Cringy stories to tell at dawn
the morning after the hunt
ted cringes and blooms with white peonies that symbolize embarrassment
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Incredible Hulk #4 - "Riddle of the Man-Thing" (2023)
written by Phillip Kennedy Johnson
art by Travel Foreman & Matthew Wilson
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Okay but it suddenly occurred to me to wonder:
What the fuck is Ted even doing to get got all the time?
Yeah, yeah, he and Jack rescue each other all the time, but we have a good idea what JACK does to get himself in trouble. He trusts people he shouldn't, he barrels into dumb situations with no plan, and he thinks he can charm his way out of rooms full of people who want to mount his head on a wall. He's a softhearted dumbass and we love him for it. He also completely loses impulse control once a month, which understandably leads to poor decision-making.
But what is Ted doing?
What is Ted trying to do that keeps getting him into trouble? What kind of "careful" does he think he's going to be, and then fail at? What situations does Ted walk into and think everyone around him is going to be normal?
Because Jack, not to put too fine a point on it, has passing privilege. He looks 100% human, if slightly weird, most of the time. He trusts that way too much, but at least he HAS it to trust. Ted doesn't! Jack can go to the grocery store and pick up a carton of milk and be surprised when a monster hunter spots him in the checkout line. If Ted walks into the same grocery store, there will be a goddamn panic the moment he walks in, even in some parts of Florida.
So what does Ted think he's doing that then goes wrong?
Is he going to a Halloween party or a Comic-Con masquerade? Is he chilling in a public botanical garden on the assumption that people will mistake him for part of the shrubbery? Is he patronizing every sushi restaurant in the county? What is Ted's actual to-do list that he never gets to finish?
And why am I so absolutely certain that it involves Waffle House?
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Meet My Friend
Gif by @nicolethered
Pairing: Jack Russell x Fem!Reader
Words: 342
Summary: Jack introduces you to Ted. Minor spoiler for WBN.
A/N: It begins!! I was working on reader inserts before it even premiered and I’m not changing that. You want to ship Jack with Elsa, good for you. That’s not what I do. To the others, enjoy! Also, I'm going to attempt to no longer do uber long fics for anything - they get to overwhelming.
——
“Just treat him like an old friend,” your boyfriend explains as he waves his hands to exaggerate his point “and call him by his name.”
“Okay,” you nod in agreement as you continue deeper into the forest. Ted was practically family to Jack and you were elated when he brought up wanting to introduce you to him after being together for nearly a year and had even revealed his own secret to you and he was beyond surprised when you didn’t run away.
After a little while longer you came upon a makeshift camp site and your eyes immediately fall upon a hulking figure perched upon a fallen log. He looked to be made up of the very plants that made up the forest.
“My friend!” Jack exclaims as he gestures with open arms and the creature, Ted, immediately turns towards the two of you as he raises to his full height. Jack notices you slight tense and he entwines his fingers with yours as he turns to you and kisses you on the forehead “don’t worry.”
You notice how Ted has been observing the two of you and responds with a curious grumble as he turns his attention to you. His piercing red eyes are a stark contrast to the dark green foliage which encompasses the rest of his body.
“Ted. This is Y/N,” he smiles as he introduces you, the love of his life, to his closest friend.
“Ted,” you greeted as a smile begun to form on your face “Jack tells me you like sushi?” Ted almost purrs with contentment as he nods his head. You try not to widen your gaze as he reaches a finger towards you and his rough bark-like hide comes in contact with your cheek. He turns towards the man standing beside you, your hands still entwined, and makes another purring like grumble.
“He likes you,” Jack explains and you can’t help the growing smile on your face as you take in his happy and carefree expression.
—-
Tagging @orlandoblumhouseofguccimane since I saw their post.
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