#that is ONE SONG. and NOW listen to fob's new stuff

[thekidsare-not-alright]

it makes me angry when people decide fob isn't "emo enough" for the emo trinity anymore like subcultures and genres don't evolve or anything. mcr isn't emo anymore either if you're sticking to what they were in black parade for your definition. seriously. not to mention green day is pop punk just like fob so if you wanna use them as a replacement you're not making any damn sense

the logic just isn't there, stop trying to replicate the past all the time

#fob #mcr #emo trinity #ALSO #every time I research the whole pete wentz 15yo thing #I can't find any real evidence for it #it's all very sketchy at best and some people are using that to discredit them? #idk I've seen a couple masterlists disproving the whole damn thing rip #I'm not saying I'd testify for pete but yeah I just think these people are aiming for any easy reason #replacing panic! with paramore is a different idea entirely imo because they deserved it. they always have been right beside the other two #but people liked panic cause hot dudes #that's what it can be boiled down to #and I think it's time we accept them into it yknow #ALSO again: we haven't gotten new mcr songs besides foundations. #that is ONE SONG. and NOW listen to fob's new stuff #you could argue foundations is some sort of light metal or something #people will Never be happy #GOD i hate it so much #it's new people too smh #like if you're gonna try to get popular in bandom #please don't try to step on history #I am way too bothered by this #bye

[caffernnn]

as a folie a deux stan, would you share your thoughts & feelings about the album

A chance to ramble about one of my all-time faves?? ooOOO SAY LESS MY FRIEND ♥️🧸💛

I think Folie finding a place in my heart was a perfect storm — I’m a new fan falling into obsession with FOB during my mid-teens, and they’re starting to get into the hayday of the post-hiatus SR&R era. So of course, I’m looking through wiki pages, poking through fan pages, seeing interviews here and there (doing research for my sophomore year’s mandatory big research essay, and also satisfying my need to Know Everything™️ ), and I start wondering about how hiatus happened. What’s up with Folie? Why is it listed as not being well-received by fans and painful for the band (at that time)?

It becomes this situation where you’re handing 16-year-old me this misfit outcast album, one with bears on the cover (I’m predictable and easy to please shhhh) and an openly experimental vibe set apart from their previous work (more collaborative iirc, the four of them drawing on stuff they were inspired by to try new things). Pair that outcast magnetism (impulse to show love to wounded birds and rejected things) with lyrics that speak to the liminal space I existed in with my own adolescent identity (lyrics speaking to madness in complex dependent relationships, to not knowing yourself, to wanting to know yourself, to wanting to know the world, to trying to figure out morals and love and worth amidst your missteps and lost sense of self and unspeakable depression), and I was sunk. Listened to some YouTube video rip of the full album (or playlists that also included pavlove and lullabye) to fall asleep at night, while showering, really whenever I had a chance in my downtime (since I didn’t have headphones and listened to more of the futct/ioh/sr&r hit singles when with friends). Something about Pete’s devastating lyrical angst and Patrick/Joe/Andy’s artistry and the heavy feelings surrounding the album (from the minor bits the fans/public know about the time and the stories weaved throughout the album) started hitting in a specific way that had me imprinting on Folie and the band like a baby bird. Yeah, I started having that feeling of being understood by music with other bands (MCR, Paramore, P!atD, classic emo trinity stuff) along with some of the more pop punk stuff I was already into (PtV, ATL, you know the era), but for whatever reason, Folie maintained its place as my heart and soul album (along with Soul Punk for PStump-related reasons, but we’re not talking about her right now 🏃🏻‍♀️)

We’d be here all night if I tried to list favorite songs or lyrics, but I can ramble a bit about what hit me most when I started going “oh yeah, this is my album” as a teen:

I mean like, of course, right? “What a Catch, Donnie” is the pinnacle ballad, from all the lyrical callbacks and cameo features to the somber/hopeful music video, plus the interviews out there noting the song as lyrically important to the band. I think you can find stuff from back in that era (‘08-‘09) talking about it as almost a “swan song,” a final message that’s as close as you’ll get to personal convictions in a less-autobiographical album. For me, it felt like a love letter to their past selves in the unstoppable march forward in time. It felt like grief, the kind that comes with change and it’s inevitable losses, but it also felt like hope. Imagine not seeing goodness within you, not recognizing yourself, feeling stranded and pushed by the tides and not sure where you’ll end up. Then, imagine finding a lifeline through hanging on to someone else with the same type of stormy muddled mind, finding them and becoming their looking glass, their mirror, their guide — helping someone apathetic and listless find a spark again after giving up on themselves. It makes you wonder if you’ll find clarity through connection too, if you’ll be saved over and over again by people who see you and make sense of it all, or maybe don’t make it all better/comprehensible but care for you anyway. It became an anthem for me to hang onto my friends and budding new interests to help make me feel whole and keep going at a time where everything felt overwhelming and impossibly complicated (the curse of being 15/16/etc). Something about learning about hiatus, learning about the peaks and valleys of the band, looking at it all while having the fortune of knowing they find their ways back to each other to create more music and memories and get to keep growing together — that was big for me in a way I couldn’t articulate at the time but still felt deeply. We can be lost, but still found; flawed, but still loved. That’s important to hear when you’re stumbling through those early formative years, and important to be reminded of when we stumble through evolving our identities again and again and again.

There’s a lot of nostalgic love for the album now that I’ve held onto it for a decade, but it’s still so fun to revisit and holds up for me amidst all of the new music I listen to now. SM(f)S wriggled it’s way into my heart this past year and sits in there holding onto Folie’s hand, speaking on heavy themes and channeling that same motivation to experiment and create a legacy through music. Getting to see FOB live this year (!!!) playing Folie songs live (!!!!!) and eventually revisiting the whole album throughout the duration of tourdust (!!!!!!!) was an amazing experience, and it’s great to see Folie get her flowers in the many years since her release. Happy 15 years, Folie!! 🩵🐻💙

#folie a deux #late night catherine lore time #hold on let me just talk your ear off real quick <3 #tldr: I just think she’s neat #unrelated side note: folie a bleu recolor is so pretty. like yeah the original deep reds are everything but BLUE!!!! #song stuff #I should probably have a FOB tag. since. y’know. I’m so casual chill normal about them #anyway #thanks for asking! #celesteeal

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 3/28/2023

accidentally read five books.

listening

look i know there's a new fall out boy but i have conflicting opinions about that band bc i am no longer seventeen.

MARINA (formerly Marina and the Diamonds) was another artist coming up when i was in high school, but even though Family Jewels was one of the first albums i really got into, she has soundtracked far less of my life compared to FOB so listening to her is a little less fraught. nothing else has taken up space in my brain this week like the lyrics to hollywood: "hollywood infected your brain/you wanted kissing in the rain".

kind of obsessed how the music video cuts out an entire chunk of lyrics about dissatisfied flight attendants? also jesus christ this came out in 2010. BABY marina

originally stuck in my brain bc my sister and i were talking about the musical chicago, and this song contains the lyrics "oh my god you look just like shakira/no wait you're catherine zeta/actually my name's marina"

-

reading

Star Wars: Dark Disciple by Christie Golden. ventress has never been my favorite of count dooku’s batmanesque kidnapped children. i respect her! she’s awful! i want to see her flirt with obi-wan more but maul (my beloved) has always had more screen time and depth.

it’s spackled together from most of a cancelled eight-episode clone wars arc and it kind of shows? this is not to say that star wars books are uninterested in the interiority of their characters, but we rarely get in their heads. star wars books are much more focused on what it looks like in the movie— there are big cinematic set pieces where it’s important to know exactly where everyone is in a fight.

golden writes a competent action scene. this is more than i can say for many star wars writers.

^ i am shoving my fist into my mouth and screaming.

anyway, one of my worst character traits is a latent previously discussed fondness for steampunk and a less latent fondness for urban fantasy.

i read Alexis Hall's Iron and Velvet Kate Kane book a million years ago possibly at the rec of @bronanlynchh during the new hampshire internship, one of the worst depressive periods of my life, but i did consume a lot of gay romance during that period. bc im in my noir era now, reread it and realized there were more! so i devoured them all over the weekend.

to quote @quaraxuanzenith who seems to be the only other person here who has read them recently,

have you ever thought, "Twilight sure is a book, but it would be better if Bella ( a ) realized that Edward is a weird controlling creep, ( b ) dumped him, ( c ) came out to herself as lesbian, and ( d ) went off to become a paranormal private investigator"?

these are just fun nonsense! i loved them and will buy paper copies after i move! i would not call these "spicy", but she falls in and out of the arms of SO many femmes and fatales (who sometimes overlap). there are SO many women throwing themselves at her. it is a delightful way of nodding at the genre's roots bc kate has some game! she doesn't have zero game! she not an oblivious useless lesbian archetype either! but she's usually like ?????? this person is OUT OF MY LEAGUE and never actually realizes a tall, tortured, sad, purple-eyed lady in a trenchcoat is catnip to nearly all wlw.

i think the third book hits its stride and flings you into a rapidly entangling web of loyalties and motivations that i really enjoy in a noir. i like how the author feels no need to write the YA vampire book trilogy she survived. i like how kate has a life going on apart from the stuff that happens in the books. she does not feel like she started existing the moment the book opens.

i finally understand the little old lady love of endless mystery series, bc this is some really comforting reading. i would read twenty of these. i trust that this author's got me and may fling some twists or red herrings at me but ultimately i won't turn the page and she'll be beaten in the street for being an out lesbian. okay so she does get whumped in the street but it's for case reasons

-

watching

virtuosity (1995, dir leonard). the tagline of this film is "Hell hath no fury like a composite of 183 serial killers. Meet Sid 6.7"

is this a Good film? oh god no. if you've seen the tv show interview with the vampire, it has the same contrasting vibes between the two leads, where one is turning in an incredible performance about a black man trying to hold onto family and dignity while the other is prancing around like a deranged show pony. except without the clarity of purpose or production values of a big budget amc tv drama. however, russell crowe (guy i love to see) put his whole ass into this performance. this is not a half-assed acting effort. it is a joy to watch him zip around screen while denzel washington is giving a very good performance as a disgraced, widowed ex-cop.

this really throws a wrench into my whole "if a movie is about being afraid of a robot it's about being afraid of women" bc crowe is not a woman, but he is a malevolent neural network given an android body. a private company has a contract for a police training tool (the neural network trained on 183 serial killers who you can fight in VR) and is testing the interface on prisoners. i wish this movie had anything to say or critique about this three-way partnership other than using it as an inciting incident for what turns into a chase movie. the movie does not attempt to convince you this would be a good idea in a different private company's dev team but i wish the movie spent slightly less time going AAAAAA HOW TO STOP and any time at all going AAAAAAA HOW DID WE LET THIS HAPPEN

i would call this film camp on vibes alone except it is almost completely uninterested in sensuality. the special effects have not aged very well at all, but the film has the same production designer (Nilo Rodis-Jamero) as Johnny Mnemomic (also 1995) so the film Looks.

why? it was leaving canopy soon and when my gender isn't "woman in the same way a sailing ship is a woman" it's "nineties movie club scenes"

-

playing

weird west! still! (image from the steam page bc i keep forgetting to take screenshots)

not terribly worried about the somewhat repetitive nature of the locations themselves, bc the enemy encounters are varied enough it feels like solving a new puzzle each time. also im still having fun.

i have been picking off guys from around the edges of enemy encampments with a silenced rifle and then tanking through this rest with a shotgun and liberal bandage application, as i am wont to do in shooty games, but i cannot currently break my husband out of a mine run by...cannibals? human traffickers to the cannibals? the xp-giving bad guys without getting one of my companions killed. i really don't want to ditch ann lara (i'm not entirely sure what her deal is? sort of a smooth-talking hustler archetype? but really good with pistols?) who has been with me for most of the eight hours i've played this game. the sheriff/my neighbor, along for the ride for her own reasons, has four times as much health as either of us so she's staying. she's been the only one left alive most of my attempts at this one FUCKING cave.

so i am looping back out into the world (sorry husband) to go think about some real tactics. practice my dodge rolls in a less tense environment. perhaps level up some guns and armor. now you might say "kay! isn't it worrying that you're hitting such a big difficulty cliff?" and to that i say "not really bc i cannot stress the amount of simply dicking around and exploring ive done, also i am not a clever woman."

-

making

fallow week

#this is a little less edited and a little more chaotic than i would like but i have an appointment with a heating pad #tuesday again #tuesday again no problem #Youtube

[sapphicdemi]

One “popular girl” I know is posting on BeReal a lot how she is listening to You gonna go for kid/FOBs Mania/etc and like I know that these bands and music aren’t some niche stuff, but literally artists with millions of fans.

But still dude, I can’t help but feel that FOB will become the next “cool emo TikTok band” and everyone will be like “omg have you heard this song”. It’s not that I don’t wish them getting some new fans, more money or popularity, but I can’t stand how everyone behaves, once some song gets popular.

Like how everyone was obsessed with “Meant to be yours” from Heathers a few years ago or now with MCR/PTV/BMTH.

Long story short, id like to gate keep the music I like, bcs it’s awful what TikTok does to alt music and fuck you L.

#TikTok ruining songs #fob

[sugarsweets9987]

Since its in my head again now I'm just gonna minirant on main for a moment. Feel free to scroll past.

So, a couple weeks back the new semester at school started nd one of the days I wore a fall out boy shirt to school bc why not I've never gotten a comment on it before and I do happen to like a real good handful of their music so yeah. But. One of my new teachers commented on it. And not in a good way. He started kinda berating my taste in music and calling it bad. Also calling Panic! At The Disco bad, which. Really hits bad to me because of some personal stuff with it as to why I like p!atd.

He pulled me aside a couple days later and told me he was just messing with me then and said i could like whatever he didnt really care, but I haven't worn one of my band shirts to school since. It's been cold these past few days so I've been wearing my (p!atd) hoodies but I always take them off before entering his class. I'm still kinda hurt over it and. Quite frankly I don't know why. I'm scared to open up about my music taste to people again after finally getting over it. I'd never been so openly pushed around for my music taste like that and it was in front of the whole class.

What doesn't help is that when I do tell some people that I like fob or p!atd I'm always told that the eras/albums/songs I like "aren't good". And I don't even TELL people I like AJR unless I see they also do or I trust them because some of yall put there are really mean about it for like no reason.

I'm worried about opinions I haven't worried about since the beginning of high school. I'm scared to be so openly pushed like that again. And it wasn't even that bad of a push. I'm taking this way too hard for what feels like no reason. I've always known that my music taste wasn't the greatest but I just. Hate how it felt like I was being blatantly insulted for what I find appealing.

If anyone has any advice for how to take this better, I'd appreciate it. And if you think that FOB, P!ATD, and AJR all suck then so be it, but I can give you reasons for why I listen to all of them if you *really* want to bug me about it.

Sorry for ranting like this, but I really can't get it out of my head.

#tumblr please stop asking me to tag things before posting #this is about music btw

[godofsmallthings]

my speak now tv vault track/overall impressions are under the cut if anyone wants to read! wrote these right after listening for the first time :) they got long (a girl has a lot of feelings about speak now! who would've thought)

• electric touch!!!!!!! this is such a cute song omfg. i love the way she writes about love as fire so much (and i think it's interesting considering another common motif she uses is love as a religion...hm. anyway.) if i had to guess when this was written it would've been closer to the beginning of the process bc fearless taylor's sensibilities come through a lot. i can see why they cut it bc it's so similar to sparks fly in concept. i LOVE THE FOB FEATURE.

• when emma falls in love: "little miss sunshine always thinks it's gonna rain" & other incredible one liners!!!!!! OH MY GOD THE BRIDGE. I KNEW I WAS GOING TO LOVE THIS ONE. i understand why they cut this one bc it's not explicitly personal until the bridge and it is speak now after all. even though i think "when emma falls in love i'm learning" (or whatever it is) is a bit of a clumsy lyric, the sentiment is soooooooo dhsksjshdhjdbd. like of course she was looking to her friends and being envious of their relationships going well based on what she was experiencing. it's a beautiful companion piece to btr and little speak now honestly, and i think the themes of comparing yourself to other women on this album are super interesting and relatable.

• i can see you: OMFG DHSGSJDGSJHDKSHSKVDJD UP AGAINST A WALL WITH ME?????? I LOVE HER THIS IS SO FUNNY AND SO FUCKING GOOD WTF. obviously we all know why they cut this. the professional business vibe is so funny like girl why do u want a business man. unfortunately my brain went straight to emily poe bc the gaylor pathways run deep. where was this song 4 months ago. ANYWAY. i'm so glad she let this one bejeweled bc horny teenager music is kind of unmatched. i love her for this.

• castles crumbling: okay nothing new precursor!!! i have a feeling this will be a grower for me. the arrangement/production reminds me of an overly cheesy song that would play during the credits/climactic moment montage during a movie? idk. idk how i feel about it but it certainly is in line with the sound of the rest of the album (haunted, long live). i can't quite tell if she's writing about hypotheticals or if this is stuff she already experienced. the "power went to my head" is so interesting because like. bbygirl u were a kid of course it was going to do that. idk. i thought the second verse was stronger. i think the castles crumbling imagery as an explicit ending to the fairytale themes coming from fearless is a little too on the nose. least fave so far but could def grow on me.

• foolish one: this is SO CUTE. i love this one so much. i'm convinced that the last chorus at the end (her lower register sounds soooooo good there but we all knew that) was something she added retroactively. it feels like present her talking to younger her which is so sweet (but also 😵‍💫). an excellent more realistic thematic companion to little speak now i think. she's so good at these sweet upbeat countryish songs and i will happily take them every time. (edit: "you are not the exception" is a "the only exception" reference, no?)

• timeless: IT'S NOT A TAYLOR ALBUM WITHOUT AN OUR LOVE IS FATE SONG!!!!!! the historical fiction nerd in me is obsessed with this one. THE ROMEO AND JULIET/LOVE STORY CALLBACK IN THE SECOND VERSE??????? OKAY LITERARY GENIUS. the instrumentation is so lush and perfect and the subtle horns are soooooooo nice. it might be recency bias but i think this is my favorite one.

overall I thought it was really interesting to see which songs she cut and how two of them were seemingly because they were too "explicit" in some ways. let baby taylor be horny on main!!!!!!!!! it's really interesting to compare castles crumbling to long live and see how those fears about fame turning sour for her were already very present. it gives more context to the long live bridge imo. overall none of these have like recontextualized the album for me in the way the red vault did (or feel like they were touching on missing pieces of the story ig) but they definitely added some more color to certain themes. i am trying to not think about how i can see you could easily be about jm. overall i'm happy with the speak now album we got but i'm obvs also very glad to have these songs <3

INNOCENT IS COMPLETELY PERFECT. SOOOOO GOOD.

i always forget how much i love country taylor <3

#i think the actual rerecordings on this one are the best across the board #oh ig i forgot to talk about btr. i can see both sides and honestly don't have strong feelings either way but she clearly does and i think #that's fine #the thing about rerecords is that they're supposed to be a replacement but human beings making art about human emotions can't create #a carbon copy. and as it's a lyric that goes with a sentiment she no longer agrees with and is actively harmful that we can all agree is ba #alongside the precedents for doing so both in the current pop music landscape but also in her discography since her first album #i can understand why she would change it even if i might not make the same decision. and the original remains as well (it's not like she's #re-writing history in the same way) #anyway i love it and i love her <3 #and i think i'm going to continue to do my first listens kind of isolated for a bit after this. it was so nice to not be on the #Having Strong Opinions website and getting to just enjoy in my own time. would recommend. #OH and to my btr point i think the new lyric is better which is probably why i am not as phased as i thought i'd be #moth girlies unite #vi is typing...

[poppiesforthirteen]

which cannot choose but weep (01)

what remains when the doctor is gone?

tags: 13 fobwatches herself, communication issues, the doctorification of yasmin khan, post-lotsd, themes from flux, this is 6k please prepare accordingly, heavy use of flashbacks, thasmin is so good but so messed up

—

Yaz runs her thumb over the front of the fob watch again. It never seems to lose its warmth, be it because Yaz doesn't take it off her, or because of what's inside.

"I know how we'll do it," the Doctor said, rushing into the console room. Her coat was gone; she was holding a different one instead, a brown trenchcoat, and was digging in the pockets. "How we'll stay. Forever."

'I don't know what you mean,' Yaz wanted to say, 'I don't need forever,' but the Doctor wasn't listening. She was speaking to Yaz, of course, but she might as well have been anywhere else.

Triumphantly, the Doctor held up a fob watch. "Biodata module. Time Lords—we can store our essences in these. Memories." She twitched at that, not quite a flinch, not quite a cower. "Down to our biology. We could find a safe time and place, somewhere peaceful, and I could become human." Her smile was strained; she wanted Yaz to approve, to be proud.

Yaz couldn't. "Become human?" she echoed.

"No one could find us. I'll create a new identity; it'll be like a new start." The fob watch dangled from its chain, held in the Doctor's fist. There was something hectic in her voice that Yaz had hoped she'd left behind on that beach; there was something more. Something wrong, deep down, something the Doctor would never admit to. Something familiar.

"Can you reverse it?"

The Doctor hesitated. "I can. It'll all still be there; I'll keep the TARDIS around, just in case. But you—we won't have to." She was smiling. It didn't reach her eyes.

Yaz, her mouth dry, agreed.

She hasn't deciphered the Gallifreyan engraved on the front yet. The Doctor wouldn't tell her before, and Yaz can't ask her now—she can read some words, whatever the TARDIS let her know, but these are unfamiliar, worn by unsteady fingers and written by uncertain hands. Yaz tucks it back in her pocket. She's still looking for a place where the Doctor can't find it.

"I have it all ready," said the Doctor, and Yaz tried to be excited. "Made some changes to the module; no need for chameleon circuits anymore." She didn't leave time for Yaz to ask, as always, moving past her with the force and sensitivity of a small storm.

"Out there is the twentieth century, London—haven't been in a while. Enough to do." The Doctor still wasn't wearing her coat. Yaz had found it with piles of old stuff—clothes that were too big for either of them, tech she couldn't start to understand—and tucked it in her bag as she packed to leave the TARDIS.

Yaz stayed quiet. She had been quiet since the Doctor showed her the fob watch. She wasn't sure the Doctor had noticed.

For the first time since, the Doctor searched Yaz's face and Yaz couldn't find it in her to mask her concern. "It'll still be me!" she said. "You'll see—it's better like this."

Yaz nodded and forced a smile. The Doctor took her hand—something wrapped around Yaz's heart, iron bands that drove tears to her eyes—and dragged her along.

The TARDIS whistled as they left, a forlorn melody. Whale song. Yaz listened, and thought of a funeral march.

The Doctor leaves their bedroom and Yaz startles. Blonde, messy hair, an oversized shirt (not Yaz's, maybe the Doctor's, maybe left behind by someone else)—she lazily hides a huge yawn behind her hand, rubbing her eyes. "What time is it?"

"One o'clock." Yaz was never a morning person. But now the Doctor sleeps, pressed up against Yaz, just one pulse against her own, and Yaz can't stay lying down once she's awake. She's dressed; she had coffee—how many times has she imagined the Doctor like this?

Has the Doctor ever asked her for the time before?

"Mm, lunchtime." The Doctor grabs a coffee mug, one of the mugs that came with the flat she got from who knows where, and pours herself some of the coffee Yaz brewed that morning. When she reaches for the sugar, she stands on her tiptoes—the shirt rides up enough to show a sliver of her waist and Yaz is hit with a longing so great she forgets they're together now.

"Coffee isn't lunch," she says, staring at the mug. A kitschy tourist one from Sheffield, as if she'd known. Prepared.

"Nor breakfast," the Doctor shoots back, sips it and grimaces. "It's cold."

"Should have gotten up earlier."

"Should have made your girlfriend fresh coffee." The Doctor doesn't notice the pang to Yaz's heart—it's not new for her; in her reality, they've been together for years. She must see something in Yaz's face, though, because she loops an arm around her waist, kissing her cheek. "Don't worry, I forgive you. Lunch?"

Yaz nestles into the Doctor's shoulder; breathes in. The Doctor smells like sleep, like washing powder and the coconut shampoo already in the flat, in a half empty bottle Yaz bought again when they used it up. It suits the Doctor; Yaz likes that they smell the same. She thinks she likes it. She can't really tell these days.

The Doctor is melting into her, pressed close, encouraging Yaz's arms to fall around her waist. She's been slower since... everything. Calmer. Like that frantic core of hers has finally been satisfied or buried for good.

"Lunch," Yaz agrees. "Get dressed; we'll go out."

The Doctor cheers and is already halfway in the bedroom when she turns back. "I need a shower—fancy joining me?"

"You go ahead," says Yaz with the same fake smile she's been getting used to. "Later, maybe."

The Doctor is disappointed. Yaz can't blame her.

—

Something is up with Yaz.

And Thira may be socially incompetent, but she's a little insulted Yaz didn't think she'd notice—they've known each other for six years, been together for three and Thira knows her girlfriend like the back of her hand, thank you very much.

But for the past weeks, Yaz has been distant. Not smiling as much, keeping her distance, refusing sex, and Thira keeps catching her with that forlorn look, like she can't really believe she's here. Like she doesn't want to believe.

And Yaz isn't the only one being weird—Thira feels it, knows that something's missing. Like she's lost her hearing. It's still very much there, but something that's been giving her orientation, some sense is gone.

Maybe she hasn't been sleeping enough. Or eating enough. Or her iron is low. Maybe there is something strange happening, something she just can't remember—

A phone box. Her phone box. Unfamiliar hands, her hands, and hands that aren't Yaz's clasped around them; she's in the past, World War One, and—

Thira stumbles. She catches herself on the bathtub; what was she doing here? Showering. Right. Lunch.

Something's wrong; she's sure of it. Something's missing and Yaz won't tell her what.

When she leaves the bathroom, dressed and ready, Yaz is wearing a grey coat Thira hasn't seen before. She puts an arm around her waist, fingers curling around the fabric, and pecks a kiss to her jaw. "New coat?"

It can't be that new; it smells like Yaz. Yaz and something else, motors and candles and salt.

"Thrifted," Yaz says, and Thira knows her well enough to know when she's nervous. She just can't figure out why.

A sneaking suspicion buries into her mind like a wasp into an apple—maybe she doesn't know Yaz as well as she thought.

—

Yaz's palm touches the TARDIS and all that worry chips off her like old paint. She unlocks the door and it swings open; it creaks; it's not meant to. It creaks because the TARDIS wants it to. Like an indignant cat being left alone for a few hours to run errands.

Of course it's been two weeks, and Yaz is returning without the Doctor. "Sorry," she says softly. She's gotten into the habit of talking to the TARDIS, only when the Doctor and Dan aren't around. "I'll bring her with me next time," she lies.

Yaz has never been as good at talking to the TARDIS as the Doctor, but she can feel its pain.

"I know," she says. "I'm sorry," she repeats. "I'm sure it isn't forever. We'll get used to it."

The TARDIS is quiet. Probably sulking.

"Can I leave this with you?" Yaz pulls the fob watch out of the Doctor's coat and the TARDIS makes a soft noise of recognition. "Just until I can open it." She lays it on the steps for lack of a better place—she could put it in her bedroom, but that feels too permanent. Too much like hiding it.

She is hiding it, of course. It's for the best. It's for the best, and if she keeps saying so, it'll feel true.

It's not like anyone else will come in here to find it.

The TARDIS shakes, a little tremor, barely enough to rattle Yaz, not enough to throw her off her feet—she still grabs onto the handrail for purchase. "What was that for?"

From a far-off corner, something metallic rolls towards her, stops at her feet.

Oh.

Yaz picks it up, all muscle memory as she presses on the top and—

There she is.

'So, this is an adaptive hologram.'

Over dozens of times, those words have been etched into Yaz's memory, and seeing the Doctor again feels like being punched, all the air knocked out of her.

She watches the Doctor talk, gesture; she's seen it so many times she doesn't have to focus on the words. She sees the Doctor again and all she can think is we're wearing the same coat.

'That's all I have; I'm sorry it's not more.'

It's fine, Yaz thinks, you did all you could. Worked out alright in the end.

'I'm sure I miss you.'

"Miss you too," Yaz says, her lips forming the words by themselves. She watches the rest of the hologram quietly, the eternal aching and groaning of the TARDIS staying still, everything falling away but the Doctor before her.

The Doctor walks out of frame and Yaz is alone. She's alone, wearing the Doctor's coat in the Doctor's TARDIS with the Doctor's words in her hands.

The fob watch beside her, Yaz turns the recording device in her hands as the TARDIS starts to sing again.

—

The door unlocks and Thira is already on her feet, her book falling shut carelessly.

"Sorry I'm late," Yaz calls into the flat. Thira greets her briefly; takes her coat. It smells different again, still of Yaz, more of motors and now not of something, but someone else.

"Who were you with?" she asks; tries to sound casual but comes off as painfully stilted.

"Friend of mine," says Yaz after a beat. "From Sheffield. Been going through a rough time lately; she was in town and I thought I'd..." She gestures vaguely, then takes off her shoes, taking great care in undoing the laces. Avoiding eye contact.

"How long will she be here? We should have her over for tea." Thira smiles and knows it doesn't reach her eyes—never one for acting, always too genuine, but what's she to do?

Yaz stiffens. "She's not really the 'over-for-tea' type." Then she walks past Thira, putting her keys down on the shelf and heading straight for the bedroom.

Thira watches her helplessly. "This friend of yours," she calls after Yaz, making her halt in the doorframe, "does she work with cars?"

Yaz frowns at her. Confusion—far as Thira can tell, it's genuine. "No. Why?"

She waves it off. "Thought I could smell it on you."

Yaz bristles a little, and keeps going, shutting the bedroom door behind her. Thira flinches as it falls shut. She can't help feeling like she's losing Yaz, and she can't help wondering why.

—

The Doctor paced back and forth in front of the open fob watch, resisting the urge to commit all this to memory. Yaz was in her room, packing her things, or maybe she was already in the console room, and either way she was waiting on the Doctor to create her new identity.

The walls were closing in on her a little.

She cleared her throat. "Your name is Thira O'Brien. You're thirty-s... something years old—we'll figure it out—and you've known your g—you've known Yaz for..."

How long had they been travelling together? The Doctor reached into the back of her mind, the place so clouded with poisonous guilt she'd been avoiding it since it emerged.

Ryan, Graham and Yaz had spent ten months without her. Yaz never stopped searching, never stopped believing the Doctor would return.

Yaz had spent three years in the 1900s. Three years with no more than the adaptive hologram, three years without her, three years she stayed on task. Stayed loyal. Stayed brave.

"—you've known Yaz for six years. Met through your family, her friends. They're—they're gone now; you used to travel together. Halfway through, you got together, because you kissed her when you thought you'd lose her and she kissed you back.

"You're in London now. She used to live in Sheffield, but her work as a journalist brought her here. You're between jobs at the moment.

"Maybe you're searching. Maybe you want to be a teacher, science, physics maybe—" The Doctor paused, hands on her hips, frowning as she thought. "Though I can't remember what children are meant to be taught about physics. Less than they ought to know. Maybe something else—we'll see." She sighed, shook her head to get back on task.

"You're happy with Yaz. She's happy with you. You can't—"

The Doctor swallowed. Her hearts squeezed painfully.

"You didn't always do the right thing, because sometimes the right thing wasn't an option you had, and she never left you for it. She's the greatest person you know."

A noise from another room; Yaz must've finished getting ready. The Doctor watched the door of her little room, waiting for her to come in, and sighed when she didn't.

"You had a normal childhood. Grew up near Huddersfield; there's nothing you want to go back for. You're happy in London."

She picked up the fob watch, smiling into the watchface as the hands ticked away. "It's all starting over now. You're going to be brilliant."

Thira stares into the sky from the living room window as it turns from grey to orange and eventually to black.

She can't remember the last time she saw the stars.

—

Thira is brushing her teeth when she hears voices in the bedroom.

'—just call me big head? I bet you did.'

Not just voices, her voice. Things she didn't say. How—

'—bet you did,' it repeats. 'Well. Still works even if you didn't.'

Like rewinding a cassette tape, over and over. She rinses, shuts off the water to listen.

'Still works. Still works. Works even if you didn't.'

She thought Yaz was already asleep. Even if she is just messing around with her tape recorder, Thira can't figure out how she got her voice on tape. Saying that.

It's different in a way she can't put her finger on, in a way that makes her head hurt to think about.

'I'm worried about what might happen next. These—for you if you're hearing this. And I'm sure I miss you.'

"Miss you too," says Yaz softly, her voice tear stricken, and Thira feels a little like she's been stabbed.

Slowly, she presses down the handle, opening the door just in time to see Yaz jump and shove something under her pillow.

"Hey," she says. "Didn't think you were still up."

Yaz seems to relax, gazing down at the duvet. "Just been thinking."

Thira sits down on the corner of the bed. "Want to talk about it?"

Yaz hesitates. Waits as Thira pulls the duvet over her lap, sitting cross legged, still at opposite corners.

"My friend," she starts, then goes silent again.

"The one that doesn't work with cars?"

Yaz nods. "She lost someone important to her. Been together almost all their lives, then that person made a decision and"—she gestures vaguely—"gone. Can't visit, can't call, nothing." She swallows. "And she didn't just do it for herself; it was—she wanted a simpler life."

There's something itching at the back of Thira's brain, something she can't reach, on the tip of her tongue and at the back of her throat.

Sniffling, Yaz stares at the ceiling. "I knew her too, not as long but—she said she'd tell me something, and never did. Can't ask her now."

Thira takes her hand; she doesn't know what else to do. Yaz doesn't cry. Yaz never cries, and Thira doesn't know what to do with herself. Doesn't know the first thing about whomever she means. Doesn't know Yaz as well as all those years would have her believe.

Affectionately, Yaz squeezes her fingers; kisses her and it feels like a distraction. Thira kisses back anyway, allowing herself out of her corner, closer until she's in Yaz's lap, draping her arms over her shoulders as Yaz's settle around her waist.

Then Yaz pulls away with a grimace. "Don't like that toothpaste," she says.

"Too minty, right?" laughs Thira. She could burst into song; it feels normal again.

"Too minty," Yaz agrees. "I liked the old brand."

"They're charging 50p extra for it now."

"Hm," says Yaz. "We'll have to find something else, then."

"Kiss me anyway?"

Yaz does, and Thira smiles against her lips, pulling her close. Yaz smiles too; kisses her despite the toothpaste; kisses her until Thira forgets all about the recording and the friend and Yaz's strange behaviour.

"I love you," she mumbles against Yaz's lips, half confession, half reminder.

Yaz presses their foreheads together. "Love you too."

—

It's been a week since Yaz went back to the TARDIS for the first time. She's been back every day since.

"Now, when I press on the top here, it'll start." The Doctor held up the fob watch again; Yaz was getting sick of seeing it. It looked out of place in their new flat, golden and intricate against the lived-in, messy living room. "Remember: Don't open it; make sure no one can find it. Including me."

"Got it." The words felt hollow in her mouth.

The Doctor took Yaz's hands in hers, giving her a warm smile, a real one. "This will work," she said. "I'm sure."

Yaz couldn't help smiling back.

The Doctor thinks Yaz is just busy with work. They've been doing better; it's better; it's working. She's still the Doctor.

Yaz leans back, her uneven bun pressing against the crystal pillar. "This is a mess," she says into the room. The TARDIS groans in agreement.

She slumps down the pillar; takes enough care that her shirt doesn't get caught on the jagged edges. The Doctor's coat is bunched up in her arms.

"I don't know what to do," sighs Yaz. If the TARDIS responds, Yaz doesn't hear it.

"Ready?" the Doctor asked.

Yaz nodded. "Ready."

One hand to her temple, the Doctor held the fob watch in her hand, outstretched like it would hurt her, thumb on the top. She glanced back. "Yaz, I—"

"Yeah?" Yaz tried not to sound too anxious to hear what would follow, too expectant. Judging by the way the Doctor's face fell, she failed.

The Doctor swallowed. Shook her head. Then she pressed the button, froze up and—

Unconscious, she fell to the side.

"Doctor!" Yaz caught her; saved the fob watch from hitting the ground; manoeuvred the Doctor in her arms so that she could hold her up.

Was this supposed to happen? This felt wrong. Was something wrong?

The sinking feeling in her stomach making way for outright panic, the Doctor in her arms, Yaz stood in the strange flat. Alone.

Yaz twists the Doctor's sonic in her hands. She points it at a door, watching the lock pop open, then shuts it again with a press of a button.

She stares at the console, watches the eternally shifting lights. The TARDIS is unmoving; no one's used it in weeks. Keeping it company is all Yaz can do, but it's not enough. Without time sense, flying a TARDIS is like driving with a blindfold on; even then, she's never done it alone.

"I should get back."

Yaz points the sonic at another door.

There wasn't any light this time—none of what Yaz later found out was regeneration energy. Aside from that, she couldn't help being reminded of the first time she met the Doctor, seeing her asleep on Graham's sofa, every cell in her body forming anew.

One pulse. It made sense, keeping a cover for everyone including herself, but her spike of panic had dug further into Yaz's chest when she felt only one of the Doctor's hearts working.

Now she was here, asleep on the sofa. Their own sofa—not purple, more of a navy, but was this what the Doctor envisioned? When had she started wanting this?

Yaz had never seen the Doctor's bedroom in the TARDIS. Didn't even know if she had one.

They'd be sharing a room now.

Despite everything, Yaz would be lying if she said she wasn't excited.

—

"I'm home!" Thira calls and is met with silence.

Yaz isn't back yet. Again.

She isn't at work—Thira knows she isn't at work, because she called, and the secretary said Yaz hasn't stayed late all week. Left early today, even.

Yaz isn't just avoiding her; she's lying. That horrible sinking feeling is back again. Why would Yaz be keeping things from her?

Something about the friend from Sheffield is still bugging her. Something about that evening a week ago...

This is her flat; she's alone, and still Thira feels judged, guilty, as she sets down the groceries, slips off her boots and steps into the bedroom. Her heart is pounding in her chest—she feels the absence of something that's been at the back of her mind for weeks again, a cavity between her lungs.

The bed is unmade, neither of them can be bothered. Never could. They'd straighten up a bit when they had people over, but no one's visited in a while. Thira sits down on the edge of the bed, reaching under Yaz's pillow—she doesn't know what to expect, doesn't know if she should hope to find something or not.

Nothing.

Somehow, she's still disappointed.

—

Yaz mixes bleach and conditioner in a little plastic pot at the sink, the Doctor sitting on a chair in front of her. There's an odd tension to her shoulders as Yaz drapes a towel over them (it used to be black, probably—the orange and white spots suggest that Yaz has done this before) and she leans into Yaz's touch as she ruffles the Doctor's hair.

The only other time Yaz bleached hair was when she gave Sonya highlights—she had to dye over them with black the next day (though Yaz couldn't resist saying she'd told her so). She can't remember how long exactly it's been since they spoke; Yaz has given up keeping track of time while travelling with the Doctor. She can come back at any point during the timeline, but she'll either end up even older than Sonya, or missing years of her sister's life to keep the age gap the same. Her heart sinks.

"Ready?" she asks and the Doctor hums a yes. Yaz adjusts the plastic gloves that came with the kit—they're too big for her hands—and dips the brush in.

They're quiet while Yaz does her hair, carefully applying the bleach to her roots and rubbing it in between her fingers. The Doctor's hair is thinner than hers; it took her a bit to get used to at first. She doesn't know what the Doctor did with her hair while they were still travelling. Can only imagine her stumbling around with a flat iron, trying to make it fall straight while the TARDIS is in flight, knocking her off balance.

Yaz huffs out a laugh. The Doctor turns her head and Yaz holds her in place, the brush still in her hair. "Stay still."

"What's so funny?" the Doctor asks fondly.

"Nothing," says Yaz. "Just thought of something. I'll tell you later."

The Doctor's shoulders drop as she sighs, staring straight ahead. "Sure."

It's for her own good. The Doctor wants Yaz to keep secrets, even if she doesn't know it right now. Because she doesn't know it right now.

So why does Yaz feel so gross doing it?

—

It feels disgusting to sneak after her girlfriend, but Thira does it anyway. Yaz is pretending everything is fine, so Thira can't bring it up, but there's some kind of tension building that isn't helped by them avoiding each other and Thira hearing her own voice out of the bedroom every other night.

So she pretends to be asleep when Yaz gets up that Saturday morning; doesn't react when Yaz brushes her hair aside to kiss her temple and tucks her in. Guilt clenches around her stomach like a closing fist as she pulls on the grey coat Yaz left behind and the first pair of shoes she can reach, staying out of sight a few steps behind her.

She follows Yaz through Hyde Park to a street corner just outside the gate, to an old police box—they haven't been around for years. The last time Thira's seen one must have been when she was a kid (she tries not to let her lack of a distinct memory bother her); she wouldn't have noticed it if Yaz weren't heading straight for it. There's a concert poster glued to the side, an out of order sign on the door; the wood is old and chipped.

Standing outside the police box feels like moving into a gathering storm—the air pressure is building around her, crackling with static electricity. Thira tries to shrug it off and can't quite; something strange is going on, something she's trying to understand but can't, like her mind is fighting off the thought.

Yaz unlocks the police box and steps inside.

—

The TARDIS is almost frantic today. Yaz has never been the subject of this much of its excitement, but she opens the door and is met with a firework show of flickering lights and whistling noises.

Yaz laughs. It feels good, freeing. "Good day?"

She leans on the console, reaching into her pocket—oh. Must have left her coat at home. No sonic, no hologram. Well, the TARDIS is in a good mood, and Yaz can be too. She'll pass the time one way or another.

—

For a few minutes, Thira waits; watches for someone to join her, something that would prove her suspicion. Nothing happens; no one comes.

Feels a bit silly, standing outside a phone box in her pyjamas and Yaz's coat. Yaz's coat—now that Thira's paying attention to it, it fits her well. Very well, like it was made for her—it's a bit too wide in the shoulders for Yaz, a bit too long in the sleeves.

She reaches into the pockets and pulls out two devices: one shaped like an egg, with an orange crystal in the centre, the other of the same gunmetal grey with the crystal at the tip, orange light running through it. It fits in her hand perfectly, like it was made for her to hold, and buzzes when she presses on its side. She nearly drops it at that; the air pressure grows; she's all tingly.

Thira puts it back. Puts both of them back; she doesn't want to think about it. She can't think about it.

Burning of cells; she's fizzing, ready to burst. The damage she took from her fall is healing as she burns and regrows and she can't focus on it; has to focus on saving the Earth, solving the problem. If only she had her sonic—but surrounded by materials like these, she can just make it. If she's lucky. One thing she knows about herself, she's lucky. And clever. The two things she needs for—

Thira stumbles; catches herself on the fence. Her stomach is turning, her heart beating wildly. She can't be here anymore. She can't; it's breaking her; pulling something to the surface that she won't think about. Something is wrong.

Something is missing.

—

It's a Wednesday afternoon and without a word, Yaz gets up from the sofa and heads towards the door, grabbing her coat.

"Where are you headed?" Thira asks. She doesn't mean to sound accusatory.

"Checking on something." Yaz sounds distracted, like her mind's already left the building and she's hurrying to catch up. She doesn't spare Thira a glance.

"On what?" She doesn't care about sounding accusatory now: The secrets, the strange clothes and devices, the way Yaz's thoughts are constantly elsewhere, it's starting to fit together.

"Do I have to tell you everything?"

Thira flinches back. Yaz has one shoe on already.

"I feel like..." Thira takes a deep breath and tries again. "I feel like I don't know you anymore. You're barely ever here—"

"I told you I'm—"

"And I know you're not working," Thira says firmly. Yaz presses her lips together, finally looking at her. Thira tries for a smile. "What's going on with you, Yaz? I thought we were a team."

"I—we are a team." Yaz sounds guilty. Something spreads inside Thira, in the hole in her chest, sympathetic and vindictive at once. Sympathetic and vindictive and mostly angry.

"Then why won't you let me in?"

Yaz freezes.

"I'm going out," she says, adjusting the sleeves of the coat so they don't cover her hands as much, pooling around her wrists instead. "Don't wait up."

"Yaz—" Helplessly, Thira reaches out.

Yaz slams the door.

Thira groans in frustration. She wants to throw something, destroy something, let out the anger that's bubbling inside her like water in a pressurised pot. She hit a nerve she didn't even know Yaz had and now Yaz is gone and she can't resolve it. Thira is angry and useless and so confused and there's nothing she can do about it.

No matter what she decides to do, she can't stand idly by while some friend is having a go at her girlfriend. Nothing fits together; Yaz wouldn't. She just wouldn't. The thought of Yaz cheating on her feels just as wrong as everything else that's been happening, the dreams and flashbacks she can't place, the space in her chest and the sensation of something missing.

She has to go back to that police box.

—

"I can't do this anymore!" Yaz yells. The TARDIS is infuriatingly silent, lights dimmed down; Yaz can't tell if it's sulking or giving her space. Can't decide which makes her more angry. "Why does she expect me to keep her secrets? Why do I always have to handle everything while she gets to be unaware and—and happy and normal?"

She paces around the controls, retracing the path the Doctor takes every time she moves around them while avoiding questions. Can almost see her fidget; pretend to check screens while rambling something enigmatic that'll confuse Yaz long enough for her to change the subject.

Yaz chews on her lip, her hands clenched to fists, nails digging into her palm. "No use," she says out loud.

Still nothing from the TARDIS. Like its essence has gone out to the pub, waiting for the storm to blow over. Yaz feels like breaking something, like letting all the stowed-up anger and hope and pain explode at someone.

She digs in her pockets for the hologram projector.

Her hands come up empty. The sonic is there—she sets it aside carelessly—but there's nothing else. She must have dropped it somewhere.

Ice-cold fear runs down Yaz's spine—there's no telling what the Doctor's technology could do in the wrong hands. No telling what could happen if the wrong person sees the hologram.

Yaz bursts out of the TARDIS and sets off running for home.

—

As Thira tugs on her shoes, she spots one of Yaz's devices on the ground—the little egg-shaped one—and picks it up. She wants to throw it; break it; do anything to release the bubbling, boiling anger. Her fist clenches around it—with a startled shout, Thira drops the device as it whirrs and lights up.

Like a projector, an image appears in front of her—it's her, wearing Yaz's coat, surrounded by warm light. Her image starts to move; starts to speak.

'So, this is an adaptive hologram.'

Eyes wide, mouth open, Thira stares. Her head is spinning; she can barely keep up; she feels the blockage in her mind stronger than ever.

She recognizes nothing but the look on her face—she's speaking to Yaz. Through all the SciFi terminology, through all the names and people she doesn't know, she's seen the way she looks at Yaz and she knows this is it.

'I'm probably worried for you if you're hearing this.'

Those words—she's heard them in her own voice countless times over the past weeks. Yaz must have watched it even more often. 'Two weeks after we've not had contact'—when did Yaz start acting like this? When did she first hear the recording?

This has to be a trick. Somehow, Yaz must have staged this, because there's no other explanation for how all this happened.

Thira watches herself walk away. She flops down on the floor, picks up the egg and it rewinds, starting over again.

After the fifth rewatch; the fifth time it doesn't add up in her head, her image and her voice, her gestures and her expressions with words she doesn't know, things she didn't say; the door unlocks and Yaz bursts in. She's panting, winded; she freezes in horror when she sees the hologram in the middle of the living room.

Thira gives Yaz a blank look, then turns her back.

'—been shielded from the Flux. But it'll be vulnerable.'

Her hand clenches around the egg again, holding it tight because it won't break and she needs to let out her frustration somehow; she presses her lips together. The sun is setting. The lights are off. The only source of light is the hologram, still talking to Yaz, shedding warm light through the flat. It's never felt so cold, never looked so grey.

Yaz sits down beside her. In silence, they watch the hologram finish speaking, walk off to the side and then they're left with the darkness.

Tears fall down Thira's cheeks. She isn't used to crying. It feels familiar anyway.

"I should probably explain," says Yaz.

Thira laughs shortly. "You think?"

She flinches. Thira can't help looking at her, but Yaz keeps staring straight ahead, where the hologram was a moment ago.

"Come with me." Yaz pulls herself off the ground; offers Thira her hand. Thira hesitates, but takes it, letting Yaz lift her to her feet.

Thira keeps ignoring her tears. She can preserve that much of her dignity.

They walk through Hyde Park in silence. Not many people are still around; it's too cold for that. But it's an excuse not to show affection, a reason not to hold Yaz's hand that isn't the whirlwind of growing confusion still addling her mind.

And there it is: the police box. The air pressure is back, laying uncomfortably on her skin, charging her with static electricity. She should feel guilty, at least that's what's expected of her; she just can't tell by whom.

She looks to Yaz; waits for her to unlock it. Yaz gestures to her instead. "Go on."

So she does.

—

The Doctor's hand touches the TARDIS and the door springs open—she jumps back, startled, then pushes it all the way open to step inside and her breath leaves her in a soft, "Oh."

Yaz follows her in. She shuts the door behind them—the TARDIS is lit up again, beaming and whirring, delighted to see her Doctor again.

"It's bigger on the inside."

"It's called a TARDIS," Yaz explains, and can't stop her voice from shaking. "Time and relative dimension in space. A space-timeship."

"A space-timeship," the Doctor echoes. She turns in place, staring at the ceiling, the controls, the pillars of crystal and hexagonal walls. Then she looks at Yaz, her eyes alight, and Yaz is still wearing her coat. Still holding her TARDIS' keys, still hiding her memories. "How did you—"

"It's mine," Yaz says. "I'm a Time Lord. I'm the Doctor."

—

chapter two is out now!!

the title is from shakespeare's sonnet 64; the ao3 link will be in the notes as always

please reblog! and please please tell me your thoughts i have so much meta for this fic i've been waiting to unleash into the wilds of tumblr

#thasmin #thirteenth doctor #yasmin khan #doctor who #doctor who fanfic #yaz #thirteen #poppy scribbles #🥀 #which cannot choose but weep

[thekidsarentalright]

ok ok i’ve started to process the album but honestly cant stop yelling enough to write a coherent ask so here’s a whole bunch of stuff that has me going feral:

the title track. i think fob just released one of my fave songs ever, it went to my top 5 from them so fast!!! it reminds me of how much the pandemic fucked up for everyone… “thought we had it all” fr!! but like. the strings??? the choir at the end?! SUNSHINE OF MY LIFETIME REPRISE?!?! SHUT UP FOREVER!!!!! (also my bday is the “day after christmas past” so i nearly screamed when i heard that line lmaooooo… followed immediately by “my pain isn’t cool enough”?! literally almost fell over at that point. that felt like an accidental shoutout and then getting punched directly in the gut 😭)

flu game is absolutely my second fave!!! the “youuuu” in the chorus just hits my brain a certain way i’m obsessed!! also i relate to it a little too much 😭

what a time to be alive!!!!! soul punk vibes fr <3 also that bridge goes so hard i think screaming it live would fix me 😭 WHEN I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE THIS ISNT QUITE WHAT I MEANT!!!! GOT THE QUARANTINE BLUES BAD NEWS WHAT’S LEFT!!!!!

the strings in i am my own muse?!?! patrick is just flexing at this point (as he should) <3

my synesthesia went crazy with heaven iowa… it’s this beautiful deep blue/indigo/purple situation and i want to live in it <— totally normal thing to say abt a song

so good right now gave me whiplash right after heaven iowa but it’s so fun! i went from crying to dancing so fast lmao

in general i love space and this album delivered w the references!! i caved and bought the glow in the dark stars 😳

and the living even though it’s painful and scary, especially when it’s painful and scary vibes… fob always knows what we need to hear i swear!!! ur post abt the themes on this album is so so true <3

patrick dressed as a chicken playing the piano… i love him so much it’s stupid <3 also that music video nearly killed me. couldn’t see the screen super well when they were on fallon and didn’t process that the costume was like… a muscle suit for a solid minute. my brain literally shut down lmaooo 😭

ik there’s like… lyric parallels and stuff i got rlly excited abt but am totally forgetting rn! i’m sure it’ll come back when i listen to the album again (which i’m probably gonna go do rn) but… yeah!! so glad we get to be insane abt all this on here together lol <3 peace and love in fob world ☺️

- 🧋 anon

YESSSS the title track is INSANE with how good it is and how much is in it like. i swear every lyric hits Hard, the reprise absolutely breaks my heart it is so. Perfect. so so so valid for it being in your top 5 fob songs of all time already it is genuinely That Good!!! and made for you Clearly with that birthday shoutout!!! even with the gut punch after. every lyric feels like such a gut punch i swear kfgjdhfkjs

flu game is ALSO one of my top favs, i could not rank this album yet even if it would save my life kfjsdkfj but i know for Sure flu game is in like. top 5 territory. i'm obsessed w it for the same reasons fr it is. too relatable thanks pete (haha i said the thing!)

REAL i need them to perform what a time to be alive live SO bad literally just so i can scream that bridge i think that would fix me fr fr. also just love how dancey it is while having. incredibly depressing lyrics. vibe of all time fksjdhfks

patrick is flexing w his arranging skills all over this album but Esp in i am my own muse and i hope he keeps flexing forever bc it is. so good!!!!

OUGHHH heaven iowa being purpley blue it so pretty... to me it's like... idk a very warm song, orange/yellow/golden so. the opposite of you KFJDSK but still pretty i Also wanna live in it. we are So normal for that bff <3

they are literally sick for putting so good right now right after heaven, iowa it was Such an intense tone shift fsdkjfsh i Love so good right now tho it's slowly becoming one of my favs i think

i absolutely love how jam packed this album is w space references, i was anticipating it but Still am like. fuck yeah space fkjdshkfjs i'm still debating on getting the glow in the dark stars tbh... is u getting them a sign i should too... much to think about

but yeah the albums themes are SOOOO. like. i think what the world needed to hear right now, also what i needed to hear rn, what You needed to hear like. they always know!!!! it is just so cathartic to hear that things might not be okay or better but that you can still live and be fulfilled and have love Despite Despite Despite!!!!

and lastly fr i. didn't process it was a chestplate/muscle suit at first either so was like. ready to die over patrick looking like That lmao honestly i still am he pulls off that look way too well. also pulled off the chicken costume imo <3

#LOVED hearing ur thoughts on all this if u have more. processed ones KFJHDSK i would love to hear them too <3 #so fun to go insane over fob w u and everyone on here tho its the best <3 these last few days have been SOOO fun on here <3 #asks #🧋anon

[iamthecomet]

Com I was doing the thing where I roll around in bed, not wanting to get up, and then I listened to FOB’s new song and now I am upright and jamming to it on repeat :) How is the Red Bull working out for you? My boys play tonight so I’m excited for the game. I wanna work out but my back hurts :/ What are you up to today? -A

It's 6pm and there is still redbull in the redbull can because I am very bad at putting liquid into my body (I've had some water too don't worry). Hope your boys have a good game tonight! Is FOB's new song good? I guess I could just go listen to it. I've been not listening to them for a while because I wasn't loving their recent stuff, but the teaser I heard for this one sounded better? I'm going to go cook dinner, and then I'm going to write SMUT. That's my plan for tonight.

Anything in your plans besides watching your game?

#comet comments #A

[lycanthropthy]

OKAY OKAY OKAY. youre gonna hear all this from a veteran emo, and although it might not currently seem like it this is coming from someone who strictly had mcr blog themes until this point. first of all i dont know what u know on the subject so im gonna assume its nothing. here we go

so, picture the summer of 2005, aka the summer of like where basically it was widely rumoured that pete wentz of fob and mikey way were fucking on the downlow, i mean check it out the dude made posts like this everyday on his livejournal

we all know amazing new mexico sunset.

ANYWAYS that fourth of july, according to members of fob and mcr pete and mikey skipped out on celebrations and hung out together somewhere else separately which yknow, gay enough. and THEN somewhere between july 23 and 26, pete started posting abt heartbreak and how hed broken things off with that person like here

note him referring to himself as the monster in love with the BOY. anyways then in 2007 infinity on high came out, and was actually just the fruitiest shit ever written especially bang the doldrums, have u SEEN that song??? if u havent heard it its a very bittersweet song about a failed love but the line to pay attention to is "happily ever after below the waist". now i forget when but somewhere around that time pete wentz had an interview where he described himself as being "gay above the waist" its also a fucking banger song so.

ANYWAYS. to the main point here the fourth of july by fall out boy makes me cry like a bitch, but just so many lyrics would make so so much sense because of the firework motif and what happened that summer, including "im starting to forget just what summer ever meant to you" (get it. that one summer) "im sorry every songs about you" (which would make sense because many many people believe that pete wentz wrote love songs like those for the same person bc there are a LOT of parallels in his love songs) and just so many references made to a whirlwind summer fling like the one described in infinity on high (also all that g.i.n.a.s.f.s stuff so)

and NOW, we get to more recent shit. i forget what year but between the release of ab/ap and mania fob did a concert on the fourth where pete famously said "im sorry. every song IS about you." now obviously this was already in the lyrics buttttt mikey way was drumming for waterparks at that same music fest and was in the audience for that concert. im not saying its connected and i will leave u to make of that what you will

basically, its a song about what ifs and failed summer romance, and to be frank the rest is just speculation. i dont believe in shipping real people or getting overly involved in celebrities lives, unfortunately i was a 12 year old emo and i felt it was my duty to play historian <3

NICO THANK YOU FOR THIS OMG. please i could listen to you to talk about bandom for hours why dont we talk more ough. also holy shit that livejournal hit too close to home im actually abt to tear up

#answered #fridayiminlove-mp3 #friend tag #nico 🔥

[greenlikethesea]

what are some albums you really love? ones that feel foundational to you as a person? that feel like they’re an extension of yourself in a way or that spoke to you so deeply that they became instant favourites? this is my absolute favourite thing to ask people i love hearing the answers!!! <33

ahhhhh, a wonderful question! there are a few of these, and i fear that i will reveal myself as the most basic of the basic with this list.

Folie a Deux - Fall Out Boy -- this one has become something of a meme on my blog, because I am indeed the number one Folie a Deux defender, but it really is such a formative album for me. It was the first album cycle I was fully around for, including when they dropped what would later be lake effect kid on a really old fueled by ramen sampler that was curated by clinton sparks. i was sixteen when this album came out, and i went to the record release show in times square and was among the first people to hear several of these songs live.

Decemberunderground - AFI -- this is another one that's really special to me because it was the first afi album cycle i was truly present for! i was fourteen when this album came out, and i got to see a special secret show (actually at the same theater i saw the FOB record release show in...go figure) after being among the first people to hear a studio cut for the first time. a girl i would later end up dating was also at that show at the same time, and now we have matching afi tattoos together.

Self Titled - Paramore -- such a formative album for my early twenties. i saw the writing the future tour. i went on two parahoy cruises. their music inspired me to start writing again, and i got into graduate school because of a short story i wrote based on a few songs from this album. though i love the direction they're going in with their new music so goddamn much, this particular place and time with their music is so so so special to me.

Ctrl - SZA -- mannnnn, this album was the only thing i listened to in 2018. got me through a lot of growing pains, a lot of struggles re: people i was in love with who did not feel the same way, of my struggle with my own identity as a tough person on the outside with a soft, gooey center. i find her latest to absolutely be fitting where i'm at right now, and i think SZA is just an artist who's always going to be writing about how i'm feeling, even though she's a Black cis woman and i'm a white transmasc person.

ask me stuff!!

#asks #there are more but that's a WHOOOOLE post hahaha

[verdantcactus]

Comfort-thing tag list!

I got tagged by @lcphotowerx for a tag game, and lord knows I love a good tag game

Off we go:

Comfort Food:

anything my dad cooks really but with a specific focus on chicken that he makes.

If I am home and thus away from dad cooking, it's shitty takeout like applebees or something.

Comfort Clothes:

I have basically a comfort uniform that I will wear every day if you let me: Band t-shirt, leggings, tall knit socks, combat boots, severely oversized flannel, beanie I can stuff my hair into so it's not touching me.

Comfort Song:

Oof. For me it's basically anything that I listen to. My whole life is comfort music on at all times. But if you were pressing me to narrow it down, comfort ALBUMS would be revenge or bullets from MCR. Comfort single one off songs would be Lake Effect Kid by FOB or Joyriding by Frank Iero.

Comfort Movie:

Anything Disney animated that I watched a lot as a kid really. But if pressed right now it would probably be like Emperor's New Groove or the animated Robin Hood.

Comfort Book:

Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell. I should re-read fangirl. but also a lot of frequent flier fanfics would count here. I re-read more fic for comfort than books these days.

Comfort Activity:

Making fanfic into books... playing video games... Listening to albums on vinyl... sitting outside and staring off into the middle distance with music on.

Comfort Games:

Pokemon crystal, persona 3 or 5, Catherine.

...not all of my comfort games are very comforting lol

Now I get to tag people! Feel free to join in if you wish but the tag comes with no requirements @cadencekismet @thewordworrier @robinruns @gay-vampire-with-a-violin @whatareyouon93

#tag game

[lorenlily]

1.12.2023 sorry I haven't sent and ask in a while the holidays were crazy I and I was pretty drained but I'm back! - Fall out boy 8 is coming after 5 years! Their new single is being released on the 18th! - Paramore released their new song today! The albums is being released on February 10th - The release of rush! Måneskins new album is in 8 days. They are releasing their single gossip the 12th/13th (depends on your timezone) - Wednesday has been renewed for season 2!

I was thinking about making a little website keeping track of all the issues of my newsletter. This is basically an excuse for me to make a carrd so I can decorate stuff lol. Anyway I might (maybe). Also I am tracking #userstarryeyes so I can help support content creators!

Song of the week: Hard feelings/loveless by lorde I made a playlist keeping track of the songs of the week https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6QY6hjAny7BMYyJtdzkXEU?si=vC21XGHITc6k-4XG502prA

Fun fact: Last year, one of every 25 vinyl LPs sold in the United States was a Taylor Swift album (according to billboard)

I'm so so sorry I didn't see this till now 😭

it's very late which is also what I am to fob and paramore thank you for the dates because I actually do wanna listen to their discographies before the new albums drop

a newsletter that's so cool! have you heard of substack (I think it's called) it's this place where you can blog and people can sign up to yours and get emailed all you posts like a newsletter and they can check the post on the blog and comment too

#i heard of it because this author is using it for her newsletters #its pretty cool #what becomes of curious minds* #stars weekly*

[tangerinesteve]

that’s such a good way of putting it! i like a few bmth songs but i don’t know that many. i’ve dabbled into emo music and i think fob and bmth fit under emo??? but i’m not sure 100%. definitely get the interest in them, i should listen to more honestly but it’s Not The Right Time yet haha. it will happen sooner or later! just not now :’]

REAL!!!! i fucking have to have lyrics the first time i listen to a song or else i may as well not listen to it. i need to know the very essence of the song in every form or i’m not satisfied. lyricism is one of my favorite things, probably because i love words in general, but GOD. i love songs and concepts and fitting that into groovy lil tunes. it’s the best. AND YES, oh my god. you get it. i fucking love chateau (feel alright) because at a certain point in the song, you can hear joe’s mouth sounds and i’m so fucking obsessed with it. it’s also just one of my favorite djo songs in general. it’s ethereal to me. it’s a favorite song of all time of mine, as well as end of beginning. i did the math of playing a certain part of that song as the new year rolled in, if that explains any at all how much i adore end of beginning. music and me are one, as are you and music. i’m so happy you understand. it’s made me overjoyed and no less of it

:( that’s so kind. i hope you’re proud of yourself, because i am <3 i am so glad that you’re here, thank you for being here. i’m sure little you is so so so proud of you and happy to be where you are now 🫶

WOAH. that food looks so delicious, holy shit. looks like food from an actual recipe website or something. broccoli is so good by the way. i had this broccoli bake recently that was like mac and cheese but was broccoli instead of macaroni and it was incredible! i hope you can have more nice food soon, to treat yourself and such <3333

-🦇 (MWAH, you’re so nice to talk to. i felt like this was worth adding. talking to you makes stuff feel less lonely, if that’s not too parasocial to say. you’re such a cozy person and you have incredible vibes. thank you for existing in this space. you make it a lot brighter just by being you)

I think technically bmth is like screamcore stuff but they aren't as screamy now thankfully cuz i cant do the constant screams. Im like baby you're hurting both us with all this yelling. 🤣🤣🤣 but yeah i would think like emo punky and fob is like poppunk i think. I just ADORE their lead singer and his voice and ugh i can try and rec you a few songs if you ever want! Whenever the time hits!!!

(Gonna pop this under a readmore cuz they keep getting long!!! 🤣🤣🤣)

Ooohh yessssss Chateau is SUCH a dreamy song!!!! Its not my fave fave one but it does get stuck in my head A LOT. and yesss end of beginning is amazing too!!! I think Mutual Future (repeat) is one of my very faves. I just love how slow it is and then the like, way he almost chants the bit later on. Like he's full of so much need. Like... gosh. There's also a line in Personal Lies that literally makes my head go all fuzzy every time i hear it. Cuz, and hopefully not too tmi here, but I'm a little subby gremlin and he uses his condescending voice when he says "you need attention. Well baby there's the line" and i just.... go a little feral. Every time. Getting shivers now just thinkin about it. But like... that happens with me and music alllll the time!!!! And i LOVE that you timed it!!! Thats amazing!!! Sometimes you just need to hear the right thing to start the year right!!!!

And i am! Very proud of myself. I still have bad days here and there. But they never feel like i can't get past it anymore. So thats really nice. I just sort of embraced the small joys and it really just makes things brighter!

And awwww thank youuuuuu!!!! I love cooking so much!!!! I would share my food if i could!!!

YOU ARE SO SWEET OH MY GOSH! not parasocial too much i don't think. Most of my friends are online people who live in my phone ans i have so much love for them!!! BUT IM GENUINELY SO GLAD MY VIBES ARE GOOD AND COZY YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME CRYYYYY!!!!

#🦇 anon #asks

[judasisgayriot]

🎸💞 Hey, I hope it's okay to send you something kinda... personal/venty related to FOB?

I think I mentioned that I listen to and like their music, they've just always been (pre-your blog!) one of those bands you enjoy but don't look much deeper into. So American Beauty/American Psycho had just come out and I'd just gotten my first smart phone capable of running Spotify. I'm very shy and my best friend had dragged me to a party with her theatre friends (extremely NOT my scene but I wanted to support her.) I got a drunk and announced to everyone that FOB had a new album and I was going to play it loudly from my phone, come dance with me! (*head in my hands* OMG, I'm cringing 😂...) Surprise surprise, none of them wanted to, lol. I announced it a few more times while the album played, singing along loudly to Centuries on my own. Eventually, my friend came and took my arm in front of everyone and said I should give it up because the songs were shit anyway. I was so embarrassed and it left me feeling really sad.

 It probably sounds stupid, but because of that experience, I had this sad/bad association with the album, so I stopped listening to it. Every time I thought about playing it, I would just (1) cringe at what an ass I made of myself in front of her friends and (2) feel bitter about her "betrayal" (lol) saying the songs were shit (especially because, a few months later, she started listening to that album!!! Not so shit anymore, huh?!)

However, I think I have a happy ending :) I've been thinking of sending you this message for a while, because I do genuinely believe you'll care. While I've been typing this, I've had the album playing for the first time in years. (It's awesome!!) Writing this was therapeutic, and I think nine years is enough time for me to get over this extremely silly and not even that bad thing 😉

Thank you for reading this!

Hi!!

Awww thanks for telling me this, it might sound silly when you look back on it but stuff like that really can affect how you feel about something, like I can see how that left you feeling tainted about the whole thing…(that’s shitty by the way, and if they couldn’t recognise that ABAP is a MASTERPIECE of an album… smh lol)

And you’re right I do care!! and I think it’s super cool that you’ve revisited it and feel better about it now and if my silly blogging made that partially possible that’s so awesome haha. I’ve genuinely loved hearing about your FOB journey as I’m going on my own descent into madness about this band that I’ve loved for a long time but never been this insane about until last year haha

I keep being like sorry I involuntarily dragged you into this with me lol but also I’m happy if it helped you do some healing from past cringe haha! I say embrace the cringe, embrace the madness, embrace the LOVE and the LORE and keep letting me know your reactions to it all 💖💖💖💖💖💖

#covert fob anon #asks #i love this love u anon YES TO YOUR OWN HEALING TOUR. WHICH IS MY BLOG APPARENTLY. I FEEL SO HONOURED #i don’t feel like part of foblr lol I feel like an interloper but. I’m doing some important work 😭😂💖 #(yes it is also extremely silly for me to essentially have imposter syndrome abt being part of a tumblr band fandom. lol) #FALL OUT BOY FOREVER AND ABAP FOREVER AND U ANON FOREVER AND UH. ME.

[cosettepontmercys]

Thanks for your patience waiting for me to respond to our conversation from a week ago! <3 I just sent a separate happy birthday message but happy birthday again!!

Let's see so since we talked, I actually managed to make a few more bracelets! I'm focusing on making olivia + chappell ones since that's my first concert with bracelets next year. Have you made more since we last talked? Or have you worked on other crafts? I just saw your gorgeous painted vinyl case, which is so nice!

Re concerts - I think bleachers will do a west coat tour leg still! I just can't imagine jack not going to seattle / la at a minimum, but fingers crossed! Like you, I'm going to see olivia/chappell, holly, and taylor. I did get bleachers/samia and noah kahan tickets. And then also haley heynderickx and hozier. I'm more of a casual hozier fan but my best friend who loves fob is also a huge hozier fan so she's going to come visit, which will be so nice. And I'm strongly considering madison beer, which is a bit of a drive + a half day off work, but I absolutely loved her most recent album so leaning towards it. What are your favorite shows you've been to so far?

I have notion bookmarked to explore more soon! The aesthetic over functionality thing is soooooo relatable to me haha I was making a poster at work this week and spent way too long picking out and editing photos before I even thought about the other details. Also yeah omg I think I get a little bit more light here ~4pm or so for sunset but I'm so glad we're almost at winter solstice. Do you have any fun winter plans despite the lack of light?

Thanks so much for the support with post-grad recovery!! I will definitely try to grab some photos of my crafts in the new year (about to travel for the holidays so I'll be away from my final products for a bit). I might also have some decent bracelet photos from eras this year that I can dig up :) I'm glad your voice was (and hopefully still is) getting better! How's it going now? I think baking is kind of crafting! Just crafting with food stuffs.

Totally agree about the holly/muna collab - I'm so happy about it! And also just wanting to see muna live someday. I would also love for holly to do a feature on a muna song too and/or for them to write a fresh song together. Also agreed about both a bfl + 1975 collab for holly too! Fingers crossed! There are a few specific 1975 songs / styles I would love to see for holly (about you would be so good). I'd also love something with charli xcx (or charli + 1975 together since they're connected). Actually maybe bleachers for another collab. I think that could be interesting.

good morning!! 🤍 thank YOU for being patient while i reply as well! hope you're having a good week, friend!

since we last talked, i haven't made any bracelets, but i did work on the vinyl case a little more — realized using acrylic paint pens was much easier than acrylic paint! i actually also got a cake stand for my room (basically, i have a humidifier on my nightstand but i'm worried about water damage, so i got a small cake stand to put my humidifier on) and drew little bows with acrylic paint pens on that too!

i really hope bleachers will do a west coast leg! i'm also a bit shocked and have words with dirty hit about their tour :( i would love to see samia too!! i was catching up on twitter and saw that clairo was at the ally coalition talent show last night and was so incredibly jealous haha. and chappell will be so fun! the seattle opener for olivia is pinkpantheress, and i'm really excited to see her! i started listening to the most recent FOB album and i really like it, so i might make some bracelets for it too! hozier will be so fun! i don't think he's coming anywhere near me this leg which is sad :( i haven't listened to madison beer's new album — i should add it to my evergrowing list of people to check out! i would say sabrina carpenter, maisie peters, taylor swift and the 1975 have put on some of the best shows i've ever been to! what about you?

i had a few fun plans last week! and i went ice skating on monday which was really fun — i haven't been skating since i was like, nine? so it was incredibly humbling and also ridiculously fun. i'm not really sure what i have going on now; probably just seeing extended family and all that — and hopefully catching up on reads + crafts! what about you? safe travels!! 🤍

my voice is still kind of croaky but it's back! i had a facetime call with a friend last night and she was like "oh you're croaky" but at least it's back! and i can talk! thank you for asking 🥺

i would loveeee to see MUNA live too! they were in seattle for cap hill block party but that was the same weekend as eras so obviously i wasn't able to see them :( i would loveeee to see something in the vein of about you with holly — or even something like jesus christ 2005 god bless america; i could totally see her singing phoebe's parts! charli and the 1975 would be fun — i really like spinning which no rome is also on, but would love to see more of them together! bleachers would also be a really fun collab — especially now that bleachers is on dirty hit!

#post: answered #mutual: elle