#thats me thats my fucking mood rn

[sirensea14]

Me with who

I trusted, Let you in

Let you see through my broken skin

Let you tell me, People would love me

Not get sick of me, Get rid of me

I know you rarely open your Tumblr from your browser but if ever you do so, well, sana matamaan ka.

#siren screams #personal rant #relatable memes #in sound mind #Song #rant post #Friend #Im slowly distancing myself from an irl friend #I couldnt help but develop some trust issues but maybe im just overreacting #I dunno #I will just.... rant #I feel like she really hates me even if she would say it as a joke sometimes #Telling me im so annoying everytime we see each other #And we're even classmates for this school year! #But im slowly distancing myself #I cant bring myself up to a happy mood whenever I need to face her #Like not looking onto her face #Of course i know everyone in the class noticed it eveb if they wont say anything about us #Cuz they know that me and this irl friend are inseparable and always buy in the canteen during recess #But now im alone #all all alone #I have two moots here thatre my classmates irl rn #If any of you two read this. Dont tell anyone #I just... ranted #Thats all #Damn fuck i want some sleep but i cant since i need to prepare for exams next week #Its 1 pm here btw #I rlly want some sleep to replenish my whole being #Ah no lemme rephrase that--i want eternal sleep #A sleep where no one can ever wake me from.

[jackienautism]

the ppl who say that sam doesnt have any personality are just fucking stupid

#mine #text #until dawn #sam giddings #sorry im away from my usual environment rn and im not in the mood to draw. so i am going to dump all my thouhgts on here LOL #i dont even have the words to describe why this is so goddamn dumb to think #shes not as outward as her friends are. thats like. her whole thing #shes a lot more resigned and inward. like INCREDIBLY so #a lot of her stronger emotions are kept hidden for the sake of everyone else. esp if there is danger present #i understand not necessarily picking up on it- due to sam being like that- but UGGGGGGHG #to say she doesnt have any personality........ WRONG. THATS WRONG #i take that as an attack on me LOL fuck you for real #my UD tag #my sam tag #UD #my thoughts

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#aaaand thats a 3rd doctor. a psychiatrist. who listened to me ans thought: mm sounds like bip0lar lol #me: wow its so easy to get diagnosed as bip0lar. thats bc u r exhibiting lots of depression and a limit amount of mood elevation. that's #like. thats what bip0lar is. she was like yea ppl with bip0lar 2 spend like 75% of time being depressed and a lil elevated mood... which #sounds like what u r describing. me: #...yeah. but again its complicated by the 0cd and spectrum issues. but she independently brought up 4dhd. just when i was like no its all #0cd. here we r again. stuck back in the messy overlap. but whatever i got proscribed bip0lar medicine. lam1ctal. we'll see #bc everyone i talk to is like. we need to control the mood 1st. like so u dont die. and im like hm yeah good call lol #she seems super cool tho. like i would love to just talk to her. ugh. she wants to get a handle on the mood and then maybe add a stimulant #bc shes had it happen in thr past where someone comes in with debiltating 0cd and got treated with lam1ctol and a stimulant and the #obsessive rumination stopped. so well see. idk if ill actually qualify as 4dhd enough. well see. fingers crossed #my mood is a lil elevated rn so its all fun. well see if we tip off a cliff bc im getting less sleep and go go going #unrelated #ugh im scared to start the medine tho bc the ssri i got proscribed fucked me up so much. which is also an indicator of bip0lar #god dammit. if this works im gonna have to actually accept the idea of being bip0lar. i mean. it makes sense being on that spectrum #is just sounds insane and i was not expecting it despite my fucking obsession with understanding wtf my deal is #idk. whatever. doesnt matter

[ferdydurke]

I say this often but its crazy how much of a vortex depression is.

#I dont feel like... safe or particularly fulfilled rn and i have major major mood swings at least once a week but its not like. #Bleak as fuck. I think the language of 'the world is without colour' never does it for me bc thats how id describe it when im out of it #but when im depressed my main feeling is that i am a person that was born without a soul whose main purpose in life is to kill myself #because i cant bear to do or think anything else. And like even talking about it while in that mental state feels incredibely like. #Like youre doing something disgusting because its a cry for attention or for help so you have to put it in a way that makes it clear that #you are not trying to escape your destiny by trying to convince someone you are worthy of living. #And then like. At some point you stop feeling like that and you forget about it... #until youre there again. and you forget what its like to not be in it. its crazyyyy to me its just crazy #barking #ultimately im very lucky. #Because i really dont believe you can just will yourself out of that hole i really think the enviroment is like 99% of it #and well i will prolly end up in that hole again maybe even this year. but maybe ill have something to pull me out #some ability to change the thing thats making me feel like that #and idk its so like. awful that that isnt always the case. sometimes youre just drowning in it and theres nothing #just my late night thoughts thats why i need that weed bad man

[infizero]

grgrhgahahh i wanna read more pokespe but i cant do it on my phone and im not unpacking my stuff until the morning

#this is not a real issue i am plenty entertained rn and also am going to be going #to bed soon anyways. i just am rlly in pksp mood #im in a pkmn mood in general lol ive been reading reguri fics as previously stated #but also i got back into legends arceus earlier today which i havent played in TWO YEARS. which is crazy #and man i fucking loveee playing pkmn i rlly hope they make the next #mainline game not half baked. i didnt get scarlet and violet bcuz of that :( #i had a playthrough of it in the bg but. its not the same #it makes me sad that im not up to date like i dont know any of the new #pokemon i dont know anything about SV's region or characters or story #i want to though. maybe ill get around to actually sitting down and watching a playthrough at some point #i also want to get caught up with pokespe in my reread so my first #experience w SV might be thru spe. which is weird to think about #thats never been the case for me with a pkmn game before #i mean. in terms of just being familiar w the game not playing it myself #i have not played every mainline pkmn game lol #my first one was pokemon pearl. which i never beat. but after that i #got alpha sapphire which i was CRAZYYYY obsessed with. i played that game to the bone til there was #literally nothing left to do other than grind to lvl 100 for the hell of it #pokemon moon is INCREDIBLY special to me for a number of reasons #mainly that it was my first pkmn game that i ANTICIPATED. i remember watching the trailers #over and over. every time they dropped new info i was eating it up. i remember when the starters final evos #were finally revealed i was so excited. and ofc the INSANITY that was the red and blue reveal. good times #but yes i similarly played the shit out of moon til there was nothing left to do. and it was the first one #where i was INCREDIBLY invested in the story. i cared and still care about the alola casrt #soooooo much they were literallyyy my friends. i drew them sooo much. and ofc lillie was one of my #most specialest little blorbos ever. i was in LOVE with her as a kid. it was serious #anyways and then i played pokemon sword which i also love dearly. i beat the main game but i #actually still havent finished the dlc.... but i also care very deeply about the galar cast and drew them a lot as well #and thats all not mentioning from my years long obsession with pokespe lol. but anyways yes #serena.txt

[faepunkprince]

.

#frustrated #bc #i want to help my parents and i also like #need to get weed #thats the entirety of the medical care i can give myself rn #that is pain management and anymore its the only reason i can eat #ik part of my appetite issues HAS to be all the stress #n we're dealing with actual like winter conditions so my body is so angry #my passive pain level hasnt been so high in a long fucking time #id have to just take the fucking bottle of ibuprofen for it to do fuck all for me and i have nothing else #so if im in a mood #im sorry im trying so hard to not let it affect me that much im just #i sat down for the first time after work and my everything hurts so bad i teared up #doin great out here tonight #itll pass #it will pass #i just need to bitch about it a minute

[get-more-bald]

the thing is that I'm constantly in a fandom mood to distract myself from everything. but when I fall out of that mood I just think I'm worthless for not having a personality beyond chronically online idiot.

#im falling out of the mood rn oops oops #wow i fucking hate myself! thats nit good but whatever #the thing is that i just generally dislike people simply because they are people (ie not me). i dont know what they are what they think and #how theyre going to act. i dislike myself simply because of self loathing #also yeah if the disliking people thing makes me a worthless asshole allright #i hate people as a mass. i do like people individually. i make an effort to care #whatever if im too fucked up to 'truly' 'emotionally' be compassionate and caring #fucked up ie. mentally diverse i guess #it actually takes effort for some of us susan. i dont think my effort to care and talk and be compassionate to people i like is less worthy #than your 'effortless' compassion and caring #its like that fucking quote i hate. is it better to be born good or to achieve goodness with great effort #mine #vent #delete later #also im actually just realizing i dont have many friends (like 1) might be because talking and caring about this 1 and the people i have to #live with and interact with daily independent of my like/dislike for them is just so tiring i cant bring myself to talk to more people #also. people from my home. i do like you in general i just dont consider us friends

[bugsmoocher]

mmaster hcief

#personal! ok idk why but i am in such a bad fucking mood after realizing that yet another year has passed where my father hasnt like. #really ??? cared ??? i dont know man my parents are taking me out to eat but i didnt get a text or a call or anything #like man i know im not the one thats ur blood child but come on i remember yours and wish you every year :( #my mom only really remembered when i showed up and jokingly was like “ey next time you see me ill be a whole year older” #this week has sucked so bad brother i hope it wont set the tone for the next year LKHL:D:FLGHK #happy birthday more like KILL YOURSELF INSTANTLY POTION #god only like my friends and two family members remembered im realizing. fuuuuuuuuuck. not even the people i live with minus my fiance #i only exist to these people when its time to talk behind somebodys back brother #maybe i drive my car into a tree tomorrow ^_^ in theory itd be good for me but at the end of the day if these people didnt care when i went #to the fucking mental ward for plotting to kill myself i doubt theyd care if i bled out in a ditch either #they never called or visited they just picked me up and told me to never do that shit again #maybe i should have Not been born...............! #ermmm #personal #vent #i guess. idk. just so if people have those tags blocked itll get filtered or whatever #i probably shouldnt just throw this out into the wild but i dont want to directly bother anybody i know rn idk.

[soldier-poet-king]

I'm irrationally cranky and miserable and have been wanting to kill someone recently and it's like....oh I can't figure out why this is....

But also I'm like.....extreme traffic this week and having to drive in this godforsaken city instead of take the bus + medical anxiety + multiple OCD episodes + general winter blegh + work is being annoying and making me feel off + family drama + etc etc etc

#franposting #everything is a lot and im >:( #normally i can tell when its mental health or hormone mood swings #this is just like. life kicking me gently but without stopping #work is highly boring rn and so i have nothing to do #and im sitting reading ebooks while listening to this ancient ass collection of reels #which is like. fine. i should be happy to read #and i am! but also i feel guilty bad and its making me feel EVEN MORE OUT OF SORTS #even tho ive already asked TWICE if theres anything else i can be puttering away on at my computer #while i work with the reels #and theres literally no way to make this process faster #its two boxes of reeles from the 60s. most lakcing labels. some double track some quadruple #figure out what the fuck is on them #and ofc bc its tape theres no real play at 1.5x speed #thats not how it works and not to be a zillenial but HOLY SHIT its so boring and such a bad system #and i have 50+ OF THESE #each ranging anywhere from 1.5 to 10 hrs #most being at least 6

[oorevitcejda]

if people were more honest with themselves they'd realize how fucking sexy disability/mobility aids truly are, ive never been more sexy in makeshift wraps and oversized shirts this is the fucking (HAH) pinnacle

#nothing is more sexy than being comfy and im at my PEAK #ti talks #i feel like shit physically but i have never been more attracted to myself #im in one of those lets see what happens moods in on a roll #if anyone seen my meltdown a few posts ago yes you did bc im not ashamed of my feelings i love hard i hate hard #i hate so rarely but when i do oh fucking boy i do #this weeken is the end #THIS WEEKEND IS THE END #GET FUCKING READY #[this is my diary im talking to myself no one actually has to talk to me lmaoooo this is not an invite dw] #unless you want it to be lmaooo im very manic rn #happy mdd off pill for 5 days #oh shit lmao thats probably what is happening but it still is lmao #anyway #nothing online is happening this is irl for me its going the FUCK DOWN and they have til monday before the hammer comes down #ive had a *busy* week yall 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 #this is a personal post but uhhh if you wanna rb *WITHOUT TAGS* (or your own and *NONE* of mine) then ok #but i will revoke the ability if anyone takes these tags

[cringefailfagcat]

I want to throw myself off a bridge

#like realistically with a bungee rope but im leaning into the auicidal mood rn #hate fucking. not being able to pinpoint the exact thing thats making me lash out #oh david tennant and michael sheen are fucking loveable alright but jesus christ i think i hated that show #its so stilted and fucking. ugh. i want to have my mind bent not have this shit buried under child friendly ass facade which just. is probab #ly just me too tired to figure out considering the nunber of times they say fuck #vent #sorry #i just. god. i want death

[n0ct0urn1quet]

@raiden-metal-gear-rising sorry this is a gaypos for u but it mite be more of just a rant because i am fuming (not rly i am just frustrated bc . u know why <3)

#im sur u read my previous posts abt uhhh my mom goign to visit my brother bc shes on vacation rn right . shes off til next sunday i think #but uh. yeah thats not happening bc guess what!! she cant afford it!!! because wow who wuldve thought that having to pay twice as much #money for bills + groceries would make u poorer than u already are!!!!! we are struggling!!!!!!! #and what has robynne done? nothing but PARTIALLY pay for grocieries. emphasis on *partially* #idk man its just insane. even if mom wasnt rly thinking about coming to see u we still cant bc we cannot afford it at all....... #i even said if i need to get a job i will and then added 'bceause im more willing to get one than she is' n she just looked at me #and idk man its just frustrraing . pls moeve out of ur place soon so i can leave and move in with u KAJSKLBKKLJG #i dont mean to say that to like rush u or anything u can do whatever u awant at Whatever pace u want i donot minde . it is oke #i just !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! h #i have a very strong feeling im gonna be moving out before she does............................ #just saying #sorey i kno this is supposed 2 be positive bc is gaypos but . i am not in a good mood i want 2 scream and throw things i think #i just want my house back!!!! im tired!!!!!! im so fucking tired man!!!!!! i m going insane!!!!!!!! #and now i just feel horrible bc rob knows i talk shit about her in vc and i just feel like i cannot talk out loud at all rn bc what if shes #fuckin eavesdropping!!! thats another thing did she just overhear me or like completely listen in on our conversation #bc if she listened in on us then thats fucked and i hope she fucks off #but if she just overheard us then idk man guess ill just have to close my door and keep it closed all the time which is something i donot #want to do !! #i dont like having my door closewd bc 1. it gets humid and 2. kitty does not like it and also 3. i just like having it open #but i feel like i cant have it open anymore bceause what if shes listening to just everything i say now!!!!!! i feel unsafe!!!!!! #get me out of here bestie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #sory im just . H!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im going insane ill rb this with happier thoughts in a second i just #oh i am so mad . so mad

[princekirijo]

Can you delete someone else's reblog of your post

#just got the stupidest mf ive ever seen reblog that m*koto ask #THEY DIDNT EVEN READ TBE FUCKING ASK PROPERLY #my blood is boiling rn im so angry fuck that guy #im just gonna block them and move on cause im not arguing with a mf who cant read #but thats gonna set me in a bad mood for the rest of the dag #great

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#its crazy how much easier it is to do things when youre not completely miserable lol #this past week has been weird bc ive felt really really good and like normal in a way thats kinds unfathomable #im hoping its the medication but my mood was already on an upward tilt and i was told it would take like 6 weeks for the meds to work #property but like ive been sleeping way more than usual. and by that i literally just mean 8hrs a night lol which is weird for me #like that never ever ever happens multiple days in a row. so idk. when i feel better it makes the 0cd way easier to manage as well #and im just generally not as anxious. on the more worrisome side i kinda just give less of a fuck so like i have an exam im not ready for #Tuesday and im just kinda like hm fuck that lol. ill go thru lil fluctuations of having a lot of energy too #like: i could run around in circles rn. i dont have to but i could. like yesterday i was out with friends and i was like bouncing up and #down while standing and rocking from side to side while sitting. which i kinda do anyway while in crowds but it was more to expend energy #last night i also got like 5hrs of sleep. so like maaaaybe ive been on the bleeding edge of mood elevation but for the most part it just #feels good and not destructive. like if i felt like this all the time that would b fantastic. its like oh so this is y ppl dont long to b #put out of their misery lol. depression? who? i dont kno her. sounds fake. but as soon as i fucking say that ill b fucking slapped back #down to earth. ugh. annoying. no emotional object permanence. i hope its the meds. if this is the person i am under layers of misery then #that is fucking so insane. we shall see. im curious to hear what the psychiatrist thinks of my brain when i follow up with her #i gave her my full dys1exia assessment which gives a pretty good picture of how my head functions. oh fuck i bet i would do waaaayyy better #on thise test if i took it in this state of mind. but anyway she has that on top of like 3 assessment sheets i filled out #dispite everything i still want someone to categorize me into a discreet box. tell me doc. am i really bip0lar? really really? #ur sure??? like 1000% sure bc my brain wont let me accept that unless its beyond a reasonable doubt. i just doesn't seem that serious. #i mean. it is but like ya kno. its not that bad. ay. this glob of mush behind my eyes runs me in circles #but for now thats ok bc i feel like i could run up a mountain or punch someone in the face lol #unrelated

[ghost--bot]

remembering this guy who learned i was agender and said, and i quote, "Is it because she's an absolute creature?" i hope you die one million trillion deaths by the way 😁

#not to dig up an old grave but ohhhhh my god i just remembered that #and it makes me fucking BALLISTIC every time i think abt it #its sooooo easy not to dehumanize me like ik i was all cursed back then but thats my fucking gender idiot #he made a comment with an overused dead inside joke about me using it/its and i wanted to kill so bad #it wasnt even to me he was talking to my friend #and jeeeeesus chriiiiiiist #im not actually in a bad mood rn i just really wanna kill him. so bad

[traaanskimkitsuragi]

repeatedly bashing your head into celeste b-sides is better than sex

#ive started 6b and its absolutely insane so far and i dont have the energy to get through more of it rn #but it did help w my mood so thats nice #me every time i enter a new screen: oh this is literally impossible #me when i pull it off w no help or guides: #the platforms you need to dash into are. brutal. sweet jesus the devs are sadists #i appreciate how heavily the game emphasizes skill #like if you fuck up its on you #9 times out of 10 i can generally tell why i keep dying and what im doing wrong #i think thats part of why its so easy for me to keep going w it even if im slow #its the fact that every single screen is doable as long as you practice it enough #its the same thing i really enjoyed about rhythm games when i was still hardcore into them #me? enjoying skill based gameplay? unheard of. hk and celeste have rewired my brain #also i love that i can just save quit mid level #it makes it so that if i want i can just open the game and make a tiny bit of progress and close it again #it makes it a lot easier for me to try harder bits because i know i can just come back to them later if i cant do them rn #i totally wanna go back to pop/white palace in hk after i finish this game #i wanna see how much my platforming skills have improved #my reaction time is still shit but i can keep track of stuff considerably better now than when i first started out