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ao719 · 11 months

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…Sometimes Not (Part 2)

Left To Chance

This is a submission for @choicesflashfics, using prompt #1, “I don’t have a date, so would you … maybe want to be my plus one?”

Song inspo: Chasing All The Stars - Fleurie

A/N: This is an au mini series to my Always You series. This part is a flashback to the first half of the three years apart from Reyna’s POV. Not beta’d. Please excuse any errors.

Book/Pairing: TRR; Liam x OC (Reyna)

Rating: T • Warnings: None but some mild language.

Word count: 2500

Catch up here

Staring out the window of her high-rise office, Reyna tapped her pen against the desk in rhythm with the ticking clock on the wall. The law firm had been unusually quiet the past few days with everyone but her, a couple of interns, and the office secretary gone for the week.

The firm’s lawyers and paralegals were attending an international conference in Paris. It was a work trip that Reyna’s boss, Luca, had invited her to join them on, but she politely declined. Her presence as the office’s financial manager was not required or needed, but that wasn’t the only reason she had turned down the free trip to the City of Light.

Their kiss.

Although Reyna enjoyed the brief moment between them, she declined Luca’s invitation to Paris because she didn’t want to send the wrong message. She still wasn’t in a place where she was ready to explore anything new with anyone because despite knowing she needed to let go, Liam was still very heavy on her mind and heart.

It had been over a month since Reyna last saw Liam the night of his coronation, the night she watched him choose the woman he’d soon be marrying. She hadn’t spoken to him since; she’d sent him a message on his birthday, a message he read but never responded to. She hadn’t tried reaching out again.

Liam was currently somewhere in Europe on his Engagement Tour and planning his upcoming nuptials.

Reyna was trying to go through the motions and deal with everything in her own way. She had been trying to move on even though most days it felt futile. She was working full-time. She was finally starting her master’s program next month after missing her first chance during her spiral. She was doing everything she could to keep herself occupied … to keep herself from falling apart like she wanted to most days.

No matter how hard she tried, though, Reyna couldn’t seem to fill that void left inside her. A piece of her was missing and it hurt like hell to try and force herself to come to terms with the reality of losing Liam, both as a friend and more.

For over a decade, Liam had been a monumental part of Reyna’s life; he was her best friend, her person, the one she told everything to, and eventually, the man she deemed to be the love of her life. Going from what they shared to absolutely nothing … it destroyed a part of her, a part of her that was just for him and no one else … a part of her that would never be the same again.

*******

•Two Months Later•

On an early Friday morning, before the sun had risen, Reyna lay awake in bed.

It was near afternoon in Cordonia … and Liam’s wedding day.

Reyna had managed to avoid any news of Liam since her return from his coronation three months ago; she refrained from doing any internet searches, and even though he spoke to Constantine a few times or more a month, her father respected her request for no updates. She didn’t want to hear about Liam and the life he was living without her. And while she still struggled every day to truly grasp the reality that he was no longer a part of her life, today was especially difficult.

It was the worst Reyna had felt in months, and that chasm in her heart left by their fallout and Liam’s absence in her life felt as though it was being ripped wide open, knowing what he would be doing that day.

As Reyna continued to toss and turn, her gaze kept shifting from the clock on her nightstand to her desk. Despite knowing it was a terrible idea, she couldn’t help but eye her laptop; she knew one little search would bring her to extended coverage of the royal wedding.

Eventually, Reyna flung the covers off herself and stood from the bed. She moved to her desk and lowered herself into the chair; she opened her laptop and pulled up the internet search bar, typing the words, ‘Cordonian royal wedding.’

Instant results popped up from multiple media sources. The first result, however, had Reyna’s stomach twisting in knots. Live coverage. She could see it happening in real time.

Reyna closed her eyes, pressing the tips of her fingers to her forehead as she let out a breath. She knew she shouldn’t because of what it would do to her. She couldn’t seem to help herself, though.

It was like she had to see it to believe it.

When she opened her eyes, Reyna clicked the link. A video popped up, buffering for a moment before footage of inside the Bossina Cathedral filled her screen. Her eyes instantly welled with tears.

There, at the front of the aisle, was Liam. Dressed in his royal regalia, he stood across from Riley, who was clad in a flowing gown of white lace … and in the middle of her vows.

Reyna listened as her tears started to fall; as painful as it was, she couldn’t look away. When Riley finished, the bishop turned to Liam as the camera panned to him. Reyna swore her heart stopped as she stared at his face on the screen, and she held her breath when she recognized the look of hesitation in his eyes … along with a glimmer of affliction.

A few silent moments later, Liam started to speak.

While Riley’s vows were straight from the book, Liam’s were slightly altered; where she’d spoken the words, “to love and to cherish,” Liam changed his. “To be a companion in life and duty.”

A companion. A friend.

It didn’t matter to Reyna what words were altered, it fucking hurt. More so when she watched him slip that ring onto her finger.

Reyna pressed her palm to her aching chest with a quiet sob. Twice now she thought she’d felt the worst of it, of her heartbreak. The first time was when Liam told her he needed to have a Social Season … that they couldn’t be together. The second was when she watched him choose someone at his coronation. But this … hearing him recite vows to someone else, watching him slip a promise in the form of a ring on another’s finger … It was at that exact moment her heart ruptured in her chest.

Reyna could physically feel it, the splintering and cracking and shattering. The death of something vital inside her.

Despite what Liam told her at his coronation, that he saw Riley as nothing more than a friend, Reyna knew what those vows and that promise would mean to him.

Liam would try to love Riley in some form. He would keep those vows and that promise because that’s just who he was. He would try and build something out of scraps in an attempt to assuage the guilt Reyna knew he would feel over not giving himself entirely.

And there was a chance in Liam’s willingness to try that he could grow to see her beyond a friend … that he could grow to truly love her. And that meant Reyna had really lost him.

A man of his word, those vows solidified it.

****

That night, Reyna sat in her room with heavy eyes and an even heavier heart. She’d spent most of the day in a daze. Her parents were with her; they let her cry as much as she wanted and tried their best to comfort her.

Constantine and Regina understood when Gideon and Catherine declined their invitation to the royal wedding. It wasn’t because they held a grudge but because they didn’t want to leave Reyna alone; when she walked out of her bedroom that morning, one look at her was precisely why.

That was a day Reyna found herself wanting to talk to Liam more than most. There were so many things she wanted to say to him, so much she wanted to tell him and vent to him about. She couldn’t and wouldn’t, but she wished she could.

Reaching for her bottle of water on her nightstand, Reyna’s eyes fell on a brown leather cover of a journal. She’d gotten it a month ago while out shopping with her Aunt Elsie. She hadn’t written in it … yet.

An idea then struck. Perhaps Reyna could tell Liam everything she wanted to. She could pour her heart and soul out to him onto blank pages, and though he’d never know or respond, maybe this could help her heal, even if only a little.

Reyna grabbed the journal and a pen from the nightstand drawer; she opened it to the first page, staring down at the blank sheet of paper for a moment as a tear rolled down her cheek.

“Dear Liam …”

*******

•Two Months Later•

Reyna stood in her office as she slipped on her coat. It was Friday and, ahead of her assignments, she was looking forward to a weekend of … nothing. Isolating herself had become her norm.

It had been five months since Reyna last spoke to Liam and while better, she was still working on trying to let go and come to terms with everything.

Writing in the journal seemed to help somewhat.

Reyna wrote to Liam almost every day. She wrote about her days. She wrote every time something reminded her of him. She wrote to reminisce and added photos to some pages. She wrote every happy and lonely thought. Some entries were long and deep and vulnerable, and she cried over the pages and words he’d never read; others were short, a mere sentence, a simple, “I really missed you today.”

It wasn’t what Reyna wanted, but it was all she could have.

As she grabbed her purse off the back of her chair, a knock on her office door pulled Reyna’s attention; she glanced up to see Luca. “Hey,” she smiled.

“Hi,” Luca grinned. “I know you’re getting ready to head out, but, uh …” He trailed off, letting out a breath. “You know the gala my father is hosting for his firm tomorrow night?”

“Yeah,” Reyna smiled. “My parents are going.”

Luca nodded. “I know this is last minute, but I wanted to ask … I don’t have a date, so would you … maybe want to be my plus one?”

Reyna stared at Luca for a moment. She’d turned him down for a date months ago because she wasn’t ready; he’d told her that if and when she was, he’d be there. They had shared that kiss a month or so later, but nothing since.

Although Reyna was still healing, would it be so bad to put herself back out there? To take that first step in really moving forward? He was only asking for one date.

“I know you said a while back that you weren’t in a headspace for dating, and if that’s still the case, I completely under—”

“I’d love to,” Reyna interrupted.

Luca beamed. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Reyna softly smiled. “Really.”

*******

•Four Months Later•

Luca slipped an arm around Reyna’s waist as they walked out of the restaurant after dinner one night. She glanced up at him, and he smiled as he leaned in, pulling her closer as he placed a lingering kiss on her lips.

After that first date to the gala, Reyna explained to Luca that while she enjoyed his company, she needed patience; she told him about Liam — who he had been to her, their history and relationship, her heartache, and what she went through when things ended.

Luca had been understanding, and was more than happy to give Reyna the time she needed, but four months in, he found himself falling hard for her and was ready to make things more … official.

As they walked along the pier, Luca slowed their pace to a stop; Reyna leaned against the railing, looking out at the harbor. “Can I ask you something?” Luca said, and she looked at him, nodding with a smile. “What is this?” he questioned. “With you and I, I mean …”

“I —” Reyna paused for a moment. “We … we’re dating.”

“Yes,” Luca nodded with a halfhearted smile. “What I mean is … is there a point when this will … I don’t know,” he shrugged, “take that next step into something more … serious?”

“Serious as in …?”

“As in … when we go out, I can introduce you as my girlfriend instead of just my date.”

Luca knew that what was holding Reyna back from him was the piece of her that was holding onto her past. Perhaps he was a fool for holding onto his own hope that she would eventually see what was standing right in front of her — someone willing to love her the way Liam chose not to. He was tired of the chokehold this Prince still had on her.

Luca wanted to be all in with Reyna, and he would be if she could just get out of her own damn way.

“Look,” Luca began. “I know that there’s some small part of you that’s holding onto something for him …” At his words, Reyna let out a breath, feeling that dull ache start to roil in her chest mixed with a pang of heavy guilt. “I understand what he meant to you. But regardless of choice or circumstance, you were hurt because of him. And he’s the reason that you keep putting your life on hold while he’s out there living his. Have you ever thought that maybe if you just let him go … you’d finally be able to breathe again?” She dropped his gaze, blinking back the sting in her eyes and the strike his words had hit her with. “I don’t want to upset you, Reyna. All I’m saying is that you deserve to be happy, too.”

Reyna snapped her eyes back to him. You deserve to be happy, too. It wasn’t him telling her that she deserved to be happy that had stolen the air from her lungs.

It was the ‘too.’

Liam was happy … without her. It was a truth she had yet to allow herself to accept the possibility of.

And here was Luca … forcing her to face it.

Reyna couldn’t say Luca was wrong; she was holding onto Liam. And she felt guilty because she knew Luca cared about her; he’d gone out of his way to show her since that first date. And she cared for him.

“Reyna—”

“You’re right,” Reyna interrupted as she shook her head. “I’m sorry. I …” She trailed off, letting out a breath.

Luca stepped forward; he cupped her face in his hands, forcing her gaze to his. He searched her eyes for a moment before capturing her lips in a deep kiss.

****

Later that night, Reyna sat on her bed, staring down at her journal; she’d still been writing in it almost every day.

The pen hovered over the page for a long while before Reyna finally put ink to paper.

“Dear Liam …

I have a boyfriend …”

*******

•Nine Months Later•

“This is amazing,” Reyna said as she took in the sunset at Castello di Amorosa.

Luca had planned a trip for them to Napa Valley, and one of their stops was the medieval-style Tuscan castle.

“I knew you’d love it here,” Luca said behind her.

“It’s gorgeous.”

As she stared at the castle, Reyna couldn’t help but be reminded of a certain someone. He always loved places like this, she thought to herself. And he loved good wine.

It had been a year and a half since Reyna had last seen or spoken to Liam. If someone told her just a couple of years ago where they would be now, she would have laughed in their face. Not them. Never. Yet, here they were, living two separate lives, no longer a part of each other’s. Devastated didn’t begin to describe how she still felt about it, even after all this time.

While Reyna missed everything she shared with Liam, more than anything, she missed her best friend. Not a day went by where he didn’t cross her mind at least a dozen times. She hadn’t reached out, however, and neither had he.

All she could do was hope that he was ok … and happy.

When Reyna turned back toward the vineyards, her gaze dropped to Luca; he was on one knee in front of her wearing a brilliant smile. She let out a breath, feeling her heart imperceptibly drop when he opened the box in his hands, revealing a glittering diamond ring.

“Reyna … will you marry me?”

The man kneeling before Reyna was holding his heart in his hands and asking her to take it, and the first thing that crossed her mind was not an answer … or perhaps it was.

Liam.

***************************************

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galvanizedfriend · 1 month

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Hi Yokan 👋

I have questions

First question - how’re you doing? Hope life hasn’t been too stressful for you!

Second question - have you been reading anything that has really resonated with you in the last couple of weeks/months.

Third (and most weird) question - if you could choose a superpower what would you choose? (Dumb question I know😂)

Fourth question - most proud moment in your writing career.

And final question - how’s writing going with the Wolf? Hope you’ve not struggled too much in starting it!

hope your doing okay! ❤️

Hi, friend! How's it going?

Can I just say, it's so lovely to get all these questions! ✨ I love this so much, thank you! 💝

First: I'm ok! Work is always stressful these days, I don't think it's going to give me a break until at least September. 😂 But it's not the worst right now. Tomorrow is my birthday and I just the best piece of chocolate cake humanity has to offer, so I'm cool right now. 😇 Just wish tomorrow wasn't Monday. 🥲

Second: I have read 7 books this year so far, but nothing that's stood out as being great, sadly. :( Still haven't had a 5 stars. I finished a thriller called None of This is True by Lisa Jewell which was pretty good, if you're into thrillers. 4 stars, maybe.

In terms of fanfiction, I've have been reading random pieces of non-Kc fic, as per usual 😂 But I have also read The Little Wolf by @morningstargirl666, which is absolutely fantastic, if you haven't read it yet. It's a retelling of the show's canon about the Original family and how they were turned into vampires, with special focus on Klaus' werewolf heritage, and it's so, so, so good! And so much better than canon! It actually gives depth to the siblings' relationships, and it has so many little nods to what we know of them in the future. Beautifully woven! I have also read Till I Tasted You by @kirythestitchwitch, which is a canon divergent AU where a spell goes wrong and Caroline ends up finding out Klaus is her soulmate. It's hot, it has absolutely nom-nom-able dialogues and A+++ interactions between KC, it features Damon getting his ass kicked! I don't know, it's just the whole package. 🤌

Third: This would be a very weird question if I hadn't spent an irrational amount of time thinking about that. 😂 I guess it really depends on what kind of universe you mean, because it varies. But I would very much like to have telekinesis like Prue in Charmed.

Fourth: That's a tough one. I'm an extremely critical person of my own writing, so it's hard for me to feel proud of stuff I've done tbh. 😂 But I think I was pretty proud when I finished The Wolf 2. It's not my personal favorite thing I've ever written, but I think it's probably my best written story. I really like the final part of that story, the way I managed to tie it back to TVD, I think it was very full circle and made the story a lot more unique. I also had a lot of fun writing the Mikaelsons and Caroline back in Mystic Falls after the time they spent in Nola. 😂 So maybe that.

Final: It's... going. 🥲 I took a pause after writing two chapters back to back, tried to work on some other stuff, and then I circled back to it. I've actually just started the next chapter, have a couple of scenes. I don't think this first chapter will be a long one, but I think it will take a lot of editing tbh. 😂 I haven't been at most inspired right now, so not sure how much of what I've written will stand the test of a re-read. I had plans to get a chapter out before the end of the month, but I'm not sure I'll manage it. 🥲 We'll see how this week goes. Pray for me.

Thanks for the questions, friend! I hope you have a wonderful week! ✨

#yokan answers #marginally-accurate #nice people being nice

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compassionatereminders · 1 year

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kat!! i'm bursting with good news and i have a desire to tell someone.

me and my little sister (27& 21) have been in an abusive home for 20 years. my parents are extremely verbally abusive to one another, and my mother takes her anger out on me. blessedly, my little sister has avoided the brunt of everything. that said, my parents rage comes in waves - sometimes it's terrible, and sometimes they're really great to be around. my sister and i both know its extremely unhealthy, and my parents just brush it off, because they don't think their arguing is 'really that traumatic to us.' as if THEY get to decide that, right???

anyway, last week it was SO BAD, worst it's ever been. i had the phone in my hand to call the police because i was sincerely afraid for one of their lives. within two hours they were on steady terms again. but i'd had enough.

me and my sister have been talking about moving out for years, but it was finally That Argument that kicked my ass into gear, and i started seriously looking at places. not only that, i took initiative to APPLY for a TOUR !! which is a LOT for someone who has severe anxiety about doing 'professional' 'adult' things that i've never done before.

we've looked at a couple places so far, got ignored by most of them, but yesterday we saw a place that has EVERYTHING we want. and today?? we got approved !!!!!

we're still waiting for the lease to be sent so we can sign it, so i'm stressing until that's going to happen, but---all signs point to GO, and i am a little intimidated but so very excited. my little sister will get to see that life isn't as cruel once you're out of your parents house (i'd lived out of it for 3 years with my older sister before moving back in due to necessity, but i was extremely hesitant to do so because i knew it'd be bad).

i'm so happy. i'm so hopeful. i also get to work with my very favorite coworker tonight, who's like a father to me. today is a good day. :') i hope your own day goes as splendidly, & if not your today, than mayhaps your tomorrow.

That's wonderful! Congratulations! I'm so glad you and your sister will soon be able to leave your parents behind and I wish you all the best

#chat with kat #abuse tw #child abuse tw

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chickalupe · 6 months

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Feeling very down right now, just want to vent...

(Treating this like my old Livejournal since I don't really have anywhere else I can complain LMAO)

I've been out of work since August after completely running out of FMLA.

Between getting severe COVID in February and being out recovering for 6 weeks -- and then with Long COVID making the chronic fatigue and migraines I already had even worse -- I ended up missing so much work that I used all the time FMLA allowed before the year was even half over.

I'm living with my parents now and don't really have income except my savings; honestly most days I don't have the physical or mental spoons to even contemplate applying for even a part-time remote position yet. Thankfully I also have a retirement fund I am slowly cashing in, even if that also isn't really sustainable long-term. (But me losing my insurance will definitely be an issue soon when I run out of refills for my prescription meds...)

I'm aware that I've been pretty isolated since August; I've gotten maybe like two texts from former co-workers. I'm mostly asleep during the daytime and don't drive, so going out is hard. The person I consider my BFF is out of state and is busy with their own life. The only people I talk to most days are my Mom and Dad. (Admittedly, I am also pretty terrible about calling or texting people!) Tumblr has thus been the majority of my social interaction, for good or ill.

On top of all that, my birthday is this Friday and I always find myself depressed anyway this time of year. Like, it's probably half Seasonal Affective Disorder, and half a reminder that I'm a year older and having mixed feelings about where I am in life, IDK... But the current situation of *gestures vaguely at everything* isn't helping. So I am very blergh in general.

My parents and I had made vague plans a couple weeks ago that we could all go out for dinner on my actual birthday; nothing fancy, maybe the nearest sit-down Mexican restaurant. I was kinda looking forward to it. Mom just informed me that she is now unavailable after 5pm on my b-day itself since she offered to babysit kids for someone in their church that evening and night. We can't do it tomorrow night either, because Mom & Dad will be at a craft show from 4pm to 10pm.

And... it's fine, I guess. I'm disappointed but I'm an adult. I'm not gonna throw a tantrum or yell and cry or try to guilt her about it. She brought me flowers from the grocery store as a sort of peace offering and says we can still have cake or whatever. We'll probably do something on Saturday instead.

But EVERY YEAR, it's something. Last year, it was the cheesecake I asked for as a birthday cake getting dropped on the way into the house from the car; over half of it was smushed and then Dad stole the best remaining slice for himself. The two years before that, it was during the worst of the pandemic so I just had mediocre delivery food. I literally cannot remember the last birthday I really enjoyed in over a decade and half.

Another big source of anxiety right now -- we found out have 60 days to move since the leasing company is selling this house. So we have to find a new place, be packed and then move by January. Meanwhile home inspectors, realty agents and potential buyers are walking through while we're still living here, and it's super stressful. Words can't express how much I hate strangers being here any and all days of the week.

I guess I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself. I'm not trying to be whiny or woe-is-me, but my mental health right now is uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Not Great (tm) 😅. I do try hard to be positive but it just takes so much energy and I'm stressed and a little numb.

Not really sure how to end this. I just really needed to put it all in writing as a journal-type situation so that I don't end up crying in real life LOL.

Current Mood: burnt-out 😑

Current Music: HGTV playing in the background

#personal #don't reblog #personal don't reblog #vent post #life update

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anneapocalypse · 2 years

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Dragon Age: Tevinter Nights

and what it has to offer us about characters, lore, and the state of Thedas up north!

Dragon Age: Tevinter Nights is a collection of fifteen short stories by various BioWare writers, published in March 2020. It features a variety of new and returning characters, in stories set in the northern nations of Thedas: Tevinter, Nevarra, Antiva, the Anderfels, and Rivain.

I first read Tevinter Nights in a migraine haze in 2020 and I thank it for entertaining me during some of the worst of that year. It's fair to say I needed a thorough and more lucid re-read before I could give a proper review of it! So here we are, with a brief look at each of the book's fifteen short stories. As this book seems to serve primarily as a precursor to the next game, I give my thoughts on each story, with an eye to what it brings to the party in terms of lore and characters. Any interesting or relevant worldbuilding? Anyone we might hope to see show up in Dreadwolf? Anything else of note? Off we go, to Minrathous and points north!

Spoilers follow.

Three Trees to Midnight

by Patrick Weekes

Story: A human liberati and a (not) Dalish elf escape a Qunari work camp together. As the first in the collection, this story honestly drags a little for me, and wasn't my favorite.

Characters: Didn't love 'em. Weekes is one of my favorites among the Dragon Age writers; my love for The Masked Empire is legendary and I'm also a Solas fan (RIP), but these two just did not endear themselves to me and I wasn't especially hoping to see either of them again (though considering that Strife does show up in a later short story, I doubt we've seen the last of him). I didn't find Myrion particularly likable even after his "surprise, I used to be enslaved" twist, and despite Strife having a Final Fantasy name, he evidently made so little impression on me that when he showed up in one of the Dragon Age Day short stories back in December 2020, I completely forgot we'd met him before, and was no more impressed by him then either. Now that we've seen him twice I'm having strong suspicions he's going to show up in the next game, and if so I hope he's either not a companion or he turns out to be interesting enough to have earned it.

Lore value: I'd say high, despite this story not being my favorite. because while we've had a couple of attempted Qunari invasions in the south now, we haven't really had a close look at the war in the north, and so this was great for that, especially for the horrors of mages and others who resist being subjected to qamek, as well as for some rogue behavior among the Qunari themselves. Though we already knew that humans are enslaved in Tevinter as well as elves, we are reminded of that here. We also get a glimpse into the Arlathan forest, haunted and teeming with ancient magic. I also appreciate that it's almost a running joke now that everyone not from Tevinter thinks "magister" just means "Tevinter mage," and this annoys everyone from Tevinter very much. And while Strife wasn't a favorite, I like examples of city elves who've been taken in by the Dalish, and interactions between the different classes of elves generally.

Down Among the Dead Men

by Sylvia Feketekuty

Story: A bookish Nevarran guardsman is attacked at a funeral by the deceased. A very fun story with a great twist at the end. The ending was touching, and to me it gave a purpose to the Mourn Watch and the Grand Necropolis beyond simply the vanity of noble houses: giving spirits who want to linger on this side of the Veil a place to do so in peace and fulfillment, without violence or destruction—and honestly, is that not a worthwhile endeavor? It really made me appreciate Nevarran culture more deeply.

Characters: I found (spirit!)Audric particularly endearing, the way he fixated on architecture, and the anger he felt for the real living Audric's quiet and pleasant little life having been cut short so senselessly. It was in some ways the most poignant and resonant portrayal of why a spirit would choose to inhabit a corpse that I've seen in this canon and I think he's one that will stick with me. Fans have talked (jokingly, and seriously) about hoping we get a skeleton companion in the next game, and after reading this story, I'm inclined to hope for that myself.

We've had various types of spirit companions in Dragon Age. In Justice, we've had a spirit trapped unwillingly in the body of a corpse, and then willing joined with a living mortal host in a way that changed both of them. Then in Cole, we've had a spirit who willingly crossed the Veil and was able to take a physical form by himself. What if in DA4, we could have a spirit companion who has crossed the Veil and chosen to animate the remains of a mortal body, knowingly and willing, not to cause destruction but simply because they see a purpose for themselves in this world? Perhaps not Audric, as he seems content to stay in the Necropolis and would probably dislike fighting. But the potential here is tremendous.

Lore value: To me, absolutely invaluable! Of the northern nations, I think I'm most interested not by Tevinter and its Imperial Chantry, but by the nations that exist nominally under the Orlesian Chantry while culturally being quite far removed from the Andrastian cultural norms of Ferelden, Orlais, and the Marcher Cities. Nevarra and Rivain in particular fascinate me by the ways in which they have managed to retain cultural beliefs and practices about magic that are taboo in the south. So I'm all about seeing those up close and in practice, and I'm especially happy to see a kinder view of Nevarran culture than that held by Cassandra and Sidony. (Oh, we'll get to you, Sidony.) A stroll inside the Grand Necropolis? Sign me up. And another opportunity to see the world through the eyes of a spirit who doesn't fully realize what they've become—not unlike Cole's origins, but under entirely different circumstances? Fantastic! It's a wonderful twist, and a great story.

The Horror of Hormak

by John Epler

This story seems to contain a significant spelling error that was not caught in editing: the title is spelled "Hormak," but for the entirety of the story, the name is spelled "Hormok." Since "Hormak" is mentioned in earlier material as one of the great lost Dwarven kingdoms, this is clearly the correct one, but oof, that's embarrassing.

Story: Grey Wardens stumbled upon an unspeakable horror in the deep. Recommend Tom Cardy's "Red Flags" as a soundtrack for this one. Truly horrifying, great build of tension and atmosphere in this one.

I appreciate the acknowledgment that the past decade has really done a number on the Grey Wardens. Between the losses at Ostagar, Amaranthine, that time Anders did cannibalism, and then that whole embarrassing affair at Adamant, it's a wonder there are any left south of Weisshaupt, and that doesn't always really get any attention in the games, so it's good to see.

Characters: This one really stuck with me more for the story and the worldbuilding implications than the characters. I actually had to go back and look up the name of the main character to jog my memory (it's Ramesh). His prior relationship with Warden Jovis certainly makes the discovery of Jovis's fate hit harder. But ultimately, the story isn't really about them.

Lore value: There's so much to unpack here in terms of the worldbuilding and historical implications. Dwarvish carvings depicting elves, a priestess with a cruel smile, a supplicant, and a monster. A whole ancient elvhen ruin in the Deep Roads, scenes from Elvhenan depicted in bas-relief that seem to indicate twelve such places, aravels with barred windows streaming to them loaded with prey. And in each, some sort of primordial magic brine and a lyrium crystal, which fuse creatures immersed in the liquid.

As for what this place was in ancient Elvhenan, well, we can only guess, but I can't help thinking it very likely has something to do with Ghilan'nain. From a codex entry found in the Temple of Mythal:

Ghilan'nain kept herself apart from the People. She used her power to create animals none had ever seen. The skies teemed with her monsters, the land with her beasts. Andruil hunted them all, and after a year of killing, approached Ghilan'nain with an offer: the gods would share their power with Ghilan'nain, but only if she destroyed her creations, for they were too untamed to remain among the People. Ghilan'nain agreed and asked for three days to undo what she had made.

And from what I've seen in the fandom, it looks as though this is the reigning theory. It does seem to be the Occam's Razor interpretation of the story.

That said, so far as we know, Ghilan'nain is still trapped in the Fade with the rest of the Evanuris, and someone is still using this pool, at least—the unfortunate Wardens who stumbled upon it, it seems, were forced to drink and be transformed. Further, Jovis refers to a "she" who could still be alive, and active. Is he referring to the priestess in the reliefs, or is this "she" a newer actor? I don't think we'll know for sure what's going on here until they decide to reveal more to us, but it does seem like whatever this horror was in ancient times, the darkspawn have now turned it to their own purposes. The "she" to whom Jovis refers could be a broodmother—even an awakened one, like the Mother from Awakening, who herself gave rise to new types of darkspawn, though we were never really told how. We haven't heard from any awakened darkspawn in a while; I'd say we're about due.

Callback

by Lukas Kristjanson

Story: Sutherland and Company return to Skyhold to confront a demon which has taken up residence in the now-vacant fortress. When I first read this story, I hadn't even finished playing Inquisition yet and I already loved it. On the second read, when I've completed the game three times and made sure to complete the Sutherland and Co. questline every time? Where I live for that moment when the Inquisitor comes up over the hill on the Storm Coast and hears their boy calling out, "I told you! I told you! She's/He's a true as anything hero!"

Yeah, this is fan service, and I am the fan being serviced. I love Sutherland and his crew dearly, and I make no apologies for it. This story is an absolute delight to me and one of my favorites in the book.

Characters: Rather than introducing new characters, here we get an update on Sutherland and his crew. Last we heard, as of Trespasser, they'd been titled and started a freehold, so it's pretty cool to hear what their titles are! "Ser Donal of the Hinterlands, Crosscut Brother—" so named because of their aid in finding a lost expedition of dwarven Mining Caste "drifters" (a nice little reference to the "Crosscut Drifters" from Origins, which I also love). That was the mission that made them ambassadors to Orzammar, one of their great successes as an adventuring company of the Inquisition. All the crew's titles are equally apt. Ser Shayd, Lady of Evesol, bard of secret distinction; Ser Voth Dale'An, free mage by special commendation. And of course, their Squire, Rat. Arcanist Dagna also makes an appearance, armed with runes and a jar of bees (complements of Sera, surely), as well as Harrit the Smith, and Quartermaster Morris.

But this story isn't just nostalgia bait. It's also a really thematically tight story. Sutherland's whole deal is that the Inquisitor—not the Inquisition but the Inquisitor—took a chance on him, when he was just a young man fleeing a farm threatened by bandits and looking for help. Leliana wanted to take his intel and send him to work in the kitchens. Cullen thought he could be outfitted and sent to deal with the bandits himself. When he was successful, he was entrusted with more resources, and built himself a crew, who came to Skyhold believing in his leadership.

Now they return to an empty Skyhold and find themselves facing a demon of regret arisen out of Solas's fresco painting of the events of the Inquisition. Of those gathered, Sutherland is the only one who has no regrets for the demon to feed on. While he is able to stand against the demon, his friends find themselves immobilized and vulnerable. As they struggle to regroup, Sutherland knows he can't defeat the demon alone, and his own revelations mirror the mistakes of the man who created the fresco and drew the demon: Solas. "I regret acting alone. I regret using my friends." Sutherland resolves instead to be for his friends what the Inquisitor was for him: someone who saw his potential, inspired him, and stood for him and all those gathered at Skyhold. He knows that he needs to be more than strong enough to stand alone; he needs to hold his group together so that they can stand together and defeat the demon. Their fight and their victory calls back to the contrast between an archetypal Inquisitor, and Solas, both now departed from Skyhold but still lingering in, well, in spirit.

Lore value: I think it's fascinating what can draw a spirit's attention to the mortal world. Solas is long gone from Skyhold, yet in a sense his regrets linger. His emotions were so powerful that a spirit was drawn, not even to him, but to the representation of his experiences that he had created: the fresco paintings in the rotunda. We are constantly learning new things about spirits and how they are capable of interacting with the mortal world; while a spirit possessing a living person is the great fear, we have seen spirits inhabit animals and trees as well, and we've seen them animate inanimate objects, such as in the "haunting" of Bartrand's house in Kirkwall, so a spirit taking form from inanimate matter isn't totally out of left field. This spirit was so drawn to the imprint that Solas's emotions left on Skyhold, that it inhabited his artistic creation. Did Solas know this would happen? Could he have guessed? I can't say. But it's fascinating all the same.

Luck in the Gardens

by Sylvia Feketekuty

Story: A genderfluid Lord of Fortune goes monster hunting in Minrathous.

Characters: Well, I certainly enjoyed our unnamed Lord of Fortune, a former circus performer from Rivain, whom Dorian gives the pseudonym "Hollix" when providing her a cover story after she falls from his rafters. And yes, Dorian's here too! Having returned to Tevinter following his time in the Inquisition, Dorian has also rid his house of slaves, employing paid servants instead. He remarks that "Someone I met I the south… changed my mind on the matter." First assumption might be that he means the Inquisitor, but I would actually say it's more likely he's referring to Solas—because Solas challenges Dorian on the Tevinter slave trade whether the Inquisitor does or not. It's great to see some follow-up on that. Maevaris Tilani, a transgender woman, reformist Magister, and friend of both Dorian and Varric, also makes an appearance here. We also meet Mizzy, a clever little girl who helps Hollix in the hunt and whom he pays well in turn, suggesting she might have potential as a Lord of Fortune someday herself.

Lore value: Very high! I believe this story is our first introduction to the Lords of Fortune, who will come up multiple times in this book and who seem to be a Rivaini guild of treasure hunters and adventurers. There's a lot of potential there for a future game and I wouldn't be surprised if we interact with this guild—or if it might even provide a stock background for the player character, perhaps as an adventurer contracted by the Inquisition. There's room for any playable race to be a member, so far as I can see, and players could be free to imagine their character's backstory before joining however they liked. That's just my guess, of course. But it seems well set up for that, and I think I'd like it.

Forms of address were at the forefront of my mind on this read since I'd just done some digging for such things in Fereldan culture, and thus something jumped out at me that I'd missed on the first read: Hollix, who narrates, says, "Through this tale, people call me sir and madam, but I've always just thought of myself as myself, and had great fun in the bargain." This reveals Hollix's genderfluidity, but also presents forms of address that have been heretofore unseen in this setting. Throughout the settings we've played in so far, we have seen the universal, gender-neutral address for a knight as "Ser," though other addresses have varied. Marcher address, at least in Kirkwall, is very ungendered, with "Serah" for a person of lower status and "Messere" for a person of higher. "Mistress" and "Master" are fairly universal addresses for a head of household or anyone who employs hired help (see: Master Dennet, the Redcliffe horsemaster; Mistress Poulin, former owner of the mine in Emprise du Lion). In Ferelden, "Goodwife" and "Goodman" are the proper address for a commoner. Orlais I'm not certain of, but I think they default to "Madame," "Monsieur," and "Mademoiselle" (see: Madame de Fer). But what we haven't seen is "sir" and "madam" as common address, nor the "mister" and "missus" that also appear later in this story. I'm inclined to take this as representative of Tevinter culture and conventions, because it feels too deliberate to be an oversight—but we will see how it plays out when we actually see Tevinter in a game.

I also like that we see the use of bottled alchemical potions, like what Sera uses in combat, featured in a story as an integrated piece of lore, and not simply as a game mechanic.

But the biggest question raised by this story, of course, is what exactly the Cekorax was, a question that even Dorian and Hollix cannot answer after defeating it. Dorian talks about a necromancer who spoke of things "past the Veil of our world, neither demon nor spirit," suggesting that the Cekorax could be such a thing. Could it be a creature from the Void? If so, how did it end up in Minrathous? When it said, "Things are rising," did it refer to Solas? Did the Cekorax come, somehow, in response to him? Or could it have referred to the events of "The Streets of Minrathous," in this same collection—the attempt to raise the demon beneath Minrathous? (This story also makes reference to the events of "The Wigmaker Job," and so is set after that.) For now, we can only guess.

Hunger

by Brianne Battye

Story: Two Grey Wardens hunt a werewolf that has been terrorizing a small village in the Anderfels. There's a happy ending for the village, but the stinger: the demon still out there, ready to take another. Honestly, I was bored by this one.

Characters: I liked Evka and Antoine just fine for the purposes of this story, but I also didn't find them especially memorable. They've shown up in more short stories since, though, so I expect we'll be seeing more of them (though I'm not especially thrilled with the most recent short story that featured them, but that is, again, another post).

Lore value: Honestly, I didn't really feel like there was a lot new here. We've seen werewolves before, and we know that werewolf curses generally come from a spirit, even if the case of Zathrian's clan was highly specific, so… I just didn't feel like this story was breaking much new ground. I also didn't feel like it offered any great insights into Anders culture, despite being set there. So this also wasn't a favorite for me.

Murder by Death Mages

by Caitlin Sullivan Kelly

Story: Inquisition agent Sidony reluctantly returns to Nevarra, where she must solve the murder of her former mentor, and makes bad decisions at nearly every stage of the case. I have extremely mixed feelings on this story, mostly because of the main character, though I did find it easier to get through on the second read.

Characters: I'm going to be honest here, on the first read I found Sidony absolutely unbearable. And if you know me, you know I'm all about your "unlikable" female characters, and I'm willing to do a lot of digging to understand a character. But this story just gave me so little to latch onto with Sidony. She hates the Mortalitasi! She hates Nevarra! Sidony hates everyone and everything! What does Sidony like? What does she want? Why is she even with the Inquisition? With this story as my introduction to the character, I certainly couldn't tell you. And without understanding her motivations, without any sense of why she was so resentful and unpleasant to everyone she met, it was really hard to connect with her. And this is nitpicky, but she also seems a bit… dull? As in, not sharp. She sees an older mage she knew years ago and wonders how her copper-colored hair has retained its hue. A mage. Who we know can even change their eye color. Come on, really?

On my second read… I dug in a little more, and really looked for any scrap of motivation I could latch onto in order to, at the very least, understand this character better, because somebody felt she was worthy of being a protagonist. I also went back and re-read her entry in World of Thedas Volume 2 (she's an Inquisition agent who is mentioned in war table ops, and also a multiplayer character, which I didn't know when I first read this story). There, we're at least told that her primary motivation is reaching her true potential as a mage, and that she joined the Inquisition solely for the benefits of studying the Breach. So that's… something, and I wish it were something that more clearly came across in this story, as it's clear she doesn't want to be assigned to a mission in Nevarra, but there's no sense of what she'd rather be doing instead.

Two things finally softened me on Sidony a little. First, she does have regrets about how she left things with her old Mortalitasi mentor, especially now that he's dead. She seems to resent that her upbringing kept her isolated from the outside world, and she resents the whole culture of the Mortalitasi for being focused on preservation after death rather than gaining power in life. And second, I was much more aware of how deeply paranoid and distrustful Sidony is on this read—she's always expecting the worst from every person she meets and every situation she enters, and she hates not being in control of her surroundings—as soon as she enters a room, she's mapping out her escape route. And in light of those things, I had more sympathy this time for her frustration at the end—realizing that she'd allowed herself to be manipulated and deceived.

I think she could have potential, in a context where she's given more room to breathe, show some vulnerability, and reveal more complexity to her motivations. That's the kind of thing you can get from a companion in a game that you can't get from a three paragraph bio.

So, yeah, those are my complicated feelings! I don't really like Sidony much, but I feel like I could, and for that reason… I wouldn't mind if we saw her again.

Lore value: Nevarran politics are this story's saving grace, so I won't say it was a wash. I did have more fun with "Down Among the Dead Men," though.

The Streets of Minrathous

by Brianne Battye

Story: Very noir vibes, with the mage private eye working to solve a murder mystery alongside the largely-ineffectual templars. While a bit predictable, I did enjoy it.

Characters: I like Neve. I like her a lot. I'd like to see her again. Wouldn't mind seeing Rana, either.

Using the name "Quentin Calla" for the first murder victim was weird to me given that "Quentin" was the name of a villain in DA2 who sent his victims lilies (calla is a type of lily). I wonder if that was an unconscious association that no one caught. I would have changed it.

Lore value: High. I think this story gives us some good setup for how the templars operate in Tevinter—and how different it is from the south. Here, the templars don't use lyrium, though they do have access to some specialized weapons. They are largely restrained by bureaucracy and corruption from confronting most of the actual abuses of magic in Tevinter society. This is a very different Templar Order than the one we've come to know.

And an incredibly powerful demon sealed beneath Minrathous? Could it be another one of the Forbidden Ones, the Formless One we've yet to meet? Or is this a demon like Hybris, who was sealed beneath Kirkwall with the Awiergan Scrolls. How many major cities in Thedas have demons sealed beneath them? This whole concept really intrigues me, and I'd bet it's going to come up in the next game. If I had to bet money, I'd put it on the Formless One. Gaxkang was unbound in Denerim, Xebenkeck was sealed under Kirkwall, and Imshael turned up in Orlais; if we're going to meet the fourth Forbidden One in the next game, I think there's some pretty strong hints in this book that underneath Minrathous is where we'll find it.

The Wigmaker Job

by Courtney Woods

Story: Two Antivan Crows take a job in Tevinter that gets complicated. One of the most memorable in the book, for me, both for the horror and because it was fun to read. This Crow stuff is super fun.

Characters: I really enjoyed the banter between Lucanis and Illario… and given what happens in this story, I am not surprised by the later developments in the the short story "The Wake," which I will not spoil here. I expect we will meet at least one familiar Crow in DA4.

Lore value: Excellent. I like the detail that even enslaved elves may have a vhenadahl. On the downside, I hate the "retching vases," based on that trope of misunderstanding what ancient Roman vomitoriums were (not what it sounds like). God, I hope that doesn't make it into the next game. Otherwise, great. The horror of how the wigmaker harvests hair from tortured slaves really drives home the excesses of magic use in upper-class Tevinter, in a way that's more creative and more horrifying than simply "use blood magic to gain and maintain political power."

Genitivi Dies in the End

by Lukas Kristjanson

Story: Three of Thedas's storied writers join forces for a excursion beneath Tevinter—and make a discovery so shocking, they can't even tell us what it was! Ridiculous. And also great. After a lot of more straightforward serious fare, it's nice to have some comedy. Kristjanson gets to flex his quirky side here and I enjoy it a lot.

Characters: I love that Phillium/Laudine is canon. I also did not pick up the first time around that Rasaan is the same Rasaan from "Those Who Sleep."

Lore value: I think the most fun thing about this story is that since Phillium's account of their adventure is fictional, we have no idea how much of it we can trust. What did they really find beneath Tevinter? Was there really a piece of Arlathan beneath the Deep Roads—or was that part made up too, and what they found was so shocking and dangerous that Philliam's story obscures it altogether? Could it even have something to do with the demon sealed beneath Minrathous—if that demon is a Forbidden One, an elvhen spirit banished long ago by the Evanuris? Is Laudine even a mage? Who knows! I do think they were really pursued by a Qunari Antaam, only because Rasaan is a character we've met before, one there's no reason for Phillium to know—unless Varric has since committed the events of the first three graphic novels to print, which is possible. At this point, we may as well distrust all of it.

What we can infer is that whatever they found prompted our merry band of writers to lie their asses off, and then go into hiding. I dearly hope we get to run into them in the next game, and find out what they really uncovered. Oh, and the Randy Dowager of the titular Quarterly is a pen name of Brother Genitivi. Tremendous.

One of my favorites for sure.

Herold Had the Plan

by Ryan Cormier

Story: A heist gone a bit sideways. Poor Herold. This is a very entertaining story, turning bittersweet at the end.

Characters: I like them a lot. Bharv, Elim, even Panzstott. We get a visit from Vaea at the end! I hope Bharv made it home safely to his daughters, and finally retired.

Lore value: Yet again, we hear of the catacombs beneath Tevinter. Whole lot of stuff down there. The Celebrant, a unique greatsword from DA2, makes an appearance! The rest, I don't expect to play a huge role going forward, but this was a great example of a Lord of Fortune caper, perhaps minus the whole charity bit. Herold's motivation in seeking out the healing amulet is a sobering reminder of how the war has affected the north.

An Old Crow's Old Tricks

by Arone Le Bray

Story: A Tevinter military unit find themselves being picked off one by one in revenge for their violent attack on a Dalish clan. There is… some weird writing in this one. Hair in someone's face being referred to as "coarse brown follicles." A man manages to accidentally hack a three-foot-wide tentpole to splinters just by swinging blindly a few times. While I did enjoy the story, I found those things distracting.

Characters: The old Crow lady Lessef is pretty cool. The way she reminds each target of their crimes, it feels a little more personal than Crows usually operate. It seems she does have a personal connection to the clan that bought the contract, as the nephew of one of the clan, Tainsley, works for her. I'm wondering if, like Lucanis, we have another Crow with a conscience.

Lore value: Eh… fairly low. I guess Tevinters also use "rabbit" as a pejorative for elves, which feels odd, that having been previously a uniquely Orlesian thing so far as I could tell, and the cultures of the north and south being so different. This was an entertaining enough little revenge story, but I wouldn't say it told us a whole lot new about Tevinter, the Dalish, or the Crows.

Eight Little Talons

by Courtney Woods

Story: The eight Talons of the Antivan Crows meet to discuss the threat of Qunari invasion, but someone is picking them off one by one. At 60 pages, this is the longest story in the collection, and it earns every page. I love a good murder mystery, and this story absolutely delivered.

Characters: If you read the graphic novel Deception before reading this book (which I hadn't yet the first time around), you might recognize Viago de Riva and Andarateia Cantori, the fifth and seventh Talons of the Antivan Crows, respectively. Teia Cantori is an absolute delight. I love a story of a city elf risen to power, and I love her resourcefulness and wit. I'm happy to see her show up in future short stories and in the comics, and certainly wouldn't be unhappy to see her in a game as well. I also enjoyed Viago, with his poisons and antidotes and his paranoia and his rather helpless attraction to Teia; he made a good foil for her. I'm ambivalent on Teia/Viago as a ship in itself (, but within this story it did serve the function of continually bringing the two characters together, and also having Viago distracted by his jealousy at certain moments. Caterina Dellamorte, the Crow matriarch, was also really cool.

Lore value: Excellent. Not just getting to see Crows in the company of other Crows, which was great in itself, but getting to see the highest level of Crows among each other, and the complex relationships between them. Plus there's just a lot of great worldbuilding detail in this story, from the setting of the summit to descriptions of food, wine, and coffee, mention of the opera, etc. The origins of the Crows also comes up here: they began as an order of monks who assassinated a tyrannical duke. Though the Crows survive this attack, it will be interesting to see what effect such a blow has on the guild and whether that plays a part in the next game.

Half Up Front

by John Epler

Story: A disgraced altus and her elven lover are hired to break into the archon's palace. The narrator mentions "the Pavus job," a previous break-in at the same location, and I was really wondering if that corresponded to some war table op involving Dorian, but I didn't turn up anything that matched. Still, it seems likely to have been Dorian who hired them.

Characters: Love them! Lesbians, and they live! A Tevinter altus who fell for an elven servant, did the right thing and got her other work before they got together, and accepted disgrace from her family for the sake of her lover. I do wish we knew Vadis's first name, and not just the name of her house. Fun fact: Irian is also the name of the Magister of House Amladaris who can be corresponded with through the war table, but I assume no relation. We also have a cameo by Gatt, and a mention of "a dwarf in Kirkwall" whose identity we can likely guess. The ending all but promises we will see our two heroines again, and I look forward to it.

Lore value: Tremendous. This story brings into clearer focus what several other stories in the collection have been hinting at: the Qunari are divided. The Antaam is set on invading Tevinter, while the Ben-Hassrath disagree—and here, Gatt makes it plain why. The Ben-Hassrath realize that Fen'Harel and his agents are a far greater threat to the Qun, to the entire world. And they know that not only will they need their forces focused on him, they will need allies—not more enemies.

A great story.

The Dread Wolf Take You

by Patrick Weekes

Story: Five strangers convene in a hole in the wall in Hunter Fell to discuss how the infamous red lyrium idol has fallen into the hands of the Dread Wolf. The perfect ending to this collection, and prelude to the next game.

Characters: It's great to see Charter again! The other characters, though unnamed, feel distinct as well. Of note: the "Bard" even makes reference to "the previous Lady Mantillon," further confirming that the two Mantillons are meant to be two different characters. He also makes mention of "an auburn-haired elf whose dagger-knot gave her away as an agent of the Qunari spies, the Ben-Hassrath." This might be Tallis, and if so, she's still bad at being a spy! That would also make it reasonable to assume that the Starkhaven noble glaring at her in the story was Sebastian.

Charter asks Solas for her life… and he grants it to her, letting her leave unharmed. I wonder whether he would have allowed that were she not an elf. With some of the things he says to her, it almost seems as though he hopes to recruit her to his cause.

Lore value: Supreme. This more than any other story, I think, gives us a glimpse into what Solas has been up to since leaving the Inquisition. It seems he has already begun some long-running ritual, which has begun to affect the Fade and possibly the Veil, and for whatever reason, he needs the red lyrium idol and has been tracking its location. He says to Charter that telling the Inquisitor as much as he did was "a moment of weakness," that he hoped they would all live "a few years in peace before my ritual was complete. Before the world ended." So whatever Solas is doing, it takes time… but not that much time, if we choose to believe his words here. That suggests that DA4 will pick up not more than a few years after Inquisition left off, and time will likely be of the essence in stopping him.

This is (at least so far as we know as of this book's publication, but that's another post) the first time we we have met an Executer in the flesh. And Solas petrifies them in their robes, so that no one notices but Charter. Notably he petrifies the Executor first, before they've had a chance to tell a tale. He then cautions Charter against dealing with "those across the sea," saying, "They are dangerous." It seems that Solas knows more of the Executors than anyone else we've met. It also seems like he wanted to make sure they never had the chance to share their knowledge with the people of Thedas.

I'm interested in the Mortalitasi's tale of binding spirits to the corpses of great mages to fuel spells, as this seems quite different than what we've seen in the other Nevarran tales wherein spirits seem to inhabit the bodies of the dead freely, unbound.

It is also notable that Solas tells Charter that "What I am doing will save this world, and those like you—the elves who still remain—may even find it better, when it is done."

This is interesting because it seems in direct contradiction to things Solas said in Trespasser. And it's not hard to see why. In the epilogue to Trespasser, we are told that elves from all over Thedas have gone to join Solas, and that's been alluded to in this story as well. Solas needs agents, needs believers in his cause, and "I'm going to remake the world, but you'll probably die when I do" isn't a good sales pitch. I think Solas is lying to his followers, and I think he's lying to Charter here, suggesting that modern elves who join his cause will live to enjoy the restoration of Elvhenan—whether or not that's true. And I don't think it is true. Maybe a few will be lucky enough to survive. Most of them will die, a necessary sacrifice in Solas's eyes.

A great story, and I'm more excited than ever for the next game—which has just received a title reveal, Dragon Age: Dreadwolf.

Characters Who've Shown Up in Subsequent Short Stories

Worth noting because I think the probability of seeing these characters return in the next game is especially high. Let me know if I've missed anyone!

Strife from "Three Trees to Midnight" returns in "Ruins of Reality"

Evka from "Hunger" returns in "The Next One," and she and Antoine both appear in "Won't Know When"

Illario from "The Wigmaker Job" and Viago and Teia from "Eight Little Talons" return in "The Wake" (with mention of Lucanis). Teia and Viago also appeared previously in the graphic novel Deception.

The Wrap-Up

My personal favorites:

Down Among the Dead Men

Callback

The Wigmaker Job

Genitivi Dies in the End

Eight Little Talons

Half Up Front

The Dread Wolf Take You

Monsters are a major theme across the stories in this book—from invading forces to demons and darkspawn to unnamed horrors to the monstrousness that lurks within people's hearts.

I really enjoyed reading and re-reading this collection as stories in their own right, because I love the Dragon Age universe and I love to hear new stories in that world. But there's also so much great setup here for the upcoming game and the general situation in the north. If one goal of this collection was to familiarize fans with the cultures of Thedas's northern nations and get us excited to go there, it certainly succeeded for me.

Making too many predictions while a game is still in development feels like a fool's game to me, so I'm not going to do that. What I will do is give a general overview of things we know about the world leading up to the next game from these stories… and let you draw your own conclusions from there.

The Qunari are divided. The Antaam, the military arm of the Qun, has launched an invasion into the Tevinter mainland, suppressing resistance with brutal force and liberal use of qamek, the poison that destroys the will and personality of the victim, turning them into docile laborers. The Ben-Hassrath, what might be considered the "intelligence" arm of the Qun, disapproves of the invasion and has stayed out of it, and it's indicated that this is because the Ben-Hassrath consider Solas the greater threat. (We haven't yet heard what the Tamassrans think of all of this.)

Many spirits reside willingly and peacefully in the remains of the dead in Nevarra's Grand Necropolis, but certain Mortalitasi also bind spirits to corpses in order to draw magical power from them.

Hidden across Thedas (likely beneath the twelve dwarven kingdoms that once were) are a series of ancient elven chambers seemingly used to alter or fuse the forms of animals for some unknown purpose. The darkspawn had been making use of at least one before it was destroyed. One of its victims, the late Warden Jovis, warned of an unnamed "she" who might still be actively using the chambers.

A monster was loose in Tevinter that might have come from a place beyond the veil—no ordinary demon or mortal creature. Its true nature, how it came to be in Minrathous, and whether others might also have made their way into the mortal world, is unknown.

A demon that once spread the werewolf curse in a small village in the Anderfels is still loose, looking for its next prey.

In Nevarra, an attempt by a powerful noble to seize the throne has been thwarted by a cunning Mortalitasi and the Inquisition agent who unwittingly played into her hands.

There is a powerful demon bound beneath Minrathous. Lingering Venatori cultists have already made an attempt to release it.

The combination of the unchecked use of magic by the politically powerful and the practice of slavery contributes to horrific abuses of power in Tevinter, not always with directly political goals. One such abuse recently prompted an Antivan Crow to fulfill a contract in a particularly creative manner. This will likely have repercussions, both in Tevinter high society and for said Crow.

An expedition of three well-known writers unconvered something beneath Tevinter so dangerous that they dare not share their findings and have themselves gone into hiding.

The Qunari invasion and Tevinter defense is also affecting Dalish clans accidentally stuck in the path of the fighting. One such clan was able to raise funds through trade to hire an assassin to take revenge on the Tevinter unit who murdered another clan to facilitate troop movements.

The Antivan Crows recently lost half their leadership in an attempted coup by one of the Talons, who had made a deal with the Qunari. The first Talon lives, however, as well as three others, and the vacant seats will likely be filled by their designated successors, except for that of the traitor, whose House is likely ruined.

A plot to escalate the war between the Tevinter and the Qunari, drawing in the Ben-Hassrath and possibly Rivain as well, was foiled by the mercenaries unwittingly hired to do it.

On the Fen'Harel front specifically:

The ritual by which Solas intends (presumably) to bring down the Veil and restore the world he knew has already begun, and it seems it will take years to complete.

The red lyrium idol is somehow integral to Solas's plans, and he has gone to great lengths to retrieve it.

Solas has a vested interested in keeping Tevinter and the Qunari focused on one another, now that both are aware of him. Ongoing war and political upheaval in the north directly benefits him by distracting the various world powers from pursuing him or learning more about his plans.

We've got us quite a setup here. :) I know I look forward to seeing what happens next in Thedas.

#dragon age #tevinter nights #dragon age tevinter nights #dragon age meta #blunders of thedas

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lnights · 7 months

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16. 21, 22, 42, 55 for the ask sheet from like a week ago and 👻 👀 📥 🤔 💭 ⏰?

Hi Spine 🖤

16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

Counting flufftober and whumptober as one each, I have about 8 wips and more ideas floating around in my head lol.

From day 9 of whumptober, which is Electric Callboy.

What had happened last night? He hadn't been drinking, in fact he was pretty sure he had just spent the night watching a couple of movies and eating takeaway, so why did it feel like he had the worst hangover of his life? He could hear muffled voices coming from what he assumed was another room, based on how they were muffled, and the thought made him freeze. Who the hell was in his house?

21. Would you ever collaborate with another writer for a story?

Yes and I have! Both @wow-ihateithere and @outcastedang3l I have co-authored fics

Also I talk with them about fic ideas a lot.

22. Are there certain types of writing you won’t do? (style, pov, genre, tropes, etc)

So last time I got asked this I said first person POV because my brain doesn't function that way, but that every time I say that I end up going against it. A while ago I said murder, and then I wrote a fic about Archie being ritualistically sacrificed. And now I've written a first person whumptober fic 😅

Something I probably legitimately won't do is writing infidelity.

42. What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?

I'm Feeling the Beat. And yes I do 😌 NSFW.

55. Of the characters you write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers’ reactions to certain ones?

I absolutely love writing Samy and Tommi. Tommi because I can go stoic and serious or emphasize he's just as goofy as the rest of them. Also big bear man 🐻. Samy for the same on the range but even more so. I don't think that's really been influenced.

👻 What is one WIP you think you may never pick back up?

Somewhere I Belong probably, but who knows?

👀 Do you have any WIPs that you would never let see the light of day? If yes, what are they about?

I don't think so actually, I have some I've started and stopped but there's none I have hidden in a vault never to be seen. I'd like to think they'll all be finished eventually.

📥 What is your fave fic to receive comments/messages on?

Any of them and all of them, I love all comments I get🖤

🤔 What is the hardest part of writing fic?

Sitting and actually focusing on it 😅 I either can or can't, and if I can't forcing myself never works.

💭 What is a headcanon you have about your own work?

In The Night Won't Let Me Go au, Joonas and Aleksi end up together. It takes a few decades and Aleksi has to fully come to terms with being a vampire before Joonas asks him out.

Tbh I might write it eventually.

⏰ Do you spend more time reading fic, writing fic, or do you do both equally?

Currently with the writing challenges writing has been more, but I read a lot. It's usually pretty equal.

#im an awkward 🦇#answered asks #spinef0ryou

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mariacallous · 1 year

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PENRITH, England—A man in overalls whitewashes the front window of yet another shop closing on the city’s main street. Families stockpile blankets to ward off the cold as they sit shivering in their homes with no heating while lines of people who cannot afford to feed their children form at the local food bank. Bars shut their doors early, and some days, they don’t even open at all.

I’m not in Ukraine, where I’ve spent the last year reporting on the devastation caused by Russia’s war. This is life in broken Britain, a quagmire of misery and problems, where even February’s weather is predicted to be colder and glummer than usual.

In Penrith, a Conservative Party-supporting town in the far north of England, most of the shops now close their doors at 4 p.m. and don’t even bother opening three or four days a week. A popular pub—the third in recent months—and a local grocer have announced they are closing after 25 years and 18 years, respectively. Even a local store that sells cut-price clothing, which is (in fact) stock from insolvent chain stores, is closing due to a 50 percent slump in sales.

For the first time in my life, supermarket shelves sit empty due to supply chain problems. There is an egg shortage, a potato shortage, and a shortage of Wi-Fi bars; working in war-torn Ukraine is easier and more comfortable (missiles aside) than trying to do the same in peace-shattered Penrith. Britain’s troubles are legion: the fallout from COVID-19, high inflation, an energy crisis, a cost of living crisis, transport and health sector strikes, food shortages, rising poverty and inequality, the first war in Europe in a generation, and a possible recession. If the winter of discontent does sequels, we’re in it. Chief among all the culprits is the destructive effect of Brexit and bad governance.

Brexiteers promised the country would “take back control.” Instead, it is on course to be the world’s worst-performing big economy this year, according to the International Monetary Fund. It is predicted to be the only major economy to hit a recession in 2023, lagging even behind war-busy and sanctions-hit Russia.

As the third anniversary of Britain’s formal withdrawal from the European Union lands, many people are asking what, exactly, have they gotten control of? Brexit has added red tape and increased costs for both U.K. businesses and the foreign companies that once used Britain as a European base. It has stifled imports and exports as well as sapped investment. It has contributed to both labor shortages and problematic inflation. The U.K.’s Office for Budget Responsibility expected long-term GDP to drop 4 percent because of Brexit—or 100 billion pounds ($124 billion) in lost output and 40 billion pounds ($49 billion) in lost public revenues every year.

London has been one of the world’s biggest financial centers for a couple of centuries and was the largest financial hub in Europe. Brexit prompted finance professionals to relocate to Paris (among other continental destinations), and now the “City of Light” is challenging London. Foreign direct investment in the U.K. has dropped by 4 percent from 2010 to 1.7 percent in 2021. According to a report by the London School of Economics and Political Science, households are paying the brunt of the long-term costs of Brexit. Food bills rose by 210 pounds ($259) on average between 2019 and the end of 2021, costing consumers 5.8 billion pounds ($7 billion) and disproportionately affecting those on a low income. Meanwhile, Scotland, which has been in a union with England since 1707, is pursuing a second independence referendum: 62 percent of its voters wanted to remain in the European Union.

In 2016, 52 percent of Britons voted for Brexit. Buyer’s remorse has set in—belatedly. A recent YouGov poll found that, when asked if it was right to leave the EU, only 34 percent of respondents said yes and 54 percent said no. Yet the government, the same one that is mired in repeated sex and corruption scandals and has had five leaders in six years, maintains its smoke and mirrors stance that Brexit is the path to growth. Last week, Chancellor of the Exchequer Jeremy Hunt—who in fact campaigned for Remain during the referendum—unveiled a plan to get the country back on its feet, saying “Our plan for growth is necessitated, energized, and made possible by Brexit.” Made necessary, at any event. Both the government and the opposition Labour Party refuse to publicly acknowledge the negative effects of Britain’s departure on the economy.

Almost 50 shops closed down every day across the country last year, and the forecast for 2023 is equally bleak. Brexit has left the country with a labor shortfall of 330,000 people, mostly in jobs like transport, storage, hospitality, and retail. Pubs, the stalwart of British society, are increasingly under threat. Tim Martin, owner of the popular low-cost pub chain Wetherspoons, was among the hardest campaigners for Brexit. Now, as he shuts 32 of his pubs, he is urging the government to increase EU migration. It’s beyond irony and into farce.

The Penrith area voted more decisively for Brexit than most of the country, with 53 percent in favor, but now 88 percent of local businesses say they have staffing shortages, according to local media. Bar staff told Foreign Policy that British people no longer want to work in hospitality due to long hours and low pay—and because COVID-19 closures pushed many people to find a new line of work. The problems are not helped by spiraling energy costs—a Penrith Mexican restaurant was quoted at having a 1,000 percent rise in its energy bill by providers at the beginning of winter.

After spending almost a decade abroad, the stark decline of my country is shocking, even after my time in Ukraine. I am typing this wrapped in cardigans and blankets, as it costs 10 pounds ($12.30) to turn the heating on for a few hours at home. People are increasingly turning to food banks amid stagnant wages and rising prices while rail, post, and national health service workers are all implementing rolling strikes. Waiting times even for emergency hospital patients can be longer than 12 hours, and travel is now so expensive that a round-trip bus ticket to nearby market town Keswick, just around 40 minutes away, costs 24 pounds—while the minimum wage is around 10 pounds an hour.

It wasn’t Brexit alone that broke Britain, but facing what by some accounts is the worst decline in living standards in a century, it’s clear Britons could have done without it. It remains to be seen how leaving the EU plays out in the long run, but for now, people are poorer and more miserable, and the country is more isolated. Philosopher Thomas Hobbes was right in the end: Lives are solitary and poor and nasty, if not quite brutish and short. The British can overcome outrages done by foreigners—there’ve been enough of them—but the worst part of all is that we did this to ourselves.

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silvanoir · 8 months

Text

people who tear plants together

I know it's not fair of me, I know, I know, because work friend's life has been and is so much worse than mine, but I couldn't help but talk to him after work about my problems because I have no one else to listen who actually CARES. I can tell other people but they don't care. Maybe because we both have anxiety and so can relate even though it manifests differently in each of us, most of the time...

But as I was talking outside the work building I was nervously picking the weeds and tearing them into shreds. This is a bad habit of mine I've had since a kid. After some time.... he starts doing it too (not a thing I've seen him do before).

Oh no, not only have I dumped my problems on him when he has enough problems but I've also given him a new bad habit. At least it's a harmless one.

He also ended up saying things to me that I was going to say to him at some time in my many efforts to try to make his life better. "Cheer up buttercup" and "At least you have me in your corner now" like.... literally I was going to say those exact things other days.

Mannnnnnn.... we are on such the same wavelength, why couldn't we have met sooner in life, not now middle-aged and falling apart. Why didn't I start talking to him (in depth, get to know him) way back when he first started working in my building 10 years ago (ok I had some reasons why, mostly that I thought he was a party guy who would want nothing to do with someone like me, but wish I knew then what I know now).

Or if we had bumped into eachother and started talking in Borders, when we both hung out there unaware of eachothers existence, in the early 2000s

.... no I can't think about that one because of what he said about that.... that thing that's been ping-ponging in my brain since... That thing that's such a moot point because everything after that up to and including the present and immediate future means it could've only been THEN... our bookstore AU, I guess. The one where we meet and help eachother avoid the worst in our lives.

....

to end it on a better note, (AU made me think of this) last week he was wearing a shirt with the company logo. Only it wasn't the company letters. Instead it was OTP. with "Shipping anywhere, anytime" underneath it. And.... he had NO IDEA what that meant. He thought OTP somehow meant security? And shipping was the normal world kind of shipping, shipping boxes. I had to explain it to him, much to my amusement. As I was he asked things like "Is it a literary term?" lol not quite "I'm going to look that up in the library" good luck my dude! The best way I found to describe it to him was "One's favorite fictional couple, one you rooted for them to get together like people root for sports teams". Then I asked him who his OTP was and at first he said "Romeo & Juliet... wait no, that's not fictional that's a true story" my guy... "Mork & Mindy?" you and your re-runs "Bones?" "Bones???" he clarified he meant the main couple from the show Bones, but I never watched that show, "I got it, Thelma & Louise, I like the part when they drove off the cliff" sure sure, whatever floats your boat.

#personal #long post

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galacticlamps · 1 year

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Tag 9 ppl you want to get to know better

tagged by @observethewalrus

First ship: I genuinely don’t know? And now that I’m realizing I don’t know I’m actually a tiny bit sad about that. I’d started writing things that can only be described as fanfiction long before I was old enough to be online and before we evolved past dial-up in my house & being on the computer became simple enough to not feel like a hassle anyway - which is all just to say that when I did wind up interacting with fannish communities later on, fanfic specifically wasn’t something totally new to me so I never had vivid memories of my first experiences of it. As a kid fanfic was what you basically had to do when you reached the end of any media you’d even somewhat enjoyed and the author rather rudely neglected to go on telling the story infinitely - so I think it must’ve been a while before shipping became a major thing on my radar, and it probably happened gradually. I do distinctly remember finding it a little ironic in high school that so much online/tumblr specific fandom was about shipping, and I was in multiple fandoms and had several ships, but I didn’t have any big passionate (or even non-canon & in need of defending) ships for my main fandom, which was always Doctor Who - though at the time, just nuwho. There, the only things I could be said to ship were pretty straightforward pairings like the Ponds, Doctor/River, Jack/Ianto, etc. - and I’m guessing whatever things I had that counted as ships before I got into fandom were similar to those, just a kind of passing approval of/investment in ships that were already well-established elements of their source material.

Three Ships: well Two/Jamie always (connected to the above tangent, I was involved in fandom for close to a decade before I came across them, but I’d never found cause to use the term otp before then), and at the moment the other ships taking up the next-most space in my brain are probably Ben/Polly and Geordi/Data

Last Song: Ruin by the Amazing Devil (I remember it playing as I drove home last night)

Last Movie: ah see I’m actually quite bad about watching movies/even remembering they exist. There’s a real possibility the most recent one was The Final Frontier, simply because I’ve been doing a long slow chronological trek through Star Trek, and I’m currently in the early 90s so I know I must have watched that one at some point in the last year or so, and more recently than any of the ones that came out before it

Currently Reading: Ok this I’m legitimately embarrassed about, because I’m not normally anywhere near this slow with books at all, and neither of these are bad, boring, or even slow-paced, it’s solely a matter of how horribly hectic & unpredictable my life’s been for the last few months - but I’ve been both near the end of Bare-Arsed Banditti and a couple hundred pages deep into The Two Towers since the end of August (I hate that fact so much but I need to admit it. It’s available information on my Storygraph account anyway it should not be so hard to say)

Currently Consuming: Twining’s Irish Breakfast tea, black. I am often consuming twining’s irish breakfast tea black

Currently Craving: a break - or maybe just routine in general? I’ve been doing a lot of overlapping freelance work lately: short-term projects that don’t last long enough to allow for anything like ‘time off’ & have all the busy-ness of full-time without any of the stability, which kinda feels like the worst of both worlds tbh. 2022 was a rough year for me for that in general, but it got especially bad in the fall & winter and I’m hoping to get a better handle on my own schedule in the next few weeks one way or another, but I’m sorry to anyone I’ve kinda ghosted in the interim

Tagging: @uighean @terryfphanatics @seismologically-silly and anybody else who wants to do it!

#tag games

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 1 year

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Tw domestic abuse, sexual assault, suicide, self harm and eating disorder mentions (those last two not in detail, just mentioned)

Nickname: turquoise

Looking for advice, either on how to get out or just come to terms with this being the rest of my life, either way.

So I have a situation kind of similar to this ask posted just now.

https://www.tumblr.com/traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors/712807834009665536/tw-romantic-partner-violence-hey-so-ive-known

I've been with my wife for seven years now. A lot of her issues come from childhood trauma, but it's just...been wearing me down lately. Nearly from the start there were emotional issues between us, and physical violence and one sexual assault within the first six months (she said I agreed to let her do stuff while I was asleep but I don't remember that, and either way she didn't stop when I asked her to). I'm honestly not sure why I stayed but that's neither here nor there. Maybe I kept thinking it would get better but it didn't and at a lot of points I was genuinely scared for my safety, especially since the one time I did try to leave she found me in under a day and the friend I'd run away to decided I should go back home with her since, in her words 'well, you are kind of a bitch'. Anyway, there would be times when things got better but they'd always get bad again. We're in one of the better periods, though recently there's still been a lot of emotional stuff, some minor physical stuff (only small bruises and no lingering pain) and two sexual assaults last week. Still, things have definitely tapered off from a couple years ago, and she has been putting in more effort to be nicer, so if nothing else it's been a while since I've been balled up on the floor trying to be a small target so that's something. Still, as much as I should be happy about that I just...honestly I feel like shit a lot of the time, and I can't seem to stop being on edge no matter what happens, even though she gets mad at me whenever she notices that.

Also over the past two years she's developed significant anxiety, to the point where even after being on meds and in therapy for over a year she says she can't work.. We have no income now and I have a lot of my own mental difficulties that have made jobs difficult for me for most of my life (not self dxing, but likely autism and ADHD and a PD that have never been treated, along with a lot of past trauma from her and people before her, that's she's sometimes triggered on purpose or been dismissive of, though she is trying to stop that), but more difficult since I met her, especially since I've spent the past year at least in one of the worst depressive episodes I've had in my life, with my self harm and eating disorder getting worse again (both of which she knows about and does not respond well to at all), to the point that I'm pretty much always passively suicidal and have attempted a few times. At the very least I'm out of the bout of drinking I dealt with for a few months. I'm not outlining this to make anyone feel bad for me, just to point out that a full time work week, especially in the kinds of fast paced, people centric jobs I could reasonably get, would be very difficult for me to handle at this point. I've asked her if we could both work part time, since I thought a few days a week for each of us would be easier to handle, and at first she said yes but now she's flat out refusing, saying that since she supported us for a while she deserves a long break too, completely glossing over how often she hit me during that time and how generally shit she made me feel every day, or the fact that the abuse didn't stop when I went back to work, or that the circumstances that led to it being best for only her to work in that time were out of our control.

Basically, I want to leave. Ideally I'd just leave her, but she says she can't survive without my support, and that she'll kill herself if I actually go. I don't know if that's true or not but I don't want to find out the hard way, but I also know I can't handle both working full time and taking care of her full time (she refuses to do anything at home or to manage and organize our lives either, sometimes to the point of yanking me out of bed after only a few hours of sleep to make her food even though she is able to cook, arguably better than me).

Im basically never happy, and I want to leave but I can't, not with the way she is mentally now, not with what she might do, especially since the only person I know she could go to is her mother, who wouldn't be accepting of her being trans which isn't something I want to put her through. I've been thinking of asking a friend or relative of mine (what few I have left after she isolated me for so long, since I can't drive and for years she's been in charge of if I leave the house or not, which she rarely lets me do), to let me stay with them during the work week, since it would be easier to find and keep a job that way. I'd have limited contact with my wife, only seeing her on the weekends and preferably not talking much during the week, but still with me supporting both of us.

I don't know if she'd go for this, or even how to ask, but I know I can't handle dealing with both work and her and my own issues at the same time. I've tried to say this a bit and she's said I'm just being whiny and lazy, so I just don't know what to do or how to fully broach the subject, but I'm just so scared for the future between us in general.

I'm sorry this was a long post my thoughts are just not organized sometimes. Thank you for everything you do.

Amendment from turquoise. Abuse mention.

I just really wanted to clarify that I don't want anything I said about my wife to be attributed to the fact that she's trans. I don't think any of the mods of this blog would do that, but I just worry that others would, or that it came across as me saying her abuse and her gender are somehow connected but I swear I don't think they are and if anything came across that way I never meant for it to. I know most trans people don't hurt others (not to mention I'm trans myself but that just didn't seem relevant, still not sure if it is here)

Basically I just hope I didn't paint an entire group in a bad light and I really didn't mean to if I did sorry I was just worried about that.

Hi turquoise,

I'm so sorry about what's been going on. Also, I wouldn't worry about potentially coming off as transphobic, I don't get that vibe at all and I see what you mean to say quite clearly.

Just because the abuse has been tapering off doesn't mean you should tolerate it. Being assaulted violates your boundaries, and it's important to respect and assert them. Just because it's tapering off doesn't mean you're supposed to be happy in this relationship. It makes absolute sense why you still feel like shit. You're on edge because you may have developed trauma responses and you're around someone who your brain has been conditioned to perceive as a threat.

Emotional availability is essential for the longevity of a relationship. For your partner to not be there for you or respond well to depressive episodes or even suicidal thoughts is definitely a problem. I feel like if she truly cared about you she would make a better effort to be there for you, especially when you're contemplating suicide.

It sounds like your partner is refusing to share the responsibility of any productive or reproductive labor, which puts unnecessary stress on you. Just because she's been working doesn't mean you have to do everything. Most people just continue working without breaks, you know? So how is it fair for her to refuse to work when that means no income? It would make more sense if she was overwhelmed with burdens, but she really has pushed virtually every responsibility of hers onto you and is expecting you to be absolutely fine with that.

It seems like you've tried communicating with her but she's given you a hard time. If it is safe to do so, it may be helpful to simply assert a boundary such as "I feel x when you do y. If you continue to treat me this way, this isn't going to work." Just letting her know where things stand may be helpful in terms of communication, but if this would be unsafe to do, then it may be best to simply leave without warning.

Like I said in the other ask, if she is going to choose to mistreat you then it is your right to leave if necessary. It's a hard decision though of course, because you don't want her to go back to her abusers, but really, that's not your problem. If you need to leave then you need to leave, where she goes is not really for you to worry about. It's important to assert your boundaries and put your foot down when you've had enough, even if it doesn't benefit everyone.

Abusers often block the exit in various ways, and that can include threatening suicide. Please know that it is manipulative for someone to blame suicide or self harm on someone else. It is your right to leave when you want or need to. Your partner's actions are her responsibility alone. Breaking up does not hold you liable to what your partner chooses to do as a result.

If anyone else has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #tw abuse #tw sa #tw r #tw emotional abuse #tw self harm #tw sui #turquoise #trauma details

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