#that's how gay and melancholic i am folks | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

westernchords · 3 years

Text

2020: a replay & reflection

so... here we are at the near end of a very long, unsettling & strange year. and at this particular moment in time, spotify has released its 2020 wrapped feature, an annual highlight for gay people everywhere (self VERY included). since the world is very large & this is a personal blog with a limited scope, i'll talk about what i know best: the view from my corner of the musical world.

i only had two songs in common with any previous year -- i wish i missed my ex by mahalia & sugar by brockhampton (... i know, the heartache is loud already,)

4 unique rain asmr audios made it into my top 15 (they help me sleep lolol)

show tunes was my #4 most listened to genre and yet not a single one made it into my top 100. (i'm pretty sure it was all of my late night waitress sing alongs)

i discovered 1,012 new artists and 162 new genres

all very fun and interesting things! however, in looking at this year, there are two things to discuss that are most important: the amount of time i spent listening to music (111,989 minutes) and my top song, fake mona lisa. let's discuss both.

on time: in short, music means a lot to me. in long, i mean that music has been central to my life for as long as i can remember. i think of my church choir and my mother singing eartha kitt and corrine bailey rae in the kitchen, my father's surprise talents at piano when he would play in chapel, and how i like to make up little ditties to sing for my dog or while i cook or to solely entertain myself. if one was to take a look at my journals, each entry is annotated with the song i was listening to or suited my mood at the time i was writing. at any moment, i am capable of revisiting the emotional landscape of old memories all set to the very soundtrack that holds that particular past closest.

i still remember plucking violin strings at 5, how i used to stack music books so i could sit up straight on my piano bench because i was too short at 7, picking up woodwinds in highschool and letting my best friend act as conductor, and now, singing endlessly- day in and day out, because it makes me feel like i am traveling home. i think of creole folk songs that connect me to my family, my diaspora. i remember the favorite songs and artists of people i don't know anymore, but still. it stays with me. my friend cj says i have a great emotional sensitivity to music, but more so, music simply connects to every cornerstone of who i am. the creation of it, the listening, the love of it. the constancy.

music is integral to my daily routine and life. since i was 13, maybe younger, i have always believed that the first song i hear in a day sets the tone so i always try to play something i love and makes me feel joyful to start off on the right foot. i will do this my entire life. every day is permeated by sound and the data shows it. 111,989 minutes is almost 3 months straight. this doesn't even count soundcloud listens or youtube tracks or music i play on my own. this felt fitting. music, this year in particular, has been a salve to both new and old hurt. and maybe i am picking at my scabs, but 2020 has amplified so much anger and shame and fear and despite that, there is so much joy in art. music is a balm for the world, it is poetry in its own right.

on fake mona lisa: so .. i am kind of obsessed with this song. fifteen hours worth of listening, i text my friends i'll join the video call soon - i just need one more replay, i got high and played this song while lying in the middle of a meadow and experienced more emotions than i had had in a very long time, my friends lovingly tease me about it so it's sort of like a character trait now, kind of obsessed. my turning to this song was the sort of romance that i didn't anticipate, but fell very hard into and, if you know me, you know that's my favorite kind. let's get into why: when dedicated side b came out, i was heartbroken. there's really no other way to put it. i was alone, back in my childhood bedroom, and harboring a reopened wound from past relationships that maybe had never closed in the first place. i was in this strange, melancholic knee-deep-in-emotions place & if you're an avid CRJ fan, you recognize that's a place she knows and sings about well.

as a song, fake mona lisa tends to be one of carly's more lyrically opaque tracks. which is fine, i'm a storyteller at heart, i'll craft my own narrative. (and honestly, there wasn't much legwork here.) without doing a full blown analysis, here are pieces that i find important to note about the song lyrically and resonate most with me -- big or small.

(transcription at bottom)

what i'm basically saying is that this song is about risk and young love and sex. its about secrets, cheap thrills, fast & easy desires, and the fantastical euphoria of a dead-end-but-still-fun “we're young so what's the matter,“ relationship. (very reminiscent of LA hallucinations, imo) and to me, someone who has been in and out of this same subset of emotional affairs, fake mona lisa stuck with me. vegas is a city of high risk, high reward- where else to chase that superficial, unattainable someone? more so, the song gives you the understanding that the relationship doesn't last, but that was not what carly ever truly wanted out of it. fake mona lisa is, at its core, about over indulgence in pleasure as a stand in for actual love + commitment, something i am oft to do myself & only did more of after dedicated side b dropped. i latched onto the slow and simmering exposition into glittery pre-chorus, starlit imagery, shiny-faraway vocals, and frankly, there was no competition for my song of the year. the song is a dream. i love it and i know what that says about me, but i stand by it.

dedicated side b, especially fake mona lisa, carried me through the healing process of heartbreaks that crystallized into many other things- indulgence, desire, risk, short lived romances, secrets, joy, kisses i should've kept to myself, spontaneous dance breaks, tears, etc., it is an album about love, recovery, and returning to the self. fake mona lisa is just my favorite stop on a long train ride to an okay-ness with aspects of romance (both with the self and others) that i am still figuring out the messy, rose-tinted, contours of.

and sonically? i just adore the key of d minor.

as a last touch point, fake mona lisa was only the tip of the iceberg of songs i obsessed over about not-exactly-ideal romances. again and again and again, heartbreak anthems appeared in my top 100, a deviation from my typical warmth towards romantic sentiments that appeared in past years. instead, there is a sense of love-at-a-distance, a painting yourself as the object of desire, a severed attachment, a not wanting to commit at all (see let's be friends, heartbeat, want you in my room, all by crj ... all appearing on the list.) however, much of what appeared celebrated love and having tremendous, special, struck by cupid, feelings. it's all there. what i'm saying is that carly rae jepsen writes music for lovestruck people- both lucky and not so much, hopeless or hopeful -- you name it. she writes about how you can fall in love with almost anyone, soundtracks for the highs of the first throes of intimacy, the first (and last) kiss, the shared moments between two people when they are each other's whole world, and the palpable distance of heartache, separation, and the landscape between.

she writes as though she is both eros and psyche, armed with arrows of cascading melodies, tipped with a salve for suppressing+healing+amplifying heartbreak, and lyrics so intimate and dreamy, you really can't help but believe in love with the way she speaks of it. love is a venture from shame, a fantasy that is more real than anything else, tender and kind, pleasurable, and escapable into. the world is better in it, the world is better because of it. in carly rae jepsen's discography, love is the defining pillar of experience. a northern star and guiding principle. it is the only thing, no matter what form. & frankly? i cant help but agree.

as a final note, in hanif wills-abdurraqib's emotion review for MTV, carly rae jepsen's public displays of affection, he says this:

thats all for now. bye 2020.

- august

///

transcription of my notes:

verse 1:

city/star light imagery

i am known for wearing a star stamp on my cheek

infatuation & attraction

paints a photo of a starlet and her lover, a fair weather affair

pre-chorus:

always waiting fro a chance the object of desire

a high from love, addictive pleasures

chorus:

sex & art & risk taking (art synonymous with beauty. + seduction)

she knows she cant handle this in a real way, but wants it

desire vs/& (in conjunction with) pain

verse 2:

an idealistic worldview, hoping for the best, always somewhere else not present.

dreamy lyrics + dreamy state of mind, cloudy even.

specifically the words fake mona lisa:

contrast, beautiful yet fully acknowledged to be unreal/superficial

a stand in for “real art“ aka “real love“

#crj #mine

6 notes · View notes

shemakesmusic-uk · 3 years

Photo

This segment features artists who have submitted their tracks/videos to She Makes Music. If you would like to be featured here then please send an e-mail to [email protected]. We look forward to hearing from you!

Emily Kate

Toronto-based recording artist, Emily Kate perfectly bridges the gap between country and pop with her unique sound and lyrical storytelling. Pulling from real life experiences, her music conveys relatable thoughtful messages weaved with fresh, soulful melodies. Her meaning filled lyrics coupled with her warm sound is often described as Kelsea Ballerini meets a motivational speaker. She has just released her new EP All In. “These songs have taught me how to love myself, feel inspired, chase my dreams, have fun and grow as a person,” says Emily. “They've been my reminder and helped me through heartbreaks, insecurities, and now they get to be yours. All In features a track which I wrote the morning after a fun night out. This upbeat song is about going out with friends and meeting someone who takes your breath away. Its lyrics are a twist on the common saying, you had me at hello, and instead, this song is about someone having you ‘The Whole Time.’” Listen below.

Emily Kate · The Whole Time

Jordana Talsky

Jordana Talsky is a singer-songwriter and vocal looper who fuses multi-genre influences into her own sound. She accompanies herself by voice with a Roland Boss RC505 loop station. Her ethos is to incorporate digital means into live performance in an organic way, and with the loop machine, she creates a choir on the spot with no pre-recorded parts. Her new single ‘Oh Yeah,’ represents a moment of awakening, like when you remember something you had forgotten about a dream that all of a sudden comes back in a flash, a moment to stand outside of yourself and contemplate, embrace, and inquire of your life. “It takes work, all the time, to choose not to look away and to be honest with ourselves,” says Jordana. “These moments, delicate and challenging, are insights into our authentic selves, that may offer a fresh vantage point from which we can choose to heal and evolve. Inspirational, fun and harmony-rich indie-pop, ‘Oh Yeah’ is about listening to your inner voice and taking faith in the spark you uncovered deep within you.” Listen below.

Jordana Talsky · Oh Yeah

Nimkish

To fully immerse in the multitudes of rising queer Indigenous star, Nimkish, is to honour the past, look ahead to the future, and bask in the resplendent present all at once. The Vancouver-based artist is fearless in her lyricism, confronting anti-Indigenous racism and colonial violence alongside other hard subjects like anxiety, grief and heartache. To the great tradition of singer-songwriters healing through their music, Nimkish brings a bright-eyed aim to flourish in all she has experienced. Nimkish’s lyrics give affirmation to past pain while living in the moment. To some it may sound like escapism, to others it may sound like moxie-driven R&B-pop pulsing through the club. What’s certain is her fortitude — she’s on a mission, combining the coolness and creativity of the TikTok generation with the lucidity and confidence of a grown woman. Nimkish’s anthemic new single, ‘YSB,’ features ASCXNSION and is about the need for healing, freedom, and to be heard. "’YSB’ is about the need for healing, freedom, and to be heard,” explains Nimkish. “Are you listening? Do you hear me? Am I screaming out into nothing? This song is about feeling like you can't get ahead, and specific issues that we as Indigenous women work through on a daily basis. Our generation has been left to deal with trauma and we are continually fighting for equity. It can feel exhausting to constantly try to be truly heard. I wanted to go deeper on this project and write about real shit. What we have created is anthemic, resilient, and confrontational, despite the vulnerability that it took to write about our lived experiences. This release is about showcasing Indigenous excellence and the need to amplify our voices. Our time is now – the future is Indigenous.” Listen below.

NIMKISH · YSB (feat. ASCXNSION)

Tana

Tana is an artist, writer and a topliner with charge and a unique flair for lyrics and melody. Her rich and diverse views on gay culture, have strongly influenced her musical and personal journey. Tana’s music is unapologetic, revolutionary, and liberating. At heart, Tana is a true artist, and is inspired by many things around her - people, sexuality, her heritage (being half Italian and Nigerian), the city she grew up in, and the LGBT community. She places diversity at heart and aims to make music that relates to the masses, whilst pushing her creativity at all times. Her array of influences create new ideas and sounds that break traditional boundaries. Think Halsey & The Weekend. She has just released her new single ‘Bad Habits (Keep On Coming)’. Tana says of the track: “I wrote ‘Bad Habits (Keep On Coming)’ over lockdown, and it’s about wanting to grow from a toxic relationship. I found myself holding onto flaws and limitations that really effected my personal growth, and writing about it helped me recognise these issues and learn from this experience.” Listen below.

Love Crumbs

Love Crumbs is a folk-rock and Americana group based in Massachusetts. Known for blending poignant lyrics with evocative vocal storytelling, their nostalgic, timeless, heart-on-sleeve sound harkens to a bygone era. They have just released their new single ‘Ellipses’. “The track is about trying to connect with someone and not being able to despite the best of intentions,” says Mike. “It's about the things that aren't said or are left unsaid. It's about a meaningful relationship that ended kind of suddenly. The person was typing to me (as evidenced by the "...") but I never got to hear their response. Closure isn't something that someone gives us, in the end. It's something that we have to come to on our own. The sonic influences for me on this track, probably in particular the chord changes in the verses are Neil Young, the pre-chorus Tom Waits. I wanted to stack Ali's vocals because it has an unreal sound (not occurring naturally, similar to Royals by Lorde) that can work in the right context.” Listen below.

Love Crumbs · Ellipses

Anniee

Anniee is an electronic artist and theatre composer based in Montclair, NJ just outside NYC. As a vocalist she has performed in a variety of styles and genres. Recently she has turned her attention to producing synthwave and retrowave tracks with modern and minimalist vibes. She has just released her new track 'Lonely Wolves'. "'Lonely Wolves' is moody and driving, with retro vibes and a modern sensibility—an intense journey exploring breakdown in relationship," says Anniee. Listen below.

Anniee · Lonely Wolves

Leah Rose

Emerging pop songwriter and producer Leah Rose has released her debut single ‘Goodnight’. The melancholic hue of ‘Goodnight’ arises from the sentimentality of a writer reflecting on a landscape they no longer exist in. The song was written and recorded in lockdown and is a prime example of how an artists’ time in isolation can result in the inevitable dissection of their past. Sonically, ‘Goodnight’ was inspired by artists such as Lorde, The Weeknd and Charli XCX. Leah Rose is a Cork-born artist who has spent the last 5 years based in Dublin. She spent much of that time honing her craft, finding inspiration in lyricists such as Alex Turner and Lana Del Rey. Strong imagery and colour play a huge role in Leah’s songwriting. Growing up with artists for parents meant that Leah was exposed to a range of visual art forms at a young age. She strives to create art not only through music but through her artwork, photography and overall visual aesthetic. “I see my songwriting style as atmospheric and somewhat abstract,” she says. “I love being able to use music as a tool to materialise the things I see in my mind. So when I write a song I try to place the listener right in the centre of my memories and daydreams”. Listen to ‘Goodnight’ below.

Leah Rose · Goodnight

Felyce

Felyce's alt-pop root influences shine through on her shuffling and atmospheric alternative Pop/R&B new single ‘Skin’. The Paris-based singer-songwriter Felyce shares the struggle she faced accepting the color of her skin while growing in France. Getting away from slow tempos, ‘Skin’ offers an energetic but still dark ambiance. Felyce wrote and performed ‘Skin’ and she worked with professional arranger Nicolas Lassus to make the song what it is now. She said in statement: "I wrote 'Skin' thinking about that beautiful story I heard once. A young black girl wondered why her skin was so dark and her mother told her the reason was because the sun loved her too much. That story really stuck with me". Born and raised in Paris, she spent most of her time between stage performances and school until high school when she put most of her focus on studying while writing her first full songs on the side. Felyce graduated from university in 2016 before starting a short career in HR but she realized that music was the only career for her and began learning production the next year while working on her debut EP Fear which dropped in 2018. She's been steadily releasing singles and crafting her sound since; embracing her formative influences, including British pop music acts like Sam Smith, Robbie Williams, Birdy, and American pop acts such as Lana Del Rey or Banks. Listen to ‘Skin’ below.

Kenzie Webley

Kenzie Webley has been writing songs since she was 13 years old but only started recording last year just before lockdown. Her new single 'Loveable' is out now to coincide with her finishing her A levels. Her debut album is almost finished and she already has the songs written for her second album! 'Loveable' tells the story of a couple arguing in public after a night out. It's from the perspective of someone who recognises their own culpability in the events. Listen below.

URARTA

URARTA’s new EP consists of four tracks centred around the issues of standing up for yourself and others, respecting the planet’s boundaries and looking out for your own. Musically, the band has its heart in punk, but simultaneously flirts with genres such as post punk, alt-rock, noise, Goth and indie. The lyrics are in English and in the dialect of Skåne –the southern part of Sweden where the band also has its geographical base. URARTA consists of Monica Richter (vocals), Ketty Hagmann (bass) and Tove Lorentz (drums). Listen to the song ‘D.I.Y’ below.

Vol 2: Vi Fick Fel Adress by Ursäkta Röran

#submission saturday #emily kate #jordana talsky #nimkish #tana #loe crumbs #anniee #leah rose #felyce #kenzie webley #urarta

1 note · View note

eurosong · 4 years

Text

Undo my ESC

Good evening, folks! If you saw my first instalment of “Undo my ESC”, the annual feature where I make a year’s Eurovision better for me by making alterations in each country, you might have thought that ESC getting cancelled had dulled my edge, since, comparing to usual standards, I hardly changed much at all there. Well, that’s because, once again, we have seriously uneven semis, and Semi #1 would have been killer, whilst Semi #2 would have been dead. Here is what Í would have done to even those semis up! 🇦🇱 Albania: The Albanian delegation had seemingly done all it could to wash its hands of, well, two years of comparatively excellent results with authentic, melancholically poëtic and qualitative tracks, namely Malland Ktheju tokës. They brought in Byuckman, in whose interest it is for the contest to become as generically “radio-friendly” as possible, and the genius who brought us lyrics like “this is love/rain falls from above”. As judges. Of a serious musical festival. The foreign jurors did as expected, and voted for the appointed “bop”, but were foiled, however, by one of the minority Albanian jurors on the panel who put it low in her ranks. An actual renowned music professor who got called all the names under the sun for doing so. And so, to an ensuing shitstorm, the classical and powerful Shaj prevailed instead. Unfortunately, the battle was won but the war was lost, because the representative herself took the lessons of 2018-9, threw them down the aeroplane toilet on the way to LA, and ripped the spirit out of the song, reverting back to the previous Albanian trend of terrible “revamps” and laboured translations into English. The result, Fall from the sky, is but a husk of the original. In my ESC, I’d probably simply keeping the original version of Shaj, which was my uncontested #1 of all songs, but part of me would opt for Ajër, which I love almost as well but which doesn’t carry the baggage of hanging over my head like the sword of Democles this entire season. 🇦🇲 Armenia: I’ve more often than not loved the entries of Hayastan, from the joyous Jan Jan to the soaring Fly with me and defiant Walking out. To say they took a step back this year is kind – it was more like a powerful jump backwards that landed them in the nearest ocean, where they sank like a stone. It was one of the most singularly unpalatable NFs that I have ever watched in this era. Rather than retraumatise myself by going into detail about it, I’ll just say, I would have sent Srbuk or Artsvik again to get the top 10 that I feel both warranted!

🇦🇹 Austria: What a journey for Österreich. From Conchita to this guy, a perky homophobe who explicitly said he wished his kids would not turn out to be gay. He comes up with a third-rate impersonator of a third-rate Benjamin Ingrosso impersonator’s third-rate impersonation of a Timberlake b-side. I would throw that in the bin and invite Pænda back from last year for a shot at redemption after her gorgeous Limits got slept on in 2019.

🇧🇬 Bulgaria: Some people had the neck to say to me “who needs Hungary when Bulgaria is coming back?” Well, I do. Hungary were constantly in the top of my rankings, and just quietly and consistently brought quality. Bulgaria has brought me one good thing – Poli Genova’s œuvre – and a tonne of hype. Their song this year was one of the favourites, and I still can’t wrap my head around how other than the force of PR. It’s a bizarre, unsettling combination of passive-aggressive “look how much you’re making me hurt myself” lyrics with Disneyish saccharine accompaniment, topped off with a key change?! For want yet again of a national final, I would bring Poli back – third time even luckier? 🇨🇿 Czechia: The Bohemians (and Moravians) keep it contemporary but superficial for a third year running, although, thankfully, for the first time since they began doing national finals, we finally have a song without a dubious attitude towards women in the lyrics. Not that there is much to analyse in those lyrics. It’s a merely ok song for me, no better, no worse: a superior alternative would have been Barbara Mochowa’s lush and contemplative second effort, White and black holes, or the glorious 90s British indie-influenced All the blood. 🇩🇰 Denmark: Did Denmark confound international monitors into calling it the world’s happiest country by exposing them to the relentlessly cheery songs that they pick for Eurovision lately? And yet – I really do say yes to Yes, To a certain extent, to a limited amount of exposure, and despite the fact that it leans a little too hard into the territory of sounding like a second Little talks. It was one of the few good songs from DMGP – I also liked the 80s shoegaze-ish Den eneste goth– and I feel so mad at DR that they won’t give Ben and Tan a guaranteed second shot to represent their country after they won in front of an empty crowd. 🇪🇪 Estonia: The days of Eesti being Beesti seem like from a distant memory to me, but there was some quality and quirkiness in Eesti Laul, buried under mountains of beigedom, like the rich-voiced Egert Miller’s soulful Georgia, the jazzy Write about me, or the feisty earworm that was Ping pong. Instead, we got a dreary dirge with sub-Hallmark lines about wot luv is, which would have sounded dated in a contest 30 years ago, sung by a repugnant guy who tried to get people to vote for him last year by leaning on the idea that he was the “only true Estonian.” I’d have Egert get his rightful place as Jüri Pootsmann’s spiritual successor. 🇫🇮 Finland: I was one of the few to be jubilant when a bizarre ode to an Italian porn star with a backing track sounding like a violated version of Eläköön elämä came second in the polls to its spiritual opposite: a shy and rather awkward guy singing a quietly moving song about the passing of time. I love Looking back and wouldn’t change a thing. 🇬🇪 Georgia: You never know what to expect from Georgia, except the unexpected, and yet even I was surprised by what they came up with: a close-shaven guy with veins popping in his head screaming “why don’t you love meeeee?” to a rocky, electronic backdrop. Me being me, I actually do like it a lot. “Take me as I am” sounds like a veiled potshot at the big 5 and a vindication of Georgia’s “keep it weird, send what we want” philosophy. I could suggest that the lyrics, that sound like those of a spurned angsty teen, change a bit, but that would be defeating the purpose of Georgia: one takes them as they are. 🇬🇪 Greece: So, somehow, despite S!STERS coming dead last with 0 pts in the televote last year, using exclamation marks to substitute the letter I is now a thing in Eurovision with the advent of Superg!rl. I spent an hour watching folk waffle on in Greek in its reveal show only for them to reveal the song literally at the very end, so after that, it was a little underwhelming, and nowhere near as good as Better love in 2019. I don’t hate it – and the music video’s concept of her being an amazing superhero who can change the world, but instead she’s stopping people slipping over bananas and rescuing cats from trees is weirdly endearing, so it can stay, but I’d improve the lyrics, particularly in the chorus. “I’m a supergirl, supergirl, in a crazy world, crazy world” is not much higher than “this is love, rain falls from above” in historically bad Greek lyrics at ESC. 🇮🇸 Iceland: Daði Freyr came back from near-victory with the delightful Is this love, added a lovely inspiration in his newborn daughter to a similarly funky and playful track, and came out with Think about things. Unlike what usually happens with songs that are a little bit odd, I was positively surprised to see it walk the NF, and become a phenomenon even outside the ESC fandom. This was perfect and joyous from beginning to end. I hope Iceland will not be like the other Nordics, and will invite Daði directly back .🇱🇻 Latvia: I have come to enjoy the bizarre chaötic energy of Still breathing, It’s a hot mess, but I take weird over dull any day. It wasn’t my favourite in Supernova – that would be the effortlessly cool Polyester, an earworm with a social conscience, written about the cost of fast fashion but dismissed by many people as “she luvs t-shirts song lol”. Given that Samanta Tina tried over half a dozen times to go to ESC, finally won and then had the chance ripped out of her hands by the cancellation, I don’t have the heart to remove her from my ideal ESC 2020 though. She stays, but maybe the staging changes? It’s odd to have what you believe is a feminist anthem but then relegate your backing singers to in the distance, their faces shielded away. 🇲🇩 Moldova: Life is too short to follow Moldovan national finals, especially when you know, lately, that whoever is backed by the hilariously inaptly named Dream team will win there. They are like a parasite, sucking out the colour and fun out of a country that once had plenty of both – cross-reference Hora din Moldova or Lăutar to name just two examples. I guess out of an uninspiring lineüp, I’d go for Moldoviţa for having at least a hint of the brassy folk that used to be their calling card. 🇵🇱 Poland: Speaking of calling cards, after a one year hiatus with an arresting combo of white voice and rocky instrumentation, Poland has returned to what it has most often done in recent years – presented us with an absolute dirge, Empires, which seems like it was written by an unenthusiastic English student whose homework assignment (for which they received a generous C-) was to write a poëm with a bunch of metaphors “we’re moths to a flame, birds to a pane of glass, gasoline and a match”. Despite having a big music industry from which to choose many gems, Poland offers me little alternative choice given that there were only three songs in their grand final – one by the Czech representative last year who, as you might guess from what I said literally a sentence up, isn’t even Polish!Horny Elf, who’s contractually obliged to write only creepy lyrics for songs, tried to represent Polska with a song inspired by a true-life situation where he went around Tel Aviv with a cardboard cutout of one of the hostesses of the show. It’s a love song inspired by gallivanting around with a piece of cardboard. Addressed to that actual hostess. And it’s an almighty earworm that hasn’t escaped my mind since. Amazingly, his Lucy would be my Polish representative. 🇵🇹 Portugal: Portugal is another country beloved by me by for dancing to the beat of its own drummer, or perhaps, rather shedding tears to the strumming of its own fado guitar. They struggled being different, they won being different, and for the last few years they’ve struggled again, despite having a lot of support for both O jardim and Telemóveis amongst fans. This year, the televote went for one interesting song, the charmingly Gallic, accordion-drenched Passe-partout, a song about a cultured girl shaking off her boorish ex who could “never even get into Piaf”, whilst the jury got behind another interesting song, Gerbera, an entrancing, arresting and poëtic song laden with metaphor about the idea of music competing itself. This let Medo de sentir,second in both polls, turn silver into gold. It’s a lovely, heart-felt track, but rather unexceptional - I would have had one of the other more singular songs win. 🇸🇲 San Marino: The weird boil on the face of ESC that somehow never pops, SM is back after its bewildering qualification with a tone-deaf dentist wailing to a microwaved disco song… with something actually palatable, sort of. The aptly named Freaky is dated, odd, overly busy, but Senhit has a lot of charisma, and the idea of “break[ing] all the rules, mak[ing] up some new [ones] and destroy[ing] all of them too” and “life goes by too quickly not to be freaking it up”, well, maybe we do get on board. 🇷🇸 Serbia: Serbia is usually a byword for quality at the contest – they won with one of the best 21st century winners hands down in Molitva, and also sent some of the most beautiful compositions in the contest’s history at the hands of Željko. This year, they decided to join in the leitmotif of reliable countries sucking by sending a group that sound like a third-rate mid-2000s girl band from Transnistria when beautiful songs like Cvet sa Prokletija were right there. 🇨🇭 Switzerland: Fair play to the Swiss for not doing a Cyprus and leaning in on their success with their male Fuego, She gat me, and instead going in a completely different direction with this moody effort. I’m not entirely convinced by the teenage emo-ish lyrics or the unnecessary falsetto, but Répondez-moi is a refreshing effort, and has the bonus of being in French too! And the automatic qualifiers: 🇫🇷 France: You’ve heard of France, right? You know, that wee country south of Belgium, north of Andorra, not much of a music industry… or so you’d think, given that the troolee jeenyuss new delegation, who abandoned their brilliant national final which showcased how diverse and qualitative their music scene is despite it being a huge success in the fandom, and instead reached out to the writer of last year’s last place song for the UK and a few other rentaswedes and they produced something that sounds like a b-side that not even Westlife would have recorded, replete with a stock key change. About as French as IKEA köttbullar. A real shame for one of Europe’s most highly esteemed cultural hotbeds. If they wanted to pick Tom Leeb, who seems like a nice guy and has written some lovely music, he could have made his own song and it would have indubitably been scores better than this. 🇪🇸 Spain: I’m going to apply this to all the automatic qualifiers voting on this semi-final: they scrapped a national final for this? OT was not an ideal format as last year demonstrated with its shit show of contestants sabotaging themselves so as not to get picked for ESC – but still. There’s not much I can say about this other than I don’t like it much and I’d rather Spain return to a proper NF. You don’t spend time trapped on a bus where this song with its torturous falsetto was on replay and emerge with fond feelings. 🇬🇧 United Kingdom: Usually, in this space, I can point to a song that the UK should have sent and that I fell in love with – like I wish I loved you more or You. Once again, though, another big 6 nation scrapped their NF after tanking it with a bizarre format last year. The BBC said nothing for months, then were unwilling to spend tv time on ESC this year so just blurted out an announcement of an announcement in about 40 seconds after some dance show. And then they dropped this song. It’s… passable at best, with an annoying chorus (especially that beat in “my last… breath”) and a staggering amount of repetition in a song that clocks in at only around 80% of the standard Eurovision song length. James Newman surely could have come up with something better. It’s a baby step in the right direction, but one taken at the shore where you need to start running to avoid getting pulled away in a rip.

#eurovision #eurovision song contest #opinion #esc 2020 #eurovision 2020

9 notes · View notes

agnetafrieberg · 4 years

Text

blah blah blah i hate myself im so sad gay panic blah blah blah death

sdfjosa934804590

i sound like a broken record and there are times when i actually get really sick of it. writing it down helps in the sense that when i try to get my head out of my ugly ass for a minute and think rationally, i realize it’s all so minor and stupid and mostly selfish. i have the same conflicting, melancholic issues people my age have and pretty much every human being experience at some point. i wouldn’t even say i have ‘trauma’ because, well of course i’ve heard messed up shit and i’ve been in uncomfortable situations and i was an outcast teen. and so do millions (literally) of people around the world. i’m just way too self absorbed and dramatic. i think i like attention more than i’d like to admit. not from strangers, mind you, but from my loved ones. i write down the things i feel in the moment and after a while when i go back to them, it’s almost like second hand embarrassment. i see other people’s problems and i feel almost disgusted by myself for all the things i have said about my own problems. you know how often neurotypicals say that all problems can be solved and death is not the solution etc. i don’t agree entirely, but i do recognize that >my ‘problems can be solved indeed. it’s just my messed up head that apparently can’t.

i don’t feel like i know myself but the little i know i’ve always recognized that since the beginning i’ve been a weirdo. the internet is cool because it’s the worldwide weirdo convention, i’ve read people who seem to be pretty much identical to me. i’m just trying to get it together and follow a rational path of thoughts but it’s hard, everything i write just seems stupid and worthless. anyway. at the moment i don’t feel like pointing fingers at other people and i’m not going to, but i’ve been called selfish and the more i self reflect, i start to agree with this. i value, i love and i care about the good people i have in my life even though every single one of my latest actions point otherwise. i think that feeling like ‘a burden’ and the idea of constantly disappointing and hurting others etc is what drives me nutty in the first place. and also the idea of being ‘unloveable’, of course. hence, i enjoy the attention. my mind literally starts doing cartwheels when i think about that stuff. which i do, a lot.

and it’s the same old deal, man. ‘i am so ugly, i am so awkward, i am so lonely, i am so stupid, i am so worthless, i am so pathetic, i am so hopeless (...) i destroy everything, i hurt everyone, i can’t do anything right, nobody likes me (...)’ like i said i always felt a bit off, generally speaking, but some ten or eleven years ago these thoughts became so consuming and suffocating. they suffocate me everyday. you know when you’re with a kid, and they won’t stop moving and jumping around and yelling and doing headstands and freaking out and you’re like omg just fucking stop why can’t you sit still? and you’re so mad because you just want them to stop! the situation with my whacky brain is basically that way. i get tired and i just want it to stop, but the energy doesn’t end, apparently.

idk i still care about myself in a way that when i see my mind is doing its fucking cartwheels again, it concerns me a bit. like last july when i tried to off myself. i don’t wanna go back to the hospital, it’s truly a messed up place to be in. i said i don’t have trauma, but scratch that and add: the hospital trauma! geez, those couple days kicked my ass real good. in a way it was the ‘wake up call’ i was probably needing. i did what so many suicidal folks do: swallowed a bunch of pills, obviously didn’t think it through, made a fool out of myself, lots of drama (ambulance sirens kinda drama), put family through hell, etc. the days i spent in the hospital were 97% crying, the rest just staring at the nurses, watching the news and napping. when i got out of that nightmare, i actually had one of the happiest phases of my life because i was so glad to be in my house and out of pain and with my family and loved ones. and yet, and yet, months later to the date and i feel like i should have done it ‘better’ and it should have ‘worked’ because i’m in very bad pain again :-) {she’s so full of shit...}

i can’t see a future for myself, and i’m being honest when i say this. right now, i see nada. i have no willpower to build a future. shit, i have no willpower to even shave my legs or brush my hair. suicide to me is what celebrity crushes are to general people: it’s on my mind a lot. sometimes all the time. sometimes obsessively.

my family wants me to stay, and i love them enough to do so, but... i don’t want to be selfish, i don’t want to be a bad person, i don’t want to be an useless adult, i don’t want to hurt others, i don’t want to hurt myself. yet i keep doing these things. agh! help?

as-i3404ri°?490

gonna hand this as a note to my folks, wrote it down here first for accessibility and laziness motives. i feel like taking my social isolation a bit further. i don’t feel like doing much of anything except sleeping and being around my mom and our dog. haven’t done a queue for personal blog in ages, but did one today. i need a detox. from myself. what a bitch. if someone read this, peace. until we meet again 💋

2 notes · View notes

mianmimi · 4 years

Text

Emilie Autumn anon here. Haha, yeah, I know her music’s not for everyone. If you only liked Castle Down and weren’t too keen on Liar, then it’s likely you won’t enjoy her Opheliac or Fight Like a Girl eras, FLaG characterized by harsher sounds compared to her Opheliac era, though ironically the lyrics are focused on recovery and not as rage-filled as in her Opheliac era (her Opheliac era can be triggering for survivors of sexual assault, btw, as she is explicit about her own experience and suffering and doesn’t mince words when she calls rapists out, Liar is from this era). However, you might like stuff from her Enchant era, when she was pop baroque-ish and indie and sang about fairies and knights and Shakespeare characters. Maybe you’d enjoy songs like:

Chambermaid: That moment when she sings “Tell me what I have to do to make you understand it’s a lost cause, lover” / “Hold me close when you were thinking of her” / “I don’t want to hear you say you love me” / “You’ve been gone such a long time won’t you tell where” / “Before I have to see this face I once adored” KILLS me with strordo feels. And it fits what you did with Misery Loves Company. Less a character’s thoughts and more like a dialogue between Mordo and Stephen. I also love the potential drama found in Stephen and Mordo fucking during Stephen’s time in KT, with Mordo knowing that Christine means something to Stephen yet not knowing exactly what, and thinking that Stephen is not attracted to him and just using him as a port in a storm while thinking of Christine. But Stephen’s just thinking of Mordo, probably in an incoherent inner monologue that��s pretty much Why is the world’s most beautiful man taking my dick??? *gives self a mental high-five*

How Strange: Or as I like to call it, Emilie Autumn’s first and last foray into the uncharted lands of R&B lol

Juliet: A song about *drum roll* Romeo and Juliet. She manages to make it sweet yet at the same there’s an undercurrent of “oh shit something’s about to happen” because... you know. Spoilers for all five people that don’t know but Romeo and Juliet die at the end. I love it mostly for the violin solo at the end. Emilie is quite the accomplished violinist and when she throws those violin solos it’s fucking awesome.

Let the Record Show: You won’t enjoy this one, probably lol But for anyone interested in both Emilie and those songs I was going to use for that Karl Mordo Can’t Stop Falling for Problematic Men mix, this is one of them. It’s prime post-DS Mordo. “If I’m going down then I’m going down good” / “If I’m going down then I’m going down clean” / “If I’m going down then I’m going” / “The prettiest wretched whore you’ll ever see”

Opheliac: Same as above lol this song is the one that gives the name to an era. Same as above, this was part of the fanmix. “I’ve been so disillusioned” / “I know you’d take me back, but still I feign confusion” / “I couldn’t be your friend, my world was too unstable” / “I’m open to attack, but I don’t wanna hurt you” / “How could you possibly think you had the power to know how to keep me breathing?” / “You know the games play and the words I say when I want my own way” / “You know the lies I tell when you’ve gone through hell and they say I can’t stay” / “You know how hard it can be to keep believing in me when everything and everyone becomes my enemy” / “And when there’s nothing more you can do, I’m gonna blame it on you” / “It’s not the way I wanna be” / “I only hope that in the end you will see”

Mad Girl: Back to songs you might enjoy! lol This one is from the Opheliac era, actually, back when Emilie was obsessed with tragic women from fiction (mostly Shakespeare and Brit Lit) like Ophelia. For an Opheliac era song, its instrumentation is different and softly melancholic. Quick confession, this song always makes me cry. This one is also one of the songs for the aforementioned fanmix, because I will die before I stop referring to Karl Mordo as the classic-tragic-maiden-but-as-a-gay-man character that he is. “In all your fairytales, how did the prince say he loved you?” / “How did your father die?” / “Was he a good man?” / “My melancholy state, folly, fear, and hate, I know” / “My friend in this world is a bottle of nothing” / “Still I try, still I fall”

Rapunzel: And we have arrived to the Enchant era! This song gives me sweet young Mordo staring out his window dreaming of his prince while stuck in Bavaria vibes. “If you sing loud and clear, someone passing by will surely hear you” / “No, you can’t be afraid”

Rose Red: Another from Enchant. As you can tell, it’s vaguely related to Rose Red the fairytale. “Tell me no stories and I’ll tell you no lies” / “No one wants to hurt me but everybody tries” / “For this freedom I have given all I had” / “For this darkness I gave my light” / “For this wisdom I have lost my innocence” / “Take my petals and cover me with night”

What If: This is peak Enchant era, imo. “I am far too tried to stay here” / “And I don’t care what you think of me” / “’Cause I think you were wrong about me” / “And what if you were?” / “What if I’m the kindest demon, something you may not believe in?” / “What if I’m a siren, singing gentlemen to sleep?” / “What if I’m a weeping willow, laughing tears upon my pillow?” / “What if I’m a socialite, who wants to be alone?” / “What if I’m an angel, without wings to take me home?” / “What if I’m a crowded desert, too much pain with little pleasure?” / “What if I don’t know who I am, will that keep us both from trying?”

Special mention goes to Shalott, which I believe I already mentioned in the original post I made (or how I like to call it, Anon’s Evangelizing for Emilie Autumn lol), but I never added the lyrics that make go Mordo-bby-ilu-get-urself-a-good-man-ok. “She looks up the mirrored glass” / “She sees a handsome horse and rider pass” / “She says, ‘That man’s gonna be my death ‘cause he’s all I ever wanted in my life’” / “I know he doesn’t my name and that all the girls are all the same to him” / “So I’ll meet my death” / “But with my last breath I’ll sing to him my love and he’ll see my face in another place”

______________________________

Heya Nonny!

Oh wowowow! I’m listening to the song recommendations again right now. You hit the nail on the head with the songs I’d like more. I ended up listening to the Enchant album twice while the Opheliac album was very hard to get through, more so because of the subject matter though. It’s very raw and there’s a lot of pain and anger there. I don’t know much about the artist but I hope she’s recovering and is doing well now. Rape is a brutal experience and for her to share the emotions and thoughts she went through is extremely powerful and heartbreaking.

I actually really enjoyed “Shalott” and the acoustic version of “Mad Girl.” Her voice is super emotive and lively, raw with emotions. I can see why people can hear stordo, and more specifically Mordo in the songs.

“Juliet” has a gorgeous violin number at the start and throughout and it makes me think of Mordo playing the violin in his family castle, just thinking of the romances he used to read and how life is more tragic than romantic. T____T

“Chambermaid” really does give off the vibe that Christine’s still in the background of Mordo’s mind when he’s with Stephen. I also really enjoyed the fortune telling and card reading motifs of the song. It really needs to the magic aspect of strordo, as well as the ‘fated to meet’ aspect of their pairing.

“Rose Red” and “Rapunzel” give me youthful Mordo vibes. When he’s still hopefully and longing for the love found hia fairytales.

And okay.....I really, really fucking liked “How Strange.” Especially this part...

You know I think it's strange

Just a little bit deranged

That you think I'm gonna change to make you happy

If you can tell me why

I should wait around then I

May be coming down

But until then this means

You can see me in your dreams

Oh man that entire part makes me think of Mordo looking back at the night he walked away. He’s not gonna change just to make Stephen feel happy, and he’s asking why he should stay and wait. It’s so sad and I love it.

My favorite one amongst these songs though is....

“What If.” It’s honestly such a gorgeous song! Also a very vulnerable one.

And I'm far too tired to stay here anymore

And I don't care what you think anyway

'Cause I think you were wrong about me

Yeah what if you were, what if you were

And what if I'm a snowstorm burning

What if I'm a world unturning

What if I'm an ocean

Far too shallow, much too deep

What if I'm the kindest demon

Something you may not believe in

What if I'm a siren

Singing gentlemen to sleep

Ummmm....excuse me. That’s all Mordo to me. It’s heartbreaking, full of turmoil, full of brimming heartache and upheaval, like Mordo doesn’t even know who he is or where he belongs anymore. It makes me think of those months he spent away trying to figure it all out alone. Baby just....just please go home. Stephen’s waiting for you. Let him explain and make up for it baby ;____; Please

Thank you so much for sharing these recommendations Nonny! I’m not much of a rock or folk person. I’m actually realllly vanilla with my music taste, namely old power ballads and musical showstoppers hehehe. But that’s why I really appreciate it when people share different types of music with me! I enjoy discovering new things. And now I’m currently replying “What if” pretty much endlessly. I wouldn’t have discovered it if not for you. So thank you for sharing these Nonny!

#songs for strordo #strordo #stephen strange/karl mordo #otp feels #thank you nonny #ask and answer #submission

0 notes

thysurveys · 7 years

Text

730.

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? I’m fine. 2: What’s your dream pet? I don’t really have one.

3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? This may sound lame, but I really enjoy a chic “smart casual” look. 4: What was your favorite video game growing up? Sims. Always has been, always will be. 5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: Kevin, my future and . . . I don’t know.

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? "May freak out unexpectedly.” 7: What is your Greek personality type (Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic)? I don’t know. 8: Are you ticklish? I am. 9: Are you allergic to anything? I am not. 10: What’s your sexuality? Heterosexual. 11: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? Cocoa more than any of the other two. Tea before coffee. 12: Are you a cat or dog person? I’ll say cats. 13: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? Merperson, if I had to choose? I don’t know. 14: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? I have plenty of. 15: How tall are you? 5′2″. 16: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? I don’t know if I would. 17: How much do you weigh? Next question. 18: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? I do. 19: Do you like space or the ocean more? They’re both fascinating. 20: Are you religious? No. 21: Pet peeves? I have misophonia, so. There you go. 22: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal (opposite of nocturnal)? Diurnal. My anxiety is at its worse at night. 23: Favorite constellation? Aries, only because it’s my star sign? 24: Favorite star? The sun? I don’t really have a favourite star though it would be interesting to have one other than the “sun” lol. 25: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? I don’t really care for them? 26: Any phobias or fears? The unknown. I also have Trypophobia, feeling out of control of my own body and death. 27: Do you think global warming is real? Yeah. 28: Do you believe in reincarnation? I don’t know if I do or if I don’t, though I have watched interesting documentaries on reincarnation. Story time: my dad once told me when he was younger, my Pop and Nan were in the car with my dad, and they were driving to a place they hadn’t been to before and they were lost. My dad said to my Pop (who was driving) to turn at the end of the street and there’d be a bridge. They did, and there was a bridge. My dad knew the place, but he had never been there before in his entire life, so. I don’t know. It’s kind of crazy. 29: Favorite movie? I never know. I have way too many. 30: Do you get scared easily? Yeah, definitely. 31: How many pets have you own in your lifetime? I have had plenty of “family” pets growing up, but myself and Kevin have had two. A dog and a cat. 32: What is a color that calms you? Blue. 33: Where would you like to travel and/or live? America (which I am in March) and the UK. I mean, I would happily travel just about anywhere and everywhere given the opportunity. 34: Where were you born? Australia. 35: What is your eye color? Green. 36: Introvert or extrovert? Introvert, one-hundred percent. 37: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? No. 38: Hugs or kisses? Both. 39: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? I am with him right now, so no one. 40: Who is someone you love deeply? Kevin. 41: Any piercings you want? I’m okay for now. 42: Do you like tattoos and piercings? Yes, I do. 43: Do you smoke or have you ever done so? I was, once upon a time, a smoker. 44: Talk about your crush, if you have one! More than a crush. He’s my boyfriend. 45: What is a sound you really hate? I am not great with very “loud” sounds. 46: A sound you really love? Rain! I was actually talking about this the other night with Kevin. 47: Can you do a backflip? Nope. 48: Can you do the splits? Nope. 49: Favorite actor and/or actress? I really fancy Drew Barrymore. I don’t know why. I think she’s pretty badass. 50: Favorite book? Too many to choose from. 51: How are you feeling right now? Anxious. 52: What color would you like your hair to be right now? I need to recolour it again (I had a blonde balayage, but it’s quickly fading) 53: When did you feel happiest? I don’t know. I haven’t felt too “happy” recently. 54: Something that calms you down? Rain. 55: Have any mental disorders? Clinical depression, Depersonalisation Disorder, PTSD (though, this has subsided a lot), Social Anxiety, GAD. These are all diagnosed. I also think I have BPD (undiagnosied). 56: What does your URL mean? My survey Tumblr is self-explanatory, my main Tumblr is solefulness. And I don’t know. It’s inspired by the word “soulful” 57: What three words describe you the most? Creative, anxious and . . . I asked Kevin for help and he said “beautiful”, but you know. Lol. 58: Do you believe in evolution? I guess I do, yes. 59: What makes you unfollow a blog? They haven’t updated in forever or they say some stupid offensive bullshit (e.g. racism, classism, homophobia, etc.). < What they said. 60: What makes you follow a blog? Aesthetics? Lol 61: Favorite kind of person: An INFJ lol or similar. Basically, someone who has an advanced bout of empathy, understanding. 62: Favorite animal(s): Pandas and cats. 63: Name three of your favorite blogs. No, I can’t be bothered and I don’t even know if I do have a favourite right now. 64: Favorite emoticon: The “hang loose” emoticon was the first that came to mind, though I can’t say it’s my fave. Maybe a leaf (I am so lame) 65: Favorite meme: I use a lot of Full House memes. 66: What is your MBTI personality type? INFJ. < me too! 67: What is your star sign? Aries. 68: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? My dog’s dead and she never obeyed commands. She was way too hyper. < Literally my same answer. 69: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? A cardigan as of late. 70: Post a selfie or two? I ain’t ready for a face reveal. 71: Do you have platform shoes? Nope. 72: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? I would say I am an INFJ considering they take up only one percent of the population, but you already know that. Let me ask Kevin. He said: “you were the first to graduate in your family. I think. I don’t know. Is that a good one?”

There you have it, folks. 73: Can you do a front flip? No. 74: Do you like birds? No. I do not like birds. They freak me out. 75: Do you like to swim? I am not crazy about it. 76: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? Swimming > ice skating any time. 77: Something you wish didn’t exist: Homophobia. 78: Some thing you wish did exist: Fifty large sacks of money right in front of me. > ngl. Me too. 79: Piercings you have? My ears. 80: Something you really enjoy doing: I like to watch a lot of YouTube and a lot of Netflix (or any film, really). 81: Favorite person to talk to: Kev. 82: What was your first impression of Tumblr? I don’t know. 83: How many followers do you have? Enough. 84: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? I asked Kevin and he laughed. So, I guess not. 85: Do your socks always match? I barely wear socks. 86: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? I can do. 87: What are your birthstones? Aquamarine. 88: If you were an animal, which one would you be? I don’t know tbh. A panda or a cat. Maybe a cat. 89: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? Good question. Um, a baby breath bc they’re small and simple. 90: A store you hate? I don’t know nor care. Maybe Gloria Jeans bc I once found out they don’t support gay marriage. 91: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? None. I can’t drink it without freaking out. 92: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? Both scare me. Can I choose to read minds? 93: Do you like to wear camo? Not my style. 94: Winter or summer? I do love winter, but lately I’ve needed summer. 95: How long can you hold your breath for? I don’t know. 96: Least favorite person? Any evil dictator. < True. 97: Someone you look up to: Kevin at the moment. 98: A store you love? Kmart if I had to choose. Any homeware shop too. 99: Favorite type of shoes My Nike runners are my fave right now. 100: Where do you live? Aus. 101: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? No, just because I’m not. 102: What is your favorite mineral or gem? Never really thought about it. 103: Do you drink milk? I do sometimes. 104: Do you like bugs? I don’t hate them, but I don’t go out collecting them either. 105: Do you like spiders? I am not a great fan but again, I don’t collect them. 106: Something you get paranoid about? Every thing. 107: Can you draw?: No. Unfortunately not. 108: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? I don’t know. It’s funny because via a survey, I am open to any question. But if it’s someone face to face, or away from Tumblr, I freak out and think anything is a nosy question. 109: A question you hate being asked? "Why are you quiet?” Like, I don’t know? Maybe because I am. 110: Ever been bitten by a spider? No. 111: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? My favourtie. 112: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? Sunny. 113: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: Kevin. 114: Favorite cloud type: A cumulonimbus cloud because they’re big and they look fluffy. 115: What color do you wish the sky was? Pink. You know, like when the sun sets? Or blue. Blue is calming to me. 116: Do you have freckles? I wish! 117: Favorite thing about a person: I think people in general are interesting so. 118: Fruits or vegetables? Fruits. 119: Something you want to do right now: Eat. 120: Is the ocean or sky prettier? The ocean. 121: Sweet or sour foods? Sweet. 122: Bright or dim lights? In between. 123: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? No. I don’t know. 124: Something you hate about Tumblr: I don’t really think about that to be honest. 125: Something you love about Tumblr: I find it relaxing. 126: What do you think about the least? I don’t know. 127: What would you want written on your tombstone? No idea. 128: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? No one. 129: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? Hm… Maybe how much I care about certain people/things. < Truth. 130: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? Rarely. 131: Computer or TV? Computer. 132: Do you like roller coasters? They’re alright. 133: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? Yeah, a bit. 134: Are your ears free or attached? I think they’re attached? What. 135: Do you believe in karma? Yes. 136: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? Mm, 3. 137: What nicknames do you have/have had? Many. 138: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? I did. 139: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? Yeah. 140: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? Good. 141: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? Giving. 142: What makes you angry?: People can make me angry. 143: How many languages do you speak fluently? Just English. 144: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? Boys. 145: Are you androgynous? No. I don’t think I am, anyway. 146: Favorite physical thing about yourself: I don’t know. I don’t really have a lot to like about myself. 147: Favorite thing about your personality: My willingness to understand, respect and empathise. 148: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. No one in particular. My family, if anyone. 149: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? I don’t know. The 50s or 60s, maybe. 150: Do you like BuzzFeed? Yeah, I do. 151: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? Through friends, at a “gathering”. 152: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? No. I don’t. 153: Do you like to play with others’ hair? Not really. 154: What embarrasses you? Because I empathise a lot, I get secondhand embarrassment a lot too. So, there you go. 155: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: Every fucking thing. 156: Biggest lie you have ever told: I can’t think of anything right now. 157: How many people are you following? Not many. 158: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? This blog? 730 when I post this one. 159: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? None. 160: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? I don’t know. 161: Last time you cried and why: A few days ago. I don’t want to go into it. 162: Do you have long or short hair? Long-ish. 163: Longest your hair has ever been: Up to my bottom. 164: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religion? I don’t really have an opinion at all, I guess. Um. I don’t know. I just don’t care nor think about it. 165: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? I mean. It would be interesting to know, but... I don’t care. 166: Do you like to wear makeup? Yes, I do. 167: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? No. 168: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? Yes, sir.

#surveys #survey #question #questions #quiz #personal #bored #misc

3 notes · View notes

eurosong · 4 years

Text

Undo my ESC 2020 (SF1)

Good evening, folks! “Undo my ESC”, my look at how I would have changed this year’s contest, is back! Even though the EBU, well, indeed sadly and very literally did undo the ESC this year, there is still room for changing about my personal ideal Eurovision 2020. Let’s have a look at the first semi-final! 🇦🇺 Australia: I continue to be mightily impressed with the quality of Australia Decides, an NF putting forward a number of credible options to represent Oz. I felt the juries helped dodge a bullet this year, because the televote winning song was a rather cliché and dated choice, out of step with the relatively vibrant and contemporary feel of the field. The actual winner was pretty decent albeit with dubious live vocals and an even odder stage concept. It could be improved by working on those two factors, though even better would be to send instead the dramatic Rabbit Hole, truly a title for our season, or even better, the searingly emotional Raw stuff which knocked me off my feet upon first listen and still packs that punch 🇦🇿 Azerbaijan: Once again, Azerbaijan went down the “buy in a song from elsewhere and attempt to put on a thin gloss of local instrumentation onto a generic pop song in lieu of some actual authenticity. I can’t say I even hate the song this time, though I do dislike how they reportedly nabbed it off non-oil-rich San Marino in a bidding war. I would have brought back Dihaj or... anyone who could produce something halfway Azeri? Also, something that doesn’t make me do a full-body cringe as much as the country ranked the worst in the ESC-sphere for LGBT rights sending a song about “gay or straight or in between.”

🇧🇾 Belarus: Belarus made the right choice - I can really rarely say those words. For only the second time ever, we got a song in Belarusian, and whilst it isn’t up there with the gorgeous Historyja majho žyccia for me, Da widna is still a pleasant listen that soars above many of the hyped pre-contest fan favourites and was a nice surprise from a bad NF. The only thing that I would change? That the unhinged comic brilliance of Pavloni be in the final. Watch from about halfway through to the end for an absolute mood whiplash odyssey.

🇧🇪 Belgium: A lot of people had plenty of hope when they heard that the veteran Hooverphonic were set to represent Belgium in 2020, and I was amongst them. My reäction to what they ended up bringing though was tepid. It’s got the quality rich instrumentation that I expected from this band, pleasant vox, but as a song, it goes nowhere for me, in part because of how repetitive it is and lacking in a hook I find it. I would have picked a more immediate song for Eurovision, because this felt like another DNQ for Belgium, following the same mistakes as 2018 and 2019. They will be back in 2021, and I will be interested to see if they take a slightly different tack.

🇭🇷 Croatia: Following up on Belarus, Croatia was another example of a selection in which I had no hope providing something excellent to recompense for usually reliable countries going off the rails. I finally have from Croatia something to fit in with the likes of Adio from Montenegro and Nije ljubav stvar from Serbia as an epic Balkan ballad. Few people were expecting Divlji vjetre would win; I was over the moon that it did and would change nothing. I hope Croatia re-send the gentleman Damir next year with an equally strong song.

🇨🇾 Cyprus: After giving us a literal replay of Fuego last year, this year they’ve gone a slightly different route, but no less generic (even coming with one of the several duplicately named titles of this year), no less uninspiring, no less completely detached from Cypriot music. I’m longing for Cyprus to send something like Eimai anthropos kai ego again.

🇮🇪 Ireland: So RTÉ came into Eurovision all guns blazing this year, promising “an almighty bop” that will be “remembered in 10 years’ time like Euphoria.” I had feared that their frame of reference for their song would be 10 years’ stale, but instead they cast their net even further back to the mid-2000s. It properly sent me into hysterics when I heard this being compared to EVERY major female singer of that period, depending on whom you asked, before this came into general release. You know what, though? I hold my hands up and admit that I adore the anthemic Story of my life. It’s just so drenched in colour that I feel uplifted every time I listen to it, which is often! Lesley has such a likeable, authentic charisma that adds to the song too. I am so gutted we’ll never see the staging because I feel this would have been a memorable party moment. This is just 3 minutes of happy nostalgia and I live for it.

🇮🇱 Israel: You know, usually, I am not a fan of single-artist national finals, because if you are not a fan of the artist, your choice is very limited indeed. However - I don’t know how one can nót be a fan of Eden to some degree. Her music is not up my street, but she sells it to me through sheer force of personality, positivity and presence. She had four songs and she put her heart and soul into them all. The winner was the vibrant Feker libi, which I would only change by altering the chorus a bit, as its odd 90s dance vibe doesn’t sit so well with the rest of the song. As for Eden, she cried when she reälised she couldn’t go to ESC 2020 and again when she found out she’d been picked for 2021. I wish all artists had this amount of passion.

🇱🇹 Lithuania: There was a sea change in Lithuania this year. I don’t know what happened, but they went from punchline to packing a punch. Their national final had been one that pretty much no one watched, dragging on for several weeks and almost always to choose a mediocre, anticlimactic choice after all that effort. This year, it was one of the most entertaining and diverse NFs of the bunch. My early favourite to win was the powerhouse Monika Marija’s return with If I leave, very much up my street with its country stylings. However, by the time the final came, I had been won over also by the eventual winner, the offbeat and infectious On fire, whose victory I would not alter because it serves as a more dramatic turn of the page for Lithuania’s Eurovision presence. It was such a relief to see this prevailing, with a huge lead in the televote, over the awful, imported Unbreakable or the respectable but pedestrian Make me human. I hope the broadcasters will respect the support this has in Lithuania and allow the Roop to come back in 2021. 🇲🇰 Macedonia: Just no. No. No. Scrap everything about this, bring back Kaliopi and let her get her revenge for the juries screwing her out of qualification with the beautiful “Dona.” 🇲🇹 Malta: Malta have done the unthinkable and sent two songs in a row that I really like for the first time since 1997-8. As Ian would have put it, I was expecting a mere “vocal exercise” from Malta to show off the impressive range of Destiny. Instead, they came out with something so soulful that I have no choice but to enjoy. I hope they go a similar route in 21.

🇳🇴 Norway: So, finally Norway saw some sense and reverted to making the most of having a talented composer, Kjetil Mørland, who is so enthusiastic about Eurovision that he has come back since his success with A monster like me a few times. He should have won with En livredd mann; I wouldn’t have been unhappy at all had he won with Who we are, and indeed, Attention was another song that I had to consider as being amongst the best of its (bizarrely organised) selection. The one thing I’d change? The lyrics. It sounds like an infatuated 12 year old with low self-esteem singing, not a grown woman.

🇷🇴 Romania: It’s not up there with Goodbye or On a Sunday, but Romania have returned with a third song I really enjoy. Alcohol you was head and shoulders above the others in the single-artist selection, and I am still sent by the way she sabotaged the bop that was predicted to win the final so that she could send this more meditative, confessional effort. What would I change? The unnecessary revamp that abruptly shifts the direction of the song in the last third.🇷🇺 Russia: When this first came out, I thought “well done, Russia. Kept us waiting on you until way past the deadline, and all for this bizarre Aquaësque troll entry.” Despite myself, “Uno” has grown on me to some degree. Maybe it’s because of the death stare of the female backing singer who’s giving me some strong Rosa from Brooklyn 99 vibes, and I live for that. Maybe it’s because it’s serving a flourescent lime green in a year when there is so much beige that even an ugly odd colour seems pleasing. I wouldn’t change this, and I hope they get sent again next year because it’s delightful seeing Russia unpaired from Kirkorov.

🇸🇮 Slovenia: Again, I am going to find myself in a small minority, but Slovenia was, like Belarus and Croatia, an unappetising selection that nonetheless yielded a gem for me. They really said screw you to underlying trends and went for a song that moves at a glacial pace fitting of the title, Voda. This was constantly in last place on the Eurovision scoreboard app, which just speaks to the limited taste tolerance of many of its users. There is so much here to enjoy: Slovenia sticking with its language yet again; the ethereal vibes; the deep, rich voice of the singer; the melancholic and poëtic lyrics; and the fact that it was perhaps the only good “revamp” of the season, going in the opposite direction of Albania and inserting an orchestra to make it that much richer in sound. Wonderful stuff and hope she returns in 2021.

🇸🇪 Sweden: So, for the first time since 2014, Sweden has sent a female artist - 3 in fact - and with them, left the cookie cutter niche they’d occupied since then behind. They sent my favourite of their songs since 2013, Move, a joyous gospel-infused effort where the love and positivity of the Mamas gave me tingles to watch. And yet, it wasn’t my ideal choice. My personal winner would have been my favourite entry from Sweden since... possibly as far back as I morgon är en annan dag in 1992. I’m talking ‘bout Dotter of course. The artist whose beautiful Melodifestivalen début with Cry got bizarrely ignored had a superb redemptive arc this year, becoming the huge favourite with Bulletproof. I watched her performance of this over 200 times so far and still watch often. I find the song so poignant, the performance and her presence so bewitching. It’s a rarity for songwriters who also perform their songs to get this far in MF these days, and Dotter lost out by the narrowest of margins, but would have been a great encouragement to others like her had she won. It was widely said that Sweden had the potential for a record-equalling seventh win if they had sent Bulletproof. As much as I cherish Ireland’s record, had it been Dotter to equal it, I wouldn’t have been mad at all. 🇺🇦 Ukraine: Widbir got over their Maruw drama in great style, once again being one of the coolest and most alternative national finals out there. Well done, Ukraine! There were a number of propositions that I would have been happy to see represent the country. My initial favourite was Vegan, one of my most streamed songs of the season and one which always puts a smile on my face with Jerry’s facial expressions and puns like “‘cause I’m vegan, I can’t even call you honey.” And honestly, I would have loved to have seen it in Rotterdam. I also loved, amongst others, Tam kudy ja jdu and Picz, which were both the victims of being in a semi-final with all the good songs whilst the second semi-final was nowhere near as competitive. Having said all that, I am not sure that I would change the eventual winner, Solowej, because it’s its own brand of delightfully authentic. I would undo their unnecessary revamp and keep it as the live version linked to above, though. And the automatic qualifiers: 🇩🇪 Germany: As you would expect from one of the musical monoliths of Europe, Germany once had some of the best and most diverse national finals of the continent, but something went wrong - they kept inviting wild cards, whose scrappiness endeared them to the public even when their songs were mediocre, and so we saw complete no-marks getting the Teutonic nod despite star-studded competition. Nonetheless, “Unser Lied für” was always worth tuning in for, an annual dose of getting mesmer-eyes’d by Barbara Schöneberger too. This year, they threw it all away for one of the most repetitive songs of the year, with a young, confused looking Slovenian being the god knows how many’th contestant to channel his inner Justin Timberlake with another knockoff that sounds as German as fajitas. I would have kept the national final - or, if they’re really going to start doing internal selections, go daring with Lily among clouds, whose Surprise was one of the crown jewels of the previous NF season. 🇮🇹 Italy: Sanremo, which actually predates Eurovision, is so much more than an NF, but its own cultural institution, and the quality is such that a song can be your fifth or sixth in Sanremo but still rank really highly in your ESC rankings. Performing with, and composing for, the orchestra, seems to give its entries a timeless quality that few others compare with. My initial favourites were Tosca’s Ho amato tutto, which from its first strains to the final, saudadic “eh” that serves as an unofficial coda, breaks my heart still sublimely; Viceversa, a heartwarming effort by the unbelievably charming Gabbani and Tikibombom, a slice of Sicilian excellence with trenchant lyrics. My most streamed has been Sincero, remembered more for the hugely memetic moment of one of its representatives changing the lyrics and the other walking out disgusted, but which I adore for its synthy vibes and its brilliant lyrics. The eventual winner was Fai rumore, which I also love too much to propose that it be changed. The lines about “an unnatural silence between us” are all the more poignant now. Lowkey think this could have won Italy its long-awaited third victory. 🇳🇱 Netherlands: Now, this is what I call a host nation song. The way I see it, if you’re hosting, you have a direct ticket to the final that you may not enjoy again for a long time, so why not go for a risk? And a risk NL indeed took. Grow is a very atypical song. It builds in a way we do not expect it to. It is mostly minimalist, focusing most of our attention to Jeangu’s voice, making this an intimate, almost confessional track. The crescendo is cathartic. After Albania destroyed itself with an unnecessary revamp, this became my #1 and I would change nothing about it. It really sucks that a song so personal to its writer and performer won’t be allowed on the stage in 2021 - that’s what I would change. A ridiculous decision on the EBU’s part.

#eurovision #opinion #esc 2020 #eurovision song contest #eurovision 2020

7 notes · View notes