#that can be read in bOTH directions

[oh-katsuki]

i hold the INCREDIBLY strong opinion that hellfire is the best disney villain theme song. the orchestra, the composition, the animation sequence.... the LYRICS?? all of it is so fucking haunting. the hunchback of notre dame was kind of outside of the scope of things disney makes and it was sort of a gamble on whether or not audiences would react well to it. it paid off with story and animation nerds, but actually fell relatively "flat" for a disney film with general audiences.

hunchback didn't have any of the magic that is characteristic of disney movies. there were no spells or witches or magic solutions to problems, save for the gargoyles. it's a film about natural born evil and human reactions to those problems. it's very heavy handed talking about cultural problems that disney films rarely ever touch on so directly, as well as a critique of catholic hypocrisy present in the church. which is arguably... not disney.

hellfire, as a villain song, is so poignant and so outside of the scope of what disney usually creates. it's definitely one of the darkest disney songs, dealing with the concept of sexual desire in conflict with oppressive and hypocritical religious morals. in the movie, frollo is a judge instead of the archdeacon of the church (like he is in the book), though i think it's pretty clear to the audience that frollo is meant to be a religious authoritative figure regardless of his actual title.

the song builds this horrifying sense of dread and entitlement, particularly surrounding frollo's desire to own esmeralda, as well as the deadly blame he places on her for his own sexual desire. it's a song that shifts the fault for his own feelings onto a woman who is already part of an oppressed demographic and one whose narrative renders her powerless in the face of frollo's desired punishment. he's a "pure" character, but his claims to purity are grounded purely in his superiority over others, specifically the cultural group that esmeralda descends from.

it's a desperate rationalization of his feelings and a miserable display of his relinquishment of responsibility in the situation. a prayer sent from a hypocritical man to his hypocritical god. and in his desperation to absolve himself of his sins, he falls deeper into his own.

the chorus in the background chants the confiteor, which is a gregorian confession of sins, but paired with frollo's message, it's not quite a confession of frollo's sins. rather, the implication is that frollo is confessing what he views to be esmeralda's sins, which in turn are having an affect on his own. he absolves himself of guilt by confessing them, but in turn does nothing to actually seek the root of the problem, which is his own objectification of esmeralda and the dehumanization of the cultural group that she's a part of.

the gregorian chant also condemns frollo, showing the audience that despite his backwards confession, he will continue to sin. he confesses to them, but the chorus and the "eyes of notre dame" will damn him anyway because he fails to take responsibility for his own actions.

truthfully, the whole song is a chilling display of the hypocrisy of the church, as well as one of the hypocrisy of man in regards to their views of women. and it's complimented by the music and the swelling orchestra, which highlight claude frollo's anguish and violent internal struggle.

the animation is dark as well, particularly with the way the chorus or "saints" judge frollo as he tries to justify his own feelings, pleading for his eternal soul from his predestined position of "condemned", all the while condemning esmeralda. then, we have the sequence of her dancing in the flames, in which it's revealed that frollo not only hates esmeralda, but desires her sexually and hates her because of it, and that the root of this problem can be found in frollo's sexual desire and not his religious disagreement. the entire tone of the song shifts when frollo says "or else let her be mine and mine alone" and it becomes a chilling representation of claude frollo's misguided blame for his sexual desire. it becomes a song of subjugation rather than religious conflict because the moral is no longer "what she does is impure and a sin" and transforms into "what she does is a sin only if she does it for anyone but me".

in this, frollo reveals his desire to consume esmeralda and take her, as an object, for his own. finally, the animation of her in the flame moving from dance to burning on a pyre is a direct representation of what frollo intends to do with her should she not choose to be with him. it's a violent threat rooted in sexuality and misogyny. frollo does not love esmeralda, but lusts after her, and is willing to kill her in order to avoid the shame in rejection and taking responsibility for his own sins.

anyway yeah, i feel very strongly about this song and i feel very strongly about the overall message it delivers. as far as villain songs go, it is one of the most desperate and miserable displays of true villainy and the absence of magic only serves to make it more haunting. people like this exist. they have for centuries. even with no magic to corrupt or make them greedy, frollo continues to become greedy and drunk with power. and yeah. it's good. i feel strongly.

#i had to speak about it im sorry #it's really just. #idk i love it #and i probably missed a lot here #because the song is PACKED with religious symbolism #and cultural commentary #that can be read in bOTH directions #but MAAAAN it's GOOD #it's the BEST #i feel very strongly about this #sorry if this doesnt make sense #i typed it out in 10 seconds because i became so consumed listening to the song. it's important to me

[starstuffandalotofcoffee]

this was a good read

#honestly this is also why i can't stand the ya only crowd. i read SO much fucked up 80s and 90s YA as a kid #like YA can in fact be good (though it's still directed at teens) #but the sanitized versions goodreads adults are demanding aren't really fun for anyone #also i read both ya and adult books as a teen. i think you need to.

[moon-mirage]

“No, wait,” says Finnick. “Let's do it together. Put our faces right in front of his.”

Well, there's so little opportunity for fun left in my life, I agree. We position ourselves on either side of Peeta, lean over until our faces are inches from his nose, and give him a shake. “Peeta. Peeta, wake up,” I say in a soft, singsong voice.

His eyelids flutter open and then he jumps like we've stabbed him. “Aa!”

Finnick and I fall back in the sand, laughing our heads off.

When I recently reread the series, this moment was just pure gold. It was so funny and silly but it also felt so earned among the rest of the books and it’s such a great way to start off their alliance. They deserved this moment so much.

Also, it’s not mentioned that they’re making faces but I couldn’t resist and had so much fun with it. :D

EDIT: OMG I just realised I screwed up the reading direction!  I have no idea how that happened and I noticed just when I was about to post it. Well, it’s a manga now?! 🙈

#The Hunger Games #thg #katniss everdeen #Peeta Mellark #finnick odair #everlark #catching fire #my fanart #artists on tumblr #it's my first real attempt of a comic and it was both harder and easier than I thought #but I like how it turned out #EXCEPT FOR THE READING DIRECTION #gosh I'm an idiot #why don't I just flip the canvas you ask #because flipping the canvas as every artist can attest can only be done by the best of the best without it looking wonky #so it is what it is

[krakensdottir]

There's a lot of speculation about Aziraphale's thoughts and motivations in accepting the Metatron's proposal. Nothing is known for certain at this point, so nothing's impossible yet.

Personally, though, I don't think Aziraphale was talking in code to Crowley in that final conversation. Nor do I think he was very skeptical of the Metatron at first. No, I genuinely think he bought it at first. And here's the thing: I don't blame him.

The Metatron is a fucking master at this. He offers Aziraphale everything he could want, everything he's ever wanted to hear, on a shiny silver plate. Buddy, I would jump at that. Most of us would. We might know better on some level, or at least be suspicious, but we'd want to believe so bad, we'd probably push that aside. And Aziraphale holds out at first, even when he's offered the chance to change everything. He's saying no... up to the point that Crowley is brought up. That's the sweetener. The Metatron saves that for last, knowing that if nothing else works, that will.

And he's right. Of course he is. He assessed this situation and he had every angle covered. It's not a mark against Aziraphale that it works. Again, everything he's ever hoped for. It's too good to be true, but it's also too good to pass up.

I think he's being genuine in his conversation with Crowley. Nervous? Yes. It's a HUGE change he's contemplating, a massive responsibility. He's undoubtedly got some doubts lurking in the back of his mind, not helping matters. And of course there's no telling how Crowley will take it. All of this is more than enough to explain his jitters and his too-wide smile as he makes his pitch. There's genuine hope in his face and his voice, though. His idealism and optimism have been expertly tapped into. He's willing to at least consider that they're not being played, because oh, he wants so badly to believe it. He's believed a lot less appealing lies before.

And I think it's Crowley who cracks that optimism. Harshly, but effectively. I'm not saying Aziraphale wouldn't have developed his own suspicions, because he would have. But it would've taken longer, and crucially, might not have started to happen until he was already in Heaven and essentially trapped.

Crowley's argument, his reaction, the vehemency of it startles Aziraphale. He doesn't fully understand it. But it gets him thinking. It gets him doubting. Crowley's always been good at that.

He's wary when he follows the Metatron out. His glee has been shattered, and that's good, because when the Second Coming is mentioned, then we see the cautious look kick in. Crowley's shaken him out of himself. He hasn't won the argument - neither of them has, there are no winners here - but he did accomplish part of his goal, which was to make sure that Aziraphale doesn't walk into this blind.

Again, I'm sure Az would've woken up himself. But not soon enough. He'd be holding onto hope as long as he could. And as long as he held onto it, he'd be in the Metatron's control.

#good omens #go s2 spoilers #this one I will tag lol #I admit I tend to read az on a surface level #because he is terrible at hiding his emotions #he's a good liar but it mostly works because no one thinks he COULD lie #and it mostly works on idiots #he can't hide fuck from crowley and he never could #so in this conversation I think they're BOTH showing their hearts on their sleeve #it's just that they're focused on different things #it's tragic bc they can suffer communication breakdown even when they're both being totally open and direct

[illegiblewords]

SOME ILLEGIBLE RAMBLES AND REFLECTIONS: ON GALE AND MYSTRA

I've been on the fence about whether to make this analysis specifically, but after seeing a few other discussions floating around figure it's worth offering another viewpoint in case it resonates.

These analyses in particular are very subjective and offer an interpretive option more than anything. I might allude to discussions I've seen elsewhere that I have different views from, but different views don't automatically mean personal dislike for me. Life would be boring if we all thought the same way, you know? Anyway. Hugeass post ahead, proceed at your own risk lol.

One of the arguments I've seen cropping up recently is the idea that romance between gods and mortals is inherently unequal, abusive, and problematic. I am very much of the mind that Mystra abused Gale. The developers at Larian have stated that every companion in Baldur's Gate 3 is a victim of abuse in some capacity. Some of my favorite romances over the years have been between gods and mortals. Mystra/Gale is not one of those. I think blaming the divine/mortal dynamic for any abuse misses the point. Moreover, it absolves Mystra of a huge amount of personal responsibility in the abuse she committed. I think it makes the abuse focus on what she is rather than who she is, how she looks at others, and how she treats others. I reflected on the divine/mortal pairings I've enjoyed compared to the dynamic between Gale and Mystra. In every divine/mortal romance I've loved, the god found wonder and saw a kind of power they lack in their mortal partner. This power stems directly from their mortality. There are experiences and perspectives specific to being mortal that are invaluable. The god doesn't relate to those experiences and perspectives the same way. The god always needs not only humility but equal respect for their mortal partner in some capacity. Additionally, the god acknowledges that being divine does not equate to omniscience. This is not a god according to the monotheistic definition. It's closer to an immortal being who excels in a very specific area and has certain responsibilities weighing on them. The god sees the forest but may no longer see trees, while the mortal sees trees but may not see the forest. There is value in what is ephemeral and fragile, just as there is value in what is permanent. The god and mortal need to bring balance to one another in the sense that the god helps the mortal find comfort in a bigger picture while the mortal reminds the god what it feels like to be small, vulnerable, and intimately connected to the world/other lives. A healthy divine/mortal romance requires recognition of multiple forms of strength, intelligence, and value. That very, very much is not what Gale and Mystra had. Another layer to the 'divine/mortal romance is always problematic' argument ties to questions of power imbalance. I would argue that even among human beings--power imbalance always exists. Human beings are not identical or interchangeable with one another. One partner might be brilliant at math and runs finances where the other partner would be lost. The other partner might be brilliant at people and can navigate social situations the mathematician would feel helpless in. One partner may be physically larger or stronger than another. The other partner has the full weight of social/legal support in most conflicts. And this isn't touching on issues relating to mental health, physical health, economic stability, societal issues, etc. People are multifaceted. None of us excel at all things, find power in all things, or suffer all things. We each have our own pains and triumphs. We each have the ability to hurt each other if we want to. If we wanted to avoid any power imbalance in favor of 1:1 equality, the only answer we'd have would be to literally romance ourselves . And that's 1) narcissism 2) lonely 3) sad. Just ask Raphael.

But unhealthy power imbalances must exist, right? And there is a horrible power imbalance between Gale and Mystra. I would just argue it has more to do with them personally than because of Mystra being a goddess. I'd argue that we should be looking at Gale and Mystra not as mortal and god or man and woman, but as people above all else with their own experiences/motives driving choices throughout the relationship. Examine the ways they look at and treat each other versus themselves. If Mystra was the mortal and Gale was the god, if Mystra was a man and Gale was a woman, I would not change my stance regarding where abuse was committed. Imo people get too caught up trying to make sweeping generalizations instead of focusing on the individuals and how they specifically interact. This in-mind, what are some examples of unhealthy power imbalance as I define it?

A character is physically and/or mentally incapable of participating with proper awareness of the situation, as a partner with equal respect and sway within the relationship.

A character is dependent upon the prospective partner for survival and cannot refuse them without fear of retribution or withholding necessities to survival.

A character is being systematically isolated and made dependent on their partner for all socialization and self-worth.

And so on. Hopefully you get the gist. What I do want to draw attention to though is that these examples offer room to include a variety of circumstances or dynamics within their umbrella. Ex. An underage character with an adult would easily qualify for the first criteria, but an extremely, non-functioningly drunk character would also count. So lets have a look at Gale and Mystra's situation in particular again.

Gale has, by his own admission, been involved with the Weave for as long as he can remember. He sees Mystra as synonymous with the Weave, and with magic. These are things he explicitly states within the game. Gale also has notable reactions to say, saving Arabella from being killed over the idol of Silvanus or Mirkon from harpies. With Arabella especially, the idea of being treated as unforgivable or deserving death for a youthful mistake is something he talks about as if he has some experience with it. And while this is a video game with limited character models, I'm going to estimate that the tiefling kids are probably somewhere between nine and thirteen. We know Gale has been stuck largely alone in his tower with the orb for a year or so. The orb specifically is something that happened when he was an adult, but the way he talks about Arabella with implicit personal identification of facing older authority figures as a young person who didn't know better... I don't think this is the orb alone troubling him. Minsc also has a dialogue option where he talks about how in Rashemen, boys with an affinity for the Weave were hidden away and he suspects it was to keep them from being preyed on by Mystra. Not men, boys. I've seen people try to argue that Mystra would have been indisposed/dead and unable to take advantage of Gale when he was a kid due to the broader Forgotten Realms timeline. I'm inclined to say in this instance, with all evidence in the narrative pointing to a particular arc and theme for Gale and Mystra's relationship, it's more likely that the timeline was something Larian chose to fudge in the interest of storytelling opportunities. The alternative would be that none of those dialogue exchanges meant anything. The narrative is weakened if those moments are made meaningless, and the characters become flatter and less credible without them too. If it comes between trivia and the emotional core of a story, I'd argue the core wins. Gale claims to have slept with other people before Mystra, but that a romanced character is the first person he's slept with after her. I personally suspect it wasn't a lot of prior experience, and he was pretty young when his romance with Mystra began. Additionally, while it's pure conjecture on my part--given how Gale reacts to the tiefling kids it would make sense to me if Mystra started grooming him when he was between nine and thirteen years old. Other people have shared analysis pointing to evidence that Gale unknowingly dual-classed and was a storm sorcerer originally, but was told he was purely a wizard and then had all of his sorcerous abilities eaten by the orb without ever knowing they existed. I do think it makes sense for Mystra to influence Gale as a potentially very powerful sorcerer this way to 1) get him to self-limit through wizard spells so he's easier to predict and control 2) be completely dependent on and devoted to her, starting as early as possible. (For the curious, sorcerer Gale theory is here and here. Very well-done imo!) In any case, Mystra absolutely has personal motive to do what she did, that has nothing to do with Gale personally. That it turned into grooming for a sexual relationship isn't a huge leap in light of her apparent mindset either. But lets take a moment to review that.

This is a really good recap setting up Mystra's situation. Karsus too, by the by. This second video here helps explain Mystra's own situation. My understanding is like this:

Mystryl was the original goddess of magic. Mystryl was a born-goddess rather than an ascended mortal goddess, which is important to note because both exist in the Forgotten Realms. Mystryl was neutral alignment. The Weave, magic, and those casting magic all tied into her divine portfolio. Divine portfolios reflect deities' jurisdictions and callings, which empowers them through use in the world as well as mortal worship. With all this in-mind, naturally it benefited Mystryl to encourage experimentation, devotion, and arcane ambition. The more spellcasters pushed the limits of magic, the more powerful Mystryl became too. This was when the Empire of Netheril came about, with its floating cities and its magocracies. Worth noting, eleventh level spells were being used at this point in time. Cue a bunch of aberrations showing up, called phaerimm. Cosmic horror monstrosities that sort of looked like if you combined grubs and lampreys then made them way too big. On the one hand they were ridiculously powerful natural spellcasters themselves. On the other, they could straight up detect, deflect, and eat magic at will. Incidentally they were also extremely hostile to other life forms. So them existing at the same time as Netheril caused some massive problems. The wizard empire was at war, struggling, and panicking. Karsus was a prodigy and the one most people were turning to for protection at the time. Karsus decided the best way to solve the problem was to become a god himself using the first and only twelfth level spell (of his own design) then get rid of the phaerimm that way. The spell specifically required the caster to replace a god of their choice. Karsus, being a wizard, thought Mystryl was the strongest divine force of all time and chose her. The first video explained very well, but it basically sounds like as a born-goddess--maintaining the Weave was essentially an autonomic process for Mystryl. Basically required as much thought as beating your own heart. It wasn't like that for Karsus. Karsus might have been the best wizard in the sense that someone might be the best marathon runner of all time, but if you take that marathon runner and then tell them they have to pump their heart manually from now on they're not just going to lose any future races they attempt--they might just die on the spot. Which is kind of what happened to Karsus. Karsus became a god of ambition along with magic, then lost his divinity to become a Great Old One instead. These days he's a stone stained in the gore of his dead people who speaks in fountains of blood. (One of the reasons I'm not enabling Gale in his quest to become god of magic, by-the-by.) Mystryl died because of Karsus's spell. Mystryl probably hadn't considered mortals, let alone the wizards who gave her so much power as a goddess, a threat to her personally before. An incarnation of Mystra (not Gale's Mystra) was born from the ashes of Mystryl to become the new goddess of magic. One of the first things Mystra does after basically reincarnating from Mystryl is ban mortals from using magic at level ten or higher. Mystra is now aware that mortals can challenge the gods and straight up kill her personally. She still needs casters using magic at high level to empower herself as a goddess, but it's a double-edged sword that can absolutely kill her. And to make matters worse... this Mystra also gets killed later. The Mystra we have now was a mortal woman (Midnight) who kept Mystra's name to avoid confusing worshippers, who'd been chosen by Mystra previously and ascended into that role. Midnight-Mystra, from the sound of it, also got killed for a bit and had to get saved by Elminster.

Like I said before, I do think there were some timeline blips going on for Mystra with Baldur's Gate 3. As long as she's died and reincarnated twice, her psychological state is cemented. How long it took her to come back and whether there were even more deaths than that is less important. I'd argue the key ideas we're supposed to take away about Mystra from this are that she is a goddess who 1) at this point is an ascended mortal who may have certain inherited memories or experiences from born-deities 2) is hyper aware that mortals can kill her 3) has been killed and reborn multiple times, not just by mortals but the very wizards she draws power from.

This is absolutely a shitty situation. It makes sense Mystra has complexes around it. It makes sense Midnight-Mystra would feel especially afraid when it comes to wizards seeing as she herself is a former mortal, so her position likely feels even more tenuous. The way she interacts with wizards and relates to her own position as a goddess is not as someone secure in her own power, but someone who sees anyone coming close to her level as a direct threat to her life. She needs casters to be strong to fuel her portfolio, but if they're too strong they can challenge her. So she is using whatever tools at her disposal to keep them beneath her while maintaining her own strength. It's also worth remembering that Mystra has no pretense of being good-alignment. Her motive in confronting the Netherbrain wasn't to protect Toril from mindflayers, but to protect herself personally from the Crown of Karsus and protect the Weave from the Karsic Weave. If magic as a force is in danger (as per the Karsic Weave) she might try to do something, but what befalls mortals is irrelevant to her. I'd argue she's 1000% acting out of self-interest for Baldur's Gate 3. And again--it makes sense given her position. It makes sense given the track record for gods in the Forgotten Realms.

So, if we go with the in-game implications that Mystra is supposed to have been active across Gale's life and was active when Minsc was running around a century ago (referenced in his comments about Rashemen protecting boys from Mystra)... what kind of relationship has Mystra built with wizards in particular? This is heavy speculation here but I'm going off of Gale's experience, Elminster's behavior, a point of notable cattiness from Lorroakan, and Mystra's motives.

I think Mystra encourages wizards to compete for her favor, both through their arcane power and on a personal level. She encompasses their entire world and dictates everything they are capable of by holding the Weave in her portfolio. Casters are nothing without her. She is fickle in her attentions, moving between wizard paramours and chosen so they constantly feel the need to prove themselves worthy of her love. As their goddess, they have no room to question her or ask for loyalty born of personal affection. Mystra does not care. She is inherently more than they are and ever will be, and unless they have something to woo her through her portfolio specifically there is no reason for her to stick around. They're lucky she gives them the time of day. Even if she can't literally, physically, personally prevent a wizard from interacting with the Weave--she can seriously screw with them while they do. Mystra's first post-Mystryl act was to blanket-limit the spells wizards could perform, remember? And BG3 Mystra was able to pluck the orb from Gale's chest at any time, whenever she felt like it. She just didn't. Lifetimes of work, dedication, study, and innovation are not ultimately credited to the casters who built themselves through their art but to Mystra. Memorized spells, arcane gestures, the interaction of components. She can make all of that so much harder. And she takes credit for any advancement a wizard makes. Origin Gale has lines with Minthara where he struggles to see himself as capable of anything without Mystra's say-so and needs to be reminded that she can't claim everything he has ever done through magic, and she hasn't managed to stop him yet. The fact that Gale himself, as Mystra's former lover, doesn't believe this initially and needs someone who very much is not a wizard to remind him says a lot about the dynamic Mystra set up with him and (in all likelihood) other wizards. So how does all of this fit in with the grooming point? Well, magic users are going to be much easier to psychologically control if Mystra starts taking advantage of them when they're still children and don't know any better. She needs to feed off of their strength with no risk to herself, so she needs to make sure they are can't even fathom turning on her. Maximize the power difference, ingrain that shit early. And if it becomes a sexual relationship... Mystra can tell herself they're even less likely to consider turning on her because it's just one more way they depend on her for validation.

Mystra's own fear and trauma (like Cazador's) does not prevent her from becoming an abuser. And like Cazador, she's using it to fuel the abuse she commits herself.

Something else I want to highlight before I segue to focus on Gale further, is how wizards deal with each other and why policy differs toward wizards versus other casters.

Wizards are nerds with shared interests. They're fucking around to see what's possible with magic and seem genuinely excited when anyone innovates. Innovation is something they can learn from and incorporate it into their own art. But actual wizard friendships, at least in Baldur's Gate 3, seem to be rare. They undercut each other emotionally and often look for ways to elevate themselves above their peers. Gale's colleagues left him to twist alone in his tower for a year. Elminster prioritizes pleasing Mystra by passing on her message for Gale to kill himself, and defends her if the player condemns Mystra's behavior. He even gets angry for certain dialogue options.

(It bears saying, I think Elminster has been psychologically wrecked by Mystra too. He does seem to be trying in spite of that but guy's not well himself.)

Even if not all wizards look to become romantically entangled with Mystra, Mystra has definitely encouraged competition and mistrust between them. After all, if the wizards supported each other they might realize they're stronger than her and that she's been causing harm. Another potential death.

I suspect the reason Mystra focuses on wizards is because wizards are ordinary people who know they were born ordinary, and know how hard it was to build arcane power. They aren't as secure in themselves as sorcerers who use magic like a reflex. And warlocks manage to work around Mystra with patrons who aren't beholden to her. So best for Mystra to undermine, manipulate, or otherwise occupy sorcerers who are strong enough to pose threats and teach the wizards they'd be nothing without her.

... One of the other arguments I saw recently was that Gale was being disingenuous/lying to himself and the player when he claims he wanted to gift Mystra a part of herself back. That he only wants power for power's sake, is kind of a terrible person, and it would be boring if he was being genuine. I deeply disagree with this stance.

When it comes to motivation, I'd argue power is by nature a means to an end rather than the end itself. "If I'm powerful enough no one will be able to hurt me again," "If I'm powerful enough I can fix every terrible thing I feel the need to," "If I'm powerful enough I can push the boundaries of what is possible and find a sense of wonder at the results."

Power because power does not cut it as a motive. It's likewise with ambition. We're not 2-D mustache twirlers here.

Ambition includes experimenting with a project to see if you can pull off something new or particularly difficult. Finding joy in the process and challenge itself isn't evil. It isn't even unhealthy.

Competing with others isn't necessarily negative either, in the right context. Being an elite athlete at the Olympics for example, you're putting your own skills against those around you in the hopes of surpassing them. It doesn't mean you think poorly of your fellow competitors. If anything, one would hope you respect them deeply for the shared discipline and passion. (But you still want to win, course. ;P)

If you read my post about DnD's pantheon, it's pretty clear I'm not opposed to the idea of A. firing gods from positions they're neglecting or B. nominating others to oversee necessary-but-unused portfolios. There are established gods of the Forgotten Realms who need, urgently, to be sacked. Being born into divinity, set up through nepotism, or 'elected by seniority' is not enough to shield a deity from my judgment. Mystra is abusing her worshippers, and while her portfolio might be able to squeak by I'd argue she's been compromised and is committing unprofessional and detrimental behavior in her capacity as goddess of magic. ESPECIALLY knowing she's like this as an ascended mortal. Any other mortal would be well within moral bounds to replace her. She has no ethical high ground in that regard. Managing autonomic maintenance of the Weave is an issue, but if someone showed up to replace her with the argument that Mystra is unfit due to committing abuse... I don't think that person would be morally wrong. Ballsy as hell, but not wrong.

So what's going on with Gale?

Gale canonically, in dialogue, thinks he and the world might both be better off if he was dead. I'll go a step further and argue that before the game even starts Gale considers his personal self a net-negative. If he isn't offsetting that with magical skill, knowledge, achievements, material possessions, and overall usefulness--he doesn't think he has a reason to be alive. The universe is worse for his existing in it.

Gale brags because he's trying to show he has something of value to give other people when he sees nothing of value in himself. He's trying to prove he can be an asset so others will keep him around. He brags notably less as he gains a sense of self-worth, self-confidence, and general support as acts progress. The times he gets snippy with other casters are because if he isn't the only and most useful magic guy to get something done, Gale thinks he might as well be thrown away. He is replaceable. He's also terrified to admit anything about the orb in Act I because there is no way to see it as anything but a danger and a burden. When that's added to his depression, he's sure he'll get abandoned in the wilderness to explode by himself and it might even serve him right. No one will mourn him. They might even be glad to be rid of the burden he brought.

Gale wants others to like him, to see him as a good person, to see him as someone brave and smart and worthy of trust. He absolutely does not see himself that way. If he's trying to prove it to the party--he's trying to prove it to himself just as much. There's a line he can give with The Dark Urge where he comments that if people are being killed just for being annoying, he should be dead a thousand times over. If you get solid approval with him at the tiefling party, he'll admit he didn't have any friends before the game. And while I can only speak to a particular romantic route, in Act III he talks about having been told to his face at various points/in various ways that he's insufferable. He knows other people don't like him and don't believe in him. If bad things happen to him they probably think he deserves it. He might even think so too.

Gale doesn't see anything worthwhile in himself that isn't built through wizardry. It has to be because he was smart enough, worked hard enough, and showed enough character to earn his power. If it's sorcery (and this is only a standard he applies to himself) then all that effort he put in would become meaningless. He can't look at his personal self as having done anything deserving of value or respect if he's a sorcerer because magic was easier for him than other people. And if he can't provide any magic, knowledge, or resources at all then no one has reason to give him the time of day. People hate him. Mystra only paid attention for his abilities as a spellcaster. The mortal, personal aspects of him were things she put up with.

So forget power and ambition for just a moment. What does Gale as a person in that position, who feels that way about himself, actually want? I'd argue that he probably just wanted to know the person he loved most actually gave a shit about him as a person. That he wasn't disposable or only worth as much as his skills and material possessions. I'm pretty sure he'd have wanted that regardless of whether Mystra was a goddess. Mystra both being the kind of goddess she was and the kind of person she was kept telling him he should be satisfied, that he shouldn't want any more than she was giving him. He can't climb any higher than her. No one can give him more than her. She is divine, she is the world itself. Gale never felt loved in that relationship. Due to Mystra's abuse he got to a place where the idea of wanting to be loved back became sacrilegious. It meant there was something wrong with him, that he was arrogant and insatiable. How else could he feel utterly alone and unlovable with a goddess?

Gale desperately wanted to mean something to Mystra personally, so he tried to offer a gesture of love in her language. Something he thought would be valuable to her as an individual and something requiring a ton of arcane skill/strength to deliver. He wanted her to look at him like he was irreplaceable as a person. I genuinely don't think that's a power-hungry or ambitious thing to want.

Gale didn't understand the orb, and unfortunately for him he didn't understand Mystra either. She wasn't the wise and understanding goddess he thought she was. She never wanted an equal. She does not have it in her to love someone as such. The idea of equality, for Mystra, is something that must be crushed to preserve herself.

I figure that the Gale who ascends to godhood has accumulated a divine amount of stuff and power to compensate for his belief that lacking those things, he would be worthless. If Gale wasn't a wizard it might have been music, or writing, or fighting, or politics--any skill, influence, or resource could be used the same way. It’s not that ambition is inherently bad. It’s that for Gale, it’s unhealthy. The ambition isn’t for its own sake. He’s using it as a counterweight against his own sense of worthlessness. God Gale buries his problems instead of dealing with them. He will never know if a character who romances him only did so because they saw his potential and wanted to come along for the ride. He will never know if they'd have bothered to stick around if he was only Gale Dekarios, if he didn't have so much to offer them. He tells himself it's enough that they believed he could do it.

With the mortal Gale ending, we should note that Gale doesn’t need power to enjoy the study of magic if he’s healthy. His priority isn’t about pushing the limits of spells, making new ones, or making a name for himself. Given room to decide for himself, he just wants to uplift and share with others through teaching. His trends in approval and disapproval support this preference too.

For Gale, I really think ambition and power are crutches he uses to justify being alive because he doesn't see any other reason. Give him a reason and he genuinely doesn't need them. They're the means, not the end. He does not want power for the sake of power. Guy is sad and doesn't know how to live with himself. He's not a worse or less believable character with that being his motive. Stories are about people, and people don't move through the world with static 'flaws' and 'virtues' checklists that need to be balanced. There's nothing inherently deeper or more meaningful about villainous characters compared to heroic ones. People make choices and deal with situations according to their experiences moment to moment, trying to make sense of things as best they can throughout their lives. Gale fits perfectly within this. The other cast members do too.

And for the record, while I'd argue Karsus was far more ambitious in character than Gale--even for him, it wasn't just about power. The guy was trying to save his people. He fucked up in a horrible and traumatic way so he's a Netherese blood fountain now. (RIP Karsus but also someone please pact with him.)

And as one last, controversial section... what did Gale's experience with Mystra do to him when it comes to his relationship with sex?

From how Gale talks about and shows Weave-sex, I'd argue it's an extension of him feeling inadequate as a mortal. And knowing this is a controversial point + a lot of people have done and loved the Weave scene because it reflects Gale's love of magic, I offer this: Gale would not be less worthy of love if he didn't have magic. Gale does not know this about himself. He went from an archwizard with a tower and Mystra's chosen to a level one adventurer sleeping on the ground. His entire relationship with magic for much of the game is incredibly unhealthy because he sees the person left in its absence as worthless. For Gale to have a healthy arc, I'd argue he needs to learn how to look at himself as nothing but a man and know he's still precious and irreplaceable. He needs to learn that he doesn't need to prove he deserves to be alive. He isn't disappointing. He doesn't have to try to impress others all the time to have a place in their worlds. He doesn't need to bribe people with shiny things or unique abilities so they'll tolerate the rest. He can exist as no one and nothing but himself and be treasured just for that.

I think at some point Gale could potentially have sex in the Weave again as a repairing experience where he's confident that his physical body, his reactions, and his wants weren't anything to feel ashamed of. Reclaiming that from his experience with Mystra could be very powerful and sexy. But for the first time he has sex since Mystra, when he thinks he's going to need to kill himself any day now and has been struggling between terror and self-hatred, I personally think it's healthier for him to get the validation of being enough as just Gale. Not the Wizard of Waterdeep. His life isn't being advocated for because he's strong or unique in bed. Someone wants him alive as just a person.

And not for nothing... I'm saying this as a writer who can't not write. I've had to do my own share of reflection about how I look at myself if writing isn't the metric of my worth. I wouldn't think Gale needs to abandon all magic any more than I would need to abandon all writing. But it's really important to know we aren't empty trash without our callings, you know?

Before I end this post, I do want to invite readers to think back to those bullets I made before on unhealthy power imbalance.

A character is physically and/or mentally incapable of participating with proper awareness of the situation, as a partner with equal respect and sway within the relationship.

A character is dependent upon the prospective partner for survival and cannot refuse them without fear of retribution or withholding necessities to survival.

A character is being systematically isolated and made dependent on their partner for all socialization and self-worth.

If Mystra deliberately started grooming Gale from a young age, emphasized and exaggerated the power discrepancy rather than making any effort to close the gap, that's a pretty big deal. Gale definitely never had equal respect or sway in the relationship compared to her. She'd probably find the idea insulting in the face of her godhood. She didn't want a partner but a supplicant who obeyed her with no needs for himself. Mystra actively distorted Gale's sense of boundaries and magnified what she could take from him if he displeased her. His life's work, his ability to access parts of his own mind for spells, his means of functioning in the world, his ability to defend himself... but also? His health and survival, once the orb was brought into play. And socially, Gale was incredibly isolated. It sounds like he hasn't even seen his own mother in at least a year, which I have some thoughts on. He was friendless for a long time even as Mystra's chosen. And Mystra made sure other wizards knew when she abandoned him to the point that even Lorroakan was aware. Mystra's offense was something for others to look down on him for. And Gale struggles in-game with the idea that Mystra mistreated or neglected him--because how could a goddess, his goddess, do that? He's been gaslit so hard that he doesn't quite get a moment of fully realizing it wasn't his fault. In some dialogue options Mystra even tries to frame his trauma over her abuse, unaware even that he had the Karsic Weave inside him, as wallowing in self-pity.

Gale did make a mistake, but I'd argue it matters a lot that the mistake was innocent and that he's woefully misjudged Mystra's character. He's being told it couldn't have been innocent and he deserves to be punished for it. He largely believes that. Doesn't make it true.

#Gale Dekarios #Mystra #baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate iii #bg3 #bgiii #warning to readers there are strong opinions in here that I am very aware not everyone will share #it's okay if you have a different take and I tried to be careful about how I phrased things #I also didn't scour for all of the direct quotes from the game this time and for that I plead laziness lol sorry #I can try if there are specific moments people want to pick over #but yeah this is in the spirit of reflecting and discussing a character I adore + find really interesting for Gale #along with a character I find really psychologically fascinating and subtle as a villainess for Mystra #people are going to read both differently in places and I genuinely am not looking to fight about that #Just explore how I'm reading things + why in a way where other people are welcome to join if they wanna #If I mixed any lore details from outside the game apologies!

[jasontoddenthusiastt]

I think fans want Jason to be a good person or be becoming one. To have a character that is well meaning and compassionate but decided murder is ok and to stand against main heroes who’s beliefs and actions go against the people he cares about and wants in his life. It’s confusing for people. People want their fav characters to be happy. But Jason can’t have his family’s support and follow his moral code. He’s cares about people and Gotham, and he’s an asshole who kills. It’s messy. It’s not black and white. I don’t even think Jason cares about being a good person or in the right anymore. I think he cares about what will save the most people instead.

Oh my goodness gracious I’ve been bamboozled

Batman’s definition of Good is not synonymous with absolute good/right no matter how much dc insists it is. Torture, battery/assault, surveillance, those are all condemnable actions too. I won’t get into the exhausting and frankly dumb debate of comic book morality wrt killing because I’ve already reblogged plenty of posts from other people who explained my thoughts on the matter far better than I ever have the patience to sit down and articulate. I also just think the notion that there’s something to be done about fictional characters who kill nazis and senseless murderers is stupid. Jason’s point is that the “main” heroes’ sanitized definition of right has its unaddressed holes and flaws which ultimately result in more preventable fatalities, and that he’ll work to correct those missing spots.

He doesn’t not care about doing what’s right. What he doesn’t care about (at least during his Winick characterization) is whether Batman thinks he’s right or wrong, because he sees the flaws in Batman’s methodology (and since he has a mind of his own). Batman’s methods alone cannot address Arkham’s revolving door and the rogues that come and go through those doors who have no intention (or capability from the doylist pov) of ever changing or undergoing redemption. Jason knows that he’s minimizing the number of preventable deaths by killing his targets, typically Characters Who Simply Do Fucked Up Shit Just Because, Why The Fuck Not?

Secondly, Jason is compassionate … to a fault. That was his fatal flaw. If he wasn’t so hell-bent on saving his potential birth mother he just met from that bomb despite everything she did to him prior, he could have protected himself instead, however slim his odds of survival were. What about his relationship with his other parents? He was a caregiver during his early childhood years for Catherine, until her death. Even mature adults who are financially stable find being a caregiver to a dying parent to be extremely burdensome on their bodies and minds, but he never complained about it or resented Catherine for being unable to care for him. Despite how none of his parents have really been what he needed them to be, he doesn’t blame them for their failings, and even continues to think highly of them (Bruce included).

And post-death? Enter Lost Days. Despite being dead set on plotting his revenge on Bruce, he constantly sidelines this in order to save other victims who are helpless like he once was. His own anger, trauma, and mission don’t remain his priority. (Sound familiar? Something something my own trauma above my son’s, mission above all else, etc.). Why would he waste precious time and risk his own life to do this if he wasn’t empathetic towards these victims or didn’t care about doing the right thing. He is simultaneously horribly traumatized and full of rage, and also incapable of ignoring what’s happening to victims around him (even as he claims that it’s indeed not his priority). And in that same vein, the entire premise of his rebirth outlaws run was that he doesn’t care if the public views him as a villain, an outlaw, so long as he can protect Gotham. And anyway where is this portrayal of him not caring about being in the right anymore. Almost every modern Jason story is about him grappling with where he stands with Bruce/Batman. During the early 2000s was probably the last time he did not care (hello, tentatodd??).

Jason has very evidently been portrayed as a kind and compassionate character. He is also simultaneously a calculated killer who doesn’t hesitate to kill when he deems necessary, and does so without remorse. It’s called being a Complex Character With An Edge™ that as you said, people so often claim to love. However when he fulfills that latter part, that seems to upset people because “killing bad”, and they then try to shave off and round out all his edges and claim he shouldn’t be that angry. In that case I guess you should just stick to liking traditional one-dimensional characters instead of claiming to like Jason but then encouraging his character assassination attempt by dc. Lol.

Lastly, who said anything about the batfam making Jason happy? Just because he’s written nowadays to want acceptance from Bruce (a shoddy attempt at forcing a non-existent nuclear batfamily), doesn’t mean that it’s a sound decision or that it does his character justice. I certainly don’t empathize with the idea that Jason needs the family’s approval or acceptance to be happy. (And anyway he has enough outlets for angst and pain aside from the batfam hello explore his other sources of trauma and do more deep dives into how he thinks when he’s alone). I don’t want them to magically make up and become one big happy family. This is not disney Lol. Besides, there are plenty of stories from dc that have that type of “wholesome” (hate that word utilization) characterization for Jason (Li’l Gotham, Tiny Titans, wfa, and even new stuff like the brave and the bold mini) and that is sufficient imo. Jason fans who are invested in the character deserve accurate, nuanced characterization and well-written stories, whether they be from his robin days (e.g., Batman: The Cult) or as red hood.

#fellas. ya know what else is wholesome? avenging your own death #you can have moments of ‘reconciliation’ or peace but still maintain a strained relationship which is far more realistic #‘he’s an asshole that kills’ and Bruce is an asshole who doesn’t kill. lol. #you can’t claim Jason’s conflicted and disturbed but go on to say Bruce is perfectly sane those two are mutually exclusive #also please realize that a character acting out of anger does not mean they lack compassion. #implying that he doesn’t care about doing the right thing is saying the same thing that person said; #that he doesn’t actually know what he’s doing. that he hasn’t thought through his moral stance. #‘Jason didn’t put any thought into anything he did in utrh he’s just a poor mentally ill lost soul who needs the batfam’s love to heal 💔’ #🤝 #‘jokers just a poor victim of society 😔 he just needs someone to understand him and maybe one day he’ll heal and realize he’s wrong’ #what they both have in common is that they’re misunderstood in opposite directions #the joker doesn’t have a point to prove. there’s no deeper meaning behind what he does. everything is a joke to him. #he isn’t unaware of right vs wrong lmfao #jason todd #dc #asks #my post #and I think you’re implying that he’s utilitarian based on that last part but I don’t think he is #user mintacle posted a few metas regarding that and again they explain it much better than I prob could #anyway it isn’t difficult to understand his character if you know why you like him and you actually read his stories #that post specifically was from someone who clearly said they did not read the comic so. technically they’re on their own wavelength #edit: grammar

[goosessideblog]

Thinking about A Square being returned wrong. Mirrored. Irreversible

A Sphere fucks up, and puts him down in the wrong direction, wrong side up. It's not like he remembers, but A Square certainly does. When he wakes up- it's too late.

The third dimension never phased him, but what about something so intrinsic as your own body, flipped the wrong way? The world becoming upside-down, having to relearn to navigate the places you called home. And it's such obvious proof of the third dimension, but what if it's all in your head? No one can tell with your features being confined to a corner, you can only try to explain the distress you're going through, but if you try you'll certainly be deemed a madman.

We know his knowledge changed him, but what if it changed him physically? In a way he can never return from? He could've passed it off as the strangest dream, denied it's truth, lived the rest of his life at peace, but how do you disprove something so concrete? Would he think himself insane too, after a while?

Someone let me access a two-dimensional being i have a hypothesis that needs to be tested

#cipherspeaks #flatland #be cautious reading my next tag; its first offence is being an esoteric reference and its second is being homestuck #anyways. its kind of like in HSETAU when SS flips karkat's sprite turn-ways and he has an existential crisis about it. does that to A Squar #can you tell ive been thinking about mirrors lately. i used to be content believing the seventh and eighth directions are a sort of- #-inwards/outwards but then light chose to reflect off certain surfaces in a weird fucking way and i no longer get the easy way out #i still think fourth dimensional gravity (if it exists) would be a constant pressure from every side; both inwards and outwards- and by- #-extent think i should be allowed in the fourth dimension. please ill be so niceys i just want to experience the ultimate weighted blanket #my organs will be fine probably -but the fact is that direction is a separate and mentally damaging thing #uuuuuugh. fourth dimensional beings if youre reading this PLEAAAASE let me be your apostle id be so good at spreading the gospel and i- #-won't even bring up the fifth dimension please please please please plea

[heartsburst]

WHY MUST I ALWAYS GET INTO THE SADDEST FUCKING SHIPS WHY DO I KEEP DOING THIS TO MYSELF

#frankie yells #like fucking. sure any ship can be made sad if you try harder enough but also. fucking. why must it always be tragic little gays #im not complaining but also i keep fucking doing this to myself man why do i keep making myself sad over fictional gays 😭😭 #like do i just only interact with the shit that makes me sad??? do i only really get engaged with sad fics etc. for them???? #is this a me problem???? #like. um. griddlehark. destiel. hannigram (sort of). ash/eiji. satosugu. aziracrow. zukka (in certain directions). shory. aaronneil. #most of my ao3 bookmarks are me sobbing my eyes out... #OH WAIT ALSO FUCKING. REDDIE 😭😭😭😭😭 I KNEW I WAS FORGETTING SOME BUT OMG REDDIEEEE #me like what if none of the mfs had a happy ending together? what then? #like babygirl are you okay??? why do you always want to be so sad?? #oh god also fucking [REDACTED] and [REDACTED]... both of which i had to stop reading fics for bc i was making myself too sad #like genuinely there is a certain very long fic that i had to put down bc i was making myself depressed #OHMYGOD I FORGOT WANGXIAN AND BINGQIU.... honestly mdzs and svsss in general... kicking my feet 1 moment and sobbing the next #there are sooo many ships in both of those that make me so very sad... too many to remember or list atm tbh #i should go to bed 💀 lmao #it's too late for this nonsense ans i shouldn't have been watching destiel and hannigram compilations in the first place... of course im #just making myself sad...

[slutdge]

The sound design of War of the Worlds (2005) was crazy regardless of whether or not you hate it, the tripod noises are blood-curdling

#IM BACK TO HYPE UP WAR OF THE WORLDS AGAIN #when i saw it as a kid it terrified me but now im rewatching it for the first time in like probably 10 years #it is beautifully directed in a way i never appreciated before #and whoever made the tripod noises was a genius because its so fucking scary even now as an adult #the cgi for 2005 was also incredible #also the scene where ray kills harlan but its off screen was so great and it scared me soooo much when i was a kid #my dad read me the book when i was a kid it is the VERY RARE good memory i have with him cause were both sci fi geeks #not to get Too Deep but thats probably why i cling to it and anything else me and my dad enjoyed together when i was a kid #i love it in film when you can hear a character being killed but you dont see it

[cerealmonster15]

Stupid silly sketchbook doodles of beloved basketball club shhdfbfbgby it’s so important 2 me that they act like annoying brothers to each other and also that everyone in nrc acts like they’d rather be shot than develop a crush on one of their bitch classmates

#cereal tries to draw #twisted wonderland #ummmmm. i don’t wanna tag anymore I’m embarrased LOL I wasn’t gonna post it #I was just doodling for private funsies but like yknow how Ywannatalk about ideas with people #even just goofy little headcanons lol #but like u don’t wanna directly place ur thoughts and feelings in front of someone sometimes #bc then it’s DIRECT and STRESSFUL A #but u also don’t feel like it’s worth a Post For All To See #we r keeping it casual here on cerealmonster15 dot tumblr dot com #I just wanna bully my sons #ok literally tho can u read my handwriting. this is the natural state #of on paper and normal not written with intent for others to need to see lol #anyway I think of Ace liked deuce he’d be soooooo complainy about it. and in denial #but I think once he wasn’t in denial he’d be bitching constantly #and I think Jamil would also want to die if he started liking azul lol #Floyd would bully them both. he’s having a great time. god for him I guess #Ace: well hang on let me pause my agony to go baby bro mode and annoy Jamil real quick #get the heat off him (which he started by complaining loudly first) #Floyd: haha you two like dweebs #can u imagine the turmoil of third years developing feelings #they r all allergic. except rook I guess but he’s his own flavor of freak #lilia is dad he doesn’t count he already had his romance agony [REDACTED BOOK 7 SPOILERS] #first years also allergic EXCEPT applejuice. Epel and deuce together are like bro I love u. #second years are mostly allergic but also contain Kalim and silver #shoutout to the light magic users mwah #actually silver I don’t know. I don’t think he’d be resistant but I think he just wouldn’t realize what he’s feeling at first #he’d be so 🧍 about it I think #well bitch you (me) better figure it out since ur actively writing Kalim/silver!!! girl help #ok I need to go to bed I have a long weekend ahead of me #Jamil blows Ace up with his mind the end

[callixton]

going crazy over how toby ziegler and rafael barba r top sides of the same coin again just in wildly different shows. sorry for having a character type ig!!!

#looking thru my toby pinterest board :( tobyyyyyy #can i say tho comparing the characterization in tww to svu is. well one it’s bad to do bc it reminds me how good tww is & how bad svu is #but also toby gets like. actual strong on page characterization however i feel abt the direction they took it #most of what’s interesting abt barba is reading thru the lines of what’s not there #they both have the same problems tho idc i’m right abt that #ted talks #toby ziegler #rafael barba

[arsonist-chicken]

I think my university should pay me for emotional damages for having to write a thesis exposé. To the amount of whatever I need to go on a short trip to Helsinki to recharge from this bs and to get a tattoo and a coffin full of Fazer chocolates.

#i've been in the library since 6pm or so and have not gotten a single letter done #because i genuinely Do Not Know what to write about this #i don't WANT to write a thesis; having to write a thesis will be my last straw to a break-down if that terminography seminar doesn't do it #and i don't get the point of a thesis anyway. no one but me and my advisor and maybe two examinors will read it #i'll not bring forth any important new knowledge to use #even if i did magically discover some groundbreaking new way to teach second languages - which is not the focus of my paper #like i wanted because the head of institute said no - it would still mean nothing because no one's gonna read it anyway #i'm literally just some rando with subpar grades and papers and motivation and dedication to my studies except for the classes i like #and feel like i'm actually learning something important #which is another point: I'm studying translation and interpreting. I'll do a final translation exam in both language directions. #why is that not enough for a degree? it's literally what I study. i couldn't give less of a shit about scientific theories about translatio #yes you should hear about them sometime and it can be useful. but i don't give a single fuck about research etc. #i want to translate and subtitle and maybe at some point interpret. and add a second language besides english because well #the job market but also very importantly my own interests #can't take the swedish course because it interferes with another class; can take a ukrainian class but it's very low-level #can't take a polish or bosnian or serbian or croatian class because they only have higher levels right now #could take a chinese or japanese class but it's... a lecture? with 40+ people in it? how are you supposed to learn a language from a lectur #tried a portuguese class once but the teacher was absolutely awful. nice but so bad at teaching. #and every now and then i think maybe i should learn how to teach a language to someone because oh my GOD would i love to help people #coming here to learn german in ways they'll actually use and see them improve and help them be excited about learning! #or go somewhere else and teach german maybe while also learning the language of the country i'm in #and i thought maybe writing a thesis about second language acquisition and teaching would be a nice way to find out how interested #i am in that actually. but no. my topic now is... hold on. hmmm. #man i'M not even sure. i submitted something and my advisor wrote me an email with a different suggestion for the title #and idk what i'm supposed to write about. not saying the depression isn't playing a role too but damn am i not excited about this #which is. a great start to writing a thesis when 90% of your work ethic comes from being excited about something or interested init #'The preparation of translation-oriented language competence at school using the example of English lessons at Austrian High Schools' #ah yes. someone help me write an exposé about that. #i don't know how and what to include and I don't want to either #come onnnnnn two days ago being at the library helped at least a little bit but now i've been here 3+ hours and i've got nothing

[figureofdismay]

It's been interesting getting back into both Sam/Jack and MSR at the same time, I get to compare and contrast really similar themes (secret duty, dangerous truths, aliens, government oversight, honor, loss of family, pining, devotion etc) from really different framing. The X files is a much darker show overall and Chris Carter's misogyny problem and hand of fate baby arcs are frustrating and painful, and yet the MSR fic has so much more room to be much sweeter and more openly domestic and a lot of times the stakes are lower because as much as it affects their own lives, the Syndicate and the threat of Colonization is much bigger than what they personally alone can bring about or prevent. They have guilt and repression and fear of losing each other or the work to contend with, but we're also shown that as long as they have each other they're generally okay even without the work -- I mean aimlessness and depression (and out of character writing choices) yes, but the Syndicate operations aren't that closely affected by if Mulder and Scully are in the basement office or not, so you can conjure up a wide variety of believable paths for them to be together with or without 'the files.'

Meanwhile Sam and Jack could literally be prosecuted for disobeying orders/getting involved within the same chain of command, they could get their team or the whole program taken apart thanks to that excuse in the hands of Simmons or similar, they're directly on the front lines for 8 years and they're repeatedly shown via the quantum mirror that Sam and Jack both being active members of SG1 is the only reason Earth wasn't decimated in a hostile Goa'uld invasion so they can't just resign and be together. For a second you think there's a window but then there's a new war and they make Jack everyone's boss and send Sam to a different galaxy and then put her up on a ship, and you go; Oh. So that's an endless set of circumstances, then. There's so much 'be miserably, honorably apart, serving and pining forever or the destruction of Earth will directly be your fault' baggage baked into Sam and Jack's narrative setup that you're boxed into either character-bending wish fulfillment (which is satisfying to read but hard to commit to writing ime) or the soul excoriating 'hanging on waiting for what can never be' flavor of overly believable quiet tragedy.

I'm finding I'm spending more time with the show where the skinny grey aliens with big eyes are a lot more evil and the themes are more bleak but the characters are less entirely trapped by their own best intentions 💀😭😭

#msr #sam x jack #the x files #stargate sg1 #it is very interesting though the way the 2 shows use so many of the themes and concepts but point them in totally different directions #i mean they were both Vancouver scifi in the 90s so they had to be somewhat aware of each other but I don't think it was that intentional #the whole txf.... thing seems to have been very insular #but they were still treading a lot of the same ground with the aliens and conspiracies and the pining and whatnot #it's just funny to me that bleak grim misty never resolved and mumbling txf has room for so much sweet silly domestic hopeful fic #and the bantery straightforward scifi show with a lot of comedy and yay teamwork themes has.... #some of that but also so much 'it's literally impossible how can we cope' themed work as a natural consequence of canon #that I ended up taking breaks from reading s/j because I got tired of crying my way through it so often #i mean it's cathartic but. that sensation of 'there's gotta be a solution so they're not stuck like this right?' gets stressful 🫠 #and no i didn't come up with any bright ideas either

[sysig]

It’s me, Stanley, I’m the Bucket, speaking to you inside your brain, listen to me, Stanley, leave your wife, we don’t need her! Come with me and play my games, you need me, Stanley, your free will is an illusio- (Patreon)

He’s just jealous

Tell me this isn’t exactly the PS5 meme tho

#Doodles #The Stanley Parable #TSP #Questionably SFW #Sorry lol #We can be honest this is an open space - both Stanley and the Narrator were Uncomfortably Interested in the Bucket #But can your PS5 do this #I finally get this meme it's the Bucket's meme I understand now #Or the alternate version where it tells him to leave the Narrator instead lol #Both are applicable! #I think it fits slightly better with Mannequin Wife since y'know - she doesn't have any opions that she expresses on the Bucket #And we already know what Narra thinks of it lol #Honestly I just think Stanley's attractions to Weird Individuals - a mannequin - a bucket - an omnipresent disembodied voice #You can't even call him an objectophile! The Narrator is very much a full person - as much as Stanley is anyway! #I dunno just don't read too deeply into it - it loops back on itself in from multiple directions and that's by design lol #I'm just here for the silliness #Not me going to the different endings with the Mannequin Wife just to take screenshots to study from lol #Oh Stanley - the Narrator was just taunting you #He makes the best of a bad situation haha #And then the Bucket - sorry again lol - it's just - what else could that ending have possibly been hinting at #The only thing it needed was rose petals! Pffft #Anyway

[plantanarchy]

Dirt is here!! We are going full tilt again trying to catch up. Today I got in a good rhythm with planters where i may actually finish by the end of this week. I am also dealing with. A difficulty where half of my pitiful crew really does not like working with the other half :| so I will have to split them up tomorrow to spare them.

#they're an older couple that bicker and dont take direction #they can't read notes and can't follow what i tell them no matter how i do it so i'm at a loss #and they don't know plants and arent interested in learning so it's a struggle #also they both have limited mobility so i can only give them certain tasks it's a whole... thing #my coworker bless her heart having to deal with them all day

[musical-chick-13]

Fuck it, weird-yet-galaxy-brain take is that Love Is War is rom-com Death Note, but not in regard to the ship that everyone thinks, and what I mean by this is that Kaguya and Miyuki are NOT the lighthearted lower-stakes rom-com version of Light and L, they're the lighthearted lower-stakes rom-com version of Near and Mello.

#NO THINK ABOUT IT #they both want the same end result but achieving that result gets wrapped up in the idea of 'winning' against the other person #history of academic rivalry #they each have qualities the other lacks-and thus together become greater than the sum of their individual traits #the one seen as 'weird' and/or 'cringe-y' was willing to reach out at one point and the other person wouldn't let themselves accept it #because of their personal psychological issues #the rivalry is more the result of unfortunate external influences rather than any actual ideological conflict #issues that come from inheriting a title and making your own name for yourself despite an inferiority complex #DO YOU SEE THE VISION™ #OBVIOUSLY it's not a perfect or direct translation but as the number one kaguya/miyuki stan I think I'm allowed to say this #kaguya sama #near x mello #meronia #(I don't want to put this in the full fandom tags because I don't think it belongs there??) #(but I know people are going to want to have this tagged as SOMETHING so they can block it) #this is a very strange intersection of interests & I'm not really sure it's going to make sense to anyone but me but *gestures wildly* here #like genuinely I might sound completely deranged as I say this but also I've been up for about 24 hours straight so #(also I recently read a fic for n/m where something kind of love is war-esque happened and my brain just...went wild I guess)