#the dumbest lady

[fantomette22]

Lady Maria: FISH PEOPLE HAVE FEELINGS!!!!!!

Gehrman: Maria, put that weapon down please.

Lady Maria: throw Rakuyo into a well

#bloodborne #bloodborne memes #bloodborne shitpost #bloodborne shitposting #pff i am so sorry I just had the dumbest idea 🤣 #lady maria #lady maria of the astral clocktower #gehrman the first hunter #alternatively Laurence & Byrgenwerth are like: 🙄

[stephaniejuhnay]

I’m in my Kim feels today and making it everyone else’s problem.

#how does Jason manage to make me feel for these dumb characters? #he brings such a sincerity to the dumbest stuff #Kim is just trying to do his job and make sure these ladies have a good time 😭😂 #also the puss column? #100% how I’m categorizing these men from now on #😂😂😂 #jason sudeikis #Portlandia #Kimtopher supremacy tbh

[katyspersonal]

What Bloody Crow and Maria USED TO wear before?

Honestly, @heraldofcrow made a very good point ( x ) that Cainhurst Knights are not "real" hunters - they dispose of their nobles that got too blood-drunk! We do, however, know what their warriors used to wear thanks to a link between portrait and Chalice Dungeons:

(The 'display' one is unused, I saw it first in Lance's video about some unused items here ( x ), at 5:40)

And now I am thinking about the fact that Cainhurst Guardians (what Bloody Crow and Leo are) hunt specifically for Blood Dregs, that are said to be discovered within hunters first and foremost, and that lore bit that Vilebloods clan, was (re)born after Byrgenwerth discovered (more like brought back) the holy blood! It is possible that THE reason why Cainhurst warriors were hunting in Chalice Dungeons to begin with WAS to restore their 'legacy'.

So, basically, the Guardian type might have been a later invention, as they're 1) associated with the 'clan' (consanguineous contract with the blood queen) 2) NEED hunters' bodies for their quest and 3) found as hostile NPCs in dungeons but there are no corpses of THIS type of hunter scattered like this, so they simply could have dived in later

^^^ There is an armour of warriors on horses in Annalise's throne room specifically that is very similar, though! If anything, looks like the same armour but a silver variant instead of golden one! Within the lore, both silver and gold are believed to repel beasthood!

It is hard to say for sure which is which! Cainhurst seems to be more particular on silver in the end, though, whereas Healing Church picked gold as THEIR trademark, especially manifesting in Gold Ardeo of Executioners. But.... yeah, you know, THAT theory:

I would think that initially, Cainhurst had the golden heavy armor, but soon enough they started to prefer silver instead! Maybe to further distance from the Church as the tension between was growing, or maybe to connect with their ancestry more (Pthumerian ancestors DO seem to wear mostly silver things, Mergo's servants and Labyrinth Warrior off the top of my head). Maybe both! Or maybe 'golden' warriors were the army - diving into dungeons, travelling lands, etc, but 'silver' warriors were bodyguards specifically, with attached presence to the castle and the queen! I think I like this one!

My point is? If Bloody Crow and Leo were guardians of the queen from the start, this might have been their armour before adopting the new style as hunters of Blood Dregs.

And maybe Maria also used to wear a set like this? Beasts (and undead Pthumerians in the dungeons, for that matter) are very agile, and heavy armour would not be effective. You need to jump and roll and run with these fuckers, you'd need a lighter armour! We can see confirmation of it with just how many warriors are dead in the dungeons. So, Gehrman and other Old Hunters appeared and helped Cainhurst to adopt different tactics with clothing and maybe weapons?

Alternatively, just like heraldofcrow said, maybe Maria WAS a Knight and not the warrior; but, again, Knights are basically internal staff with their clothes and unnecessarily elegant fancy weapons x) Their forte is killing their peers that went cringe and fail, not so much the beasts! So, again, a training to become stronger and go out there to protect the city from "plague of beasts" was needed.

Male Knights specifically have shoes of horse riders (with sharp metal plates to them, you know) and the name of the weapon Reiterpallasch means 'horse rider's sword' in German. So yeah, like I said before, it is expected that male Knights would prefer riding horses and using Reiterpallasch and rely more on their physical capacity; meanwhile, female Knights would likely rely more on bloody sword Chikage, that is also then used by Guardians! Interestingly, transformation of Chikage doesn't include stabbing oneself like in Maria's battle, but instead, you slide it in the sheath and it comes out bloodied.

Maria's weapon is also interesting, as it is not simply Chikage but without blood, of course! I feel like typically male Knights would use Reiterpallasch that is a sword, but also a gun, meanwhile female Knights (and later, Guardians) would use Chikage and Evelyn, and Evelyn Maria is pretty familiar with too!

Basically, she could have already been a unique Knight on her own, maybe already had her unusual weapon, or maybe she used Chikage + Evelyn combo but never used Chikage's bloody state. But Cainhurst seems to be the most gender-roles place, and if Cainhurst Knights had certain "norms" within them (with men being more dex and women being more blood), I can imagine Maria being 'your angle or yuor devil' with her style and clothes x)

Yet I just..... keep thinking about the possibility that guns using silver bullets were Old Hunters' invention entirely, that Cainhurst OWES Evelyn to Gehrman, and that Knights became a thing after holy blood was brought back. Because now the vampires could drink it like that! In that case? Maria and Crow could wear that cool metal armour, then Maria would adopt new style from Gehrman and Cainhurst would be the one to steal the drip for themselves! @fantomette22 made a good point that Knights on the portraits are depicted WITHOUT the ribbon; meanwhile, Knight's Wig is not only the ribbon itself but a... well, wig. It has a piece of silver hair attached to it! So maybe not Maria imitated the look of the Knights as a hunter, but THEY imitated her look in honor of her being the most important warrior amongst themselves?

Yeah it largerly depends on how long one wants to make the timeline, but what do you guys think? Was Maria wearing that cool silver armour before becoming Gehrman's student, as a guardian of the queen before they became something else? Or maybe what Crow's armour is actually DID exist for a while, and Maria was wearing that one before departing as a hunter? Or was she wearing just male Knight outfit but with fighting style more common for female Knights? Or she had unique look entirely? (But yeah also please consider..... Bloody Crow in alternative armour...)

#bloodborne #lady maria of the astral clocktower #bloody crow of cainhurst #cainhurst #sorry it just got me to think.... #bloodborne headcanons #bloodborne observation #CROW IN ALTERNATIVE ARMOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #this puts the biggest the dumbest smile on my face #but yeah maria is unusual!

[skrunksthatwunk]

sometimes you need to go back and listen to the music you liked when you were 13 because it's good for you. and no im not talking about like emo nostalgia in this case we have enough posts about that. im talking about dad rock. actually im just talking about barenaked ladies

#idk if i'd call barenaked ladies dad rock per se but every once in a while i'll hear a song and go MAN. I REMEMBER THAT #i had so many oc animatics in my head about this one.... #anyway skrunk lore moment but i had a really intense bnl phase for like 8 months in early middle school which explains a lot about 13 y/o me #in a neutral way but like. yeah. anyway go listen to box set for me. #you don't have to listen to anything else even though i still have a great fondness for a lot of it bc it's one of those things where it's #so familiar to me that i don't even know if i think it's good or not. but box set goes hard and i'll stand by that #in the car and hello city and i'll be that girl and spider in my room AND CALL ME CALMLY and blame it on me and alternative girlfriend and #the flag and when i fall and the king of bedside manor and am i the only one.... ohgh #AND YES IT'S BASIC BUT IF I HAD $1000000 IS COZY. IT'S CUTE OK #OH and it's all been done for all your immortal/reincarnation ship needs. well. a certain vibe anyway #and alcohol. and OH MY GOD I FORGOT JANE. AND INTERMITTENTLY and break your heart.... waaaaaaa #man they have way way more albums than i thought they had #i can only really speak for gordon born on a pirate ship and maybe you should drive actually but. i like those #or i Did like them. havent relistened but even looking at the titles is making me giggly like... i forgot some of these #ALSO SHOEBOX IS A FRIENDS SONG?? WHUH? #or maybe it was used in friends? idk. no thoughts on friends but they did music for just the dumbest shit. ignore that for me please #ANYWAY. going to go listen to all of that now bc im having a moment. if you listen to it and don't like it um. don't think less of me lol <3

[majimassqueaktoy]

Reina, Yakuza 0.

#Nishiki's the dumbest fuck in the world she's literally so beautiful and the lovliest person. #but nah nah have a weird ?love? triangle with your brother and foster sister.... girl what was that lmaooo #dont talk to me about Yumi I will rant for 4 hours #ANYWAY THIS AINT BOUT THAT #this about how pretty reina is. I'll make her a whole Proper set one day #she deserves one #reina yakuza #yakuza #yakuza 0 #rggedit #rgg #ryu ga gotoku #y0edit #yakuzaedit #ladies of yakuza

[marsneedstherapy]

I've split every memory of my life into two categories, before secret shangai ended and after secret shanghai ended. the way I lived when my world felt whole and the way I live now.

#whats the secret third category of memory u ask #idk #this is one of my dumbest posts im sorry 😭 #chloe gong #secret shanghai #foul lady fortune

[the-sixxth-sinner]

American Gothic.

buy me a coffee :)

speedpaint

#sinner art #mcr #my chemical romance #gerard way #frank iero #behold the dumbest thing ive ever done #but i love it. oh i love it so much #i had this idea like three weeks ago #it was like 3 am and my brain went 'you should make a parody of that painting with the guy with the pitchfork and the lady but #it's gerard and frank instead!!!!!' and i went like um okay sure thing boss #because i swear ive never seen a version of american gothic with them and its so weird to me!! maybe i missed it #and it probably looks better than mine #but whatever #i wish i could make prints this would look so good above the fireplace just saying

[mermaidsirennikita]

always wild to see people freak out over dark romance novels when you know they're also like... Spuffy shippers? or something along those lines?

I mean, I have no issue with that lmao, I've had ships that are on the same level, but I don't know, it's just like... are you romanticizing the thing you're shipping to the point that you don't recognize its own darkness, or are you fully aware of that and just knowingly hypocritical?

#romance novel blogging #every week twitter declares that society is crumbling because of silly dark romance novels #and usually not even the REAL dark shit lmao #and every week it is the dumbest moral panic i've ever seen #but yeah dude it when you can literally see people with the WILDEST ships handwringing that i get really confused #like okay so the books are undermining women #but the women falling in love with their attempted rapists onscreen... are not.................. #and to clarify to me it's just a quality of the work thing; the content itself there doesn't concern me #I MYSELF do not think spuffy as an example was handled well and the context of joss being who he is #retroactively makes it worse than a dark romance written by some random very normal lady keying into common fantasies #like mitzie or heather or whoever doesn't want to go out there and assault someone. probably #whereas joss..................... #wasn't allowed to be alone in a room w a teenage girl #and that isn't every showrunner ofc but a lot of visual representations of trauma #and romanticizations of these relationships onscreen are often written by people of the same gender as the perpetrator #whereas dark romance is often written by women--sometimes even women working out their own shit #and idk i'm kind of making that realization in real time as two why one bugs me more than the other #PERSONALLY speaking #and ofc that doesn't absolve women of handling SA whether it's romanticized or not badly #and CERTAINLY sa is not inherent to dark romance #which i think is a common misconception #dark romance in terms of genre is not 'rape and abuse as romance' it's honestly pretty broad #ANYWAY. thoughts over #just focus on the people who are actually preying on others plsthx

[samwisefamgee]

I’ve needed to go to the dentist for so fucking long why does it cost so much to stop my teeth from falling out

#seriously they’ve been getting so sensitive for months and I can’t do anything :( #last time was like before covid. halfway through they were like ‘hey do you want us to do the stuff that stops your teeth from crumbling?’ #and I was like yes please #and they were like well that’s $50 so cool #I had to say no #and they dentist lady gave me the dumbest pitying look #like SORRY YOU DIDNT TELL ME BEFORE NOW #and now I have at least two cavities : ))))) #anyway this has been another installment of my body isn’t even finished growing yet and it’s already crumbling to dust #eyes degrading knees degrading hands degrading feet degrading what! is! the! point! I’m gonna turn twenty FUCKING five and need severe care #that no one will ever be able to afford

[wigglybug]

this week: a fish bounced off our standup paddleboard nature is beautiful !!!!

#the ocean has been so flat ive been going out a lot DESPITE THE WATER BING 12C #also ive spoken to some of the dumbest people ever over the phone its unreal #have had to explain to grown women how a queue works for over the phone orders #like no lady. we have other pizzas to make its not JUST yours #idiot #diary comics

[jessiesjaded]

Nothin says friday night like my brother offering to hang the washing bc my mum was complaining and she said he wouldn't "do it properly" and then I was like well I can do it and she implied I also don't hang the washing properly but it only dries because it's a "hot day" (where literally just leaving winter so lol also my decade plus of dried washing didnt happen i guess??) so I went says the person who doesn't know how to stack the dishwasher and then she got all offended like ???? Firstly, you do stack it evilly, all the cutlery in the first cutlery holder thingy- evil. Secondly, YOU STARTED IT ???

#im aware this is the dumbest fight in the world but she started it when we were just offering to help like #lady.

[morriganartblog]

An old meme with my fireteam !

#destiny 2 fanart #destiny fanart #meet the fireteam : #the redhead one is my hunter #taran d2 #they go by they/them #their ghost is Val; He/Him #The big exo is my titan #Felix-3 #big soft boi #he go by he/him mostly; his ghost has no name #and last but not least #the awoken lady is my warlock #and my main character #Chamaëll D2 #she go by she/her #I'm struggling to come up with a name for her ghost #but she is a She/her to #they are the dumbest I love them so much #you'll see more art of them #old art

[fantomette22]

Yeah i love imagining Maria & Gehrman interactions !

The interactions :

#bloodborne #my art #lady maria of the astral clocktower #lady maria #gehrman the first hunter #maria & gehrman #yes i love them someone help #why ​it’s always angst fluff or the dumbest things #fantomette22art

[counterbury-tales]

Born This Way

Slice #71

#poker face #lady gaga #dumb jokes #no seriously #this might be our dumbest joke yet #daily comic #they can't all be winners

[sparefry]

almost fell asleep at work bc i’m sick and exhausted but then my colleague made me crylaugh and it like. restarted my system

#we have this one lady in sales and ahe brought a basket full of old garbage to the office #it's like old cosmetics she apparently no longer needs and it's the most useless shit #and my colleague and i were looking at it and it's the dumbest shit really it's like old stuff that's barely usable #but what set me off was the little plastic gun on a key chain #it was so odd and out of place and my head just crashed and jules.exe stopped working

[waltwhitmansbeard]

turned my water into wine #5

see my masterpost for what came before this. this drabble takes place before the events of my fair lady. inspired by @romeoandjulietyouwish's medieval au.

Keyleth stirs slowly, her consciousness ebbing in like a wave lapping at the shore. She's on her stomach, arm dangling over the bed, and if she's not mistaken, there's someone draped along her back, breathing a slow, even rhythm that rumbles like a cat's purr. She grins into her pillow; the feeling of Vax over her, his cheek against her bare shoulder, his leg hooked over hers—she imagines this must be how it feels to be safely moored after so many years adrift at sea.

She is loath to open her eyes, to admit to herself that a full day awaits her outside of this bed. She can tell that Vax has yet to wake, which makes this morning most unusual indeed; usually he is gone before the sunrise, and Keyleth is left to rise alone, in a too-big bed that smells of him. She shifts her body just slightly, pressing into him, hoping that she can retain some of his warmth before he eventually disappears into the shadows once more.

She has just resolved to let sleep consume her once more when there is sharp, insistent rapping at her door. "Your Highness? Are you awake?"

Her eyes fly open, and her head whips to the side just in time to catch Vax's hand instinctively diving under his pillow to grip the dagger he keeps there. She reaches out to still his hand. "Allura!" she hisses, and he has to blink his eyes a few times to fully wake up.

Keyleth looks past his shoulder to the curtained window, and through the sliver between the drapes, she can see full, blazing daylight. "We overslept!" she whispers, throwing herself out of bed and beginning the search for her nightdress. "Just a minute, Lady Allura!" she calls, wincing at the clear distress in her tone.

Vax is on his feet in a heartbeat, tossing clothes on his body as quickly as he can. "I cannot believe I didn't wake." He points an accusatory finger at her. "This is your doing."

Keyleth's jaw drops as she struggles to get an arm through her dressing gown. "My doing? How so?"

"You were the one who would not let me get to sleep until well after midnight."

She narrows her eyes. "Well that was your fault entirely."

He yanks a boot onto one foot, not bothering to tie the laces before shoving his other foot into the second. "For what?"

"For smelling so good!" she hisses. She darts to her mirror, groaning at the state of her hair. It is a rat's nest, but there is little she can do about it now.

Vax appears just over her shoulder, more or less dressed, and quickly spins her around by the waist. He's captured her lips in a hungry kiss before she can think, and despite the direness of the situation, she melts into him, gripping the haphazardly affixed buckles of his armor to pull herself closer to him. He tastes like morning, like fire, like home. She is breathless when he pulls away with a roguish grin. "I'll see you in a few minutes, Your Highness," he murmurs against her lips, and then he is gone, a ghost through the secret door, and she is standing there flushed and disheveled.

After a full five seconds, she returns to the mirror and attempts to fix her appearance. She is forced to give up half a minute later when Lady Allura knocks again. "Your Highness? Are you quite well?"

Keyleth scurries to the door and creaks it open. "Lady Allura!" She puts on her best sleepy smile. "I apologize, I seem to have had too late of a night with my reading."

Allura's brow furrows skeptically. "I...see. Your father asked that I check on you, as you missed breakfast this morning."

"Oh, well that is quite kind of you. Yes, I, um..." Horror sinks her stomach as she watches Allura's eyes slide past her into the room to the unmade bed, which is in quite a state of disarray. "I did not sleep well!" she half-shouts in what must be the most unconvincing lie of the century. "Tossing and turning all night, just...horrible sleep, really. But I will be dressed momentarily and I will not be late to today's Council meeting, that I promise you."

Allura nods slowly, clearly suspicious, but before she can say anything, Vax is jogging up the hall, an easy smile on his face. "Good morning all!" he says cheerfully.

Kynan, who is posted to the side of Keyleth's door, frowns. "You're late. I was supposed to be off twenty minutes ago."

Vax comes to a stop beside him and claps a hand on his shoulder. "Then I apologize, friend, and promise never to help a neighbor collect her loose chickens again."

Kynan seems mollified by the response, but Keyleth can tell Allura is doubtful. Before she can start putting any pieces together, Keyleth starts talking again. "Right! Well, Lady Allura, thank you very much for ensuring I was awake and I will see you in the Council chambers shortly."

Allura has clearly decided not to push the matter, as she bows and murmurs, "Of course, Your Highness," before nodding politely to the two guards and striking off down the hall. Kynan similarly bows his goodbye to Keyleth before leaving, and then Vax and Keyleth are alone in her doorway.

They wait until they are sure they are alone before they start talking at the same time.

"That was unbelievably close—"

"I could hear your panic from down the hall, was that your attempt at lying—"

"—can you imagine if she'd come in—"

"—couldn't talk your way out of a paper bag—"

"—was trying my best, I was panicked—"

"—this after I'd nearly killed myself running through those catacombs—"

"—must you always smell so good?!"

Vax stops, that devilish smirk on his face again. "You'd better dress quickly, Your Highness. The Ashari Council awaits."

She reaches up to flick his ear in annoyance, but he deftly snatches her wrist and brings it to his lips, pressing a kiss to her pulse, which is suddenly erratic and fast. Though an endless list of responsibilities await her, all her body yearns to do is yank him inside this chamber and lock the door. "I must go," she whispers, and he nods slowly. She extracts her hand from his grasp, and the last thing she sees before the door closes behind her is the hunger in his eyes.

#between this one and the last one i should rename this series 'the ashari council watching these two idiots be the dumbest bitches alive' #you are NOT getting two of these from me today #no sir #i have SHIT TO DO #critical role #critical role fic #cr fic #vaxleth #vaxleth fic #vaxleth au #vox machina #vox machina au #tlovm #tlovm fic #my fic #my fair lady #turned my water into wine