#sometimes mental health coping is realizing ur causing some of ur own problems and that’s okay | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

feral-radfem · 1 year

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I don’t think you came off harsh at all! Honestly some things I’m just not very educated on … like I have an idea that smths not right but I ask people like you who have obviously thought more about this for your side to help me grow my view.

Sometimes it takes someone to point out “don’t equate it with the horror genre” to realize that’s what im doing so I really do appreciate your response.

Something else you said that I really agree with, not trying to get through to these people and just go straight to the government. I will start doing that bc I’ve noticed on top of this whole issue with therapy language being used a lot of the people who write these fanfics are traumatized women (obviously not all just these spaces i believe but the ones I’ve run into were all women) who use their trauma to justify it. it’s like… girl ur SELF HARMING.

“I write pedo fics bc i was molested and it helps me cope” well to start, besides the obvious that it’s selfharm and you should never do that to “cope” you’re not that little kid anymore. Second the self harm issue … not all coping mechanisms are good.

There’s no winning with these people especially when we are in the age of “well if i consent it’s okay!” / “it’s not real it won’t hurt anyone..” it breaks my hearts and also yes ok no recommendations I only asked in case there was a better platform to be using but we should just fix the ones we have.

Good. I'm trying to find a way to balance being direct without coming across as speaking down to others or like assuming the worst of them.

If you would like some material from people who have thought very deeply specifically about this subject, I can recommend a few books I think cover the subject well.

I have tried to have these discussions with the actual creators of these works. The problem is is once people know they're engaging in behaviors that they know are societally look down upon they start to find defenses for their behaviors. They hang on to these defenses firmly. Some of the defenses were that they were traumatized as children in the same way, some of the defenses is that it's all fiction, and some of the defenses is it's horror so it's meant to be horrible. They have already convinced themselves that what they are doing is morally okay because they don't see themselves as a bad person so what they do cannot be doing bad. Its a harmful effect of black and white thinking. No one will ever convince them that they are doing a bad thing or causing harm because that translates to them being a bad person in their entirety. So removing the emotional element and the self-serving desires from it entirely by petitioning the government is the best option in this situation.

Because you're right, a lot of these are traumatized women or women who have "groomed themselves" (groomed by unregulated websites with adult material) by consuming this media at a young age and growing up with it. They have a warped sexuality that they've been encouraging through harmful media in their adult years. They've already done the damage, all they have to do now is justify the continuation of it. They can't go back and undo the damage they've done however. So they need to make sure that the moral judgment for participating in this form of media is grey at worst. They don't know any other form of sexuality, so they're desperate to hold on to the one they do know even if it's detrimental to their own health and safety.

Which is why we set up the government, to put regulations on things that people may still want but we understand is a detrimental to public safety. We recognize that physical health has to be handled as a community issue because community health affects everybody but a lot of people refuse to hold mental health in the same regard. They refuse to hold sexual health in the same regard. And after we get the regulations for what should be allowed on media to protect our communities and public safety, we can address lackluster sexual education that leads kids to looking at pornography for answer in the first. The way we help these women and children is by removing their access to this material.

That being said, on the defense of writing pedophile porn because you were predated on as a child, while you're correct that it's an unhelpful coping mechanism, we cannot negate that these people are now harming children themselves. They have become the pedophiles even if they were predated on his children. They are also feeding pedophiles interest who have never been victims of anything because they are posting it on public forums. At this point they are the perpetuators of pedophilia not the victims. They can't continue the cycle and remain the victim. (This doesn't contradict with anything you said, I just didn't know where to put it in my response)

I don't mind that you asked for recommendations, I was just making it clear to my other followers I was not comfortable with them recommending them here. Though I do agree, we should fix the ones we currently have because any site that people start migrating to will eventually have the exact same problems if we don't regulate them. Like the tumblr to Twitter migration.

Thanks for the asks btw, I always enjoy the engagement.

#lily responds #radical feminism #radfems please touch #ask #terfs please interact #radical feminists please touch #radical feminist #radical feminist theory

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cvastals · 3 years

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look i kno i said i wasnt gna bring a 6th until i was caught up w replies bt i kno gunner well n therefore felt like he deserved his time to shine in the rp so i beg of u pls plot w him looks at u all like :B

* axel auriant, cis man + he/him | you know gunner paxton, right? they’re twenty-two, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, four years? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to bizarre love triangle by new order like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole curling up for days in bed wearing a hello kitty comfort shirt, stuttering in the face of affection, and hand me downs two sizes too big thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is july 31st, so they’re a leo, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( bri, 23, est, they/them )

background.

middle child of the paxton family, cliff being the eldest and wyatt being the youngest :D

they lived at the top of a hill in a trailer in a trailer park neighbourhood in laramie, wyoming so to say the least that fucking sucked for everyone involved

the trailer was so small that all 3 boys ended up sharing a room, gunner and wyatt sharing a bunk bed bc they cldnt fit 3 beds into one room it really was every childs nightmare bt they quickly grew used to it tbh

gunner was always more of an artsy child than invested in sports - though he does enjoy baseball and continued even to this day after their dad made him join SOMETHING in middle school - so he never rly earned their father’s respect, but he was always close with his mom since they had the same calm temperament

(depression/anxiety tw) he also gained a list of mental health issues that their mom had as well, including social anxiety and major depressive disorder

(violence/abuse tw) their father always encouraged pretty volatile behaviour and it caused a lot of physical fights and arguments between the brothers when their dad told them the best way to get over it was to start hurting until someone tapped out, it was just a chaotic and pretty abusive household but no one knew and their mom definitely wasn’t going to say anything about it to their dad

(missing child/kidnapping/anxiety/depression tw) wyatt went missing on a weekend that their parents were gone because of a trip they won, and things just got worse from there, high school was really rough for gunner, his anxiety grew worse as time went on that no one found wyatt, their dad grew more hostile towards them, cliff left home in the middle of the night never to be seen again (merely leaving a note so that the family didn’t think they had a case of two kidnapped children), and their mom just grew sicker, it was rare that she would ever leave her room and if she did it was in fits of random energy where she would do something spontaneous and completely unnecessary to their house as a way of coping

the two years that gunner was at home after cliff left were pretty brutal and as soon as he could, he was fleeing wyoming and going to school in irving

(internalized homophobia tw) things are far better now that he’s out of his home situation, but ofc he still has a few personal things he’s working thru; the paxton’s were raised in an incredibly religious household, and he’s got some classic Catholic Guilt going on upon realizing that he’s not jst attracted to women n he avoided talking abt it forever/stayed in the closet fr far too long bt he’s sort of come out now in his own way even tho he does still get a bit nervous talking abt it rly

he’s also ‘dealing’ rn (just pharmaceuticals) which is frankly funny to think abt bc this man is abt as threatening as a care bear bt money is tight all things considering and a librarian job doesn’t rly cover it, and with the amount of meds he’s on, plus incredibly frequent doctor’s visits, needing to pay for extra epi-pens, inhalers, etcs. bills add up so he’s cutting back his meds n selling wht he can spare which is . so unhealthy bt thts life in corporate america baybee!

details.

is literally allergic to everything. grass, cats, most fruits, milk, most nuts, bees, latex, probably more i cnt even keep up w them its pathetic

u can catch him strutting around town w his blinged out epipen holder (aka blinged out w pins of his fav horrors movies) LKSHDGKLHSKLDG

if things cldnt get worse he also has quite intense asthma so he carries an inhaler with him at all times

n to make matters even WORSE he frequently has dizzy spells n bad memory problems bc of all the concussions he’s suffered from (about 8-9 at this point) as well as consistent migraines that can b literally debilitating sometimes

awkward n jst a bit of a Weirdo to b frank like he barely knows how to converse with ppl

didnt have any friends in high school so took the time to teach himself rly weird things, knows a fuck ton of magic tricks, can yodel, juggle, solve a rubix cube with his eyes closed in under 30 seconds, just extremely weird and specific things

can honestly b a bit mean/barbaric to ppl he’s not close w/doesn’t kno - has told ppl to their face before he doesn’t enjoy talking to them bc he has no concept of social constructs/norms

loves 2 film random things at parties, makes him feel more comfortable at them n he makes short films of them all after

going off that fact he did a film internship in nyc during the summer and is trying to find a job in that field

doesn’t realize demisexuality is a thing so he’s never been that fond of sex but has this stigma in his mind that that makes him Broken so he still Tries n it jst doesnt go well tugs my shirt collar

connections.

ppl who r more into under the counter meds than Hard Drugs n buy off him?? probs wld have to kno him some way hes too scared to sell to Random randoms

ppl he went to school w? :D

some friends………. hes awkward bt he means well…………

ppl he has a crush on/unrequited crushes either way wtvr floats ur boat he crushes quite easily but never does anything abt it fr the most part

a mans he wld Risk It All fr (aka a guy tht he actually has a crush on n is Extra Awkward probs a lil mean to bc hes still New to That)

some enemies tbh, he has a temper n he tends to blow up rarely bt it happens n when it does it actually can b quite scary JKSHDGLHSDG

a muse….. mayhaps?? someone he always wants in his film projects

awkward past hook ups/one night stands where one of them cut ties off cuz every time they got together gunner acted like he was embalming a body for a funeral

current hook ups/fwb’s w ppl he’s actually close w/is comfortable w so its nowhere near as bad SDKHSLDGHKLSDGH

Anything u Desire

#irvingintro #depression tw #anxiety tw #violence tw #abuse tw #missing child tw #kidnapping tw #internalized homophobia tw #tugs my shirt collar at all those tws............. SLKDHGLKHSDGKLHSDKLGHSDG #as per usual i didnt proofread lets all pray bri didnt make a mistake.

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gcnnerpaxton · 4 years

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bri again making a terrible decision. do i need a fourth? no.......... bt here we are anyway. after this i promise im done fr a while bt :/ i lov this lil bitch so here we are........ give this a like if u wld b Down to Clown w him aka plot!

「axel auriant & cismale」⇾ paxton , gunner, the senior radcliffe student’s records show that he is a leo and 22 years old. he is studying film, living off campus and can be loyal, resilient, anxious & indifferent. when i see him i am reminded of curling up in bed for days in a hello kitty comfort shirt, the click of a camera shutter & hand-me-down’s two sizes too big.

pinterest is HERE.

TW’S FOR ABUSE, VIOLENCE, MISSING CHILD, KIDNAPPING, DEPRESSION, ANXIETY, AND INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA BELOW!

stats.

name: gunner brick paxton.

age: twenty-two.

gender identity: cis-male.

pronouns: he/him.

sexuality: demisexual.

birthday: july 31, 1998.

star sign: leo.

myers-briggs: istj.

year of study: senior.

major: film.

occupation: librarian.

place of birth: laramie, wyoming.

religion: catholic (non-practicing).

background.

neen jst brought in gunner’s older brother so fr those who read elias’ bio u kno tht gunner is the middle paxton child w eli being the oldest n then they have wyatt who is the youngest!!

they lived at the top of a hill in a trailer in a trailer park neighbourhood in laramie, wyoming so to say the least that fucking sucked for everyone involved

DEPRESSION/ANXIETY TW - he also gained a list of mental health issues that their mom had as well, including social anxiety and major depressive disorder - DEPRESSION/ANXIETY TW END

VIOLENCE/ABUSE TW - their father always encouraged pretty volatile behaviour and it caused a lot of physical fights and arguments between the brothers when their dad told them the best way to get over it was to start hurting until someone tapped out, it was just a chaotic and pretty abusive household but no one knew and their mom definitely wasn’t going to say anything about it to their dad - VIOLENCE/ABUSE TW END

MISSING CHILD/KIDNAPPING TW - wyatt went missing on a weekend that their parents were gone because of a trip they won, and things just got worse from there

ANXIETY/DEPRESSION TW - high school was really rough for gunner, his anxiety grew worse as time went on that no one found wyatt, their dad grew more hostile towards them, and their mom just grew sicker, it was rare that she would ever leave her room and if she did it was in fits of random energy where she would do something spontaneous and completely unnecessary to their house as a way of coping - MISSING CHILD/KIDNAPPING/ANXIETY/DEPRESSION TW END

the two years that gunner was at home after elias finally left for school were basically torture and as soon as he could, he was falling his brother’s footsteps in getting out of wyoming to go to school at radcliffe

INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA TW - things are far better now that they’re out of their home situation, but gunner’s going through some more things personally now; the paxton’s were raised in an incredibly religious household, and he’s got some classic Catholic Guilt going on upon realizing that he’s not jst attracted to women n he avoided talking abt it forever/stayed in the closet fr far too long bt he’s sort of come out now in his own way even tho he does still get a bit nervous talking abt it rly - INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA TW END

he’s also ‘dealing’ rn which is frankly funny to think abt bc this man is abt as threatening as a care bear bt money is tight between him and eli all things considering, and with the amount of meds he’s on, plus incredibly frequent doctor’s visits, needing to pay for extra epi-pens, inhalers, etcs. bills add up so he’s cutting back his meds n selling wht he can spare which is . so unhealthy bt thts life in corporate america baybee!

details.

is literally allergic to everything. grass, cats, most fruits, milk, most nuts, bees, latex, probably more i cnt even keep up w them its pathetic

u can catch him n eli strutting around campus w matching epipen holders tht he got them fr eli’s 16th bday JKSDNGKLHSDGLK

if things cldnt get worse he also has quite intense asthma so he carries an inhaler with him at all times

awkward n jst a bit of a Weirdo to b frank like if it weren’t fr eli he wld probably have one (1) friend he jst cnt converse w ppl

didnt have any friends in high school so took the time to teach himself rly weird things, knows a fuck ton of magic tricks, can yodel, juggle, solve a rubix cube with his eyes closed in under 2 minutes, just extremely weird and specific things

can honestly b a bit mean/barbaric to ppl he’s not close w/doesn’t kno has told ppl to their face before he doesn’t enjoy talking to them bc he has no concept of social constructs/norms

loves 2 film random things at parties, makes him feel more comfortable at them n he makes short films of them all after

update about his summer away: ended up heading to nyc fr a film internship n actually had a rly good time??? fr once?? jst had a rly nice summer fling after being a bit heartbroken throughout the school year it was jst a rly necessary n fulfilling summer fr him king of getting wht he finally deserves

this also led him to b like . oh maybe i’m Not broken bc he doesn’t realize........... demisexuality is a thing n wld get rly awkward during hookups a lot if hes jst not 100% comfortable w the person so now he thinks hes like a one man machine who actually has some Self Esteem n thinks he can have Sexual Relations all day every day (he cannot)

connections.

ppl who buy off him?? probs wld have to kno him some way hes too scared to sell to Random randoms KJSHDGKLHSDLG

other film majors :-)

some friends………. hes awkward bt he means well…………

a mans he wld Risk It All fr (aka a guy tht gunner actually has a crush on n is Extra Awkward probs a lil mean to bc hes still New to That)

ppl he has a crush on/unrequited crushes either way wtvr floats ur boat

some enemies tbh much like elias he has a temper n he tends to blow up rarely bt it happens n when it does it actually can b quite scary JKSHDGLHSDG

a muse….. mayhaps?? someone he always wants in his film projects

awkward past hook ups maybe some current ones teehee

anything Ur Heart Desires

#ruhqintro #abuse tw #violence tw #missing child tw #kidnapping tw #depression tw #anxiety tw #internalized homophobia tw #yeesh dabs my forehead at all these tw's................#SKLDGHLKSDHGKLSDHGKLSDG

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gg-astrology · 5 years

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Sagittarius sun with a Gemini moon? What are your thoughts on how they would be?

Hey there! 💕Here ya go I did my best 💕 I hope you didn’t wait too long ksdjnsk im so sorry ;; 💕💕 im working from bottoms up and only just got to urs 💕

[Below Cut: Sagittarius Sun - Gemini Moon 🧞‍♂️ ]

Clever and lucky...what a good combination to have

I nearly had half the mind to put a clover leaf for this combination because they somehow always seem to get by -- being playful and autonomous, detached and friendly without compromising themselves/binding themselves down completely to anything (belonging to everything).

But i feel like the genie is better-- it talks about the wandering spirit Sagittarius/Gemini has. They touch and go, learn and grow, but without anyone around them who’s consistent/stead-fast throughout their entire life.

These people have the ability to come across as someone who’s incredibly anxious skdjngskn but that in itself is a survival skill, they skrrrt so fast when someone tries to make them stay/figure them out deeper than what they’re willing to show, there’s a fear of vulnerabilities/intimacy that comes with the territory. Because they feel like if they ‘open’ that up--- it’s a whole can of worms that could potentially turn into upsetting their moods, and they are always defined by what mood they’re in.

They also don’t like it when they themselves are held accountable for their own words/action. Because sometimes they 1) ‘cant remember what they said/thats too specific/detailed/technical’

Or 2) did something that they said they weren’t going to do bc they already ‘grew past what they said/that phrase in their life’ even tho it was like-- 15 minutes ago.

Can’t hold them accountable for themselves?? Lack a lil self-discipline which y know, might be endearing to a certain age/expected of the environment -- but in the long-run, the thought of ‘oh god am i going to get anywhere/manifest anything in 10 years’ freaks them out sometimes (causes anxiety to spike) so -- they don’t like to think too hard about these things (selective, with what they’re thinking about/spend their time thinking about. Watch for this)

Which--also directly contributes to why they have a problem with self-discipline. They’d rather wait for these ‘periods’ of anxiety to rise again and again and then subdue them again and again.

Than --- y know, actually putting it into action/doing something about it realistically (through effort) and help their own future instead.

They’re easily discouraged by set backs too, especially the financial/circumstantial kinds. Any kinds of upsets/mishaps or challenges that comes from those areas makes them spiral directly into despair. That’s why they lack self-discipline somewhat--bc they themselves can’t ‘hold up’ their moods against slight disappointment/challenges made against them.

(A way to help is to learn perseverance, consistency. Look towards Taurus/Earth signs for help. Since they can be dedicated/stead-fast, but lets you have your own autonomy if ONLY you learn how to actually open up and ask them for help without feeling ‘shitty/guilty’ about doing it)

Another thing they do is just kinda, try to relieve the pressure/tension so they ‘lighten’ it up. One of these coping mechanism can be making it into a joke/divert it away from the severity of the situation

(It’s not that severe you’ll get along fine with how you are, it’s just-- you’re always going to be stuck in your own ways and always anxious if you don’t gain any stable grounds for yourself too yknow?)

They can sometimes just think of ‘taking action/actually committing to something’ as being personal attacks, and anyone who tries to suggest/teach them to do this is lashed out against bc it ‘restricts their luck/optimism’ (again, their self-preservation and first priority is always their freedom/autonomy and that comes in the territory of ‘mood’ as well. Unable to take any other ‘mood’ other than light and airy, sometimes thinking of things as ‘learning how to cope/accept different moods for yourself and be ok with working on it’ can help)

Sagittarius/Gemini person have plenty of extroverted/playful persona, someone knows Whats up with people bc they aren’t afraid to dive into it/ask about it.

That’s like-- the ‘smooth’ persona they use to get by y know? it’s their extroverted persona instead of-- actually doing something for themselves that binds/balance both sides together and actually help lesson their anxiety at it’s core fear. Which is what they kinda have to realize (that it’s all interconnected)

In a way they can just--- fear not being optimistic and actually having to be ‘down’ about something because the ‘reality’ of their fear is just that.

Part of them might just be afraid of how others sees them, if they aren’t going to be ‘good’ to themselves/others anymore bc they’re less optimistic than before.

Bounded by the same rules as others (societal expectations/longevity of life). They’d rather ‘represent’ something else-- hope, optimism, but y know. Same problem anyways. The anxiety and ‘diversion’ from the norm will only make them feel like they can’t ever....actually face their problems/starting at ground 0 again (feels like it’s too late to start, which is-- a part of their fear again)

I think--- hmm, the thing that might help Sagittarius/Gemini is to just take it simply. They’re the type of person who likes to taste, to explore a large variety of experience, themes, hobbies, life. But they’re unaware that they’re pretty constrained in their-- well, emotional health? Their moods?

They take what they want, preach but doesn’t learn as much as they think they do. They’re selective in what they want to learn about, what they’re ‘ready’ for. And sometimes-- the hardest lesson in life is learning the things that are ‘truthful’ and ‘helpful’ which might not be-- all fun and nice all the times.

By learning the values in hard lessons, in accepting the sober and uncomfortable ‘moods’-- they’ll be much better adapted at handling/dealing with their anxious energy as well.

Ok that’s-- that’s very heavy, let’s move onto some other stuff!

These people are Chatty, but like...has so much going on they need some time away too skdnfksn

Sagittarius/Gemini sometimes feel like their mouth/brain moves faster than what they can control (causes restlessness/frustration)...so if they leave themselves to like, socialize for more than 24 hrs at a time they’re going to come back going ‘oh god why did i say that/what have i done’

Frustration at themselves for oversharing/hit-the-wall feeling of having nothing left to share??? Mutable energy has so much energy that it often makes their strongest ‘frustration’ letting themselves ‘go’ too much

(Because if they have ‘nothing left to share’ then that only means they’ll have to be repetitive and god they hate that. It’s not new/fresh and it’s not-- it’s not contributing to anything)

Thus why they seek to sometimes hide themselves away, be away from people in order to y know-- gather resources/energy to NOT be too much/expend their energy too much on the outside (and also lowkey to not Make a Fool also)

This is from an outsider’s perspective but also like....I’m always conscious thinking about Gemini as the Twin and it’s not just one side to them y know

I think we tend to think Gemini as being extroverted all the time when it’s not usually like that. They’re the twin...it’s a cycle... there’s two sides to the coin that needs to be processed

Their energy works in a cycle, continuous and moving, the twin isn’t just speaking out-loud/alone, it’s speaking/looping between two people.

If they don’t spend enough time thinking/gaining resource/fuel they over-share because they over-exert themselves....when they spend too much time internalizing/adding things onto their resources they get frustrated, restless, antsy and wants to ‘explode’ this onto social realm

So it’s like....they gotta be in a ‘Moment’ where they can both gain resources/information and process/drop the information in a continuous cycle -- quicker, constant, faster y know (Mercurial sign)

Instead of ‘stopping’ the motion and ‘pacing’ themselves-- the Sagittarius/Gemini is all about working at a faster pace than the one the world moves at....the one that if ‘man-made’ or controlled, would be detrimental to them

It’s a mixture of Sagittarius fire impulses, ‘doing’ things making them feel productive (and so not depriving them of those gratification by dropping them slower than normal) and then Gemini being naturally fast moving already-- being able to gather large (jupiter) information and then process them/cycling them through (release- mercury) is how they gain gratification/work perfectly in balance with themselves

Thing is-- they work --- super fast, faster than most people operate so it can be hard for others to keep up and keep them stimulated all the time

That’s ok, since Sagittarius/Gemini wouldn’t mind talking to just -- like, anyone. When they need to anyways. With great communicative ability, eloquence and friendliness/open-ness to them, they make others feel welcomed to talk. Even when they’re normally quiet/with-drawn mostly bc the Sagittarius/Gemini keeps the conversation going for them.

The thing is, Sagittarius/Gemini may rarely keep anyone around. Or rather, they sometimes ‘forget’ about people sometimes bc they move along so quickly and boldly-- and they judge others based on the interactions they’ve had, whether they’ve ‘stuck’ around in their mind or not. So it’s--- it can be kind of hard to think these people would belong anywhere, find anyone they truly stay ‘stuck’ with unless the person would be able to listen to them/keep up with them mentally a lot of the time.

Also these people aren’t afraid to be eccentric, they have good judgement. It might be a lil quirky or different, but Jupiter/Mercury never find joy in the TOTALLY conventional anyways.

And if they like something, they just-- keep doing it, keep pursuing it because it gives them stimuli (hobbies/interest) although they can have a large array of interests--as long as they’re ‘doing’ something physically with it they can keep themselves engaged/make it into a quantifiable project (see the results: the multitude of their craft/project at the end and look back on themselves like ‘wow i did this all in this year’)

That’s the thing isn’t it? They like seeing quantifiable ‘proof’ that they did something productive (fire moon-physical proof) -- they like to see that, although they are careless and forgetful sometimes. They did amount to something in the end.

It all comes down to-- y know, learning lessons. self-discipline. because you can’t keep closing your eyes, blinding painting random swatches and hoping it’ll turn out into something manifestable/painting that’s ‘oh thats better than expected!’ all the time y know. (you can’t keep seeing disasterous results as ‘aw thats ok :(( maybe next time’ when you’re just?? depending on luck?? to get by???)

Anyways, I hope I didn’t go in too hard ;; 💕💕💕Hope you gain some insights from this! 💕💕

#sagittarius sun #gemini moon #sagittarius #gemini #sagittarius-gemini #reclusiveextrovert2 #asks

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purplesurveys · 4 years

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966

by skiassurveys

1. How has covid affected you? It robbed me of few months’ worth of memories in my last year in college, my graduation, travel plans, employment prospects, a 22nd birthday with friends. Fortunately, other than a mutual friend, I personally don’t know anyone who has gotten the virus.

2. What is a comfort show of yours? Friends, without a doubt. If I need a pick me up I just look up a scene on YouTube and I’m bound to feel better in seconds.

3. Are you open about your past or do you not let anyone in? I’m pretty open about my past as long as people ask the right questions that would make me want to open up that can of worms lol. But I’m very secretive about the present and if I’m currently going through something, I tend to be selfish when it comes to opening up. I don’t like being completely vulnerable, and I leave those last few bits of vulnerability to only myself. I can’t even open up on Tumblr in certain instances; it’s just how I am.

4. Favourite fast food joint? Yellow Cab.

5. Do you think we were put on this earth for a reason? I don’t. I don’t put a lot of thought into this, either. It’s just not something I particularly care about.

6. What is something you have done this year you’re proud of? Finish my thesis. I used to think it was some colossal, nearly-impossible requirement and I never thought I was capable of creating my own. But I got through it and it was such an amazing feeling to see myself and Andrew wrap it up and write our acknowledgments at the very end.

7. Do u ever feel like surveys are usually the same questions? There are definitely questions that come up more often than others, but I’m never super bothered by them. I just try to answer them differently then move on.

8. What were you doing 10 years ago? I was 12, in sixth grade, friendless, suicidal, and was in the biggest mental health slump of my life thus far; so, not doing well.

9. Do you call out Karens when they’re harassing a cashier? I don’t call them out but when it’s my turn to be served, I make it a point to greet them and smile and give them the change, like I do with any cashier – except amplified this time around so they can feel better and not think that every customer is an asshole.

10. Animal crossing, yay or nay? Yay. I don’t play it but I’m certainly not gonna dampen people’s enjoyment by thumbing it down lol. It looks so cute and the challenges look wholesome; that game just can’t hurt anybody haha. But I guess it helps that my favorite characters to play on Mario Kart are Animal Crossing characters, so there’s that.

11. Why do you like to do surveys? It’s a safe space. And I’m very talkative in my head but not in real life, so surveys always serve as an outlet for my thoughts and feelings.

12. Did you ever have a MySpace? I did but I caught they very tail end of its popularity. By the time I joined people were already starting to flock to Facebook, so it wasn’t like I was ever able to do anything fun or worthwhile on Myspace. It was also never as popular in the Philippines too; we were into Friendster a lot more.

13. Do you think breaks are toxic in a relationship? I don’t think things like that work in absolutes. I’m sure breaks work for some, but for others they could also just create more distance and cause a couple to grow apart over time.

14. Do you have a YouTube channel? If no, would you create one? If yes what’s your content? I have one but it’s only so that I can support my favorite channels and subscribe to them, and so that YouTube can tailor my homepage to my interests. If I had to start posting videos, I’d prefer to take it easy and just post chill daily vlogs, nothing that tries too hard; and maybe take part in a taste test every once in a while because I enjoy watching those.

15. Are you a math person? Only up until advanced algebra or geometry. I’ll have to bow out if we have to get into trigonometry or calculus.

16. What’s the worse thing someone has said to you? I’ve been told I was a headache to deal with, heartless, unlovable, ungrateful, lacking a brain. All courtesy of my mom.

17. Have you ever befriended someone because you felt bad? Just once. In Grade 7 there was a new girl who was a bit of a loner, so Gab and I started talking to her so that she wouldn’t be alone during lunch. She didn’t really mix well with us and our dynamic though, so we slowly stopped hanging out with her. I felt bad, but I also didn’t want us to keep faking it with her because it would’ve been unfair to her – at least we tried. I was glad when she finally found her group, which didn’t take long.

18. Would you ever date someone online? I’m not open to it.

19. Have you been ghosted before? Would you ghost someone? I’m pretty sure what I did with Mike is the equivalent of ghosting...oops. I haven’t been ghosted.

20. When do you think things will be normal again? For a second this sounded really accurate about my life and I almost started crying :’’’’)))))) but now I realize you meant to ask about Covid lol. UHHH idk man. I remember back in March thinking this was gonna be over by April, and I had never been more wrong lmao. It’s so hard to tell.

21. Do you watch anime? No.

22. Biggest goal you wanna reach before 2020 is over? Be happy.

23. How old did/do you turn this year? 22.

24. Do you like tiktok? I don’t have the app downloaded but I’ll watch TikTok compilations on Facebook sometimes, and I’ve never had anything bad to say about them. I loooove the ones where people show what they do in their workplace like cleaning laptops, making ice cream cakes, doing pottery, etc., or showing projects that they’ve been working on like cleaning their swimming pool or renovating their bedroom. Those are the most satisfying to watch.

25. Do you ever miss vine? OMG yes. TikTok is entertaining, but the sense of humor that Vine birthed is on another fucking level. Only Vine could’ve made hurricane tortilla, a child, two bros chilling in a hot tub, and no head funny.

26. How are you doing, seriously? Today was one of the easier days. But I’m still hurting. It was just more manageable to breathe today.

27. Is there someone you want to talk to but you know you can’t? Yes.

28. Do you make jokes to cope with your problems? Sometimes, if I’ve already accepted the problem. It’s harder to make light of a situation that I’m still grappling with.

29. Have you ever had someone call you their best friend but you didn’t even consider them a close friend? I don’t think so.

30. Have you ever dealt with a pathological liar? Sure.

31. Long or short surveys? Medium-length to long.

32. If ur in school, are you doing it on zoom or in class? I’m not in school but I can definitely tell you that there aren’t any physical classes happening any time soon, at least in this country. It’s just not safe enough yet.

33. Would you ever have a pet rat? Nope.

34. Favourite memory with your best friend? I like laughing fits with Angela and spending hours at her house doing nothing. With Gabie, I always enjoy eating out with her.

35. Favourite type of content to watch on YouTube? I’ve mentioned them a lot on surveys recently, but it’s definitely Good Mythical Morning. I always turn to them when I’m going through depression so I’m really grateful that they have 1500+ episodes on their main channel and have a bunch of secondary channels with hundreds of videos in each as well. They have no idea how many lives they’ve saved. Other than that, I also like watching Korean reality shows, mukbangs that double as ASMR videos, soothing baking videos, and vlogs from local celebrities heheh.

36. Are you allergic to anything serious? No allergies for me.

37. Dream job? I don’t really have a dream title for now; I just want to eventually end up at the top of the ladder in my chosen career path which is PR.

38. Do you think dreams mean anything? No.

39. Fave clothing brand? Mango or Zara.

40. Do you miss anyone? Painfully.

#survey #surveys

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emobatsy · 7 years

Text

me, mental health, this blog, why i had to leave, and studying psychology

i guess i finally figured out why i had to leave for a while.

i finished therapy a week ago. we finished on a NET. A NET is a Narrative Exposure Therapy where you deal with your trauma by narrating your own life (and its best and worst points) from birth to the present day. It forces you to emotionally relive most of your awful moments in great detail. So far I can say its helped me understand things more. I hated it, it was exhausting and I knew the 2 times a week I went to therapy, the entire day was ruined afterwards because I was so exhausted. Mentally and physically.

During my NET this blog played not too little a role. I realized that it was my escape route from the emotional abuse i went through at home, but it was also part of the trigger. My stepdad, the reason for my PTSD, regularly threatened and belittled me over my use of the internet, controlled my hours, cut me off at will, and ridiculed everything i did online. that was his main point of power over me at that time, excluding my fear for my mother’s well-being. this blog is where i always came to, every day, to forget that for a while. but i couldn’t use it without his benevolence. so while it helped me a lot, YOU people helped me a lot, it was also a constant reminder of the abuse i moved away from.

while i went through therapy i got diagnosed with multiple disorders and we went through them as they came up. in the beginning i was so caught in the “well me n my stepdad kinda get along” trap that i didn’t even think it was worth mentioning. throughout the course of 2.5 years we unraveled the mess that is my head and, turns out, the layers. i had gotten so bad at functioning that i didn’t eat, and all those fun things u do when ur really, reALLY fuckin depressed.

Well, through that process we got through my depression to my anxiety to my ocpd to my bpd and finally to the ptsd. yes i have an official diagnosis for all of these things and spent mostly exactly half a year learning to deal with it. turned out, once one part was dealt with, another problem showed up. so finally we got to the ptsd, and frankly? that explains everything.

but because that trauma was so closely linked to this blog i think i instinctively felt the need to break off from it while i unraveled my brain. now i’m done! i understand myself a lot better. i am still on meds, still get panic attacks, and still have problems especially related to the ocpd, my perfectionism, and the emotional stress that comes from bpd. i am by no means done with recovery and i don’t think i’ll ever be. but at least i have names for what’s going on. even though most of these things kinda caused the other and vice versa and sometimes i do not know what certain aspect of my mental state caused the current negative state, but i learnt to deal with it. mostly.

i was always very open with my mental illnesses, and i will continue to do so. i am a student of psychology after all, and it was very helpful to know what’s going on, but also feel it. i could take both roles, of the removed ‘professional’ and the patient.

if you have any questions about how i experienced these things and got through the worst parts of them, you’re more than welcome to hit me up. i am not a therapist and everyone’s mental illness is different, so i will try to help... but i will not diagnose, give any opinion that could be mistaken for being professional, or even administer ‘therapy’ myself. but i will be here for you folks to talk to, share experiences, and gain some insight.

thank you for your patience while i figured myself out. it’s greatly appreciated. my askbox, messenger and submit are open.

however i will say that i still have all of these things. so maybe i will need some time to answer, not feel like it, and still be blogging. i’m coping as well, so please keep that in mind. thank you.

#text #satan talks #an explanation on why i was gone!#and a rundown of my mental health atm #intro post #mental health #mental illness #*

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