but she would not have us kill ourselves. "Frick."

I stumbled, wobbling over to the wall and leaning against it for a moment until my vision cleared. The world was trying to spin on me.

"Need to… keep going." I wheezed. This air spirit guardian person was such a sadist. "Have to… save them…"

My fingers gripped weakly at the roots. I wouldn't be able to climb in this state.

"Naraku… must be… stopped…"

I'm so dizzy. My forehead pressed against the rocky mountain side, eyes closing as I waited to catch my breath. That scared the crap out of me- falling like that. I hated it. After a few long minutes I grabbed at the vines again, fingers feeling numb and tingly, and I kicked at the wall with my bare feet. Being weak is one thing, but being stubborn was another. I was determined.

"I will… defeat him…" I wheezed, reaching up and grasping tiredly at a rock jutting out. It crumbled and I had to go for one higher up, stretching my arm painfully. "Barrier… it will break…"

Naraku sent Kohaku and Kanna after me, and why? Because Anastasia wanted my soul for some god awful reason that still wasn't explained. He made them attack the villagers that were helping me, and if Kagome didn't crack the mirror and force the souls to be freed so many more would already be dead. They tried to help me and Naraku forced Kohaku to kill them because of that. He was awful.

He was more of a madman than anyone else in this place.

The air around me seemed to grow gentler, my body becoming lighter and moving a bit faster. It was almost as if it was giving me a boost, but I knew that couldn't be the case. It was so aggressive earlier. After what surely must have been an hour I reached the ledge I fell from, reuniting with Shizuno who watched as I fell onto my front, eyes closed and breath heavy. "You are not the most healthy person, are you?" She asked.

"I wonder what… gave you that idea?" I wheezed, the sarcasm dripping off my tongue. "I told you… sickly human… didn't I?"

She gave a small smile, almost amused by my weird ways. "You did. Will you be able to make it to the top? There is still quite a ways to go."

"Yeah, just… need to… rest a bit first. Is that okay… with you?"

Shizuno nodded. "Yes… we have all of eternity, after all. Time does not seem to pass in this place. I have seen many arrive here, yet… they never aged. It is rather concerning, but there is nothing we can do. I fear many years have already passed since I was first brought here."

Wait, what? Oh no. My eyes widened and I sat up, looking at her in alarm and ignoring the rapid pounding of my heart. "N-No way… no, no, no! We… We have to hurry! I-I can't-!" I can't be trapped here forever. I have to get that fruit as fast as possible. If Maria was still alive then I can't be left behind. "The mountain! W-We have to… to climb…!"

I stumbled over, dazed and desperate, grabbing at the roots and struggling to climb. Shizuno dashed over and caught me when I fell, startled when she felt the heat radiating from my body. "I-Irene! You are feverish!"

"M'fine." I mumbled. "Have to get… to Sango…"

She, Miroku, Shippō, and Kirara are all up there dealing with the air spirit alone.

"Don't wanna see 'em hurt…"

I'm so sleepy. I want to take a nap.

"Gotta beat Naraku… and his dumb barrier thing…"

"Rest first. We have time." She said softly, voice so soothing. Shizuno carefully moved me away from the wall, keeping her arms around my waist, setting me down on the ground beside her. My head fell against her chest and my eyes closed, giving in to the comfort she gave. A hug felt so nice right now… yet her body was so cold. Her fingers ran gently along my hair, fiddling with the short strands. "You are fighting so strongly right now, are you not? It must be hard…"

"S'not… just… hurts."

"Why do you want to fight this Naraku so bad?"

"He hurts… people." I told her quietly, finding myself being lulled to sleep by her gentle touch. "They… helped me a-and he… killed them."

"He did?"

I nodded, making a small noise of confirmation. "He had… Sango's younger brother… attack. H-He's controlled by him, so he can't… fight back. She's always crying when she… has to face him. I don't like it. She's so much better… when she's happy…"

"I see. So Naraku is the one to blame."

Yes. He made Kohaku hurt them. It was all that evil half-demon's fault that the villagers are dead. "Naraku… killed them…"

"If that is so… then you should be able to climb the mountain now."

"...What?" My eyes slowly opened and I blinked, turning my head to look tiredly at Shizuno.

Her features seemed to change as the wind around us blew stronger, her long black hair shifting into something shorter and more white in color. I yanked myself off of her lap, watching as her colorful kimono become a pale blue, a white cloth draped over her shoulders and wrapped around her arms. As I stumbled into an upright stance, standing and backing away slowly, her dark eyes became an icy blue, lips dark and almost purple in color. I hadn't seen her entire appearance before, but I was certain now as to why Shizuno looked so familiar.

"K-Kazumi?"

…

"Where did she go!?" Sango demanded, whirling around to try and locate where the air spirit disappeared to. They were just talking when the mist became stronger, the entire area around them being covered in fog. The demon slayer couldn't see five feet in front of her. "Miroku! Shippō!"

"Here!" The fox demon informed, about ten feet back.

"I'm over here!" The monk shouted somewhere from her left side, sweeping at the area around him with his staff. "I'd use my Wind Tunnel to suck in this mess, but I might anger the spirits further if I did and cost Irene her life! Sango, what should we do!?"

"I-I don't know!" For once the demon slayer was at a loss. There was no enemy to fight, no goddess to appease. Only a spirit set on challenging their friend to a test of truth. "I… never realized she felt so guilty for what had happened…" Sango said after a moment, looking down at the hiraikotsu in her hand, closing her eyes with a pained expression. "I was only focused on myself. Miroku, I…" She rested a hand over her face, ashamed. "I'm a terrible friend."

"No, Sango, don't blame yourself." The monk shook his head. "I, too, did not notice. I was believing us to finally be able to close the gap and become proper allies, and yet…"

"She's always blaming herself!" Shippō stated, frowning deeply. He appeared greatly bothered. "Irene has such a guilt-complex for some reason! I don't get it! She's always apologizing for every little thing, no matter how small it is! Inuyasha was always yelling at her for it!"

"I-I thought she was just shy." Sango admitted. "But… I guess there's more to it. What do you think, Miroku?"

"Anything could have caused it." He informed them, something unsettling forming in his stomach. The monk always had been unable to refuse helping a young woman in need and the one in trouble now was a friend. Yet how could they protect her if they didn't even know what was wrong? If they couldn't even reach her where she was now? Why did Irene feel the need to place the blame on herself? "I'm afraid we'll just have to ask and pray she will tell us when she returns."

"I hope so…"

…

"H-How did you-!?" I pointed at her, dumbfounded, then gestured to where the brunette used to be. "Sh-She was just- hah? Gah! Shapeshifter!"

I took several more steps back. The woman's expression became blank once more, resembling more of the air spirit I had met earlier. "She was nothing more than an illusion. I created her as a guide, just as I have done time-and-again for those who come up this mountain. A rare few have ever been able to accept their truth and continue forth up the mountain. They were always too trapped in their greed, their selfishness… and would never think twice about abandoning someone else if it meant reaching their own goal."

What is she saying? I don't understand. My head hurts so much from this; I was still so dazed.

Kazumi closed her eyes, opening them only when her purple lips tilted upwards into a smile. "You have passed my test, Irene. You have accepted that Naraku was the one to blame for the villagers deaths. The children did not die because of you. I have seen into your mind… I know what you saw. I know how you felt. With this test I was able to attune your heart and I have come to the decision that you are indeed worthy… of a Magatama fruit."

"But… I literally didn't do anything?" I don't get it. I'm too dizzy for all this. "I just climbed a mountain…"

The air spirit looked amused by this and went on to explain. "Though they scared you, you tried to approach those wandering souls and save them. When you saw the apparition I created… you tried to give her the courage to go on. Though… unorthodox in the way it was done… you remained strong for her for as long as you could. But you are only human- and one who is prone to illness cannot keep on for long." She glanced up at the mountain, icy eyes following the path up. "The wind will help you on your climb up the rest of the mountain. You need not fear falling; now that your mind is clear of guilt… the roots and rocks along the cliff will not break."

I'm still so confused, but alright. "Um, thank you…?"

"Do not thank me just yet." She warned. "If you so much as waver in your thoughts you will fall once more down to the bottom, and your soul will wander here for all eternity like the rest." Kazumi waved her arm and then she was gone, replaced by nothing but more fog.

My eyebrows raised and I shook my head incredulously, unable to believe the audacity some spirits could have. Like, seriously? Jeez. Crazy lady. She was so much nicer as Shizuno. At least she was giving me some advice… kind of. Was this all because I blamed myself for what happened with Kohaku?

That's what I'm getting from that conversation anyway. Ugh, I have such a migraine. I want to go home.

I need another hug.

I walked over and grabbed at the roots, hands shaking. They didn't feel as weak and numb as before, but they were bleeding. I had scraped them up quite badly during my climb. That strange feeling appeared again as I tried to move up the mountain, like the wind was giving me a boost. I supposed it actually was doing that, as it was helping me move a lot faster than before. I reached the next ledge in record time.

I tried not to think too much, focusing on the task at hand, determined not to fall below.

My heart wanted to waver, to believe that the children's deaths were my fault, that everyone who died should have blamed me, but… Shizuno's words stuck. They may have been protecting me, but it was by Naraku ordering Kohaku that they were killed. I had no control over the boy's actions. It was not my fault.

It was his.

The fog slowly cleared away the closer I got to the top and the people wandering around had vanished. I huffed and trembled, feet and hands scratched up and blistered, legs and arms sore. If not for the wind pushing me up- as if trying to say hurry up, stupid human like an irritable spirit- I would have collapsed long ago. I dragged myself up to the top ledge where I had been thrown off when I first met the guardian spirit Kazumi, struggling to push myself forward, and wound up clawing at the ground.

My poor fingertips were all bloody.

"I-Irene!?" I recognized that voice. I fell on the ground and rolled onto my back, wheezing and letting out a few coughs. I was so exhausted. "Oh, thank god! Miroku, Shippō, look!"

"Irene is back!"

"She passed the test!"

I could see the group dash over to me, Sango quickly kneeling by my side and helping me sit up. I began to tear up at the sight of her. Wasn't she mad at me? "Irene, you're burning up again! How badly did you stress yourself out!?" She asked, voice almost going into a sisterly scolding tone before relief crossed her face. "I'm so glad you're back…"

She surprised me by leaning down, wrapping her arms around me tightly."I should have paid more attention to your feelings. I'm so sorry."

"I-It's okay." I choked out, awkwardly hugging her with my arms so not to get blood on her armor. I'm such an idiot. They didn't hate me after all. "I-I'm fine. You're the one who was upset, so…"

"But so were you!" She pulled away, gripping my shoulders tightly with her hands. "All this time you've been festering hate and guilt inside of you- and for yourself no less! Ever since I've met you you've been apologizing left-and-right for things you had no control over! Irene, it's okay to be selfish! Not everything is your fault!"

I couldn't speak, too stunned by what was happening. This day was so dizzying. "I-I just… want to help." I finally got out, stuttering on my words. Her eyes were so intense; it felt like they were boring into my soul. "I-I can't do anything useful, so…"

"What do you mean by that?" Miroku demanded, stepping up. Kazumi was still nowhere in sight. "You've helped us countless times; we've told you before. Just who told you that you were useless? That made you believe you could guilt yourself for everything?"

#Inuyasha #Secret of the Cursed Mask #fanfic #forest deep #lord sesshomaru #sesshomaru #rin #shippo #sango #miroku #koga #irene #maria #shizuno #kazumi #air spirit #illusions #blood #game #anime #kagome #kirara #severe asthma #I already mentioned that all my main OCs are basically the same right? just different names #So you might find some similarities between Irene and Eleanora #I mean I do tweak the backstory depending on the fanfic #but overall it's the same #fanfic spoilers #ren #Irene Thorn

[bionicdragonguardian1]

Ranma 2/4

Part  Two: Chapter 13 - 25

Unless someone comes up with a better name I’m sticking with this one

HOW tf is the principal crazier than before?!

Yup, spreading out the Kuno-Principal thing

Is Sasuke seriously an anime-only?!?

Like I said Ryoga needs to chill a little first

Main reason I don’t like Ukyo That scene where she blatantly states she’s fine with turning Ranma into something he’s not rather than helping him

(Ignoring the near constant amount of undermining his abilities)

“I’m gonna cheer him up” as she holds a sword! Why?!

 Ranma you dummy, hug Akane!

I hate this demon/ghost cat

Shampoo, you manipulative bitch

Akane learns to swim like a normal person

The lifeguard in me can’t do it

 The principal is background shenanigans

Totally forgot about the kid who wants to play video games and is “weak” bc of it

Definitely need to find a different reason tho

 Lazy little shits are a pain

Also his mom is crap

 Akane… why you be dumb?

 Weird Happosai is Santa plot…

What is with the Excalibur meets lucky 1000 meets fairy godmother?

Good news is, with what I’ve done to Kuno’s understanding of Ranma’s curse Ranma knows Kuno wouldn’t give him that wish and calls it quits sooner

Someone just needs to explain Ranma’s really confusing sense of morality to me

 Cuz it’s either on 110% or it’s nonexistent, now normally nonexistent is for Kuno but still

 Look Ranma’s got ego problems but he ain’t stupid

No betting the Tendo Dojo at five!

 On what planet is that a legal document?!?

Some1 tell me why Shampoo using Ranma as a stop ramp bugs me so bad

That mo when you can’t remember if the Hot Spring Challenge is when Ukyo met Shampoo in the anime…

I don’t think so…

Akane you made me need to google a word

That like never happens Ranma you idiot

So close but so far

So much more logic, thanks

I mean more insanity, but it explains why Ranma swapped clothes

Finally! Ranma apologizes

Jesus Christ someone would think I won the goddamn lotto with how loud I cheered when this happened

600% approve of this over what happened in the anime

Oof poor Ranma

Hahahaha in your face Shampoo, but I also think I know why Ranma chose it

Poor Ryoga

I KNEW this guy was coming I still hate it

YEET you can’t PAY ME to  do this arc

Look, is it the fact that I had etiquette and dance classes as a child and everyone assumed this is what it was like? Probably.

It wasn’t so I won’t.

Any1 else notice how Nabiki is one of the few ppl that uses she/her when Ranma is in his cursed form no matter what?

Why does this bug me?

Akane, stop beating Ranma up, honestly

This is closer to abuse rather than teasing

*sighs*

 Gotta work that out of the narrative, intentional or not

Every1 sayin she’s violent isn’t helping

Like I said really fucking morally GREY Nabiki

How grey can you go before you get black? 

 Let’s find out together

Can everyone PLEASE stop treating Ranma like an object?!

 I literally can’t tell if Nabiki is fucking Aro or not…

STRESS

Why is this so hard?!

I hate seeing Akane cry

I know she’s playing Ranma like a kazoo, but the point still stands

WHY ARE YOU TWO SO DUMB?!

Nope, nevermind it’s just Ranma that’s a fuckin idiot I blame Genma

No, I’m not kidding

*sighs* I don’t condone Nabiki doing this in any way just for the record THAT’S not an apology Ranma!

This mess is totally your fault Nabiki

STRESS

am I intentionally pointing out where this work of fiction is stressing me out since I’m now online schooling and suffering for it? Yes, fuck off.

 Actually, don’t.

But Fuck Covid19

Aww his hat’s back!

Why do I love his hat so much?

No, seriously Akane’s so cute!

Oooww tree

y’know the sec she realized what Ranma was doing Nabiki should’ve TOLD him!

Congrats Ranma ya got the wrong sis- I mean the right- but wrong- dammit y’know what I mean

Some1 give me a logical explanation for why Ranma goes on a date with a panda doodle, PLEASE

I do appreciate the epic battle background fight for the anime

Further proof that Happosai sucks

Manga name’s somehow less believable I think it’s the use of “snowman” rather than “yeti”

Did Soun just find out that Pchan is Ryoga, and say nothing?

Ooo, Imma commit arson

Remember when I said obey Physics and Medical, I meant it

Arson is wrong and I know this but “transgender bitch” crosses the line

I will do it

Shampoo is a fucking yandere psycho

Just sayin “we’ll see who can get him first” 

honestly, any other group and I’d be annoyed, but these four can’t work together for shit I

’m still pissed at Taro, but he can kill Happosai, please

I can’t tell if Shampoo, Mousse and Ryoga are being purposefully obtuse or not

I just reread their names I know the answer to at least two of them

Idk how I feel about Kuno-amnesia we’ll see

yep, Kuno gives me the creeps w or w/out his memories

kinda wish this was anime

jesus christ, poor Ranma

press f to pay respects for Ranma’s stomach

InstaRegret

 Also Ukyo’s assumption that some1 can make Ranma doing anythin he doesn’t want to is crap

Like HELLO! Wake up moron!

Nabiki, I mean this in the nicest way possible, shut the fuck up

You’re making it worse

Also TALK to each other you ding dongs!

OH RIGHT! I almost forgot about the biggest fucking insult that Ukyo said of her own freewill!

It also proves that she doesn’t know Ranma as a person AT ALL!

It’s not a pick one or the other kind of thing

The fact that she thinks Ranma would accept that is insulting

The fact that she thinks that is insulting and makes me hate the patriarchy

Again, treating him like a prize than a person

*tries not scream, sighs*

Nabiki, you’re the cause of at least 30% of the stress I get from this

You having feelings ain’t the fucking problem here Ukyo, you not acknowledging Ranma’s is

 I hate fake criers, anyone who does this I hate you

Always let others in on your plans, kids

When’s every1 gonna realize Ranma’s “wishy-washy” cuz no one’s ever committed to HIM before?

This episode confused me, I’m prepared to be MORE confused

Less confused, I’m surprised

 Gonsunkugi, you creep

There is SO much wrong with this

*shudders*

WHAT?!

Y’know I didn’t think Gosunkugi could surprise me, I was wrong

Happosai still sucks unfortunately for all of us he’s now weird on top of it

I love how much Ranma needs to be kicked in the teeth to get any character development out of him

Ryoga is my #1 choice for it, always

Ranma… why are you like this?

Genma, emotional range of a goddamn wall

I am jealous of Ranma’s brain

I could be SO mean with the Shishihokodan

Also, are they implying that Ryoga has depression?

Gimme Ranma’s brain

I won’t ask for his confidence cuz that’s impossible but I want his brain

In Akane’s defense, given what she knows she couldn’t’ve known how badly that would affect Ryoga

 I ain’t gonna say “leave Shampoo” cuz that’s cruel

I like the “turn into a Cat” rather than the “Can’t Cross” & the use of New Year’s rather than random but this still brings around the fact that she doesn’t LISTEN to him

Mousse you’re NOT helping in fact you’re actively making it worse did you miss when he said blatantly “I don’t wanna”

oh, sure, NOW you’re ok with it

ugh Mousse, you have a brain, I’ve SEEN you use it. Do so now.

This entire episode weirded me out

IDK if it’s the age-dff or the fact that he was makin it up and somehow everyone thought this was okay … 

I won’t YEET it but MASSIVELY change

heheheh

Light bulb

NOPE I’m keeping this surprise to myself

it was a rather sweet end tho

Oh, this episode is a mess and a half, honestly

Also Nabiki, congrats you’ve literally enabled a stalker S

o many laws are broken here

okay, so Kodachi not being in on Ranma’s secret after so long makes sense purely because she doesn’t go to their school

however, with what i’ve done to make Kuno marginally less dumb it makes a little bit less sense…

I literally hate Kuno with what I’ve done to his logic of Ranma’s transformation, but that’s the point Kodachi… how do I handle you… oh, duh!

Ok, so Kodachi is now also terrible

 I’m trying to figure out where this is in the plot since there is ZERO

Ok, there’s a LINE, Nabiki

This one would be touching, if it didn’t end the way it does

TALK gentlemen! 

It won’t kill you

Fuck a parent that says they’re not your parent for no reason, EVER

I am going to make this hurt

 Also gonna take out Genma’s fail at stealth

 Remember I said Akane’s going to learn to cook

heheheh

sorry, I just love this idea

Oh this is SO against the rules it’s not even funny

 tiny adjustment so they actually have quasi-competent referees

Crazy wants crazy?I won’t stop ‘em

I reiterate: CHEATING!

I am aware that the “ending” apparently sets them back to the start in terms of their relationship but I swear to God if they pretend shit like this didn’t happen I will scream

 Someone ships something other than Akane x Ranma PLEASE explain why/how

don’t ship bash but I would insight when you explain 

STICK TO CANON

please trust me, I’m a multi/poly/crack shipper

(for frame of reference to a bnha I ship DabiHawks)

I understand the appeal of Fanon

however, I would like to stick to Canon here

so no Fanon

Canon Only

Fully love that high kick

Genma shows Ranma’s secret here, but they already know… so… I shall find out

Ooo, you’re not getting out of this Ranma

Do you know how tempting it is for Akane to at least tell Ranma she’s a girl- oh wait gendered sports… right…

Ranma… 

if you didn’t realize it was Akane when she hit you for calling her klutzy I can’t help you

I want to commit arson at some of the comments…

but can confirm that these are HS boys

 Doesn’t mean I gotta like it

I was wondering how long I was going to have to wait before tearing into Nodoka

FINALLY

Took me WAY too long to remember that Nodoka calling Ranko tomboyish is due to how he speaks in Japanese

I’ll need to figure that out since… English

Can I explode on Genma’s choice to take Ranma at TWO?!

Can I further explode on both of them for making a TWO YEAR OLD “sign” a Seppuku Pledge?!

I hate both of them, honest

ALSO communication! 

Genma! Just fucking TELL HIM!

Making her transphobic is SO tempting

I don’t mean in a “i hate you” way I mean in a “I sheltered my whole life” way

 It’s still bad, and painful, but she can easily learn from that

Or be worse, this could go 2 ways

I feel so bad for Akane for this entire conversation

Also poor Ranma like ouch… 

 Awkward

I’m going to make this hurt something fierce

Slight change since I’m hoping Ranma isn’t as “peak fight or flight” by this point

Genma don’t be an asshole for FIVE MINUTES

Please, that’s all I want

If she doesn’t learn the truth before the end I will make a bad decision

Really, I will

Don’t kill Genma, you can’t

 Akane, don’t say like you wouldn’t… honestly

Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, honestly, just look the other way Ranma

*sigh* 

Ranma…

See, this kind of crap here is why I really don’t like Cologne

any other day Akane’d be right

oof, that means he self aware that girls flock to him

I’m quite frustrated by that if I’m honest

Ranma is clueless about all the wrong things

I love him but God I wanna punch him sometimes

Why is there a swing from the ceiling?!

I had a jolt from the way they set that panel up, thanks

Are you trying to kill me?!

Thank you Cologne, now fuck off

Oh thank God, at least he learned

This is nonanime stuff so I have no clue what’s happening but anything to make Happosai miserable

I’m enjoying this immensely

 ugh, “think of it as a compliment” ghost

Eat me

 okay, yeah, as much as I want him dead, that’s worse

I’m glad he’s not a one-and-done character

I will forever ONLY call him Taro when it is NonDialogue

Wait Saffron as in big-bad Saffron?

I literally only know pieces of the end so I’m just pulling from what I know

Lol, wait… was that soldier Anime only too?

I almost liked you there for a sec Taro

Now I’m pissed again

bravo

Oh, YIKES

… if Ranma falls into the Spring of Drowned Twins would he split?

 I’m not going to DO IT, obviously!

I’m just curious okay… 

that answers that… and kills anyone other than Ranma’s plan to turn back to normal I hope everyone is aware of that

oof

Since when is there a castle on an island in Japan

tis just a scratch, I’ll admit that was funny

Ranma… your stomach gets you in so many problems

ok, that was wholesome

I approve

Okay, so my understanding is that Mrs. Tendo got sick, so I can understand the reactions to Kasumi

BUT I still find it odd because… well… anyone in my house gets sick and you mostly can’t even tell I mean, minus a worse attitude and a mask, other than that though, nope we keep ‘er movin’

 I’m moving this section sooner EVEN IF IT KILLS ME!

I like her mom’s cookbook tho

I could make a Ranma x Ryoga joke here, but I won’t

I also won’t make a Ranma x Ryoga joke chapter cuz I’m nice like that

Actually I might have no choice

I’m FINE just dying

 Help

my multishipper heart is dying here

 I love this

InstaRegret for THREE people

If nothing else, I’m impressed

(well three once Ranma’s back to normal)

I need help

Fangirling/Fanboying/Fanpeopling is dangerous folks, remember that

Poor Ryoga

Though I too feel that right now like where do I look because everything coming in at mach 6

I’m changing that one scene tho cuz I can’t justify the aftermath without it

This… is… weird to say the least

I feel like I should just expect anything with Gosunkugi remotely involved to be weird at this point

okay, not as weird as I expected

glad it was short tho

I think I am officially out of anime terf

YAY, new content!

This is why I ask about any ship that isn’t Ranma x Akane

Also, names?

That- that- that can’t... 

I DIDN’T NEED TO KNOW THAT!

EWWW

gross

WHY?!?!!

also, biology, that’s not how that works!!

You two ARE idiots

Ryoga you die I’ll kill you

Well… that hurt to see so quick…

Ranma, get up!

I officially hate this Herb guy

ok, so if you put HOT water in the ladle do you stay that way forever?

Alright! Way to go Ryoga!

I need to stop shipping Rivals it’s bad for my health

fucking eat it you dick!

 Poor Akane

nevermind, Ranma you idiot

awwwww

ok, so that whole no more Anime-content… I was wrong, and I admit that, but still

I’m just thinking of my bff when they realize she’s an adult cuz, yeah, she’s like that too

 except like physically an adult unlike tiny-Hinako

 oh MY GOD Ukyo you’re driving me up the goddamn wall I swear!

THANK YOU AKANE!

 “You’re all Ranma’s fiancées” when only one of them actually is 

GIANT SIGH OF ANNOYANCE

Ranma, learn to communicate, PLEASE!

Okay… so is this where they figured it out or are some ppl still in the dark?

TIMELINE!!

Honestly, mood Ranma, mood

This entire plot line confuses me if I’m being totally honest

I mean I live for the Akane focus, but there are so many better ways to do this

#ranma ½ #ranma 1/2 #ranma saotome #ranma #akane tendo #nabiki tendo #kasumi tendo #soun tendo #genma saotome #nodoka ​saotome #tatewaki kuno #kodachi kuno #full series au #bc I know no restraint #I'm doing this to distract from stress shut up #don't judge me #COVID19 binge watch

[plush-anon]

plush reviews: pirates ahoy! (collected)

for my own personal reference, decided to collect the singular posts into one, w/ breaks between each original post below the cut

I will say this, the opening credits for this one are pretty dang good - nice visuals flow together with some wonderful music to create a compelling overview of the Bermuda Triangle and some of the wild theories commonly associated with it, as well as how far back these myths go. Kudos 🤗

also, I did not realize how short this movie is - paused it for a second and it’s only 70 minutes long apparently. huh

---

oh man, good times - I forgot how stilted and choppy the WNSD animation could get in some shots.

annnnnd there’s the cotton candy fog. it moves like it’s on a skateboard being pulled across the screen XD

---

finally cut to the gang - i honestly like this shot of everyone in the car. daphne paints her nails like my sister used to when we were young - on the dashboard on long car rides 😅 the nausea from the smell led to some “fun” trips, lemme tell ya 

---

oh Casey Kasem, even in old age your Shaggy was memorably good

also the joke on Fred’s age never gets old XD like, you guys grew up together as kids in this continuity, how could you not know his age, much less that he’s obvs not in his 40s? still a fun one tho

---

another thing i forgot about WNSD continuity - Shaggy’s character model being like 2 feet taller than Fred in some shots

also the gang being legitimate friends and liking each other and getting along, unlike some portrayals *side-eyes sdmi*

---

i think this is my fave version of fred’s parents, although i do love Professor Huh from be cool scooby doo. they are EXACTLY how i picture the people who raised the sdway/wnsd version of Fred to be 

---

holy crap, i forgot Kathy Najimy was in this 

---

actually, here’s a thought: why haven’t they graduated Frank Welker to playing Fred’s dad in a show, and hired someone else to play Fred?

granted, the man still (uncannily I might add) sounds exactly like he did in the 60s (hOW?!?) but it’s strange they haven’t tried to do that yet apart from maybe pup named sd, where he played fred’s… uncle, i think and i guess kind of with the new scoob 2020 movie, where he only plays scooby

---

…i think the captain of the ship just got beamed aboard the Enterprise o_O 

---

the alien has the general head shape of the ones from Alien Invaders and the claw hands of dr claw from inspector gadget

also, whoever designs fred’s facial expressions in this movie is having waaaay too much fun (although kudos for actually… you know… making them. some characters have very minimal face movement and it’s rather unsettling, especially when the voice acting is actually pretty decent)

---

i gotta say, good on fred’s parents for encouraging their son’s interests and talents, as well as getting him a birthday gift that he can not only enjoy, but also inviting his friends along for.

…unlike SOME incarnations *glares at sdmi*

---

holy fcuk shaggy just brought back the ghost of captain cutler, glow-in-the-dark diving suit and all O_O 

---

dang, velma’s lounge wear looks cozy. i’m glad they haven’t tried to force her into something weird

camp scare put her in a white bathing suit, which was… really odd for her, color scheme wise. altho the storyboard artists reaaaaaally wanted to do a drawn out, slo-mo play-in-the-water thing with velma and daphne in that one, so maybe that contributed to it? idk

---

i do like that the gang inadvertently solves every mystery on a mystery cruise - that cracks me up 

---

cripes, they keep cutting back and forth between a decently animated shot of the gang on a polished background, and this almost MS Paint looking rough animation of the castaway being guided on the deck, which is all flat colors and rough black lines. it looks terrible

the animation quality is all over the place here

---

and suddenly man in a jetpack

---

RON PERLMAN?!?!?

how the FRICK did they get him on this movie cast?! this is post-hellboy!

( also apparently arsenio hall voices the captain. who the heck had all these high rollers on speed-dial at the studio that day)

---

actually, here’s a thought: given the voice cast we have, and how i’m actually able to follow this without having to look at the screen all the time (i’m folding laundry rn), this could make for a really decent comedy mystery radio show.

think about it! get a decent voice cast and writing team, and there’s a lot you can do with Scooby on the radio. you may not be able to do the chase scenes as well, but those can be worked around pretty easily with a solid writing team. i’d be interested in seeing that come to reality in all honesty - it could be fun!

---

another thing i just noticed: Scooby hasn’t talked NEARLY as much in this one as he does in later shows/movies. I forgot how much I missed that from him 

---

wait a tic that’s Dan Castellaneta as the hypnotist

seriously, who was able to get all these people on board for a Scooby Doo DTV about pirates

---

now here’s an interesting moment/snafu: Shaggy and Scooby canNOT be hypnotized, according to this movie, but the clown in SDWAY was able to hypnotize them both using the exact same method - a gold circular object on a chain swung back and forth.

then there was Legend of the Phantasaur much much later able to hypnotize Shaggy so successfully he overcame his panic disorder

was it because they weren’t allowed to eat prior? their meal was continuously interrupted before they were dragged onstage. maybe being actively hungry and denied food when it’s right in front of them blocks them from being hypnotized properly…?, idk but it’s food for thought, for sure 😁

---

ehehe, one of the background guests is wearing a Tin Man costume from the Wizard of Oz

alas, this is prolly as close to a crossover as I’ll ever get between my first two fandoms ever and maybe that’s for the best

(honestly kind of surprised there's never been a scooby themed oz-related adventure tbh public domain and recognizeable)

---

it took about half an hour into the movie for the title villains to actually encounter the gang, or almost exactly halfway through the movie. that’s actually pretty odd for a scooby movie, isn’t it?   especially when they haven’t encountered any other mystery except the fake-y ones (a lot start off with an in-progress mystery to finish up before being introduced to the main)

---

welp, villain’s been spoiled, it’s ron perlman’s character as the pirate captain…

*sighs* Pirate Captain Skunkbeard

like… you get freaking Slade from the teen titans, Hellboy Himself, to voice your baddy… and you give him a name like Skunkbeard.

could have been something cool like Capt Barnaby Bones, or Cuthbert Butcher the Red Pirate, or SteelHook Slater, or Morgan “Moonscar” McWright (okay, that one’s been used before, but the point stands dammit!)

---

holy moly, one of the pirates just tried to cut scooby and shaggy’s head off with an actual blade

it cut clean through their costume heads with one swipe

jesus christ on a bike, what is WRONG with you?!?!

(sometimes these scooby dtvs have moments like this. moments that explain how it is shag and scoob have what is likely ptsd for days)

---

*gang follows trail of oozy green liquid sheen to the pirate ship*

now see, i thought those wooden ships weren’t supposed to pollute the oceans back in the day

(tho it does work as a solid clue i’ll grant em that)

---

shaggy, why aren’t you more excited to go into the cotton candy fog? it’s clearly grape and green apple flavored! 

---

…i think one pirate just killed another one during that sea shanty there

brutal

---

so i didn’t mention earlier, but tim conway is fred’s dad, and i think he’s the only voice star in this i’m not surprised at - he’s been on the new scooby doo mysteries as their celebrity guest of the week, so him coming back is more like a belated reunion

that being said, his voice work here varies wildly between ‘what the heck take was that’ and ‘hysterical’ - it’s quite odd

---

and suddenly the cruise ship is sunk, and the gang is on an island

alrighty then

---

the captions are cracking me up right now - not a single one has spelled “bananas” right

it only spells it as “banas” 🤣🤣🤣

---

“Prepare to suffer the wrath of Capt Skunkbeard!”

…nope, that’s still not intimidating. try again sir.

(truly i am made to sail the seas, for i am salty af on this name)

---

‘Seize them!’

fade to black

come back in on gang tied to the pirate ship mast

…really? the gang has escaped far worse than a group of pirates before (and usually to some funky tunes), and you’re saying they were captured just like that?

fred, please tell me this is a plan of yours, otherwise this is just dumb

---

sooo the pirates want to find a place that matches a painting of stars from 200 years ago… without ever stopping to consider that the painting could just be a pretty picture?

it’s a small painting, and i don’t think that star maps were really used like that back in the 1800s when it was purportedly made (at least not from what they look like on wikipedia… none of them look like pretty wall paintings)

these pirates are kinda dumb, methinks

---

the ghosts of the bermuda triangle, including world war fighter places, old exploration ships, and a sea monster are apparently trying to stop the pirates

because the pirates want to time travel and rule the sea throughout time

and they needed the pretty pretty picture to lead them to the time travel macguffin they want to retrieve… which is also the sole reason the Bermuda Triangle is all bermuda triangly to begin with, when it fell to earth from space itself.

…say what now?

...that has to be one of the dumbest time travel plots i've ever heard and i sat through endgame twice

---

the macguffin is a solid gold meteor

a giant hunk of gold literally as larger as twenty of the pirates put together, and you want to use it to time travel instead of selling that shit and being made for life

why are none of you smart

---

yet again i see scooby shoot someone with an item that should have killed them outright and ended the mystery right there

moon monster madness had scooby shoot the alien with a missile on the moon, and pirates ahoy has him shoot a cannon at someone point blank with only a wooden door immediately between them

shrapnel should have shredded that pirate to bits, if even that much was left after that

---

okay, the time travel thing turns out to be a hoax the hypnotist uses to convince the billionaire to finance his search for the literal meteor of solid gold located in the heart of the Bermuda Triangle

that’s a relief at least - Scooby Doo has done some weird shit in its days, but time travel does not need to be one of them

---

well, at least we finally have the answer to who would win in a fight - homer simpson or scooby doo?

(obvs scooby, of course :D)

---

according to velma, everyone on the cruise was hypnotized into believing they were pirates (including fred’s mom), but doesn’t hypnotism only work if the person actually subconsciously agrees with/goes along with the suggestions?

does that mean that at least one person on the cruise ship wanted to behead someone, since they nearly succeeded with Shag and Scoob? does that mean the fred’s mom secretly wants to kill her husband, since she tried to have him thrown overboard the ship while she was hypnotized?

the questions this raises, they are unsettling thoughts indeed 😨

---

“Wouldn’t you like a nice ski trip to the Himalayas?”

“And risk a run in with the Abominable Snowman?! Forget it!”

exactly one year later (no joke, it came out exactly one year later):

“Join Scooby and Shaggy as they run in terror from the Abominable Snowman in the Himalayas, in Chill Out Scooby Doo!”

----

And that was Scooby Doo Pirates Ahoy!

That was a relatively fun, if dumb, done-in-one mystery. What really saves this one (especially given the REALLY inconsistent animation quality, from acceptable to ‘someone used MS Paint didn’t they?’ levels) was the voice cast. I don’t know what blackmail they had on these guys, but the voice acting was really dang good.

Probably too good - the bad guys’ voices are so memorable you know immediately who they are when you hear them.

The time travel spiel was unbelievably dumb, only saved by the fact it was a hypnotic ruse, and some of the stuff doesn’t quite mesh that well? Like the padding on the desert island, and some of the really weird plot contrivances like the painting being the exact map to a giant ass solid gold meteor :/

Still, a solid set-up (mystery cruise in the Bermuda Triangle) with some new elements (Fred’s parents, an absolute delight) make it a fun film for the wee ones. I’d call this a keeper at the end of the day.

Then again, I really have forgotten how nice it is to see the gang as actual supporting friends and have it feel sincere. Be Cool Scooby Doo was mostly for humor, but the kids still felt like they liked each other well enough.

WNSD on the other hand really made them feel like actual friends, based on body language around each other, general closeness, and a warm comradery that’s hard to replicate. For the flaws this show has, this is certainly not one of them.

That’s all for tonight folks. Sleep well, me hardies yo ho!

#plush reviews #pirates ahoy! #plush reviews: final thoughts

[heloflor]

A DT solution

AO3 link

I guess you already heard of the ButterBones AU ? It's an AU imagined on the Soriel discord. I wasn't here when they talked about it but I still wanted to write something about it so here it is ! Don't expect much from it though, I feel like I wrote crap. I also got a bit inspired by AfterTale from Crayon Queen/Love for piggies with Sans' idea.

Even if I won't describe much, I don't think it's adapted for younger people.

Sans walked to the big door in the forest, lost in his thoughts. It was the eighth time now that the human came back in time, surely to try new possibilities. Sans didn't mind having a kid walking around and changing things. After all, if it wasn't them, it would be the bud; and Sans already gave up on a better future anyways. However, during their runs, the kid killed his brother everytime, along with the lady at the door. They also killed more and more monsters each time. This behavior was making him furious, leading him to try to find a way to stop them before they could go too far.

And so here he was, a very dangerous plan in mind. As he sit, his back against the door, he started to wonder how to say Goodbye to the lady. Sooner that day, he already spend five minutes hugging his brother and telling him to not look for him if he ever disappear. Of course, his brother asked him what was wrong with him; and Sans just shrugged of and teleported away, hoping that Undyne would be there for Papyrus if he disappeared. He didn't want to cause pain to his brother, the same way he didn't want to worry the lady if he stop coming. He didn't know how or why but the human managed to reset to one day earlier than their others runs, making it being the day before they're supposed to fall. If it was an exception, it means that the others would remember his goodbyes. He couldn't mess that up.

After some time, he heard the sound of footsteps. He wanted for it to stop and knocked.

“Who is there ?”, the lady asked, sounding joyful to hear him. God he loved that voice ! This made him a bit hesitant about his plan; but he knew that he didn't have the choice.

“Dishes.”

“Dishes who ?”, he could hear her trying to restrain her laugh, surely expecting him to say the very first joke he told her.

“Dishes not really a good time for jokes. I gotta tell you something.”, he had a more serious tone than what he expected.

“What is it ?”, there were concern in her voice.

“I...I wanted to warn ya.”

“About what ?”

“Well...”, he took a deep breath. “I'm gonna have ta do something; something pretty dangerous; and I'm not sure if I would be able to come back here again.”, as he said that, he felt some pain in his soul, almost as strong as the one he had when he was with his brother earlier.

“...What ?”, he couldn't tell if she was worried for him of for herself. The thought of her being all alone again made him feel guilty. “What do you intend to do ? Is there at least someone to help you ?” Yep, she's definitely worried for me. Dammit. I don't deserve her compassion.

“Ya don't need to worry for me lady.”

“Of course I do ! You are telling me that you could die !”

“I won't.” It'll be worse than that. Resigned to tell her more and afraid to have her change his mind, he sighed. “Look, I know it sounds bad but I have no other choice.”, he stood up. “Gotta go. Goodbye lady. If I stop coming, don't go looking for me.”, he started to feel his soul hurting more. “I'm gonna miss ya.”

“Wait.”, he stopped at that, looking at the door in surprise. She never used that tone before. He heard her sigh before adding “Tell me what you intend to do.”

He stayed silent for a minute, wondering how worth it would be to tell someone his plan.

“Please. I need to know if you will really be fine.”, her tone sounded suddenly pleading, making Sans even more guilty to put someone like her in such a situation.

“I...Let's just say that I'm gonna go to a lab...the true lab. I need to fight determination with determination.”

“You...what ?”

“Never heard of the DT experiments, huh ? I can understand, it's some pretty bad stuff; got some monsters mixed together. But it's the only solution I have.”

“I am not sure I understand but if it makes your life in danger, I know you can try to find a better way.”

Sans started to feel uncomfortable. He REALLY wanted to avoid having her think too much of his sanity. The only thing that could be worse for him would be if she talked about his brother; and he knew she was capable of doing so.

“Listen, I really gotta go know but I swear I won't die. Goodbye.”, at that, he teleported.

He appeared in front of Alphys' lab, hoping that she would be out. He knew that he could just teleport in the True Lab but didn't know where the amalgamates where and clearly wanted to avoid ending up in one of them. The door opened without to much noise. When he peeked inside, he saw Alphys looking at some random girly anime she liked so much. He quietly started to make his way to the “bathroom” door, knowing how noisy his teleportation was. However, the entrance closed with a loud “bang”, making Alphys jump out. She turned and looked at him with a surprised look.

“S-sans ? What are y-you doing t-there ?”

“Sup Al.”, he had his normal smile on. “Sorry for the noise, I'm just passing by, looking for some stuff I forgot.”, at that, he started to walk again.

“Sans, we stopped w-working together f-for more than a y-year now. I you h-had forgotten stuff, I w-would have give it b-back to you.”, she looked annoyed, clearly not buying what he was saying.

“Ya never know what kind of stuff I coulda've forgotten here.”, he was in front of the door now. As he was about to open it, Alphys stood in his way, looking angry but also scared.

“W-where are you g-going ?”

“Al please, let me pass, it's important.”, he let his smile fall.

“But w-why-”, before she could end her sentence, a sound came from her cams. She hurried to it.

“What's that for ?”, Sans asked as he opened the door.

“I-it's from the cam in front of the R-ruins. It m-means that there is s-something abnormal.”

“huh.” Maybe the kid decided to fall sooner. That would explain things.

When Sans stepped down from the elevator, he was meet by an Endogeny barking for food.

“Sorry buddy, any bones are eatable on me.”

Endogeny barked again before leaving him alone. Sans would be lying if he said that he wasn't feeling uncomfortable down here. This place only brought back bad memories of hard experiments and of...he didn't want to think of this accident again.

In the lab, Sans took his time to move from room to room, looking at everything and trying to avoid the “residents” of the place. It wasn't that he was afraid of them. After all, he spent some time with Al to help her with this mess. The thing was that he knew they were suffering and, if his plan didn't work out, he would end up like them, a melting mess probably locked up down here forever, unable to be save by the kid's resets.

After some time, he finally found what he was looking for : a room with fridges containing syringes full of human determination. He felt a shiver down his spine at the view of it. If he injected himself with determination, he could surpass the kid's DT and make sure that they stop their murders. But if he took too much of it...He shook his head, taking one and starting to look at notes explaining how much he could take before melting. While he was searching, he started to wonder why Alphys hasn't come yet to kick him out there.

As he founded all the right notes and made sure that the amount of DT minimum was the same at each notes, he heard some noise coming from above and heard Alphys arguing with someone else. He felt that he knew that other voice but was way too much afraid of messing up with DT to care. After reading everything one last time, he sighed, took the syringe again and got ready to inject the content in his arm. Come on; everything's gonna be fine; I won't mess up.

He closed his eyesockets, started to breath to relax, and opened them again. The noise from above started to get louder and closer but he tried to ignore it. Carefully and slowly, he started to inject the DT in him. Suddenly, he realized that the noise was from someone coming where he was. Surprised, he turned and saw a monster looking a lot like the King. However, he stopped paying attention at the syringe and, when he realized it, it was too late. He let it fall on the ground and looked at it in horror. He started to panic, murmuring “oh god, no no no no no...”. The other monster looked at it, surprised and unsure of what to say. After some time, and seeing that he wasn't calming down, she put a paw on his shoulder.

“I do not know why you are so afraid but please, you need to calm down.”, she gently said.

“Calm down ? You want me to calm down ?! Don't you have any idea of what this stuff do ?!”, Sans couldn't bring himself to think and let his panic talk, already feeling the DT changing him. The other monster suddenly hugged him.

“I indeed do not know and I am sorry that I disturbed you while you were using it. But please, being  like that will never help you.”

At that moment, he recognized the voice of the monster and returned the hug. Despite his fear, he brought himself to talk.

“It's not your fault, I shouldn't have told you 'bout my plan.”

He broke the hug when he started to feel himself melting.

“What is happening to you ?!”, the lady looked horrified.

“I'm...This is why I didn't want you to see me.”, he felt another rush of panic in him.

“Is there any ways to help you ? Can this doctor not do something ?”, she started to look around, hoping to see Alphys.

An amalgamate suddenly came and the lady stared at them.

“Is that...what happened here ?”

“DT experiments that went wrong.”, he looked at the amalgamate in horror, knowing that he will be one of them now.

“DT ? You mean...”, she looked at the syringe before turning to face him, scared. “Will you turn into a creature like them ?”

Sans didn't respond, looking at the ground as he melted more and more.

“This cannot be...”, she murmured, tears starting to form. She hugged him as if it could stop him from melting. Suddenly, he say her body melting with him. He tried to pull away but she didn't let go.

“What are you doing ?! You're melting here !”, at that, she just hold it tighter, remaining silent as their bodies started to form one melting mess.

Alphys was taking the elevator, feeling more guilty than ever before. How could I have left Sans coming in because of some dumb camera ? How could I have left ANOTHER monster coming down here ? Why didn't I get rid of the DT after the first incident ? When the door opened, she hurried to the room where the DT was. When she was close enough to see the room, she froze in horror. In front of her was her old best friend, his body locked with the other monster's one. The new amalgamate stopped moving when they saw her.

“O-oh my gosh...S-sans, what have you d-done ?”

“..human...danger...”, despite their situation, they still sounded serious and full aware of what was going around them.

“A...a human ?”, despite her asking about their words, she couldn't bring herself to think of anything else than how she could have let this happen.

“...tomorrow...danger...Papyrus...”

“I...”, Alphys was in a complete loss of words. She didn't know who this monster with Sans was. She didn't know what she was supposed to say to Papyrus and Undyne. She didn't know if she could let them go out. And she didn't know anything about a dangerous human. “I...I'm sorry...”

#Undertale AU #Butterbones AU #Sans #Toriel #Alphys #Undertale #amalgamates #my fanfics #this one sucks #hope I could do better next time

[birdysnow]

Who is your favorite OC? Pls share their backstory I must know👀

to be honest it’s totally Devon. I’ve had him sinceee about the 6th grade, and he’s been concrete since about 7th grade (I’m almost a junior!). He’s so important to me :’). Whenever I feel sad I just work on him or write about him and it cheers me up real fast. 

haha his backstory is a loooong, complicated mess. I literally went on an 1.5-2 hour rant about his backstory at a sleepover once, it was ridiculous how long it took for me to talk about him. I actually wrote a response for this ask yesterday, but it got deleted I hate my life. It was soooo long because I wrote it in the way I speak. You’re probably getting a lot more than you bargained for :’). I’ll put it below the cut so everyone else doesn’t suffer. 

im gonna use bullet points bc i like them and theyre shorter

note: universe is like. sci-fi. there’s space stuff you know

full name: Devon Mateo Westmore

born: August 16th 

a leo!!! do with that what you will

as far as parents go, they’re kinda dicks basically

Devon was a complete accident and he’s kind of treated as such

they’re pretty neglectful?? they really dont give a crap abt him frankly

they’re more interested in making bank with their jobs and turning up

has a sister who’s like graduating or smthn. she’s old. her name’s Lucía. 

she also could give less than a crap about him and had a similar experience with their parents; just wants to be free and have no attachment to this rando baby 

is a total Problem Child™ during school because of his messy life, just wants attention and love really but never really gets it

universally hated by teachers all his life

high school is especially rough he is a disaster

he’s basically like party all day every day bitches bc is parents are never home/probably wouldnt reprimand him for going out anyways

he drinks a lot, does drugs 

he bangs a lot of people irresponsibly. A LOT of people.

is a player tbh he will flirt with anyone. very pansexual. 

makes a lot of (bad) friends 2 fill the Void™ and does a lot of illegal things

anyway fast forward to when he’s like 17-18 and school’s like yep time to graduate!! and hes basically like

but he does graduate in order for the story to move forward

but now he’s like careers????????

all he’s kind of enjoyed is music throughout high school but he’s like thats not what i want to do. 

yolo, he probably says to himself one day. I’ll just join the military and become a space pilot because thats what I wanted to do when i was 8

so BASICALLY i haven’t figured out how I want this space military to work but he ends up in like an academy (he’s like around 19ish) or smthn 

this is where he starts to like chill tf out tbh

he discovers that he likes this a lot?? and he’s like dedicated to it???

a lot of like. coping happens and he has to figure out what kind of person he wants to be and recover™ himself

but yah he does well and he ends up being valedictorian nice going m8 

basically if you’re #1 in your class you get the opportunity to go to this like. school/training thingy. and it’s very exclusive but if you like graduate from their you’re like. set 

its like harvard except you could die there 

yolo, he thinks in yet another life decision he really shouldn’t be taking lightly. I want $$$$ so i’m about to make that place my bitch

he does not make that place his bitch

he suffers so much

by the end of the year/2 years he’s there, he does pretty well

He makes a bunch of good friends, and he gets a ton of experience. he’s really good because of it, as to be expected

while there the top of the class is this girl and her name is Adella

shes my daughter

Devon likes her but she’s like super stand-offish and he’s a party kid so he’s like

“hard pass.”

but he has like mad respect and he thinks she’s chill

the feelings mutual

anyways like RIGHT before they graduate she gets recruited to this special program because she’s top of the class and like disappears he never sees her again

sike

but not for a while at least……………

so like fast forward he’s like 23 maybe

he’s got a good job, he’s living it up really?? he’s just like pretty happy all around he has a life, an apartment, friends

he gets an email from this girl and she’s like yo

I’m Tamara, my mother passed away recently but I discovered that our parents are apparently siblings?? I never knew I had a cousin, I heard you live in the area and I was just wondering if you wanted to get to know each other 

and hes basically like damn if i’m about to pass up this chance!!!!!!!!

Tamara works as a programmer literally one (1) city away 

basically they just?? end up getting along really well?? Devon spends a lot of his off days hanging out with her

he’s so ecstatic to finally have someone who’s his family like she treats him like a little brother

probably Tamara also has a younger sibling, their name is Calix. they work as a doctor and dont see Tamara often but the two are close regardless

they’ll be important later but for rn they’re not relevant

anyway, at some point they make plans for Devon to meet Tamara and he ends up at her work

and she’s chilling with this guy who is absolutely

fucking

gorgeous

Devon’s sure he died, right there, behind a goddamn cubicle,,

he’s frantically trying to think up something suave to say (are you the only tennessee no– wait–) when Tamara notices him

she introduces him to her hot friend, his name is Shay

Devon tries to play it cool

“Hey would you mind if Shay came w–”

“NO NOT AT ALL I WOULDNT MIND”

they go out for lunch

he chills out a little bit on the way enough to be his usual self

Shay mistakes flirting for good-natured joking

Devon suffers

They exchange numbers 

cue pining 

Shay continues to be oblivious

He has to be told point blank by Tamara whos like “Please, for the love of all that is good, fuck him go on a date with my cousin.”

“Has he been asking me on dates every time he takes me out?? every time??”

I love Shay so much u dont even know

Shay is basically a really pure and happy person, literally nothing can get him down ever he’s just trying to live his best life

he’s everything to Devon, he’s so sunshiney and nice and Devon has just been through some stuff and his life is going well and now he has been blessed with this beautiful, perfect boy….,,,

it’s not like Devon has never dated anyone before, most of his relationships have been purely physical but he’s been in romantic relationships w people

but this is like. it he knows it. 

they date for about a year, everything’s fantastic

and then

things are heating up politically, and Devon’s in the military so they need him somewhere else

right now everyones living in like?? around india somewhere and they need him in like. canada.

hes understandably upset

he’s gotta move. acROSS THE GLOBE.

he’s not going to break up with bae but they’ve got to talk through this like Adults™

so they talk through it

and Shay’s basically like

“fuck no, i’m moving with you idiot

did you think you were just going to move away from me bench?? sike”

they move in together

I used to have their apartment layout drawn up on homestyler but they reset the system and it’s gone into the void so i’ll have to remake it :’)

so now they’re moved in which is super great everything is popping

remember Calix? they’re relevant again

basically, Calix has been dating this girl for a while now and they’ve gotten serious but their relationship is not working out because she is a mess tbh and they love each other very much but they are not good for each other

Calix isn’t emotionally receiving or helpful he’s very blunt so they end up splitting up because she doesn’t need a relationship  

Said girl is Adella

Adella is a mess basically

the program she was recruited for made her very successful, very well known in her field and in a lot of ways, among common people

but downside is there was a lot of government dirty work she was kind of pressured into doing

there’s also a lot of hush hush skirmish’s that have been occurring that she had to stop

she’s been struggling with depression for a lot of her life and she has PTSD so when her contract is up she decides to take a break™ 

her and Calix’s relationship kind of falls apart but she’s friends with Tamara and she’s like I need to leave somewhere and get out of this messiness, i’m going to move back home (Canada)

Tamara is like

LIGHTBULB DING DING DING

she doesn’t think that Adella shoudnt be on her own, she wants someone to supervise her and make sure she doesnt accidentally starve or smthn

she has the best intentions but she kind of tricks Devon and Shay tbh

“Hey you guys got an apartment with an extra room?? Can you take in my friend for a while, she’ll pay rent, she has a job she’s just trying to find a nice place to live but she needs to move to the area rn”

the two of them are like “yeah sure lol sounds legit tammy we ly

Adella shows up on their doorstep with the intention to live there for like 2 years

cue Shay internally flipping his shit over this lowkey celebrity whos going to LIVE in HIS APARTMENT DEVON DID YOU CLEAN THE KITCHEN

Devon is not phased 

he knows Adella from school so he’s just kind of like hey its u whats banging girlie

he basically just treats her like normal and she is so appreciative 

basically they become SQUAD i love them and thats the beginning of my story and thus ends background 

i’m sorry this was so long i tried so hard but i got carried away. double sorry for taking so long I have like 3 end of school projects due rip me

Thank you so much for asking!! I can’t tell you how much it means to me :’)) If you made it this far through my story I applaud you. thanks for reading!!! Feel free to message me if you have any questions 

#ask #mine #im shook this happened im still dazed that anyone cares about my garbage children #i love my son so much #cheater157 #my ocs

[gontagokuhara]

me and @thisiswhatmylifeamountsto created a boyfriend for jared kleinman and here he is

lgbtrucy: idea: jared has the Biggest crush on one of his online gamer friends and while literally Everyone is aware hes gay (he told them all himself he wants them all to Know) he would rather die than admit he likes this online friendconnor finds out by accident. it turns wild

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: Dude yes ((((((GAYmer friend)))))))) Nope you

*Nope you’re committed to this now - how does Connor find out? 

lgbtrucy: and i feel like jared has connor and evan over around his place and theyre playing something online and jared’s friend comes on and jared’s immediately like “evan give the controller to connor i cant look like my friends are bad at video games"and connor is like >:) whats this

and he isnt horrible at video games, he just doesnt rly care about them (and jared Knows This) so when connor starts playing the worst he’s ever played jared is pissed

lgbtrucy: “connor what the hell man, you’re making me look like shit, knock it off!!”

evan eventually catches on and he and connor just start. making the fuck out in the middle of the game and jared has to get his headset on and apologize to his friend

“dude im so sorry my co-op is making out with his boyfriend IN MY ROOM, WHICH IS REALLY FUCKING WEIRD CONNOR, anyways sorry but hes the only one here that can play w me”

lgbtrucy: and connor is a smug asshole so hes like “oh who you talking to jared??” and jared goes red as hell and is like “no one just a friend online—you Were playing against him until you started fucking evan on my bedroom floor”

and the tiniest, giggliest “hot” comes from the headset and In That Moment, evan and connor pledge themselves to hooking jared up w this mysterious gamer boy who is so obviously perfect for jared

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: THIS IS SO GOOD IM CACKLING AND CRYING Please tell me more about the adventures of Jared and mysterious gamer boy

lgbtrucy: ok So jared and mystery boy

lgbtrucy: his name is elliot, he’s half-korean, and i love him

lgbtrucy: hes goofy and more conventionally funny as opposed to jared, who’s funny by being kind of mean and using crude humor

lgbtrucy: anyways later on, evan is over at connor’s house and they break out connor’s scarcely-used xbox and send a friend request to elliot

once theyre friends, they sort of keep up appearences for a little while, playing games with him and eventually moving into text chatting and talking on headsets (connor had to spend $50 on a new headset. he was not pleased)

lgbtrucy: and one day they not-so-casually let slip the fact that they were “the guys who were fucking on jared’s floor” (evan nearly choked when elliot said that) and elliot is like !! “no way!! you guys are friends with jared?”

lgbtrucy: and because evan is a #good friend hes talking jared up “oh yeah jared is like my best friend, he’s so funny and cool and really good at video games” and elliots just “yeah, i know right” all dreamily and connor + evan know their plan is gonna Work

lgbtrucy: and connor says “maybe you two should meet up or something, i heard theres a convention or whatever near here this weekend” and elliot is like “!!heck yeah i just gotta ask my mom”

lgbtrucy: fastforward to the con: connor and evan are being dragged around by jared while he shows off excitedly but he suddenly halts when connor calls out, “hey, elliot.”

lgbtrucy: and jared doesnt know what elliot looks like. he doesnt know that its him officially. the only reason connor and evan know is bc they traded numbers and selfies so they could find each other

and elliot yells back “hey connor! hey evan!” and jared Knows because he knows his voice and he is ready to Die and break evan’s other arm

lgbtrucy: because evan Knows hes gay and even if he would rather cut off his own foot than admit he actually Likes elliot, evan knew that he thought really highly of him and What The Fuck evan???

lgbtrucy: and elliot approaches and looks at jared all smiles and asks him “jared?” and jared just kind of dazedly nods and elliot Lights Up and hugs him (jared nearly collapses) and is like “oh my god man im so excited to meet you!!!! i was looking forward to this all week since evan and connor told me about this!!!” and jared gives them A Look but hes lowkey happy

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: Honestly this was all I ever wanted wow

lgbtrucy: so the four of them walk around the con, connor and evan kinda trailing behind because elliot is talking to jared about the mechanics behind some game they both like and how calculating the math of it made him really good, and it helps him w his adhd, and theyre all happy and gay(jared gets elliots number later)(and the rest is history) in conclusion im very passionate about jared and his gamer bf

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: That was beautiful I also applaud your dedication I am also v passionate about Jared and his gamer boyfriend tbh

lgbtrucy: #givejaredaboyfriend2k17

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: Now that is a cause I can get behind I’m kinda laughing at imagining gamer bf finding out about jared’s obsession with bath bombs

lgbtrucy: jared whispers “love the cronch” and everyone else loses it but elliot is just ?? “what????”

lgbtrucy: its explained to him and more than anything hes confused about why he would waste a $10 bath bomb by eating it

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: Honestly so am I Wtf Jared But just think about Connor embarrassing Jared as much as possible 

Because like He’s done the nice bit by getting them to meet And now he can be a little shit

lgbtrucy: “dear elliot cho we’ve been way too out of touch  life has been crazy and it sucks that we dont talk that much. but i should tell you that i think of you each night; i rub my nipples and start moaning in delight” “CONNOR WHAT THE F U C K NO”

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: I’M CRYING NO I CAN’T THAT WORKS SO WELL

lgbtrucy: while jared is Suffering elliot is just delighted at how cute he is “dont be embarrassed man its cute!!”

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: ((((((Dammit why am I so attached to this fictional fictional character))))) Also On the list of things I want for no particular reason Alana + Elliot brotp

lgbtrucy: YES they both talk a lot but theyre both very on par with each other intelligence wise so it balances out??

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: Yes yes yes 

They do that thing where they both speak over each other a lot but they’re both happy because they’re enjoying what they’re talking about Plus Elliot is the one who gets her to call her friends her friends instead of her acquaintances

lgbtrucy: ye hes a good influence on everybody but everybody is Not a good influence on him

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: Tell me more?

lgbtrucy: connor gets him high and he nearly drowns himself trying to race connor in a swimming contest

lgbtrucy: jared fucks his sense of humor for good. everytime someone mentions the word “dick” he laughs for ten minutes straigh

tzoe convinces him to dye his hair baby pink. she messes up the dying process and he ends up with electric pink hair

evan and alana are the only good influences 

tbhthisiswhatmylifeamountsto: So far he’s got bright pink hair, laughing at dicks and drowning Amazing ((((OK but Jared being a little shit all the time But when Elliot thinks he’s going to far He gives Jared a look Like a LOOK And Jared is sort of like Oh shit OK That was pretty fucked up Sorry))))

lgbtrucy: yes!! he uses that look a Lot when connor and jared are in the same room

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: Oh yeah definitely But one time Jared, Connor, Elliot and Evan are together for a while And Elliot doesn’t have to use the look once And he’s really damn impressed

lgbtrucy: jared gets an extra round of smorches. jared decides he likes that better than fucking w connor

thisiswhatmylifeamountstoYes But Connor is really confused??? Because like Sure Jared’s better with Elliot But suddenly he’s a downright angel??? And it’s weird But one day when Connor is feeling like shit Jared genuinely helps him out And Connor doesn’t care what happened It happened And it’s good

lgbtrucy: they still fuck w each other but its more lighthearted 

nowthisiswhatmylifeamountsto: Like more “Hey I’m kinda being mean to you but it’s ok because we both know we love each other But in a heterosexual way Because we would never date Ever No Stop thinking about it" 

Honestly Elliot sometimes questioned whether he should wonder if Jared was cheating on him but he A) trusted Jared B) could see how in love Connor was with Evan

lgbtrucy: he realizes even tho theyre being nicer to each other they could never date. they get caught at evans house together when a bad storm hits and they have to stay overnight and by the time they leave theyre beginning to go at each others throats so. no chemistry there

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: Accurate Wait crap what about the Evan + Elliot brotp

lgbtrucy: they get along rly well honestly theyre good influences

elliot has adhd so he Knows how it feels when things become too much nd they can bond over similar experiences

lgbtrucy: good friends 10/10 would brotp

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: I feel like their friendship is really pure Like half the time their conversations are just a bunch of compliments thrown at each other? Honestly I’m convinced that Elliot is my fave and this is really bad

lgbtrucy: elliot is the unproblematic fave

he just likes video games and his friends and his bf

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: ok but Elliot not having any close friends He’s that guy who chats to everyone but has noone to confide in etc And then he finds some online But it’s still not the same And suddenly he has five??? And like They all really like him Like obviously he knew Jared And he got to know Connor and Evan But Zoe and Alana love him too And I’m just such trash for this au wow

lgbtrucy: ELLIOT LOVES ALL OF HIS BEST FRIENDS

when someone asks who his bff is he cant choose"oh man i dont know!! i love all my friends the same theyre all really great” (crying boyfriend sounds in the distance)

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: Honestly every time Elliot does something really sweet/pure/nice Jared cannot handle it At all Because !!!! MY !!!!!!!! BOYFRIEND !!!!! HE’S SO CUTE But going back to drunk Jared Imagine drunk Jared with sober Elliot

lgbtrucy: "HI DID YOU KNOW I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND ELLIOT HES REALLY NICE AND CUTE AND R ES LLY GOOD AT VIDEO GAMES”

lgbtrucy: “o….oh really?” elliot is dying blushing at this point

“YEA HES REALLY GOOD DID YOU KNOW HE USES MATH AND SHIT TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES? IT SOUNDS LAME BUT HES RESLLY GOOD. AND ALSO VERY CUTE DID I MENTION I LOVE MY BOYFRIEJD HIS NAME IS ELLIOT”

someone (probably connor or zoe) is recording at this point. evan is near tears lauging. elliot is In Love

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: When Jared watches the video in the morning he gets really nervous because he hasn’t seen Elliot that morning But when he does “So I hear you have a boyfriend named Elliot and he’s really cute? Interestingly enough I have a boyfriend named Jared’s who’s really cute - look how much we have in common” And Jared dies

lgbtrucy: DHSHSHS YES THATS SO CUTE (connor posts the video. it goes semi-viral. jared dies for a different reason)

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: (Jared moans that he’s lost all of his street cred Nobody has the heart to tell him he never had any in the first place) OK but how often do Jared and Elliot so they’re going on a date And then the next day everyone finds out the ‘date’ consisted of beating each other at every single video game either of them owned

lgbtrucy: elliot is always swooning over these “super romantic” dates and everyone is like ??? jared?? ROMANTIC??? and its a big thing trying to find out just what jared and elliot do

turns out these romantic dates are playing video games for 10 hours and then going to mcdonalds at 3 am and sharing a milkshake

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: Like when they find out everybody sort of wonders why they expected anything else 

They met in person at a con through a shared love for video games after about three months of planning because neither of them wanted to make a move

lgbtrucy: elliot, unironically: jared is the most romantic person in the world everyone: that sounds fake but ok

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: But I feel like Jared would be a really attentive bf Like he actually pays attention to what’s going on in Elliot’s life Like the day he has a big exam he has everything 100% prepared to congratulate him/cheer him up depending on how it went

lgbtrucy: hes a really good bf but only like…..secretly. he has to keep up his Insanely Cool Jared Kleinman appearance

physical affection is where he hesitates tho hes v awkward with holding hands/kissing/cuddling. elliot has to initiate all of it

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: Elliot so called him that once to make fun of him but it’s stuck now and they can’t get Jared to stop coming into a room announcing himself as the INSANELY COOL JARED KLEINMAN 

Elliot felt awkward about it first because he wasn’t sure whether Jared was comfortable with it and he didn’t want to make Jared feel bad But then they have a long, way-overdue talk and work out how things are gonna work

lgbtrucy: its not from a lack of interest that jared doesnt initiate it he just. where do u put ur hands. is it weird to just kiss ur bf randomly. fuck evan was right hands DO get sweaty abd [panic alarm] but as soon as elliot touches him hes like “nice” and is totally into it

thisiswhatmylifeamountsto: OK honestly I’m so sad that Elliot doesn’t exist he’s literally Jared’s ideal boyfriend this is such a travesty

lgbtrucy: make elliot famous

THE ELLIOT PROJECT

except its me posting at 2 am about how much i love him

#long post / #holy fuck #deh #dear evan hansen #jared kleinman #elliot cho #PLEASE LOVE ELLIOT CHO IM LOVE HIM SM #kleincho #ocs

[fae-fucker]

Throne of Glass: Chapter 47-49

Chapter 47 

The chapter opens with Kaltain, who’s waiting for the final duels to start.

It was strange to think of this woman as an assassin, but seeing her now, all of her oddities and faults made sense.

And what in-universe flaws and oddities are those? Go on, I’ll wait. Actually, I won’t, because I want this hell to end. Kaltain doesn’t really know Sardines at all, and they dislike each other because they want the same man (but for different reasons). 

This book is just so feminist!

Kaltain poisons the wine that Sardines is supposed to drink and we’re back with Sardines.

Kaltain stood behind Perrington, wearing a beautiful red cloak lined with white fur. Their eyes met, and Celaena wondered why the woman smiled at her.

FEMINISM. 

Everyone stands around and the entire chapter is just about people standing around, waiting for the duels to start. Riveting. I guess this is supposed to build tension for the climax? Ain’t workin’ too well.

For a heartbeat, she saw the king with stark clarity. He was just a man—a man with too much power. And in that one heartbeat, she didn’t fear him. I will not be afraid, she vowed, wrapping the familiar words around her heart.

Yeah those familiar words that she supposedly repeats to herself ... She’d done it what, once? Twice? 

Doesn’t mean shit.

The king babbles on about some rules and how they’re not allowed o kill each other, for some reason. Cain and Renault go first.

Across the ring, Grave smiled at her as he wrapped a hand around the hilt of his sword. She bit down on her grimace at the sight of his teeth. Of course, she’d have to duel the grotesque one. At least Renault had been clean looking.

W-what? What does ... What does that have to do with anything? What the hell?

Sardines has a dirt-fetish confirmed.

Chaol offers her his sword. It’s very symbolic. 

She blinked at the blade, and slowly raised her face to look at him. She found the rolling earthen hills of the north in his eyes. It was a sense of loyalty to his country that went beyond the man seated at the table. Far inside of her, she found a golden chain that bound them together. 

Uh. Sure. 

Jesus Christ, what? What exactly made them friends, aside from the physical attraction? Most of the time they were bickering at each other, and not in a cutesy charming way.

And we gotta make sure the metaphorical chain is gold, because how else would you signify importance if not through arbitrary symbols of wealth?

And obviously, since Chaol and Sardines are both dumbasses and Smaas doesn’t research for shit, it’s not like this sword was probably custom-made and Sardines would have to get used to its size and balance before she could wield it properly, if she could do it at all. But Sardines is a master of every weapon, and all swords, even ornamental ones, are the same, right?

But despite this wanking over how super deep and amazing their friendship is, Mehemia waltzes up to Sardines too and offers her a SUPER SYMBOLIC STAFF.

And ... Just read this:

Nehemia leaned in to whisper in Celaena’s ear. “Let it be with an Eyllwe weapon that you take them down.” Her voice hitched. “Let wood from the forests of Eyllwe defeat steel from Adarlan. Let the King’s Champion be someone who understands how the innocents suffer.”

This is so dumb. Is this supposedly the start of Sardines’s journey to becoming a good person? Color me unimpressed.

She knew what the princess was asking of her. As the King’s Champion, she might find ways to save countless lives—ways to undermine the king’s authority.

N-no. Smaas. Honey. This isn’t how that works. Sardines isn’t nearly smart enough to do politics, and she’s already expressed disgust for people who are.

How else would she undermine the king’s authority? Being his champion means to fight for him. If she doesn’t do that, he’ll just replace her. She doesn’t actually have any power. She’s just a meat shield, a soldier. 

This is all so fucking dumb. 

“No matter what happens,” she said quietly, “I want to thank you.” Chaol tilted his head to the side. “For what?” Her eyes stung, but she blamed it on the fierce wind and blinked away the dampness. “For making my freedom mean something.”

I sure wish it meant something to the reader, too, because I have no idea what the fuck you’re supposed to be saying here.

Anyway, Cain beats Renault and it’s time for Sardines and Grave to fight. 

Chaol squeezed her hand, his skin warm in the frigid air. “Give him hell,” he said.

So is Christianity a thing in this universe? Or does the concept of hell just exist on its own?

Chapter 48

Sardines beats Grave super easily. As if we expected anything else. 

“How long did that take?” she asked. She found Nehemia beaming at her, and Celaena lifted her staff a little in salute.

“Two minutes.”

She grinned at the captain. She was hardly winded.

[rocking back and forth] The concept of a Mary Sue is inherently misogynistic. The concept of a Mary Sue is inherently misogynistic.  The concept of a Mary Sue is ...

Anyway, Sardines chugs the posioned wine. Some assassin she is for not realizing it’s poison, but whatever. OH BUT IT’S THE POISON SHE COULDN’T IDENTIFY THAT TIME THEY WERE DOING A TEST ON PISONS!!! you screech.

Yeah. Which is even worse. You’d think she’d realize this was a weakness of hers and find out how to deal with it and learn to identify it.

“Out of good faith, and honor to the Great Goddess,” Kaltain said in a dramatic voice. Celaena wanted to punch her. 

Idk what the fuck Kaltain did wrong since she was probably ordered to do this. Ah yes, her mistake was being an ambitious woman who wanted to use the protag’s fake love interest to further her own (very unclear) goals, so her crime is being female and having dreams of rising above her station. What a bitch.

FEMINISM.

“Ready yourselves,” the king ordered. “And begin on my mark.”

Celaena looked to Chaol. Wasn’t she to be allowed a moment to rest?

Lmao the narration just said you were barely winded. Suck it up, princess.

Sardines is getting all dizzy and shit and starts feeling ill. 

Why were things slowing down?

She attacked—faster and faster, stronger and stronger.

I’m getting all kindsa whiplash from this narration.

He knocked aside her blow as if it was nothing, and she retreated while he rose. And that’s when she heard the laugh—soft, feminine, and vicious. Kaltain.

SOFT. FEMININE. VICIOUS. ALL BAD THINGS (unless they’re applied to Sardines when observed through male eyes). 

WHAT A!!! SASSSY!!! STRONK!!! FEMINISTT!!!! CREATURE!!!!!

SMAAS HAS WON FEMINISM!!!

*deep breath*

Cain beats the ever-loving crap out of her and I’m here like a fucking child during Christmas Eve. This is some good shit. This is all I’ve ever wished for.

Doriass is watching this unfold and is super sad. Chaol is watching this unfold and is super sad. 

Cain is taunting Sardines about her dead parents. Her dead royal parents. Ya know. Cuz she’s a princess. But Smaas isn’t merciful enough to drop the charade yet, so Cain doesn’t actually say that.

Cain smashes her head against a wall (yay!) and she start tripping the fuck out.

It was a man, his skin pale and rotting. His eyes burned red, and he pointed at her in a broken, stiff way. His teeth were all sharp and so long they barely fit into his mouth.

FORESHADOWING.

Cain had said things he couldn’t possibly know—he’d seen it in her eyes. And if he knew about her past . . . She whimpered, hating herself for it, and for the tears that began sliding down her face, across the bridge of her nose and onto the floor. It was all over.

So the only reason we were in Chaol’s POV when Cain was taunting her is so that we don’t see Sardines’s flashbacks to her childhood and find out that she’s a princess before we’re “ready”.

Cheap. You’re not that good, Smaas.

Also, I’m incredibly happy over seeing Sardines all beaten and miserable. 

NOT A GOOD THING FOR A PROTAG THAT WE’RE SUPPOSED TO SYMPATHIZE WITH.

Cain smashes her head a second time and she sees a bunch of creepy monsters and it’s all very mysterious. Or would be, if I didn’t know where this was all going and actually cared. 

Cain rips off the Eye of Elena (the amulet that protected her from evil) and ...

They came for her.

Nah.

Chapter 49

We’re back with Dorian, because Smaas loves breaking up the action with pointless POV switches, and he realizes that Sardines has given up and is waiting for Cain to kill her! :’’’((( He doesn’t really ... do anything about it but whatever.

We’re back with Sardines. She’s really fucked up. 

Light and darkness. Life and death. Where do I fit in?

I dunno darlin’ but I’d recommend death in your particular case.

She’d find a way—she could find a way to survive. I will not be afraid. She’d whispered that every morning in Endovier; but what good were those words now?

This must be really riveting for fans of the book. Seeing your intrepid, sassy feminist creature for a heroine being so determined and strong! 

I’m just here hoping reality will somehow break and put me in a world where the book ends with her dying and Smaas going “y’all got trolled” in the epilogue.

But when things look most dire:

But then something extraordinary happened. Doors, doors, doors all burst open. Doors of wood, doors of iron, doors of air and magic. And from another world, Elena swept down, cloaked in golden light. The ancient queen’s hair glittered like a shooting star as she plummeted into Erilea.

Literal. Deus. Ex. Machina. Swoops down from the sky. To save her ass.

“I cannot protect you,” whispered the queen, her skin glowing. Her face was different, too—sharper, more beautiful. Her Fae heritage. “I cannot give you my strength.” She traced her fingers across Celaena’s brow. “But I can remove this poison from your body.”

But you just. Protected her? This is bullshit. And she keeps protecting Sardines, by battling Cain and the evil monsters that threaten Sardines.

(Also, I really love the super dumb and useless “Her Fae heritage” here. Like. Ok. What’s the point of this? Who cares about her heritage? Sardines is dying. Priorities? No? You just love your stupid Fae so goddamn much that you gotta remind us that the Fae Queen is indeed a Fae?)

Elena removes the poison from Sardines’s body and casts a debuff spell on Cain to impose vulnerability to melee attacks from bullshit assassins.

You think I’m trying to be funny, but this literally reads like Smaas played fucking Dragon Age and thought rewriting a cutscene would be a good idea. 

“Stand,” Elena whispered again, and was gone. The world appeared.

Cain was close, not a trace of shadow around him. Celaena lifted the jagged remnant of the staff in her hand. Her gaze cleared.

And so, struggling and shaking, Celaena stood.

How inspiring.

I don’t care.

I hope y’all enjoyed Sardines getting the snot beaten out of her while it lasted. Time to get back to the usual wank.

#eff reads: throne of glass #book rants