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ratcandy · 3 years

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CoGR Abridged/Summarized

Hello hello! My name is Clam, otherwise known as Squeakyclam on Ao3, and this is a heavily summarized/shortened version of my HK fic Camouflage of Great Renown. For anyone somehow finding this that doesn't know what it's about, CoGR focuses on Zote and his story through the game and what preceded it. He recounts his entire life up until the end of what's known in canon, and this includes a whole lot of angst, growth, realizations, and Trauma Revelations.

Oh, and he's a nosk. Zote is a nosk. Yep.

I've had a few requests for a summary, as the work is super long and reading through 130k+ words of Zote dialogue may not be for everyone, hehehe so I've compiled all the important plot points and wrote them out here in order of his story, rather than the plotline CoGR goes through specifically (in which big events in his history are revealed later on).

If I had to recommend reading the fic for anything, it'd be the... impact, I suppose? 'Cause reading the summarized events here will NOT be anything like reading it in CoGR. Seeing as the fic is all in Zote's pov and he actually has to force himself to admit all of this aloud. But I digress!!

Here's a summary of Zote's life according to CoGR.

THIS IS A VERY, VERY LONG POST DESPITE BEING A SUMMARY. I'm sorry, CoGR just has a lot happening! T/W for mentions of death.

A lot more heavy stuff happens in CoGR, but in this summary I do my best to step around those subjects. If you think more T/Ws should be added, let me know, and I'll put them here

Nosks were a species that inhabited Deepnest, specifically living in a den towards the nest's depths. It split off into lots of tunnels and caverns that each nosk lived in. "Society" there was very hostile and unwelcoming, as nosks valued brute strength over just about anything else. Caring for another nosk - be it kin or otherwise - was considered weak. "Burdens" to the den, such as nosks that were badly wounded, would/could not hunt, or were simply getting too old would be killed off. Death in and of itself was very common and hardly anyone would bat an eye at it.

Think the Mantis Tribe but largely feral and without a shred of decency of morals.

Runt donning mask of citizen was born into the nosk den alongside his brother, who would become hunter donning hide of tiktik.

(Before anyone asks, these are just the naming conventions that nosks have. No one but the nosk superiors - the leaders of the den - are granted actual names.)

A third egg was among them, but the brother broke it open and ate the younger sibling not long after hatching.

The two were born under a superior (their mother) and her chosen mate (their father). They were expected to grow up strong and eventually overtake their mother and become superiors. Or, one of them would, maybe.

The runt (Zote) was immediately scorned by the mother, as he was extremely frail and useless, and she just about killed him off right after he hatched - but his father stepped in, and the runt was left alive.

Zote grew up to be a weak nosk who could barely defend himself in a den full of beasts that would gladly kill him if doing so wouldn't be a direct offense to a superior. His brother was cruel to him, his father berated him constantly, and his mother was hardly in the picture at all. Only ever watching him distastefully from afar.

His father did, however, train him, if only sparingly. The least he could do to keep Zote alive. (Doing so would be a death wish were any other nosks to find out about it...)

However, an elder in the den - hunter donning mask of weaver - gained Zote's attention as she told him fantastical stories from outside the den. This elder had spent a good portion of her life among the Weavers, initially being sent to learn about them (to make them easier to hunt) but growing interested in their culture and choosing to stay. Until she did something to get her chased out.

At any rate, she told the stories from the Weavers to Zote, alongside news of what was happening outside of Deepnest. This caused the runt to become obsessed with the idea of being a knight, as the stories just sounded!! So amazing and heroic and awesome and!!! :D Yea!! He wanted to be just like that!

To the point where he even carved a sword out of the shellwood... with the den elder's help. He named it Life-Ender eventually.

At some point, however, his father found out about all this. His father figured that the only way to eliminate this problem - as wishing to be something heroic that saved lives or whatever was SO unnosk-like (and would get him killed) - was to kill the den elder.

Before she died, the elder told Zote to run away from the den, and not to return no matter what. The idiot did not run, and because of this, he witnessed the Den Elder's death at the hands of his father and some other nosks.

Man! this does, however, cause Zote to be more... "open" about his ideas. By this I mean he begins carrying Life-Ender around instead of hiding it in his nest. what do you mean it's a comfort item what! no he's just rebelliously showing off how much he wants to be a knight. totally. 100% /s

well, anyway, not long after this, the idiot's father dies at the claws of his mother. Zote unfortunately witnesses this as well. When he tries to run, his mother catches him, nearly killing him as well. Luckily(?), this attempt is thwarted by Zote's brother, who was very distraught over their father's death. The brother swears to kill the mother before storming off. Zote runs into hiding (still in the nosk den), and begins devising his plan so to get the hell out of there.

Of the few times that Zote leaves his nest after his father's death, 90% of them ended with him getting pummeled by his brother. The latter was livid, blaming the father's death on Zote and frequently bursting into fits of emotional rage. Rage is great for nosks, other emotions not so much.

On one occasion in particular, the brother goes too far, nearly killing Zote. In the scuffle, Life-Ender is shattered, and that sends Zote into a blind anger (mixed with survival instinct as he's About to Die). Zote then kills his brother.

A crowd had gathered around them during the fight. In that crowd was Zote's mother, who looked to him approvingly after he'd killed off his brother. This terrified Zote, so he gathered the pieces of Life-Ender and fled the den forever.

Stopping at the hot spring in Deepnest, he made a disguise for himself based on the vessels that nosks would often capture. He made a new name for himself, took on an entirely new identity, and decided to abandon the idea that he was ever a nosk. He would just go to the City, be knighted by the King (who he'd heard of from the stories the Den Elder would tell him), and live out his life as a knight. Just like he always wanted. Not as a nosk. because he's not that.

The events that follow now are just very short summaries of things that happen throughout cogr.

- He breaks a statue in the Queen's station on accident after a bug finds him there. as a nosk. oops

- He obliterates the entire uoma population /j and burns himself in the process

- He repairs Life-Ender originally using mushrooms in the Fungal Wastes. Fungal adhesion is real I checked I swear

- He makes it to the City of Tears! and while there, he

Gets caught by Hegemol who mistakes him as a vessel

Drowns in the City's gutters

Purchases a cloth to wrap around Life-Ender

Hears the Pale King talk one (1) time and immediately decides he hates him

- While leaving the City, he finds a grub. That grub never really gets named, but as he frequented calling the little thing "Fiend," and the grub eventually began responding to that title, he just considers it a name for them now.

- Zote travels with the grub throughout the Crossroads until he drops them off with the Grubfather, being rewarded for reuniting them but overall feelings pretty :( about it.

- He then goes to the. So you know the houses that are underneath the Gruzz Mother's lil arena? Yea that place. he goes there and "guards" it, becoming that place's self-proclaimed knight.

- then he starts being paranoid about the grub and returns to the grubfather only to see all the grubs have been stolen. he presumes Fiend is dead from this point on (and dodges around ever using the word).

- Then he goes back to the lil town place only to see everyone's infected :(

- We then spend TEN CHAPTERS!! in Greenpath. In which he

eats a plant and dies

Stands in No Eyes's tomb.

Visits the Lake of Unn (and nothing bad happens)

Sees a nosk at the entrance to Fog Canyon and proceeds to have a panic attack

Kills everything

Gets caught by the Vengefly king

Gets saved!

has a breakdown

Yells at Ghost and then Leaves

- Canon starts!

- He stops in Dirtmouth, listens to Elderbug talk, gets told the Myth of the Great old Nosks who are now all Extinct. The news that nosks are now extinct freaks Zote out a little, but he absolutely refuses to return to Deepnest. He doesn't need to make sure. It's fine.

- In an effort to convince himself not to go to Deepnest, he goes to the City again, thinking it can't possibly be all that ba-- oh no everyone's dead!

- he inadvertently steals a map marker from Ghost and decides to use that as a pin for his cloak

- Zote returns to Deepnest. He's very upset with himself for this, but he just has to know if all the nosks are actually extinct now.

The answer is yes

but before that he gets caught by dirtcarvers and put in a web and has to be saved. this makes him angry

Upon seeing all the dead nosks once he gets to the den, and noticing that the last nosk was mimicking Ghost (evidenced by the mask left behind) before it died, he decides that he's gotta Kill Everything again

- more specifically we're going to the Colosseum now.

- Zote's fear of water evaporates as he goes through the secret passage in the King's Station to get to Kingdom's Edge. He only found it because he saw Ghost go that way

- While at the Kingdom's Edge, he gets caught by the Fools, who he stupidly challenges and then immediately gets caught by.

- sits in dumb baby jail for a while. mean to tiso

- Then the colosseum battle happens! He does not win he then gets dropped down into kingdom's edge with little regard toward whether he's dead or alive

- He grabs a Fool's helmet before leaving, going back to Dirtmouth, and intending to bury that thing

- this goes wrong as he bumps into Bretta. He then sits and talks with her for God Only Knows how Long, spacing out while doing so, and not even noticing when she eventually gets up and leaves him.

- He buries the helmet, shuts himself away in his house, and gets stuck repeating his precepts to himself. At the end of CoGR it is revealed that he hasn't been talking to anyone, and is instead talking to himself endlessly as no one is left to listen to him

and that's it! that's cogr. yeah

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queen-erika-the-songful · 4 years

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Okay, here are my initial thoughts on Princess Adventure. These are in no way organized; they’re just as I can remember them. Feel free to send asks if you want

- Barbie defending Chelsea’s creativity and imagination is great to see. It’s one of the best parts of Dreamhouse Adventures so it’s nice to see them continue that in this film

- I like “Try It On” a lot more now. It’s not my favorite, and I think it’s one of the weaker songs in comparison to the rest of the soundtrack, but it’s honestly kind of a bop.

- “It’s like they don’t even want me in this movie!” LOL even Tammy herself knows she’s been done an absolute injustice.

- Holy crap Amelia’s plan is so freaking funny to me. She could’ve just, like...invited Barbie over to her kingdom since she’s the princess and was already a fan of Barbie’s vlogs anyway. But nah, she’s gotta have this whole convoluted “cultural exchange” bullshit I just can’t

- Speaking of Amelia, it’s a little disappointing that we don’t spend nearly as much time with her as we do with Barbie, and, thus, we don’t get to see who the supposed “real” her really is. She says she finally got to explore things about herself, like her fears and dreams, but she never goes into details. Ironically, the audience never gets to see who the true Amelia is, we just have to go off what she said about “who [she] is does matter”. I mean, we certainly get glimpses of it (again, the convoluted plan - she’s obviously ‘act first think later’), but overall it’s not nearly enough, at least to me

- “(Not A) Picture Perfect Girl” might just be my favorite song from this movie. It honestly made me tear up a bit. We’ll see if that changes over my next rewatches

- The running gag with Trey mixing up Barbie and Amelia while Ted and Ned knew was a lot funnier than I expected it to be

- Trey is now trans and you can’t change my mind.

- I really appreciate “Somewhere New” a lot more now since seeing it in the movie. I love that the choreography starts on the plane. It was a cool choice that really felt like a “musical” thing to do. I also like that everyone got to sing at leaset a line or two on their own.

- WTF happened between Floravia and Johanistan? Did they have a war or something? Why are they being united into just a bigger Floravia? It sounds pretty fishy. I can understand why Johan is so upset based on what little information is given to us, so I wish they had gone into it a bit more.

- Johan asked “Amelia” (Barbie in disguise) if she remembered what they said they would do as rulers when they were kids. That never comes back and it really bothered me. What was the promise? That they’d rule together? That they’d treat each other’s kingdom equally? I actually thought at the coronation that Amelia would give the answer to that question (something like “Johan, remember what we told each other...”) and then do something like absolve the treaty so that she and Johan would rule their own respective kingdoms. l

- IDK, I think I would’ve just liked it more if Johan had been like Amelia’s brother/cousin/whatever that wanted to become King. He’d be a more boring villain that way but it would be less complicated than this.

- WE GOT REPRISES OF 2 SONGS BUT THEY AREN’T ON THE SOUNDTRACK?! I will NOT stand for that. As soon as the movie comes out on DVD I’m ripping those tracks out and adding them to my playlist

- I really thought Ken and Barbie were finally going to get together. I shall now accept my clown shoes and wig. I’m already applying the makeup now.

- The sequence for “Life in Color” disappointed me a bit. It’s one of my favorite songs on the soundtrack, but the placement in the movie felt like it came out of nowhere. I was really hoping for a nice, tender moment between Barbie and Amelia. Even if they were kept separated, it could’ve started with them video-chatting again. Maybe they’d talk about their personal struggles and then Barbie would stop the recording (”We don’t have to film this...”) and they’d just have a moment between themselves to talk.

- On the other hand, “King of the Kingdom” was such a good scene. It was very entertaining and I laughed a lot (which I had to hold back a lot since I was still at work). Also, those boys can move!!

- To make up for all of the interruptions and missed opportunities, Ken Carson deserves at least 3 episodes centered on him and his life and 1 where he finally tells Barbie how he feels

- TAFFY HAD NO REASON TO BE IN THIS MOVIE. I don’t care that Barbie almost always needs an animal sidekick. Snowy (Amelia’s bunny) fills that role. Taffy just gave everyone a freaking heart attack. Also, how the heck did she survive the plane ride? California to Floravia is a 10-hour flight so how did she stay unnoticed for so long?? ROBERTS FAMILY, GET SOME DAMN LEASHES!

- Speaking of that scene, I hate it. It ate up valuable time that could’ve been later spent developing the plot or Amelia’s character. It was only like 2 minutes but in a movie that is already pretty short (1hr11min) every second counts

- Can DA please finally drop the whole “Hey look Renee is claustrophobic” already? It’s repetitive as all hell and honestly it rubs me the wrong way how often it’s played for laughs. It works in the DA Halloween episode since it’s all about everyone facing their fears but everywhere else it feels like a cheap & undeserved laugh (it only happens twice in the movie I think but I wanted to mention it anyway)

- Morningstar being a little bitch to Barbie was hilarious. I don’t really like animal toys anymore but I’d totally buy her. (She’s part of a doll-horse set called Prance & Shimmer Horse. The Barbie doll has Amelia’s princess dress).

- “This is My Moment” really warmed my heart. The last shot with Amelia and Barbie smiling at each other reminded me a lot of Princess & the Popstar actually. I also really like how they brought back stuff from “Try It On” for Barbie’s verse. Musical finale numbers that bring back earlier motifs is something I just cannot get enough of.

- I liked Alfonso. Like Amelia said, he means well; he just didn’t put as much thought into what Ameila herself wants as he could have. But hey, he was learning just as much as they were

- I LOVED all of the stuff with Barbie trying to make it big and that bitch Rose Ross being all “This is what you have to do to make it sweetie :)” like that’s a great thing to show to kids. You can want to be famous and expand your content like Barbie wanted to, but you have to be smart about it, and you have to stay true to yourself. That plotline also mixed pretty well with Amelia’s life being formulated for the public too. I really did like all of that stuff about how media, social media especially, is constantly fabricated and edited to make things seem easier/better than they might be in real life.

- THEY FINALLY WENT BACK TO INDIVIDUAL END MORALS THANK GOD. I got really tired of seeing “This is our story, what’s yours?” after every Barbie movie, especially when every movie that used it wasn’t going for that message. Hell, that’s not even a lesson or anything, that’s just a random end quote.

- “Life doesn’t happen on camera. Life is what happens when the cameras are off” THAT IS SO GOOD AND RELEVANT I CAN’T EVEN!!!

#barbie spoilers #barbie movies #barbie: princess adventure #long post

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joy1579 · 4 years

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the RFA reacting to MC listening to creepy pasta

I’ll admit its been a while since i listened to any new creepypasta so these are pretty old ones but i figured since they arent mine and i dont really name them in most cases i should like them jumin - russian sleep experiment yoosung - rapid blink (a my little pony grim dark fanfiction) saeyoung - the man who ate newborns zen - mr. widemouth and dear abbey jaehee - to be honest i cant remember this ones title it was really good and i cant find it anymore so if anyone knows it send it my way cuz i only heard it once at a live reading at sanjapan I’d love to hear it again though

Jumin

· You were listening while knitting in his home office

· He was working at his desk and paying no attention to the voice playing from your phone

· Absently he comments that the piano background music was pleasant

· You smile because of course that’s the part he notices.

· As the story goes on you two sit in amicable silence listening to the story

· Then a sickening crunch rings through the air and you see Jumin grimace out of the corner of your eye

· “darling? Was that your story?”

· “huh? Oh yes it was.”

· “that sounded sickening” and indeed he was a little pale though you may have missed it if you didn’t know him so well

· You tried to stifle your laugh “yeah I think it was supposed to be the character’s arm being crushed.”

· “what?”

· “you weren’t listening to the story were you?”

· “I listened to the music”

· “here you should listen to this next one it’s my favorite.” You said moving to sit in his lap as you began the next video

· “its about this scientific experiment, where they locked people up and didn’t let them sleep. Eventually they end up going crazy. They mutilate and cannibalize themselves, super creepy.” You explained excitedly

· He looked at you concerned for a moment before speaking

· “is this what you were discussing with my new assistant yesterday before we went to lunch”

· “yes! Actually she’s even more into it than I am she gave me some good suggestions.”

Yoosung

· “Puppy? I’m gonna run to the convenience store real quick okay?”

· He leaned back in his computer chair to look at you upside down as you stood behind him

· “okay MC! oh if they have honey”

· “I know yoosungie I’ll grab you some if they have them!” you said leaning over him to kiss his nose “love you. I’ll be back soon.”

· You grabbed your purse and headed out the door

· A few minutes after you had left Yoosung noticed you had left you phone

· Picking it up he noticed the quiet words that came from the headphones

· Curious he put on the headphones and began to listen

· It was a fanfiction. He recognized the characters from a show you watched every Saturday.

· A cute reboot of a cartoon from your childhood hi figured the story would follow the same plotlines of friendship and togetherness

· But as he listened it took a darker turn

· The main character was trapped, stuck with no resources aside from the occasional clone of herself that spawned into whatever hellscape she was trapped in

· Yoosung was horrified listening to the story describe how the broken and desperate character would slaughter her clone to build necessities in a hopeless search for escape.

· By the time you got back he was in tears hugging your plush version of the character

· You rushed to comfort him and saw what he had listened to

· “oh puppy I’m so sorry I didn’t think you’d listen to my grimdark fiction!

· “why do YOU listen to it?!? I thought you liked that show because it was cute!”

· “I do! It’s so cute. But I like the horror stories to. The contrast is, it’s fun.” You explained gently combing your fingers through his hair

· “it actually makes me think of you puppy” you say absently as you feel him starting to calm down

· “what?!?!?!” he cried shooting up from your arms in an instant

· “well your so cute and I love that your cute, but you can also be tough like when you went to the hacker’s headquarters for me. Your cute and manly, like that show is cute and can be scary. Your everything I love.” You explained

Saeyoung

- He knew you liked creepy pasta he had seen your YouTube history

- What he didn’t know was that you had it downloaded on your phone to listen to as you fell asleep

- So when the silence of Rikas apartment is broken by the squeal of car breaks and shattering glass he was justifiably terrified

- He was busting through the bedroom door to check on you

- But all he saw was you halfway off the bed mid lunge for your phone

- he watched you finish your tumble to the floor fumbling with your phone to stop the story that was playing

- You looked embarrassed and a little sleep addled

- “Sorry I thought I took that one out of my playlist”

- He stood stock still for a moment

- “I didn’t mean to scare you sorry! It should have been deleted its way to loud I think I did something wrong when I downloaded it.”

- “what? MC was that your phone?” he asked confused

- “yeah its um it’s the, the story where the guy tries to kidnap the new born but gets in a car crash, hence you know the um screech crash clang. Sorry”

- His back hit the wall and he slid to the floor wearily

- “MC you’re going to be the death of me”

- “um I, I got it off my playlist this time.” You offer “I think.” You add under your breath

- He held out his hand to you and you sheepishly placed you phone in his hands quickly he tapped away before handing your phone back to you

- “thanks” you say softly crawling to sit beside him on the floor

- “so living with a bomb, and being hunted by a hacker isn’t spooky enough for you? You’ve gotta listen to scary stories too?” he asked tiredly

- “well the bomb and the hacker, they aren’t scary if you’re here. I mean even if the worst happens I think it would be okay cuz I got to meet you”

- He groaned and let his head fall to his knees

- “you really are going to kill me aren’t you” he said as you saw his ears turn pink

Zen

- Zen thought You were adorable literally just the cutest thing possible

- That’s why he was shocked when one of his cast member who was a big horror fan mentioned a scary internet story and you immediately jumped into the conversation

- “mr. creepypasta? Or creepypasta jr. ?” you asked

- “Oh mr. creepypasta! I didn’t think you’d listen to creepypasta which ones your favorite?” the cast member asked

- “nothing beats “MR.Widemouth” for me gotta love a monster that tries to make you do his dirty work for him”

- “oh definitely but I like “dear Abby” myself that one is chilling

- You spent the rest of the shoot chatting with him quietly at the far side of the studio so you two didn’t disturb the shooting

- Zen had to admit it was getting to him

- You were HIS girlfriend why didn’t he know about this interest of yours.

- And why were you so happily chatting with another guy about it

- He confronts you on the way home

- “I knew you weren’t into it Zenny it’s not a big deal”

- “you talked to him all day MC. you know I’d listen to you right? Even if it’s not my thing why didn’t you tell me?”

- “here how about we do a spa night tonight and I’ll show you my favorite so you don’t feel left out next time”

- He chuckled and kissed your temple

- “well I can’t turn down my princess can I”

- So that night you ran a bath for the both of you

- You leaned against his chest and each did a facemask as you queued up the playlist on your phone

- You could feel him tense at every sound effect and could hear him grimace at the stories more gruesome details

- You chuckled a bit before saying “zenny you don’t have to listen to them you know”

- “just, why are they all so dark?”

- “because that’s the point their supposed to be spooky”

- He tried he really did. He listened until you two where drying off after the relaxing soak

- He sighed dejectedly “you were right jagi it really isn’t my thing” he said as he toweled your hair dry

- “but you tried and that means so much to me babe” you said leaning up to steal a kiss from him

Jaehee

- She knew about them but she wasn’t a fan of horror

- So she had never paid any attention to those videos as she browsed the internet

- And she certainly didn’t expect to walk into the café one morning before opening to you pulling a cake out of the oven and listening to a deep voice graphically describing a head wound

- “MC what on earth are you listening to?”

- “it’s a creepypasta!” you chirped brightly

- “those scary stories from youtube” she questioned further as she made her way around the counter

- “yeah in this one this guys tries to cure his depression but cutting out a chunk of his own brain”

- “that’s awfull” she exclaimed

- “well yeah. It doesn’t end to well for him either”

- “of course not!” She said shaking her head as she tied her apron on to help you prepare to open the café.

- The day went on fairly normally but as you closed she turned to you

- “that story, it’s not true.”

- You looked at her a little confused before nodding “of course not”

- “no one could survive that” she muttered to herself

- “no one” you agreed growing more puzzled by the second

- “how could people even come up with something so awful” she asked you setting a broom to the side

- “I don’t know? Jaehee are you okay?” you ask looking her in the eyes

- “I, yes MC I’m fine. The details in that story simply shook me up I suppose”

- You were careful from then on about listening to your stories only with headphones

- Jaehee wasn’t weak by any stretch of the imagination, but if something made her uncomfortable than you weren’t going to push it.

- You loved her after all

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smolbeandrabbles · 4 years

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Kiss Me Slowly - Danny Rayburn x Reader (Bloodline)

GIF CREDIT: X

Author’s Note: A little reimagining of an original scrapped plotline of mine Heavily inspired by that pier scene in Season 1 Episode 1. 😉

This fic was supposed to be something else but then it pulled me this way... And I wrote a portion of it twice. So, this isn’t what I set out to write, but I love it just the way it is 😊

Kiss Me Slowly - Parachute Lovin’ On You - Luke Combs

Disclaimer: Bloodline characters not mine / Lyrics not mine / gifs not mine

Premise: Danny asks you to the Keys for the 45th Anniversary party. You’d be fine to go along with the ‘fake dating’ idea... if you weren’t already harbouring a crush. And, as you’re about to find out, you’re not the only one...

Words: 5698

Warnings: swearing / sexual banter /drinking

_______

Stay with me, baby stay with me, Tonight don't leave me alone. Walk with me, come and walk with me, To the edge of all we've ever known. I can see you there with the city lights Fourteenth floor, pale blue eyes. I can breathe you in. Two shadows standing by the bedroom door, No, I could not want you more than I did right then, As our heads leaned in. Stay with me, baby stay with me, Tonight don't leave me alone. He shows me everything he used to know, Picture frames and country roads, When the days were long and the world was small. He stood by as it fell apart, Separate rooms and broken hearts, But I won't be the one to let you go. Oh, I'm not sure what this is gonna be, But with my eyes closed all I see Is the skyline, through the window, The moon above you and the streets below. Hold my breath as you're moving in, Taste your lips and feel your skin. When the time comes, baby don't run, just kiss me slowly Oh, I'm not sure where this is gonna go, But in this moment all I know... ---

Danny Rayburn. What could you say about him? Too much. Not enough. He wasn’t a man you knew well – not as well as you wanted to. He was friends with your friends – which is how you’d first met him; kicking around on a sofa as you were leaving their house. He’d automatically got the wrong idea, and once you’d practically slapped a man you barely knew and profusely denied it, he’d turned into a terrible flirt. You wished you weren’t but you were kinda into it, and on occasion you would end up in his restaurant. Most of the time on real dates – where Danny would grab you afterwards for a run-down of how terrible the guy was, depending on what he ordered, or how he ate, or how he talked to you – or the way he chose to, or not to, split the bill. Apparently Danny was an expert – you automatically got to throw this back in his face, because he never seemed to be dating anyone. Which is why he turned up on your doorstep suddenly. Danny wanted you to be his ‘date’ to the 45th anniversary of his parents Inn. He thought you’d be best suited, and someone that his parents might actually like – which you almost took offense too, as if that was the only reason he was asking. But Danny explained that you weren’t just the first, but the only choice. And you wanted him so badly, that even when standing in the doorway scolding him, you knew the answer was going to be yes. Maybe he liked you too, maybe that was secretly why he was asking, but Danny Rayburn just didn’t want to admit it. You made a joke about it being time to meet his parents – but he didn’t laugh, in fact he seemed pretty nervous about it, so it didn’t take just one ‘yes’. You had to tell him you’d go, and then when he lit up and asked you if you were sure half a dozen times, you had to keep reassuring him. In fact you were looking forward to it yourself, Danny didn’t really talk about his family and the inn – at least not positively – but it sounded like a place you wouldn’t mind spending a vacation. And you hadn’t been to the Keys in a while.

***

When the day came around Danny was there before you; it wasn’t like you’d made plans to arrive together, but you had to finish a work shift before talking a few days off. Your packed bag was sitting in your car – and all you had to do was change out of your uniform before you were flying down the highway. You made pretty good time. Meaning you might still get the opportunity to be shown around, or to chill, before you’d have to get ready for the party. What you were greeted by as you pulled up the driveway wasn’t anywhere close to what you expected – the house itself was huge and gorgeous, in pure white and blue, your eyes must have been as wide as saucers because the next thing you knew someone was approaching your car and laughing. “You look a little out of your depth-! You never been here before-?! Considering your timing, I’d have questions!” You turned to him; “Uh, N-No… Danny invited me down for the weekend.” He looked slightly taken aback “Danny-!? Oh! I see!” you were glad he did because you didn’t, “Well, I’m Manny and I work here – I’ll take your things to your cabin and park your car up… What’s your name?” You blinked at him a couple of times like you weren’t hearing what you clearly were; a valet service!? - Danny should have better prepared you for this!!! “…Uh, Sure.” You hopped out of your car, and held out your keys “I’m F/N L/N…” “Well,” Manny laughed, “Welcome to Rayburn House, Y/N! Enjoy your stay-!” He jerked his thumb over his shoulder, “Everyone’s out back-!” You thanked him, and found yourself wandering around the outside of the massive guest house – you could already hear the sea and taste the salt in the air. Well if this wasn’t a place to die for, you weren’t sure what was. And Manny was right, you probably looked so out of your depth and also more than just a little lost because of course you didn’t recognise anyone, heck you didn’t even know what any of his family even looked like. So right now this felt like an extremely bad idea and part of you wanted to scramble back to your car and hide. Luckily, the man who invited you was also your saviour, and came racing across the dunes and grass just as you started to get funny looks. “Y/N!!” His yell of your name wasn’t exactly subtle either, almost like he was desperate to prove you existed. Danny’s sprint slowed to a jog, but he still grabbed you and you found yourself hoisted off the floor and into his arms. You laughed, and threw your own around him, glad to be reunited with the only person you knew so quickly. “Danny!” You squeezed him tight before he let you back to the floor, still holding you, “You got some explaining to do-!” “Eh, well, I…” He threw his arms wide, “I don’t think I could have accurately described it, you’d have needed to see it for yourself.” “I feel like I’m gonna be pretty underdressed.” You folded your arms, raising your eyebrows in significance, but Danny only scoffed; “Yeah, you’re talking to me, though. So don’t you worry about it.” He grinned, “Drink? In fact come with me…” He took your hand in his and your heartrate spiked, was he going for the ‘fake girlfriend’ thing? Because you weren’t sure you’d survive if he decided that meant he could kiss you. “I managed to wrangle you a good cabin, you’re not in three, and trust me you don’t want to be in three…” He led you into the house – and despite the breeze outside, the shade was cooling respite. “How was your trip?” Danny let your hand go and counted the keys hanging on the wall behind reception “AH, here’s you.” “It was a pretty good drive, yeah. How was yours?” He grimaced, “I mean it’s the bus right, how good can it be…” Then changed the subject, “Would you like a drink?” “Lemonade is fine.” He gave you a look that told you you could do better than that, “What?” “Lemonade?” “I said what I said.” He raised his eyebrows, “You know you don’t have to pay, right?” “I’ll drink enough tonight – thank you very much!” He smirked, “Well I’d hope so!” But then indicated over his shoulder, “Half of them are already plastered – you’re fine.” You scoffed, following him through into a quiet restaurant area; “I’d rather not be when I have to meet your parents for the first time.” Danny swept behind the bar, grabbing a glass and a bottle, and pouring; “You’re making this sound rather serious.” You spluttered, “You’re the one sweeping me off my feet and holding my hand.” His eyes held yours for significantly longer than they should have, inquisitive about your particular phrasing, and you felt yourself getting hot again. Considering Danny’s personality he didn’t push it, but you thought he might. Instead he crossed back to you and held your drink out; “Here.” He said gently, “Come on, I guess I better give you the tour and introduce you to some people before they think we’re up to something…” “Up to something?” You questioned before you could stop yourself, taking a sip – it was good lemonade and judging by the bottle he’d poured it from, homemade. “Yeah,” His smirk was back as he turned to you, “Making out or something…” Now he was just making you blush on purpose. You followed him back out into the hallway, and paused midway through your next sip, eyes flicking to the wall. You found yourself presented with many pictures of a family. His, you guessed. Very nearly floor to ceiling photographs, postcards and memorabilia; “Woah-!” You breathed, tracing over them again and again, before stepping forward to take a closer look at them. Danny brought himself closer to you, hands in his pockets. “OH yeah, that’s us.” He suddenly sounded very weary and you were sure he wasn’t about to want to start a conversation on this. But you were intrigued… and flicked from photograph to photograph before pointing at one in particular; “I assume that’s you?” “Uh huh.” Although he wore a slight grin, “Congratulations, Sherlock.” “Well.” You tapped the darker haired boy, “You could be that one.” “That’d be John.” “John.” You repeated, “John, Meg… Kevin?” and turned to him to check you were right, he nodded; “Sally and Robert.” “And Danny. I think he’s the most important.” You said it seriously, but he chuckled, “Aw’right, you’re good at this.” He nudged your arm, and for a moment turned slightly bashful. You didn’t think you’d seen a look like that on Danny before – and it surprised you, but you liked it. Suddenly you had yourself wondering how many times you could get something like that out of him this weekend. “And you grew up in this house?” “Yup.” He nodded, “I mean, I know what it looks like to you. You must wonder why I complain so much about it right?” His eyes moved over the wall, but you knew Danny wasn’t really looking at anything. “A little. But you have your reasons, you don’t need to tell me them. I believe you if you say you didn’t like it here.” His smile was thin, “Yeah. That’s an understatement…” Voice quiet as he sighed again, this time in discontent, before he took your hand back in his, eager to once again quickly change the subject; “Come on! No good staring at what they used to look like – you gotta meet ‘em as they are now!” But you pulled him back; “Danny – If I’m about to go meet them, you need to level with me here. You never really talk like you like them, I mean what do you want me to do!?” He sighed, looking back to the activities taking place outside; “I’m just… not my family’s biggest fan.” That much you knew, “So I’d quite like it if you didn’t tell me how brilliant you thought they all were… and, I guess I’d just like you to be careful around ‘em, and with what they say. They like being nice… My experience in this house just wasn’t.” You nodded, and squeezed his hand a little tighter to reassure him you’d do exactly that, “Okay. Well, I’m ready. Let’s meet ‘em.” Everything was okay until it came around to the ‘how did you meet’ question - because that wasn’t a story you were particularly fond of recalling, let alone telling anyone else about. Luckily you were a quick thinker and managed to spin another story of “meeting through friends” that wasn’t shy from the truth, but skirted it. Danny simply nodded along, but by the fourth asking of that question he’d adopted it as his own version of the truth. You seemed to have a good understanding – and knew each other well enough to play off yourselves. You supposed that looked like good chemistry to everyone else. John and his wife Diana were the nicest, Ben and Janey were their children and were also very sweet. You liked Meg and Marco, and Belle, and Sally also. At least Danny seemed to be surrounded by nice women – but you also remembered what he’d said and kept it at the forefront of your mind at all times. You trusted his judgement – and made sure to keep your hand in his as much as possible. Afterall, if he knew it or not, Danny was giving you your ultimate fantasy. But he knew who to bring you to – and what to say; he kept you comfortable, meaning you were warming to people, the situation, and dare you say actually having a great time. And he was laughing and happy, which you wanted to see most of all. However, you figured by time you all sat down for dinner the drinks he’d been bringing you were getting significantly stronger. And although you didn’t chide him for this, you knew one thing – it could go either way.

*** You still felt a little lost, and maybe a little undeserving of being on the top table at dinner; but the girls made sure you were looked after, and Danny kept his arm around the back of your chair. All things considered, the earlier part of the evening played out smoothly, the speeches were short and polite with good natured jokes – and although you felt maybe there should be, with what Danny had been saying, the tension was low. You hoped it’d stay that way, because things seemed to be going good for him – considering the side you were coming to this from, that was all you really cared about. He noticed you were being careful with the drinking – but also that you’d started to get pretty giggly, and your face was a little flushed. That only made Danny smile as he got to watch you begin to relax around his family and be yourself; he’d never really thought about the potential of you actually getting together – but he found watching you now that it probably wouldn’t be such a bad thing. After all, he couldn’t think of anyone else ever that his family had approved of – just look at what they’d tried to do to Eve.

It therefore didn’t take long for him to coax you onto the dancefloor once they began to let the music play a little louder and everyone tried to claim their spots in the sand, beach bar in full flow. At first the dancing was good natured, you weren’t too close, about an appropriate gap between you, and all you wanted was a good time. You threw jokes between you and you got to hear him laugh more, and Danny when he really laughed was infectious; you could never help but to laugh along.

Standing to one side with mason jars (at this point you’d given up guessing what kind of alcohol, and how much you’d put in your system) Danny was a little closer, his arm across the part of the bar you were leaning your back against. Every so often his fingertips would brush your skin and your breathing would hitch; best believe he noticed that. And as you continued to talk and he leant in a little closer with every sentence, he began to formulate a plan in his head. John and Diana coming over to check on you provided him the perfect excuse to escape; and as he did so Danny’s lips brushed against your cheek. Were you a little more sober you’d have probably killed him right then and there; in your state, your string of words halted and your eyes flew wide. What the hell was he trying to do, kill you-!? When he came back your conversation was midflow; Danny wouldn’t have cared anyway but he cared even less now, taking your hand in his and tugging you. “Y/N! Lets go-!” “Wh- Go where?!” He tossed his head towards the ‘dancefloor’ “Come on!” “AGAIN-!?” You weren’t sure that was such a good idea, and you looked to John and Diana for help – none was really given, they were too busy laughing at you. “Yeah-! C’mon! I picked a song!” “You-?!” God, this can only end bad. You sighed “…Okay, okay…” But he barely gave you a chance to deposit your glass, before he was dragging you across the sand. Danny didn’t just want you to dance with him, though, Danny wanted close dancing. Pulling your hips to his, he kept his hands there and you blushed; “D-Danny!” “Hush, it’ll be okay. C’mon, dance with me.” You would protest that you already had, but your brain was just about fried, and you sighed instead, winding your arms around his neck. You bit your lip gently, dreading what song was going to start playing, and then almost laughed; “Luke Combs?!” “Something wrong with that-!?” “Lovin’ on you… Oh, God, okay-!” “Better not be anything wrong…” You didn’t realise it was possible for Danny to pull you closer, but he managed it, voice lowered to a growl against your ear that made you gasp. “No. It’s an interesting choice is all…” You swallowed hard; all too aware now of how much of him was pressed up against you; skin tingling at the feeling of him and his clothing. “Uh huh…” You noticed also that his hands were now a little more inappropriately placed as he swayed his hips with yours, and you were biting your lips harder, pushing your forehead against his as you moved your bodies in time with the music. His stare was a little intense but you were intoxicated by it, and if Danny was going to look at you that way, then you wanted his eyes on you all night. I like a Friday night slow ride, Brooks & Dunn B-side Hit rewind, spin it again. I like a strong shot of whiskey, the way a Marlboro hits me… It was unsurprising that Danny had also chosen this song for a reason, and you moved your hands from his neck, to his shoulders, sliding them to his biceps. You looked away from his eyes for a moment just to focus on anything these – the feel of him against you like this, and how you moved together perfectly. You couldn’t help your smile, and before long you were practically beaming. Wanting something like this wasn’t anything like it actually happening, but it could still have felt wrong. But it didn’t. It didn’t and you were elated - you didn’t miss his chuckle at watching you light up either. Danny’s hand moved up your back to hold you, so he could dip his head, kissing your cheek again, before pressing a couple into your neck. And this time when you gasped you did sound elated. But I’m in love, lovin’ on you I feel that rush soon as you walk in a room I can't get enough of you, honey, you're right on the money I'm a junkie for your midnight moves I'm in love, lovin' on you You could barely keep it together enough to nudge him, but the niggle of how appropriate this was when his parents, and siblings (not to mention God knows how many others he knew), were here at least was still screaming at the back of your brain. He pulled back, eyes questioning – you gave him a simple shake of your head, not a No just a Not Now - but the affirmation that you still wanted him had you holding him closer; the wind of your arms around him and the way you placed your head to his, the way Danny leant into you, his fingers gripping the fabric of your dress at least told you both one thing – maybe you were only half lying here. You weren’t together, but you probably both wanted to be. You had chemistry and you thought with the way you were dancing that didn’t just end with your personalities – but physical chemistry too. The song was ending, you knew that, but now your hands were on the collar of his shirt and as he pulled you to him once more you had to push up on your toes. His lips were on yours and the kiss was hard – hands moving from your back, up and into your hair just to keep you against him. But Danny needn’t have worried, you didn’t want to let him go. I can't get enough of you, honey, you're right on the money… I'm in love, lovin' on you

But then you couldn’t keep your hands off each other, and you ran hand in hand giggling from the party pretty soon after that. One kiss wasn’t enough, and you should have known that when you were pulling each other in, but over here it was quiet and dark and you didn’t think anyone from the party was going to come looking for you. Danny pushed you up against one of the palm trees, lips on yours, hands on your thighs and climbing, you wrapped your arms around his neck pulling him ever closer as you made out – you were pretty sure you’d have some interesting bruises along your jawline, neck and collar bone in the morning but you didn’t care. He raised your body, but still had you pinned, hands under your dress now and cupping your ass. You shivered against him, and weren’t sure it wasn’t in anticipation – although again, something in the back of your mind nagged you. Even when you were intent on sighing his name. “Come with me…” He whispered it, “Come back to my room, Y/N… Come on…” Your breath hitched again, and the sigh against his lips was low; “Danny…” “Come on… No-one’s gonna know, come with me… please…” He dropped you back to the floor, tugging your hand. “Danny I…” “-Or we can go to yours, I don’t have a preference, but God, Y/N, baby… I just… I need you-!” You had no doubt at that, you could feel him when he was this close. But fear sparked inside you – he needed you now when he was drunk and desperate, and he’d just called you “baby”. What if he or you woke up tomorrow in each other’s arms and declared it all a huge mistake. No, you wouldn’t let him break your heart that way. “Danny, no. No! Please! Stop-! Wait! Listen to yourself!” “What-!?” He looked the most confused you’d ever seen him, “Don’t you want me-!? Wh…Why-!?” “Danny… Danny…” You laced your fingers with his to convince him that you DID want him; “I do… you have no idea how much I want you – but we’re drunk, this is not gonna end well!” “W-I.. I don’t understand.” You pulled him back you your lips on his once more, “Of course I want you… But I want to know that we are not going to wake up in the morning and regret it.” “Regret it?” He repeated, and you watched his face change dramatically; it hit you a little late that this man had probably spent a fair portion of his life being told his wasn’t wanted, and regret was a staple word. Your eyes flicked back to the party - and you wondered how many of them were back there. You pulled Danny back, kissing him again before he had a chance to say anything else, and you held him there. You squeezed his hands tight, lips gentle and sweet as you kissed the tip of his nose, and finally his forehead before settling back in the sand. “…Danny…” You held his face in your hands, “Listen to me, I want this… like you want this… but I’m just a little scared of what might happen after it.” Then you hesitated before taking the same leap he just had, “Baby, clear your head…” then you brushed your lips to his again, “And then we can think about meeting in your room.” You stepped back a few paces, holding his gaze to make sure he hadn’t misunderstood you. It was a long pause, but finally he blinked and like a shot of clarity, he nodded. And you knew Danny did understand (although he probably wouldn’t want to wait too long). You said goodnight and turned to walk back to your cabin, with him watching you go – but you didn’t get very far before you raced back, grabbing him into one last hot kiss. This time when you stepped back he was biting his lip; and those dark rimmed eyes were threatening to get the better of you again. You lowered your gaze, blushing, and this time when you said goodnight it was timid. And you knew as you turned away from him this time, that you’d just left a triumphant smirk on Danny Rayburn’s face.

*** You had a coffee in your hand as you opened up the door to your cabin the morning after the party – it had been a heavy night, but you didn’t feel too bad – you’d got out of dodge when you knew it was starting to get messy. You’d left Danny with nothing more than a (possibly) alcohol fuelled goodnight kiss, luckily you’d been just about sober enough to stop it from becoming anything else. But that man was temptation – and now he knew it. And he also knew you wanted to act on it now, which was even more dangerous. You wrapped yourself in a shawl - dark blue and white tie dye - it wasn’t particularly cold but the breeze off the sea gave the air a little chill, and you wanted to sit out with your coffee this morning. Although as you looked out on the horizon you didn’t even get to take a sip. But instead of standing around staring like everyone else, you immediately turned around and ran back inside. Danny Rayburn was lying on his front out on their pier. You assumed conscious, and sleeping – but judging by everything else rough night didn’t even cover it. He was naked; and even from all the way over here you could trace the curvature of his spine, and the definition of his muscles. He had strong arms and strong calves. You bit your lip gently; that brag of ‘strongest swimmer in the Keys’ probably wasn’t too far off the truth – you appreciated that Danny was an older guy, but he was toned and built well; you couldn’t fault that. You tore your eyes from him and looked back to the house, the crowd was only getting bigger; and now his mother was out on the grass. You found yourself glaring at them, immediately feeling for him; Oh yeah, like you haven’t had rough evenings where you wake up not knowing how the hell anything happened. You didn’t like that they were all clearly gossiping too – and you pushed yourself from the steps and across the sand. Oh, Danny… You almost ran the whole distance, hopping up onto the pier – he was at least breathing, you could tell that much. “Danny…” Your voice was gentle, “Danny…” You crouched first, then stretched your legs out, brushing your hand over his shoulder gently; “…Danny… are you awake?” “MMmmmm…” It wasn’t really a yes - more a grumpy noise to let you know he wasn’t a fan of being woken up at all. You pulled your shawl from around yourself and covered his body strategically – you weren’t about to give them something to keep talking about. You kept your hand on his shoulder for a minute. He wasn’t as cold as you were – sun already working on removing the chill from his body. You scanned the dunes for his clothes – but nothing, you’d worry more about that later. “Don’t move… you don’t have to move…” You ran a hand through his hair, tacky like he’d been swimming, and kept your voice low and gentle; “…Just let yourself wake up…” You wanted to, badly, but didn’t end up shooting a look back to the house. This was about you and him. Laying down on the pier on your back you sighed, and propped the bottle of water between you, and the pill packet. Danny shuffled around, groggily, attempting to push himself up onto his hands. You reached out to touch his arm; “No… No, no, just lie there… drink that, take this! Trust me you’ll feel better.” “Mhm.” He still wasn’t quite to full words, but fell back onto his front, twisting his head to you, before opening his eyes. You continued to look at the sky, trying not to blush at the thought that all that really separated you from his body was a thin rectangle of tie-dye fabric. It took Danny a few attempts to speak, but he finally croaked out a single word; “Why?” “Hush. And take your pill – drink too…” You looked across to him, “Your voice seems a little dry.” “Haha.” Although his laugh seemed to turn into a coughing fit “Okay, I deserved that.” You smiled, “Keep still. It’ll be okay…” This is really not comfortable…” He grumbled, “I’m just gonna…” Several joints clicked as he rolled onto his side, pulling your shawl with him and then onto his back, tying it around his waist like a towel. You chuckled, placing your hands behind your head and closing your eyes as he sighed gently, “That’s better…”

Danny watched you curiously – you’d left that question unanswered, and it was an answer he wanted to know. Last night was cloudy, but he remembered the feel of your body against his, the taste of your lips. How he wanted more than anything to pull you upstairs, or for you to pull him to your cabin. How you were far too sensible for that; but still might have given in if you were a little more drunk. Maybe it was best you weren’t though – Danny didn’t want you to wake up and regret him. He breathed out rather suddenly, finding that thinking about you was making heat rush to places that he’d rather it didn’t when he was essentially wearing nothing. He shuffled again, wondering how he was supposed to live this down – and glanced back to you; against his own advice, his eyes traced your body. Fuck! Danny! Stop! Don’t be a fucking idiot! You cracked open an eye and looked back to him; “If you tie it between your legs and around it’ll look a little like shorts, which’ll do before we can get you back to the house.” “You’ve done this before right?!” You grinned, “I’m just trying to help you.” “Uh huh…” he pulled his legs up and did as you’d said. Okay, very loose-fitting shorts, but he got the gist. And you were right, it would work. Danny smiled; “You’re really something you know?” Then smirked – and you flushed again before he’d even said anything; “But I wasn’t exactly hoping this was how you’d see me naked for the first time.” You very nearly choked; “Well, you were on your front so I…” “I can take this off if you’d rather.” “DANNY-!” You covered your face, but you knew it was already too late, you were bright red. He laughed – that clear bright loud laugh he had that you liked hearing so much. “Just shut up and drink your water!” “Well, can I sit up to do that, I don’t fancy taking a pill whilst lying on my back…” You pulled yourself up and held your hand out for his; “You gonna be okay doing that?” “I think…” But Danny let you help him upright – and then steady him; “God, that musta been really… really rough. Damn, I’m sorry.” “I had a good time…” You assured him gently, and rubbed his arm, “Don’t you worry…”

He picked up the bottle and sat in silence for a moment to take the medication, and you continued to rub his arm. You focused on his face, how the sun had brought out the freckles on his face and was highlighting the blue in his eyes. That blue was always so gorgeous, but against the backdrop of the sea in this sunlight it was something almost indescribable. You’d fallen for Danny a long time ago, you knew, all that desperate flirting – the way he’d tell you no one was good enough for you. Friendly but not friends, not friends enough to think you were going to ruin anything by making a move. And hadn’t the moves already been made last night? You wanted to call him yours, you wanted him to call you ‘mine’. Danny very nearly finished the water before he placed it back down on the wooden decking. And again sat for a moment in contemplation, knees up, resting his arms across them, chin on his arms - before taking a deep breath and turning back to you. He’d attempt that all important question one last time; “Why are you taking care of me!?” You smiled; “When I was younger I’d come home in any state, sleep on the couch… my dad always had a feel good pill and a bottle of water for me…” He wasn’t sure that was exactly the answer he was looking for, or a real answer. But then you tilted your head and your little smile grew; “I like you, Danny! It pays to be a nice person… Doesn’t it?” He stared at you, thinking like barely covered it – before laying his hand over yours, still resting on his arm. “Y/N… I…” He thought about hesitating, but you were both leaning into each other. You were aware you still had a small audience, but all you could really think was fuck them! Your lips touched, and you closed your eyes, grasping him tighter – a hangover kiss as a hangover cure? But sober, this wasn’t happening because alcohol was influencing it. You didn’t want to let go, and you didn’t want Danny to stop kissing you and soon his hands were in your hair and all you could think about was him pushing up against you the night previous. His sharp intake of breath told you that you weren’t the only one thinking it and he pulled away with a bashful laugh. “Geez, I’m sorry…” But you couldn’t help but giggle along, blush dusting your cheeks as your attempted to his in his arm; “It’s… okay. You’re not the only one.” That had him smirking again, which was exactly what you wanted “Ah, I bet not.” Your eyes met once more, and you had a funny feeling that you weren’t going to get away with staying out of his room for much longer... But you might just let him steal your heart.

---

Thanks for Reading!

@happyskywhale @wltz-bby #MendoTagSquad

@sufferthesea Happy 25th Birthday sweetie! 💜💙😘

#Danny Rayburn #Bloodline #Ben Mendelsohn #Danny Rayburn x Reader #Amanda! I picked your GIF :)#Expect Loving On You to pop up again for Danny #I really love the idea of singing it with him in a Karaoke bar...#Linzi Writes #smol bean drabbles #138 #*Liliana #reimagined #I don't have a lot to add... It's probably going to end up getting a follow up #Anniversary Week pt.1

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marshmallow-phd · 5 years

Text

Lies Untold

Part of The Untamed - EXO Wolf Universe

Genre: Supernatural, Wolf Au

Pairing: Luhan x Reader

Summary: For generations, your family has been the protectors of mankind. You were considered one of the best and due to that reputation, you were sent on what could be the most important mission for the organization. Going under cover in a college to sniff out a particularly large and threatening wolf pack seemed easy enough. But when you meet one of the members, everything you’ve known since birth will be overturned and your loyalty to your family and heritage will be tested.

Part: 1 I 2 I 3 I 4 I 5 I 6 I 7 I 8 I 9 I 10 I 11 I 12 I 13 I 14 I Final

Paper was strewn everywhere. A corkboard full of photographs and strings and sticky notes that would make any sane person think that a major conspiracy theorist lived here was currently leaning against a wall. And maybe that’s what you were, a person losing grip on reality as you tried to tie everything together. You still weren’t sure of the pack’s size or ranking even after another week of following them around. Confirming who was apart of the wolves was proving more difficult than you’d first imagined. Innie tended to hangout with the same group and they would mention others in brief conversation, but you couldn’t find faces to go with the unknown names.

One thing that you were at least ninety percent certain of was the fact that the professor – named Kim Junmyeon according to the university directory – was the alpha. How he was able to control such a large pack all by himself was something you couldn’t fathom, but somehow he managed it. You’d witnessed the others going to him for advice or permission for things and he just had that alpha aura radiating off of him. He wasn’t genetically an alpha, from what you observed. God, you hoped you never had to encounter one of those. Even with all your training, you didn’t think you could survive that fight.

Standing in front of the board that was currently giving you a headache, your eyes kept lingering on one wolf in particular. With his long, forehead-covering hair and soft, welcoming eyes, you found yourself in a strange struggle that you’d never experienced before. Granted, this was the first time you’d ever been this close to a pack before that wasn’t on a hunt. You were forced to be around them in their fake forms, their human forms, and you were pretty sure it was messing with your head.

No. You were strong enough for this. You could keep your focus. You would not fall victim to the façade that was their human shapes. They were monsters that shouldn’t exist. Your family’s history was enough to prove that.

But even now, your skin tingled where Luhan’s fingers had brushed up against your hand. The night before, he even made a brief cameo in your dream. You couldn’t remember the exact details of the dream; you weren’t even sure if there was a plotline or if it was just a bunch of random images. You do remember Luhan’s face making an appearance, though, and it was aggravating you.

Feeling your blood beginning to boil in your veins at your frustration, you swiped up your bag that was carrying your surveillance equipment and threw it over your shoulder before stomping out of the apartment.

You needed to get back in the game. You needed to focus on finding a way to get to the book and give your family the upper hand it had always been lacking. That’s why you were sent here. This was no time to start questioning your world view.

The only thing you could think of doing at the moment was taking another trip to the museum. Last time you were staking the place out, you’d noticed the curator and the girl who’s name you figured out was Kita disappear into a hallway guarded by a locked door. The only way in was with a key card. Perhaps spending another round in the building would help you create a game plan for getting one of those key cards without leaving a trail and checking out if the book was hidden in one of those off-limits rooms.

Instead of taking the bus this time, though, you decided to walk off the pent up energy in your muscles. It was a couple miles and would take you through the central business district, but that was just another stroll through the park for you.

Walking down the sidewalk, you had your headphones in your ears with no music playing to give off the illusion that you were not to be disturbed while you were able to keep your eyes open for anything suspicious. Many families and friend groups were taking advantage of this beautiful day, milling about among the shops and little locally owned restaurants. They all looked so happy, unaware of the secret world around them.

According to another faction among the organization - one that’s job was to keep an eye on any witch covens - there was a group of witches in the neighboring town. This college city used to have it’s own for several generations, but something happened about two years ago and they were all stripped of their magic, leaving the area to be completely controlled by the wolves. And every single human in this place was completely unaware of the transition.

Sometimes, you wondered what it would be like to be one of them, to not have been trained since the age of four on how to fight, to kill, to keep those you loved safe. What did that blissful ignorance feel like? Was it as happy as everyone seemed to make it?

You didn’t hate being a hunter. Never would you say that you loved it; that might sound a little sadistic and you saved that description for Johnny. It was simply your life and you’d never thought about trading for the other side for it before. You didn’t know what that other side was like. Not like your mother, who knew it very well. She came into this life after meeting your father. Well, more like she met your father because of this life.

She’d been walking home from an evening class at her university one night when an omega attacked her. Your father had been tracking it down and lost the trail for just a few minutes, but it was enough for the omega to find it’s next prey. She never went into detail about it, but to this day your mother carried the claw marks on her stomach. As your father nursed her back to health, they fell in love and she vowed to be apart of the fight. She acknowledged that she got lucky and that there were others that wouldn’t be. It was now her mission to make the number of unlucky ones decline as much as she was able to.

Your mother had always stated she never regretted her decision and she’s never looked back, missing her old life. So, that had to mean that you had the better end of the deal, right?

“(y/n)!”

No. Keep walking. Pretend you didn’t hear.

But the last person you needed to see right now kept calling after you. By the direction his voice was coming from, you knew he was behind you. You didn’t stop. You couldn’t speed up either, because that would be acknowledging the fact that you could hear him. Maybe you’d get lucky and he’d give up.

That was not the case. He caught up to you quickly, stopping you with a hand on your shoulder.

Instincts kicked in and you grabbed his hand, twisting it as you turned around. You weren’t using your full strength and so you weren’t surprised in the slightest when he didn’t show any sign of pain like any ordinary human would. But you faked the surprise, mostly to keep up the act that you hadn’t heard him.

“Shit, you scared me,” you said breathily to add to the charade. You took out the earbuds and stuffed them in your pocket before he could pick up on the lack of music.

“I guess I should have yelled louder,” Luhan chuckled. You let him go and he ran his fingers through his blonde hair, still smiling at you. There was no way that hair could be natural, right? And why was he always smiling around you? You didn’t exactly give off the vibe of sugar, spice, and everything nice. “Are you feeling better?”

You blinked at him, confused. That day at the pizzeria was nearly a week ago. And he was genuinely asking you about your health? “Um, yeah. I think I just ate something weird that day for breakfast.”

He nodded. “Good, good.” Bouncing from foot to foot, he gave off a sense of nervousness. “Are you busy right now?”

“Oh. Um.” You frowned, biting your bottom lip. Was he about to ask to spend some one-on-one time with you? Would that be a good idea if you said yes? The museum would still be there to check out again on another day and you could gain some helpful insight on his pack by speaking with him. Shaking your head, you turned your frown upside down. “No, I’m not. Why?”

A laugh escaped him as if he was taken by surprise by your answer. “Do you want to grab a cup of coffee? With me, that is.”

“Sure.”

Did you just freaking giggle? That wasn’t even you acting as the sweet one. It just… came out after his self-correction. What the hell was going on?

Taking a breath, you pointed to a coffee shop just at the corner of the block and started for it. “There’s that one-”

“No, not that one!” Luhan shouted as he stopped you with a grip on your upper arm. You stared at him wide eyed at the sudden outburst. Clearing his throat, he started to tug you to another shop across the street. “Their coffee sucks. And I know one of the staffers. She’s really nosy and we’d hardly be able to talk because she’d be hovering the whole time.”

“Really?” You looked over your shoulder at the reject shop, mentally notating it in your metaphorical files. Was it a mate that worked there? That could come in handy later.

“Yeah, this one’s much better,” he replied as he pulled you through the crosswalk, careful to keep an eye out for any runaway traffic. His hand had slipped down from your arm to your exposed hand and that fiery tingle was back in full force. Your heart was pounding in your chest and this time… you didn’t think you could completely blame it on your curved fight or flight senses.

Once inside, he let go to which you were both relieved with and aching for more. You shoved your hands in your pockets to keep them under control. Luhan asked for your order, but you shrugged and told him to surprise you. He got a cheeky look in his eye and ran to the front, leaving you alone to scan the area. An empty table for two was sitting in a corner near the front of the store, but right when you took a step towards it, Luhan was back.

“Let’s sit back there instead,” he suggested, nodding towards a booth that was mostly hidden from the rest of the shops patrons.

You really wanted to laugh. Luhan’s attempt to avoid running into or being seen by anyone he knew was painfully obvious and amateurish. Maybe someday you could give him some pointers at subtly.

You blinked, stopping in your tracks. Why did that thought cross your mind? There would never be a someday. Once your mission was finished, you’d never seen him again. The world might never see him again.

Why was that hurting your heart?

“(y/n)?”

Luhan’s voice pulled you out of your mixed up thoughts. “Yeah?”

“You okay?” he asked, his head tilted to the side in a studying manner.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you insisted as you quickly slid into the booth.

Before he could sit down across from you, the barista at the counter called out, “Order for Luhan ready at the bar.”

He took off, coming back a few seconds later with two plastic cups of cream colored liquid, the sound of the ice cubes clinking against each other filling the silence that was settling between you two. Unsure of what else to do, you took a sip from the cup he’d set in front of you. The strange flavor mixed in with the coffee took you by surprise, strangling a weird sound of you.

“What is this?” you asked, your face surely twisting into a look of disgust. It wasn’t necessarily that gross, it was just… not normal.

“It’s raspberry mocha,” Luhan answered while laughing at your reaction. “If you don’t like it, I can go get you something else.” He reached out for the cup, but you scooted it closer to you instead.

“No, it’s fine,” you sighed. “I just wasn’t expecting it.” For a moment, you just tapped your finger against the thin lid of the cup. You were searching for something to say, to get the conversation rolling, but you didn’t want to come off as digging a little too much, raising his suspicions. “So, do you-”

“Why did you-”

Luhan had started speaking at the exact same time as you and the two of you stop simultaneously as well. Short, awkward laughs came from both of you.

“Go ahead,” Luhan waved at you, palm up.

“No, you go ahead,” you insisted.

Lowering his head, Luhan sighed. He lifted his face again, sitting back in the booth, a half smile pulling up in the corner of his lips. It wasn’t even a full grin, but it was relaxing you where you sat. Whatever was going on inside of your chest, you still didn’t have a sane explanation, but you had a feeling it wouldn’t be going away any time soon. Especially if you kept letting yourself be around Luhan like this.

“Why did you come here?” he asked very bluntly.

The way he stated the question took you by surprise, almost like…. No. There was no way he could know. He wouldn’t be sitting across from you so relaxed like this. He would have told the rest of his pack and you would be dead. Besides, you’d been more than careful with your identity. Not even Innie knew the truth.

You shrugged. “I needed a change of pace. I’m from… I guess you could call it a compound, but that makes it sound a bit cultish, doesn’t it?” Yeah, some might say the organization could be a cult, based on the definition. “Basically, I’m from a small town and needed a faster pace in my life. Unfortunately, I’m not brave enough for the really big cities and Innie was here so that gave me a small foundation to start with.” Even as the lies came smoothly out your lips, it was leaving a bad taste in your mouth.

“And you do freelance design graphics, right?” he urged on.

“Yeah,” you nodded, a grin lighting your face up a bit. Playing around on photoshop had been a nice, unrelated-to-the-supernatural outlet that helped you unwind. You didn’t actually do any sort of business with it, but it was a fun little hobby where you kept all the end results to yourself. “It’s all online so that makes it easy to work my own hours and stay home.”

“That sounds nice.” Luhan took a long sip form his own drink before leaning forward, resting his elbows on the table.

The space between you was at its smallest that it had ever been. You could see the flecks of ember in his dark brown eyes. They were so kind and inviting, practically begging for you to come closer. Your muscles were having a tug-of-war within themselves: closer, father, closer, farther, closer.

Farther won and you leaned back away from him, crossing your arms to recreate the barrier that he was doing a very good job of cracking.

Luhan looked a little disappointed at your response, but he just let it roll off of him. “So, what were you going to ask?”

“Oh, just if you enjoyed living here,” you answered nonchalantly. It was getting tougher to pretend this wasn’t affecting you in some way.

“I like it a lot,” Luhan said happily. But that initial joy slipped a bit. “I was gone for a little while, but being back has been the best decision I ever had.”

“You left?” Since when could a wolf leave a pack and then rejoin it?

Luhan nodded, turning his eyes down to his fingers and picking at his nails. “Yeah. My brothers kind of… got in a fight, I guess you could say. One of them decided to break out on his own, thinking it was best for everyone. I didn’t want him to be alone, so I went with him. But I missed this place every day I was gone.”

“Why do you love this place so much?” It was the first sincere question to leave your mouth. He spoke with such a nostalgic undertone, it was almost like a poet or a songwriter trying to describe their favorite color without saying the name. You found yourself leaning forward again, hands securely in your lap to avoid any accidental contact.

Luhan shrugged as he twirled his straw absentmindedly. “I don’t know if I can describe it, the reason why. Ever since I came here as a teenager, it just felt like home. Like I was always meant to be here and it would help me meet the people that were meant to be in my life.” At that last comment, his eyes flickered over to you just for a second before falling back down to the now empty cup.

“So, you didn’t grow up here?”

“No, I spent most of my childhood a couple hundred miles away,” he explained. “My family traveled a lot and it was kind of pure coincidence that brought me here.”

A nomadic pack. You’d encountered more than your fair share of wolves that chose to live that way. They were easier to spot than the ones that stayed put. That guilty feeling was starting to bubble in your stomach again. Had you run into his old running mates in the past?

You’d never been on hunts like that before. You were never old enough. The only times you went with the older hunters was to track down killer wolves, the ones who’d attacked defenseless humans. Those were deemed “safer” since it was normally a group of hunters verses one or two wolves. You’d never been the one to deal the killing blow, but you certainly had shot more than your fair share of injuring arrows.

“(y/n)?” Luhan reached out to your, but had nothing to hold onto with your wringing fingers resting on your thighs. “(y/n), are you okay?”

“Yeah,” you lied a bit shakily. “But, uh, I think… I think I should head back home. I’ve got work that’s piling up and I really should get started on it.” You jumped up to your feet and Luhan followed suit.

“Do you want me to see you home?”

“No!” you exclaimed, waving your hands in front of you. A bit calmer, you added, “I’m fine really. But… thank you for the offer. Really. Um, I’ll see you around.”

You didn’t necessarily hightail it out of there, but you certainly walked at a fast pace, hoping that he wasn’t following you. Once you hit the first crosswalk, you glanced behind, but Luhan wasn’t anywhere in your line of sight. That let you release a deep breath.

Back at your apartment, you locked the door up tight behind you and tossed your bag down on the couch before collapsing beside it, your face in your hands.

You can’t do that again. That stupid, blonde wolf was doing something to you. He was messing up everything you knew and… you didn’t know if you were strong enough for this inner conflict.

Ever since you were a child, you were told over and over the story of the beginnings of the organizations. You knew them by heart so you could pass on the knowledge to your own children someday. It was what drove you and kept your fundamentals stable. But how true was it?

Centuries ago, when hygiene was still questionable and kings and lords ruled the lands, there were a nest of little villages in a valley. They were all friendly with each other, trading goods and lending a helping hand when hard times fell over them. But the skies wouldn’t stay blue forever.

One night, a monster came into the midst of the smallest village, killing any human it came across. Innocent blood was shed and the villagers didn’t know what to do. The following night, the monster came across the next village, except this time, it had company. Over a week of hell, the five villages were destroyed, only a few families able to survive the massacre.

After banding together, the men of the families set out to track down the monsters so they wouldn’t hurt anyone else. When they found the monsters, they were frozen with shock. They’d witnessed the dog-like monsters transform into men, laughing and joking with human lips and human lungs. With surprise on their side, the men attacked the monsters, eliminating the threat for good.

Or so they thought.

As the five families traveled to find a new place to settle, they heard stories of giant wolves attacking defenseless villages. These stories were new, recent happenings and they realized that the threat was not gone like they thought and there were more out in the world. So they decided that since they knew the secret of the monsters, they should be the ones to stop them.

Over the years, they trained their children, occasionally bringing in others to help their cause. Once they deemed themselves big enough, they split to stretch across the globe to rid every country from this scourge. To this day, the five families, now factions of the singular organization, still fight to erase the supernatural from the world, to protect their fellow man.

But did every wolf deserve it?

Tradition told you that their human forms were just disguises, that they didn’t know what it was like to feel real emotions and that all they did was hide until they were ready for their next attack, their next killing spree. But in your research, the reports of wolf attacks were few and far between in this area. And it’d been decades since the last one was recorded. Then there was Luhan.

He didn’t seem like a killer. None of the boys did. And Innie seemed so happy with Baekhyun, hormones telling her to be like that or not. What was going on in your world?

Grabbing the bag beside you, you threw it across the room, not caring in the slightest if you broke the camera inside as you released a wordless yell.

You pulled back your sleeve to expose the tattoo that you’d proudly let yourself be branded with. It was an honor to be inked with the arrowhead triquetra. It symbolized that you’d passed every test and had dedicated yourself to the cause. But was it all a lie?

No, you didn’t believe it was a lie. There were plenty of legitimate reasons for the organization to exist. Your mother’s scars were proof enough for that. But maybe… maybe it’d gone too far. Maybe there needed to be a distinction between the ones that attacked humans and the ones that just wanted to live their lives in peace.

You scoffed to yourself. Look at you, thinking radical ideas and off of what? One conversation and a few interactions with a single wolf pack? They could still be dangerous, they could still be a threat to humans. They could lose control and hurt someone. Baekhyun could hurt Innie whether it was intentional or not.

A battle was beginning to brew inside of you and you had no clue which side was going to win.

Just focus on the book, (y/n). Once you get that, you can leave and go back to the organization. Go back to your family. They’ll get your head back on straight.

God, you hoped that was true.

#exo #exo fanfiction #exo fanfic #exo wolf au #exo wolf!au #exo werewolf au #exo werewolf!au #luhan x reader #luhan #lu han #exo series #exo supernatural au #Lies Untold #untamed wolf universe

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suburbiakrp-blog · 7 years

Photo

WELCOME TO JUKJEON, MIN AHYEON !

your place at i’park’s 6th floor is all ready for you, we hope you enjoy your stay. citizens, let’s welcome our new neighborhood dance teacher and choreographer !

HOW HAS JUKJEON BEEN TREATING YOU THE PAST 25 YEARS ?

ahyeon grew up in the neighborhood, so it’s the only thing that she knows. though she still wishes she could get a job in the city to earn more for her family.

TELL US MORE ABOUT YOURSELF !

tw: divorce, death

there are five acts that has been identified within a structure of a general plotline.

exposition;

her name is min ahyeon, born in august 27th in the year of the goat. first child and eldest daughter of min jinseok and chae yeonhee. she has two younger brother and a younger sister, all born within the year of the rooster, dog, and tiger respectively.

they all live a simple life. appa makes a lot of money but it’s never enough to both raise his kids and make umma happy. so they learn to share everything since they are little; food, chores, games, even time.

ahyeon learns how to make fried eggs and toast bread at eight years old in case both her parents couldn’t be home to cook breakfast for them. she also teaches her younger brothers to put their toys back into the toy box after playing and keep an eye on their baby sister. teamwork makes the dream work.

rising action;

things are breaking outside the room and she holds her little sister closer in her arms, cooing softly in her ears to lull her to sleep. tucks her brothers’ blanket so everyone gets a fair amount of warmth in a cold night.

“noona, i’m scared.” brother #2 says quietly.

me too. “don’t be scared. nothing’s gonna hurt you.” she replies, although smiling is hard when it becomes a duty. tears and fears are contagious to the people around you.

brother #3 pops up from his spot beside brother #2 by the wall. eyes round and unsure. “are you going to protect us if anything happens?”

it takes a couple of seconds before ahyeon could reply with a nod.

which she regrets the next morning when the entire house is in ruins and appa’s things are nowhere to be found. umma only left a note saying she’ll be home late ( like usual ) and they should just eat dinner without her.

climax;

what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

clearly, that term doesn’t apply for umma.

her co-workers found her on her table in front of her laptop. the hospital ruled out the death as from exhaustion. someone in her funeral later said she must’ve died in a painful way, since she barely slept or ate anything.

ahyeon doesn’t really know what to think. only capable of shedding tears and nodding wherever everyone sends her their words of sympathy. trembling hands holding her crying siblings to keep them from shattering.

“i’m so sorry for your loss.”

“she’s in a better place now.”

“your mother would want you all to move on and continue living.”

but no one ever told her how to survive now that she’s on her own with three mouths to feed. or how to balance between scholarships and more part-time jobs.

falling action;

she’s twenty-four, already preparing for her graduation in spring. brother #2 decided to join the military while brother #3 received a full-scholarship abroad. halmeoni volunteered to take care of baby sister in their mother’s hometown in daegu, although she’s enrolling to university next year so ahyeon still has to save up some more.

the only form of escape she could find is the dance crew she joined on her first year of university–which is also the reason behind her full-time job as a dancer in a small dance studio in her neighborhood. she loved dancing since middleschool; why stop now? her grades aren’t enough to get her an office job, and it’s not her style to sit and stay still anyway.

denouement;

min ahyeon, now twenty-six years old. a dance instructor, choreographer, and if she’s lucky; background dancer. she’s earning enough for herself and the rent of their apartment, and she still nags at her brothers on the phone from time to time. baby sister is on her second year of university now and lives on-campus, visiting only during weekends or long breaks.

they tell her to let go of the apartment and move to a smaller one to save more money, but she thinks still having a home to come back to wouldn’t hurt.

this is my family. i found it, all on my own.

it’s little, and broken, but still good.

yeah, still good.

#sa.app #fc.bae joohyun #ch.min ahyeon #tw.death #tw.divorce

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rueur · 7 years

Text

Morning Pages #30 (09.02.2017)

Thursday 9th February - 10:05 a.m.

I am actually writing in the a.m. now, I know! It has been a while, I know. Yesterday was a very taxing day though, so I fell asleep almost immediately. The only issue was that I got home to Anthony’s parents having dinner with my parents, and whenever they get together, the meal always takes place at a quarter to midnight (give or take a half hour), so I ate a few of their appetizers before the main meal despite the fact that between the hours of 11 a.m. and 10 p.m. yesterday, I had literally nothing to eat at all. I survived off of some warm garlic bread until my parents were ready to serve the dhosa and the eggplant and potato curry, which was just the most warm and sustaining meal I’ve had since Gong De Lin, considering how long I had to wait for it. That and the eggplant curry is always just magical going down your throat. It’s generous tomato texture, and the warm flavour of the spices, and the delicately lingering chilli to top it all off, all carried by the smooth, milky dhosa - simply put, it was the right thing to be eating at that given time.

But enough about my meal! My day was astounding. The meeting with Marcus went very well, with cameo appearances from Mark and Hector. Hector arrived at around 3 p.m., I should say, and immediately went upstairs to have a shower because it was excruciatingly hot yesterday. Then he hung out whilst Marcus and I caught up (after the business of the day was done). I told them both about Ikaros and I, and confided in them that not only had Ikaros called me and asked me to come and see him later that day, but that I was going to use the opportunity to come and see him, to tell him once and for all what I really needed from him right now. Which was plenty of space. I told Marcus and Hector that neither of us were getting what we needed from the relationship and that we had both begun to realise this over the past four months in particular, but that I still wasn’t sure how to make the break-up seem official to either of us, considering that counting yesterday, Ikaros and I have broken up four times over the span of four months. Three of those times were in January-February alone. It’s chaotic. But now it’s over. It was incredibly emotional, and I’m not entirely sure why because I feel like the drama has passed for me. I already went through my heartbreak, and now I’m on the other side. It’s his turn now. He was in denial for this long, otherwise he would’ve gone through this with me. Then again, he has been infamously emotionally immature. I shouldn’t talk about him like this, but these pages are for honesty.

Ikaros also admitted yesterday evening that he knew he’d been treating me badly. Even though he swore he would protect me from my family abuse, because he said he didn’t want anybody shitting on me, he admitted to shitting on me himself. Then he asked me again, if I didn’t want to keep trying with him. I simply said that he had just admitted he had been treating me badly, so what would it say about my self-respect if I were to allow him to be with me after all of this. Thankfully, he understood this. He also began to (for the first time in a LONG TIME) regret the way he had treated me. He was the one who would say no to plans, who would end phone calls and skype calls and days spent together. He was the one who didn’t buy presents and didn’t offer emotional support when it was most needed. He was the one who was keen for an open relationship before it was even appropriate, like three months into our dating! He was the one who made comments about other people, and made deprecating comments about me, and thus, made me end up being very unhappy in my own skin (an insecurity only often softened by him subsequently fucking me and then me being glad that somebody could possibly be attracted to me at all enough to fuck me). He was the one who didn’t say ‘I love you’ back! WHEN HE DID. And even though he failed to do all of these things, it was at least nice to hear that he was aware of this. Even so, I felt really bad for him when he was sitting with his hands on his knees in the Rosanna Parklands, saying ‘I fucked up’ over and over again to himself or to me.

This shouldn’t be important anymore, though. I should start thinking about other things. And I have. For instance, Marcus really loved my script, and so did Mark and Hector. Marcus said it was very ‘non-white-male’ which made me quite happy, and he also said that with a little fine-tuning, he doesn’t doubt that we can get funding from SBS. He just believes that Kali should be given a more concrete goal, to juxtapose her life with her mother’s. Vini’s dream was taken from her, so Kali should be shown making full claims to her passion and achieving everything her mother was forced to let go. I totally agreed with this, and my current task is to rework the script a little to place more emphasis on Kali achieving her dreams. The beach trip scenes between Kali and Adam are growing less and less prevalent with every draft, and I love it. The whole idea of the ‘rock pool’ is supposed to be more symbolic than literal anyway. My only qualm with this is purely that I feel like the beach scenes would be so beautiful to shoot. But after seeing Assassin’s Creed, I guess I am now more than aware of the dangers of prioritising cinematography over the actual plotline when one is tasked with making a storyboard.

I will say this though. I have never felt more of a writer than I have over these last two months, and this is making me increasingly excited for the rest of 2017. I also feel like these pages have had a lot to do with that too, and of course my time in Northcote too. I’ve been thinking about my time in Northcote, and have realised that it has drastically improved my life for the better. Not only did I come across ‘The Artist’s Way’ and begin on my creative rehabilitation, but I was also given time away from everyone and everything and was just allowed to be a human existing alone. Taking care of the cats also kept me anchored, kept me waking up at a sensible hour every morning and returning home at a sensible hour too (except on weekends). Furthermore, living in Northcote and being that close to everything, allowed me to go out on weekends in a way that I’ve never gone before. It allowed me to meet Evan too. Evan asked me, I think on Monday, whether or not I would’ve gone to Laundry if I hadn’t been living in Northcote. I answered very honestly, saying that I actually might not have gone out at all if I had never taken the housesitting job. Because I had gone out alone that night, and the only reason I felt safe enough going out alone that night was because I knew it would be easy enough for me to get back home to the apartment (one tram for like fifteen minutes, it was too easy). I feel like maybe I should tell Emily exactly how much minding the boys has positively impacted me. But she might stop paying me to do the job if she knows how fantastic it’s been for me! No, she wouldn’t, that was a joke.

I really miss Evan right now. My phone plan just ended and I’m switching to something a little cheaper ($5 cheaper a month, yet still way out of my budget), hopefully today. I don’t know what to do if he texts me though! I don’t know if it’ll send. I was tempted (I still am, actually) to send him the photo that was taken of us at Laundry the night that we met. Actually, fuck it. I’m going to do that right now. It’s only 10:36 a.m. and I am probably more than a quarter of the way through this final page. I am making excellent time. I am, however, a little nervous about getting started on the next draft of my script. It’s just been endless, and even Marcus said that it’s SO SO tight as it is right now, like it’s going to take a lot of frustration and editing to get it to where it needs to be. That, and screenwriting is so weird! It’s a very new medium, naturally, and nobody really knows how to do it as Marcus said (but regardless, my uni course was very focused on teaching us the layout and formatting of film scripts over actually writing them), but I feel that it’s infinitely harder for people who are actually traditional writers, or come from a writing background. It’s odd, but I think it’s safe to say that I feel like it’s easier for actors to write screenplays than it would be for writers. Marcus also noted that I had a tendency to indulge in description when I was writing action in my script. He said that sometimes my inclinations to write prose seeped through, and made my script naturally a lot more lovely to read, but a lot less easy to be interpreted by directors and actors, and everyone else who must work off of your script. It is a deceptively simple medium, I’ll just leave it at that. I can’t wait to be finished with this project! And it really hasn’t even started yet!

Okay, I sent the photo. He’s at work right now. Sometimes I worry about him being at work, honestly. Like whenever the weather’s bad. Yesterday, for example, was ridiculously hot, and I was only really only outside in the high sun for about an hour or two. But for him, it would’ve been all day! Even today, it’s supposed to be quite hot and ALSO quite windy too. And I know he finished up early on Monday because some equipment wasn’t available or something, so I can assume that the rest of this week or at least the next few days after Monday, would’ve been a lot longer and a lot more productive. If he’s been working hard both yesterday and today, I can’t help but imagine he’d be feeling rather physically exhausted by the end of today. I know that he really can’t wait till school starts again for him, but honestly neither can I. I’ll be glad to see him taking it easy for a while and studying something he’s passionate about rather than spending all of his time landscaping, waking up at ungodly hours and working in extreme conditions for so long. Goodness, I think I really like this boy.

#morning pages #30 #09.02.2017 #rock pool

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