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doodledrawsthings · 4 years

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Her Aim Was Getting Better

(Ahit ““““““Coffee Shop AU”““““““ rp log)

This is part of an RP between @displacedentities and myself detailing the meet-up between Luka and Vanessa, when she spikes his coffee with the curse. We did this a while back to get a feel for the characters and how that scene would go down, and they nailed it with how they wrote Vanessa. So I asked them if I could post it. Some of the stuff here was written before we had other things established, so some things like Hatties’s age and how long ago they split might be inconsistent with other posts I’ve made, but Enjoy!

(also forgive me for the way i write my parts, I’m not as practiced at writing rip)

(MysticDoodles) Despite the warm paper cup in her hands, Vanessa couldn't deny the chill in her bones. It had yet to go away since that day in court, biting at her skin and hovering just at the base of her brain stem. It always seemed to grow colder whenever she thought about how she got here... the things she'd said. What she almost did to that poor briefcase jockey in the courthouse.

But it didn't matter, anymore. If anything, her mom was happy she lost that case. Losing her husband and... child had stripped away all excuses she had not to throw herself into her work, and her mother was happy.

Vanessa was not happy.

In fact, she was seething.

Luka took everything from her, that day. Her love, her place in their home. His adorable smile, his laugh... they weren't hers anymore. He only gave them to that- little gremlin. The parasite that took his love away from her, her precious nickname given to their daughter.

Nobody got to be Luka's princess except Vanessa herself. Never again.

She lost the custody battle and her efforts to take Luka's obsession away from him, but she was going to make sure he lost so much more.

Vanessa waited in the autumn breeze, her fingers clenching and unclenching around the coffee cup. Chestnut-infused Columbian. His favorite. A sister cup sat opposite the table, waiting for him. If he was brave enough to show his face. .

(DeusExMakena) He could see her from his car as he pulled into the parking space, sitting at a table by the large window at the front of the coffee shop. How long had it been now? Around five years, right? Hattie was barely a year old when they split.

He used to get so excited about meeting her, being in her presence, making her smile... and now the very thought of just getting out of his car and making eye contact with her left a pit in his stomach. As much as he'd loved this woman in the past, the way she treated their newborn daughter.... he had to stop thinking about it. Starting this meeting out in an angry mood wouldn't be a good idea.

With a sigh he finally willed himself to leave the vehicle, and just as he looked up their eyes met. The pit in his stomach deepened as he walked up to the cafe doors.

(MysticDoodles) The ice crept up her neck again. Vanessa forced it down, and put up a smile. No reason to start this off as cold as the ice in her veins.

Luka can see from her attire that she's doing rather well- financially, anyway. A thick coat against the autumn chill- or maybe from her heart, so closed off- and a scarf stuffed into her bookbag. Her mother must have improved her stipend, now that they split. What a beastly woman. It's pointless to ponder what-ifs at this point, but maybe if Vanessa's mother had been someone else... no. No point.

With one hand, she gestures to the chair opposite her. Empty and waiting. "Hello, Luka. I got your favorite. You're doing well?"

...the tenor isn't as friendly as it sounds, and feels more plastic than her smile appears.

(DeusExMakena) He hesitates, looking around the venue at the other tennants before wordlessly taking the seat across from her, mostly staring at the coffee cup in front of him.

Why is he having such a hard time looking at her?

"I'm... fine," he manages to force out as he takes the cup in both hands. Come on, man just get this over with and you can go home. "So uh, what brings you here?"

He wishes he could kick himself in the face for how out of place he feels, right now. What do you even say to someone you haven't seen in years, when the last time you saw them had been after an intense battle over the custody rights of the child you fought so hard to protect?

At least the warmth of the cup in his hands provides him with some reassurance.

(MysticDoodles) Something in Vanessa's smile twitches, but it's gone before he can really tell what it was.

"Oh- I just wanted to chat, catch up on old times, you know? I'm guessing the bar exam went well?"

...

Awkward silence, as Vanessa turns her smile away. She lifts her own coffee cup to her lips and takes a long drink, looking at the pavement.When she sets it down, there's a brief moment where her fingertips looked blue. It soon fades back into perfectly trimmed nails.

"...you know why I called you here, Luka. Don't make me lie to you." Her voice grows quiet, though pensive or frustrated is difficult to parse. "You were always better at lying, anyway."

(DeusExMakena) He squints slightly at that last remark and has to do enrything in his power to hold his tongue.

"I dont, actually. With the way things ended the last time we saw eachother, I was almost sure that would be it." he says, probably with a bit more venom in his tone than he should have used, but he was here for less than 10 minutes, now, and he could already feel his patience waning.

"But if you're really just here to reconnect, you'll have to forgive me" he takes a moment to swirl the cup in front of him before lifting it towards his mouth "I'm not very good at small-talk."

Chestnut-infused Columbean bean. Cream and Sugar. So nice to know that she never forgot.

(MysticDoodles) Vanessa smiles as he takes a drink. It's gone by the time he removes the cup again.

"...sorry," she says. Her stony expression shifts into a frown. This wasn't how she expected this conversation to go- but really, she had been expecting nothing, so no pain or gain thus far. "I'm not being very polite, am I? I guess I just- missed you, Luka. It's very different, going back to my mother's apartment after-... well. Being with you."

...

Another quiet sip. Vanessa runs her finger on the plastic cap.

"...do you miss the nights after we studied, when we'd just sit on the couch together and watch garbage movies?"

Before Harriet came along, she didn't say aloud.

(DeusExMakena) Of course he did, he loved her. And as much as he'd love to revisit those moments, to relive the sense of elation he felt when he got her to laugh over awkward acting and nonsensical writing... He just couldn't forgive her for what she did.

He sighs, opting to indulge in her to see where she's going with this.

"Yeah," He takes another sip, looking back down at the table "Sometimes I still wonder why that had to stop."

(MysticDoodles) There's no way he misses the way her fingers tighten on the paper coffee cup. Especially since it's accompanied by an audible pop of paper crumpling in a half inch, and liquid sloshing within.

"They did stop, Luka."

How could he be so blind?

"They stopped when you stopped spending them with me. You spent all your time with our daughter, and not with the loving wife who gave her to you. Don't you see how unfair that is? I deserved your time, too."

Vanessa sighs, her words almost chastising. It reminded of the times she shifted into 'disappointed mother' mode around Harriet. Their one year old, at the time, who didn't understand consequences for things like dropping a toy in the sink. She even had the nerve to sound hurt as she speaks those words.

(DeusExMakena) He is absolutely apalled.

"I-" he doesnt know why he cant find the words to respond. His eyes wide and his eyebrows furrow as he glares directly at her. He shouldnt be surprised by this, really, he saw this coming. Five years, and some things will just never change.

Luka pinches the bridge of his nose, he MARRIED this woman.

"I'm sorry, are we- are we really doing this again?" He sets his coffee cup on the table with a little more force than he wanted to, "You do realize you're getting jealous over a literal one-year old that we both agreed that we wanted to have. I'm her father, I'm sorry, again, for doing my job and raising our child."

(MysticDoodles) Vanessa's long-suffering expression hardens back into stone, pouting out her lip as once more, Luka shows no signs of budging on his stance. How very lawyerlike of him. To the bitter end, he would fight for his side of the case against the opposition. She wished they didn't have to be on opposite sides, anymore, yet here she was for the second time.

"Is it so wrong that I wanted to spend more time with my husband? All toddlers need to learn to share, anyway." Vanessa shrugs, as if this were no big deal. "You never spent evenings with me, anymore, Luka. Every night that you came back from graduate classes and networking with firms, you would go right to her. The honeyed words for me didn't come until dinner, if they came at all. And don't talk to me like I wasn't a good mother- I kept her out of trouble during the day, whenever I was out of rotation."

...

"How is my little Harriet doing? It's been so long since you've squirreled her away."

(DeusExMakena) No. No, no, no, he's not doing this again

"You..." He tries to hold his tongue, but peck, he doesnt want to deal with this right now. He feels his hands ball into fists "No. I'm sorry, no, you don't get to ask how my daughter is doing. You had every opportunity to join us, no one was stopping you from being happy but yourself! You wanna talk about sharing? Then why are you throwing a fit over a over a child spending time with her father?"

...

"She wanted a relationship with you, you know. It's... really hard having to explain to a five-year-old that she doesnt get to see her mother because she was too immature to realize 'oh hey! I could hang out with both my daughter AND my husband at the same time!'" He says that last bit in a mocking tone as he picks up his coffee and goes in for another sip, glaring straight at his ex-wife with pure exasperation.

(MysticDoodles) There he goes again. His daughter.

This time, Vanessa doesn't look away as she returns the glare. The medical graduate holds unflinching eye contact as she lifts her own cup and downs half the contents. Trying to make a statement, maybe? She always did have issues with competition.

"...so where does that leave us, then? You drink the coffee I got you, and walk away? Are you really so set on burning this bridge, Luka? Things can go back to the way they were, if you really want it that way. My stipend will get us through the rest of exams, and then we can live a good life together - high paying jobs, a comfortable apartment, as many dates and trashy movie nights as we want. Doesn't that sound wonderful?"

...she didn't say a word about five-year-old Harriet.

(DeusExMakena) Luka takes a moment to stare at her, eyes half-lidded and tired.

He picks up the cup and downs the rest of his coffee, before placing it back on the table and standing up from his seat, his eyes never leaving hers.

"Allow me to light the match for you."

With that, he turns towards the door, ready to leave. Why would he feel bad about burning a bridge that leads nowhere?

(MysticDoodles) Luka can hear the squeal of the metal chair legs as Vanessa stands abruptly from her seat. There's no click of heels on riverstone, but he knows she's got her fists clenched at her sides, watching him. She always did that when she was angry. Maybe this time she'd have some ice on her wrists, now that her abilities were public. She'd put less effort into hiding it after the court case, anyway.

"YOU'RE MAKING A MISTAKE!" Vanessa yells after him as he continues, stride unbroken. "You'll regret this! You won that case, but you'll always be my prince, and I'll always be your princess!"

But legally, she couldn't touch him, now. Luka and Harriet were no longer family. He knew that, and she knew he did.

...

Oh well.

The door closes with a crnk-ling of the bell, and the background noise of the cafe starts to fade back into her awareness. Or lack thereof. Everyone nearby was staring, not that she cared.

Stiffening her upper lip, Vanessa grabs her bag and loops it back over one shoulder. She pats the side, removing the scarf off the copy of 'Ancient Botanicals & You' she'd found at the antique bookshop, and tying the garment back around her neck. With one hand she picks up Luka's cup, and looks inside.

Empty.

A smile traces her lips as she takes it along with her own, and tosses them both into the trash can.

Now all she had to do was wait and see.

#ahit #a hat in time #ahit 'coffee shop au'#The Snatcher #Queen Vanessa #fic #fanfic #kiiiinda??#displacedentities #mysticdoodles #lemme know if i should tag anything

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angstysebfan · 4 years

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Did I Take A Step Too Far Part 8

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Summary: You and Bucky were best friends, but one night you took your relationship to the next level. You you want to continue moving forward, but Bucky acts like he regrets it, and even tries to move on.

Warnings: just angsty

You were putting the finishing touches on your makeup when you heard a knock on the door. You quickly walk over and open it to reveal Jeremy. You give him a warm smile as he takes you in. Jeremy is a tall guy with medium build, not too muscley. He has short brown hair and the most amazing bright green eyes. He has a beautiful smile, and is just sweet as pie.

You can’t help but admire him in his dark grey suit with Navy shirt and tie. It compliments your navy a-line gown that has a long slit on the left leg. You loved this dress the moment you saw it, and you couldn’t help but know a certain someone would love it too. You figured you would try your best to drive him crazy, even though he has moved on and probably doesn’t care.

“You ready to go beautiful?” Jeremy asks, holding out his arm. You nod and accept his arm as he leads you to the elevator. “Thank you for inviting me. I’m glad we get to spend some more time together, because I really enjoyed the other night.” he said as you got into the elevator, heading down to the main floor. You smile widely at him, “I did too Jeremy. I’m glad you came tonight.” you said honestly.

When you walked into the ballroom, you saw it was already packed with people you didn’t know. You lead Jeremy over to the bar, where you saw Nat and Wanda standing. Once you got there, Jeremy got you both drinks and you settled in, talking to your friends. After about an hour, you couldn’t help the feeling you were being watched. You tried to ignore it, but you finally had to look.

Once you looked over to the other side of the room, you locked eyes with bright blue ones. You breath got caught in your throat as you admire Bucky in a black suit with black shirt and tie. He looked absolutely delicious. You break eye contact to see his arm around Ashley, who is smiling at Steve, who they are having a conversation with. Ashley is in a beautiful light blue dress that compliments her well.

You return back to the conversation you were in, fighting against yourself to look over at him again, even though you know he is looking at you. After some drinks and talking, you and Jeremy hit the dance floor. He had no problem dancing like a fool with you, which you loved. He made you laugh hard, which was something you hadn’t done in awhile. It made your heart flutter.

Suddenly a slow song starts, and Jeremy pulls you into his arms and hold you close. You actually don’t mind it, because you are really enjoying spending time with him. You look around you and notice Bucky and Ashley are dancing close to you. You try to stay focused on the man in front of you, but you glimpse over and see Bucky is watching you, with a deadly look in his eyes. It makes you smile, knowing you are still affecting him.

“I’m really enjoying myself, Y/N.” Jeremy says in your ear softly, breaking you from your thoughts. You look up at him smiling and feel a pull, and suddenly you feel your lips on his. It felt weird, but at the same time, it felt right. You deepened the kiss and allowed him to explore your mouth, before finally pulling away. You smile at Jeremy and lay your head on his shoulder as you continue to dance, completely forgetting about anyone else in the room.

Meanwhile Bucky feels like he was just punched in the gut and all the breath has left his body. You really were moving on from him, and it’s his fault. He should have fought for you, but his stupid ass accepted what you said and left. He does care about Ashley, but she isn’t you. You’re it for him. He doesn’t want anyone else. But you are here with someone else, who makes you laugh and smile, and kisses you like how Bucky wants to. He just wants to die seeing you happy without him.

Once the song was over, you lead Jeremy over to the bar for another drink at the same time Bucky brings Ashley over. All your friends are there so it is only semi-awkward. “I like your dress Ashley, it’s beautiful.” you say with a kind smile. Ashley returns it saying, “Thank you. I love yours too. You look amazing.”

You give her a smile and pull Jeremy away from the crowd. You walk over to one of the tables and talk about how much fun you were having, and taking bets on when Tony will get drunk, though Jeremy doesn’t have a shot cause he doesn’t know Tony.

Just then “We Didn’t Start The Fire” by Billy Joel comes on. You cant help but smile, looking down at your hands folded on your lap. You think back to when you and Bucky first became friends and you told him he had to listen to the song, because it will catch him up on what happened in the world from the 50′s to the late 70′s. After he listened to it, he looked up the lyrics and what they meant. It turned into his favorite song, and in turn, your song. You danced to it every party, except this one. Whenever either of you was in a bad mood or sad, you would play it and dance and sing along together. It was actually when you realized you were in love with him. Turns out it was the same for him, unbeknownst to you.

Listening to it now at the party, it started to make you sad. You missed him so damn much. You feel the tears starting to come, so you excuse yourself and tell Jeremy you will be back. You quickly leave the ballroom and head for the elevator. You needed air, and the only place you know that wouldn’t be occupied was the roof. You step into the elevator and press the correct button, waiting for the doors to close. Just as they are about to, a hand stops them.

You look up to see Bucky, who walks into the elevator and allows the doors to close behind him. It’s the first time you both have been alone in over two months. The tension in the elevator is suffocating as you both stare at each other, saying nothing. Bucky takes a step closer, hoping it’s ok. When you fail to move, he continues until he is right in front of you. He tentatively brings his flesh hand up to cup your face. You can’t help but lean into it.

As he starts lowering his face to yours, FRIDAY informs you that you are at the roof. It breaks you apart as you leave the elevator and head outside to the roof. Bucky silently follows you until you come to the railing. He stops behind you, hoping you will say something. Tears are slowly rolling down your face as you kick yourself mentally. “What do I have to do to get over you?” you say quietly, knowing he will hear it.

Bucky walks up to the railing and stands next to you. “I... I don’t want you to.” He says quietly, making you look up at him. He swallows the lump in his throat, “I made a mistake. I should have fought for you. I shouldn’t have given up so easily. I’m a fucking idiot. And I know I might be too late, because you are here with that guy, but I...” he looks out into the city skyline.

You sniff and look down at your feet thinking of what to do. “You chose Ashley.” you said looking at him. He closes his eyes, shakes his head and looks at you. You see the heartbreak in his eyes. “I know, but...” “You chose Ashley.” you interrupt him to say it again slightly louder.

Bucky doesn’t know what to say. He knows what he wants, and he is so worried that he is too late. “Y/N, I chose wrong. I like Ashley, I do. She is a great girl, who has treated me well, but... but she isn’t you. You are who I want. You are who I need. You... you made the nightmares disappear.” he whispered.

Your heart started to pound, as she takes in all that he just said. He continues to look deep into her eyes and she sees behind the heartbreak, unconditional love. “What about Jeremy, and... and Ashley?” she whispers, not trusting her voice.

Bucky takes a step closer and once again cups her face with his flesh hand. “Well, I’ll talk with Ashley and tell her the truth. I feel bad for leading her on, and I will understand if she hates me, but I have to be honest. I should have been from the beginning. And as far as Jeremy goes... that’s up to you.” he says leaning in and resting his forehead on hers.

She takes a deep breath and smells his cologne. It smells like home. She wants to jump into his arms, but she is so scared. She really liked Jeremy, but she loves Bucky. She pushed him away too many times, but it’s not fair to Jeremy.

“No matter what you decide, I am going to end it with Ashley and move back home.” he says. You look up at him and don’t know what to say. Everything feels like it’s moving in slow motion. You are so happy that he is moving home, you feel bad for Ashley, and you are now confused on what to do about Jeremy.

Bucky, once again steps closer and leans in. Just as your lips are about to touch his, you hear the chime of the elevator and quickly push yourself away. Ashley and Jeremy both walk out of the elevator and see both of you. Jeremy lifts his one eyebrow in question. “Is everything okay?” he asks you. You give him a small smile and nod.

Ashley stands there and looks at Bucky, but says nothing. Jeremy walks over and drapes his arm over your shoulders and pulls you with him back toward the elevator. You quickly look back over your shoulder and see Bucky watching you leave, glaring at Jeremy. You walk into the elevator and give Bucky a small nod as the doors close.

Bucky stands there looking at the elevator, feeling jealousy run through his veins. He doesn’t notice that Ashley has walked up and is now standing next to him. Ashley however continues to look at Bucky and it makes her realize that she will never win his heart. His heart belonged to someone, but it wasn’t her, and will never be her.

“Bucky... I think we need to talk.” she says sadly. Bucky looks at her, regret flooding his eyes. “Yeah, I think you’re right.”

Previous Part / Next Part

I think we all know what will happen, but there you go. Hopefully the tension helped build the scene up a little. Feedback is always appreciated!

Taglist: @jessyballet @captainchrisstan @matsumama @book--butterfly @fresa-luna @ilovesupersoldiers @collette04 @pinknerdpanda @bloodyproudpotterhead @wtfevenismypage @dora-the-grownup

Permanent Taglist: @hailmary-yramliah @tuiccim @comedictragedy @cap-n-stuff

#Bucky angst #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes x reader #Bucky Barnes #bucky x reader #mutual pining #friends to lovers #Avengers #heartbreak

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thequeenb · 4 years

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Come Back (part 2)

Poppy x MC

It has been highly requested for me to continue the cheating fic.

Here you can read part 1

I walk around the campus with Chloe and Veronica by my side. Its been three days since Bea left and it feels like eternity. Everyone looks at me weirdly ever since the incident and i honestly can't blame them. Carter never dared to approach me after he read what the T said

"So we are going to go to the veggie restaurant for lunch?" Chloe asks and Veronica shrugs

I didn't realize that they stopped walking, my eyes were fixed at the Anthropology classroom where i used to wait outside for Bea to finish. She always seemed bored as hell but every time she saw me her eyes sparkled, her smile was bright

I stop, running my hand through the door watching Miss Kingsley sitting on her desk. Our eyes lock and for just a moment i feel ashamed, before i remember who i am.

"Can i help you Miss Min-Sinclair?" she politely ask and i hesitate to walk in

Who can help me? The one girl i let inside my heart left and its all my fault. What could she do? Bring her back?

Regardless i walk further looking around the classroom. My gaze falls to Bea's seat, she always sat there so she could easily text me during boring lessons. I chuckle remembering how many photos i sent her just so i could provoke her

Without thinking twice i walk towards that spot sitting down gracefully. Miss Kingsley seems to pick up with me and she comes to sit down next to me

"I know you miss her, we all do but we cant control everyone's decisions, only ours"

Normally i would roll my eyes ignoring every criticism because Queens don't make mistakes but she is right, and it hurts my ego even more

"You read that trashy blog don't you? Everyone did and now they hate me even more" i sit back thinking how Bea used to sit right here, being happy..free

"I try to avoid it but Bea told me that she won't attend my classes for the rest of the semester" she takes a deep breath

"She seemed sad, that means what she felt was real enough to break her when you--"

"Don't even say it" i try not to tear up but i cant. The images of Carter grabbing my face and kissing me cant escape my mind and i let the pain take over

"So Pops, Bea Hughes huh?" Carter said approaching me. He asked to meet behind the field but i ignored the red flags, he said it was important

"Is that why you asked me to meet up? So we could analyze my relationship? Maybe we can have a sleepover like besties do" i roll my eyes ready to storm off but he grabs my hand pulling me against him

"Don't run before you can walk Pops, after all we don't want Bea to know about our negotiation" his hand was stroking my hair but i went stiff not knowing how to react.

When we were a couple it was bearable but now all i want to do is scream. We got together for the fame, for my reputation. Because he was the football captain, its funny isnt it?

"Get your hands off of me Carter" i manage to say but he just smirks

"You know i can get her expelled with one phone call" his laughter echoed and my heart stopped beating

I didn't realize how close he was until he leaned in capturing my lips. A bright flash hit my eyelids. I gasp in surprise pulling him immediately away

"You are so disgusting" i storm off not wanting him to see my vulnerability. Tears ran down my face but back then i didn't think much of it but now i know that was his plan.

I come back to painful reality. Miss Kingsley holds my hand and i feel tears run down my face. Fuck don't show how weak you actually are

"She went back to Farmsville, you still have time" she gave me a faint smile and i throw my arms around her

"Thank you" i whisper in her ear while she pat my back not knowing how to react. I pull away adjusting my clothes, ready to pack my bags

____

"I can't believe you are back! I am so glad" And here she is, my childhood best friend wrapped her arms around me suffocating me in her hug

"Wow there, you will kill me" i laugh embracing her tightly. After everything i have been through seeing Charlie is like a dream come true

She pulls away, her smile never fading away and it warms my heart. She always knew when i was upset but never said a thing, she tried to bring my mood back in her own way

"Come on! The dinner awaits for us" i link out hands together walking down the road of Farmsville. I missed the fresh air, the people who knew me since i was little

Here you don't have to fight for respect because its something you deserve regardless. No ranks, no drama, no sassy students. Just me, nature and my best friend

We finally arrive at the dinner and we sit down to the booth we always do. I sink to my seat and oh god, i missed this place

"So tell me everything, we didn't had a lot of time to talk" Charlie says excitedly, thinking i will tell her my happy adventures but my mind keeps drifting to Poppy

I brush these thoughts away smiling "This is going to be a long ride"

We enjoyed our food chatting about the T, the professor, my plan to take Poppy down, how amazing Zoe is and how extra mean people used to be when i first went there

"Oh wow, they really have a blog to embarrass students?" Of course she is shocked, so was i and honestly every logical human would. But the students of Belvoire created a world of their own

"You have no idea, they made fun of everything i did" i roll my eyes but then laugh "soon enough they ate from my palm, silly rich kids"

"I am glad you came back, it sounds toxic" oh Charlie you have no idea

I gaze at the window remembering how much i wanted to take Poppy here. She always laughed at the thought but i know deep down she would like nothing more. I wanted us to walk down the empty streets, take her to my parents farm and watch the sunset, do everything she didn't let herself do

Charlie seem to notice my distant stare and pats my hand "Hey what's wrong? I knew something happened, your social media was filled with happy moments"

I don't dare to look at her because she knows me too well at this point

"What made you decide to leave?" she places her hand on my shoulders pulling me into a side hug

"Remember the mean girl i told you about? We were dating" i exhale heavily, my mind racing with that damn image of her and Carter making out

I fill her in with the details, sometimes i smile missing our happy moments. But then i show her the image and my tears threaten to escape. How could she do this to me? After everything that we had been through

"Oh sweetheart i am so sorry" she says hugging me tightly. This time i let her hold me closer.

I grip at her shirt as one simple tear turned into body wrecking sobs. Poppy's voice message still plays in my mind over and over again. She said she loves me but her actions show that she hates me. My heart breaks once more, knowing well that i will never see her perfect smile again, hear her surprisingly cute laugh

"Let it all out, i am here for you" Charlie pats my back, running slow circles with her palm. That always calms me and she knows, because ever since we were kids whenever i was in pain she was always there.

A part of me regrets leaving Belvoire but most of all i am glad i returned to a land where people are real and genuine, away from cruelty and drama..away from Poppy

I pull away wiping my eyes but before i could even pull myself together i watch a black limousine stop right outside of the dinner. Everyone looks stunned because hello? This is a small town which celebrity would visit?

"Oh my god i am sorry Bea but if this is Lady Gaga you have to take a picture of me" Charlie stands up and i roll my eyes

Some people came out of their stores wondering who this might be. We step out forming a circle on the sidewalk waiting for the mysterious rich person to reveal themselves

"This is stupid let's just go" i try to pull Charlie away but she is so stubborn, typical

Everyone whisper questioning the same thing, who the hell would be so rich and know where Farmsville even is. I sign impatiently

That until a man gets out of the car and everyone stops talking. The man walks around the car carefully opening the door. All eyes are on the limousine waiting for the person to come out

The first thing i see is a pair of red heels and then oh my god you have to be kidding me. My breath stops, everyone around me fades and my gaze is focused on her, am i dreaming?

"Bea?" Her sweet tone destroy my inside and i froze. What the hell is she doing here? How does she know where i am? I swear if Zoe told her i will kill her but oh wait she is approaching

"We need to talk"

My knees feel weak and i stop breathing for a second. I need time to comprehend that Poppy Min-Sinclair is in my town, here with me. Oh boy what did i get myself into

Tag list: @lolimugly @origmansello @greatestflirt-hero @mvalentine @otakufangirl-12 @sugarplumpnhoneybun @princessstellaris @indecisive-choices @i-loveeveryone @kiara-36 @ognenniyvolk @somewillwin @it-lives-in-braidwood-manor @ghalind @sergeant-pepper-loves-choices @dibberdipper @tyrils-star @nydeiri @justastranger-passing

#play choices #queen b #poppy min sinclair #choices fanfiction #poppy x mc #queen b poppy #choices fic #playchoices #pb choices #choices #my fics

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horansqueen · 4 years

Text

You & Me : chapter 11

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.6k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: im excited for the next few chapters to come tbh. if you still read and comment and reblog and like after AM Conversations and this sequel, i want you to know it means a lot to me. i cant even explain. i wrote 11 chapters of this sequel in only a month. thats all because of you guys. thank you, i love you!!!

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : i changed one of the requests only slightly (like the drunk thing) but i think its not that bad. spoilers if you read those requests btw!

Chapter 11 : His chapter

NIALL

Her eyes met mine and her lips parted as I let my arm fall on the side of my body, still holding my phone maybe a bit too tight. Did I enjoy the thought of Olivia and I back together? I couldn't pretend otherwise, of course I did. What I didn't like is some random crappy online journalist announcing it before anything even happened. She wanted to back away, I could read it in her eyes, and I knew I had to do something to keep her from pushing me away.

"You're having that flashback too, don't you?"

She chuckled without amusement and raised her eyebrows, glancing down before looking up in my eyes. I didn't want to ruin the mood by showing her that article but at the same time, i knew I had to, if only to prepare her for what was to come. When one article comes out, it sort of gives the green light to every other garbage web sites to say the same thing.

"You and me, getting out of the movies and seeing an article about us dating while I was with Harry and you were with Maya?" she asked before sighing. "Oh yea, fresh memory. Harry was so kind about it."

"Maya was not." I added, my hands in my pockets, making her lips curl. "She was pissed. We argued for over an hour that night."

Her face changed and her smile fell quickly.

"It's the night Harry broke up with me."

I felt something stir in my stomach and I held my breath. I remembered that, too, because I had rushed to her to comfort her. It was the night I touched her, the first time I heard and saw her get an orgasm, one that I gave her, and that thought made a shiver run across my back before I cleared my throat.

"Sorry for the bad memory."

I knew she wanted to say something, I knew her by heart, but when I noticed she wouldn't talk, It reminded me why Harry actually broke up with her. I only found out later, but Harry had mentioned that it was because he knew she was in love with me. Were we going around in circles?

"No it's okay." she just replied, bringing her arms around herself and shrugging. "It's not like Dylan was gonna break up with me for a stupid article."

We both knew that was not why Harry had broken up with her but I decided to keep quiet. This article would already make our friendship falter and there was no way I wanted to make it worse. My eyes roamed on her and I wondered if I just shouldn't tell her how I felt now. Spill it all, tell her I needed her, ask her to drop everything and choose me, and although it was tempting, I was scared it would just ruin everything. The problem was, she looked so beautiful and vulnerable at that exact moment, that I felt like I could be, too. I could be vulnerable in front of her.

"Of course not." I just replied right before her eyes met mine.

She sent me a small smile and nodded, walking past me as I followed her to the door. We entered and took our shoes off and when the door closed, I heard Louis' voice coming from the kitchen.

"Oi Oiii!" he yelled, making me roll my eyes. "My queen is that you? I bought sushi!"

I expected to see his face but it's actually Eleanor's head that poked from the kitchen. Her smile turned into a surprise expression before coming back even bigger

"Hey! Niall!"

She walked up to us and kissed my cheeks before doing the same to Liv. Her smile was contagious and she made a quick head movement.

"Do you guys want to join us for dinner?"

I glanced at Liv only to notice she was already looking at me with a small smile, making me smile too

"Mmhm, yea, sure, thanks guys."

We prepared the food and the wine and brought everything to the table before sitting down. I ended up sitting next to Olivia, in front of Louis and El and even I could have guessed it would, it didn't feel awkward at all to be with a couple.

"I just realized we never had a dinner like that before." Eleanor pointed, her face illuminating. "I mean, I know you two aren't together and... only a few weeks after you two got together, Louis and I.." she just said without finishing her sentence.

She turned to Louis and tilted her head, sending him a fond smile and I couldn't help but glance at Liv. She just grabbed her glass and took a sip before looking at the food in her plate and I frowned a bit, feeling her suddenly tense next to me.

"So Tommo, how's the album coming?" I just asked, trying to change the subject.

I saw Louis' face illuminate, chewing quickly and swallowing before shaking his head. I noticed my ex girlfriend smiling too and even if I didn't know why, I loved seeing her happy.

"Great! I'm taking my time, no rush, I just want to have fun and write something that reflects who I am." he explained as I nodded. "You know what I mean."

Yes, I fucking knew what he meant. My album felt like a mirror of the feelings I had back when I recorded it... and even now. That thought made me glance at Liv again until Eleanor talked.

"By the way, Louis finally made me listen to the song he wrote for you Liv and he mentioned you asked what I thought." she started, making Olivia look down suddenly. "I hope you know i'm totally okay with that. I know you went through a lot together and i'm all cool with that. It's a beautiful song, too."

I felt my heart jump in my throat as her words starting sinking in. Louis had written a song about her? Now I felt extremely curious to find out what it said but also fairly jealous.

"Thanks, I was a bit scared about that. It's a beautiful song I agree." Olivia chuckled low. "I can't believe he wrote that for me. I cried when he made me listen." she then admitted with a real laugh.

I watched their interaction while holding my breath. Witnessing the fact that my ex girlfriend, about whom I wrote an entire album, was touched by someone else writing one song about her was making something burn inside me. Of course, we had never discussed my album together but I couldn't believe she wouldn't acknowledge it at all, praising Louis for something I did at least 10 times, and more, if you count all the songs that didn't make it to the album that were also written about her.

I swallowed my pride and annoyance but a lump remained stuck and I cleared my throat, trying to get their attention. I was not going to mention that now, though. I didn't want to start drama or make everything awkward, but I took a mental note to ask Olivia about it, for sure. Did she not like the songs I wrote for her? Did it not touch her?

"What's the song about?" I asked, trying to be casual.

"Friendship, mate. Just friendship, and how we went through things together." Louis said, looking straight in my eyes. "Also, it pretty much says she's perfect the way she is and that I wished she'd see it the way I see it."

I nodded as if anyone needed my approval and Louis sent me an understanding smile. He knew exactly how I felt, I could read it in his eyes, and the fact that I was jealous of him was ridiculous but I couldn't help it. I didn't really know what they went through together but I knew it had been intense. They were both heartbroken and spent all their time together. No one else had been there and no one else could really know what had happened but If I had to, I'd guess on intense crying sessions and liters of alcohol.

"It was beautiful, I really didn't expect it." Liv added, making the lump in my throat even harder to swallow. "I'm super grateful."

"You're welcome, my queen."

I turned my head away and grimaced slightly, hating myself for letting this affect me. It really shouldn't. It was juvenile of me to take this against me because it literally had nothing to do with me.

The night went on and we talked about a lot of memories and plans we had for the future. It was amazing to find my friends back and have fun with them the way we used to. It had been a bit awkward with Louis in the past months, probably due to the fact that he and Liv became very close and he had tried to keep us at a fair distance from each other.

I thought about how my life had changed in only a few weeks and I liked it like that. I knew that I was missing on something before Olivia and I bumped into each other again but I don't think I really realized to which extent. I had lost many things when I broke up with her and now that it was all coming back, I never wanted to lose it again. It was an understatement to say that Olivia changed my whole life whenever she was in it and after being away from her for so long, it was even more obvious.

When I finally got out of my own thoughts, I tried to catch up with the discussion, not really sure what I had missed exactly but when I understood, I lost my smile as my heart literally dropped in my chest.

"So when are we going shopping for that dress?"

Olivia grimaced and my lips curled very slightly again. I always thought she made the cutest faces and this one was no exception.

"I need to lose weight before, can't look like that in my wedding dress."

My smile faltered as I was reminded of the fact that she was getting married and I frowned despite myself. Louis quickly jumped in and reached for her hand on the table.

"You're perfect the way you are." he just pointed out, looking straight in her eyes. "Right Neil?"

Everyone turned to me and I tried to stop a groan from coming out of my mouth. I should have said something before Louis did, this I knew, but I was focusing on the fact that the love of my life was getting married to someone who wasn't me and I guess it had made me a bit slow to react. Now that Louis had put everyone's attention on me, Liv would probably think I was pressured to say something nice which clearly wouldn't be true.

My eyes found hers and I licked my lips. I loved how she had changed, actually. She grew up and she was glowing. She was never a fan of her body but I was. I loved her curves, I loved her soft skin and the way she'd get goosebumps when i'd brush my fingertips on it, no matter where. I loved her hair and the way it fell in her eyes when she slept. I loved her thin lips and when a smile played on them. I loved her laughter and how her eyes became smaller and sparkled when she'd raise her nose up. I loved watching her naked, walking towards me, her hips moving slowly, making it obvious I was going to get some.

"You are. You're perfect, Olivia."

Her lips curled a bit and she nodded, pressing her lips together. Suddenly, I wanted to kiss her again. It was always on the back or my mind but looking at her like that and thinking about every feature of her body made me want it so bad that I had to hold my breath to make sure I wouldn't just move closer and crash my mouth against hers.

"Excuse me." I cleared my throat and quickly got up, leaving the table and rushing to the bathroom.

I groaned and closed my eyes, leaning against the counter, just tired to see my stupid mug in the mirror. Was this going anywhere anyway? And if it was not, would I be able to just be around her while she'd be married to an other man? When Louis asked me to tell her she was perfect the way she was, only a few words had came out of my mouth when a hundred wanted to. I couldn't express myself and I hated it. I couldn't tell her how much she meant to me and it was killing me. I gripped the counter harder and bent down, cursing under my breath to myself, until I heard a knock at the door. My heart raced but I just opened the door quickly only to see her standing here. I didn't know how long we stared at each other but the intense desire I had to kiss her was back at full force.

"Are you okay?" she asked in a soft and low tone.

I could hear worries in her voice and I sent her a small smile while nodding.

"Yea, i'm okay." I just said, swallowing hard. "You know, about you wanting to lose weight and shit..."

Her eyebrows raised but quickly, she frowned before I shook my head, trying to untangle the words bumping on the sides of my skull like the logo of a fucking dvd in the corner of a tv.

"You just, you look so good, you don't need to change anything." I stammered, cursing internally. "I love everything about you."

"Everything?" she repeated, licking her lips. "I mean, you haven't seen me naked in a while."

The sight of her getting undressed in my guest room invaded my mind and I swallowed hard, trying to push the thought away. I couldn't tell her that indeed, I had, and that she turned me on even more than she did a year ago. I couldn't also deny it because I had promised myself i'd never lie to her again.

"Everything, Olivia."

She started nibbling her bottom lip and the craving of feeling her mouth on mine intensified. I didn't even know it was possible. She leaned against the door frame and I took a step closer to her, bending down as she looked up.

"You're literally the most gorgeous girl i've ever seen." I whispered, moving even closer, hoping she wouldn't move.

Her eyes got bigger in surprise and I just blinked a few times. I had seen a lot of sexy girls in my life, it was true. Girls with perfect bodies and incredible faces, but none of these girls could make me feel the way she made me feel. None of these girls could turn me on the way she did. One time, she told me that no one else was me and that was exactly how I felt, too. No one was her. I wanted no one else.

I bent down more and she raised her chin up, making my heart jump in my chest. With that gesture, I knew she wanted it too. She wanted me to kiss her and I was almost sure she wouldn't push me away, at least not before I could have a little taste of her, and I was ready to risk it. I tried not to talk, scared to ruin the moment or make her back away. I could feel her lips brushing against mine. I could swallow her breath and it started making me feel a bit dizzy for a reason I ignored, but just as I was about to press my slightly open mouth against hers, she pushed me away and got on her knees right in front of the toilet to throw up.

It took me a second to react but I got on my knees too, remaining close to her and I finally grabbed her hair, holding it away from her face as she threw up again. My free hand reached for her back and I rubbed it gently, feeling disappointed that we didn't kiss and guilty for being disappointed in a moment like this.

"You're okay, i'm here." I whispered as I watched her fingers grip the side of the toilet harder while she threw up for a third time.

After about a minute, Louis appeared through the door and I turned around just in time to see his face change. He seemed in panic mode and licked his lips quickly.

"I'll get a towel."

He was back a few seconds later and turned the water on, soaking the towel and handing it to me. I moved her hair away again and started brushing the cold towel on her cheek as she groaned, her eyes still closed.

"I can do it." Louis said, making me shake my head quickly.

"No, I got this, thanks."

He waited a few seconds but finally left and without thinking, I pushed the door, almost closing it. Olivia groaned again and when I noticed she was trying to get up, I helped her slowly. She leaned one of her hands on the counter for balance as I moved the towel on her face and she opened her eyes, meeting mine.

"I'm so sorry for this." she mumbled, grimacing and making me smile. "Sorry for the bad breath, too."

"Your breath doesn't bother me, you should know that by now." I pointed out in a gentle tone, smiling more.

"This is different, it smells like vomit."

"Your vomit doesn't bother me." I argued again.

"it bothers me though."

I moved closer to her just to flush the toilet and she sighed, swallowing hard and grimacing again. I brought my hand to her back again, my whole palm pressed against it as I rubbed it gently.

"Feeling better?"

She raised her nose up and groaned with a shrug.

"You should get a rest." I pointed out as she shook her head.

"I need to take my make up off first." she explained with a sigh, closing her eyes.

She looked exhausted and I tilted my head until she opened her eyes again.

"I can do it for you." I proposed in a low tone, opening one of the drawers and grabbing the bottle I was used to see her buy. "This, yea?"

She blinked a few times and nodded before pointing me something else. I grabbed it too and poured some of the cleanser on a cotton pad slowly. When I looked up, she was staring at me with a fond smile that I sent back.

"Okay, close your eyes." I asked low again before rubbing gently the pad on both her eyes, watching it get colored quickly. "Don't move."

My lips parted a bit as I used an other pad, running in on her face and going even slower when I reached her lips. I stopped just looking at her for a few seconds and finally cleared my throat again.

"Okay, you can open your eyes." I just said, watching her eyes flutter open. A smile appeared on my lips and I chuckled low. "This is harder than it looks. You've got some black left under your eyes."

She smiled more and tilted her chin up before I brushed the pad under one of her eyes. I watched her eyelid flutter a bit as she tried to keep her eye open and did the same with the other eye. The silence in the room was not heavy. It was actually comforting in a way I couldn't explain. I felt like I was locked alone with her on an island. I felt like nothing could tear us apart. I threw away the pads and when I looked back at her, I noticed her eyes were still on me.

"Thank you." she whispered, making me smile again.

I grabbed the towel and turned it around to run the cold and wet fabric on her face, making sure it was not on the same side I had used after she threw up and when I was done, I sighed with a grin.

"Okay, let's get you in bed now."

She groaned again, her nose raising in a grimace, and it made me chuckle. "Don't be a baby!"

I turned around and bent down slightly, waiting for her to get on my back but after a few seconds, I chuckled again.

"Come on, petal."

"I just... Niall, I did gain a little weight I don't think you can-"

"Shut up and get on my back."

It took a few seconds but she did what I asked and I grabbed her behind her knees as she wrapped her arms around my neck. I opened the door more with one of my feet and brought her to her room without even asking which one it was. I put her as gently as I could on the mattress and she chuckled tiredly as I turned around to look at her.

"Do you want me to help you get undressed the way you did for me?" I asked, a smirk playing on my lips and making her laugh even more.

"No thank you, I'm good." she joked. "I'm sick, not drunk."

I stared at her for a few seconds and she did the same. Now would be a horrible time to kiss her but the will I had to do it was still extremely fierce. I bent down and kissed her forehead quickly instead before taking a step back and sliding both my hands in my pockets.

"I'll see if Louis and El need help okay? You rest."

She nodded and turned around to leave but I stopped when she almost yelled my name and when I turned around, I noticed she was sitting. I waited for about a minute, just looking in her eyes and focusing on the beatings of my heart, but she ended up just licking her lips.

"When are you... when am I gonna see you again?"

The question took me by surprise and I raised my eyebrows, bringing one of my hands behind my head to scratch it lightly.

"Uhm, do you want to go somewhere tomorrow night? A pub or a club or something? We could ask our friends-"

"Yes, let's do that." she replied fast, making me smile and nod.

I let out all the air I had kept in my lungs come out as soon as I closed the door behind me and tried to get back to my senses as I walked to the kitchen. Louis and El were having an other glass of wine and I sent them a smile, leaning against the wall. They noticed me and pulled away slightly, making me smile more. There was always something magnetic between them, perhaps something similar to what Liv and I had, maybe still have.

"She's in bed, I think she'll be okay." I told them as Louis nodded. "I think It's time for me to go back home."

I searched through my pants to grab my keys and closed my eyes with a groan suddenly.

"No fucking way." I grumbled, looking at my key chain and sighing. "Not again."

Louis got closer and I glanced at him before shaking my head.

"I lost my key. Again. I don't know how I fucking do that."

"You can sleep here, the guest room is free, sheets are clean." Louis proposed with a shrug. "Room's yours, mate."

I pressed my lips together as I stared at him. The only other solution I could find was to ask Heidi for her key but just thinking about calling her and explaining where I was seemed like too much trouble. After that, she'd probably ask me to sleep at her place or follow me to mine, which was also not something I was in the mood for.

"Okay, thanks, I appreciate."

It took us all about half an hour to get ready and go to bed but when the whole house was quiet and in the dark, I just lied down in bed with my hands under my head, watching the ceiling and trying to remember all the events of the day. Were we really that close to kiss? Was I that close to feel her lips on mine again and maybe more? I closed my eyes tight at that thought and without thinking, I threw my covers away and got out of the room, quietly walking up to hers. I didn't dare to knock but just walked inside until I was close enough to whisper her name.

"Liv, hey."

She groaned and turned around on her back. I was used to the darkness now and saw her blink a few times, her eyes meeting mine before she frowned.

"What time is it?" she asked.

"Late." I replied, licking my lips. "Can I sleep with you?"

She sat up and my eyes fell on her chest, noticing she was wearing a familiar shirt. She rubbed her eyes and whimpered low, letting out a yawn that made my lips curl.

"Why are you still here?"

"Lost my key, Louis said I could spend the night." I explained quickly. "Can I sleep in your bed."

She seemed to hesitate but after a while, she just nodded and moved away to give me space. I slithered under the sheets and she turned my way, staring at me for a few seconds. She seemed totally awake now and I just smiled at her, thanking her.

"I recognize the shirt." I pointed out, not really sure if I should really mention it. "I was looking everywhere for it you know."

"Lies." she replied quickly. "I've had it only for a few days."

"You mean you stole it after I let you borrow it because you forgot to bring one."

"I wouldn't say 'steal'." she argued with a shrug.

"What would you say then?"

Silence. I let out a laugh and she grimaced.

"Shut up and sleep."

I laughed again and she turned around, sliding one of her arms under her pillow as her back now faced me. I stared at it for a few seconds and finally inhaled deeply before moving closer to her, wrapping one of my arms around her and reaching for her hand under the pillow with my other one. She whimpered so low that I was not sure I heard right but slowly, she let her fingertips brush against the arm around her and I smiled more.

"Liv?" I asked in a whisper, making her whimper again. "Do you think you were sick because.. of.. I mean, are you getting married because.."

I couldn't seem to finish my sentence but I was not sure if it was because It was a stupid question or because I was scared of the answer. It took her a few seconds but she finally started laughing.

"I'm not pregnant, Nial!l" she chuckled. "Just, never let Louis choose the sushis ever again. Now sleep."

I smiled and placed my head on the pillow before closing my eyes. Feeling her warm body against mine made me feel suddenly better but when she moved back slightly, I realized her legs were bare, just like mine. Her thighs pressed against mine and once again, I realized how perfectly her body fitted with mine. She started snoring lightly and I grabbed her fingers again, squeezing them lightly but decided to leave my body pressed against hers. I moved my head closer, my lips almost touching her nape, her hair tickling my nose, and swallowed hard. I knew she couldn't hear me but I licked my lips anyway before whispering.

"You're perfect."

#niall horan #niall horan fluff #niall horan smut #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan writing #niall horan story #my fanfics #yam #cant believe i made a whole chapter about only 1 evening lol

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onlynight-onlylight · 3 years

Text

Encounter

Words: 2,6K

Pairing: Jin x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Slice of life, Stranger to lover (?)

Summary: You will never know when and where love comes to you. Moreover when it comes from a perfect man that everyone adores.

Note: I’m surprised myself when writing this short fic of Jin. I didn’t expect the story to be like this haha. I write this for Jin’s birthday which is next week!!! And this is my first time to write after a looooong time so I hope it’s not too awkward.

Dani: Are you free today?

The very first message I check in the morning comes from my best friend. I make sure that today is Saturday before I send a reply.

Me: Yeah. Why?

Dani: I bet you haven’t check the group chat yet. Seonho asks us to meet today, reunion with hidden agenda I guess.

I open an active group chat consists of my high school friends. We actually don’t talk often but we always give each others’ updates to maintain good relationship. I scroll a little bit because everyone is sending message. When I see a picture, I finally understand the hidden agenda Dani’s told me just now. Seonho is getting married. Seonho, my biggest crush during high school.

“Are you coming?” Seokyung & Dani are on the way to the café. Some of friends will meet today, for the sake of reunion, and for early celebration of Seonho’s wedding. These girls have been my up and down when trying my best to keep my secret crush hidden. I’ve said to them many times that the silly crush is gone now, but I can’t lie that something does feel strange. And now they unnecessary worry about me.

“Of course. Call me again when you arrive, I’m at the nearby park.”

“Going out with your camera again?”

“Yes. I don’t want to waste a good day like this”

“Okay. Don’t stay under the sun too long”

I walk around the park, following the line of trees. It’s getting warmer as welcoming spring season but sometime the wind is still too cold for me. I take some pictures when find something that catch my eyes. It’s always entertaining to watch people’s interaction. I often sit alone and enjoy the breeze. It helps me clearing my mind when days feel too rough. Sometimes, I get bonus to see beautiful faces for my camera to catch. Just like that one particular man who just walks out from the café. He must be model or actor to have that gorgeous face and perfect proportion.

I take few pictures of him. I know they will turn out good even though I don’t take its properly. It’s surely not because I’m a good photographer but the object. It makes me smile. It will be nice to get this kind of pictures every time I shoot.

*Dani calling*

It’s time to be back to reality.

I make a promise earlier that whatever happened today it won’t break me down, not again. I might like him in the past but it’s all in the past. He will forever see me as a friend and I know that from the very start. I know it well. But it’s just I get a closure that I needed today when I get his wedding invitation. I can hold it well in front of him and my friends. But somehow, a tear escapes from my eye.

I look at the film camera I bring today. I want to make memories with them, with Seonho too, using his camera so I cannot have second thought after the photo taken and delete it. This should be one of ways for me to toughen myself and be true to my own words. I’ve done liking Seonho and only see him as a friend.

I still have 5 frames to go. I take a deep breath and snap a shot of the upper part of the building together with the clear sky. Long sigh comes out, I really don’t want to cry but it keeps falling.

“Are you okay?” asks a man from a bench away. It startles me and surprisingly stops me from crying.

“I know it’s not my business but I think you need this” says the man who is standing a step away. I look at him while wiping the tear stain.

“I’m fine”

“I just purchase it from the vending machine if you don’t believe me. I don’t have any bad intention. I just feel bad to see you sad and this sweet drink should make you a little bit better”

He is very good looking. No, extremely handsome. He surely has his way with words but I still keep my guard up. These days, many criminals disguise as kind looking or educated person.

“You can take a picture of me as proof later on, if I really do something bad to you”

He, once again, push the cold drink to me and back to his bench again. He opens his bottle and drink it like a commercial. I can’t help a small smile when see him do that. He is surely a weird guy.

“I’m ready to pose if you really want to take a picture though”

“Okay, just in case”

I bring my film camera to my eyes and capture a very clear shape of his face.

“One more with your phone. You can send it to your friend ‘just in case’ I steal your phone later” he says while striking another pose. I shake my head. I do not expect laughing at the very moment.

I fulfill his request to take his picture with my phone camera and show him the result. I really hope he is not a bad guy because it will be a shame for his beautiful face and such a wit.

“Thank you” I say to him before drinking. My heart feels a little bit lighter than earlier.

“Will you post you pictures online? Hmm maybe on instagram?”

“I don’t know”

“I give a permission to post my pictures on your page then, no need to thank me”

I laugh for the second time. This time he laughs with me. Why someone bother to stop, spend his time for a poor looking stranger and make her laugh? I mean, we are strangers, we don’t know each other, less care for each other.

He, now, moves to my bench and sit on the other edge.

“I’m Seokjin, you can call me Jin. You can to not tell me your name now, but do me a favor”

“What is it?”

“When I find you, I mean my picture on your SNS, you cannot decline my offer for coffee or dinner if you don’t drink coffee”

“Okay”

“Be prepare for our second date” he says before leaving me all smiley on the park.

When he’s far enough from my sight, I just realize. He’s the man I saw this afternoon. The living sculpture that makes my pictures look better. I shake my head in disbelief. I’m expecting our next meeting to come.

10/10

This is the last picture of my happiness project. A pleasant encounter. Thank you.

seonho__kim Oh? Who’s this? You hide your new boyfriend from me?

kyungie_SK YOU MEET HANDSOME MAN IN SECRET!? WHATTA BESTFRIEND!!

DDDani is he… Jin sunbae? You two ...?

KSJin92 I cant tell which one is better, the photographer or the model, should we discuss it over a coffee? Or dinner? Your call.

The minute after I post Seokjin picture, everyone’s being wild. My bestfriends are being so loud on our private group chat. Sending all text in capital letters, sending all threating meme stocks they have on their phone. They demand me to explain in details how, when, why regarding Seokjin. I have to ignore those texts as I have to back to work. I know once I start replying them, they will never let me to stop until they satisfied. I receive DM notification from the source of this phenomenon right before I out it back to my pocket.

Jin: I know I offer coffee or dinner, but I wait for a long time just for coffee.. I know this Japanese restaurant that has superb menu and deserves all those Michelin star, so… will you be free on tomorrow?

Me: That sounds very promising and I have no reason to refuse, don’t I?

Jin: Great. 010 XXX XXXX This is my number, text me your office address and I’ll pick you up. See you soon ;)

Right after works, Seokyung and Dani ask me to meet them in chicken restaurant near our highschool. It’s our favorite restaurant to go whenever we want to fulfill our stomach while gossiping.

“I don’t believe how small this world is. How can you and Jin sunbae meet? He is ‘the sunbae’ I told you guys before” Dani seems excited and amazed at the same time. Dani works at the finance consulting company for 2 years now and Seokjin is his senior in different department.

“The famous sunbae?” ask Seokyung. Dani nods quickly. Me and Seokyung remember how Dani describe this man to us the first week she got the job. The idol of her company, who has many admirers from intern to senior staffs.

“I met him at the park last time, we talked a little and he asked me to take his picture”

“But how? And why?”

That’s exactly my questions too. Compared to him, I’m just an average looking woman, and a stranger. He must have work with many beautiful women in daily. I shrug my shoulder to answer them.

“It just happened”

“Is he a weirdo? I know he is handsome, but it doesn’t mean he is a good guy” Seokyung states her opinion with doubtful face.

“He. Is. The. Perfect. Guy” Dani says.

“He is very kind to others, well-mannered and smart. He is professional at work, no matter how friendly he is, he will be strict to those who make mistakes. During our company’s dinner, he can make everyone’s laugh with his dad jokes. I don’t think you can fake that one, no?”

“So… it will be fine if I meet him again, right?” ask me to both of my bestfriends.

“Totally fine”

“I think so”

They answer at the same time. They look at each other and laugh.

“That’s the fastest answer I ever heard from you too”

“I wish you to have boyfriend for what.. 2 years? It’s the perfect time to start again, you know” said Dani with a smile.

I’ve tried to have romantic relationship with other men before this but it never stays long. I was happy with them, everything goes smoothly. However, at some points, we both know that I cannot love them like they love me.

“Do you think it will work out this time, with Seokjin?”

“We won’t know for sure, but we wish you to be happy”

I also wish myself to be happy, happier.

Spending time with Jin is always entertaining. He knows his choice of words will lighten up the mood between us whenever we’re going out. He never seems out of topic or makes me losing interest. When I talk, he will attentively listen. Most of times he introduces me to all of his favorite restaurants in the city. Sometimes, he will accompany me taking pictures for my new projects. We just feel very comfortable to have each other around.

“Have you tried the new ice cream parlor near your home?”

“I haven’t tried it yet but I heard it’s good. They also have opening promos this week, if I’m not mistaken”

“Then should we go there before I drop you?”

“Hmm… are you making me join your morning jogging tomorrow?”

“You can read my mind so well. I need to make an excuse so I can meet you tomorrow morning”

I hold my smile and turn my face to the window.

“Who’s taking a woman eating ice cream nearly 9 pm”

Seokjin laughs a loud. He puts the ice cream parlor’s address to his car’s GPS despite of my comment because he knows I won’t survive the temptation.

“I will let you eat the mint-choco flavor this time. How about that?”

I pretend to think for a while. We both know Jin will get what he wants, but I just want to make it looks like not too easy. I don’t want to look I like him more than I should. Considering he let me to buy mint-choco flavor after countless dates for ice cream, he must really want us to go there. He always stops me when I want to pick that particular flavor and suggest me all of other flavors before.

“Bonus. How about dinner at my place next week? I’ll show you how good I am in kitchen”

I know he doesn’t have hidden meaning in his words but I can’t help to blush. He shouldn’t know how many times I imagining to hug him. He has wide shoulder and tiny waist, deep soothing smell and a good amounts sweet talks. We always an inch away to kiss. It makes me somewhat impatient and wondering how it feels like.

“O..okay”

“Cute”

We don’t label our relationship but we are no longer stopping ourselves to touch each other with affection months ago. This time feels different from the other relationships I have before. I trust Jin from the beginning and I think I fall in love with him sooner than I expected. He, himself, is very different from men I met before but I never thought we will match very well. To be honest, I thought he’ll only play around with me. But he always proves me wrong with his actions.

Dinner at his place become a routine. He doesn’t cook every time I come over, but never let me disappointed by his chosen take-out menu. Sometimes he just wants us to watch movies with snacks. The first three dinners, he will drive me home even it’s late. But after that, he will pretend too sleepy and persuade me to sleep over. It’s not I don’t like it, but he just tortures me more than before. These days, he will just hug me once I step inside his place and won’t even let me go for more than 5 minutes. It feels like we put ourselves in internal battle, to see who stands longer in this sexual tension.

“You’re not going home tonight” he said.

“I know” I answer without looking at him.

I give up to try right after the first night I fail to force him getting up while pretend to be sleepy. I remember how cheerful he sounds when I agree to sleep over. He even let me wear his favorite green pajamas.

He pulls me closer to him till my back fully leans to his chest.

“Should I tell you my plan tonight or you already know too?”

“Hmm? What plan?”

“I call it ‘Making You Mine’ plan?”

“Making me yours?” I ask. I turn my face to see him and find him already looking at me.

We just stare to each other’s eyes for some good seconds until his eyes start to travel down. He stops at my lips and wetting his own lips. I can’t help to notice how his tongue move slowly.

“Yes. I’ll make you mine tonight” he whispers while looking back at my eyes.

My mind blanks. I can’t think other things than his lips, his body, just himself in front of me. His face comes closer and I close my eyes when I feel his soft thick lips on mine. I hold onto his arm that circles my waist.

“I forget to tell you. You’re not going to sleep either”

The perks of having best photographer in the world as your girlfriend ;)

By @.Y/N

Y/N OMG. WHY DO YOU POST THIS?!

KSJin92 @.Y/N you’re the only one who can capture my beauty, honey, I have to show it to the world

Y/N @.KSJin92 tell me why I agree being your gf again

KSJin92 @.Y/N oh you know why… should I list all of them here? ;)

DDDani @.kyungie_SK this is why she was busy for the weekend ;)

kyungie_SK @.DDDani totally understand lol

Y/N @.DDDani @.kyungie_SK shut up you two!!!

#bts fics #bts fic #bts fanfics #bts drabble #bts x reader #bts jin #jin x reader #jin fanfic #seokjin fanfic #bangtan fanfic #bts fluff #happybirthdayjin

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diamondcamefromhell · 4 years

Text

Jaskier x Fem!Reader pt.4

PART ONE

PART TWO

PART THREE

This is second to last part, meaning part 5 will be the last (will post it later today!) as I dont want to drag it out any longer than it needs to be, and I am quite happy with how it’s winding down now. I also just wanted to thank you all for being so lovely and supporting my writing, it means so much to me, and I cant wait to post more!

Requests are open [Not just for Jaskier, I can do any of the Witcher characters, as well as some of other fandoms, feel free to ask me if you want something else; nothing is off limits, apart from smut!]

Warnings: Swearing, arguing.

Word Count: 2,191

The night came, and as Jaskier cuddled his lute, I stared out into the night sky. We were so close to the dragon, tomorrow we will face the beast.

Borch, Vea and Tea cross my mind, as I feel a sting of guilt wrap around me. I didn’t even try to chat with them, and the old man tried to be kind to me. He told me I already have bard’s heart. I guess he was right. I wish I could thank him. I sit next to sleeping Jaskier, running my hand through his hair – he grunts in his sleep. I cant help but smile, settling for a night near him.

I am woken up when Jaskier shakes me. My eyes shoot open and for a second I am blinded by the daylight. He’s stuttering something but I can’t quite understand what, so I just jump on my feet, to see an empty camp. Everyone left. Without us.

Great.

We rush down the mountain, going around seemingly frozen in place dwarves, but by the time we reach the cave, it seems pretty clear the fight is already over. And I see Borch, a long with his warrior companions. What happened here?

“You’re alive.” Jaskier voices my thoughts, gasping at the old man and the girls. He offers us both a kind smile, but not an explanation.

“I am so glad you are okay.” I say, feeling like weight has just been lifted off my chest.

“I am glad you stopped worrying.” Borch winks at me, making me blush. Jaskier doesn’t seem to notice as he’s already pulled out his little note pad, and is grilling Vea and Tea about all the details.

“Thank you for that.” I say, genuinely meaning it.

Borch nods, walking towards Geralt and Yennefer, who are standing near a cliff edge, conversing, from what I can tell. I leave bard alone too, peaking in a cave, to see a beautiful green dragon next to a gold egg. My heart beats faster, as I stare at the beast.

It’s absolutely beautiful.

I am, however, taken back, when I hear Yennefer angry yell, I look back just in time to see her rush off. I never seen Geralt look angrier, as Jaskier tries to tell him something. I am too far away from them to hear, but when Witcher yells, I hear every single word.

“Dammit Jaskier! Why is it that whenever I find myself in a pile of shit it’s always you! Shoveling it.” I begin approaching the Witcher, not sure what my plan is. “The Child Surprise, The Djin, all of it. If life could give me one blessing it would be to take you off my hands.”

I am still too far away to hear what Jaskier says, but I can see his pain from here, as he walks away, shaking ever so slightly. I rush to Witcher now.

“Have you lost your shit, Geralt?” I hiss at him, but he ignores me. “That was uncalled for, you idiot!”

“Oh fuck off.” He glares at me now as I cross my arms.

“No, fuck you, Geralt. Jaskier has been your friend through all the shit you gotten yourself into.” I begin to shake now. “And that’s how you repay him? Hurting his feelings, blaming it all on him. Take a look in the mirror if you are looking for a scapegoat.”

“Listen, Y/N, I am not in a mood for any of your stupid lectures.” He takes a step towards me, and for the first time I am genuinely scared of him. “I don’t need another person shitting on my life. Go to your bard and leave me alone.”

“Right.” I take a step back, trying to hide my hurt. “Well, I wish you well, Witcher.”

My voice breaks at the end, as I twist on my heel, rushing off. I see Borch trying to approach me, but I put my hand up, letting him now that now I am not in a mood for any of it. I look for Jaskier, to see him nearing a cliff edge.

I rush to him.

“Jaskier.” My voice is still shaky, but I try to hide it. For him. “Jaskier, look at me.”

“Y/N.” He glances at me, and I see him rip out a piece of paper from his journal, however before he can throw it, I grab his hands.

“Don’t.” I say softly, managing to control my voice. Jaskier looks at our hands. “Write it. Sing it.”

I see a hint of surprise in his eyes. Maybe he didn’t think I knew what he was trying to do, but I could tell he was hurt. He didn’t want to write this song, as it would forever bring sour memories of Geralt snapping at him.

But I knew this ballad would be one of the best. I knew he needs to cling to it, cling to the slain dragon. I know that in a long run, it will bring him more joy than pain.

He sighs, putting the paper in his journal, safely closing it. His gaze is still on the horizon. I don’t know how to comfort him. I shoot a glance to see that Witcher has already began his leave too – I cant see him.

“Let’s go back. You have a story to tell.” I say, forcing a cheerful voice, but Jaskier isn’t buying it.

“I heard what he said to you.” He says as we begin to walk.

“Yeah, well. It doesn’t matter.” I say, bravely. I steal a glance at the bard, he looks heartbroken. “I heard what he said to you. Part of me wanted to push him off the damn cliff, part of me knows that no matter what he says, you will always care about him. A lot.”

“Someone has to.” Jaskier’s voice is hushed, quiet. I almost don’t catch his words.

“I don’t think he meant what he said about you, Jaskier.” I sigh. “He’s simply scared, looking for someone to blame for his own mess ups.”

“Maybe he’s right.” His tone breaks my heart, and I cant bear to look at him. “Maybe I am just bad luck.”

“The great bard Jaskier could never be bad luck.” I argue, still not being able to look at him. “And bad things tend to happen to good people. It’s just the way life works. It’s a big pile of not fair shit.”

“You really think so?” I now glance at him, smiling. Our eyes meet and he in return, offers a small grin.

“How many times have you seen bad shit happen to bad people?” I ask, but before he can answer, I continue. “Point being, you and Geralt are both good. So of course bad shit happens. And sometimes, it’s just destiny. And we all know that you can’t run from destiny, even if Geralt tries to.”

“But he really wants me out of his life.” I scoff to that.

“We all want you out of our lives from time to time, you’re a bard Jaskier.” He giggles and I feel like I could cry. “Your job is to be annoying. It was just a bad moment of tension, and he voiced that passing thought. He didn’t mean it, I am sure of it. I bet he already misses your singing.”

“Toss a coin to your Witcher,” he begins as I frown, gently nudging him.

“I still hate this song, Jaskier.” He gives me a genuine smile, taking my arm in his.

“Just so you know, Y/N, Geralt didn’t mean what he said to you either.” Jaskier sighs as I hang my head low, barely being able to hold back my emotions. “He loves you as much as Witcher is capable of loving someone. As a little sister, of course.”

“He’ll come around.” I cant hide my voice shaking anymore, and in response, bard squeezes my arm. “We will have to be patient and wait.”

“I guess I will write that song. And sing it.” He offers me a smirk, and I blink my tears away. “And when Geralt hears it, he will rush back to us.”

“Probably to punch you.” I tease, and Jaskier laughs.

“Yes, probably that.” He agrees.

Although our steps feel lighter, the sadness still lingers. We can only make each other feel so much better. I may believe his words, and he may believe mine, but Witchers anrgy voice still echoes in my head. And I bet he is not able to get it out either.

At least we have each other, to cling to, as a beam of hope. Something physical to hold when pain is too much.

I hate to admit it, but I did begin to care about Geralt a lot too. He tried to be and look mean but he always truly cared about us. We were nearing Roach levels of care, and that’s a big accomplishment. I did wonder what happened to make him snap like that.

I remember Yennefer rushing away from him. She also looked hurt. Angry. Mighty Witcher is having a bad day.

“I hope Geralt’s okay.” I voice my concerns, and Jaskier hms in agreement. “There seemed to be a quarrel between him and Yennefer too.”

“There was.” Bard sighs, as we continue up the hill. “He seems to went on a streak, seeing how many people he can hurt in ten minutes.”

“I’m sorry he hurt you.” Jaskier giggles, but it doesn’t feel genuine. I can still hear sadness ring in it.

“We bards thrive on pain. It’s our creative muse.” He winks at me. “Right after you, of course.”

“Finding beauty even in the ugliest things.” Jaskier chuckles.

“Nothing is ugly, if you look at it right.” I agree with that, to an extent. No matter how I looked at Geralt’s words, they were still ugly.

It took us three days to reach Sky. Three days of quietness. I was worried about Jaskier, he hasn’t picked up his lute even since the dragon. I tried to bring any attention to it, clinging to his arm, in case he falls through an invisible trap.

I am not surprised to not see Roach, however still sad. I miss the horse as much as I miss Geralt. I go hug Sky, my black stallion who happily neighs when he sees me.

“I missed you, buddy.” I hiss his cheek. “Did Roach keep you good company?”

“Imagine if one day, he actually responded.” Jaskier jokes, and I giggle. “Y/N?”

“Yes?” I say, pulling away from the horse, but still petting him with one hand.

“What do you want to do now?” My heart sank. Jaskier and I sort of just always followed Geralt. Wherever he went, we tagged along as two annoying companions. And I don’t know the Continent at all, I had no idea where we even were.

“I…” I swallow a lump that’s stuck in my throat. “I don’t know.”

“I have an idea.” He comes closer to me, taking my free hand and squeezing it. I see fire in his eyes, like he’s finally beginning to awaken again. “We could look for home. Try to figure out what it is for us. If it’s a building or…”

“Or what?” I ask when he goes quiet for a few seconds. He picks up his lute, springing it back to life.

“I am looking for a home // where I’ll find it, I don’t know // in the forest, far away, // or in your arms may be my place.// Will I build it with my hands, // will I find it by myself // am I looking for a building, // will it be that simple?//”

I stare at him, prancing around again. The Jaskier I know, the one who sings about everything and anything. I lean on Sky, adoring the man I fell in love with.

“I am ready for adventure, // take my hand, you’re coming too, // north and south we must explore, // drinking, dancing all night long. // Finding castles and the taverns, // different towns and different patterns, // all is simple, all is great, // maybe home is not a place. // We will find it, I promise you, // just grab your horse, we’re riding soon // into the sunset and the sunrise, // we’ll look for home, until we find it.”

Jaskier lands the last note, and I applaud his singing. He beams, walking towards me, landing a sweet sweet kiss on my lips. I am surprised by the sudden approach, but I don’t mind it.

He climbs on Sky, offering me a hand. I untie the horse first, and then jump behind him. I allow Jaskier to hold the reigns this time, not wanting to bring him down from his high, as he ushers the horse. Sky neighs in response, happy to finally be able to move freely.

We ride into the forest, as Jaskier keeps humming the song he just came up with. With my hands around his waist, I can rest easy.

But the Witchers words still find a way to creep in.

PART FIVE [FINALE]

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klarkkent71 · 5 years

Text

TRAGEDY & VERSATILITY

September 8 2019

I still have more content about places to visit and other experiences but these will be my last set of poems until after vacation

TRAGEDY SERIES

HELL(Dedicated to the victims of mass shootings)

I hate it for you and in the back of my mind I’m feeling bitter yet so numb

Thinking to myself what has this world become to where we cant control those with the guns.

I want to write to my congressman and let out rage but he won’t listen because the lobbyist pay him funds

One shooting after the next more parents crying over a loved one

And to those committing the acts, my only question is why

Hatred, mental illness, jealousy, to understand I can’t try but to express my anger and say we do need change is a fight where I won’t be shy

Just know that I’m tired of innocent angels gaining their wings from others may they rest in peace in that place pass the sky.

PAIN

I look up to the sky and ask God why do the weather he gives add pain

Strong winds and natural disaster leads to another life that changed.

And what I’m discussing is beyond the times of Noah and the boat

But more on modern-day horrors such as seeing dead bodies of victims who just float

Or these fires that just burn through the western parts of the state.

I can only wish grace and mercy and pray for others and their fate

To lose everything in one instance I can fathom the weight

CUPID TEARS

I dreamed at night that we were together and woke up and nothing was there

I put you on my mind and fell back asleep thinking I don’t have a care

In the midst of it all I played everything in the back of my mind

One memory after the next of when you used to be mine

But now I’m just an empty shell sitting sad and alone wishing you were here.

I felt myself crying at one point and letting it all out thinking to myself this must be Cupid tears

BLACK HEROES

United we stand and divided we fall

An era of great leaders once chosen to answer the call

But with hope and courage comes a threat to their way of life

We preach to love your fellow man at times and do what’s right

Unless that man comes from a different creed and get singled out

You stand up and fight for your freedom that’s what it’s about

But to see the vision come true was something you kept in your head.

They say you were a threat and wanted to make a change by any means now you’re dead

And now the vision you fought for happened but the people divided

Trapped in the constraints of Willie Lynch with no guidance provided

We off the plantation now though and back in the hood

Thinking to ourselves life is good when in reality we’re trapped.

None trusting of our own so we stay strapped

We have colored skinned but we divided by color

You wear red or blue you now an enemy even though you’re my brother

Let's talk about the impact now that drugs had

Shit, Sad.

QUESTION 2

Will the world ever be at peace

TRAPPED(dedicated to those who afraid to be who they are)

Because we live in a traditional society you feel belittled for who you love

Bible goers tell you your actions will get you sent to hell when it says in the book of Mathew not to judge

Those with a closed mind will shun you and not try to understand how you feel

Just tease you for being different and want you to think you’re mentally ill

So pressure builds up and now you feel all alone

Questioning the way you were born to feel and think that everything about you is wrong

So you see death as an escape from it all

The thoughts grow stronger you thinking of multiple pills or blowing your brains on the wall.

I get sick of society and the pressures that others get to where they can’t be themselves

I pray that you find peace before it’s too late.

INTERLUDE

Love hurts but I’m grateful and feeling something and that’s alive. I'm feeling hopeful that I can be torn and put back together. In some instance even stronger than before. I honestly think that beautiful things can happen when others get completely torn down at times

VERSATILITY SERIES

Untiled

I look into your eyes and just get lost

Your chin is on my chest and you’re looking at me like I’m everything in your world

When it comes to spending time with you no matter the distance I’ll pay the cost

Our hearts beat as one and you’re my dream girl

Though the love will always remain the time of being in love been came to end

No titles or constant communication, in reality, we’re not even friends

And now I just hold on to the memories.

I look down at my phone wishing it was you

Wishing one last time I can hug and kiss you

I’ll tell you deep down inside how much I truly love and miss you

But I don’t

I just stare at a blank screen and smile at the notification from you accidentally liking something

A PAGE

I go hard for my last name so grinding to get after my dreams is nothing

I was motivated from the start my whole life I been grinding and hustling

Early on I was placed in special classes until it was discovered that I couldn’t hear.

So many years achievements later and I'm more than what they thought and I’m still standing right here.

The crazy part about it is that I haven’t fully stepped into my potential and what I can really be

The vision is still clear and I’m still chasing one more degree

I’ve done others wrong in the past and apologized and let go

Thanking God for the changes and maturity along with the growth.

I ‘m proud of who I become

Once wanted to fit in until I learned to march to my own drum

I lived seasons where people came in and out my life to where I grew numb

I had those close to me steal funds when I would‘ve fed them a meal and ate the crumbs

But here I am remaining humble

BLUE WATER

I’m staring out thinking what’s beyond my vision

Blue water, calm waves, to see past it is my mission

Thinking just how freely and smooth what you have just flow

Easily in just many directions, you can just go

I honestly admire the vibe

Being in your presence I feel the high

MY VIEW

I don’t care what your religious text says deep down this is how I feel

You claim your actions are saving souls from being killed

But the choice to me is with the beholder and not with the traditions they keep in Saudi

I’m stating this right now that a woman should have control of her body

It’s crazy we’re all birthed and come from a womb

VOTED FOR THE DEVIL

On the night I found out the devil won I wasn't surprised at the outcome or what the world has become.

I just know that a nation which was built of sins of others found their chosen one

The fact we constantly divide makes the beast strong

I keep telling myself that it’s just temporary but the days keep getting longer

And to those with brown skin instead of providing help we build walls.

Lies after lies I’m not even shocked or appalled

Really I’m entertained by those so simple to believe the lies

Draft dodging, fornicating, grab her by the pussy, Russian meddling, and spies.

I’m gone wait to really unleash in the future

Frames

I found pictures and it immediately made my mind jump in the past

Still frames of happiness of when I thought everything we had would last

I saw a birthday cake with candles with you wearing a white coat standing on a chair

Memories ill keep forever in my heart they will always be rare

I see beaches, balls, and baby showers along with pictures at my parents after church

I thought these were memories ill never get back but found on my laptop during a random search

I found a random jump drive and placed every picture on it so they will be in one spot

Im forever grateful that I have a passion for photography because they bring back memories we all forgot

Even flashing back from the good to the bad the mood will be remembered by the faces and emotions in the frame and over 80% it’s smiles

This is the closing of one chapter of poetry and the introduction of the next my next set of poems that will be pulled directly from my heart will called simply “NATALIE”

Whenever I post “NATALIE” it’ll cover many poems but i wanted some of the intro posted

Intro to NATALIE

All black, I feel it’s the color that represented me for years

Now im stepping out on faith thinking to myself I cant believe I showed up and right here

I felt like rock bottom to be honest I’m out the house and stepping out from fear

Sitting here faking like I know the culture but let’s be real what black person drink beer 🤔

#poetry blogger

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issatreeplant · 6 years

Text

Blue Blood - Jaebum Got7 Angst

Characters: Elizabeth (y/n) x Im Jaebum Genre: Angst Summary: A push and pull between the good and bad memories faced by the main character Im Jaebum. He thinks back to his past, remembering the sweet moments he had, during a time of dysphoria he can not escape. A world where death is real, epidemics are everywhere, and the one he loves is far away. AN: You know when you just wake up from a dream and it just hits you. It feels so real that you replay it in your mind a thousand times. This story was a dream i had, and possibly my favourite piece i’ve written thus far. If you guys have a moment during your day where you just want to feel all the feelings of life, i would love for you to read this story. If i’ve ever wanted to recommend a story to my readers, this is it. I love it so very much and i hope you do too. Happy Reading x

Friends (Past)

“Hey Jae! Give me back my book” she whines as her arms rise up to try grab her Biology textbook from me.

“I told you, you can have it, you just need to take it from me” I smirk, knowing well enough that even if she were standing on top of something she wouldn’t be able to reach for her book.

“You’re so annoying!” She sighs incredibly loud, “I liked you better when you ignored me and we weren’t friends”

She turns away from me and crosses her arms before kicking a pebble into the pond that we were next to.

Even though I know she didn’t mean what she said, her words stung.

I would never wish to go back to the days I didn’t know her.

Those days mean nothing to me now.

“Here” I shove the book towards her.

She stumbles to hold it in place as she looks at my expression.

I try turning the other way in hopes she doesn’t sense the slight annoyance creeping up, but I know she will see it like she seems to see everything about me.

“I’m sorry” she says quietly.

I shove my hands into my pocket and stare at the goldfish swimming inside the pond.

“You know I didn’t mean it” she adds as she grabs my arms ever so softly, afraid she will break me if she expresses herself too much.

“I know” I cut her off, not wanting to hurt her with my sudden mood change.

I quickly brush away her words from before and take this opportunity to go back to how it was.

I grab her textbook from her arms and run off.

I turn back only to see her dumbfounded. Standing where I left her, her hands book-less, her expression confused, her eyes slowly filling with the rage I loved so very much.

“IM JAEBUM!” she screams before bolting towards me.

I can’t help but burst out laughing as I run away.

-****-

Dance (Past)

“I hate this” she whines as she fiddles with the flower I placed behind her ear.

She’s staring out the car window, anxious to walk out and join the others on our highschool graduation dance.

I know why she’s scared.

She’s told me numerous times she hates dancing.

Whenever she mentions this, I remind her she has no problem doing the Robot in front of me, and that always ticks her off because she knows I know what she truly means.

Elizabeth hates being herself around those she doesn’t know.

We have been friends all through highschool so those rules don’t apply to me, but I do understand her.

When I asked her to prom (as friends of course) she was startled and told me she rather just go back to our secret hideaway and read books and listen to music.

We argued about it for a few minutes until she finally sighed her big sigh and agreed.

But we were here now, and she was incredibly anxious, which made me feel incredibly protective.

“Wanna walk in and grab the food and then leave?” I suggest

Her eyes light up at the thought of food and I can’t help but smile.

“Are you sure?” She asks, now turned towards me.

I can’t help but admire every little part of her today.

Her mom helped her out with her makeup. She chose to accentuate her already perfect features by adding a bit of blush to match her already rosy cheeks, a bit of mascara to lengthen her already voluminous lashes, a hint of lip tint to plump her heart shaped lips, and a bit of eyeshadow to emphasize her perfect, earthly, green eyes.

Her sun kissed skin looked beautifully gold in her ocean blue dress, and her beautiful dark brown curls were lazily placed into a bun that would unravel itself the second she let herself go.

I smile again, afraid I’ve stalled too long to admire her.

“I’m fine wherever we go as long as we go together” I tell her as I fiddle with my stupid tie, eager to rip it off.

She smiles, letting her one dimple show.

I can’t help resist the urge to do what I always do when I see her smile so widely.

I quickly poke her dimple and laugh as she flinches away.

“Hey!!” She says, holding her cheek now so that I can’t do it again.

“I’ll let that slide, only because we’re grabbing food” she orders before unlocking her door and running out before I have the chance to do what all gentlemen should do and open the door for her and escort her in.

-*****-

Kiss (Past)

“Are you jealous!?” She screams at me, shoving me aside to reach for the doorknob.

I grab her arm and pull her away, making myself the gatekeeper of the door to my apartment.

“This has nothing to do with jealousy” I say as she tries to pull me away from her only exit.

Once she realizes it’s impossible, she shoves me against the door as hard as she can before storming off into the kitchen.

“He’s not that bad once you get to know him Jae” she finally says, trying to calm herself in hopes that I��ll let her leave.

“Ya until you drop your guard and he uses you like he has used every single girl in the past and boasts about it to every damn soul at university!” I unintentionally raise my voice and it startles her.

She looks at me with her watery eyes, cheeks red from embarrassment and her eyebrows furrowed in anger.

I regret making her feel like this but I don’t regret keeping her safe from the scumbags we go to uni with.

“He’s not good for you Liz” I add.

The rain outside has intensified and we both hear the thunder before seeing the lightening.

The giant water droplets are hitting each window of my apartment hard, and the noise of the winds sends a chill down my spine.

“I’m only trying to protect you. I made a promise to your father I would do anythi-“

“Don’t you dare bring him into this” her voice cracks, and I can see the tears filling her eyes.

“You don’t owe him anything and you don’t owe me anything” she adds as she tries her best to hide her hurt.

“I’m sorry” I say, knowing well enough bringing up her father was a bad idea. Especially since he passed away only a few months back.

“I’m going home” she says as she wipes her eyes in one fast movement, “I don’t know why I came here tonight”

Her words sting, but I know she doesn’t mean them.

I continue to look at her as she grabs her leather jacket from the living room and then reaches for her Law books that are scattered all across the floor.

I don’t know why I’m being so protective. I should let her explore. I should let her be with whomever she wants. I shouldn’t care so much.

I walk towards one of her textbooks and grab it.

I keep my other hand in my pocket, clenching my fist has always helped me keep calm in situations like this.

As I walk towards her I notice she’s stopped packing up.

Her tears haven’t stopped, and her buttoned nose is slowly turning a shade of red.

I crouch down beside her and place her textbook beside the ones she has.

The thunder shakes the room once more and the lightening lightens our faces as we stare at one another.

“Why have you never tried?” She starts, holding back a sob.

I’m confused by the question but know better than to cut her off.

I wait for her to continue.

“We’ve been friends for so long, you’re the only person on this entire damned planet that knows me, yet you refuse to show me yourself” she says through a sob.

I feel my heart tighten at the sight of her. How broken she seems and how hurt she is.

I have no words to say at this moment because I also don’t know the answer to what she’s asking.

There is no doubt in my mind that I love her. There never has been.

But I also refuse to force her to choose me. I’d never put my own wishes over hers and she has all the right to find out who she is as a person before adding someone else into the equation, whether that be me or anyone else.

“You’re tired Liz, you can sleep in my room for the night. We can talk about this tomorrow.” I say as I get up from where I’m sitting before she can analyze my expression.

“Do you or do you not love me?” she raises her voice, her question is not a question but an order.

I freeze in my steps, grateful that I turned around before she asked so that I can hide my expression.

The only sound now is the whistle of the winds outside and the crackle of the water hitting the windows.

“Jae...” she whispers as she walks towards me.

She holds on to the back of my shirt, I feel a slight tug as she tries to pull me to her and the sound of her sniffles take over.

“I do” I finally answer.

“Then why don’t you show me” she adds, the sound of her voice is nothing but pain.

My mind and body are now fighting against one another. All the control I’ve ever been able to contain is slowly peeling apart.

I’ve wanted to be with Elizabeth since the day we met.

I’ve wanted to hold her when she cries, make her laugh when no one else can. I’ve wanted to protect her from everything that has threatened to harm her and I’ve wanted to be the only one in her eyes.

I’ve wanted so much from her and that is exactly why I have never shown it.

Love cant be out of greed. Love cant be out of necessity. Love cant be one sided.

I’ve loved her so much that I’m afraid it might be too much. I’ve wanted her for myself and I’ve chosen to hide it because I don’t want to control her.

She is her own self. She is her own person. She deserves whatever she wants.

“Jae.... answer me” she says as her voice cracks from fear of rejection.

I turn towards her then and finally look at her.

Even now, even at this state, I only see beauty.

Her curls slowly untwisting, her green eyes are dark, her eyelids are a slight shade of pink from crying so much. Her cheeks are red, and her lips are begging for contact.

She’s staring at me, analyzing everything I’m doing, everything I’m thinking.

I try to avoid her gaze but it’s impossible.

It’s at this moment I realize I love her too much to hide it anymore.

The walls I’ve built to hide away my feelings are paper thin now.

I slowly raise my hands, sliding one hesitantly around her small waist, pulling her closer to me.

She lets out a soft gasp as her body presses against mine.

I haven’t been this conscious of how I look in a while, but I can’t help remind myself that my hair is not made, I didn’t shave this morning, and my sweatpants and tank top probably don’t seem so flattering.

But I don’t care anymore.

My other hand raises up to her face, I use my thumb to wipe away her tears before pushing her soft curls behind her ear to get a better view of her puffy red eyes.

I bend my face down slowly, brushing my nose against the tip of hers.

She shuts her eyes to savour each moment of contact and I continue to analyze the beauty before me.

I feel my heart racing as I feel hers against mine. Her hands are now traveling up my body, and slowly wrapping around my neck.

Everything I’ve ever learned about control is shattered in my mind.

I press my lips against hers.

My mind ignites with thoughts of want and desire.

She wants this kiss as much as I do.

I feel her press her body closer to mine, going on her tippy toes for more control.

I slowly move us to the living room couch, refusing to break the contact at any moment.

I move away from her lips only to continue kissing everything else I love about her.

I start with her eyes, hoping to erase the tears that fell. I kiss her ears next, to erase the hurt she’s ever had to hear. I kiss her cheek that hides the dimple I love so.

I kiss the side of her jawline and make my way down to her neck, leaving love marks to claim what’s mine.

She gasps, and I hear her whisper my name and I wish I could hear her say it on repeat for the rest of my life.

I kiss her chest and her stomach and watch her clench her fists to control her own desires.

I stop only for a second to look at her.

We both have lost our breath and are staring into one another’s eyes for assurance that this is real.

“I love you” I finally say.

She gets up only to press another kiss to my lips.

“And I love you” she adds before I grab her waist and push her down to continue what we started.

-*****-

Studying Abroad (Past)

“I will miss you every day, every hour, every minute, every second” I say to her as I check in my bags and grab my boarding ticket.

“And I will miss you more than anything in the world” she says back as we walk towards my gate.

We both have dreams we want to accomplish.

Liz wants to become a lawyer, I want to join the police force. We are mature enough to know that we can’t stall our dreams, for anyone.

So moving abroad was a decision we both settled on.

And besides, we weren’t moving that far away from each other. I’d just be a few cities away and she would still be in Seoul.

Of course we wish it didn’t have to be this way, but we also know we have to make sacrifices in order to gain the things we want.

“I love you” I say for the billionth time today before pressing a long kiss to her lips.

She smiles as she wraps her arms around my neck and slowly plays with my hair.

“And I love you” she says with a wide smile.

I press my finger into her dimple and she rolls her eyes.

“Will you ever get rid of this habit of yours?” She wines.

“Nope” I grin.

*Flight 267 is open for boarding. Please show your ticket to the flight attendant before entering the Plane.*

We both sigh in unison and I can’t get myself to be the first to break the contact.

She knows this so she unwraps her arms and moves away.

“Call me when you reach” she says, trying her best to hide her sadness.

“I will.” I say before pulling her close one last time to kiss her soft lips.

“Now go!” She adds as she hears the announcement once more.

“Smile for me” I say, hoping to see her happy before I have to leave.

She rolls her eyes but gives me what I wish for and I can’t help but kiss her dimple once more.

“Time will fly by” I say before I grab my bag and begin to walk away.

“Remember me when you’re a hot police officer!” She yells from where she stands.

“And remember me when you’re a hot lawyer!” I yell back before making my way into the plane.

-*****-

The Out Break (Past)

I’ve been in the police academy for 3 years now.

My final year starts this coming fall.

I chose to stay at school this summer to focus on my studies and to get ahead of everyone else.

Liz was sad but understanding as she had a lot of exams to study for as well. She has only a year left of her grad school and soon will be living her dream as well.

I’ve made a few friends here at the police academy and things are going well.

I’m the top student in all my classes and my professors seem to really like me.

In fact, today I had a meeting scheduled with the Dean of my university who specifically asked to see me.

My professor told me he didn’t know what the meeting was about but he said it must be good.

I had called Liz earlier today and mentioned all of this to her and she was ecstatic, which only made me more excited as well.

“The dean is ready to see you Sir” said a man in a tuxedo, by the entrance of the office.

I nodded my head and thanked him before following him towards the office.

Once I entered the room, I noticed the man lock the door from the outside, and then I noticed the two security officers standing on either side of the deans desk.

The dean himself looked directly at me. His white hair was shining, his wrinkles emphasizing the knowledge he’d gathered over the years, and his lazy smirk acknowledging my presence.

“Sit down officer” he says, his voice deeper than expected.

I take my seat on the other side of his desk and continue analyzing the things around me like we have been taught in our courses to do.

“No one is planning to hurt you Officer, you can relax” he laughs.

“That’s the last thing I’d do after someone says that to me” I half joke, but then choose to relax a bit.

“I called you here today to speak to you about early graduation and entrance to our Special Ops group”

My eyes widen, and I feel as if I’ve heard wrong.

“You will graduate with a 4.0 GPA, honours status, and a full time position in the Special Ops force if you choose to accept” he reiterates.

“With all do respect Sir, this doesn’t quite make much sense.” I finally reply.

“I need your talents boy. You have what it takes to be a part of a group I’m formulating for the government.” He adds on.

The dean shifts in his chair, leans forwards slightly and pushes a folder over to me.

I stare at it, afraid it might burst if I touch it.

The dean stares at me patiently, waiting for me to open up the secrets within.

“There is an epidemic coming our way. No news has been distributed in order to keep the country calm but it is something that will hit us hard. There is no stopping it, and we need our best men working to reduce the harm that will be done”

“What is it” I cut him off, my heart slowly racing at the thought of something like this affecting our country.

“We have no name for it yet but the virus causes loss of memory, and muscle spasms. Whomever is infected no longer can control themselves, and grows a tendency to hurt those that share the same traits as them. As in, these infected humans will harm other humans and spread the virus until everyone is infected.”

My heart drops and I have no words to express how I feel. I open the folder in front of me to see pictures of men, women, children, elderly, all infected, all sharing similar symptoms. A trace of blue blood dripping out of their mouth, black veins under their eyes, and a loss of colour in their skin.

I am utterly horrified.

“We need you to exterminate any threats that come our way. We have a headquarters in central Seoul, we will fly you back if you wish to accept the position. You will learn how to take these things down. We need you Officer.”

It doesn’t take me long to respond to what was being asked of me.

These things were a threat to us.

I wouldn’t allow the ones I love to be hurt because of them.

“I accept”

-****-

Come Home (Past)

“Jae it’s been a year” she was pleading on the phone.

“You know I can’t come back now” I explain, as I’ve done numerous times this year.

“I miss you” she says softly, I can hear her crying.

“I miss you too, but I need to stay here. Every day the virus spreads. It’s almost where you are! I can’t let it get to you. I have to continue fighting it off”

I push my fingers through my hair and look to the sky in hopes to feel right about my choices.

“We can fight it off together! You and me! Jae you don’t have to do this alone” Liz says in anger.

“I can’t have it get to you” I answer.

“Decide then” she pauses, almost uncertain of what she’s about to say, “me or them Jae. I just need an answer so I can move on”

She’s crying now.

“Hey... Liz... you know I’m doing this for you” I say softly, hoping it will end this.

“So it’s them.” She cuts me off in anger.

“Liz, no, it’s you, it’s always you, I just need to do this for a little longer. I promise to come home soon”

“Sure, whatever. I have to go. Goodbye Jae”

The call cuts off.

I rub my face with my hand and let out a loud, tired sigh.

It’s my shift in the cells downstairs in about five minutes and everything in me doesn’t want to go down there and kill right now.

My pager goes off then, an alert about one of them trying to escape.

I sigh once more and get up from my chair.

Before leaving my room I look back at the desk I was leaning on.

I stare at the diamond ring placed in the center, waiting to be worn by the only one I truly care about.

I sigh once more and open my door to go down to the cellars.

-****-

Blue Blood (Present)

It’s been 4 months since my last contact with Liz.

She refused to pick up any time I tried to call her and I never received a reply from her after sending her numerous letters in hopes that she would read them and call me.

I missed her immensely and I had decided it was enough.

I planned to go speak to the General in charge of our team and ask for some time off.

I needed it.

After almost two years of seeing nothing but pain and hurt, I needed to see her smile. To feel her in my arms and to kiss her lips like I used to.

I missed her laugh, her smile, her dimple, and her mind.

I wanted it all back and I planned on getting it.

After my final shift today, I would go directly to the General.

I promised myself this.

For the final time today, I put my quarantine suit on, wore my goggles, grabbed my weapons belt, and reached for the ID folder of the thing within the cell.

The file requested for an immediate extermination as this thing was infected for too long and nothing could save it now.

“I can’t wait to grab dinner after this” James, a fellow officer, joked around as I walked passed him.

I nodded in agreement and waited for him to open the first door to the cell.

“Get this one down swiftly Jae! Then we can all leave early” yelled James as I walked in.

I smiled and nodded my head once more before he closed the first gate and I waited for the second to open so that I could end the misery of whatever was inside.

As the first gate shut completely, the second began to open.

Slowly but surely, the thing in front of me became visible.

It was only then that I felt the entirety of my existence rip to shreds only to be sewn back together to be torn apart once more.

The creature in front of me was dripping blue blood.

It’s arms were tied down to the chair it sat one.

It’s legs were bloodied and torn, small bugs eating away at the rotting meat hanging off.

It’s curly brown hair was tangled and ripped, and the once tanned skin I knew was an ugly shade of grey.

It then looked up at me and my heart broke into such small pieces that nothing would be able to fix it.

My hands began to shake as I fumbled to open the folder in my hands to confirm the identity of the thing in front of me.

“N-no.” I fought the urge to scream as I opened the folder to see her beautiful picture stare directly at me.

“No” I say again as I drop the folder to the floor and begin back tracking towards the entrance.

“Is everything okay Officer?” I hear James say through a mic as he watches me from the outside.

I ignore him and continue staring at her.

She’s tied down but biting away at the ropes on her wrist to let herself free.

She smells my blood and I know what she’s trying to do but I can’t get myself to react.

She’s lost so much weight.

She’s staring at me with so much rage that I want to die.

I hear her growling and my body doesn’t know what to do.

I feel the tears leave my eyes before I have a chance to realize I’m crying.

Elizabeth. Liz. My Liz.

This can’t be it.

She unties one of the ropes and frees one hand, biting away at the other while staring at me.

“Jae, you need to exterminate now! It will untie the ropes and come for you!” Yells James through the mic.

My hand somehow reaches for my gun, probably because of the thousands of times I’ve reached for it before.

My body is reacting to the situation while my mind refuses to.

“NO!” I scream through my hurt as I look at her.

She’s still Elizabeth.

The green in her eyes is gone, the smile on her face is nonexistent, but it’s still her.

I begin to regret every single choice I have ever made in my life and I look at the only thing that ever mattered to me now and can’t help but feel pain.

I put my gun down.

“Liz.... it’s me” I begin to walk towards her, fighting away the tears falling down my face.

“OFFICER JAE PICK UP YOUR GUN AND SHOOT IT!” Screams James as Liz unties her other arm and rises from her chair.

“Liz... Elizabeth.... it’s me. it’s Jae. This isn’t you, you can fight this” I say to her as she snarls and begins to slowly walk towards me.

“I was going to come home. We can be together again.” I begin to blurt out random things, but the closer I get the more I realize she’s only coming to me because of the smell of my blood.

She doesn’t remember me.

She’s not Elizabeth anymore.

I scream so loudly I’m afraid it might hurt her.

I fall to the floor, helpless and tired.

“I lost you” i cry out to no one in particular.

Her snarl gets louder and louder. I hear James yelling about something on the mic but I’ve zoned him out.

I can hear someone running towards me, and I know it’s Liz.

At this very moment I realize I have nothing left.

I realize I lost the only person I ever cared for.

I reach for my gun at the side of my hip again as I hear her come closer and closer to me.

I look up to see the hunger in her eyes intensify at the sight of me and my heart shatters one final time as I see the decay beginning where her dimple used to be.

I raise the gun up in front of me.

The gates to the door have opened and I see others rushing in to stop what is about to happen as Liz makes her way to me.

I think about the ring sitting on my desk.

I think about the life I could have had.

I point the gun to her heart.

11 notes · View notes

kappasigmalife · 6 years

Text

Eternal Purgatory: Chp 4 Seeing is Believing

Eternal Purgatory Chp 4: Seeing is Believing

Robby bursts into chris’s room asking where his Naruto headband is lying about. Chris groggy in his sleep, looks robby in the eye and tell him to get the fuck off his bed before he busts his nut sack and throws him out a window. Robby looks around chris’s bedroom and throws his stuff around, only for chris to grab him by the collar and drag him out of the room knocking on pauls door. Standing naked in the doorway he smirks and asks if chris and robby have something important to say as a girl wraps her arms around him. Chris reiterates that the weaboo needs help finding his lost costume piece.

“yeah, the shonen reject lost his headband, your omnipotent and im tired as fuck.” Paul looks at chris like he should care and flicks him on the head

“there now your awake, so you deal with it, I got no class so im chilling with sarah.” Chris feels his head throb as Robby incessantly continues to bitch about his headband. Chris in his rage, throws a 50 at him and tells him to buy a new one so Chris can get some sleep. Robby gives him back the money and says that its one of a kind and cant be replaced. As chris looks around he starts contemplating why hes doing this.

“an all knowing ghost who can find anyone and anything, cant help for five minutes and decides to plow some chick before helping his friend, oh who am I kidding, I’d do the same thing.” Paul comes out from the tv and stares chris dead in the eye

“of course, now did you find the headband?” Chris looks at him with a looks of utter disgust

“yes I found it no matter how much shit you say its found and that’s why im flipping the courch over, btw found that missing dime bag of reefers.” Paul snatches the bag and smiles

“ill be sure to hand it back to him.” chris just darts a look at paul and raises his eyebrow knowing full well whats going on.

“you’re going to smoke that aren’t you?”

Paul rustles Chris’s hair and goes back into the tv with the weed. Chris cleans up the stuff he turned over to look for the headband to no avail, only to see robby wrapping it around his forehead. Twitching his eye, he goes to robby and asks him where he found it. Robby looks at him happy as can be.

“funny thing I left it in the game room, must of came off as I fought helen in mortal kombat, damn shes good as sonya blade.” Chris gets a little furious clenching his fists and taking a deep breath.

“good for you, now im going to get dressed, I have to meet with Brendan for tutoring at 11.” Robby looks at the clock noticing its 11:30 and points to it, with chris looksing and rushing out the door to the library.

“FUCK FUCK FUCK, why do I need to be late?”

Brendan looks at his watch while drinking his Starbucks and wonders where Chris is. The only thing he was told was Friday 11am at the library, but being late really screws him over. Chris arrives completely drenched in sweat and looks at Brendan.

“Ready to get the books cracked open.” Brendan looks at him as if hes completely worn out

“you look like you ran a marathon, your still in your pjs and you barely look awake.” Chris explains that Robby and Paul were not much help and that he had to find the weaboos missing headband or else he’d throw a cry fest. As the two go inside, Brendan goes to the small café inside and buys chris a coffee. Chris rolls his eyes and thinks that he would get it wrong, considering he has specific taste. After taking a sip, his eyes widen and looks at Brendan.

“this is exactly how I love my coffee, hazelnut cream and warm not hot, no one ever gets it right.” Brendan looks at chris and just says he noticed him having the same coffee for months in class and got a hint. Chris while looking nervous over a weird piece of information like that cracks the books open and helps with notetaking.

In the meantime, Helen wakes up at 12pm and asks robby where chris is. Robby getting food from the fridge drops his cookies and stares at helen. Helen puts her hands on her hips and asks if she knows what shes wearing.

“right a bra and panties, cause I need to cover up cause boys may see me, don’t be so pure, your in college you’re going to see a lot more in your life.” She picks up the cookies and takes them to her room turning on the tv blasting the volume as paul snores from his love fest. She knocks on the wall telling the panda to shut up and let her watch tv, only to hear a fuck you coming from the hall. Robby is screaming at his laptop freezing during an episode of one piece. She calls up her friend asking if anything is going on. Helens friend says there’s a concert that night and she had two extra tickets if she wanted to take someone. Looking at a pic of her and Chris flipping off reefer the first day at the house, she says she knows just the guy to take.

Chris looks at his phone seeing its 3pm he and Brendan call it a day and starts walking home, getting a text from helen that their going to a concert only to be stopped by Brendan who thaks him for the fleece the other day and that it’s a very warm one for autumn. Chris tells him hes welcome and starts turning back to walk home only to be stopped again.

“hey, so im throwing a party tonight, if you wanna come by, booze weed the works, if you wanna hang out and stuff.”

Chris looks at his phone.

“ill see what happens, the sis wants to do something but that would be fun.” Chris runs back home as Brendan goes back to his house seeing his roomamtes frolicking about chugging booze and welcoming him back. One of them makes a remark towards him insulting his weight while the others try to crack puns on his fashion.

“hey pudgy, black wont make you slimmer, why not try working out sometime.” He goes to his room and puts out a notification on the school blog a party going on at his place, crossing his fingers hoping everything works out

While helen and chris prepare to go to the show, robby wants to tag along but helen insists theres only two tickets and its reserved for her and chris.

“oh come on guys I can sneak in and be very stealthy.” Chris chuckles and tells robby how stealthy he is.

“dude, your about as stealthy as a arsonist setting fire to a napalm factory.” Helen tells robby everything will be okay and he can have fun with paul, as he passes by telling them that isn’t happening.

”party off campus going there, don’t like the people but free booze and weed, so accepting the invite, have fun at the show.” Helen and chris look at one another and head out as paul goes the opposite direction, calling out to robby.

“open invite narutard, you coming or what, leave the cloak.” Robby jumps over the railing to the porch and runs to paul while chris and helen wave them off. Chris looks at helen with a smile on his face.

“either paul sets the house on fire, or robby insults someone so bad a mob breaks out, wanna take a bet on which happens first.” Helen shakes Chris’s hand and tells him she’ll take robby for $500. At the concert the two enjoy a good dose of power metal only to be bringing up how they miss their friends mentioning pauls name, being front row the two are asked by the lead singer if they know a paul stone. Mentioning he is their roommate he invites them out back for after the concert.

Brendan throws a massive bash with almost everyone there; all the while robby is insulting the group of ghosts from japan asking if they ever truly call western cartoons, anime. While Paul gets high with two girls beside him. Brendan goes around the house finding paul high as hell asking if chris came with him.

“naw, went to aconcert, wont be back til late, killer weed dude.” Brendan laughs and says he brought it from home, only to hear knocking on the door. At the door is a girl with jet black ahir and blood red eyes standing before him.

“ALICIA, what are you doing here, family weekend is next month.” “oh I know I just wanted to see what the fuss was about with this university, you know how I’m tired of your old college.” “you cant be here, private party, you’re not allowed.” “awe whats the matter, afraid I’ll embarrass you, well step aside im hunting hearts tonight.” “oh god please don’t play matchmaker, not here, please not here.”

The girl walks about the house seeing paul and offers some weed, which paul happily smokes without question. She looks around and sees nothing but horny college kids walking about like they own society.

“what a waste of a life, this one is all kinds of directions, and Brendan is acting very suspicious, might as well enjoy myself.”

As she grabs some rum and sits next to Paul, he notices her getting tipsy and remarks she looks new and introduces herself. The two seem to laugh off a lot of the stupid shit the party goers are doing and Brendan looks facepalming hard.

At the concert, no over the two go backstage to find the lead singer offering joints. The two partake and notice the mood is dimmer and more tense. Chris remarks that its not what he expected.

“so you guys are like friends with paul, hes never mentioned you.” the lead singer goes on about they know all about paul and how hes a old friend not someone they should trust, as he hides a lot of what he knows from others for the sake of personal benefit. Not to mention how he gets what he wants whenever he feels compelled.

“you could say, hes the reason were in purgatory.” Helen and chris both drop their drinks and excuse themselves from the backstage and go outside. Helen remarks that even though paul is indeed somewhat secretive he keeps to himself, never blackmailed the group or made remarks about others unless deserved.

“helen, look, I don’t believe it either, paul is a lot of things, a sociopath, and arsonist, a spymaster, a nerd, and a massive ass, but not a killer.” Helen looks at Chris as if he has two heads and retorts hes right, but hearing how someone died and came to purgatory because of someone else is pretty big. The two decide to head home and walk past the party with chris seeing robby dancing to angel beats while pauls stoned on the couch, he sees Brendan go to the back and follows. As he comes to the back he sees Brendan walking towards a lake taking his shirt off. As he does so chris leaps out and startles him, forcing him to try and cover his chest.

“Jesus Chris, what the hell?, thought you were at a concert.” “yeah well it was a bore so we decided to head home, saw the party and thought might as well have some fun, what were you doing near the lake anyway, its autumn.” “its also like 89 out tonight, for some reason, so I figured id go for a swim.” “without a swim suit on?” “uhhhh, yes I just thought it be relaxing, but if you’re going to be a prude. Then maybe…” as he continues talking chris stripped off his clothes to his boxers and jumped into the lake yelling if hes gonna join him.

Brendan looks on as he gazes at chris’s husky body and under the light of the moon his belly hair glistens in the water. He takes his pants off joining him as the two swim, chris dunks brendans head in the water pushing him down.

“hahahahahahaha, come on lets have some fun.”

As chris wrestles Brendan he gets him in a headlock under the water while Brendan squirms out and grabs chris by the wait. In the ruckus Brendan looks under the water in chris’s eyes and immediately pulls back up getting out the water. Sitting at the shoreline wrapped in a towel, chris comes up asking what happened.

“nothing I just got cold, why not warm up I can go start a bonfire.” “I uh cant, not right now.” Brendan looks at chris wondering why he wont come out and asks if he made chris uncomfortable. Chris gets a little red in the face and tells him its nothing like the sort.

“you uh, pulled off my boxers when we wrestled.” “You mean your,…”

“naked yes, just bring me a towel.”

Brendan walks to the shore as chris covers his crotch looking away but catches a glimpse of his groin as he wraps the towel around himself drying off. Blushing he looks at chris as he thanks him for helping.

“So you manscape, that’s hygenic.” “yeah always had, keeps sweat off and everything looks a lot bigger in all honestly.” Brendan cant stop looking and remarks that chris is even cuter with his shirt off as he drys off and puts his pants and socks off and puts his shirt over his shoulder walking off to the house.

“hey chris, um I gotta say, you really fill out well, uh I mean your not thin or muscular but you seem fit for someone your height.” chris smiles as he thanks Brendan for the compliment going back inside to see paul talking to helen. Paul has come down from his high and asked how the concert is. Helen and chris tell him what was told to them only for paul to get up and walk through the door past robby, drunk off his ass.

“whoa Paul, where’s the fire?, going to go kill someone or some shit.”

Paul tries grabbing robby by the shirt but just lets go and heads home, chris and helen drag robby back to join him. Alicia gets up and walks out as well running into Brendan.

“enjoy your nightly frolic, you’re really just like dad.” “shut it sis, I know exactly what your trying to do and its not working and no I didn’t get to frolic I ran into someone.” Alicia eye glow a purplish tint and looks into Brendan’s eyes.

“Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make me a match, Find me a find, catch me a catch, someone seems to have caught your eye.”

Brendan gets rosy cheeks telling her to shut up as the group makes it home with paul walking inside without a word to his room. Chris opens up to ask whats wrong and paul explains that hes just pissed and confused and doesn’t wanna talk to anyone. Chris puts his hand on pauls shoulder and it begins glowing icy blue. Paul suddenly gets less tense and looks at Chris.

“but that seems to be helping.”

#lgbt #lgbtpride #fantasy #eternal purgatory

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pensurfing · 5 years

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Caitlin’s Three Things List

Okay, so moments (probably hours by the time I finish this) ago I wrote a goals list that I think is good for self-evaluation. (Keyword: This is what I think. results may vary depending on what you’re looking for.)

I’m going to hop to it and answer some of these that I laid out in hopes of having a better idea of what I want to accomplish.

The Three Things Lists!

1) Three things that went well this year.

* Audience growth

So once upon a time, I grew a pretty decent following due to creating an Inktober Prompt list. My expectations: Maybe two of my friends would do this, maybe. And then one stranger that has followed me for a while. (There are a few followers I recognize their username because if I post something they always like it and for some reason that keeps me going.)

But because of this prompt, I was exposed to MANY new creators and illustrators that I now enjoy chatting with and following! Instagram had the biggest maintained growth. I’m excited to create for an audience that actually expects me to create and not just for friends who see my things “whenever they aren’t busy”. (Not to bash them or anything, just there are a lot where unless I tell them, they don’t see the posts I make.)

Another surge of growth in my audience was due to tabling at conventions this year. I was terrified to show my work let alone attempt to sell it to someone. Tabling at cons not only boosted my confidence but also quieted one of my ever going demons. “YoU sUcK aT dRaWiNg CaItLiN.” “How do you have a degree? oh right, you just barely passed.” I can’t say this is the case, there is an audience that genuinely enjoys my scribbles. So I am forever thankful to Atlanta Comic Con for giving me that chance. It honestly opened a few doors for me.

**Process

I’ve gotten more comfortable with showing my process. It can be messy, crisp, and illogical. But turns out the people who enjoy my content enjoy my scrambled thoughts. It’s something about not being alone in this sort of sense that calms the nerves.

So I can say with chest poked out that sharing process has gotten MUCH better. I can thank a self-help book I bought this year that was a FANTASTIC BUY. Austin Kleon has [two] (currently? If he has more then I’m buying it like people buy a name brand.) books that helped me see that it is GREAT to share not only the process but advice. “Show Your Work” is the book I’m talking about for now. Great tips, the outline is on the back of the book. So if you’re like me, I need to clearly see what I might be getting into, you might have a ball.

And finally, (not calling myself out on this but other) If you’re going to respond to people when they ask you “how do you___?” do not answer “Google it”. That is the rudest thing I’ve seen some of even my FAVORITE illustrators do; that response can burn in hell. PERIODT. (my one typo allowed.)

*** Art Style Exploration

For those who think college will help you establish an art style that you’ll enjoy or help nourish the one you currently have.... Let me save you over 80K.... No, the fuck it won’t.

That was the biggest thought I had going into art school. If anything, it confused me more and utterly destroyed what little confidence I had in my drawing style. After graduating, I had a huge swing from how I used to draw to how my art currently looks. I stopped trying to please the one professor who stood between me and my degree and started drawing to please my tastes. And guess what? That did something. And that something WORKED. I love what I draw now; I see why I chose this as my career path. I’m genuinely happy with how my pieces turn out versus in college just wanting to turn the damn thing in and hoping it isn’t an F.

2) Three things you could have handled better.

* The loss of a good paying client.

Now hear me out when I say this: A good paying client DOES NOT EQUAL a good client. Say that three times and then exhale.

Back earlier this year, I had the opportunity to work with a writer who gave me hell and back. And even that is an understatement. I dealt with her because in school you were taught “if they pay on time, finish the work and get the exposure.”

I’m here to tell you my lesson learned: A good paying client DOES NOT EQUAL good exposure, good pay, a good client.

I was doing the work of three for the price of one and a half. (And was always told I charged too much.) She tried abusing this power with friends of mine, with other illustrators. When things turned out bad, she tried saying it was my fault. She read my contract and then tried telling me I changed the wording, I purposely did this thing, another thing was my fault. I could go on with this story.

The part that I wish I handled better?

How I treated myself afterward. I’m so used to people telling me, “Cait, this is what you do wrong. This is how you fix it.” that I don’t consider my own feelings, and when I bring my feelings into the scenario they no longer matter. Because they tell me they don’t matter. In this case, I wish I had treated me better, because my feelings, my mental health, DOES matter.

**My Patience Getting Into Conventions.

Pretty self-explanatory. I got into one, finished one, and wanted to do eight more in a week. But this sort of thing just takes time and I need to accept that.

***My losses

I had to listen to a Little Mix song to actually learn this one. The context of the song is nowhere near the topic at hand. But a verse from Power feat Stomzy really packs a punch after this year:

“ You look him in the eye and say, "I know I'm not a guy But see there's power in my losses and there's power in my wins" “

I had to look one of my demons in the face, and state something similar. My loses mean I’m trying. My loses piling shows I’m not willing to give up easily, and that is something that took a while to be content with.

3) Three things artistically you want to improve on.

*Composition

It’s not awful, but it can be better.

**Color

I told this BOLDLY if I might add while critiquing someone else’s portfolio; “Your color palette is boring. All your [things] look as if they are from the same universe, during the same time of day, with the same kind of mood. After three photos it’s bland, boring, and understood you have a preference.”

Can you say damn Cait? The statement was, in fact, true, but I certainly could not talk. My color palette is mainly bright, pop, and happy. In order to tell a story, I KNOW it is best told with color. And I failed myself this year. But I sure won’t next year.

***My Damn Tag

Okay, alright. Why is it well-established artists have their tag figured out? Even some who’s art style is so recognizable (I’m looking HEAVILY at you Gabriel Piccolo.) we know it’s theirs, seem to have a tag that suits them and works for them. But more importantly, they put it in A VERY DECENT SPOT. SOMEONE SHARE THIS SCIENCE WITH ME? CAUSE APPARENTLY I DON’T GET IT.

4) Three things you want to focus on trying.

*More backgrounds.

As much as it pains me, I need to improve on backgrounds and perspective. When I do make backgrounds, I’m told I make great pieces. That I should look into becoming a background artist. And don’t get me wrong, I like them. But I don’t like them.

I feel as though I need to improve in that region so that way I don’t feel as though it’s a weakness of mine. My backgrounds are nice, but they aren’t nice to my standards.

**More designs

I love character designs, but let’s be real. If you were to scroll down my site or my Instagram page, or even this Tumblr archive, could you tell?

I draw characters a lot sure, but none are designs. No process, no sheets, no turnarounds, none of that. So that’s a huge goal of mine for 2019.

***Scheduling posting

At one point I was pretty good at this. Live stream in Instagram and Twitter, cool. Videos on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Cool. Everywhere gets a photo, everywhere gets a silly one-liner. Yay. I’m not leaving anything out.

Well by the end of this year that totally crumbled.

SO I want to try getting better at that thing there. Because having attempted this at the end of the year was cool, but it still wasn’t enough apparently.

5) Three positive things to tell yourself.

* You are an inspiration. That’s all you wanted to be in life, you did it. I’m proud of you.

**You didn’t kill yourself like you tried to; you opened up about it for once and used that pint up anger creatively. That is very hard to do, trust. I’m proud of you.

***You moved on, matured, and let it go. Even when the goddess inside you told you these peasants didn’t deserve your light, your friendship, your greatness. I’m proud of you.

I’m just proud of me for not snapping when I had every right to; not everything deserves a reaction.

6) Three negative things you want to leave for 2018.

*Comparisons

Oh boy. I am extremely guilty for this: I’ll compare myself to a well-known illustrator my age. I’ll compare myself to friends who are in the field having a blast and getting work; I’ll compare myself to friends who aren’t in the field and they struggle at getting work. I’ll compare myself to the kid I graduated high school with who is traveling the world, is able to eat, come home to his dog and relax because he doesn’t have tuition to pay. I’ll compare myself to these goddamn baby boomers who keep repeating “We didn’t have it hard, you’re just being stupid. Millennials aka our children deserve to starve. We’ll just put our faith in our grandchildren because screw the kids we raised and refuse to pay accordingly. $7 an hour worked in my day, they need to make it work now.” I’ll compare myself to fake people I created in my head and purposely made scenarios and wonder why I’m not like them, said creations I made because I was pretty low for ten minutes...

I just compare myself too much. To any damn body. It’s draining, obnoxious and most of all pointless. My new motto for next year is: “Unless it is helping you grow yourself, your brand, your spirituality, don’t do it.”

I’m not comparing my chapter two to someone’s chapter thirty-five. I’m not even comparing my chapter two to someone else’s chapter two. I need to stop doing that PERIOD! My journey is different, unique, and worth seeing through.

**Listening to negative others.

A couple of years ago, I lost a close friend around the time my aunt passed away. During this time I was hypersensitive to any and everything done or said; I also kept many walls up to hide my mourning. He caught the crossfire of all of that. I kept secrets from him I was too prideful of admitting and lashed out because of the emotional turmoil I kept suppressed. While in the midst of packing his things and leaving my life, he mentioned that I was a failure because I was unemployed and artistically speaking I hadn’t accomplished anything; that I would remain that way because that’s just the person I deserved to be. Now mind you, I graduated college that year; he was a flunk out. I changed my art style dramatically compared to when I started school to pass; he thought just posting crappy pictures of lukewarm sketches were equivalent. I started attempting trends and all he could do was copy. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t to bash my old friend. If he were to come back into my life and move on like nothing had happened I’d do the same. (With some limitations.)

It’s just while typing out this scenario, of our four-year friendship I can’t think of one nice thing/compliment/gesture he has said to me. That’s my problem.

I can be praised, admired, and look highly upon for years straight. But my problem is I let others negative thinking and comments marinate with me for a long while. Too long of a while.

Another example is my mother’s friend. (My mom has many friends that do this shit, but this one stung more.)

This friend always roots for me; treats me like a person, and encourages my artistic journey. I consider her family before my actual relatives.

We went over for some barbeque the family was having and I was ready. Black Hallmark Cookouts, laughing, good food, good music, shit talking others teams. She asked me a harmless question of when was I going to quit my day job. Seemed like nothing at first, until the added gest of what she continued with. “All I’m saying is you can’t do [your day job] forever. That will get old. If the art thing doesn’t work out next year what’s plan b?”

I’m not a calm person (usually). Normal Caitlin would have cursed her out and mentioned how just because she chose a job to settle and be miserable at for most of her life doesn’t mean I have to follow suit. But again, of all the nice encouraging things she has done, said, and showed, for a while, I couldn’t think of it.

So I pray I let go of this nasty behavior in 2018; it’s going to be hard but it is dire.

***Saying I’m Not Enough

Alright, now put the combination of the two above in a bowl and what do you get? A Caitlin who struggles in interviews and applying for jobs because I let comparisons and negative comments rule my thoughts. This stopped me from applying to jobs I would have been perfect for; internships that could have helped me; posting art online.

We (including me) have to stop thinking that in order to be an illustrator means we have to pass a certain threshold of struggle, success, and a huge number of followers. That isn’t the job description. NO JOB DESCRIPTION has ”must have at least 10K followers on Instagram or Twitter.” nOnE.

So we (including me) need to stop treating ourselves this way. Period.

7) Three things you’re looking forward to in 2019.

*Going to move conventions.

**Adding pieces to my portfolio to try again at job hunting.

***Becoming content with the fact that my current situation isn’t my permanent situation. Unless I laze around and make it so.

Alright, so this was basically me calling myself out on my noise. Lashing out my demons and putting it in writing what I want to accomplish. I hope this inspires you to write yours, even if you keep it private. I hope it guides you and maintains your vision.

I’ll see you in 2019

A new wave

Caitlin xx

#pensurfing #new years #new years resolution

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mysticdaddies · 7 years

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V/ Jihyun Kim Wedding Dance: One Shot

Hello everyone c: there was originally suppose to be only two winners for the wedding dance one shot: Saeran Choi & Jumin Han but I made a open debate for either Seven or V :) Reading the arguments I decided to side with V :) Its been amazing writing this little series and I hope I can do future polls :) Now lets enjoy the ending of this series. The song of the wedding dance is: Like I’m Going To Lose You, by Meghan Trainor ft John Legend

“The one word in the English language, fuck it, in any language, is the word almost. That one small six-letter word has the power to change your mood drastically. It has the power to make you feel happiness and yet it can be the reason for the death of the old you. Almost is one hell of a word” - Mod Saeran

I don’t believe people know the real meaning of almost. The power that “almost” has is very terrifying because I almost died because of Rika. I almost sacrificed my life for her simply because I was in love with her. I looked into the mirror and all I could see was was blur, the eye surgery I had months ago was a success but they did say it would be slow process. How pathetic am I for being a baggage for (y/n). I could see some things but the rest of my life was one huge blur. I left the bathroom and I saw Jumin, my best man, and the rest of the RFA who are my groomsmen. I walked closer to them and fell on my knees letting the demons take over “ I DON’T FUCKING DESERVE HER! SHES BEEN IN LOVE WITH ME FROM THE BEGINNING AND ONLY RECENTLY I LOVED HER BACK” I cried out shaking from reality. Jumin kneeled on the floor with me and pulled me into a hug “Jihyun I known you for a long time, you are practically my brother, please don’t be hard on yourself. I am truly sorry you have to go through this but just know we are your family and we will be here for you” he hugged me even tighter and I opened my eyes and I saw my family. They all helped me freshen up because they were afraid something might happen to me. Damn, I’m a baggage to everyone in the whole RFA. I blinked quickly a few times and I noticed I looked quite decent. I smiled and was ready to meet my bride.

TIME SKIP: WEDDING DANCE

I grabbed her hand and brought her closer to me. The whiff of her perfume brought me to so many memories that it made it seem like I was watching a movie in my head. I brought her closer to me and then reality hit me, Im actually married. However, she isn’t the one I want. I don’t love her…. my heart belongs to someone else. I grabbed her face and made her look into my hazy eyes “ Im sorry, I only married you because of the baby but, my heart belongs to someone else, enjoy the party” I kissed her forehead and went to look for Jumin. I accidentally bumped into Saeran and he knew what my crazy ass was thinking. He gathered the whole RFA and they knew where I needed to go, where I needed to be.

TIME SKIP:

I kneeled down and looked into your eyes. My god, I am thankful that my vision gives me enough strength to stare at your angelic face. “My precious (y/n) how thankful I am that we were born in the same century because I was graced with your angelic beauty. You showed me the reality of love, the cold hard truth of it. That love isn’t about the good but also the bad. I’m sorry that I didn’t return your love till later, but please understand I only married Rika because she is carrying my child. You are my true love and I just wish I realized what love really is before it was to late” I grabbed my phone and played the song that I am going to dedicate to you.

I found myself dreaming In silver and gold Like a scene from a movie That every broken heart knows we were walking on moonlight And you pulled me close Split second and you disappeared and then I was all alone

I gave a heavy sigh and looked into your soul “You came into my life out of nowhere. Whenever I chatted with you briefly in the RFA messenger, my heart skipped a beat and I always looked forward to talking to you, even if it was once in a blue moon. When I noticed you weren’t active in the messenger as you use to be, I visited the apartment and noticed you were ill. It was an honor taking care of you because you could of simply refused but you didn’t. You didn’t even ask me about my sunglasses but I told you either way. When you got better, I still visited because you were a bright light that kept pulling me towards you. I always thought to myself, ‘Why does (y/n) have a strong hold on me if I haven’t even looked into her eyes’ because looking into a persons eyes you can tell what kind of soul they had. That night that we saw each others soul, we made love that night. Neither of us didn’t plan it but the moment we looked into each others eyes, our souls gave that little ‘hah I finally found you’ type of feeling” I was opening my heart to you and I wasn't afraid because you needed to know….

In the blink of an eye, Just a whisper of smoke, You could lose everything The truth is you never know, So I’ll kiss you longer baby, Any chance that I get I’ll make the most of the minutes and love with no regrets

I wiped my tears away gently trying not to worsen my vision because I needed to look into your eyes while confessing my truth to you “The few months that we spent together was honestly the best time of my life. Who cares how cliche it sounds but its my reality. You were my personal oasis and I will be forever grateful that you provided a heaven for me while I was stuck in hell. I didn’t tell you the truth of my situation because I knew Rika will kill you off in a instant and that was the last thing I wanted to happen. I told you one night that I couldn’t come back and visit because I needed to take care of business and all you did was kiss me and we made the most passionate love that night. It was our souls and bodies melting together into one. You made me breakfast and you kissed me with so much tenderness and you looked at me with those eyes and simply said ‘ We will find our way back to each other don’t worry baby. We will always find our way back cause our souls loved each other for so long that nothing will tear us apart’ and I kissed you not knowing what life would bring us. Oh how I wish you were wrong my love”

I’m gonna love you, Like I’m gonna lose you, I’m gonna hold you, Like I’m saying goodbye wherever we’re standing, I won’t take you for granted ‘cause we’ll never know when, When we’ll run out of time so I’m gonna love you, Like I’m gonna lose you ,I’m gonna love you like I’m gonna lose you

“ You walked in that night and I saw you, Saeyoung, and Saeran caught in the trap of my ex lovers web. Emotions were high because everyone was finding out the cold hard truth of my ex lover. That she was the reason for everyones pain and suffering but it was worse because I knew what was going on. I notice Saeran pointing his gun at Rika and old habits die hard that I was getting ready to take the hit. What I didn’t know that you were going to jump in front of me and take the bullet yourself.” I wiped the tears from my eyes and finally had a clear picture of your face that was on your tombstone. Your tombstone. It still hurts to admit it. You died for me. You risked your own life for me while I was risking my life for another. Your last words to me was the one that dragged my heart and soul with you to the after life. I closed my eyes and remembered your final moments: “Thank you for giving me forever in just a short span of a couple of months. Please do not feel guilty because its an honor dying in your arms Jihyun Kim.” I remember you coughing out blood while my hand was firmly placed on your wound hoping the bleeding stopped. You looked at me and your soul was leaving your body “We will always find our way back to each other, I love you Jihyun, Ill see you in our next life” You eyes were slowly closing but I kept screaming for someone to do something. Three minutes later you died in my arms. I witnessed your final breathe and from that moment, I died as well.

I got up and digged a little hole next to your tombstone and buried the ring that was wrapped with a red ribbon with the wedding vowels I had attached to it.

I breathed in while placing the dirt to cover the rings “Here are my vows to you. I promise when we meet again, I will cherish you and love you till the end of my life time. With this ring that I am placing next to you, I promise to always walk by your side till the end of time. You are the owner of my heart, body, mind and soul and it doesn’t matter if we couldn’t spend this life together because I know our next one will be beautiful. You don’t understand how much I miss you when I wake up and you aren’t next to me. I don’t know what I ever did to deserve such a precious soul like yours but I thank God every moment that we were together for blessing me with you. I vow to found you in our next life and I vow to make sure that our forever will be longer”

I did a small prayer for you and looked at your picture again and sighed “ I love you (f/n) (l/n) and I cant wait to spend forever with you again in our next life. Thank you for teaching me what love really is and I hope in our next life we can have a family of our own. I love you. Im glad we almost had our happy ending.” and I walked toward Jumins limo where the rest of the members were waiting. Jumin gave me a reassured hug and the other members were giving me warm smiles, while Saeran looked into my eyes and I saw his soul was taken from him as well. Before I lost sight of your tombstone I breathed in heavily and exhaled “ Goodbye (y/n) see you soon” and closed my eyes.

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jess-oh · 6 years

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Reflection

ahhhhhhhhhhhh. i forgot to bring my Bible down so now I can’t do my QT here :( i do hope i find the willpower to prepare a smoothie for tomorrow morning, do the dishes, take a shower, and do my QT before i decide to sleep. this probably isn’t a good idea working so much when i have work tomorrow but im in that productive kind of mood! and yes, it’s my fault that i started so late but it’s okay! bc im here now and i at least want to work on it a lil more. i already got some ideas i actually like rolling into my portfolio, i started drawing more thumbnails, i got my 3 typography examples done, i started drawing my didot thumbnails but ended up getting sidetracked. but i did draw a bunch of boxes for it which is good! i do want to do a few more quick sketches for typography and then focus on my research papers tomorrow along with the design for graphic design. actually, i probably wont have time tomorrow since im hanging out with my roommates and going out to dinner with james, moon-hee, and others from downtown. and i know i could just skip out on that but i do want to do it. and then on saturday we’re checking out a couple different apartments and i so badly wish i could just stay home and rest and work all day on graphic design and typography but unfortunately, i cant. im definitely going to be staying up late the next few days as a result to make for the lack of time.

but here’s what i really want to talk about. i had a really good conversation with shar today and i was open about my depression and how i’ve actually been feeling so bad about myself recently but then im so conflicted bc i want to share what ive been struggling through w/ others but i just dont think they’d understand. and it’s been such an unbelievable blessing to be able to talk to shar about everything thats been going on and my worries and concerns and dreams and hopes for the future and even though she cant fully understand, she does listen and does genuinely care and want to be here. i can see it in her heart. and i also know that just bc of who shes surrounded by, sometimes she can become corrupted but at the end of the day, she really is a good person and is really trying and i can see that whenever she does have some unhealthy habits like gossiping, it’s coming from a place of love and care. and i do really appreciate that and i do want to make more of an effort in sharing and being open and knowing that i am allowed to rely on God and other people and I don’t want to fight this losing battle alone. Because I won’t lose without the help of others. I don’t want to keep killing myself over this any longer. It is honestly so hard. It is. And it’s so terrible to feel so alone and so bad about myself. But if we’re being attacked this hard, it means we’re doing something wrong. And we are. Sharlene and I have been keeping each other accountable and being more open about our faith and we started a conversation with Mulan, Claire, and Dana. And I’ve been making conscious efforts in really investing into the freshmen at Lakeview and I don’t always feel like I can be open about myself to them bc I want to be their spiritually leaders but Sharlene did remind me that I really admired P. Billy and P. Daisy for being so honest about what was really going on in their lives. And that just made them better leaders in my eyes. And I do want to adopt that mindset too. i know that it is still so incredibly intimidating and scary to be so open about my faith at a school as liberal as Columbia but yknow what? It’s college. No one really knows what theyre doing. They just know that theyre searching and Sharlene was right, we’re planting so many seeds even in just discussing our relationship with God out in public, even if we don’t see it. There was someone that was having a bad day and felt encouraged by our passion for the Lord. There was someone that was wrestling with the Devil and won bc of something we said. And I know that I’m still having a really hard time letting myself cry and really let go and let myself be affected in front of Shar right now but it is something I’m working on. And I do notice how often I’m laughing during dark or heavy situations in an effort to lighten the mood and avoid feeling so bad but I do want to be able to just let myself go and not be able to distract myself with my laptop or phone or thoughts or anything. I just want to come before the Lord and give it up. I just want to pray.

I just imagined praying really hard for Dana and I do want to do that for her soon. Whether it’s at the retreat or when she leaves or before or whenever. But i just want to let her know that God loves her so much. And every time he sees her making an effort to come out to church or reach out to Him or share about her experience w/ the church, He sees that and the biggest grin grows on His face in excitement for his daughter that is on her way to coming home. He sees her. And he wants nothing more than to just embrace her in His open arms. My main goal for this coming semester and just for this whole year has been making sure Dana has a solid foundation and faith with Christ before heading out to Korea. So even when she is alone and struggling, she will know who God is in her life and just really be able to let go and give it all up to Him. I’m human and imperfect but He is a God that does not judge but rather, loves unconditionally. And despite all her sins and drinking and dating and everything in between, He still loves her and is just waiting so patiently for her to come home with open arms. I do truly believe that. And I really hope she can make it to the lock-in. I don’t know what it will be like but I do want to pray for her.

But yeah, it was just so nice talking to Shar today. But onto my day:

This morning I woke up at 7:45am by my weirdly very quiet alarm and reset the power in my room. Then I headed off to typography and had a pretty good time with Sara and this new girl I just met today and my stomach was having some issues for the most part, it was just a nice and pleasant experience. I had a good first day and good end to the week. Then I finally got my pizza bagel and the cashier was kind enough to save one for me yesterday, just in case :’) Oh yeah, I also asked a bunch of people last night for my defining characteristics and I got some pretty interesting responses. For one, I found out that Andrew wasn’t mad at me and instead, just lazy. And maybe also depressed but that’s just speculation. Now we’re talking again and I’m happy. But he actually wrote me a very kind letter which I was not expecting. I thought everyone would just give me a list, haha. So I was pretty surprised when people like Andrew and Jeanne actually gave me words of affirmation instead. Jeanne is always so supportive of me T v T

I am so cold down here, omona. But I’m listening to my Christian music still and even started to sing along and it just felt very normal and natural. This is who I am. A person that really loves and believes in God and wants to serve Him with their entirety. I do.

But after eating my pizza bagel, I headed up to work and stayed there for a while and it was a pretty good shift! I enjoyed talking with Ari and Tess and briefly Michaela. Michaela even brought me fries :’) Cleaning and everything was pretty nice and fun though! It was a long shift but I got to finish my annotations and everything else went pretty smoothly. I might actually draw my thumbnails at work tomorrow so I’ll have something to do. And then...I will work on graphic design, hehehe.

I’m really bad at reaching out for help and even just praying about it lately and confessing it to God. I think I just need to be ready and willing to let go and take that jump and risk everything for Him. I know that I felt like that before and even though my heart is filled with so much fear right now, I know that it will be so much better once I give everything up to Him. I felt that joy before and there’s nothing like it.

#reflection

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joshuaamarii · 6 years

Text

You are my Music

A fan fiction of BTS

1st member. I wont tell you who it is. It mau spoil the whole story.

[A/N: Hey guys! I’ll be posting some stories even though their is no one who will read this.I know hahaha. Please bear with my grammar or typos I just want to release all the feelings in my heart. It will explode if I wont write this. Thank you in advance. BTW, I got some ideas from the other fans from twitter. Thank you for the ideas.]

PROLOGUE:

“Dad!Is ARMY are your girlfriends before?”

My four year old daughter asked her Dad. We are currently in a restaurant in Hawaii who is serving Korean food. This is the same Restaurant where his members, BTS, ate before when they shoot Bon Voyage season 2.

“Yes, why are you asking?” Her Dad is smiling from ear to ear who is busy grilling the meat.

“Mom told me she is an army. I want to be an Army too.” My daughter stood up from her chair and cling her arms to her Dad.

“You dont need to be an Army, little girl. You are my little Bangtan Girl.” She picked up our daughter and kissed her on her forehead.

“But I… I want to be an ARMY because people told me that Oppa is a little Bangtan Boy. I want to support him.” I laughed because I can see His frustration on how to explain it to our daughter.

“Ji Soo, You don’t need to be an Army to support me. You are my dongsaeng.” My son who is 8 years old and also busy grilling the meat with his father.

“You are right, Min Jun. Ji Soo, you are my little bangtan girl and your Min Jun oppa is my little bangtan boy” His dad put Ji Soo back to her chair.

“Dad, Im not a boy anymore.” Min Jun told his dad while pouting his lips.

“Min Jun-ah, even you are 40 years old you will remain my boy.” I told my son.

“Dad, so mom is the only Army in our family?” Ji Soo asked her dad.

“Yes but she is my high ranking Army, my General.” He looked at me and winked.

This man! He always an effect on me even we are already married.

_____________________

1st Chapter

I am waiting for the Bangtan Boys to start their concert. I am in front of the stage. I want to see him so badly. I miss him. I know he miss me too.

After a while, the concert started. There he is, standing with his members. I hope he can see me from where I was standing. My heart is filled with happiness. Seeing him doing what he dreamed of makes my heart melt. Supporting him quietly is the only thing I can do. I know it is hard having a relationship with an idol but what can I do, I love him.

He kept our relationship a secret to the public but his members and agency knows. Even though I am a secret girlfriend he didnt make me feel that way. He video calls me everytime. He always make me feel that he is always with me. Because of their busy schedules we doesnt have a time to meet and date. We dont date actually because of our setup, being a secret girlfriend.

I wont lie. Sometimes I feel tired with our setup. I can’t even hold his hand, hug him and etc but I dont tell him my issues because I am afraid it may cause him to feel sorry, to be a burden on him.

And of course, I feel jealous everytime I saw him flirting or giving attention to a fan. I know. I know. Part of his job. My bad. Im sorry. One more thing… his fans shipping him to other girl idol. I cant hide my jealousy whenever I saw an article or fam made stories of him shipped to other girls because those girls are more beautiful and more talented. Who am I compared to them, right?

The show started. They are dancing their latest song. When our eyes met he winked at me and blow a kiss. I smirked at him and he do the same. I heard the girl at my back telling her friend that Jimin winked at her.

Yes, everyone. BTS’ Jimin is my boyfriend. I want to announce it to everyone in here but I cant.

We became a couple 6 years ago. Before their debut. We are friends until he confess. That time I am not aware of my feelings to him so he waited for me, court me until he gave up. It is my fault that he decided to stop pursuing me. I feel iritated of him always telling me that he loves me. Im not used to him telling his feelings. But when he stopped talking to me, seeing me, there I realized how I cant live without him. Because I love him too.

The concert is almost done. VCR is playing on the screen. I am happy just seeing him and knowing that he is doing well.

The VCR is about their experience in love. It is the concept of their new album and concerr. Individually, they are telling their experiences about love. I am nervous…

Then, it is Jimin who are now talking.

“I loved someone before. And I pursue her and tell her that I like her everyday but I think that it is not enough because she gets mad at me. So I stopped pursuing her. It is sad but then she realized that she likes me too then we became a couple…”

I feel my heart is bursting from happiness. He is telling our story. A tear escaped from my eyes.

“But… I feel like I am a responsibility to her. Like I am just a nuissance. I just bring her heartache. So I let her go. Im letting her go.”

Letting her go.

Letting me go?

What?

That ends the VCR and then they came out.

I look at him without expression. Digesting the words that he said.

We just talked the night before today. He is too exhausted from rehersal so I told him to rest but he told me that he wants to talk. He asked me about my opinion on the article involving him and a girl from a popular girl group. I told him that it is okay. That I am fine. I dont want him to think about me I want him to focus on their concert.

But after the video call, everytime we had that topic. I always cried myself to sleep.

As I staring at him he is also staring at me. We need to talk. I need him to tell me what is he talking about. Is he tired of me?

Before concluding the concert they will talk to the audience.

RM oppa, the leader of BTS. Thanked the Army for their unending support.

Hoseok oppa cried because he saw his parents on the crowd. I know them because when Jimin visited Hoseok oppa’s house, I accompanied Jimin and there I meet Hoseok oppa’s family.

Suga oppa, who always makes the mood lighter with his savageness also thanked army.

Jin oppa, the eldest, put out a heart in his chest pocket and as always he throw Dad jokes that always makes me laugh but not at the moment because of Jimin’s expression. He is there on the stage with blank expression.

Jungkookie, the maknae, who always calls me and my partner in crime in pranking Jimin, is crying because he is greatfulness to the fans.

Taetae, Jimin’s bestfriend and who calls me because Jimin is annoying him so he talked to me to make Jimin jealous because Jimin knows that I stan Taehyung.

And it’s Jimin’s turn…

Tae, pat his shoulder.

“ Everyone… ” then he started sobbing.

Then the other boys tease him

Jimin cleared his throat to continue what he is about to say.

“ Everyone… I feel sorry that I can’t be great. That I am lacking. That I cannot be with you. That I cannot be a great man for you. I cannot protect you. I am afraid that one day you will be tired of loving me…”

I know that he is not talking about his fans. He is talking to me.

“Im really thankful for the years that you are supporting me and loving me. Im so sorry for being a man that is not perfect for you. Again, thank you everyone.”

He is crying throughout his speech.

I didnt realize that my tears are flowing from my cheeks. I dont know why Jimin think about that. I am ready to sacrifice everything just to achieve his dreams. It is okay for me to be in pain just for him to be happy. So what is he saying?

The fans are yelling “ Jimin you are perfect.” As they think it’s Jimin’s message to them.

They are now performing their last song. I decided to get out of my seat and try to approach their manager so I can talk to him. I need to talk to him.

I saw their manager, manager Sejin. Im about to approach him but the security blocked my way. So I shouted manager Sejin’s name.

He heard me and walked towards me.

“Sumi, what are you doing here?” He is whispering and accompany me to a waiting room so he can hide me from the other that doesnt know our secret relationship.

“Im sorry but I need to talk to Jimin.” I am crying in front of him.

He looks like he is panicking.

“ Sumi, I think this is not the perfect timing. You see… PD-nim is in the other room.”

“Please… please…”

In every moment that I tried to talk to him during concerts, fan meeting or meet and greet that I end up not seeing him or talked to him, I can feel that Jimin isnt mine anymore. I feel that he is already far away from me. Far away that I cant even reach him. I am hurting but I am enduring every pain because I know it is what Jimin wanted, what he dreamed of.

“Please, manager… I just want to talk to him even for a minute.” I am almost kneeling when Jimin opened the door and walk toward us.

“Jimin…” Manager called him

“One minute, hyung.” Jimin tell his manager.

Then manager walk out of the room. There I was facing Jimin.

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iamperfected-blog · 7 years

Text

i cant make you love me / alex g

It was so hard to see him with her. Happy with her. Camden and I have been best friends basically our whole lives. We met in first grade and ever since then our parents made sure that we had the same teacher. They didn't want to separate us.

Even back than Camden was a bit of a hothead. I was way more calm and thoughtful. We balanced each other out.

The closeness between us only grew as the years went on. We never spent more than a few days apart. When family trips came around it was always: 'Can Camden come too?' or 'Lucia's coming, right?'. We were the definition of inseparable.

I fell in love with Camden our freshmen year of high school. He took me to winter formal after David Spears dumped me with no explanation. I was surprised when Camden broke his date with Indie Woods to take me.

We danced the entire night and then he walked me home. I remember how often I thought about him in that suit that night. He looked so good all dressed up and matching me. When we got to my door, he smiled his brace-faced smile at me gave me a kiss on the cheek before telling me goodnight and walking off.

Then he had me. I started to notice things about Camden that you're not supposed to notice about your best friend. The subtle dimples on his cheeks that appeared only when he smiled real wide. How he snorted quietly if he laughed too hard. That tiny vein that stuck out on his forehead whenever he was pissed. How he treated his baby sister like a little princess.

Each time noticing something new, I fell deeper in love with him – until it was too late. I was in too deep and I had no idea what to do.

It had been years since that first realization. Nine to be exact. I had kept my feelings a secret for nine whole years. Now he was engaged. To his soulmate as he liked to call her. I liked to stick to just calling her stupid bitch that stole my best friend.

Her name was Natalie. Natalie Simone. She looked like a freaking Victoria Secret model. Long pin straight jet black hair, olive skin, high cheekbones and an amazing body. On top of that, she was a genius. She was working on her Master's in Psychology.

It was no wonder he fell for her.

“Hand me the banana peppers,” Camden nodded his head towards the jar and I slowly reached for it. It had been a long while since we had a pizza building movie bingeing sleepover.

I think just as long as him and Natalie had been together. What was it? Two years, five months and thirteen days? Yeah, but who's counting?

“Can you believe I'm getting married in a week?” Camden spoke as he scattered the peppers around the pie.

“Hardly.” He only mentioned it every half hour.

“You got your best ladies' speech ready?” Having Camden ask me to be his best man but call it a best lady was the epitome of friend zone. I nearly cried myself to sleep after that. I nodded my head, picking a pepper from the jar and shoving it into my mouth.

“Natalie sent you the dresses, right? She wanted you to wear a bridesmaid's dress even though you're not one of the bridesmaids, it would just make more sense.” Natalie had sent the picture to me and that entire sentence. I nodded once again.

I loved the dress. It was a dusty rose long halter neck dress. “I still can't fucking believe it,” Camden mumbled to himself as he pushed the pizza into the oven. He tapped a few things on the screen before coming to sit next to me.

“Have you found a plus one yet?” The two of them were threatening me with the single's table if I didn't find someone to bring to this wedding. I didn't want a date. It would just be a waste of time to find one. It wasn't like I would even be interested.

I honestly hated myself for not speaking up when I had the chance. I should've just sucked it up and admitted my feelings to him. Maybe he would've rejected me but I wouldn't be in this situation that I'm in right now. Watching him get married to someone I know he loves while I'm sitting there in love with him. It was pathetic.

“No, I'm gonna go stag and I'm completely okay with it,” I put extra emphasis on the last bit hoping he'd get the hint.

“Alright, alright. Go pick the first movie, I'm going to give Nat a quick call.” I almost rolled my eyes. Of course, he'd find a way to bring her into our night. Plastering a smile on my face I headed into the living room, scrolling through the movies on Netflix before settling on a comedy.

I waited for him with the bowl of popcorn in my lap. Camden didn't return back until twenty minutes later. He sat down beside me, stealing the popcorn off of my lap before shoveling a handful into his mouth.

“What did you pick?” He spoke through his mouthful.

“Sausage Party.” I laughed as Camden's eyes widened. “That movie is so bad!” He chuckled, leaning back against the cushions and turning his attention to the screen.

As the movie progressed, Camden had managed to pull me against him. Our pizza laid half eaten on the coffee table and the popcorn bowl empty. His arms were wrapped around my shoulders, the tips of his fingers tickling the skin on my bare arm.

Him doing things like this is what fucked me up in the first place. I shifted away from him when I got tired of the way my heart was beating. He gave me a weird look, confusion written all over his face.

“What's the matter?”

“Nothing,”

He looked as if he wanted to say something else but refrained from doing so. We watched the rest of the movie in silence.

All these thoughts were bubbling in my head. I wanted to tell him, I wanted him to know how I felt about him before he went and got married. I couldn't form a sentence for the life of me, though.

Would it be wrong? To tell him this ten days before his wedding? What if he changed his mind? What if he called the entire thing off? What if he changed his mind? What if he called the entire thing off?

I sighed, watching as he turned the couch into a makeshift bed, dusting the popcorn bits off and onto the floor. “You heading into your room?” When we were younger he used to sleep up in my room with me. Then puberty hit and morning wood became a thing. It was safer for everyone if we slept in separate areas.

“In a little bit,” I paused, eyeing him as he laid back on the cushions. “Why? Are you tired?” I questioned and he shook his head.

“Nope.” A smirk grew on his face. “Remember when I dared you to streak around the dorm?” Of course, I remembered that shit. I tripped and fell into a pile of mud. I had dirt in my cooch for days.

“Yes, why?” I laid my body down beside him, staring up at the ceiling as he spoke.

“Mark Golles saw that. He thought you were hot and asked if you were single. You weren't at the time but now you are. Would you like me to give him a call? Maybe he could be your plus one?” He suggested and I scoffed.

“No thank you.” Mark was the king of the douche bags. Fraternity president and ignorant as fuck. I wouldn't waste a second on him.

“I don't want you to have to go alone,”

“I am choosing to go alone, Cam. If I wanted a date, I would've gotten one.” I don't know why this was such a big deal to him and his bride.

“Okay, fine.” He made it seem like he was letting it go, but he was far from letting anything go.

“You're gorgeous, you know that right, Luce? Any guy would be lucky to have you if you just gave one a chance...” I glared at him, warning him to shut up about it. I was in no mood to hear this speech for the thousandth time.

“In all the years that I've known you, you've only ever had one real boyfriend and that was a few years ago.” He pointed out. “Guys approach you too, I've seen it. Why don't you give any of them a chance?”

I sighed, running my hands over my face. “I'm just not interested.” This had become a mantra of mine.

“Yeah, but why not?”

“They're not my type.”

“You have a type?” He sounded surprised.

“Yes, I have a type.” I was growing annoyed with this conversation.

“No, you don't.”

I scoffed. “Yes, I do.”

“What's your type then?”

“You.” The word left my mouth before I could pull it back. Camden was sitting up, staring down at me with wide eyes.

“What did you just say?” He sat there staring at me. My heart was beating in my ears, I slowly sat myself up. Preparing myself for what was to come next, there was no backing out now. I needed to finish what I started.

“You. You're my type, Camden. I'm in love with you, I have always been,” I could feel my throat closing up.

He sat there silent for a minute. I just dropped admitted something huge and the impact was written all over his face. He opened his mouth as if he finally came up with an answer, did that twice before his face furrowed in confusion.

“You're in love with me?” He repeated, just to clarify. I nodded.

Camden just continued to stare at me. Forcing my eyes shut, I cleared my throat. I couldn't look at him. There it was right on his face, how much he didn't love me. Had I expected him to admit the same, call off the wedding so we could ride off into the sunset? Yeah, right.

Maybe.

I started to head towards the stairs, quickly coming to my senses. He was getting married! “Holy shit, forget I said anything... I-I...I didn't know what I was thinking. I'm going to head up,” Avoiding his gaze I rushed towards the stairs and into my room, slamming the door shut.

Overwhelmed with humiliation and the sting of rejection, tears began to stream down my face which only intensified when I heard the front door slam.

Ten days had gone by and I hadn't heard anything from Camden. A brief message from Natalie this morning was what confirmed that I was still invited to this stupid party. I got dressed in the bridesmaid's dress, did my own hair and makeup and showed up at the church minutes before the start.

I didn't want to leave any time to mingle.

It was unbelievably hard to stand there with a smile on my face as I watch them recite their vows, staring all lovingly into each others' eyes with these dopey smiles on their faces. 'I do's' were said they were kissing.

Not the sloppy wolfish kiss that they often displayed in front of their friends, this one was elegant one that deserved an 'awe'. I inwardly rolled my eyes.

My speech was quick and extremely general. I didn't get into too much detail and I didn't tell any stories. It was the type of speech you could copy and paste and recite at any wedding. I wasn't up for anything else.

Nursing my third glass of Chardonnay, Camden approached me. “How you holding up?” I felt as if I was swaying, but I was certain I was standing still.

“I'm fine,” Another mantra.

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

“I liked your speech,” He tried.

I laughed. “Okay,” Gulping down the rest of my drink, I set the empty glass down on the table. “I'm going to grab a cab. Great party,” I commented, shooting him a thumbs up before exiting the hall.

It was raining very hard. I was soaked the second I stepped outside. Not letting that slow me down, I made my way to the sidewalk, calling for a taxi. A hand on my shoulder stopped me from entering the first one that pulled up.

“Why are you pissed at me?” Camden stood, tux soaked and hair sticking to his face.

“I'm not,”

“Yes, you are, Luce. I know when you're pissed.” He spat. “Did you expect me to call off the wedding?”

“No,” Yes.

“I'm sorry. I hate that this hurts you but you got to understand how I feel about Natalie. She's it for me, you know? I wish that it didn't hurt you so bad,” He looked sincere, it honestly hurt him that he was hurting me.

Now I felt bad. “You deserve to be happy, Cam. You shouldn't have to apologize. It's just hard to see you with her... I'm just going to stay away for a little bit,” I actually planned to stay away for more than a little bit.

Yesterday morning I got a call about a job in Boston. It paid a lot more than the job that I had now and it was actually related to what I got a degree for in the first place.

“Okay,” He was so understanding. How can someone break your heart and make it swell all at the same time? “I love you, Luce.” I nodded, knowing the exact way that he meant. I called for another cab, slipping in without him stopping me.

Telling the driver my address, I sat back in the seats. I forced myself not to look back. He wasn't going to be standing there waving me off. This wasn't like a movie. He wasn't going to realize that he had been in love with me all along and we'd live happily ever after. Nope.

Camden was to go back inside, dry off and live his life with his perfect wife. I was to go to Boston, study the behavior of the animals and their environment and that was it. Maybe we'd cross paths in the future, but for now – that was it.

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