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soulwillower · 4 years

Text

heart eyes • bill denbrough

(bill denbrough x reader smut)

requested: no ;)

warnings: swearing, smut, oral (fem receiving), body worship!!, fluff, road trip w the losers, underage drinking, body shots, praise kink bc its me, a lil dirty talk, this one is kinda tame, its fluffy :) ALSO THIS IS SO UNEDITED SORRY

i was going through all my writing and i found this smut i wrote a while ago!! im p sure its the first smut i ever wrote n i never posted it, i figured i would rn :)

[losers + reader are aged up 18+ in this.]

6.2k words lol

♡

“i mean this trip would’ve been fun, no matter what. listen! guys, i love you! and... and i fucking love that we don’t always have to be inebriated to have fun.” stan exclaims, gangly limbs sprawled on the floor as ben starts giggling. stan pays no mind, “but listen, listen. i am soooo happy that we brought this stuff though, you know?” stan continues to babble on drunkenly, eliciting giggles from all the kids in the room. he’s waving an almost empty bottle of smirnoff. you giggle softly.

thankfully, ben had actually managed to sweet talk a coworker from the diner in order to score the losers a few handles of alcohol, and you’d nearly finished off the smirnoff and all are a few hearty swigs into the bottle of strawberry burnett’s and fireball.

your cheeks are very red.

you know your cheeks are burning.

but bill’s loose arm around your waist has your skin burning even hotter. you don’t want to think of it as anything more than platonic, because with a quick glance to your right, you see his other arm holding eddie in the same fashion. you're just friends, and always have been.

bill is just a very outgoing and flirty person when drunk.

and if you had voiced this aloud, bill denbrough would probably have had to agree. he barely felt his arm where it lay across eddie, but his arm that was cradling you feels like it is dead weight.

god, he’s got it so fucking bad for you. the conversation lulls as a familiar tune plays through the speaker, making most losers scrunch their nose and laugh. y/n and richie, as always, have other plans.

not even a measure into the song, richie screeches and pulls you into his chest, already swaying you as your alluring voices blend together as perfectly as they always do.

the two drunkenly sing together for the entire duration of the song, serenading each other in a sweet, albeit weird (in a way, bill decides, that only richie and you can achieve) fashion. the lanky boy twirls you around, and you're giggling and laughing and smiling so brightly, and the others are all smiling happily.

and bill just knows, looking from richie’s face, to stan, then mike, bev, ben, and then to eddie right next to him, that everybody in the room has just fallen a little more in love with you.

you're a fucking angel. just like heaven…

and, knowing deep down that it was highly unlikely, bill still hoped he could some day call that angel his own.

bill takes a moment to breathe as the seven of his best friends huddle in the weak circle they’ve formed after quite a few drinks.

the speaker plays soft music. the kind of music - you recall loudly to everyone with a smile - that ‘stanny’ plays in his own car on days in the summer when he lets you roll down the passenger side window and stick your feet out as they speed down the town roads.

“you know why-“ mike starts, interrupting himself with a hiccup. he giggles, and bill smiles. “-you know why i love you?” he says, question directed at ben. ben chuckles, face red from the contents of his near empty cup, and shrugs.

“no, wait, i’m not drunk enough for the sappy stuff.” you whine, biting your lip as you glances over to bill.

he averts his eyes, chastising himself in his head immediately after for being a little schoolboy.

“fine, y/l/n. truth or dare?” mike says with a cheeky smile. richie hollers and you scoff, shaking your head. across the room, eddie does the same.

“c’mon, mikey… i haven’t played that since sophomore year.” you say, face revealing a teasing smile which betrays your tone. bev shrugs, leaning back into ben’s chest. “dunno, could be fun.” she says.

bill watches closely as y/n sends a long look to bev, who shoots her best friend a suggestive glance.

bill wishes sometimes that he could hear beverly and y/n’s thoughts and secret conversations, but after a flash memory of the time when he walked in (after listening to silence for nearly three minutes before entering) on the two girls staring at the other in complete silence, he shivers and retracts that wish.

those girls were creepily telekinetic.

y/n’s sigh pulls bill back to earth. “fine.” you say, rolling your eyes and sounding bored. bill knew better than to believe y/n could really be bored. he stares at your body as you take a hefty swig from your cup, wiping your mouth and slurring, “truth.”

“out of all the people in this room, whose clothing style would you choose to swap with?” mike asks after some moments of silence. you look like you're thinking very, very hard and this makes bill laugh in drunken stupor. his friends shoot him a confused look, but attention quickly lies back on y/n.

“stan, maybe. or eddie bear.” y/n says, flopping into eddie’s lap, making him blush and card his fingers through your hair. “I love all those cute shorts.” you say, throwing a wink in richie’s direction.

bill has to laugh at the expression on the curly haired boy’s face. he has to admit, though, that eddie looks fucking great in those shorts. the two boys both respond idly, though, and the game continues, getting dumber and more risqué the more drinks they share.

mike admits to wearing briefs over boxers, bev admits that the first girl she kissed was y/n. ben has to jump into the broken hot tub, and eddie takes a body shot off of richie.

"bill, who do you think is the best kisser?" bev smirks, shooting a look that he doesn't understand but, on a much more transcendental level, understands too well.

"if you don't say me, i'll be mad." richie says, making kissy faces that make ben push the side of his face away with a chuckle. bill laughs lightly, but his lips move quicker than his brain. "y/n, probably."

seven pairs of eyes land on him and he blinks, face heating until he's surely a tomato. "wh-what? you a-asked." he says awkwardly, and to change the subject, stan clears his throat, "y/n's turn!"

bill shoots him a grateful look, but stan gives him a stare that screams make a move, dumbass.

"okay, dare." you mumble, cheeks slightly dark and a sweet grin on your lips.

“'kay. i dare you...” richie trails off as something catches his drunken eyesight away in the kitchen. he starts to giggle to himself, then. “take a body shot off of bill.” he says, pointing a bony finger at the innocent girl to bill’s left.

bill’s face pales at this, but the liquid courage has him pulling off his shirt at the encouragement of the others merely moments later.

“i’ve yet to take an actual body shot before.” y/n mumbles, explaining how you've always done them off shoulders or necks.

“lick, shoot, suck.” bill mumbles, staring at the ceiling. bill hears bev giggle quietly.

“don’t forget that last part, y/n.” richie piped up from across the room, the words being followed by a thud and a soft grunt.

“i couldn’t if i tried, rich.” you mumbles as your face comes into view. bill can only smirk up at you when he feels liquid pour into his navel.

“he’s gotta be flexing right now. there’s no way he’s that naturally ripped!” richie complains, his voice looted in a joke. ben laughs as bev slaps richie’s arm.

"sh-shut up, richie." bill mutters with an easy grin.

bill slips a lime wedge into his mouth and his tongue falls upon the rind, tasting the muted citrus flavor as salt is sprinkled in the stretched of his skin between his belly button and his waistband.

if he wasn't drunk, he'd be a blushing mess.

and he has to try harder than he's ever tried for anything in his entire life to not get hard as you suddenly lean over him, your hot tongue poking out to lick a stripe up the salt.

he suppresses a groan and then you shoot the shot from his stomach, everyone screaming and cheering and laughing. you're laughing too, and bill's shocked into a stupor by how casually and effortlessly beautiful you are.

you're leaning towards his face now, a soft smile on your face as your lips fall to pluck the lime from his mouth. but before you pull all the way back, he feels your soft lips touch his around the wedge and his whole body ignites, cheeks turning red.

but just as quickly as you were there, you're gone and he's left with the faint taste of lime and a heaving chest, the feeling of your tongue on his body ingrained into his mind.

it was about thirty minutes later that all the losers retreated to their rooms to pass out, bill following you a few steps behind. of course, when eddie and bev had planned the sleeping arrangements, they'd insisted that you two share a room. not that he's complaining, not at all.

bill barely gets a minute into the door before you're turning and stepping closer to him. his hands fall to your arms, in his mind as an excuse to steady you, but he knows its because he really just wants to feel you in his arms.

“do you really want to kiss me?” you purr, voice uncharacteristically quiet. and wow, that was out of left field. bill almost laughs, but refrains in case the inebriated girl in his arms took it the wrong way. “yes, y/n. a-always.”

you beam, a slight hiccup escaping your cherry lips as you get on your tippy toes. you're still half a head shorter than him even on your tips.

his heart thumps as he takes in your beautiful features up close, and he longs to feel your lips against his.

but, instead he shakes his head gently through his drunken state. your face falls and you step back. bill swears the angel’s wings start to droop and wilt as you seem to sober up slightly. you look sad and embarrassed and bill’s heart shatters a fragment.

“y-you’re drunk.” he says lamely, wishing that own his drunk eyes would get on board with his brain and quit running over this girl’s beautiful face and enticing curves. “w-we both a-are.” he adds, biting his lip.

you huff, turning around and bending over to pull sweats out of a drawer. “okay,” you mumble and he can’t read your voice much but he can tell you're upset.

in a drunk thought, he realizes he may never fully understand you.

bill bites his lip at the sight of your perky ass displayed like that in front of him and he wants to smack himself as he feels the familiar heat in his abdomen, turning around to give you privacy as you change.

he doesn’t turn around, as much as you both want him to.

richie once claimed that bill was hornier than he was, and while then he’d laughed especially hard at that claim, bill currently cursed richie a million times for being correct.

“would you reconsider if we were sober?” when a hand lands on bill’s shoulder, he turns to see you staring up at him, wearing a plain blue and white baseball tee and sweats.

it’s quiet for a moment. y/n holds your breath. bill himself lets out a breath after a moment. “you’re fucking beautiful.”

it’s not an answer to your question, even, but he says it before he even realizes it and the look on your face suddenly makes bill wish he could say things like that without stuttering forever if it meant it made you feel like that.

you turn bright red, head dropping down bashfully. you fail to hide your smile drop, though, and it makes bill feel slightly sick. “you don’t have to say that bill.” you whisper, sounding insecure. and then you slip under the dark green duvet of the bed.

bill tells himself that if he were sober, he’d speak up; have the courage to say all the things to you that his mind is constantly screaming.

you are fucking beautiful, everybody knows it..

all our friends see it...

mike once told me you were the hottest person in the school and that was before we even met you, now he also claims you’re the most thoughtful person in existence...

ben thinks you might be the smartest person in our generation...

bev is confident that you are going to change the world some day...

richie calls you his platonic soulmate...and says that you have second most rockin’ bod (second only because he’s trying to mack on eddie)...

eddie tells me every day how much he looks up to you and how much he admires your strength...

stan once told me that he’d marry you in a heartbeat...

(i think i’m falling for you...)

(and i hope you feel the same...)

your eyes look so innocent...but i know you’re not...

your lips look like they taste like candy...

you are so fucking pretty...

i want to put my dick in your mouth-

his last thought snaps him out of his drunken stupor and he quickly pulls on flannel pants and tugs off his shirt, not missing y/n’s eyes on his bare torso as he pulls on a shirt.

bill. you’re drunk, go to sleep, asshole.

he lays on the edge of the bed, turning off the lamp light and rubs his eyes. your eyes are closed, and you lay on your side, back facing him.

“i’m lucky t’have you, billy. we all are.” you mumble, and bill doesn’t even fight the bashful smile that climbs onto his face. you can’t seem him, anyways.

“g’night, billy.” you finish dreamily, snuggling the comforter and making bill swoon in the dark.

“g-goodnight, y/n.” he says quietly.

the next night was much more tame; the losers were worn out after a day of exploring and decided to go to the outdoor pool in the backyard of the b&b you'd rented.

you sit on the couch by yourself, knowing bill was in your room because he didn't feel like swimming.

but you were nervous to go in there, because you and bill hadn't been alone since last night when you'd basically confessed to him. and yeah, he'd sort of confessed back, but you could tell he was just trying to be considerate and not make it awkward for you or the rest of the losers.

with a sigh, you rising to your feet and padding to the closed door. soft music plays from the other end of the door and you smile as you hear bill hum quietly to bowie.

when you push the door open, bill’s figure is silhouetted by the faint orange glow that soaks the bedroom in gold and yellow light. crossing through the doorway softly, bill lifts his head and smiles softly.

you bite your lip at bill, who is sat dumbly on the edge of the bed, and it's quiet for a few moments but you know you're both thinking the same thing.

he stands to meet you only a few paces from his doorway, and he's so close to you that you have to tilt your head and stare up at him through dark lashes. his breath comes out like a whisper, and you feel desperate to know his lips again. but not like last night. you want all of him now - always. sober, drunk, sick, healthy, forever.

“bill..” you start, doe eyes searching his, as if trying to read him. he looks like he doesn’t know what to say because you both know the reason that your friends made you sleep together on this trip in this dim room and why he’s looking at you the way he is.

“please...” he whispers, a half smile on his face. his own voice cuts through the faint music playing through the silence. your lips lift in a smile at this. bill thinks you look the most beautiful he’s ever seen you.

he didn’t say anything but a plea, and yet you both know exactly what he’s saying.

your heart soars, and you grab his neck and he crashes his lips to yours desperately, letting out a quiet moan of relief.

you’ve never had somebody like him. of the few relationships you’d managed to keep up for a decent amount of time, you've never known someone like you know him - he's your best friend, the most important person in your life, and your first real love.

that used to scare you, but as you reach your hand to grasp his neck and pull him closer, you realize that this feeling in your stomach may not be as dangerous and innapropriate as previously thought.

because bill denbrough kisses like he’s taking his dying breath, like he’s drowning and you're the last bit of air left in the entire world. he kisses you like a starved writer desperate for a muse. his adamant tongue parted your shaking lips and sent tremors along your skin, as you clutch his chest.

his hands start on your cheeks, his thumbs rubbing your cheekbones as he tilts your head gently to deepen the kiss.

slowly, just as slowly as you fell for him, he slides his hands down your sides and grips your lower back with one large hand, the other squeezing your hip as he pulls your hips to him.

when you pull away for a second, he’s got an earth shattering, face-blinding smile on his lips that almost makes you want to cry.

you've never felt this breathless in your life, especially just by one boy, and all you can do is allow him to press you against dresser and catch your lips with his. his lips slot against yours hotly, moving with a kind of boyish expertise that makes your fingers tingle from all the way up to where they're nestled into his hair.

his plump red lips, slick and glossy, pull away from you and you watch with your hands carded through his auburn hair as he ducks slightly lower and kisses your jawline and your legs feel like jelly because you cannot believe it's happening. a song still plays through bill’s speakers.

one of your hands runs down his clothed chest and you gasp, having to bite back a squeal of pleasant surprise when one of his hands squeezes your ass. at your yelp of pleasure, bill chuckles and then his teeth bite down on the hollow of your throat.

he lifts his head to meet your eyes but doesn’t apologize, instead opting to shoot you a cocky lift of a brow at your reaction.

but before you can even roll your eyes, his lips are back to working magic and you're breathless, the heat in your stomach coiling and making you desperate.

you quietly moan his name as his tongue follows in his teeth’s wake; your neck slowly becoming the most beautiful piece of art bill has ever created.

eventually he raises his head again, his green eyes stuck on your neck, admiring the thunderstorm he’s started, and its everything you can do to not collapse when you get the courage to push bill softly and walk him towards his bed, your lips pressing needily to his.

bill gently spins on his heels around you and pushes you instead onto the mattress, and you're suddenly laying below him with wide eyes.

and you're grabbing his flannel and tugging him on top of you.

for a while, as bill holds himself up above you with his forearms, all that either of you can hear is the melodic tune of heart eyes by coin flowing from bill’s speakers and the sweet noise of their hands exploring each other.

honestly, the first time was unintentional.

while trying to move up, bill slowly rocks his hips against you. you gasp at the feeling of his semi-hard on pressing against your core, and bill almost moans at the noise of you alone.

a small moan escapes your throat again when he does it once more and he pulls away, clearly trying to hide his smug expression.

his eyes trail to your button up, admiring the trail of blossoming hickies reaching from below your jaw to the hem of your sweater, near the top skin of your breasts.

“c-can i?” he asks softly, and your face flushes pink as you nod shyly.

his hands reach out and slowly he undoes the buttons of the sweater, lips pressing sweetly on each bit of skin exposed as he slips the sweater off your frame. his lips against your skin leaves goosebumps in their wake.

you swoon at this action, but as the garment falls from your shoulders, you cross your arms and looks away softly.

“you don’t have t-to huh-hide from me, sweetheart.”

a piano melody plays softly in the background as bill coos quietly, turning your jaw with his forefinger so you're forced make eye contact. “hey. you’re s-so perfect. a-and i’m so fucking l-lucky.” he whispers sincerely.

and even through the expiring sunlight, the golden streams illuminating your face reveal a smile- a genuine, toothy, blushy, bashful smile that makes bill beam in return.

“please. luh-let me show you how m-much you mean.” he whispers.

you're glad you have enough self control to not burst out crying at bill’s words. if you were unsure if he wanted you before, this was the confirmation you knew you didn’t even need. and you love it all the same.

“please,” you whine softly, blushing harder at the pure look of love and lust on bill’s handsome face.

as his lips and hands flutter around your torso, you take in his figure and the god-like aura created by the music and the atmosphere of the world around you.

one word keeps circulating through your head, and as his fingers softly pinch your left nipple, you mewl and pull him up for a passionate kiss, deciding to let the word sit pretty in your mind.

you trails your fingers along the hem of his shirt and he leans back to let you unbutton it slowly. your lips find themselves against his hot skin, trailing in small kisses and bites down his chest as they follow your nimble hands. you cherish his smooth skin and taught muscles.

he soon turns to catch your lips with his, this time feverishly and deeply. he feels hungry against your lips, his tongue winning dominance instantly and smoothing around your mouth as he sighs against you, his hips rocking against you as your hands roam from his hair to his back and chest.

he pulls away, hands trailing down to your jeans, lips following his hands yet again, slower this time.

you whimper quietly at the feeling of white hot pleasure coursing through you and bill shoots you a smirk. “e-everybody is o-outside, y/n/n. we can be as loud as w-we want.” he says in a low tone, and you bite your lip in bliss. you feel yourself get wetter at his words, his voice sounding like royal velvet.

he stops his lips right at the button of your pants. “do yo-you want this?” he asks, his eyes welcoming, and you knows that if, for some absurd reason, you didn’t want him right now (or ever, honestly) you could be honest and he would be forever respectful of that.

“yes, bill. please.” you plead, hands carding into his hair as you watche him smile from in between your legs.

you watch as he unbuttons your jeans, sliding them off and tossing them somewhere across the room. you have to bite back a giggle at the boy's eagerness and he bites his lip as he stares up at you, green eyes sparkling and true as his head sinks lower.

he kisses the inside of your knees slowly, trailing his lips closer and closer to the apex of your thighs where you need him the most before switching to the other side. you groan at his teasing and his quiet huff of a laugh leaves his lips and fans over your thigh.

he’s done this before, it’s obvious.

and it’s probably also very obvious to bill that you are not used to this kind of praise, this kind of approval, and this much intimate attention on your own body. he loves it - loves that he can finally show you how you deserve to feel after years of watching you, his best friend, and waiting for the day that he could put his lips on yours.

his lips finally press a soft kiss over your red lace-clothed clit, and you let out a strangled moan, hips jilting involuntarily at the tease.

his eyes meet yours and all he does is wink.

cocky bastard, you think as bill slides your lace undies off your legs.

it suddenly dawns on you that you're completely naked and vulnerable in front of this boy, and yet somehow you feel more comfortable and at home than you've ever felt in a situation like this.

and you're not totally sure when exactly that fucking word starts to circulate in your mind again- perhaps it is when he licks the first, bold stripe from your entrance up to your clit, or maybe it’s when he uses one hand to gently pin your hips down while his tongue does wicked tricks. or perhaps it’s when he first slips a single finger in.

or maybe that word has been there, hiding in your mind, on the tip of your tongue, the whole time.

but you suddenly can’t think of anything besides bill, because he’s building a rhythm with his tongue and fingers and you know that if anyone is awake in the house besides you, they’d know exactly what was happening in your room currently. and you can't find it to care as you look down at bill, eyes staring back at you with a cocky look on his face as his face is buried in your heat.

your wild moans pick up in pitch and you clench around his fingers tightly, the feeling of bliss having never felt this strong before. your toes curl and you let out whimpers, one hand tangling in his lush hair and the other twirling in the sheets.

his fingers pick up pace, curling and pumping in and out of you as he sucks your clit.

“bill, fuck, i’m close-“ you start, groaning in pleasure as he smirks slightly. you whimper when he pulls back, a devious smirk playing on his shiny, slick lips, his fingers sliding out of your heat. you groan at the sight of him, shirtless and hair missed up from your fingers, his mouth sinfully shiny from your juices.

he reaches his hand up to you and obediently you take his fingers into your mouth, sucking and licking up yourself from him. he watches with his mouth slightly open and eyes dark. "g-good girl, y/n."

the sharp warmth in your chest and the heat straight down to your center show you how much you like his words, and you preen when he tucks your hair behind your ear. "you taste p-perfect, baby." he whispers into your ear, your jaw going slack in shock that words like that would dare fall from his lips, your thighs clenching together. you bite back a moan at the feeling, wanting nothing more than for bill to fill you up and make you scream his name.

it doesn’t get long before you pull him out of his boxers, and soon you're rolling a condom onto his hard cock.

you almost, almost blush when your mouth waters at the sight of bill’s cock, hard, leaking with precum, and much larger than you'd anticipated.

rich was fucking right, you think, they do call him big bill for a reason.

he’s looking at you like you're the only thing that matters as you pull him onto you. he's letting out breathy moans that you realize you could listen to on repeat forever.

but suddenly he’s pushing you hard against the mattress, kissing you like a sailor returning to see his first love, and he’s lining himself up at your entrance, slowly teasing your entrance with his tip. you whimper at the feeling, your over-sensitive clit throbbing as you tug at his shoulders. he grins into your mouth. "u-se your words, baby." he mutters, and you go red.

“god, bill, please fuck me. need it so bad." you whimper breathlessly. he smiles at you, kissing your nose.

"i kn-know you do." he mutters and you want to smack the back of his head but then he pushes in agonizingly slow and you're gasping. simultaneously, you suck in breaths at the sensation, eyes staring deep into each other. his are lidded and yours are blown wide, taking him and whimpering at the feeling of him stretching you out.

you can feel the blush on your cheeks when you realize this is one of the most intimate experiences you've ever had in your life. and when bill's finally buried to the hilt inside you, you let out a low moan at the feeling.

thank god he warmed you up so well, because he was big and felt perfect buried inside you like this, his lips ghosting over your face as you clench your legs around his hips. his fingers rise to roll on your nipple and you let out a gasp of pleasure followed by a small moan of his name. he lets out a shuttering breath into your collarbone as your nails dig into his shoulders.

“please, bill, move. please, fuck, i need it-“ you beg, eyes closed in need and lust.

you feel a strong hand grab your jaw suddenly, and your voice stops as you open your eyes to be met with deep green ones shining fiercely.

“look at me wh-while i fuck you.” he says, more a command, and you involuntarily moan at his words.

the power he has over you feeling foreign and incredibly enticing. never did you expect for bill denbrough to be anything more than vanilla in bed - but you're all here for it as you look back at him submissively, trying to hide your smile.

you keep your eyes on him as he pulls out just as slowly as he eased in, before pushing soundly back into you and coaxing a long, low moan from your lips. your head dips back, your spine curving and eyes fluttering before snapping back to his. he starts to thrust as you've adjusted to his size and you can feel him filling you up perfectly, the feeling euphoric. your toes curl in pleasure and you determine that his melodic moan itself could push you over the edge right now.

he builds a rhythm, your legs tightening around his waist as his lips catch yours in a searing kiss. "y-you're so fucking g-good for me, huh?" he asks, but the feeling of him fucking you into the mattress renders you almost speechless, your lips in an 'o' shape as you watch him. you nod, whining as your hands roam his chest and slide to his back.

"god, yes, bill. don't stop," you say breathlessly, whimpering as you pull him down to you by the neck. he kisses you soundly as he pounds into you, his hands roaming your body and making you blush.

you feel a familiar warm feeling in your abdomen after a couple deep thrusts and you moan out as he lifts your legs slightly to hit another angle. “f-fuck...” he mutters, eyes trailing over your whole body yet never shying from your face for more than a few moments.

and now the word lingers in your mouth, on the tip of your tongue, but you're in so much pleasure that you can’t form words that aren’t his own name as they leave your mouth like a prayer.

his thrusts are deep, rough, and yet somehow sensual as if he’s trying to convey thoughts or feelings through his actions, and the combination has you slamming your hand over your mouth to conceal your loud moans, eyes finding his as you remember his previous words.

his eyes make you feel more special than any other human on this earth ever has. you've had a fair share of sexual encounters, but never have you ever experienced something like this with someone like your bill denbrough.

and as one hand grasps your breast and the other holds himself above you, his lips pressing against yours like he’d die if he wasn’t touching you, bill can tell that you're close. “y-you close, baby?” he purrs in your ear, and through his thrusts you can only nod your head and mewl.

his hand suddenly grabs your hands and lift them up above your head, pinning them there and rendering you unable to move our touch him; the feeling of being restrained makes you moan wantonly, moving your hips with his. he hums deeply, a delicious sound, "oh, you l-like that, y/n/n? g-good, so g-good." and then he moans into your collarbone. his words and the feeling of him hitting the perfect spot inside you, fucking you deeper than you could imagine, has you nearing the edge.

his large thumb snakes it’s way into your mouth then, and you look up in his eyes as your lips wrap around his digit. he groans, hips stuttering inside you. "good g-girl." he mutters, eyes glued to your lips as they suck on his thumb.

he drags his thumb out of your mouth and you release with a small pop. he lowers his hand, moving it down to rub sensual figure-8’s on your clit, a stark and delicious contrast to his hip’s motions. you yelp in pleasure, your sensitive clit throbbing.

“c-cum for me.” he whispers, and you're wrecked. your climax, after a slow, burning build, hits you hard and you clench around him, moaning out his name as your eyes barely stay locked on his. your voice cracks in pleasure as your body pulses in pleasure.

bill cums not even three thrusts after, a mess of groans and your name falling from his lips. he pulls out and you quietly hiss at the sudden absence of him, watching with exhausted eyes as bill tosses his condom and turns back to you.

you're fucked out and so out of breath that all you can do is grasp bill’s hand. he smiles softly at your naked, glowing form as the last of the afternoon light seeps through the windows.

he pulls on boxers quickly, pressing a soft kiss to your lips before disappearing out of the room, leaving an empty feeling in the hollow of your stomach.

you're pretty was used to the people you sleep with not wanting to stick around much, and yet you can’t help the deflation in your chest as bill leaves the room. is he going to sleep on the couch? was it that bad for him?

you pull on underwear just as he comes back in, a cup of water in his hands.

when he softly offers it to you, you tear up slightly but cover it up with a yawn. you know you've never had someone care this much about you. that word lingers on the tip of your tongue, begging to drip from your mouth like honey.

“y-you tired?” bill asks shyly, his body dipping down as he sits next to you. you wonder why bill all of the sudden is acting so shy- as if he didn’t just provide the most incredible sex of your life.

“you wore me out.” you says with a little smile as you lean slightly against him and kiss his cheek.

his cheeks blossom at the simple affection. "i love you." he says suddenly, no stutter. his eyes widen in shock as he realizes what he'd just slipped.

you turn to look at him and he's bright red, looking more scared than you've ever seen him. you can't help your smile, though. "bill... i love you too." you admit, stomach fluttering in excitement. he smiles softly, exhaling, "h-holy shit, thank god. that would have m-made the rest of this t-trip so a-awful."

you giggle, hand falling to his jaw. "i love you so much." you mutter, pulling him down with you so your heads hip the pillow, his hands falling on your bare hips as you kiss sweetly. you can't stop smiling into the kiss, and neither can he, so it's full of quiet laughs and teeth knocking, noses brushing together.

"i love y-you so much, y/n." he whispers into your lips, his mouth wide with a dopey smile. you smooth the hair from his eyes and kiss him again. "be mine, p-please."

"i already am, denbrough." you whisper softly.

#bill denbrough x reader #bill denbrough smut #bill is 🤤🤤#losers x reader #losers club x reader

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jean----ralphio · 3 years

Text

IT’S BoB LIVEBLOG TIME

Episode 1 is under the cut!

Warning, I swear a lot... and am very in love with RSJ so a lot of this was just me pointing at the screen and screaming RICH and then remembering you can’t see me so writing it down...

Episode 1: Curahee! Curaahhee? Curraahhee? I can’t spell so I’m renaming it Ross is a punk bitch

Buckle up my babies, this will be a carcrash!

00:01 Here we fucking go aw yis

00:11 Aw who’s this? I wish they named the gentlemen at the start of the episodes, I wanna know who is who :s

00:25 Shifty, is that you my angel son?

00:41 OMG you guys… these men are breaking my heart </3

01:06 Lord, men were committing suicide because they couldn’t go to fight? That mentality… man. Oh my God, you angels. Babies.

01:36 No jokes allowed, every man is <3

01:40 Now that I’m humbled and we’re all well and truly miserable…the credits, ugh, my heart. The score is amaziiiing. Some of the footage is actual war-time footage, I read, which is a brilliant touch.

02:01 DICK <3

02:13 DICK’S HUSBAND <3

02:18 RSJ’S NAAAAAME

02:27 JFC this music makes me so emotional. Look there’s Matthew Settle’s face. That makes me emotional too

02:48 Ah it’s Roe <3

03:48 I’m trying to pick them all out in the line-up but I can’t tell who is who. Are we supposed to be able to? There’s a short one in the middle, is that Harry?

03:49 I’m not drunk enough to handle this

04:10 Upottery? Ah it’s so English I love it. That’s not a name! Wtf is up with English place-names, you guys have the weirdest names. Upottery? Seriously? Is it only potters that live there? I’m so confused

04:22 Close up of Roe! Perfect. I approve.

04:32 Is that the guy from Line of Duty? I think it is

04:39 Lip <3

04:44 Ew. GTFO Cobb. He doesn’t even go here

04:47 IS THAT RICH? RICH. ILY. ILY RICH. Please note that 94% of this will be a Rich-watch

04:53 Lieb stop. I am sure you are not a certified hairdresser

04:56 RICH. SMOKING. SMOKING RICH. More like smoking hot do you see what I did there?

05:20 I can categorically say that I love Joe Toye. I do. I love him. But every time I see Kirk Acevedo, all I think of is Charlie my baby from Fringe (awesome show, please watch it). And I just. Charlieee <3

05:39 Aw. They’re so sad

05:55 They’re so despondent. Guys. It’s fine

06:05 Fassy?? FASSY!!

06:18 God Damien is pretty

06:25 Nix that’s not how you flirt

06:57 Lol at Dick noting its happy hour. Thinking about taking Nix on a date, are we? I bet you are. Now THAT is how you flirt!

07:24 OMG the fucking flirting! GUYS. “And give up all this?” NIX SAYS AS HE CHECKS HIM OUT

07:37 Yeah, Nix, you’ll take him ‘to Chicago’ huh? Is that what they call it nowadays.

07:44 Do you want to be that cigarette? ‘Cos there is nothing heterosexual about that lingering look, Dick

08:18 ‘Murica time

08:25 Ross, fuck off. Nice jacket though. “You PEOPLE are at the position of attention” ugh GTFO. Dick’s sideye tho lol

08:52 NGL Ross does a great job at being super unlikeable

09:05 Noooo you don’t want it with Johnny Martin. You wont win. Yeah, walk away Ross

09:15 Careful around Lip too, or Speirs will materialize out of thin air and snap your neck

09:33 RICH. Don’t be scared of that douchebag, baby

09:43 What kind of question is that, there is nothing Lieb wants more!

09:50 It’s weird hearing Ross swear tho

10:26 Don’t argue with Johnny, baby. Also Roe OMG <3 Shane is freaking fit

10:43 Wow Lip is ripped

10:48 Oh no, poor baby. Lip leave him be ☹ </3

11:10 LOL I just noticed the drum by the door. It says ‘butts’ and it took me a seconds to realise it was for cigarettes. I am an adult (31-year-old married woman). I’ll laugh at the word butts if I want.

11:11 RICH

11:18 Lieb omg lol

11:39 RICH BABY NO! FUCK OFF ROSS! LEAVE HIM ALONE OR I WILL HAVE SPEIRS CUT YOU

11:52 I can’t take Ross seriously in those shorts. Hi-ho GTFO

12:07 Ew fuck off running up that, I’d just nope out like nah babe imma go chill with that sweet baby back in the butts cabin

12:18 Aw Dick <3 The juxtaposition of Dick as a leader compared to Sobel who sure he might be honing them into something formidable and skilled but he’s an asshole. He’s not a leader. He’s a bullying, abusive scumbag. Dick is an actual leader who protects them and supports them and encourages them and IHAVEALOTOFFEELINGSOK

12:43 You don’t deserve that sick jacket, Ross. Seriously. That is a boss jacket, I want it

13:04 Have they not stopped fucking working out all this time? Ugh

13:23 Oh good, Dick gets a boss jacket too. He deserves it.

13:30 I wish people had to ask me for permission to speak.

13:53 I just. He. I can’t with Dick Winters, you guys. I cannot. I have lost the ability to can. Like they’re so upset and tired and low and just with that little joke he boosts their morale back up from where Sobel fucking beat it down into the mud and makes everything lighter and they laugh and are less tense and I just. Fucking love you, Dick.

14:00 Is that my angel son? I see you Shifty, love you baby

14:03 RICH. DON’T TOUCH MY RICH.

14:07 Oh my God, address them yourself you weirdo, Ross. They’re right there, you’re right there! I had a colleague that used to do the same, would get me to speak to my employees for her when they were right there in front of her like… ‘can you tell x to do y for me pls…’ … I was like wtf you know you CAN talk to them… you won’t catch poor just by speaking to people lower down the pecking order

14:22 Fassy! Wtf they’re not supposed to drink? Dehydration is legit one of the most dangerous things, how tf can you turn them into high-key supersoldiers if they’re dehydrated? How is this man so dumb? The guy in front of Fassy tho omg. I bet Fassy’s boss wife Alicia Vikander won’t like her husband being treated that way… she’s so badass tho right?

14:26 He’s so dramatic! Ugh

15:11 Piss off omg

15:24 oh my DVD flipped its shit here, only picked back up at 16:30 don’t @ me

16:52 RICH WHAT ARE THEY DOING TO YOU RICH

17:21 Shifty my angel son

17:46 so sweet

18:04 Sink, babe, no he is the worst, stop

18:20 LOL no, he’s jel as fuck babe

18:32 NO FUN ALLOWED. Im sorry, that tie is so ugly

18:44 Simon Pegg??!!

18:51 Ross is so dramatic God shut up. it’s not a conspiracy, weirdo

19:10 “It’s a can of peaces, sir.” Iconic.

19:11 Dick’s tiny smile is equally iconic.

19:17 SHUT UP ROSS

19:44 He wants to be punched, I think, like he’s goading them. The sick fuck.

20:47 DON’T TRUST HIM, DICK!

21:02 ROE <3

21:31 Hoobler, aw <3

21:37 I warned you not to trust him, boys

21:54 Ah boys, oh no

22:04 RICH. Kick him, baby

22:17 Bull, punch him, seriously

22:24 Oh Luz <3

22:26 Yeah GTFO, suck it, bitch

23:06 Who is this? Fella’s hot

23:40 RICH. FASSY. WEB. TAB.

24:19 Suck it, Ross

24:30 Real footage?

24:41 Lol you suck Ross

25:23 RICH. SMOKING RICH.

25:26 Bill omg

25:45 Perco, baby, no. don’t talk to Johnny Martin. Don’t look at Johnny Martin. Don’t so much as think about Johnny Martin. He will fuck you up with his gaze alone, baby

25:56 Ah Luz

26:06 OK. That’s hot. Joe/Charlie don’t be hot. It confuses me

26:42 Winnix being husbands in the corner

27:42 YOU’RE in the wrong position, dumbass, it’s no one else’s fault

27:46 Dick’s come to save the day

27:56 Ross knows nothing omg

28:05 RICH. Even my Rich is confused, Ross, you dweeb

28:20 Lol at Dick dropping down ready for a fight

28:36 Fassy isn’t happy. That means Alicia Vikander is coming for you. Joe/Charlie is definitely not happy. Lip is upset. Think about your life, Ross, think about your choices. You know you’ve failed when Roe is judging you

28:57 Nix is like lol where tf is the alcohol tho

28:59 Harry! Harry is here! But yes, baby, you’re interrupting the husband’s foreplay, leave immediately

30:00 Lol at the Nix vs Ross staredown. Nix won

30:17 RICH. GUYS IT’S RICH

30:33 Do it, Lieb. Drop the grenade. Just don’t upset my angel son Shifty

30:40 He is a literal angel. Don’t corrupt him Lieb

30:59 Nix is having another crack at flirting. “Going my way” so suave omg. Omg stop. No wait don’t

31:09 “I’m not the intelligence officer.” Neither is Nix half the time babe let’s be fair

31:14 “If I told you I’d have to kill you.” Nix is getting better at flirting! He’s been attending flirting 101 classes it seems

31:40 They’re legit such husbands prove me wrong

32:00 He’s not joking, Dick

32:06 Harry’s like oh yay yes please

32:11 Lol Nix

33:03 Ugh. Men. I feel like that hold smells so bad.

33:09 RICH. Naw, Rich is sad he’s missing out on the flamingos.

33:32 Joe/Charlie you deserve a day to commemorate you tbh. I love you.

33:46 “My brother’s in North Africa, he says it’s hot.” Bill is iconic.

34:34 Lieb, honey, don’t, please

34:49 I feel you, random hot guy. Tipper?

35:05 Eyyy this place is nice, let’s all move there.

35:17 Shifty, my angel son, my baby <3

35:26 Yay, Harry gets a boss jacket too!

36:22 Mum and Dad of Easy. I’m low-key living for Lip’s little worried faces.

36:33 THAT JACKET IS SICK AS FUCK I WANT 20

36:38 The fence is there, Ross, because you’re so fucking dumb

36:51 Guys, look, cows

37:06 He’s fucking useless. Hi Simon Pegg.

37:22 RICH

37:25 This whole scene gives me life and waters my crop

37:31 RICH <3. YOU GUYS. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. RICH RICH RICCCCHHHH

37:42 Poor Tip is so done

37:58 Simon Pegg is so confused

38:04 Good job, Tipper, I’m proud of you and your pretty face

38:10 Iconic

38:15 Keep it together Tip

38:54 The hand signals, no, I’d be like BABY. WHAT. I CAN’T UNDERSTAND YOU WTF. I’d last like a millisecond in the military lmao. Does my country even have one? Tbh probably not. Us Kiwis are too chill, cbf’ed with anything. Too busy watching rugby, drinking, and sulking that we can’t afford houses cos our housing market is fucked. But at least we beat Covid *shrugs*

39:06 ILY, old guy. You are the best thing in this episode, aside from Rich

39:22 But wait, there’s more weird Americans hopping out yo’ bushes

39:26 “Bloody hell!” Mood

39:47 “You’ve done it now, yanks, you’ve captured me!” He is such a mood. I love him.

39:54 FUCK OFF ROSS. “Would that be the enemy?” “As a matter of fact, yes.” DICK IS SO VALID I LOVE HIM THIS IS ICONIC.

40:25 Be free, moo-cows

40:40 LAMO GET WRECKED

41:00 Guys imma be straight with you. I’m on my third whiskey lmao.

41:10 Simon Pegg, please refrain from being a douchebag. Leave Dick and his husband to flirt in peace.

41:23 I love how Nix is like instantly suspicious. He knows.

41:39 Worried husband

41:45 “Misspelled court-marital.” Iconic

42:14 Ross, why you lying? So threatened and jel that you gotta lie omg.

42:50 God Damien is freaking hot. Guys.

42:57 Punk bitch Ross.

43:22 Dick is so BDE. It’s fucking hot.

43:30 Ross is shooketh tbh. Punk bitch.

43:36 AH! IT IS HIM! THE GUY FROM LINE OF DUTY S5!

43:50 That underbite must have hurt FJH a lot omg so committed.

44:02 Hey Lip <3

44:09 Johnny Martin has absolute BDE

44:22 God they’re willing to be killed just to not follow Ross. Same tbh.

44:57 This whole scene is BDE.

46:00 But Sink has the most BDE let’s be honest

46:44 The respect for Dick. Even after what they just went through. I AM EMOTIONAL.

46:58 He’s so worried like omg what have my troublesome sons done now

47:09 ROSS WHY YOU ALWAYS LYING??

48:09 Weak

48:24 Yeah, fuck off back to ‘Murica

48:34 Legit, can we acknowledge Ross did a great job (the actor). Really really well done, one of the best performances on the series tbh.

49:48 LMAO GET WRECKED PUNK BITCH

50:06 Dick just wanders about a lot on his own, huh?

50:50 What? What? I understand nothing of what the cockney guy is saying.

50:55 Me too, Hoob, the fuck.

51:00 RICH I SAW YOU

52:19 “Never put yourself in a position where you can take from these men.” Don’t omg I can’t, Dick, I’m weak, I can’t deal with these fucking feelings.

52:36 DAFUQ

52:40 OHHHH I get it. Right. Dick, you’re so smart. It’s a little sad they have to do all that just to get some answers and guidance but tbh it’s probably fair? Gotta be top secret so punk bitches like Ross can’t screw things up.

53:30 Hey Nix. Speak French to me any day.

53:48 Unf.

54:08 LMAO Lieb, how many cigarettes do you need!

54:10 NGL I paused here for a little while.

55:05 We could ALL use some brass knuckles, Joe/Charlie. Mood.

55:25 LOL Lieb is so nosy.

56:15 Oh no

57:00 Luz LMAO

57:10 Oh babies

57:13 Bill LMAO that’s not ice cream, yuck it looks like soup

57:28 God. All that effort. Not just logistically but emotionally, mentally, psychologically, to prepare, just to have it put off. Fuck.

57:38 That movie again. Poor boys.

57:47 That’s actually a really smart move, Johnny.

58:41 Oh no. I would lose it completely. Oh Bill </3

59:11 Naw, Dick dawdling around again

59:49 RICH I SEE YOU

1:00:08 AAAHHHH IT’S TOO CONFRONTING DON’T

1:00:48 NOOO I CAN’T aw Bill

1:01:09 Naww

1:01:16 RIIIIICH

1:01:20 It’s like they’re kiddies on a field trip and Dick is the teacher wrangling them lol

1:01:47 Lol their crap is so heavy Dick has to help pull them up. That’s actually really sweet.

1:01:51 I wish I could hold Rich’s hand

1:02:08 Oh God. I can’t. Like he’s helping them up BUT IT’S ALSO HIS WAY OF SAYING GOOD LUCK AND GOODBYE AND HAVING LIKE A MOMENT TO CONNECT WITH EACH OF THEM I CAN’T LIKE THE EYE CONTACT NO DICK STOP

1:02:19 LMAO at them having to shove each other into the plane

1:02:23 That look between him and Roe. Ugh. Like. You two gotta take care of your boys together. Brotp

1:03:22 Can someone explain the block on that guy’s helmet to me?

1:03:55 I’m sad. And scared. This series is so confronting. I’ve watched in annually since I was like 16 and I’m still so nervous for them.

1:05:37 Rich, I see you! I recognized his chin lmao

1:06:16 God, Dick be careful

1:10:00 This show. The feels. Every time.

#band of brothers #liveblog #episode 1 #Currahee #sp?#rsj #richard speight jr

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horansqueen · 4 years

Text

You & Me : chapter 21

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: thank you for the comments and notes to those who still send them! it means a lot to me. i hope this chapter isnt disappointing!

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : MAJOR SPOILERS! i even added one that i got for AM Conversations lol so yep! keep sending them! the more i get, the longer this story will be lol!

Chapter 21 : His chapter

NIALL

The way we had made love kept playing over and over in my head but what I was really obsessed with was how she looked, wearing only my shirt (not even panties), sitting in the couch as she ate the meal I had prepared. She had almost choked on the rice when something funny happened in the movie we were watching and I never really noticed how endearing it was... how adorable she was. Now that we had had sex a few times, I could see a bit clearer. I was still horny for her and was ready to go whenever she wanted to, but I could also realize the little things I had missed. The way her nose raised up when I teased her about her clumsiness, the way her face lighted up when she was excited (she would even sometimes make a few small jumps), the way she bit her bottom lip when she was trying not to laugh, and even the messy state her hair was in when she'd wake up in the morning. I could make a list of all the things she did that I adored and sometimes, I spent half an hour actually listing her cute behaviors in my head.

I knew she was busy these days and I didn't want to bother her but I couldn't help but sent her a few text messages through the days. She didn't seem to bother, she even answered me quite quickly, but on friday, she replied with a message that sort of got to me.

'Did you ever have a talk with Louis about the argument you two had?'

In fact, we had not and I knew that since a few days had passed, we were both calm now and could have a discussion without risking to jump at each other's throat. It was not like me to be violent anyway but Louis knew me well and he knew exactly on which button to press to anger me. I sent him a quick text message, inviting him over and got up to check if I had enough beer left for the night. My phone beeped and I chuckled at his answer that consisted of a smiley emoji showing his teeth and the words 'On my way' written with a few exclamation points.

I quickly sent Olivia a message to tell her about it and then licked my lips before pressing them together and typing something else.

'I miss you, petal, send a selfie.'

I waited about a minute and smiled when I saw the picture of her doing a pouty face with El and Julie doing the same behind her and I realized that Louis was either stuck with the 3 girls and was glad to escape to come to my place, or he was alone by himself at his house and I was saving him from boredom. Either way, it made me laugh and I hesitated but decided to send her an other message.

'Love that selfie but when you have time, you should send me an other kind of selfie 😏'

'😂😂😂 Perv!'

I laughed and put my phone away before rummaging through my pantry to find chips and candies and brought everything to the living room along with beers before the doorbell rang. I breathed in and walked up to it, opening it slowly only to see one of my best friends waiting for me on the other side. He shook his eyebrows and the left corner of his lips curled into an amused smile.

"Hey Neil." he let out, making me smile too. "Thanks for inviting me. Livi said I should bring you this."

He moved his hand up and I noticed he was holding two bottles, one of vodka and one of jack daniels, in-between his fingers. I chuckled and moved away to let him in, following him to the living room. He put the bottles on the coffee table and turned to me before we hugged each other.

"I'm sorry Niall, I should have told you."

"I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have been so pissed about it."

We pulled away and Louis raised his eyebrows before rushing to the kitchen and coming back with two glasses. He poured vodka in both and handed me one before clinking his against mine.

"To neverending friendship." he let out, making me smile. "Nothing can break this bond yea?"

I smiled and nodded, licking my lips. "Yea."

We sat together and he opened a beer. I stared at him as he dropped the cap on the coffee table and leaned against the couch before turning to look at me. I didn't know if he was waiting for me to say something but I just grabbed my beer too and took a sip.

"I know I shouldn't have had sex with your ex girlfriend, Niall. " he pointed out after a while. "I just... we became very close, and it's the only way we found not to throw ourselves at random people in bars and shit. I mean I love my son more than anything in the world, but that wasn't planned and I didn't want something like that to happen again. I mean it was a baby, and it was good news, but it could have been something bad, you know?"

It didn't make much sense to me but I kept quiet, curious to hear all he had to say about that.

"It really just happened. The first time we did it she was... so sad. I had just learned that I was going to be a dad, and we both didn't know how to cope with that."

"Who had the idea?" I asked, surprised that those words even came out of my mouth and regretting them right after. I wanted to know but at the same time, i didn't.

Louis sighed but kept looking in my eyes. "Hers, I guess." he shrugged. "But also not really. It's complicated. She proposed it, changed her mind, and I insisted. She said It was the best way to stop hurting for a few hours and honestly Niall, she was right. Every time we needed to tone down the pain in the next few months, that's how we did it. It was a bad way to handle it I mean, we went to therapy later and the more we healed, the less we fucked."

Quickly, I swallowed my beer, emptying it and putting it a bit roughly on the coffee table before grabbing the glass and pouring myself more vodka. I could feel Louis' eyes on me as I took a long sip of it and he sighed.

"I'm sorry, Niall."

"I just can't believe you choked my ex girlfriend." I pointed out in a low tone. "You called her names. You made her moan and cum. But the worst of all, Louis, is that you became so close to her that you guys can just look at each other and know exactly what the other is thinking."

I didn't say more but I knew that it also meant that in bed, he knew exactly what she liked. He knew exactly how to turn her on, how to touch her to give her pleasure, how to make her shake beneath him. He had seen her in a vulnerable state that I wished I was the only one who saw. I wanted to be the only one to read her that way, whether it was sexually or romantically.

"You're her best friend now and I'm not." I mumbled. "I'm nothing."

I swallowed the rest of my glass, feeling suddenly my whole body on fire but I didn't know if it was because of anger or because of the alcohol. Perhaps, a bit of both.

"I won't lie to you, Niall. She's my best friend. She's my other half." he shook his head. "But it's just friendship. It means a lot, but we don't have romantic love for each other. The special connection we have is all about friendship. A deep one alright, but still."

"You don't get it." I scoffed, looking down at my glass as I felt myself get slightly dizzy. "She used to have that connection with me."

I felt Louis move on the couch and he got closer, still holding his glass but he waited until I looked up in his eyes to talk.

"No, what you had was stronger than that. The connection you two had, Niall, was stronger than what me and her have. And you're the one who broke it. It'll come back, I can feel it. But you're gonna have to work for it. She was hurt, and even if I know she loves you, she's so scared."

He took a pause as I let the words he spoke sink in.

"I don't think you realize what happened after you broke up with her, Niall. She was broken. She was like a zombie, numb and lost. She lost her boyfriend and her best friend at the same time. The person she loves the most in the world. You're still that person so... fight. And don't hurt her again because I swear I'm going to kill you."

"Did she date anyone else?"

Louis sighed and finished his beer before filling our glasses again. Waiting for his answers every single time I asked a question was driving me crazy.

"Yea, some girl she met I can't remember where." he shrugged. "It was not serious because we didn't..." he stopped himself and looked up in my eyes. "We didn't stop having sex while she was with her. I mean I'm not even sure they were official, I never asked and she didn't want to talk about it."

"So she never cheated on Dylan with you." I pointed out, suddenly a bit stressed.

"No. And I never cheated on El. With anyone. You know me." he let out firmly. "She cheated on him with you though, didn't she."

"I guess. From what I understand, he knows or something. I just don't know what to do to make her choose me. I've tried telling her how I felt and I made her many promises, but she doesn't trust me, so I'm getting drunk tonight trying not to think too much of my ex girlfriend riding you and moaning your name, or about her getting married to an other famous prick."

"Who's the prick? You or me?"

I smiled and chuckled low. "Both."

I thought he'd throw something at me but he just laughed and shook his head.

"Liv has her secrets but I feel like you have yours, too." Louis let out as we drank our third glass. "You two are gonna have to talk to each other before anything can be official between you."

I groaned. "Talking is all we do. I told her so many things I thought I'd never have the guts, or the chance to tell her. I don't know if she can handle finding out about who I was when she was not around."

"She can." he argued. "Besides, it must not have been that bad since nothing appeared online."

I chuckled. "I'm normally quite good at being private, so don't be so sure."

"I'm sure it's nothing that can't be forgiven. I mean she slept with your best mate and you forgave her, so." he laughed, making me groan again and grimace.

I heard my phone beep again and grabbed it only to smile when I saw her name on the screen. I didn't know why everything that was linked to her made me happy but I knew I was a bit tipsy anyway. I quickly lost my smile when I saw the picture she sent me and my jaw dropped.

'For your eyes only 😉' was written right under a picture of her.

"Jesus Christ."

My eyes roamed on her body and I felt my heartbeats accelerate. She was naked in front of the mirror and her free hand was hiding her pussy. I wanted her so bad that I had to reach for my cock to adjust myself, almost forgetting that Louis was there with me. I thought about touching her and groaned low until Louis hit my knee with his.

"You're fucking drooling, what is it?"

With difficulty, I took my eyes off of my phone and looked up at my friend who had an amused smile on the lips. I turned the screen off and cleared my throat, grabbing my glass and swallowing what was left in it as Louis started laughing.

"It's Olivia isn't it?" he asked, his smile growing. "What did she say? No wait, did she send you a picture? She's supposed to be with my girlfriend right now!"

"Well trust me, your girlfriend is not on the picture. She was not even in the same room."

"No fucking way, she sent you a nude!"

I opened my lips to answer something cheeky but was cut by the sound of my phone again, feeling my heart jump in my chest at the thought of her messaging me but I frowned when I saw who it was coming from and made a small grimace. I should have blocked Heidi's number but I normally don't do that because I'm not a bitter person. Still, if she was to message me too much, I'd definitely have to do something. I clicked on it and it's the message I saw first.

'Told you. Call me.'

I frowned more and scrolled down to see the picture. It was Olivia wearing a wedding dress. I had no idea where the picture came from and I knew that I should try to find details on the picture that would give me clues but all I could focus on was her. Something jumped in my chest but unlike what Heidi probably thought, it was not sadness that I felt when I looked at that picture. I was pretty sure Heidi had sent that to me just to hurt me or start something between Olivia and I but I didn't care. All I cared about was all the thoughts running through in my mind. She looked incredible. She looked so beautiful I felt like I was witnessing something I was not supposed to, as if I was the future husband and that I was not allowed to see her in her wedding dress before she walked down the altar. I felt myself tear up and brought my hand to cover my mouth, swallowing hard and blinking a few times.

I knew Olivia was not sure she was going to get married to Dylan yet and for now, it was enough for me. I also knew she had to go through with the wedding plan and even if it hurt, it was still legit. I could wait a few weeks, right? After all, she waited years for me and never gave up.

"Olivia was shopping for her wedding dress today?" I just asked, my eyes glued to the picture.

"Yea, she was going with Julie and El." Louis confirmed as I shook my head. "Are you mad?"

"Mad?" I asked, raising my eyebrows and looking up at him. "No, I'm just.. she looks amazing."

I turned my phone and Louis moved closer to check the picture before moving back and leaning against the couch again. I turned the screen to me again and sighed, closing my eyes and rubbing them roughly.

"So which picture do you prefer?" Louis asked with a smirk, making me roll my eyes.

"You want to know if my lust for her is stronger than my love for her?" I just asked. "The answer is no. I just feel a bit guilty for even seeing the one with the wedding dress."

"Who sent it to you?"

"Heidi." I replied with a grimace, making Louis roll his eyes.

"Never liked this girl. No idea what you saw in her. But she did that to hurt you, clearly."

"Well it doesn't, it just makes me want to..." I shook my head, searching for my words. "It makes me want to marry her."

With a chuckle, Louis moved closer to me again, his eyebrows raised in surprise and a small smile playing across his lips.

"Excuse me you said what?"

"I want to marry her. You know, have kids, live together, plan an actual future..."

"Who are you and what did you do with me mate?"

"Shut up!" I groaned before chuckling, throwing the untouched bag of chips at him.

He just caught it, opened it and took a handful of chips that he brought to his mouth.

"Yuh shoo tah uh." he muttered as I rolled my eyes, waiting for him to swallow. "You really should tell her." he repeated.

"I don't know how to tell her I love her anymore. I don't know how to prove to her that she's the only one I need and that I'll never break her heart again. That I will never leave, no matter what happens."

I knew I was getting drunk by the minute but I still grabbed my glass and poured more alcohol in it without checking from which bottle it was from. I drank it as I shook my leg, racking my brain to find a way to show her that I meant it. I jumped off the couch and felt suddenly dizzy and held myself on the couch, making Louis laugh.

"Mate, sit back down, you're drunk."

"Nooo no, I know how to make her realize how much she means to me!"

Louis frowned but I ignored him, rushing to my room and searching through a box of my old stuff. It took me about ten minutes but I finally found an old letter Olivia had written me when we were teens and brought it back, giving it to Louis with a big smile. I stood next to him with a large smile as he read it and finally, he looked up at me and chuckled.

"Okay she wrote you letters like that and you didn't know she was in love with you?" he just said with an other chuckle. "Mate, you need someone to hit you behind the head. I can do it if you want me to."

"No, Tommo. You don't get it." I grabbed the paper from his hands and turned it around, pointing at the bottom. "There's her name. In her own handwriting."

Louis frowned, then realized and finally, his eyes got bigger and he got up, grabbing both my shoulders and raising his eyebrows before shaking me slightly.

"Niall, you never ever wanted a tattoo in your life!" he pointed out. "Besides, you're drunk, no one will agree to tattoo you!"

"Oh but you know tattoo artists that will anyway yea? I'm counting on you!"

He stared at me for a few minutes and I brought my hands together in a way to beg him. He ended up rolling his eyes with a smile, making mine grow even more.

"Fine! But if you regret it tomorrow, don't you fucking blame me!"

I barely remembered anything, from the way the needles felt to the final result but when Louis drove us back home, he kept glancing at me. The window was down and the cool wind of the night helped me sober up. I still didn't regret it but I knew it was a possibility when I'd wake up. I'd deal with it in the morning though, I was getting a bit too tired to think about it.

"Did it hurt?"

"Not really. Perhaps I was too drunk to feel it." I replied with a shrug, leaning my head on the seat. "You think she'll realize how much I love her with that tattoo?"

"First off, you're gonna have to show her. It's super small, and it's in a spot no one can see unless you're naked I mean, why did you want it there?" Louis frowned before shaking his head. "Anyway, not the point. She already knows you love her. So do I think this tattoo will suddenly bring her trust in you back? No. But it'll definitely entertain her."

I groaned again. "Shut up."

"Hey, I'm just so happy I got to witness that once in my life. Pretty sure it's the only tattoo you'll ever get. It's an honor for me, thank you, Neil."

"I hate you."

He was right, I had chosen a spot no one could see, at the top of my thigh, near my stomach. I've never been a fan of tattoos and I couldn't find a place to put it that wouldn't be obvious and the only other places that people never see would have given her a very wrong impression of my intentions. I could feel it burn on my skin and unlike what I thought, It didn't make me feel weird. Louis was right, it was a very small tattoo, not worth writing home about, but everyone who knew me was aware that it did mean something.

Louis parked and we walked inside in silence but he stopped near the door and patted my shoulder gently.

"I think I'm gonna leave." he just said in a low tone. "Do you need help to clean or anything?"

I shook my head and grabbed my phone, checking her picture again and surprisingly, it was the wedding dress one. I pressed my lips together and Louis moved closer, his hand squeezing my shoulder this time.

"Do you want me to call her for you?" he asked in a gentle tone. "Maybe she'd want to spend the night here? I'll even give her a ride if she wants."

I looked at my friend and felt a wave of affection for him. Knowing he was there for me and that he cared made me feel better. When I broke up with Olivia, Louis had disappeared and he hadn't been much present until I ran into her again. Now, it felt like he was back in my life for real and I liked it.

"I don't know..."

I was not sure. I wanted her with me, and the craving was intense, but I didn't want her to feel like she had to take care of me again. Still, the thought of holding her in my arms was so hard it made a shiver cross my back.

"I started writing songs for a new album." I let out randomly. "All the fucking songs are about her."

Louis looked at me for a few seconds and sighed. "Tell her, Niall. Do it." He grabbed his phone and clicked on something before bringing the phone to his ear.

"Hey love, I'm with Niall right now and he really wants to see you." Louis looked up at me as I rolled my eyes and he smirked. "Why didn't he call you himself?" He took the phone away from his mouth and whispered to me. "She says you never replied to her last text message."

I closed my eyes, remembering the nude she sent me and let out a low curse word, feeling suddenly like an ass and hoping she didn't think I didn't enjoy looking at her naked.

"No darling," Louis continued. "He was too shy to call you. And he didn't answer your text because he was too busy jerking off to it."

I felt my heart jump in my chest and hit his arm a bit roughly but it only made him smile more. I closed my eyes and grunted low, hearing Louis say a bunch of 'Mmhm''s before saying goodbye and hanging up.

"She'll be there in half an hour." he sent me a satisfied smile. "I mean she said 15 minutes but, you know her."

I remained motionless for a few seconds, just looking at my friend, and finally, I brought him into a hug that he quickly answered. I moved my chin down, trying not to cry, and just closed my eyes.

"I know you love her, mate. And I think you two are soulmates." he admitted in a low tone. "Fight for it. Get her back. And then, never let her go."

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan writing #niall horan story #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #my fanfics #yam #here is to louis being an amazing friend as usual :)

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anarcho-pogasm · 3 years

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why i think christianity is just one big abusive relationship

tw for christianity, abuse, sexism, racism, uh f slur (f4g), some phrases can be read as antisemitic (i speak very negatively about biblical jews) but i am not antisemitic.

so. all this info is based on personal experience with both topics. I have done little to no research. if you disagree or think i worded something wrong, dm me and i'll edit this post if your points are reasonable.

yes i am a christian (i think) i believe that God exists and there's heaven and hell and angels, but that's it. i don't like going to church or praying or reading the bible and i hate being referred to as christian and i used to call myself an agnostic but apparently if you believe that god exists you're a christion so um LOL. (pls dont cancel me in one of the good ones idc if you fuck in ikea or if youre a fag i swear i only belive that god exists and thats it)

i think we all know what an abusive relationship is. It's a relationship where one person(or people) has a hierarchy over another person(or people) usually most abusive relationships are physical, emotional, or sexual. but there's also mental abuse, power dynamics, exploitation, etc

christianity is ticks almost all the boxes of different types of abuse.

Now abuse is a complex thing. i cant talk much about it in a tumblr text post. if not, id have to make multple parts of this (ill make more parts if people like this one enough ig) so im going to start with things that dont seem abusive but actually are

power dynamics: simply put, power dynamics are usually relationships where one person has more power in the relationship, usually outside of a romantic or sexual setting. for example we have an employer and an employee, a government official and a civilian, an MMA fighter and a teenager, etc. the difference in power can be physical, social, monetary etc.

Now i dont really know what kind of power dynamic that is the most prevalent in christianity(because its a delicious soup of so many things that seperating all the elements is close to impossible), but a really nice one is the rift between pastors and their congregation. the pastor(preachers and priests apply to this but im just gonna use pastor) is usually seen as the head of the church, most times hes more financially stable than his congregation(hmmm i wonder why....), hes seen as a person who could do no wrong by god, he is above his congregation in many ways. another example is between christians and God but uh i feel like if i say more about that sky daddy will kill me himself.

'But good golly Light, how would you relate this to other abusive relationships?'

Think about a stereotypical relationship with a power dynamic. (im sorry but the only example i can think of is meredith grey and her italian himbo bf). reread the last few paragraphs. do you understand now?

emotional abuse: good golly this is a big one.

do you know how many times ive heard a christian say shit like 'God only loves you if you do x and stop doing y' (cough cough being gay cough) or 'if you dont become a jesus kinnie youll go to hell and burn forever? well ive heard it a lot of times, and i never bothered to count

think about those examples i just gave, and think about how twisted it is. think about a little child, maybe she's 5. think about her parents telling her everyday that 'God only loves her if she keeps her virginity till shes married or stays straight and cis or doesnt get tatoos or piercings or only wears clothing that will glorify the lord' this little child is being groomed to beleiving that shes only worth God's love when she deprives herself of so many things that would make her happy (and idk i remember the bible saying that God's love is unconditional... curious....) if you dont think thats emotionally manioulative then damn im so sorry for you

sexism/patriarchy: LOL this is a good one

there really isnt that much of an explanation for this one. modern christians see women as objects. literally. women have no worth in the eyes if your average bible thumper.

a woman is not allowed any autonomy. a woman is only useful when she stays away from men, a virgin doesn't drink all to please her future equally bible thumping husband.

there are so many bible verses that go along the lines of 'woman bad man good woman only exist for man pleasure'

and yes i have proof: I Timothy 2:11-14; Exodus 2:18; Deuteronomy 21:11-14; Luke 2:22; Ephesians 5:22-23

finding those verses were not hard at all. it was quite literally a 2 minute google search. imagine what i would find if i spent hours scouring the bible for shit like this? (and i rlly think you should look up these verses theyre really fucked)

racism: LOLE this is an incredible funny one (and not funny in a funny way funny in a this is so sad and sick but if i dont laugh i might go crazy and bitchslap a jesus kinnie)

disclaimer that the concept of race is v different now than it was then. i dont know much about it, i refuse to do any research on it, but ik that the notions of race would be different from the ones over 2000 years ago

okay so i think we already know that christianity is a white people thing (quite literally. the only reason its so widely spread is bc of slavery and colonialism) and we know that a lot of radical christians are v racist (i mean they already think tht they have a moral high ground bc a really old book said so so racism really isnt a stretch)

theres a lot of verses in the bible where Jews (gods chosen people) beat up and kill and steal from and rape etc the gentiles (god hates the gentiles for some reason, then turns around and says he loves all his children... curious...)

theres also a lot of jew/gentile segregation in the bible.

in the old testament almost all the chapters are about gods chosen people murdering everyone they disagree with for and or food or bc they worship other gods or just bc god said so. Jews would take the gentiles and rape them, kill their children, use them as slaves (seems a bit caucasian to me... hmmm), steal from them, all kinds of fucked up shit all bc theyre not Jews.

(okay this is not a jab at present day jewish people. jewish people are very opressed and theyre completely different from their biblical counterparts. dont go up to a jewish person and say that theyre evil bc of what their ancestors did 2k years ago)

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gizkasparadise · 4 years

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kdrama rec: arthdal chronicles

Master Kdrama rec list.

Series: Arthdal Chronicles/Chronicles of Arthdal Episodes: 18 (with an opening for another season) SEASON 2 IS ON! (one..day) Genres: fantasy, pseudo-historical, politics, romance, action/adventure/Quests Spoilers in the Review: yes regarding one character :/ they’re a main and their existence is a spoiler If You Like, You’ll Like: spartacus, REVERSE HAREMS, villain couples with functional macbeth realness, male characters with hair better than the female characters, but female characters generally being far far more competent, moon lovers but not as sad, dictatorships for the Aesthetic, blood+, anything with Mystic God Priest Power, Destiny

Rank: 10/10

“owning the land is equal to owning the sky and the wind.”

Premise (spoilers for the first episode and the existence of a major character).

in the pseudo-Bronze Age, two races of people (the sarams and the neanthals) live in an uneasy co-existence. the sarams want an alliance for the neanthal’s lands so that they can farm and mine, the neanthals are like lol we don’t need any of that because we actually have survivalist skills so keep your agriculture you nerds b y e.

the leader of the saram is Not Having That, and sends an envoy (asa hon) to allegedly act as a diplomat. what she actually does is unknowingly carries a plague that wipes out a huge chunk of the neanthals. because that is not enough, the leader sends his son (tagon) to wrap up the rest of this genocide.

asa hon is betrayed and upset and doesn’t return to the sarams. instead, she shacks up with a surviving neanthal named ragaz and they have spoilers twin boys spoilers, hybrids known as igutu. based on Prophecy, any children born under the blue flame comet are Destined to bring calamity. so, doom babies. they are two doom babies.

after killing ragaz, tagon snatches one of the babies For Reasons, and asa hon flees with the other

flashforward about a decade.

the neanthals are extinct OR ARE THEY we get a pretty Quick understanding of who tagon is as a human as he’s re-introduced drinking out of one of their skulls before being surrounded by his hypemen who chant his name Gaston style. he’s joined by taeahla, and they are a Match Made in Hell. it’s quickly revealed that taeahl is raising the other twin baby, who is kept hidden because he’s igutu. and, like, tagon’s famous because he killed all of the neanthal, so having one of their hybrid babies is ngl

asa hon makes it to a land beyond the saram’s influence, where she and eunseom come across a tribe called wahan. they’re lead by a ten-year-old tanya, who had a dream that eunseom would arrive. which is a big deal, because sarams can’t dream. it turns out tanya was also born on Blue Comet Doom Prophecy Day. asa hon dies from the injuries she obtained saving her son, and eunseom is raised by the wahan tribe. it’s a very idyllic existence for them.

until tagon and his men invade in a manifest-destiny-realness bid to capture slaves and conquer land and ruin wahan’s coachella festival before enslaving all of them and bringing what survives of the tribe to arthdal.

the plot then centers around eunseom trying to rescue the wahan tribe, the wahan tribe trying to survive arthdal, and something about gods being reborn, political backstabbing, a church cult being absolute dicks, and a lot of interchangeable evil old men

it’s a fucking awesome show.

Characters.

Eunseom

A PRECIOUS BEAN BABY

eunseom’s been a part of the wahan tribe since he was ten, but everyone (especially him) is aware he’s Different From The Rest of the Reindeer. the only one who treats him the same is tanya, and it’s clear these two are joined at the hip. he has dreams of being locked away in a tower, has a bunch of ~strange~ ideas like trying to ride horses, and is totes crushing on the soon-to-be village wise woman. once the wahan village is attacked, he makes it his mission to save the tribe and his One True Love tanya

pure. does not think things through. just wants to believe in people, god damn it.

tanya

my wife daughter of the wahanian version of “crazy old maurice,” and apprentice to the Great Mother of the Tribe. as another child born under the Doom Comet, she’s been known as the Prophesied One since birth (the One Who Will Break the Shell). we meet her as she’s struggling to follow in the Great Mother’s footsteps, and her journey is grounded in uncovering her mystical destiny. naive and a fish out of water, she leads her people in surviving arthdal after their enslavement

moves like jagger. center of a reverse harem. by her pretty flower crown she can end you

tagon

this bitch but also that bitch. almost single-handedly responsible for the genocide of the neanthals, tagon’s grown into the leader of an army that is the definition of ride-or-die for him. he has a 100% approval rating in arthdal due to defeating the neanthal, defeating the ago tribe, and defeating the will to live for the thousands of slaves he supplies for arthdal’s terrible economic system. he starts the series off with Pure Intentions, in that he wants to rule but he wants to do it by The Love of The People. because that works out well for people who habitually wear black cloaks

poster child #1 for arthdal’s fantastic hair products for men, will smirk you to death, you feel sorry for him a lot and you’re like why?? but then yeaaah, can only stare in heart eyes at his partner in subterfuge...

taeahla

MY WIFE said partner in subterfuge. i cannot spell her fucking name ever. her and tagon have been Not Together for over ten years. she’s the heiress to the hae tribe, who are known for their inventions and are the only tribe that knows how to smith bronze into weapons. therefore she’s hot shit. and also just hot. she seems like the character You’re Not Going to Like but she became one of my favorites after the first episode.

she wants to help tagon in his ambitions, but she also v much wants to see his ambitions help herself. her and tagon made an Oath to never sacrifice their survival for the other and that’s the most metal thing i’ve ever heard. she wears couture. would get a pre-nup. can and will fuck you up. and she also raises the Hidden Igutu Twin Doom Baby...SPOILERS

saya

so at this point you’re probably thinking a few things: this show needs more beautiful hair and pro fashion sense, a complete shit stirrer, and a morally ambiguous pretty boy.

well well well

saya is eunseom’s twin brother, although neither of them know about the other’s existence. because of their neanthal blood, they can see snapshots of each other’s lives in their dreams. as his existence would lead to death, and would DEFINITELY garner tagon some bad PR, saya’s been locked away in his princess tower for the majority of his life. he views tagon and taeahla as his father and mother, and that’s not necessarily a good thing.

daddy’s boy. wants to kill birds for fun. has the hots for the girl who can teach him how to kill birds for fun. surprisingly religious???

Other support characters selected by how much they are my favorites.

mubaek. an OG warrior and tired wine uncle

chae eun. daughter of the somehow singular doctor in arthdal and the only one who actually wants to help people. INCREDIBLE knit wear

xabara WARRIOR QUEEN OF A TRIBE OF MERMEN

yangcha. like. just look at him. you already know he was your favorite character in the 923840923 angsty anime you watched in 2010. Ultimate Warrior for tagon who has Taken a Vow of Silence and Wears A Half Mask So You Know He’s Actually Hot. the mask is torn off his face dramatically at least once. there’s a quota for that kind of thing, you know

this horse.

Drawbacks.

it’s very much an Ensemble show, which means if you’re only watching for 1-2 characters you’re likely going to get frustrated. there’s several plot lines going on

there’s a lot of Interchangeable Evil Old Men and i dont care about any of them

IT ENDS ON A CLIFFHANGER AND SEASON 2 ISNT CONFIRMED YET ISNT GONNA BE UNTIL LIKE 2022

Reasons to Watch.

WORLD BUILDING. im a huge nerd for world building and the lore in this makes me so happy.

AESTHETICS. find me a more beautiful cast with more beautiful scenery and costumes. you can’t.

i love?? all the leads???? like normally i get frustrated with the second leads in dramas, but i genuinely love all of them and was interested in all of their stories. this show has an incredible cast/set of actors and they bring it home

im a sucker for romance. there’s some great ones. and omg do you know how rare it is to see a reverse harem?! get it, tanya

the time era is cool!!

Gods doing Mystical God Shit

so many female characters!!!!!! AND NONE OF THEM FIGHT OVER A MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND THEY’RE ALL BETTER AT THEIR JOBS

Final Thoughts.

WATCH THE THING

IT’S ON NETFLIX

#arthdal chronicles #arthdal #song joong ki #kim ji won #kdrama #gizkarec #gizka does kdrama #!my post

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zombeamik · 5 years

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OKAY LIVE REACTION TO RIKAS BACKSTORY DLC HERE WE GO

okay so spoilers again lol

okay so i thought when you played the scret ending 1? riaks backstory was free? e-e

HAHA NVM WAS JUST THE FIRST EPISODE time to go buy 330 hour glasses ANYWAYS

okay seriosuly thing for people who dont like Rika, for what she did. You should honestly play her backstory.. it really could clear some things up for you, and it may chnage your mind, just abit hopefully.

you shouldnt just say no to story, just because you don’t like her.

Of course, if you really dont want to read it fine, but it can probably really help.

Episode 1

this god lady sounds like Jaehee tbh SO CUTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE OH Mina is Rikas real name :3 How cute already liking this. WONT BE ABLE TO AFFORD THE RETS OF IT THOUGH

Mina/Rika, they really didnt deserve what happened to them.

HOLY FCUK I HONESTLY THOUGHT MIKA WAS FUCKING RIKA BUT IT WAS THE OTHER WAY AROUND OKAY OR AM I GETTING TI MIXED UP?

okay gotta buy 330 hours glasses but THEN ILL CONTINUE MY REACTION

OKAY IM BACK TO REACT AND TO CRY OKAY COOL

the game didnt like me buying more hourglasses o it decided to messwith mu audio.

okay had to restart my phone THANKS ANOTHER SETBACK

Episode 2

okay so, i like Mika back here. BUT WHAT I SAW IN THE V ROUTE, thats not cool Mika. you were kinda okay? you were already a little manipulative to a three year old. “My little sister, should always have short hair” how about you shut up. Twins? All she ever wated was to be loved and not taken away from her “Twin”, Maybe thats why she cared so much for Saeran and Saeyoung before she ddi what she did. Mika no, no. You’re the one who put those awful things in Minas/Rikas mind ugh okay i go back to not liking her, that was very fast.

Okay grown up Rika/Mina, okay rika i like you when you arent doing ur creepy eyes. UGH honestly im so mad at Mika, honestly the fuck. CUTE PICTURES OF V AND RIKA YES okay i know, i like V and all but tbh they were cute together.

excuse me V you shouldve said THATS WHY I ADORE UR SUN BC THATS ALL SHE NEEDED TO HEAR, she didnt want to hear that you loved her because of her darkness. She wnated someone to love her, or show her a tiny bit of warmth so she could find the light inside her. So, so far, Mika is the one who introducded her to this “darkness” SO UNLESS RIKAS BACKSTORY CAN GIVE ME A REASON TO NOT DISLIKE MIKA AND FORGIVE HER I WILL GLADLY TAKE IT.

Episode 3

THATS THE FIRST THING I OPEN UP TO?

UR SO CREEPY, WHY DID GOD SEND YOU? THE FUCK WHAT KIND OF ASSHOLE ADOPTIVE PARENTS ARE YOU

sorry what?

Mina, Serena

Im glad she went with Rika, I like Mina, but Rika ive gotten used to it. Maybe she’ll go back to Mina one day?

Oh. Okay i dont like Rika/Mina/Serena’s Mother. and the pastor, no wonder she started a cult, i mena look at his outfit. WHAT KIND OF SHITTY PASTOR ARE YOU

NO WONDER SHE STARTED A FUCKING CULT, YOU ARE ALL DOUCHEBAGSSSSSSSS

“NEEDS ALOT OF PRAYERS” how about you shut up, man, Pastor my fucking ass, Devil worshipper is more fucking likely.

excuse me pastor, your voice in my ears IS FUCKING CREEPY DO YOU MIND

UR LIKE A PERVERT

“ your body has grown, is it satan?” HOW ABOUT YOU MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS AND LEAVE HER ALONE

yep, i fully understamd now why she created a cult. okay im only on 3 of 8 but still

EXCUSE ME LADY, YOUR DAUGHTER CLEARLY SAID NOT O GOING WITH THE PASTOR LEARN SOME FUCKING MANNERS AND DONT BE A RUDE BITCH

I THOUGHT WE WERE LOOKING FOR HER FATHER?

WHY DID WE FIND MIKA IM SO CONFUSED

oh, her dads the head of the hospital, okay. all good.

YEAH YOU TELL HIM MIKA

YEAH THANK YOU NURSE KICK HIM OUT P[LEASE

WEEE THANKS NURSE

she just wnated to be free from hatred?

BUT NOBODY WOULD ALLOW HER, THEY KEPT PUSHING HER FURTHER INTO THE DARKNESS

okay gone back to not liking Mika just abit

oh.

now i dont know?

Episode 4

THATS NOT WHAT I WANTED TO HEAR EITHER

Mika had cacner in her eyes.

Mika lived a while though, so her dad must have paid the bills.

MIKA LIED ABOUT THE PHONE NUMBER AND THE ADRESS THE FCUK

Did she really grow up at the orphange? PROBABLY FUCKING NOT

I was just feeling sad for her, but then she did that.

WAIT RIKA HONEY NO ITS NOT YOUR FAULT OF WHAT HAPPENED.

Oh.

so she made V blind because of that?

PUPPY

okay no, no new puppy then.

MS. HEAD OF THE RFA

no v, shes brainwashed him.

THE BOTANICAL GARDEN

No V you should focus on saeyoung because ive turned saeran into somebody i regret now.

Rika no.

you didnt have to shut everyone out,

he asked you to leave?

Ugh im so confused?

WELL MIKA WAS RIGHT TEACHER THEY WERE BAD PARENTS

GROSS PASTOR PLEASE DONT SAY LITTLE LABM AROUND MINA, THATS CREEPY

Oh.

right yeah, she only separated saeran and saeyoung because of their parents.

Mika, why.

she didnt have to lie about the orphanage, and then why you said you made Rika think it was all her fault, and then ugh

A FUCKING PUPPY

WAIT SALLY

SHUT UP MOTHER, ITS A CUTE DOG AND WE BOTH LOVE IT

YEAH SALLY YOU GROWL AT HER

Oh.

I KNEW IT

the pastor is a creep, a pervert, child molester

EXCUSE ME MOTHER?

THATS THE FUCKING RITUAL TO GET SATAN OUT OF HER?

EXCUSE ME THAT IS FUCKING ILLEGAL PASTOR OR NOT

dont fucking freak out, you told her to leave because you didnt want sally in the house and now your like THE FUCK YOU GOING SERENA HUH? ugh

Rika no, that isnt the right choice.

EXCUS ME MIKA DIED?

THEN WHO THE FUCK WAS THERE WHEN RIKA WAS OLDER

DID MIKA LIE ABOUT DYING?

SALLY UR SO CUTE

oh bad momesnt to mention sally being cute.

listen, all rika every wanted was to love someone.

defo a cult, Believer’s? This some sort of god cult.

WAIT NO SALLY DONT CRY

oh she was 16.

oh dear.

well that was a roller coaster

Episode 5

great she started working a church, and became a nun. even more fantastic

OH SWEET HER NAME IS FINALLY RIKA

I do like the names Mina and Serena but still Rika.

well wjat she thought she was doing was okay. Not wanting anyone to be abandoned?

she just uh turned it into something alot bigger than helping out at a church

She only treated people the way she did was because she didnt know how loving parents acted, so what she thought she was doing was right to her, since she didnt know anything else.

okay so shes 18.

and she wnated to shoe people her light instesd fo her darkness

AN THEN SHE MEETS V

OH THE CLOUD PHOTO, man when she looked at it she said Mother, because thats the first thing that came to mind.

SHE JUST WNATED TO BE A SUN BUT DIDNT KNOW HOW

SAEYOUNG

WHY DOES TINY SAEYOUNG SOUND LIKE BIG SAEYOUNG

yeah she thought that of she didnt protect saeyoung he’d rot just like Mika.

heh

Oh.

she could see her and mIka in him so she grew attached

she onyl wanted to do good

Rika the Angel but she thought of herself as Rika the Devil ok

Episode 6

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSUNG

okay so she didnt want yoosung to find out about her darkness

Rika honey, its okay. he still would ahve loved you.

Okay so Oh got it okay.

Yoosung is the son of rikas mothers sister,

SHE WAS SO WORRIED HE’D BE RUINED IF HE STAYED CLOSE

RIKA NO DONT OUT YOURSELF DOWN

YOU’RE EQUAL TO YOOSUNG D:

REUSING PHOTOS ARENT YOU CHERITZ OK

BUT HYE V

she couldnt feel anything? well V is both light and dark rika.

man v still doesnt know rikas real name BUT WE DOOOOO

episode 7

Man v ur kinda smooth with words but at the same time like you just met.

V MAKE UP UR FUCKING MIND

okay so she modelled for V and then when she was doing that they didnt talk much? man V atleast tell her she did good. how rude.

ZENNNN

v the fuck you didnt even say goodbye, just IM GONNA GO GRAB MY CAMERA AND THEN FCUKING WALK OFF

V no.

you didnt even compliment her or anything, you just said heres lets take pictures but we aint gonna talk and thn when your done, i aint gonna say you did well or anything like that.

V you kinda an asshole.

NO SALLY

okay shes fine.

V was just curious about me because im not like the rest”

kinda sounds like it,

YES RIKA YOU DO DESERVE THE SUN HONEY

YOU ARE THE SUN I THOUGHT WE ALREADY ESTABLISHED THIS

oh so it was Mina that wanted to be loved.

well shes still a prt of you rika, so that measn you wanted to be loved aswell.

okay so she stopped visiting V

V came to visit her

make up your fuckingmind V

“Heathen Cult”

well yeah basically.

JUMIN

V WHAT THE FUCK

“ can you show me how dark you are?”

HOW ABOUT A FUCKING NO

SHE CLEARLYT SAID NO V

YOU BETTER NOT FUCKING PUSH HER TO SHOW YOU

okay all good

she told V everything

and she scared she;ll end up like Mika.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

ANOTHER V AND RIKA PHOTO

HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGS

WAIT HONEY DONT CRY

MINA YEEE

LAST EPISODE

wow thats fast.

okay so saeyoung went abroad and then she stopped disagreeing when saeren was saved

then she met Jumin a year later, sweet.

HAPPY ENDING

WELL YOU HAVE ONE NOW RIKA UR HAPPY AND YEEE

okay so then she got her aparement

and then she dint know if things to turn to the worst or the best

well id say the worst but you did save alot of people.

you may have brainwashed them but they would ahve probably died without her help.

MIKA UR STILL ALIVE

UR BLIND THO

YUP OKAY GOT IT

MIKA DIDNT TURST V SO RIKA WAS LIKE OK YEAH I DONT EITHER BC UR ALWAYSSSSSS RIGHT

right.

Mina believed her.

so she agreed.

SO CUTE

WHAT

MIKA NO

USE SAERAN AND YRUN HIM INTO A HACKER

HOW ABOUT YOU SHUT UP MIKA

IM BACK TO NOT LIKING YOU

MINA

YOU

YOU MANIPULATED MINA INTO DOING YOUR DIRTY WORK

SHE TRUSTED AND YOU

AND YOU USED HER

“I must not use that boy. I must save him”

WELL THANK YOU RIKA

what kind of bullshit is that.

WELL YOU SHOULD DEFIENTLY TELL V BUT WHEN MIKA SAY NO YOU GOTTA AGREE BECAUSE MINA TRUSTS HER

EXCUS EME RIKA

MINA WAS THE LIGHT

mika is the dark

mika just please shut up.

okay she died. thats sad but like

NOT AFTER WHAT YOU DID

CUTE PHOTO OF RIKA YES

Thoughts

thst was um

one crazy ride

AND I WAS THERE FOR IT

so glad i read it.

even if you dont like rika at all

please do

its worth it.

as you can see my thoughts were jumbled in the actual live reaction

but it makes alot of sense kind aof?

im to lazy to write a review so thats the best you’re gonna get.

Its really good, to actually understand why Rika/Mina/Serena turned out the way she was.

i mena i already forgave her in the V ending

but even though she did those bad things, if someone just loved her and didnt feeed her with horrible views of the world, she was still a caring girl even though the darkness took a hold of her,

Im not glad of what happened to her, but if it didnt we would have never even met anyone. so as mucha s i hate to say it, im glad of what happened, and 100% glad we could help her through with it.

Okay, well that was fun.

#mystic messenger #rika dlc #rika #V #saeran #saeyoung #spoilers

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moonchildhcs · 5 years

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parkjin headcanons!!

ur honestly both in awe at how ur in a relationship with each other because neither of u give urselves enough credit !!!! u r both sweethearts and visual gods

hyunjin: “wow ur so cute i cant believe ur dating me” parker: “no!! thats me @ u” god: “p l e a s e ur both cute babies and u deserve each other”

i digress

this bb is friends with some clingy ass mofos !!! like daehwi !!! ur getting the hugs u deserve and u will get no complaints from him abt ur affections either because hes just sitting their with you like o//w//o

dont believe this boys dangerous stage presence he is a softie through and through he will get you flowers and chocolates and everything you could possibly imagine !!! angel baby sweetie pie ur pumpy umpy umpkin !!!

he would absolutely love dancing with you !! he loves ur passion and drive to perform and is always willing to practice with u even when hes tired :( bb boy !! hes much nicer than chan tho lol but hes still a pretty strict teacher so expect some dramatic improvement under him

(also whenever you pull off a move properly he gives u a sweet s m o o c h so it encourages you to do even better for more opportunities to kiss ur bf)

bc hes an idol !! yall cant go out publicly for dates all the time so a typical date is yall goofing off at home, watching movies and shows on netflix, a romantic dinner if yall have the energy but generally takeout, blasting music and dancing around, etc etc he just loves being with you

but when its been a while he will absolutely take you out on cute dates!! sometimes cute elaborate picnics, sometimes a spontaneous trip around the city at night, but always without a fail fun and exciting, especially with your boyfie by ur side :^)

also initially he is SO shy with you !! like remember how shy he was around jinyoung ??? during the survival show??? multiply that by a MILLION this boy was so shy he blushed the deepest shade of red just by h*lding ur h*nd !!! he gains more confidence as the relationship progresses but pls be easy on this bb boys heart

also (wiggles eyebrows) yall can have some spicy kisses !! some intense makeout sessions !! but nothing further lol he is a SHY BOY and also very much 18 he is awkward and is not abt that life rn lol

like ur gonna be shocked at the duality because at the beginning of the relationship hes like “c-can i h*ld ur h*nd? and ur like “how did u censor that out loud” but now hes like “makeout with me” and ur like bitch WHAT but also okay lol

this boy is a solid eight inches taller than you lol if you think he wont even lightly tease you about the height difference you are wrong !! ur just chillin and hes like “hey :) hows the weather down there” and ur like “i will END you” and he blows a kiss ur direction and ur like “okay maybe not ur kinda cute. but comment on my height again and u will receive no mercy”

DUDE he is at the perfect height where he can rest his chin on ur head!! and give u forehead kisses !!!! he just loves u so much man !!! sure kissing u on the lips is great and all but kissing ur forehead?? CUTE

also so many of his shirts and hoodies disappeared and he was like ?????????? what !!! and then he saw you just DROWNING in his hoodie because he too loves oversized stuff and hes like. im fine with this (he takes photos and sets them as his home and lockscreen when they arent promoting) (this boy is GOOD at not getting caught)

dude when the Boiis found out u two were dating they LOST IT !!! interrogated then welcomed !! hyunjin was exposed by them a lot lol they exposed ALL the juicy stories and u were like :^)

dont worry tho ya girl laramie exposed u in kind so then hyunjin was like :^)

truly a bonding experience for the both of you

yall are both visual gods so sometimes u both will just. try on even the most ridiculous outfits and have a fashion show in the living room of ur technically shared apartment

yall take photos on ur phones in a super exaggerated manner in order to mimic the paparazzi and photographers and shout encouragements like “YES KING GET THAT BREAD” and “OH YES WORK IT”

willing to nerd out with you at a l l times !!!

oh my god him sleeping over when he can when hes not promoting and u waking up to him spooning u and just. big cuddle hours: activated

soft kisses before jokingly going “u have morning breath” and just the resounding GROAN before he threatens to leave u cold in the bed and ur like no wait-

hes trying to be frugal with his money as he hasnt been an idol for that long but he definitely buys you gifts from time to time when hes reminded of u

“babe i got this red panda plushie for u” (insert parkers unintelligible shrieking here)

hes not the most jealous boyfriend actually !! he trusts you a lot and is okay with you being friends with whomever u please but sometimes he sees u fangiring over his seniors or smth and hes like >:( im a good performer too love me !!!! pls !! he just wants ur love smooch his cheeks and ull be good

also to get him flustered? peck his cheeks or (gasp) his NOSE he gets so flustered bc its so innocent but so intimate at the same time so he just gets so RED and stutters and ur just like :^) ah how the turn tables

this boy is a ROMANTIC through and through hes not old fashioned but he likes doing cheesy things like opening the door for you, giving you flowers, pulling out the chair for you, etc etc

he just wants to LOOOOOOOOOOVE you !!!!!

he doesnt go for too many pet names but babe and princess are what he leans towards !!

he practices his english on u and u practice ur korean on him (hint, ur better at korean than he is at english)

but he tries so hard and hes so cute !!! his english is so cute!! appreciate this baby pl s

him: “my hands are big so i can hold the world” u: “worm?” him: (holds ur cheeks) u: (choked) “w-worm?”

u guys r so cheesy but its so cute !! he just wants whats best for you

also you guys are no strangers to having deep and highly emotional talks because ur both very empathetic and vulnerable people

youve talked about ur insecurities and so has he!!! uve also both confronted the whole “ur not dating me because of my visuals/because im an idol right” and ur like “um?? no ur a sweetheart and a dedicated boii and performer and-” and then u go on a half hour long rant about all the things u love abt him and hes just like :’) i love you

whenever hes away for one reason or another, esp stuff like tours, he leaves a bunch of his clothes that smell like him so you wont feel as lonely !!! because the sad reality is is that on tours when hes not on stage hes practicing practicing practicing so keeping in touch is kinda hard

but he does his best !! he sends letters and text messages and voice messages and everything !! and when he can he facetimes you !!

we have ALL seen the boys instagram he will take a burst of 10000000 selfies on ur phone, plague u with the “ur icloud storage is almost full” messages, and it takes u 12239632485 years to delete them all (after making sure they are safely backed up into ur google photos)

yall are SO CUTE and take so many couple photos !!! yall are that iconic couple and u generally post these on ur super exclusive finsta but sometimes u sneak in a blurry pic of him on ur main or even a censored pic of him and ur like “do u ever just have the cutest sweetest (and hottest but hush) boyf in the world to flex on the broke bitches who hate u” and hyunjin is like BABE and ur like :^)

lowkey sometimes u get jealous of jinyoung bc this boii loves and respects him so much and ur like “What Does He Have That I Do Not” and hyunjin is like “a successful career as an idol” and ur like “define successful” and he GASPS

jokesjokes lol yall playfully argue with each other a lot but if any of u go too far its pretty obvious bc u get quieter and he just. emotionally withdraws and u can see it in his eyes and ur both like OH NO BABE i didnt mean to hurt you im sorry !! and ull have a quick convo with multiple apologies and then ur BACK TO BUSINESS

OMG DUDE HOW YALL MET WAS SO CUTE

so basically he was out with !! the boiis at this cute coffee shop that is never crowded so its safe for them to just relax without having seven masks on lol

and the u !! come in with laramie like :( dude school SUCKS and laramie like nods her head intently like yes indeed

and this boy is struck with LOVE like ur . so cute. and tiny. and cute. and ur venting so passionately about how the education system does Not Meet The Needs of students and hes like. her passion. i love it

and u havent noticed him but oh man the boiis have and they are RUTHLESS bc hes so shy but theyre like GIVE HER UR NUMBER COWARD

and after an overwhelming amount of encouragements and some mild bullying (and laramie going to the bathroom because this dumb bitch spilled a lil bit of tea on her shorts and shes LIVID) and this boy approaches u and ur now love stricken

bc hes so CUTE !!! and its clear hes a lil nervous bc hes blushing uwuwuwuwuwuwu but he said !! he really admires ur passion and he thinks ur really cute and hes sorry if this is creepy but could i get ur number and ur like yes. pls. i love you (jokesjokes u dont profess ur love immediately but DAMN were u close to)

u and hyunjin all blushie and excited and the boiis are LOSING it and laramie comes back like “hey fellas whatd i miss-”

anyways yall are THAT power couple who love each other and are super devoted!! and have an amazing time with each other and DAMN ppl say love is dead but clearly they havent met yall

@daffodwlw read this and weep tears of love, coward

#:^)#parkjin #yes im adding tags to keep track of whos who in case i add some... more ships to this account :^)

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kitanoko · 6 years

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`Snow White Au

todomomo week day 1: Kiss (pretend that todoroki got his red hair from someone else other than endeavor pls…and this is totally not like the original snow white im sorry LOL)

LETS BEGIN THIS JOYOUS WEEEEEK~

genre: humour and fluff

-todoroki was a prince of an ancient land where his mother remarried a man so vile and cruel that todo and his siblings wanted nothing to do with him. His name was Endeavor.

-Now Endeavor wasn’t a bad looking dude but he was clearly jealous of todoroki’s good looks so he asked his magic mirror “mirror, mirror in my hand, who’s the fairest in the land” and the mirror replied “Todoroki Shouto”

-For once, the mirror answered with someone other than him?!?!?! this was blasphemous! And so, Endeavor was forced to order an assassination of his own step-son. He was NOT going to lose to some kid!

-At the young age of 18, Todo was fleeing for his life after Fuyumi had warned of him of the dangers that were to come. Fuyumi had suspected something was up when she had accidentally bumped into her stepfather’s meeting with two mysterious beings. Her suspicions were proven correct when she had heard him say ‘kill shouto’ as if it was the most normal thing in the world

-Todo thought his sis was joking at first ‘cas are you serious, a grown ass man feeling threatened because of his appearance? Though when he escaped death by a hair when the two assassins came at him at full speed during his hunting trip, he was 100% sure Fuyumi was speaking the truth. Todoroki held his own and was able to knock one of them out instead of fatally wounding him, the other, seeing Todoroki’s kindness towards his partner decides to spare is life. The assassin handed Endeavor the lungs and heart of a wild boar, claiming it to be his stepson’s organs and fools the King.

-Todoroki galloped with his bags towards the river and found an empty cottage completed with 7 small beds. He found it odd but shrugged, leaving his bag on the floor and horse outside as he fell asleep on the bed labelled ‘grumpy’.

-the 7 dwarfs came home and freaked out! Who the heck was this dude with such weird hair?! And why was there a horse?!

-”What the actual fuck?,” Grumpy yelled and Sleepy yawned while mumbling, “what a banquet of darkness.” Grumpy’s anger woke Todo up and he flinched at the sight of the 7 mini people adorned with cute ruby red triangular hats

-Btw if it isn’t obvious enough, bakugou is grumpy, and tokoyami is sleepy. Then, iida is doc, yaoyorozu is happy, haha just kidding, uraraka is happy, deku is bashful, tsuyu is sneezy, and kaminari is dopey

-”Whoa what the–” Todoroki sat upright and almost kneed Bashful in the face. Bashful noticed the prince’s beautiful eyes and turned away shyly. Grumpy snorted.

“Who the motherfuck are you?! Get off my damn bed you dirty piece of shit!” Grumpy kicked Todo on the shin. Todo almost chuckled ‘cas it felt like a tickle.

“I’m the prince, or …was…”

Everyone gasped.

Doc pushed Grumpy aside. “Your royal highness, why are you in our abode if I may ask.”

“My father tried to kill me, I just need a place to stay for now.”

The dwarfs looked at each other in concern and huddled up.

“This may be dangerous …for us.” Dopey said and Sneezy nodded after a few sneezes. Grumpy gritted his teeth and agreed silently, which was unusual for him. Perhaps he felt bad that he overreacted earlier. Doc gave a sigh.

“I think we should help him, we should be helping those in need.” Doc said and it was Happy and Bashful’s turn to agree.

“Fine,” Doc turned to say and Todoroki smiled back. Happy clicked her tongue playfully and lifted herself right next to him. She directed a bright grin at him and he appreciated it.

-After that todo slowly warmed up to the little dudes and grumpy sorta tried to return the affection. They give awkward glances to each other sometimes when they go fishing (grumpy gives todo advice on how to catch the biggest salmon and that’s the limit to their friendship)

-todo learned that happy enjoys playing catch and she told him that she wants to learn how to fly someday (todo didn’t wanna break it to her but that’s not how the human body works)

-Doc is the smartest of them all and the most reasonable; dopey enjoys daydreaming and cloud watching; bashful is…well…very cute and shy and seems to be the only one who can control grumpy somewhat; sneezy is really good at swimming and can hold her breath underwater for a very long time, so long that todo thought she drowned but she didn’t; sleepy is very poetic and extremely philosophical and todoroki would never know how to have a proper conversation with him….not that he usually could with any of them anyway…and why the heck does sleepy look like a crow and sneezy a frog…strange

-Todo built his own bed with the help of the dwarfs and Grumpy labelled the bed “Weirdo”

-Its been more than 2 weeks and todoroki felt like for once, he could live in peace. He went out to hunt by himself one day, despite the concern of the dwarfs (grumpy was like who the fuck cares if he gets himself killed we’ll all be free, but he didn’t really mean it LOL), and he went further than he had planned (he wasn’t gonna let that deer escape!)

-right before he sent an arrow flying towards the poor deer, he caught sight of… a human nearby? in the middle of these woods? He followed the swift silhouette with a stern gaze and he leapt off his horse (his horse is named Pretty Peach btw, a name given by Fuyumi, ‘cas it has a strawberry blonde mane).

-”Who’s there?” Todoroki called, hands gripped tightly on his bow. If its another assassin, he may not be as kind this time. “Is it a hobby of yours to hide behind trees? Come out or I’ll shoot.”

-The figure emerged and …hell no. It’s of course the most elegant woman he had ever laid his heterochromatic eyes on. How was he gonna kill her now?

-”I’m..I’m just a guard! My name’s Momo!” She replied, hand in front of her defensively, “I mean you no harm!” Seeing that her hands were away from the hilt of her fachion, he relaxed.

-Todoroki patiently waited for her explanation and turns out she was just intrigued by his hunting skills and wanted to learn for herself.

“Not that I could ever hurt these animals,” she confessed and the deer licked her outreached palm. It fled after.

-So anyways, after that mostly-silent encounter, todoroki met her a few more times and brought the dwarfs along with him; she came whenever she had a break from guarding whoever the nobility was from the next kingdom

-She was like those disney princesses that has a bunch of animal friends for no apparent reason but of course she was no damsel-in-distress ‘cas she could slice anything in half without a blink. Todo actually somewhat scared of her. Or he’s fallen in love. He shook his head. Nah, no way. Those goosebumps he gets when he sees her swing her falchion was ‘cas its cold. That must be it.

-Doc raised his concern over other ppl spotting Todo if he goes off too far and yes it actually happens ‘cas todo was too into his new ‘friendship’ with momo and a spy told Endeavor his discoveries.

-one day when todo and momo met up again, this time to string necklaces out of wildflowers because momo wanted to do something different for once (Grumpy knew todoroki was crushing hard on momo at this point but todo was too damn clueless to do anything about it), they get ambushed by a group of mercenaries hired by Endeavor

-momo surprised todo ‘cas she basically told him to sit still and she owns all of their asses single-handed and todo gulped. yes. okay. his heart was racing but not because they were about to get killed but ‘cas he’s fallen hard and fast for this crazy fighter girl with a big ass sword.

-”I can’t believe they RUINED my necklaces, look at these daisies?! They’re trampled! UGH!” Momo complained, fists clenched as they head back to the cottage.

Todo snorted.

“AND your FATHER sent them to kill you? How absurd!”

She went on and on and todoroki’s just chucklng at her flushed face from the battle earlier.

“The next time I see your father, he will feel my wrath!”

Todo stopped dead in his tracks and pulled her to him with one hand and awkwardly said, “You’re really cute Momo.”

And her face gets even more red and she just stopped talking on the rest of the way home.

-Okay so news get back to Endeavor that the mercenaries pretty much all in critical condition. “An insanely skilled lady” was with todo and Endeavor’s like “alright I’ll take matters into my own hands.”

-Endeavor dressed up as a witch (he gotta disguise himself ‘cas it’d be weird if people saw a King out by himself and somehow dressing as a witch felt right) and went to the forest and also brought a box of poisoned soba along ‘cas his stepson loves soba. Hopefully this mysterious lady with him also loves soba

-Endeavor found the dwarfs’ cottage and left the box at the doorstep (yes he knew todo lived there ‘cas the spy had tipped him). Endeavor hid behind a bush and saw Dopey bring the box inside the cottage and he smirked

-”Yo these noodles don’t look right.” Grumpy pushed the box away from his face and Dopey looked sad. “I ain’t eating this shit, someone try it first in case I die. I’m too cool to die.”

“Grump-chan please don’t say that,” Bashful said.

Todoroki looked at it and Momo swore his eyes lit up.

“Soba, it’s good,” Todo merely said and he took the chopstick that came in the box and took a bite.

Oh shit.

“Fuck, his face doesn’t look right. And I mean it looks even more messed up than before,” Grumpy said.

Todoroki felt the world spin before him and he just collapsed onto the floor. Momo freaked out but found his pulse and his breathing steady.

“He looks like he’s taking a nap…” Sleepy noted.

“Don’t say it…”

“…Of darkness,” Sleepy finished.

-Momo lifted Todo onto the nearest bed and Doc examined todo and doc’s like “I think he’s in a coma”

-Now a week passed but todo still didn’t wake up. Momo said she’ll find a doctor to come and see what to do. The doctor refused to go to the forest with Momo ‘cas that sounded sketch

-Momo came back defeated and Bashful randomly went, “hey…have you ever read those…children’s books?”

Momo’s like “what?” And Bashful’s like “most stories say curses are broken by a kiss from true love!”

Everyone looked at each other and Grumpy’s like “well no shit you have to be the one to kiss him, I ain’t doing it.”

“But why me?” Momo asked and Grumpy told her how he suspected that there’s something way deeper than friendship going on between them and Momo got all flustered and she felt it too but it was hard admitting it.

“Don’t kiss him on the lips though,” Doc said matter-of-factly, “what if you got poisoned too.”

Happy and Bashful covered their faces, feeling embarassed for Momo

-She leaned closer to todo, and he appeared so peaceful sleeping like that and she was starting to feel her cheeks heat up. This was her first time kissing anyone! Ever! The distance between them close in and Momo gave him a peck on the cheek. Suddenly, Todo’s eyelids fluttered open.

-”Why is everyone –OMPHF”

Momo wrapped herself around him before he could finish the question

-Momo was really angry now, whoever this person was, she’s guessing todo’s douchebag father, gotta pay for what he did. She devised a plan. Todo told her the plan was too dangerous but she reassured him that she had thought of plan B to Z if plan A didn’t work out.

-Momo went to the castle dressed as a man the day after, and acted as if she had an important tip to tell the King in regards to the prince

-Okay Fuyumi’s like wtf right now btw ‘cas her brother just escaped death three times?

-Momo told Endeavor to follow her to the forest because she saw the prince still alive. Endeavor’s knights said they’d go with him but he had had enough of failed plans. Even the soba didn’t work goddammit

-Endeavor was weary but Momo was so good at acting; she led him towards a trap built by the dwarfs and Endeavor’s horse gets caught in a bear trap. The King fell to his knees as his horse crashed onto the ground. And with a broken ankle, he tried to stand back up but Momo held a sword against his neck

Endeavor was named one of the most powerful men for a reason. He knocked her back and sent Momo flying. Todo and the dwarfs saw this from behind the trees and they run to help her.

-”What…Shouto…you became friends with these midgets?!” Endeavor roared.

The dwarfs took offence to that and they kept throwing rocks at him and Grumpy headbutts him and stomped on his broken ankle. The King winced in pain and with the help of Todo, the dwarfs somehow cornered him to the cliffs. With one false step, the King slipped and fell to the depths below

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.”

Todoroki heard his father’s screams echo.

-Though that was a horrid end to his filthy father, Todoroki was happy as now his family was free from his evil reign. Todo returned to the castle but still visited the dwarfs every week.

Momo was invited to the castle from time to time and Todo finally proposed to her with flower necklaces that she taught him to make before; the dwarfs helped them set up a wedding ceremony in the meadows and all of Momo’s animal friends came as well.

The end

#todomomo #todomomoweek #todoroki x yaoyorozu #bnha #my headcanons #snow white au #lol this was so fun to write #day one: kiss

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himenation · 6 years

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MONSTA X 2ND WORLDTOUR IN AMSTERDAM (LIVE REPORT) - AFAS 20.06.2018

This is a long live report containing things how I even became a fan, to the AMAAAAAZING (not) queue, setlist, live, m&g and random moments. All fan cams and fanpics are uploaded on my twitter which I linked in this post too!

I went to Monsta X’s 2nd Worldtour in Amsterdam this month! I started to get to know Monsta X during their Beautiful promotions and when I heard they would come to Europe the first time (in 2017), I was doubting whether I should go or not. I knew like 10 songs and another fan could go instead of me. It was not close anyway, so I decided to take part in the campaign for Amsterdam. For people who don’t know MMT. MMT is a fan dedicated promoter, in which you can request an artist to come to your city and if you have enough ‘makes’ (so points) they’ll talk with the artist.

Anyways, I took part in the campaign in august 2017. Uni was about to start and I kinda forgot about the lives for a while. Until it was around the DRAMARAMA period (and their first win omg!), I followed them again; so after their MBC performance, I got a text message from MMT that they’re starting to talk to MONSTA X. At this point I would give this presale code to somebody else, but I didn't know when the actual concert was supposed to be so I waited. So while I was waiting for their JEALOUSY comeback, I started to watch their shows because I was bored and I LITERALLY FELL INTO THE FANDOM (and not just the music). I loved these guys so much? They were so precious and funny. I really wanted to see them live and regretted not going to the Beautiful Tour. So for their Jealousy comeback, I even bought The Connect; I texted every time they had a show and streamed their MVs so they could win another win (and they did!) (I've only done this for BTS before). So just around the time of the MV release, they announced they would be coming to AMSTERDAM. I was so happy. Flash forward to the ticket sale: I went to uni early, had a computer; laptop and my phone ready and immediately bought 2x VIP tickets!!

After counting down the days to the concert, I was finally here. I couldn't wait to hear Destroyer and Lost In the Dream live (My fav songs of the new album). Fans were allowed to queue from 11, but no-one seemed to listen to it :’) Every standing type had to get a wristband (VIP included). So I was kinda late and arrived at 12 , but my wristband number was 139. I quickly had sushi with my sister at ICHI-e and went to Starbucks (and a grocery store) to get some food and drinks for the queue. Just when we were about to leave the restaurant, I got a message from MMT that they messed up the wristband numbers for VIP and it was now FCFS (First Come first Serve). It was also the hottest day of the week, yippie :’)

Queue The queue was one big mess... Fans were incredibly rude and mean and staff didn’t do anything about it either. Girls were screaming at the security and talking very rudely, fans saying to each other ‘shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down’ (this is an actual phrase someone was screaming behind me). The venue staff gave us WATER IN A BUCKET and it wasn't until a monsta x staff came and gave everyone bottles. I also met two very sweet fansites! They gave out free stuff and were overall very sweet! They talked a lot to us and were next to us in the queue. We also met two friends who wanted to go to their friends, but since people were rude; my sis stopped them and they were next to us. Even though we were strangers, me and my sis shared our food and drinks with them. During the queue certain people started to push fans and we told them to stop and they started to fight with us??? and basically telling us ‘are you blind’ :)) (also they thought the fansites were Korean so they were all nice to them but shitty to other people, but the fansites turned out to be Chinese so these rude koreaboos were really boo boo the fools) at around 18:00 we were allowed to go inside but everyone started pushing each other so we were really stuck and could barely breathe. Once we were inside we had to wait another 2 hours and I was so tired, but wow I was 4th row! Live I also made a big thread of Monsta X on my twitter. Fancams Fanpics Okay first of all, this group has no visual hole. THEY ARE ALL SO VISUALS I COULDNT BELIEVE MY EYES. Honestly they're so beautiful irl??????? Although I knew they were all handsome, I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw IM, Kihyun, Shownu and Hyungwon DAMN.

The live was amazing, they kept playing DRAMARAMA, SHINE FOREVER and STUCK in the venue and we were so hyped! Once the live started; they all came in Swaroski Suits (they looked so expensive) singing Jealousy. The fan chants (at least in the VIP) were A M A Z I N G. AAHHH I finally saw monsta x im sobbing. They then played Be Quiet (it’s one of my fav older songs) ;; and BEAUTIFUL IN SWAROSKI SUITS GUYSSSSSS. They didn't do the jacket dance since, yeah the jackets were pretty expensive HAHAHAH. Too bad.. They then had a long MC and started with Gravity and Tropical night (still wearing the suits). After changing their clothes (some kind of harness?) they sung Crazy In love (finally a full version) and All In. The crowd really loved All In!!!!!!!! Then we had 20 minutes of solo stuff; the solo of Wonho, Minhyuk and Kihyun were my absolute favourite! It was so cute. The other solo’s were really good too!! The crowd died at Hyungwons and IMs solo though. AAAAAAAAAAAAAH AFTER SOLO they sung From Zero (Seven member version) and oh my god Wonho looked so beautiful??? This song is so cute?? I can't remember much of Because of You im sorry ;; White love was really emotional, they didn't expect the banner project (1000days with monbebe) at all and really loved it. Rollercoaster was so cute live as well, they all pretended to sit in a rollercoaster lol. After they went off stage, the destroyer MV played AND I SCREAMED SO LOUD I WAS NOT READY, NO ONE WAS READY NO ONE! LITERALLY IM DEAD. But they bloody sung LOST IN THE DREAM and I was really lost in the dream, wow....... The vocals..... wow.. Im........................... it was so beautiful live. Guys, ive heard Kihyuns iconic high note (well a lot of people shouted OOOOFFFF BUT I STILL HEARD ONE OF MY FAV SONG I! CANT! BELIEVE!). Also very random to mention but Jooheon is one hell of a good performer, he was not even nervous and the stage was HIS BITCH, his rap and his stage aura are so mind-blowing.

I always joked they should play lost in the dream and destroyer after each other to let the fans die but they really did IT! The choreo of Destroyer was so good and fitted the song. In the beginning Wonho waved and gave a finger heart though... I was never a fan of Shine Forever, but It was so nice and also doing the fan chants! Rush is a song I used to skip but ooof, it was also very nice to hear. Monsta X really enjoyed singing Special too AND YESSSSSSSS FINALLYYYYYYY TRESPASS THE WHOLE CROWD WAS SO LIT WE ALL RAPPED ALONG AND IT WAS HONESTLY ONE OF THE BEST PERFORMANCES SO FAR IDGJKDSGS. They all positioned to the Dramarama pose and yes they did Dramarama!!!! but now the concert was about to end too :( Monsta X said they love Falling, Ive heard people say they love performing Falling and yes they REALLY LOVE FALLING. My heart was so full of uwu when I saw them performing falling, I love these babies so much :’). We showed them the banners during If Only again and Wonho, Minhyuk and Kihyun were really emotional and it was so sad to see this ending :( But I was about to meet these guys as well AAAAAAHHH. I dont know if it was Minhyuk or IM but one of them took of Wonho’s shirt lol and he threw it in a crowd. Before that they also took a group pic ;; tbh I wished they did Stuck and Hero as well, but overall I really loved the setlist so much.

Meet and greet Order: Wonho - Shownu - Kihyun - Minhyuk - Hyungwon - Jooheon - IM Usually when fans meet artist, fans are the ones talking to the artist but now Monsta X was rather talking to the fans, they were so sweet and they all had the most genuine and sweetest smile ever. The M&G was unfortunately very fast and I could only say Wonho: I think he was still very sad and looked like he cried too but his hands are so soft ;; I thanked him and he nodded and gave a thumbs up lol Shownu: I knew it was his birthday in London so I told him a happy belated birthday ;; and he said thank you as well! Kihyun: ok, I may have said I love you instead of thank you AHHGHGHHGHAHAHG and yeah that was kihyuns reaction too he laughed and said thank you lol Minhyuk: He said thank you very much!! NO THANK YOUUU (while smiling so sweet) Hyungwon: Somehow he was very giggly but we both said thank you to each other!! Jooheon: We both said thank you to each other aaaaaahh IM: Since I barely had time (after hyungwon) I just told him thank you and he said the same ;; We then got a poster from the tour and the show was unforunately over :(( MMT announced a week before the concert there would be no merch so I didn't have a lightstick either so it was nice having a poster as a reminder (and the fans we got from the fansites ofc). Setlist (duration 2,5hours) 1. Jealousy 2. Be Quiet 3. Beautiful -- 4. Gravity 5. Tropical Night -- 6. Crazy in Love 7. All in -- 8. Wonho, Minhyuk, Kihyun - Neol Hada 9. Jooheon, Shownu - Versace on the Floor 10. Hyungwon, IM - Fake Love (Drake) 11. Hyungwon, IM - How long // another IM solo (not sure) -- 12. From Zero 13. Because of you 14. White Love 15. Rollercoaster -- 16. Lost in the dream -- 17. Destroyer 18. Shine forever -- 19. Rush 20. Special 21. Trespass -- 22. Dramarama *ENCORE* 23. Falling -- 24. If Only *Group pic*

Random moments - They talked a lot of Dutch such as ‘I am...’, ‘I love you’, ‘I miss you’, ‘Fries with Mayo’. IM also wanted to say Sexy but he didn’t say Sexy and Jooheon said to erase our minds LMAO KSJKD he was so embarassed - In the beginning when Kihyun was talking about Hyungwon, Hyungwon looked at him and he kinda slapped away his face (Kihyun to Hyungwon) - Just before Crazy in Love, the group was devided into two to talk with fans (one group was changing their clothes) and Jooheon was doing a weird movement with his hand and was saying AY AY AY and the fans said it too, but then the other group came (Kihyun, Shownu, Hyungwon and Minhyuk) and they all looked honestly so confused and Kihyun was like ‘AY go change your clothes now’ and then Kihyun and Hyungwon were showing off their dance moves lol - Also during the live I started as the fourth row, but people behind me kept pushing and I was suddenly 2nd row and there is a higher place for the first row so my knees kept going on that and it hurted so much lmao - Shownu, IM and Jooheon went to Beyonce the day before and talked about how amazing it was (lmao fanboying on their own concert KAJDKSFJFS) and they also said we will make it possible for them to perform there one day ;;A;; - The day of the Amsterdam concert would be 1000 days with Monbebe we would show during If Only, but since London got cut off we weren't sure whether we would hear If Only and decided to do it during White Love. - Wonho, Minhyuk and Kihyun got teary at If Only - Their reactions to White love were so sweet :(( - Our group hyped up every member whenever they were close to us. Hyungwon, Kihyun and Wonho noticed us a lot lol. Hyungwon waved at us too ;; - During FALLING Kihyun was drinking water and then he came to our side and you could see in his face he was about to do something and when the beat dropped he threw WATER ON US and I got so wet :((((( the fan next to me, her fan was all wet lmao. - I got a lot of confetti in my face :’)

#monsta x #monstax #2nd worldtour #the connect #monsta x 2nd worldtour #afas live #amsterdam #livereport #live report #shownu #wonho #minhyuk #kihyun #hyungwon #jooheon #im #changkyun

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shytiff · 3 years

Text

July 2021

1 - the toners i bought from sociolla arrived yay. loll i got into portal’s hall of fame somehow. usual day at magang. slowww progress of that sympo 1 ppt hhh. went back home and its raininggg yall. this week my hygiene habits and isya prayer was screwed. i cant bring myself to DOOOO things. i basically only get stuff done outside.

2 - started 2nd ppt (i know!!! super slow aaaaa). bought dough lab OG cookies and cookie monster since it was discounted at grab’s PI outlet. bought matcha mcflurry w juan when going back to AR. ate roti canai, the whole mcflurry, and tried the cookies. the sugar, bruh. all this time, im not lacking energy. im lacking sugar lol. watched two set and played marapets lol

3 - binged twoset violin. cant bring myself to do ppt. Finally managed at night.

4 - dayslept. Not sleepy but cant bring myself to do anything. Supernova technical meeting at 1 pm and some gmeet with iship wa group and suddenly its maghrib,,, did like 2 slides of ppt

5 - went to post office to get str and arrived 8 sharp. No one was there. Anjeng. They said wait until 9. went to tax office. Closed. Off to rscm. Ugh the traffic!? Surprise of kiara "internship" that on the very same day was cancelled

6 - its a struggle to reach rscm ugh. tried to go through sudirman but the toll exit was closed. so we went through tebet. gajah 2 was also sealed. while waiting for juan i bought snacks in indomaret. lol, got no cash. liqo with kak kartika and fell asleep halfway through lol,,,

7 - this time we’re going through kemayoran lmao and exited the toll at rawamangun. bought saladstop caesar salad just bcss they have this collapsible bowl bundling, together 140k (after added grab promo) lool.

8 - today i didnot went to gastro since its off day due to a gastro staff getting covid. went to RSF for operan with dr dedes. took pictures with dr vera and we made heart using hand lmaooooo my koas soul felt scared doing that. tried the sushi mom bought at lotte mart. she also bought milk buns and it was good! like a marriage between bread and mochi. my stomach felt super bloated to a point where it hurts so i ate paldo wet ramyeon except i put too much water and the seasoning was diluted.

9 - im supposed to do ppt but i cant bring myself to do it. i lazed in my bed literally all day. bingeing two set. reading webtoon. playing marapets. felt like utter shit. thought that id start my day after maghrib but nah. ended up sleeping

10 - still feel like shit and cant bring myself to start my day. And didnt do anything lmaoo

11 - cant bring myself to start my day~ ended up starting work like after maghrib. Its more difficult with things where u actually have to think bcs u need a certain headspace. Got sbux matcha and that shit rly helps me feel "normal".

12 - intern as usual. The 4 ppts are "finished" and i contacted the prof after mustering some strength. Zoom call with prof to check on the ppt. Bought a delicious es jeruk somewhere along the way to AR. Talked to mom abt picking wahana. The list was finally out and it was jakarta fair. Ara called, her grandpa passed away and shes afraid to go back and potentially harming her familys health. Showered but slept right after without doing anything meaningful 😔

13 - today is the 2nd "special batch" of internship idi. Followed along the war as a practice time. Theres a lot of vacant spots. And that scared us wanting to go national lol. I hope everything will be fine. Another zoom call with Prof, ughh theres so much to reviseeeeeee and i havent made any word material

14 - its only nessa and me today at dept. Picked rs krakatau medika together w nessa. Clara told me abt how her mother is sometimes toxic. Cant rly focus on work today bcs of internship stuff. Had headache ec lack of sleep that lasted from 2-6 pm. Immediately slept like a log after isya

15 - turns out nessa also want to pick rskm loll that makes 7 ui peeps in rskm. Did some good progress by alienating myself in Prof's cubicle. Moral message: whatever time you think youd make the ppt, it will be more. Bought martabak tipker orins yum. Its like lekker on steroids. I still prefer martabak pizza more.

16 - did 1 word for the ppt. Bought jco donuts w nessa bcs my mouth was lonely. Sent 1 completed topic to Prof and pamit.

17 - cant bring myself to do anything~ felt like shit~ played marapets and watched tiktok and youtube

18 - pembekalan iship today

19 - more pembekalan iship. Medical checkup today at labkesda. Met nessa mendel adita regen clara agung. Ate kfc together at nessas place. Went to dinkes jakbar for sppd. No ppt progress aaaaaa

20 - packed my stuff. Originally planned ti leave at 2 pm but theres a lot of uncertainty so i decided to leave tomorrow. The real certainty came at like 9 pm.

21 - off to cilegon 05:30 ish. Filled the gas. Arrived 07:15. Moved my stuff. Went to pkm with mom et al and ness mendel. Swab. Back to palm wates. I felt sad when mom had to leave. She must be tired, but she keeps supporting me with everything that she has. I know its always been like that but sometimes distance makes you see things (?) maybe its bcs im outside ar right now. Bought food. Printed stuff at a place 600m away. Did ppt work accompanied by mocca goodday (that i just knew was good lmao)

22 - zoom orientation today. Still managed to laze out and not do my work -___- tri was out so i was alone. Ate gold chick for brunch. That stuff is oil mixed with food. Finally did some work. The night orientation with dr Selfie was pretty shocking, but it was rly informative and i think she did it out of love.

23 - puskes 1st day. Orientation and turns iut we headed straight to poli lol. Had my very first poli umum with the kind dr arief. My first patient had bee sting :) the second was breast lump :) its rly a slap in my face to go study. Stayed in nessa's for a bit to do some work, except i felt rly tired and gave up at like 4 pm. Bought kebab around the corner (15k). Unremarkable. Kanayam for dinner, w some for breakfast 2mrw

24 - slept early so i woke up early. Tri also. We did some working at like 3 am til subuh. Poli was not too crowded since it was saturday. Helped mendel irrigate his ear in the puskes ER. Waited out the 2 pm standby. We ended up driving to merak except for esa lol. Bought kanayam again lol. Ended up sleeping early again

25 - nasi uduk 88 for breakfast. Some ppt work. my family came bringing motor hehe. Moved to mess. Met dr Ine. Learned how to use washing maching. More ppt work. Bought nasgor just in front of the mess

26 - vaccine post today. Zoom with IDI cilegon. Nessa cooked macaroni and meat. Talked a bit and then suddenly its half past 10. No significant ppt progress today. Im rly sorry Prof 😭😭😭

27 - MTBS poli today. Bu ningrum gave me cimol and jantung pisang and sayur and salad buah hehee. Some orientation. Did the last ppt for Prof. Can finally rest (??) nah the words still not finished. Overall mood today: ☺️

28 - poli usila today in bp with mendel. Injected mendel with his 3rd sinovac. Went to dinkes for SPPD.

29 - vaksin with mendel. lots of patients. porridge for bfast. talked about love life lmaoo. tried sate bebek h. syafei. quite good but sate klathak still holds the first place in my heart. finished the 3rd word doc and sent it. just as i was about to sleep, i saw the notif of jk going live. hes basically dancing around in his pjs at 1 am lmaoo <3

30 - paldo jajangmen for bfast. BP. shoot a video for e-promkesline. soto for lunch. bought kopi soe goela merah and croffle. the croffle was not as hard and crunchy and thick as social affair’s. the choco-nut topping was so so. the coffee was bitter like tuku, but not as smooth and creamy (?), not too acidic. did ppt of ecmocard data an hour before the zoom sesh.

31 - vaccine with dr anggi. went back early. bought some stuff in indomaret. lunch was abon, rice and leftover veggies. finished the last word manuscript for Prof along with kopi soe and sent it. vcalled w mom. had simba pillow mixed with sport muesli for dinner.

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enaasteria · 6 years

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I'm done with work for today! Apartment, here I come! ♥ // runs and hugs Ahri & Sehun :") // Also, I still feel like I annoy you all day with my asks. 😹🙊 Do I? *sad pup eyes* I'll try to hold in my emotions a little more, I promise. I don't wanna bug you LOL. 🙈 P.S. I finished my studies early today to work on my Ksoo story, and I DID IT. Finished it. 1,034 words. Edited it too. I wish I had someone to read it once and give me constructive criticism before posting it. I'm scared af please. 😔

Yay! Congrats on finishing your work and I’m so impressed!! You actually inspire me to do my work too and I did and adulted and I went straight back to writing after I was done so wooohoo!! AND NOOO. Really---you don’t annoy me at all. please don’t think that EVER. Readers with insight on chapters never, ever annoy me. I greatly appreciate them and wish I can do more than just scream back at you over your messages. I’m sorry if I take a while answering them. I usually try to answer asks in batches so I don’t spam dashboards. I got hate mail over it one time and I’ve been self conscious over it ever since.

CONGRATS ON THE KYUNGSOO STORYYY. What’s the premise? And ask one of your followers to beta read it! I usually do that with some friends or followers when I get stuck on a part and ask for their advice.

More under the cut!

// Chapter 11 - RIP my angst loving heart, you've done well // it was a lot to take in. I love how you played with the binaries of love and heartache, by having Sehun and Ahri stargaze in one scene, and then him going off to Yul in the next one. It created that perfect mosaic of human sentiments and vulnerabilities for both of them, and in fact, we saw more of Myungsoo, Soi and Sehun's mum. Even Seyong and Yul. The storytelling was such a treat, too! I cry every time Ahri hurts. :'( My heart. 💔

Yessss!!! Angst!! It’s where my heart lives and I hope you enjoyed 11. I really wanted to show their dynamic and how Sehun, as much as he wished to, still can’t move on. I find that kind of behavior very real in people and it’s what I tried to convey in my writing that these people have faults. They’re not perfect and they do stumble on their journey. I really do enjoy all of the characters I’ve created in Apartment. They all hold special pieces of me and I’m so happy you like their little appearances in the fic!!

// Chapter 12 // I'm trying to read slower now that there are barely 4 more chapters left. TRYING. // Chapter 12 has me crying buckets. Ahri, please. 😭😭 SEHUN, WILL YOU LOOK AT HOW MY GIRL IS HURTING? Please 😢. I'm not mad at Sehun, okay a lil bit, but I can obviously see where he's coming from so I can't be mad at him for too long. It's frustrating, but it's real. Love blinds us. Especially when it's out of our reach. But Sehun please, Ahri is something else. I hope you won't let her go. :")

AHHHH 12. Not my best chapter if I’m to be honest but that’s because I’m just hypercritical of whatever I write. It is frustrating, isn’t it? That’s what I wanted to show because relationships are never a straight narrow path. They are jagged, rough, and it’s never smooth sailing. But it’s also a turning point for both of them (but also my guilty pleasure of keeping Sehun wet the entire time muahahahahahahha //evil cackle//

// Chapter 13 // I was JUST THAT CLOSE to flinging my phone off the balcony, I'm not kidding. 😭 It's 12:38 am and I'm walking on the terrace because I was crying so badly so I had to get out of my room so as to not wake my roomie up (LOL). And the moment Ahri was done speaking and she started crying and running away, I just really almost flung the phone off the terrace. 😭 SEHUN, YOU BETTER DO SOMETHING GOOD AND GET HER BACK, SHE DOESN'T DESERVE SUCH MONSTROUS PAIN. Also, heyyyyy Chanyeol! ;) ♥

Don’t fling your phone!! OMGOSHHHHH. I hope your phone is safe. They’re expensive little things and NOOOO WHY ARE U STAYING UP LATE FOR THIS FIC. sdfjaklsdjf;jdfs. I SCREAMMMM. I always tell readers to please, please pleaseee get sleep. Fic will always be here. It’s not going anymore and please rest. Eat. Don’t let this fic take away from your daily life. It’s not worth ittttt. But yessss. The ending. My poor heart. I tear up sometimes over the things I have to put her through but I hope the messages and feelings were convey properly and you feel her struggles in wanting to stay with him but her mind and heart telling her it won’t be good for her to. That she needs to step away from him for the betterment of herself.

// Chapter 14 // 1:23 am, and still crying on the terrace. I wish there was a portal to go into this universe, and I'd gladly leave everything and just get to drunk Sehun, kneel beside him and talk some sense into him so that he stops to hurting himself, and hence, Ahri this way. Then I'd take Ahri and Soi's hands and walk out of LOXE. We'd go home and analyse this situation in a way that eases Ahri's pain, but we'd probably just cry and hug and fall asleep. I'd love to do all of that. Yes. :")

OMG. SDFKJSKLDFJL:KSDF IM SO SORRY THAT YOURE CRYING BUT ALSO YASSS IM GLAD YOU ARE. 14 is such a favorite of mine. I have favorite chapters and 14 is definitely one of them. The part that I really loved about this was how Ahri asked him why he would think she would return to him when she chose the same poisons as her parents and I think that part hit him so hard that it knocked sense into him. And I love how you want to take care of the characters!! It’s just so cute and adorable and HOW ARE U JUST THE SWEETEST READERS. IM SO DSDFJKSDLFJSKLFSKLDF

/ Chapter 15: 2:45 am // So much happened. But in a way, it's life. It's always unexpected and overwhelming in all possible ways. I also wanna point out, I love how every chapter starts with a little bit of Ahri's narrative on her past. It shows how our upbringing and childhood moulds us into who we are, but also that there's always scope to transform. I'm crying about how Sehun has finally come around. HE SAID HER FULL NAME! 😭 Also, CHANYEOL.♥ I'm not ready for 16 & 17. Or for 18. I CAN'T. 😭

ITS 2AM WHY ARE U AWAKEEEEEE. WHYYYY WHYYY OMGOSH. Please sleeeeepepepepepepe. OMG. YEAH. My brain hurts when I have to think about how to start the chapters because I want them to be memorable. The same can be said for how I end the chapters too. Because these are the words that you start with but also end with so I stress over them so much hahaha. AND IM NOT DONE WITH 18 yetttttttttt. HEUNNGNGNGNG. I really wanted to finish by his birthday but that’s def not gunna happen aahahaha

// REAL!!! // And here I thought I was about to go to sleep peacefully! Professor!Ahri and Professor! Hun? Lovin' it. All I want to see is them happily, blissfully in love with each other. And happy. Ahh, that's all I want in life right now. :") ♥

AYEYEEE. It’s an AU of an AU. I loved it muahahaha something light and fluffy for my angst heart. But yassss. THATS ALL I WANT TOO. I just want all the happiness for them too. I just want to write everything with them as muses tbh puahahahahha

#ILYYYYSMMMM #thank you for all of these comments and for reading all the chapters #i hope you're enjoying them #and i hope you enjoy 16 and 17 too.#16 might be a bit slow but i thought it was necessary to show sehun's growth #lmaoooo #cocktailsandexistentialism

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horansqueen · 4 years

Text

You & Me : chapter 32

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.5k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: i tried to find a good gif for this of him right before a show and i couldnt. i know some exist but its almost 7am and im tired lol so yea.

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! :i love the requests you guys send me theyre amazing! thank you! 💖

Chapter 32 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

March 10,2018

I kept playing with my fingers and glancing at the door as I waited for Dylan to arrive. My foot started shaking under the table and I kept checking my phone to see if Niall had sent me a message or anything. I knew he was busy and I wasn't expecting him to call but I knew it would be awkward if he did while I was with Dylan. It was the very first time we were seeing each other since I broke up with him in Italy and I still felt like crap for the way I had treated him. I knew I was the bad guy in the story and I didn't even want to pretend otherwise. I took the blame, literally all of it, but I couldn't pretend I regretted it. It was better to stop things then, than to keep this game going on. I wouldn't have been able to resist Niall anyway and the whole cheating thing was not for me. It only made me feel like shit.

The door tinged and my head moved up so quickly I could have snapped my neck. He was there and I held my breath but when his eyes met mine, the smile he sent me made something stir in my stomach. Did I really break up with this guy?

I got up and he walked closer. I felt his hand on my upper arm as he kissed my cheeks before we both sat down, facing each other. He called the waitress and asked for water and a meal while I took my glass of wine and brought it to my lips. I needed it to survive this conversation because I felt like it was about to get heavy. I didn't know how he felt or what he thought, and somehow, I was scared. I didn't want him to hate me and at the same time, I couldn't blame him if he did.

We hadn't talked at all and he hadn't said anything mean about me, at least nothing I had heard about, but it wasn't really surprising. It was not his type to shittalk other people. It was also not his type to share his personal life or anything. I frowned, realizing he had quite a few things in common with Niall and that, perhaps, I had a type.

"How are you?" he asked in a soft tone, leaning his forearms on the table and crossing his fingers together.

I sent him a small smile and titled my head. "I'm... i'm okay, and you?"

"Oh, I'm good."

I nodded and started nibbling on my bottom lip from stress. He noticed and I saw the left corner of his lips raise up slightly as his lips twisted into a small smile.

"No need to be nervous, you know." he explained. "It's me. Just me. You've seen me naked before, and you've seen me with food on my face. Pretty sure you also heard me when I went to the bathroom. You're safe."

I laughed and shook my head, pressing my lips together. He was always so funny and I just nodded. I had no idea why, but I suddenly felt like everything would be alright. I knew Dylan, and i knew the kind of man he was, and I trusted him.

"Thanks, I just didn't want things to be awkward between us. We didn't really talk since that day in Italy and I was not sure... how you felt, and what you thought." I tilted my head, staring in his eyes, and I smiled at the incredible shade of brown they were. It made me think of how blue Niall's eyes were and how much I missed them. "We're filming together today and.. I don't know, is there any way we can make this less awkward or.. more comfortable?"

His smile turned into a sad one and he nodded slowly. "That's why you wanted to meet." he pointed out, as if he was realizing something that he didn't enjoy. He sighed and rubbed on of his eyes before slipping his hand in his hair and leaning against the chair. "We're both professionals, I mean, I was not going to start any trouble, Liv. I love working on this tv show. That's why I messaged you the first time."

I chuckled and raised my eyebrows, using a teasing tone. "Oh? I thought that was because you saw me act and thought you just had to meet me!" I joked with a small chuckle.

He shook his head slightly and looked away before sighing again.

"The truth is yea, I did message you at first because you caught my eyes. I mean, it's something that emanated from you in all those videos. Through the camera you were just.. I can't explain. I don't know many people who can just send that kind of vibe through a camera, but you did." he admitted, making me frown slightly. That was something he had never told me before and I was in shock. "The show was interesting, of course, but you were the reason why I messaged you. I wanted to act with you. But I watched that tv show because it was good."

My lips curled and then parted slightly. "You... you thought I was a good actress?" I asked, not expecting that and making him chuckle.

"You think it's surprising?"

"Well, yea." I shrugged, looking down at my hands. "I've never really done anything, i'm just a boring french girl who didn't learn acting in school or anything. I didn't think anyone would actually try to act with me, at least not someone like you."

"Someone like me?" he asked with a smirk. "What kind of person am I, exactly?"

"Fishing for compliments?" I asked with a small laugh.

"Or just curious, you know me."

I tilted my head but sent him a fond smile before licking my lips and clearing my throat. We got our meals just as I was about to answer and finally, I asked for an other glass of wine, taking a mental note to stop after that or I'd have a hard time to film my scenes.

"I mean, you can't deny that you're popular. And yea, you're pretty hot, but people actually like you for your talent. Your good look is just a bonus. You can't blame a nobody like me for being starstruck."

"Oh so you were starstruck when we met?" he asked with a chuckle.

"From the day I got your tweet, until that time we sang together after an 18 hours of filming." I admitted. "I was starstruck the whole time."

"That's the first night we had sex." he pointed out, making my smile grow as I nodded.

"It was."

"So you were not starstruck when you saw me naked? I'm offended."

This time, i let out a louder laugh, letting my head fall slightly on my shoulders before looking back in his eyes. I felt reassured that we would just get along, even if we weren't dating anymore, and I wouldn't let anyone else make things awkward between us.

"The truth?" I asked, raising my eyes as his eyes moved from his plate to my face. "I wouldn't say starstruck but... impressed, yea."

"I know right? That's what all the girls say." he joked, making me laugh and shake my head before rolling my eyes.

"I saw a few rumors about you and Jody." I pointed out. "I know you're not with her but, are you seeing anyone?"

It took him a while to answer and he finally pushed his plate away and grabbed his glass, taking a long sip of water before shaking his head a bit. He was avoiding my eyes but I knew him well enough to guess he was probably trying to formulate an answer correctly in his head before letting it out. He was a funny and sensitive guy, and he had tact, which I greatly appreciated.

"I'm only talking for me, but honestly, I can not get over a break up that easily, and I don't really want to date anyone right now." he looked up in my eyes and sighed. "This is no surprise if I tell you I'm not over you, right? I mean I was ready to marry you, Olivia. This is not something you just brush away and move on from in the spam of a few weeks."

I felt extremely guilty and when he stopped talking, I held my breath and pressed my lips together. There was no right answer to this and I decided to keep quiet, only letting out the air from my lungs when the waitress came with my glass of wine. I thanked her and after she left, I took a very long sip of it before putting it back on the table. I couldn't pretend I was totally over the break up with Dylan but at the same time, I had Niall, and with him, nothing else seemed to matter, or almost. I didn't want to blindly love him the way I used to before, but I couldn't pretend I was not happy in his arms.

"I'm sorry I asked." I said in a low tone, clearing my throat. "I mean, it wouldn't be any of my business anyway."

Quickly, Dylan brought the discussion back to the show and the scenes we were about to do together and we started laughing again. I had no idea how he did it, but he could always turn an awkward situation into a comfortable one. That was why it was always so easy to be around him.

We paid for our food and walked out of the restaurant as he checked his watch.

"We're supposed to be there in half an hour." he let out, looking around the parking. "You need a ride or you got your own car?"

I raised my nose up. "I planned on taking a cab. I hate driving back when we're done filming, i'm always so tired."

He raised his eyebrows and pointed his car with both hands, his keys hanging from one. I chuckled and rolled my eyes, moving my head a bit before deciding that it was just a car ride and we were going at the same place anyway. It reminded me that Dylan was always my ride home when we filmed the first season and that's one of the things that had brought us closer. We would always chat about what had happened on the set or laugh at each other for the mistakes we made that would be good bloopers. The first time we kissed was in his car, and I remembered like it was yesterday. It was the first time someone made me feel as strongly as that after Niall. Or even before. In fact, I could remember clearly why I wanted to marry Dylan.

He handed me his phone so I could choose the songs that would play while he was driving and when we got there, we walked inside together without really thinking about it. Not many people noticed but those who did sent me a weird look or a surprised smile but I just said hi and left, not wanting to discuss it at all. Sometimes, I forget that people in general love gossips, and that it's not just the paps I need to hide from.

Gladly, no one dared asking me questions and when I was ready to play the scene, I felt nervous all of a sudden. Dylan walked to me with a frown and bent down slightly, giving me a whiff of his deodorant. It made me smile and he whispered.

"Why so nervous?"

"We're supposed to kiss." I pointed out in a murmur, feeling slightly embarrassed by my own words and fear.

"Yea, we did that plenty of time." he replied back. "Relax, it's not even intimate, you know it, there's 25 persons with us on the set."

He was right and I breathed in and out to get some courage. I just thought it was different to kiss someone for a tv show when I was single versus when I was not. It made something jump in my chest when I remembered I was technically still single and for some reason, it didn't sit right with me. I suddenly wanted to be official with Niall. To fly back to Ireland right now and tell him I wanted to be his girlfriend. It was not a rational thought and I pushed it back, trying to focus on the scene I was about to be in. I was still not used to being an actress and I didn't know that much about all of it yet, but I knew that if I wanted to keep doing this job, I would probably have to kiss other people at some point. Perhaps, after a few years, it wouldn't be much of a deal anymore. Hopefully.

Everything went well and I tilted my head while biting my bottom lip as I looked at Dylan. It was incredible how 'in character' he could get and he sighed, raising his eyebrows up as he kept saying his text.

"You know you drive me crazy?"

I smiled proudly and shook my head. "My goal in life!"

I saw him take a few steps my way quickly and it couldn't have been more different than our first kiss was. This on-screen kiss was quick and hard and although it was totally different than the kisses we used to share in private, it still brought a bunch of memories of us in my brain. It was hard to think he was not thinking about the time we spent together too and when his hands reached the sides of my shirt near my waist, I shut my eyes tighter. He gripped my shirt in his fists and I kept my eyes closed when we stopped kissing before he brushed his nose against mine.

The first kiss I had had with Dylan was shy at the beginning and deep after a while. This one didn't come close to the real deal but I guess when feelings are involved, it's always stronger.

"That was the only way I could think about to shut you up." he whispered as I nodded slowly.

"Mm, I can't think of a better way."

He chuckled and I did too, my eyes fluttering open and I couldn't help but blink a few times when my gaze met his. I knew it was all acting but it felt weird to play that scene with him anyway. I sent him a smile and chuckled low and when I heard the 'cut!' I breathed out as all the stress evacuated from my body.

"You're fucking good at this, Olivia." Dylan just complimented me, making me smile a bit.

He patted my shoulder and I checked the time on my phone, grimacing when I realized Niall was probably not done with his show. I wanted to check the video he promised he would do while opening my envelop but I felt like it was too personal and decided I would wait until I was back home.

The rest of the scenes we were supposed to do went fast. Dylan was an incredibly good actor and a hard-working man. He rarely missed his lines or forgot his text and I always tried to be as good and professional as he was. It was crazy but he turned out to be a model for me but I had never taken the time to tell him.

He brought me back home and I was slightly sad when I realized I couldn't ask him to drop me at Niall's. It would make things so awkward and although I knew I could just take my car and drive there, It was way too late for that.

"Thanks so much for the ride, Dyl." I smiled and tilted my head. "I appreciate it."

"You're welcome, babe." I raised my nose up and he chuckled. "Okay, no cute names, I get it."

I waited a few seconds and licked my lips. "I never thanked you for teaching me so much about acting. So thank you. I look up to you a lot. I aspire to be as good as you are."

He sent me a smile but there was something in his eyes that I couldn't seem to decipher. Slowly, he nodded and I grabbed my purse, turning to him again.

"I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Sure, do you want me to pick you up?"

My lips parted and I took a few seconds to think. I really needed to talk to Niall about it, or else I would feel like I was lying to him, and I hated that.

"Oh, uhm, sure. Thanks, text me?"

He nodded and I got out of the car and I glanced at him a few times, knowing he would wait until I was safe and sound inside to actually leave. I waved at him and closed the door behind me, surprised that Louis was still awake and mostly, that he was alone.

"Hey my queen, how was the filming?" he asked without even looking at me.

"Nice." I admitted, taking my shoes off and walking up to the couch, letting myself fall next to him.

He moved his arm on the back of the couch, near my neck and I leaned my head against it.

"Tired?" he asked, finally turning to look at me as I nodded. "Go to bed, then. There's a gift waiting for you on your bed."

"A gift?" I asked, raising my eyebrows and sitting back up, suddenly interested. "From who?"

"Yours truly. I literally ordered it on ebay."

I frowned when I saw his smirk and felt my heart skip a beat. What stupid thing had he done again? I rushed to my room and opened the door but I stopped dead in my track and my jaw dropped. I walked slowly to my bed and chuckled before making a grimace. I grabbed the cushion and turned around only to see Louis, his hands in his pockets and leaning on the door frame as he sent me a bigger smirk.

"Are you fucking serious?" I chuckled, shaking the cushion with Niall's face on it. "He's like 18 on that damn picture!"

"More like 20. And hey, I picked one where you can actually take the cover off and wash it in the machine. If you want to... you know."

My eyes got bigger and I walked quickly to him as I hit him a few times with the cushion, making laugh even more as he tried to dodge my hits with his elbows and hands.

"What? You're gonna ride it, won't you?"

I started hitting him harder with it and he laughed more as he started running away. I followed him to the living room and raised my nose up again when I saw his smirk.

"You know what, Louis? I will. I'll ride that cushion naked, my damn cunt right on his face, and you'll know I'll do it because I'll fucking scream his name!"

His smile faltered and It made mine grow. "Yea about that, darling, you can wait 'til I'm out to do that yeah?"

"Yea, I don't think so."

He groaned and I laughed. "Good night, Louis!"

I didn't wait for his answer and walked back to my room, closing and locking the door behind myself. I took a very quick shower and when I finally got under the covers, I quickly checked the instagram I made for us. My heart jumped in my chest and my lips curled when I saw the first video posted. I licked my lips and finally clicked on it as Niall started talking. He looked amazing and just seeing him made me tear up.

"Hey my love." he started with a smile. He was totally ready to go on stage and it made me smile. He had his guitar and his ear monitors and I could see he was close to the stage. He had put his phone on something and was smiling so big that it made my smile grow too. "I fucking miss you. The flight was horrible, you know."

The truth was, he should have left probably a day earlier but we didn't really want to be separated. Now, however, he was jet lagged and tired and I felt a bit guilty about that.

"Okay so, I'm in Ireland and I wish you were here with me. Let's see what your note says." He quickly ripped off the side and I groaned. I didn't know why but watching someone open something in a way I didn't feel was the right one always bothered me. He took the paper out and I saw his face change and his lips part in surprise.

"Jesus Christ this smells like you!" he let out a bit louder. "How did you do that, petal?"

I chuckled alone in the darkness of my room and squirmed a bit as he read the words quickly, his facial expression changing as his eyes moved on the paper. He looked up and shook his head.

"I thought about you the whole flight, Liv." he admitted. "You're in all my thoughts too, lovely. I'm about to go sing a bunch of songs about you and damn, it's not gonna be easy. You call me as soon as you come back home okay? You step foot in the damn house and you pick your phone. I need to hear your voice. I love you."

The video stopped and I raised my eyebrows, quickly hitting on his name to facetime him. It took him half a second to answer and I chuckled. Seeing his face made me want to literally cry.

"Pet, fucking finally!" he let out, making me chuckle. "Hey, your hair's wet, you're in bed... you didn't call me as soon as you got home like I asked! Wait, is that your bed?"

I breathed in and sighed. "Yea I'm sorry I just watched your video. And I'm home because Dylan gave me a ride, so I couldn't really ask him to bring me back to your place."

Niall groaned and I sent him a sad smile, tilting my head.

"I wish he knew that you're with me now." he shook his head. "I know we're not... together but, you know..."

"I know, Nee. I know."

We stared at each other for a while, just happy to talk to each other live and after a while, I pressed my lips together and started the conversation again.

"So how was your show?"

"Great. Fucking amazing, in fact." he admitted, playing with his hair and making my heart twist in my chest. I wish I could slide my fingers in his hair, too. "I'll be in Dublin tomorrow."

My face changed and I sat up. "Are you gonna go through Mullingar?"

"Probably."

I held my breath and my lips parted slightly.

"If you see someone I know-"

"Yea, I'll call you."

My eyes fluttered and I finally found my smile back, leaning against the wall behind me. I could spend hours just sitting in bed, facetiming with him but keeping silence. Just knowing he was there was enough for me.

"Is there a secret written in every envelop you wrote or was it just for the first one?" he asked, a smirk forming on his lips.

I felt my cheeks burn slightly and nibbled on my bottom lip, making him laugh.

"It was not a secret just... something I never told you."

"Well if you want to tell me of all the times you masturbated thinking about me, please I'd love it." he explained, making me hide my face with my free hand. "Make a list and send it to me. I'll do that same."

"God you're impossible!" I laughed, rolling my eyes. "You tell a guy you rode his pillow one time in the morning when he was out for a run and suddenly you're naughty!"

"You are naughty, Liv." he laughed too. "Are you gonna show me?"

"Mm, Maybe."

We stared at each other for a few minutes and it made me realize how much lighter I felt whenever Niall was around. I knew he was not physically there at that moment but I still felt better, calmer and happier. It made me realize that I was in a perpetual state of stress since he had left and I felt even lighter now than after that kissing scene with Dylan. No one could make me feel good the way Niall did.

"It's morning there?" I asked as he nodded.

"It's 10 in the morning. Which means it's about 2am where you are? Go to bed, petal, you need a rest."

"Aren't you glad that I waited to call you? I probably would have woken you up!"

"You did." he pointed out with a soft smile. "That was the plan. I wanted to wake up seeing your face, sort of like you were here with me. Fuck, I wish you were here with me."

I felt myself tear up and tried to swallow my tears but it was too hard. I blinked a few times and a few tears slid down my cheeks. I didn't even try to stop them, I just kept staring at Niall until he frowned and shook his head.

"Pet, please, don't." he sat and his phone moved as I tried to stop a sob from escaping my lips and when he appeared on the screen again, he was rubbing his eyes with his thumb and forefinger and I held my breath when I realized he was crying too. "We'll be together soon enough, okay?"

He breathed in and I heard him sob slightly, making me bring my hand to my mouth as I nodded. "Mmhm yes." I whispered, trying to swallow my tears and pain.

It had only been a day and it was already tough. I had no idea how we'd go through weeks without each other but it scared the shit out of me. I brought my hand to my phone and let my fingertip run on his cheek, over the screen. It was ridiculous but I was desperate for his touch. I just wanted to be in his arms, just a few seconds, I would have done anything.

He chuckled sadly but his eyes were still red and I knew I probably looked the same. "I put your note under my pillow and now it smells like you." he admitted. "You're not physically with me, Olivia, but you're in my head and my heart okay?"

I nodded quickly. "You're in mine, too."

"We've always been connected, you and me." he added, licking his lips. "Nothing is ever going to change that, and certainly not distance. I fucking love you, petal."

"I love you too." I whispered before repeating it louder. "I fucking love you too, Niall."

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan story #niall horan writing #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan fanfiction #my fanfics #yam

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survivorgalaxysedge · 3 years

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Episode 4 | Space Cadet Blasting Off Again - Jessie

We swapped. And what a wild swap it is. I want from the Andro Tribe to the Circi Tribe. And so did Jonathan, Ari and Zoe. Four of us stuck together on a tribe of 5. We also have Ali with us. I’m worried Ali has an idol so I just don’t want us to lose at all. Let’s keep the good vibes flowing.

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AND NOW IM AM ON CALL WITH JONATHAN AND HE'S TELLING ME ABOUT THE EXACT PLACE I JUST WENT AND THE EXACT RIDDLE I DID LIKE "SOMEONE ALREADY GOT THERE" HELLLLPPPPPPPPP honestly this is what he gets for going off script! i had the room search under control and he was supposed to be in the hallway so it's not my fault he found my mess!

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I encountered an alien in the idol search! I sang them a song and viola! I have a special power. I have the ability to kidnap someone from another tribe, for a full round of the game. They compete in the challenge with us. They'll attend tribal council if we go, but can't be voted out. Kind of a neat little power. It has to be used before merge. So I guess we'll see what happens. If we started with 18, swapped at 15, I imagine that merge will be at 11. I've got a few tribals to figure out when/how to use this power, if I even decide to use it at all. Man, I am loaded. Hidden Immunity Idol and this now. On a DISGUSTING note, someone used a power on me to destroy 10 of my fuel. Thankfully it was only 10 and not a whole lot of it.

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I’m actually so annoyed Why the heck would you say “we should throw the challenge .” Like legit why. This is my favourite challenge and I’m not throwing . I get that Jacob hasn’t said a lot but seriously throwing a challenge to get rid of someone who seems kinda new is so stupid . I’m actually so annoyed rn so I’m typing my thoughts so I don’t yell at the person who said they don’t wanna take the time and edit because we are losing anyways . You know what maybe if you didn’t have such a negative attitude about the situation we could turn out a badass video . Did you ever think maybe the other tribe would be down right awful and we could pull out a win ? I’m so tired of my tribe constantly losing . Anyways updated thoughts or whatever because we had a tribe swap Jacob: said creative challenges aren’t his thing . Trying to talk to him more Cindi : we haven’t spoke I don’t think she likes me from our last game though which is fine I guess? Nathan : Original tribe loyalty I guess ? Jay: Jays pretty cool. Okay that’s it I just needed to vent so that’s why it’s confessional form I also still have my idol so flex I guess ? Idk that’s sounds kinda cringe This is Jessie the space cadet blasting off again

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I AM SWAP FUCKED

I SWEAR TO GOD MY GAME ENDS WITH THESE HOES

Keegan is going home

Fourth straight immunity win! This game is wild. I’ve never done so well before! And now I’ve got another 6 fuel, which is a total of 16 fuel from reward wins. With my hidden immunity idol, and my steal a player advantage, I feel unstoppable. But, things can change at a moments notice so I’m not going to stand on my high horse, I’m going to remain realistic. I don’t have any alliance chats, the only person who has straight up said they want to work with me is Jay who is now going to tribal. It’s almost a bad thing not attending tribal so many times, because I have nothing to test or prove loyalty. Who knows what will happen moving forward.

https://youtu.be/dm7Kta2n7hs

Well we just lost the challenge. Not that I'm surprised, we pretty much lost it when we didn't communicate for a whole day. I tried to do my part and get people discussing but once it was clear this wasn't gonna be a win for us, I just used it for strategy. I wanted to do my best despite the circumstances to prove that this tribe needs me since I'm active and good in challenges. And I think it worked! The judges shouted me out twice for my part in the video (even tho it kinda sucked, but I guess my white boy dancing was good in comparison). But anyways, I do like this tribe and I'm sad we lost, but I have a little theory on why some people didn't try so hard. It was discussed before the challenge even came out that we wanted Jacob out. How this happened was Nathan approached me as soon as we got onto the new tribe and we called and had a good talk on how we felt about the game. Turns out that the queen herself, Jessie Flynn, advocated for me as an ally to Nathan before we even swapped. And us both, and Jessie, all felt good about Cindi too. And ever since then, Nathan's been in my DMs talking about voting for Jacob. So overall I think I landed myself in a pretty sweet spot on this disaster of a tribe and hopefully we can get our shit together for the next challenge, cause things won't be so clear cut next time.

https://youtu.be/dm7Kta2n7hs

WE WON. THANK *GOD.* after flying across the country yesterday and dealing with several minor life crises, i literally spent the ENTIRETY of today working on that video - meaning from when i woke up at 10 to fifteen minutes before when it was due - and also spent seven whole dollars at the dollar tree for props & costumes soooooo if we had not won i would've been quite embarrassed. i was nervous about the editing part, as i've not ever actually put together a music video challenge, just weird silly videos like me as zac efron.... but it turned out okay! i'm not 100% satisfied with my work (i wanted to put more transition effects & it needed more variety / staging to make it less repetitive) but hey it was a thousand miles above the other teams' submissions so i will take it!!! and i never have to listen to space jam again!! anyway, i guess this means another boring day around camp. winning reward got me two more adventure missions, which i used to mostly complete the outside portion of the quest and jonathan is i think gonna finish it off for us tonight. i am hoping/assuming he'll get whatever is there since it's been literally only 48 hours since this started and the door keypad had five zillion combos, and that'd mean that's the last thing in this adventure probably? oh wait nvm we still have a shit ton of stuff to check in the hallway i should do that next. but yeah so that'll be good and i hope it is an advantage or a disadvantage that he won't play on me LOL. if i wake up and all my fuel is destroyed.... i know where you've been jonny! not much else to report right now. it sounds like ali's doing a good job of getting himself in the good graces of zoe and jonathan, which is the most ideal scenario for me so we can say bye-bye keegan. i was a bit worried that if we lost this challenge i wouldn't have a plausible reason to argue to jonathan for keeping ali - or actually, more likely, i think he would have wanted to vote zoe? she hasn't been around as much and he did express concern on saturday about whether she's doing okay. luckily though, this W has bought me a few more days to work on getting the people i like to like each other.

https://youtu.be/F4_Sylzyxyw

UGH UGH UGH I GOT TRIBE FUCKEDDDDDDD IM WITH MJ WHO I JUST SLASHED THE VOTE OF AND LIED TO AND THE OTHER 3 ARE FROM THE SAME TRIBE. GOD DAMN IT. UGH but on the other hand we won immunity and it'll give me time to get to know my other tribe mates. I just hope this isnt a "tribe strong" battle in this game. I hope everyone are free agents

woo! ari and i are together in the swap as well as keegan and jonathan, and ali wound up with us as well on the new circi tribe. we won the music video challenge so the streak continues. i’m very tired!

so the tribe swap went pretty much the best it possibly could, as i got swapped majority with the two members of my tribe i talked to the most. we won immunity so i'm chilling for another week. unfortunately, mj and silver seem to have no interest in talking to me. both of them left me on read after i initiated conversation. so. sits.

So despite the easy seeming vote, I'm still gonna be nervous until the votes get read. These players are no joke, especially knowing that Alex was completely blindsided by Nathan and Jessie. I'm staying positive because I think it's like, a 90% chance I'm in the clear, but you really don't know until you know LOL. I'm just trying to set up my position on this tribe and for the future. I've gone to Cindi, Jessie, and Nathan individually and reassured them that I'm with them for the long haul. And for now I mean it, but if any of them get too dangerous then ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ sorry not sorry~ looking specifically at you Nathan 👀

nothing rlly to say tbh happy we swapped!!!!! and happy we won!!!!!! happy to be here with jules. havent really talked much since swapping honestly but i think i'd like to work with jules and asya and somehow get silver tf up outta here when we get the chance!!!!!

https://youtu.be/kt66vebpU4k

https://youtu.be/t5x52CJdhjI

TRIBAL AGAIN. I'm so nervous. I'm the only one from Circi so that's an easy swap screwed if you ask me. But I hope I'm ok. I think I've made a good bond with Jay Nathan and jessie and they all say we're voting for Cindi so fingers crossed it's not all an elaborate ruse on me

First tribal should be a unanimous vote. I told Nathan if he voted me out I'd block him and our 50 day snap streak would be toast and, like, tbh I think that would crush him. Jay and I want to work together. The only one who might've been sketched out is Jessie but she doesn't have the numbers. It feels insane to be this not paranoid before tribal when I know Jacob is pushing my name...but also I literally don't think that he could get me out?? Like, Nathan and I were/are a dynamic duo so I do not know how he would flip. Jay flipping makes zero sense. The ONLY people this would benefit or be a neutral for is Jessie and Jacob. The only way I go is if Nathan and Jay are two of the dumbest players on the planet.

Tribals in an hour we lost Big sad energy I guess my hearts really going to supernova

#toinfinityandsurvive

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phandomsecretvalentines · 6 years

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Tell Me Everything Will Be Alright

This is my fic (and my first phanfic wow) for the 2018 Phandom Secret Valentines, and my valentine is @citrouillephan!

I hope you enjoy! -from your valentine, @realityfallsapart

tags: fluff, angst, 2009 AU

words: 4.7k

Summary: Dan Howell tends to get lost in his head and his thoughts have a habit of ruling him even when he doesn’t want them to. When he and his best friend finally have a chance at meeting, Dan starts to wonder if he is actually good enough for the amazing human being that is Phil Lester.

(ao3 link)

(Thank you so much to @moonbeamphan for reading this over and helping me! This wouldn’t be as good without you!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dan typed his answer and sent it by hitting enter before leaning back in his chair and letting out a shaky breath that seemed to rattle his insides. His laptop chirped quietly, announcing that Phil had replied to him. He couldn’t bring himself to look at it right away. Finally, after a few moments, he flicked his eyes down to the white screen of the computer in his lap where Phil’s most recent message seemed to glare up at him.

Phil :) (9:47 PM)

i know!

i can’t believe it either!

For a few moment, Dan could do nothing but stare at the screen; at the black words disrupting the artificial white light. It was the only thing that gave Dan any sort of illumination in his room; everything else was dark. He bit his lip and thought about the possible pros and cons of shutting his laptop and burying his head under his duvet to pretend that everything was fine because it was. It’s all fine.

Dan shook his head and reached his hands down to the keyboard. He wouldn't—couldn’t—do that to Phil. Phil deserved so much better than that. His numb fingers typed out a small sentence, only realizing that it had several typos until after he had sent it. He mentally kicked himself for it.

Dan ^-^ (9:51 PM)

Me niether! it seems like thsi would n e v e r happen!

**neither, this

Jeez i can spell

Phil :) (9:51 PM)

idk dan are you sure you can def spell? those seem like some pretty beginner mistakes…

Dan knew Phil was kidding. He knew that it was just Phil playing around with Dan like they normally did. Like they had been doing for months at this point. But in Dan’s heightened state of anxiety and stress, he couldn’t help but berate himself further. God, Phil must think of him as a kid now, he can’t even spell right!

Dan crashed back into his mattress, groaning and squeezing his eyes shut.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid….” he muttered, hitting his forehead with his hand with every word.

Looking back on this moment, Dan would laugh and realize how utterly idiotic his anger with himself was coming from, but right now, in bed with the lights off and by himself, he couldn’t help but magnify the issue. He had been anxious and stressed without a pause this entire week.

He looked up at his ceiling, sighing in growing frustration towards himself, but it wasn’t just because of his inability to catch his typos. In fact, it had nothing to do with them. The typos had just tipped him right over the edge and all of his insecurities crashed over him like waves, his head nearly going under the tide.

To say he wasn’t good enough was an understatement. To say that Phil deserved a much better best friend than Dan was even more of one. Phil was older, more experienced, more mature, funny, smart, kind, and extremely compassionate. He had a great time making pretty successful and entertaining videos (at least in Dan’s opinion, and he would always fight anyone who said otherwise) on the side, on top of balancing life. Dan was younger, so much more less experienced with everything, he got overwhelmed with life and spent the majority of his time curled up under his covers surfing through the waves of his latest existential crisis or playing PC video games that he would forget about within the next 24 hours. He was purgatory in the form of a human and an incredibly underwhelming one at that.

He wasn’t sure how long exactly he laid there, stewing in his self-deprecation and wishing that he was better. Better in literally every aspect, maybe then he would finally be worth Phil’s time, if only a little bit. His computer chirped again, and then twice more minutes later in rapid succession, as if angry. Dan grasped for the thing, pulling it up to his chest, lacking the energy to sit back up.

Phil :) (10:07 PM)

Dan you know im joking right?

Phil :) (10:16 PM)

Dan? you still there? i was joking i promise you can make all the typos you want

u didnt fall asleep did you?

Dan couldn’t help the watery smile that turned the corners of his mouth up, albeit it being a small one. Phil had that effect on him even if Dan was falling apart on the inside. Just a little though, he was fine.

Dan ^-^ (10:18 PM)

nooo im not sleeping

Phil :) (10:18 PM)

Dan ^-^ (10:19 PM)

why the frowny face

Dan tried to keep the fear out of his thoughts but the talons of doubt had already settled around his heart. Was Phil mad that he didn’t answer right away? Would-

His laptop signaled the arrival of Phil’s reply, and Dan really didn’t know if he wanted to slam the lid of his computer shut or jump at the opportunity to find out if he had just ruined the best friendship he had ever had. Ever will. He went for the latter.

(Dan supposed he might be overreacting, but then again, when wasn’t he, it seemed?)

Phil :) (10:20 PM)

did i insult your typing skills one too many times? is that why you disapeared?

*disappeared

Dan used the best coping mechanisms for dealing with his anxiety that he knew: humor and avoidance. Together, they were a formidable force and Dan had spent a large majority of his time perfecting their potency.

Dan ^-^ (10:20 PM)

now look who’s making the typos

Phil :) (10:20 PM)

Dan.

He gulped. Now he had done it. Fuck. He had to fix this.

Dan ignored the roar behind his ears that seemed to be screaming that he should just ignore this all, pray that things would magically fix themselves and change the topic. That was his fear talking. His self-abandonment. His anxiety. His everything. Phil was worth so much more. So Dan pushed it all away for just long enough to reply.

Dan ^-^ (10:21 PM)

sorry, joke

no, thats not why i ran away

i was just thinking, thats all

Phil :) (10:21 PM)

were you doing it again

Dan tried to pretend that he didn’t know what Phil was talking about and simultaneously cursed himself for telling Phil about his increasing habit for getting lost in his thoughts. He failed. He knew exactly what Phil was talking about.

Back, about three weeks ago in a later-than-normal conversation where all of their inhibitions seemed to dissipate, Dan had finally come clean about how sometimes thoughts got the best of him. He would crumble under them, get so completely and utterly lost in his head that he would sometimes stay there for hours on end, picking apart anything that his conscience decided to dig up. And it hindered Dan, made him hate himself just that much more, made him hate how easily his anxieties held him hostage, stuck. But he couldn’t do much about it, it seemed, for whenever he got lost in his head, he always forgot that he had to get out.

Dan gulped. He had to lie his way out of this. He knew that Phil didn’t like it when Dan got stuck. He could pull off nonchalance, right?

Dan ^-^ (10:22 PM)

Phil :) (10:22 PM)

im not convinced

you were werent you

Dan ^-^ (10:23 PM)

does my word not count for anything lol

Phil :) (10:24 PM)

maybe if we were talking and i could see your face it’d count

Dan ^-^ (10:24 PM)

what’s my face got to do with anything?

Phil’s bubble appeared on the screen once, twice, three times, before he apparently decided on what he was going to say and sent it. The entire time Dan was a few words away from having a breakdown. His hands were shaking. His mind was racing faster than normal. Faster than it had in what seemed like a very long time.

Phil :) (10:26 PM)

bc then i could tell if you were lying

tho rn i dont even need that

Dan ^-^ (10:26 PM)

are u seriously saying im lying

Phil :) (10:27 PM)

yeah

you did everything that you always do when you arent telling the truth

you joked

changed / focused the conversation onto smth else

and besides

ive gathered that you really dont like to talk about the things that bother you. you like to ignore them and stuff

Dan ^-^ (10:28 PM)

so how bout we not talk about them then

Phil :) (10:29 PM)

normally, maybe

but not with this

Dan ^-^ (10:29 PM)

and why not?

Phil :) (10:29 PM)

bc i dont like it when you beat yourself up in your head

Dan ^-^ (10:30 PM)

who said i was beating myself up in my head

Phil :) (10:30 PM)

… dan :/

youre avoiding again

Dan cursed himself. God, since when could Phil read him like a book?

Dan ^-^ (10:32 PM)

fine. maybe i am

what are you gonna do about it philly?

Phil :) (10:32 PM)

daaaaannnnnn

you arent allowed to beat yourself up

no ones allowed to

especially you!

Dan giggled, just a little. He couldn’t help it when Phil was being…well, Phil.

Dan ^-^ (10:33 PM)

and why not? Hmm?

Phil :) (10:34 PM)

bc youre my favorite person silly

my favorite person cant be sad. its just the rules

Dan ^-^ (10:35 PM)

oh yeah? whose rules then, oh wise philip

Phil :) (10:35 PM)

ew dont call me philip my nan calls me that

and theyre my rules

my rules for my favorite person

Dan ^-^ (10:35 PM)

suuurrreee phil. sure its a rule

*philip

Phil’s cursor didn’t appear seconds after Dan had sent his message like usual. Insead, nothing appeared. Their good-natured banter had eased the storm raging inside of Dan and his thoughts and anxieties had died down a little, much more easier to bear with the distraction Phil was giving him, but with the sudden disappearance of his best friend, they came back full force. All of his doubts spilled into the front of his conscience. He shivered. It wasn’t from the cold.

Dan watched the little digital clock at the bottom of his laptop screen count the minutes falling away. One, two, three, four, five, god did what did he do-

Phil :) (10:41 PM)

[multimedia image: click to load]

With his heart in his throat, Dan clicked, and a small window appeared, momentarily covering their chat from Dan’s view. It was hard to make out, the quality bad and the image itself grainy and dark, but it was of a piece of paper lying atop two legs clad in bright pyjamas that Dan could immediately connect to Phil and his eccentric personality. He could make out the tip of Phil’s finger at the top of the shot, too. Squinting, he looked at the paper itself, zooming in to make out the words penned in Phil’s handwriting.

Rules:

1. Dan Howell is my favorite person

2. No one is allowed to make fun of him

3. ESPECIALLY if that “no one” is Dan himself

Dan started to laugh. Only Phil would actually make a list of “rules”. Only Phil.

Before Dan could reply, Phil was typing again.

Phil :) (10:43 PM)

there. proper rules written on proper paper. you have to follow them now

Dan ^-^ (10:44 PM)

i cant believe that you actually wrote rules you spork

but fine! i guess if i have to lol

Dan was still working heavily with avoiding the whole situation entirely, just like with what he was doing to the problem causing him so much stress to begin with, but he couldn’t help it. It’s just how he was.

Phil :) (10:46 PM)

so you admit to your crimes xD

but anyways

you were stuck in your head again

which is okay, i mean, i understand that it’s something you cant help

Dan felt like he was going to cry. Phil’s assurance that Dan’s mind running in panicked circles was perfectly okay was almost too much. Phil’s compassion was almost too much.

But it appeared that Phil wasn’t done, because his laptop dinged quietly again.

Phil :) (10:47 PM)

can i ask whats got you so sad and worried

so i can beat it up

obvs

Now Dan really wanted to cry. How could he tell Phil that the reason was him? How could he say that the root of this ball of anxiety and stress and worrying that had taken over him was Phil himself?

He couldn’t do that to Phil, not when his best friend would undoubtedly take it hard. God, if Phil knew why Dan kept getting lost in himself, he would be crushed.

Dan ^-^ (10:51 PM)

noooo

Phil :) (10:51 PM)

are you sure? i wont judge you dan, i swear it doesnt matter if you think i wont like it

i just wanna be here for you

If Dan wasn’t crying earlier, he was now, a few select tears dripping down his cheeks, brimming with the emotions that had been taking over him this past week. Phil was…too much. He was too kind, too sweet, too undeserving of someone like Dan. God, Phil deserved the whole world, he shouldn’t have to settle with Dan.

Another message appeared on Dan’s screen, as but this one didn’t seem like normal, it was a little off, a little rushed, a little…something. Dan couldn’t place it.

Phil :) (10:53 PM)

bc youre my best friend.

obvs. xD

If Dan wasn’t so out of it and was able to think clearly, he might have questioned Phil’s “clarification” of why and what sense he wanted to be there for him, but Dan was not in the best state of mind and he thought nothing of it.

Dan looked at his screen again. He still had to acknowledge Phil’s question, and he wasn’t sure how to go about it. He wanted to tell Phil he already told him everything, have Phil reassure him and tell him that everything was going to be okay again, like he normally did. But Dan couldn’t. He couldn’t lie again, once was already once too many, and something told Dan that if he tried to ignore it or change the topic, Phil would just call him out again.

Fuck.

Dan ^-^ (10:56 PM)

it doesnt matter

Phil :) (10:56 PM)

yes it does

its enough to make you get lost in that head of yours, so it matters

Dan ^-^ (10:57 PM)

phil we both know it doesnt take much for me to get lost in my thoughts

Phil :) (10:58 PM)

still

something is bothering you and i want to fix it

Dan bit his lip. God, Phil had no idea how badly he wanted to let him fix this. He couldn’t though. He just couldn’t.

Dan ^-^ (10:58 PM)

nooo phil, you cant fix this one

Phil :) (10:58 PM)

>:(

you cant even let me try?

Always, always, but just not with this. Dan couldn’t tell Phil this, not when it would hurt him.

Dan ^-^ (11:00 PM)

no phil, not with this sorry :(

Phil :) (11:01 PM)

:((((

okay

i may not like it but i can respect that

will you tell me tomorrow?

Dan looked at the screen, thinking about it. Tomorrow was what he was worried about to begin with. Could he tell Phil tomorrow? He wasn’t sure. Well, it didn’t matter if things went good or not, Dan mused, tomorrow Dan’s fears would either be affirmed or destroyed.

He could only hope.

Dan ^-^ (11:03 PM)

sure

tomorrow

Phil :) (11:03 PM)

yay!!!

Dan laughed, breathily.

Phil :) (11:03 PM)

oooh! look at the time!

its getting so late bear wow

guess we should get to sleep so we dont fall asleep on each other tomorrow huh? xD

Dan’s heart physically melted at the use of Phil’s pet name for him. He only used it occasionally, but it never failed to make Dan’s heart stutter in his chest and the butterflies in his belly to flit around faster, making him feel almost giddy. Hopeful.

God he sounded so stupid right now. Anxious and stressed out of his mind yet still acting like a little kid with their first crush.

Stupid feelings.

Dan ^-^ (11:05 PM)

yeah i guess we should!

night philly :)

Phil :) (11:05 PM)

goodnight dan!! :D

see you tomorrow!

(ps, idk whats bothering you and thats okay but i hope whatever it is it works out for you :“) )

Ah yes. That’s what it boiled down to. Tomorrow morning Dan would board a train and take it up to Manchester to spend some time with Phil. The first time that they would see each other in real life, not just behind a computer screen. They had skyped before and texted and chatted for countless hours over countless days, but the thought of tomorrow still made Dan want to throw up.

He wasn’t good enough for Phil. He was just so terrified that tomorrow Phil would see that.

Dan ^-^ (11:06 PM)

After hitting send Dan thrust the lid to his laptop down and pushed it off of his chest, letting it fall onto the bed. Dan felt sick again. He was so scared about tomorrow because there were so many things that could go wrong and so many flaws that Phil could discover about Dan and so many, so many, ways for what is supposed to be the best day of Dan’s life to turn out to be his worst.

God, he hated his anxiety for always picking things apart. Always fucking with Dan’s own head.

Dan rolled over and grabbed his duvet, pulling it up and wishing that it would just swallow him whole. Fuck. He couldn’t do it tomorrow. He couldn’t handle this stress.

Taking a deep breath, Dan clutched his duvet tighter in his grasp and tried to keep his lip from wobbling.

Right now he just wanted to sleep. He wanted to forget that he didn’t feel good enough, that yet again his insecurities were screwing him over, that he wanted to cry. He wanted to forget. Unfortunately for Dan the universe didn’t agree and he ended up staying awake for hours after the he had closed his laptop, the entire time doing nothing but thinking, getting lost in his head, and wishing that his thoughts would just turn off.

For once.

Please.

~~~~~~

Dan slung his bag over his shoulder. His fingers felt numb. Unlike his greatest hopes, the fitful-at-best night’s sleep did nothing to alleviate Dan’s terror. If anything, it had only magnified it because now it was today and Dan couldn’t run anymore.

He took a cab to the station, and he ended up being earlier than he needed to be, having about an extra ten minutes to wait for his train. He sat on a bench, his legs nothing but jelly at this point, his fears making it quite easy to foresee his long legs from just giving out on him. Dan didn’t want to make an embarrassment of himself on top of it all, so he tried to calm his racing heart while he sat.

With no luck.

Of course.

Dan looked down at the ticket in his hand. It would be so easy to not go. To walk right out of the station, spend the weekend at home instead of with Phil, and not risk Phil seeing how utterly underwhelming Dan was as a person. He could lie, could say that he ran late, missed his train, maybe his parents changed their minds and didn’t let Dan go.

But God, as Dan looked down at the paper in his trembling hand, he couldn’t help but know that he wouldn’t be able to actually go through with not leaving. He wouldn’t be able to lie to Phil, not about something this big—who was he kidding, he had a hard enough time lying to Phil last night over something so small!

But more than that, Dan knew that it was much more than not being able to lie to Phil. He had wanted to meet Phil ever since he had started to watch his videos, and the sentiment had only increased tenfold with their fast friendship. Phil was now much more than a hero, much more than a few minutes of distraction. He was Phil, Dan’s AmazingPhil, and he was his best friend. That lanky black-haired boy was worth so so much in Dan’s eyes, and he couldn’t, couldn’t, leave him in the dust like that. God it wouldn’t just kill Phil, but it would kill Dan too. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself.

Dan had been thinking too hard. Before he knew it the train was pulling into the station and Dan gulped, raising on still-shaky legs and gripping the strap of his bag so hard he didn’t even have to look to know that his knuckles were blotched white.

As Dan took his seat, a new resolve washed over him. He would go. He would endure this train ride that undoubtedly would be the most anxiety-inducing thing he had done in a very long time—possibly ever—and he would do it for Phil. If Phil would reject him or not, he would try not to dwell on it on the coming trip (a losing battle, Dan knew), but he would still go.

For Phil.

~~~~~

Dan’s heart was going so fast he was sure that he was going to pass out. His hands, his arms, legs, his whole body was trembling.

Manchester’s Piccadilly Station.

Dan was here.

There was a decent amount of people on the station as far as Dan could see as the train pulled in, but none of them looked like his best friend.

The train came to a stop and Dan stood, the first to make it to the doors and there when they opened.

Strangely enough, when the doors pulled open and Dan took a step out into the station, he stopped trembling. His heart slowed—not by much, but it slowed—and this whole thing didn’t seem quite as scary. Sure, Dan’s thoughts were still screaming in his head, sure, his anxiety was still off the charts, and sure, his hands were still sweaty and his breath was still shallow but still. It was as if a calm had washed over him.

Dan wasn’t sure what to make of it. Maybe he was just going into shock.

People busied around him, walking this way and that, talking into cell phones, to other people, some silent. Dan, unsure of everything right now, followed where the general push of people were guiding him, the whole time craning his head, looking for his Phil. He tried not to panic. He tried.

But with every second the calm that had overtook him was shrinking and his anxiety steadily increased.

Did Phil forget? Did he stand me up? Oh God he’s not coming he didn’t come-

"Dan!”

Dan whirled around at the sound of his name, uttered by a voice that sounded so much better when it wasn’t distorted by their shitty computer’s speakers.

Before Dan could register really anything, he was being engulfed in a hug, two strong arms wrapping themselves around Dan’s shoulders, pulling him flush against the figure.

Against Phil.

And instantly all of the shouting in Dan’s head was gone. The slight tremble in his hands vanished, and for the first time in a week, his anxiety was gone without a trace. Dan felt like crying.

Dan gasped in surprise, his brain taking a moment to reboot because Phil didn’t forget, didn’t stand him up, didn’t change his mind, and suddenly Dan felt very, very stupid because how could he ever think that Phil would do something like that. This was Phil, the kindest person on the planet.

Phil pulled away, just a little, just enough so they could see each other’s faces, and Dan had to keep himself from pulling Phil back in.

His smile was so wide, easily the widest Dan had ever seen it. And his eyes, oh God those eyes were a thousand times clearer, a thousand times more mesmerizing than behind a screen. Dan didn’t doubt for a second that he could stand here and look into them for the rest of the day without tiring of their never-ending beauty. Fuck. Why did his eyes have to be so gorgeous.

Dan tore his eyes away from Phil’s and looked over the rest of him, from his broad shoulders that Dan wanted to wrap his arms around, to the tussle of his hair that Dan craved to run his fingers through and the line of his jaw that Dan felt the need to trace. Double fuck. Why did the entirety of Phil have to be gorgeous.

“Dan! I can’t believe you’re here! I have today all planned out; I’m going to show you everything!” Phil said excitedly, a twinkle as clear as day in his eyes. Phil was practically vibrating with excitement and it made a smile spread over Dan’s features. Phil’s happiness was contagious.

Phil stopped his rambling, looking down at Dan sheepishly.

“I mean, if that’s all okay with you. If you don’t want to do something that’s okay, I totally get it. We can do anything you want, I-”

Dan tilted his head back and laughed, laughed because Phil seemed nervous. Phil was nervous and it was adorable.

“Yeah, yeah Phil it’s all fine. All of it, don’t worry. I just can’t believe you want to do it all with me.”

Phil’s smile faded a little, and the twinkle in his eye got that much smaller. He looked a little sad.

“Was this what you were so worried about? That I wouldn’t like you?”

Dan bit his lip and looked down, giving a little nod.

Phil pulled Dan right back into a hug, but this time it felt even more real, and it was impossibly tighter. It felt like Phil was pulling all of Dan’s lost pieces together. Phil’s voice was in his ear.

“Of course I like you, Dan. You’re my best friend. I like you more than anyone else. Promise.”

Dan might have just felt like crying, in that moment. Phil accepted him. He wasn’t going to leave him. Things were okay. They were okay.

He knew that this would hit him later, maybe tonight when he had a chance to process things. He’d probably cry out of relief, but it would all be okay because Phil would be there to hold him together and ease all of Dan’s worries.

Soon enough they set off, hand in hand, and Dan was smiling so wide, so, so wide. He couldn’t have been happier with how things had turned out.

Dan looked sideways at Phil, trying to not be too obvious.

This had worked out so maybe, just maybe, something else could work out for him.

~~~~~

Dan stood at the window, a cup of coffee in his hand. It was early, and he could see the technicolor dream across the sky that was that morning’s sunrise. The steam from his coffee rose from the rim of the cup and slowly diffused into nothing; tendril-like hands wisped up and around Dan’s neck.

It had been nearly nine years.

Dan’s nervousness and dark thoughts never ceased to plague him, however, he learned to deal with it better. He could confidently say that he has never been happier.

It had been nearly nine years, and they were still inseparable. Their channels had grown exponentially, and they boasted an insanely large fan community.

As the years had gone by, their strong, unbreakable friendship slowly blossomed into something remarkably beautiful. Their long Skype calls turned into late night kisses, and they had been happily in love for nearly nine years.

Dan twisted the ring on his third finger. As well as being happily in love, they were also engaged to be married within the next year. Lately, he’d been waking up in complete disbelief.

The thing Dan had wanted so desperately to work out for him did, and in the most perfectly perfect way possible.

#submission

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