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thelaughtercafe · 2 months

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Muted Memories Chapter 2

Tea Type: Milk Tea

Potential Triggers: Verbal and physical abuse, dissociating as a trauma response, nondescriptive murder, descriptive threats(not at reader).

Pairing: Issac Foster/F! Reader

Length: 4k+

Summary: Library explorations, and meeting new characters, fun for the whole family!

A/N: Chapter 2 is here!! Excited I finally got this done!! I’m not fully happy with the way it turned out but after messing with a few other ideas, I decided to go with the one I wrote while genuinely triggered since it felt the most raw and real.

I’m okay now; emotional flashbacks just really suck. Do not recommend lmao. Hope everyone enjoys and please do leave feedback! Always excited to hear from my readers on what they think!! ❤️

The rest of the day was easy once Zack dragged you back. Ray had thanked him in a reverent tone, to which the bandaged boy had only ruffled her hair fondly. They really were close. You hadn’t been expecting him to do the same to you however and it showed as you ducked your head to hide your burning face in Ray’s shoulder a moment. She giggled at your embarrassment and pet your hair.

You all sat down and ate after that. Ray was attached to your side the rest of the morning, constantly either hanging off you, holding your hand or hugging you. She seemed touched starved, though given you were as well you easily obliged and accommodated her. You had to go to the library after breakfast since you no longer had a laptop and Zack had declined your offer to come, saying he had “better shit to do”.

You shrugged him off but again reminded him to take anything he needed and disguised Rachel in one of your big hoodies before heading out. When talking about how well they were known they said their popularity had been dying down and they’d come here since it was so out of the way, hoping to find a forever home.

The air was a little chilly so you were glad you’d bundled up Rachel, however you were left shivering a little, given your other hoodie was still being repaired. You’d torn a noticeable hole in it on a rushed run out one day and the mender was blind; a friend Mr. Takamata had met and grown close to, and you had as well in turn. You wouldn’t give your business to anyone else despite the longer wait times. His job was always impeccable. Maybe you could get it on the way back, if he was still open.

“Alright, to the library! We’ll go grocery shopping tonight on the way home and I’ll make dinner.”

“We’re gonna spend the whole day there?”

Rachel sounded excited at the prospect and you hummed in agreement.

“Yeah, as long as you don’t mind. I need to do some school work and print out an essay. After that I figured I could show you some of my favorite books and maybe bring some home for Zack too.“

"That sounds fun but…mm…"

Ray sounded happy at the prospect but trailed off and seemed conflicted, looking at the ground as she walked.

"What’s wrong?”

“Oh I suppose it’s okay if I tell you. Zack can’t read.”

You blinked at that. He was around your age wasn’t he? You supposed you shouldn’t have been surprised. He clearly had a lot of inner trauma in addition to the physical.

You smiled down at Ray though, swinging your held hands cheerfully.

“I’ll get him some anyway. He doesn’t have to learn if he doesn’t want to of course, but I’d be more than happy to teach him. Even if he doesn’t, I like to read aloud anyway so he can enjoy it that way if he’d like.”

Ray gave a contemplative hum.

“I don’t understand why you’re so nice to us. After everything we’ve done-”

You heard her voice crack and quickly stopped walking, gently pulling her aside and crouching down to her level to allow the other people milling about to pass.

“Hey, hey! You keep sayin’ that, but from what I’ve seen you two are both damaged, but have been kind to me. It’s like I told Zack last night too…I’m lonely, sad as that may sound. So…no more apologies, okay? I’m happy to give you both a place to stay and let you have a fresh start. Mr. Takamata gave one to me…it seems only right that I should do the same.”

Ray threw her arms around you and you hugged her back before moving to stand.

"Now, how about that library trip?”

She beamed up at you.

“Let’s go!”

—–

You couldn’t help but sigh in relief as you both entered the library. It was cold, now. The wind had really picked up and you were already dreading the 20-minute walk back home when it’d be colder tonight.

Maybe you ought to stop by Reginald’s place on the way back after all. Now that you were here though, you had to put your game face on. You had two essays and one story to work on. Your only fun elective this semester was Monsters in Literature. Best teacher too; he reminded you of Robin Williams in his enthusiasm and inspiring words. You had a vague outline of ideas for the story and you wrote often, but creating original content was much harder than the fanworks you were used to.

The essays were honestly easier. Everyone was always surprised when you told them that, but essay’s were really just cramming as many words as possible to get a simple point across most of the time, and given you enjoyed writing, even if it was boring as sin it was at least easy to bullshit.

You observed Ray as you put your bookbag down, wanting to get her set up before starting.

“You’re around 14 right?”

She nodded.

“15, now actually. As of a few weeks ago.”

“Oh! We’ll have to celebrate. I’ll pick up some overtime, make sure to remind me to get a cake this weekend okay? Just in case my memory goes kaput after all this school work.”

She giggled and nodded happily as you mimed passing out.

“Do you know what kind of books you like hun? I can get you set up in the right section and then get started here.”

She gave a carefree shrug.

“I didn’t read much. Too noisy before.”

Seeing the way her eyes went dull again you got to your feet and held your hand out to her before she could go too deep into her memories.

She took it and you led her into the adjoining room for Young Adult Fiction, not acknowledging the fact that she trembling with anything more than a soothing thumb rub.

“Here’s the YA section. All kinds of scenarios and characters here- I recommend reading the back or inside of the flap and then just picking whichever one sounds interesting! You can always just go based on the cover if you’d like a more randomized experience though. This is still my favorite section honestly; if you need any help with the words or have any questions don’t be afraid to ask me. Feel free to get comfy, and if anyone that’s not me comes up to you, come get me or yell my name if you get scared, I’ll be just in the other room.”

After making sure she was okay you left her, happy to see she was already hesitantly beginning to explore.

You sighed in resignation, sitting down and cracking your neck.

No more distractions, time to get your work done!

—–

The day passed quickly, with Ray occasionally coming over to ask for help with a word she didn’t know but it was a rarity and she was already on the 2nd book in a supernatural fantasy series when you were finished. You playfully took it from her to check the title.

“Ooh Maximum Ride hm? That’s a good one, haven’t read it in ages. One of my favorites at your age too. Let’s bring it home with us huh?”

She nodded eagerly, a big grin on her face as she made grabby hands for the book, and you obliged, quickly grabbing the 3rd and 4th one as well. After a moment’s hesitation you grabbed 2 more for good measure, one for you, and one for Zack. You know how you were as a child and better safe than leave the poor girl on a cliffhanger. Luckily the librarians and you were already well acquainted given you came to volunteer to read to the kids here when you weren’t in school. It was a quick affair to check the books out and you were on your way.

The essays had given you no trouble and were already sent to your professors…but that damn story had you completely stuck. You knew the general concept you wanted was dealing with possession of some sort but you couldn’t figure out who should be doing the possessing. It was the idea of being out of control you wanted to tap into Such a primal fear so underexplored by most monsters.

It was still freezing oh God- you shivered as you and Ray made your way home. She looked at you worriedly and you could tell she was going to offer you the jacket but you patted her head.

“I’ll be okay- gonna s-stop and get my m-m-mended one before groceries after all.”

You sped walked and reached Reginald’s in record time, who luckily was just about to close up.

“Reggie, please tell me you have my coat finished?”

Your eyes and voice were pleading and when he reached out to touch your arm in greeting he recoiled, frowning in fatherly disapproval.

“Young lady, what on Earth are you doing out here in this cold without any protection?”

He sighed heavily and easily made his way back inside, holding the door open for you and Ray.

It was the same as always, not a speck of dust in sight, but homey and most importantly, warm. You held your hands to your lips and warmed them. You could’ve cried when after a few moments Reginald came out, coat in hand.

“Oh thank you so much! I’m in your debt! Here-”

You went to pull out your wallet but at the sound of rustling Reggie tsk’d and shook his head.

“No need, sweetheart. Can’t let ole’ Takamata’s daughter freeze now can I? How’s about you introduce me to your little friend here and I’ll call it even.”

You smiled fondly and sighed in defeat, slipping your dark burgundy coat over your t-shirt and zipping it up.

“Fair deal! This is Ray, her and her older brother Zack will be staying with me from now on. They broke in and I couldn’t just turn away hungry people, especially a young girl like her. You know how Mr. Takamata was, he’d roll over in his grave if I didn’t help!”

The lies merged with the truth and Reginald laughed heartily, while Ray looked at you in disbelief. She surely expected you to give them fake names or backstories but there was no need. To lie effectively, you just had to be confident and believe what you were saying.

“True enough!! Well, nice to meet you little lady, call me Reggie hm? Here, this hoodie feels too thin-”

“Reggie!”

He ignored your exasperated voice and before you knew it he’d tossed a small lilac coat and large black one your way and was shooing you out despite you protests.

“I’ll hear nothing of it! Consider it a welcoming gift! Now get!”

“Thank you Reggie. Really.”

He waved you off and patted Ray’s head before walking off. You smirked fondly and turned to look down at Ray.

“Welp. How’s about we just get something hot and head on home? Zack may get worried if we’re out too much longer.”

Ray nodded cheerfully.

“Sounds great to me! I’m starved! That man was really nice, I hope we see him again soon.”

You giggled at her enthusiasm, opting to get pizza at the place right down the hill so it wouldn’t be a long walk.

“Me too. I’m sure you’ll like him even more as you get to know him. He’s very kind. He has a service dog named Bucky, I’m sure you’ll get to meet them both again soon.”

You held the pizza and Zack’s new coat, while Ray got the soda, garlic knots and the pepperoni pinwheel you caught her drooling over in the display case.

You walked through the door with her on your heels, grinning and calling for Zack as you entered.

“Zack we’re ho-”

Your voice died out at the sight in front of you. You couldn’t breathe.

Why was he…here?

“Chris?”

That cursed name escaped your lips, bile burned your throat as he smiled and took a step closer. You went to back up, the door still open and remembered Ray and the fact your hands were full.

Where was Zack? Didn’t matter you had to get Ray to safety. But she was already entering behind you, and setting the food on the table like he wasn’t there. She came over to take the pizza but you were in shock.

“The one and only!”

His smile twitched, but you knew behind the mask he was seething as Ray began pulling out the food and setting the table.

“Pizza night hm? Funny. I haven’t gotten my pay this month yet, I trust you have that ready for me?”

You just stared at him in stricken fear. The door was closed but you still felt just as frozen.

“…What are you doing here? How did you find this place?”

“Oh here? I’ve known for years, pet.I just…”

His smirk turned to a sneer.

“Loosened your leash a little. Now, if you won’t give me what I want, you’re surely not fit to raise a child here. Maybe I’ll take her home…give her a proper enviorment. I mean, she didn’t even greet me properly. You know what happens to impolite children, don’t you?”

You didn’t speak up but you moved your body to block the way to the kitchen, motioning for Ray to run with your free hand, but she was completely oblivious. Your eyes steeled a little, but your voice was still that of a terrified kid. It didn’t matter that you were older now, it didn’t matter that you thought you were getting better.

Suddenly you were a frightened child all over again.

“I won’t let you have her.”

You flinched at the feeling of a hand on you and looked down to find her gripping your hand, tugging you lightly towards the table.

“Dinner’s ready. Come eat.”

Her eyes had gone dead, and she was pointedly ignoring Chris. She seemed very dissociated; probably a trauma response from her own family, if you had to guess. You realized your other hand still held the black coat and tossed it on the couch before reluctantly letting her take you to the table where you sat down. She sat too, and began eating while you looked numbly down at your plate.

You heard the chair slide back as he sat at the head of the table, beginning to dissociate a little yourself but maintaining your hypervigilance. You felt shaky and scared, aware of every move he and yourself made. He began to eat, completely unbothered.

You’d finally felt safe, away from him. Thought he was oblivious and finally mostly out of your life, save the monthly payments. You should have known you could never beat him. That he couldn’t cope with the loss of control.

Now one of the first people in your life you allowed yourself to care for was at risk. It was your fault for not safeguarding against this possibility and the only reason you weren’t spiraling was because you knew you had to keep Ray safe.

“What do you want?”

Your voice shook, but it was low and even, in hopes of being non-threatening.

He was nonchalant as ever.

“You’re going to protect me, and let me stay here. I’m only hiding here because some psychopath showed up at my place.”

Your breath hitched and you looked up in fear as Ray jumped to her feet.

“Zack!?”

You hopped up quickly and wrapped Ray in your arms to shield her, and quickly mustered a lie.

“Shh…shh…Zack isn’t here sweetheart.”

“That’s the second time I’ve heard that name. Who is he? Is he staying here too?”

“He’s her older brother. When she gets scared she seeks him out- I’m not the only one who got traumatized.”

Your mutter was bitter and under your breath but he caught it.

He always heard it. He stood and you held Ray tighter. You just had to last until Zack got here. Keep him placated. You trembled- God why did the shakes never stop around him?

“Talking back? Pathetic. You’re shaking like a damn leaf. Whatever. You’ll always be a freak.”

You swayed as the familiar insult caused an emotional and partially visual flashback, hearing faint words, catching glimpses from the back of your mom’s car. She was inside getting groceries.

“You’re such a damn freak- those bullies at school were right about you. You’re really nothing but a freak. Everything you do is freaky-”

He’d used variations of the word till you were hyperventilating upon your mother’s return. You couldn’t hide it fast enough, but his mask was right back on. Told your mother he was “getting you used to the word.” Ha. She’d harmlessly shared the bullying you’d confided in her about, having no idea you intentionally hadn’t told him because she didn’t know any better.

But your Mother isn’t here now.

Your shaking stopped and you took a deep breath, steeling your own mask. You straightened from hugging Ray and glared at where he stood by the chair he claimed.

“I don’t care what you do with me, but you won’t hurt her. I’ll never let you abuse anyone else I care about again.”

He threw his head back in bitter, sadistic laughter and you acted quickly, grabbing her jacket in one smooth motion and rushing to shove Ray outside, with a simple command before slamming the side door shut and locking it, tossing the key out there with her so she nor Chris could get her back inside.

“Find Zack and stay hidden if you can’t!”

She hesitated, meeting your eyes and you smiled at her, trying to make her feel secure only to yelp as something slammed hard on the back of your head, sending you to the floor. You vaguely registered the picture and glass surrounding you, and the sound of Ray crying out your name in panic. The picture of you and Mr. Takamata lay near your face and you smiled weakly..

“…Sorry, Dad. Looks like I won’t be able to fulfill my promise after all.”

Your head felt wet and warm, and your vision was getting murky. You felt dizzy, trying to stay conscious. Chris was yelling, but for once…you felt serene. No fear. No constant hypervigilance. No more masks. But…Zack. Where was he? You never got to give him his new coat…

Darkness took you under.

—–

Zack burst into the door with a loud bang, wild eyes scanning the area. He’d been searching frantically for the bastard all day and was exhausted and starving after a long day. He’d been planning to pick up the following day when he arrived, only to hear an unfamiliar male screaming curses.

Zack didn’t consider himself a protective person. He’d grown up most of his life alone and fending for himself. Ray was an exception to the rule, and he thought he’d never find someone he wanted to protect again. Till he met you. He didn’t know you well. Didn’t even fully trust you yet, honestly, always wary to give trust. But he saw something of himself in you. Plus, you were horrendously naive and so, so in need of protection.

This bastard seemed the best place to start.

To see him in his new home, where he finally felt safe? Zack was anything but happy. The man froze after kicking you on the floor. Zack spotted Ray with tears swimming in her eyes as she screamed behind the back door, before rushing to meet up with him, heading around to the front once she saw him.

Things moved quickly after that.

Zack had the man by the throat, sadistic snickers leaving him ceaselessly as he held him against the nearby wall because if he didn’t laugh and scream he was going to do something else and he vowed to never do that again.

“You’ve got 3 seconds. Talk.”

The man, if he could be called that, was near pissing himself in fear but Zack felt none of the typical satisfaction. Just rage, simmering under the surface along with his want to rip the slight smirk he saw tugging at the asshole face whenever he glanced at your crumpled body.

“I have no problem with you, alright!? I don’t know what you want- if you want to kill her she’s all yours, but I haven’t done anything! I’m an upstanding citizen, I swear!”

“So lemme see if I got this right. You come into my house, trash my place, hurt my family, not only fucking up their heads but physically too and you think I’m gonna let you walk outta here?”

Zack threw his head back in magical laughter at the thought; it was the funniest damn joke he’d ever heard. At that, Chris finally snapped and threw a punch, facade dropping in an instant, but Zack held fast, vaguely noticing Ray walking up next to him a look in her eye he hadn’t seen since they were trapped.

“God you’re a freak just like her- no, you’re some kinda monster! Guh-!”

Ray stabbed hard into his stomach, making the man gurgle on his words. He looked down in shocked horror and Ray was impassive.

“You hurt her, so I hurt you.”

He cursed at her too.

“You little bitch!! You’ll never get away with this, I’ll make you pay!”

Ray shook her head in disappointment.

“There’s no fixing you.”

She waved before turning her attention to you.

“Bye bye.”

Chris opened his mouth to snarl at her again but Zack was done playing games. He had more important things to do. He glared, shaking the man before beginning to drag him outside and into the forest, talking casually.

“Pretty sure we got unfinished business buddy. See I’ve got a sharp knife, and I’m curious how many pieces I can cut off before you bleed out. Shall we find out together?”

“No, no God please!! Have mercy!”

“Shut the Hell up!”

His shout was one of anger as he tossed the man down and kicked him hard in the ribs, paying no mind as he screamed in pain.

“That’s what I caught you doing to the woman who let us stay here! I don’t know why she’s afraid of you, but after tonight she’ll never have to fear you again. Nothing should scare her more than me. I won’t let you have her. I refuse. Her fear belongs to me. Now do the whole damn world a favor and DIE!”

His last word was a guttural roar of anger and when the man was finally dead by his hand, Zack crumpled. He didn’t know why, or how. His body was shaking and his bandaged were wet and it wouldn’t stop. He didn’t like it at all. This feeling, the way His mouth made sounds out of his control. It felt like…he’d killed his demon a second time, but this time it wasn’t just his. It was yours too. He found…he liked the feeling. More than his usual kills. This was more…liberating. He took the time to let whatever was happening run its course as he dragged the now dead piece of meat into the forest and buried him with the very shovel you used to do as he had, but for someone you loved rather than loathed. Love. Still such a foreign word and concept to him. He shook off his thoughts

But now he needed to make sure you stayed alive long enough to hear him gloat. He could worry about the oddness of “feelings” later. Ugh. He shuddered. Feelings. Gross.

He bit down a smile as he made his way back towards the house, seeing from the window that Ray was already patching you up, one of your textbooks open next to her.

Maybe whatever he felt for you and Ray though, wasn’t quite so bad.

#tlc: fic #tlc: milk tea #issac foster x you #issac foster x reader #zack foster x you #zack foster x reader #angels of death fanfic #angels of death fic #angels of death #female reader

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claymorecut · 3 years

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GINTAMA MEN ONCE SAID....

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sakukaguxxi · 4 years

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Happy Valentine's Day💓

#takasugi shinsuke #takasugi #shinsuke #kijima matako #matako #takamata #shinsuke-sama #kiheitai #gintama #gintama edit #my edit #gintaladies

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razberryyum · 5 years

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The title of this country song is:

I wanted to be your lover but now I'm your mother

#Gintama #TakaMata #Sorry Matako #Killing time waiting for 704 scanlations

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blackhaiper · 6 years

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A lot of Pink Tone haha

Use Template from Alico1582

This is My most favourite Pair in Gintama

Okita x Kagura / Kamui x Nobume / Hijikata x Mitsuba Gintoki x Tsukuyo / Kankou x Kouka / Takasugi x Matako

#gintama #okikagu #HijiMitsu #gintsu #kamunobu #takamata #umibouzu #kouka #NaemArt #Naemfanart

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suchine-toki · 5 years

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Art by k_mata18

Click on the link to see the continuation!

#Gintama #Takasugi Shinsuke #Kijima Matako #takamata #Fanart #before I thought that this pairing didn't have much depth #just typical fangirling #but then rakuyou and silver soul happened #thank you sorachi for doing this to my weak shipper heart #(again)#and developing these relationships

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penginius · 6 years

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手

#doodle #gintama #takamata #takasugi shinsuke #kijima matako

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kushiscorpio · 7 years

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#gintama #shinsuke takasugi #kihetai #matako kijima #shinsuke x matako #shipping #гинтама #шинске такасуги #матако киджима #шинске и матако #samurai #kushiscorpio #anime #takamata

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fsudolsky · 5 years

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Folding green carpet.🌿🌱🌿 #reunionisland #lareunion #visitreunion #visitlareunion #unesco #nationalpark #nature #takamata #gopro #goprophotography #nobadday (at Takamata) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bz_GOebJQWK/?igshid=1dqtey85e93ho

#reunionisland #lareunion #visitreunion #visitlareunion #unesco #nationalpark #nature #takamata #gopro #goprophotography #nobadday

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incorrect-kihentai · 1 year

Conversation

Takasugi: Wait you like me? For my personality?

Matako: I know, I was surprised too.

#gintama #takasugi shinsuke #kijima matako #kiheitai #incorrect gintama #incorrect gintama quotes #incorrect kiheitai #takamata

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thelaughtercafe · 2 months

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Muted Memories

Tea Type: Milk Tea

Potential Triggers: A lot with this one! Violence/Threats of violence, nonspecific mention of thoughts of suicide, abuse(verbal and emotional for one physical for the other two), negative thought patterns, running from your problems for fear of burdening others, and I think that’s it! Also anime and game spoilers; this takes place post-game! Really it’s just the first few paragraphs thought so skip to where the second person starts if you plan on playing/ watching it!

Please gently let me know if I forgot any/you want any added!

Pairing: Issac Foster/F! Reader

Length: 5.7k+

Summary: Zack and Rachel return to one of the few places he felt safe once upon a time in order to hide out. Imagine his surprise when he finds someone else in need of protection, and may even grow to allow himself that long forgotten solace once again.

A/N: So this fic is very personal to me and I use it to cope with my own trauma, hence the subject matter. I hope it offers solace for even one other person; please do let me know your thoughts if you enjoy it!

“Well, if that’s what ya want- stop crying and smile.”

Zack’s words were the same as always, crude with a deranged undertone so distinctly him it made Rachel’s eyes tear anew as a grin broke across her lips.

The most genuine smile she’d had since she’d last been with him.

“That’s more like it!”

A note of exhilaration has filled Zack’s voice and he swung, his scythe hitting its mark.

…

…..

……….

Rachel opened her eyes from when she’s instinctively closed them to find her hair now short. She could only blink in bewildered confusion.

Zack merely grinned and held out his hand to her expectantly. There were cops swarming the place. There wasn’t much time he knew but she needed to know.

“Rachel Gardner is dead. We belong to each other now, Ray.”

Ray hiccupped and only then realized she was sobbing as she took his hand. It’d taken forever but finally.

Finally.

She owned someone and they owned her in return.

—–

Elsewhere, a girl tends to a long dead man’s home. It had once been hers too, more than her own. Pain stabs her heart whenever she returns and yet how can she not? He’d once mentioned a boy he’d saved before he died, one he wanted to help heal. He’d asked for her help. Yet now, here she stays alone, keeping his memory alive as best she can, in hopes one day the boy might return so she can fulfill the promise the man cannot as well as her own.

—–

It was a quiet day at the Takamata residence, not that such a thing was unusual. With no-one to tend to it now that the kind man was gone you had taken over it’s care and even began living there yourself.

You’d thought your tears had dried after a week but when they sorted out his will and found out you’d been left his home…let’s just say they returned with a vengeance.

You’d never had an easy childhood, a neglectful biological father quickly followed by an abusive stepfather made you shy and self-deprecating. Your empathy remained as you cared for your sickly mother and you found a passion for helping others. You often juggled their problems and shoved your own down deep. Better to help everyone else. It was all you were good for.

When Mr. Takamata found you, bleeding and scared as you sobbed on the road home he’d comforted you and welcomed you in his home, even helped to bandage you. You’d been so desperate for a moment of freedom from the venomous words constantly hurled at you that you’d just…ran. You kept running despite the scratches and falls you took. He was blind but he was good with his hands and he listened.

It was the first time you’d ever opened up and had someone be empathetic to you instead of the opposite.

He didn’t like that you promised him to never tell your sickly mother but like Hell were you going to be responsible if the stress worsened her condition. Deep down you felt you had earned your stepfather’s ire anyway. If you just did everything perfectly then he wouldn’t have a reason to hate you so vehemently.

Reluctantly, Mr. Takamata kept his promise but on the condition you’d always come to him and have a place with him should you want it. Your weekends were spent with him and when you began middle school so did your afternoons. He showed up to your middle school graduation, hugged you in a way that made you feel sheltered and safe like you never had.

A week later he was found murdered. Butchered by drunks.

You were alone again; yet he still had the foresight to leave you a place to go to. To hide.

So you did.

At first it was weekly visits and then daily…and eventually you ran away completely; opting to only return to your original home on the weekends to tend to your mother and bear the unbearable in silence as you always did.

Here you now stood. Mother now dead, barely attending college for Nursing between your job to pay for food, and all your essentials. Every now and then you could afford the next book in a series you liked but even cable was out of the question.

You passed your time by keeping the place in pristine condition, focusing on your studies(thank God rented laptops were a part of your tuition) and reading or re-reading the books you had. The library was always a safe haven to engage in; letting you read all you liked of the books there until they closed so you often found yourself there on the weekends.

A glance at the clock had your eyes widening in surprise.

“Shit!”

You were going to be late! You grabbed your bookbag after shoving your laptop inside and were out the door in a rush of fabric.

You could definitely make the bus if you ran! You had to!

—–

Zack let out a relieved sigh as he spotted the familiar looking house. Looks like he hasn’t forgotten where it was after all.

“Isn’t this wrong? Using a dead man’s home without permission?”

Zack jiggled the lock and snorted as he began fiddling with it, using his newly bought knife to do so.

“What? You wanna call him back from the dead and ask him? No-ones in here anyway. It’s in the middle of nowhere. Perfect for us to lie low and wait till the cops forget we exist-hell yeah!”

He cheered with a grin as he managed to get the lock open, pumping his fist in the air.

He entered without care and turned with a vaguely confused frown to Ray.

“Well? You wanna freeze out there be my guest, but I’m taking my chances here.”

He threw himself onto the couch as the blond girl hesitantly entered and closed the door gently behind her.

This place reminded her of her old home. It was indeed warmer in the literal sense but also figuratively too.

This place felt…lived in.

She didn’t want to bother him when he looked so tired but…

“Zack?”

She called out as she looked around nervously.

“What?”

Annoyance laced his voice as he peeked one eye open.

“I don’t think no-one lives here. Why else would the heat be on and…”

She opened the fridge, where some clearly recently bought food waited.

“The fridge stocked? Maybe we should go.”

Zack’s eyes lit up at the sight of food and he moved to stand and headed over, greedily snatching a cold bottle of water-make that two- before returning to the couch.

“Yeah and? If anyone does live here I’ll just slice ‘em up when they come home. You worry too much Ray. Get some shuteye will ya?”

He turned his back to her and she couldn’t help but wonder as her eyes flicked to the door from where she’d been observing a photo of a girl and an old man.

“Yeah…okay. Sleep well, Zack.”

She joined him in sleep reluctantly as she made herself comfortable on the bed in the adjoining room, falling asleep to the distinctive smell of vanilla.

—–

You sighed tiredly as you got home after a long day of school. You’d missed the bus of course, which meant you had to run all the way to campus. You weren’t exactly the pinnacle of fitness so you were a sweaty, panting mess as you stumbled through the door 15 minutes late. Your teacher had glared at you something fierce but luckily she hasn’t commented as you rushed to pull yourself together and get ready to learn.

You were in your last semester of general education courses now, figuring you’d get them out of the way so your last two years could be full of nothing but Nursing.

In any case, you were exhausted.

You closed the door behind you and yawned as you stretched. You moved to turn on the lights but froze suddenly at the feeling of being watched as the back of your neck prickled. Reacting on instinct you twirled away and thanks to doing so barely dodged a thrown knife at your head.

You stared in complete shock for a moment and then you lunged for it and the lights as brightness flooded the room.

Your attacker was interesting looking that’s for sure; bandages adorning every inch of skin you could see and two different colors glaring at you. You’d gotten the knife, but what the Hell were you going to do with it? Your bands trembled and suddenly, as he noticed it himself, the man grinned.

“Heh. Well ain’t that cute. Never used a knife, have you sweetheart?”

Fuck. He was perceptive.

Still you frowned and tried to think why he looked vaguely…familiar as you backed away and he casually walked forward. His appearance was so distinctive; it’s not likely something you’d have forgotten seeing.

Your eyes glanced over to your bedroom doorway and he took the opening, lunging for you and making you squeal as you grappled for the knife.

“H-Hey! Stop it I don’t want to hurt you!!“

Your voice held an edge of panic and just as he’d cornered you against the kitchen counter, knife raised to strike with a grin you cried out as you shielded your face with your arms.

"You’re Issac right!?”

…

….

…..

When nothing happened for several moments you hesitantly peeked open your eyes and found yourself even more scared as he leaned over you to stare into your eyes. His tone dripped with looming threats you knew were promises if you didn’t answer.

“How the fuck do you know who I am kid?

Kid?

You let that slide and held his gaze before you bit your lip nervously.

His eyes flashed and he seemed to take it as you not wanting to tell him as he roughly grabbed your wrist and forced you to the ground, straddling your waist to leave you even more vulnerable as he held the knife to your captive hand threateningly.

"Either you start talking or I start chopping and I’m not the patient type lady…so pick fast.”

He smiled sweetly as he traced the blade up and down over your index finger, feather light and you started to ramble.

“I-M-Mr. Takamata. He mentioned a boy, with bandages he’d found when I was a little girl. Nearly a decade ago now. He told me he wanted us to be friends that I should try and help-”

You were cut off as he threw his head back and laughed; caustic and loud as the knife abruptly moved to your neck.

“Oh that is just rich. Another victim trying to use my past as ammo.”

His smile turned to a dead eyed hatred as he leaned down to hiss in your ear.

“Nice try sweetheart. ‘Fraid you’re not the first. 'Least you confirmed where you got your info. Just bad luck you got this house. Well. Nighty ni-huh?”

His expression of gleeful sadism faded as Ray quietly spoke his name and held a familiar picture in front of his face.

“That’s-”

He looked between the picture and you a moment and then, as if stricken, hopped off of you and then was out the door.

Despite the irrationality of it all, worry flooded you and you jumped up to go after him; calling out.

“Wait!”

“It’s okay.”

The dull eyed girl smiled understandingly at you as she held you back gently by your jacket.

“Zack tends to do that when he’s overwhelmed. He’ll be back later.”

Something in you urged you to trust her so you nodded and merely closed the door.

Nothing for it but to wait, then.

Was waiting for a man who’d just tried to kill you and threatened to cut your fingers off entirely sane? Probably not, no. But you had a feeling these two weren’t either so…who were they to judge?

This was all the closest thing to a father had ever wanted from you.

Like Hell would you let him down, or abandon someone in need.

—–

“So…um…”

Rachel, as she’s stoically introduced herself, turned to look at you.

“Not that I’m not glad he’s back safe and all but…why are you two here?”

The only show of her surprise was the slight widening of her eyes.

“You really don’t know? Don’t you have a TV?”

You shook your head.

“No. Don’t have the money for one as a broke college student. The few books I can afford are fantasy and supernatural based.”

“Oh. Well…Zack and I are fugitives. They think he killed me.”

You raised an eyebrow at that wordlessly saying “clearly, he didn’t”.

“Oh and…don’t call me Rachel. Old habit. My name is Ray, now.”

You flinched at Zack’s loud entrance as he slammed the door open right after she finished speaking before snarling at you. The brief shock you’d seen in his face was gone as fast as it had appeared.

“The Hell are you still doing here?! Why didn’t you scram? You got a death wish or something?”

You shook your head, still trembling but smiling at him nonetheless. His eyes caught it though and he laughed, the sound acidic.

“Look at you, trying to act all brave. You can admit you’re scared you know. I can already tell~”

He seemed gleeful at this fact but you shook your head as your eyes gained a note of defiance.

“It’s not you.”

Despite the quiet tone you spoke them in, Zack read your lips and gripped your shoulders suddenly appearing…almost possessive in his rage.

“Then who the Hell is it? Someone’s got you more scared than me?”

You blinked at that but nodded.

“You’re…well. A momentary fear compares to one systematically ingrained in me over the years. Of course I’d be more scared of him than you.”

His group tightened for a moment, frown deepening when you realized something. The look in his eyes wasn’t anger- it was frustration.

He was confused.

"I mean- when you’re raised by an abusive dick, of course I’d fear him more than you. Besides Mr. Takamata he…”

You searched your memory for his exact words.

“He said he’d never seen a kid so in need of care and support. He thought we’d both be able to help each other heal.”

Zack looked vaguely nauseous, and let you go as if burned.

“Gross…”

His murmur sounded half-hearted to you but Ray spoke up from beside you, making you flinch a little. You’d nearly forgotten she was there.

“Zack…maybe we don’t have to kill her. It sounds like she won’t turn us in.”

Zack scoffed at that, returning to his typical coldness as he rolled his eyes.

“She’s still a liar. Just cause she knew someone from my past doesn’t mean shit; I should gut her right here for that alone..”

“She didn’t even know we were fugitives till I told her. She doesn’t even have a TV.”

Zack reluctantly paused at that and turned to you with a grunt, eyes narrowed distrustfully.

“Phone?”

You smirked bitterly at that.

“No. I work a minimum wage job and all the savings I have goes to tuition to get me through college. I’m in school for Nursing.”

“Fan-fucking-tastic for you. I don’t care. I’m goin’ to bed. Do what you want. Ray, you get the couch this time. Scream if the bitch tries anything.”

With that he sulked into your bedroom and presumably went to sleep.

Unlike Zack, she was looking at you intently, curiosity shining in her blue eyes that bordered on excitement.

“Nursing? Isn’t that when you fix people?”

You nodded, smiling gently.

“Mm. Yeah. I just want to help people feel better. It’s all about dealing with injuries and such. I personally want to be a travel Nurse or maybe Psych. I feel like helping mentally is just as important as the physical.”

As your eyes flicked over to your closed door Ray caught the quick action and asked, bluntly.

“So you think Zack is one of those people that needs your help then?”

You blushed but nodded as you turned back to her. She was very perceptive too. No doubt they had to be.

“Well…yeah. I feel like anyone in need of help deserves my kindness. Simple as that. It’s my purpose in life.”

Ray seemed in awe at this.

“Your…purpose? Huh…”

You smiled gently and stood, heading to the closet.

“This is a lot to take in, and I’d definitely like more information later on, but either way; Mr. Takamata would’ve wanted you two to stay here as long as you like.“

You walked over with blankets and a pillow in your hands as you closed your eyes and smiled at her.

"I do too, in any case. It’s not safe for you out there in the cold and there’s bears and coyotes around. Help yourself to the fridge and cabinets if you’re hungry or thirsty. I don’t have much but you’re both welcome to it.”

You were surprised when the small blond girl suddenly hugged you as she stood up to allow you to make the couch more comfortable for her.

She spoke, but it was muffled and you pet her head gently as you asked.

“Hm? What was that Ray?”

“I said…”

She looked up at you, eyes sparkling.

“Thank you. You’re really nice, even though we don’t deserve it.”

Your smile strained a bit at that and you sighed, gently guiding her to get more comfortable on the couch.

“Everyone deserves kindness. Now, get some rest sweetie, okay? I’ve got class tomorrow but I’ll wake up and make sure you get breakfast before I leave.”

You both missed the quiet 'click’ of your bedroom door closing.

—–

Now that Ray was down, and Zack was as well presumably; you had schoolwork to get done. Studying for Anatomy and Physiology was always the hardest so you saved it for last, finishing what you were sure was late. A glance at the clock on your wall made you yawn.

3am. Wonderful. Time to say goodnight and then head to bed yourself. It was gonna be a long day tomorrow; you had to be up at 7 to make breakfast like you promised for Ray.

You headed to the backyard and smiled sleepily at the gravestone awaiting you there as you sat down, too tired to keep standing.

“Hey Mr. Takamata. Thought I’d come say goodnight. Sorry I rushed off before I could say g'morning. I was running late again…”

You could almost imagine his smile, the way he’d say “Don’t try to rush things that need time to grow.” and got a little misty eyed.

“I…found that boy. The one you wanted me to meet. Or…more correctly I suppose he found me. In any case, I swear I’ll uphold my promise. No matter what.”

Despite yourself, a few of the tears fell and you sniffled.

“I wish you were here to meet him yourself.”

“The fuck’re you crying for?”

You squealed in surprise, jerking out of your kneeling position and looking up in fear for a moment until you registered it was just Zack. He must’ve snuck up behind you.

You let out a breath, a bit flustered at being caught crying as you rubbed your eyes.

“Meeting you has…kind of been my entire purpose. I can finally fulfill my promise to Mr. Takamata so I guess… I’m just happy. Plus… I’m a crybaby. Always have been ”

You blushed darker at the confession but Zack merely grunted and crouched down to examine the gravestone you’d made. His eyebrows furrowing as he ran his fingers over the lettering.

“So…this is for the old man huh? You dig this yourself?”

He wasn’t looking at you but his voice sounded gruff.

“Yeah. His body was really heavy and it was hard work digging a grave big enough…but I somehow managed it. He always loved sitting out here and talking with me, feeling the wind on his face as it made the wind chimes sing.”

Your tears dried at the happy memory and you rolled up to lay your head on your legs, a peaceful smile crossing your face.

“Did he? Huh. Guess you picked the right spot.”

Zack’s voice sounded thick but after a moment of silence he stood and smirked down at you, amusement shining in his hetacromstic gaze.

“Still; surprised a pipsqueak like you could pull it off. Must’ve taken you all day and all night.”

You went red at the teasing and pouted as you got to your feet.

“You’re not wrong but I managed it; and that’s all that matters. Anyway, what’re you doing up? Can’t sleep? I can make you some tea if you want. It might help.”

He blinked at you but nodded after a thought.

“…Fine. I wanna talk to you anyway.”

You nodded and headed into the kitchen, flipping the kettle on as you pulled down a mug and took out a teabag. Shit, you were out already? You’d have to budget some in once you went grocery shopping next week, plus factoring in how much more food you’d need with two additional mouths to feed. You might have to dip into your meager savings.

As the kettle went off and you added the hot water, you tilted your head at Zack, quiet in the darkness beside you. It was a little eerie how well he fit into it.

“Do you want milk and sugar? It makes it a lot sweeter.”

He nodded.

“Sure, whatever. Never had it before. Long as it’s drinkable.”

You suddenly realized you’d only told Ray and sighed as you added milk and extra sugar as you typically took it.

“Shit. Sorry I assumed you were sleeping and only told Ray- you’re welcome to any food and drinks you want; no need to ask. Just tell me if we run out of anything and I’ll add it to the grocery list.”

He narrowed his eyes at that and went quiet as you set his tea on the table and sat across from him looking at him expectantly as he sat down.

“You’re weird.”

He muttered after a moment, still looking at you as if trying to figure something else.

Your smile widened nervously at that.

“Thank…you? I think?”

He rolled his eyes at that.

“Not a compliment. Why the fuck are you scared of some person who obviously isn’t even here more than me? Hell; why aren’t you scared of me period? Everyone deserves kindness? What about murderers? I’ve killed hundreds, little girl.”

Your mouth thinned as you heard this, but you sighed, and smiled at him nonetheless.

“So you were eavesdropping then?”

He looked stricken at that before he leaned forward and hissed, voice little more than a defensive growl as he grabbed you and pulled you up to be face to face with him.

“I didn’t trust you with Ray. For all we know this college student thing could all be an act.”

“You’re more than welcome to check my anatomy and physiology textbooks if you’d like. But, in any case, it wasn’t a judgement. I wouldn’t trust people if I was on the run either. Must be tiring is all; constantly being on the run. You’re welcome to stay here, at the very least, as long as you’d like.”

He snorted, releasing you with a frustrated huff.

“You make a habit of opening your home to wanted fugitives? Or are you just stupid?”

You giggled at that, but it was sad as you leaned your cheek on your hand and shrugged.

“Well; Mr. Takamata left me this place but I kinda feel it’s yours too. After all, no matter for how short a time, he took you in. You’re just as worthy as I. He would’ve let you stay. And I…well yeah. I guess I am stupid…but this isn’t because of that. I’m lonely. The company would be nice. Besides, everyone currently here is broken…it may be nice to help hold one another together. Don’t you think?”

Your breathing was slow and even and you yawned, glancing at the clock. Shit. 4 am now.

Zack had hidden behind his eyes behind his hair as you explained and scoffed, standing with a grumble.

“…Yeah, whatever. Just don’t be surprised if we don’t stick around. We don’t need an extra along for the ride. We’ve got plenty of weird between the two of us, so butt out. Got it?”

He didn’t wait for your response as he headed back to your room.

You shrugged off his words, the whole conversation feeling like a haze as you laid your head on your arms. It wouldn’t be much…but 3 hours should be enough. Just a little energy to get you through the day.

—–

You sighed as you felt an odd yet familiar sensation; fingers brushing through your long hair, giving a hum in contentment.

“What’re you touching her for? I say we take the food and scram.”

“Her hair is really soft, and she looks pretty. Besides, she said she’d make breakfast.”

“And you think that will wake her up? Move.”

The fingers stopped and just as you pouted and attempted to move closer to it; suddenly you were falling, making you squeal and barely catch yourself on your hands.

You looked around frantically, trying to get a grasp of your surroundings as you blinked quickly.

“Wah!! J-Jesus what-!?”

Zack burst out laughing at your reaction, bending over in complete stitches as you were left pouting and blushing in embarrassment.

“Hah!! You really are a damn mouse! I’ve never heard a voice go so high pitched!!”

“D-Don’t be mean! I can’t help it okay!?”

He jeered, approaching and bending down to knock on your skull.

“Suck it up little mouse~ Why don’t you get to cookin’ huh? Ray and I are tired of waitin’ for your lazy ass to get up.”

You frowned at that, eyes moving to the clock and gasped, hopping to your feet.

“It’s 10 already!? Please tell me you messed with my clocks! My alarm definitely should’ve-”

“Told you you shouldn’t have smashed it.”

Ray interrupted with a pout at Zack.

Dread weighed your stomach like a brick and it was all you could do to smile weakly.

“I’m scared to ask but…smashed what, exactly?’

Zack raised his chin towards the table in front of the living room couch where you’d left your school laptop and there it was; smashed to pieces.

“Oh I am so fucked.”

You could only sigh as you put your face in your hands for a moment, fought back tears and then straightened and headed to the fridge, as if nothing had happened.

“Do you guys have a preference on what to eat?”

Zack brushed off your reaction easily, eager to not take responsibility as he made himself comfortable in the same chair he sat in last nightst and spread his legs out.

“Anything is fine; but meat is the best if you have it.”

“And you Ray? Hm?”

You looked down in surprise as the blond girl hugged you around your middle when you opened the fridge and turned to look at her.

“What’s wrong sweetheart?”

Your voice softened worriedly and she looked up at you with a mixture of apathy and determination.

“Sometimes hugging will make my dad’s hits hurt less when he got angry. Aren’t you mad?”

You blinked at that and then inhaled to keep the tears at bay. Christ, what had she gone through for that to be her first thought?

You raised your hand to pet her head and reluctantly did so when she didn’t flinch, feeling Zack’s eyes burning into you from the table.

“No hun; I’ll be fine. I’m sorry for cursing in front of you…I got worried, sad even because it’s a lot of money I’ll have to pay, and I really don’t…”

You hesitated, debating how to word it for her and settled on.

“…like confrontation. But not mad. Zack broke it because he didn’t know how to properly make it stop. I’ll teach him when I get a new one; and this situation will be avoided. So no reason to be mad!”

You pulled back to smile at her gently and she was giving you that wide-eyed look of awe again. You let her go and stood up to your full height, clapping with a grin before turning back to pull out the bacon from the fridge.

“How does eggs with cheese, bacon and toast sound?”

A glance back at Ray as you finished taking out the eggs and she smiled in a way that made your heart warm, arms held behind her back.

“Sure!”

“Whatever.”

Zack’s mutter could barely be heard but the intensity of his eyes on you had definitely lessened as you worked on prepping and cooking the food. Zack and Ray had a quiet, mumbled conversation beyond your back.

As you were plating it you casually mentioned it, knowing you’d have to be careful with your wording.

“So…I figured I’d tell you guys in advance; but I’ll need you to make yourselves scarce tomorrow. Just tomorrow; I’m not kicking you out or anything but it’s important.”

Your voice was light, but serious underneath and as you turned with a grin, both plates in your hands to set them down you froze at the way both of your guests’ heads whipped to stare you down.

Zack’s gaze was analytical; unsure if he should give trust or not and Rachel’s were curious and sad.

After a moment of tense silent Zack smirked bitterly, eyes locked on your every movement like he was ready to pounce.

“Yeah we’re gonna need more than that. The fuck is this “important” buisness you’re talking about?”

Rachel merely nodded in silent agreement, a frown on her lips.

Your anxiety spiked and you fidgeted in place uncomfortably for a moment before you set down their plates. Despite the way your smile and voice shook your forced words out, knowing you were seconds from breaking and needing to be far away before that happened.

“I-I’ll be right back enjoy the food!”

It was all said in one breath and then you were out the door.

You aren’t sure for how far you ran; but it was enough to leave you gasping. The tears and shaking finally came out all at once; the panic and fear of tomorrow taking over as you fell to your knees and held your hands over your head.

You were full-on ugly sobbing, memories vivid and blurry all at once crashing over you and making you feel like you were drowning. You hadn’t had an attack like this in ages. Had been so careful to keep your distance and do everything perfectly…but now that your laptop had been broken and you’d missed a day of classes-

You gasped sharply in pain as your hair was yanked to force you to meet familiar heterochromatic eyes.

Fear struck you for an entirely different reason than he was used to as you shoved him away to cover your face in horror.

“Don’t look at me! What are you doing here; how did you find me!?”

“Chasing people who run is quite literally all I do. Maybe you should think about that next time you try it. You’ve run far enough lady. Start. Talking. What’s happening tomorrow that has you this…”

He motioned vaguely to your disheveled form despite you not looking at him.

“this?”

You turned away in shame but he wasn’t having it, grunting and grabbing your wrists roughly to force your hands down after crouching in front of you. He seemed wholly unaffected by your crying, save for the odd smile tugging at the edges of his lips and the trembling of his own bandaged hands.

“Talk, dammit! I’m about 3 seconds from dragging you back to the house by your hair!”

You let out a watery laugh as you had no choice but to look at him. No matter how hard you tried to squirm or pull your wrists away he didn’t even acknowledge your efforts with tightening his grip easily keeping you still without any true strength.

“He’s-He’ll come tomorrow. He’s going to get a note from the college that’ll be delivered by the school, as well as here and he’s going to find out where I live and then he’s going to take it all away from me-”

You were starting to fully spiral now that your words had been giving voice and continued talking as Zack’s gaze turned cold and sharp.

“Hey.”

“He’s going to force me away, he’ll make me leave college and work to pay him more than I already have to every month-”

“Mouse-”

“He’s gonna tear me apart again, take away everything and everyone I care about till all that’s left is him, his hatred, the negative voice that never stops, maybe I should just end-glch!”

You were cut off with one of his hands abruptly squeezing your air supply shut for a moment in clear warning before it returned, quick as a snake’s strike to your wrist.

Your eyes rushed to his and only then did you realize you’d been hyperventilating.

Zack was the scariest you’d seen him yet, expression manically angry and gleeful all at once.

So lemme get this straight. You were gonna send Ray and I off because you thought you had to protect us?”

He threw his head back and laughed; loud and maniacal before his grip on your wrist tightened harshly and he abruptly snarled at you.

“We don’t need your fucking protection, little girl. That fucker wants a fight from either of us, he’ll be dead before he can even move.”

You shook your head, sniffling as you calmed a little though a few tears still slipped out.

“You-You don’t understand. It’s not your problem. He’s my burden to bear.”

“The house belongs to me too right?”

Zack’s question caught you off guard but you nodded instantly nonetheless.

“Yeah of course-”

“Then it’s my problem too. And Ray’s since she stays with me.”

Tears blurred your vision again but for an entirely different reason as you felt something you hadn’t experienced since your Mom and Mr. Takamata had passed.

“Zack, are you-?”

He released you then, moving to stand quickly and starting to walk away with a scoff.

“You really are a crybaby. Come home already!”

That did it.

You choked back your tears and grinned, him glancing out of the corner of his eye before turning away.

You trailed behind him and if he slowed his pace just enough to allow you to walk at his side you certainly didn’t comment.

“R-Right!”

#issac foster x reader #tlc: milk tea #tlc: fics #female reader #angels of death #angels of death fic #angels of death fanfic #issac foster x you #zack foster x reader #zack foster x you

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baragaki · 7 years

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SHINSUKE-SAMA...!!

#gintama #takamata #takasugi x matako #matako #takasugi #kijima matako #takasugi shinsuke #the worst case scenario for the person you love

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sakukaguxxi · 5 years

Text

Spit Couple

First

Then

I love this😂💕

#takamata #gintama #takasugi shinsuke #takasugi #kijima matako #matako #takechi henpeita #kagura #kagura gintama #gintoki #sakata gintoki #katsura kotarou #sakamoto tatsuma

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razberryyum · 5 years

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Gintama manga chap 703 (spoilers)

Dear Gintama gods and Sorachi-sama,

This is really the best ending Takasugi could have ever hoped for. I was preparing myself for his inevitable death, for probably quite some time now, and the certainty became more solidified after the last chapter, so I was ready to just weep at the tragedy of Takasugi’s death and all the painful emotional repercussions that Gintoki would have to bear as a result of it. I was expecting extreme sadness and tears, and yet right now, I mostly feel…satisfied and at peace. I am sad that Takasugi is no longer with us, I’ve been invested in him since his first appearance, but I am also glad that he died on his own terms in the way he wanted while obtaining full closure on his life. For so long his goal has been to destroy the world that took away his Shouyou-sensei from him, but now not only was he able to restore his beloved teacher to the world but he also saved the world as well. In killing Utsuro, he also was able to finally do what he couldn’t in the past: save everyone that was precious to him, his beloved friends and comrades, both of the past and present. It’s also beautiful that the last image he sees with his remaining eye is Gintoki smiling, which of course acts as a perfect counterbalance to the last image his ruined eye saw in the past which was Gintoki in tears. Full circle, complete closure. I am almost happy for him.

Would it have been nice if Henpeita and Matako and even Zura and Sakamoto got to see him one last time before he passed on? Naturally; it would have been lovely if each of them had an opportunity to offer their last words to him, but at the same time, if I really think about it, that really would have only served as closure for them, not Takasugi. Takasugi doesn’t need that. With Henpeita and Matako, when he left them two years ago, he had probably already made up his mind to never see them again. He has already closed the book of the Kiheitai in his life, I’d like to think he probably did it when Bansai died. That’s why he was able to leave them and carry out his personal mission these past two years without looking back once. With Zura and Sakamoto, they have already led completely separate lives, so their intertwining chapters have also been closed. What has always remained open were the chapters involving Gintoki and Shouyou, and therefore it is absolutely fitting that his last two people he would get to see and essentially say good-bye to would be just the two of them.

I can’t deny that a small part of me still wishes that Takasugi had survived so that he could live out the rest of his life with Shouyou now that he seemingly is back with the world. It would have definitely been a fairy-tale ending for Takasugi. But at the same time, I do understand that he doesn’t deserve such a happy ending since, despite the warmth we feel about him now, for the majority of Gintama, Takasugi has unquestionably been the villain. Most of his earlier plans were put into motion without any regard for the innocent lives that would be lost in the process. Just because he wasn’t completely successful since his schemes were thwarted, doesn’t make his intentions any less heinous. By your grace we have grown to love Takasugi and forgive him of all the questionable things he’s done because we know how much he has suffered internally, but that doesn’t mean his cosmic scales has been balanced. With this sacrificial act of his, I think his scales are more than balanced; they’ve probably been tipped into light. Takasugi died as a hero, in the arms of someone who is important to him. He could not have asked for a more noble and fulfilling death.

As for Utsuro, I still would’ve really loved to see a 10-on-1 pile up on him; if I have one complaint it would be that I wish the final fight against him could have lasted just a little bit longer and with more outside contribution (and I’m saying all that under the assumption that Utsuro is finally, truly dead), but in lieu of that, having Oboro make an appearance one last time and actually contribute to his death was a fair consolation prize. I must admit I don’t completely understand the sorcery involved that led to Utsuro being tricked and defeated—I can only gather it mostly had to do with Takasugi creating an illusion of Shouyou’s death when in fact he had stabbed himself, and thereby weakening Utsuro to the point where he can be killed—but I’m sure Gintama fans smarter than me will either figure it out so that it all makes sense or dismantle it to prove it doesn’t. Personally, I don’t think it matters anymore. After all, Utsuro’s defeat was a long time coming. If being stabbed by the entire gang and then melted in the Altana stream didn’t do it, then he might as well be felled by an illusion. I’m not going to lie and not say that the whole thing doesn't have a whiff of deux ex machina about it, but then again, you are the god in this machine so why not. I just hope that he is actually, truly, permanently gone this time and that all that remains is Shouyou, completely untainted by any of Utsuro’s darkness. It would be nice if he still had a smidgen of Takasugi and Oboro in him, but I could live with Shouyou being just Shouyou. But please, Sorachi-sama, no force ghosts. I know you love Star Wars, but I hope you refrain from paying homage to it in that way. I’m fine with not seeing them lined up behind Shouyou. If you are going to give us any more ghosts, give us Bansai, leading Takasugi to the afterlife. In fact, I am still hoping we will get to see that in the next chapter.

I know the word is out that the next chapter will be your last, but I honestly wish it wasn’t. And I promise it’s not ONLY because I want to be in denial and I am being greedy: I know you have been MORE than generous with us, to ask for more is downright disgraceful at this point. But if you were to end everything by the next chapter, I just hope that you have a very long chapter planned, perhaps one that is at least a hundred pages long, including a meaty epilogue as well. I hope that you are not rushing to the end because of outside pressure. I know it’s odd of me to say that considering the time you have taken with this final arc, but so much of the last couple of chapters have just been our beloved characters running around and fighting, I hope you reserved time in the next chapter for some quiet, significant conversations. I am actually most concerned about Gintoki’s state of mind since he was once again forced to strike down someone he loves. I know he had Takasugi’s blessing and he at least got to say proper last words to him, not to mention this time, he didn’t do it under extreme duress, but the fact remains that Takasugi still died by his hands. I hope we have time to see how he will recover from this event, if he needs recovery at all, or if this has provided him with closure as well since it did seem that way. Honestly, the more I think about it, the more one chapter sounds woefully insufficient to cover everything. I can only continue to have faith in you as I always do, that you will give Gintama as noble and fulfilling an end as you have blessed Takasugi with.

Yours truly,

A silly fangirl with yaoi dreams

(^3^)

#gintama #gintama manga spoilers #gintama manga chap 703 #takasugi shinsuke #sakata gintoki #gintaka #shouyou #utsuro #takaban #takamata #matako #henpeita #kiheitai #thank you sorachi-sama #hideaki sorachi-sama

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