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slutforfinnickodair · 3 months

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𝑆𝑊𝐸𝐸𝑇 𝐿𝐼𝑃𝑆 || 𝐹𝐼𝑁𝑁𝐼𝐶𝐾 𝑂𝐷𝐴𝐼𝑅

𝑠𝑢𝑚𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑦: 𝐴𝑠 𝑎 𝑣𝑖𝑐𝑡𝑜𝑟 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒 73𝑟𝑑 ℎ𝑢𝑛𝑔𝑒𝑟 𝑔𝑎𝑚𝑒𝑠 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑎𝑙𝑤𝑎𝑦𝑠 𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑦 𝑡𝑜 𝑡𝑟𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑝𝑒𝑜𝑝𝑙𝑒. 𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒'𝑠 𝐹𝑖𝑛𝑛𝑖𝑐𝑘, 𝑤ℎ𝑜𝑠 𝑎𝑏𝑠𝑜𝑙𝑢𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑦 𝑖𝑛 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑦𝑜𝑢. 𝐵𝑎𝑠𝑒𝑑 𝑜𝑛 @miiathemii '𝑠 𝑟𝑒𝑞𝑢𝑒𝑠𝑡.

𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠: 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟 𝑖𝑠 𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑑 𝑜𝑓 𝑑𝑒𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑒𝑑. 𝐾𝑖𝑛𝑑 𝑜𝑓. 𝑁𝑜 𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑜𝑓 𝑌/𝑁, 𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑦 𝑌/𝐿/𝑁. 𝐴𝑁𝐺𝑆𝑇. 𝐵𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑓 𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑜𝑓 𝑠𝑢𝑖𝑐𝑖𝑑𝑒. (𝑖𝑓 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑓𝑒𝑒𝑙 𝑢𝑛𝑐𝑜𝑟𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑎𝑏𝑙𝑒 𝑑𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒.) 𝐹𝑖𝑛𝑛𝑖𝑐𝑘 𝑂𝑑𝑎𝑖𝑟. 𝑇ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑚𝑎𝑛 ℎ𝑖𝑚𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓 𝑖𝑠 𝑎 𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔.

𝑃𝑎𝑖𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔: 𝐹𝑖𝑛𝑛𝑖𝑐𝑘 𝑂𝑑𝑎𝑖𝑟 𝑥 𝐹𝑒𝑚𝑎𝑙𝑒 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟

𝐴𝑢: 𝑂ℎ 𝑚𝑦 𝑔𝑜𝑑. 𝐼 𝐴𝐵𝑆𝑂𝐿𝑈𝑇𝐸𝐿𝑌 𝐿𝑂𝑉𝐸 𝑇𝐻𝐼𝑆 𝑂𝑁𝐸. 𝑇ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑘 𝑦𝑜𝑢 @miiathemii 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑟𝑒𝑞𝑢𝑒𝑠𝑡. 𝑆𝑒𝑛𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑙𝑜𝑡'𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒! 𝐻𝑜𝑝𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑖𝑡 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑠𝑜𝑟𝑟𝑦 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑖𝑡! 𝑚𝑦 𝑖𝑛𝑏𝑜𝑥 𝑖𝑠 𝑜𝑝𝑒𝑛 𝑐𝑢𝑟𝑟𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑙𝑦! 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑠𝑒𝑛𝑑 𝑟𝑒𝑞𝑢𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑠 <3

𝑊𝑜𝑟𝑑 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑡: 6.1𝑘

_________ ׂׂૢ��༘࿐

The forest was always beautiful.

But like everything, it gets old too. You can see it yourself, if you have been around here for a long time by now you could sense the feeling of it growing older. The fresh smell of mahogany around its aura wasn’t the same anymore.

The whole look at the sky wasn’t the same anymore, but that was just because I grew older as well. When I was young I didn’t see the problems adult’s had. I didn’t see all of the suffering that was growing around our district. Nothing was the same anymore. Not that it mattered to the old ones that were fighting for their last years alive, but it mattered to me. This place was where I grew up, where I let myself be truthfully myself. I didn’t have to act like I belonged somewhere else. And I had to watch it go and vanish into nothing.

After I bought the bread from the market and brought it home to mum, I didn’t have anything else to look out after this day so I came here. My favorite place of all times. At least it used to be. The air was salty and earthy while the grass around me was dewy. This wasn’t the same place anymore where I grew up. It made me want to escape the whole state, to start a new life. Somewhere else and not here where the only thing that could be sensed was the fear, and only the fear for kids.

The only birthday we didn’t really celebrate was the twelfth.

I remember exactly the night before I turned twelve. Mum set me to sleep, tucking me in the covers while I asked her about the games and she started to tear up. She was afraid. I was waiting for it while being excited. Every one of my friend group was already thirteen or fourteen and yet I was just simply excited to attend the reaping everyone talked about.

Little, clueless me.

Ambrosia was reaped when she was fifteen. I was still twelve then. I thought that she would win and come back and then we would laugh about the whole thing.

She didn’t come back.

But even that didn’t stop me from wanting to attend the whole thing.

I wanted to help mum. Each year I got my name in the glass globe two times. For me and her as well. It all started when I was thirteen, by the time I reached eighteen my name was in the globe at least twelve times. I just wanted to help her out with anything that I could.

I lost hope though when I reached eighteen. I wasn’t reaped until then and I could not say that I was jealous of the winners for getting all that income and be broadcasted on television while we sat at home and stared at the screen.

I thought I wouldn’t be reaped, but when I heard my name being said all of the stupid things that I was thinking about left my mind. I remember I stood on the podium next to Owen Stewart, a thirteen year old boy whose parents were the market owner’s that year and while we shook hands I felt a pair of two eyes burn their gaze into the skin of my back.

I opened my eyes swiftly and slowly looked around myself. This one spot, my comfort place.

The flowers that grew near the river were now shining with all of their might. The warm days gave them enough sunlight to reach their climax of colors. The whole forest looked like it was caged, but only this part of it not where I used to hang around when I was little.

Now if I looked at it the only thing I could sense was danger. Though I still came here whenever I was sad or anxious or anything. My feelings calmed down here in this one spot. If it would be caged like the rest of it I wouldn’t have anywhere to escape to.

Mum used to say that it was dangerous and I didn’t understand why until I lost someone. At that time kids I was friends with used to swim in the river, laughing and fishing. The first thing we learnt how to do even before learning to write or to read. Just remembering that each one of them was dead by now and I was the only one left alone made me look around the place I had known for around twenty years.

The trees were vividly green, the jabberjay's chirping and settling down on the branches of the living wood. I smiled occasionally when I heard them repeat chattering around the district. Old women talking with each other and discussing younger ones, the fish problems — that the river next to the little cottage houses was almost empty, a living creature not in it, or even just how old they grew and what they've been through already.

I wished I could have grown old like that. Without being chosen as a tribute. Now that I did win, there was no question that I wouldn’t continue living the life that I’ve always had before. When I sliced the last tribute’s throat open from district two, I thought that everything would be fine. Everything would continue running the same way as it always did. Maybe I would be chosen as a mentor next to him. We got the income from The Capitol, the house in Victor's village and all of this just because I killed people. Just that by now, I wished I would be rather dead than be alive between these circumstances.

I thought that I would come home, give a speech in all of the twelve districts to show people respect and then go home. Leave The Capitol and never talk about it again. I should have felt easiness growing inside of me the day I turned nineteen, but I could not. How could I when so many people still felt grief, so many felt alone and betrayed? How can someone live with such feelings that they are the cause of many’s sorrow?

Here.

I was the worst, but at the same time the best example.

But I got what I deserved.

People thought that… that Finnick was this handsome looking fine young boy when he won. At least I thought so. When I was reaped I thought that it was going to be alright, the youngest victor ever will be my mentor. What are the odds of me getting killed?

He didn’t even speak to me after we got on the train. I was thinking maybe he hated me. That I wasn’t pretty enough to be even looking at him.

Now I understood why he didn’t want me to come out successfully from this whole thing.

I tried to see it from his point of view.

They were sex trafficking a sixteen year old boy.

One night which was still spent at The Capitol I was awoken by the sound of glass shattering. The twelve year old boy who was my partner was sleeping like a bear and I was awoken by the slightest sound around the penthouse.

I thought maybe someone broke in, or something like that happened. When I walked out I saw Finnick standing over the counter, the drink that was in his glass now all over the marble tile, spreading while the remains of the glass were in his grip still. I rushed over, seeing that he probably crushed the glass with his own hand.

My statement became true when I finally brought him to speak. His voice was low, raspy almost as if he didn’t want me to hear him. I sat him down to the nearest lamp and took his palm into my hands, it seemed large next to mine. The fresh blood was still spilling from the wound’s on his skin. Since I wasn’t mean enough to wake up our escort too, I searched up the whole apartment for a first aid kit.

While I was bounding up his palm we stayed quiet, though I did. When I was done he murmured something like a thank you and looked at my face like this was the first time he saw me. His eyes narrowed, making me pull my hands away from him and turn around my heel quickly rushing back to my bedroom.

I acted like nothing happened on that night after it, but with Finnick… it was almost impossible to keep up. One day he acted like he hated you, and then next week he would be jumping around you like a bunny.

The blade of grass that I was picking at flew out from between my fingers, making me stare at it and where it disappeared. I wasn’t strong enough to live through another year as someone who was the most desirable female in my district. I wanted to live free. Live without the fear of the consequences of my actions. Every pair of eyes was watching every single move I made in The Capitol. I couldn’t act like nothing happened. Those two weeks were the worst I experienced.

In these situations I let my thoughts wander, making me feel alive and well. I knew that somehow I have to protect mum. She was the only one I could count on. If not her, then I wouldn’t have anyone to put my trust in. No one in the whole existence of the Universe could replace her, not even if it was the most charming, blessed or dependable person.

My eyes slowly flickered to the sunset, the beautiful sun setting down while the sky looked as if an impressionist was playing with the color gradients. I wanted to feel young again, the feeling of being free and not caring about anything around me made me crazy. It was bringing back memories — memories that I thought were long dead in the deepest parts of my mind.

I sucked in a harsh breath before closing my eyelids and just listening to the sound of nature. The wind, how it flew around me and how it pushed the hair into my face. The ordinary bird’s flew around the river, the sound of the river colliding with the forcefield, the sound that it let out, making me flinch. The forcefield was the only thing that kept me back from taking my mother with myself out of Panem.

On a daily basis I tried to do something against it, crave a hole into it, shatter it to thousands of pieces. Anything that could make it disappear. The Capitol was being unrealistically protective with this pull. I was tired of going home everyday, every third day going back to the center and getting to sleep with someone I didn’t even know the name of. Why did I have to do this? Why couldn’t I just simply die? Why couldn’t I listen to him?

But no. I couldn’t be that selfish. I wouldn’t want mum to suffer. She needed to live instead of me too. She needed to live for herself to see a better future. I didn't care about myself at that point when I was almost suffocated by Irina Frank. She was on my mind. I only tried to win for her sake. It’s ironic how though I won, I still have to act like the flirtatious, sharp minded woman. I didn’t see the point of being a prostitute, yet I already was one. I was one. I wasn’t proud of it, but they forced me to. I wasn’t the only one. But still I felt like I was all alone, betrayed and hurt.

And I agreed because I was horrified by the fact that they could kill her in her own house.

But the pleasure that I should have been feeling turned into disgust.

A sigh left my lips while I threw a little rock into the river and stood up from the grass, taking my bag full of knives with myself. The road from here to our house wasn’t a long one, but if you kept walking slowly it could have been stretched out to ten minutes. I slowly walked up on the hill and went through the forest, passing by numerous trees.

The feeling of being in love vanished for me. There was no such feeling. I didn’t know what being in love felt like after those encounters. It didn’t mean anything to me afterwards. They used it as a weapon against me. I knew it shouldn’t feel like that.

After the first time, the boy who was possibly the same age as me left the room while I stayed like that, staring up at the ceiling and waiting for something to happen.

Nothing did.

I was left like that, I was bleeding. My eyes were closed the whole time and I just kept wishing for it to be over. Then the next day the same happened, then next week, then next month and then the next year. I was told to keep quiet otherwise I could have suffered a lot more than I was doing.

I wondered how Finnick could still live like that. Visiting that whole shitty place and flirting with women at least ten years older than him. Once I remember we were invited to this whole celebration of the victor’s like two years ago. Even then he was with a woman who seemed like she was going to throw up from the amount of alcohol that was already down her throat.

He was easing up around the whole place while I was being tight like a knot on a rope.

I wished I could do it like him. So simply, but in reality I saw something no one else did, except him. Fear.

Not of death.

Rather fear for his loved ones.

He wasn’t this cocky male that they showed you on television. Even when we were kids he was charming, had all of the girls drool over him, even Ambrosia who was known not to fall for charm and playfulness.

When I reached the village I walked up on the stairs of the front porch in front of our house and opened the front door. I placed my bag down next to where our shoes were and closed the door behind myself. I took off my coat and hung it on the hanger, taking my steps towards the living room.

“Oh here she is.” Mum said while I straightened my back and stood in the door.

Oh speak of the devil.

I clenched my jaw while she got up from her armchair and walked towards me, taking my head in her hands, kissing my forehead.

“Mum.” I whispered while she looked back at me. “What is he doing here?” My voice came out struggling while she shook her head slightly,

“I will go and pour you some tea,” She said. “Darling, do you need another cup?” She asked the boy while I scoffed and sat down on the couch across from him.

“Thank you, Mrs Y/L/N.” Finnick nodded his head at her while she took his cup and I crossed my arms on my chest.

He looked up at me while I licked my lower lip, leaning my back against the leather.

“Look I. I know we are not in the speaking phase…”

“What do you want, Odair?” I asked while now placing my thigh against the other. He looked at me, stunned at first then chuckling. I stared back at him with my brows knitted together, sucking in harsh breaths.

He started searching for something in his jacket, making me more anxious about his whole visit. What the hell did he want again? Mum as I saw was actually happy about him, like this was the first time he came to this house.

When his father died, my mother often visited their house since she and his mother have been friends since childhood. I didn’t really get along with him, he was always this “I know better than you do!” kid and he didn’t seem to change ever since that even though he was already twentyfour or something like that.

“Here. Take it.” Finnick shook me out of my thoughts while an envelope was in his right hand. I looked at it for a hot minute before slowly taking it from him. I looked down at it, the front glowing with beautiful petal’s of a living white rose surrounded by golden dust. The handwritten letters made out my name, the district number and the address of Finnick’s house.

I looked up at him while turning the envelope to the backside. He only kept waiting for me to open it, but I hardly could. Why would they send a letter for me to his house? It made no sense. My fingertips gazed at the flap of the paper, the edges nicely painted with gold paint. They secured the letter with a seal, The Capitol’s emblem emerged from the maroon wax.

I ripped the envelope open, reaching for the piece of paper that was in it. It was an invitation. I pulled it out, taking a look at it while both of my hands held it. I read the words quickly enough, but still did not understand what was actually in front of me.

“This must be a joke or something.” I scoffed while Finnick stared at me. I looked up back at him. “I’m not going to attend a stupid event where I have to act like that again. I don’t want to be happy about what I had to do.” I said while my fingertips reached the top of the paper, ripping it into two pieces, then into another two and so on until there was nothing left.

“Tearing up the invitation is not going to make them forget about you. Look, I’ll go too.”

“You are not serious right now.” I chuckled. “You really want me to go with you? That’s why you came here?” I blinked while my face probably held a hilarious expression. “Keep dreaming.” I mouthed while narrowing my eyes, a smile on my lips.

“I won’t be dreaming for much longer Sweetheart.” He said while mum appeared in the living room with a tray of two cups of English tea and a plate of chocolate chip cookies.

“Here you go. Oh, also. I hope you don’t mind Darling, but I have to leave. The textiles got shipped this morning and I have to keep sewing otherwise they will fire me.”

“It’s alright Mrs Y/L/N. Thank you for your lovely welcoming.” Finnick stood up while she hugged him, reaching up to her tiptoes. When she pulled away looking at him, she placed her hands on his cheeks, mouthing something as he chuckled.

Once she pulled away her gaze got fixated on me. I looked at her while a huge lump was resting in my throat, threatening me to swallow. Something about her always made me nervous, even if I wasn’t in trouble, but this time it seemed like I was in a big one.

“Behave yourself.” She said while pointing at me. I shook my head bringing my palm to rest against my forehead, closing my eyes. I pushed the loose hair strands away from my face, inhaling a breath that my lungs didn’t need.

When I heard the front door close I stood up from the leather couch in an instant, walking towards the French windows. The sun was still setting down, the image beautiful. I really didn’t want to go. I really didn’t. I did not want to drink, dance or feel good about what I did even if it helped us out. I did not want to go over the same thing again.

I would never do something like that and not even Finnick could make me change my mindset. I pressed my fingertips into my eyes, leaning my head backwards while letting out a groan. When was the last time I did something that I actually wanted?

I felt guilty and actually didn’t understand how the hell could he act like that. Like he didn’t care about all of those innocent adolescents that wanted nothing more than to just help their family. He was feeling absolutely amazing, while I felt like I was going to bury myself into Panem’s lowest point.

Maybe the years, the years did it all for him. It has been already a decade since he won the games, why would he still feel sorrow? Even in this situation he came out as the one who held the truth. And I hated him for that.

Suddenly I felt the room shift, I leant my head against the window while I heard him get up from his seat. I closed my eyes, feeling the cold of the glass calm my nerves. I swallowed the lump that was in my throat and pressed my lips into a line.

I felt him walk behind me. I calmed down my breaths before turning around slowly. Once I was sure I faced him I opened my eyes, crossing my arms on my chest as if to hide something from him.

“One chance. If you ruin it I won’t be talking with you for good Finn.”

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

The Capitol, as usual, did what they are the best at.

The room, where usually the tryouts were held - now was decorated into a whole other room. I looked around, from the ceiling exactly thirteen stars hanging. Each star was shining with a number, representing the number of the twelve districts and the one place where The Capitol's people were sitting at a table.

On the tables white silk was laid, on it glimmering textile that could have been the same material mum was bringing in her hands last night. There were different kinds of alcohol, from brandy to whiskey to vodka you could have found everything that you wanted to have. The meals weren’t on the table yet, though there were some snacks laid out. Biscuits, cake and other sweet things that a little child with nothing in their hands would have gone feral for.

Everyone around me was dressed formally, women having long, knee reaching and even very short dresses. There were a lot of people: the victors, their family, the judges and even photographers who were all around the place. I looked around the hall again, my gaze fixated on the walls of the ballroom.

The walls were painted with golden flowers, all over the place. Sometimes if you looked closely you could actually see how butterflies appeared on them. The place was beautiful, just that the people who made it look beautiful were ruined from the inside. I looked down, only to see the frills by the end of my dress.

It was gorgeous. Mum has been sewing it ever since Finnick appeared with the envelope. She was very excited, brought home tons of textiles and kept measuring my stats over and over. I occasionally even enjoyed the whole thing. I loved seeing her doing what she loved. From the beginning of the day she sat down at our dining table, sewing, sketching on her notepad and decorating the flattering piece of clothing with beautiful pearls.

The dress was plantation teal, just to show where I belonged. Mum thought the color was beautiful either way and suited me very much. I couldn’t disagree with her. At the chest the fabric was covering most of my breasts, but leaving a line between them. The corset hugged my waist perfectly, shaping an hourglass which wasn’t exactly how my body was truly shaped.

It had a long skirt, reaching down to the floor. The ends were shaping frills, if I spinned around they looked exactly like I was in a fairytale. The back was beautiful as well, strands to tie across my back. I was thankful that I had a mother like this, actually caring about me and not just because I needed to bring home my wealth. I couldn’t say I didn’t love her more though.

My thoughts were again distracted by the one and only, Panem’s shining victor - Finnick Odair.

“Hi.”He said while I looked up at him, trying to force a smile on my lips. I succeeded partly, a slight smile took its place on my lips. “You look gorgeous.” He said while I suddenly felt weird. I could feel warmth creeping up into my face.

He wasn’t the first one who noticed me, and wasn’t the first one here that complimented my looks, though when he said it, it was different. I felt different. Maybe because I was already so close to him that even just a little compliment made me feel flushed.

“You don’t look so bad yourself.” I said while he smiled down at me. I felt my own smile getting wider.

I would have said something right there and then, but someone interrupted me.

“Hi, sorry. I’m Christie. Would you like to dance with me?” The voice of the female couldn’ be more high pitched. She sounded like a kid while looking like someone you would have a time with between the dark alleys. Her blonde hair was tousled up into the sky, makeup covering even her neck. I don’t even think I have to mention her dress.

I raised my brows at her, which probably earned me a bad reputation in her eyes. I scoffed.

Rolling my eyes I suddenly walked away from the two. Everything that has been building up since he picked me up from my house died down, sadness taking over its place. Heavens, why wasn’t I so brave to ask him for a dance? Am I too…cowardly?

I walked through the ballroom, my eyes searching for someone to keep a conversation with but no one there seemed to grab my attention. I was nervous, what the night held for me. Thinking about how I probably needed to be brought home by someone. If I showed up here there was no question that I was going to be having one of the worst nights in my life all over again.

At these times I kept asking myself “Why did you have to win?” Even if I knew I was being selfish. If mum knew what they brought me into she would have bore the death of me better than this.

Even the idea of suicide creeped my thoughts, because all of my wealth was at home with her, in her house. If I died, they wouldn’t take it away from her. No, because I still had one year to become an adult.

If only I had the strength to. To end my life, but I was too caught up about the people around me. So I didn’t. I kept faking smiles, desires and everything else that The Capitol needed from me. Not like it was hard to act like the flirtatious, gorgeous woman, but it was exhausting. By the end of the day when I watched my interviews back with Caesar Flickerman I kept closing my eyes at the sound of my voice. I didn’t recognize myself.

I couldn’t believe what they turned me into. Of course, no one knew how I acted before I was chosen as tribute, but back then I hoped that I would get out the same. Just maybe, happier.

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

The music was crawling its way into my ears, the melody of the soft song that the woman sang made goosebumps appear on my skin. It was beautiful. I stared down at my glass of sparkling water, tapping my fingers on the cold glass.

It has been exactly two hours since I arrived. Some people came up to me and congratulated me for winning two years prior. I couldn’t even thank them. I just nodded, turning away from their burning gazes.

People I knew showed up too, for example Johanna Mason. I got along with her, though she only kept talking about this whole third quarter bullshit and how it is not fair that they want us to fight again when we are well over the age of eighteen.

I was biting my lips the whole time. I only knew that the only male victor from district four who was still alive was Finnick. I didn’t want him to fight again. I don’t know why, but suddenly I got worried about him, because the actual thought of the third quarter reaping didn’t really seem interesting to me. As I thought before, I wanted to die. The chances though for me becoming the victor next to Finnick were low, because there was Mags who raised him up and a redhead girl, Annie Cresta who has won the 70th Hunger Games.

When you think that you are on the edge, it’s only the beginning of the things that can turn into your worst dreams. I would have never noticed or cared about the third quarter reaping if Johanna didn't show up to talk to me.

This was me. Everything about me could change in a matter of two seconds. This was how I felt about Finnick now. Who knows how I will feel about him tomorrow, next week or even next month? But did it count? If you thought that you aren’t worthy of love?

“Mind if I take you for a dance?” A low, smooth voice whispered in my ear. Oh, Finnick. His hands were on my shoulders, warm hands on my cold skin. I smiled slightly, closing my eyes as his voice sent tingles down on my spine. I stood up from the table, staring up at him while he took one of my hands and slowly led me where other people were dancing as well.

Waltz. Should be fine.

When he faced me, I suddenly got the urge to swallow. Before I could place one of my hands on his shoulder, his was already on the top of my waist, his fingers laying on the delicate fabric of my dress. As he looked down at me I felt all flustered, in my stomach knots started to form. My breath suddenly got shallow like I was nervous. His hand on my skin felt heavenly, I almost let out a sigh by the feelings. Finn ran his fingers down on the skin of my right arm, making goosebumps appear on it. He slowly reached to my hand, taking it with his and holding it out so we were in a familiar position like all the other dancers.

I suddenly felt like all eyes were on me, making me inhale breaths that I didn’t know my lungs needed. He seemed to notice that, because his fingers started to rub my waist, the hand of mine that was holding his was rubbing my knuckles. His lips formed a smile, while mine were probably left open.

“Relax, it’s just a dance.” He whispered before he took the first step, making us turn around while the frills by the end of my dress went after his steps. I pressed my lips into a line, trying to move after him at the same speed as he moved.

“Loosen your limbs…” His voice came out softly, “-don't focus on it convulsively, let the music take you with itself.”

It was so easy to listen to his voice, it was music to my ears.

I breathed calmly now, moving after him with ease. We passed many pairs as we were spinning around the whole ballroom. To him, it was nothing but listening to the rhythm of the music. Maybe he didn’t even pay attention to it, because his face was focused on something completely different.

“You know, if you are not throwing death glares at me I must say you are really beautiful.” His quiet voice brought me back to real life again, out of my thoughts while I registered what he just said to me. I let out a scoff.

“Stop with the charming behavior. We both know this is not you.” I said while he leant his head to the left side, looking at me with a slight smile on his lips.

“Saying the truth is charming to you?” Finnick asked while raising his arm with mine up above our heads making me twirl around.

I turned back towards him as he pulled me in by the waist, his hand slowly sliding down. I stared at his lips for a moment before I leant my face a little bit away from his. He was too close to me now.

“You know how to twist out my words, don’t you?” I asked while leaning my chin up, staring into his sea green eyes. “Finnick, don’t make me regret my decision.”

He chuckled.

After some time I realized that my head has been resting on his shoulder for quite a good time now, and he was swaying us both to the music. It felt comfortable, I don't think I ever felt like this since the age of ten.

He smelled really nice, fresh and earthy. My nose was really close to his pulse point, my ears able to hear the pumping of his blood between his veins. His hand was now completely leaving my waist, resting on my hip. In fact, he had his lower arm draped around me. Finnick was holding me impossibly close to him, letting me feel the warmth of his body. His hand that was holding mine still, intertwined his fingers with mine. My hand slid down from his shoulder to his biceps, squeezing the skin under his suit jacket.

I slowly raised my head up as I heard the soft music overlap the previous one. That’s why I didn’t hear it change.

“How long has it been?” I asked while he looked behind me, then right back into my eyes.

“Three songs.” He whispered.

“Aren’t you tired?” I asked while he let out a small laugh.

“No, but I’m afraid that your feet will hurt because I assume you are wearing heels.”

“Oh, no. I’m wearing sandals, they have a heel, but it’s only an inch, maybe two.” I muttered.

He bit his lower lip slightly while I kept looking up at him. Suddenly I felt like it was only the two of us in the whole ballroom and no one else mattered. I felt my lips form a genuine, real smile.

“What I said a minute earlier…” He started, “- I really meant it. You are hopelessly gorgeous. I know that we are not pretty close, and we aren’t really the best kind of friends, but that’s enough for me. It’s enough, because if you act like yourself around me I feel like I already earnt something. Because I lo…”

Before he could say it I leant up on my tip toes and pressed my lips slightly against his, making Finnick close his eyes as our lips slowly moved against each other in sync.

In that moment I felt like I was high. Like I accomplished something that I knew that was inside of me for a really long time now. I never wanted to be left alone again. I never wanted to leave his side again. I wanted him to claim me like no one else did before.

When I pulled away for breath, he opened his eyes in a swift motion. I then stared at him, and something changed in his eyes. His pupils dilated, the blood rushed into his cheeks and his lips became swollen making him look desperate. His skin felt warmer than before, making me inch more into him.

“Do that again.” He breathed against my mouth while I let out a chuckle, kissing his sweet lips once again.

There were probably some girls, even women who stared at you, but I couldn’t care less. How could I when I was caged in his arms feeling safe as ever? I wrapped my left arm around his neck, my right one leaving his as it slid up from his chest up to join my other one around his neck. His arms wrapped around my waist, his lips feeling up mine while I sighed into his mouth, my knees buckling suddenly.

When he pulled away, a wide smile on his lips I leant my head back down on his shoulder as he kept swaying us to the gentle sound of the music.

Oh, Finnick Odair, you bring the best out of me. And I completely, truly and undoubtedly love you for that.

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