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loquaciousquark · 9 months

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One thing that I really appreciate about your fic is that you always have the whole thing prewritten and then you post on a regular schedule until the whole thing is out there. What made you decide to do it that way rather than post as you write? I'm currently once again waffling on just posting as I write or finishing my whole thing and then posting and it's driving me nuts!

Ahh, I'm still reeling from your lovely art! Let me try to compose myself and also try to get through the haze of cough syrup. There are four (and a half) main reasons I always finish my stuff before I start posting. I keep trying to qualify this post by saying they're personal reasons developed over many years and I don't know if they'll mean anything for anyone else, but I'm just dithering at this point, so let's get to it.

The biggest reason by far is that the pressure of knowing someone is waiting for me to write the next part is AWFUL. It's petrifying, honestly. I've only ever posted two fics as I wrote them, River Stone on the kinkmeme way back in whenever (like 2013 I think?), and Metamorphose for Thanzag last year (a three-parter with over a year between parts 2 and 3). I tried it again with Metamorphose because I thought, oh, it's been ten years since I last did this, surely I can now handle posting before finishing--NOPE. AWFUL. Every comment looking for the next part was like a little inquisitive set of eyes peering over my shoulder, and any free hobby time I spent doing other things I felt guilty about for months. Plus, I'm not quite satisfied with that last chapter even now, but the pressure of needing to get it done was stronger than my desire to hone. I hate having that pressure compromise my standards, and I won't be doing it again anytime soon. Plus, I get so much joy out of comments when I do it the other way--writing everything first and knowing that pressure to finish is gone--that the tradeoff of no comments during the writing process is beyond worth it to me. That's the selfish aspect of how I post; I want to be able to just marinate in the reactions without the pressure of trying to figure out what comes next. Yeah, this sometimes means I spend a metric ton of time writing stuff that then doesn't get a lot of feedback once I finally start posting. Ah, well, them's the breaks. I'm familiar enough by now with my creative juices that I know the next fic is just around the corner. .

I'm such a constructionist in my fics, heavily leaning on my outlines for the overall structure and framework, that I spend a lot of time after the first completed draft trying to really polish up themes, characterization, and plot from start to finish. On I think almost every major longfic I've ever written, @jadesabre301 has pointed out a serious gaping hole that needed immediate revision (occasionally very major revision) in order to get the fic to the quality I wanted it to be. I can't go back and add early scenes and theme/imagery reinforcement in chapters already posted, and if I want to make the piece as polished as possible, I need that editing freedom and flexibility. (And she needs to be able to see the whole structure of the piece to find those flaws.) Plus, if I don't force myself to write the interstitial or difficult scenes, I could very easily see myself stalling out after hitting the highlight scenes I'm excited about, and then that'd be the end of the progress. I got stuck in one place in Spire for like eight months before Jade pushed me through it, and if I'd been posting concurrently with that writing stall, I think I would have been miserable. .

I have a high tolerance for sitting down and really focusing on one project for hours at a time, and I have a job and lifestyle that allow that every now and then. I don't have kids, I have a career I'm very well established in (giving me some clear work/life boundaries and seasons when I know I'll be busy and when I know I'll have time to be creative), and I structure my free time in those periods in ways where I can write without interruption. I don't really need external impetus or praise to keep me going (in fact, as mentioned, it often makes me feel worse), so having that dedicated time lets me really sink my teeth into my projects, which makes it so much easier to reach my target goals. I also find completing and closing projects immensely personally satisfying, which helps drive that momentum during the more difficult parts of the process. .

It's important to me to finish my projects so that the stories are complete for the readers. Not just because I grew up on abandoned WIPs in the fandoms I cut my teeth on (Sailor Moon, Inuyasha, Harry Potter), either. I remember a particular author in the Inuyasha fandom named Rozefire who wrote what felt like dozens of incredible AUs that I followed religiously for years. However, she never finished more than...memory says a handful of them? And every header at the top of the new fic would talk about how she was still working on the previous one, but after several months I realized that as soon as that new fic went up, the previous one would never see another chapter. I still loved everything she wrote and I still devoured every word, but there were several things I desperately wanted to see completed, and I have so many dusty memories of sifting through those fics for updates every few weeks, pining for any little crumb, haha. I'm able to complete my projects and it's important to me to do so for the sake of any readers, so it's something I make a priority when I write. .

(really 4.5) Not finishing my projects makes me mentally unhappy. It doesn't destroy my mood or anything, but it becomes a persistent itch that poisons all my other hobbies, even if there aren't any comments looking forward to the next chapter. In some ways the ending of that de-aging Fenris/Hawke fic I wrote a million years ago where the story demands a conclusion was a veritable autobiography. There's a reason that of my, uh...63 works on AO3, the only ones not fully completed are the two WIPs I'm currently posting (which are completely written) and the two oneshot/ficlet collections. Those collections have been lifesavers as well in that they are homes for my little orphan ficlets, which also pleases the ruthless organizer part of my brain. I don't like clutter; I don't like tangled wires; I don't like untucked sheets or piles of abandoned craft projects or rooms of untamed chaos. I look at a lot of those cozy little cottagecore aesthetic posts and I honestly just want to straighten everything to right angles and buy them coasters and set up bookshelves so they can clean up the space. I used to organize my parents' VHS collection every summer--we had a spreadsheet with titles and reference numbers that went into the 500s. Finishing fics fits into the same space in my head; when they're finally done I can at last put the lid on the box and put it labelled neatly on the rack with all the rest of the boxes and I can mentally release it from my list of things to think about on the daily. (Which is, incidentally, the main reason I only work on one project at a time; too many open and cluttered boxes = a very unhappy me.)

Anyway! This was a very long answer about a very personal process, and I hope there's some part of it useful to you in some way! <3 At the end of the day, you'll have to decide your posting schedule for yourself based on the things that are important to you. There's no wrong way to do it--it's only whatever makes you happy and keeps you writing! <3<3<3

#quark replies #alta et astra #long post for ts #someone tell me if i need to cut this #i am so tired #and have been working on this reply off and on for hours #i have no idea if this hangs together in any possible way #but it's what works for me! <3 #writing: other

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kimium · 4 months

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I know I already answered some asks about my fics for 2023, but I wrote a review for my fics last year, so I'm doing it again this year. Let's get started! All the data comes from my AO3 statistics. All the rest is under a cut because it's long!

My Fic Review for 2023

Statistic Stuff

My "Top Five" fics by hits:

Just a Normal Citizen (Not a Dimension Traveler) - Twisted Wonderland

Daydreams - Twisted Wonderland

Stay where you are - Twisted Wonderland

Setting the Scene - Twisted Wonderland

Broken Kitchen - Twisted Wonderland

My most bookmarked fic: Just a Normal Citizen (Not a Dimension Traveler)

How many words I wrote in 2023: 235,377

Question Stuff

What was the most surprising thing about writing in 2023?

I think the most surprising thing about this year was the amount of Twisted Wonderland fics I wrote. While I got into the game in 2022, it wasn't until this year you can see it dominate my fanfics. Writing for a new fandom is always a gamble. Just because I get into a new fandom doesn't always mean I write fanfics for it, but Twisted Wonderland won the gamble ahaha.

2. What was the most enjoyable to write?

The most enjoyable thing to write this year was my Platonic Yandere AU. The idea of all the NRC cast deciding to silently keep Yuu from going home haunted my mind for months. Bringing it to life was fun and I'm so happy that others like this idea too.

3. Which fic is the most underrated?

I know I've already talked about my poor Fire Emblem fic Divine Intervention being underrated and I still stand by this answer. However, I'm adding another story to this answer. I also think that Energy Drinks (SDR2) is underrated and I'd love to see more love to that story.

4. Which fic(s) had something "cut" or had an idea that never happened?

-I had more violent scenes in mind for Just a Normal Citizen (Not a Dimension Traveler), particularly with Jade/Floyd as well as Leona, but those never happened. Mostly because all the cast decided to keep their illegal activities "secret" from Yuu. Those scenes may still happen later in the story.

-Yuu's reveal of coming from another dimension had other versions that just couldn't happen. All of them a little too dramatic so they were scrapped. I'm happy where it landed though.

-In Dorm Exchange I was also going to write some of the exchange part, but I never got around to it and focused on the deciding process.

-In Late Night Snack I originally wanted Yuu and Vil's conversation to be a little more confrontational. That didn't pan out and I'm happier for it.

5. Which fic did you want to write but didn't get around to?

-I wanted to write a fic where established Vil/Rook high key flirt with other characters that they're attracted to. The main candidate for this is Trey but other characters include: Jack, Cater, Deuce, Ace, and of course Yuu. Though I think I get enough Vil/Rook flirting with Yuu in other fics ahaha.

-For my Platonic Yandere AU I have ideas for where Grim falls on the scale of "Keep Yuu in Twisted Wonderland". I don't know if I'd write a full separate fic, but the idea could appear in another fic in Yuu's perspective. Also, I have more ideas for this AU so stay tuned.

-Said this in an ask before but I want to write another instalment in my Kitsune!Komaeda and Human Hajime fic series.

-Briefly thought about writing another Dr. Stone fic because of Season Three and rereading the manga.

-I still have a silly JJK/SK8 the Infinity fic sitting in my WIPs that I'd like to write for the laughs.

6. Any WIPs that never got published?

I have two main ones. First, I have a story about Malleus who normally eats lunch alone (if not accompanied by Lilia, Silver, or Sebek) and Kalim deciding that can't happen and Malleus needs to eat with him and his friends. I didn't finish this because at the time I was writing a LOT of food in my fics and felt it was very repetitive.

Next, I have a story of Lilia finding Silver and the process of raising Silver as his son. I didn't finish this mostly because that's when Book 7 dropped in Japan and my story would 100% contradict canon and I hate when I do that.

7. Share a snippet from a WIP fic?

Here is a snippet from Malleus eating lunch alone and Kalim deciding this cannot happen. Fic title in my WIPs is "Homemade Lunches".

"Deciding on his sandwich first, Malleus reached to pick it up when a blur of warm crème and red flashed towards him. A beat later and Kalim plopped down beside Malleus, angling himself so the trunk of the tree slightly hid him. Kalim warmly smiled before pressing a single finger to his lips, the universal sign of “be quiet”, and watched as a few Scarabia members ran past him, their footsteps frantic. When they passed and didn’t return Kalim exhaled audibly.

If Malleus were asked to describe Kalim, he’d say Kalim was like a desert breeze that morphed into human form so it could dance and sing with abandon. Wherever Kalim went warmth followed him, like the taste of chili powder, cinnamon, cloves, and other spices Malleus vaguely remembered from souvenirs Lilia had brought back. Kalim’s warmth always lingered on the tongue before dancing its way down into the heart."

8. Which fic was the one you were most "excited" to write?

I was most excited to write The smell of bleach for @m34gs as part of our Sort of Saw AU. At that point the story idea had only been scattered in ask answers, our DMs, and over phone calls. Bringing our conversations together into a single fic was so exciting! Honestly, this entire AU excites me so much!

Anyways, here is my little review. I hope you enjoyed reading it! And if you have anything you want me to expand on, feel free to send an ask!

#personal #writing #my fics #my fic review 2023 #just for fun

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marnz · 3 years

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what was the starting point/inspiration for stay close to me? also I'm so curious about the Esen pov fix-it, what was the general plot?

Ahhh thank you for these great questions, because stay close to me actually arose out of me unable to figure out how to make the Esen pov fix it (a longing that's killing me) work. I find Esen so hard to write because he is such an asshole lmao, and I also find mirroring SPC's prose super difficult because our prose styles are opposites.

The Esen Fix It was basically me trying to fix the almost kiss. It starts off after the almost kiss and basically is about Esen realizing he's been a huge dick and trying to be better/less offensive so he can be with Ouyang while also trying to figure out how it's physically possible to be with Ouyang...but I was concerned it was very OOC. Esen never apologizes in the book, even when he knows he's very wrong, and the way I had Esen justify his own behavior to himself felt weak. I have almost 7k of this fic but due to my concerns about characterization I abandoned it. It's unfortunate, the dramatic irony was delicious. I would love to figure out how to finish it :( Later I started what would become stay close to me from Esen's pov but ran into the same problems.

For stay close to me's inspiration, 1) I love horses 2) I think what makes Ouyang such a complex character is not just the gender stuff but also his identity as a disabled person, and I wanted to explore his relationship with his body 3) I think the opening scene in stay close to me is the part of the novel where Ouyang would be most compelled to turn back or deviate from the path he must walk, and the perfect opportunity for Esen to realize Ouyang is actually not happy. 4) when I was rereading I was struck by Esen's dialogue...almost every time he talks to Ouyang he's hinting at having feelings for Ouyang, it's insane. I can't decide if Ouyang subconsciously knows this and is not acknowledging it because of his duty to his family or if he seriously missed Esen's blatant flirting attempts. Like the first time we meet Esen he's literally staring at Ouyang and playing with his hair. Give me a break! The text supports both theories, unfortunately.

But not all is lost, as I am cribbing my fav elements from this fix it and adding them to my ouyang pov fix it, which has turned into a monster :(

I've added a snippet of the Esen pov fix it below the read more for funsies.

That night it rained. The cold crept in through the window paper and Esen, thinking of Ouyang, ordered a fire lit, and then had to strip off some of his layers. The fire hissed and recoiled when Ouyang entered his quarters, as it always did. Ouyang had never commented on it so Esen never had either, but now Ouyang looked at the fire and then at Esen.

“I was cold,” Esen said. He was sweating.

Ouyang, who wore his usual surfeit of layers, said nothing. A servant brought airag; Esen dismissed him and all other servants, as was custom for any military briefings. Ouyang settled in and gave his report on the replacement cavalry, their integration, and how the army was utilizing the extra funds. Esen, playing absently with his jade hair beads, let Ouyang’s low, raspy voice wash over him. It all felt normal, absurdly normal. Yet everything had changed.

“My thanks, General. I’m not surprised training the replacement forces is going well despite Altan’s absence. I knew you would not fail me.”

Ouyang gave a thin smile. “Shao has chosen Zhao Man for Altan’s replacement.”

“Not Jurgaghan?” Esen asked, wrinkling his nose. His third wife would be displeased.

“As his father is not the father of the Empress, no. Shao likes Zhao Man.”

“I don’t care about Shao,” Esen said impatiently. Truthfully he didn’t like Shao, who always seemed contemptuous no matter who he spoke to. But he trusted Ouyang to have good reason for promoting Shao to Senior Commander. “Do you not like Jurgaghan?”

Ouyang’s look was sardonic. “I do not know him well.”

Yes; Ouyang had always avoided Esen’s wives for some reason. “He is a strong fighter. His archery is good; he rides well.”

“Would he be related to you if he did not?”

“Flattery will get you everywhere.”

“There is nowhere else I want to be,” Ouyang said quietly.

A tender ache spread through Esen’s chest. It felt like it was pressing up against his lungs and heart, overwhelming them. He felt, as he often did, a longing to keep Ouyang close, but now he wanted Ouyang physically close. It wasn’t enough for Ouyang to sit next to him. He wanted Ouyang in his arms. He wanted them skin to skin. Whenever he had felt such an unmannish sentiment before he had buried it or, if it were particularly strong, imagined what Chaghan would say if such a thing got back to him. But now his longing for Ouyang was so powerful that it was as unending as the steppes.

Ouyang was watching Esen’s face closely. He was very still, his hand clenched around his cup of airag. It was exactly like the night when Esen had horribly insulted him, except this time Ouyang had sought him out. Esen felt the pull of fate again, a pull that seemed determined to bring them into contact. What sort of contact, he could not say. For a moment, him being impaled by Ouyang’s sword or undone by the slow press of Ouyang’s mouth seemed to be equally possible. But Esen knew Ouyang would never hurt him.

“Ouyang,” Esen murmured. Again came the thought that Ouyang was beautiful, but it was a proud and remote beauty, a beauty that was forbidding. And so Esen dared not reach for him.

A shadow passed across Ouyang’s face. He bowed his head and let go of the cup. “My Prince?”

“Do not call me that. Please.”

Ouyang’s throat bobbed. “Why not?”

“I have asked you a thousand times not to.”

“And I have told you a thousand times that I must. Nothing has changed.”

“Everything has changed,” said Esen.

Ouyang did look up at that. He held himself with the high, wavering tension that preceded a lightning strike. It was dread. The pain of knowing how badly he had failed Ouyang over and over again made Esen speak slowly.

“I can never apologize enough for your family’s death--”

“I do not wish to speak of it.”

“Then at least let me apologize for being an unrepentant ass. Please.” There seemed no other apology he could make that was not insipid.

Here came that close gaze again. “Apology accepted,” Ouyang said at length.

Esen looked down at the table, at his abandoned cup, and chose his words carefully. “For a long time all I cared about was making my father proud.” Again, that tension. Perhaps Ouyang was right to worry; Esen did run a risk of offending him with his next statement. “I made certain sacrifices to that end. It is the job of a son to do so.”

“Yes,” Ouyang’s voice was almost soundless.

“But my father is dead.”

“Your duty to him remains.”

“Of course it does, but I don’t--” Flustered, Esen forced himself to stop and think. How like a woman he felt, unable to be forthright. “The ways I must make him proud have shifted since I became Prince of Henan. Given that, given that--everything has changed--I am not willing to continue making this sacrifice. It would be unbearable to do so.”

Ouyang hardly seemed to be breathing. When Esen finally gathered the courage to look at him, Ouyang was staring at him with such intensity that Esen felt himself flush.

“Esen,” Ouyang whispered.

The deep pleasure of hearing Ouyang say his name made Esen temporarily shut his eyes. He knew immediately they could never go back. But words seemed particularly treacherous, so instead of speaking he held out a hand to Ouyang.

#answered #fey-dancer #she who became the sun #ouyang/esen #my fic #long post #thank you for this ask it was delightful #i am over caffeinated and stressed about deadlines (terrible combination) so i was very happy to think about SWBTS on my lunch break #i DID read a scientific paper on the health effects of castration for stay close to me and it was. grim.#i did a lot of research! both on anatomy and the yuan dynasty! this will all help me out for INTWFY.#stay close to me #sorry for any typos #edit this is so long i am SO sorry

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yournameyn · 3 years

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Feeling Deeply

Genre: Fluff so much fluff. Arranged Marriage fic.

Pairing: Namjoon x OC

A/N: Aaaaaa this is the first fic I'm posting ever ever. It's basically a way to follow the red thread of my desires. OC is named Brishti. She's Indian. She's Bengali & curvy & an introvert. This whole fic is 90% going to be a slow burn fluff fic about two introvert nerds getting to know each other. Seriously there's like hardly any real angst, maybe slight angst about okay when are these two going to bang - if you look very carefully but basically its just slooooow fluuuufff. Hopefully you all like it. Please let me know what you think. Current Chapter: This one is loooong. Remember this is all happening in the 1960s. OC & Namjoon are both really well off first gen immigrants. In this chapter we have our couple coming closer together - talking about some issues they've both had in their lives. Also this is the chapter where you'll get to know one of my favourite Namjoon songs and like why the OC is named what she's named. Also just a reminder because im a bit paranoid - Rim Jhim (referred to as Rim) is our OC Brishti. Its a pet name that's introduced in this chapter. And Namjoon being the wordsmith that he is makes it shorter, with the korean meaning of the word.

Previously in Feeling Deeply: Preface-ish Chapter 1

Chapter 2

And so it went for the next few days, the two of them quietly discovering each other. They were finding out the normal, casual, small things - how he didn’t like mint chocolate, how she loved bitter black coffee. Since both of them worked, they decided to split the chores at home. It worked out great because Namjoon liked to sweep & Brishti loved to do the dishes. They both struggled to cook but they decided to learn how to cook each other’s cuisines. So she was learning how to make kimchi (the green onion one) & he was learning how to prepare daal (the yellow one). They split the rent & decided to create a separate bank account for their savings. Talking about money increased warmth because they discovered that neither valued it excessively.

Slowly, they began talking about things a little more intimate. Meanings of names were revealed. She was impressed that his name meant genius. And he loved that hers meant rain. Pet names were introduced. He called her Rim - an even shorter version of her daak naam Rim Jhim. He told her to call him Joon. She looked away, smiling, then - silently telling him they’re not there yet. What he didn’t tell her was that he was already making up a fairytale about Joon, the genius & Rim, the brilliant jade that makes him so.

They spoke about books the most. Between them, they had half the globe's literature covered. She had read Indian authors & Russian & Spanish ones. He loved Korean authors, Japanese literature & all the Greek Classics. He geeked out about philosophy & poetry while she nerded over nature writing & music. They spoke about how they might take a look at other European writers & musicians together. To that end, Namjoon brought home a book of love poems by Rilke.

He hadn’t told her that he wrote poetry too. He hadn’t mentioned anything because it seemed like an indulgence of the past, poetry. But that night everything changed. After a late dinner, Brishti had asked to read aloud from the book he’d brought. As she read ‘To Music’, Namjoon saw tears float in her eyes. Secretly, something inside him had wept too. And just like that, he knew he would begin writing soon.

Each week the two watched late shows of classic hollywood musicals in a nearby theatre because they’d decided against a tv in their home - opting, instead, for a record player. Meeting for a movie each of the two Fridays they’d spent together so far was an experience both looked forward to - not only for the movie. In the darkness of the movie theatre, they experienced the first glimpses of intimacy. Soft smiles, whispering, silent glances, hands caressing each other. He loved how she laughed with abandon. She loved that he would tear up during the emotional scenes.

Her smile was getting wider, warmer toward him, Namjoon noted everyday. He’d been sleeping separately since their wedding night because he wanted her to feel safe. He was mostly okay with that except if he thought about it… If he thought about a time when he would get to touch her - Namjoon almost felt dizzy with feelings.

This happened the most when he saw her read by the window, he ached to touch her. That was her - Brishti - that was who she was at her core. Reading, running her fingers through her short hair, staring out the window, thinking, looking at clouds & then going back to reading. She was still quiet, but less so. She spoke about the rain and the trees and when she was happiest, he learned, when she really trusted that no one was going to judge her, she spoke about the moon. It had happened twice in the last few days.

He couldn’t stop looking at her. As though that needed reasoning, he thought about it at the office too. It wasn’t the only answer he could come up with but Namjoon had never seen a body like hers. She didn’t seem brittle or delicate, the way most women looked - or were “supposed to look”. She didn’t care what a body is supposed to look like, at least, it seemed that way to him. Brishti’s curves were not subtle. She was short and while almost everyone was shorter than him, Brishti was just… sexily so. She’d do these things… seemingly normal, everyday things but they would quickly, embarrassingly, inspire an arousal in him. Like, that thing she did, when she stretched after waking up or even if she stretched her arms or her neck… for some reason that turned him on so much, he’d have to hide… or excuse himself. His breath hitched, everytime he thought about how he hadn’t still actually seen her body.

Brishti, too, enjoyed looking at him from afar. Sharing, creating a living space with a man was never something she thought she would enjoy. They had exchanged the basic stories of how they had reached each other.

Namjoon had said, “I’d met a couple of women… girls… but they just seemed either plastic or porcelain… you know? I mean, not all of them could have been that but that's how they… presented themselves? You… I saw your photos in a pile that the matchmaker labelled ‘rubbish’”

“What?!”

“Yeah… I’m sorry but it’s actually a compliment to be labelled ‘bad’ by a matchmaker. That’s why I was looking in that pile in the first place… when I heard you wanted to keep working… Honestly I was so relieved...”

She smiled, “At least you got a look at me… I didn’t even know what you looked like till we met. I had no choice at all. A boy had agreed to marry me - despite… me… so that was the end of it. That was the bargain with my brother… otherwise I wouldn’t have been allowed to work either.”

“Wow… I’m so sorry, Rim. That’s really… really unfair.”

“Hmm yeah… I just figured if I can keep earning & the man turns out to be wrong, at least I can leave.”

“That’s… thanks for not leaving...”

Brishti smiled, “I got lucky...”

Namjoon understood, then, that Brishti might be an introvert but that did not mean she was shy. She made him blush & laugh. She made him speak without inhibition. The more time he spent with her, his feelings poured out.

“Thanks… It’s been really nice to share this home with you. Just to have you to talk to… My life was not going that great...” he said.

Brishti nodded, even though she already knew this. Whatever he said, strangely, she could see a deeper melancholy behind it. They spoke about being strangers in a strange country. She told him how she had to fight at the library for Tagore to be considered classic literature. How she was slowly but surely, being accepted in the oddball group that ran the library. She was not the only non-english person there, so things were easier for her. Besides, true readers had always been more accepting of the different.

Something made her regret sharing her happiness about this because his struggle in this foreign land was far more intense… she could sense pain behind the words he used. Namjoon did not enjoy his job the way she did. He worked overtime most days and came home bone-tired. Kim Namjoon was in many ratraces at the same time - races Brishti felt he didn’t want to participate at all. Being a lawyer, being an asian - the ‘model minority’, being a slightly well-off Korean in a sea of white men, in a sea of less fortunate asians who were being treated much worse than him. Trying to create a name, an identity of his own was wearing him out... chipping away at his soul.

Brishti sometimes saw him and saw a great banyan cutting itself down, trying to be a shrub just to fit in. When she asked him how his day was, he always smiled. It was real, the smile and yet it couldn’t hide the sadness in his eyes. Something that was beginning to bother Brishti more and more, these days. He... had begun to matter more and more these days.

Now, about two weeks into their marriage, she was experiencing butterflies about the smallest things; Things like watching him sleep on the fold out, bringing him coffee in the morning. She felt a pull deep inside her take over when he would come out of the shower in the bathrobe, skin glistening from the shower & musky man-scents launching her body in a fantastical arousal & her mind in overdrive. Somedays, Brishti even went for a shower after he’d been, just so she could soak in his essence & bathe in a trance she had never felt before.

On their third weekend together, Namjoon didn’t have to go to work the whole weekend. He’d spoken to his superior at the firm to let him have weekends free - after all, he was married now. Post lunch that Saturday, Brishti and he kept unpacking, organising while talking (well, later on, it was just coffee & talking) into the early hours of Sunday. They spoke about things they loved, people they had loved. About fictional crushes and real ones. Both of them spoke about their past relationships. Something Brishti was delighted about - especially since Namjoon told her he was not the type to hold someone’s past against them.

Brishti couldn’t believe it when Namjoon had correctly guessed, “It was the photographer, right?”

“What-?! How- Where- How did you…?” Brishti couldn’t even form a question.

“Your photos, at the matchmakers… something was different. All the other pictures women give out for arranged matches seem... fake. Yours were… real… private. You looked comfortable… looked like you were being teased...” What he didn’t say was how much it seemed in those pictures like she was with someone she truly liked… maybe even loved.

Sat on the ground opposite Namjoon, Brishti kept her gaze on him. It unnerved Namjoon that she could really see him. She unnerved him further when she said, “You should say what you aren’t saying… or… asking?”

“Did you love him?”

“Not really… it was just... a different kind of friendship… ended almost as soon as it began. But I- I don’t regret it. It wasn’t the kind of love-” she trailed off. She looked away, smiling but trying to hide it. The same way she had in the photograph.

He pressed further just to tease her “Kind of love...?” Namjoon was intrigued because she was blushing now & he wanted to plant a thousand pecks on her. Instead he said, “So you can just… stop what you were saying? Mmm. Okay. I see.”

She looked at him then, “I’m feeling… a lot… of… different things these days. Especially because of a couple of dimples...”

Just like that, she turned the tables & his dimples appeared. He blushed, “Yeah… same. I mean… you don’t have dimples but I’ve-”

She nodded to let him know she understood. And then asked, “Uhm... Have you… had sex?”

Namjoon bit his lip, “Yeah… yes. I... had a girlfriend in law school. It… uh… wasn’t serious… for her.”

Brishti looked away nodding, as if stopping herself from saying something.

He looked at her… knowing what she probably wanted to say. He wanted to hug her but he only said, “It doesn’t matter, does it? For me it doesn’t. Doesn’t matter if you’ve had sex too… I know how people can be about virginity… I- honestly… it's just another way to control people.”

She looked at him with a mixture of emotions. She took a minute to compose herself & then said, “I’ve never met a man like you… and it's a little confusing and annoying… Not that you are annoying… not at all. It’s just the world is annoying because this is how low the standard is for a man. A man accepting that the woman has a past makes him… forward…? But of course the woman has to… because, well, he’s a man and he has needs. We’re all told that… Shirley... who works with me… she knows it too. Women just aren’t supposed to talk about their pasts. All women.”

She paused & got flustered further because of how dedicatedly Namjoon had been listening. It really seemed as if he was taking notes. The serious expression on his face, it made Brishti's ears feel hot. Almost as a distraction, she went on -

“It's crazy but that seems to be the only thing THE WHOLE WORLD has agreed on - they can’t agree on one way to make bread but they all agreed that women are inferior. It’s such a basic thing to just let me work… because I want to… but it's annoying that it makes me feel lucky. My best friend had to go through hell because she thought she could trust her husband with the truth about her past… so it makes me feel lucky that… you won’t…”

Namjoon could see the pain in her words. Maybe that’s how she could always sense the pain in his words, he thought.

After a calming silence passed over them, he spoke - “I won’t. I don’t really know what it’s like for a woman. And… maybe you won’t like to hear this, but… I was the same, Rim... I was the man my society had trained me to be. Everything changed when I came here. When, for the first time in my life, I understood what it’s like to be treated inferior. Since then, I just… I cannot be the cause of a feeling like that within anyone... So… you’re right. I’m not doing anything everyone shouldn’t already do. All of this should be normal. Expected. Hopefully the world learns a bit faster…”

Brishti smiled at Namjoon. She chuckled when tears pooled up in her eyes. He instinctively reached out for her & placed a hand on her leg, just below her knee. A jolt went through Brishti and she looked surprised. He did too. Namjoon retracted his hand immediately & looked away, blushing. That’s when Brishti laughed out loud. She stood up. And asked him to stand up, silently.

He did. It always made Brishti’s heart flutter just how gorgeous and tall he was. Someday, she would tell him. Someday, she would show him. For now, she couldn’t help feeling bashful as she asked, “Can I get a hug, Joon?”

This was the first time she’d used the pet name that he’d asked her to call him by. This was what his family called him. And her using this name assured Namjoon of just that - she was becoming family. Her question had made his heart flip. He moved without really thinking, because this is what his body had wanted since the day he saw her. He pulled her up in his arms. He felt like he was melting. She was soft. Warm. Beautiful. And in his arms.

Brishti gasped a little when Namjoon had scooped her up in his arms. She was on her toes, literally & figuratively. She held onto him, less as a hug & more as support… at first. Then, she felt his arms… the strong arms that she had been ogling at, around her. It was as if a knot came undone, within her, suddenly. And in its place, the softest silk suddenly flowed through her body.

She closed her eyes and breathed him in. The same essence that she’d been soaking in after he had showered, that she had been breathing in whenever he would pass by or reach past her. The essence that she had now become so hungry for that she had been secretly sleeping with the shirt he’d worn from the laundry basket. That essence was now all over her. Her chin turned up, resting on his shoulders, her cheeks touching his, her hands - on their own - reached the nape of his neck and began to play with his hair.

When she did that, Namjoon held her tighter, pressed her on to him. He felt her body react to his. One hand reaching her shoulder around her back, he moved the other closer to her waist, so his hands could fold over her curves. He could feel her breath hitch when he did that.

Brishti was revelling in the feeling of his hands, his fingers, feeling his fingertips press into her - that was a feeling she could never have imagined making her so... so... drunk. She was drunk. She ran her hands up and down his vast back, all the way up to his hair. All of a sudden she could feel herself overcome with emotion. Tears began pooling in her eyes again. And she said, before it was too late, she said, “Thank you, Joon, for everything… thank you.”

When he heard the tremble in her voice, Namjoon pulled away, just so he could see her. Brishti quickly retracted too - to wipe off her tears, trying to laugh off the silliness, apologising. Namjoon replied, “It’s okay… I understand… I… Thank you, Rim. I hope you… you know what I mean...” What he wanted to say, what he hoped she understood was that she was what was helping him come alive. But being unable to, Namjoon knew someday he would. Someday soon.

Brishti nodded to say she understood. Namjoon tried to lighten the atmosphere, saying, “You’re not… just anyone, you know? So… maybe you should tell me something I could do which is… not just basic decency, but something that can be considered truly feminist, you know. I’d love to do that for you.”

Brishti smiled and nodded. She suddenly felt tired & almost of its own accord, her body stretched into a yawn. She said, “I’ll think of something. We- I should go now… Do you want- anything?...” Brishti was delighted about how drunk she had gotten from one hug. It was exciting that she knew she’d be sleeping with the sweater he had tossed in the laundry basket tonight. She decided to take a bit more time to enjoy being intoxicated without a substance, together and alone.

Later that night, as Namjoon laid on his fold out sofa, alone, he thought of how great it had felt to have Brishti in his arms. To have someone who wanted to know about his day. To feel her heartbeat, like raindrops, knocking on his chest like it was a window pane, almost as if asking to be let in…

Thoughts like these, they made Namjoon reach for the notepad & pen that he always kept close by. He wrote. He wrote of being world weary and suddenly having a friend. Suddenly feeling like the world wasn't rushing him, that he didn’t need to run, that he could take time, be slow, be a poet. His heart tugged at his pen as it wrote lines about what it felt like to have someone cry for him. To have someone be full of feelings for him, to have someone to embrace his weary body. He wrote about how he missed that embrace and yet it was okay… as long as she was still here, maybe not just next to him, yet. Maybe someday. It was okay because she asked how he was every day and Brishti was here, forever. Namjoon felt tears run down his own face, as he titled the first poem he’d written in almost five years - Forever Rain.

---------------------------------------------------

Oooooh god you read it?! Thank you so much! Please please let me know what you thought! Get into my messages about it! I would love nothing more than to hear what you felt about this!

#bts kim namjoon #fanfic #namjoon fluff #namjoon arranged marriage #namjoon x oc #arranged marriage #slow burn #slow burn fic #fluff fic #bts fanfic #bts #indian oc #red thread fics #forever rain #brishti

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sarunohadaki · 3 years

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DQXI/ATLA Crossover

Crossover week: Home | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 |

And so it begins! Time to pull out my fat folder of fic ideas!

This one I have a vague plot down but need to work on it a lot to get it to where I want it to be. There are many elements of the spirit world from the Legend of Korra that I think would lend itself very well to the ideas I’m about to discuss, but unfortunately, it’s been whole years since I have last watched the show, which I never finished.

More under the cut because it gets long. Spoilers for a potential future Saru fic and parallels to DQXI and a bit of Legend of Korra.

Rating: T

Relationships: Mainly Adventure/gen, with a dash of luminerik

Fic title idea (given what day this is being posted): Earth, Wind, and Fire

Premise: The fic is set in an Erdrea that has properties of the ATLA universe, mainly bending abilities and the hybrid animals. Yggdrasil is still a giant tree, but in this universe would also serve the dual purpose of being the main gateway into the spirit world.

In this universe, Yggdrasil didn’t quite get to pick who would become the next avatar. I wanted to do something with Harmonic Convergence, but it doesn’t quite work the way I need it to for my purposes. Add it to the drawing board, Alfred!

Mordegon would be human in this. He is Carnelian’s trusted advisor, and therefore, whispers in Carnelian’s ear that the rebirth of the avatar would only cause unnecessary trouble for a world that has been surviving fine without one for 10,000 years. Mordy convinces Carnelian to nearly murder a toddler but in canon fashion said bab ends up in a river for an indefinite amount of time and gets adopted by a rustic village community in the very country that intends to kill him. Great.

All of that being said… who is this avatar, anyway?

Eleven

Up until he was 16 and completed his village’s traditional rite into adulthood, El had believed he was like all the other kids. Waterbending comes as easily to him as breathing, and he uses it often, though mostly to play pranks on others.

Personality

I’ve looked at Aang and Korra and while both of them are very different avatars, they both have an excitable energy that I just adore. I will take that and inject it into my protagonist, thank you very much.

In a bold departure from meek or even level-headed Eleven, I want to emphasize his mischievous side, the side that stole Dunstan’s joke book as a kid and caused trouble for the other villagers. He has a strong moral compass, is self-assured, and likes to try new things. Maybe he even brags a little bit!

Abilities

He’s a casual waterbender user, but talented enough to still be pretty powerful with it.

El hasn’t used the other elements in a very long time. I say that because I feel like he’d had the ability to use all of them as a child, but Chalky deterred him because he knew to reveal that El was the avatar would be… a very problematic situation. Unlike the rest of the villagers who live in relative peace and ignorance, Chalky is more privy to the dangers of the world and decides to encourage El to stick to one type of bending to keep his identity a secret. Maybe El slips up sometimes, but who cares all that much?

Idk. I’m not sure I’m keeping any of that last paragraph. But as a child, adults tell you stuff all the time and you just believe them, so I can imagine Chalky sitting El down and saying, “You have to pick one element.”

The other characters (speedrun):

Gemma: Firebender (let the girl do things please for the love of Yggie)

Erik — No bending, knives, boomerangs, swords

Veronica — Earthbender

Serena — Waterbender

Sylvando — Airbender! (this fic’s version of a Kyoshi warrior, disguised as a woman when they first meet him, goes by Sylv, genderfluid) — fights with a fan

Jade — Firebender

Rab — Airbender (Later revealed to be the Air Bison the North)

Jasper — Firebender

Hendrik — No bending, shield, greatsword

Worldbuilding

I'm not going to get in-depth. It'd be... a lot. So, I'll just cover which elements are where. No country is distinctly a specific element (there is no named fire nation here), but some areas are going to be heavier on one element than another.

Heliodor: Mostly firebending, with touches of earth and water, particularly in villages like Cobblestone with a lot of waterfalls.

Gallopolis: Earth and airbending.

Octagonia: Mostly earth bending/no bending.

Sniflheim, Gondolia, Puerto Valor, Lonalulu: Waterbending.

Hotto: Firebending.

Phnom Nonh: Earthbending and firebending.

Arboria and Angri-La: Mostly airbending.

Girl’s Medal Academy: Everything, though it’s not the main focus of the school.

Plot

I initially wanted to take the video game plot and mix it with story beats from ATLA to create a blended disaster, but I was having trouble determining how to do that, so I put it on the backburner.

I know I want to do something with the spirit world and Yggdrasil’s seedlings. I know I wanted to include stakes where countries go to war or there’s some sort of overarching political… thing. Along with action scenes, waaaay more worldbuilding for Erdrea, and character dynamics that are more than just, “I joined your team and support you now!” We need a Toph in this fic! We need kids who don’t know what the heck they’re doing and get at each other’s throats sometimes!

I don’t want the reader to open up the fic and know immediately what’s coming, which indicates to me the fic needs a whole renovation, one with a plot made from my own brain. Because I don’t want the fic to just be, “Eleven went to Heliodor. He got thrown into the dungeon. He met Erik and they ran into a dragon then they jumped off a cliff.” That’s completely valid to write with new spice, but I would like to conjure up something different!

But I keep getting stuck at the beginning! It’s like trying to wade into a thornbush. You don’t. You just walk up to it and it’s all in your face and you just give up before even trying to untangle it, lol.

So for right now…

#Crossover Week #my fic ideas #my writing #the fic: ATLA Crossover #dqxi #avatar the last airbender

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geometricalien · 4 years

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oh dear i'm super duper late but I have a lot of questions about your wips!! I wanna know more about sick Akashi, nekoma pirate crew, BoKuroo/BokuAka midsommer, Pining + Jacket, The truth burns and destroys, feeling good, Punk Noya, Strawberry Blonde, sunspot and the merman au!!! Thanks babe <333

Hi Vee!!! This is it, I spent wayyyyy too long on this, I think my finger is cramping from typing. But thank you for asking, I love sharing my ideas, sorry if it’s incorherent.

This is super long so it’s under the cut, saving people room

Sick Akashi

So, it’s based off of a line prompt “I’d like it if you’d stay” and as the title suggests, 3rd year Akashi gets sick, sorry Vee it’s not fatal, Furihata comes to Rakuzan to check on his friend after he doesn’t answer his phone. The entire premise is Akashi works himself sick with his various responsibilities he takes on as “perfectionist who can’t show any cracks at all”. I don’t want Bokushi Akashi showing up so it’s minus the mental break elements. (also technically in canon terms it's after they have merged so yeah) I feel like they deserve a cute little “nurse” the other from a sickness ficlet. And… maybe… sick Akashi confesses…….. It’s almost a writing challenge for me because Akashi has a more polite sophisticated way of thinking and speaking, so cough yep

The rest are Haikyuu aus so buckle in

NEKOMA PIRATE CREW

Admittedly this is more loose, less of a solid idea. It’s Yaku centric, and how he went from a merchant from his grandfather’s company searching for lost merchandise and became the first mate who keeps track of the ship's finances and keeps their captain Kuroo on track. Other things of note, he meets Kuroo first as a pirate on another ship who stole his merchandise, Kenma is a sea witch (is that science or magic? That's always the question), and about halfway through the adventure they get Lev on board as a new member. So yeah! Kinda a fetch quest but on of my favorite fanfics is legitimately a fetch quest so it's okay fjdkaljf

BoKuroo/BokuAka Midsommer

This is based off of a fanart by desdelasombra my friend Shayla showed it to me and we threw this idea around together, we really don’t want to write it but it's also spectacular. So it's the movie Midsommar, right? Bokuto is a “gatherer” bringing his friends to come join in his village’s rituals. But we didn’t want anyone to die (except for Kenma sorry he’s dead as the substitute for the main character’s sister), so a grieving Kuroo comes with his boyfriend Bokuto, joined by their friends the smart studious and jaded Oikawa and bright bubbly Hinata. Obviously the three react badly to the first ritual and Bokuto doesn’t understand because for him it’s always been a joyful experience and he wanted to share it with his friends. A Lot of things happen, but most important is Akaashi and Kuroo dancing under the may pole together. BokuAka was in the past when Bokuto was home so part of this is them coming together as poly and escaping the final scene of the movie. Again this is very painful but that art is beautiful and the world is better for it being created

Pining + Jacket (KuroLev)

Again this is a line prompt about lending a jacket because it’s cold and it had so much potential for pining and who is the most pining bastard that I know? LEV and Shayla told me about KuroLev and somehow this happened. It’s currently going to be a sequence of drabbles of Lev pining after Kuroo, what else could you ask for? Uh? Lev confessing to Kuroo and them going out??? Sorry I can’t hear you over the exquisite angst and pain of one sided love that I want to explore

The truth burns and destroys

GOOD CHOICE, I began this on saturday night and it has earned a very special place in my heart. Sometimes I fear that my writing is like a lazy pool, sure it's nice and easy and smooth but there isn’t an intensity or raw emotions, BUT THIS this accomplishes what I want. And I’m really glad, its metaphor and imagery heavy but it really captures their emotions and thoughts without it sounding like I’m a 7th grader writing my first fanfiction glances to my abandoned wips from that time. Okay, Vee, I am a glutton for punishment and angst and I choose to pursue cheating fics. But specifically where and how they build the relationship up again after finding out. So, I was reading a KageHina cheating fic and how the character’s reacted felt off somehow so at midnight I wrote this snippet to fullfill my craving, you know what they say the best fanfiction is self indulgence. Here is a short excerpt,

He wants to brush this aside and continue their lives. He wants to wake up next to Tobio and still be seen the same way. He doesn't want anything to change.

Tobio is his favorite book. He has read it time and time again. Highlighting, underlining, cherishing. So Shouyou is able to read the silent begging in his eyes. The right clenched fist.

"Shouyou," a deafening pause "What is this?"

Please lie to me.

…

It stretches on. The eternity of silence. They sit together holding on to the last hope they have. Shouyou memorizes those beautiful hands, each crease and bump. Hands that helped shape him become who he is and that reached out unwaveringly.

Tobio sighs a world ending sigh.

Shouyou was the one who created their world, it's only fitting that Tobio is the one who destroys it.

In summary I like angst, I want to feel something

Feeling good

AAA, okay uh, This is a BokuAka pop star au. Akaashi sings “feeling good” at a big charity event hosted by Akashi (... yes I am AkaFuri trash and I can and will sneak them in anything and everything I write) while he is singing he walks down a big staircase remembering moments in his relationship with Bokuto, how much they have grown and how much he loves him. I love the concept! But I tried to write smut in the beginning of it and OOF THATS A NO. I actually have the majority of it written but I do want to add more emotions and thoughts (the lazy pool writing) and make it Ao3 friendly because I have all of the lyrics for feeling good in it as “post signs” for what he sings and that’s against their rules. 1 major aspect of this fic is it's all leading up to the point where Akaashi says “I love you” for the first time to Bokuto after finishing the song, on stage, in front of everyone and on every screen broadcasting it.

Punk Noya

I have a love for feral boys, especially feral alternative punk boys (and girls and humans) so this whole idea is that Noya goes to another school for high school, embraces more punk aethsetics, and on the first day of the preliminary tournaments he hears the rumors about a high schooler in a gang, getting up to nasty things, and he decides to confront them. He finds Asahi, rants him out and leaves. The plot then follows canon, at the winter tournament Karasuno faces Dateko, Karasuno loses even more badly because Noya isn’t there. Asahi quits volleyball, BUT Asahi and Noya run into each other at the store and talk leading to friendship which leads to romance. Idk man, I want more punk haikyuu characters, it gives me life. Alt Yamaguchi is my favorite but onwards we go

Strawberry Blonde

!!!! So this is Mitski’s song and to give a vague idea this is a pining Kageyama fic where he tries to pull away from Hinata and that back fires. (I do have more to say but I’ve been typing this for over an hour and I’m getting really tired fjkdaljl) There is one paragraph that I love, so here it is! Kageyama and Hinata are practicing by themselves outside of school and they are playing pepper (its a volleyball warm up practice routine where you partner up with someone pass, set, and spike the ball to each other sesquentially) Hinata goes to spike the ball and for a moment Kageyama sees it,

They are at nationals and they made it to finals. The crowds are screaming, but everything except the court is thrown into shadows. They are at match point of the final set. Everything is at peak intensity and at the center is him. Flying in the air. Orange hair waving with the momentum. His loud take off echoing in the gym. Arm poised for the kill. Eyes sparking with ferocity and passion as he aims. And finally, tipping the world over is the loud slap of his hand, sending the ball to the far side of the court-

This was actually going to be finished and posted in time for Haikyuu season 4 coming out and the manga wrapping up.... clearly I failed my goal fjdaklfj

Sunspot

You don’t know this about me but I love royalty aus, and this is BokuAka Prince Akaashi and Knight Bokuto. This was a short snippet of this grand idea I have for them where they run away from Akaashi’s inherited destiny together. It has potential to be really wide and expansive with the differnet teams as different kingdoms (AGAIN ILLUSION OF CHOICE, that fic really influences me doesn’t it fjdskalj) But this was a short glance at Akaashi taking a break from studying and watching Bokuto and the other knights practice duel. The title comes from the fact that Bokuto is a sunspot in Akaashi’s life, and his day is substantially better basking in his golden shining light.

Merman au

I’m so glad you asked about this and its technically the one I’ve written the most for since it's actually the one I posted on my haikyuu writing side blog. But brief recap, long term it’s a BokuAka little mermaid au but instead of a sea witch it’s an underwater deity who makes “wishes” (it's a deal) with every royal who is born. And Akaashi has a lot of siblings: Ushijima, Oikawa, Suga, Terushima, and Hinata, and its in that order. So I have information on every sibling’s deal, what they wish for, what they give for it, what happens to them in the future, romantically and otherwise. But, this is the one I haven’t updated in over a year, I am working on it!! I’m currently on Koushi’s (suga’s) wish/deal, its just taking forever. If you want to learn more about it I’ll link it in parts 1 2 3 4

BUT I will work on Suga’s part and then Terushima’s and then to the meat of the idea with Akaashi.

If you have made it this far, thanks, you are cool as always. My brain and fingers is ded.

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jade4813 · 5 years

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Oi Jade, how you doing? I don't if anyone already asked you that but what is the meaning of 4813? I don't know if I'm being too nosey but I'm curious lol

Ahhhhh...

Well, I wanted to just go by Jade (which is not my real name, of course) - for reasons I’ll explain in a minute - when I first started posting Smallville fic on ff.net, but that name was snatched up so fast! So I needed to come up with something else.

I’ll be honest. When I first started writing fic, I thought maaaaaaybe 20 people would read it, so I didn’t put much thought into my online name. When I was in junior high, my two best friends and I created three characters together (in the X-men universe, which we were SUPER into at the time). Looking back now, they weren’t terribly three-dimensional and their backstories were somewhat derivative. But that’s what got me into writing in the first place - passing ficlets about those characters back and forth with my friends in class. (I think those notes are also what got one of those friends into drawing, but I’m not 100% sure.) Also, we were like...13, so if we weren’t the next Tolstoy, I guess we can cut ourselves a little slack.

Anyway, the three of us created the characters together, but we each had “our” individual character. One friend was Catastrophia (Cata), another was Nitric. I was Jade. Together, we referred to ourselves as the Trinity (we were TIGHT back then and they were my absolute best friends. I’m still quite close with one, but over the years, the other friend and I grew apart I’m afraid) and our characters collectively as Janicata (or also the Trinity. Our characters were not very loose self-inserts. We were THIRTEEN).

Since I figured nobody would read my stuff when I started writing fan fiction and I’d fade quickly into obscurity, I wanted to use Jade as my name as a little throwback to what got me writing in the first place. And I decided to go with one of those “numbers after the names” handles rather than put a lot of thought into an otherwise original name. (If I’d known then how long I would be carrying that name, I’d have maybe taken 20 minutes to come up with something else. Then again, maybe not. Who knows?)

I needed a number, sooooo...Jade was created by the three of us, but she was named first in Janicata. I think the first character that we created, but I don’t entirely remember. She was definitely the first character *I* ever created. So that was the 3 and the 1. As part of their backstories, each of the three characters had a number “assigned” to them that they went by in training instead of their names. (Typical mercenary/assassin-type backstories.) Jade’s number was 48. So...Jade was number 48, the first of Janicata, and part of the Trinity. 48-1-3. Jade4813.

I guess it’s kinda silly now, but the entire Jade4813 handle is a reminder of the first character I ever created, and those old friends who really helped me find my initial love of writing. So I guess maybe it’s not so silly after all.

Hope the explanation didn’t bore you too much!

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darthbelle · 3 years

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Good morning, Sam! I'm here with a few more fanfic writer asks if it's alright with you? How about 13, 14, 19, 20, 27 and 31 (for AEAL, I know you already talked about it a little when answering similar asks, but can u get into some more detail pls? Like, you thought about the piano scene and theeeen?...)? Have yourself a lovely day at your haunted cat farm (I presume)!

Hey! Sounds good to me!

13. When did you start writing fanfic?

I actually just checked, and I was apparently 15 when I started writing fic! I started off with a few drabble-length fics, and then literally the next day, I started a multi-chap that, until AEAL, was the longest thing I’d ever written.

14. How do you feel about your older work?

Pretty conflicted, actually.

I think that the ideas that I had were decent. The execution, though leaves something to be desired. Honestly, if it wasn’t for the fact that I know that people genuinely enjoyed (enjoy?) some of my older work, I would have considered taking them down and either completely starting them over from scratch at a later date or just never re-uploading them.

But the stuff I wrote a year or two later (so, my Jori fics) I’m still proud of. I mean, I went and edited them all within the past year and finally uploaded them to AO3. Some of them I barely had to change at all, and some I didn’t need to change, but did anyway (like I did with Sober, actually).

I’m glad I wrote the things I did (for the most part). They made me a better writer at the time, and I’m still pretty proud of some of the things I wrote. But they’re not up to the level of things I’m writing now (which need work themselves!), which is understandable considering I was a literal 15 year old when I was writing them

So yeah, conflicted but like, I don’t hate it

19. What words do you think you tend to use the most?

Fuck.

No, actually, I use fuck a lot without even meaning to. It just kinda slips out, especially in dialogue.

Also, it’s less words and more patterns of words, but I use like, “arched eyebrows” and stuff like that a lot. Glances and glaring and honestly just anything to do with facial expressions...I tend to rely on that kind of thing.

20. What feedback makes you the happiest to hear?

Gosh, how does one answer this without feeling a little conceited?

I don’t know if happiest is the right word, but if someone tells me that something I wrote made them cry, then I know that I’m doing something right because at least my fic made them feel. It’s also really cool when someone just is like “I spent all night reading this and just wanted to say that I liked it a lot” because it’s just so cool that someone would take the time to read something I wrote???

27. What time of day do you prefer to write?

It’s not that I like to write at this time of day, but I tend to write in the late morning and early afternoon because that’s generally the only time that I can actually write.

Weirdly, I like to read and edit at night, though.

31. What was the development process of [Fanfic Name] like?

Tell ya what, if I had known that AEAL was going to be somewhat popular, I probably would have kept a better record of its development process

But, just from deep diving through my records (literally, I was keyword searching through ancient messages and shit), it seems as if I started writing AEAL sometime in November of 2019. Well, I started doing research and very basic writing then. I don’t think I really started writing it until Christmas, maybe. At that time, I was still editing...Sober, I think? Wait, nope, apparently it was Empty. Dang, my timeline is all messed up. Anyway

Maybe I should start from the beginning. So, back in November last year, Victorious was put onto Netflix and suddenly, almost overnight, there was this fandom that just hadn’t existed the day before. I mean, it did exist- I know that there were still people writing Jori fic out there and stuff like that- but it was nothing like it had been back in like, 2012 and 2013. But then Netflix put it up and all of these people, whether they were like me and coming back to an old fandom or if they were brand new fans, were creating and interacting with Jori again.

So I decided that maybe it was time to transfer over my old Jori fics onto AO3. Thankfully, I decided to read them first, though, and realized that I could make them better. Like, over 6 years had passed since I had worked on them and I figured I could try and fuck around with them a little just to see how they would be received.

And, uh, they were received pretty well, I guess.

I started with Devil’s Advocate, which I considered my weakest of the three Jori fics I had at the time, and worked up to Sober, which was the one I remembered the most and was most excited to work on. And I got like, halfway through DA and was like “maybe it’s time for me to start writing again”. And that was...honestly, I was nervous. I hadn’t written anything other than research papers for years at that point, and even though my editing process had required me to write a bit (like, whole chapters in some places), it wasn’t the same as starting from scratch and coming up with something new.

Around that time, I opened up a document and wrote down the line: “No one really expected Tori to go to college” (side note, I always think that I put “Vega” in there, too, but I guess I didn’t). And then I did some research (several hours worth) about the California university system, decided that it was way too complicated for me to do properly (and I kinda didn’t want someone to come into my comments and be like “well, actually” about the dang California educational system) and came up with a generic liberal arts college instead.

And then I wrote the first page or two and got stuck. Like, really stuck. I had no idea what the hell I was doing, or what the story was even supposed to be. I wanted Tori and Jade to be at college together and that was about it. I think I almost abandoned it a few times just because like, the likelihood of me actually progressing forward with this fic was pretty small. It wasn’t even like some of the other fics I’ve started and never finished because at least with those I had written whole ass scenes before I stopped. AEAL (which was just known as “untitled as of now” until the day I uploaded the first chapter) only had a few hundred words and I wasn’t even happy with them.

I don’t really remember what happened between then and early January. But in early January, I was struck with the imagery of...well, the piano scene. And I knew I had to write it because it was going to be stuck in my head forever otherwise.

I just had to get to it.

So I finished editing Empty, started editing Sober, and really started writing this silly little college fic that didn’t have a title. At some point pretty soon after, I had another image pop into my head: that of Tori stopping Jade from going up the stairs at a frat house with a guy they didn’t know. At that point, I didn’t know it was going to be the storyline it turned into- it was just going to be a catalyst for pushing them together, nothing more.

I didn’t plan things very much at that point. I just wrote and the words just came out and by the time I hit chapter 6, I realized that I needed to make some decisions about the rest of the fic because whatever I did next would basically dictate what direction the story was going to go.

So I made some decisions. Wrote some things that didn’t work and pulled them and started over and by St. Patrick’s Day, I decided that they were going to go Shakespearean.

And then there was Jake, and figuring out what to do with him, and the whole...well, everything else...and all throughout this I had that damn piano scene in the back of my head and goddammit I was going to write that damn scene even if it killed me.

But uh...I almost didn’t write that scene. I almost didn’t write a lot of scenes. There were so many points where I had to make decisions about certain things and those certain things would have changed everything.

But I guess I made the right decisions in the end (hopefully) because...well, I finished the fic. And I wrote that damn piano scene.

Sorry for the literal essay of an answer, but uh...hope it provided enough detail for ya?

And thank you! You have a good day, too. Got any other questions?

#asks #AEAL

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macguires · 7 years

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I'm so late but I sure hope you're still doing that ask meme because if you are I'm giving you Hannibal and Star Wars. Because I know you too well and I know you'd be waiting ;D - tattlecrimc

YESSSSSSS EDEN BLESS U (i’m assuming you mean this one bc that’s the only one i’ve reblogged recently)

i will ramble horribly on the hannibal one and i’m very sorry about it so i’ll leave that for last so i can put it under a read more

i should probably warn u that the only movie fresh in my memory is the force awakens so all of this is gonna be answered through a v tfa-heavy lens but ok

star wars

three favourite male characters: poe dameron, kylo ren & general hux (DON’T KILL ME i know kylo & hux are awful, the fandom paired w/ my pre-existing love for domhnall gleeson did this to me and i am v ashamed). finn, han solo, bodhi rook, cassian andor, chirrut imwe & luke skywalker are also v dear to me. listen i just have a lot of love to givethree favourite female characters: jessika pava (i’d better see So Much of her in ep8), phasma & padme amidala. & also rey! ‘Needs More Girls’ is my opinion on most franchises but especially star warsfavourite pairing(s): finn/poe, kylo/hux, rey/jessika & han/luke! i also like obi-wan/anakin in the sense that i don’t actively go looking for stuff abt it but when i do see it on my dash my heart does a lil “!!”notp(s): r*ylo is like one of the only ships on my blacklist so that probably tells u something. i’m also p Ew about rey with any of the villains, so that also rules out rey/hux & rey/kylo/hux which i see way too often all over the place. also you wouldn’t think snoke/kylo would be a thing but i’ve seen fics & i’ve seen art and i’ve like cried every single time, experiencing that was my tragic backstory and now i’m a jaded & cynical anti-hero who’s seen Too Much™least favourite character: snoke who’s like me: i’ll hesitantly say padme amidala? i saw the prequels when i was too young to be properly interested in them and i haven’t rewatched them yet so 99% of my knowledge is secondhand, but from what i’ve seen she’s the most relatable most attractive: jessika pava tbh, yet another reason behind me hoping she’s around a lot in the next movie, i am Absolutely in love alreadyfavourite moment/scene: THAT’S MY JACKET(also lowkey the whole starkiller/hosnian system scene, that was shot so impressively w/ the whole ~greatcoat blowing dramatically in wind~ and the brief reaction shot of the people on hosnian prime and the lights shooting across the sky and damn)favourite quote(s): LOTS

“so this is how liberty dies. with thunderous applause.” - padme

“if you live long enough, you see the same eyes in different people.” - maz

“mm. lost a planet, master obi-wan has. how embarrassing.” - yoda

“are you kidding me? i’m blind!” - chirrut

“there’s a problem on the horizon. …there is no horizon.” - k2-so

“so you’re with the resistance?”“obviously. yes, i am. i am with the resistance, yeah. i’m with the resistance.”“i’ve never met a resistance fighter before.”“well, this is what we look like. some of us. others look different.” - rey & finn

“lieutenant, get back to your station!”“just look! we won’t survive. even hux is gone!” - rodinon

“through the ages, i’ve seen evil take many forms: the sith. the empire. today, it is the first order.” - maz

“where is my boyfriend? […] i like that wookiee.” - maz

ok right. now for my favourite thing in the world. the show i don’t shut up about. the universe to which my heart belongs

hannibal

three favourite male characters: will graham, hannibal lecter & anthony dimmondthree favourite female characters: chiyoh, molly graham & reba mcclane (also beverly katz. and freddie lounds. and abigail hobbs. and literally every other girl)favourite pairing(s): hannibal/will, margot/alana, reba/molly, abigail/marissa & jimmy/brian are the ones i pay most attention to, but i’m honestly also down for literally any other f/f ship u can imagine from this shownotp(s): there isn’t anything i would specifically call a notp, but i’m not a huge fan of will/alana or hannibal/alana i guess? just bc as much as i love will & hannibal, alana deserves 1000x better and i lovelovelove her with margot. i also dislike mason with literally anyone for what i would hope are obvious reasons. i also tend to be kinda cringey about abigail with will or hannibal in a romantic/sexual sense bc it’s made very clear that their relationship with her is parent/child and that she’s a teenager so it feels v creepy to meleast favourite character: i like them enough as characters but i’ll say francis dolarhyde & mason verger. bc everything mason does ever makes me feel vaguely ill and my first impression of francis dolarhyde was him stretching and grunting @ his mirror in briefs w/ Glistening Muscles and i was done with That and ready to move on in under 0.00002 seconds but it just….. kept happeningwho’s most like me: peter bernardone, abigail hobbs & s1!will graham most attractive: chiyoh! i was literally Gone from the second we saw her through will’s goddamn binoculars favourite moment/scene: literally every second of dark!will i am so here for that. every moment from when he attacked freddie in the barn and then. u know. ate randall tier with hannibal, the whole ~i’ve given up good & evil for behaviourism~ conversation and the knife exchange in the kitchen. also him bringing randall’s body to hannibal in the middle of the night like some dog looking for approval wtf. and obviously him & hannibal double-teaming & killing francis in the season finale and running the fuck away together and then coming back to eat bedelia like I JUST REALLY LOVE DARK!WILLfavourite quote(s): i have SO MANY. some of them i just think are gorgeous and thought-provoking, some i like for shippy reasons or bc they were super chilling or Ominous on a rewatch/paired with later context, and some i just find straight-up hilarious

hannibal: “i’ve always found the idea of death comforting. the thought that my life could end at any moment frees me to fully appreciate the beauty and art and horror of everything this world has to offer.”

hannibal: “the essence of the worst in the human spirit is not found in the crazy sons-of-bitches. ugliness is found in the faces of the crowd.”

jack: “you remember when you decided to call hannibal?”will: “i wasn’t decided when i called him. i just called him. i deliberated while the phone rang… i decided when i heard his voice.”jack: “you told him we knew.” will: “i told him to leave, because i wanted him to run.”jack: “why?”will: “because… because he was my friend. and because i wanted to run away with him.”

hannibal: “you cannot control with respect to whom you fall in love.”

will: “i’ve never known myself as well as i know myself… when i’m with him.”

hannibal: “when the fox hears the rabbit scream, he comes a-running. but not to help. when you hear jack scream, why will you come running?”

chiyoh: “you have a taste for it now.”will: “for what?”chiyoh: “harm.”will: “do you?”chiyoh: “i was violent when it was the right thing to do. but i think you like it. […] if you don’t kill him, you’re afraid you’re going to become him.”will: “yes.”

freddie: “i’ve interviewed enough serial killers to know one when i see one. […] a very specific brand of hostility. i see it every time i look at will graham.”

gray: “there is no god.”hannibal: “well, not with that attitude.”

hannibal: “hello! i love your work.” (YOU NEED CONTEXT FOR THIS ONE BUT I LOVE IT)

guest: “it smells divine!”hannibal: “it is! i say that without ego. i don’t require conventional reinforcement.”

hannibal: “that may have been impulsive.”

hannibal: “a paradox.”alana: “freddie lounds thinks the two of you are a paradox. she sees something no one else sees.”will: “and what’s that?”alana: “that neither of you is the killer she’s writing about… but together you might be.”

will: “i’d pack my bags if i were you, bedelia. meat’s back on the menu. […] ready or not, here he comes.”

freddie: “what will understands is that if you can’t beat hannibal lecter… join him.”

hannibal: “what’s the meat? veal? pork?”will: “she was a slim and delicate pig.”hannibal: “i’ll make you lomo soltado. we’ll make it together. …you slice the ginger.” […]hannibal: “this meat is not pork.”will: “it’s long pig.” (RIDICULOUS. now they’re both making puns while eating people)

will: “is hannibal in love with me?”bedelia: “could he daily feel a stab of hunger for you and find nourishment at the very sight of you? yes. but do you ache for him?”

#anonymous #asks

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